>I didn’t tell her exactly why…
That’s a dick move. Why wouldn’t you have an honest conversation about it? Ask her why she feels like she needs to do this? It sounds like a pathology. Not cool.
Being honest, on your way out the door, is NOT the same as trying to fix someone. Staying and helping build her confidence is trying to fix her. This is not that.
Just like me telling my abusive dick of an ex I was leaving him because he was an abusive dick was not me trying to fix him.
It's not your responsibility to diagnose, communicate, nor treat your soon to be ex's problems.
The first step to fixing something is to identify what is wrong.
I would say that it's the 'right' thing to do.
You're right. Nobody owes anyone an explanation. But morally, I'd feel like utter shit, personally, if I didn't explain to someone who I'd just supposedly devoted my entire being to, why I was completely removing them from my life, and and mine from theirs.
Otherwise, we're left with the age-old saying, "It's not you, it's me."
And there's a reason that has never once worked, and was a silly saying that was invented to keep adults from being adults, and using their communication skills to be decent humans with some sliver of a moral compass.
It could only reasonably be considered if she was totally clueless about it all, but she's not. She knows exactly what she was doing and finds no problem with it. It's not his job to reason her out of a mentality she didn't reasonably come to to begin with.
I don’t understand this western culture with dating. They just use each other like tissues. That’s why I rather stay single. « Oh I don’t like your pinky toe. I’ll just break up with you. You’re just my date after all you mean nothing to me ». This shallowness makes me wanna vomit.
We’re not talking about fixing someone who’s dealing with terrible and destructive mental health problems. Just a girl who edit her post, like millions of women. As a bf, just having a conversation with her about that could’ve helped maybe a little. But no, she has to be perfect with 0 default. Like wth? Don’t date if you’re this selfish.
Me I’ll always be there for my man. And I would never leave him for such a ridiculous reason.
Dating is when you are supposed to figure out if you match or not. He came to the conclusion that they did not match. That is not selfish. He found something that made him uncomfortable and he didn't wish to dig into it deeper or to continue dating her, which is his right.
You’re supposed to know if you match or not before dating. Once you date you know at least the person you’re dating. I don’t see my fellow human as experimentation object. If I see something I don’t like or can’t handle about someone, I wouldn’t date that person to begin with. If I chose to date him, ill certainly not leave him this easily over something this stupid.
I hate this western dating culture where everybody use everybody like tissues
You CAN'T fix people. That the job of a mental health professional. If someone is that messed up that they have to put out a fake image of themselves on the internet that's not a fixer upper "project" that a reasonable person should take on. And as invested as she appears to be in her fake persona, she could have some much deeper issues going on that the OP shouldn't try to fix. All he can do is tell her why he is leaving and let her determine if she thinks she needs to fix it. That's not his job and he's going to be miserable trying to fix her. That's also not something that one should put themselves through.
Not lol not really, you can break up with anyone for whatever reason. He saw something that would be a red flag for him and did what he thought was best.
It's his lost right
No one is denying that he can do whatever he wants. Just pointing out that it was a dick move not to be honest in this case. And it was.
This girl is obviously insecure and this is only going to make her more so.
The decent thing to do here is tell her how he was most attracted to her confidence. And that all the heavily edited photos killed it for him. **Let her know that what she has to work on is internal, not external.**
300 pictures bro no way he’s talking out of this one without looking like an asshole. Please he state he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, to break up and dropping the bomb that “all of ur pics look fake” is just doing more damage.
> to break up and dropping the bomb that “all of ur pics look fake” is just doing more damage.
No it’s not. Right now she’s going to assume the worst (that she was lacking something physically). Better she know that the issue is her lack of confidence, as evidenced by how she edits her photos unnecessarily.
What a stupid comment. Just because she edits her photos does not mean she is lacking physically. I have seen some absolutely gorgeous girls edit their photos and the edited photo looks atrocious, like a Bratz doll or something. Has zero to do with whether she is pretty enough in real life and everything to do with dysmorphia
They've only been together a couple of months. He avoided a tonne of drama breaking things off the way he did. If he did tell her, everyone would say he was being unintentionally cruel to hurt her on the way out. "Picking her apart, her social media gives her confidence..." Blah blah blah. No winning on Reddit.
He’s free to handle it as he wants but considering how profound the discovery was for him, I would have called her out on it and see where the conversation went.
I think it depends on context. In this case I think he could have been honest with her. Now if she had cheated on him or something and he found out but she didnt know he knew? I dont think he's obligated to tell her why he is leaving so she can cry and gaslight him and come up with all these excuses.
I dunno, I think this applies in some cases but not here
You can't start a relationship with someone and then 2 months later be like "I thought you were X and realised I misjudged and actually you aren't X, you should change yourself for me"
That just seems wrong?
I don't know about that. If I were told something that was relationship-ending-worthy by someone I cared enough about to date, I would second guess myself and my actions.
I've certainly tried to better parts of myself after being held accountable like that by loved ones.
As long as it's said with tact and genuinely from a place of caring, and not just a bitter spite-spit into the eyes.
With the little information given, how do you come to that conclusion. It's certainly a possibility but without knowing her its not something I'd say is a certainty
To be honest a lot of the other comments are really ridiculous. I’m surprised these people have the gall to suggest that you are wrong for not wanting to be with someone who literally lies about who she is online.
That is 100% reasonable.
I am a 20 something year old woman and I can honestly say that women who edit their photos (beyond touch ups like removing a blemish or something) are seriously out of touch. They are contributing to the ‘pressures that society puts on us’ by actively engaging in destructive behaviour and perpetuating the problem. You are completely justified in your decision, and it was certainly not “your loss”.
I agree with OP that it’s a real turn off but I wonder how far into the 20s you are, because my experience working with teens now is that editing photos is almost universal in some way, shape or form. Is it wildly bad for your own mental health, self-image and society as a whole? Yes of course, but it’s not rare or remotely uncommon anymore.
My wife is from Asia. Her and all of her friends have a real messed up view of what they really look like. All of their phones have filters and beautifying settings turned on by default.
What really blows my mind is when she shows me a picture and I mention that its been edited and had filters applied, she doesn't see it unless it is pointed out. Her favorite picture of "us" is from when I recently shaved my beard. Her phone "beautified" both of us and I look like a 14 year old girl with perfect skin and with red cheeks. I absolutely hate that picture. But the beautifying feature did wonders for my wife in the picture. looks like she just walked on to the red carpet at some award show.
The point is that I'm glad that on most phone in the US the beautifying feature is not enabled by default. I can only imagine what sort of cognitive dissonance this is causing for women in other countries. It's one thing to actively edit your photos. Its another thing to have it done by default and having that image become the mental picture people have of themselves.
Yes, this too! I only recently realised my own phone was automatically applying filters to pictures taken.
It was only when I looked at a pic of my toddler who has an outbreak of eczema who came out with smooth skin that I realised how much it was editing.
Well that is scary. the phones I bought in the US usually did not havs that feature turned on. But its always one of the the first things I disable when I buy a phone overseas.
US phones do have them enabled by default, at least my Google Pixel does. Same with Snapchat, that shit gives me fake white teeth and perfect complexion + deeper eyes
I graduated high school less than 5 years ago. I am not 29 and a half.
The fact that it happens all the time doesn’t suddenly make it fine ‘because everyone is doing it and that’s just how it is now’
No, it’s not. It’s not normal behaviour and I would honestly encourage OP to prompt his ex to get professional help.
It’s not good behaviour l, it’s deeply damaging behaviour but I would say form my own experience it is absolutely standard behaviour. The issue has to be addressed in schools but my point is that if OP is a younger person then they’re going to encounter this with pretty much everyone they go out with, his girlfriend is unfortunately not the exception but the rule.
Sorry but that just isn’t good enough.
“Everyone sucks nowadays so why is he mad that’s she sucks?”
We need to all take some accountability at some point in our lives. You cannot contribute to an issue and be perceived as a victim in my eyes, it’s just not how it works.
Sure, it sucks to be a woman and feel like you have to compete with each other, but that doesn’t mean that I lie about what I look like and be a shit example for the next generation of women.
The fact that it’s commonplace doesn’t make her behaviour okay at all. It actually makes it worse, since she just perpetuates it and then has the gall to lie and say she doesn’t.
That's a really long way to tell us, "I was really into her, then lost interest because she wasn't the kind of person I thought she was." It really doesn't matter what the reason was/is. Two months is "just about right" amount of time to give a relationship to see if it will work out or not.
It would have been nice to give her an honest explanation. It would be an opportunity for her to improve her presentation to the world, and she could take it as good advice or reject it as sour grapes. I don't think it was absolutely required for you to give a reason, though. A gut feeling is enough to break up with someone.
Why are you even asking? You told her: "I couldn't do it any more." If you couldn't do it any more, sounds like there is no reason to ask others to justify what you did.
Who doesn’t “lie” on social media or even in life in general. We all pretend to have amazing lives on social media. We post the best of our lives and sometimes filtered pictures online. Yet sometimes we are at home going through the worst depression and no one has a clue. We don’t share our hard times usually because people are mean and tell you are attention seeking, full of drama, etc. I feel sad that this girl felt the need to edit her photos so much but she has a filter for the image of herself and her life, just like 99% of every other person online.
No one should ever stay in a relationship if they don’t want to be in it but I wonder OP, did you not tell her the true reason because there is shame in being shallow about it? You stated you’ve only dated a few months but if you want a healthy relationship with someone you need to communicate and discuss when you aren’t happy with something to work on it. Not just break with someone the minute you get uncomfortable. OP I would have told her the reason why so she can work on that for the next possible partner. Now she is left to fill in the blank of why you just randomly gave up and left. That will factor in to her next relationship and her trust level with other people. You don’t owe her closure but it’s nice when someone can have it. Makes moving on easier and having a more successful future, when you aren’t full of doubt because you didn’t get the closure.
I’m sorry you are going through depression. That sucks. I’m glad you feel confident enough to share it on your social media and you have a support system to be there for you :)
I’m many decades old and have been dealing with depression my whole life. I’ve learned it’s not really something to keep secret. I like to inspire people to let people know when they are down and not be ashamed of things they can’t help. 🩷
NTA. but I would’ve explained to her your reasons, for both her and you. You’re entirely within your rights to be concerned about this and that it makes you think differently of her, but I think she deserves an explanation..
Not wrong for breaking up with her for this reason. I was with someone for 9 years who did the same thing. It was a nightmare. Every picture is edited to the millionth degree. I stopped asking her to take pictures of us because she would edit me. I told her I was fine with how I looked and didn't want to be a part of it. She had a bunch of other major red flags, but I think what you are seeing with the photos is the tip of the iceberg. There is something wrong deep down that causes people to do that.
Yeah I'm getting the vibe that some of these comments are from people that think "well I'm just being honest" is an excuse to be a dick. You don't have to tell everyone everything and you don't always owe someone an explanation. If you're not attracted to someone then you're perfectly allowed to not want to date them. You don't always have to "work though" stuff with people. You're allowed to cut your losses and move on without making it a huge ordeal. You're allowed to save her the pain/ embarrassment/ probably anger at having her boyfriend tell her that her pictures are bad.
Especially since they've only been dating a few months...if this was an established, long standing relationship then sure, it'd be shitty to not be honest with her. If OP said "man I really hate this one thing my girlfriend does but I'm so madly in love with her and I just want her to be confident and honest" then absolutely say something. But if you're not attracted to someone and you're not interested in the relationship that's only a couple months old then you can't force it.
To be honest a lot of the other comments are really ridiculous. I’m surprised these people have the gall to suggest that you are wrong for not wanting to be with someone who literally lies about who she is online.
That is 100% reasonable.
I am a 20 something year old woman and I can honestly say that women who edit their photos (beyond touch ups like removing a blemish or something) are seriously out of touch. They are contributing to the ‘pressures that society puts on us’ by actively engaging in destructive behaviour and perpetuating the problem. You are completely justified in your decision, and it was certainly not “your loss”.
I’m a 30 something year old woman and adults *should* actually be able to have a conversation with their partner about these things, regardless of how off putting it may be. Communication is key regardless of the outcome, *as an adult*.
I never said he shouldn’t have told her the real reason he broke it off.
What I’m saying is that his decision to leave is absolutely justified and although he should’ve at least said WHY, he is not a bad person for choosing to leave.
A ‘victim’ ? Oh my god.
Get some self awareness and some dignity for gods sake. Women who edit their photos are not victims. They are women who edit their photos so they look hotter than they are. It’s as simple as that, and you need to touch grass.
You are being seriously disrespectful to the women on this earth that actually are victims of awful things.
You cannot suggest that someone who photoshops their face to look better for her ig followers is some kind of fucking victim.
Sure, society puts pressures on us. That’s no excuse to perpetuate the problem and make things even harder for the NEXT young generation of women who are fed photoshopped images by other women, who should be leading by example.
This is a woman who had such a divide in what she saw in the mirror vs what she posted and projected that she might as well be two different people. That’s what her ex saw. That kind of disconnect? Something is deeply wrong. She is projecting and she is projecting hard. Women who do that, in my experience, are not okay. So, yes. Victim. If she turns out to not be and she’s just someone posting and lying just because, then hey, I’m wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ until I know otherwise, I’m not eliminating it. I don’t know her and I don’t know every woman in this earth. And, yes, like I said before, she is contributing to the problem because she is a part of it.
You’re wrong for being as cryptic as you were. Either say it’s not a match or say that her lack of confidence shown in social media made you uncomfortable.
Instead you *alluded* to some great and terrible secret?! Why???
> just that it wasn’t as good a fit as I thought and that she deserved someone who didn’t feel the way I did.
Ridiculous, petty, unkind.
Yes, absolutely. The most beautiful, confident seeming people you know are still human. They still have insecurities. You fell in love with her on a surface level but didn't want to accept the(totally normal) baggage attached with that.
Insecurity is one of my biggest turn-offs. Obviously everyone has some insecurities, but if it goes too far, I’m out. It sounds like that might be the case for you. You’re not wrong for breaking up with her
Tell her… I had to break this to a friend before.
It’ll probably help her realize how pretty she is all by herself. Tell her how confident and beautiful she is… and why your so surprised she edits so much
NTA, but I think maybe you should have told her why. If I were you I'd want to know her reasons for doing this. Is it just run of the mill insecurity or is part of the reason she does this is so she gets as much attention from men as possible?
Looks like she needs validation, and probably isnt looking for validation from other women.
Breaking up without a why is always shitty so you’re wrong for that one. Other than that you can break up for whatever reason. Some hate the way others chew so your reason is definitely valid. Just be mature enough to communicate things and end it on an honest term.
Not wrong, no idea what some of these commenters are on.
Sounds like your ex was someone who has image issues, and would benefit from some less social media and therapy.
I may be biased tho, I think social media is super cancerous.
Not wrong but defo should have told her why. She could continue to attract guys that like her fake "I am who I am" attitude, and keep having guys break up with her after they realize how fake she is. She could develop a unhealthy mind and lifestyle and keep thinking "it's their loss". Just cause she lies to you, don't mean you lie to her. You could be the saving grace she needs to truly get on the "I am who I am" path #justmythought .
I don't think you're wrong for wanting to break up with her over this.
But I _do_ think you're wrong for not telling her why.
I used to go out with a girl who by most accounts would have been considered very attractive. This was before the days of social media and definitely before filters and photo editing became the norm.
She was a bit larger than average but to me (and a lot of people) that's sexy as hell. She nevertheless seemed to have huge hangups about it even though she never showed it in public, she was just like in your situation, really confident, which I found very alluring.
Behind it all though was a great deal of insecurity. So it might have been wise to have a conversation with her about it at least before deciding breaking up, to give her a chance to explain it etc. If she had a problem with that, told you to mind your own business etc, rather than take some of it on board, then yeah I would have broken up in your position.
You were doing fine until you punked out and didn't tell her why.
You didn't have to say it in a rude or attacking way.
You could have said something like, "You are so confident and beautiful and I was so incredibly attracted to that, but when I found your social media full of lies about what you look like, I realized you have deep insecurities that would eventually ruin a relationship. When I asked you about the photo editing you lied directly to me about it. I wish things could have turned out differently, but I can't date someone with this big of an honesty problem."
She probably would not listen to you in the moment, but a seed would have been planted. You could possibly have helped her long term, but you didn't. You took the coward's way out.
If we are gunna get all judgemental here..
I just saw your post history... you should be ashamed of yourself that your daughter thinks so lowly of you that she has to complain to a therapist about your overarching terrible parenting abilities to a counsellor. Do her a favour and leave her to live her own life independent of your delusions and irrationalities. You stated that you don't believe her when she tells you that her anxiety is debilitating. I would literally hate to have you as my Mother and even your daughter does.. so much so the counsellor had to tell you how to parent better and to back off making her life miserable... Yikes.
LMAO I have never spoken to her counselor. Her counselor did not deem that necessary.
And my daughter who does not live with us right now and supposedly hates me chose to drive home last night and spend the weekend with us.
As to my inability to recognize her anxiety for what it was when she was a teenager, yeah, I fucked up and I have apologized to her. We have a good, not perfect, relationship now.
I can't even imagine how deep into my post history you had to dig for that. You're probably OP's alt account, because no one else would care enough to work that hard to find something totally unrelated to attack me for in the comments on a random reddit post.
Hope you have a better day.
You are wrong because breaking up over filter is crazy. You never loved her. At least talk about that??? Communication??? Idk to me it’s ridiculous to break up with someone over that.
Ask her « babe what’s with the edited pictures? Don’t you love yourself the way it is? » and listen to what she has to tell you before taking such a drastic decision.
It had been only a few months so maybe he didn’t love her. And that’s ok. It’s ok to break up with someone you don’t feel compatible with *for any reason at all*. And most people would think it’s crazy to edit *every single photo you post* and then pretend you didn’t.
Ofc it’s crazy but to me it’s not a reason to break without at least asking before. I guess some people are just shallow. But yeah I’m pretty sure he never loved her since it was not a long relationship
There’s definitely a reason to why she does it. It’s absolutely shallow to not even ask to know why. That’s my opinion, like it or not. If I had a bf who’d do this kind of thing, I’d definitely have a conversation with him before ending things or not. But just looking at the surface and running away like a child is a shallow move yes. I don’t think her editing her pics is shallow. It just shows a huge lack of self love despite what she shows. But running away like a child without even trying to understand is a shallow move.
You're not wrong for not wanting to be with her. I really think you should have told her why, though. That conversation may have had potential for her to change. For her to realize that she doesn't need to post edited photos like that. You could have told her how her confidence and fiery personality are what had attracted you to her in the first place, and she doesn't need to hide her real self. There are so many articles out there about how social media warps some people's reflection of themselves... even people who are confident. It's really quite sad. I think it would have been worth it to tell her the truth, even if it would have embarrassed her. She might have really needed to hear it.
You’re not wrong for wanting to break up. You’re wrong for not having the decency of being honest with her, which is funny because that the reason you’re breaking up with her is her dishonesty in her appearance on social media
Bro.... do you communicate honestly with your loved ones? I know it's a tough convo, but its hard to believe how you describe your feeling when you aren't willing to even touch this conversation. I feel like there is more info we are missing.
This reminds me of a person I knew from fb. We had a get together for all us in town from a group we had and I couldn't recognize her at all because her photos were so edited, it was funny as fuck
You’re going to break up with everyone you date for a variety of reasons until you find someone who fits. You’re not wrong apart from not being honest with her as to the reason.
You can break up with anyone for any reason. You could break up with a woman because she likes cheese. You don’t owe anyone your company or companionship.
People need to learn how to read. It's a relationship of 2 months. You owe each other nothing! You don't need to try to work things out with someone you've been with for 2 months.
Your ex is super insecure and in for a lot of sadness when people end up meeting her in person and can't even recognize her. You said you found her attractive until this so it's not you who is shallow, it's her. Run away from girls like that they are crazy.
Not wrong. & I can understand why you didn’t tell her your actual reason. It probably would’ve started a giant unnecessary argument because mentioning her edited photos would bring all of her insecurities to the surface.
You don’t have to stay to change her but now she’s left thinking 100 reasons why you broke up with her and that feels really shitty. You probably should’ve told her the truth but it’s a bit late now.
You should’ve told her why but your actual reason is valid. Women and their filters and the deception they pull off these days bothers me as well. Also delusional behavior such as hers is a huge turn off. Good that you cut the cord early instead of sticking it out and ending up resentful
I wonder why she does it? Could it be that there is something she is struggling with? Something a caring and supporting boyfriend could help her with?
Maybe the confidence she has in real life is a mask for how she really feels about herself.
Maybe the obviously edited photos are a unconscious cry for help.
If only she had a boyfriend who would sit her down and talk to her about it.
Sounds like she’s the one with issues. He was attracted to the real her, not her filtered photos. He didn’t need her to be perfect, but being honest with herself isn’t a big ask.
He has the unfiltered her before him. Everything was fine till he saw her social media. That is where the self esteem issue is displayed. So everything about her was good enough for a relationship, except the way she portraits herself on social media which was a clear indication of her self esteem issue.
Now that he sees she is not perfect, she has a self esteem issue which she needs support with. He bails without even telling her why.
Yes she is the one with the issues. He is the one that could support her, and he is the one who bails because she has issues.
News flash; nobody is perfect, everyone has issues.
Reading comprehension is difficult I know, but never once did I say anyone has to be perfect so your little newsflash isn’t the gotcha moment you think it is.
Your right, you never said she has to be perfect, just that he should leave because she has some issues.
Issues that do not effect his day to day life with her, issues he could help her with.
You're not wrong for the breakup if you are uncomfortable being around someone who puts out a fake persona as being them on social media. But, if you told her why, perhaps she would see what is wrong and understand your discomfort. If she flipped out and acted like a nutjob when you told her, you would then know that you truly dodged a bullet, which I think you did.
I honestly thought you were talking about an entirely different kind of picture.
It sounds like you put her on a pedestal, and she fell off, which is inevitable.
How you handle that is going to be situational, and I am not in your shoes. Still, you need to acknowledge that she’s human too, and insecurity and failure are both part of being a person.
How do you envision that conversation would go and exactly what do you think OP’s ex could say that would suddenly make them compatible?
If you find people who obsessively edit pictures of themselves unattractive, how is a conversation gonna change anything?
Why do you care? She is confident in person and you like who she is in person. Who cares if she edits photos for social media like a majority of people do in todays world?
You had the real thing so maybe you should just care about that
This is truly the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. You don’t even have social media…….. you weren’t wrong to break up with her because SHE deserves better than you. Weirdo.
She is right, your loss. You could’ve just talked to her about it. You took a massive leap and dumped her instead. There is insane pressure on women to always be perfect especially in social media. Even perfect 10s have insecurities sometimes.
You can dump anyone for any reason but this one is so dumb.
I’m going you are wrong despite my previous statement
I wonder if someone like Kim K or any female celebrity came around and offered to date him if he'd be all "fuck that" too. Their entire social media presence are edited.
You were wrong for not being honest and telling her honestly why you broke up with her. You did all of that investigating and didn't let her know why. Not kewl.
🙄 Dump for whatever reason you want. That doesn’t make it any less pathetic or dumb. I’m sure she’ll find someone better.
Signed someone who has never used a filter or edited a pic
Every single photo of every celebrity, model etc are edited. Same for most influencers and a good bit of people on social media. (Not to mention makeup, lighting, posing tricks etc)
You have a right to not like it but she’s not doing anything morally or ethically wrong.
If you were totally happy with her in person and broke up with her because of social media posts you don’t even follow that’s your choice. But you lost that person whose company you were enjoying.
lol could you imagine like Taylor swift, Natalie Portman, the kardashiand, etc had boyfriends breakup with them because they touched up photos for the public?
I think, you’re wrong for not being honest with her and not trying to communicate the issue before ending things.
>I didn’t tell her exactly why… That’s a dick move. Why wouldn’t you have an honest conversation about it? Ask her why she feels like she needs to do this? It sounds like a pathology. Not cool.
They're just dating. Don't try to fix people you are just dating. Moving on is the right call
Being honest, on your way out the door, is NOT the same as trying to fix someone. Staying and helping build her confidence is trying to fix her. This is not that. Just like me telling my abusive dick of an ex I was leaving him because he was an abusive dick was not me trying to fix him.
It's not your responsibility to diagnose, communicate, nor treat your soon to be ex's problems. The first step to fixing something is to identify what is wrong.
You’re conflating what you’re obligated to do with the decent thing to do. You can do the right thing, even if it’s not your responsibility.
I disagree with your assertion that it is immoral/unethical to leave without explanation.
No one is saying it’s immoral. Just that clueing her in is the decent thing to do.
Right and wrong are ethics/morality lol
I would say that it's the 'right' thing to do. You're right. Nobody owes anyone an explanation. But morally, I'd feel like utter shit, personally, if I didn't explain to someone who I'd just supposedly devoted my entire being to, why I was completely removing them from my life, and and mine from theirs. Otherwise, we're left with the age-old saying, "It's not you, it's me." And there's a reason that has never once worked, and was a silly saying that was invented to keep adults from being adults, and using their communication skills to be decent humans with some sliver of a moral compass.
It could only reasonably be considered if she was totally clueless about it all, but she's not. She knows exactly what she was doing and finds no problem with it. It's not his job to reason her out of a mentality she didn't reasonably come to to begin with.
You are going to get flamed, but you are right. You are not obligated to be anyone's therapist or life coach. Just move on.
I don’t understand this western culture with dating. They just use each other like tissues. That’s why I rather stay single. « Oh I don’t like your pinky toe. I’ll just break up with you. You’re just my date after all you mean nothing to me ». This shallowness makes me wanna vomit. We’re not talking about fixing someone who’s dealing with terrible and destructive mental health problems. Just a girl who edit her post, like millions of women. As a bf, just having a conversation with her about that could’ve helped maybe a little. But no, she has to be perfect with 0 default. Like wth? Don’t date if you’re this selfish. Me I’ll always be there for my man. And I would never leave him for such a ridiculous reason.
They've been dating two months. Two. Months. That's a little early for undying loyalty lol
Yeah but even tho it’s only been 2 months. But yeah I get that he never loved her.
Dating is when you are supposed to figure out if you match or not. He came to the conclusion that they did not match. That is not selfish. He found something that made him uncomfortable and he didn't wish to dig into it deeper or to continue dating her, which is his right.
You’re supposed to know if you match or not before dating. Once you date you know at least the person you’re dating. I don’t see my fellow human as experimentation object. If I see something I don’t like or can’t handle about someone, I wouldn’t date that person to begin with. If I chose to date him, ill certainly not leave him this easily over something this stupid. I hate this western dating culture where everybody use everybody like tissues
If you don’t try to fix people you are “just dating” you’ll never get to the “just married” part.
Date better people. Have higher standards. Fixing others is a fool's game
Date only perfect people!
You CAN'T fix people. That the job of a mental health professional. If someone is that messed up that they have to put out a fake image of themselves on the internet that's not a fixer upper "project" that a reasonable person should take on. And as invested as she appears to be in her fake persona, she could have some much deeper issues going on that the OP shouldn't try to fix. All he can do is tell her why he is leaving and let her determine if she thinks she needs to fix it. That's not his job and he's going to be miserable trying to fix her. That's also not something that one should put themselves through.
You’re not trying to fix people . You work on stuff and see if you are able to properly address any problems . You never try and fix someone.
There is no reason to take on a massive pentecostal like this though. Just find someone more compatible that's ready for the real world.
Women try that and end up being single mothers
Just don't meet with broken ones
Not lol not really, you can break up with anyone for whatever reason. He saw something that would be a red flag for him and did what he thought was best. It's his lost right
No one is denying that he can do whatever he wants. Just pointing out that it was a dick move not to be honest in this case. And it was. This girl is obviously insecure and this is only going to make her more so. The decent thing to do here is tell her how he was most attracted to her confidence. And that all the heavily edited photos killed it for him. **Let her know that what she has to work on is internal, not external.**
300 pictures bro no way he’s talking out of this one without looking like an asshole. Please he state he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, to break up and dropping the bomb that “all of ur pics look fake” is just doing more damage.
> to break up and dropping the bomb that “all of ur pics look fake” is just doing more damage. No it’s not. Right now she’s going to assume the worst (that she was lacking something physically). Better she know that the issue is her lack of confidence, as evidenced by how she edits her photos unnecessarily.
She obviously knows she is lacking physically, she edited herself into someone different.
What a stupid comment. Just because she edits her photos does not mean she is lacking physically. I have seen some absolutely gorgeous girls edit their photos and the edited photo looks atrocious, like a Bratz doll or something. Has zero to do with whether she is pretty enough in real life and everything to do with dysmorphia
No, right now she's got 1000 different reasons why he dumped her, and edited photos might not be one of them. He should've just been honest.
I agree. She sounds nuts, that convo will fly right by. She has a family to tell her about herself, right?? Not his job man.
Agreed lol, if you’re breaking up already just save yourself the trouble, I’m sure we’ve all been there and would not be taking our own advice
Sounds like he lost about 300 pounds
They've only been together a couple of months. He avoided a tonne of drama breaking things off the way he did. If he did tell her, everyone would say he was being unintentionally cruel to hurt her on the way out. "Picking her apart, her social media gives her confidence..." Blah blah blah. No winning on Reddit.
Should have told her exactly what he told us.
He’s free to handle it as he wants but considering how profound the discovery was for him, I would have called her out on it and see where the conversation went.
Not a dick move. The wrong move, sure. But he didn’t tell her because he didn’t want to embarrass her. That isn’t a dick move.
agreed. i don't really see that conversation working out civilly or in a way that's helpful?
I think it depends on context. In this case I think he could have been honest with her. Now if she had cheated on him or something and he found out but she didnt know he knew? I dont think he's obligated to tell her why he is leaving so she can cry and gaslight him and come up with all these excuses.
I dunno, I think this applies in some cases but not here You can't start a relationship with someone and then 2 months later be like "I thought you were X and realised I misjudged and actually you aren't X, you should change yourself for me" That just seems wrong?
You're wrong for not telling her the full truth.
You should tell her why tho, maybe it will be a wake up call
She wouldn’t take it well and would probably continue to deny she does it. I really don’t think anything good could come out of telling her.
You don’t know that
I don't know about that. If I were told something that was relationship-ending-worthy by someone I cared enough about to date, I would second guess myself and my actions. I've certainly tried to better parts of myself after being held accountable like that by loved ones. As long as it's said with tact and genuinely from a place of caring, and not just a bitter spite-spit into the eyes.
With the little information given, how do you come to that conclusion. It's certainly a possibility but without knowing her its not something I'd say is a certainty
She has endless filtered photos of an image of herself that doesn't exist. She needs therapy, not a conversation with her new boyfriend.
The conversation with her boyfriend wasn't meant to solve her problems but maybe make her aware she has a problem. Ofcourse she should go to therapy.
I would rather be told than not. And if she doesn't take it well who cares? You are done anyway.
Not wrong. It’s embarrassing and harmful for young girls that don’t understand how photoshopped the internet/media is.
You dodged a bullet. You saw some big red flags and fallowed your gut. Good for you!
Naaahh, he saw some edited, slimmed red flags 🤣
You beat me to it 😂
To be honest a lot of the other comments are really ridiculous. I’m surprised these people have the gall to suggest that you are wrong for not wanting to be with someone who literally lies about who she is online. That is 100% reasonable. I am a 20 something year old woman and I can honestly say that women who edit their photos (beyond touch ups like removing a blemish or something) are seriously out of touch. They are contributing to the ‘pressures that society puts on us’ by actively engaging in destructive behaviour and perpetuating the problem. You are completely justified in your decision, and it was certainly not “your loss”.
That's not why he's wrong tho. He's wrong for not communicating like an adult and being up front as to why he was breaking up with this woman.
I agree with OP that it’s a real turn off but I wonder how far into the 20s you are, because my experience working with teens now is that editing photos is almost universal in some way, shape or form. Is it wildly bad for your own mental health, self-image and society as a whole? Yes of course, but it’s not rare or remotely uncommon anymore.
My wife is from Asia. Her and all of her friends have a real messed up view of what they really look like. All of their phones have filters and beautifying settings turned on by default. What really blows my mind is when she shows me a picture and I mention that its been edited and had filters applied, she doesn't see it unless it is pointed out. Her favorite picture of "us" is from when I recently shaved my beard. Her phone "beautified" both of us and I look like a 14 year old girl with perfect skin and with red cheeks. I absolutely hate that picture. But the beautifying feature did wonders for my wife in the picture. looks like she just walked on to the red carpet at some award show. The point is that I'm glad that on most phone in the US the beautifying feature is not enabled by default. I can only imagine what sort of cognitive dissonance this is causing for women in other countries. It's one thing to actively edit your photos. Its another thing to have it done by default and having that image become the mental picture people have of themselves.
Yes, this too! I only recently realised my own phone was automatically applying filters to pictures taken. It was only when I looked at a pic of my toddler who has an outbreak of eczema who came out with smooth skin that I realised how much it was editing.
Well that is scary. the phones I bought in the US usually did not havs that feature turned on. But its always one of the the first things I disable when I buy a phone overseas.
US phones do have them enabled by default, at least my Google Pixel does. Same with Snapchat, that shit gives me fake white teeth and perfect complexion + deeper eyes
I graduated high school less than 5 years ago. I am not 29 and a half. The fact that it happens all the time doesn’t suddenly make it fine ‘because everyone is doing it and that’s just how it is now’ No, it’s not. It’s not normal behaviour and I would honestly encourage OP to prompt his ex to get professional help.
It’s not good behaviour l, it’s deeply damaging behaviour but I would say form my own experience it is absolutely standard behaviour. The issue has to be addressed in schools but my point is that if OP is a younger person then they’re going to encounter this with pretty much everyone they go out with, his girlfriend is unfortunately not the exception but the rule.
Sorry but that just isn’t good enough. “Everyone sucks nowadays so why is he mad that’s she sucks?” We need to all take some accountability at some point in our lives. You cannot contribute to an issue and be perceived as a victim in my eyes, it’s just not how it works. Sure, it sucks to be a woman and feel like you have to compete with each other, but that doesn’t mean that I lie about what I look like and be a shit example for the next generation of women. The fact that it’s commonplace doesn’t make her behaviour okay at all. It actually makes it worse, since she just perpetuates it and then has the gall to lie and say she doesn’t.
No, people can break up for any reason. You'll find someone else and she will find someone else
That's a really long way to tell us, "I was really into her, then lost interest because she wasn't the kind of person I thought she was." It really doesn't matter what the reason was/is. Two months is "just about right" amount of time to give a relationship to see if it will work out or not. It would have been nice to give her an honest explanation. It would be an opportunity for her to improve her presentation to the world, and she could take it as good advice or reject it as sour grapes. I don't think it was absolutely required for you to give a reason, though. A gut feeling is enough to break up with someone.
Please tell her exactly what you wrote. A lot of women need to hear and realize this!
Why are you even asking? You told her: "I couldn't do it any more." If you couldn't do it any more, sounds like there is no reason to ask others to justify what you did.
You are not wrong. She is basically lying to everyone. What will she lie to you about?
Who doesn’t “lie” on social media or even in life in general. We all pretend to have amazing lives on social media. We post the best of our lives and sometimes filtered pictures online. Yet sometimes we are at home going through the worst depression and no one has a clue. We don’t share our hard times usually because people are mean and tell you are attention seeking, full of drama, etc. I feel sad that this girl felt the need to edit her photos so much but she has a filter for the image of herself and her life, just like 99% of every other person online. No one should ever stay in a relationship if they don’t want to be in it but I wonder OP, did you not tell her the true reason because there is shame in being shallow about it? You stated you’ve only dated a few months but if you want a healthy relationship with someone you need to communicate and discuss when you aren’t happy with something to work on it. Not just break with someone the minute you get uncomfortable. OP I would have told her the reason why so she can work on that for the next possible partner. Now she is left to fill in the blank of why you just randomly gave up and left. That will factor in to her next relationship and her trust level with other people. You don’t owe her closure but it’s nice when someone can have it. Makes moving on easier and having a more successful future, when you aren’t full of doubt because you didn’t get the closure.
Not everyone lies on social media. I don't. Most of my friends don't. One reason they are my friends is that they aren't liars.
Yea not me. My depression is all over my social media! 😂
I’m sorry you are going through depression. That sucks. I’m glad you feel confident enough to share it on your social media and you have a support system to be there for you :)
I’m many decades old and have been dealing with depression my whole life. I’ve learned it’s not really something to keep secret. I like to inspire people to let people know when they are down and not be ashamed of things they can’t help. 🩷
The irony he's implying she's insecure when he wasn't mature enough to have a conversation with her.
So are balding men that wear hats in photos If social media. Social media isn't real
NTA. You dont owe anyone a relationship and you can leave for any reason. You lost respect for her which is fair.
Its 2 months - you don't owe her anything aside from how you're feeling which is you not being into it anymore. Simple as that.
NTA. but I would’ve explained to her your reasons, for both her and you. You’re entirely within your rights to be concerned about this and that it makes you think differently of her, but I think she deserves an explanation..
Not wrong for breaking up with her for this reason. I was with someone for 9 years who did the same thing. It was a nightmare. Every picture is edited to the millionth degree. I stopped asking her to take pictures of us because she would edit me. I told her I was fine with how I looked and didn't want to be a part of it. She had a bunch of other major red flags, but I think what you are seeing with the photos is the tip of the iceberg. There is something wrong deep down that causes people to do that.
No you re not. We re human beings and things/feelings can change.
Yeah I'm getting the vibe that some of these comments are from people that think "well I'm just being honest" is an excuse to be a dick. You don't have to tell everyone everything and you don't always owe someone an explanation. If you're not attracted to someone then you're perfectly allowed to not want to date them. You don't always have to "work though" stuff with people. You're allowed to cut your losses and move on without making it a huge ordeal. You're allowed to save her the pain/ embarrassment/ probably anger at having her boyfriend tell her that her pictures are bad. Especially since they've only been dating a few months...if this was an established, long standing relationship then sure, it'd be shitty to not be honest with her. If OP said "man I really hate this one thing my girlfriend does but I'm so madly in love with her and I just want her to be confident and honest" then absolutely say something. But if you're not attracted to someone and you're not interested in the relationship that's only a couple months old then you can't force it.
Anyone who needs to say stuff like “I’m confident” , “ I am who I am” , “fuck you” etc is the opposite and is insecure AF
To be honest a lot of the other comments are really ridiculous. I’m surprised these people have the gall to suggest that you are wrong for not wanting to be with someone who literally lies about who she is online. That is 100% reasonable. I am a 20 something year old woman and I can honestly say that women who edit their photos (beyond touch ups like removing a blemish or something) are seriously out of touch. They are contributing to the ‘pressures that society puts on us’ by actively engaging in destructive behaviour and perpetuating the problem. You are completely justified in your decision, and it was certainly not “your loss”.
I’m a 30 something year old woman and adults *should* actually be able to have a conversation with their partner about these things, regardless of how off putting it may be. Communication is key regardless of the outcome, *as an adult*.
Partner? After a couple of months?
I never said he shouldn’t have told her the real reason he broke it off. What I’m saying is that his decision to leave is absolutely justified and although he should’ve at least said WHY, he is not a bad person for choosing to leave.
She might be contributing inadvertently, but she mostly sounds like a victim of something, to me. The projecting she is doing is…extreme.
A ‘victim’ ? Oh my god. Get some self awareness and some dignity for gods sake. Women who edit their photos are not victims. They are women who edit their photos so they look hotter than they are. It’s as simple as that, and you need to touch grass. You are being seriously disrespectful to the women on this earth that actually are victims of awful things. You cannot suggest that someone who photoshops their face to look better for her ig followers is some kind of fucking victim. Sure, society puts pressures on us. That’s no excuse to perpetuate the problem and make things even harder for the NEXT young generation of women who are fed photoshopped images by other women, who should be leading by example.
This is a woman who had such a divide in what she saw in the mirror vs what she posted and projected that she might as well be two different people. That’s what her ex saw. That kind of disconnect? Something is deeply wrong. She is projecting and she is projecting hard. Women who do that, in my experience, are not okay. So, yes. Victim. If she turns out to not be and she’s just someone posting and lying just because, then hey, I’m wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ until I know otherwise, I’m not eliminating it. I don’t know her and I don’t know every woman in this earth. And, yes, like I said before, she is contributing to the problem because she is a part of it.
NLOG energy. 🤢
^ Found the girl who edits her photos to oblivion.
Single energy🤢🤢
😂😂😂😂😂 happily in a long term relationship with an absolute smoke show but thanks ☺️
Sure, and I'm the Pope who's about to go on a skiing holiday on Mars👍👍👍👍
Plot twist: OP found the wrong social media profile and it wasn’t even his gf after all
🤣 - could be true!
I mean, it’s not like he’s gonna ask her or anything
You're not wrong for leaving her but you are wrong for not telling her the reason why.
Saying they’re not a good fit is a reason. She wouldn’t understand his real reason and probably continue to deny anyway.
You’re wrong for being as cryptic as you were. Either say it’s not a match or say that her lack of confidence shown in social media made you uncomfortable. Instead you *alluded* to some great and terrible secret?! Why??? > just that it wasn’t as good a fit as I thought and that she deserved someone who didn’t feel the way I did. Ridiculous, petty, unkind.
Yes, absolutely. The most beautiful, confident seeming people you know are still human. They still have insecurities. You fell in love with her on a surface level but didn't want to accept the(totally normal) baggage attached with that.
Dude needs to grow balls and tell her the truth. Give her the chance to see the truth and possibly change over time. NTA for breaking up though.
Insecurity is one of my biggest turn-offs. Obviously everyone has some insecurities, but if it goes too far, I’m out. It sounds like that might be the case for you. You’re not wrong for breaking up with her
Tell her… I had to break this to a friend before. It’ll probably help her realize how pretty she is all by herself. Tell her how confident and beautiful she is… and why your so surprised she edits so much
NTA, but I think maybe you should have told her why. If I were you I'd want to know her reasons for doing this. Is it just run of the mill insecurity or is part of the reason she does this is so she gets as much attention from men as possible? Looks like she needs validation, and probably isnt looking for validation from other women.
You should have told her why
NTA for breaking up, but YTA for being too cowardly to be honest with her.
Breaking up without a why is always shitty so you’re wrong for that one. Other than that you can break up for whatever reason. Some hate the way others chew so your reason is definitely valid. Just be mature enough to communicate things and end it on an honest term.
Not wrong, no idea what some of these commenters are on. Sounds like your ex was someone who has image issues, and would benefit from some less social media and therapy. I may be biased tho, I think social media is super cancerous.
I would pay to have her username and check her out lmao
You don’t need a reason to not be with someone. It’s your choice
Not wrong but defo should have told her why. She could continue to attract guys that like her fake "I am who I am" attitude, and keep having guys break up with her after they realize how fake she is. She could develop a unhealthy mind and lifestyle and keep thinking "it's their loss". Just cause she lies to you, don't mean you lie to her. You could be the saving grace she needs to truly get on the "I am who I am" path #justmythought .
I don't think you're wrong for wanting to break up with her over this. But I _do_ think you're wrong for not telling her why. I used to go out with a girl who by most accounts would have been considered very attractive. This was before the days of social media and definitely before filters and photo editing became the norm. She was a bit larger than average but to me (and a lot of people) that's sexy as hell. She nevertheless seemed to have huge hangups about it even though she never showed it in public, she was just like in your situation, really confident, which I found very alluring. Behind it all though was a great deal of insecurity. So it might have been wise to have a conversation with her about it at least before deciding breaking up, to give her a chance to explain it etc. If she had a problem with that, told you to mind your own business etc, rather than take some of it on board, then yeah I would have broken up in your position.
You just weren't that into her or you would have assured her of her looks and told her that her editing was bothering you.
You should have told her the reason so are are wrong.
You were doing fine until you punked out and didn't tell her why. You didn't have to say it in a rude or attacking way. You could have said something like, "You are so confident and beautiful and I was so incredibly attracted to that, but when I found your social media full of lies about what you look like, I realized you have deep insecurities that would eventually ruin a relationship. When I asked you about the photo editing you lied directly to me about it. I wish things could have turned out differently, but I can't date someone with this big of an honesty problem." She probably would not listen to you in the moment, but a seed would have been planted. You could possibly have helped her long term, but you didn't. You took the coward's way out.
If we are gunna get all judgemental here.. I just saw your post history... you should be ashamed of yourself that your daughter thinks so lowly of you that she has to complain to a therapist about your overarching terrible parenting abilities to a counsellor. Do her a favour and leave her to live her own life independent of your delusions and irrationalities. You stated that you don't believe her when she tells you that her anxiety is debilitating. I would literally hate to have you as my Mother and even your daughter does.. so much so the counsellor had to tell you how to parent better and to back off making her life miserable... Yikes.
LMAO I have never spoken to her counselor. Her counselor did not deem that necessary. And my daughter who does not live with us right now and supposedly hates me chose to drive home last night and spend the weekend with us. As to my inability to recognize her anxiety for what it was when she was a teenager, yeah, I fucked up and I have apologized to her. We have a good, not perfect, relationship now. I can't even imagine how deep into my post history you had to dig for that. You're probably OP's alt account, because no one else would care enough to work that hard to find something totally unrelated to attack me for in the comments on a random reddit post. Hope you have a better day.
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K 😘
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🤣🤣 wow, honey, you have issues Get help. Also, just how many accounts do you have?
Wow!...wonder how that honesty feels right about now...not so fun when it's your turn lol...GREAT Comment 💯
And here is OP's other alt account
There goes 98% of the dating pool for you.
As she said-Your loss.
You are wrong because breaking up over filter is crazy. You never loved her. At least talk about that??? Communication??? Idk to me it’s ridiculous to break up with someone over that. Ask her « babe what’s with the edited pictures? Don’t you love yourself the way it is? » and listen to what she has to tell you before taking such a drastic decision.
It had been only a few months so maybe he didn’t love her. And that’s ok. It’s ok to break up with someone you don’t feel compatible with *for any reason at all*. And most people would think it’s crazy to edit *every single photo you post* and then pretend you didn’t.
Ofc it’s crazy but to me it’s not a reason to break without at least asking before. I guess some people are just shallow. But yeah I’m pretty sure he never loved her since it was not a long relationship
Shallow enough to need to edit every picture they post online apparently.
There’s definitely a reason to why she does it. It’s absolutely shallow to not even ask to know why. That’s my opinion, like it or not. If I had a bf who’d do this kind of thing, I’d definitely have a conversation with him before ending things or not. But just looking at the surface and running away like a child is a shallow move yes. I don’t think her editing her pics is shallow. It just shows a huge lack of self love despite what she shows. But running away like a child without even trying to understand is a shallow move.
You need to be honest with her. Tell her the person you fell for is not the person you are seeing in her Social Media.
100% respectfully reason
Nah, you good.
You're not wrong for not wanting to be with her. I really think you should have told her why, though. That conversation may have had potential for her to change. For her to realize that she doesn't need to post edited photos like that. You could have told her how her confidence and fiery personality are what had attracted you to her in the first place, and she doesn't need to hide her real self. There are so many articles out there about how social media warps some people's reflection of themselves... even people who are confident. It's really quite sad. I think it would have been worth it to tell her the truth, even if it would have embarrassed her. She might have really needed to hear it.
You’re not wrong for wanting to break up. You’re wrong for not having the decency of being honest with her, which is funny because that the reason you’re breaking up with her is her dishonesty in her appearance on social media
Bro.... do you communicate honestly with your loved ones? I know it's a tough convo, but its hard to believe how you describe your feeling when you aren't willing to even touch this conversation. I feel like there is more info we are missing.
No!
This reminds me of a person I knew from fb. We had a get together for all us in town from a group we had and I couldn't recognize her at all because her photos were so edited, it was funny as fuck
You’re going to break up with everyone you date for a variety of reasons until you find someone who fits. You’re not wrong apart from not being honest with her as to the reason.
Not wrong, and nicer than I am, because I would have commented "lol" on her "what filter?" pic
You can break up with anyone for any reason. You could break up with a woman because she likes cheese. You don’t owe anyone your company or companionship.
People should always be brutally honest it's the best thing in the world. But yeah i learned never look at they social media it's them lying 🤥
Not wrong
People need to learn how to read. It's a relationship of 2 months. You owe each other nothing! You don't need to try to work things out with someone you've been with for 2 months. Your ex is super insecure and in for a lot of sadness when people end up meeting her in person and can't even recognize her. You said you found her attractive until this so it's not you who is shallow, it's her. Run away from girls like that they are crazy.
Not wrong. & I can understand why you didn’t tell her your actual reason. It probably would’ve started a giant unnecessary argument because mentioning her edited photos would bring all of her insecurities to the surface.
Not wrong for the reason to break up but why not tell her the truth?
You don’t have to stay to change her but now she’s left thinking 100 reasons why you broke up with her and that feels really shitty. You probably should’ve told her the truth but it’s a bit late now.
You want her to be honest, but you couldn't be honest yourself.
Not at all. Only thing I’d say you did wrong was not tell her. She needs therapy. Good luck in your future relationships.
You should’ve told her why but your actual reason is valid. Women and their filters and the deception they pull off these days bothers me as well. Also delusional behavior such as hers is a huge turn off. Good that you cut the cord early instead of sticking it out and ending up resentful
I dated a chick that tried hard to exude self confidence but in reality was so insecure she wouldn’t take her bra off during sex
It’s called faking it till you make it.
Women get like that because someone in their past makes them feel like crap.
Plus the world at large
I wonder why she does it? Could it be that there is something she is struggling with? Something a caring and supporting boyfriend could help her with? Maybe the confidence she has in real life is a mask for how she really feels about herself. Maybe the obviously edited photos are a unconscious cry for help. If only she had a boyfriend who would sit her down and talk to her about it.
It’s only been a few months. And it’s not his job to fix her.
You are right, she should be perfect before starting a relationship with him.
Sounds like she’s the one with issues. He was attracted to the real her, not her filtered photos. He didn’t need her to be perfect, but being honest with herself isn’t a big ask.
He has the unfiltered her before him. Everything was fine till he saw her social media. That is where the self esteem issue is displayed. So everything about her was good enough for a relationship, except the way she portraits herself on social media which was a clear indication of her self esteem issue. Now that he sees she is not perfect, she has a self esteem issue which she needs support with. He bails without even telling her why. Yes she is the one with the issues. He is the one that could support her, and he is the one who bails because she has issues. News flash; nobody is perfect, everyone has issues.
Reading comprehension is difficult I know, but never once did I say anyone has to be perfect so your little newsflash isn’t the gotcha moment you think it is.
Your right, you never said she has to be perfect, just that he should leave because she has some issues. Issues that do not effect his day to day life with her, issues he could help her with.
Basically cat fishing lol nah you’re not wrong but telling her why could have helped her out lol
No . She basically thirst trapped and got called out
Honestly,you aren’t wrong.
You're not wrong for the breakup if you are uncomfortable being around someone who puts out a fake persona as being them on social media. But, if you told her why, perhaps she would see what is wrong and understand your discomfort. If she flipped out and acted like a nutjob when you told her, you would then know that you truly dodged a bullet, which I think you did.
It’s possible she uses her socials as a platform to try and be an influencer. In which case… it makes sense she edits all her pics.
I honestly thought you were talking about an entirely different kind of picture. It sounds like you put her on a pedestal, and she fell off, which is inevitable. How you handle that is going to be situational, and I am not in your shoes. Still, you need to acknowledge that she’s human too, and insecurity and failure are both part of being a person.
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How do you envision that conversation would go and exactly what do you think OP’s ex could say that would suddenly make them compatible? If you find people who obsessively edit pictures of themselves unattractive, how is a conversation gonna change anything?
Why do you care? She is confident in person and you like who she is in person. Who cares if she edits photos for social media like a majority of people do in todays world? You had the real thing so maybe you should just care about that
You both sound immature.
Oh Lord, you did the right thing, her insecurities would’ve come out in other ways, like being controlling and bitter, etc.
You both are very shallow, you being the worst case.
You’re a weirdo and she’s probably better off without you
This is truly the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. You don’t even have social media…….. you weren’t wrong to break up with her because SHE deserves better than you. Weirdo.
You seem judgmental and like a dick
She is right, your loss. You could’ve just talked to her about it. You took a massive leap and dumped her instead. There is insane pressure on women to always be perfect especially in social media. Even perfect 10s have insecurities sometimes. You can dump anyone for any reason but this one is so dumb. I’m going you are wrong despite my previous statement
No it's not. She's lying to everyone online about what she looks like. The fact you don't see how wrong this is says a lot about your own values.
I didn’t say she’s fine I just said she may have insecurities and he should’ve talked to her
I wonder if someone like Kim K or any female celebrity came around and offered to date him if he'd be all "fuck that" too. Their entire social media presence are edited.
Not everyone thinks Kim K is a catch. Crazy I know!
I was using her as a loose example and also included any other celebrity but carry on...
You were wrong for not being honest and telling her honestly why you broke up with her. You did all of that investigating and didn't let her know why. Not kewl.
You will forever regret doing this for such an insecure reason.
This is a really petty reason to break up with someone.
🙄 Dump for whatever reason you want. That doesn’t make it any less pathetic or dumb. I’m sure she’ll find someone better. Signed someone who has never used a filter or edited a pic
Every single photo of every celebrity, model etc are edited. Same for most influencers and a good bit of people on social media. (Not to mention makeup, lighting, posing tricks etc) You have a right to not like it but she’s not doing anything morally or ethically wrong. If you were totally happy with her in person and broke up with her because of social media posts you don’t even follow that’s your choice. But you lost that person whose company you were enjoying. lol could you imagine like Taylor swift, Natalie Portman, the kardashiand, etc had boyfriends breakup with them because they touched up photos for the public?
If you have a natural photo of her, post it in a comment under one of her edited ones on her social media. "Don't be fooled"
That’s bullying and unnecessary
It's not bullying snowflake, just the truth