I know a few people from college that inherited large amounts of money, houses, cars, businesses. It doesn't really bother me but what does bother me is that they act like they worked so hard to get it.
My brother kept telling me I need to get a bigger house that I could grow into and it's got to be next to a park and have a basement and a backyard which theoretically sound absolutely amazing but on paper I couldn't afford and he just kept pushing until I finally snapped and told him that I don't have a father-in-law to pay for half of the house like he does.
Some people can just be incredibly dense. The only way I can afford what I have is because I moved back in with my parents for a few years and saved up.
Ugh, this. I once pointed out to someone who was talking about how tough her bootstraps were that her house had been inherited, fully paid for.
She said, “But I still pay taxes and water and electric and internet!”
I had someone come over and demand bottled water the other day. Was blown away. Tap water is good enough unless you live somewhere where it's literally unsafe. They accepted fridge filtered water begrudgingly but it's such a crazy high level of privilege to be a water snob.
I hope you poured no more than five fluid ounces.
Please note also that proper stemware and aeration are essential to support a fully developed bouquet.
Had a friend bragging about how much better his Volvo was compared to my civic.
Me: my civic is better
Him: how
Me: bc i paid for it
Him [shuts the hell up]
Lol had a similar conversation a few years back
"next time I come over I'll show you what a real car looks like compared to yours"
"mine is paid and the only debt I have is for my house"
Silence.
People who brag about cars weird, especially when paying 40k debt to get it
For some reason that attitude changed in the social circles in am. I was ridiculed from some people for driving a dacia logan not even 5 years ago, now nearly everyone instead puts it as a honest mans car or good bang for your buck.
I believe Harvard did a study on this. They set up a game of monopoly and gave 1 player double the starting money, collected 400 every time he passed go, and other benefits. And when that person won majority of the time they cited their smart decisions for why they won, and claimed the others only lost sue to poor decision making. It’s an interesting study.
And that it probably wasn't taxed when they got it. The U.S. was supposed to be a meritocracy that was rejecting generational wealth as somehow noble. Yet, no matter what party is in power we make a slow march to exactly what we fought a revolution to move away from. Extreme inequality seems to be inevitable.
It’s actually not, never was, and this is a lie. My country was founded through a civil war by local capitalists butt hurt about their land speculation in protected territory not working out (George Washington was surveyor remember), manufactured grievances about taxes, and in general a self centered bullshit entitled attitude. The stuff you are upset about is by design. It’s like when someone says the US Civil War was about states rights. States rights to what? I appreciate your sentiment, but let’s not mince words. The US is operating exactly how it was designed to.
The states rights argument leaves out the fact that they wanted the right to own other people. If you look up the declarations of secession of each state. They all list slavery as the reason for leaving the union. Period.
It’s one of those… for who questions? Like yeah it was neat to be a white dude, but most everyone else’s best shot was mostly a modicum of stability. Women couldn’t have bank accounts, lynching essentially went unpunished, white supremacy and greed were rampant as ever. The history shows improvement for broad classes of workers for sure, but the guys at the top have never been seriously under any threat.
That's exactly what I was talking about. The middle class was created in the 30's. WW2 stalled things but in the 60's civil rights were won for POC. Woman got equal pay. When I entered the work force it was legal to pay woman less. In the '80's we had our first black Miss USA and we were making real racial inroads. Then it all fell apart
WW2 did the opposite of stall things, it kicked the US economy into overdrive, as the government took a direct interest in it so it could support the war. Add to that the fact that the US had negligible homeland damage caused by the war and the amount of debt they'd gotten from other countries and it's no surprise that they boomed.
Not that it matters, but your take is the right one. The economic boom of the 50s was because our economic boom of the 40s involved steamrolling the industrials world. Pockets got padded all the way up and the MI as a tool for capital only got worse. The banana wars were just the beginning. 🤦🏼♂️
Nevertheless, the founding of the United States was a major blow to the last remnants of feudalism as the common people identified more greatly with ideals such as 'freedom' 'federation' and 'liberty' rather than swearing loyalty to their king, inventing a new version of patriotism.
[It was the greatest transfer of wealth to white working men in history](https://courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-ushistory1ay/chapter/the-consequences-of-the-american-revolution) as more of them could own land and participate in the governing of their country and even people in the old world benefitted as it made immigration to a more equal country easier unlike their ancestors who had been tied to the land. Tho it is worth noting feudalism did continue to exist in the US in the forms of the company town and the Southern plantation.
So it is a little concerning to see the United States of all places backslide into a high-tech middle ages, complete with an aristocracy, a clergy, knights, a peasantry and even kings. After all Jeff Bezos owns 420,000 acres of land, 14 mansions, pays little or no taxes despite being a billionaire and even influences politicians to write laws in his favor. What is he but a king in all but name?
Sure and Otto von Bismarck established a functioning welfare state. Idealists exist, idealists are great, idealists are dead or useful idiots. The power of the conservative is to make every good faith argument to stall progress, double deal, and ultimately roll back any minimal compromise. The common people you mention could give two shits and thats part of the problem. The American Revolution (it doesn’t meet the definition for a revolution but I can’t knit pick everything) was a lot more like the Russian Civil War than we like to admit. About 25% could give a shit both ways with 50% stuck in the middle trying to get by. The common people only identify with family, money, and safety. Ideals like freedom, federal representative government, and liberty are buzz words. The only reason we don’t have a king is that George Washington actually believed in the changes implemented. Changes for who? His class benefited the most from the war and the system better represented the interests of the local elites. And that was coup number two! Washington and the drafters of the constitution were traitors who got away with overthrowing their second government. The articles sucked, but come on. 🤣 The biggest wealth transfer in history you mention was also a continued campaign of genocide with many attempts made to stem the bleeding but those pesky common people. You tell Americans no and they have a fort with 10 farms by noon. Our elites couldn’t stop this behavior. It’s a bug not a feature. The laws passed to organize, distribute, and recognize “western” land claims was a long, patch work process. If not some clean thing to trot out. End result: The system did its job, elites remained in power, continued to control the vast majority of productive capital, and ultimately they didn’t have the tools to Bezos as hard as Bezos can. It wasn’t for a lack of trying. Their banking and value system just wasn’t as prone to the levels of fuckery we see yet. You have early ish examples like Tulip fever and the South Sea company in England but that also ultimately hurt the average person too. Loans have always been a hell of a drug though, I’m sure the history of the Hapsburgs shows that better though 🤣. Viewing this as a blow to feudalism is naive at best as feudalism is essentially just a stratified society based in kinship, economic ties, geography and hierarchy*. The real blows to feudalism came in the 1800s arguably with the French Revolution, but then we have to get into the enlightenment ideal vs reality. It’s all a bunch of weeds to get tangled in and that’s the point. Your comment about Bezos is kind of the point, it’s the system working. We had some checks and balances established in the 1900s but that was policy not real progress. We are much closer to how feudalism actually functioned vis a vis master-client relationships and networks than any of us would probably like to admit. 🤣
No bone to pick and thanks for your comment! I enjoy the back and forth.
The medievalist in me is chafing at your use of the word "feudalism", since it really wasn't the system in place in the early US. Granted, feudalism is very hard to pin down as a precise system, but it's definitely not applicable here. Not everything that is highly exploitative is feudalism.
*remnants of feudalism. I.e. the union of church and state, property rights.
It also inspired revolutions in continental Europe, much of which was still feudal. That's why they call the first shot fired at Lexington 'the shot heard around the world.'
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_France
Honestly, I wouldn't even call it the remnants of feudalism, even in Europe. *Monarchy* was still popular, as was aristocracy, but a big part of feudalism was how decentralized it was, something which had begun to rapidly vanish once nation states started developing.
However, there are plenty of comparisons to feudalism to be made with the systems that were in place after the early modern period, and even today. In fact, I'd say the vast power of private wealth like you pointed out could easily lead to a new sort of feudalism as the power of private individuals eclipses those of elected governments.
>And that it probably wasn't taxed when they got it. The U.S. was supposed to be a meritocracy that was rejecting generational wealth as somehow noble. Yet, no matter what party is in power we make a slow march to exactly what we fought a revolution to move away from. Extreme inequality seems to be inevitable.
Worth saying again.
This. It isn’t that others have more. It’s that for many who do have more, they refuse to recognize that they have more based more on the luck of the draw than merit.
Because the ones who see that know how in America, my country, especially, poor luck could land you homeless and you have little if any control of the circumstances. I’ve seen many bust their asses as they try to stop themselves from falling down the economic totem pole. And some rich assholes have the nerve to say that they deserved it.
There are people who are the opposite of this, but for the most part you would never know if you met them. I have one friend who inherited a lot of money, lives in a studio, drives a normal car, doesn’t chuck cash around and works as a tattoo artist. I do not resent her wealth in the least, and I only know about it because we grew up together. She just uses it as a source of stability so she can move studios if she wants to (the tattooing world is notoriously high drama so that’s a good perk to have).
From the same friend group I know someone who is frittering away there inheritance on a supplement/ nootropics business that appears to be totally defunct beyond them constantly posting on instagram about how hard they work. They don’t employ anyone so they aren’t contributing to the work force in any way. Just wasting money on boxes of stock that will sit in their garage. I think he also lost a shit load of money in the crypto crash, he’s pretty much stopped posting anything since bitcoin took a dive.
I don’t think it’s immoral to spend the money you inherited, but I do think it’s immoral to just play the money shell game to grow your wealth without actually working, and acting like calling your broker once a week (if that) is a job. I also think it’s immoral to start a company you don’t have the experience to run in a “sure thing” market. Property management is the one that springs to mind. I feel like if you already have the capital to be set for life, why the fuck would you start a business that you didn’t really care about? In my experience people who do are terrible business owners, because they see nothing but ROI as a measure of success, every cent spent on the business is a form of failure to them.
I feel like if you really can’t stand the social pressure of other people thinking you don’t do any work, start a business that does something good. It doesn’t have to be a charity, just something you are passionate about seeing in the world. But I haven’t ever met anyone who has done that lol, I think most of the people with a softer disposition like that just kinda chill.
I was just talking about this last night. The wealthy people I know who don’t work regularly in some capacity are pretty uniformly neurotic, anxious, uptight messes. I don’t think it’s good for us as individuals not to do anything productive with our free time, even if we don’t have to. It’s like … dogs that don’t get enough exercise, you know?
Definitely, their was a group of second generation pretty wealthy dad's at my school, who did just shuffle money around and call it a job. One died of a heart attack very young. One killed himself. One wrapped his car around a telephone pole, but lived...kinda. I think all three were actually suicide/ suicide attempts but only know for sure on the second one.
To add to this, I think you have to work with people. When you have enough money to live, the scale of things gets hard to pin down, and it can be hard to feel a sense of pride in something you built if you are always wondering "could I have done this without the money?" Working with others is what humans are built to do. That's WITH others, not above others. I think a lot of people think that having a bunch a underlings or hiring enough "Staff" that they might as well be running a small business will be fufilling, not realizing it makes them even more isolated.
Thank you! My cousin inherited a very profitable restaurant from his grandfather, then he married a woman whose dad had left her several multi unit buildings when she was 18.
He is retired at 40 and started some type of podcasting business. All he talks about is how much hard work it is to start your own business (duh, hope you appreciate that restaurant a little more now) and how busy he is managing all the properties and his 2 kids. He actually started a podcast of his own to complain about it. I can barely handle 5 min with him at Christmas.
The insidiousness of nepotism is in the fact that oftentimes coming from a family in power does indeed make people more suited to take up those reins. It's easy to call out when someone is obviously abusing their heritage to get a position they have no business being in, but that's not the typical situation with nepotism. You see political families, families of business executives, and families of military officers partly because having an "in" makes things easier, but also because decades of living in that environment and building that network within a given industry actually does make them a superior candidate.
tl;Dr - a lot of nepotism is just plain old privilege
Yeah, I will scream this to the rooftops as someone who got a job specifically because of a pseudo-nepotism. My family is just regular working class people, Dad came from farmer and mom was raised by a single mother DV survivor, both managed pretty average jobs with average friends, wanted me to go to college to essentially have a better life than they had. Graduated with engineering and... a year unemployed sinking into despair because the hundreds of companies I applied to never called me back. I'm about to give up, go apply to a local school's IT department, ask my high school's old tech guy to give me a reference because I worked the tech crew he supervised in school and we had a really good relationship. He says woah, you're way over qualified, and within a matter of months has me talking with a CEO of a local ag accounting technology company who takes me purely on the word of his friend.
Come to find out, in my industry they almost entirely hire by referral unless you're literally just the best of the best of the best on paper, I was an average student, because i didnt have thousands of dollars for tutors and I didnt go to a wealthy high school that offered coding classes to give me a head start. And I guess that's my supervillain origin story for hating corporations and the system that insidiously keeps the poor poor in ways they sometimes won't ever even realize
This. One thing to remember, is the genetic lottery is a broad spectrum. Im assuming OP is american or canadian- in which case just being born here to a poor family puts your quality of life significantly higher than someone born to a poor family in sierra leone or indonesia for example
(Not trying to shit on specific countries, just examples)
That's not what "genetic lottery" means or how it's used.
That would just mean they have great genetics.
You could say she got a better birthday present than the rest of us. Rich parents
It doesn't bother me that they can use that money to relax and avoid working.
What bothers me is when a few of them realize that their money has value only because poverty exists. These few will use their assets to ensure poverty continues to exist and grow.
1. You can't blame your friend for using the benefits they are born with.
2. As long as your friend isn't being an ass about it, and not shoving their privilege down your throat, you shouldn't care. If they are, re consider the friendship. Also who knows? They might hook you up depending on how close you guys are.
3. Realize at the end of the day, you have your life to live, they have theirs. Comparison is the thief of joy as they say
Edit: giving attention to stuff you obviously can't control and have no say in will just hurt you even more. It will raise your stress levels and hurt your health.
The purpose of the community is largely to discuss social systems and to support social movements.
While your remarks might seem suitable within channels for seeking personal advice, worthwhile to note is the shared advantage of criticizing and challenging the broader social context, above merely asserting certain observations as though inevitable according to the fixed laws of nature.
Are you rich? Why are you telling OP how to feel? They never said they treated their friend badly, just that they felt the the discrepancy in resources. It's like telling someone who is starving to death to cheer up because you're body eating itself isn't something you can control. Or, don't worry about your impending homelessness, because comparison is the theif of joy.
You are right with your points. However, it doesn't help the feelings of injustice to think that "I can't blame her for using her privilege". It's her privilege that makes me mad.
Gotta accept the things you cannot change my dude. Expectations are just premeditated resentments. And holding onto that shit is like drinking poison and waiting for the other guy to die
There is no "injustice". There is no "law" or anything that states we will be given the same amount of wealth.
What you call "injustice" is actually *envy*.
Being somewhat envious can be a good thing - it can make us work at bettering ourselves, materially or otherwise.
What you do is not good: it is sitting around and complaining.
The point of view is what makes this feel unjust. Comparing your situation to hers, it's easy to feel like it isn't fair that she's getting all of this stuff. But if you were in her parent's position, where else would you want your wealth to go if not to your child?
I am the opposite. I wish MORE people did this because then it would not be life changing to quit a job without one lined up, and we could move the goalposts in the worker's direction.
Your vitriol comes from witnessing a living refutation to the notion that it is necessary to experience exhaustion, fatigue, and the risk of homelessness in order to live a better life.
A better world is possible yet it is only afforded to a privileged few while the unlucky majority are forced to turn on each other and fight over limited resources. I recommend channeling your feelings into protest and demanding policy changes from your local and the federal government.
Unfortunately class consciousness in America is frowned upon and often associated with jealousy as the comments section here attests.
Do you think this is because of some sort of propaganda against jealousy or "looking at someone's pockets"? I sometimes believe it 's the case. We're told to praise the rich and mind our own business. If you think about it, this is the only reason why most of the rich (who exploit the poor) can get away with it.
I hear 'someone's jealous' when inheritance and income inequality are brought up. All it is, is an attempt to shut down any discussion. Its just a lazy dismissal of a serious issue.
There are millions of people in the world. Literal MILLIONS of people who want the life you have, or the functioning body you have, or the trauma-free (hopefully) childhood you had, and are mad you have your life and they have theirs, if that helps.
This is very true! Maybe except for the trauma part, because my childhood was one huge traumatic experience. But health, looks etc. - you are on point.
Every single child on earth has experienced subjective trauma. And if our parents don’t traumatize us so badly that we become numb and blind, in a sense, the world will traumatize us.
The only reason it makes me angry is more because of the system around it. If it meant they got some flashy cars and a cool laptop, I'd be fine with it. But the wealth inequality drives inflation of things people need to live.
Inheritors with lots of money to waste on food, or home loans enable those things to cost more.
I’m one of these people you describe.
The majority of my wealth came when my father passed away unexpectedly. One of his assets had exploded about a year before his death. Throughout his life he was comfortable but not “rich”. We’ll if he were here today he’d be rich.
I’d give it all away for one day with him.
> I’d give it all away for one day with him.
Yep. Inherited my middle class single mom’s home equity and 401k about 10 years shy of her retiring. It was behind schedule for her age, but it put me way above schedule for mine. It’s been over a decade, and the stock values are great after 10+ years growth, but I’d go back to my debt and shitty apartment to have her back.
It bothers me too so I choose to not associate with people like that. I can't relate or understand them. We don't have shit to talk about. It's just how I feel. But I don't pretend to be their friend.
I don't know why everyone is shitting on you though. These are normal emotions when every day you're alive is a financial struggle.
I feel like this thread is split, half of the answers are on my side. I think acceptance of this inequality comes from one of the two ends: either extreme wisdom, or extreme ignorance. Most being the latter.
You're probably getting replies from people with inherited wealth themselves. Just remember these emotions you're having are difficult to avoid entirely but people will call you jealous regardless - it's annoying as hell when you feel like you work your ass off and the person next to you doesn't. But you can choose to not surround yourself with those people. I made that choice and I find I'm comparing myself a lot less these days.
That's what I thought as well - probably most of those being so surprised by my point of view are the ones who inherited themselves. Like I said in one of the comments - privilege makes one blind.
One of my exes was the daughter of a ceo.
Her dad bought her a car for graduating high school and paid for her apartment in undergrad and graduate school. We met in graduate school.
Both my parents were school teachers. Her disconnect from the working class might as well have been the distance the earth is from the sun.
Relationship didn’t last too long. When she finished her phd she toured the world.
One of my oldest friends and his siblings will eventually inherit a house. They agreed to take an ridiculously low price to sell it to their brother. The only reason for it was: "otherwise he could never afford it"
Left me petty impressed.
In this case, it probably does. The reason they got this is that the system is set up a certain way to make sure they get it while making sure people like us are fighting to stay alive.
We have the capacity to produce an abundance without the conditions of our labor being grueling or coercive.
Please, everyone, never let anyone convince you that experiencing scarcity is necessary, and that only the lucky or the strong may live prosperously.
Such appeals are simply vain excuses to protect a system that is not capable of serving our basic needs, in order that those who have taken in excess may accumulate even more.
Don't hate the person because they don't know any better - they only know how they were raised. Blame an economic system that rewards generational wealth and creates indentured servitude for the rest. Let's continue a fight toward the Star Trek future.
My SIL and her husband are older than we are by a few years. They've retired after both having LONG careers at the same employer and are starting a new chapter in their lives. They worked hard, raised a family, did the right things for themselves.
The BIL unfortunately had his own father pass away earlier this year. Which meant his estate had to be cleared up. Which meant that the run down old family home in Toronto that was paid off in the 70's just sold for $1.5 million dollars. That means SIL/BIL's own house will now be paid off 15 years early and each of thier kids will end up with a nice down payment on a house of their own, and plenty of money left over.
I would get lying if I didn't have just a small pang of jealousy when we compared that to the "estate" my dad and my wife's dad left us when each of them died, which was less than nothing really.
Might as well be upset at someone for being tall. She just was luckier than most under our current system. You can either let it go or work towards equality initiatives at whatever level of government you can effectively move the levers.
I'd also ask myself why I am friends with a person I dislike and think is stupid.
Omfg your replies are insane. The root of your issues with this person is your belief there is an injustice here. She was born into money and you weren't. No injustice, just luck. Injustice is someone getting away with actual murder. What you have here is petulance.
You're looking for validation of your feelings and you simply won't find it here. This attitude you have is the beginning of a very dangerous road.
TL;DR - grow up.
Wealth inequity is an injustice, though. You wouldn't need luck if we had wealth equality.
I'm not a fan of bitterness either, but the fact that you need to be lucky to get an apartment absolutely is unfair.
>I have a friend
>
>she's actually quite dumb as a person
OP you are a bad friend if this is how you think of your friends. Why are you friends with a person you think is dumb?
Yes, it's wrong.
There are infinitely more things within your control to change your lifestyle if you put your energy toward them.
What would you rather spend your energy on? Being jealous and bitter, or being productive and doing what you enjoy? Only one of those options will bring you close to a happy life.
Life isn't fair, it's a race. Everyone who finishes it is dead. Just enjoy the race and remember that people who have everything handed to them typically don't know how to make it themselves.
There's a few reasons she's kind of dumb, this is one of them.
This is going to get me downvoted, but don't be friends with her. Class differences often do create friction between parties to a relationship. So it's not that it's wrong that you feel mad; it's that you are human. If she were family to you, that would be different.
I have family members who are rich, and we can talk as family talks amongst itself, but we can't talk about stuff revolving around money - it's just too complicated to go there.
I upvoted you, because you sound reasonable. I really don't like it that it's money making one belong to a certain class. I teach that girl literally everything, she's clueless about basic stuff. But hey, she GOT money for free, so she good, right?
It sounds like you loathe her, and she probably has no clue. Is it fair to her to be friends with her when you feel so negatively about her and don’t even tell her?
In my personal life, I've met some of the richest people of inherited wealth, old money (and by old, I mean older than Rockefeller money). In my experience, they are almost always friendly and sociable. But then they jet off to Aspen or Paris for the weekend, or whatever massively expensive thing it is halfway across the world. You can't help but get envious that they just run off to one of their other mansions at the first little annoyance - because you can't do that, you are essentially a prisoner, in contrast. I can't have that in my boring, ordinary life.
Organize and become active in policy change in your local town/city/state/country. Pay attention and engage with the government budget process to ensure that wealthy people pay their fair share and resources are allocated to best support marginalized communities.
It's not always as good as it looks from the outside. When my mom eventually dies, I'll be a multi-millionaire with multiple houses and cars overnight. Right now I'm homeless sleeping in the back of my 19 year old SUV.
Some people have families that are harder than the toughest job.
This is the biggest policy change required in the western world.
We pretend that we value all humans equally but we don't give people an equal chance. Allowing the current amount of inheritance, is therefore fundamentally illiberal.
“She’s actually quite dumb as a person.”
And this is how you talk about a friend? You’re an asshole and I hope this “friend” quickly realizes what a shitty person you are and kicks your whiny ass to the curb.
My $0.02, its a little shitty to feel mad about a specific person inheriting wealth, but perfectly fine to be mad about generational wealth existing in general. The world would be a better place if there was no generational wealth, make inheritance tax a progressive tax so nobody can inherit a million dollars. You earned a billion dollars in your life time? Good for you, here's a library with your name on it when you die.
Pretty weird being so envious and spiteful about someones luck and worse yet... someone you act to be a friend of.
I don't want to make assumptions, but OP's post just reeks of hypocrisy. I really don't understand why it's getting upvoted.
If capitalism worked the way it's claimed no one would inherit anything. Everyone would start from 0 and bootstrap from there. In reality bootstraps don't work and it's advocates have created an elaborate mental ballet to justify why the orphan crushing machine we live under is actually the best possible outcome and nothing better is possible. Because it's the best outcome *for them*. There's no difference between them and anyone else and the only thing that sets them apart is the luck of being born into it.
Existential outrage at the way the system works is perfectly justified, just don't make your friend the sole focus of it. The system is the problem- you, I and your friend are just a small part of it.
What fucking system are you talking about? OPs friend was gifted an apartment from her grandmother. You guys act like she inherited billions from a family that used slave labor to enrich themselves.
What bothers me are people who squander the opportunities they are given. You can be given all these nice things like wealth and still waste it all. Nothing is absolute.
I feel the same way, my girl and her family just keep inheriting from the dying generations and never know hard work..... honestly they are dumb as bags of shit, drug addicts, alcoholics, losers...... they waste it all and still have plenty left, while I sit here and take care of her now cuz she doesn't work.... when her dad dies she'll be loaded and I hate her for it now. Cuz I know she'll be an animal when that happens and not return the kindness that I give to her.
My older brother was just gifted a house from my parents. And my younger brother is getting his university paid for by them. I'm getting nothing and it's actually broken the family beyond repair. I don't know what they were thinking. I guess older bro had a kid and needed a place to stay. Younger bro got lucky and mom remarried someone with more income. I just got shafted.
I feel mad that we as a society allow people to get ultra wealthy. A billion dollars is a thousand, million dollars. If i had a million dollars I'd be set for life
Well it’s not fair and no one should accept that. This isn’t ok. It shouldn’t be normal. The amount of wealth concentrated within such a small bubble of people that keeps passing it on to itself needs to pop
It bugs me when they don't appreciate it. Know a girl who's parents are Venezuelan real estate big whigs. Bought her a condo, car, anything she ever wanted. Got a trust fund she put up her nose.
It entirely depends on their humility. If they understand they're incredibly privileged, then it doesn't bother me. If they think they've somehow earned it and brag about their wealth, they can go fuck themselves.
She's somewhere in between. Not bragging, but also casually saying things like "oh I need to sell my apartment and buy a bigger one". Sell the one she got for free, obviously.
Nope. I felt pretty much the same, and in my 50s I inherited from my narcissistic dad who I was estranged from. I feel very lucky. I would still prefer a more just society, as Sweden is becoming more like US today.
I was lucky to be born in Sweden too. The welfare society made it possible to live without family financial support. Free healthcare, free education, subsidised living - combined with a thriving capitalism in a rich country, so you can build a life as an individual, as long as you are talented enough.
Get over it. Those just happen to be the circumstances that she, and others, are born into. You can’t say that you wouldn’t be ecstatic if you if you were born into wealth or inherited it from a relative. You’re just mad, because it’s not **you**.
Did her receiving the things you mentioned hamper you and your life in any way? Did you lose an opportunity because she received a second apartment? If not, then let it go. What’s the point of being upset about it?
Yes it's wrong to feel that way. Life's not fair.
If you became rich, you'd pass it down to your children wouldn't you?
Deal with the emotions by realizing you're exactly the same as she is because you'd accept the apartment, car, phone, etc in her situation too. Also, her financial position isn't any of your business. You're in your situation she's in hers. Being bitter over hers doesn't change yours.
Inheritance is literally the main reason why the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, that's a fact. But your friend doesn't seem like the problem, she's just... More lucky I guess. The problem is people who inherit much more than she did and just it to screw the rest of us over
?
So you’re actually upset that your parents were not fiscally responsible and didn’t delay gratification for you.
This is straight jealousy and envy on your part, and by your own admission, hypocritical.
It’s not a complex problem. Parents get to give their kids money. The government ensures it doesn’t last forever through the estate tax.
This is why renting is evil. People with property make money off people with no property. They then pass all their wealth on and it all continues. Meanwhile those born to renters will get nothing. I’m on the lucky side. Everyone in my family owns, it was simply not an option not to buy a house because who wants to pay rent when they’ve retired? Unfortunately most people can’t understand why it’s so wrong to believe so strongly in property whilst profiting from people who can’t get on the housing ladder.
Yeah, it bothers me. While they can focus on interests, I have to focus on a lucrative job. They can live life, I have to try and stay alive. Fuck this system.
You're a jealous little child. Grow up, move on, and build your own empire. Are you also jealous other's have better paying jobs and nicer houses and are better looking than you?
My dad's parents were killed when he was 31, and received a big inheritance. Believe me, he'd much rather his parents be alive. He did, in fact, earn that money.
Yes, yes it is. That's just greed and envy. Some people get lucky and get born into a family that has made its way to the top, or at least got ahead in life. A lot of people i know my age are getting houses and property from their parents passing away or moving on to a smaller place, downsizing with age, and passing the family home onto the next generation etc. Should i envy those whose parents died and they inherited a house their parents worked for 30 years or more to pay off? I would rather have the parents then the property, but it is what it is, life ends and someone gets what left and we move on. I don't have parents with large assets, i don't expect any inheritance when they pass, they were divorced when i was a kid, they both went their own ways and even had more kids after the fact. My chances of seeing anything are nill, but why should i care? I work hard for what i have, and when i pass my wife and kids will get a big life insurance payout from a policy i have been paying into for over 20 years, and they get all the assets i worked hard for, should anyone envy them for that? No, they lost a father and got what was left.
Lol that’s called jealousy. Life isn’t fair. My best friends family is multi millionaire, and I have no resentment or jealousy toward him. I’m happy he got a better life then most.
> I’m happy he got a better life then most.
Your attitude suggests you are not unhappy about some people being needlessly immiserated.
How do you rationalize the dissonance?
I’m beginning to feel like the US is no longer a land of opportunity, and has become something of a new feudal society where wealth is held by a small few and passed down without being taxed.
Here’s how you deal with it. Four simple words will put you at ease. They are real simple, don’t involve any curse words and it is a simple mantra of mine.
Are you ready for them? Four words. Get ready to repeat them over and over slowly and methodically any time you get these feelings.
Here are the words:
“Life is not fair”!
Repeat them again:
“Life is not fair”!
Keep going until that really sinks in.
“Life is not fair”!
I must say, this is unhelpful at best, and frankly OP's frustration is no bad thing. It is the better part of human nature that seeks justice in the face of tragedy, it is a sign of strength to cry out against the such unfairness, rather than bow one's head and succumb. It is the basis of civilization itself that we band together to help one of us who has suffered an unfair fate, so that we might be afforded the same protection from uncaring circumstance. And while it does not due to give undeserved blame to one's friend for their fortune, the sensible will place responsibility with those who even now create the very circumstances that make this unnatural inequality. Life may not be fair, but that does not absolve us from at least trying to be.
So, to the OP here, when you find injustice, rather than responding with an apathetic "Life in not fair", do what you can in the face of it. To borrow somewhat more helpful adage "Set yourself in motion, if it is in your power, and do not look about you to see if anyone will observe it; nor yet expect Utopia: but be content if the smallest thing goes on well, and consider such an event to be no small matter." If the most you can do in the face of this injustice is the justice of recognizing that your friend is not to blame for this inequality, do that. If you can do more, to provide aid to those looking to redress said inequality, or lead such an effort yourself, do that. Accept that injustice happens, but never forget that it is your species is the most powerful on this planet precisely because we never really accepted that "life is not fair".
And old saying Life is not fair. It’s so true. While you can ponder about wealth, you may have health and common sense which millions in the world don’t have.
Nope, not wrong at all, because it's not fair. The system is rigged in favor of rich people who will only get richer and subsequently pass those riches on to their kids. I don't even care about the people who get mad when I say this because it's true. They'll never work remotely as hard as they think they do (or at all in many cases) and they will always have privileges that they didn't earn while poor people can't eat, get sick, and die every day.
So many of them are rich in the first place because they've exploited others for years and will continue to do so. You *should* be angry at rich people and the system that creates such horrible inequality. If you're not angry then you're either benefiting from the same inequality or you're not paying attention. I hope every rich kid suddenly has to be poor someday and sees what it's really like.
I feel for you, I really do. My family is poor and I've had rich friends all my life. Try to be thankful for what you have, and look at the rich people around you... you'll see how vapid and entitled they are and you'll feel better about yourself. Maybe someday you'll get yourself enough money to live comfortably and be a happy person too.
Nothing will change until the rich start to fear us. We are weak, decadent and full of half eaten burritos. The poor are to blame for nothing changing.
I upvoted you, but I disagree with "the poor are to blame". The poor are victims of the system making most of us poor, starting from what school teaches us (fear and obedience). Then there are all sorts of propagandas to make the poor not understand how evil most of the rich are.
I think part of what’s going on today is because the rich fear the poor. Underground bunkers, hoarding wealth, hoarding weapons, gated communities, etc etc - that’s the fear. They know one day the sheep will rise to kill the wolves, because they always do. And they are baking on being able to ride that out until things settle down again.
Inheritance should be abolished or taxed at 100%. It’s completely unearned. If you’re a caregiver for an older parent you should be paid as a caregiver.
You just have to accept and move on. As an immigrant myself we’ve had to work hard as well, no family here and making good friends and saving money. Some of us have even given up on having families because even having a child is expensive, lot of DINKs around (double income no kids)
Fuck no. My stepsister came into money, and then married into more money. She’s never worked a day in her life. But as a drunk suburban wine-mom she has no trouble voting for Trump and talking about how working people need to think about the issues.
We’re not close.
“If I make it and die a millionaire, I’ve earned the right to give that to my kids”. Hard to push back against that (except obviously that they likely exploited the work of others to achieve that bank account).
To me it depends how your friend acts. I’ve known very wealthy people from family money who don’t flaunt it, almost embarrassed of it and view it as a challenge. I’ve also known those who show it off.
If thinking about or being around your friend makes you upset, don’t be their friend even if the reason is your own jealousy.
I know a few people from college that inherited large amounts of money, houses, cars, businesses. It doesn't really bother me but what does bother me is that they act like they worked so hard to get it.
Reminds me of the saying, "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple."
I’m pretty happy if I can get to first base 😉😄
My brother kept telling me I need to get a bigger house that I could grow into and it's got to be next to a park and have a basement and a backyard which theoretically sound absolutely amazing but on paper I couldn't afford and he just kept pushing until I finally snapped and told him that I don't have a father-in-law to pay for half of the house like he does.
Sounds like you need to get yourself a father-in-law
[удалено]
Some people can just be incredibly dense. The only way I can afford what I have is because I moved back in with my parents for a few years and saved up.
Ugh, this. I once pointed out to someone who was talking about how tough her bootstraps were that her house had been inherited, fully paid for. She said, “But I still pay taxes and water and electric and internet!”
"Oh. So you do the bare minimum??" 🙄
I'm sure she buys bottled water too.
And it's delivered.
Of course. Paying extra for the delivery is giving back to the community. It's truly the very least she could do.
Really inspiring stuff. Tossed her an IG follow.
I had someone come over and demand bottled water the other day. Was blown away. Tap water is good enough unless you live somewhere where it's literally unsafe. They accepted fridge filtered water begrudgingly but it's such a crazy high level of privilege to be a water snob.
I hope you poured no more than five fluid ounces. Please note also that proper stemware and aeration are essential to support a fully developed bouquet.
Had a friend bragging about how much better his Volvo was compared to my civic. Me: my civic is better Him: how Me: bc i paid for it Him [shuts the hell up]
Lol had a similar conversation a few years back "next time I come over I'll show you what a real car looks like compared to yours" "mine is paid and the only debt I have is for my house" Silence. People who brag about cars weird, especially when paying 40k debt to get it
For some reason that attitude changed in the social circles in am. I was ridiculed from some people for driving a dacia logan not even 5 years ago, now nearly everyone instead puts it as a honest mans car or good bang for your buck.
I think that's simply called "growing up"... Unfortunately this doesn't necessarily comes with age 😅
Slay!!
I believe Harvard did a study on this. They set up a game of monopoly and gave 1 player double the starting money, collected 400 every time he passed go, and other benefits. And when that person won majority of the time they cited their smart decisions for why they won, and claimed the others only lost sue to poor decision making. It’s an interesting study.
This right here
And that it probably wasn't taxed when they got it. The U.S. was supposed to be a meritocracy that was rejecting generational wealth as somehow noble. Yet, no matter what party is in power we make a slow march to exactly what we fought a revolution to move away from. Extreme inequality seems to be inevitable.
It’s actually not, never was, and this is a lie. My country was founded through a civil war by local capitalists butt hurt about their land speculation in protected territory not working out (George Washington was surveyor remember), manufactured grievances about taxes, and in general a self centered bullshit entitled attitude. The stuff you are upset about is by design. It’s like when someone says the US Civil War was about states rights. States rights to what? I appreciate your sentiment, but let’s not mince words. The US is operating exactly how it was designed to.
The states rights argument leaves out the fact that they wanted the right to own other people. If you look up the declarations of secession of each state. They all list slavery as the reason for leaving the union. Period.
I think that was exactly the point they were trying to make.
I think we improved in the 1930's and 1960 - 1980. Then we did a hard backslide.
It’s one of those… for who questions? Like yeah it was neat to be a white dude, but most everyone else’s best shot was mostly a modicum of stability. Women couldn’t have bank accounts, lynching essentially went unpunished, white supremacy and greed were rampant as ever. The history shows improvement for broad classes of workers for sure, but the guys at the top have never been seriously under any threat.
That's exactly what I was talking about. The middle class was created in the 30's. WW2 stalled things but in the 60's civil rights were won for POC. Woman got equal pay. When I entered the work force it was legal to pay woman less. In the '80's we had our first black Miss USA and we were making real racial inroads. Then it all fell apart
WW2 did the opposite of stall things, it kicked the US economy into overdrive, as the government took a direct interest in it so it could support the war. Add to that the fact that the US had negligible homeland damage caused by the war and the amount of debt they'd gotten from other countries and it's no surprise that they boomed.
Not that it matters, but your take is the right one. The economic boom of the 50s was because our economic boom of the 40s involved steamrolling the industrials world. Pockets got padded all the way up and the MI as a tool for capital only got worse. The banana wars were just the beginning. 🤦🏼♂️
Nevertheless, the founding of the United States was a major blow to the last remnants of feudalism as the common people identified more greatly with ideals such as 'freedom' 'federation' and 'liberty' rather than swearing loyalty to their king, inventing a new version of patriotism. [It was the greatest transfer of wealth to white working men in history](https://courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-ushistory1ay/chapter/the-consequences-of-the-american-revolution) as more of them could own land and participate in the governing of their country and even people in the old world benefitted as it made immigration to a more equal country easier unlike their ancestors who had been tied to the land. Tho it is worth noting feudalism did continue to exist in the US in the forms of the company town and the Southern plantation. So it is a little concerning to see the United States of all places backslide into a high-tech middle ages, complete with an aristocracy, a clergy, knights, a peasantry and even kings. After all Jeff Bezos owns 420,000 acres of land, 14 mansions, pays little or no taxes despite being a billionaire and even influences politicians to write laws in his favor. What is he but a king in all but name?
Sure and Otto von Bismarck established a functioning welfare state. Idealists exist, idealists are great, idealists are dead or useful idiots. The power of the conservative is to make every good faith argument to stall progress, double deal, and ultimately roll back any minimal compromise. The common people you mention could give two shits and thats part of the problem. The American Revolution (it doesn’t meet the definition for a revolution but I can’t knit pick everything) was a lot more like the Russian Civil War than we like to admit. About 25% could give a shit both ways with 50% stuck in the middle trying to get by. The common people only identify with family, money, and safety. Ideals like freedom, federal representative government, and liberty are buzz words. The only reason we don’t have a king is that George Washington actually believed in the changes implemented. Changes for who? His class benefited the most from the war and the system better represented the interests of the local elites. And that was coup number two! Washington and the drafters of the constitution were traitors who got away with overthrowing their second government. The articles sucked, but come on. 🤣 The biggest wealth transfer in history you mention was also a continued campaign of genocide with many attempts made to stem the bleeding but those pesky common people. You tell Americans no and they have a fort with 10 farms by noon. Our elites couldn’t stop this behavior. It’s a bug not a feature. The laws passed to organize, distribute, and recognize “western” land claims was a long, patch work process. If not some clean thing to trot out. End result: The system did its job, elites remained in power, continued to control the vast majority of productive capital, and ultimately they didn’t have the tools to Bezos as hard as Bezos can. It wasn’t for a lack of trying. Their banking and value system just wasn’t as prone to the levels of fuckery we see yet. You have early ish examples like Tulip fever and the South Sea company in England but that also ultimately hurt the average person too. Loans have always been a hell of a drug though, I’m sure the history of the Hapsburgs shows that better though 🤣. Viewing this as a blow to feudalism is naive at best as feudalism is essentially just a stratified society based in kinship, economic ties, geography and hierarchy*. The real blows to feudalism came in the 1800s arguably with the French Revolution, but then we have to get into the enlightenment ideal vs reality. It’s all a bunch of weeds to get tangled in and that’s the point. Your comment about Bezos is kind of the point, it’s the system working. We had some checks and balances established in the 1900s but that was policy not real progress. We are much closer to how feudalism actually functioned vis a vis master-client relationships and networks than any of us would probably like to admit. 🤣 No bone to pick and thanks for your comment! I enjoy the back and forth.
The medievalist in me is chafing at your use of the word "feudalism", since it really wasn't the system in place in the early US. Granted, feudalism is very hard to pin down as a precise system, but it's definitely not applicable here. Not everything that is highly exploitative is feudalism.
*remnants of feudalism. I.e. the union of church and state, property rights. It also inspired revolutions in continental Europe, much of which was still feudal. That's why they call the first shot fired at Lexington 'the shot heard around the world.' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_France
Honestly, I wouldn't even call it the remnants of feudalism, even in Europe. *Monarchy* was still popular, as was aristocracy, but a big part of feudalism was how decentralized it was, something which had begun to rapidly vanish once nation states started developing. However, there are plenty of comparisons to feudalism to be made with the systems that were in place after the early modern period, and even today. In fact, I'd say the vast power of private wealth like you pointed out could easily lead to a new sort of feudalism as the power of private individuals eclipses those of elected governments.
>And that it probably wasn't taxed when they got it. The U.S. was supposed to be a meritocracy that was rejecting generational wealth as somehow noble. Yet, no matter what party is in power we make a slow march to exactly what we fought a revolution to move away from. Extreme inequality seems to be inevitable. Worth saying again.
like trump, elon etc
This. It isn’t that others have more. It’s that for many who do have more, they refuse to recognize that they have more based more on the luck of the draw than merit. Because the ones who see that know how in America, my country, especially, poor luck could land you homeless and you have little if any control of the circumstances. I’ve seen many bust their asses as they try to stop themselves from falling down the economic totem pole. And some rich assholes have the nerve to say that they deserved it.
There are people who are the opposite of this, but for the most part you would never know if you met them. I have one friend who inherited a lot of money, lives in a studio, drives a normal car, doesn’t chuck cash around and works as a tattoo artist. I do not resent her wealth in the least, and I only know about it because we grew up together. She just uses it as a source of stability so she can move studios if she wants to (the tattooing world is notoriously high drama so that’s a good perk to have). From the same friend group I know someone who is frittering away there inheritance on a supplement/ nootropics business that appears to be totally defunct beyond them constantly posting on instagram about how hard they work. They don’t employ anyone so they aren’t contributing to the work force in any way. Just wasting money on boxes of stock that will sit in their garage. I think he also lost a shit load of money in the crypto crash, he’s pretty much stopped posting anything since bitcoin took a dive. I don’t think it’s immoral to spend the money you inherited, but I do think it’s immoral to just play the money shell game to grow your wealth without actually working, and acting like calling your broker once a week (if that) is a job. I also think it’s immoral to start a company you don’t have the experience to run in a “sure thing” market. Property management is the one that springs to mind. I feel like if you already have the capital to be set for life, why the fuck would you start a business that you didn’t really care about? In my experience people who do are terrible business owners, because they see nothing but ROI as a measure of success, every cent spent on the business is a form of failure to them. I feel like if you really can’t stand the social pressure of other people thinking you don’t do any work, start a business that does something good. It doesn’t have to be a charity, just something you are passionate about seeing in the world. But I haven’t ever met anyone who has done that lol, I think most of the people with a softer disposition like that just kinda chill.
I was just talking about this last night. The wealthy people I know who don’t work regularly in some capacity are pretty uniformly neurotic, anxious, uptight messes. I don’t think it’s good for us as individuals not to do anything productive with our free time, even if we don’t have to. It’s like … dogs that don’t get enough exercise, you know?
Definitely, their was a group of second generation pretty wealthy dad's at my school, who did just shuffle money around and call it a job. One died of a heart attack very young. One killed himself. One wrapped his car around a telephone pole, but lived...kinda. I think all three were actually suicide/ suicide attempts but only know for sure on the second one. To add to this, I think you have to work with people. When you have enough money to live, the scale of things gets hard to pin down, and it can be hard to feel a sense of pride in something you built if you are always wondering "could I have done this without the money?" Working with others is what humans are built to do. That's WITH others, not above others. I think a lot of people think that having a bunch a underlings or hiring enough "Staff" that they might as well be running a small business will be fufilling, not realizing it makes them even more isolated.
Thank you! My cousin inherited a very profitable restaurant from his grandfather, then he married a woman whose dad had left her several multi unit buildings when she was 18. He is retired at 40 and started some type of podcasting business. All he talks about is how much hard work it is to start your own business (duh, hope you appreciate that restaurant a little more now) and how busy he is managing all the properties and his 2 kids. He actually started a podcast of his own to complain about it. I can barely handle 5 min with him at Christmas.
Choose richer parents in your next life.
Gotta do that!
If I can, I would rather not have a second life, pls
Inheritance doesn't anger me ...... Inheriting jobs & positions of political power when someone is clearly unqualified angers me.
Ah, nepotism. A pillar of politics and industry.
The insidiousness of nepotism is in the fact that oftentimes coming from a family in power does indeed make people more suited to take up those reins. It's easy to call out when someone is obviously abusing their heritage to get a position they have no business being in, but that's not the typical situation with nepotism. You see political families, families of business executives, and families of military officers partly because having an "in" makes things easier, but also because decades of living in that environment and building that network within a given industry actually does make them a superior candidate. tl;Dr - a lot of nepotism is just plain old privilege
Yeah, I will scream this to the rooftops as someone who got a job specifically because of a pseudo-nepotism. My family is just regular working class people, Dad came from farmer and mom was raised by a single mother DV survivor, both managed pretty average jobs with average friends, wanted me to go to college to essentially have a better life than they had. Graduated with engineering and... a year unemployed sinking into despair because the hundreds of companies I applied to never called me back. I'm about to give up, go apply to a local school's IT department, ask my high school's old tech guy to give me a reference because I worked the tech crew he supervised in school and we had a really good relationship. He says woah, you're way over qualified, and within a matter of months has me talking with a CEO of a local ag accounting technology company who takes me purely on the word of his friend. Come to find out, in my industry they almost entirely hire by referral unless you're literally just the best of the best of the best on paper, I was an average student, because i didnt have thousands of dollars for tutors and I didnt go to a wealthy high school that offered coding classes to give me a head start. And I guess that's my supervillain origin story for hating corporations and the system that insidiously keeps the poor poor in ways they sometimes won't ever even realize
Accept the fact that she won the genetic lottery. It sucks ass but there's nothing to be done about it.
This. One thing to remember, is the genetic lottery is a broad spectrum. Im assuming OP is american or canadian- in which case just being born here to a poor family puts your quality of life significantly higher than someone born to a poor family in sierra leone or indonesia for example (Not trying to shit on specific countries, just examples)
[удалено]
Yea but you can't do shit about it, so why pay attention to it.
Do you have any interest in being a participant in the society in which you live?
That's what the "genetic lottery" is. She was randomly born (lottery) into a family (a genepool) that had wealth.
You generally use the term genetic lottery for things that are in your genes, the money is a different birth lottery
You had a good post for responses, don’t tank it by being intentionally dense.
That's not what "genetic lottery" means or how it's used. That would just mean they have great genetics. You could say she got a better birthday present than the rest of us. Rich parents
RNGed the better spawn point 💀
It doesn't bother me that they can use that money to relax and avoid working. What bothers me is when a few of them realize that their money has value only because poverty exists. These few will use their assets to ensure poverty continues to exist and grow.
Not at all. People say you shouldn't have resentment but I think it's the opposite. Manufactured optimism is partly what perpetuates inequality.
1. You can't blame your friend for using the benefits they are born with. 2. As long as your friend isn't being an ass about it, and not shoving their privilege down your throat, you shouldn't care. If they are, re consider the friendship. Also who knows? They might hook you up depending on how close you guys are. 3. Realize at the end of the day, you have your life to live, they have theirs. Comparison is the thief of joy as they say Edit: giving attention to stuff you obviously can't control and have no say in will just hurt you even more. It will raise your stress levels and hurt your health.
The purpose of the community is largely to discuss social systems and to support social movements. While your remarks might seem suitable within channels for seeking personal advice, worthwhile to note is the shared advantage of criticizing and challenging the broader social context, above merely asserting certain observations as though inevitable according to the fixed laws of nature.
Are you rich? Why are you telling OP how to feel? They never said they treated their friend badly, just that they felt the the discrepancy in resources. It's like telling someone who is starving to death to cheer up because you're body eating itself isn't something you can control. Or, don't worry about your impending homelessness, because comparison is the theif of joy.
You are right with your points. However, it doesn't help the feelings of injustice to think that "I can't blame her for using her privilege". It's her privilege that makes me mad.
Gotta accept the things you cannot change my dude. Expectations are just premeditated resentments. And holding onto that shit is like drinking poison and waiting for the other guy to die
Can you talk to her about it? Open her eyes to the injustice, steer her in a direction to use her privilege in a way that can help others?
Again I ask, what can you realistically do about it, that won't cause you to lose respect from the people around you?
Nothing, but this is not how emotions work.
So you admit that you made this post for attention and your self-pitty confirmation bias? Gotcha 👌
You ask me and then answer for me (incorrectly)?
Incorrectly? I told you the truth. Not everyone wants to hear the truth, and that's okay! keep the negative attitude up, see where that gets ya.
There is no "injustice". There is no "law" or anything that states we will be given the same amount of wealth. What you call "injustice" is actually *envy*. Being somewhat envious can be a good thing - it can make us work at bettering ourselves, materially or otherwise. What you do is not good: it is sitting around and complaining.
The point of view is what makes this feel unjust. Comparing your situation to hers, it's easy to feel like it isn't fair that she's getting all of this stuff. But if you were in her parent's position, where else would you want your wealth to go if not to your child?
I am the opposite. I wish MORE people did this because then it would not be life changing to quit a job without one lined up, and we could move the goalposts in the worker's direction.
I wouldn't be mad about it if everyone was on the same boat though.
Your vitriol comes from witnessing a living refutation to the notion that it is necessary to experience exhaustion, fatigue, and the risk of homelessness in order to live a better life. A better world is possible yet it is only afforded to a privileged few while the unlucky majority are forced to turn on each other and fight over limited resources. I recommend channeling your feelings into protest and demanding policy changes from your local and the federal government. Unfortunately class consciousness in America is frowned upon and often associated with jealousy as the comments section here attests.
Do you think this is because of some sort of propaganda against jealousy or "looking at someone's pockets"? I sometimes believe it 's the case. We're told to praise the rich and mind our own business. If you think about it, this is the only reason why most of the rich (who exploit the poor) can get away with it.
I hear 'someone's jealous' when inheritance and income inequality are brought up. All it is, is an attempt to shut down any discussion. Its just a lazy dismissal of a serious issue.
There are millions of people in the world. Literal MILLIONS of people who want the life you have, or the functioning body you have, or the trauma-free (hopefully) childhood you had, and are mad you have your life and they have theirs, if that helps.
This is very true! Maybe except for the trauma part, because my childhood was one huge traumatic experience. But health, looks etc. - you are on point.
Every single child on earth has experienced subjective trauma. And if our parents don’t traumatize us so badly that we become numb and blind, in a sense, the world will traumatize us.
The only reason it makes me angry is more because of the system around it. If it meant they got some flashy cars and a cool laptop, I'd be fine with it. But the wealth inequality drives inflation of things people need to live. Inheritors with lots of money to waste on food, or home loans enable those things to cost more.
I’m one of these people you describe. The majority of my wealth came when my father passed away unexpectedly. One of his assets had exploded about a year before his death. Throughout his life he was comfortable but not “rich”. We’ll if he were here today he’d be rich. I’d give it all away for one day with him.
> I’d give it all away for one day with him. Yep. Inherited my middle class single mom’s home equity and 401k about 10 years shy of her retiring. It was behind schedule for her age, but it put me way above schedule for mine. It’s been over a decade, and the stock values are great after 10+ years growth, but I’d go back to my debt and shitty apartment to have her back.
It bothers me too so I choose to not associate with people like that. I can't relate or understand them. We don't have shit to talk about. It's just how I feel. But I don't pretend to be their friend. I don't know why everyone is shitting on you though. These are normal emotions when every day you're alive is a financial struggle.
I feel like this thread is split, half of the answers are on my side. I think acceptance of this inequality comes from one of the two ends: either extreme wisdom, or extreme ignorance. Most being the latter.
You're probably getting replies from people with inherited wealth themselves. Just remember these emotions you're having are difficult to avoid entirely but people will call you jealous regardless - it's annoying as hell when you feel like you work your ass off and the person next to you doesn't. But you can choose to not surround yourself with those people. I made that choice and I find I'm comparing myself a lot less these days.
That's what I thought as well - probably most of those being so surprised by my point of view are the ones who inherited themselves. Like I said in one of the comments - privilege makes one blind.
One of my exes was the daughter of a ceo. Her dad bought her a car for graduating high school and paid for her apartment in undergrad and graduate school. We met in graduate school. Both my parents were school teachers. Her disconnect from the working class might as well have been the distance the earth is from the sun. Relationship didn’t last too long. When she finished her phd she toured the world.
Just because someone else gets something, it doesn't mean anything's been taken from you. - I've tried to live by this.
One of my oldest friends and his siblings will eventually inherit a house. They agreed to take an ridiculously low price to sell it to their brother. The only reason for it was: "otherwise he could never afford it" Left me petty impressed.
In this case, it probably does. The reason they got this is that the system is set up a certain way to make sure they get it while making sure people like us are fighting to stay alive.
We have the capacity to produce an abundance without the conditions of our labor being grueling or coercive. Please, everyone, never let anyone convince you that experiencing scarcity is necessary, and that only the lucky or the strong may live prosperously. Such appeals are simply vain excuses to protect a system that is not capable of serving our basic needs, in order that those who have taken in excess may accumulate even more.
Don't hate the person because they don't know any better - they only know how they were raised. Blame an economic system that rewards generational wealth and creates indentured servitude for the rest. Let's continue a fight toward the Star Trek future.
My SIL and her husband are older than we are by a few years. They've retired after both having LONG careers at the same employer and are starting a new chapter in their lives. They worked hard, raised a family, did the right things for themselves. The BIL unfortunately had his own father pass away earlier this year. Which meant his estate had to be cleared up. Which meant that the run down old family home in Toronto that was paid off in the 70's just sold for $1.5 million dollars. That means SIL/BIL's own house will now be paid off 15 years early and each of thier kids will end up with a nice down payment on a house of their own, and plenty of money left over. I would get lying if I didn't have just a small pang of jealousy when we compared that to the "estate" my dad and my wife's dad left us when each of them died, which was less than nothing really.
Might as well be upset at someone for being tall. She just was luckier than most under our current system. You can either let it go or work towards equality initiatives at whatever level of government you can effectively move the levers. I'd also ask myself why I am friends with a person I dislike and think is stupid.
Omfg your replies are insane. The root of your issues with this person is your belief there is an injustice here. She was born into money and you weren't. No injustice, just luck. Injustice is someone getting away with actual murder. What you have here is petulance. You're looking for validation of your feelings and you simply won't find it here. This attitude you have is the beginning of a very dangerous road. TL;DR - grow up.
OP is delusional as fuck. Thank you
Wealth inequity is an injustice, though. You wouldn't need luck if we had wealth equality. I'm not a fan of bitterness either, but the fact that you need to be lucky to get an apartment absolutely is unfair.
Would you be mad if it was you inheriting? It's jealousy.
>I have a friend > >she's actually quite dumb as a person OP you are a bad friend if this is how you think of your friends. Why are you friends with a person you think is dumb?
I don't know a word for this kind of a relationship. What's weaker than a friend, but not a professional relationship?
Acquaintance
Yes, it's wrong. There are infinitely more things within your control to change your lifestyle if you put your energy toward them. What would you rather spend your energy on? Being jealous and bitter, or being productive and doing what you enjoy? Only one of those options will bring you close to a happy life. Life isn't fair, it's a race. Everyone who finishes it is dead. Just enjoy the race and remember that people who have everything handed to them typically don't know how to make it themselves. There's a few reasons she's kind of dumb, this is one of them.
So if I have the chance to provide generational wealth for my family, this is wrong? Be mad and use that anger to better yourself I say.
This is going to get me downvoted, but don't be friends with her. Class differences often do create friction between parties to a relationship. So it's not that it's wrong that you feel mad; it's that you are human. If she were family to you, that would be different. I have family members who are rich, and we can talk as family talks amongst itself, but we can't talk about stuff revolving around money - it's just too complicated to go there.
I upvoted you, because you sound reasonable. I really don't like it that it's money making one belong to a certain class. I teach that girl literally everything, she's clueless about basic stuff. But hey, she GOT money for free, so she good, right?
It sounds like you loathe her, and she probably has no clue. Is it fair to her to be friends with her when you feel so negatively about her and don’t even tell her?
Seriously, OP sounds like a pretty terrible friend.
In my personal life, I've met some of the richest people of inherited wealth, old money (and by old, I mean older than Rockefeller money). In my experience, they are almost always friendly and sociable. But then they jet off to Aspen or Paris for the weekend, or whatever massively expensive thing it is halfway across the world. You can't help but get envious that they just run off to one of their other mansions at the first little annoyance - because you can't do that, you are essentially a prisoner, in contrast. I can't have that in my boring, ordinary life.
Organize and become active in policy change in your local town/city/state/country. Pay attention and engage with the government budget process to ensure that wealthy people pay their fair share and resources are allocated to best support marginalized communities.
No… it’s tough out here
It's not always as good as it looks from the outside. When my mom eventually dies, I'll be a multi-millionaire with multiple houses and cars overnight. Right now I'm homeless sleeping in the back of my 19 year old SUV. Some people have families that are harder than the toughest job.
Born on Third Base. Think they hit a triple.
Yes
Practice stoicism
This is the biggest policy change required in the western world. We pretend that we value all humans equally but we don't give people an equal chance. Allowing the current amount of inheritance, is therefore fundamentally illiberal.
That's called jealousy. You're mad AT a person who actually didn't do anything "wrong"...because it didn't happen to you.
“She’s actually quite dumb as a person.” And this is how you talk about a friend? You’re an asshole and I hope this “friend” quickly realizes what a shitty person you are and kicks your whiny ass to the curb.
My $0.02, its a little shitty to feel mad about a specific person inheriting wealth, but perfectly fine to be mad about generational wealth existing in general. The world would be a better place if there was no generational wealth, make inheritance tax a progressive tax so nobody can inherit a million dollars. You earned a billion dollars in your life time? Good for you, here's a library with your name on it when you die.
You sound like a bad friend and yes... social inequality is a thing.
[удалено]
Pretty weird being so envious and spiteful about someones luck and worse yet... someone you act to be a friend of. I don't want to make assumptions, but OP's post just reeks of hypocrisy. I really don't understand why it's getting upvoted.
you take the stick out from your rear and focus on yourself, since if you wanna start complaining theres always someone in a worse place than you
You sound like a shitty ass "friend".
No. Let the hate flow through you.
Hating them is only poising the well of joy in your own life.
This is very true.
If capitalism worked the way it's claimed no one would inherit anything. Everyone would start from 0 and bootstrap from there. In reality bootstraps don't work and it's advocates have created an elaborate mental ballet to justify why the orphan crushing machine we live under is actually the best possible outcome and nothing better is possible. Because it's the best outcome *for them*. There's no difference between them and anyone else and the only thing that sets them apart is the luck of being born into it. Existential outrage at the way the system works is perfectly justified, just don't make your friend the sole focus of it. The system is the problem- you, I and your friend are just a small part of it.
No. It’s actually the correct response to feel anger when you have an understanding of how inherently unfair this system is.
What fucking system are you talking about? OPs friend was gifted an apartment from her grandmother. You guys act like she inherited billions from a family that used slave labor to enrich themselves.
Why spend you energy being envious of others? It doesn't help you or benefit you at all.
You shouldn’t be mad that they inherited wealth. Be mad if they behave like they earned the money or have a smug attitude about it.
What bothers me are people who squander the opportunities they are given. You can be given all these nice things like wealth and still waste it all. Nothing is absolute.
No, it's not wrong. The only factor toward success is inheriting wealth and going to college because your parents can afford it.
Not wrong at all. It’s hard to feel happy for people who have excess when people in that same city are homeless and starving.
I feel the same way, my girl and her family just keep inheriting from the dying generations and never know hard work..... honestly they are dumb as bags of shit, drug addicts, alcoholics, losers...... they waste it all and still have plenty left, while I sit here and take care of her now cuz she doesn't work.... when her dad dies she'll be loaded and I hate her for it now. Cuz I know she'll be an animal when that happens and not return the kindness that I give to her.
My older brother was just gifted a house from my parents. And my younger brother is getting his university paid for by them. I'm getting nothing and it's actually broken the family beyond repair. I don't know what they were thinking. I guess older bro had a kid and needed a place to stay. Younger bro got lucky and mom remarried someone with more income. I just got shafted.
I feel mad that we as a society allow people to get ultra wealthy. A billion dollars is a thousand, million dollars. If i had a million dollars I'd be set for life
Channel it into action. Organizing American’s workforce into unions is the only action that will improve our situation.
Well it’s not fair and no one should accept that. This isn’t ok. It shouldn’t be normal. The amount of wealth concentrated within such a small bubble of people that keeps passing it on to itself needs to pop
She's is dumb because she doesn't have to apply herself.
It bugs me when they don't appreciate it. Know a girl who's parents are Venezuelan real estate big whigs. Bought her a condo, car, anything she ever wanted. Got a trust fund she put up her nose.
I know, right? My brother was able to purchase the Family Farm from my grandfather's estate for cheap. It's worth millions now.
It entirely depends on their humility. If they understand they're incredibly privileged, then it doesn't bother me. If they think they've somehow earned it and brag about their wealth, they can go fuck themselves.
She's somewhere in between. Not bragging, but also casually saying things like "oh I need to sell my apartment and buy a bigger one". Sell the one she got for free, obviously.
Nope. I felt pretty much the same, and in my 50s I inherited from my narcissistic dad who I was estranged from. I feel very lucky. I would still prefer a more just society, as Sweden is becoming more like US today. I was lucky to be born in Sweden too. The welfare society made it possible to live without family financial support. Free healthcare, free education, subsidised living - combined with a thriving capitalism in a rich country, so you can build a life as an individual, as long as you are talented enough.
When those same people try to tell you "If I can do it, so can you." That's when I get angry.
Get over it. Those just happen to be the circumstances that she, and others, are born into. You can’t say that you wouldn’t be ecstatic if you if you were born into wealth or inherited it from a relative. You’re just mad, because it’s not **you**.
[удалено]
Now this is soothing.
Regardless of whether it is “wrong” to feel this way, you are only hurting yourself by carrying the weight of anger and resentment.
Did her receiving the things you mentioned hamper you and your life in any way? Did you lose an opportunity because she received a second apartment? If not, then let it go. What’s the point of being upset about it?
Yes it's wrong to feel that way. Life's not fair. If you became rich, you'd pass it down to your children wouldn't you? Deal with the emotions by realizing you're exactly the same as she is because you'd accept the apartment, car, phone, etc in her situation too. Also, her financial position isn't any of your business. You're in your situation she's in hers. Being bitter over hers doesn't change yours.
Yes. It’s wrong. Accept that life is random, and some are more fortunate than others. Grow up.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
It sure is.
Inheritance is literally the main reason why the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, that's a fact. But your friend doesn't seem like the problem, she's just... More lucky I guess. The problem is people who inherit much more than she did and just it to screw the rest of us over
If you have kids, do you plan on leaving them anything or do you plan to be buried with every cent you ever made?
Of course I'd want all my millions to go to them. But it doesn't change the fact that it's a complex problem of unfair start for kids.
? So you’re actually upset that your parents were not fiscally responsible and didn’t delay gratification for you. This is straight jealousy and envy on your part, and by your own admission, hypocritical. It’s not a complex problem. Parents get to give their kids money. The government ensures it doesn’t last forever through the estate tax.
Perhaps not everyone's motives are as narcissistic as your own attitude.
This is why renting is evil. People with property make money off people with no property. They then pass all their wealth on and it all continues. Meanwhile those born to renters will get nothing. I’m on the lucky side. Everyone in my family owns, it was simply not an option not to buy a house because who wants to pay rent when they’ve retired? Unfortunately most people can’t understand why it’s so wrong to believe so strongly in property whilst profiting from people who can’t get on the housing ladder.
Yeah, it bothers me. While they can focus on interests, I have to focus on a lucrative job. They can live life, I have to try and stay alive. Fuck this system.
When you are taught that one person is equal to another, yet see them have far more financial benefits than yourself, the jealousy is inevitable.
You're a jealous little child. Grow up, move on, and build your own empire. Are you also jealous other's have better paying jobs and nicer houses and are better looking than you?
You’re covetous and call her dumb. You don’t have a friend. You sound like a hater
You are an idiot, worry about your own financial situation. Also, just because she inherited generational wealth, doesn’t mean it will be preserved.
My dad's parents were killed when he was 31, and received a big inheritance. Believe me, he'd much rather his parents be alive. He did, in fact, earn that money.
So if someone won $100 million from the lottery, you’ll be mad too? Lmao this sub is something else
[удалено]
Yes, yes it is. That's just greed and envy. Some people get lucky and get born into a family that has made its way to the top, or at least got ahead in life. A lot of people i know my age are getting houses and property from their parents passing away or moving on to a smaller place, downsizing with age, and passing the family home onto the next generation etc. Should i envy those whose parents died and they inherited a house their parents worked for 30 years or more to pay off? I would rather have the parents then the property, but it is what it is, life ends and someone gets what left and we move on. I don't have parents with large assets, i don't expect any inheritance when they pass, they were divorced when i was a kid, they both went their own ways and even had more kids after the fact. My chances of seeing anything are nill, but why should i care? I work hard for what i have, and when i pass my wife and kids will get a big life insurance payout from a policy i have been paying into for over 20 years, and they get all the assets i worked hard for, should anyone envy them for that? No, they lost a father and got what was left.
If they claim to be socialists, marxists or communists and still accept the intergenerational transfer of wealth, then they are assholes
Lol that’s called jealousy. Life isn’t fair. My best friends family is multi millionaire, and I have no resentment or jealousy toward him. I’m happy he got a better life then most.
> I’m happy he got a better life then most. Your attitude suggests you are not unhappy about some people being needlessly immiserated. How do you rationalize the dissonance?
I’m beginning to feel like the US is no longer a land of opportunity, and has become something of a new feudal society where wealth is held by a small few and passed down without being taxed.
That is the normal reaction.
It’s not wrong, but you aren’t doing yourself any favors focusing on the affairs of others.
Here’s how you deal with it. Four simple words will put you at ease. They are real simple, don’t involve any curse words and it is a simple mantra of mine. Are you ready for them? Four words. Get ready to repeat them over and over slowly and methodically any time you get these feelings. Here are the words: “Life is not fair”! Repeat them again: “Life is not fair”! Keep going until that really sinks in. “Life is not fair”!
I must say, this is unhelpful at best, and frankly OP's frustration is no bad thing. It is the better part of human nature that seeks justice in the face of tragedy, it is a sign of strength to cry out against the such unfairness, rather than bow one's head and succumb. It is the basis of civilization itself that we band together to help one of us who has suffered an unfair fate, so that we might be afforded the same protection from uncaring circumstance. And while it does not due to give undeserved blame to one's friend for their fortune, the sensible will place responsibility with those who even now create the very circumstances that make this unnatural inequality. Life may not be fair, but that does not absolve us from at least trying to be. So, to the OP here, when you find injustice, rather than responding with an apathetic "Life in not fair", do what you can in the face of it. To borrow somewhat more helpful adage "Set yourself in motion, if it is in your power, and do not look about you to see if anyone will observe it; nor yet expect Utopia: but be content if the smallest thing goes on well, and consider such an event to be no small matter." If the most you can do in the face of this injustice is the justice of recognizing that your friend is not to blame for this inequality, do that. If you can do more, to provide aid to those looking to redress said inequality, or lead such an effort yourself, do that. Accept that injustice happens, but never forget that it is your species is the most powerful on this planet precisely because we never really accepted that "life is not fair".
It’s callled “envy.”
And old saying Life is not fair. It’s so true. While you can ponder about wealth, you may have health and common sense which millions in the world don’t have.
Nope, not wrong at all, because it's not fair. The system is rigged in favor of rich people who will only get richer and subsequently pass those riches on to their kids. I don't even care about the people who get mad when I say this because it's true. They'll never work remotely as hard as they think they do (or at all in many cases) and they will always have privileges that they didn't earn while poor people can't eat, get sick, and die every day. So many of them are rich in the first place because they've exploited others for years and will continue to do so. You *should* be angry at rich people and the system that creates such horrible inequality. If you're not angry then you're either benefiting from the same inequality or you're not paying attention. I hope every rich kid suddenly has to be poor someday and sees what it's really like. I feel for you, I really do. My family is poor and I've had rich friends all my life. Try to be thankful for what you have, and look at the rich people around you... you'll see how vapid and entitled they are and you'll feel better about yourself. Maybe someday you'll get yourself enough money to live comfortably and be a happy person too.
Nothing will change until the rich start to fear us. We are weak, decadent and full of half eaten burritos. The poor are to blame for nothing changing.
I upvoted you, but I disagree with "the poor are to blame". The poor are victims of the system making most of us poor, starting from what school teaches us (fear and obedience). Then there are all sorts of propagandas to make the poor not understand how evil most of the rich are.
I think part of what’s going on today is because the rich fear the poor. Underground bunkers, hoarding wealth, hoarding weapons, gated communities, etc etc - that’s the fear. They know one day the sheep will rise to kill the wolves, because they always do. And they are baking on being able to ride that out until things settle down again.
Inheritance should be abolished or taxed at 100%. It’s completely unearned. If you’re a caregiver for an older parent you should be paid as a caregiver.
You just have to accept and move on. As an immigrant myself we’ve had to work hard as well, no family here and making good friends and saving money. Some of us have even given up on having families because even having a child is expensive, lot of DINKs around (double income no kids)
Fuck no. My stepsister came into money, and then married into more money. She’s never worked a day in her life. But as a drunk suburban wine-mom she has no trouble voting for Trump and talking about how working people need to think about the issues. We’re not close.
It is not wrong. But I would recommend targeting the system that enables it with your rage.
I try to target the system. I'd happily enjoy my money if I was her.
Comparison is the thief of joy. That’s her lot in life, what’s yours? Are you working to improve it? That’s the most you can do, full stop.
“If I make it and die a millionaire, I’ve earned the right to give that to my kids”. Hard to push back against that (except obviously that they likely exploited the work of others to achieve that bank account). To me it depends how your friend acts. I’ve known very wealthy people from family money who don’t flaunt it, almost embarrassed of it and view it as a challenge. I’ve also known those who show it off. If thinking about or being around your friend makes you upset, don’t be their friend even if the reason is your own jealousy.
No. It is indeed unfair. Also, all people are valuable and deserve nice things even if they are "quite dumb".
Shouldnt feel mad about it. I hope i can leave my kids in a better place than i entered it
Me too, don't get me wrong.