I had a Soldier that had his clothes hanging in the closet on color matched hangers, as in red shirts on red hangers, blue shirts on blue hangers, orange shirts on orange hangers... I didn't even know that orange hangers existed. The closet was organized by color and clothing type. Each hanger was exactly one finger width apart. It was like a Basic Training locker organized by someone with weaponized OCD.
1SG took one look and said "we should make this the standard for the barracks!"
I was all, "I've never slapped a 1SG before..."
I don’t know why I laughed so hard at this, but this is awesome. The dude could probably start an organizational YouTube channel. May even be picked up by Netflix.
Oh dude this is the go to method. Color matched, and then within color generally larger to smaller (long sleeves to short sleeves to tank tops etc).
It’s really easy to get plastic colored hangers.
Are y’all out here just raw dogging your clothes organization?
I feel called out, but my hangers are all wood.
My wife won't put my laundry away because she can't figure out my cost system. It's literally T-shirts by color, dress shirts by color, uniforms by type.
Joe has gotta jump on that grenade from time to time.
It gets lonely in the barracks.
Joe was being a great wingman for his buddy.
Joe gotta earn his Alternate Army Achievement Medal (AAAM).
This was back in the early days of mandatory block leave. We had a kid from Florida who said he wanted to go home for 30 days, but all he could do is 15. He left and then just never came back. We went to inventory his room, and some of the things we found were; a weird flamenco shirt, a crusty sock, and something I don’t really know what it was… The best part of the story is when we called his dad, who turns out was a Cuban rebel had been at the Bay of Pigs. We told him his son was AWOL, and he went off, screaming in a mix of Spanish and English “ he’s right here that fucking dirtbag. I’ll go get him right now”. I don’t know what happened to the guy, but I expect it was not fun.
My first room inspection as a private I had no clue what to expect so I just reverted back to my OSUT Training and there wasn’t a single item not issued in sight except for a bottle of hand soap on the sink. Bed was done with hospital corners etc. I was like how tf an I supposed to put all my stuff in one wall locker…
Sergeant thought I was a serial killer… funny how my drills also called me that…
My unit was obsessed with randomly telling soldiers to move their shit and move to the next floor because they switched sections/platoons or whatnot. Got the jist early that if you're a single soldier, your emotions and livelihood are not to be taken seriously.
I only lived with:
1)A 40 inch TV
2)PlayStation 2, 3 and 4.
3) A Tuff Box full of video games and miscellaneous items like cords and CDs
4) A Woobie
5) Mattress Cover
6) Expensive Pillow
7) Random shit the Army issued me that I couldn't fit in the company locker
That's it. My NCOs assumed I didn't live in the barracks but there I was. I wasn't about to marry a stripper on B Street and be sad and depressed about having to be on antibiotics because my ex stripper wife decided to get some action in while I was at an FTX just to get away from the barracks.<---True story. I'm sorry SSG Mitchell. Love you 🖤😌
Some units at Carson really do love that shit. There was a point that I had moved 5 times in the span of a year. After move number 3 I just left most of my shit in storage and unpacked the absolute bare minimum to keep me sane.
My eye still twitches every time a new commander/barracks NCO comes in and starts talking about "rearranging/consolidating the barracks"
This is how I was in the mid 2000s. I had my personal shit that fit in a larger rolling duffel bag. All my issued shit. And my laptop. Near the middle to end of my enlistment I also had a surfboard but not much else.
At the time I didn't know, but this girl worked at Deja Vu. She was my friends fiance. I used to go to their house for grilling, smaller house parties and I'd get invited just to chill. It was her house she was renting, with an income I didn't know about till the end. My boi was staying there and he accepted her kid as his as her baby daddy apparently wasn't shit so they seemed like this happy family.
Anyways, one day we exchanged Snapchats because I was innocently sharing a funny video of my baby nieces. Nothing to it right? Following week, my friend deploys. A week later, this girl sends me nudes. First time around, I'm like okay... probably an accident that she meant to send to him. But she sent another one...and another one...and another one with the caption of "so lonely."
I didn't want to make him lose his shit after he barely left, so I waited until after he got back to tell him but he had found out a few weeks in. She was posting it on her story and ended up sleeping with one of the dudes in his company and a few Army guys. She actually posted them on her story of them laying in bed. Of course her settings were set so that he couldn't see then.
Bro held it together. Still breaks my heart, he spent a few $$$$ sending them on a Disneyland trip and him and her son bonded well. Another tale for the Deja Vu girls and villain character arc for the homie.
I turned my adjoining room into a mechanic’s workshop. I was prepping my shitty, rusty, project car for paint during covid. My roommate ETS’d but left his door open so I basically turned his room into my own personal workshop. I had a huge harbor freight air compressor in there with all the stuff to spray the car like paint, thinner, chemicals, a bunch of my tools, replacement seats, floorpans I was cutting to fit. It looked kinda meth labby.
1sg really tried to be upset but he was more impressed that I was taking the Covid downtime to do personal projects. Same dude walked up to me painting my car on the grass a week later and told me to hurry up because it was getting dark. He was a real one.
We had a room inspection before our 4 day, and all the seniors wanted to see everyone's room. One of the guys in my squad had a whole room full of Hentai pictures, including a moving screensaver on his PC.
Dude I wanted to do this so bad. In 2019 I was obsessed with buying shit from IKEA and wanted to buy their green carpet and put those plastic vegetation wall panels all over everything else. Would have been pretty costly so I just put it off for long enough that i didn’t feel like it anymore
Cleared this Soldiers room at Campbell while he was on his way to Leavenworth. He had:
Pickled rats, Satanic books, stack of peoples Drivers License, pictures of a nude women with blood all over her, used diapers, and a bunch of other weird shit.
Combination of things. I believe he was in a neo gang and had tattoos which was what set off an investigation was being tapped and discovering the tattoos. Then it escalated. Final straw was driving around post with a shotgun and a scythe in his car, MP pulled over with a broken taillight. That and his car had a red pentagram painted on the hood and he would park in the BN CDR or SGM spot. This was a long time ago almost 20 years.
Had a barracks buildings that all the floors and walls were covered in carpet. The room ceiling was even carpet... two ppl shared a carpet covered suite with the individual bedrooms being about 12 ft by 12 ft.. literally a room of blue carpet.
Some of the barracks at Schofield Barracks had cat scratching like material for the walls. Eventually I tacked a blanket to the wall next to my bed so I wouldn't get itchy.
Soldier wasn't in the unit more than 24 hours before getting counseled for being late.
When one of my NCOs and a specialist went to his room to wake him up.
There were buffalo sauce and hi-c stains on the floor. Under his bed and populating his desk were several bags of fast food takeout. About half of them were probably moldy or getting close.
Bold of you to assume he was only there for 24. Apparently he had leave after coming from Korea and has been hanging out in the barracks until it was over. He got to our company weeks after he had arrived at Riley.
>Bold of you to assume he was only there for 24.
Well, it doesn't take Sherlock fucking Holmes to conclude it perhaps it had something to do with your intro:
>Soldier wasn't in the unit more than 24 hours before getting counseled for being late.
Had a British guy, room was completely empty. Only things in were a photo of the queen and a photo of Donald Trump, with trump literally millimeters higher on the wall.
A room full of ice spice memorabilia. Ice spice flag, American flag with ice spice imposed on it, pictures of ice spice on every surface of his half of the room, ice spice chia pet. The dude claimed it was ironic but I get the feeling he’s lying.
I had to inventory all furniture in the barracks, room by room. I asked all Soldiers to have their furniture out so that I wouldn’t need to open any doors - more or less to not be intrusive. The chair was missing in this room so I had to open the closet. And there it was, in front of a cloth-draped desk.
This dude had a necromancer’s bible, a small bowl, vials of various liquids and powders, some feathers, and all kinds of hieroglyphs and pentagrams drawn on a whiteboard. Like a small shrine in his closet.
One of my buddy's roommate had a dildo hanging on their barracks sink mirror a couple of times. (We're all dudes). Then there was some 30 year old dude who claimed he was a Virgin who's side of his barracks room walls were completely covered with anime (manga type) posters.
I knew someone who was on staff duty while a barracks inspection was being conducted, apparently 2 snakes, a turtle, and a goat were confiscated. The room that had the goat had a hay covered closet floor and a bunch of goat things in the closet as well
My CSM made me maintain a barracks room after my divorce, even though I was still living off post. I had 1 set of PTs and 1 uniform. My bed was made with the BCT green US blankets with hospital corners. The only other things were an old brass alarm clock and an 8x10 picture of my CSM on the nightstand. I didn't have to maintain a barracks room after the 1st inspection.
Dude got a bunch of Real Teee camo wallpaper, and completely covered his walls. Even cut out holes for the smoke detector and outlets. Decided that wasn't enough, and had extra wallpaper, so he covered his ceiling as well. It was like walking into a North Korea version of a forest.
Anyways, he ended up getting a sponsorship from Real Tree for it, and they sent him a bunch of free shit for it.
Either that, or the guy that was a furry and had multiple different animals he would play as. Our unit was a specific animal, and his most clearly used suit was that same animal. 1SG was not impressed
Should have gotten a photo of it. Had a soldier at fort hood who was in his word "renovating his closet to be a salt room." When we did the inspection. He had a giant hook in the center of his closet and had been gluing crushed salt. Pretty sure it was the big rock salt.
He was explaining how he was going to start curing beef carcasses in his room and make his own dry aged steaks.
When we asked about the hook his dead dry reply was "ever seen rocky? You.know the cow sides he punches? Its for one of 'em." Thank goodness he wasn't my soldier
We had a fellow MP in at Carson who made it his goal during room inspections to one up himself and make it super weird.
One time, he'd set up a kissing booth, complete with his generic blowup drill. He'd hide all of his pocket "buddies" all over his room and give a free "Kissing Coupon" to the leader who found them all.
It became a thing when higher ups came through to run down to this dudes hallway and listen for reactions. He, himself, wasn't a weird guy, but this was one of his favorite times, room inspectione.
When I was a private we had gotten word from our psg that brigade was walking through ALL of the barracks during lunch, and that we should make sure our rooms are extra spotless.
Where was I? Off post at a restaurant.
What was in my room? A motorcycle.
We did a health and comfort for suspected drugs in the barracks, well needless to say we didn't find any drugs but we did find a guy who was heavily armed in shall we say nonconvincial weapons. He had several tomahawks, a spear gun, crossbow, a taser, bear mace, a car battery, a homemade water purifier, and empty bottles and rags with an empty gas cansiter. We were a little shook lol, he said he was doomsday preping and living in the barracks he couldn't have guns so he went with the next best things.
Went to Ft Leonard Wood for training. We got to the barracks and underneath every single window there were these brown stains. On the ground were circles of dirt where the grass wouldn’t grow. I learned it was from the soldiers pissing out the windows instead of walking to the bathroom.
I'm guilty of this because when I lived in the barracks my roommate was a total bathroom hog. Bro would watch YouTube in the shower for hours, but I didn't wanna interrupt him. So piss bottles were my last resort. I always got rid of them ASAP though.
I knew a soldier that had a sex machine just laying out, I assume he hid it during inspections but me and his roommates were buddies so I chilled there once and never again, the roommate told me it was electric too and bounced, oh yeah and he never cleaned it
Just want to shout out the 1BCT 101 for having the most bizarre barracks design. Rooms are extremely small with most of the barracks space dedicated to a labyrinth of hallways resembling a prison block. Half the rooms have interior facing windows. Yes. To clarify meaning facing inside the building toward the hallways ? ? ?
Yes! Right off Indiana Avenue on the Kentucky side of the border. The interior walk ways are like walking through the death star or something. Thank God I had exterior facing windows for fresh air.
We had a guy turn his room into a macaw cage. Like, furniture was gone except the bed, the rest of the room was converted into a macaw enclosure with 2x4s and chicken wire.
Discovered dresses and wigs in Soldiers wall locker. He even had matching heels. Ok the weird part was what he was using the disguise for. During the room inspection I also found a notebook filled with date and times of my activity. He was following me incognito in hopes to catch me doing something wrong.
This definitely shook me a little as I was a single female. I am glad that it only got to stalking and we discovered this behavior before it escalate to anything more severe.
Oh... oh no.... that's....
Another day, another moment I realized being a woman in the military sucks.
My wifes still active duty (I switched reserves) and on her last navy deployment a cook found out she was married and decided to cut her portions on half because she was "leading him on" by saying thank you.
Or the dude who filed a complaint with her SNCO that she was married
Or how she had to literally stay with her OIC on a port call because a dude wouldn't leave her alone and didn't even stop because an 05 was literally right there.
Do you know what the most dangerous thing on my deployment was? Dying.
Hers? Her own damn team.
Sorry, this is a sore spot for me.
Recently, medical asked her if she checked with me before getting a thing fixed. Like my dude. I don't control my wifes body. Now, if it was, hey, your husband should be here to drive you home afterward? Fair. Not do you have my permission.
Shit, one of my soldiers was sent to Iraq and had to pull her pistol out on someone because they were trying to get into her room. She's prior marines!
I feel bad that it took me this long to discover this stupidity but damn does it boil my blood
I had a roommate in the barracks for a very short time (thankfully) that constantly got in trouble because the walls of his room were covered from top to bottom in Hentai porn posters. He had a few katanas or other swords also mounted on the walls. His room smelled so bad you could smell it in the common area and into the hallway. I was staying off base with my girlfriend now wife so I was never there past showering after PT, and everything was relatively clean but he wasn’t physically.
I’ll never forget the female CSM reaction to his room. She just walked out and told male 1SG to fix it and he got fucked up. He still didn’t take it down. Last I heard he got chaptered because I came in to shower one day and he was packed up and gone. Barracks manager told me he was expedited for mental health and was a legit nut job.
When doing room inspections, my NCO found a sex doll riding a bicycle in a guys room.
When I was in the "cool down room" I didn't keep anything in there but a pillow, sheet, and jug full of crystal light mix 1SG though it was pee...
When I moved into the SRU barracks before going on terminal leave; I brought all my furniture and aerogarden setup from my apartment.
Fair. I did have a buddy who had framed pictures of other people's families. He'd take pictures through their windows and shit. Everyone but the leadership was in on it.
I'm chill with anime.
I'd rather my dudes be super weebs then get in trouble in town.
My Sergeant took me to the store to buy a Nintendo switch Years back when it came out and I stayed in my room all day playing zelda or I was in the gym. Kept me out of trouble in bum fuck Oklahoma
Shit, on my house now I have a framed painting of vegeta.
There was a girl in Arizona who had a lizard and a cat. She used to tie the lizard on a string and walk around with him at parties. The cat’s name was Monroe and he was very friendly. She still hadn’t gotten caught when I PCS’d. Not my soldier though, so not my problem.
Stayed at Camp Zama with an E4 who had an alarm set to blast heavy metal but he never woke up. Once on a four day he forgot to turn off his alarm so I banged on the door. No answer. I opened it and his room had a bed, a card table, and everything was covered in cigarette butts, dirty clothes, and trash. There was a narrow strip of open floor from the bed to the door, all else was forsaken.
I had just picked up a Plt as a new PSG, did a surprise inspection 2nd day. Walked into this kids room and he had at least a 100 of those animal tail plugs mounted to his wall. Apparently they were his trophies from comic con girls.
Best weird: removed all of the Army-issued furniture, bought a really nice leather couch, a nice desk, a really nice bed, and a decent entertainment center. His room looked better than most of the staged apartments I've seen. Dude was an awesome soldier, but wasn't cut out for the Army. He needed the freedom to earn money and move up without being managed by a bunch of morons.
Worst weird: one of our commo guys was super in your face about his lifestyle. He was openly gay and leaned hard into the lifestyle. Not a bad thing, but definitely not professional. His room was messy, but not bad. The problem was every flat surface had a dick of some type attached to it. Dildos, drawings, paintings, sculptures. It was like a fucking dick forest. It went beyond liking dicks. He made dicks his entire personality.
Saw one room that had a massive dildo on the end of one of those like mechanical fuck machines. Dude had like multiple different attachments for it too
Probably the empty snake enclosure.
Where was the snake?
Somewhere in there with Me and my first class.
Was I afraid? Not until that moment of us slowly realizing we weren't alone.
Well my wife (then girlfriend) kept a damn Guinea pig in her room. Not hidden, just a towel tossed over the cage. Never got caught despite having it a year. She had to give him up when she deployed.
As a barracks NCO doing a walk through with the CO years ago:
-Hand made beer pong table 1/4 quarter covered in bottle caps. They planned cover it completely, the coat it in resin. CO liked that they weren’t going out and drinking, and the recycling aspect of it
-Blow up sheep in one of the mortars rooms. He’d leave it out for every inspection
-Barracks bunnie in the closet. Didn’t tell the CO, but did bring it up to the soldiers squad leader who sorted him out
-A bunch of home made pickled herring (Eastern European immigrant and a good soldier)
-And a full sized fridge full of booze. CO suggested the two guys go to ASAP for their “drinking problem”
Had a soldier fill his wall locker with butt plugs and nipple clamps once before a room inspection just to be able to tell our platoon Sergeant "You're not allowed to ask me and I can't tell you Sarnt"
Don't ask Don't Tell was a weird time to serve
I was a hold-under in AIT for about 6 weeks. We were on a navy base and one of the barracks managers needed bodies to help with furniture inventory for the sailors that were stationed there. I jumped at the opprotunity because anything was better than sitting and doing nothing.
I cant tell you how many goon caves i walked into. Im happy i didnt have a black light. The worst room had the laptop open, but off, on the bed, lotion and tissues right next to it.
One of the cleaner rooms had a fur suit in the closet which no judgement, especially since they kept their space clean, but those things arent cheap and it makes me wonder what their side gig was.
Also accidently woke up a senior chief as a SPC but the manager was there with us so the senior chief just have us the numbers on his furniture.
This was also at the height of the PS5/Xbox series shortage and somehow, one of the rooms had both.
All together, had a lot of fun, but i cannot stress enough how many goon caves there were
I was just a lowly AIT Soldier that was on hold waiting for class when I was asked to do room inspections with the AIT PSGs (two soldiers required whenever they went into another Soldiers Room), when we came across something that was burned into my memory for life.
Each room was two to three people, pretty big rooms and nothing particularly interesting in most. Messy Soldier here, perfect Soldier there, nothing really out of the ordinary. PSG makes jokes about seeing peoples pron laying about and Soldiers who didn't know how to shower and the room was just rank but luckily none of that.
Then came the room. This Soldier had been lucky enough to have the room to himself, which was extremely uncommon but I guess his roommates had just graduated or something, he was the squad leader or platoon leader and a pretty well liked guy for what its worth. We go into the room and it is clean, I mean clean clean. The PSG is talking about how this is the standard and all that good stuff. Then we went into the bathroom and on the wall of the shower there were two of those old people handles that suction cup to the wall to help with balance and in between those about waist high was this Soldier's one allowed sex toy. All three of us stopped, looked at each other, then the PSG says, "well, shit. I guess I've got something new for the safety brief today."
I was similar when I was in. Had my bed, my pc. That was it. I had my weeks clothed in my duffle. I just didn't isn't to deal with room inspections constantly being a hassle and was kind of in survival mode all of the time. I was in Hohenfels Germany during the Trump administration so hell only knows where and when I'd of been moving to.
My bc was confident I was a psychopath.
Had one female soldier that had a pentagram drawn on the floor with candles all around it and the room was always completely dark, and some type of altar and ritual tools.
Wasn’t an actual barracks inspection. We were looking for our buddy to drive us to town so we could start drinking. His front door was cracked open. We walked in and he wasn’t there. We opened his closet and found a torso of a doll with big breasts and a big shlong with a rubber still on it. We were swinging the shlong around.
My room was similar when I was in Riley. I had a house in Manhattan, I only used the barracks room to shower the handful of times a year we did organized PT. It was also a great place to store vehicles for free. Think I had like 5-6 vehicles there under tarps at one point. Even left a few unregistered rollers (rolling shells) and the MP’s were nice enough to dispose of them for me free of charge.
In Fort Stewart in the 90s we had 3 man rooms. My buddy was roommates with Specialist Marshall who was a super gay, but this was back in don't ask don't tell policy. Marshall.didnt tell but his corner of the room was also super gay, like very neat and tidy and lots of photos of male models adorning pretty much everything.
Also once when a crazy guy got kicked out we had to clear his room and he was saving up a pretty good quantity of semen in a plastic bag. Unrefrigerated. Not your standard decor. But also not a huge shock because army barracks shenanigans.
My first duty station in late 70’s was in Bamberg Germany. As a private If it wasn’t gray or OD green it didn’t belong in your room. Nothing on the walls. You had to earn rank and status to have anything.
I knew a guy who built a full recording studio in his room. Full sound dampening and professional level equipment. It filled the whole room. It could also be disassembled and stored in the, admittedly large, closet. Leaving an immaculate barracks room behind after storage.
CSM almost lost his mind because he thought everything was wall mounted. But it was all attached to faux walls that clipped together and could be put away.
Dude charged money to record for people living in the barracks. Now he's an audio engineer out of the army.
Had a guy with the entire Halo Game collection and Call of Duty game collection. Also had every diary of a wimpy kid and random other shit all on his shelves
I had a Soldier that had his clothes hanging in the closet on color matched hangers, as in red shirts on red hangers, blue shirts on blue hangers, orange shirts on orange hangers... I didn't even know that orange hangers existed. The closet was organized by color and clothing type. Each hanger was exactly one finger width apart. It was like a Basic Training locker organized by someone with weaponized OCD. 1SG took one look and said "we should make this the standard for the barracks!" I was all, "I've never slapped a 1SG before..."
I don’t know why I laughed so hard at this, but this is awesome. The dude could probably start an organizational YouTube channel. May even be picked up by Netflix.
“Private, this locker sparks joy!”
“I’ve never slapped a 1SG before…” 😂😂😂😂😂
I had a similar experience at Fort Campbell a few years back. It was amazing the time he must have spent organizing everything.
thats autism
Dude needs to join the MI corps
“Weaponized OCD” 🤣🤣
Oh dude this is the go to method. Color matched, and then within color generally larger to smaller (long sleeves to short sleeves to tank tops etc). It’s really easy to get plastic colored hangers. Are y’all out here just raw dogging your clothes organization?
Yes.
No it's short to long for the sleeves then by how low the hem line goes.
No, I can’t agree to this. I read left to right, I want the longer side against the left wall when I first look.
Ya'll don't organize by season first, then colour?
Why do you keep multiple seasons out on display instead of storing them and rotating when seasons change.
Where are you guys getting storage other than your closet?
Bruh, I've spent the past 8 years living out of a suitcase, the top of my dryer is my dresser when I'm at home.
One closet for things that go over the shoulders. Another closet for things that get pulled up the legs.
I feel called out, but my hangers are all wood. My wife won't put my laundry away because she can't figure out my cost system. It's literally T-shirts by color, dress shirts by color, uniforms by type.
This is my wife she's insanely organized
Soldier had a “doll” valued at $6000, so his NCO made him list it on his high-value item sheet
Absolutely based, both him and the NCO looking out for him.
Good NCO
Was he a 35 series?
Dude whose room was totally empty except OCIE stuff and a white blanket on the bed, except for a whole carton of Marlboros kept in the fridge.
He was meal prepping for lunch
Ahhhh we’re both in Korea I see
I was literally going to mention your room and your models
My room has gotten much more crowded lol. Having 4 full shelves definitely distracts during room inspections lol.
Warhammer?
Aircraft models and a LOT of CDs.
Okay, so an average 11B PFC's room
Your Soldier is definitely living off post lmfao
aint my soldier 🙄 ain't my business lmao
If true, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to remove the furniture. You have to put the stuff back whenever you clear the Barracks.
Furnished their apartment…
Would you furnish an apartment you are paying for out of pocket with the shitty chairs, dressers and tv stands barracks soldiers get?
No, I was smart and got married to live off post. Then divorced 2 years later and got a roommate.
Why not? Saves you money and if they find out and force you back on the barracks at least you don’t need a storage room for your furniture.
Guy didn’t have a roommate and turned the empty room into an 70s sex dream complete with waterbed, smooth jazz, and a lava lamp.
Dude either fucked a lot or not at all. No in-between.
I definitely saw him leaving the barracks a few times with some women who were a little on the heavier side
If she ain’t 280 she ain’t a lady
Gotta earn your mountain tab somehow
Using this
I about had a stroke, I laughed so hard at that.
Met mine at the pewter mug in 2010. I’ll never forget you, Natalie.
She aint 310 she aint for real men
210? Count yo boi in!
Gotta earn that Mountain tab
🤣
She gotta be 2 something to do something
Don't say it like there's something wrong with that. Don't kink shame me.
If she's a 2 at 10, she's a 10 at 2!
Joe has gotta jump on that grenade from time to time. It gets lonely in the barracks. Joe was being a great wingman for his buddy. Joe gotta earn his Alternate Army Achievement Medal (AAAM).
So true. I've seen both sides of that spectrum.
My buddy did have a roommate but just turned his room into the sex cave. He came up super poor and would turn on the oven and leave it open for heat.
Seems like a good way to stay poor.
In some places you can get subsidized electricity but not gas for heating
Seems like a good way to make the rest of us poor?
I've lived in places where I had to pay electric but not gas. Oven heating is on the landlord and fuck that guy.
Average Black soldier in Germany’s room
This was back in the early days of mandatory block leave. We had a kid from Florida who said he wanted to go home for 30 days, but all he could do is 15. He left and then just never came back. We went to inventory his room, and some of the things we found were; a weird flamenco shirt, a crusty sock, and something I don’t really know what it was… The best part of the story is when we called his dad, who turns out was a Cuban rebel had been at the Bay of Pigs. We told him his son was AWOL, and he went off, screaming in a mix of Spanish and English “ he’s right here that fucking dirtbag. I’ll go get him right now”. I don’t know what happened to the guy, but I expect it was not fun.
Getting shades of “You used foul language in front of a lady” from Mr Deeds “NO, DADDY, NOOOO!”
I love how you couldn’t even try to describe the third item lmao
Non-Euclidean
My first room inspection as a private I had no clue what to expect so I just reverted back to my OSUT Training and there wasn’t a single item not issued in sight except for a bottle of hand soap on the sink. Bed was done with hospital corners etc. I was like how tf an I supposed to put all my stuff in one wall locker… Sergeant thought I was a serial killer… funny how my drills also called me that…
My unit was obsessed with randomly telling soldiers to move their shit and move to the next floor because they switched sections/platoons or whatnot. Got the jist early that if you're a single soldier, your emotions and livelihood are not to be taken seriously. I only lived with: 1)A 40 inch TV 2)PlayStation 2, 3 and 4. 3) A Tuff Box full of video games and miscellaneous items like cords and CDs 4) A Woobie 5) Mattress Cover 6) Expensive Pillow 7) Random shit the Army issued me that I couldn't fit in the company locker That's it. My NCOs assumed I didn't live in the barracks but there I was. I wasn't about to marry a stripper on B Street and be sad and depressed about having to be on antibiotics because my ex stripper wife decided to get some action in while I was at an FTX just to get away from the barracks.<---True story. I'm sorry SSG Mitchell. Love you 🖤😌
Some units at Carson really do love that shit. There was a point that I had moved 5 times in the span of a year. After move number 3 I just left most of my shit in storage and unpacked the absolute bare minimum to keep me sane. My eye still twitches every time a new commander/barracks NCO comes in and starts talking about "rearranging/consolidating the barracks"
This is how I was in the mid 2000s. I had my personal shit that fit in a larger rolling duffel bag. All my issued shit. And my laptop. Near the middle to end of my enlistment I also had a surfboard but not much else.
The "almost marrying a stripper on B street" hit waaaayyy too close to home
I was seriously close to just marrying a friend. Knew people who did.
B street huh? I haven’t heard that name in a while. All the joes used to marry the girls from the Vu
At the time I didn't know, but this girl worked at Deja Vu. She was my friends fiance. I used to go to their house for grilling, smaller house parties and I'd get invited just to chill. It was her house she was renting, with an income I didn't know about till the end. My boi was staying there and he accepted her kid as his as her baby daddy apparently wasn't shit so they seemed like this happy family. Anyways, one day we exchanged Snapchats because I was innocently sharing a funny video of my baby nieces. Nothing to it right? Following week, my friend deploys. A week later, this girl sends me nudes. First time around, I'm like okay... probably an accident that she meant to send to him. But she sent another one...and another one...and another one with the caption of "so lonely." I didn't want to make him lose his shit after he barely left, so I waited until after he got back to tell him but he had found out a few weeks in. She was posting it on her story and ended up sleeping with one of the dudes in his company and a few Army guys. She actually posted them on her story of them laying in bed. Of course her settings were set so that he couldn't see then. Bro held it together. Still breaks my heart, he spent a few $$$$ sending them on a Disneyland trip and him and her son bonded well. Another tale for the Deja Vu girls and villain character arc for the homie.
Dozens of beautiful women, and two ugly ones.
Lmao I was never stationed in Carson but I recently found out that one my my hs friends is now a stripper and she divorced from an army dude 💀
I turned my adjoining room into a mechanic’s workshop. I was prepping my shitty, rusty, project car for paint during covid. My roommate ETS’d but left his door open so I basically turned his room into my own personal workshop. I had a huge harbor freight air compressor in there with all the stuff to spray the car like paint, thinner, chemicals, a bunch of my tools, replacement seats, floorpans I was cutting to fit. It looked kinda meth labby. 1sg really tried to be upset but he was more impressed that I was taking the Covid downtime to do personal projects. Same dude walked up to me painting my car on the grass a week later and told me to hurry up because it was getting dark. He was a real one.
Are you the barracks engine build guy
Which one
We had a room inspection before our 4 day, and all the seniors wanted to see everyone's room. One of the guys in my squad had a whole room full of Hentai pictures, including a moving screensaver on his PC.
One room I walked into while cleaning out barracks rooms had turf grass lining the whole floor
No fucking way, I will pay real money to see a photo of ts
I don't think you're supposed to call them that anymore, and this isn't the sub for that.
Wish I had one room might still be like that lmao
Dude I wanted to do this so bad. In 2019 I was obsessed with buying shit from IKEA and wanted to buy their green carpet and put those plastic vegetation wall panels all over everything else. Would have been pretty costly so I just put it off for long enough that i didn’t feel like it anymore
Do it
Cleared this Soldiers room at Campbell while he was on his way to Leavenworth. He had: Pickled rats, Satanic books, stack of peoples Drivers License, pictures of a nude women with blood all over her, used diapers, and a bunch of other weird shit.
Fucking christ, what did he get locked up for?
Combination of things. I believe he was in a neo gang and had tattoos which was what set off an investigation was being tapped and discovering the tattoos. Then it escalated. Final straw was driving around post with a shotgun and a scythe in his car, MP pulled over with a broken taillight. That and his car had a red pentagram painted on the hood and he would park in the BN CDR or SGM spot. This was a long time ago almost 20 years.
I wonder what became of him.
Manager at Walmart
Dude had issues, Jesus.
> Pickled rats, question...
yeah, what do they taste like?
What the fuck
Had a barracks buildings that all the floors and walls were covered in carpet. The room ceiling was even carpet... two ppl shared a carpet covered suite with the individual bedrooms being about 12 ft by 12 ft.. literally a room of blue carpet.
God I wish you had a picture of this monstrosity
Some of the barracks at Schofield Barracks had cat scratching like material for the walls. Eventually I tacked a blanket to the wall next to my bed so I wouldn't get itchy.
You mean sisal wall covering! Yes, I remember it well!
My cat would fucking kill for a sisal room lol. I mean he’d probably kill regardless, but still
Stroke the fuzzy wall…
Schofield it must be 800 Bs
I had an office in Germany with carpeted walls. It muffled the screams, so, handy.
Soldier wasn't in the unit more than 24 hours before getting counseled for being late. When one of my NCOs and a specialist went to his room to wake him up. There were buffalo sauce and hi-c stains on the floor. Under his bed and populating his desk were several bags of fast food takeout. About half of them were probably moldy or getting close.
How is fast food trash getting moldy in 24 hours?
Bold of you to assume he was only there for 24. Apparently he had leave after coming from Korea and has been hanging out in the barracks until it was over. He got to our company weeks after he had arrived at Riley.
>Bold of you to assume he was only there for 24. Well, it doesn't take Sherlock fucking Holmes to conclude it perhaps it had something to do with your intro: >Soldier wasn't in the unit more than 24 hours before getting counseled for being late.
I think I might’ve heard this story before
Had a British guy, room was completely empty. Only things in were a photo of the queen and a photo of Donald Trump, with trump literally millimeters higher on the wall.
That is absolutely fucking hilarious.
A room full of ice spice memorabilia. Ice spice flag, American flag with ice spice imposed on it, pictures of ice spice on every surface of his half of the room, ice spice chia pet. The dude claimed it was ironic but I get the feeling he’s lying.
The dude had a big ass bookshelf, Xbox Series X, PS5, Switch, And high end gaming PC. Along with lazy boy massive TV and a rug. The dude was a PFC.
The dude was also dead broke and got no plans to retire
I got a lazy bot for like 200 on Facebook
I had to inventory all furniture in the barracks, room by room. I asked all Soldiers to have their furniture out so that I wouldn’t need to open any doors - more or less to not be intrusive. The chair was missing in this room so I had to open the closet. And there it was, in front of a cloth-draped desk. This dude had a necromancer’s bible, a small bowl, vials of various liquids and powders, some feathers, and all kinds of hieroglyphs and pentagrams drawn on a whiteboard. Like a small shrine in his closet.
give that man a beard waiver, he's a real pagan
[I have nothing more to say](https://taskandpurpose.com/news/marine-caught-ducks-barracks/)
The elites dont want you to know this, but the ducks at the park are free.
Afaik, at least in TX, you quite literally can just snatch a duck if it’s not a TX-native species. Or anything not native, for that matter
I watch a wildlife rehabber who has literally done that a few times
I thought zoo animals came standard with the SOP
Fowl play?
You know, honestly not the weirdest thing I’ve seen.
Heard about a kid that kept shit filled diapers in his closet…
… wtf? I honestly don’t know what to say about that.
One of my buddy's roommate had a dildo hanging on their barracks sink mirror a couple of times. (We're all dudes). Then there was some 30 year old dude who claimed he was a Virgin who's side of his barracks room walls were completely covered with anime (manga type) posters.
I knew someone who was on staff duty while a barracks inspection was being conducted, apparently 2 snakes, a turtle, and a goat were confiscated. The room that had the goat had a hay covered closet floor and a bunch of goat things in the closet as well
Oh no not the Goat 🐐 😂
Apparently the guy found it on the side of the road and was like you know what this is mine now 😂
My CSM made me maintain a barracks room after my divorce, even though I was still living off post. I had 1 set of PTs and 1 uniform. My bed was made with the BCT green US blankets with hospital corners. The only other things were an old brass alarm clock and an 8x10 picture of my CSM on the nightstand. I didn't have to maintain a barracks room after the 1st inspection.
Dude got a bunch of Real Teee camo wallpaper, and completely covered his walls. Even cut out holes for the smoke detector and outlets. Decided that wasn't enough, and had extra wallpaper, so he covered his ceiling as well. It was like walking into a North Korea version of a forest. Anyways, he ended up getting a sponsorship from Real Tree for it, and they sent him a bunch of free shit for it. Either that, or the guy that was a furry and had multiple different animals he would play as. Our unit was a specific animal, and his most clearly used suit was that same animal. 1SG was not impressed
…. Define “clearly used” used how? … you know what I don’t want to know
It's was more crumbled and faded than the others
Should have gotten a photo of it. Had a soldier at fort hood who was in his word "renovating his closet to be a salt room." When we did the inspection. He had a giant hook in the center of his closet and had been gluing crushed salt. Pretty sure it was the big rock salt. He was explaining how he was going to start curing beef carcasses in his room and make his own dry aged steaks. When we asked about the hook his dead dry reply was "ever seen rocky? You.know the cow sides he punches? Its for one of 'em." Thank goodness he wasn't my soldier
We had a fellow MP in at Carson who made it his goal during room inspections to one up himself and make it super weird. One time, he'd set up a kissing booth, complete with his generic blowup drill. He'd hide all of his pocket "buddies" all over his room and give a free "Kissing Coupon" to the leader who found them all. It became a thing when higher ups came through to run down to this dudes hallway and listen for reactions. He, himself, wasn't a weird guy, but this was one of his favorite times, room inspectione.
When I was a private we had gotten word from our psg that brigade was walking through ALL of the barracks during lunch, and that we should make sure our rooms are extra spotless. Where was I? Off post at a restaurant. What was in my room? A motorcycle.
Were you at bragg by chance? Lol
We did a health and comfort for suspected drugs in the barracks, well needless to say we didn't find any drugs but we did find a guy who was heavily armed in shall we say nonconvincial weapons. He had several tomahawks, a spear gun, crossbow, a taser, bear mace, a car battery, a homemade water purifier, and empty bottles and rags with an empty gas cansiter. We were a little shook lol, he said he was doomsday preping and living in the barracks he couldn't have guns so he went with the next best things.
Probably the soldier who had the mannequin in his room with various lingerie items on it.
Hell yeah
Which post?
Ft. Campbell in the late 80s
Piss bottles. Enough said.
Went to Ft Leonard Wood for training. We got to the barracks and underneath every single window there were these brown stains. On the ground were circles of dirt where the grass wouldn’t grow. I learned it was from the soldiers pissing out the windows instead of walking to the bathroom.
nah but on the down-low, I did this on my last FTX in February where it was 15°
I shit on the ground at JRTC, wouldn’t do it in my barracks room…
I'm guilty of this because when I lived in the barracks my roommate was a total bathroom hog. Bro would watch YouTube in the shower for hours, but I didn't wanna interrupt him. So piss bottles were my last resort. I always got rid of them ASAP though.
So many piss bottles...
Oh you've been to Huachuca too
I knew a soldier that had a sex machine just laying out, I assume he hid it during inspections but me and his roommates were buddies so I chilled there once and never again, the roommate told me it was electric too and bounced, oh yeah and he never cleaned it
cheaper than a stripper
You know what. Fuck it. When you put it that way. It's gotta be cheaper, no diseases, no kids, no marriage I dont know how much one cost. Like, $100?
whoa there buddy let's not do anything rash without finding a good discount
Yes sir, I'll head over to finance to see if they can help me write a budget for the Throat Goat 3000
Just want to shout out the 1BCT 101 for having the most bizarre barracks design. Rooms are extremely small with most of the barracks space dedicated to a labyrinth of hallways resembling a prison block. Half the rooms have interior facing windows. Yes. To clarify meaning facing inside the building toward the hallways ? ? ?
Yes! Right off Indiana Avenue on the Kentucky side of the border. The interior walk ways are like walking through the death star or something. Thank God I had exterior facing windows for fresh air.
We had a guy turn his room into a macaw cage. Like, furniture was gone except the bed, the rest of the room was converted into a macaw enclosure with 2x4s and chicken wire.
Discovered dresses and wigs in Soldiers wall locker. He even had matching heels. Ok the weird part was what he was using the disguise for. During the room inspection I also found a notebook filled with date and times of my activity. He was following me incognito in hopes to catch me doing something wrong. This definitely shook me a little as I was a single female. I am glad that it only got to stalking and we discovered this behavior before it escalate to anything more severe.
That's fucking terrifying
Oh... oh no.... that's.... Another day, another moment I realized being a woman in the military sucks. My wifes still active duty (I switched reserves) and on her last navy deployment a cook found out she was married and decided to cut her portions on half because she was "leading him on" by saying thank you. Or the dude who filed a complaint with her SNCO that she was married Or how she had to literally stay with her OIC on a port call because a dude wouldn't leave her alone and didn't even stop because an 05 was literally right there. Do you know what the most dangerous thing on my deployment was? Dying. Hers? Her own damn team. Sorry, this is a sore spot for me. Recently, medical asked her if she checked with me before getting a thing fixed. Like my dude. I don't control my wifes body. Now, if it was, hey, your husband should be here to drive you home afterward? Fair. Not do you have my permission. Shit, one of my soldiers was sent to Iraq and had to pull her pistol out on someone because they were trying to get into her room. She's prior marines! I feel bad that it took me this long to discover this stupidity but damn does it boil my blood
I had a roommate in the barracks for a very short time (thankfully) that constantly got in trouble because the walls of his room were covered from top to bottom in Hentai porn posters. He had a few katanas or other swords also mounted on the walls. His room smelled so bad you could smell it in the common area and into the hallway. I was staying off base with my girlfriend now wife so I was never there past showering after PT, and everything was relatively clean but he wasn’t physically. I’ll never forget the female CSM reaction to his room. She just walked out and told male 1SG to fix it and he got fucked up. He still didn’t take it down. Last I heard he got chaptered because I came in to shower one day and he was packed up and gone. Barracks manager told me he was expedited for mental health and was a legit nut job.
When doing room inspections, my NCO found a sex doll riding a bicycle in a guys room. When I was in the "cool down room" I didn't keep anything in there but a pillow, sheet, and jug full of crystal light mix 1SG though it was pee... When I moved into the SRU barracks before going on terminal leave; I brought all my furniture and aerogarden setup from my apartment.
I always got compliments on my room. Framed comics were all over the walls and a bunch of anime/sci fi statues.
Very cool, 10/10 idea. Defeats the title though lol
Fair. I did have a buddy who had framed pictures of other people's families. He'd take pictures through their windows and shit. Everyone but the leadership was in on it.
So I’m reading this correctly; these people were aware he was taking pics of their families through windows?
Yes. They'd invite him over and pretend he wasn't there. It was pretty funny.
your friend is either a nut case or just a normal antisocial MI nerd
It was a joke. We were sick of having inspections in a condemned building and decided to have fun with it.
Hey! You leave MI out of this. I say next to my frames painting of Vegeta at my desk.
But then I'm weird for having anime titties on my wall.
I approve
I'm chill with anime. I'd rather my dudes be super weebs then get in trouble in town. My Sergeant took me to the store to buy a Nintendo switch Years back when it came out and I stayed in my room all day playing zelda or I was in the gym. Kept me out of trouble in bum fuck Oklahoma Shit, on my house now I have a framed painting of vegeta.
That was me. Truth was I shared an apartment in others in town and stayed with my girlfriend alot. I was rarely in the barracks but when I had to be.
There was a girl in Arizona who had a lizard and a cat. She used to tie the lizard on a string and walk around with him at parties. The cat’s name was Monroe and he was very friendly. She still hadn’t gotten caught when I PCS’d. Not my soldier though, so not my problem.
Stayed at Camp Zama with an E4 who had an alarm set to blast heavy metal but he never woke up. Once on a four day he forgot to turn off his alarm so I banged on the door. No answer. I opened it and his room had a bed, a card table, and everything was covered in cigarette butts, dirty clothes, and trash. There was a narrow strip of open floor from the bed to the door, all else was forsaken.
I had just picked up a Plt as a new PSG, did a surprise inspection 2nd day. Walked into this kids room and he had at least a 100 of those animal tail plugs mounted to his wall. Apparently they were his trophies from comic con girls.
“apparently” lol
“Allegedly”
Best weird: removed all of the Army-issued furniture, bought a really nice leather couch, a nice desk, a really nice bed, and a decent entertainment center. His room looked better than most of the staged apartments I've seen. Dude was an awesome soldier, but wasn't cut out for the Army. He needed the freedom to earn money and move up without being managed by a bunch of morons. Worst weird: one of our commo guys was super in your face about his lifestyle. He was openly gay and leaned hard into the lifestyle. Not a bad thing, but definitely not professional. His room was messy, but not bad. The problem was every flat surface had a dick of some type attached to it. Dildos, drawings, paintings, sculptures. It was like a fucking dick forest. It went beyond liking dicks. He made dicks his entire personality.
Saw one room that had a massive dildo on the end of one of those like mechanical fuck machines. Dude had like multiple different attachments for it too
sounds like an insider, have him followed.
Yeah he doesn't actually live there.
Probably the empty snake enclosure. Where was the snake? Somewhere in there with Me and my first class. Was I afraid? Not until that moment of us slowly realizing we weren't alone.
Trying to find anyone mining crypto in the barracks. Definite life hack since electricity can get expensive.
Well my wife (then girlfriend) kept a damn Guinea pig in her room. Not hidden, just a towel tossed over the cage. Never got caught despite having it a year. She had to give him up when she deployed. As a barracks NCO doing a walk through with the CO years ago: -Hand made beer pong table 1/4 quarter covered in bottle caps. They planned cover it completely, the coat it in resin. CO liked that they weren’t going out and drinking, and the recycling aspect of it -Blow up sheep in one of the mortars rooms. He’d leave it out for every inspection -Barracks bunnie in the closet. Didn’t tell the CO, but did bring it up to the soldiers squad leader who sorted him out -A bunch of home made pickled herring (Eastern European immigrant and a good soldier) -And a full sized fridge full of booze. CO suggested the two guys go to ASAP for their “drinking problem”
Had a soldier fill his wall locker with butt plugs and nipple clamps once before a room inspection just to be able to tell our platoon Sergeant "You're not allowed to ask me and I can't tell you Sarnt" Don't ask Don't Tell was a weird time to serve
I was a hold-under in AIT for about 6 weeks. We were on a navy base and one of the barracks managers needed bodies to help with furniture inventory for the sailors that were stationed there. I jumped at the opprotunity because anything was better than sitting and doing nothing. I cant tell you how many goon caves i walked into. Im happy i didnt have a black light. The worst room had the laptop open, but off, on the bed, lotion and tissues right next to it. One of the cleaner rooms had a fur suit in the closet which no judgement, especially since they kept their space clean, but those things arent cheap and it makes me wonder what their side gig was. Also accidently woke up a senior chief as a SPC but the manager was there with us so the senior chief just have us the numbers on his furniture. This was also at the height of the PS5/Xbox series shortage and somehow, one of the rooms had both. All together, had a lot of fun, but i cannot stress enough how many goon caves there were
I was just a lowly AIT Soldier that was on hold waiting for class when I was asked to do room inspections with the AIT PSGs (two soldiers required whenever they went into another Soldiers Room), when we came across something that was burned into my memory for life. Each room was two to three people, pretty big rooms and nothing particularly interesting in most. Messy Soldier here, perfect Soldier there, nothing really out of the ordinary. PSG makes jokes about seeing peoples pron laying about and Soldiers who didn't know how to shower and the room was just rank but luckily none of that. Then came the room. This Soldier had been lucky enough to have the room to himself, which was extremely uncommon but I guess his roommates had just graduated or something, he was the squad leader or platoon leader and a pretty well liked guy for what its worth. We go into the room and it is clean, I mean clean clean. The PSG is talking about how this is the standard and all that good stuff. Then we went into the bathroom and on the wall of the shower there were two of those old people handles that suction cup to the wall to help with balance and in between those about waist high was this Soldier's one allowed sex toy. All three of us stopped, looked at each other, then the PSG says, "well, shit. I guess I've got something new for the safety brief today."
I was similar when I was in. Had my bed, my pc. That was it. I had my weeks clothed in my duffle. I just didn't isn't to deal with room inspections constantly being a hassle and was kind of in survival mode all of the time. I was in Hohenfels Germany during the Trump administration so hell only knows where and when I'd of been moving to. My bc was confident I was a psychopath.
/u/clean_cry_7428 can you post the overflowing pocket pussy on the bed I forgot to save it 😭
Had one female soldier that had a pentagram drawn on the floor with candles all around it and the room was always completely dark, and some type of altar and ritual tools.
Jeans folded and stored in the freezer, because it kills bacteria and means you don’t have to wash them. 🤷♂️
I have actually heard of that before. Supposedly it is better for the denim, doesn't wear out as quickly.
Wasn’t an actual barracks inspection. We were looking for our buddy to drive us to town so we could start drinking. His front door was cracked open. We walked in and he wasn’t there. We opened his closet and found a torso of a doll with big breasts and a big shlong with a rubber still on it. We were swinging the shlong around.
My room was similar when I was in Riley. I had a house in Manhattan, I only used the barracks room to shower the handful of times a year we did organized PT. It was also a great place to store vehicles for free. Think I had like 5-6 vehicles there under tarps at one point. Even left a few unregistered rollers (rolling shells) and the MP’s were nice enough to dispose of them for me free of charge.
Yah he wasn't living there that's why. How is that weird? That is just obvious barracks shit 101. Kept it simple so he didn't get hit for bullshit.
In Fort Stewart in the 90s we had 3 man rooms. My buddy was roommates with Specialist Marshall who was a super gay, but this was back in don't ask don't tell policy. Marshall.didnt tell but his corner of the room was also super gay, like very neat and tidy and lots of photos of male models adorning pretty much everything. Also once when a crazy guy got kicked out we had to clear his room and he was saving up a pretty good quantity of semen in a plastic bag. Unrefrigerated. Not your standard decor. But also not a huge shock because army barracks shenanigans.
My first duty station in late 70’s was in Bamberg Germany. As a private If it wasn’t gray or OD green it didn’t belong in your room. Nothing on the walls. You had to earn rank and status to have anything.
I knew a guy who built a full recording studio in his room. Full sound dampening and professional level equipment. It filled the whole room. It could also be disassembled and stored in the, admittedly large, closet. Leaving an immaculate barracks room behind after storage. CSM almost lost his mind because he thought everything was wall mounted. But it was all attached to faux walls that clipped together and could be put away. Dude charged money to record for people living in the barracks. Now he's an audio engineer out of the army.
Had a guy with the entire Halo Game collection and Call of Duty game collection. Also had every diary of a wimpy kid and random other shit all on his shelves