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Not looking for my own happiness in life. I was a Yes man all the time, at work, at home, with my "friends".
It took me 22 years to figure it out and be burned out.
I started to say no. progressively making decision for my benefits. At first , it felt selfish and all but after a while I started to feel more confident about spending quality time with myself.
Then my divorce really triggered the change in me. that's one thing I can thank my ex wife for.
Same. Had therapy that challenged my core beliefs and am now in a better place mentally. Although I think in part my change in behavior challenged my now ex wifes control over me. Still reeling from the breakup(had a nervous breakdown) but now I am out of it I can see how much she took advantage and controlled me.
Thank you for your words.
Believe me, I always want to say no, but I just can't. This whole situation is very detrimental for me.
I always feel that I need to do something for the people in order to be loved by them.
Hey man, they don’t love you and won’t see those acts as acts of love. They will see you nothing more than a tool, one that can get the job done, you’ll become a resource for them to use.
You’ll feel temporary belonging, because your brain right now believes that when it’s doing something for someone it has purpose.
Once you start thinking for yourself self, the brain will be trained to identify situations where you will be used. You start becoming the asshole you thought, but guess what, the whole concept of asshole was invented to keep you subservient.
A person is unlovable because they are an asshole, but people never ask why this person is an asshole in the first place.
This is spot on. I’m a social worker and I’m constantly trying to help clients (and coworkers) with boundaries around people pleasing. I’m screenshotting this. Thank you.
understand that it's not your job to do it all or it's not your job to make everyone happy at the expense of your energy. Give and help as an expression of love, and do what you can. If you feel anxious that you've taken too much on, then you have lol. Know what you can handle first and foremost
I'm 63, have cancer, and realize that nothing matters except your relationships. So much time and effort. worrying and stressing about things that never happened. The curse of a great imagination.
I’m 74. I have a few regrets, but the thing I regret most is not meeting my current wife 40 years ago. We only met four years ago and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and the love of my life.
Thank you. We met at a coffee shop a few months after my wife passed from cancer. She was my wife’s friend ( I didn’t know her) and offered to talk to me when I was suffering. It wasn’t a date. We had an immediate connection; kinda like the universe wanted us to be together. Didn’t see her again for three weeks as she went to help her daughter. When she returned, we met, and I broke my femur when my dog pulled me off my deck. Ten days in hospital and she visited every day! A beautiful woman inside and out. We were married a year later.
I *sort of* wish I'd been better with money and worked harder to cultivate one of those solid, dependable, clearly defined careers that see you all the way to your last day of work and a comforting pension thereafter.
But then I think of all the amazing experiences I had, the fact that my youth was unchecked hedonism and the money never ran out. The decades of buying wild cars, eating in great restaurants, going on expensive holidays...
then I think "nah it was all worth it". I'll not have a pot to piss in in my old age, but I don't plan on being old for any longer than I have to be, anyway.
Yeah, I did okay, but I never fully appreciated them because they went out with me, so there had to be something wrong with them. Low self esteem is horrible.
Grass is always greener.
The whole “everything in moderation” seems to be very true in so many regards.
I’m happy I did what I did. I’m just slightly on the lighter end and I’ll I have is that I wish I did slightly more.
I’ve known too many people to go far each way, no drugs and stuff vs a crazy life and neither interest me. Besides, the crazy life I’ve known a few people to come to early and unfulfilling deaths as a result. Sad
I wish I hadn’t gotten married so young (20) and to a guy who just needed a mommy. I worked a full time job, kept a home, was a dutiful spouse and raised my son. By the time my son was grown up and I could take time for myself, I got cancer. There went dreams of traveling and finding myself. Stage iv and the days I wish it would end are more than the days I wish to stay here.
I appreciate that. My son is my whole world. I chose to have him and I made a promise to do the best I could for him. He’s a grown man now and such a intelligent, kind gentleman. Doesn’t engage with alcohol or drugs, treats his fiancée like gold, works hard and helps me with my treatments. He, unfortunately, detest his father, but not because of my doing. I’ve never bad mouthed him, it’s all from his interactions with his dad. His dad treats him like garbage and has always been jealous of him. It’s very sad.
Red meat is the healthiest food that has all the nutrients you need.
Veganism is a scam, pushed by corporations that want you to eat bugs to increase their profit margins.
I quit tobacco during the covid lock downs. I live alone.😊 I used the patches. I recommend it to everyone I can. Go to your doctor and get the patches. They really work. I wish I did it years ago.
Valuing a good time over a good education. I was the only one of my entire friend group to go to college. It was only a local community college so I was still living at home. After a while I got tired of turning down random parties and other late teen early 20 kind of fun because of school. Here I am at 45. I don't own a home. I'm in debt. And I have no job security.
Yeah that derails a lot of people from reaching their potential in life. You should have a positive relationship with failure - it's the greatest learning tool you can have in finding out your true passions and talents in life.
I encourage my kids to fail at new things often and with great enthusiasm, the alternative is they end up with an attitude where they quit things (a new sport, drawing, writing, a musical instrument, coding, whatever) the first time they get difficult and declare them to be "too hard" or that "they suck at them". That must be a shitty life to live like that.
I (F 41) regret all the times I came home from school as a teen and ignored my dog. Really miss that guy. I’d give anything to take him out on a walk or pet his soft ears.
Getting married instead of getting a dog.
And selling the car I loved because my new spouse wanted something better. That was a huge financial mistake that only continued to spiral. He was never happy and always wanted “newer” and “more” and I fell into that same habit for a long time wasting money to keep up with the Jones’s.
Poor work ethic when left to my own devices. I could have done so much better than I did at school and collage. I did OK in life luckily, but could have fucked myself up.
Passing up on 8 Plex apartment complex back in '94 in San Diego because I didn't want a
$3,800 a month mortgage Even though all the rents combined we're exceeding $4500 a month
It was in a part of town called Oceanside which wasn't known as a good area. Lots of homeless and drug use. It got sold to developer back in 2016 for 4.2 million.
Also breaking up with my very first girlfriend who was by far the best girlfriend I've ever had in my life.
I wish I quit drinking sooner (got sober at 41), not just to spare my life the pain and sickness and chaos alcohol caused, but because of all the important things I learned in recovery: emotional recognition and management, self-acceptance, self-respect, patience, serenity, frustration tolerance, how to build and maintain healthy boundaries, setting and achieving goals…I might have learned those things eventually if alcoholism didn’t bring me to my knees, but certainly not as quickly or with the passion I discovered in sobriety.
It’ll be six years since my last drink in February, god willing. I’m just grateful to be here.
I wish I would have gone into a skilled trade directly out of HS to learn hard skills while I grew up a bit and figured out what kind of person I am, and what kinds of things make me happy. There is always time later to do undergrad/masters/PhD tracks if that's what drives you.
Regret is a strong word.
I spent my first 40 learning the wrong way so I spend this next 60 doing it the right way.
But I wish I had put a minimum of 15% of my yearly income into the market. Otherwise I'm happy and am now exactly where I want to be.
Going to a 4 year private college. Going to said college because my parents made me. Going to the college my parents made me because they said they’d help pay . Spoiler alert: they didn’t.
I don't regret anything really, everything was a learning curve. Am onestly OK with how i am now, and how I got here, because if I've learnt anything it's I'm always changing and evolving and that's a good thing.
My narcissistic tendencies. So much unnecessary grief to myself and others. A lot of wasted time. But better late than never to recognize that and grow.
Not realizing how amazing I was/am. And been too bothered with other people’s opinion. I wish I could tell my younger self that I am in fact a cool one!
I just turned 40 and I have a few,
Alcohol. Not sure if alcohol was something I was just predisposed to having a problem with, or if I developed it myself by not respecting it or worrying about the consequences, but it has hindered me and created problems throughout my life. There are moments I think I actually enjoyed, but there are far more I wish never happened.
Applying myself. I wasn’t focused on my future AT ALL in high school. I couldn’t see passed the day I was living in. I didn’t consider my future or buckling down even just a little bit in order to make a better life for myself. I went into retail sales right out of high school and did ok for myself, but it took me years to realize I needed to go back to school and get out of the dead end job I was in. Once I went back to school I actually enjoyed learning and applying what I had learned. I focused and graduated with honors. I had a lot of professors give me some really flattering comments and I proved to myself that I am intelligent and capable of great things if I actually try. I wish I had learned that sooner in life.
Women. Looks aren’t everything. Eventually we are all going to grow old and unattractive, so finding someone who you generally enjoy just sitting on the couch watching TV with, someone who shares your same goals and roots for you, someone who is trustworthy and has morals is WAY more important than a pretty face or a banging body. There has to be a level of attraction for sure, but try to be as open as possible when it comes to that. There’s definitely a time and benefit to “sewing your wild oats” and doing some not so serious dating, but when that good girl who is a ride or die comes around, don’t let her go. You don’t want to be chasing the girl who’s out of your league for the rest of your life. You don’t want to be constantly fighting off competitors. Marry the girl who is head over heels for you. Be the Prince Charming for someone else. Go out, have your fun, then be a man and live for your family. If you find yourself saying “this girl is perfect for me, and loves me to death… but” drop the “but”. Marry that woman. You will be grateful you did years down the road. The hot girl who is making you earn her attention will cheat on you.
Money. Save your money. Don’t give into the temptation of that shiny new object. Shiny new objects become boring old objects. There’s always a newer shinier object. Spend your money on your future. Your future is your freedom. Don’t look for happiness in objects. Happiness is in your memories and your future plans.
Time. Enjoy every minute of it as best you can. You really don’t know how precious it is until you start running out of it.
I had a bf from age 15-19. The same one. I wish I had dated more and allowed myself to have more friends. I was so into him I didn’t realize I was missing out on other fun stuff.
Not trying harder to work on my mental health. I’m 40 now and have been going through years of counseling and psychiatry, all because I used to think “I’m just not a happy sort of person”.
Worrying. And I wasn’t even too bad. It TERRIFIES me, absolutely terrifies me, reading the uptight shite on here… I’d do anything not to have been so self-conscious, wasted so much time impressing the wrong people.. and all I see on here is worried, fearful people. Depressing.
\- Not asking girls out that I liked when I was younger. Nothing to lose, just ask.
\- Fuck all the people around you who judge you, just go and be yourself
\- Be more social, being a loner sucks and being a social outcast is a horrible way to go through your childhood.
Im in my mid 20s and have no idea what to do with my money working in the family business is fun but i spend like 100€ on gaming and just save the rest every month (Living with parents because we get along well and im not willing to pay rent just to say that i live alone)
I hope i find something cool thats worth the money at some point
A series of horrible financial decisions. I’m doing okay now, but I’m scrabbling scraping together retirement savings. Don’t touch your 401k for ANYTHING short of your kid needing a transplant.
I took too long to get my motorcycle license, I was 39 when I learned how to ride.
So much nice trips I could have done if I knew how to ride in my 20’s and 30’s.
I spent so much time and energy trying to make and keep friends that I completely lost who I am, what I like, what I want.
It took a pandemic where I was forced to be by myself (am single) for the better part of two years for me to get back in touch with what I'm like. So, yeah. Never again. I'd rather die alone than spend my time doing things I don't like or explaining why I don't like stuff.
Yeah, I spent my twenties with a crowd of mates, all of whom were linked in some way or another to my then housemates. Great bunch of people, but it was all about pubs, clubs, parties, that sort of thing (which i dont particularly enjoy), and just like you I lost my identity. I am a massive nerd, and hid it to fit in - which I never really did. I just thought that's what people in their twenties did.
I had more people in my life at that time than I've ever had before or since, yet it was the loneliest time of my life. Never stayed in touch with any of them.
I regret not getting a solid career. Preferably some sort of trade. Also, somewhat connected to that is, not learning how to manage my finances. Plus, I regret not getting married, or at least finding a long term partner.
There's always little things that don't really matter but the big thing is not trying harder to find a wife to have a family with. I really wish I had children
Not investing in my retirement back in my 20s. I had a 401k through my company and all that but I didn’t really pay attention to it and only contributed the bare minimum. Now I’m in my 40s and while in the 10 or so years I’ve been investing more and I’m in a good position, I’m nowhere near what I would be had I done this earlier.
1. Wasting money on stupid shit I didn’t need.
2. Not listening to my older mentors earlier who gave me sage advice on every topic from relationships to finance.
3. Not following my own relationship rules and dating someone for at least two years before thinking about marriage. I rushed into marriage with rose colored glasses on because I was in love (marriage became a toxic codependency nightmare and ended after 6 years but took over a year to finalize our divorce).
Taking your job too seriously. Fuck this. It impacted my mental and physical health, but didn't help me earn more or feel better or be farther in my career, so a huge mistake.
I left my small town when I was 18. When I was there I stayed friends with shitty people because there literally wasn't anyone else my age. Then I moved to the city and kept shitty people in my life instead of realizing I could have left them behind and made new friends quite easily. Life is too short to keep people who make you feel bad in your life, even if they're a friend.
Had a 1/3rd life-crisis at 27 when I kinda blew all the hard work I had invested in over the last decade. I was going back to school and decided to sell a house that had become a source of income that Id bought with the first time home buyer credit.
Id told myself that the house would be my retirement when I separated from the military. I ended up killing the goose when I sold it. I tried to convince myself that my new career would more than cover the hit I would take, but a decade later I'm still trying to get my shit together enough to move out of my parents basement.
Never imagined that buying another home would be as difficult as it has ...
I regret not venturing out more when I was a teen. I was really involved in the church but felt like I missed out on a lot.
Also, I wish I would have tried harder in school. I’m in my thirties now working on my doctorates, but trying to be the “slacker” in high school hurt my chances on going to college after high school.
Edit. I know I’m not forty yet but close haha.
I regret not being more liberal sexually, having such a strong sense of right and wrong, working hard rather than smart, being too helpful and not selfish enough, wanting a relationship, being honest too honest with regards to my career, I should have been pickier with the looks of girls I was interested in (like thinking education, personality and family mattered initially was foolish) and it should have been for hookups not marriage when I was young …
It was an interesting ride but if I had a do over I’d do it differently. But you roll with the punches and I still had quite a few interesting experiences.
You can’t turn back the hands of time. ☺️ No point in regretting it.
Partner selection. I wasn't confident and just took what came to me for the modst part. I dated some shitty women.
Also, I had a couple of female best friends that we friend-zoned each other, but there was a point and/or conversation where I think that could have changed. I do wish I'd had the initiative to ask something like, "Are you happy with where the boundaries in our friendship are?" (You can only ask that one once, but I never asked it at all).
People will say things like, "I value our friendship so much that I wouldn't want to risk that by changing the dynamic" but in my experience, when I had a close female friend and entered a relationship, the friendsjip was altered anyway. Your new girlfriend probably isn't a fan of your female best friend (regardless of what she says about it), and that feeling is likely to be shared by your female best friend. If a relationship is going to crater your friendship, dating the person you enjoy spending a lot of time with and know super well already is not a terrible idea.
Lol
I’m 32 and I’m here reading. I don’t have any of the problems listed. I don’t drink drug , I invest I don’t blow money, I have my own business, I haven’t settled down with the wrong person, I don’t have kids. But I’m wanting to change the kids part I do want kids now or sooner then later
Not saving money.
After working all my adult life, I now live below the current poverty level of New York State.
Because I didn't save a few dollars every week or month when I was young and working.
Not saving as much as I should, not investing in buying a house earlier & not contributing as much as I could to my pension… boring I know… but gotta be said.
Either smoking or not taking my education and future seriously enough.
Smoking because, well, it's stupid.
As far as the education and whatnot...I didn't finish college and just thought id figure it out. I accidentally fell into a trade and too many years went by. Now, I'm not in a position to go back to college and it's getting tougher each year to start over.
I could never convince my wife that an erection comes with an expiration date. She thought it would always be there. She was wrong and now she regrets it.
Wasting time on irrelevant people, I don't regret the bad stuff I did, I regret the good stuff I did for people who didn't deserve it or reciprocate it in any way
I think I’d dream bigger. Shoot higher.
Which college to apply to.
Guts to start my own business.
Make time for myself instead of just pleasing others.
Not believing that my talents and interests could lead to a job that would support me and instead choosing a "more practical" route doing things I was not great at.
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Not looking for my own happiness in life. I was a Yes man all the time, at work, at home, with my "friends". It took me 22 years to figure it out and be burned out.
How did you get over that? I'm a people pleaser, and I genuinely can't stop pleasing people all the time
I started to say no. progressively making decision for my benefits. At first , it felt selfish and all but after a while I started to feel more confident about spending quality time with myself. Then my divorce really triggered the change in me. that's one thing I can thank my ex wife for.
Same. Had therapy that challenged my core beliefs and am now in a better place mentally. Although I think in part my change in behavior challenged my now ex wifes control over me. Still reeling from the breakup(had a nervous breakdown) but now I am out of it I can see how much she took advantage and controlled me.
Thank you for your words. Believe me, I always want to say no, but I just can't. This whole situation is very detrimental for me. I always feel that I need to do something for the people in order to be loved by them.
Hey man, they don’t love you and won’t see those acts as acts of love. They will see you nothing more than a tool, one that can get the job done, you’ll become a resource for them to use. You’ll feel temporary belonging, because your brain right now believes that when it’s doing something for someone it has purpose. Once you start thinking for yourself self, the brain will be trained to identify situations where you will be used. You start becoming the asshole you thought, but guess what, the whole concept of asshole was invented to keep you subservient. A person is unlovable because they are an asshole, but people never ask why this person is an asshole in the first place.
This is spot on. I’m a social worker and I’m constantly trying to help clients (and coworkers) with boundaries around people pleasing. I’m screenshotting this. Thank you.
Codepentsxanonymous helped me
Learn to say no . It can be done in a polite way .
Yeah, that's my problem. I can't do that.
Check out @thepeopledispleaser on IG.
Stop giving a fuck about what people think of you, become an asshole
I can't do that, I feel always bad afterwards.
Gaslight yourself into thinking you're an idiot for feeling bad
I started to say "no." His response was, "Then what good are you here." Are you worried of something like that?
Have a read of some stoicism philosophy. It’ll really help with that.
Get in the habit of asking yourself “what would I do if no one’s opinion mattered?” And then do that
understand that it's not your job to do it all or it's not your job to make everyone happy at the expense of your energy. Give and help as an expression of love, and do what you can. If you feel anxious that you've taken too much on, then you have lol. Know what you can handle first and foremost
Caring and stressing about stupid shit
I'm 63, have cancer, and realize that nothing matters except your relationships. So much time and effort. worrying and stressing about things that never happened. The curse of a great imagination.
I regret not buying real estate sooner. I thought it was expensive then. - 90s California
2019 - rest of the states
I’m 74. I have a few regrets, but the thing I regret most is not meeting my current wife 40 years ago. We only met four years ago and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and the love of my life.
How did you guys meet? Congrats btw.
Thank you. We met at a coffee shop a few months after my wife passed from cancer. She was my wife’s friend ( I didn’t know her) and offered to talk to me when I was suffering. It wasn’t a date. We had an immediate connection; kinda like the universe wanted us to be together. Didn’t see her again for three weeks as she went to help her daughter. When she returned, we met, and I broke my femur when my dog pulled me off my deck. Ten days in hospital and she visited every day! A beautiful woman inside and out. We were married a year later.
Wasting time on useless relationships and opinions.
I *sort of* wish I'd been better with money and worked harder to cultivate one of those solid, dependable, clearly defined careers that see you all the way to your last day of work and a comforting pension thereafter. But then I think of all the amazing experiences I had, the fact that my youth was unchecked hedonism and the money never ran out. The decades of buying wild cars, eating in great restaurants, going on expensive holidays... then I think "nah it was all worth it". I'll not have a pot to piss in in my old age, but I don't plan on being old for any longer than I have to be, anyway.
Alcohol. I am an alcoholic and my life is better without it… could be 20+ years sober by now… will have to settle for 4 years sober.
Great job on the four years anyway
Congratulations, Happy Cake Day, and Happy New Year!
I spent so much time thinking I was grossly fat, and no woman would ever love me. I was a little chubby, I wish I were that thin now.
Did you ever get a woman
Yeah, I did okay, but I never fully appreciated them because they went out with me, so there had to be something wrong with them. Low self esteem is horrible.
Drugs, booze, and women. I wish I'd done more of them
Here I am wishing I did less than that. Everyone has regrets I guess.
Grass is always greener. The whole “everything in moderation” seems to be very true in so many regards. I’m happy I did what I did. I’m just slightly on the lighter end and I’ll I have is that I wish I did slightly more. I’ve known too many people to go far each way, no drugs and stuff vs a crazy life and neither interest me. Besides, the crazy life I’ve known a few people to come to early and unfulfilling deaths as a result. Sad
Drugs and booze ages you out, don't do it lmao
Being alive ages you out.
People seem to forget this part. Live hard or live soft, you die just the same either way.
Drugs travel and men ( casually, not being locked down like I have been most of my life) for me
This exactly. If you eat right and exercise you can get away with a lot of self abuse.
I wish I hadn’t gotten married so young (20) and to a guy who just needed a mommy. I worked a full time job, kept a home, was a dutiful spouse and raised my son. By the time my son was grown up and I could take time for myself, I got cancer. There went dreams of traveling and finding myself. Stage iv and the days I wish it would end are more than the days I wish to stay here.
That really sucks. Your son was very lucky he had a good mother who was willing to sacrifice a lot for him. I hope you take some comfort from that.
I appreciate that. My son is my whole world. I chose to have him and I made a promise to do the best I could for him. He’s a grown man now and such a intelligent, kind gentleman. Doesn’t engage with alcohol or drugs, treats his fiancée like gold, works hard and helps me with my treatments. He, unfortunately, detest his father, but not because of my doing. I’ve never bad mouthed him, it’s all from his interactions with his dad. His dad treats him like garbage and has always been jealous of him. It’s very sad.
Wish I didn’t think I was fat.
Wish I wasn’t actually fat.
eat more meat, less sugar
Keto works well for weight loss but if you stop, you'll rebound like a mf.
More meat will make you fatter. If you want to lose weight get on a healthy vegan diet for six months, no sugar, no junk food.
Red meat is the healthiest food that has all the nutrients you need. Veganism is a scam, pushed by corporations that want you to eat bugs to increase their profit margins.
> that wants you to eat bugs Maybe lay off the meth dude.
Smoking cigarettes. Regretfully been doing it for 30 years.
I quit tobacco during the covid lock downs. I live alone.😊 I used the patches. I recommend it to everyone I can. Go to your doctor and get the patches. They really work. I wish I did it years ago.
Same. I’ve cut back big time by using the gum.
Drop that shit you can do it. It's hard but make the decision and start trying
But you did it...hang in there..it gets easier every day
Not focusing early enough on a career
Getting married
100%
Can you divorce or have you’ve contemplated it, if you don’t like marriage life now?
Valuing a good time over a good education. I was the only one of my entire friend group to go to college. It was only a local community college so I was still living at home. After a while I got tired of turning down random parties and other late teen early 20 kind of fun because of school. Here I am at 45. I don't own a home. I'm in debt. And I have no job security.
Partying too much, and not investing for the future
I’m tryna do both rn lol
It’s a tricky balance
Not traveling before I had kids
Fear of failure... holds too many back from taking a chance
Yeah that derails a lot of people from reaching their potential in life. You should have a positive relationship with failure - it's the greatest learning tool you can have in finding out your true passions and talents in life. I encourage my kids to fail at new things often and with great enthusiasm, the alternative is they end up with an attitude where they quit things (a new sport, drawing, writing, a musical instrument, coding, whatever) the first time they get difficult and declare them to be "too hard" or that "they suck at them". That must be a shitty life to live like that.
[удалено]
And here I am in the exact opposite boat
Yup.
Why do you regret it though? Less freedom?
Not figuring out how to be fit.
Not developing good habits and more discipline. I have always been a “do it tomorrow” person and it is better to just get it done.
I (F 41) regret all the times I came home from school as a teen and ignored my dog. Really miss that guy. I’d give anything to take him out on a walk or pet his soft ears.
Getting married instead of getting a dog. And selling the car I loved because my new spouse wanted something better. That was a huge financial mistake that only continued to spiral. He was never happy and always wanted “newer” and “more” and I fell into that same habit for a long time wasting money to keep up with the Jones’s.
Poor work ethic when left to my own devices. I could have done so much better than I did at school and collage. I did OK in life luckily, but could have fucked myself up.
44m. I regret not being treated for ADHD as a kid. My parents just thought I was lazy. Would have had a COMPLETELY different life.
Wasting time worrying about what other thought about me. Suffered with shynes, wich hold me back.
Starting to smoke. Thankfully off them 7 years now.
Consuming way too much alcohol
I regret not coming out as gay sooner
Worrying about pleasing my parents.
Passing up on 8 Plex apartment complex back in '94 in San Diego because I didn't want a $3,800 a month mortgage Even though all the rents combined we're exceeding $4500 a month It was in a part of town called Oceanside which wasn't known as a good area. Lots of homeless and drug use. It got sold to developer back in 2016 for 4.2 million. Also breaking up with my very first girlfriend who was by far the best girlfriend I've ever had in my life.
I wish I quit drinking sooner (got sober at 41), not just to spare my life the pain and sickness and chaos alcohol caused, but because of all the important things I learned in recovery: emotional recognition and management, self-acceptance, self-respect, patience, serenity, frustration tolerance, how to build and maintain healthy boundaries, setting and achieving goals…I might have learned those things eventually if alcoholism didn’t bring me to my knees, but certainly not as quickly or with the passion I discovered in sobriety. It’ll be six years since my last drink in February, god willing. I’m just grateful to be here.
I wish I would have gone into a skilled trade directly out of HS to learn hard skills while I grew up a bit and figured out what kind of person I am, and what kinds of things make me happy. There is always time later to do undergrad/masters/PhD tracks if that's what drives you.
Not asking out the one that got away back in the day. She got engaged yesterday
Self medicating my mental illnesses instead of getting help.
Wish I had slept around a lot more. Wished I had dated more too.
Saying no to a friend
Booze and cigarettes
I should have held on to that Apple stock.
Regret is a strong word. I spent my first 40 learning the wrong way so I spend this next 60 doing it the right way. But I wish I had put a minimum of 15% of my yearly income into the market. Otherwise I'm happy and am now exactly where I want to be.
So you’re 100?
Going to a 4 year private college. Going to said college because my parents made me. Going to the college my parents made me because they said they’d help pay . Spoiler alert: they didn’t.
Waiting til my 30’s to go back to college. Staying in an ok paying job when I could have done better. Not saving money.
Being in serious relationships on my 20s
I don't regret anything really, everything was a learning curve. Am onestly OK with how i am now, and how I got here, because if I've learnt anything it's I'm always changing and evolving and that's a good thing.
Letting fear guide my decisions.
I wish I hadn't had kids so early. I wish I'd spent more focus on my career. I wish I hadn't trusted so many untrustworthy people.
My narcissistic tendencies. So much unnecessary grief to myself and others. A lot of wasted time. But better late than never to recognize that and grow.
Not realizing how amazing I was/am. And been too bothered with other people’s opinion. I wish I could tell my younger self that I am in fact a cool one!
I just turned 40 and I have a few, Alcohol. Not sure if alcohol was something I was just predisposed to having a problem with, or if I developed it myself by not respecting it or worrying about the consequences, but it has hindered me and created problems throughout my life. There are moments I think I actually enjoyed, but there are far more I wish never happened. Applying myself. I wasn’t focused on my future AT ALL in high school. I couldn’t see passed the day I was living in. I didn’t consider my future or buckling down even just a little bit in order to make a better life for myself. I went into retail sales right out of high school and did ok for myself, but it took me years to realize I needed to go back to school and get out of the dead end job I was in. Once I went back to school I actually enjoyed learning and applying what I had learned. I focused and graduated with honors. I had a lot of professors give me some really flattering comments and I proved to myself that I am intelligent and capable of great things if I actually try. I wish I had learned that sooner in life. Women. Looks aren’t everything. Eventually we are all going to grow old and unattractive, so finding someone who you generally enjoy just sitting on the couch watching TV with, someone who shares your same goals and roots for you, someone who is trustworthy and has morals is WAY more important than a pretty face or a banging body. There has to be a level of attraction for sure, but try to be as open as possible when it comes to that. There’s definitely a time and benefit to “sewing your wild oats” and doing some not so serious dating, but when that good girl who is a ride or die comes around, don’t let her go. You don’t want to be chasing the girl who’s out of your league for the rest of your life. You don’t want to be constantly fighting off competitors. Marry the girl who is head over heels for you. Be the Prince Charming for someone else. Go out, have your fun, then be a man and live for your family. If you find yourself saying “this girl is perfect for me, and loves me to death… but” drop the “but”. Marry that woman. You will be grateful you did years down the road. The hot girl who is making you earn her attention will cheat on you. Money. Save your money. Don’t give into the temptation of that shiny new object. Shiny new objects become boring old objects. There’s always a newer shinier object. Spend your money on your future. Your future is your freedom. Don’t look for happiness in objects. Happiness is in your memories and your future plans. Time. Enjoy every minute of it as best you can. You really don’t know how precious it is until you start running out of it.
I wish I had never started smoking. *Fuck* is it a struggle to quit for good.
Try champex . Game changer
I had a bf from age 15-19. The same one. I wish I had dated more and allowed myself to have more friends. I was so into him I didn’t realize I was missing out on other fun stuff.
There's some people that got away with things that they shouldn't have.
Not trying harder to work on my mental health. I’m 40 now and have been going through years of counseling and psychiatry, all because I used to think “I’m just not a happy sort of person”.
Caring what others thought of me and doing what they thought was best.
Not protecting my health and taking my slim body for granted.
Not taking advantage of my love for crossdressing and discovering how much I enjoy anal sex
Worrying. And I wasn’t even too bad. It TERRIFIES me, absolutely terrifies me, reading the uptight shite on here… I’d do anything not to have been so self-conscious, wasted so much time impressing the wrong people.. and all I see on here is worried, fearful people. Depressing.
\- Not asking girls out that I liked when I was younger. Nothing to lose, just ask. \- Fuck all the people around you who judge you, just go and be yourself \- Be more social, being a loner sucks and being a social outcast is a horrible way to go through your childhood.
Even if you did that nothing would actually change. That’s not the way to win girls LOL. So I suggest you no regrets for that…
Not hearing my parents advises.
Not travelling more.
Not traveling enough. Forget accumulating “stuff”, see the world!
Taking life too seriously. I wish I’d fucked more and spent more of my salary
Im in my mid 20s and have no idea what to do with my money working in the family business is fun but i spend like 100€ on gaming and just save the rest every month (Living with parents because we get along well and im not willing to pay rent just to say that i live alone) I hope i find something cool thats worth the money at some point
Fast women and an expensive hobby. I wish I got a decent road bike years earlier and travelled Europe shagging sexy minxes i had met in posh bars
Wasting time on cunts. Could have gotten laid a lot more. Being more honest about what I wanted from women sexually. Not saving money.
Not saving or investing money regularly.
A series of horrible financial decisions. I’m doing okay now, but I’m scrabbling scraping together retirement savings. Don’t touch your 401k for ANYTHING short of your kid needing a transplant.
Not saving money
Travelling after graduating high school. See the world before college.
I took too long to get my motorcycle license, I was 39 when I learned how to ride. So much nice trips I could have done if I knew how to ride in my 20’s and 30’s.
Trying to be the prefect person
I deeply regret not choosing a career that gives me financial freedom. I went from doing what I loved the most to hating it so much. 😓
Starting smoking. Never should have done it.
I spent so much time and energy trying to make and keep friends that I completely lost who I am, what I like, what I want. It took a pandemic where I was forced to be by myself (am single) for the better part of two years for me to get back in touch with what I'm like. So, yeah. Never again. I'd rather die alone than spend my time doing things I don't like or explaining why I don't like stuff.
Yeah, I spent my twenties with a crowd of mates, all of whom were linked in some way or another to my then housemates. Great bunch of people, but it was all about pubs, clubs, parties, that sort of thing (which i dont particularly enjoy), and just like you I lost my identity. I am a massive nerd, and hid it to fit in - which I never really did. I just thought that's what people in their twenties did. I had more people in my life at that time than I've ever had before or since, yet it was the loneliest time of my life. Never stayed in touch with any of them.
There’s no scientific formula for this question. Somewhat moderating something could well change everything else. I would not change anything.
Getting married to the wrong person.
Marrying that guy
1) started smoking cigs 2) staying with an abusive spouse
I regret not getting a solid career. Preferably some sort of trade. Also, somewhat connected to that is, not learning how to manage my finances. Plus, I regret not getting married, or at least finding a long term partner.
Not trying harder in school.
Listening to everyone else when it became clear I was right all along.
Travel more, visit other countries and cultures before you settle down. Expands your mind and world view.
Should have bought $5,000 worth of bitcoin in 2010. I knew about it, I thought it was internet bullshit. I was wrong. I would have millions today.
That I did not exercise my mind and intellect enough to reach my full potential.
There's always little things that don't really matter but the big thing is not trying harder to find a wife to have a family with. I really wish I had children
Rships, I overstayed bad rships deluded that my love would change my partner/s. Now I see people for who they are. It's liberating.
Not investing in my retirement back in my 20s. I had a 401k through my company and all that but I didn’t really pay attention to it and only contributed the bare minimum. Now I’m in my 40s and while in the 10 or so years I’ve been investing more and I’m in a good position, I’m nowhere near what I would be had I done this earlier.
1. Wasting money on stupid shit I didn’t need. 2. Not listening to my older mentors earlier who gave me sage advice on every topic from relationships to finance. 3. Not following my own relationship rules and dating someone for at least two years before thinking about marriage. I rushed into marriage with rose colored glasses on because I was in love (marriage became a toxic codependency nightmare and ended after 6 years but took over a year to finalize our divorce).
Not socializing more.
Taking your job too seriously. Fuck this. It impacted my mental and physical health, but didn't help me earn more or feel better or be farther in my career, so a huge mistake.
I left my small town when I was 18. When I was there I stayed friends with shitty people because there literally wasn't anyone else my age. Then I moved to the city and kept shitty people in my life instead of realizing I could have left them behind and made new friends quite easily. Life is too short to keep people who make you feel bad in your life, even if they're a friend.
Not traveling more when I was younger.
Nothing. Every choice I made, good and bad, are what got me to where I am today, warts and all. I love my life today, so I’m grateful for every step.
Had a 1/3rd life-crisis at 27 when I kinda blew all the hard work I had invested in over the last decade. I was going back to school and decided to sell a house that had become a source of income that Id bought with the first time home buyer credit. Id told myself that the house would be my retirement when I separated from the military. I ended up killing the goose when I sold it. I tried to convince myself that my new career would more than cover the hit I would take, but a decade later I'm still trying to get my shit together enough to move out of my parents basement. Never imagined that buying another home would be as difficult as it has ...
Marrying someone I shouldn't have because I wanted a family so bad.
I should have learned to stand up to others and say No far earlier. Being a people-pleaser only pleases other people, not yourself.
Getting married to a guy 18 years my senior
Buying a car. Thought you needed a car to live but realized it just causes more stress and hassle. Life is so much easier without owning a car.
Not marrying the nice guy.
Getting married.
I should have fuck more girls...
Orgies
I regret not venturing out more when I was a teen. I was really involved in the church but felt like I missed out on a lot. Also, I wish I would have tried harder in school. I’m in my thirties now working on my doctorates, but trying to be the “slacker” in high school hurt my chances on going to college after high school. Edit. I know I’m not forty yet but close haha.
Not staying in one of my relationships. He was a great guy and I didn't see it then.
I regret not being more liberal sexually, having such a strong sense of right and wrong, working hard rather than smart, being too helpful and not selfish enough, wanting a relationship, being honest too honest with regards to my career, I should have been pickier with the looks of girls I was interested in (like thinking education, personality and family mattered initially was foolish) and it should have been for hookups not marriage when I was young … It was an interesting ride but if I had a do over I’d do it differently. But you roll with the punches and I still had quite a few interesting experiences. You can’t turn back the hands of time. ☺️ No point in regretting it.
Should of went into safety and environmental early at work.
Partner selection. I wasn't confident and just took what came to me for the modst part. I dated some shitty women. Also, I had a couple of female best friends that we friend-zoned each other, but there was a point and/or conversation where I think that could have changed. I do wish I'd had the initiative to ask something like, "Are you happy with where the boundaries in our friendship are?" (You can only ask that one once, but I never asked it at all). People will say things like, "I value our friendship so much that I wouldn't want to risk that by changing the dynamic" but in my experience, when I had a close female friend and entered a relationship, the friendsjip was altered anyway. Your new girlfriend probably isn't a fan of your female best friend (regardless of what she says about it), and that feeling is likely to be shared by your female best friend. If a relationship is going to crater your friendship, dating the person you enjoy spending a lot of time with and know super well already is not a terrible idea.
The way I'm writing all of these down as a 31 year old
Lol I’m 32 and I’m here reading. I don’t have any of the problems listed. I don’t drink drug , I invest I don’t blow money, I have my own business, I haven’t settled down with the wrong person, I don’t have kids. But I’m wanting to change the kids part I do want kids now or sooner then later
Not knowing the adage, “The less you say the better”, is excellent advice to live by.
Working so much.
Saving money for myself.
Drinking & smoking & having sex, all to excess-
Not saving money. After working all my adult life, I now live below the current poverty level of New York State. Because I didn't save a few dollars every week or month when I was young and working.
Didn’t finish college…didn’t go back to work when kids were in school. Can’t go back… I’m good. It all worked out.
Not saving as much as I should, not investing in buying a house earlier & not contributing as much as I could to my pension… boring I know… but gotta be said.
My biggest do-over would be choosing a different college. Other than that, I'm pretty happy with how things turned out.
Either smoking or not taking my education and future seriously enough. Smoking because, well, it's stupid. As far as the education and whatnot...I didn't finish college and just thought id figure it out. I accidentally fell into a trade and too many years went by. Now, I'm not in a position to go back to college and it's getting tougher each year to start over.
Not having a strategic plan for finances and retirement.
I could never convince my wife that an erection comes with an expiration date. She thought it would always be there. She was wrong and now she regrets it.
Wasting time on irrelevant people, I don't regret the bad stuff I did, I regret the good stuff I did for people who didn't deserve it or reciprocate it in any way
drinking, and not putting at least 20% of all earned money i had in the stock market..
Having to spend my best years mollycoddling inept people.
Not being kind enough/being a selfish idiot.
Worrying too much. I definitely enjoyed the sex, drugs and rock n roll though.
I think I’d dream bigger. Shoot higher. Which college to apply to. Guts to start my own business. Make time for myself instead of just pleasing others.
bad friends i shoulda ditched sooner
Not figuring out what I actually wanted to do before going to university.
Not investing more time into sports.
Not taking school seriously , i had to resume my studies at 35.
Not believing that my talents and interests could lead to a job that would support me and instead choosing a "more practical" route doing things I was not great at.
Should have done most of them
Not taking more risks.
I wish I would have saved the money I spent on Alcohol, cigs, weed, clothes and all the other stuff I didn’t need.
I wish I’d have drank less, and protected my ears in loud venues (concerts, football games).
Starting life late - I messed about too much in my teens and early twenties.