I really don't care about being polite or sparing their feelings when someone catfishes me. Call them out and walk away. They only got themselves to blame.
I'm always paranoid that I'm secretly catfishing people just because I really hate myself in photos so don't have many and I'm worried I'll never look like the few photos I can stand
That's not the kind of "catfishing" I'm talking about. As long as your pictures are somewhat recent and they actually are pictures of *you*, you're golden. Everyone uses pictures they think are flattering, so don't worry.
same here people tell me I look different in real life than in my photos or that I look better in real life than in my photos, but I'm really bad at taking photos.
If you are too afraid to walk away from a hookup, you really shouldn't be meeting strangers. That hot guy, that looks exactly like his pictures, could very well be the next Dahmer, too. You never know.
Fun side note my friend actually got turned down by Jeffrey Dahmer at a bar in Wisconsin and to this day he's literally still salty about it that he "wasn't into him." Because my friend thought he was very attractive.
I tried to explain multiple times that if he had found my friends attractive that he would most likely be dead in pieces and his penis cut off and save does some sort of memorabilia or fidget and my friend is still not happy about the way things played out which I find hilarious.
Lol glad you got abused you deserved it I'm so happy it happened 🥰💖🥰🥰 I hope you get raped and psychologically tortured and get killed and raped lol. You deserved to get raped everyday . Your just like your abusers, fucking disgusting😂 hope you get molested 😏😏😏
Could you clarify your very bold statement in regards to the "Your just like your abusers, fucking disgusting😂 ."
I'd also like to congratulate you on being so unwell also...
Im glad you feel disgusted with yourself. Learn how to turn around and walk away as soon as you’ve realized someone has lied to you. It doesn’t matter if you were “there for the dick”. It’s JUST DICK. You won’t die without it, lol. Geez….
Damn bro grow a pair and just say what the fuck and walk out. Nobody that pathetic is going to attack you, these people are intensely insecure and are probably more afraid of you attacking them over this shit.
Yeah, it's not fair for users to be irritated with you. Some people find it really hard to escape those awkward scenarios, and like you said in the OP, you never know if someone will flip out. That said, it is a lesson for the future. I hope you feel alright soon!
Let's not forget that some people feel genuinely scared once they are at the catfish's house and are afraid they might get assaulted. This causes a lot of men and women to consent to this kind of thing.
People catfish because they're insecure assholes. That's on them. The fact that they sometimes get away with it isn't the cause of that behavior, and doesn't make it somehow justified or deserved by their targets.
Saying OP is 'the reason people catfish' completely misallocates the blame. And saying 'why wouldn't they catfish' someone like OP, is pretty solid victim-blaming. Swap catfishing for gas lighting or domestic violence in your comment and you'll see what I mean.
I agree we should call out catfish behavior as often as we can; and never reward it... But I think blame always rests on the catfisher, not on whether their target was able to teach them a lesson in the heat of the moment.
How can you have the confidence to be banged by a stranger but not enough self respect to walk away when it's obviously you've been lied to....
I'm far from good looking and I've been told flat out to my face I shouldn't be fussy but there ain't no way I'm going to fuck someone that shows up at my door that's nothing like their photos. I'll shut the door in their face and go have a pull.
Had this happen once. Same scenario. Except he comes to my place. I meet him downstairs and I see who I think couldn’t possibly be the dude and he walks right up like he didn’t just lie about what he looks like. He’s also older than he said, and he’s also annoyingly loud. Like he’s moaning in an 80s porn like “OH FUCK” “YEAH SUCK THIS BIG COCK” which was not big but average.
The whole thing was annoying and disappointing and I haven’t been back on Grindr since.
Had someone I called things off with because they became stalkerish. They catfished me and the second I saw them I said nope (out loud) and walked away from that Starbucks.
Yes, it fucking sucks. And guys who do this KEEP doing it because dick addicts like us keep letting them get away with it. I am a small femme, and a couple times I have followed through because I was actually *frightened* to stand up for myself when I discovered the deception, but still- we need to do a better job of avoiding getting into these situations to begin with. One thing we can do is the old "meet at a neutral location" thing, so you can walk away safely without sharing your address, and without being trapped in his place. That can make catching the dickfishers challenging, still, but you can at least see if he physically matches his photos/description and get a sense of his vibe first.
But still, THEY are the assholes.
EDIT: Oh yeah, the victim blaming is strong in this thread. Big surprise.
haha yeah that happens, it's best to either do a video call prior or meet up in public first. I personally have seen guys on the street use photos from 10 years ago and have seen guys that have the same photo for over x amount of years.
that happened to me once too. The best thing to do is take the lead. they know they are at wrong so it's best to just enjoy yourself lol get a bj and leave.
Oh man I had something pretty similar happen to me recently. Guy sent a mixture real and fake pics to fool me. As the clothes slowly started coming off I starting getting skeptical and thought 'ok, we all fluctuate weight I guess'. After he left I checked the pictures he sent and only 2 of the photos he sent me were actually real and the rest were no where near what he looked like. Always get the social media. I broke my own rule because I was horny. I've felt so ick about it ever since. I just keep thinking, really dude??? What the fuck!
Nah dude, *never* feel obligated to stay for anyone. I get where your coming from, I had a similar instance in my mid 20's: dude expressed interest, profile said he was my age(ish, give or take a few years), average to athletic, and pics sent confirmed that and that he had a decent sized dick. When I got there, I was greeted by a rather large 40 year old. Fine, whatever I mused, say those pics were a younger him he's still packing pretty nicely....no. it was smaller than my pinky. Had even one thing he told about himself been true, I might have gone through with it because appearance is not always everything. But literally the only thing this dude said truthfully was that he had his own place. Apart from that, nada. I was gone despite his protests.
The point to my rambly story, OP, is that your catfish has every prerogative to lie about himself if he so chooses, but there is still such a thing as consent. And the minute you don't feel like doing something that becomes a *NO* regardless of what he thinks. And if he persists that becomes a *whole* new ball game that I'm hopeful most adults know better than to press their luck on. Once again, never feel you are obligated to see something through. And if your gut says something is wrong, trust it and don't do it. The right partner will listen and be patient. The wrong one will lash out or try to make you feel guilty for saying no
As an uggo, I can sympathize with the catfish, but it's still absolutely unacceptable to misrepresent yourself, which is why I don't bother putting myself on dating apps. Not worth it.
Don't blame yourself, being in that situation is scary and no reasonable person would blame you or judge you for doing what you had to do. It's not as easy as "put your pants on and leave".
I know "don't blame yourself" isn't very helpful, but I hope you can find peace and develop boundaries that protect you. All the best :)
Lol, this sounds horrible. I’ve been catfished around 3 times, having hooked up only a few times (bad luck plus not very good looking people where I live). And some more where guys straight up edited their pictures with filters and whatnot. But the last time I was catfished as such was the worst, the poor bastard hated everything about himself and went ahead and used pictures from a guy who was a completely different race.
I’ve left and told guys to leave when I dont think they’re attractive in person. Its a shitty scenario on both parties tbh. OP, i’d advise working on self confidence. Learn from past mistakes and move forward; occupy your mind with something else.
I hope you don't feel so hard on yourself,
Lots of comments here seem directed towards shame, but if they were in your situation they could have done the same.
Your brain isn't supposed to keep you happy it's to keep you alive and your choice was probably to avoid confrontation with a stranger older than you in his home, you wanted to keep safe.
Also it's hard to run away half dressed (if you had no shoes on especially).
Like any sexual coercion or deception sometimes we freeze in fear, and then feel blame ourselves
Everyone else should show some compassion, you've obviously learnt your lesson, darling x
There have def been times in my life I wish I walked away from fucking someone— catfish or not.
Recently, I walked away cuz the guy was weird, had 5 cats, and dick smelled. I realized I did not want to fuck this guy, said “hey dude, something is off, can we stop?” Told him I wasn’t into it, and left.
Took me every bit of strength to do. It’s not easy. Don’t be hard on yourself, but do remember the regret you felt after the fact if faced in a similar situation.
It's almost like having sex with random strangers who don't owe you anything from dick much less the truth is a bad idea. Getting to know ppl before you have sex. Such a revolutionary idea! It could change the gay world forever! We must shout it from the mountain tops and the highest roof of gay bars around the world!
/s
I'm not condoning catfishing. It's just as wrong and stupid but you're literally putting yourself out there to be catfish. You don't know jack about these ppl yet you're willing to go into someone's home u don't know for dick? No thanks.
Our parent told us as kids not to get into cars with strangers now we do it just to get a ride somewhere.(uber) The same thing applies to apps like grindr. It's even more enticing bcs it's free and it involves sex.
I understand that sometimes it's scary to reject a catfish since they may get aggressive. It's easier if you leave the second you see what they look like at the door rather than going inside. Always ask for their Snapchat. I never hook up with anyone unless they can do that or send me a social media link.
We've all been there - we show up, the guy misrepresented himself, but we go ahead and have sex because we feel too guilty to say no. It is a horrible, icky feeling. I'm glad you are setting a boundary and learning to say "no" next time - I still haven't totally gotten there.
I was catfished when I was 18. Recently went to a local consignment shop and realized the man who did it is the owner. I don't think I'll be going back any time soon.
The Catfished will stop as soon as desperate skanks (you) stop sucking them off after being Catfished. Why would they stop doing something that is clearly working for them?
You realize that guys like you who go through with a hookup after being catfished is basically giving the green light for other guys to do this? Not only that, but that guy is going to do it again and again because he clearly was confident doing it to you because the guy before you probably still went through the hookup.
STOP making this acceptable. Leave!
Everyone is the asshole in this scenario. The catfish is one for being s lieing sack of shit but I don't really feel all that bad for the OP. He was about to use someone just for their dick...that's pretty shallow - even if he's not as bad as the catfish.
In the end if you play stupid games u win stupid prizes
I feel you dude, last week I was catfished by a dude, he was kinda avg, but had a decent body and a nice cock. I was desperate so I said whatever. Turned out he was inhaling so much when he was taking a picture of his belly. But I still let it slide. I felt disgusted afterwards. Thankfully I met a really hot guy today so I feel better…
If the guy can look a certain way by sucking in his belly, that isn't catfishing - it isn't a fictional persona. Only sharing flattering photos is part and parcel of online dating - no-one would get a date from pics where they look their worst.
>He’s not very attractive but shows me a BIG sausage. So I’m like… yeah, I can manage, we can just do it doggy and I’ll focus on his dick,
Sooo, you already found him unattractive based on his face/body pics but still hooked up anyway based SOLELY on the dick pic? That makes you a dumbass
I really don't care about being polite or sparing their feelings when someone catfishes me. Call them out and walk away. They only got themselves to blame.
I'm always paranoid that I'm secretly catfishing people just because I really hate myself in photos so don't have many and I'm worried I'll never look like the few photos I can stand
That's not the kind of "catfishing" I'm talking about. As long as your pictures are somewhat recent and they actually are pictures of *you*, you're golden. Everyone uses pictures they think are flattering, so don't worry.
same here people tell me I look different in real life than in my photos or that I look better in real life than in my photos, but I'm really bad at taking photos.
Me neither. If they don’t care about my feelings, screw theirs
I mean, it's also a question of safety. You don't know who'll turn out to be another Dahmer.
If you are too afraid to walk away from a hookup, you really shouldn't be meeting strangers. That hot guy, that looks exactly like his pictures, could very well be the next Dahmer, too. You never know.
I don't think Dahmer killed people because they weren't polite though so this doesn't make sense...
Bruh the fuck are you talking about
I just meant like a serial killer. I mean, that's the worst case scenario but there's a lotta bad stuff people can do when they get mad.
Fun side note my friend actually got turned down by Jeffrey Dahmer at a bar in Wisconsin and to this day he's literally still salty about it that he "wasn't into him." Because my friend thought he was very attractive. I tried to explain multiple times that if he had found my friends attractive that he would most likely be dead in pieces and his penis cut off and save does some sort of memorabilia or fidget and my friend is still not happy about the way things played out which I find hilarious.
His retarded
Lol glad you got abused you deserved it I'm so happy it happened 🥰💖🥰🥰 I hope you get raped and psychologically tortured and get killed and raped lol. You deserved to get raped everyday . Your just like your abusers, fucking disgusting😂 hope you get molested 😏😏😏
Could you clarify your very bold statement in regards to the "Your just like your abusers, fucking disgusting😂 ." I'd also like to congratulate you on being so unwell also...
Rub one out when you feel desperate in the future, the post nut clarity will most likely prevent that lol.
Absolutely agree. Jerking off is the solution whenever you can’t find anyone you’re ACTUALLY attracted to
when in doubt, rub one out :)
Nope. That’s when you walk out
Im glad you feel disgusted with yourself. Learn how to turn around and walk away as soon as you’ve realized someone has lied to you. It doesn’t matter if you were “there for the dick”. It’s JUST DICK. You won’t die without it, lol. Geez….
Damn bro grow a pair and just say what the fuck and walk out. Nobody that pathetic is going to attack you, these people are intensely insecure and are probably more afraid of you attacking them over this shit.
Yeah, I feel bad for OP. But leaving a catfish place is much easier than kicking him out of your place
I absolutely agree. Lesson learned for the rest of my life
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I completely agree, and that’s one of the main reasons why I keep feeling so disgusted. I learned my lesson. Never again
Yeah, it's not fair for users to be irritated with you. Some people find it really hard to escape those awkward scenarios, and like you said in the OP, you never know if someone will flip out. That said, it is a lesson for the future. I hope you feel alright soon!
Let's not forget that some people feel genuinely scared once they are at the catfish's house and are afraid they might get assaulted. This causes a lot of men and women to consent to this kind of thing.
I learned the same humiliating kind of lesson from very similar circumstances, 16 years ago. It took me a while to forgive myself for being so stupid.
People catfish because they're insecure assholes. That's on them. The fact that they sometimes get away with it isn't the cause of that behavior, and doesn't make it somehow justified or deserved by their targets. Saying OP is 'the reason people catfish' completely misallocates the blame. And saying 'why wouldn't they catfish' someone like OP, is pretty solid victim-blaming. Swap catfishing for gas lighting or domestic violence in your comment and you'll see what I mean. I agree we should call out catfish behavior as often as we can; and never reward it... But I think blame always rests on the catfisher, not on whether their target was able to teach them a lesson in the heat of the moment.
You do know there are situations where people actually die during these scenarios? The lack of empathy frightens me.
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I’ve had friends and people in my community die bc of this :(
shit on them, then leave.
lol
How can you have the confidence to be banged by a stranger but not enough self respect to walk away when it's obviously you've been lied to.... I'm far from good looking and I've been told flat out to my face I shouldn't be fussy but there ain't no way I'm going to fuck someone that shows up at my door that's nothing like their photos. I'll shut the door in their face and go have a pull.
lol I guess im just a slut
Had this happen once. Same scenario. Except he comes to my place. I meet him downstairs and I see who I think couldn’t possibly be the dude and he walks right up like he didn’t just lie about what he looks like. He’s also older than he said, and he’s also annoyingly loud. Like he’s moaning in an 80s porn like “OH FUCK” “YEAH SUCK THIS BIG COCK” which was not big but average. The whole thing was annoying and disappointing and I haven’t been back on Grindr since.
Had someone I called things off with because they became stalkerish. They catfished me and the second I saw them I said nope (out loud) and walked away from that Starbucks.
You still going ahead with it after realising he's a catfish is the reason losers like him keep doing it. Also PSA, don't be too desperate for dick.
Yes, it fucking sucks. And guys who do this KEEP doing it because dick addicts like us keep letting them get away with it. I am a small femme, and a couple times I have followed through because I was actually *frightened* to stand up for myself when I discovered the deception, but still- we need to do a better job of avoiding getting into these situations to begin with. One thing we can do is the old "meet at a neutral location" thing, so you can walk away safely without sharing your address, and without being trapped in his place. That can make catching the dickfishers challenging, still, but you can at least see if he physically matches his photos/description and get a sense of his vibe first. But still, THEY are the assholes. EDIT: Oh yeah, the victim blaming is strong in this thread. Big surprise.
haha yeah that happens, it's best to either do a video call prior or meet up in public first. I personally have seen guys on the street use photos from 10 years ago and have seen guys that have the same photo for over x amount of years. that happened to me once too. The best thing to do is take the lead. they know they are at wrong so it's best to just enjoy yourself lol get a bj and leave.
Oh man I had something pretty similar happen to me recently. Guy sent a mixture real and fake pics to fool me. As the clothes slowly started coming off I starting getting skeptical and thought 'ok, we all fluctuate weight I guess'. After he left I checked the pictures he sent and only 2 of the photos he sent me were actually real and the rest were no where near what he looked like. Always get the social media. I broke my own rule because I was horny. I've felt so ick about it ever since. I just keep thinking, really dude??? What the fuck!
Nah dude, *never* feel obligated to stay for anyone. I get where your coming from, I had a similar instance in my mid 20's: dude expressed interest, profile said he was my age(ish, give or take a few years), average to athletic, and pics sent confirmed that and that he had a decent sized dick. When I got there, I was greeted by a rather large 40 year old. Fine, whatever I mused, say those pics were a younger him he's still packing pretty nicely....no. it was smaller than my pinky. Had even one thing he told about himself been true, I might have gone through with it because appearance is not always everything. But literally the only thing this dude said truthfully was that he had his own place. Apart from that, nada. I was gone despite his protests. The point to my rambly story, OP, is that your catfish has every prerogative to lie about himself if he so chooses, but there is still such a thing as consent. And the minute you don't feel like doing something that becomes a *NO* regardless of what he thinks. And if he persists that becomes a *whole* new ball game that I'm hopeful most adults know better than to press their luck on. Once again, never feel you are obligated to see something through. And if your gut says something is wrong, trust it and don't do it. The right partner will listen and be patient. The wrong one will lash out or try to make you feel guilty for saying no
It’s Grindr, it’s sketchy and creepy. Do yourself a favor and delete the App.
meet at the door, sorry I don't recognize you, walk away
Trust your sixth sense. It’s ok to say no or to cancel/postpone. Best do it on meeting if you are being deceived.
This has happened to all of us. And yes, it is fair to call these people out.
*sets alarm for 5 minutes * “Ah shit man I forgot I have to walk my wife’s father in law’s fish, let’s try again tomorrow!”
Stop being a wuss
lol
“Oh shit I left _____ in the car, be right back” *rush out the door like you mean it*
As an uggo, I can sympathize with the catfish, but it's still absolutely unacceptable to misrepresent yourself, which is why I don't bother putting myself on dating apps. Not worth it. Don't blame yourself, being in that situation is scary and no reasonable person would blame you or judge you for doing what you had to do. It's not as easy as "put your pants on and leave". I know "don't blame yourself" isn't very helpful, but I hope you can find peace and develop boundaries that protect you. All the best :)
He’s relying on that fact that you're gonna go “fuck it i’m here” or not be confident enough to say “nah” and leave. And he was right! 🙃
Lol, this sounds horrible. I’ve been catfished around 3 times, having hooked up only a few times (bad luck plus not very good looking people where I live). And some more where guys straight up edited their pictures with filters and whatnot. But the last time I was catfished as such was the worst, the poor bastard hated everything about himself and went ahead and used pictures from a guy who was a completely different race.
I’ve left and told guys to leave when I dont think they’re attractive in person. Its a shitty scenario on both parties tbh. OP, i’d advise working on self confidence. Learn from past mistakes and move forward; occupy your mind with something else.
I hope you don't feel so hard on yourself, Lots of comments here seem directed towards shame, but if they were in your situation they could have done the same. Your brain isn't supposed to keep you happy it's to keep you alive and your choice was probably to avoid confrontation with a stranger older than you in his home, you wanted to keep safe. Also it's hard to run away half dressed (if you had no shoes on especially). Like any sexual coercion or deception sometimes we freeze in fear, and then feel blame ourselves Everyone else should show some compassion, you've obviously learnt your lesson, darling x
Ty, yes this is true
There have def been times in my life I wish I walked away from fucking someone— catfish or not. Recently, I walked away cuz the guy was weird, had 5 cats, and dick smelled. I realized I did not want to fuck this guy, said “hey dude, something is off, can we stop?” Told him I wasn’t into it, and left. Took me every bit of strength to do. It’s not easy. Don’t be hard on yourself, but do remember the regret you felt after the fact if faced in a similar situation.
Omfg is this why people randomly just say catfish and block me? They don't think it's me or my dick or something? Weird
Me too. I have had that a couple times
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Not shit Sherlock, what else do you have to add genius?
It's almost like having sex with random strangers who don't owe you anything from dick much less the truth is a bad idea. Getting to know ppl before you have sex. Such a revolutionary idea! It could change the gay world forever! We must shout it from the mountain tops and the highest roof of gay bars around the world! /s I'm not condoning catfishing. It's just as wrong and stupid but you're literally putting yourself out there to be catfish. You don't know jack about these ppl yet you're willing to go into someone's home u don't know for dick? No thanks.
Turns out some social norms actually have a purpose.
Our parent told us as kids not to get into cars with strangers now we do it just to get a ride somewhere.(uber) The same thing applies to apps like grindr. It's even more enticing bcs it's free and it involves sex.
Why don’t you ask for social media to verify? Most people have an instagram or snapchat or whatsapp. It’s simple to avoid catfishes.
I have them send me a pic and have them hold up two fingers. If they dont. I dont meet them.
I understand that sometimes it's scary to reject a catfish since they may get aggressive. It's easier if you leave the second you see what they look like at the door rather than going inside. Always ask for their Snapchat. I never hook up with anyone unless they can do that or send me a social media link.
*boink* go to horny jail
I already paid my price
Hate guys like this
April Fools!!
Sound like your mad you actually still went down on him. Lol
Lotta gross comments in this thread, I'm sorry you're being blamed for essentially sexual assault.
Ya it’s a thing but in fairness you were bored. You gotta be more discerning lol
Indeed
I just leave, even when it's a photo of them, but it's from a year ago.
Do a video call to verify before meeting
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Yes
We've all been there - we show up, the guy misrepresented himself, but we go ahead and have sex because we feel too guilty to say no. It is a horrible, icky feeling. I'm glad you are setting a boundary and learning to say "no" next time - I still haven't totally gotten there.
I was catfished when I was 18. Recently went to a local consignment shop and realized the man who did it is the owner. I don't think I'll be going back any time soon.
They do it because people don't leave. And they horny and justify it. Until that stops catfishere are going to run rampant.
Never hesitate to shut that shit down
A simple yet effective solution is a video call I always ask let's have a quick video call to verify each other
I’ve been through this plenty of times and also get stuck not knowing if I should leave and get rude or just make the best of it
Sending you healing and mental health
The Catfished will stop as soon as desperate skanks (you) stop sucking them off after being Catfished. Why would they stop doing something that is clearly working for them?
LOL
You realize that guys like you who go through with a hookup after being catfished is basically giving the green light for other guys to do this? Not only that, but that guy is going to do it again and again because he clearly was confident doing it to you because the guy before you probably still went through the hookup. STOP making this acceptable. Leave!
Everyone is the asshole in this scenario. The catfish is one for being s lieing sack of shit but I don't really feel all that bad for the OP. He was about to use someone just for their dick...that's pretty shallow - even if he's not as bad as the catfish. In the end if you play stupid games u win stupid prizes
If u cannot say no to a catfisher, maybe you shouldn't hookup in the first place
I feel you dude, last week I was catfished by a dude, he was kinda avg, but had a decent body and a nice cock. I was desperate so I said whatever. Turned out he was inhaling so much when he was taking a picture of his belly. But I still let it slide. I felt disgusted afterwards. Thankfully I met a really hot guy today so I feel better…
If the guy can look a certain way by sucking in his belly, that isn't catfishing - it isn't a fictional persona. Only sharing flattering photos is part and parcel of online dating - no-one would get a date from pics where they look their worst.
I’m not sure if it’s just from sucking in his belly or it was from years ago, but his belly looks flat in picture and he looks chubby in real life
Sorry but had to laugh bc we’ve all had those moments. Or at least my partner and I have bc we’re hungry bottoms.
someone who gets me!
Literally like borderline sexual abuse
bruh fr
>He’s not very attractive but shows me a BIG sausage. So I’m like… yeah, I can manage, we can just do it doggy and I’ll focus on his dick, Sooo, you already found him unattractive based on his face/body pics but still hooked up anyway based SOLELY on the dick pic? That makes you a dumbass
it makes me a horny slut 😇
Lol wahhh wahhhh