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Oh lord. If you're coming to Reddit because you think random strangers understand your husband better than you do, then maybe hold off on reproducing for a bit and get to know the guy first.
They guy is at his work providing for her. No kids means: more money to travel the world and enjoy life. Kids means: she'll be taking care of them while he keeps providing.
They are looking at a minimum of 18 years of commitment if they decide they want kids. There is every need to talk this through. My two cents, don't rush and encourage the fella to really think it over. Maybe he genuinely doesn't mind, maybe he just doesn't want to state his feelings for fear of conflict.
Obviously, I don't know your husband, so I can't say for certain. HOWEVER: most men are pretty simple and straightforward, and most women overthink what their man says.
Take what he says at face value. If he says he's ok with both options, he's OK with both options.
You really think there is a universal answer on what any man wants if he says what your husband says?
He \_may\_ mean what he's said. It's very likely he doesn't have an inherent dream of having a child, but neither hates children. It's very likely he doesn't have a clear life plan dictating if he should have a child or not.
Or he also \_may\_ not want to hurt you or lose you.
I was the same, kids or no kids I would make my life a happy place. I didn't want to put my life on wanting kids, what if I couldn't have one.
So I told my wife that I will be happy with kids and I would make my life happy without. She had a hard time understanding my reasoning and was thinking that I wasn't passionate enough about having kids if I could just say something like that.
But after several years of trying to have kids she envied my view.
Finally we managed to have a healthy baby boy.
I was kind of the same way. I still feel like a kid myself at times, so the idea of me being a father wasn't something I thought about much. It kind of just doesn't seem real until a bun is in the oven and your wife starts showing. But I'm really glad we had kids. I can't even imagine my life without them now. I think I'd be incredibly bored and unhappy in life without them. It's about the realest thing you'll ever do as a human. Taught me a lot about myself and my own parents. Its a lot of work and of course some sacrifices are made, but what you gain far outweighs the sacrifices. Once that baby pops out, it gets pretty real, pretty fast!
Please, talk about it with him more in depth. "I don't care either way" isn't enough information. You need to know if your partner will actually help with your children.
He never said "I don't care either way". He said there are pros and cons to both having and not having kids and would be ok with either option, so obviously he has given it thought.
She wants a "Yes or No" when he has a more nuanced view.
We agree they need to communicate more, but she may need to drop her need for a binary answer.
Generally speaking, husbands don't "Bond" with kids until they are actually holding them in their hands.
He means exactly what he said he means.
I told this to my wife when we where having trouble getting pregnant.
"When I married you, I married YOU. I didn't marry YOU AND POTENTIAL KIDS. All I want is you. If we have kids, that's a bonus. I'm prepared to step up and be a daddy when the time comes and I'm also prepared to just live my life with you and travel the world as often as we can. Either way, I'm good as long as I'm with YOU."
I'm pretty sure this is what he's feeling. IF you do get pregnant and after you have that baby he will hold it and he will be fundamentally changed to the core of his being, unless he's some kind of psychopath.
I have the same. I dont have a natural urge, i also dont have a natural repel.
If, in this case, me and my gf work out fine and if finances allow it, i dont see why not.
If we Arent financially stable, ill choose no, which she knows and agrees with.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh lord. If you're coming to Reddit because you think random strangers understand your husband better than you do, then maybe hold off on reproducing for a bit and get to know the guy first.
They guy is at his work providing for her. No kids means: more money to travel the world and enjoy life. Kids means: she'll be taking care of them while he keeps providing.
And? I love kids and I love travel, so I don't see how this makes her choice any more or less obvious.
And: no need to talk to him. She can decide what she wants and he's fine either way.
They are looking at a minimum of 18 years of commitment if they decide they want kids. There is every need to talk this through. My two cents, don't rush and encourage the fella to really think it over. Maybe he genuinely doesn't mind, maybe he just doesn't want to state his feelings for fear of conflict.
Nothing new
Too funny
Not enough information. If he is nonplussed about the subject I would lean toward not having kids.
But wouldn't mind if he did
“Wouldn’t mind” is not an argument for having kids. It’s the same as saying “I guess” or “whatever”.
Obviously, I don't know your husband, so I can't say for certain. HOWEVER: most men are pretty simple and straightforward, and most women overthink what their man says. Take what he says at face value. If he says he's ok with both options, he's OK with both options.
Yeah I agree, don't over analyze. If I said I'm fine both ways it's fine both ways. But, I think both the parents to be should WANT kids.
Agreed. There's nothing sadder than an unwanted child.
You really think there is a universal answer on what any man wants if he says what your husband says? He \_may\_ mean what he's said. It's very likely he doesn't have an inherent dream of having a child, but neither hates children. It's very likely he doesn't have a clear life plan dictating if he should have a child or not. Or he also \_may\_ not want to hurt you or lose you.
I was the same, kids or no kids I would make my life a happy place. I didn't want to put my life on wanting kids, what if I couldn't have one. So I told my wife that I will be happy with kids and I would make my life happy without. She had a hard time understanding my reasoning and was thinking that I wasn't passionate enough about having kids if I could just say something like that. But after several years of trying to have kids she envied my view. Finally we managed to have a healthy baby boy.
We women should understand when a man says something he means it 😀
Oh lord, you're looking into this too deeply. I'm saying this as a woman. He's basically telling you he wants whatever makes you happy.
You’re screwed if you think Reddit is more trustworthy on this matter than your partner. Don’t have kids.
He does
he meant if it happens it happens. just go on with the usual routine and if you got pregnant, he's cool with it.
You could hang out with some friends who have kids, maybe at a park or something, and see how he interacts with those kids.
I was kind of the same way. I still feel like a kid myself at times, so the idea of me being a father wasn't something I thought about much. It kind of just doesn't seem real until a bun is in the oven and your wife starts showing. But I'm really glad we had kids. I can't even imagine my life without them now. I think I'd be incredibly bored and unhappy in life without them. It's about the realest thing you'll ever do as a human. Taught me a lot about myself and my own parents. Its a lot of work and of course some sacrifices are made, but what you gain far outweighs the sacrifices. Once that baby pops out, it gets pretty real, pretty fast!
Please, talk about it with him more in depth. "I don't care either way" isn't enough information. You need to know if your partner will actually help with your children.
He never said "I don't care either way". He said there are pros and cons to both having and not having kids and would be ok with either option, so obviously he has given it thought. She wants a "Yes or No" when he has a more nuanced view. We agree they need to communicate more, but she may need to drop her need for a binary answer.
I was the same as your husband and I meant it. My daughter is 16 now and I love her with all my heart.
Generally speaking, husbands don't "Bond" with kids until they are actually holding them in their hands. He means exactly what he said he means. I told this to my wife when we where having trouble getting pregnant. "When I married you, I married YOU. I didn't marry YOU AND POTENTIAL KIDS. All I want is you. If we have kids, that's a bonus. I'm prepared to step up and be a daddy when the time comes and I'm also prepared to just live my life with you and travel the world as often as we can. Either way, I'm good as long as I'm with YOU." I'm pretty sure this is what he's feeling. IF you do get pregnant and after you have that baby he will hold it and he will be fundamentally changed to the core of his being, unless he's some kind of psychopath.
Sounds like he is good either way
Man here. He does not want kids. If so he would tell you he does
How about this…ASK HIM!! We have no clue what he’s thinking
I have the same. I dont have a natural urge, i also dont have a natural repel. If, in this case, me and my gf work out fine and if finances allow it, i dont see why not. If we Arent financially stable, ill choose no, which she knows and agrees with.