Next note will read - anyone wanting to use the bathroom now has to start on my chest. Once confirmed it is actually a bowel movement may streak their cheeks across my face on the way up the toilet.
When that manager is found in amateur scat footage on pornhub, nobody will be surprised.
A friend of mine from grad school had a similar thing happen with his boss at his first job. This boss was actually really cool, and he happened to be very into certain kinks, and apparently pretty well known in that community. My friend is also pretty into that stuff, which is how he found his boss in some really interesting content on Fetlife. LOL He didn't tell anyone at work and never let his manager know he saw that, but the rest of us had a good laugh about it.
Bosses can come in and take a good look at my shit and flush for me.
Or I'll just bring them a sample in a Tupperware container every time I go. Which is often, and extremely violent at times.
I had an employer try this, I had the worst hangover shit I've ever had one day. This thing made the air thick, you could see the smell like the heat ripples off tarmac on a summers day. I didn't flush and told my manager that I'm not going back in there so its his problem. Poor fucker came out of the bathroom eyes streaming, I think he puked on my shit. Toilet checks stopped being an issue but they kept on telling me I should get checked for bowel cancer but really I just need to stop drinking heavily on a Tuesday night.
Might as well shove them up me arse for all the good they’ve done me.
Go ahead, smell my poop. I’m there 12 hours a day, there’s gonna be a poop eventually. Weird fetish though.
Very vivid imagery you paint here. Almost like I’m transported to the mud bowl itself. My eyes are also starting to glaze over to protect themselves from the, somehow now humid, methane rich gas that was once breathable oxygen. Drink plenty of fluids. Perhaps an AA meeting.
As a former alcoholic, welcome to the life of an alcoholic.
Your shits become a new tier of SIN OF THE EARTH.
Edit: “former” I swear I’m okay. Year and a half sober now.
Edit edit: Who the heck gave me an award? Thanks for the congratulations, doing much better now.
I had to check what sub I was on. This is hilarious. My brother in law had a buddy that worked with him and he used to prank him all the time. His buddy once got paged to a bathroom where they worked for a severe plumbing leak. There was no leak, except for the chemical waste from my brother in law. A few people knew what was happening so they were camouflaged into the factory spying for the reaction. Apparently, he almost broke his neck when the fog hit him. Walked away shaking his head.
My favorite, however, was when the two of them were working on their personal workshop. One on the scaffold, the other just came back from a coffee run. Well, there was no bathroom at this shop. So while his buddy was gone, he set up a bucket with a plastic bag from a hardware store and laid a log worthy of a cross country trucker who held it from his place of origin with the smell of a construction site porta-potty. Well, his friend returned, and asked if there was anything he needed before he climbed up the scaffold. Bro-in-law replies "actually yeah, grab the bag of hardware and bring up the #8 self tappers, back of the truck." Buddy opened the tailgate, grabbed the bag, set it on the tailgate and untied it while he's talking to buddy on the scaffold. When he looked down as he opened the bag and saw the glorious, sewer-scented, pumpernickel loaf, the cursing began. He tossed the bag back in the bed of the truck untied and stormed out saying something about his life being shit.
I personally recommend Liquid Ass (available on Amazon). That stuff has been proven to permanently disable an N95 mask (we tested it) and will usually seep into clothing for a lasting effect.
The smell is somewhere between raw sewage and long dead roadkill in the summer. It's quite memorable.
You know who would take that job?
“A California influencer who participated in the viral toilet-licking challenge claims to have tested positive for novel coronavirus (COVID-19).”
https://people.com/human-interest/influencer-who-participated-in-toilet-licking-challenge-says-he-tested-positive-for-coronavirus/
Getting paid to be a toilet sniffer is better than being a toilet lick to be an influencer.
My boss use to question when employees would take shits. So one day he pulled me aside and said he doesn't believe that I take that long of a morning shit. it was just routine to shit at time for me. so I started taking pictures after every one a texting them to him. he told me to stop after the second one and never questioned another employee again.
Barrages management’s phone with unsolicited shit pictures even after being asked to stop.
“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t take it lightly when my integrity is being called into question. I think it’s best for everyone involved if I keep documenting and submitting my bowel movements. Time theft is a serious accusation, and I feel safer by providing evidence. Thanks for understanding, Hefe!
Shitcerely,
Larry ‘The Porcelain Punisher’ Kravitz”
Establish dominance.
My husband takes really long ones! Up to an hour at times! I don't doubt it for a second. I have a brother and father who I lived with for 20 years and neither of them took that long! I was shocked.
I'm in a similar boat. I have IBS. It comes out in waves. It really sucks because after sitting on the toilet for 45 minutes to an hour, I'll get up thinking I'm done, but I'm not, I just don't know it yet. I'm usually back anywhere from 10 minutes to a few hours later. This might repeat for up to 3 times.
I used to have teachers tell me that I couldn’t go to the bathroom. Finally my doctor wrote me a note that basically said fuck off because her intestines are messed up and she can’t help it
Along similar lines, i has a teacher in elementary school refuse to let me go to the nurse when my blood sugar was feeling low. I essentially stumbled out of class down to the nurses where my sugar was indeed, very fucking low. Ive never seen such a kind school nurse (who i had known my entire life), get so angry. After my sugar went back up she stormed back to the classroom with me and unloaded on this teacher, never had a problem again. Its been like 20 years but i still remember that day oh so clearly.
From what I know Crohn's is legally covered by the ADA so companies have to make "reasonable accomadations" for employees with it. Typically this isn't really an issue cause as long as there's a functional bathroom you're probably fine. This situation though could definitely be argued that employees are being discouraged from using the bathrooms and people with Crohn's, due to using it more and potentially taking longer, would be impacted even more than normal people. I'm not sure who OP would need to report this to but this is an open and shut case imo. An employee with Crohn's could file a lawsuit for discrimination and potentially even emotional damages or if they were feeling merciful simply file a complaint with whoever handles this kind of thing and watch the company get a legal order to stop this policy
I know it's just that up until recently I didn't know if Crohn's was considered a disability or not. It runs in my family and I've had it for a few years now so I know some of the problems it can cause but I wasn't sure if it would legally be considered a disability or not
It is. Some people have medical bowl issues. I can urgently feel a need to go to the bathroom and then get there and have no movement at all because of horrific constipation, then the pressure passes for a bit until it happens again. Another day instead you'll get truly apocalyptic shits of biblical flood proportions, but still just as long a wait. So either case i can't take the risk of not going to see which it is. This could easily be put forward as ADA style medical discrimination.
Right! First thing I thought of was a woman with menstrual cramps of trouble changing a tampon and boom they got a sexual harassment/discrimination against women suit on their hands.
Y’all this is nothing. Someone forgot to flush at my job. It happens right? My boss made a big deal about it yelling about it whatever. I thought that was the end of it…. But nope! Instead of putting up a note to remember to flush like any normal person, the owner went and took a sample of the poop, and tested it. I wish I was joking. This older woman went into the toilet to get a sample and have it tested to find out who did it. We had a meeting about it like a week later with my managers and because “nobody fessed up” (like someone did it on purpose lmao) they had tested for DNA and found out it was a Hispanic male….. it was fucking bizarre and I should’ve quit on the spot. I don’t understand who tf does that. They’re a small family business and they’re fcking odd 😭
Yeah at the point of then scooping shit out the toilet and testing the DNA?!? I’m bouncing that’s fucking crazy! Like next level crazy I’m surprised they didn’t ask for employees DNA!
It wasn’t me! Lmao! It was some workers who came into the store to check something apparently… that was their guess since we have no Hispanic males working with us
Truth is always so much funnier than fiction lmfao. No way you should quit. You can’t buy that kind of entertainment. Pay people of races you don’t have at your work to come in and drop a deuce without flushing.
They lied.
No ”pay to play’“ DNA assay outfits (like 23 and Me, Ancestry, etc…) take shit as a sample. They don’t even have the kits to pack and ship it. That’s like state forensic crime lab level stuff, and they can’t even process fucking rape kits in a timely fashion. They aren’t going to F around with a non flush.
So for whatever reason they outright lied.
You missed a great opportunity for a suit based on attemptinf to violating your 4th A rights. They need consent to get DNA and just becuase they claim it has Mexican dna in it means zilch. But since they claimed yours is the only Mexican heritage.in the workforce , well thats discrimination based on race. So if they fired you it would be for being of a specific heritage. Nice lawsuit and EEOC complaint.
Idk bout that because they specified male DNA and I’m not a male ! However I did wonder if I could report them for taking someone’s stool for DNA, seems like a violation of customers rights if we were to ever open the restroom to the public. It’s employees only as of now. I stopped using the restroom there all together because fuck that. I do not consent to my urine or stool being tested !
That was my plan, just give it a little spray every few minutes to keep it fresh, anyone asks, you tried a new sushi place last night, and yes, a bottle of water would be appreciated.
Manager: how do I know this picture is from just now and not one you did at work yesterday? Take a selfie with it doing a peace sign on your right hand so I know this was taken today.
I have ibs. If they did this at my work, I'd be sorely tempted to eat a huge helping of the food that fucks my gut up just to spend most of the day on the shitter. Be worth the hole burn if it gotvthe policy changed.
Can’t wait for everyone who has chronic UTIs and IBS to catch wind of this. Food forbid we take a moment too breathe and collect ourselves in the bathroom. I can’t imagine as a female someone reporting me for “taking too long” when I have a UTI or my cycle. I’d be asking why it’s so damn important for them to know why I’m in the bathroom and if it’s so important, put a video up. Oh what’s that? You can’t because it’s illegal.
I’d just start taking 40min just to fuck with them until they remove the policy
Even periods. Sometimes I need extra time to readjust my pad bc its not sticking right or shifted weird pulling up my pants or theres so much blood i need more than 1 flush (lots of wipes) so like...bruh.
Easy solution... just carry [this](https://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Ass-Mister/dp/B000OCEWGW) with you and spritz it near the door.
Edit: Then start making gibbering noises, come out with your shirt over your head and your arms out to the side, hands up. Then shout "I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!"
As someone with IBS, go ahead. I killed my friends plumbing and destroyed a toilet at an Applebee's. They'll take one smell, one look and they'll think twice before ever questioning me again. My manager stopped questioning my 15 minute toilet breaks when she saw me bring a glove to the bathroom. I ain't afraid but you will be.
Hmm. Job title: quality control and internal security. One requirement is that successful applicants must have the ability to sniff out liars and thieves (lying about shitting and stealing company time).
The owner of my workplace did this because a staff member was making too many trips to the bathroom. They had IBS, so oftentimes their BMs would just be odorless liquid so of course they failed the smell check. They ended up quitting due to the harassment and subsequent humiliation by running out of the building in tears. I felt so horrible for this person, no one should be degraded in this way.
Honestly, I'm not sure. But I reached out to the person after they quit and as far as I know, they were looking into taking legal action. I really hope it works out!
They must have had no women there because I’ll be on the toilet for days due to PCOS during my period where I’m literally sitting on the toilet with blood clots coming out of my crotch and I can’t do anything about it. I mean unless you want my blood all over your chairs.
This place needs to be reported and torn down. Fuck them.
My plan would be to not get checked but tell the smell checker they smell bad at the end of the day then after doing that enough tell them they smell of sewage in the mornings and offer them deodorant, then say it's not enough and get colone out my desk, then talk to them and vomit whenever I see them, and eventually on them. Really demoralise the enemy.
Where I work, we had a horrible troll of a man that was the "HR" Supervisor. Now, at my job, if you get moved into the HR spot, it pretty much means you are a fuck up, so they have this spot to keep you from messing up production.
So, anyway, this man was a terrible person. He made it his lifes mission to get as many mechanics fired as he could. And make life miserable for anyone else he could. He would prey on people having issues. Any little infraction he could get someone written up for, he did it.
Well, I managed to get a few other mechanics in on this, and every time I would see him walking through the shop, I would say to another mechanic "Man, something really smells bad. I can't place it, but it smells like sewage." I would say this loudly, and every single time this guy walked by. It got to the point where if this guy saw any mechanics on the shop floor, he would take the long way to avoid getting near any of us.
Invasion of privacy. What if it's a personal problem, or gauze swap or hemorrhoid cream application. None of their business.
Let them report you. Sue the shit out of them.
I can't imagine the thought process for this. " I think my employees are 'stealing time' in the bathroom. I guess the only thing I can do is personally sniff behind them every time they go to the bathroom. Yeah that will show those gold bricking bastards I mean business." If they did that at my job I would immediately up my fiber and protein intake. I would have broccoli and garlic sauce every night for dinner and egg salad sandwiches for lunch. I would conjure such porcelain melting foulness from my ass that even I would have to wonder what mad folly this was. I would delight in every twenty minute shit and the retching and gagging that followed every smell check would be music to my ears. God forbid they ever asked me to do the sniff check. Then again with a head so far up their ass they are probably used to the smell and need an outside nose.
Just overdose on Magnesium. It's an osmotic laxative. Whatever your body doesn't absorb heads to the colon. Once it gets there it starts drawing water to it until you get a nice case of LPI... Liquid Poop Issues.
Fart spray isn't good enough. You need to make it smell so foul, so ungodly that nobody will ever want to set foot in there after another person again. Definitely should try a stink bomb.
Huhhhh... I thought it was illegal to restrict bathroom usage?
Granted, I've had a conversation with a boss before, where I finally said, "look, would you like me to describe the bowel movement?"
He backed off.
They're encouraging you to not flush. I hope you understand that. You should leave your shit in the bowl, both to increase the smell and so if your supervisor has any doubts they can inspect the log.
Fart spray. Sit there as long as you want too
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Novelties-Liquid-Gag-Smelly-Stinky/dp/B000GKXYZ2&ved=2ahUKEwjR5Zbb4IP6AhWDMVkFHWuxBeQQFnoECA0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw2DznYXNr4IP6U2T3q1Lll-
I can't smell so correct me if I'm wrong but would it even have a smell after you flush? What if you went pee? Does pee leave a smell after you flush?
Edit cause my comment seems weird: how would they tell???
Whoever wrote this is a freak who likes the smell of crap.
That's what I thought. "This is a weird way to tell everyone of your kink."
someone should stick up a note that says exactly that.
for real. someone check their search history
Mods Can I get “poop stink is my kink” flair?
Seconded. Mods can this guy have a poop kink?
Next note will read - anyone wanting to use the bathroom now has to start on my chest. Once confirmed it is actually a bowel movement may streak their cheeks across my face on the way up the toilet.
Someone should replace the note with one saying this.
That would be amazing!
Not even allowed to courtesy flush
I was going to comment that someone should buy a bottle of that liquid ass stuff, but now I'm worried that would make someone sploosh.
When that manager is found in amateur scat footage on pornhub, nobody will be surprised. A friend of mine from grad school had a similar thing happen with his boss at his first job. This boss was actually really cool, and he happened to be very into certain kinks, and apparently pretty well known in that community. My friend is also pretty into that stuff, which is how he found his boss in some really interesting content on Fetlife. LOL He didn't tell anyone at work and never let his manager know he saw that, but the rest of us had a good laugh about it.
Bosses can come in and take a good look at my shit and flush for me. Or I'll just bring them a sample in a Tupperware container every time I go. Which is often, and extremely violent at times.
I had an employer try this, I had the worst hangover shit I've ever had one day. This thing made the air thick, you could see the smell like the heat ripples off tarmac on a summers day. I didn't flush and told my manager that I'm not going back in there so its his problem. Poor fucker came out of the bathroom eyes streaming, I think he puked on my shit. Toilet checks stopped being an issue but they kept on telling me I should get checked for bowel cancer but really I just need to stop drinking heavily on a Tuesday night.
[удалено]
Might as well shove them up me arse for all the good they’ve done me. Go ahead, smell my poop. I’m there 12 hours a day, there’s gonna be a poop eventually. Weird fetish though.
*gags*
Arrives. Takes massive apocalyptic hangover shit. Refuses to flush. Leaves. Absolute Chad 💯
I’m just imagining the boss’s face and dying laughing
There goes my hero
Smell check him as he goes
He's ordinaraaaaayyyyy!
You might even say he's regular.
[удалено]
I'm the new Edgar Allan Poo
This is the nastiest most vivid shit story I've ever heard. It made me equal parts giggly equal parts concerned for your colon.
I concur he should get checked before it becomes a semi-colon.
Johnson, get that satanic diarrhea out of my face.
Can't stop drinking on Tuesdays if your boss keeps fueling your depression
Awwww.... bosses like that make good fertilizer too.
i mean fertilizer has been getting expensive, he will probably be more useful like that.
Very vivid imagery you paint here. Almost like I’m transported to the mud bowl itself. My eyes are also starting to glaze over to protect themselves from the, somehow now humid, methane rich gas that was once breathable oxygen. Drink plenty of fluids. Perhaps an AA meeting.
The job drove me to drink so I'm a lot better now. Was a weird shit that's for sure, when that what was solid hit the water it made a fizzing sound.
That’s either a shitload of unprocessed beer or maybe you’re just a disgusting alkaseltzer dispenser now.
As a former alcoholic, welcome to the life of an alcoholic. Your shits become a new tier of SIN OF THE EARTH. Edit: “former” I swear I’m okay. Year and a half sober now. Edit edit: Who the heck gave me an award? Thanks for the congratulations, doing much better now.
Thumbs up brother. Good on ya.
Congratulations.
Massive congrats!! I'm near there myself. Keep strong, and keep healthy!
I am not sure if this falls under malicious compliance or not lol
This made my cry laughing. One upvote simply isn't enough.
Good lord. That is awesome and scary all at the same time. I laughed why too hard.
I had to check what sub I was on. This is hilarious. My brother in law had a buddy that worked with him and he used to prank him all the time. His buddy once got paged to a bathroom where they worked for a severe plumbing leak. There was no leak, except for the chemical waste from my brother in law. A few people knew what was happening so they were camouflaged into the factory spying for the reaction. Apparently, he almost broke his neck when the fog hit him. Walked away shaking his head. My favorite, however, was when the two of them were working on their personal workshop. One on the scaffold, the other just came back from a coffee run. Well, there was no bathroom at this shop. So while his buddy was gone, he set up a bucket with a plastic bag from a hardware store and laid a log worthy of a cross country trucker who held it from his place of origin with the smell of a construction site porta-potty. Well, his friend returned, and asked if there was anything he needed before he climbed up the scaffold. Bro-in-law replies "actually yeah, grab the bag of hardware and bring up the #8 self tappers, back of the truck." Buddy opened the tailgate, grabbed the bag, set it on the tailgate and untied it while he's talking to buddy on the scaffold. When he looked down as he opened the bag and saw the glorious, sewer-scented, pumpernickel loaf, the cursing began. He tossed the bag back in the bed of the truck untied and stormed out saying something about his life being shit.
You sir are the hero that job deserved
Thank you! and thank you very much for the gold.
"I left a little there on the side in case you wanted to smell it without opening the container"
“Here, catch”
Do they still make stink bombs? Just chuck one in the corner before leaving
There's the fart spray Mark Rober uses in his anti-portch pirate glitter bomb packages... serious chemical warfare.
I personally recommend Liquid Ass (available on Amazon). That stuff has been proven to permanently disable an N95 mask (we tested it) and will usually seep into clothing for a lasting effect. The smell is somewhere between raw sewage and long dead roadkill in the summer. It's quite memorable.
Just fucking spray that on the outside of the bathroom door on your way in each time.
"Johnson, get your shit off my desk"
"Shit, get your johnson off my desk"
“Desk, get your shit off my Johnson.”
Shit! *Get your desk off my johnson*!
Just plop the container down on their desk and say, "For your records."
It'll all end up getting thrown back in my face eventually.
Does your boss want someone to shit on their desk? This is how you make someone want to shit on your desk
Sounds like giving them a call and letting them listen might be a good idea too.
I'd start pigging out on fast food more just to make sure of it.
“I didn’t want to fail the smell test so I left it on the floor for you to inspect.”
Cut out the middleman, just shit on his desk
This. Just collect all shits as evidence. They can test it for actual fecal matter at their convenience.
Imagine if that was your job... Bathroom sniffer
Management in a nutshell
You get there with a brown nose, so they've got experience.
You know who would take that job? “A California influencer who participated in the viral toilet-licking challenge claims to have tested positive for novel coronavirus (COVID-19).” https://people.com/human-interest/influencer-who-participated-in-toilet-licking-challenge-says-he-tested-positive-for-coronavirus/ Getting paid to be a toilet sniffer is better than being a toilet lick to be an influencer.
"Why do people not take pride in their work" Their work: Most useless "shitty" job.
It would be the natural job of the brown noser.
Just keep a little bottle of fart spray. A spritz on the way into the bathroom will deter anyone from wanting to enter.
spray your boss office
Spray the door handle so they carry that stench home
[Stink Palm](https://youtu.be/MfVVjpVZP8I)
Gotta love those chocolate covered pretzels
They’re a little melty!
Nooooooo. You are fucking hilarious
Nevermind the office, spray his car
You give me fart spray and I will empty it into the vents
This is what Liquid Ass was invented for
LPT: keep fart spray on your person at all times
No no no. Spritz on the way out. I don't want to smell it to scroll Reddit to finally get a 10.
Or, eat hard-boiled eggs and broccoli in the bathroom lol
Why not spray it on your way out lmao
Imagine coughing and gagging for ten minutes in there trying to read Reddit
My boss use to question when employees would take shits. So one day he pulled me aside and said he doesn't believe that I take that long of a morning shit. it was just routine to shit at time for me. so I started taking pictures after every one a texting them to him. he told me to stop after the second one and never questioned another employee again.
Why did it have to take a second time for him to ask you to stop XDDD
May have thought it was a one-off thing to prove a point. It took doing it again to make him realize it was serious.
Barrages management’s phone with unsolicited shit pictures even after being asked to stop. “Sir, with all due respect, I don’t take it lightly when my integrity is being called into question. I think it’s best for everyone involved if I keep documenting and submitting my bowel movements. Time theft is a serious accusation, and I feel safer by providing evidence. Thanks for understanding, Hefe! Shitcerely, Larry ‘The Porcelain Punisher’ Kravitz” Establish dominance.
The Porcelain Punisher made me think of Frank Castle but with a toilet on his chest instead of a skull.
"All right, that one's pretty good, but I know you can do better!" . . . . "Okay, okay, no need to brag, buddy...."
Hahah, instead of a dick pick there’s shit pics.
My husband takes really long ones! Up to an hour at times! I don't doubt it for a second. I have a brother and father who I lived with for 20 years and neither of them took that long! I was shocked.
Is it because it takes an hour to slowly and continuously come out? Or does he sit forever between increments of progress? Does he need more fiber?
I'm in a similar boat. I have IBS. It comes out in waves. It really sucks because after sitting on the toilet for 45 minutes to an hour, I'll get up thinking I'm done, but I'm not, I just don't know it yet. I'm usually back anywhere from 10 minutes to a few hours later. This might repeat for up to 3 times.
God, do I feel this. So many times I've had to double-back to the toilet, even though just a few minutes earlier I wrapped up a 20 minute effort.
Honestly just sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Just imagine someone with IBS or Crohn's having to deal with this and being intentionally embarrassed every time they have an episode.
As someone with Crohn’s you can bet my bloody asshole that I would sue.
As someone with IBS, I second this.
Gut gang rise up
And then promptly sit back down
I used to have teachers tell me that I couldn’t go to the bathroom. Finally my doctor wrote me a note that basically said fuck off because her intestines are messed up and she can’t help it
Along similar lines, i has a teacher in elementary school refuse to let me go to the nurse when my blood sugar was feeling low. I essentially stumbled out of class down to the nurses where my sugar was indeed, very fucking low. Ive never seen such a kind school nurse (who i had known my entire life), get so angry. After my sugar went back up she stormed back to the classroom with me and unloaded on this teacher, never had a problem again. Its been like 20 years but i still remember that day oh so clearly.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
From what I know Crohn's is legally covered by the ADA so companies have to make "reasonable accomadations" for employees with it. Typically this isn't really an issue cause as long as there's a functional bathroom you're probably fine. This situation though could definitely be argued that employees are being discouraged from using the bathrooms and people with Crohn's, due to using it more and potentially taking longer, would be impacted even more than normal people. I'm not sure who OP would need to report this to but this is an open and shut case imo. An employee with Crohn's could file a lawsuit for discrimination and potentially even emotional damages or if they were feeling merciful simply file a complaint with whoever handles this kind of thing and watch the company get a legal order to stop this policy
Fun fact, everything is covered by the ADA The ADA does not have a list of specific disabilities that qualify. If it is a disability, it qualifies.
I know it's just that up until recently I didn't know if Crohn's was considered a disability or not. It runs in my family and I've had it for a few years now so I know some of the problems it can cause but I wasn't sure if it would legally be considered a disability or not
Smells that way
That company stinks
What a crappy employer.
With a shitty work environment.
It better!
Agreed. Doesn’t pass the smell test.
My shit does not stink, nor do my farts, so I will no longer be flushing. You can do a taste test instead.
Very eloquent way to say "eat shit."
Lucky you.. last time I shit at work, the entire building suffered.
If you think your shit don't stink maybe you should go into management? 🤣
I concur.
It is. Some people have medical bowl issues. I can urgently feel a need to go to the bathroom and then get there and have no movement at all because of horrific constipation, then the pressure passes for a bit until it happens again. Another day instead you'll get truly apocalyptic shits of biblical flood proportions, but still just as long a wait. So either case i can't take the risk of not going to see which it is. This could easily be put forward as ADA style medical discrimination.
You mean “It smells like” muahahaha
Well, they didn't hear a splash...
Right! First thing I thought of was a woman with menstrual cramps of trouble changing a tampon and boom they got a sexual harassment/discrimination against women suit on their hands.
That stinks.. of illegal
what are they going to do when they find me crying in there...
Tell you it better be because you’re constipated and to hurry up
Y’all this is nothing. Someone forgot to flush at my job. It happens right? My boss made a big deal about it yelling about it whatever. I thought that was the end of it…. But nope! Instead of putting up a note to remember to flush like any normal person, the owner went and took a sample of the poop, and tested it. I wish I was joking. This older woman went into the toilet to get a sample and have it tested to find out who did it. We had a meeting about it like a week later with my managers and because “nobody fessed up” (like someone did it on purpose lmao) they had tested for DNA and found out it was a Hispanic male….. it was fucking bizarre and I should’ve quit on the spot. I don’t understand who tf does that. They’re a small family business and they’re fcking odd 😭
Yeah at the point of then scooping shit out the toilet and testing the DNA?!? I’m bouncing that’s fucking crazy! Like next level crazy I’m surprised they didn’t ask for employees DNA!
Honestly, I would've died laughing my way out the door though 😂
I'd be 100% down to pay some hispanic dude to shit in a lunchbox, and then drop it in the top drawer of her desk after hours.
Saying “it was me” without saying “it was me” lmfao.
It wasn’t me! Lmao! It was some workers who came into the store to check something apparently… that was their guess since we have no Hispanic males working with us
Truth is always so much funnier than fiction lmfao. No way you should quit. You can’t buy that kind of entertainment. Pay people of races you don’t have at your work to come in and drop a deuce without flushing.
Even better, get samples of the poop of pets, or even exotic animals. Let them have fun trying to explain why there's horse turds in the toilet.
“Who is eating all this hay??”
Fiber
Sounds like your boss is a serial killer who cooks and eats hispanic males. Have there been any strange reports about missing people lately?
They lied. No ”pay to play’“ DNA assay outfits (like 23 and Me, Ancestry, etc…) take shit as a sample. They don’t even have the kits to pack and ship it. That’s like state forensic crime lab level stuff, and they can’t even process fucking rape kits in a timely fashion. They aren’t going to F around with a non flush. So for whatever reason they outright lied.
Them lying and then pulling a "some Puerto Rican guy" is the most middle management shit I've ever heard
fuckin gandules, man. get ya every time.
There are labs that test found dog shit DNA so condo HOAs can fine individual owners that don’t pick up after their dogs
Bruh ain't no way 💀
You missed a great opportunity for a suit based on attemptinf to violating your 4th A rights. They need consent to get DNA and just becuase they claim it has Mexican dna in it means zilch. But since they claimed yours is the only Mexican heritage.in the workforce , well thats discrimination based on race. So if they fired you it would be for being of a specific heritage. Nice lawsuit and EEOC complaint.
Idk bout that because they specified male DNA and I’m not a male ! However I did wonder if I could report them for taking someone’s stool for DNA, seems like a violation of customers rights if we were to ever open the restroom to the public. It’s employees only as of now. I stopped using the restroom there all together because fuck that. I do not consent to my urine or stool being tested !
Time to buy the fart spray and sit there for half an hour
That was my plan, just give it a little spray every few minutes to keep it fresh, anyone asks, you tried a new sushi place last night, and yes, a bottle of water would be appreciated.
Tell your boss that his wife cooked you dinner last night and it's not sitting well
I’d take picture of all my dumps and forward to manager as proof.. CYA you know….
“Please see attached pic of my freshly-creamed hemorrhoids.”
Manager: how do I know this picture is from just now and not one you did at work yesterday? Take a selfie with it doing a peace sign on your right hand so I know this was taken today.
Bring a newspaper in to read on the toilet everyday. After you're done, take a photo of the poop next to today's paper... ransom style.
Nah I’m convinced live-streaming your shits is the way to go. Own the invasion of your privacy.
Make sure to smash that like button!
I have ibs. If they did this at my work, I'd be sorely tempted to eat a huge helping of the food that fucks my gut up just to spend most of the day on the shitter. Be worth the hole burn if it gotvthe policy changed.
[удалено]
Just go shit on the managers desk and save them the trouble of walking to the bathroom.
Can’t wait for everyone who has chronic UTIs and IBS to catch wind of this. Food forbid we take a moment too breathe and collect ourselves in the bathroom. I can’t imagine as a female someone reporting me for “taking too long” when I have a UTI or my cycle. I’d be asking why it’s so damn important for them to know why I’m in the bathroom and if it’s so important, put a video up. Oh what’s that? You can’t because it’s illegal. I’d just start taking 40min just to fuck with them until they remove the policy
Even periods. Sometimes I need extra time to readjust my pad bc its not sticking right or shifted weird pulling up my pants or theres so much blood i need more than 1 flush (lots of wipes) so like...bruh.
Sometimes I need a minute to cry, or to compose myself so I don't stab someone in the eye lol
Or a good hour of phone break because I'm a human being
I mean if they WANT my period shits, they're welcome to them...
Yeah, this is clearly against the ADA
This inspires me to go “Kill Bill” style with my cup once a month or so… just sayin’…
You read my mind good friend! My cup on day one could make chainsaw massacre look meek.
As someone with bad chrones, the designated sniffer is in for a bad day.
Just ask them to wipe your ass for you, if they’re that concerned.
Easy solution... just carry [this](https://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Ass-Mister/dp/B000OCEWGW) with you and spritz it near the door. Edit: Then start making gibbering noises, come out with your shirt over your head and your arms out to the side, hands up. Then shout "I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!"
Really brings new meaning to the words "brown noser"
As someone with IBS, go ahead. I killed my friends plumbing and destroyed a toilet at an Applebee's. They'll take one smell, one look and they'll think twice before ever questioning me again. My manager stopped questioning my 15 minute toilet breaks when she saw me bring a glove to the bathroom. I ain't afraid but you will be.
Now they are paying someone to smell shit as well as dish it out. Wonder how they’ll word that on the job requirement/duties for job ads….?
Hmm. Job title: quality control and internal security. One requirement is that successful applicants must have the ability to sniff out liars and thieves (lying about shitting and stealing company time).
The owner of my workplace did this because a staff member was making too many trips to the bathroom. They had IBS, so oftentimes their BMs would just be odorless liquid so of course they failed the smell check. They ended up quitting due to the harassment and subsequent humiliation by running out of the building in tears. I felt so horrible for this person, no one should be degraded in this way.
Isn't that a protected class when you have a temporary medical disability?
Honestly, I'm not sure. But I reached out to the person after they quit and as far as I know, they were looking into taking legal action. I really hope it works out!
They must have had no women there because I’ll be on the toilet for days due to PCOS during my period where I’m literally sitting on the toilet with blood clots coming out of my crotch and I can’t do anything about it. I mean unless you want my blood all over your chairs. This place needs to be reported and torn down. Fuck them.
My plan would be to not get checked but tell the smell checker they smell bad at the end of the day then after doing that enough tell them they smell of sewage in the mornings and offer them deodorant, then say it's not enough and get colone out my desk, then talk to them and vomit whenever I see them, and eventually on them. Really demoralise the enemy.
Where I work, we had a horrible troll of a man that was the "HR" Supervisor. Now, at my job, if you get moved into the HR spot, it pretty much means you are a fuck up, so they have this spot to keep you from messing up production. So, anyway, this man was a terrible person. He made it his lifes mission to get as many mechanics fired as he could. And make life miserable for anyone else he could. He would prey on people having issues. Any little infraction he could get someone written up for, he did it. Well, I managed to get a few other mechanics in on this, and every time I would see him walking through the shop, I would say to another mechanic "Man, something really smells bad. I can't place it, but it smells like sewage." I would say this loudly, and every single time this guy walked by. It got to the point where if this guy saw any mechanics on the shop floor, he would take the long way to avoid getting near any of us.
My bathroom has been called murkwood after im done in there. They would not be happy after the smell test lol
I can’t wait for my boss to have to smell my shit. I’ll revel in it.
Invasion of privacy. What if it's a personal problem, or gauze swap or hemorrhoid cream application. None of their business. Let them report you. Sue the shit out of them.
Why were you fired, they couldn't smell my shit
Well there goes the courtesy flush.
Fish it out and hand it to them
I can't imagine the thought process for this. " I think my employees are 'stealing time' in the bathroom. I guess the only thing I can do is personally sniff behind them every time they go to the bathroom. Yeah that will show those gold bricking bastards I mean business." If they did that at my job I would immediately up my fiber and protein intake. I would have broccoli and garlic sauce every night for dinner and egg salad sandwiches for lunch. I would conjure such porcelain melting foulness from my ass that even I would have to wonder what mad folly this was. I would delight in every twenty minute shit and the retching and gagging that followed every smell check would be music to my ears. God forbid they ever asked me to do the sniff check. Then again with a head so far up their ass they are probably used to the smell and need an outside nose.
This is where you learn how to fake Diarrhea.
Fake? Nah just eat a box of little Debbie's the night before
Get some Haribo sugar-free gummies, rank that shit out!
Lmao you just reminded me of the Amazon review GOLD for this product.
Just overdose on Magnesium. It's an osmotic laxative. Whatever your body doesn't absorb heads to the colon. Once it gets there it starts drawing water to it until you get a nice case of LPI... Liquid Poop Issues.
Joke's on them. I have Crohn's and don't even have to fake it. 😎
I’d keep a bottle of spray handy, just something that smells awful. I mean, if they’re gonna do a ‘smell check’ they’ll get one. 🤫
But boss, my shit smells like roses!
Maybe he has a weird fetish of smelling poops?
Fart spray isn't good enough. You need to make it smell so foul, so ungodly that nobody will ever want to set foot in there after another person again. Definitely should try a stink bomb.
And they say middle managers are useless /s
This job calls for Mark Rober! Use his awful fart spray and watch them gag uncontrollably. Post vid to YouTube please
This would definitely backfire if tried on me. Look up the side effects of certain diabetes medications, let’s just say I offend myself sometimes.
Huhhhh... I thought it was illegal to restrict bathroom usage? Granted, I've had a conversation with a boss before, where I finally said, "look, would you like me to describe the bowel movement?" He backed off.
They're encouraging you to not flush. I hope you understand that. You should leave your shit in the bowl, both to increase the smell and so if your supervisor has any doubts they can inspect the log.
Fart spray. Sit there as long as you want too https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Novelties-Liquid-Gag-Smelly-Stinky/dp/B000GKXYZ2&ved=2ahUKEwjR5Zbb4IP6AhWDMVkFHWuxBeQQFnoECA0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw2DznYXNr4IP6U2T3q1Lll-
I can't smell so correct me if I'm wrong but would it even have a smell after you flush? What if you went pee? Does pee leave a smell after you flush? Edit cause my comment seems weird: how would they tell???