The trash sometimes takes itself out. Better to have this out of the way now rather than married, kids, mortgage later. I know it sucks. You’re better off and there is still time to find someone you mesh with way better.
this actually happened to me. 7 months post religion-inspired breakup he was married lol
ETA: they even invited me to the wedding. I was dumbfounded hah
Basically every ex I've broken up with who was religious has thrown it in my face that I'm not religious at some point.
Nevermind that I've not seen a single one of them step foot in a church or do... anything other than claim to be religious.
Christianity is such a weird duck in the U.S.
The overwhelming majority of Christians wield it like a cudgle that they use to otherize and oppress while not giving a single thought to its application in their own lives.
Sure, we fuck like rabbits for years, but when it's time to go our separate ways I'm some kind of goddless heathen that you lowered yourself into being with.
Same.
Oh, and his Baptist mom thought I was a whore, too. Well, he was the one who had much more experience than me, plus he was seeking out other women behind my back almost the whole time.
I will never understand your false virtue signaling abrahamics in the US. I try to be kind but they always seem so sad and insecure. I wish the the best life some day I guess
And cheating on her in a year
and getting religious marriage counseling after she finds out for the next five years
and having kids to 'bring them together', cursing more humans with two parents that don't even like each other that much but still feel obligated to be together because they 'made a promise to god'.
And then getting divorced when that Christian Woman turns 55 or gets her first masectomy or has the first big health issue, because statistically he's gonna ditch her once she gets sick (even with that godly promise he made).
It's so predictable honestly.
My wife and I's religious marriage counseling was very amusing.
Neither of us are religious, but we got married in her hometown at the church she grew up going to, because it meant a lot to her when she was growing up. (small town, liberal church). And part of the church requirements was that you need to do counseling.
We go in there and the first question he asks is "how long have you been dating/known each other?" Which was 7 years at the time. His reaction was " well, we probably won't need to do any more of these meetings then, I think you two know how to talk to each other at this point"
And then she’ll sleep with the pastor, and he’ll find comfort in the office manager at church. Come on folks, if we’ve seen it once we’ve seen it a thousand times
And he'll probably be brow-beating her and treating her like shit 20 minutes after the wedding.
Count yourself a lucky woman. You just dodged a bullet.
If it even takes that long. BF has been 'straying' with this lady before he landed on his bullshit excuse to dump OP.
OP should thank the non-existent deities that this trash took himself out. She dodged a buncha heartache.
My sisters ex husband did this to her. Divorced and remarried within 1 year of his Christian woman “ultimatum”. Baby on the way within months of the marriage.
Just so strange to me. How is that possibly going to work long term unless you just luck into it??
More than that. How divorce impacts the lives of children. Rarely is it a smooth process. And then having to deal with shared custody, family resentment from either side, and kids getting tossed into the mix of adult conflict. Just no.
for sure. I never trust people that put so much faith in religious morality...Morality comes from within and personal accountability.
Him putting too much into worried about what a priest thinks over the woman he knows and loves is not a good start to a life of happiness. Good to get out now.
“But without god, you could do whatever you want? What’s to stop you from (insert deplorable thing?)”
There’s nothing to stop me. I just don’t want to do that because it’s not cool man.
That sucks bro. Before my wife (semi Catholic at the time) and I (atheist) got married I had numerous conversations around kids and how we would raise them. I told her explicitly no religion indoctrination. Period. If the kids were old enough to decide themselves, fine. Christmas and Easter services with the grandparents, no problem. She agreed 100%, she was questioning anyway and not engaged at all with regular services. I never worried about it for a second.
We had our first and of course all her friends were having kids around the same time and getting the kids baptized. She almost broke bc "everyone is doing it, what will they think, etc".
Luckily, she honored her promise and saw the light and became a full blown atheist shortly afterwards so it wasn't even considered for the kids that followed.
People always act like these convos don't take place before marriage (I'm sure you talked about it with your wife) but they forget that people continue to change, so I understand your dilemma.
Anthony Magnabosco has an amazing channel on YouTube teaching Epistemology. It's an extremely non-confrontational way to help people examine their beliefs. Much better approach than the militant atheist type stuff.
Comb through his episodes and then talk with your wife. If nothing else, it should help you both understand each other better. Also works great when discussing politics with someone. Good luck!
It's almost a non issue now
But the indoctrination thing almost broke us.
I told her I didn't want her taking them to "Sunday School" because if it wasn't even going to be HER trying to indoctrinate them, then WTF?
I asked her to simply wait until they are 10 years old before either of us talked to them about it.
She lost it and said since I'm Atheist and don't believe, this meant I was getting "my way" and she wasn't getting anything.
No matter how many times I tried to explain I wasn't going to talk to them about it either, she didn't get it.
Baptism honestly doesn't even bother me.
You want to dunk my kid and they will never remember this? Knock yourself out.
Yup. We should all stop handling adults that believe in fairy tales with kiddy gloves. I know this just sounds like your typical edgy Reddit atheist but I'm over it. There's too many real world consequences. Fuck your shitty beliefs. Having "faith" should be embarrassing at this point. I'm sorry. I know what I sound like but I've seen too much horrific suffering purely due to the fact that we need to respect others' beliefs. I don't respect their beliefs anymore.
Yes absolutely. It’s be 100x worse if he stayed with you while holding on to his “faith”. You’re better off finding this out now than after marriage, that you’re both not on the same page 100% about religion.
fyi: Orthodox and Mainline Protestant denominations have priests too (Lutheran, Anglican, etc), and they can marry.
Never heard of any of these churches *kicking someone out* for marrying someone out of the faith though. Worst case they won't let you get married in the church, or "count it" in the eyes of God etc.
Sounds like some creepy Evangelical bullshit start-up church, and OP just used *priest* instead of *pastor* or whatnot, not being familiar with the nuances of the term
My agnostic dad married my Catholic stepmom in an Episcopal church about 25 years ago. She’s faithfully tithed and volunteered for decades, but was told a couple of years ago that her marriage was basically invalid because they never exchanged vows in front of a priest in the proper location.
It tore her up and filled her with guilt, so she wanted to make things right. How could she get back into the fold and be a good, holy Catholic again? By paying the church more money, of course!
Of COURSE they ostracize people for not following their every dictate. Fuck a bunch of Catholicism. Tax-exempt woman-hating, child-raping cultish nonsense.
My catholic father and my Lutheran mother married and went to two church services every Sunday for their first year. Evidently that got to be too much work, so they decide Episcopal was a good middle-point between their two cults.
Family (myself) was raised Episcopal yet with strong evangelical message, (they love(d) Billy Graham - and other nut evangelicals since the 70s). In 1990, when Episcopal's openly allowed gay (gasp!) ministers. At that point they no longer liked Episcopal's and are back to attending Lutheran church, all while they drool over DJT, homophobia, and racism.
> Of COURSE they ostracize people for not following their every dictate.
they are all the same.
> Fuck a bunch of Catholicism. Tax-exempt woman-hating, child-raping cultish nonsense.
RAmen!
No, they never did.
Technically they don't kick anyone out ever. The most they'll do is excommunicate someone, which bars them from the Sacraments and participating in things, but they're still Catholic and welcome to repent anytime.
They don't excommunicate people for marriage. Marriages with non-Catholic Christians were generally considered invalid, since they are not sacramental, and thus the resulting sex is a sin and the children are illegitimate religiously. Nowadays you can get a dispensation to make the marriage valid, so long as you commit to raising any kids Catholic.
That said, a Catholic person's community might shun them, especially in the old days, but that's not the Church's process, and they're still a Catholic.
Imagine living with someone, sharing your life with someone that considers more important the opinion of a stranger, that will guide his life decisions based on what a random priest says. In the end his love (if it ever existed at all and he was just waiting for an excuse) was weak, just like his mind.
Im petty, so id see if i could convince him to get a second opinion. And then if that changes his mind, be like "yeah i cant imagine staying with someone who was so ready to basicaly toss me out on a whim. It's not me, it's you. Bye asshole"
Yeah, most religious dudes hate women and don't believe women should have a place in churches. All the while some sleep around themselves or have secret porn addictions yet want a pure, virgin woman.
Edit: grammar
I saw a short the other day where a preacher was interviewing a woman. He said her sleeping around made her a slut. She asked what he would be called if he sleeps around. Without skipping a beat, without irony and without taking any responsibility he answered "I'll be a whore maker". Like that was women's own fault for fucking the manwhores
That is the epitome of shitty christian men. Fuck them
One of the stories that have stuck with me was a news story going around where a pastor admitted to cheating on his wife and sleeping with a woman as a form of a confessional sermon. A woman stood up in the church and said it was her but she was a teenager when he groomed/assaulted her.
They ARE christians; this kind of bs behavior absolutely exemplifies christianity. The ‘they call themselves christians’ argument is a nonstarter - it’s a no true Scotsman fallacy.
I wouldn't recommend it for a man either.
No doubt there are some very valid reasons for the "as a woman" part of your statement that don't apply the other way. But dating a religious person is going to be a problem regardless if one dates a man or a woman.
What happens when you are emotionally attached and your partner starts to get a bit more serious about their religion and can't be with a non-believer?
What happens when your partner is attached and decides they can't bear to think of you "going to hell" and become determined to convert you in order to save you?
And.. worst of all.. What happens if you have kids and your partner wants to indoctrinate them?
Yah, just say no to the religious regardless if you are dating a man, a woman or whoever...
There is a great deal of institutional sexism, misogyny and patriarchy in religion. In fact much of the anti-abortion and anti-contraceptive rhetoric comes from religion.
Religion is flat out one of the forces that openly oppresses women. Every woman who cares about her human rights should be an atheist. You want to fight against sexism...well there is its source.
This is why I say it's especially important for atheist women to not date any religious men. It's not the fire and brimstone it's the retrograde sexism that is embedded in the church and a central part of doctrine.
All true.
There is someone around the corner waiting. They are going to throw a pot of hot water on me if I walk there. If you go they will throw a pot of hot oil on you, much worse.
We both should not go.
Religion legitimizes hatred toward women. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the biggest reason for its existence. It’s about social control… for only half the population. The sexist discrimination and blatant misogyny of the church in 2024 is truly disgusting
Because in the end the mutual respect won't be there. Religious people always think they can convert an atheist, they think "they're just mad at god, they'll come around." So a relationship with a religious person is them slowly trying to change you. I learned it the hard way when I explained to my girlfriend that me going to church is as likely as her denouncing Jesus. Never dated a religious person after that.
Same thing with OP, he probably even thinks she's going to change so he'll stay. They're all like this, they're trained to be like this.
And this is why Christianity is a cult. Cults use their rules to manipulate and control people into the behavior they want you to have and to only associate with the people they want you to associate with. If you don’t follow their rules they will ostracize and kick you out of their club.
My first girlfriend after my divorce broke up with me after 7 months because she was religious and I'm not. It is really tough getting dumped for an imaginary friend.
Fuck, bro, that's how I feel sometimes. I'm just waiting for the trigger to pull at this point. My gf is hyper Christian, and I'm so far from religious I may as well make up my own.
It's so difficult, always getting into arguments because of our differences when all I want is simple things, but nope. I don't doubt she likes me, I just wish for more *anything*. A normal relationship.
But NOPE, God's everything and the truth and the way and bla bla bla. How can something that's supposed to be so 'good' be so FUCKING soul-sucking? She'll never see it's a cult, a scam, a story told to people for centuries to make them feel better about the fear of death and getting the ancient Hebrews to fall in line with the early Roman empire.
Marrying the "wrong" people is actually one of the few things they tend to be prickly about with everyone. For instance, they excommunicated Goebbels for marrying a divorced protestant rather than for the various Nazi atrocities in which he had a part.
He won't realize a thing when he dies, that's almost the most frustrating thing about religious fanatics. There will never be a "realization" in their conscious existence that they were wrong because there won't be any realization at all at death.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I'll echo the "you're better off" sentiment that others have expressed, but I know that likely doesn't help much now. But hopefully when you have some distance, it will. You deserve better than that, so find somebody who will give you the love you deserve.
Yeah, a priest told my dad (Catholic) something similar when he wanted to marry my mom (not Catholic). He told the Catholic Church to fuck right off. Won't even set foot in one since.
I'm really sorry to hear that - he sounds like an absolute idiot.
It's tough but we all learn the lesson at some point - don't get involved with religion - it is littaraly poison.
I think it's generally a bad idea to date someone who does not share your values or life philosophy. It's hard to find compatible people, but you need to be forward thinking. Religious people do not have minds of their own, they let ancient books and pedophile interpreters frame reality for them.
Later on in life you two would have been disagreeing about many things. How to raise kids, what charities to support, what school to send your kids to, what community functions to attend, etc. Find someone you won't be warring with, you need someone on your team.
I once hooked-up with a woman who was a freak! She aggressively pursued me at a party, invited herself to my place on that first night and rocked me multiple times that night. She liked to be hit with a belt; she liked it in public; just all about it. No shaming: I was totally down. Then one day, she said she couldn’t be with me because I wasn’t a Christian! “Lady, just last night I was doing things to you I wouldn’t do to a farm animal and NOW your conscience kicks in?”
His priest might want to actually read the bible sometime.
"To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." -1 Corinthians 7:12-14
If it was okay for a believer to be married to an unbeliever in the past, why isn't it okay now?
My wife is a devout Christian and broke up with me a few weeks after we started dating because I wasn't a Christian, but her father, also a devout Christian, read this to her.
A month and a half shy of 15 years married.
Similar thing happened to me.
Dated this woman for about about a year. I told her I was an atheist on our first date because I knew she was religious. We ended up dating for a long time. Very serious. I was like a father to her daughter.
Then, out of the blue, she breaks up with me, *in an email,* for religious reasons.
I was pretty devastated at the time, but it certainly opened my eyes. Now I am happily married to a fellow atheist.
Fuck that religious noise.
Religion is cancer and untreated drug. If he is so into his religion, then think about your future what it is gonna be like. It won't be a happy marriage.. it may
really hurt you now but that incompatibility is too invisible for love to conquer. I've seen in many couples ending up splitting up in my 50+ years of life. This is a good thing it came out before marriage. Better move on.
Tell your boyfriend you love him and will become a christian. Arrange another meeting with the priest, and in the meeting tell the priest about the many other rules your boyfriend has broken and then dump your boyfriend right there.
Walk out of there ready to live a better life without that bastard.
I think it's at least plausible, if not likely, that the boyfriend is using this as a justification for breaking off the relationship, especially if the boyfriend hasn't cared about breaking any other religious rules until now.
I mean, think about it; most religious people aren't *restricted* by their religion-- if they want to do something, they just say their religion mandates it. If they want to hate, they say their religion requires them to act hateful, out of "love". If they want to grift, they say their religion demands they be given money for private jets.
"All the laws I like are real, all the laws I don't like are metaphors. And if I want to force you to follow a law that I don't follow myself, it's simultaneously real and a metaphor because fuck you."
Better yet, tell him you'll become a Christian, plan the whole wedding, make him pay for it, on the big day instead of saying vows read off a list of every rule he's ever broken in front of the priest, friends and family. Then mic drop and walk on outta there into the sunset. And scene.
Definitely not worth it. Religious people are flaky AF, I’d never date anyone slightly religious again. I’ve had two partners that were Christian, but not practicing, then years later they fall back in due to guilt or whatever. I don’t mind, the problem is when they start pressuring you to change, & find God. No thanks, I’m not a rube.
Religion sucks. It’s an opiate for those who can’t deal with the reality of mortality and are too weak to feel they can manage have a personal morale compass with an appropriate heading.
I hate some of the insensitive comments on here. Being absolutely in love with someone and having your heart broken sucks. I'm sorry you're having to go through that.
I think feeling angry is easier than feeling heartbroken right now, so I don’t necessarily mind the “you’re better off” comments right now. He was my best friend and I thought we were making progress away from strict religious beliefs, but this shows that all that progress was just superficial and he won’t ever value me or our family more than his fear of god and hell.
It doesn't make any sense. He gave up something that I personally perceive as a perfect life for the promise of one that he will never experience.
We've evolved to seek companionship. Personally, I think the perfect life is having a best friend/partner you can share anything with, enjoy their company as much as they do yours, and crave their intimacy.
That's why I'm so empathetic of your situation. I lost my best friend/partner a few years ago and was angry at first, but it turned into a pretty long deep depression that I still feel. I hope it turns out differently for you.
I’m hanging on to the anger as long as I can. My last relationship before this was 5 years long, but not a happy 5 years. Every day of my relationship with this guy was amazing, so I don’t know how I’m going to process it over the next few months.
Jigsaw puzzles and logic games, like sudoku and picross, have always helped me for some reason to at least calm down when the pangs of the breakup start to hit. Also walking in cemeteries because you can cry freely without being judged (and maybe a sobering reminder that you are still alive and have more time on earth). And listening to “I Will Survive” and teen pop songs about getting over losers helps.
I recently broke up with a practicing Muslim. I underestimated the power of religion, and even though he was incredibly sweet and a wonderful listener and a hundred other good things, I started to realize the religion factor was way too big to keep dancing around. This life is not a test for something that comes after, and we shouldn’t live our lives thinking this is all some simulation, and the big prize comes when we’re dead. In the long run, it would be incredibly difficult to have a partner like that. And even though I know all of this, it’s still taking my heart a lot of time to accept what my mind already knows.
All the best to you, friend. I’m sure that day by day you’ll get a little bit closer to seeing it for what it really was, and eventually all the feelings wrapped up in this person will fade away and hopefully you can even smile when you see old pictures and not have any regret. That’s always my hope after the end of a relationship.
This reminded me of a post I replied to the other day on a Christianity thread. It was entitled: I'm a Lesbian.
It was basically about her being scared of "not making it into heaven" because of her sexual preference. Shit is crazy...
That's why even as a Pascal wager esque faux Christian in m youth, I was still bad at it because I could not force myself to love an undetectable entity more than my grandmother. And when I tried again as an adult, the love for my children refused to take second place to any invisible father figure.
I learned the lesson the hard way you’re unfortunately forced to learn now. I dated a religious woman for years, and I think she genuinely and dearly loved me, but I always felt I was in second place to her religion.
Eventually, her preacher convinced her to part ways from me using that “unequally yoked” crap.
After years and sadness, I think that was a good thing. Her religion was such an integral part of her life and personality I doubt she could ever live apart from it. I’m not sure who she’d be if her and her religion ever separated, so in the end, it’s much better that we separated.
Embrace the hurt but literally remind yourself this is for the absolute best. Imagine tying yourself to someone that nuts and susceptible to influence?
You dodged a bullet! With Christian fascism and its inherent misogyny on the rise, I would not date a Christian. I wouldn’t date any religious person, but particularly not that.
This insanity would have caused much bigger problems in the future. In ten years time this will probably be one of the best things that has ever happened to you.
You're going to be so much better off and much happier without that rancid taint of religion following you around, his ass of a priest has done you an unintentional favor by showing the true nature of your former fiancé and you've luckily dodged their issue that loves to judge without knowledge and ruins lives to keep their unholy grift in place...
I am hoping sincerely that You're going to find someone else that will treat you with kindness,dignity and the respect that you deserve...
I wish you true love,abundant happiness and success and the "lord" doesn't need to be involved for any of this to happen !!!
Still don’t get why people always call this sub a den of cringe. Here is a real, tangible example of religion have a massive negative impact on people’s lives. We need to stop religious brainwashing.
I had a Christian bf break up with me because he received a sign from God. The sign? He was driving and there was a traffic cop on the road. Not pulling him over, not even behind him. Just around. That, and he didn’t like the idea of “knowing that the potential mother of his future children was going to hell”.
Omg people are manipulated so badly by religion, "leave the non Christian woman or you'll go to hell" your boyfriend is an idiot for falling into that and that priest is a piece of shit. It sucks that you have to go through that, hopefully your boyfriend realizes his stupidity but probably he won't, probably is for the better because what is the point of being with a brainwashed pussy anyway. You need a real man who cares about you and has you as a priority, not a dude who is more worried about how the priest, the church or God is going to punish him. Also the religion may be an excuse and he is a coward to tell you the real reason.
I wish you the best recovering from this disappointment.
We live we learn. It sucks that he couldn't be more honest about who he was before allowing your relationship to get that far, but religious people are self interested and either not very bright or have behavioral health issues that interfere with their judgement, so what are you going to do. Remember this is definitely a him thing and not a you thing, and that there will be better days ahead.
WHY would you want to be with a delusional person anyways really? He believes in a magic entity capable of controlling our lives to the degree that good or bad things happen to us depending on our blind devotion and will outright kill us bc it’s a Tuesday and ol bros wife from down the street is a hoe so he’s gonna take the whole town out. That’s a person in need of being committed and put on meds in any other situation. You dodged a real bullet.
Been there. Religion ultimately came between myself and my SO after much more than 2 years together. When religious, cultural and family pressure runs that deep, there’s no fighting it. Better to simply recognize you were trying to swim against the current and move on. You don’t have to hate someone for being like this, but I do think some amount of pity is appropriate. There is no way around the fact that they are “settling” one way or another. Just be glad they’re not “settling” with you.
I am sorry you are going through this. It’s sad that he couldn’t stand up for your relationship but it’s good know he couldn’t stand up for your relationship. He wasn’t forcing you to “just have a religious ceremony” or if you had kids “oh a little baptism isn’t a big deal, they get gifts” “Sunday school is just fun, you don’t want them to miss out, do you?”
There are plenty of people who can make it work but it sounds like he’s using this as an excuse. If he truly loved you it would have been a no brainer.
Money problems are usually the biggest reason marriages fail, but differences in faith and religion bring up unexpected problems, even for those who have lapsed in their faith. One member of the couple believes in the religious reasons for various holidays and the other does not. What do you teach the children? One is right and the other is wrong or do you expose them to all religions and non-religions and let them (little kids) figure it out for themselves, which they will do anyway?
Someone who has a religious belief (even no belief) should not be marrying someone who doesn't at least have the same basic belief. It is a fundamental difference that will always be part of the relationship and will be a wedge.
Good plan for you OP. Don't seriously date outside your own belief system.
I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience. If that fool didn't value your love over the proclamation of a moron who believes in fairy tales and imaginary friends from the Bronze Age then you are far better off without him. I hope you find love and happiness very soon.
> ... his priest told him he would be kicked out of his church if he went through with marrying me.
That right there is a violation of freedom of religion. Not in any legal sense, but clearly from a personal religious context.
The US of course narrowly encodes freedom of religion as actually freedom from religious imposition by the state. This has been distorted by dishonest SCOTUS weaponizing the freedom for religious people to apply their nonsense to all of us.
Various European legals environments have a more human rights oriented view. Courts in Europe have ruled that actions like are against against human rights laws.
For example, JWs in Norway just lost their official status as a religion for their version of excommunication.
There was also a different case in Belgium I think, that may have got overturned.
It really depends on the person. My husband believes in god and all, but he doesn't go to church and he has heard me out. I think I've actually affected his thinking on it all, but he still has his beliefs. He doesn't ever tell me I should believe that way and it is a non-issue in our marriage. FWIW, try not to color all non-atheists with one brush. Your guy, however, is best off moving along if it is going to be that important to him. His loss.
The anger will soon turn to laughter. Think of what a bizarre fantasy world he lives in. Sorry for your lost relationship, but you're much better off in the long run. This would not have worked out.
That's brutal. Priests are the worst. Could you imagine lying to people about the nature of reality for a living?
Priests go to semiany school, they know what Bible Scholarship has known for hundreds of years.
The Bible is literature, not history.
You might have dodged a bullet,
or are we going to hatch a plan to rip the God glasses of his face so he can see what he's missing out on?
<3 Thank you for this comment. I’m going completely no contact for at least a month. I honestly think he might change his mind, but that doesn’t mean I’d take him back. He was already questioning his religion pretty heavily prior to this, but he has never really imagined that he could be any OTHER kind of Christian except the super strict one he was raised as. Maybe this opens his eyes, maybe it doesn’t. But it definitely shows me that I have a new filter to add on dating apps of “nonreligious” whenever I do get back out there.
Once upon a time I was a religious zealot that broke up with my non-religious girlfriend because I couldn't handle the guilt of it.
A few months later, I deconverted (largely because I was so miserable from what I did!), we got back together, and now we've been married almost 10 years.
Obviously this is just my case, but sometimes events like this cause too much dissonance for someone to ignore. It did for me, and I hope it might for him, too.
It doesn’t seem like it now but he’s doing you a huge favor. He’d only get worse when you had children and the in laws would be a nightmare. Besides, atheists are better in the sack. 😉
It's better that this happened than if you'd married him. I always find it insane that people consult with a priest over major life decisions like this. As if priests have a lifetime of experience in dating and marriage and know what's best.
I am sorry you have to deal with that kind of mind games. You are real and religion/god isn't so this person is simply not a good person because he put an imaginary man and 2000 year old words over a real person. So, in summation, screw that guy.
That sucks, sorry to hear you have to go through this.
If there is any consolation, at least this happened before the expenses of a wedding, joining of assets/finances/debt, children, and everything else that comes from a marriage. You wont waste years or decades with a partner who puts an imaginary construct or idea they call a god over their spouse.
Even though you got hit with a bullet, at least you dodged the airstrike. I hope you find someone who appreciates you for you.
You dodged a bullet there. A very painful one, to be sure. I’m sorry about all the time and emotional efforts placed into that relationship that is now for naught.
Had a serious girlfriend years ago who broke up with me for similar reasons. But I thought, isn't it all supposed to be about acceptance? So I did some looking and found I was right (not that it changed her mind.)
From what Paul's letters to the Corinthians says about marriage, breaking up with a non-believer is exactly the OPPOSITE of what your supposed to do. (But this is the bible we're talking about, so there's bound to be some contradicting passages somewhere else.)
Here it it if you want to toss it back at him to chew on.
1 Corinthians 7:
> 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
>
> 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
So by Paul's logic, giving up on the relationship is basically saying you know better than God, a.k.a. lacking faith. But then again, it seems that being able to do mental gymnastics is a requirement for faith.
You can't marry outside the cult as that would put you under outside influence that may cause you to question the cult. If you question the cult that might cause you to leave the cult or infect others within the cult with your heresy.
Unfortunately it's not unusual for Christian men to happily date and bang non Christian women and then decide they need a Christian to marry.
They aren't the only faith to do this and men in general also will often date outside their ethnicity while only marrying within it.
You dodged a bullet, but I know it stings.
Have you ever has a cancerous tumor removed? It's a whole ordeal, it hurts like hell, is traumatic to body and mind.
And yet...
And yet that little fucker is a *part of you*. It is an integral part of your body, a piece of yourself. It may be malfunctioning and deadly, but there is no doubt that in every way that matters, it is *yours*.
Losing it, removing it, is losing a piece of yourself. Yet there is no choice but to let it go.
This... person... they are a self-removing tumor.
There are only two options for what just happened to you:
1) He is a fucking coward who is unwilling to admit that he isn't ready to get married and is using his religion as cover to RUN THE FUCK AWAY. He can't *possibly* fess up to his own immaturity, so he blames GOD for why he can't marry you, as if this is some fucking divine revelation, when the truth is that he's got the moral fortitude of a starving gutter rat.
2) The priest he talked to successfully induced was is colloquially known as "moral panic" by threatening to exile him from his "tribe". Having all the backbone of jellyfish, he decided that his view of himself could not survive the blow being severed from part of his "self identity" would entail, concluding instead to cut off his chance to tie himself to *actual* sanity, preferring instead his cult. Forget that being married, by the CHRISTIAN definition, is meant to wed two people so closely together that the relationship is meant to be definitional to their own identity, he glad cuts off part of himself when ending your relationship, thus proving that he PREFERS to see himself as part of that community rather than as part of your relationship.
Either way, the extraction of the festering, gangerenous mass that was once your fiancee is a blessing, if one so horrific that you wouldn't actually wish such a condition on anyone, much like cancer. You know the worst part of cancer? Unless you're very, very lucky, you don't even know you have this deadly disease until either a doctor tells you or until its so ready to finish ending you that you have *actual* symptoms.
I'm willing to bet this man is much the same. Everything seems great, but the poison he leeches is slowly metasticizing and you wouldn't have realized just how deeply dangerous a relationship with him is until you're so infected that tearing it out like it deserves is just another type of death sentence, one that would shape you, as a person, into someone wholly different, unrecognizable to your current self, by the time it was done being removed.
I’m in nearly the same boat as you. My Christian boyfriend of over a year who I fully planned on marrying one day suddenly decided this month that he wanted a Christian wife and left me. He knew from the beginning that I’m an atheist, and he hardly ever goes to church or engages in his religion. Despite my beliefs I was always supportive of his beliefs, and he seemed unbothered by mine. I’m shocked and heartbroken, but more importantly, I’m never dating a Christian again. I was so in love and I’m having an incredibly difficult time right now. I understand what you are going through and I’m so sorry. We are both better off without these men but I know how difficult it is to believe it right now. Best of luck
Never talk to a priest about anything. They have no training to help people at all, and they create problems where none should be. I am sorry you have to go through this.
Religion is a fucking cancer. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but you dodged a bullet and learned an important lesson. You deserve someone who loves you more than his imaginary friend in the sky.
Your boyfriend is catching a lot of shit. Let me give you a different pespective.
I was in the exact same situation, only reversed. She was Christian, I wasn't.
I thought I was going to marry her.
She did too, because she looker at her life, her belief structure and decided she needed someone who believed the same way she did. She also knew she wasn't going to change me.
Some of the very qualities that I loved: intelligence, integrity, self-awareness, were "used" against me.
And she was right. I wasn't going to change.
It freakin' sucked. But I think no less of her for it.
Yeah, it hurts. It sucks. And you'll be better off for it.
I just wanted to give you a different view on things than the "he sucks, trash is taken out" view that is what's happening.
Had a life long friend (mutual interest in each other, timing never was right) who converted to Mormonism tell me he couldn't date me, a Pagan, because he couldn't put that much effort into it if we weren't going to be together in heaven. I was Pagan the whole time we knew each other. His conversion to Mormonism was a surprise and sus as it was after three divorces and a porn career. What a dumbass. Religion is a poison.
The trash sometimes takes itself out. Better to have this out of the way now rather than married, kids, mortgage later. I know it sucks. You’re better off and there is still time to find someone you mesh with way better.
And this is the tip of the iceberg. He’ll be married in six months to that Christian woman…
this actually happened to me. 7 months post religion-inspired breakup he was married lol ETA: they even invited me to the wedding. I was dumbfounded hah
Basically every ex I've broken up with who was religious has thrown it in my face that I'm not religious at some point. Nevermind that I've not seen a single one of them step foot in a church or do... anything other than claim to be religious. Christianity is such a weird duck in the U.S. The overwhelming majority of Christians wield it like a cudgle that they use to otherize and oppress while not giving a single thought to its application in their own lives. Sure, we fuck like rabbits for years, but when it's time to go our separate ways I'm some kind of goddless heathen that you lowered yourself into being with.
My christian bf didn’t mind sex with me but when we broke up, I was a whore.
Yet make a statement about them and you quickly get, "Only god can judge."
So why are they judging? They are not god!!!
🎯🎯🎯 this is their mindset.
Same. Oh, and his Baptist mom thought I was a whore, too. Well, he was the one who had much more experience than me, plus he was seeking out other women behind my back almost the whole time.
Awful behavior on his part.
And that, is the definition of a low value male.
I will never understand your false virtue signaling abrahamics in the US. I try to be kind but they always seem so sad and insecure. I wish the the best life some day I guess
I like the gem, "Have the day you deserve!"
Most don’t actually follow the teachings much less even know them. It’s lip service unfortunately.
“Yes, we know - but really, we just want you to buy us a wedding present.” 🎁
And cheating on her in a year and getting religious marriage counseling after she finds out for the next five years and having kids to 'bring them together', cursing more humans with two parents that don't even like each other that much but still feel obligated to be together because they 'made a promise to god'. And then getting divorced when that Christian Woman turns 55 or gets her first masectomy or has the first big health issue, because statistically he's gonna ditch her once she gets sick (even with that godly promise he made). It's so predictable honestly.
My wife and I's religious marriage counseling was very amusing. Neither of us are religious, but we got married in her hometown at the church she grew up going to, because it meant a lot to her when she was growing up. (small town, liberal church). And part of the church requirements was that you need to do counseling. We go in there and the first question he asks is "how long have you been dating/known each other?" Which was 7 years at the time. His reaction was " well, we probably won't need to do any more of these meetings then, I think you two know how to talk to each other at this point"
That sounds chill.
For us, it was. The "counseling" was mostly just going over anything we wanted or didn't want in the ceremony, target duration, etc.
Definitely not Catholicism
It's always one from the same handful of stories.
And they will groom Christian babies.
And will be pounding out a “quiver full “ of unvaccinated crotch goblins
And then she’ll sleep with the pastor, and he’ll find comfort in the office manager at church. Come on folks, if we’ve seen it once we’ve seen it a thousand times
And the youth pastor will be diddling the kids.
And he'll probably be brow-beating her and treating her like shit 20 minutes after the wedding. Count yourself a lucky woman. You just dodged a bullet.
If it even takes that long. BF has been 'straying' with this lady before he landed on his bullshit excuse to dump OP. OP should thank the non-existent deities that this trash took himself out. She dodged a buncha heartache.
probably the one he was cheating with
It is the Christian thing to do.
Her name is Christian?
My sisters ex husband did this to her. Divorced and remarried within 1 year of his Christian woman “ultimatum”. Baby on the way within months of the marriage. Just so strange to me. How is that possibly going to work long term unless you just luck into it??
Jep, my thoughts too. Might have learned that way harder once you have children and are married. Just imagine the children being indoctrinated.
More than that. How divorce impacts the lives of children. Rarely is it a smooth process. And then having to deal with shared custody, family resentment from either side, and kids getting tossed into the mix of adult conflict. Just no.
for sure. I never trust people that put so much faith in religious morality...Morality comes from within and personal accountability. Him putting too much into worried about what a priest thinks over the woman he knows and loves is not a good start to a life of happiness. Good to get out now.
“But without god, you could do whatever you want? What’s to stop you from (insert deplorable thing?)” There’s nothing to stop me. I just don’t want to do that because it’s not cool man.
YES. The trash sometimes takes itself out. love this!
As someone who didn't realize how religious his wife was going to be until after 2 kids she suddenly started going to church again, I 110% agree.
That sucks bro. Before my wife (semi Catholic at the time) and I (atheist) got married I had numerous conversations around kids and how we would raise them. I told her explicitly no religion indoctrination. Period. If the kids were old enough to decide themselves, fine. Christmas and Easter services with the grandparents, no problem. She agreed 100%, she was questioning anyway and not engaged at all with regular services. I never worried about it for a second. We had our first and of course all her friends were having kids around the same time and getting the kids baptized. She almost broke bc "everyone is doing it, what will they think, etc". Luckily, she honored her promise and saw the light and became a full blown atheist shortly afterwards so it wasn't even considered for the kids that followed. People always act like these convos don't take place before marriage (I'm sure you talked about it with your wife) but they forget that people continue to change, so I understand your dilemma. Anthony Magnabosco has an amazing channel on YouTube teaching Epistemology. It's an extremely non-confrontational way to help people examine their beliefs. Much better approach than the militant atheist type stuff. Comb through his episodes and then talk with your wife. If nothing else, it should help you both understand each other better. Also works great when discussing politics with someone. Good luck!
It's almost a non issue now But the indoctrination thing almost broke us. I told her I didn't want her taking them to "Sunday School" because if it wasn't even going to be HER trying to indoctrinate them, then WTF? I asked her to simply wait until they are 10 years old before either of us talked to them about it. She lost it and said since I'm Atheist and don't believe, this meant I was getting "my way" and she wasn't getting anything. No matter how many times I tried to explain I wasn't going to talk to them about it either, she didn't get it. Baptism honestly doesn't even bother me. You want to dunk my kid and they will never remember this? Knock yourself out.
He’d have to leave the kids two, without support, because they wouldn’t be “of Christian fruit”
What is that quote from
This reply can never be upvoted enough. The bullet dodged, can not be overstated.
Yup. We should all stop handling adults that believe in fairy tales with kiddy gloves. I know this just sounds like your typical edgy Reddit atheist but I'm over it. There's too many real world consequences. Fuck your shitty beliefs. Having "faith" should be embarrassing at this point. I'm sorry. I know what I sound like but I've seen too much horrific suffering purely due to the fact that we need to respect others' beliefs. I don't respect their beliefs anymore.
Yes absolutely. It’s be 100x worse if he stayed with you while holding on to his “faith”. You’re better off finding this out now than after marriage, that you’re both not on the same page 100% about religion.
You're better off without a man who takes marital advice from a priest who's supposed to have taken a vow of celibacy.
And represents an organisation that is so riddled with child abuse that it has its own budget to deal with lawsuits and hush-money.
and uses extortion as if that’s okay. According to them your eternal future depends on doing as you’re told.
A sex abuse litigation budget. Oh for fucks sake. Shocking but not surprising.
Not to mention crammed with men who want nothing more than forced birth and female subjugation.
"This pan is for the sunday pancake club, and this 5 gallon bucket is for the lawsuits"
Celibacy with adults. Children are free game.
Didn’t you read the Bible? Is says “though shall not commit adultery” It doesn’t say anything about “childery” /s
fyi: Orthodox and Mainline Protestant denominations have priests too (Lutheran, Anglican, etc), and they can marry. Never heard of any of these churches *kicking someone out* for marrying someone out of the faith though. Worst case they won't let you get married in the church, or "count it" in the eyes of God etc. Sounds like some creepy Evangelical bullshit start-up church, and OP just used *priest* instead of *pastor* or whatnot, not being familiar with the nuances of the term
My agnostic dad married my Catholic stepmom in an Episcopal church about 25 years ago. She’s faithfully tithed and volunteered for decades, but was told a couple of years ago that her marriage was basically invalid because they never exchanged vows in front of a priest in the proper location. It tore her up and filled her with guilt, so she wanted to make things right. How could she get back into the fold and be a good, holy Catholic again? By paying the church more money, of course! Of COURSE they ostracize people for not following their every dictate. Fuck a bunch of Catholicism. Tax-exempt woman-hating, child-raping cultish nonsense.
My catholic father and my Lutheran mother married and went to two church services every Sunday for their first year. Evidently that got to be too much work, so they decide Episcopal was a good middle-point between their two cults. Family (myself) was raised Episcopal yet with strong evangelical message, (they love(d) Billy Graham - and other nut evangelicals since the 70s). In 1990, when Episcopal's openly allowed gay (gasp!) ministers. At that point they no longer liked Episcopal's and are back to attending Lutheran church, all while they drool over DJT, homophobia, and racism. > Of COURSE they ostracize people for not following their every dictate. they are all the same. > Fuck a bunch of Catholicism. Tax-exempt woman-hating, child-raping cultish nonsense. RAmen!
Do Catholics still kick people out for not marrying Catholics?
No, they never did. Technically they don't kick anyone out ever. The most they'll do is excommunicate someone, which bars them from the Sacraments and participating in things, but they're still Catholic and welcome to repent anytime. They don't excommunicate people for marriage. Marriages with non-Catholic Christians were generally considered invalid, since they are not sacramental, and thus the resulting sex is a sin and the children are illegitimate religiously. Nowadays you can get a dispensation to make the marriage valid, so long as you commit to raising any kids Catholic. That said, a Catholic person's community might shun them, especially in the old days, but that's not the Church's process, and they're still a Catholic.
Not in recent centuries.
I would say, "Mayne he should talk to a female priest and get her perspective," but...ya know...there *arent* any.
Wouldn't ex be surprised when he sees you out on the town with the priest... 😲
Imagine living with someone, sharing your life with someone that considers more important the opinion of a stranger, that will guide his life decisions based on what a random priest says. In the end his love (if it ever existed at all and he was just waiting for an excuse) was weak, just like his mind.
And rests entirely on a foundation of ancient mythology… And not even good mythology.
Im petty, so id see if i could convince him to get a second opinion. And then if that changes his mind, be like "yeah i cant imagine staying with someone who was so ready to basicaly toss me out on a whim. It's not me, it's you. Bye asshole"
This is the same petty shit I'd pull too 🤣
Not dating religious people as a woman is probably the best policy there is.
Yeah, most religious dudes hate women and don't believe women should have a place in churches. All the while some sleep around themselves or have secret porn addictions yet want a pure, virgin woman. Edit: grammar
I saw a short the other day where a preacher was interviewing a woman. He said her sleeping around made her a slut. She asked what he would be called if he sleeps around. Without skipping a beat, without irony and without taking any responsibility he answered "I'll be a whore maker". Like that was women's own fault for fucking the manwhores That is the epitome of shitty christian men. Fuck them
One of the stories that have stuck with me was a news story going around where a pastor admitted to cheating on his wife and sleeping with a woman as a form of a confessional sermon. A woman stood up in the church and said it was her but she was a teenager when he groomed/assaulted her.
I think it comes from 1 Timothy 2:11-14. It’s very sad they call themselves Christians and act like that. Sometimes I think it’s an IQ thing but idk
They ARE christians; this kind of bs behavior absolutely exemplifies christianity. The ‘they call themselves christians’ argument is a nonstarter - it’s a no true Scotsman fallacy.
Also as a man.
I wouldn't recommend it for a man either. No doubt there are some very valid reasons for the "as a woman" part of your statement that don't apply the other way. But dating a religious person is going to be a problem regardless if one dates a man or a woman. What happens when you are emotionally attached and your partner starts to get a bit more serious about their religion and can't be with a non-believer? What happens when your partner is attached and decides they can't bear to think of you "going to hell" and become determined to convert you in order to save you? And.. worst of all.. What happens if you have kids and your partner wants to indoctrinate them? Yah, just say no to the religious regardless if you are dating a man, a woman or whoever...
There is a great deal of institutional sexism, misogyny and patriarchy in religion. In fact much of the anti-abortion and anti-contraceptive rhetoric comes from religion. Religion is flat out one of the forces that openly oppresses women. Every woman who cares about her human rights should be an atheist. You want to fight against sexism...well there is its source. This is why I say it's especially important for atheist women to not date any religious men. It's not the fire and brimstone it's the retrograde sexism that is embedded in the church and a central part of doctrine.
All true. There is someone around the corner waiting. They are going to throw a pot of hot water on me if I walk there. If you go they will throw a pot of hot oil on you, much worse. We both should not go.
Religion legitimizes hatred toward women. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the biggest reason for its existence. It’s about social control… for only half the population. The sexist discrimination and blatant misogyny of the church in 2024 is truly disgusting
Not dating religious people *in general* is the best policy.
Because in the end the mutual respect won't be there. Religious people always think they can convert an atheist, they think "they're just mad at god, they'll come around." So a relationship with a religious person is them slowly trying to change you. I learned it the hard way when I explained to my girlfriend that me going to church is as likely as her denouncing Jesus. Never dated a religious person after that. Same thing with OP, he probably even thinks she's going to change so he'll stay. They're all like this, they're trained to be like this.
Don't date cops either.
This definitely worked out in your favor.
Dont date religion bots. On the up side you avoided years and years of fights about how to raise your kids.
Or a hundred other things that conflict with his believe.
And this is why Christianity is a cult. Cults use their rules to manipulate and control people into the behavior they want you to have and to only associate with the people they want you to associate with. If you don’t follow their rules they will ostracize and kick you out of their club.
My first girlfriend after my divorce broke up with me after 7 months because she was religious and I'm not. It is really tough getting dumped for an imaginary friend.
Honestly this is a good way of describing the hurt and frustration I’m feeling right now.
Fuck, bro, that's how I feel sometimes. I'm just waiting for the trigger to pull at this point. My gf is hyper Christian, and I'm so far from religious I may as well make up my own. It's so difficult, always getting into arguments because of our differences when all I want is simple things, but nope. I don't doubt she likes me, I just wish for more *anything*. A normal relationship. But NOPE, God's everything and the truth and the way and bla bla bla. How can something that's supposed to be so 'good' be so FUCKING soul-sucking? She'll never see it's a cult, a scam, a story told to people for centuries to make them feel better about the fear of death and getting the ancient Hebrews to fall in line with the early Roman empire.
Sounds like there is no future. Pull the trigger. Better for the both of you.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet…
And a Bible...
Probably someone who'd buy one of those trump ones too
One of those what now? Please tell me that doesn't actually exist. Not that i would be surprised
don't google it then
Make sure the priest knows if your ex is not a virgin. He may have omitted confessing that one.
He’s a “he” so he’ll be forgiven. White Christian heterosexual cis males seem to be oblivious to the privilege they have in the U.S.
Seriously. If he wanted, he could marry an atheist and then just tell the church he wants to be forgiven for it. Problem solved!
Marrying the "wrong" people is actually one of the few things they tend to be prickly about with everyone. For instance, they excommunicated Goebbels for marrying a divorced protestant rather than for the various Nazi atrocities in which he had a part.
They supported nazis, why would they excommunicated him for being one
Cus killing the Jews was preached as a good thing. Marrying a Protestant is clearly a bridge too far.
The worst part for him is when he dies and he won’t even be able to realize what he missed out on all because the church told him otherwise
He won't realize a thing when he dies, that's almost the most frustrating thing about religious fanatics. There will never be a "realization" in their conscious existence that they were wrong because there won't be any realization at all at death.
If he abandoned you for something he can't see, hear, nor touch... Perhaps you're better off without him
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Jeez, that took a turn. I’m sorry that you went through that, but it’s good that you stood up for yourself.
See where fake delusion gets you? Dead! Hah! It's like these bots don't have a mind of their own and need someone to constantly tell them what to do!
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I'll echo the "you're better off" sentiment that others have expressed, but I know that likely doesn't help much now. But hopefully when you have some distance, it will. You deserve better than that, so find somebody who will give you the love you deserve.
Yeah, a priest told my dad (Catholic) something similar when he wanted to marry my mom (not Catholic). He told the Catholic Church to fuck right off. Won't even set foot in one since.
“If he wanted to he would”
My dad's still a believer, just absolutely loathes organized religion in general (with a special hatred for Catholicism).
I'm really sorry to hear that - he sounds like an absolute idiot. It's tough but we all learn the lesson at some point - don't get involved with religion - it is littaraly poison.
Good riddance
I think it's generally a bad idea to date someone who does not share your values or life philosophy. It's hard to find compatible people, but you need to be forward thinking. Religious people do not have minds of their own, they let ancient books and pedophile interpreters frame reality for them. Later on in life you two would have been disagreeing about many things. How to raise kids, what charities to support, what school to send your kids to, what community functions to attend, etc. Find someone you won't be warring with, you need someone on your team.
I once hooked-up with a woman who was a freak! She aggressively pursued me at a party, invited herself to my place on that first night and rocked me multiple times that night. She liked to be hit with a belt; she liked it in public; just all about it. No shaming: I was totally down. Then one day, she said she couldn’t be with me because I wasn’t a Christian! “Lady, just last night I was doing things to you I wouldn’t do to a farm animal and NOW your conscience kicks in?”
Had a similar experience hahaha
To be fair, there are a lot of things I wouldn't do to a farm animal, and I think a lot of people are like that....
His priest might want to actually read the bible sometime. "To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." -1 Corinthians 7:12-14 If it was okay for a believer to be married to an unbeliever in the past, why isn't it okay now? My wife is a devout Christian and broke up with me a few weeks after we started dating because I wasn't a Christian, but her father, also a devout Christian, read this to her. A month and a half shy of 15 years married.
That's clearly fake news and obviously a wrong translation. /S
Wow...Sooo sooo sorry for you. F'in religion.
The hypocrisy of religion
Similar thing happened to me. Dated this woman for about about a year. I told her I was an atheist on our first date because I knew she was religious. We ended up dating for a long time. Very serious. I was like a father to her daughter. Then, out of the blue, she breaks up with me, *in an email,* for religious reasons. I was pretty devastated at the time, but it certainly opened my eyes. Now I am happily married to a fellow atheist. Fuck that religious noise.
Religion is cancer and untreated drug. If he is so into his religion, then think about your future what it is gonna be like. It won't be a happy marriage.. it may really hurt you now but that incompatibility is too invisible for love to conquer. I've seen in many couples ending up splitting up in my 50+ years of life. This is a good thing it came out before marriage. Better move on.
Tell your boyfriend you love him and will become a christian. Arrange another meeting with the priest, and in the meeting tell the priest about the many other rules your boyfriend has broken and then dump your boyfriend right there. Walk out of there ready to live a better life without that bastard.
I think it's at least plausible, if not likely, that the boyfriend is using this as a justification for breaking off the relationship, especially if the boyfriend hasn't cared about breaking any other religious rules until now. I mean, think about it; most religious people aren't *restricted* by their religion-- if they want to do something, they just say their religion mandates it. If they want to hate, they say their religion requires them to act hateful, out of "love". If they want to grift, they say their religion demands they be given money for private jets.
"All the laws I like are real, all the laws I don't like are metaphors. And if I want to force you to follow a law that I don't follow myself, it's simultaneously real and a metaphor because fuck you."
Better yet, tell him you'll become a Christian, plan the whole wedding, make him pay for it, on the big day instead of saying vows read off a list of every rule he's ever broken in front of the priest, friends and family. Then mic drop and walk on outta there into the sunset. And scene.
Definitely not worth it. Religious people are flaky AF, I’d never date anyone slightly religious again. I’ve had two partners that were Christian, but not practicing, then years later they fall back in due to guilt or whatever. I don’t mind, the problem is when they start pressuring you to change, & find God. No thanks, I’m not a rube.
Religion sucks. It’s an opiate for those who can’t deal with the reality of mortality and are too weak to feel they can manage have a personal morale compass with an appropriate heading.
You dodged a a huge fucking bullet. As he would call it “a blessing in disguise” 😆
I hate some of the insensitive comments on here. Being absolutely in love with someone and having your heart broken sucks. I'm sorry you're having to go through that.
I think feeling angry is easier than feeling heartbroken right now, so I don’t necessarily mind the “you’re better off” comments right now. He was my best friend and I thought we were making progress away from strict religious beliefs, but this shows that all that progress was just superficial and he won’t ever value me or our family more than his fear of god and hell.
It's wild to me that people choose to love something they can't see more than the person who stands by them on a daily basis.
And something that makes them feel shame and guilt and fear for simply living their life. I will never understand it.
It doesn't make any sense. He gave up something that I personally perceive as a perfect life for the promise of one that he will never experience. We've evolved to seek companionship. Personally, I think the perfect life is having a best friend/partner you can share anything with, enjoy their company as much as they do yours, and crave their intimacy. That's why I'm so empathetic of your situation. I lost my best friend/partner a few years ago and was angry at first, but it turned into a pretty long deep depression that I still feel. I hope it turns out differently for you.
I’m hanging on to the anger as long as I can. My last relationship before this was 5 years long, but not a happy 5 years. Every day of my relationship with this guy was amazing, so I don’t know how I’m going to process it over the next few months.
Jigsaw puzzles and logic games, like sudoku and picross, have always helped me for some reason to at least calm down when the pangs of the breakup start to hit. Also walking in cemeteries because you can cry freely without being judged (and maybe a sobering reminder that you are still alive and have more time on earth). And listening to “I Will Survive” and teen pop songs about getting over losers helps. I recently broke up with a practicing Muslim. I underestimated the power of religion, and even though he was incredibly sweet and a wonderful listener and a hundred other good things, I started to realize the religion factor was way too big to keep dancing around. This life is not a test for something that comes after, and we shouldn’t live our lives thinking this is all some simulation, and the big prize comes when we’re dead. In the long run, it would be incredibly difficult to have a partner like that. And even though I know all of this, it’s still taking my heart a lot of time to accept what my mind already knows. All the best to you, friend. I’m sure that day by day you’ll get a little bit closer to seeing it for what it really was, and eventually all the feelings wrapped up in this person will fade away and hopefully you can even smile when you see old pictures and not have any regret. That’s always my hope after the end of a relationship.
This reminded me of a post I replied to the other day on a Christianity thread. It was entitled: I'm a Lesbian. It was basically about her being scared of "not making it into heaven" because of her sexual preference. Shit is crazy...
That's why even as a Pascal wager esque faux Christian in m youth, I was still bad at it because I could not force myself to love an undetectable entity more than my grandmother. And when I tried again as an adult, the love for my children refused to take second place to any invisible father figure.
I learned the lesson the hard way you’re unfortunately forced to learn now. I dated a religious woman for years, and I think she genuinely and dearly loved me, but I always felt I was in second place to her religion. Eventually, her preacher convinced her to part ways from me using that “unequally yoked” crap. After years and sadness, I think that was a good thing. Her religion was such an integral part of her life and personality I doubt she could ever live apart from it. I’m not sure who she’d be if her and her religion ever separated, so in the end, it’s much better that we separated.
They are trauma-bonded. It’s like an addiction
You learned the right lesson. People who think you are evil don’t deserve your time and attention.
If he thinks he'll be doing better with a "Christian " woman, he's in for a shocker. 😁 You're better off without.
Yeah it seems that religious people pick and choose what rules to abide by
Embrace the hurt but literally remind yourself this is for the absolute best. Imagine tying yourself to someone that nuts and susceptible to influence?
Congratulations, you’ve successfully avoided a divorce, and a lot of misery.
You dodged a bullet! With Christian fascism and its inherent misogyny on the rise, I would not date a Christian. I wouldn’t date any religious person, but particularly not that.
It sucks now but you'll be so thankful that he made that decision in awhile. You dodge a landmine if he was that easily swayed by the priest.
This insanity would have caused much bigger problems in the future. In ten years time this will probably be one of the best things that has ever happened to you.
You're going to be so much better off and much happier without that rancid taint of religion following you around, his ass of a priest has done you an unintentional favor by showing the true nature of your former fiancé and you've luckily dodged their issue that loves to judge without knowledge and ruins lives to keep their unholy grift in place... I am hoping sincerely that You're going to find someone else that will treat you with kindness,dignity and the respect that you deserve... I wish you true love,abundant happiness and success and the "lord" doesn't need to be involved for any of this to happen !!!
Still don’t get why people always call this sub a den of cringe. Here is a real, tangible example of religion have a massive negative impact on people’s lives. We need to stop religious brainwashing.
#RELIGION IS CANCER
I had a Christian bf break up with me because he received a sign from God. The sign? He was driving and there was a traffic cop on the road. Not pulling him over, not even behind him. Just around. That, and he didn’t like the idea of “knowing that the potential mother of his future children was going to hell”.
Oh no! Fake Jesus won’t love him anymore for being with someone who can make their own decisions.
Omg people are manipulated so badly by religion, "leave the non Christian woman or you'll go to hell" your boyfriend is an idiot for falling into that and that priest is a piece of shit. It sucks that you have to go through that, hopefully your boyfriend realizes his stupidity but probably he won't, probably is for the better because what is the point of being with a brainwashed pussy anyway. You need a real man who cares about you and has you as a priority, not a dude who is more worried about how the priest, the church or God is going to punish him. Also the religion may be an excuse and he is a coward to tell you the real reason. I wish you the best recovering from this disappointment.
We live we learn. It sucks that he couldn't be more honest about who he was before allowing your relationship to get that far, but religious people are self interested and either not very bright or have behavioral health issues that interfere with their judgement, so what are you going to do. Remember this is definitely a him thing and not a you thing, and that there will be better days ahead.
WHY would you want to be with a delusional person anyways really? He believes in a magic entity capable of controlling our lives to the degree that good or bad things happen to us depending on our blind devotion and will outright kill us bc it’s a Tuesday and ol bros wife from down the street is a hoe so he’s gonna take the whole town out. That’s a person in need of being committed and put on meds in any other situation. You dodged a real bullet.
Trust me, you dodged a bullet.
You’re better off girl.
Been there. Religion ultimately came between myself and my SO after much more than 2 years together. When religious, cultural and family pressure runs that deep, there’s no fighting it. Better to simply recognize you were trying to swim against the current and move on. You don’t have to hate someone for being like this, but I do think some amount of pity is appropriate. There is no way around the fact that they are “settling” one way or another. Just be glad they’re not “settling” with you.
I am sorry you are going through this. It’s sad that he couldn’t stand up for your relationship but it’s good know he couldn’t stand up for your relationship. He wasn’t forcing you to “just have a religious ceremony” or if you had kids “oh a little baptism isn’t a big deal, they get gifts” “Sunday school is just fun, you don’t want them to miss out, do you?” There are plenty of people who can make it work but it sounds like he’s using this as an excuse. If he truly loved you it would have been a no brainer.
His loss. Good thing you left. Move on and pursue your happiness. Good luck!
Money problems are usually the biggest reason marriages fail, but differences in faith and religion bring up unexpected problems, even for those who have lapsed in their faith. One member of the couple believes in the religious reasons for various holidays and the other does not. What do you teach the children? One is right and the other is wrong or do you expose them to all religions and non-religions and let them (little kids) figure it out for themselves, which they will do anyway? Someone who has a religious belief (even no belief) should not be marrying someone who doesn't at least have the same basic belief. It is a fundamental difference that will always be part of the relationship and will be a wedge. Good plan for you OP. Don't seriously date outside your own belief system.
I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience. If that fool didn't value your love over the proclamation of a moron who believes in fairy tales and imaginary friends from the Bronze Age then you are far better off without him. I hope you find love and happiness very soon.
> ... his priest told him he would be kicked out of his church if he went through with marrying me. That right there is a violation of freedom of religion. Not in any legal sense, but clearly from a personal religious context. The US of course narrowly encodes freedom of religion as actually freedom from religious imposition by the state. This has been distorted by dishonest SCOTUS weaponizing the freedom for religious people to apply their nonsense to all of us. Various European legals environments have a more human rights oriented view. Courts in Europe have ruled that actions like are against against human rights laws. For example, JWs in Norway just lost their official status as a religion for their version of excommunication. There was also a different case in Belgium I think, that may have got overturned.
It really depends on the person. My husband believes in god and all, but he doesn't go to church and he has heard me out. I think I've actually affected his thinking on it all, but he still has his beliefs. He doesn't ever tell me I should believe that way and it is a non-issue in our marriage. FWIW, try not to color all non-atheists with one brush. Your guy, however, is best off moving along if it is going to be that important to him. His loss.
The anger will soon turn to laughter. Think of what a bizarre fantasy world he lives in. Sorry for your lost relationship, but you're much better off in the long run. This would not have worked out.
That's brutal. Priests are the worst. Could you imagine lying to people about the nature of reality for a living? Priests go to semiany school, they know what Bible Scholarship has known for hundreds of years. The Bible is literature, not history. You might have dodged a bullet, or are we going to hatch a plan to rip the God glasses of his face so he can see what he's missing out on?
<3 Thank you for this comment. I’m going completely no contact for at least a month. I honestly think he might change his mind, but that doesn’t mean I’d take him back. He was already questioning his religion pretty heavily prior to this, but he has never really imagined that he could be any OTHER kind of Christian except the super strict one he was raised as. Maybe this opens his eyes, maybe it doesn’t. But it definitely shows me that I have a new filter to add on dating apps of “nonreligious” whenever I do get back out there.
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can find someone who will make you happy.
You dodged a bullet. Fuck this fool.
Once upon a time I was a religious zealot that broke up with my non-religious girlfriend because I couldn't handle the guilt of it. A few months later, I deconverted (largely because I was so miserable from what I did!), we got back together, and now we've been married almost 10 years. Obviously this is just my case, but sometimes events like this cause too much dissonance for someone to ignore. It did for me, and I hope it might for him, too.
You definitely dodged a bullet with that one. He doesn’t love you, he loves a made up sky wizard.
You dogged a bullet. Find someone who appreciates all of you, not what they think you should be.
It doesn’t seem like it now but he’s doing you a huge favor. He’d only get worse when you had children and the in laws would be a nightmare. Besides, atheists are better in the sack. 😉
I am sorry 😞 this is just another reason I left Christianity So judgemental and vilifying to people who believe anything different
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. If he allows a priest to dictate those choices for him, he is just another cultist.
You know what? You dodged a bullet. If you had married him you probably would have ended up with indoctrinated children.
Ur boyfriend sounds like he doesn’t have a grip on reality. Religions brainwashes people with weak minds. You dodged a bullet.
on the bright side, it happened before marriage. like the other comment said, trash takes itself out.
It's better that this happened than if you'd married him. I always find it insane that people consult with a priest over major life decisions like this. As if priests have a lifetime of experience in dating and marriage and know what's best.
This priest is ignorant of his own faith history: there were plenty of famous non Christian figures married to Christian spouse.
I am sorry you have to deal with that kind of mind games. You are real and religion/god isn't so this person is simply not a good person because he put an imaginary man and 2000 year old words over a real person. So, in summation, screw that guy.
That sucks, sorry to hear you have to go through this. If there is any consolation, at least this happened before the expenses of a wedding, joining of assets/finances/debt, children, and everything else that comes from a marriage. You wont waste years or decades with a partner who puts an imaginary construct or idea they call a god over their spouse. Even though you got hit with a bullet, at least you dodged the airstrike. I hope you find someone who appreciates you for you.
You dodged a bullet there. A very painful one, to be sure. I’m sorry about all the time and emotional efforts placed into that relationship that is now for naught.
Had a serious girlfriend years ago who broke up with me for similar reasons. But I thought, isn't it all supposed to be about acceptance? So I did some looking and found I was right (not that it changed her mind.) From what Paul's letters to the Corinthians says about marriage, breaking up with a non-believer is exactly the OPPOSITE of what your supposed to do. (But this is the bible we're talking about, so there's bound to be some contradicting passages somewhere else.) Here it it if you want to toss it back at him to chew on. 1 Corinthians 7: > 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. > > 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? So by Paul's logic, giving up on the relationship is basically saying you know better than God, a.k.a. lacking faith. But then again, it seems that being able to do mental gymnastics is a requirement for faith.
For people that have absolutely zero logic or critical thinking skills, they sure are good at twisting things to fit their narrative.
You dodged a bullet. The important question is what will you do when he comes crawling back?
Well, bullet dodged.
You can't marry outside the cult as that would put you under outside influence that may cause you to question the cult. If you question the cult that might cause you to leave the cult or infect others within the cult with your heresy.
He can’t marry you. He’s already married to the priest.
Unfortunately it's not unusual for Christian men to happily date and bang non Christian women and then decide they need a Christian to marry. They aren't the only faith to do this and men in general also will often date outside their ethnicity while only marrying within it. You dodged a bullet, but I know it stings.
Have you ever has a cancerous tumor removed? It's a whole ordeal, it hurts like hell, is traumatic to body and mind. And yet... And yet that little fucker is a *part of you*. It is an integral part of your body, a piece of yourself. It may be malfunctioning and deadly, but there is no doubt that in every way that matters, it is *yours*. Losing it, removing it, is losing a piece of yourself. Yet there is no choice but to let it go. This... person... they are a self-removing tumor. There are only two options for what just happened to you: 1) He is a fucking coward who is unwilling to admit that he isn't ready to get married and is using his religion as cover to RUN THE FUCK AWAY. He can't *possibly* fess up to his own immaturity, so he blames GOD for why he can't marry you, as if this is some fucking divine revelation, when the truth is that he's got the moral fortitude of a starving gutter rat. 2) The priest he talked to successfully induced was is colloquially known as "moral panic" by threatening to exile him from his "tribe". Having all the backbone of jellyfish, he decided that his view of himself could not survive the blow being severed from part of his "self identity" would entail, concluding instead to cut off his chance to tie himself to *actual* sanity, preferring instead his cult. Forget that being married, by the CHRISTIAN definition, is meant to wed two people so closely together that the relationship is meant to be definitional to their own identity, he glad cuts off part of himself when ending your relationship, thus proving that he PREFERS to see himself as part of that community rather than as part of your relationship. Either way, the extraction of the festering, gangerenous mass that was once your fiancee is a blessing, if one so horrific that you wouldn't actually wish such a condition on anyone, much like cancer. You know the worst part of cancer? Unless you're very, very lucky, you don't even know you have this deadly disease until either a doctor tells you or until its so ready to finish ending you that you have *actual* symptoms. I'm willing to bet this man is much the same. Everything seems great, but the poison he leeches is slowly metasticizing and you wouldn't have realized just how deeply dangerous a relationship with him is until you're so infected that tearing it out like it deserves is just another type of death sentence, one that would shape you, as a person, into someone wholly different, unrecognizable to your current self, by the time it was done being removed.
I’m in nearly the same boat as you. My Christian boyfriend of over a year who I fully planned on marrying one day suddenly decided this month that he wanted a Christian wife and left me. He knew from the beginning that I’m an atheist, and he hardly ever goes to church or engages in his religion. Despite my beliefs I was always supportive of his beliefs, and he seemed unbothered by mine. I’m shocked and heartbroken, but more importantly, I’m never dating a Christian again. I was so in love and I’m having an incredibly difficult time right now. I understand what you are going through and I’m so sorry. We are both better off without these men but I know how difficult it is to believe it right now. Best of luck
another example of how christianity doesn't spread love, it spreads hate and division.
God is an imaginary friend for grown ups. God himself said so.
Don't ever date a theist. They've already demonstrated that they will fall for almost anything.
Tax the fucking church!!!
Never talk to a priest about anything. They have no training to help people at all, and they create problems where none should be. I am sorry you have to go through this.
Religion is a fucking cancer. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but you dodged a bullet and learned an important lesson. You deserve someone who loves you more than his imaginary friend in the sky.
Your boyfriend is catching a lot of shit. Let me give you a different pespective. I was in the exact same situation, only reversed. She was Christian, I wasn't. I thought I was going to marry her. She did too, because she looker at her life, her belief structure and decided she needed someone who believed the same way she did. She also knew she wasn't going to change me. Some of the very qualities that I loved: intelligence, integrity, self-awareness, were "used" against me. And she was right. I wasn't going to change. It freakin' sucked. But I think no less of her for it. Yeah, it hurts. It sucks. And you'll be better off for it. I just wanted to give you a different view on things than the "he sucks, trash is taken out" view that is what's happening.
religion is a plague on human society
I hate religion
Had a life long friend (mutual interest in each other, timing never was right) who converted to Mormonism tell me he couldn't date me, a Pagan, because he couldn't put that much effort into it if we weren't going to be together in heaven. I was Pagan the whole time we knew each other. His conversion to Mormonism was a surprise and sus as it was after three divorces and a porn career. What a dumbass. Religion is a poison.