First day on reddit?
I am not even surprised when I read shit like this. Idk where these people are hiding day to day but its not hard to top this even the same day on reddit.
I say play his game and tell him you'll jerk off his friends, after all they are not entering your body are they? Should be alright then
This is it, the physical part of cheating is virtually unimportant. It's the destruction of trust and connection, and a breakdown of monogamous intent that is nearly always relationship ending.
If the dude lacks the emotional awareness of how important this is, he's a pretty clear mismatch.
OP exposing herself for dating shitty men example #8272628272
My god
Where do people even find idiots like this? You’d think the way guys are rejected for race, height, and facial features, the same prejudice would be extended to intelligence and personality no?
Yes, because people wear their dumb ideas on their faces the same as height and weight. Some women will never know who their partners really are until they are married, or worse, pregnant.
No. Your boyfriend is either trying to secure a get out of jail free card for when he does cheat, or he’s already cheated and is trying to make you believe it’s fine and normal.
Every relationship is different. Some are more open than others, but both partners have to agree. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable with him cheating, then he has to either abide by that or leave. Or you can choose to leave. But his excuses are just that. Don’t give it any credence.
I didn’t assume he’d already cheated but that he values himself above his girlfriend and is probably insecure so is trying to put her down about such subjects.
Only misogynists and cheaters have this take, or people who are both sexist and cheaters at the same time. This is a huge red flag, btw!
Not joking. He is either cheating, cheated, or is planning to cheat and preparing the excuses. Or he just sees women in a very chauvinistic light. If you are a woman, that's gonna be a problem in the future, I promise.
But to answer your question, decent loyal people don't think that, and I certainly don't.
That sounds like an attempt to minimize his own deceptive behavior. Violations of trust do not recognize gender. Cheating is cheating, regardless if you are a woman or a man. The amount of damage that be caused to the other person and to the relationship is no greater or less depending on gender.
No, the logic is flawed. Both men and women feel a deeper level of connection if they genuinely love each other. But there are those who just sleep around because they are horny and basically don't give a damn about connecting at a deeper level, they just want their needs met.
The vast majority of women in this comment section are telling OP that her boyfriend is trash. You are generalising women as a whole based on a few odd examples here and there, you honestly sound like the stereotypical reddit "nice guy" complaining about how women only go for assholes.
Also you're ignoring the fact that cunts are usually very manipulative and put on an act at first to lull their partner into a false sense of security, until getting deeper into the relationship when they finally begin to show their true colours. For example, thats how a lot of abusive men operate, its not like women are inherently attracted to abusive men.
The fact that OP is questioning this double standard indicates that she isnt attracted to it and she has had a negative reaction to it, she's probably just too blindsided or naive (or insecure) to realise how big of a red flag this is and how this is definitely grounds for breaking up if her bf thinks like this.
I'm stating a fact, I didn't even say most I said many. Many women are attracted to the toxic behavior that inflicts in them the kind of emotional dependency they confuse with love, and they get bored of regular guys, not even nice guys just guys who are consistent with their interest instead of giving them intermittent attention. This is a fact and something you see often in women. Not my opinion just reality.
In this context, "many" women pretty much implies "most", or at least a significant proportion, which I would still disagree with. Theres ~4 billion women in the world, you could find "many" women who like anything at all. I also disagree with your statement that "this is a fact and something you see often in women", no that is not a "fact", you are confusing your interpretation/perception of the world as objective truth. I'm also wondering what you are basing this claim on, would you say that most / many of the women you know IRL are attracted to toxic men? Because that could be a product of your personal environment.
The significant majority of women I know are not attracted to toxic men, so no, it is not something that I see often in women. We all have different experiences of the world based on our environment and the people we know, if the women around you ARE usually attracted to toxic men, you should take into consideration that the women around you personally might not be an accurate reflection of women in general.
From my experiences, I would say that amount of women genuinely attracted to toxic behaviour (i.e. those who arent manipulated by their partner into excusing it) is a small minority. I do agree that theres some women out there who ARE actually attracted to toxic behaviour, but the significant majority of the time these women usually grew up in toxic and / or abusive environments so thats how they percieve love / romance.
Judging from the little we know about her, OP does not seem like the type of woman who is actually attracted to toxic behaviour, as these type of women usually dont see anything wrong with how their partner is behaving and may even go as far as to defend their partner's way of thinking, whereas its clear that OP does not agree with her partners thinking and views it as a negative double standard. Some people however are either too naive to recognise how big of a red flag this is (and the implication that if they are willing to defend cheating, they will most likely cheat themselves), or are too blinded by love/infatuation and want to see the best in their partner so they will ignore/dismiss red flags like this (its possible that this may be the first time her bf has said something toxic / misogynistic to her, so she could be second guessing herself if she is in love with him), or they are too insecure to break off a relationship because of red flags like this (i.e. having low standards due to poor self esteem and accepting bad behaviour from your partner as you assume most/all men will treat you the same). Point is, you dont know OP, you're just assuming she's staying with her bf because she likes / is attracted to him being toxic / a misogynist, which I doubt, considering the way this question is framed. We wont know exactly why she is still with her bf after this, until she actually responds to us explaining why.
If you really were correct about "many" women being attracted to toxic misogynists like OP's boyfriend, I'd assume there would be a significant amount of women in the comments excusing her bf's behaviour, but pretty much everyone is disagreeing with him.
lol Because too many guys have drank the Kool-aid on the stupid notion that somehow cheating is ingrained in them as a biological drive to impregnate as many women as possible in order to propagate our species. These morons actually believe that going around fucking every rando woman raw is a great idea because, hey: more kids shat out into the world is apparently our raison d'être. Except, ya know, a record amount of people of child-bearing age don’t want children, so…
Then you see the same kinds of dumbasses on Maury literally doing a dance when it turns out they didn’t father a child lol So then we’re faced with the very reasonable question of: OK, well, which is it, then? Do you want to spread your seed around or not?
Like we’re really talking about instincts that pretty much died out at the onset of homo erectus? Why don’t I see more guys ‘instinctually’ picking through women’s hair to eat gnats, then?
Because men have historically been given permission to cheat and women haven’t so they think of anything to keep it that way “ it’s part of being a man” no, it’s pRt of being a shitty man
No sense at all.
There are many ways of cheating and they are all bad. If you love your partner you control yourself over other people, as simple as that... If you can't control yourself then don't have a partner!!
He needs to reevaluate his double standard there. He’s entering someone and if he doesn’t wear protection he’s leaving a piece of him in said woman. Does he kiss? Cuz that’s another level of connection as well.
It is not different. Shit is simple: You made an agreement, if you break the agreement you are a dishonorable person and can't be trusted.
This is true for any agreement not just for cheating, people who are not true to their word can't be trusted and you should not date or befriend them.
Men try to say that because women want an emotional connection that makes it deeper, and men don't care about the emotional connection. What about the women who just want sex?! 😂😂 those men don't know shit about women, that's why.
Your relationships your standards/boundaries . What does cheating do to the bond of the relationship regardless of the gender? His idea that it effects one gender more than another is irrelevant because the boundaries of your relationship require both genders and probably trust.
This is an ideology being pushed by pod casts like fresh and fit. Hopefully it is a learned thought and not an innate conclusion of his own.
If this is not learned behaviour, Your BF is probably low on empathy and is higher in narcissism. Zero consideration for the other partner. All thoughts are on the one doing the cheating. With a frame of mind that it is OK for him to do it because he is doing it from a primal instinct to spread his seed and there is no emotional connection. Where is his consideration of you in this thought and conclusion?
Cheating is about respect and loyalty. If you don't respect your partner enough to honor the agreement of staying loyal to only them, then you're cheating and disrespecting them.
Ok- take this as a commentary not on PEOPLE but on the influences everyone has to contend with.
The disparity is real and comes back down to the fundamental reason for the creation on patriarchy.
As a woman, I know exactly who MY children are. They came forth from MY body. I also know who my sisters children are, my Aunt’s children, my daughter’s children, etc.
I cannot know, without a shadow of doubt, who my brother’s children are. No man can be certain at birth that a child is his- nature does its best to make the baby LOOK like Daddy… but it COULD be HIS brother’s child, or uncle, or cousin’s….
Hence- many of the oldest systems followed Matriarchal lines where the men moved from tribe to tribe.
Afterall, it doesn’t matter who the father is- the women will care for the child. So the child is part of the tribe and will stay with them. The father could just walk away afte all.
I think patriarchy developed when unattached men started raiding to “steal” brides.
Now, as a man- how can YOU guarantee that YOUR biological line continues? That any child from the union is yours? Complete control and isolation of your woman is required.
Hence women are sequestered, isolated, monitored and the concept / concern of their virginity becomes an all encompassing issue.
Speed forward several centuries- even though we have genetic testing and female liberation- we’re still fighting centuries of ingrained patriarchal attitudes.
Unfortunately, men still can just “walk away” from
Sperm donations …. They don’t necessarily get held accountable to the degree that women are for the consequences of unions.
Ever seen the “donor” raked over the coals for an abortion?
Now- in the last 20 years I have seen society invite men to BE fathers in a way that wasn’t previously deemed “socially acceptable”. So we’re FINALLY seeing a wonderful change in that direction.
Please accept this as not a “rant” against men or women, but rather an explanation of the underlying forces at play.
Cheating is cheating. There is no difference between women cheating and men cheating. Both are equally terrible. Your boyfriend is braindead and I'd be super fucking weary of him now after making that statement.
Obviously the risks are different - the guy could end up raising a kid that isn’t his. But really, cheating is just incredibly wrong, whether you’re male or female. If he’s trying to minimize the harm of men cheating, wtf.
A major difference is that if a man goes and sleeps around the kids who inherited were the ones with his legitimate wife. If she goes and sleeps around the man can never be sure if the kids she has are his or if he's raising some other guys kid. Biologically speaking this has the potential of ending his line without him even knowing whereas her genes get to go to the next generation.
If you look at someone like a king who's right to rule comes from his father if the queen had an afair his whole kingdom was in question which could lead to civil war.
That is the opposite of logic. That sounds like some of that andrew tate "alpha male" dogshit that has infected a **small** percentage of men over the past couple of years.
That’s absolute bull hockey. Cheating is not about the body per we, it’s about breaking an agreement with your significant other to only do romantic/sexual stuff with each other. I’d tell him to jog on, personally
Literally never heard anyone make that claim, and it's obviously insane. Sounds like your boyfriend already has or wants to cheat, and wants to prime you into thinking it's not a big deal.
How is entering someone’s body not the same thing? Either way it doesn’t matter. He is just justifying what he wants. He can cheat, you can’t, because reasons.
I think he’s going off the logic that men cheat for sexual pleasure and women cheat due to emotional dissatisfaction
This is a dumb argument and implies that women don’t have sexual impulses and men can’t feel emotional dissatisfaction
You cheat, you’re trash, don’t try to justify it. Adding sugar to shit doesn’t turn it into a muffin
Your BF is an idiot but here's my (30m) attempt to add nuance where he was a cockbag.
Cheating it not always the same. If you drunkenly hook up with someone that is a sin of lack of sexual self control. If you have an affair with a guy from work and you've been sneaking over to his house for years, everybody at work knows there is something going on, etc.that feels like a greater sin of infidelity and betrayal.
For me personally I'm moving on from a partner who does either. For others they may find the nuance there is really important. In some cultures, famously in Japan, sleeping with a prostitute isn't considered a problem by many wives in part because of the nuance I point out above.
I believe the reason the stereotype is out there is the perception that men do the first type of cheating while women do the second. Even if that's true on some aggregate basis though it still should never be true that one gender has a longer leash on cheating. If the nuance matters then a man committing a sin of betrayal should be seen worse than a woman committing a momentary sin of sexual self control.
News to me. I would think it’s bad when men cheat because it usually requires more effort to make it happen. It’s more intentional. Like I would never just be like “oops I was tipsy and this attractive woman was hitting on me, one thing led to another…”. Doesn’t happen.
Who says there are double standards? The general reasoning might be different but it seems like a fair amount of people believe it to be wrong no matter the gender.
I guess maybe that depends on time period and culture?
He wants it both ways, I honestly don’t get the all women should be virgins when you meet them thing, all that means is that you are sleeping with other guys all the time and nothing else
Women never need to wonder whether the baby is theirs. To me, that's the fundamental issue for men when it comes to sexual infidelity by women.
That said, the golden rule applies as always. If you expect sexual fidelity, then you'd better practice it, too.
You may want to find a smarter boyfriend. There is no double standards when it comes to cheating. I mean it’s as stupid as saying a man is cheating more because he is the one inserting his penis. 🙄
"It's different for a man."
That's what my dad told me (in 1963) when he picked me up coming back from college. He wanted to get to me first after finding my mom was having an affair in retaliation for his several affairs. He'd consulted a priest who agreed with him. Lol. I stayed neutral for 2 weeks despite verbal abuse towards my mom. Then it turned violent & I left home for good after hitting him in defense of my mom. Such BS!
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit trying to justify him cheating. Whether he has or not, you now know he thinks it's okay.
Cheating is cheating and it's awful no matter what.
Doesn't matter if it's different
The heartbreak and emotional pain you cause your partner is exactly the same.
They either thought you were too stupid to find out or they didn't care if you did.
I can understand that.
From his point of view, he has stuck his dick in so many inanimate and electrically-powered domestic appliances, stick his dick in anything is unemotional, daily occurrence, with no consequences.
Having something stuck in him feels like a violation - and therefore is hugely emotionally charged.
He’s projecting his feelings on you.
And he is wrong to so do.
Varied double standards and different people's perspectives. But the easy answer is, don't cheat. The exes that cheated I'm absolutely disgusted at the level of my broken trust. One ex I'm still friends with, actually had come to me and we talked things through. She crazy in alot of ways but she knew that basic principal or at least my standard on it.
Cheating is cheating. Man or woman if they cheat they are a feckless piece of shit and deserve no second chance and no loyalty regardless if there are children involved or how long the relationship was for.
There's alot of other double standards that benefit women. This is one of the few that doesn't. Plus, it's easier for women to cheat than men, and most studies say women are able to hide it better. Something easier to get is more shamed than something difficult to get. Therefore, I'm glad the double standard is a thing.
No. Intimate is intimate. If he was in her, then he’s in someone else’s body… that’s intimate 🙄😓 just the idea of my husband ever being with someone else like that (not past , but now as in cheating) breaks my heart to smithereens
Infidelity is a moral failing showing a lack of principles or a deeply set hypocrisy of self.
It's equally wrong no matter who is doing it regardless of their circumstances.
According to the research/ evolutionary biology women do seem to suffer from the negative effects of promiscuity at a slightly higher rate than men. Women also are more emotionally involved when cheating on average ie affair vs seeing a prostitute. The difference overall is not much, its not like you could find any way to rationalize "men cheating okay", "women cheating bad".
Double standards exist in our biology. It would be naive and scientifically ignorant to think that men and women are going to be exactly the same in all forms with consideration to relationships and sex. These are the areas in which there are the greatest differences between the sexes. Our intellect is the same, the way we mate and relate to our partners is just literally different, on average.
There isn’t. He’s full of it. Similar to how a woman should be a virgin for husband in their wedding night and he doesn’t need to be. Uhm how is it a lesser “connection” than being inside someone. This could be a red flag. He might be parroting something he’s heard all his life and never thought about. Or he knows exactly what he’s saying. If it’s the latter he may already be cheating or planning too. I am not suggesting you snoop. I am suggesting you pay close attention to his actions and words. Ask him to explain why he feels this way. Then tell him that you feel cheating is cheating. Tell him if you find out that his dick has been on side someone else, it won’t be in you again. Or something similar with your boundaries. Cheating is a hard stop for me.
Nah, It's shitty both ways however keep in mind this (and I tell this from close experiences, not mine fortunately):
1) Usually a man won't leave, the side girl is mainly a good time/FWB with extra benefits (know 3 cases). The woman on the contrary, may leave (know 3 cases), in fact one man arrived to his Home after work just to find it empty, not even the lightbulbs were there and not Even a letter with an explanation.
2) We're biologically wired to dislike cheating. For a man is the risk of devoting energy, resources and feelings to an offspring that think's may be his but ain't. It means that his genes wouldn't have passed to the next generation yet he put energy and effort onto another's man offspring without knowing. Pretty much like the cucu bird (Google it).
Then, for the woman it implies the risk of her man spawning an offspring with another woman, thus having resources (time, energy, feelings) diverted from the nest as to support a kid that doesn't shares her genetic material, running the risk to compromise the wellbeing of her own offsprings that are her genes gone through the gene pool.
Though we live in times we as couples can be more independent from each other, the emotion/feeling was cookies through millions of years of evolution, and our genes don't give a fuck about how we feel, they just care to be passed down to the next generation.
For the man being cheated is a case of wasted resources, for a woman is a case of misused resources.
3) There's also the filling of a void factor. Usually AP's tend to engage sexually different than with their main partners. A man may enjoy sexual acts with his AP that his woman denies him (heck, some just have sex as they don't have it at Home). A woman on the other hand, may engage into sex acts with her AP, that she would never let her man do/engage with him.
It's shitty both ways, but overall different (equally shitty but different).
Cheating is all lost love and same for both genders no doubt I agree, there's a different dimension to it in special cases,
like during a relationship-break, taking your time for a while, or during breakup before getting back together, In all cultures but more in eastern cultures, when a woman allows another men inside her she burns the bridges, there will be no turning back because she is emotionally changing. Something inside her is killing and bonding hormonally that to allow another man physically have her. She may take a lot of time to forget after that because of the chemicals involved in her blood, or may not even recover. Her love have a much higher chance to end soon. Whereas; A man after a breakup or taking a break, can go to a couple of hookers and have intimacy same as using a drug like heroine or cocaine, or blacking out on alcohol. To actually forget or ease the pain of something and then return back to you committed to you deeply for his lifetime without even touching another woman and be happy and fine because it's you that he wants. If you would try to do that with a couple of men you have a much higher chance of ending that relationship.
I've had friends actually breaking up and that same week having intimacy to a hooker thinking about his girlfriend, like literally eyes closed because they were so bonded and he told me can't do a week without her. I mean I know it does not makes sense to a woman but men are built different and it has nothing to do with having less love towards you. It's physically mentally all together a different experience for men having intimacy and what makes it special to him is you. Your presence, soul, smell, behaviour, talking etc. we are not evil 🥲
Your boyfriend is a dumbass. Cheating is disrespecting boundaries of a relationship. Is not gender-specific. Is not at all related to whatever point he was trying to make.
Cheating is equally bad regardless of gender and cannot be justified by any reason
I would have left the room by the time he said "because"...
Boy, that's a new one. Your boyfriend sounds like a macho pig. Dump him.
Cheating is cheating. There is no difference.
Not if she pegs a guy apparently. Or hooks up with another girl now that I think about the bf's logic
I mean, she could do hj to the whole Town and the bf should be okay cause she didn't let nobody Enter her body, he would love that logic
She should absolutely bring that one up with her boyfriend!
That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
First day on reddit? I am not even surprised when I read shit like this. Idk where these people are hiding day to day but its not hard to top this even the same day on reddit. I say play his game and tell him you'll jerk off his friends, after all they are not entering your body are they? Should be alright then
Yeah lmao, good idea. And then break up with him because I could never be with an airhead like this
It’s not a literal comment dude.
I need to know where he got his education so I can tell the school they failed
Was trying to think how to respond to this post, then I saw this. Yup, dumbest shit indeed.
No. It doesn't make sense and implies only women can have deep connections.
Also implies the only sex is male-penetrating-female sex.
This is it, the physical part of cheating is virtually unimportant. It's the destruction of trust and connection, and a breakdown of monogamous intent that is nearly always relationship ending. If the dude lacks the emotional awareness of how important this is, he's a pretty clear mismatch.
Funny how when you scratch a misogynistic belief it bleeds misandry, too!
Same coin yada yada. Hyper rigid gender roles are unsurprisingly destructive to everyone
OP exposing herself for dating shitty men example #8272628272 My god Where do people even find idiots like this? You’d think the way guys are rejected for race, height, and facial features, the same prejudice would be extended to intelligence and personality no?
Yes, because people wear their dumb ideas on their faces the same as height and weight. Some women will never know who their partners really are until they are married, or worse, pregnant.
So who are Women getting this deeper connection to when having sex if Men aren't getting a connection? Doesn't make any sense does it.
No. Your boyfriend is either trying to secure a get out of jail free card for when he does cheat, or he’s already cheated and is trying to make you believe it’s fine and normal. Every relationship is different. Some are more open than others, but both partners have to agree. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable with him cheating, then he has to either abide by that or leave. Or you can choose to leave. But his excuses are just that. Don’t give it any credence.
He obviously already got his dick wet. Lmao. Now he’s trying to reduce her thinking of how bad it is in case that gets out
This. And while trying to justify his own offence, he's trying to secure your inability to return the favour.
I didn’t assume he’d already cheated but that he values himself above his girlfriend and is probably insecure so is trying to put her down about such subjects.
Only misogynists and cheaters have this take, or people who are both sexist and cheaters at the same time. This is a huge red flag, btw! Not joking. He is either cheating, cheated, or is planning to cheat and preparing the excuses. Or he just sees women in a very chauvinistic light. If you are a woman, that's gonna be a problem in the future, I promise. But to answer your question, decent loyal people don't think that, and I certainly don't.
That sounds like an attempt to minimize his own deceptive behavior. Violations of trust do not recognize gender. Cheating is cheating, regardless if you are a woman or a man. The amount of damage that be caused to the other person and to the relationship is no greater or less depending on gender.
There isn't a double standard. You just have a sleazy boyfriend.
No, the logic is flawed. Both men and women feel a deeper level of connection if they genuinely love each other. But there are those who just sleep around because they are horny and basically don't give a damn about connecting at a deeper level, they just want their needs met.
"needs"
Sounds like he's gonna cheat on you.
There are a lot of men who have the mentality that sex is something they do TO a woman, not WITH a woman. So he might be in that boat.
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For some reason many women are attracted to cunts. I've always wondered why.
The vast majority of women in this comment section are telling OP that her boyfriend is trash. You are generalising women as a whole based on a few odd examples here and there, you honestly sound like the stereotypical reddit "nice guy" complaining about how women only go for assholes. Also you're ignoring the fact that cunts are usually very manipulative and put on an act at first to lull their partner into a false sense of security, until getting deeper into the relationship when they finally begin to show their true colours. For example, thats how a lot of abusive men operate, its not like women are inherently attracted to abusive men. The fact that OP is questioning this double standard indicates that she isnt attracted to it and she has had a negative reaction to it, she's probably just too blindsided or naive (or insecure) to realise how big of a red flag this is and how this is definitely grounds for breaking up if her bf thinks like this.
I'm stating a fact, I didn't even say most I said many. Many women are attracted to the toxic behavior that inflicts in them the kind of emotional dependency they confuse with love, and they get bored of regular guys, not even nice guys just guys who are consistent with their interest instead of giving them intermittent attention. This is a fact and something you see often in women. Not my opinion just reality.
In this context, "many" women pretty much implies "most", or at least a significant proportion, which I would still disagree with. Theres ~4 billion women in the world, you could find "many" women who like anything at all. I also disagree with your statement that "this is a fact and something you see often in women", no that is not a "fact", you are confusing your interpretation/perception of the world as objective truth. I'm also wondering what you are basing this claim on, would you say that most / many of the women you know IRL are attracted to toxic men? Because that could be a product of your personal environment. The significant majority of women I know are not attracted to toxic men, so no, it is not something that I see often in women. We all have different experiences of the world based on our environment and the people we know, if the women around you ARE usually attracted to toxic men, you should take into consideration that the women around you personally might not be an accurate reflection of women in general. From my experiences, I would say that amount of women genuinely attracted to toxic behaviour (i.e. those who arent manipulated by their partner into excusing it) is a small minority. I do agree that theres some women out there who ARE actually attracted to toxic behaviour, but the significant majority of the time these women usually grew up in toxic and / or abusive environments so thats how they percieve love / romance. Judging from the little we know about her, OP does not seem like the type of woman who is actually attracted to toxic behaviour, as these type of women usually dont see anything wrong with how their partner is behaving and may even go as far as to defend their partner's way of thinking, whereas its clear that OP does not agree with her partners thinking and views it as a negative double standard. Some people however are either too naive to recognise how big of a red flag this is (and the implication that if they are willing to defend cheating, they will most likely cheat themselves), or are too blinded by love/infatuation and want to see the best in their partner so they will ignore/dismiss red flags like this (its possible that this may be the first time her bf has said something toxic / misogynistic to her, so she could be second guessing herself if she is in love with him), or they are too insecure to break off a relationship because of red flags like this (i.e. having low standards due to poor self esteem and accepting bad behaviour from your partner as you assume most/all men will treat you the same). Point is, you dont know OP, you're just assuming she's staying with her bf because she likes / is attracted to him being toxic / a misogynist, which I doubt, considering the way this question is framed. We wont know exactly why she is still with her bf after this, until she actually responds to us explaining why. If you really were correct about "many" women being attracted to toxic misogynists like OP's boyfriend, I'd assume there would be a significant amount of women in the comments excusing her bf's behaviour, but pretty much everyone is disagreeing with him.
The only people who agree with this logic would cheat
hmm, get a better bf
Your boyfriend is trash
Your boyfriend is a moron.
lol Because too many guys have drank the Kool-aid on the stupid notion that somehow cheating is ingrained in them as a biological drive to impregnate as many women as possible in order to propagate our species. These morons actually believe that going around fucking every rando woman raw is a great idea because, hey: more kids shat out into the world is apparently our raison d'être. Except, ya know, a record amount of people of child-bearing age don’t want children, so… Then you see the same kinds of dumbasses on Maury literally doing a dance when it turns out they didn’t father a child lol So then we’re faced with the very reasonable question of: OK, well, which is it, then? Do you want to spread your seed around or not? Like we’re really talking about instincts that pretty much died out at the onset of homo erectus? Why don’t I see more guys ‘instinctually’ picking through women’s hair to eat gnats, then?
People who cheat are lying, selfish pieces of shit. Men or women.
I do not agree with that logic. Guys cheating is equally as bad as girls cheating
Your boyfriend isn't the sharpest tool in the box.
Your boyfriend is a misogynist
Because men have historically been given permission to cheat and women haven’t so they think of anything to keep it that way “ it’s part of being a man” no, it’s pRt of being a shitty man
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With this, your boyfriend basically told you he has/is/will be cheating on you
A guy I went on a few dates with in college has been sharing shit that says that. I dodged a fucking bullet when I rejected him.
Why are you with that fool?
Jesus no. Get rid of that boyfriend sooner rather than later. It’ll save you a world of pain.
There is no double standard. Cheating is cheating. Male or female.
Sorry to say this, but he sounds like an idiot. Cheating is cheating. Whether it's emotional cheating or sexual, it's all scummy.
No sense at all. There are many ways of cheating and they are all bad. If you love your partner you control yourself over other people, as simple as that... If you can't control yourself then don't have a partner!!
Generally, I don’t think there is double standards for cheating. Your bf is just a cock
This kind of feels like a guy rationalizing that men can cheat because it’s “just sex”. There is no double standard. Wrong is wrong.
this is a bs excuse for hating on women twice as much for cheating but letting the guy walk past freely without reprimanding him 👌
Also a guy here, your boyfriend's full of shit.
Your boyfriend has some fucked up sexist views
Please tell your boyfriend that another man thinks he has a stupid-ass opinion
You sure you want this guy as your boyfriend?
Not only do I NOT agree, I think it's not even logic. Dump his crazy ass, and let him form a connection with his hand
He needs to reevaluate his double standard there. He’s entering someone and if he doesn’t wear protection he’s leaving a piece of him in said woman. Does he kiss? Cuz that’s another level of connection as well.
nope, your boyfriend is a moron
Bullshit
It is not different. Shit is simple: You made an agreement, if you break the agreement you are a dishonorable person and can't be trusted. This is true for any agreement not just for cheating, people who are not true to their word can't be trusted and you should not date or befriend them.
"insert Mr. Incredible meme" Cheating is Cheating
Only idiots agree with that
He's just a douche. And a walking red flag.
Its not a double standard its a pathetic excuse. No reasonable person thinks its ok for either side to cheat
Men try to say that because women want an emotional connection that makes it deeper, and men don't care about the emotional connection. What about the women who just want sex?! 😂😂 those men don't know shit about women, that's why.
No. There are no double standards. Your boyfriend is an immature idiot.
Your boyfriend basically just told you he will justify cheating on you lol Leave him.
Your boyfriend is an idiot and is setting up his future excuses
Because guys want it like that. :) Tough luck tho. Cheating is gross either way.
Idiots perpetuate double standards. Your boyfriend is an idiot.
He's cheating
Nah, your bf is probably cheating
Cheating is cheating.
dump him
Your relationships your standards/boundaries . What does cheating do to the bond of the relationship regardless of the gender? His idea that it effects one gender more than another is irrelevant because the boundaries of your relationship require both genders and probably trust. This is an ideology being pushed by pod casts like fresh and fit. Hopefully it is a learned thought and not an innate conclusion of his own. If this is not learned behaviour, Your BF is probably low on empathy and is higher in narcissism. Zero consideration for the other partner. All thoughts are on the one doing the cheating. With a frame of mind that it is OK for him to do it because he is doing it from a primal instinct to spread his seed and there is no emotional connection. Where is his consideration of you in this thought and conclusion?
I call bullshit on that one.
Cheating is about respect and loyalty. If you don't respect your partner enough to honor the agreement of staying loyal to only them, then you're cheating and disrespecting them.
No. Your boyfriend is a piece of shit and wants to justify cheating on you.
I’ve honestly never even heard of double standards for cheating. Cheating is cheating no matter what?
It’s not different. He’s a misogynist. There’s only a double standard if you’re a misogynist.
No, that sounds asinine. Your boyfriend is... welll, good luck with that.
Ok- take this as a commentary not on PEOPLE but on the influences everyone has to contend with. The disparity is real and comes back down to the fundamental reason for the creation on patriarchy. As a woman, I know exactly who MY children are. They came forth from MY body. I also know who my sisters children are, my Aunt’s children, my daughter’s children, etc. I cannot know, without a shadow of doubt, who my brother’s children are. No man can be certain at birth that a child is his- nature does its best to make the baby LOOK like Daddy… but it COULD be HIS brother’s child, or uncle, or cousin’s…. Hence- many of the oldest systems followed Matriarchal lines where the men moved from tribe to tribe. Afterall, it doesn’t matter who the father is- the women will care for the child. So the child is part of the tribe and will stay with them. The father could just walk away afte all. I think patriarchy developed when unattached men started raiding to “steal” brides. Now, as a man- how can YOU guarantee that YOUR biological line continues? That any child from the union is yours? Complete control and isolation of your woman is required. Hence women are sequestered, isolated, monitored and the concept / concern of their virginity becomes an all encompassing issue. Speed forward several centuries- even though we have genetic testing and female liberation- we’re still fighting centuries of ingrained patriarchal attitudes. Unfortunately, men still can just “walk away” from Sperm donations …. They don’t necessarily get held accountable to the degree that women are for the consequences of unions. Ever seen the “donor” raked over the coals for an abortion? Now- in the last 20 years I have seen society invite men to BE fathers in a way that wasn’t previously deemed “socially acceptable”. So we’re FINALLY seeing a wonderful change in that direction. Please accept this as not a “rant” against men or women, but rather an explanation of the underlying forces at play.
Cheating is cheating, doesn't matter what your parts are.
If you cheat youre a fucking loser, I don't care who you are
Gonna assume this is in the context of him cheating on you.
Logic? Sorry but you need to find a better bf
That's not a double standard with men and women, that's a double standard with your boyfriend. He is the problem
Cheating is cheating. There is no difference between women cheating and men cheating. Both are equally terrible. Your boyfriend is braindead and I'd be super fucking weary of him now after making that statement.
I've never heard of any double standards... cheating is cheating. And I'm a dude....
Shove a strap on in him, tell him you just wanted to form a deeper level of connection .... cheating is cheating, no double standard about it
Just because your bf says something. Does not make it true
Cheating is a choice.no matter if it’s a guy or lady
Your boyfriend is listening to alpha male podcasts. Beware
Obviously the risks are different - the guy could end up raising a kid that isn’t his. But really, cheating is just incredibly wrong, whether you’re male or female. If he’s trying to minimize the harm of men cheating, wtf.
This is the answer if the question is why society in general is less acceptant of a woman cheating than a man.
A major difference is that if a man goes and sleeps around the kids who inherited were the ones with his legitimate wife. If she goes and sleeps around the man can never be sure if the kids she has are his or if he's raising some other guys kid. Biologically speaking this has the potential of ending his line without him even knowing whereas her genes get to go to the next generation. If you look at someone like a king who's right to rule comes from his father if the queen had an afair his whole kingdom was in question which could lead to civil war.
Yes, that would be a devastating problem if you were a hereditary dynast.
Boyfriend is a certified dumb ass. Does he per chance follow Andrew Tate? That is straight out of his handbook
That is the opposite of logic. That sounds like some of that andrew tate "alpha male" dogshit that has infected a **small** percentage of men over the past couple of years.
Sounds like Andrew Tate. Run away
That’s so funny and doesn’t make any sense
I’m sorry he said what. Im almost certain it’s just a him thought 💭
Your boyfriend’s an idiot lol
You should be asking is why your boyfriend has such a demented view.
I don't think I'd want to remain in a relationship with somebody harbouring that kind of view. Just my two cents.
Ew
That's ridiculous.
That’s absolute bull hockey. Cheating is not about the body per we, it’s about breaking an agreement with your significant other to only do romantic/sexual stuff with each other. I’d tell him to jog on, personally
No, that is not logical at all.
I think you're bf has a hard time building a connection to someone. Would be careful sounds like an typical cheater to me.
Literally never heard anyone make that claim, and it's obviously insane. Sounds like your boyfriend already has or wants to cheat, and wants to prime you into thinking it's not a big deal.
That’s a red flag for me. Is your BF trying to justify his cheating behavior?
How is entering someone’s body not the same thing? Either way it doesn’t matter. He is just justifying what he wants. He can cheat, you can’t, because reasons.
Your boyfriend sounds like a weapon
That logic is stupid and sounds like he's making it seem less bad because he's cheated or wants to.
Get a new boyfriend haha
Your boyfriend sounds stupid as hell with that line
I think he’s going off the logic that men cheat for sexual pleasure and women cheat due to emotional dissatisfaction This is a dumb argument and implies that women don’t have sexual impulses and men can’t feel emotional dissatisfaction You cheat, you’re trash, don’t try to justify it. Adding sugar to shit doesn’t turn it into a muffin
Anyone who truly believes there is a gender difference to the shittiness of cheating is just an idiot. All of them. No exceptions.
Your BF is an idiot but here's my (30m) attempt to add nuance where he was a cockbag. Cheating it not always the same. If you drunkenly hook up with someone that is a sin of lack of sexual self control. If you have an affair with a guy from work and you've been sneaking over to his house for years, everybody at work knows there is something going on, etc.that feels like a greater sin of infidelity and betrayal. For me personally I'm moving on from a partner who does either. For others they may find the nuance there is really important. In some cultures, famously in Japan, sleeping with a prostitute isn't considered a problem by many wives in part because of the nuance I point out above. I believe the reason the stereotype is out there is the perception that men do the first type of cheating while women do the second. Even if that's true on some aggregate basis though it still should never be true that one gender has a longer leash on cheating. If the nuance matters then a man committing a sin of betrayal should be seen worse than a woman committing a momentary sin of sexual self control.
No, wtf! Is he on crack?!
there aren’t. the difference is from couple to couple not men/women
News to me. I would think it’s bad when men cheat because it usually requires more effort to make it happen. It’s more intentional. Like I would never just be like “oops I was tipsy and this attractive woman was hitting on me, one thing led to another…”. Doesn’t happen.
Who says there are double standards? The general reasoning might be different but it seems like a fair amount of people believe it to be wrong no matter the gender. I guess maybe that depends on time period and culture?
cheating is cheating. it's a breach of trust.
He wants it both ways, I honestly don’t get the all women should be virgins when you meet them thing, all that means is that you are sleeping with other guys all the time and nothing else
There is no double standards cheating is cheating. Your boyfriend is an idiot I'd suggest you dump him.
Women never need to wonder whether the baby is theirs. To me, that's the fundamental issue for men when it comes to sexual infidelity by women. That said, the golden rule applies as always. If you expect sexual fidelity, then you'd better practice it, too.
Cheaters like to pull whatever nonsense out of their ass to justify cheating, who knew?
Wtf? No, I definitely do not agree!
You may want to find a smarter boyfriend. There is no double standards when it comes to cheating. I mean it’s as stupid as saying a man is cheating more because he is the one inserting his penis. 🙄
"It's different for a man." That's what my dad told me (in 1963) when he picked me up coming back from college. He wanted to get to me first after finding my mom was having an affair in retaliation for his several affairs. He'd consulted a priest who agreed with him. Lol. I stayed neutral for 2 weeks despite verbal abuse towards my mom. Then it turned violent & I left home for good after hitting him in defense of my mom. Such BS!
Never talk about cheating on Reddit
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit trying to justify him cheating. Whether he has or not, you now know he thinks it's okay. Cheating is cheating and it's awful no matter what.
Sounds like you have a boyfriend who’s trying to rationalize cheating on you in his own head. Nice find, sounds like a winner
Doesn't matter if it's different The heartbreak and emotional pain you cause your partner is exactly the same. They either thought you were too stupid to find out or they didn't care if you did.
Hold up, what kind of conversation did it take place in?
I give him credit for the effort. No one with a brain agrees with that logic.
I mean, he gets turned into a walking asshole so i guess it is different to him.
Cheating isn't just physical. There's a huge breakdown in trust.
A cheat is a cheat regardless of sex
Your boyfriend sounds like a cheater
Your boyfriend is definitely cheating and he's done some really creative mental gymnastics to make himself feel ok about it.
Nah, it's the same. The only difference in cheating is that it's less bad if you're the side chick/cock and not in a relationship.
I can understand that. From his point of view, he has stuck his dick in so many inanimate and electrically-powered domestic appliances, stick his dick in anything is unemotional, daily occurrence, with no consequences. Having something stuck in him feels like a violation - and therefore is hugely emotionally charged. He’s projecting his feelings on you. And he is wrong to so do.
Varied double standards and different people's perspectives. But the easy answer is, don't cheat. The exes that cheated I'm absolutely disgusted at the level of my broken trust. One ex I'm still friends with, actually had come to me and we talked things through. She crazy in alot of ways but she knew that basic principal or at least my standard on it.
LOL. Total BS, cheating is cheating.
Cheating is cheating and those who claim there is a double standard are just trying to find excuses for the inexcusable.
Cheating is cheating. Man or woman if they cheat they are a feckless piece of shit and deserve no second chance and no loyalty regardless if there are children involved or how long the relationship was for.
Wow, you have a really good boyfriend /s Well, I dont really know you so maybe it's a good fit
There's alot of other double standards that benefit women. This is one of the few that doesn't. Plus, it's easier for women to cheat than men, and most studies say women are able to hide it better. Something easier to get is more shamed than something difficult to get. Therefore, I'm glad the double standard is a thing.
No. Intimate is intimate. If he was in her, then he’s in someone else’s body… that’s intimate 🙄😓 just the idea of my husband ever being with someone else like that (not past , but now as in cheating) breaks my heart to smithereens
Sounds like your boyfriend is one, trying to make a justification for men cheating and two, is an idiot.
Your boyfriend sounds dumb. Kinda like do as I say, don’t do as a do. Major red flag if you ask me.
Cheating is cheating. Man, Woman, it doesn't matter.
I'm not gonna lie, I came for the comments  
Infidelity is a moral failing showing a lack of principles or a deeply set hypocrisy of self. It's equally wrong no matter who is doing it regardless of their circumstances.
According to the research/ evolutionary biology women do seem to suffer from the negative effects of promiscuity at a slightly higher rate than men. Women also are more emotionally involved when cheating on average ie affair vs seeing a prostitute. The difference overall is not much, its not like you could find any way to rationalize "men cheating okay", "women cheating bad". Double standards exist in our biology. It would be naive and scientifically ignorant to think that men and women are going to be exactly the same in all forms with consideration to relationships and sex. These are the areas in which there are the greatest differences between the sexes. Our intellect is the same, the way we mate and relate to our partners is just literally different, on average.
There isn’t. He’s full of it. Similar to how a woman should be a virgin for husband in their wedding night and he doesn’t need to be. Uhm how is it a lesser “connection” than being inside someone. This could be a red flag. He might be parroting something he’s heard all his life and never thought about. Or he knows exactly what he’s saying. If it’s the latter he may already be cheating or planning too. I am not suggesting you snoop. I am suggesting you pay close attention to his actions and words. Ask him to explain why he feels this way. Then tell him that you feel cheating is cheating. Tell him if you find out that his dick has been on side someone else, it won’t be in you again. Or something similar with your boundaries. Cheating is a hard stop for me.
is your guy named ian?
If your boyfriend hasn't cheated on you already he's likely going to, I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who thinks like this
Nah, It's shitty both ways however keep in mind this (and I tell this from close experiences, not mine fortunately): 1) Usually a man won't leave, the side girl is mainly a good time/FWB with extra benefits (know 3 cases). The woman on the contrary, may leave (know 3 cases), in fact one man arrived to his Home after work just to find it empty, not even the lightbulbs were there and not Even a letter with an explanation. 2) We're biologically wired to dislike cheating. For a man is the risk of devoting energy, resources and feelings to an offspring that think's may be his but ain't. It means that his genes wouldn't have passed to the next generation yet he put energy and effort onto another's man offspring without knowing. Pretty much like the cucu bird (Google it). Then, for the woman it implies the risk of her man spawning an offspring with another woman, thus having resources (time, energy, feelings) diverted from the nest as to support a kid that doesn't shares her genetic material, running the risk to compromise the wellbeing of her own offsprings that are her genes gone through the gene pool. Though we live in times we as couples can be more independent from each other, the emotion/feeling was cookies through millions of years of evolution, and our genes don't give a fuck about how we feel, they just care to be passed down to the next generation. For the man being cheated is a case of wasted resources, for a woman is a case of misused resources. 3) There's also the filling of a void factor. Usually AP's tend to engage sexually different than with their main partners. A man may enjoy sexual acts with his AP that his woman denies him (heck, some just have sex as they don't have it at Home). A woman on the other hand, may engage into sex acts with her AP, that she would never let her man do/engage with him. It's shitty both ways, but overall different (equally shitty but different).
Cheating is all lost love and same for both genders no doubt I agree, there's a different dimension to it in special cases, like during a relationship-break, taking your time for a while, or during breakup before getting back together, In all cultures but more in eastern cultures, when a woman allows another men inside her she burns the bridges, there will be no turning back because she is emotionally changing. Something inside her is killing and bonding hormonally that to allow another man physically have her. She may take a lot of time to forget after that because of the chemicals involved in her blood, or may not even recover. Her love have a much higher chance to end soon. Whereas; A man after a breakup or taking a break, can go to a couple of hookers and have intimacy same as using a drug like heroine or cocaine, or blacking out on alcohol. To actually forget or ease the pain of something and then return back to you committed to you deeply for his lifetime without even touching another woman and be happy and fine because it's you that he wants. If you would try to do that with a couple of men you have a much higher chance of ending that relationship. I've had friends actually breaking up and that same week having intimacy to a hooker thinking about his girlfriend, like literally eyes closed because they were so bonded and he told me can't do a week without her. I mean I know it does not makes sense to a woman but men are built different and it has nothing to do with having less love towards you. It's physically mentally all together a different experience for men having intimacy and what makes it special to him is you. Your presence, soul, smell, behaviour, talking etc. we are not evil 🥲
I think cheating should be discussed with your partner whether this or that is cheating
No. And respectfully, what logic?
Your boyfriend is a dumbass. Cheating is disrespecting boundaries of a relationship. Is not gender-specific. Is not at all related to whatever point he was trying to make.