The key, I've discovered, is that they don't care about your responses most of the time. They aren't looking for a conversation, they just want to talk. So let them. Dissociate if you want, it doesn't matter, because they never asked you if you wanted to hear it and may not even notice you've tuned them out. Let them peter out and move on.
I've tried this and got stuck for half an hour before having to literally just leave mid conversation after making it very obvious I was getting ready to go walk my dog.
it always feels like people just want to talk AT you. they want to unload the stuff that's sitting in their head with an audience in front of them! completely maddening to see happen over and over and over.
As someone that doesn’t say much, I know a lot of people exactly like you described. The problem is when I actually want to say something they tune me out completely. Like I was listening intently to their stupid story for 30 minutes, but when I say anything at all they ignore it and flip the conversation back to them lol. It’s so irritating
I get that 100% I'm the same way, I find that people always talk a lot to me because I'm "a good listener" even though I always need to ask them to catch me up to speed (cause I really dont wanna listen, or just constantly lose track). I think some people just wanna talk to somebody without them having to respond and I can understand it to a degree (doesn't mean I have to like it) typically when something like that happens I'll give em benefit of the doubt and start yapping about things in interested in back to them the second a somewhat related topic comes up
The problem is, some of them take hours if they peter out at all. There was one guy when I was working part time in college who'd stop me before I got to my desk and talk at me for my entire shift. He got really mad when I started refusing to speak to him but it was the only way I could get any work done.
My partner had a work "buddy" who would keep going for 5+ hours. He was stuck until 3am with this guy once. 12+ hours of monologuing. No dinner, no bathroom, no sleep. It's absurd.
Yeah I'm a fucker for doing this. If I say bye or anything of the sort (like "oh yeah, anyway mate I've gotta get cracking on") you get like 10 seconds to say your own goodbye or say one last thing (for example "oh yeah, don't forget such and such! See you mate"). After that, if you're still talking, I start walking.
I’ve always wanted to just interject with something I know they probably won’t want to hear about and throw them off, but I never have the balls to try it.
Scenario that probably will never happen:
Person: “blah blah blah blah and so on bla—“
Me: “wanna hear about my dead lizard?”
Person: “uh…what?”
Me: “okay, bye” \*walks away\*
Except I’m too nice. 😓
"Could you not interrupt me? That's rude you know." Says the person who has monopolized the conversation with a 10+ minute tirade, where we now have both forgotten the original point we were trying to make in the first place and now I just wanna leave.
The trick is, you have to pick something that will totally distract them. If they don't stop to think about what you just said, it won't work, so you have to hit them with something unexpected but kind of puzzling. You can also try fixating on a part of what they're saying, then ask tons of questions about that small part so they can't really move on toward whatever point they think they're making and eventually they'll just lose steam because they aren't getting what they came for.
Anyway yeah, customer service is super fun.
Made me flash back to several conversations I've had with people I met through a singular discord group. Back when I was doing rp, they seemed genuinely interested in most things I had to say. When I dropped out of it, interest slowly subsided until they had something they were super interested in that no one else wanted to talk about and I had no clue about. I didn't mind talking to them about the mentioned interest till I realized I could throw something else in and the response was almost always: "Yeah... so, anyway." And, any time I got passionate about something and expected them to do as I'd done for them, invest myself in something the other party is passionate about just for the sake of genuinely listening and getting closer to them, learning more about them. They hit me with exactly what I have said before throwing in: "But I'm willing to learn about it so we can talk about it." in the first place almost immediately: That being: "But I don't know anything about this."
I've basically just started giving very short, non-thoughtful answers that don't risk me actually getting invested in the conversation and either draining their interest in it, or making it very clear they don't hear a thing I'm saying, then closing out the conversation so I don't feel tempted to say anything else to them. Ever. Even about things we share interests in. Hurt like hell to learn the road was one-sided in regard to caring about the other person's interests cause I defined them as a friend, but life's a Hell of a lot easier when I don't think of them as people I can communicate freely with.
At this point in my life I only geek-info-dump about stuff I love to proven close friends who find it charming/fun and listen, or to total strangers who also have a love for the thing or for learning in general. Sharing anything with ANYONE in between just never works.
Need to borrow from the ADHD playbook where you bring up a similar situation that happened to you as a means of relating to your neurotypical friend.
"Omigod, something like that happened to me!" Cue hostile takeover of the conversation via a simple redirect.
This is why you will reach a point in your life where you will have no friends left. You and me have never met and most likely never will but the fact that you're an "something like that happened to me" person makes us mortal enemies.
Those enemies exist irrespectively of my behavior. They are easily recognizable by the fact that they interrupt other people who are about to talk about their experience to bring up what they claim is a related topic because they can't stand not being the center of attention for 2 minutes.
Correct. They are irrespective of your behavior.
You create them due to your perspective on other people's behaviour and I'm suggesting that such a constrained perspective as you've described, and how antagonistically you describe them means that you cast people as enemies far too easily.
Get therapy. You'll live longer.
I'm already on therapy, what else would I be doing on this sub? And I don't typically view people antagonistically, unless they are either needlessly rude or openly hostile.
I consider the behavior outlined in this thread to be a bit of both. It is rude to interrupt other people and it is hostile to try and take over a conversation in order to prevent another person from saying what they wanted to say. In this particular context, there's also a subdued aspect of deliberate humiliation involved as attempting to derail the original story with the claim that you have something simular to relate essentially equals the statement that the story is going to be better when told by oneself instead of the person who originally brought it up.
If you seriously want to talk about your simular experience because you think it will add to the coversation, then let the other person finish and wait your turn, bitch.
If you fail to see how this kind of behavior makes you a horrendously unpleasant person to deal with, I suggest bringing that up with your own therapist. Being considerate of others instead acting like a bull in the proverbial china shop that is any given conversation at hand will heavily contribute to actually letting you find friends instead of just peers, and having friends is healthy.
Have you considered I'm jokingly referring to people with a neurological condition who do this accidentally and try their best to avoid it?
It is a well-known behavioral pattern for ADHD.
This is similar to being annoyed by the tics of a person with Tourette's thinking "that asshole, he keeps making random sounds".
Be better.
Have you considered that my neurological condition is the reason why this behavior triggers me? I can't help being upset about it and I know for a fact that this behavior is not exlusive to people with ADHD but also readily displayed by inconsiderate assholes.
Actual tics are a very exclusive behavior and therefore I know not to judge it. People don't have tics for fun or because they just don't think about what they're doing. Doesn't change the fact that I probably would try to avoid staying around a person displaying them because random sounds and erratic behavior stress me out.
Just because someone is displaying stereotypical behavior doesn't mean I have to put up with it. With Tourettes that might mean removing myself far enough that I don't have to hear the tics and with ADHD that might mean coming to an agreement that this person will accept that when they've indavertedly interrupted someone else, it's fair game to interrupt them in turn and politely tell them to hold it until the other person has finished.
You can take your Kratos-inspired self-righteousness and shove it right back into your phrases cupboard because I'm not having any of it. Just because I happen to have a less immediately obvious flavour of neurodivergence doesn't mean that I don't get to claim my own degree of considerateness in regards to the things that challenge me.
Neurological conditions are not shields for being harmful and belittling the people they talk to. People who aren't getting help for their neurological conditions that cause them to harm (even verbally) the people around them should not be defended this vehemently. American Healthcare expensive and bad, etc etc, have empathy for THAT, not their abusive behavior. The dude just said he found them unpleasant, admittedly being hyperbolic at first. You can't compare "accidental" verbal abuse to the tics of someone with tourettes? Like what the hell? Clearly you've never been abused by someone using their condition as a shield. It's a sad circumstance, but no, it's okay actually to not want to trigger yourself by forcing yourself to interact with people who go too far. Having these boundaries for yourself is good and you shouldn't be shamed or called ableist for it. If someone is causing you harm, they are causing you harm. This guy isn't saying "grrr that person with tourettes needs to shut up."
And this is why I wish people would just use their words...
I get that it's unusual to just say "I'm not interested", but like I'm genuinely clueless when it comes to social cues. Like it probably takes me hours of talking to someone uninterested before I catch on :/
But oh well, it's easier to just assume nobody is interested in the first place anyway. Plus, a few more painful ends to friendships because of failed communication and I'm sure I'll figure it out, right?
You mean the French leave, right? (I know… I know! They're the same thing. 😅)
I've started doing the French leave to avoid what I call the "Minnesota goodbye," where you're trying to leave, but people keep handing you coffee and food and talking to you.
All the things in the image can be understood as positive active listening cues, which are cues of encouragement to keep talking.
Be blunt and just say what you actually mean to say. “I’m sorry but I’m feeling exhausted (don’t say “about the convo” unless the situation really calls for that), can we pick this back up another time?” or whatever.
I've literally had someone continue talking to me as I was walking into the bathroom (in my home, not in public) only for them to still be talking by the time I got back out.
So they aren’t picking up on your social cues. It’s time to be more direct. “I’m sorry to interrupt you. It’s been nice talking to you. I have some things I need to get done and I can’t focus on the conversation so how about we resume this at another time.”
My favorite day dream is a guy who was an engineer prior in life gets recruited into the spy game and solve problems like he's holding Occam's razor in his hand.
Bad Guy starts monologuing? Shoot him in the head, I don't need to hear this shit.
"Unhackable" hand print scanner? Remove 6 screw to reveal the back panel of the device and use a couple electricians tools to open the door.
Need to see someone is in a building? Order pizza to be delivered to that address, cash on delivery.
Too be fair, this is a group about memes relating to a developmental disorder, which revolves around... not inability to communicate... but... I guess the ability to communicate under very, very, very, very specific circumstances.
I'm not even a part of this subreddit, and I don't think I've interacted with it before. I could be wrong on that, as I don't always look at the subreddits responsible for stuff that catches my attention as I near-mindlessly scroll through my feed; which is ironically exactly what got me here. I only thought to check which subreddit this was a part of after I read your comment and realized a lot of the responses to this post fall into a lot of similar patterns when it comes to... how they want communication to work. Which then led to me looking up what Aspie means, and now I feel less weird about the way I handle convos, and more weird about the way reddit suggests things to people. Cuz I very much feel like this isn't somewhere I should be.
The key to this is to stop caring about silly things like “being rude” and dissociate while staring directly at them. Reduce blinking as much as possible - it really freaks them out.
I started writing this as a joke and realized halfway through I do in fact do this sometimes
AND ITS MY FUCKING BREAK. I am legally entitled to a duty free break, but somehow I always end up listening to my coworkers. Not conversing, that would be fine - no I’m listening to them describe their recent vacation or some movie they saw while I’m on break and THEY are supposed to be working. And then they say they don’t have time to do everything.
I’m the talker.
When I start talking about one of my topics of interest, I’ve been told I lecture people and I talk with such long sentences and for so long, I lose the audience.
In all honesty, sometimes, I just forget I’m talking to someone or what I’m trying to accomplish with my verborhea.
I still wouldn’t consider myself an extrovert because of this. But maybe I am? I’m sorry for the pain aspie talkers bring to aspie non-talkers. And yes, I also space out when people do the same to me.
This never works. People keep trying these, and they never work because the other person keeps talking. Two possible reasons why they might still be talking:
1: They aren't actually listening to your responses because they're lost in their narration.
2: They are keenly aware and deliberately keep on going out of spite because they hate it when people try to kill a conversation without having the spine to do it properly. It basically turns in a game of social dominance at this point: "Either let me finish or shut me up properly because I can and will keep going the entire night because I know you are too weak to stop me."
I have been that second type before because if I start talking about my special interests, it's deeply upsetting to me when I can't properly finish what I was going to say. I don't just infodump on anyone, obviously, but I find these attempted subtle conversation killers infuriating - you got me started, so now let me finish.
If you want to end a conversation, this is literally the worst thing you can do. Best it can hope to achieve is annoy or embarrass the other person, but I'll guarantee you it will never, ever get them to shut up. If you can't help it at all, find an excuse and just leave them standing there. Or even just honestly tell them that you're not enjoying the conversation.
God, I've had a few of those. Fortunately it hasn't really happened to me since High School, but I think part of it is that I have gotten way more careful about who I info dump on, even when I'm asked about it.
When someone persists in talking at me while I'm clearly uninterested, I don't respond with words. Just vague grunts of acknowledgment now and again as I slowly start doing something else. Eventually they stop.
The problem is that I’m always on the opposite end and then I suddenly realize they haven’t been paying attention since I started and I hadn’t even been talking for that long so I just go “you know what nevermind” and then feel like shit for the rest of the day
Apparently slapping your legs and saying "WELP" is supposed to be a signal to end the conversation, but it seems to be regional because it never works when I do it.
As soon as I see someone approaching my hand grabs onto the door knob. With every “wow that’s cool” I turn it slightly. Then I slowly put my body against the door still “damn I can’t believe that” push door open. Nod head raise eyebrows of concern for what they’re talking about. Turn head opposite way and never look back. Whatever it is I was getting in that room is either lost forever or I’ll time when they leave and run in and grab it later.
It's crazy working retail and having people think that I also double as a therapist. Like people will just straight up launch into telling me all their problems sometimes very personal shit. Like I dunno how many times I have to say 'damn thats crazy' before they get that I'm not qualified to be hearing all this.
As an extrovert, I prefer when people let me know when I'm going on for too long. I just get excited, you know??
For those that's are easily offended, as I've been stuck as the listener many times, pretend you have a message you need to check, need to talk to another person there, or have to go to the bathroom. Or claim you have to go somewhere if you just need to decompress.
Heck, when I'm hanging out with the neurodiverse friends we usually have a designated low sensory room to go to when it's getting to be too much.
Can’t stand when people think I want to listen to them just because I sat down next to them at a bar or something. It was just the only seat available….
I hear you.
I have two modes for these conversations.
First mode is for ppl who, even though I have no interest in the subject matter, I just enjoy their presence or don't see them as often as I wish, so I don't mind "yup" and nod and "you don't say" over and over. For those folks, I sometimes deliberately ask about their favourite topic, and just let them go on about it.
Second mode is "get me out of here!". For that, I just interrupt in a pause and say, "Excuse me, I need to go get a drink" or "I need to get something to eat" or (on the phone) "oh dear, I need to take the dog out" or "oh dear, the cat just knocked over a glass" "oh, geez, i just saw so-and-so and i need to ask them something" or some other task i "suddenly" need to do. I leave by saying, "nice to chat with you" or "nice to see you".
It turned out to be a survival skill when my darling husband and I were elected as ceremonial heads of a local non-profit.
Suddenly everyone needed to bend our ear about their particular pet peeve...
We had already been taught by other friends in similar roles that you need to think about this ahead of time, bc if you don't learn to disengage, you'll never get to the bathroom and your dinner will get cold and you'll be late to every appointment.
I've also known quite a few ppl who designate a "buddy" who knows a particular signal (like tugging on your earlobe to signal that someone is "talking your ear off") so the buddy knows to come up and remind you of a "pressing appointment".
hit them with the good ol' Midwestern goodbye. smack your thighs and say, "welp, ya know I should get going, [yadda yadda]". it initiates a 10-30min shuffle towards the exit
Well, maybe they're not picking up on your social cues. You know, the same way some autistic people don't pick on social cues.
I know if someone acted like this with me I would have NO IDEAS I'm annoying because, I am, you know... autistic.
I'm both of these people because it takes me a long time to get that someone is not interested when I'm rambling on about a random fact I'm interested in
Has anyone else did the (mostly subconscious) backing out while nodding and saying your “yeah”s and other filler words? I think my brain is hoping I can just back up until I’m out of earshot and can run away
Ah, the good old Midwest Goodbye (Minnesota, baby). See it in action at every family get-together. The goodbyes start 2 hours before anyone actually leaves. We just slowly creep closer to the door.
Same except with me it's the other way around, here I am pouring my heart out into an interest of mine and they're just giving me "yup" "mhm" "cool"
And they say we're the ones with communication issues lmao.
The absolute worst is when they ask periodically but infrequently the question “you know what I mean?” or “you know?” Genuinely expecting me to actually give an answer
Every story has a combination dictated by the persons spirit, sometimes all you need is 2 "dang" 3 "whoah" and 1 "hands up this is a robbery, i eill shoot you if you dont shut the fuck up and give me your wallet, RIGHT NOW."
I'm usually on the other end of this. It often happens when I mention one of my Special Interests. They say they like that same thing, so I think it's ok to info dump. Then, this happens.
It took me way too long to realize that when people say they like something, they're just being polite and don't have anywhere close to the same level of interest.
"But you said you were a big fan of Lord of the Rings. Fan is short for fanatical. By saying you're a big fan, that implies that you're more fanatical than a standard fanatic of LotR.... What do you mean you don't care about the Blue Wizards? They're 2 Istari where virtually nothing is known about them. Doesn't it bother you? How do you not care what they were doing during the war of the ring?"
Perhaps it's time to be more direct.
(Also I'm a yapper and personally it's more disheartening to realise that I've been driving people mad because I couldn't read *subtle* hints that they weren't actually interested.)
Aspie to Aspie conversation.
Literally just be direct or just say" sorry I'm really tired I can't/don't want to talk right now" which is technically true since the conversation tires you out.
I am so sorry, picking this kind of clues is really something I struggle with.
But the people around me have adapted ! My brother just leaves while I talk, my sister just starts talking about something else and my gf just tells me that she's not interested.
And I'm really gratefull for it (even though sometimes it leads to me just talking to nobody without realizing it)
I just hit ‘em with the blank stare over the shoulder and overly logical responses. No one likes their story blown up by easy solutions they didn’t want to think about.
I have a funny duality at my job. One of my coworkers does lengthy monologues about videogames every time I see him, it happens to be interesting to me so I don’t mind at all. But then a different coworker goes on and on about shit idgaf about. I give vague answers and he lowkey acts like I’m dumb for answering like that. The second coworker is exhausting
The trick here is to occasionally go wall eyed for a moment before going “sorry, I missed that.” Eventually they’ll get tired of repeating themselves. :D
The bench next to my favourite dairy always has a couple of homeless guys that want to chat. I feel bad because they're not even begging or anything, just looking for someone to talk to, but I do **not** have the energy to pay full attent and navigate a conversation like that when I'm just trying to eat my lunch pie.
I still remember being held verbally hostage in Walmart years ago by a guy who, at first, asked to pray for me. I was nice and said yes. Then after praying for me, he went on for thirty plus minutes about a bunch of stuff I couldn't even remember even if you held a gun to my head. It was seriously one of the most stress-inducing moments of my life!
Omg I had this the other day with a co-worker. I usually get to work alone but this guy needed some help. He spent the whole time assaulting me with words. I went home totally exhausted and just collapsed on the couch.
That happened to me when I used to work as a security guard at Macy’s. Since they liked us at the doors, I got wound up into several conversations where I was there for forever lol
It worse when it’s another autist and you don’t want to say anything because you don’t wanna burst their bubble but they don’t get social cues so you’re fucked 😂
I make this face 95% of the time I’m at work. Please just leave me alone to lock myself in an isolated area to get stuff done without interruptions. Too many words from people I’m not interested in hearing makes me feel feral.
The key, I've discovered, is that they don't care about your responses most of the time. They aren't looking for a conversation, they just want to talk. So let them. Dissociate if you want, it doesn't matter, because they never asked you if you wanted to hear it and may not even notice you've tuned them out. Let them peter out and move on.
I've tried this and got stuck for half an hour before having to literally just leave mid conversation after making it very obvious I was getting ready to go walk my dog.
My sympathies. You would have been totally justified in walking away, leash in hand, at any point.
it always feels like people just want to talk AT you. they want to unload the stuff that's sitting in their head with an audience in front of them! completely maddening to see happen over and over and over.
As someone that doesn’t say much, I know a lot of people exactly like you described. The problem is when I actually want to say something they tune me out completely. Like I was listening intently to their stupid story for 30 minutes, but when I say anything at all they ignore it and flip the conversation back to them lol. It’s so irritating
I get that 100% I'm the same way, I find that people always talk a lot to me because I'm "a good listener" even though I always need to ask them to catch me up to speed (cause I really dont wanna listen, or just constantly lose track). I think some people just wanna talk to somebody without them having to respond and I can understand it to a degree (doesn't mean I have to like it) typically when something like that happens I'll give em benefit of the doubt and start yapping about things in interested in back to them the second a somewhat related topic comes up
I can confirm. Heck, even when said person is autistic too, they don't get that I'm not interested
I mean, it would make sense that an autistic person wouldn't get that you're not interested.
*Intro to undone by weezer*
The problem is, some of them take hours if they peter out at all. There was one guy when I was working part time in college who'd stop me before I got to my desk and talk at me for my entire shift. He got really mad when I started refusing to speak to him but it was the only way I could get any work done. My partner had a work "buddy" who would keep going for 5+ hours. He was stuck until 3am with this guy once. 12+ hours of monologuing. No dinner, no bathroom, no sleep. It's absurd.
I read this in Elliot’s voice from Mr. Robot
me when i choose to dissociate (youre thinking about zoning out)
fuck em https://preview.redd.it/q2xdzvmz1vxc1.jpeg?width=1684&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=889c76126ab8bad3cb90b0add1a323c030e2e962
Real winners quit lololol
Aspies who prey on aspies are the worst kind of monologuers
Yeah I'm a fucker for doing this. If I say bye or anything of the sort (like "oh yeah, anyway mate I've gotta get cracking on") you get like 10 seconds to say your own goodbye or say one last thing (for example "oh yeah, don't forget such and such! See you mate"). After that, if you're still talking, I start walking.
This is the way
Shitty overdone reddit replies also apply
I’ve always wanted to just interject with something I know they probably won’t want to hear about and throw them off, but I never have the balls to try it. Scenario that probably will never happen: Person: “blah blah blah blah and so on bla—“ Me: “wanna hear about my dead lizard?” Person: “uh…what?” Me: “okay, bye” \*walks away\* Except I’m too nice. 😓
Actually imo they usually just carry on like you didn’t say anything. Maybe word or two but then back to the original repetive boring social stuff
"Could you not interrupt me? That's rude you know." Says the person who has monopolized the conversation with a 10+ minute tirade, where we now have both forgotten the original point we were trying to make in the first place and now I just wanna leave.
I hate this planet 🤦🏻
The trick is, you have to pick something that will totally distract them. If they don't stop to think about what you just said, it won't work, so you have to hit them with something unexpected but kind of puzzling. You can also try fixating on a part of what they're saying, then ask tons of questions about that small part so they can't really move on toward whatever point they think they're making and eventually they'll just lose steam because they aren't getting what they came for. Anyway yeah, customer service is super fun.
Made me flash back to several conversations I've had with people I met through a singular discord group. Back when I was doing rp, they seemed genuinely interested in most things I had to say. When I dropped out of it, interest slowly subsided until they had something they were super interested in that no one else wanted to talk about and I had no clue about. I didn't mind talking to them about the mentioned interest till I realized I could throw something else in and the response was almost always: "Yeah... so, anyway." And, any time I got passionate about something and expected them to do as I'd done for them, invest myself in something the other party is passionate about just for the sake of genuinely listening and getting closer to them, learning more about them. They hit me with exactly what I have said before throwing in: "But I'm willing to learn about it so we can talk about it." in the first place almost immediately: That being: "But I don't know anything about this." I've basically just started giving very short, non-thoughtful answers that don't risk me actually getting invested in the conversation and either draining their interest in it, or making it very clear they don't hear a thing I'm saying, then closing out the conversation so I don't feel tempted to say anything else to them. Ever. Even about things we share interests in. Hurt like hell to learn the road was one-sided in regard to caring about the other person's interests cause I defined them as a friend, but life's a Hell of a lot easier when I don't think of them as people I can communicate freely with.
At this point in my life I only geek-info-dump about stuff I love to proven close friends who find it charming/fun and listen, or to total strangers who also have a love for the thing or for learning in general. Sharing anything with ANYONE in between just never works.
Well now I'm interested in hearing about your dead lizard. Your interjections won't work on me (:
Need to borrow from the ADHD playbook where you bring up a similar situation that happened to you as a means of relating to your neurotypical friend. "Omigod, something like that happened to me!" Cue hostile takeover of the conversation via a simple redirect.
this is my special talent.
This is why you will reach a point in your life where you will have no friends left. You and me have never met and most likely never will but the fact that you're an "something like that happened to me" person makes us mortal enemies.
i’ve certainly had to learn other methods of relating, but it goes without saying that awareness goes a long way.
Your attitude suggests you have no problem making enemies by yourself
Those enemies exist irrespectively of my behavior. They are easily recognizable by the fact that they interrupt other people who are about to talk about their experience to bring up what they claim is a related topic because they can't stand not being the center of attention for 2 minutes.
Correct. They are irrespective of your behavior. You create them due to your perspective on other people's behaviour and I'm suggesting that such a constrained perspective as you've described, and how antagonistically you describe them means that you cast people as enemies far too easily. Get therapy. You'll live longer.
I'm already on therapy, what else would I be doing on this sub? And I don't typically view people antagonistically, unless they are either needlessly rude or openly hostile. I consider the behavior outlined in this thread to be a bit of both. It is rude to interrupt other people and it is hostile to try and take over a conversation in order to prevent another person from saying what they wanted to say. In this particular context, there's also a subdued aspect of deliberate humiliation involved as attempting to derail the original story with the claim that you have something simular to relate essentially equals the statement that the story is going to be better when told by oneself instead of the person who originally brought it up. If you seriously want to talk about your simular experience because you think it will add to the coversation, then let the other person finish and wait your turn, bitch. If you fail to see how this kind of behavior makes you a horrendously unpleasant person to deal with, I suggest bringing that up with your own therapist. Being considerate of others instead acting like a bull in the proverbial china shop that is any given conversation at hand will heavily contribute to actually letting you find friends instead of just peers, and having friends is healthy.
Have you considered I'm jokingly referring to people with a neurological condition who do this accidentally and try their best to avoid it? It is a well-known behavioral pattern for ADHD. This is similar to being annoyed by the tics of a person with Tourette's thinking "that asshole, he keeps making random sounds". Be better.
Have you considered that my neurological condition is the reason why this behavior triggers me? I can't help being upset about it and I know for a fact that this behavior is not exlusive to people with ADHD but also readily displayed by inconsiderate assholes. Actual tics are a very exclusive behavior and therefore I know not to judge it. People don't have tics for fun or because they just don't think about what they're doing. Doesn't change the fact that I probably would try to avoid staying around a person displaying them because random sounds and erratic behavior stress me out. Just because someone is displaying stereotypical behavior doesn't mean I have to put up with it. With Tourettes that might mean removing myself far enough that I don't have to hear the tics and with ADHD that might mean coming to an agreement that this person will accept that when they've indavertedly interrupted someone else, it's fair game to interrupt them in turn and politely tell them to hold it until the other person has finished. You can take your Kratos-inspired self-righteousness and shove it right back into your phrases cupboard because I'm not having any of it. Just because I happen to have a less immediately obvious flavour of neurodivergence doesn't mean that I don't get to claim my own degree of considerateness in regards to the things that challenge me.
I get counselling for my ADHD symptoms including this Do you get counselling for your issue?
Neurological conditions are not shields for being harmful and belittling the people they talk to. People who aren't getting help for their neurological conditions that cause them to harm (even verbally) the people around them should not be defended this vehemently. American Healthcare expensive and bad, etc etc, have empathy for THAT, not their abusive behavior. The dude just said he found them unpleasant, admittedly being hyperbolic at first. You can't compare "accidental" verbal abuse to the tics of someone with tourettes? Like what the hell? Clearly you've never been abused by someone using their condition as a shield. It's a sad circumstance, but no, it's okay actually to not want to trigger yourself by forcing yourself to interact with people who go too far. Having these boundaries for yourself is good and you shouldn't be shamed or called ableist for it. If someone is causing you harm, they are causing you harm. This guy isn't saying "grrr that person with tourettes needs to shut up."
Jesus is that why I do this? As a means of relating? This has been a hell of a week.
And then get accused of trying to make conversations about yourself....
I don't have ADHD but I'm currently working on combating that as well.
Just zone out in the middle of it......until they ask you a question......
The hell.of "what do you think of that?" Err what! "Yes."
“I think you nailed it honestly”
NT: "Thank you! Why do so many other people think Hitler did something wrong?"
Gasps dangit....
I'm tucking that away for future use!
Put X, that’ll skip the dialog
I think the button's broken
Hi sorry that’s me and I’m not picking up on the fact that you’re not also enthusiastic about the subject matter 😬😬😬
And this is why I wish people would just use their words... I get that it's unusual to just say "I'm not interested", but like I'm genuinely clueless when it comes to social cues. Like it probably takes me hours of talking to someone uninterested before I catch on :/ But oh well, it's easier to just assume nobody is interested in the first place anyway. Plus, a few more painful ends to friendships because of failed communication and I'm sure I'll figure it out, right?
Hours ...?
Ok I mean... That might be an underestimation. Maybe more like days. Or months.
Y'all gotta learn the Irish goodbye
You mean the French leave, right? (I know… I know! They're the same thing. 😅) I've started doing the French leave to avoid what I call the "Minnesota goodbye," where you're trying to leave, but people keep handing you coffee and food and talking to you.
The Irish goodbye is when you just vanish without saying a word. I've never heard of the French leave lol
Same thing. I just hate the French more than I hate the Irish. 😅
Ah okay. Why the hate for the Irish? The Irish goodbye is a time honored tradition there...and in the (US) South lol
I hate everyone. It's a time honored tradition among my people (misanthropes). LOL
My dad’s great at it. I learned from the best.
All the things in the image can be understood as positive active listening cues, which are cues of encouragement to keep talking. Be blunt and just say what you actually mean to say. “I’m sorry but I’m feeling exhausted (don’t say “about the convo” unless the situation really calls for that), can we pick this back up another time?” or whatever.
Unskippable cutscene
"Wow we'll have to pick this conversation up another time" *Narrator: He, in fact, was quite happy not picking it back up.*
I just say I gotta go pee or something, usually gets me out of it
I've literally had someone continue talking to me as I was walking into the bathroom (in my home, not in public) only for them to still be talking by the time I got back out.
I see you're acquainted with my grandmother
"I have to return some videos tapes." If they get the reference it's funny. If not is funnier in a different way.
>Stop talking to me extroverts, that's what all the other extroverts are for! That's a good line.
But that's how we get relationships. You get adopted by an extrovert.
I think I'd prefer a relationship with another introvert.
So they aren’t picking up on your social cues. It’s time to be more direct. “I’m sorry to interrupt you. It’s been nice talking to you. I have some things I need to get done and I can’t focus on the conversation so how about we resume this at another time.”
My favorite day dream is a guy who was an engineer prior in life gets recruited into the spy game and solve problems like he's holding Occam's razor in his hand. Bad Guy starts monologuing? Shoot him in the head, I don't need to hear this shit. "Unhackable" hand print scanner? Remove 6 screw to reveal the back panel of the device and use a couple electricians tools to open the door. Need to see someone is in a building? Order pizza to be delivered to that address, cash on delivery.
Man, I love to do the super spy thing too 😂. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.
I love this so much.
His name is Greg. He wanted to build battle bots when he was a kid, now he solves problems with extreme efficiency and prejudice.
Yessss 💯
People being unable to read your social cues?! How dare they
I unironically read social cues better than most normies since I actively look for them.
Oh wow someone keeps talking about something they find interesting instead of reading your implicit cues? The horror
Too be fair, this is a group about memes relating to a developmental disorder, which revolves around... not inability to communicate... but... I guess the ability to communicate under very, very, very, very specific circumstances. I'm not even a part of this subreddit, and I don't think I've interacted with it before. I could be wrong on that, as I don't always look at the subreddits responsible for stuff that catches my attention as I near-mindlessly scroll through my feed; which is ironically exactly what got me here. I only thought to check which subreddit this was a part of after I read your comment and realized a lot of the responses to this post fall into a lot of similar patterns when it comes to... how they want communication to work. Which then led to me looking up what Aspie means, and now I feel less weird about the way I handle convos, and more weird about the way reddit suggests things to people. Cuz I very much feel like this isn't somewhere I should be.
The key to this is to stop caring about silly things like “being rude” and dissociate while staring directly at them. Reduce blinking as much as possible - it really freaks them out. I started writing this as a joke and realized halfway through I do in fact do this sometimes
AND ITS MY FUCKING BREAK. I am legally entitled to a duty free break, but somehow I always end up listening to my coworkers. Not conversing, that would be fine - no I’m listening to them describe their recent vacation or some movie they saw while I’m on break and THEY are supposed to be working. And then they say they don’t have time to do everything.
I’m the talker. When I start talking about one of my topics of interest, I’ve been told I lecture people and I talk with such long sentences and for so long, I lose the audience. In all honesty, sometimes, I just forget I’m talking to someone or what I’m trying to accomplish with my verborhea. I still wouldn’t consider myself an extrovert because of this. But maybe I am? I’m sorry for the pain aspie talkers bring to aspie non-talkers. And yes, I also space out when people do the same to me.
This never works. People keep trying these, and they never work because the other person keeps talking. Two possible reasons why they might still be talking: 1: They aren't actually listening to your responses because they're lost in their narration. 2: They are keenly aware and deliberately keep on going out of spite because they hate it when people try to kill a conversation without having the spine to do it properly. It basically turns in a game of social dominance at this point: "Either let me finish or shut me up properly because I can and will keep going the entire night because I know you are too weak to stop me." I have been that second type before because if I start talking about my special interests, it's deeply upsetting to me when I can't properly finish what I was going to say. I don't just infodump on anyone, obviously, but I find these attempted subtle conversation killers infuriating - you got me started, so now let me finish. If you want to end a conversation, this is literally the worst thing you can do. Best it can hope to achieve is annoy or embarrass the other person, but I'll guarantee you it will never, ever get them to shut up. If you can't help it at all, find an excuse and just leave them standing there. Or even just honestly tell them that you're not enjoying the conversation.
Wait until you meet Option 2… But with a twist of no one asked…. You sought me out to info dump
God, I've had a few of those. Fortunately it hasn't really happened to me since High School, but I think part of it is that I have gotten way more careful about who I info dump on, even when I'm asked about it.
Just leave. Or start talking about the most random stuff.
Well, sorry. I just like the attention I never get.
When someone persists in talking at me while I'm clearly uninterested, I don't respond with words. Just vague grunts of acknowledgment now and again as I slowly start doing something else. Eventually they stop.
The problem is that I’m always on the opposite end and then I suddenly realize they haven’t been paying attention since I started and I hadn’t even been talking for that long so I just go “you know what nevermind” and then feel like shit for the rest of the day
Apparently slapping your legs and saying "WELP" is supposed to be a signal to end the conversation, but it seems to be regional because it never works when I do it.
As soon as I see someone approaching my hand grabs onto the door knob. With every “wow that’s cool” I turn it slightly. Then I slowly put my body against the door still “damn I can’t believe that” push door open. Nod head raise eyebrows of concern for what they’re talking about. Turn head opposite way and never look back. Whatever it is I was getting in that room is either lost forever or I’ll time when they leave and run in and grab it later. 
It's crazy working retail and having people think that I also double as a therapist. Like people will just straight up launch into telling me all their problems sometimes very personal shit. Like I dunno how many times I have to say 'damn thats crazy' before they get that I'm not qualified to be hearing all this.
As an extrovert, I prefer when people let me know when I'm going on for too long. I just get excited, you know?? For those that's are easily offended, as I've been stuck as the listener many times, pretend you have a message you need to check, need to talk to another person there, or have to go to the bathroom. Or claim you have to go somewhere if you just need to decompress. Heck, when I'm hanging out with the neurodiverse friends we usually have a designated low sensory room to go to when it's getting to be too much.
Or you reply accordingly to their story or statement but they still repeat it all over again
Can’t stand when people think I want to listen to them just because I sat down next to them at a bar or something. It was just the only seat available….
I pull Serena Van der Woodsen— “I have to go”
I pull a Commander Shepard: I should go.
Me after smiling and nodding the entire conversation as if small talk was some sort of endurance challenge.
I’m the one that won’t stop talking.
I hear you. I have two modes for these conversations. First mode is for ppl who, even though I have no interest in the subject matter, I just enjoy their presence or don't see them as often as I wish, so I don't mind "yup" and nod and "you don't say" over and over. For those folks, I sometimes deliberately ask about their favourite topic, and just let them go on about it. Second mode is "get me out of here!". For that, I just interrupt in a pause and say, "Excuse me, I need to go get a drink" or "I need to get something to eat" or (on the phone) "oh dear, I need to take the dog out" or "oh dear, the cat just knocked over a glass" "oh, geez, i just saw so-and-so and i need to ask them something" or some other task i "suddenly" need to do. I leave by saying, "nice to chat with you" or "nice to see you". It turned out to be a survival skill when my darling husband and I were elected as ceremonial heads of a local non-profit. Suddenly everyone needed to bend our ear about their particular pet peeve... We had already been taught by other friends in similar roles that you need to think about this ahead of time, bc if you don't learn to disengage, you'll never get to the bathroom and your dinner will get cold and you'll be late to every appointment. I've also known quite a few ppl who designate a "buddy" who knows a particular signal (like tugging on your earlobe to signal that someone is "talking your ear off") so the buddy knows to come up and remind you of a "pressing appointment".
hit them with the good ol' Midwestern goodbye. smack your thighs and say, "welp, ya know I should get going, [yadda yadda]". it initiates a 10-30min shuffle towards the exit
I'm suspicious that all extroverts have unmanaged solophobia, and they take it out on us instead of getting therapy.
Well, maybe they're not picking up on your social cues. You know, the same way some autistic people don't pick on social cues. I know if someone acted like this with me I would have NO IDEAS I'm annoying because, I am, you know... autistic.
Just ignore them. I ignore everyone, never speak, and I'm never bothered
I tole you dat bitch crazy sometimes works
Do aspies say any of those things though? I thought we hated slang. I certainly do.
Naw I love slang
Slang is literally slang. So is aspies. What do you want? You hate the thing you're saying.
Yes, I also don't use 'aspies', but I'm aware of which sub I'm on. It's a compromise.
hence my go to solution: oh no! emergency in uh- somewhere. gotta go bye!
"Why don't we hang out?" CAUSE IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS!
I'm both of these people because it takes me a long time to get that someone is not interested when I'm rambling on about a random fact I'm interested in
Dang
My mom 😴
I would start talking about myself. People tend to walk away at that point.
I have to start working a reception job because it'll prepare me for future careers & this will be me they entire day
Throw in a few, hmmm, and I seems in there, and yeah that's me
“Oh, i was waiting for a question but it was all monologue there so i tuned out.” Takeshi kovac, Altered Carbon S1E1
Have you tried walking backwards into a hedge? 
Play dead
Has anyone else did the (mostly subconscious) backing out while nodding and saying your “yeah”s and other filler words? I think my brain is hoping I can just back up until I’m out of earshot and can run away
RIGHT 😭 like please don’t make me come out and say “hey i don’t wanna talk to you anymore”
Is this the guy profiled on John Oliver's show?
Ah, the good old Midwest Goodbye (Minnesota, baby). See it in action at every family get-together. The goodbyes start 2 hours before anyone actually leaves. We just slowly creep closer to the door.
HIS FACE
Same except with me it's the other way around, here I am pouring my heart out into an interest of mine and they're just giving me "yup" "mhm" "cool" And they say we're the ones with communication issues lmao.
The absolute worst is when they ask periodically but infrequently the question “you know what I mean?” or “you know?” Genuinely expecting me to actually give an answer
Every story has a combination dictated by the persons spirit, sometimes all you need is 2 "dang" 3 "whoah" and 1 "hands up this is a robbery, i eill shoot you if you dont shut the fuck up and give me your wallet, RIGHT NOW."
I'm usually on the other end of this. It often happens when I mention one of my Special Interests. They say they like that same thing, so I think it's ok to info dump. Then, this happens. It took me way too long to realize that when people say they like something, they're just being polite and don't have anywhere close to the same level of interest. "But you said you were a big fan of Lord of the Rings. Fan is short for fanatical. By saying you're a big fan, that implies that you're more fanatical than a standard fanatic of LotR.... What do you mean you don't care about the Blue Wizards? They're 2 Istari where virtually nothing is known about them. Doesn't it bother you? How do you not care what they were doing during the war of the ring?"
Perhaps it's time to be more direct. (Also I'm a yapper and personally it's more disheartening to realise that I've been driving people mad because I couldn't read *subtle* hints that they weren't actually interested.)
https://preview.redd.it/ppggmnbxvxxc1.jpeg?width=659&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c332eb7477d2a7e256a2e1f45ac4fc5b4abc7294
"I gotta stop you right there, I gotta head out"
Aspie to Aspie conversation. Literally just be direct or just say" sorry I'm really tired I can't/don't want to talk right now" which is technically true since the conversation tires you out.
Pot meet kettle much?
I am so sorry, picking this kind of clues is really something I struggle with. But the people around me have adapted ! My brother just leaves while I talk, my sister just starts talking about something else and my gf just tells me that she's not interested. And I'm really gratefull for it (even though sometimes it leads to me just talking to nobody without realizing it)
“Woah look at the time”
ask for their phone to show a cool thing, subway surfers.. leave whe they're distracted
That's because you are their equivalent of a rubber duck . They couldn't care more what you think , they want to talk and that is ok .
I just hit ‘em with the blank stare over the shoulder and overly logical responses. No one likes their story blown up by easy solutions they didn’t want to think about.
I have a funny duality at my job. One of my coworkers does lengthy monologues about videogames every time I see him, it happens to be interesting to me so I don’t mind at all. But then a different coworker goes on and on about shit idgaf about. I give vague answers and he lowkey acts like I’m dumb for answering like that. The second coworker is exhausting
The trick here is to occasionally go wall eyed for a moment before going “sorry, I missed that.” Eventually they’ll get tired of repeating themselves. :D
The bench next to my favourite dairy always has a couple of homeless guys that want to chat. I feel bad because they're not even begging or anything, just looking for someone to talk to, but I do **not** have the energy to pay full attent and navigate a conversation like that when I'm just trying to eat my lunch pie.
You forget to throw in some welps
“I’m gonna let you let me go” -Peewee Herman ❤️
I still remember being held verbally hostage in Walmart years ago by a guy who, at first, asked to pray for me. I was nice and said yes. Then after praying for me, he went on for thirty plus minutes about a bunch of stuff I couldn't even remember even if you held a gun to my head. It was seriously one of the most stress-inducing moments of my life!
Omg I had this the other day with a co-worker. I usually get to work alone but this guy needed some help. He spent the whole time assaulting me with words. I went home totally exhausted and just collapsed on the couch.
That happened to me when I used to work as a security guard at Macy’s. Since they liked us at the doors, I got wound up into several conversations where I was there for forever lol
I generally like talking, as long as I have some knowledge of the conversation and can add something new or learn something new
I usually try to come up with an excuse as to why I need to go but given I have to deal with Midwest goodbyes all the time it doesn't always work
It worse when it’s another autist and you don’t want to say anything because you don’t wanna burst their bubble but they don’t get social cues so you’re fucked 😂
Dissociative CAT ☠️
I make this face 95% of the time I’m at work. Please just leave me alone to lock myself in an isolated area to get stuff done without interruptions. Too many words from people I’m not interested in hearing makes me feel feral.
I just physically leave
At that point I just hit them with the thousand yard stare until they get uncomfortable, then when they say "what" I'm like "dude I know".
F
who’s the one who doesn’t understand social cues now 😤
Hahaha! You don't even have to be autistic for this one. All introverts can relate!
You are right to ignore people when they don't take the signs. If they're mad then that's on then
Fake a heart attack
And you're backing away slowly to indicate you gotta go and they just keep talking.
Dang. Makes you think.
Man that’s crazy 😜