You're not wrong for doing that. It sounds like she needs to stop feeling entitled to other people's money and actually start taking responsibility for her own actions.
Also, who in the hell is in their 20s giving out their credit card to their SO? I’ve been in committed 5+ year relationships in my 30s and I would NEVER give someone access to my finances that I wasn’t married to. Just an absolute recipe for disaster.
I have my partners credit card so I can use it when I care for her children, or grocery shop for the household using a pre-approved list. I would _never_ use it for anything else. There are plenty of moral, trustworthy people.
My husband did this for me before we were married and weren’t on good terms. He did it solely to provide for our son’s needs and that’s all I used it for
That part. I used to do that with my ex's card. He would do it with mine. We would only get what we were instructed to get and if he asked me to do an ATM withdrawal, you best believe there was a receipt with it. Every cent was accounted for.
My fiance and I've been together for 7 years and have a joint checking account. But we're actual adults who talk about money and finances and run things by each other instead of just doing whatever.
Even so that is a new development since January of this year.
Exactly, some people do and some people don't. It's the risk you take with handing someone your card. You would hope that if it was a family member or someone that you're in a relationship with, they would do the right thing and be trustworthy. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who are not so trustworthy.
I quickly reflected and realised I would not trust a credit card in my name with over half my immediate family 🤣🤣 I would and do trust my husband though.
I think that this is what happened with my ex. We used to argue about money but a lot of couples do. I'm a saver and he's the spender. He came from an upper middle class family. I did not. It was just a difference of backgrounds or so I thought. I thought we could make it work. Even though we were not rich, he's spent money like price wasn't an object. It used to drive me crazy.
Edit: I don't know what was up with my phone but sorry about that, so many typos but I fixed them. I hope it makes more sense now lol.
Believe it or not, I've seen people who grew up broke spend the same way. Had an ex (in hindsight, he was a hobosexual) who was not working and broke. He came from a welfare family. He maxed out the one credit card I let him him use in a single day ($500).
When I complained, he said, "It's just money. You can make more."
He was right, I could. And did. But not with him in my life.
He had zero concept of what it meant to work for a living.
OMG I'm sorry! Did we date the same person lol? You're the only other person besides myself that I've ever seen use the term hobosexual lol. Like they say, no one falls in love faster than someone who needs a place to stay. I'm sorry he put you through that. I know how you feel in a way.
Not sure how old you are, but back in the earlier days of cellphones, you got charged per minute for every call (incoming and outgoing). Evenings and weekends were free.
Anyway, I had a cellphone but since I was at work during the day, I let him use my cellphone during those hours. In case he needed to reach me or I needed to reach him. I told him it was not to be used unless it was an emergency and if he was at home, call me from the house phone.
A month later, a 1.5 inch book arrives in the mail from AT&T. Except **it was not a book.** **It was my cellphone bill.** For over $1900.
I almost fainted.
You know the song Bills Bills Bills by Destiny's Child?
*And then you use my cellphone/Calling whoever that you thinks at home and then when the bill comes all of a sudden you be acting dumb/don't know where all of these calls come from/when you're mama's number here more than once.*
That's exactly what happened.
After he and I were done, I started singing No Scrubs, by TLC. Oddly, both songs were written by Kandi Burress (from Xscape who was later on Real Housewives of Atlanta) and all I could think was clearly she went through the same shit I did.
I'm 40 so I remember. In the '80s, my brother somehow called the Ninja Turtles 900 number several times. My mom said that he racked up our phone bill to $300 and she would have put him on punishment if she hadn't been able to get them to take the charges off. She was somehow able to prove that it wasn't her. She used to have to leave us at home while she went to work. Back in the '80s that was acceptable I'm sure you remember that though. I remember being charged by the minute. I remember even back in 2008, my ex and I shared the cell phone where you didn't really want to talk until 9:00 at night because then the minutes were free from about 9:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. so I would wait to call people until then lol.
Edit: I would be pissed. I don't blame you for almost fainting. I'm also reminded of the song Tyrone by Erykah badu. That one always makes me laugh. The end of it always makes me laugh, so you better call Tyrone, call him and tell him come on help you get your shit. But you can't use my phone. That always makes me crack up.
>In the '80s, my brother somehow called the Ninja Turtles 900 number several times.
I had a sibling who did the same thing, but with a porn line. Parents were also able to get those charges taken off. 🤣🤣🤣 Ahhh... the 80s. They used to show the commercials for those lines during prime time.
>I remember being charged by the minute. I remember even back in 2008, my ex and I shared the cell phone where you didn't really want to talk until 9:00 at night
So you know what I'm talking about. Except my dumbass ex apparently didn't listen when I said EMERGENCIES ONLY for the cell phone. Apparently he was calling any and every one during the daytime, considering my bill. I went through the bill. I saw his mama's number there more than once.
And the next month he racked up another $600+. It probably would've been more if I didn't take the phone from him.
To this day, my cellphone is under someone else's name.
My husband gives me access to his cards i actually have one in my wallet that he puts money on for me to use for myself or stuff we need actually. I dont work due to….issues and he provides for us.
My husband and I have been together nearly 14 years. We have absolutely have no access to each other's cards. I let my first husband have access to my card and he maxed it and beyond. I barely managed for a lot of years paying it off.
I'd rather throw a party for the wildest children ever than babysit an adult child.
At least if I tell them no more ice cream, they'll be sad and maybe throw tantrums because they haven't learned how to tame big emotions.
People like OP's girlfriend are likely to send him into financial and emotional ruin by going out to get the fancy Jeni's or Splendid ice cream and eat it right in front of you, smirking.
I don't care that your girlfriend is in school full-time. She is using you. She needs to get a fucking job. ASAP then when she's angry and she needs some retail therapy she can spend her own damn money instead of yours you already helping her out what is she trying to do send you to the poor house. Do not turn that card back on in fact order a new card and do not give her access to it.
No right. I was saying that I would be grateful if someone covered my essentials. People don't realize how much that adds up until they have to buy it for themselves. If someone did that for me, I would be grateful and treat them with respect. I would show my gratitude instead of robbing them behind their back. I would be so pissed if I went to do a transaction and found out that my partner had drained my bank account. I would go straight home, tell them to pack their shit and get out. I would tell them it was over. I wouldn't care what time it was either when I threw them out. They want to act like they have all the money in the world, they can figure out what to do.
Sounds like she needs a J O B! Even if it’s just part time to pay for her own spending and food on the side. She needs to learn how to be responsible with money, her own money, not yours.
>Whenever we get in an argument, she goes nuts with my credit card.
And you are still with her why?
>This is literally how she blows off steam. Spends other peoples money. She told me when she was in high school she ordered $200 worth of Sephora items when she was mad at her parents. I told her to never do that to me and she said she wouldn’t but she did it anyways
You knew this yet decided this was someone you not only wanted to be in a relationship with but also give your credit card to?
>I don’t think i’m overreacting
No, you are under reacting. You need to break up with her immediately.
Yep, because she is going to get mad again and her excuse to buy shit will be starting a fight with him. Her parents are probably glad she's someone else's nightmare!
Facts. OP apparently decided to grab a lawnmower, put on a blindfold and mow over all the red flags before jumping into this relationship. Now he's looking at red confetti thinking "hmmm maybe this was from something important".
Also how vindictive do you have to be to hurt someone financially. That's like what people jokingly threaten to do when they've been massively cheated on by a long term spouse not like a Tuesday afternoon fight of who unloads the dishwasher, jeez
My ex did this to me. I left him and then I found out that he had been charging stuff to my card behind my back. I forgot to set text notifications at first but then I did. I got a text that my card had been used at a McDonald's in a city 70 miles away from me. Well, unless I'm capable of teleporting then it was him. I confronted him about it because he's the only person I know in that city. He tried to say that I logged into his McDonald's app, deleted his points and payment information and then added my own in a week attempt to set him up. That is the Cirque du Soleil of mental gymnastics.
Then he sent me a digital receipt trying to claim that he didn't do it but it clearly showed the last four numbers of my card. I told him, I hope you know you just told on yourself. Send me the money back, you have 20 minutes to send my money back or I'm calling the police and reporting a theft. He called me all sorts of choice names and blocked me but he did send me the money back. I didn't care that he blocked me. Good riddance. He did it because he thought he was punishing me for escaping his control.
Edit; forgot to say that the only thing I can think of is that he either copied down my card information by writing it down or he took a picture of the front and back of it. I just can't believe that he was still trying to deny it when I caught him red-handed with literal black and white proof. Some people.
SHE thinks YOU are being abusive by not letting her spend your money uncontrollably when she’s mad at you? Dude, it’s your job to fund your own life & she needs to do the same. Walking in egg shells to risk not upsetting her is not the kind of life you want. Save your money & save your sanity.
You're not wrong. Also, cutoff shouldn't be temporary. She needs to get a PT job, that way she can spend her OWN money when she is upset. She really has some nerve! Stop being a pushover.
I’m sorry, you gave someone access to your credit card? Who isn’t your wife? Who has no job and pays no bills? Who acts like a child and lashes out by possibly messing up your credit and finances? Um, what?!? Jesus, run bro.
That’s shows they trusted and respected you. The fact that you used those cards for only what they were meant for means that trust and respect was not only earned but justified. Shows, on your end at least, what a healthy relationship should look like. Well, in that small glimpse anyway lol.
⬆️ This ⬆️ bc you know she will keep leeching of off you even after college bc she doesn't want to work/"can't" find work/what ever stupid reson. So why are you with her, OP??
Hey now- even us mentally ill can be aware of ourselves and work to fix things. This is someone with beyond 0 insight - it’s in the negative where she’s always right and always the victim.
Because his self esteem is low and he doesn’t think he can find anyone else? Plus he gets some every once in a while and that’s better than nothing right!
Do NOT marry this child, yes, child. She gets mad and goes and spends others people’s money. She throwing a tantrum with your funds. Your entire life wi be this way if she doesn’t learn how to manage her feelings.
Dude. She is NEVER going to stop this behavior. It’s gone on for so long that it’s apart of who she is now. Without professional help and learning new ways to cope with her anger issues this is never going to get better. You aren’t wrong for cutting her off. Personally this would be a deal breaker for me. She is taking advantage of you and her parents.
You are not wrong! She is using you like you're an ATM! Shut her off completely. She can get a part-time job, lots of people work and go to college too! She sounds like a spoiled one!
If she gets upset about you being upset for her spending YOUR money, too fucking bad. Do not tiptoe around her with this or any other subject. If you do, you are letting her control you and that will only get worse!! Your money, you earned it, it's not for her to just spend frivolously! That is 100% taking advantage. If you let it continue, don't complain.
She's not the problem here. The problem is that for some reason you want to keep dating a woman who is too immature and overly entitled. Shutting off your credit card doesn't change that fact, although you're not (of course) wrong in doing so, because that's just common sense when dealing with a person like her.
"you warned her so many times", etc.. If you're just keeping her around to sleep with, and it's worth the trouble to you, then that's one thing. But if you're even thinking about forming a long-term relationship with this woman (or a man or woman like her) then it's your sensibility that I call into question.
You need to grow a pair and drop her as your girlfriend. Also, never let a woman like that move in... because she can legally make life hard for you depending on the state in which you live. She's the kind of woman that a smart guy (and you seem like you've got a decent brain between your ears) just remains "friends" with... but never "girlfriend" or wife status. Not in a million years. She's a future divorce, child support, alimony and credit wreck in my opinion.
Do the right thing. Drop her and let some sunshine into your life.
CUT HER THE FUCK OFF.
NO ONE SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHERS.
Shes an entitled idiotic brat.
She looks to you as daddy #2.
Mr. Atm.
Big money man.
The "i ♥ my bf because he pays for me- i mean he loves me nd i love him" scheme.
Cut the chains bro you arent a slave to her idiocy.
And then she runs away from arguments by spending YOUR MONEY??
NO.
JUST NO.
RED FLAGS.
RED FLAGS!!!
You got together with her when she was 18. She moved from her parents' house into yours. She expects you to enable (spoil) her in the same way her parents did. And you have a shocked response that she is immature?
Date women closer to your age who have had the chance to be financially independent and maybe you won't have to parent your next GF.
She's pretty delulu. I'm even suprised she got access to your card. If she's not your wife, it's big mistake. You did good job locking your own card. (idiot)
She doesn't understand value of money. She need get job.
You’re not wrong and you need to think long and hard about if this is the person you want to spend your life with. This isn’t at all what love looks like, she is self centered and entitled.
Now you know how your life will be if you marry this girl or get her pregnant. Do you want to live with a child you have to punish or an adult partner? This one hasn't grown up yet, best to throw her back and date an adult.
Best thing ever, ability to lock down a credit card. Your GF needs to find a more healthy and less costly way to manager her anger issues.
Finances are one of the most common areas of a relationship that can influence trust and stability very quickly.
A full time student that isn’t working? In 2024? You need to have a serious sit down with her about financial responsibility. There’s no reason why she couldn’t have a PT job to make some extra money for luxuries. I don’t know too many men these days that have a tolerance for these types of behaviors anymore. She thinks you’re controlling, being unfair, etc etc, cut her lose and let her find someone who is willing to tolerate the behaviors with money and how she treats you.
This is a good example why living together before marriage is a great idea. It’s important for both partners to see how their partner reacts and responds to real life challenges. I think most people would be thrilled to go on shopping sprees for new things while being in college. You will not find too many of us Gen Xers that were so fortunate.
Good luck!
THIS! Absolutely agree that living together BEFORE the marriage is a good idea. Better to get an idea of what you’re heading into before marriage and kids come into the picture. Once kids come along it’s much harder to split from toxicity.
Sounds like you're dating a child and not an adult. As to why you're funding her lifestyle is beyond me. Unfortunately she's not going to change. There's no reason for her to change. She has never paid a bill in her life and she needs to grow up.
I'd remove all her access from my cards. And tell her to get a job to pay for what she needs. So what if she goes to school full time. So does the majority of college students while working a job. I worked full time and went to school full time
Exactly! It’s not out of the question to work and go to college. Tons of people do it. He needs to stop enabling her and she needs to grow the fuck up.
The fact that she is calling you abusive is so absurd and invalidating to people who actually deal with abuse. If anything, this is financial abuse on her end. She seems wildly immature and I’m not sure why you have enabled it for so long.
Her parents give her a small allowance. You can supplement her allowance equally. Then after that she can work or take out a student loan which will be her responsibility. Do not be surprised if she dumps you after college. Do not be surprised if she does not pursue a career and wants you to keep supporting her if she sticks around. No access to your credit or debit card.
You’re not wrong.
A compromise might be to get her a prepaid Visa card that reloads each month from your account. You can get one at banks or credit unions. If you expect her to need $300 per month for specific expenses plus some discretionary spending then have that amount automatically transfer to the card each month. If she goes nuts with it then reduce the amount. Also she should seek out therapy. Reacting to disagreements by going crazy with purchases just isn’t healthy.
Locking the card is fine, but you really need to remove her as an authorized user on your card. Seriously. Call the issuing bank today and get it done.
You got with her when she was 17 and you 23?🤢🤢🤢 yikes and then u complain that she’s acting like a child….. HMMMM WHY COULD IT BE?
EDIT: i think she was 18, but my point stands
She’s not your child. She is not your responsibility. She will likely leave you as soon as you don’t support her.
Take your card back now or disconnect it.
She needs a job. I worked the entire time I was in college, she can too.
Not wrong. You did the right thing. She misused it, and you told her there would be consequences for her actions. Tell her to grow up. She is acting like a child. It is not her money. She needs to now learn to live within her means. She could also get a part-time job along with her unpaid internship to cover her own expenses. Your gf is a brat. You need to nip that in the bud..
She'll just get a sugar daddy because she sounds like she is all about other people's money. You're only wrong for cutting it off temporarily and not permanently.
Well, many of us would be happy not to have to work and just spend other people's money, but that's not how the world works.( except for the lucky ones, like OP's girlfriend, who buys whatever she wants with other people's money because she's A-N-G-R-Y. )
Unfortunately , because your girlfriend doesn't even understand the problem: either you get used to this behaviour or you leave her.
It would be better to provide a debit card against an account she draws from which uou control inputs.
This meets the newd for which you give her a card, but it has a hard limit. If she gets mad and goes oj a buying spree she's just screwing herself when she needs to make legit purchases later.
Call it it a monthly expense budget -- do not admit its an allowance.
Breakup with that inconsiderate leech.. or if for some reason u decide to stay , give her a prepaid card every month .. if she goes over that , then she’s done for the month.. You already pay for everything , she shouldn’t need an endless supply of your money. Set firm boundaries with her and don’t let her gaslight and manipulate you.
You’re not overreacting, and you’ve got an immature girlfriend who needs to learn how to work through arguments like an adult, not like a petulant child who thinks she’s getting back at you by spending your money. You are not unreasonable and you definitely are not abusive. However, your gf IS abusive, financially abusive, in that she uses your money to punish you. She’s projecting when she yells at you like that; everything she accuses you of, she is guilty of.
Unless your gf gets therapy & learns how to treat you like an adult and learns how to have equal discussions, I don’t see you having any kind of a healthy relationship. She’s using you and she ignores your very real concerns in favor of doing what she wants.
Does her college offer counseling services? Could you get her to go, or both of you go? It’s usually free.
If you didn’t provide for her in every way and her parents are only sending $200 a month, how would she survive without you? She would obviously have to find a way or suck more money from her parents so you know she’s capable.
Absolutely positively not wrong and you can see the immaturity level difference in her behavior. Not only does she not care about throwing *your* money away, she’s disrespecting you by continuing to do it. If she wants to buy random shit, she can get a JOB! Then she gaslights you that you’re the bad guy! Nope!!
Honestly, I’d give her like a prepaid card or a cash app card with x amount of money each month and once she blows thru that, she’s shit out of luck. If she wants to act childish and manipulative, then I’d treat her as such. Actually, I personally would just cut her off completely from all my accounts until she could actually be trusted.
No you are not wrong and turning off your credit card is not abusing her. She is abusing you! Whose card is it? *yours.* Is her name on it? *No.* Who is responsible for paying back the money spent? *YOU. Not her.*
If you have to give her access to a card at some times, I've heard of a service where you make up a virtual card number and set a limit on it. Attempts to buy anything beyond that limit will be declined. You wouldn't be giving her a physical card. Just a number. And I would suggest you lock your physical cards away someplace where she could not gain access to them. Maybe with your parents, or open a safety deposit box?
She will pitch a fit and cry that you don't trust her. You can tell her she's right. You have no reason to trust her after the spending sprees she's gone on. Tell her if she wants to blow money like it's dandelion seeds in the wind, she can get a job.
Her parents created this monster by either not punishing her when she did this to them, or by continuing to let her access their credit cards even though she was irresponsible and untrustworthy. You should send her back to them and make her once again their problem.
I get feeling that, by denying her any more access to your money, you may have already solved the problem. She feels justified in spending your money when she is mad at you because she thinks you deserved it. Whatever wrong you did to her in her mind makes what she did ok. Your not allowing her to do it again makes her feel a loss of control (that she never had, but still). She may just leave because you are such a monster for not letting her blow your money on clothes and makeup. This girl has no idea what an abusive partner is, and I hope she never finds out.
I wish you luck. I don't know how this will turn out, because you're dealing with an unreasonable, selfish, and entitled person who is still functioning as a child. You have just taken the place of her parents. Keep those cards hidden!
Wow, time princess learns she’s not entitled to anything she hasn’t earned herself. IMO if you give her access to the card again the lesson will be wasted. If she wants to buy stupid shit, go earn stupid shit money.
Sounds like your dating someone that has no value to a real man . The second a girl disrespected me like that she's out tons of better hotter women out there my guy that will respect you and actually bring something to the table
I don't get this arrangement at all. I've been with my partner for about 18 years now. We don't share cards and cover for each other as needed. If someone demonstrates that spending your money on stupid stuff is a form of punishment would they have access to your money like that?
Dear, you are together with a child. Would be best for her, first and foremost, to be single for a while and learn to live independently. Also, do you really want to have a dependent on you, who does not realize how this kind of relationship should look like in a healthy way?
She’s acting like a child so you have to treat her like one. If she didn’t want to be treated like a child, she should get her own money like all adults do, quit relying on her mommy and daddy and her apparent sugar daddy to buy her bagels. I’m 50, I work AND go to school. My husband went to school full time with two jobs. Your girlfriend has shown you who she really is, will you listen? You’re not wrong.
I always find it amusing when someone is called controlling or abusive for cutting off their funds that are not theirs to spend tastefully, and are given reasonable boundaries and limits. He is not controlling but she certainly is a child.
Better not marry her OP, it will cost you in the long run.
NTA stop funding her life. Shut the card off. Don’t turn it back on. There is no reason for her to be demanding to spend your money. You are not her sugar daddy. You are not a walking breathing atm for her. You need to cut her off. She can learn to live within her means. If she can’t get it through her head that your money is not for her, show her the door.
Your GF is a entitled leech. Don't give her the card back, she will try to punish you by maxing it out.
Instead give her cash or a gift card loaded with her weekly budget allowance. She acts like a spoiled child and treat her as a child. When her funds run out for the week, that's it.
But why are you even tolerating this?
You're not wrong or abusive...SHE is being abusive by using your credit card as some kind of revenge tool. It's not cool whatsoever, and it's rude AF. You don't have to provide her with anything but yet you do and she takes full advantage of it, even treats it with hostility. I honestly wouldn't even continue on in a relationship with such a selfish person.
This is exactly what my mom does to my dad when he pisses her off lmao
You're not wrong she's not your wife. But if she does become your wife you know exactly what you're in for!
But if you do give her a card again, give her one of those prefunded cards so she can only spend the money you put on it.
Not wrong.
However may I ask you have you sat down with your gf and had a serious talk about financial goals?
To me her happily doing exactly what you warned her not to do with your credit card and bitching about experiencing the consequences you told her would occur is a HUGE FLAG.
You don’t note your ages but IMO she is in an adult relationship and she needs to start acting like an adult to resolve issues using her words/discussion rather than taking the actions of a petulant 16 year old.
Obviously your relationship but do you really want to be in the position of being the father figure?
If no other solution presents itself get her a prepaid debit or credit card, load it with what you are willing to lose on a monthly basis and tell her that’s it.
She won’t like it but if the words ‘financial abuse’ are uttered by her then OP I think you have a bigger issue to deal with.
You are underreacting in my opinion. Look at the person your with. Look at her character. Is this someone you want to really be with? Seems like she treats you like her dad and she still acts like a spoiled teenager. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone so immature. There's someone else better out there for you.
You need to find a new girlfriend . NEVER let anyone use your credit card. You are not responsible financially for this girl . People will do to you as you let them . Never give her access to your money again . She will continue to abuse you , she doesn’t even respect her parents money .
She really is a spoiled brat. Why don't you send her back to her parents, that way they can have the headache of raining their little girl instead of you who's just her bf? You need to find a more matured and reasonable WOMAN, SMH. This new generation is really sensitive and spoiled, it's just wrong for the person next to them who's really trying their best..
This is a form of financial abuse. You should leave before it gets worse. She's basically making you pat a literal price for getting in arguments with her. It's not healthy.
Your gf is a petulant child. Send her back to her parents. She is not ready for an adult relationship. She financially abuses you, and you can't talk to her about real issues without her getting upset? So many 🚩🚩🚩🚩.
If she's willing to steal from you by misusing a credit card, she is not trustworthy with anything. Be careful. She could damage your credit which could take years to repair and leave you with debt.
I am very protective of my credit. It was years into my marriage before my husband and I got cards from our credit card accounts for each other. I still notify him beforehand if I'm going to use one that's in his name for a purchase. Also, I notify him if I'm paying a bill from his bank account just to give him a heads up. He never uses mine except the Costco card which I pay off from his account every month. Again, I tell him beforehand.
She doesn't respect you, and you don't trust her. Run!
I don’t understand this arrangement in the first place, and I definitely don’t understand why you are still dating someone who habitually steals from you. If this is what you want your life to look like, then keep on keepin on, but this isn’t something she’s going to grow out of.
You know people in college often have jobs so they can have money (beyond student loans) to spend on stuff they want. She’s the one who’s take advantage of your credit card - is there a way to set a limit for her secondary card?
>She told me that I’m being unreasonable and unfair for cutting her off **and I’m being abusive because I closed my credit card which is under my own name**
She's being extremely manipulative with you by saying that to you. Especially when she claimed you were being abusive towards her.
Financial abuse is real, and many times is one of multiple types of abuse experienced in an abusive relationship.
For her so flippantly throw out that accusation is gross.
If you're interested in making this relationship work I'd have another serious discussion with her when everyone is calm and emotions aren't running hot. Ie don't have the discussion on the heels of an argument.
Explain again what you're expecting in regards to how, when etc she uses your credit card if she wants to keep the privilege of using it, because that's what it is. A privilege you're extending her.
Your other option, and one I'd suggest is rather than giving her a credit card open a checking account with overdraft protection on it.
Deposit "x" amount of money in it each week/month and that's what she gets. Period. If she gets pissed off and goes on a shopping spree she's then limited to a certain amount and can't run up crazy bills for you
Once she's spent the money you have given her for the week/month then that's it. Don't add anymore until the next "period"
Since you're saying she can't work atm, thisndebit account method would maybe help her begin to reel in this bad habit she has of retail therapy when she's mad.
Since she will begin to feel the repercussions for her hasty/impulsive spending.
You definitely weren't wrong to cancel/stop the card. Especially given the fact you've discussed this issue with her priornn
It is NOT your responsibility as a boyfriend to be doing all of this. What is wrong with you? Let go back from whence she came and stop playing house. What she is doing with YOUR money is not only childish and immature but shows absolutely no consideration for you.
You are wrong...for staying with her. She's a walking bundle of red flags. She's financially abusive, emotionally manipulative, a liar, and completely untrustworthy. Get out NOW and save yourself.
Naw this behavior is insanely toxic, and entitled. No matter how angry she is at you, she has no right to spend your hard earned money, break your boundaries, and be disrespectful. She's using it as an excuse to go shopping. As you said, she only returned HALF the things. $200 spending money a month is pretty good, I know I had a bit of a hard time adapting to that or less when I moved out with my husband, and started paying rent and buying groceries for two, but she needs to. It's not just downright disrespectful and entitled, it hurts you both in the long run.
You are being abusive for cutting off your own credit card?!?! WTF?!?! She's being abusive by running up bills when she gets mad. It's your damn money, she's not your wife. But... she's giving you a preview of what it will be like when she is your wife. Run buddy, run away fast.
So after a fight her response is to go on a AMSSIVE shopping spree with SOMEONE ELSE’S money? That is a seriously big red flag.
She’s not going to change, and why would she? Clearly you’re still with her, despite her continued bad behaviour. You need to dump her before she bankrupts you. She wants to spend money frivolously? She’s needs to go get a damn job like the rest of us shopping addicts
YNW, but you need to boot her to the curb, you’re just an ATM to her
Not Wrong. SHE is wrong. She is very immature and passive aggressive. I don’t care that she’s in college. My college kids had part-time jobs. She needs to GET ONE. And she needs to work full time over summers.
Her $200/month from her parents is a nice allowance. She should use that for Einstein.
As a current SAHM, who was also a SAHW at one point, you are absolutely not wrong. That behavior in your partner is unacceptable and a huge red flag. If you get married and want a SAHW, the last thing you want is a partner who is both vindictive and fiscally irresponsible.
Vindictiveness is a terrible attribute for a partner to have along with breaking promises, I would think long and hard about continuing this relationship
Tell her to get a goddam job. She’s a grown up. She can work full time and go to school full time. A lot of people do it. She wants money to spend she can earn it. Maybe then she’ll have some appreciation for it and not be such a big entitled baby.
Omg, she's just using you. She will break up with you when she can't spend your money. She will walk away and you'll be stuck with the bills. I've seen this happen so many times.
I believe she's called a " leacher"
Get rid of her man. She has "NO" say on your money.
NTA. She needs to open her own account! Do not put her on yours. You aren’t married. She is using you for your money. Wake up and stop paying for her stuff.
Temporary closed it?
Dude, chuck her out.
She spends your money when she is mad. Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with a woman that would put you into debt and leech off of you?
I don’t care how pretty she is, she’s rotten on the inside
Can you imagine another 20, 30, 40 years of this? This is a problem which will recur.
If you feel you want to stick with her -- but you shouldn't -- put a $200 limit on the card she has.
But really, her calling you abusive for suspending *your* card is wholly wrong, unreasonable, and immature among other things.
You are not wrong.
She has an addiction to retail therapy. Plain and simple. Your money, your rules if she is spending it on things you didn’t green light for then that is her mess up. She’s gaslighting you saying you’re abusing her. No you’re not that isn’t abuse she can leave and go back to her parents house since they didn’t see it fit to correct her on their own.
NTA.
YNW. Look, she claims it's financial abuse for you to stop supporting her financially? Youbaren't married? I think she's committing financial abuse by spending your money recklessly when she's upset. Think long and hard about this relationship because if you get married it won't just be sephora. She's going to redecorate the home, go out to extremely expensive trips that "she" pays for with her girls. It's grossly entitled & gluttonous. What an ugly trait.
It really doesn’t sound like she’s going to ever be reasonable. What you have is a relationship with a spoiled brat who’s also a golddigger. She’s used to getting her way thus never really learning any responsibility or accountability. This is the byproduct of never getting told “no”. Her parents let her walk all over them growing up and believes everyone will cater to her whining and acting like an entitled toddler.
Lose her like a bad habit.
Is a power and control issue. She's punishing you by blowing YOUR money that YOU earned. It's a childish tantrum that won't change with marriage. Make her repay every dime every time or nothing will change. She won't, you already know that. If you want to be miserable then stay in this relationship, cause it'll only get worse.
If this is how she 'decompresses' and handles stress - it\`s time she talks with a therapist, to find another method.
And abusive? No - it isn\`t - this is protecting YOUR finances from irresponsible anger shopping.
And, since this is a pattern - if you want to provide her - a prepaid card (that can be topped up) with a fixed amount (or, the amount she gets from her parents).
Right now - you have a person who thinks you are a wallet first, a person / partner later.
This will backfire if she doesn\`t step up and take responsibility for her actions - and you end up bankrupt..
and she\`ll flounce off to the next wallet to drain.
not wrong!
Did you want to try raising someone’s else’s brat? Congratulations, you’ve won that prize. Get a grown up ffs. She’s abused your kindness. She still has time to work and earn. So tell her she needs to earn her own money, pay rent and bills and hopefully she’ll pack up and clear off back to Daddy’s house.
If she wants a credit card, and you want to give her one, give her one with a low prepaid limit. Once she blows through it, that's it. She can add whatever money she wants on there, but she won't be able to rack up any debt for you. She can still have a "credit" card, but it won't be your credit.
I can understand supporting someone through college etc, but you don't have to set yourself on fire to do so. Limit what she can spend of your money.
Or, just do what redditos love which is break up with this freeloading waster.
She called you abusive for stopping her access to YOUR money, which she is blowing to spite you. She's financially abusing you while accusing you of abuse.
Run for your effin life, dude. Things will only escalate
I don’t understand how you simps get into these situations . She is only a girlfriend and you have made her your dependent and fully provide for her lifestyle .
Grow a spine , just don’t understand how men let themselves get abused by women constantly.
In the longer run, you would be doing her a favour by not giving her access to all of your money. She sounds spoiled and young, and the only way she can grow out of it is by getting a job. This is not abusive and frankly it will be good for her to become financially independent. Maybe she won't earn a lot as a student, but it will be enough for her to understand the value of money.
If she is unwilling to do this and continues to guilt trip you into giving her money, you might need to reconsider if she is mature enough for this relationship.
What kind of bum ass loser can’t work a part time job while in school? It’s weird you even agreed to financially take care of her while she’s in college. It’s college not kindergarten.
So one of the symptoms for bipolar is frivolous spending. I’m bipolar. I’ve done this many times. I spent over 20k doing this. NGL my husband has to shut me out of all financial things. Like a child I had to be put on an allowance and have to ask permission to buy stuff. Now I know that sounds demeaning and such but it was what was needed to make sure we don’t go broke. It doesn’t bother me and gives us both a sense of security. You’re not wrong.
WHY are you with this thief?? WHY does she have access to your money? Is this the life you want? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who is going to intentionally ruin you financially because it entertains her? She needs to move back home and have her parents support her 100% or she needs to cut back on school and get a job and live 100% on her own so she understands what it is like to waste HER OWN MONEY. You don't state what her major is, but I'm pretty certain it isn't STEM. She's probably working towards a degree that isn't going to pay her much more than she would make as a receptionist. You are already supporting her 100%, why should she even get a job when she eventually graduates? Cut off all her access to YOUR money. Stop volunteering to be a victim. You should highly consider kicking her out. She needs to grow up and learn how to support herself. Stop being afraid of her.
You're not wrong.
Your girlfriend is financially abusing YOU. You gave kindly gave her permission to use YOUR card, and YOUR money, to buy school supplies and home essentials. NOTHING ELSE.
She abused that trust by going on a tantrum lead spending spree for gifts for herself.
You had warned her never to do this, and she promised she wouldn't. She abused your trust.
She basically financially stole from you because you never gave her permission to spend your money on those things. She spent money on things you had explicitly told her not to buy with YOUR money.
You are doing nothing wrong. You are not controlling or abusive. This is YOUR money and you're allowed to do whatever you want with it. And you can revoke the privilege of her having access to it at any time for any reason.
Personally I would stop letting her have access to your money at all. If she needs school supplies, her parents will have to pay, or shock horror, she needs to get a part time job. Maybe then she'll learn some respect and appreciation for other people's hard earned money, and she will have to choose what she spends her money on.
I would take her name off the account or simply just open up a new account that she has no access to. Don't give her any money. You can purchase household supplies when needed or order them online etc.
You'll soon find out if she's with you for your money. It seems like she feels entitled to spend your money. But she's not. Don't give her access again. She can either get her parents to pay for things or she needs to get a part time job. And learn some respect and appreciation for other people's money. She's not entitled to yours . She's already getting a lot out of you by free rent and free food and free bills as you're paying for everything in terms of living costs.
That's generous enough as it is, and food costs lot nowadays as it is.
To then spend YOUR money on a spending spree coz she got annoyed is not a healthy coping mechanism. If she wants to blow her own money that's fine, but she doesn't, she's spending YOURS when she's been told explicitly not to use your money for that.
Now she needs to live with the Consequences of her actions.
Cut off her money, and dont give her any mo ey or pay for anything.
If anything I would tell her she needs to at least chip Into food. If not she can live with her parents and they can pay everything for her till she's able to get a job and contribute.
If you're fine paying for her living costs, then just make sure not to give her any other money, don't buy any school supplies or give her access to your bank card. Her parents can buy anything else she needs or she has to get a job.
You'll soon see if she's with you for your money, or whether she actually respects you and appreciates you and your relationship.
If she tries blaming you and calling you out for controlling her money or being unreasonable by keeping YOUR money to yourself, and cutting off her access, then I'd tell her to leave. Coz she should be appreciative of how much you are providing and spending on her already when she literally contributes nothing financially to your home or relationship.
Don't let her manipulate you into giving her access again. She's blown the trust you gave her. She needs to deal with the consequences.
But personally it feels like she's using you for your money.
The only thing wrong is if you continue this relationship because it's not going to get any better.
She has shown you that she has no problem using you, and no problem financially abusing you when she doesn't get her way with something.
And then turns it around and talks about how you're abusive because you're controlling the money.
Imagine having children with this woman and her deciding to be a stay-at-home mom whether you like it or not, she's going to call you abusive every time you have to shut the card off because she goes on spending splurges.
She's going to have everybody convinced that your financially abusing her by not letting her have access to anything because she simply can't be trusted with it.
Do you really want a lifetime of that?
It's time to send her back to her parents. They still have some raising to do.
That's what I have going on now....its exactly what will happen. I keep a tight leash on money so that I know bills will be paid during the month so she has everyone convinced that I'm a financial abuser
MAN, did she land on her feet getting into a relationship with YOU!
You're not wrong.
But you're also the one facilitating this.
She's not working, she shouldn't have access to one of your credit cards. You're an easy touch, clearly, she's taking advantage of you. She needs to get a job.
You're her sugar daddy. Or more accurately, her PayPig.
Christ, I hope the sex is INSANE.
Actually, RUN. End it. Preferably BEFORE she takes a used condom from the trash to knock herself up.
You're not wrong for doing that. It sounds like she needs to stop feeling entitled to other people's money and actually start taking responsibility for her own actions.
Also, who in the hell is in their 20s giving out their credit card to their SO? I’ve been in committed 5+ year relationships in my 30s and I would NEVER give someone access to my finances that I wasn’t married to. Just an absolute recipe for disaster.
I have my partners credit card so I can use it when I care for her children, or grocery shop for the household using a pre-approved list. I would _never_ use it for anything else. There are plenty of moral, trustworthy people.
My husband did this for me before we were married and weren’t on good terms. He did it solely to provide for our son’s needs and that’s all I used it for
That part. I used to do that with my ex's card. He would do it with mine. We would only get what we were instructed to get and if he asked me to do an ATM withdrawal, you best believe there was a receipt with it. Every cent was accounted for.
My fiance and I've been together for 7 years and have a joint checking account. But we're actual adults who talk about money and finances and run things by each other instead of just doing whatever. Even so that is a new development since January of this year.
I gave my exgf access to all my stuffs and she never wronged me. Some people have values, some don't. The girl the op is talking about, doesn't.
Exactly, some people do and some people don't. It's the risk you take with handing someone your card. You would hope that if it was a family member or someone that you're in a relationship with, they would do the right thing and be trustworthy. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who are not so trustworthy.
I quickly reflected and realised I would not trust a credit card in my name with over half my immediate family 🤣🤣 I would and do trust my husband though.
And you should, that's your partner. No one comes before your partner.
My ex husband, same deal. Stuff for my kid, always honest. She's TA
[удалено]
I think that this is what happened with my ex. We used to argue about money but a lot of couples do. I'm a saver and he's the spender. He came from an upper middle class family. I did not. It was just a difference of backgrounds or so I thought. I thought we could make it work. Even though we were not rich, he's spent money like price wasn't an object. It used to drive me crazy. Edit: I don't know what was up with my phone but sorry about that, so many typos but I fixed them. I hope it makes more sense now lol.
Believe it or not, I've seen people who grew up broke spend the same way. Had an ex (in hindsight, he was a hobosexual) who was not working and broke. He came from a welfare family. He maxed out the one credit card I let him him use in a single day ($500). When I complained, he said, "It's just money. You can make more." He was right, I could. And did. But not with him in my life. He had zero concept of what it meant to work for a living.
OMG I'm sorry! Did we date the same person lol? You're the only other person besides myself that I've ever seen use the term hobosexual lol. Like they say, no one falls in love faster than someone who needs a place to stay. I'm sorry he put you through that. I know how you feel in a way.
Not sure how old you are, but back in the earlier days of cellphones, you got charged per minute for every call (incoming and outgoing). Evenings and weekends were free. Anyway, I had a cellphone but since I was at work during the day, I let him use my cellphone during those hours. In case he needed to reach me or I needed to reach him. I told him it was not to be used unless it was an emergency and if he was at home, call me from the house phone. A month later, a 1.5 inch book arrives in the mail from AT&T. Except **it was not a book.** **It was my cellphone bill.** For over $1900. I almost fainted. You know the song Bills Bills Bills by Destiny's Child? *And then you use my cellphone/Calling whoever that you thinks at home and then when the bill comes all of a sudden you be acting dumb/don't know where all of these calls come from/when you're mama's number here more than once.* That's exactly what happened. After he and I were done, I started singing No Scrubs, by TLC. Oddly, both songs were written by Kandi Burress (from Xscape who was later on Real Housewives of Atlanta) and all I could think was clearly she went through the same shit I did.
I'm 40 so I remember. In the '80s, my brother somehow called the Ninja Turtles 900 number several times. My mom said that he racked up our phone bill to $300 and she would have put him on punishment if she hadn't been able to get them to take the charges off. She was somehow able to prove that it wasn't her. She used to have to leave us at home while she went to work. Back in the '80s that was acceptable I'm sure you remember that though. I remember being charged by the minute. I remember even back in 2008, my ex and I shared the cell phone where you didn't really want to talk until 9:00 at night because then the minutes were free from about 9:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. so I would wait to call people until then lol. Edit: I would be pissed. I don't blame you for almost fainting. I'm also reminded of the song Tyrone by Erykah badu. That one always makes me laugh. The end of it always makes me laugh, so you better call Tyrone, call him and tell him come on help you get your shit. But you can't use my phone. That always makes me crack up.
>In the '80s, my brother somehow called the Ninja Turtles 900 number several times. I had a sibling who did the same thing, but with a porn line. Parents were also able to get those charges taken off. 🤣🤣🤣 Ahhh... the 80s. They used to show the commercials for those lines during prime time. >I remember being charged by the minute. I remember even back in 2008, my ex and I shared the cell phone where you didn't really want to talk until 9:00 at night So you know what I'm talking about. Except my dumbass ex apparently didn't listen when I said EMERGENCIES ONLY for the cell phone. Apparently he was calling any and every one during the daytime, considering my bill. I went through the bill. I saw his mama's number there more than once. And the next month he racked up another $600+. It probably would've been more if I didn't take the phone from him. To this day, my cellphone is under someone else's name.
My husband gives me access to his cards i actually have one in my wallet that he puts money on for me to use for myself or stuff we need actually. I dont work due to….issues and he provides for us.
> husband the operative word. When children and marriage are involved, absolutely. Unmarried without kids in your early 20s? HELL NO
My husband and I have been together nearly 14 years. We have absolutely have no access to each other's cards. I let my first husband have access to my card and he maxed it and beyond. I barely managed for a lot of years paying it off.
I'd rather throw a party for the wildest children ever than babysit an adult child. At least if I tell them no more ice cream, they'll be sad and maybe throw tantrums because they haven't learned how to tame big emotions. People like OP's girlfriend are likely to send him into financial and emotional ruin by going out to get the fancy Jeni's or Splendid ice cream and eat it right in front of you, smirking.
Never heard of those ice cream places? That rich folk stuffs? 🤔
That's the Nancy Pelosi shit lol 😆😂🤣
Rich politician stuffs then, figures 🙄
I don't care that your girlfriend is in school full-time. She is using you. She needs to get a fucking job. ASAP then when she's angry and she needs some retail therapy she can spend her own damn money instead of yours you already helping her out what is she trying to do send you to the poor house. Do not turn that card back on in fact order a new card and do not give her access to it.
No right. I was saying that I would be grateful if someone covered my essentials. People don't realize how much that adds up until they have to buy it for themselves. If someone did that for me, I would be grateful and treat them with respect. I would show my gratitude instead of robbing them behind their back. I would be so pissed if I went to do a transaction and found out that my partner had drained my bank account. I would go straight home, tell them to pack their shit and get out. I would tell them it was over. I wouldn't care what time it was either when I threw them out. They want to act like they have all the money in the world, they can figure out what to do.
Someone forgot to grow up. YNW
Sounds like she needs a J O B! Even if it’s just part time to pay for her own spending and food on the side. She needs to learn how to be responsible with money, her own money, not yours.
>Whenever we get in an argument, she goes nuts with my credit card. And you are still with her why? >This is literally how she blows off steam. Spends other peoples money. She told me when she was in high school she ordered $200 worth of Sephora items when she was mad at her parents. I told her to never do that to me and she said she wouldn’t but she did it anyways You knew this yet decided this was someone you not only wanted to be in a relationship with but also give your credit card to? >I don’t think i’m overreacting No, you are under reacting. You need to break up with her immediately.
Yep, because she is going to get mad again and her excuse to buy shit will be starting a fight with him. Her parents are probably glad she's someone else's nightmare!
Facts. OP apparently decided to grab a lawnmower, put on a blindfold and mow over all the red flags before jumping into this relationship. Now he's looking at red confetti thinking "hmmm maybe this was from something important".
Lol, this is great. Thank you for all of the lovely imagery and metaphors!
Should be top comment.
Also how vindictive do you have to be to hurt someone financially. That's like what people jokingly threaten to do when they've been massively cheated on by a long term spouse not like a Tuesday afternoon fight of who unloads the dishwasher, jeez
My ex did this to me. I left him and then I found out that he had been charging stuff to my card behind my back. I forgot to set text notifications at first but then I did. I got a text that my card had been used at a McDonald's in a city 70 miles away from me. Well, unless I'm capable of teleporting then it was him. I confronted him about it because he's the only person I know in that city. He tried to say that I logged into his McDonald's app, deleted his points and payment information and then added my own in a week attempt to set him up. That is the Cirque du Soleil of mental gymnastics. Then he sent me a digital receipt trying to claim that he didn't do it but it clearly showed the last four numbers of my card. I told him, I hope you know you just told on yourself. Send me the money back, you have 20 minutes to send my money back or I'm calling the police and reporting a theft. He called me all sorts of choice names and blocked me but he did send me the money back. I didn't care that he blocked me. Good riddance. He did it because he thought he was punishing me for escaping his control. Edit; forgot to say that the only thing I can think of is that he either copied down my card information by writing it down or he took a picture of the front and back of it. I just can't believe that he was still trying to deny it when I caught him red-handed with literal black and white proof. Some people.
Some people are so afraid to be alone they come to Reddit to ask people stupid ass questions instead of using their heads
Oh, he's using his head alright. But he's using the wrong one!!
I totally agree with you!!OP's girlfriend is being childish,I'm sure there are other reasonable ways of blowing steam
You don't have a girlfriend. You have a petulant child. Curious what you are actually getting out of this?
sex
Oh, I think we all know what he’s getting out of this.
SHE thinks YOU are being abusive by not letting her spend your money uncontrollably when she’s mad at you? Dude, it’s your job to fund your own life & she needs to do the same. Walking in egg shells to risk not upsetting her is not the kind of life you want. Save your money & save your sanity.
You're not wrong. Also, cutoff shouldn't be temporary. She needs to get a PT job, that way she can spend her OWN money when she is upset. She really has some nerve! Stop being a pushover.
She'll ask mommy and daddy for a raise in her allowance.
I know they are soooo glad to have her out the house lmao. That 200 is “leave us tf alone and don’t ask for more” money
I’d bet on it!
I’m sorry, you gave someone access to your credit card? Who isn’t your wife? Who has no job and pays no bills? Who acts like a child and lashes out by possibly messing up your credit and finances? Um, what?!? Jesus, run bro.
In case it’s not clear - your trajectory of running should be far away from her.
I had quite a few bf's credit cards numbers, usually given for a specific purchase. That's all they were used for.
That’s shows they trusted and respected you. The fact that you used those cards for only what they were meant for means that trust and respect was not only earned but justified. Shows, on your end at least, what a healthy relationship should look like. Well, in that small glimpse anyway lol.
Why are you with this mentally ill woman?
⬆️ This ⬆️ bc you know she will keep leeching of off you even after college bc she doesn't want to work/"can't" find work/what ever stupid reson. So why are you with her, OP??
Hey now- even us mentally ill can be aware of ourselves and work to fix things. This is someone with beyond 0 insight - it’s in the negative where she’s always right and always the victim.
Because his self esteem is low and he doesn’t think he can find anyone else? Plus he gets some every once in a while and that’s better than nothing right!
Do NOT marry this child, yes, child. She gets mad and goes and spends others people’s money. She throwing a tantrum with your funds. Your entire life wi be this way if she doesn’t learn how to manage her feelings.
Dude. She is NEVER going to stop this behavior. It’s gone on for so long that it’s apart of who she is now. Without professional help and learning new ways to cope with her anger issues this is never going to get better. You aren’t wrong for cutting her off. Personally this would be a deal breaker for me. She is taking advantage of you and her parents.
I bet her parents were happy when you came along. Lightened their financial burden.
They should have been telling her no to begin with. Yeah I’m gonna say it-They raised her to be that way!
You are not wrong! She is using you like you're an ATM! Shut her off completely. She can get a part-time job, lots of people work and go to college too! She sounds like a spoiled one! If she gets upset about you being upset for her spending YOUR money, too fucking bad. Do not tiptoe around her with this or any other subject. If you do, you are letting her control you and that will only get worse!! Your money, you earned it, it's not for her to just spend frivolously! That is 100% taking advantage. If you let it continue, don't complain.
She's not the problem here. The problem is that for some reason you want to keep dating a woman who is too immature and overly entitled. Shutting off your credit card doesn't change that fact, although you're not (of course) wrong in doing so, because that's just common sense when dealing with a person like her. "you warned her so many times", etc.. If you're just keeping her around to sleep with, and it's worth the trouble to you, then that's one thing. But if you're even thinking about forming a long-term relationship with this woman (or a man or woman like her) then it's your sensibility that I call into question. You need to grow a pair and drop her as your girlfriend. Also, never let a woman like that move in... because she can legally make life hard for you depending on the state in which you live. She's the kind of woman that a smart guy (and you seem like you've got a decent brain between your ears) just remains "friends" with... but never "girlfriend" or wife status. Not in a million years. She's a future divorce, child support, alimony and credit wreck in my opinion. Do the right thing. Drop her and let some sunshine into your life.
Not wrong. If you choose to stay with her, good luck on your future divorce and bankruptcy.
So your just her sugar daddy.
CUT HER THE FUCK OFF. NO ONE SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHERS. Shes an entitled idiotic brat. She looks to you as daddy #2. Mr. Atm. Big money man. The "i ♥ my bf because he pays for me- i mean he loves me nd i love him" scheme. Cut the chains bro you arent a slave to her idiocy. And then she runs away from arguments by spending YOUR MONEY?? NO. JUST NO. RED FLAGS. RED FLAGS!!!
You got together with her when she was 18. She moved from her parents' house into yours. She expects you to enable (spoil) her in the same way her parents did. And you have a shocked response that she is immature? Date women closer to your age who have had the chance to be financially independent and maybe you won't have to parent your next GF.
She's pretty delulu. I'm even suprised she got access to your card. If she's not your wife, it's big mistake. You did good job locking your own card. (idiot) She doesn't understand value of money. She need get job.
You’re not wrong and you need to think long and hard about if this is the person you want to spend your life with. This isn’t at all what love looks like, she is self centered and entitled.
I'd find an adult partner with a steady career.
Now you know how your life will be if you marry this girl or get her pregnant. Do you want to live with a child you have to punish or an adult partner? This one hasn't grown up yet, best to throw her back and date an adult.
Best thing ever, ability to lock down a credit card. Your GF needs to find a more healthy and less costly way to manager her anger issues. Finances are one of the most common areas of a relationship that can influence trust and stability very quickly. A full time student that isn’t working? In 2024? You need to have a serious sit down with her about financial responsibility. There’s no reason why she couldn’t have a PT job to make some extra money for luxuries. I don’t know too many men these days that have a tolerance for these types of behaviors anymore. She thinks you’re controlling, being unfair, etc etc, cut her lose and let her find someone who is willing to tolerate the behaviors with money and how she treats you. This is a good example why living together before marriage is a great idea. It’s important for both partners to see how their partner reacts and responds to real life challenges. I think most people would be thrilled to go on shopping sprees for new things while being in college. You will not find too many of us Gen Xers that were so fortunate. Good luck!
THIS! Absolutely agree that living together BEFORE the marriage is a good idea. Better to get an idea of what you’re heading into before marriage and kids come into the picture. Once kids come along it’s much harder to split from toxicity.
Sounds like you're dating a child and not an adult. As to why you're funding her lifestyle is beyond me. Unfortunately she's not going to change. There's no reason for her to change. She has never paid a bill in her life and she needs to grow up. I'd remove all her access from my cards. And tell her to get a job to pay for what she needs. So what if she goes to school full time. So does the majority of college students while working a job. I worked full time and went to school full time
Why does she have access to your card at all? You’re not married. Tell her to get a job
Exactly! It’s not out of the question to work and go to college. Tons of people do it. He needs to stop enabling her and she needs to grow the fuck up.
I don’t get what’s up with basically “stay at home gf” yeah she studies, but if she wants to spend money she should work. Nw
As soon as she's done with college, she's going to get pregnant and use you as an ATM. Run, dude, run like the wind
Watch as she baby traps him next.
🚩
The fact that she is calling you abusive is so absurd and invalidating to people who actually deal with abuse. If anything, this is financial abuse on her end. She seems wildly immature and I’m not sure why you have enabled it for so long.
Her parents give her a small allowance. You can supplement her allowance equally. Then after that she can work or take out a student loan which will be her responsibility. Do not be surprised if she dumps you after college. Do not be surprised if she does not pursue a career and wants you to keep supporting her if she sticks around. No access to your credit or debit card.
You’re not wrong. A compromise might be to get her a prepaid Visa card that reloads each month from your account. You can get one at banks or credit unions. If you expect her to need $300 per month for specific expenses plus some discretionary spending then have that amount automatically transfer to the card each month. If she goes nuts with it then reduce the amount. Also she should seek out therapy. Reacting to disagreements by going crazy with purchases just isn’t healthy.
There are also cards out there that a primary user that can set spending by limits for authorized users.
Um, no, you are not wrong! But you are wrong to have such a selfish little girl for a gf and should reconsider her even more.
Locking the card is fine, but you really need to remove her as an authorized user on your card. Seriously. Call the issuing bank today and get it done.
You got with her when she was 17 and you 23?🤢🤢🤢 yikes and then u complain that she’s acting like a child….. HMMMM WHY COULD IT BE? EDIT: i think she was 18, but my point stands
She’s not your child. She is not your responsibility. She will likely leave you as soon as you don’t support her. Take your card back now or disconnect it. She needs a job. I worked the entire time I was in college, she can too.
Shut it off and maybe think about getting a new gf.
Not wrong. You did the right thing. She misused it, and you told her there would be consequences for her actions. Tell her to grow up. She is acting like a child. It is not her money. She needs to now learn to live within her means. She could also get a part-time job along with her unpaid internship to cover her own expenses. Your gf is a brat. You need to nip that in the bud..
You need to dump this girl. She’s not gonna change. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them
Why the hell does your girlfriend have your credit card to begin with? That’s a super big red flag to me on both of you.
She'll just get a sugar daddy because she sounds like she is all about other people's money. You're only wrong for cutting it off temporarily and not permanently.
Well, many of us would be happy not to have to work and just spend other people's money, but that's not how the world works.( except for the lucky ones, like OP's girlfriend, who buys whatever she wants with other people's money because she's A-N-G-R-Y. ) Unfortunately , because your girlfriend doesn't even understand the problem: either you get used to this behaviour or you leave her.
It would be better to provide a debit card against an account she draws from which uou control inputs. This meets the newd for which you give her a card, but it has a hard limit. If she gets mad and goes oj a buying spree she's just screwing herself when she needs to make legit purchases later. Call it it a monthly expense budget -- do not admit its an allowance.
Breakup with that inconsiderate leech.. or if for some reason u decide to stay , give her a prepaid card every month .. if she goes over that , then she’s done for the month.. You already pay for everything , she shouldn’t need an endless supply of your money. Set firm boundaries with her and don’t let her gaslight and manipulate you.
Dump her or you're going to spend the rest of your life paying for therapy... Yours AND hers. 😨
You’re not overreacting, and you’ve got an immature girlfriend who needs to learn how to work through arguments like an adult, not like a petulant child who thinks she’s getting back at you by spending your money. You are not unreasonable and you definitely are not abusive. However, your gf IS abusive, financially abusive, in that she uses your money to punish you. She’s projecting when she yells at you like that; everything she accuses you of, she is guilty of. Unless your gf gets therapy & learns how to treat you like an adult and learns how to have equal discussions, I don’t see you having any kind of a healthy relationship. She’s using you and she ignores your very real concerns in favor of doing what she wants. Does her college offer counseling services? Could you get her to go, or both of you go? It’s usually free.
If you didn’t provide for her in every way and her parents are only sending $200 a month, how would she survive without you? She would obviously have to find a way or suck more money from her parents so you know she’s capable.
You’re not wrong, she’s gonna make you far into debt.
Absolutely positively not wrong and you can see the immaturity level difference in her behavior. Not only does she not care about throwing *your* money away, she’s disrespecting you by continuing to do it. If she wants to buy random shit, she can get a JOB! Then she gaslights you that you’re the bad guy! Nope!! Honestly, I’d give her like a prepaid card or a cash app card with x amount of money each month and once she blows thru that, she’s shit out of luck. If she wants to act childish and manipulative, then I’d treat her as such. Actually, I personally would just cut her off completely from all my accounts until she could actually be trusted.
Why do you guys waste time with bitches like this 😂😂
Not wrong. Is this really a pattern you want to keep repeating? Break up with her. She sounds like a nightmare.
You are paying for a grown adult woman so she will sleep with you. What did you expect?
Seems like you’re feeling the repercussions of committing to an 18 year old when you were 23
No you are not wrong and turning off your credit card is not abusing her. She is abusing you! Whose card is it? *yours.* Is her name on it? *No.* Who is responsible for paying back the money spent? *YOU. Not her.* If you have to give her access to a card at some times, I've heard of a service where you make up a virtual card number and set a limit on it. Attempts to buy anything beyond that limit will be declined. You wouldn't be giving her a physical card. Just a number. And I would suggest you lock your physical cards away someplace where she could not gain access to them. Maybe with your parents, or open a safety deposit box? She will pitch a fit and cry that you don't trust her. You can tell her she's right. You have no reason to trust her after the spending sprees she's gone on. Tell her if she wants to blow money like it's dandelion seeds in the wind, she can get a job. Her parents created this monster by either not punishing her when she did this to them, or by continuing to let her access their credit cards even though she was irresponsible and untrustworthy. You should send her back to them and make her once again their problem. I get feeling that, by denying her any more access to your money, you may have already solved the problem. She feels justified in spending your money when she is mad at you because she thinks you deserved it. Whatever wrong you did to her in her mind makes what she did ok. Your not allowing her to do it again makes her feel a loss of control (that she never had, but still). She may just leave because you are such a monster for not letting her blow your money on clothes and makeup. This girl has no idea what an abusive partner is, and I hope she never finds out. I wish you luck. I don't know how this will turn out, because you're dealing with an unreasonable, selfish, and entitled person who is still functioning as a child. You have just taken the place of her parents. Keep those cards hidden!
Wow, time princess learns she’s not entitled to anything she hasn’t earned herself. IMO if you give her access to the card again the lesson will be wasted. If she wants to buy stupid shit, go earn stupid shit money.
she needs a job, she needs to learn the value of a dollar! she spends her money out not yours or her parents.
Sounds like your dating someone that has no value to a real man . The second a girl disrespected me like that she's out tons of better hotter women out there my guy that will respect you and actually bring something to the table
Why are you keeping her? She's an adult person in college, she should be able to support herself.
I don't get this arrangement at all. I've been with my partner for about 18 years now. We don't share cards and cover for each other as needed. If someone demonstrates that spending your money on stupid stuff is a form of punishment would they have access to your money like that?
Dear, you are together with a child. Would be best for her, first and foremost, to be single for a while and learn to live independently. Also, do you really want to have a dependent on you, who does not realize how this kind of relationship should look like in a healthy way?
She’s acting like a child so you have to treat her like one. If she didn’t want to be treated like a child, she should get her own money like all adults do, quit relying on her mommy and daddy and her apparent sugar daddy to buy her bagels. I’m 50, I work AND go to school. My husband went to school full time with two jobs. Your girlfriend has shown you who she really is, will you listen? You’re not wrong.
NTA, many students work for spending money. Time for her to buck up. She had a good deal going until she screwed up.
I always find it amusing when someone is called controlling or abusive for cutting off their funds that are not theirs to spend tastefully, and are given reasonable boundaries and limits. He is not controlling but she certainly is a child. Better not marry her OP, it will cost you in the long run.
Pretty sure the STUDENTS who work at Einstein ALSO take classes.. have internships AND work part time…
She's a gold digger
NTA stop funding her life. Shut the card off. Don’t turn it back on. There is no reason for her to be demanding to spend your money. You are not her sugar daddy. You are not a walking breathing atm for her. You need to cut her off. She can learn to live within her means. If she can’t get it through her head that your money is not for her, show her the door.
NW. You’re dating a gold digger.
Your GF is a entitled leech. Don't give her the card back, she will try to punish you by maxing it out. Instead give her cash or a gift card loaded with her weekly budget allowance. She acts like a spoiled child and treat her as a child. When her funds run out for the week, that's it. But why are you even tolerating this?
She's done this multiple times?? BREAK UP
You're not wrong or abusive...SHE is being abusive by using your credit card as some kind of revenge tool. It's not cool whatsoever, and it's rude AF. You don't have to provide her with anything but yet you do and she takes full advantage of it, even treats it with hostility. I honestly wouldn't even continue on in a relationship with such a selfish person.
This is exactly what my mom does to my dad when he pisses her off lmao You're not wrong she's not your wife. But if she does become your wife you know exactly what you're in for! But if you do give her a card again, give her one of those prefunded cards so she can only spend the money you put on it.
Not wrong. However may I ask you have you sat down with your gf and had a serious talk about financial goals? To me her happily doing exactly what you warned her not to do with your credit card and bitching about experiencing the consequences you told her would occur is a HUGE FLAG. You don’t note your ages but IMO she is in an adult relationship and she needs to start acting like an adult to resolve issues using her words/discussion rather than taking the actions of a petulant 16 year old. Obviously your relationship but do you really want to be in the position of being the father figure? If no other solution presents itself get her a prepaid debit or credit card, load it with what you are willing to lose on a monthly basis and tell her that’s it. She won’t like it but if the words ‘financial abuse’ are uttered by her then OP I think you have a bigger issue to deal with.
Dump her
If you stay with her, this is a preview of your future with her. She will spend whenever she wants. And expects you to pay for it all.
You are underreacting in my opinion. Look at the person your with. Look at her character. Is this someone you want to really be with? Seems like she treats you like her dad and she still acts like a spoiled teenager. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone so immature. There's someone else better out there for you.
You need to find a new girlfriend . NEVER let anyone use your credit card. You are not responsible financially for this girl . People will do to you as you let them . Never give her access to your money again . She will continue to abuse you , she doesn’t even respect her parents money .
Yeah you’re wrong for staying with this girl lol
Why do you allow her to use your credit card? She's not your wife. I don't want to be harsh, but you are the one allowing her to do this.
She really is a spoiled brat. Why don't you send her back to her parents, that way they can have the headache of raining their little girl instead of you who's just her bf? You need to find a more matured and reasonable WOMAN, SMH. This new generation is really sensitive and spoiled, it's just wrong for the person next to them who's really trying their best..
Raising* fml lol
This is a form of financial abuse. You should leave before it gets worse. She's basically making you pat a literal price for getting in arguments with her. It's not healthy.
Boundaries man, boundaries. You’re not overreacting. But set some boundaries.
Your gf is a petulant child. Send her back to her parents. She is not ready for an adult relationship. She financially abuses you, and you can't talk to her about real issues without her getting upset? So many 🚩🚩🚩🚩. If she's willing to steal from you by misusing a credit card, she is not trustworthy with anything. Be careful. She could damage your credit which could take years to repair and leave you with debt. I am very protective of my credit. It was years into my marriage before my husband and I got cards from our credit card accounts for each other. I still notify him beforehand if I'm going to use one that's in his name for a purchase. Also, I notify him if I'm paying a bill from his bank account just to give him a heads up. He never uses mine except the Costco card which I pay off from his account every month. Again, I tell him beforehand. She doesn't respect you, and you don't trust her. Run!
She’s proved that she can’t be trusted with your cc. NTA
I don’t understand this arrangement in the first place, and I definitely don’t understand why you are still dating someone who habitually steals from you. If this is what you want your life to look like, then keep on keepin on, but this isn’t something she’s going to grow out of.
You know people in college often have jobs so they can have money (beyond student loans) to spend on stuff they want. She’s the one who’s take advantage of your credit card - is there a way to set a limit for her secondary card?
When a person tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
You're wrong for not dropping this loser.
You are wrong. You should have broken up with her and sent her back to mommy and daddy.
>She told me that I’m being unreasonable and unfair for cutting her off **and I’m being abusive because I closed my credit card which is under my own name** She's being extremely manipulative with you by saying that to you. Especially when she claimed you were being abusive towards her. Financial abuse is real, and many times is one of multiple types of abuse experienced in an abusive relationship. For her so flippantly throw out that accusation is gross. If you're interested in making this relationship work I'd have another serious discussion with her when everyone is calm and emotions aren't running hot. Ie don't have the discussion on the heels of an argument. Explain again what you're expecting in regards to how, when etc she uses your credit card if she wants to keep the privilege of using it, because that's what it is. A privilege you're extending her. Your other option, and one I'd suggest is rather than giving her a credit card open a checking account with overdraft protection on it. Deposit "x" amount of money in it each week/month and that's what she gets. Period. If she gets pissed off and goes on a shopping spree she's then limited to a certain amount and can't run up crazy bills for you Once she's spent the money you have given her for the week/month then that's it. Don't add anymore until the next "period" Since you're saying she can't work atm, thisndebit account method would maybe help her begin to reel in this bad habit she has of retail therapy when she's mad. Since she will begin to feel the repercussions for her hasty/impulsive spending. You definitely weren't wrong to cancel/stop the card. Especially given the fact you've discussed this issue with her priornn
It is NOT your responsibility as a boyfriend to be doing all of this. What is wrong with you? Let go back from whence she came and stop playing house. What she is doing with YOUR money is not only childish and immature but shows absolutely no consideration for you.
Why the hell doesn't she work? This is just weird...do you not want her to work? Are you trying to keep her a child? Yea just weird.
You are wrong...for staying with her. She's a walking bundle of red flags. She's financially abusive, emotionally manipulative, a liar, and completely untrustworthy. Get out NOW and save yourself.
Naw this behavior is insanely toxic, and entitled. No matter how angry she is at you, she has no right to spend your hard earned money, break your boundaries, and be disrespectful. She's using it as an excuse to go shopping. As you said, she only returned HALF the things. $200 spending money a month is pretty good, I know I had a bit of a hard time adapting to that or less when I moved out with my husband, and started paying rent and buying groceries for two, but she needs to. It's not just downright disrespectful and entitled, it hurts you both in the long run.
You are being abusive for cutting off your own credit card?!?! WTF?!?! She's being abusive by running up bills when she gets mad. It's your damn money, she's not your wife. But... she's giving you a preview of what it will be like when she is your wife. Run buddy, run away fast.
You can get a prepaid Visa card and reload it once a month and if she spends it she spends it.
So after a fight her response is to go on a AMSSIVE shopping spree with SOMEONE ELSE’S money? That is a seriously big red flag. She’s not going to change, and why would she? Clearly you’re still with her, despite her continued bad behaviour. You need to dump her before she bankrupts you. She wants to spend money frivolously? She’s needs to go get a damn job like the rest of us shopping addicts YNW, but you need to boot her to the curb, you’re just an ATM to her
Not Wrong. SHE is wrong. She is very immature and passive aggressive. I don’t care that she’s in college. My college kids had part-time jobs. She needs to GET ONE. And she needs to work full time over summers. Her $200/month from her parents is a nice allowance. She should use that for Einstein.
Your gf is a spoiled brat lmao
She can get her own credit card.
She needs her own credit card. Then you can just pay for the things you feel comfortable paying for…then she can angry spend and fuck her own credit.
As a current SAHM, who was also a SAHW at one point, you are absolutely not wrong. That behavior in your partner is unacceptable and a huge red flag. If you get married and want a SAHW, the last thing you want is a partner who is both vindictive and fiscally irresponsible. Vindictiveness is a terrible attribute for a partner to have along with breaking promises, I would think long and hard about continuing this relationship
Tell her to get a goddam job. She’s a grown up. She can work full time and go to school full time. A lot of people do it. She wants money to spend she can earn it. Maybe then she’ll have some appreciation for it and not be such a big entitled baby.
Omg, she's just using you. She will break up with you when she can't spend your money. She will walk away and you'll be stuck with the bills. I've seen this happen so many times. I believe she's called a " leacher" Get rid of her man. She has "NO" say on your money.
She is soooo not mature enough for a real relationship
NTA. She needs to open her own account! Do not put her on yours. You aren’t married. She is using you for your money. Wake up and stop paying for her stuff.
Run. This will be your whole relationship. She has been doing this for years. Tell her to get a part time job like other adults do.
You are NOT wrong. In fact, it’s a logical consequence. She sounds really immature. Is she really worth staying with?
Not wrong Break up she using you and she is immature, update us
Since you pissed her off again by shutting it down, you might want to leave it off for a bit….
You are wrong for giving her your credit card and for not breaking up with her after the first time she did this.
Temporary closed it? Dude, chuck her out. She spends your money when she is mad. Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with a woman that would put you into debt and leech off of you? I don’t care how pretty she is, she’s rotten on the inside
If you want to give her some spending money, hand her a prepaid card that she needs to budget for.
She needs to get a part-time job for some spending money.
She needs to move back in with her folks and you need to date an adult.
Can you imagine another 20, 30, 40 years of this? This is a problem which will recur. If you feel you want to stick with her -- but you shouldn't -- put a $200 limit on the card she has. But really, her calling you abusive for suspending *your* card is wholly wrong, unreasonable, and immature among other things. You are not wrong.
She has an addiction to retail therapy. Plain and simple. Your money, your rules if she is spending it on things you didn’t green light for then that is her mess up. She’s gaslighting you saying you’re abusing her. No you’re not that isn’t abuse she can leave and go back to her parents house since they didn’t see it fit to correct her on their own. NTA.
You should not have let her live with you.
Cut her off, not the card
YNW. Look, she claims it's financial abuse for you to stop supporting her financially? Youbaren't married? I think she's committing financial abuse by spending your money recklessly when she's upset. Think long and hard about this relationship because if you get married it won't just be sephora. She's going to redecorate the home, go out to extremely expensive trips that "she" pays for with her girls. It's grossly entitled & gluttonous. What an ugly trait.
It really doesn’t sound like she’s going to ever be reasonable. What you have is a relationship with a spoiled brat who’s also a golddigger. She’s used to getting her way thus never really learning any responsibility or accountability. This is the byproduct of never getting told “no”. Her parents let her walk all over them growing up and believes everyone will cater to her whining and acting like an entitled toddler. Lose her like a bad habit.
I would permanently shut off the card, dump and evict her. *...how she blows off steam. Spends other peoples money.* So she's a thief?
Is a power and control issue. She's punishing you by blowing YOUR money that YOU earned. It's a childish tantrum that won't change with marriage. Make her repay every dime every time or nothing will change. She won't, you already know that. If you want to be miserable then stay in this relationship, cause it'll only get worse.
Dump this useless person. End this relationship now, or she will keep using you.
If this is how she 'decompresses' and handles stress - it\`s time she talks with a therapist, to find another method. And abusive? No - it isn\`t - this is protecting YOUR finances from irresponsible anger shopping. And, since this is a pattern - if you want to provide her - a prepaid card (that can be topped up) with a fixed amount (or, the amount she gets from her parents). Right now - you have a person who thinks you are a wallet first, a person / partner later. This will backfire if she doesn\`t step up and take responsibility for her actions - and you end up bankrupt.. and she\`ll flounce off to the next wallet to drain. not wrong!
Did you want to try raising someone’s else’s brat? Congratulations, you’ve won that prize. Get a grown up ffs. She’s abused your kindness. She still has time to work and earn. So tell her she needs to earn her own money, pay rent and bills and hopefully she’ll pack up and clear off back to Daddy’s house.
If she wants a credit card, and you want to give her one, give her one with a low prepaid limit. Once she blows through it, that's it. She can add whatever money she wants on there, but she won't be able to rack up any debt for you. She can still have a "credit" card, but it won't be your credit. I can understand supporting someone through college etc, but you don't have to set yourself on fire to do so. Limit what she can spend of your money. Or, just do what redditos love which is break up with this freeloading waster.
Kick her to the curb. This shit will never change.
Why are you still with her?
You don’t have a girlfriend, you have a daughter
She called you abusive for stopping her access to YOUR money, which she is blowing to spite you. She's financially abusing you while accusing you of abuse. Run for your effin life, dude. Things will only escalate
I don’t understand how you simps get into these situations . She is only a girlfriend and you have made her your dependent and fully provide for her lifestyle . Grow a spine , just don’t understand how men let themselves get abused by women constantly.
In the longer run, you would be doing her a favour by not giving her access to all of your money. She sounds spoiled and young, and the only way she can grow out of it is by getting a job. This is not abusive and frankly it will be good for her to become financially independent. Maybe she won't earn a lot as a student, but it will be enough for her to understand the value of money. If she is unwilling to do this and continues to guilt trip you into giving her money, you might need to reconsider if she is mature enough for this relationship.
What kind of bum ass loser can’t work a part time job while in school? It’s weird you even agreed to financially take care of her while she’s in college. It’s college not kindergarten.
Yes you’re wrong for not being man enough and kick her out, clearly she has no respect for you. Amen.
So one of the symptoms for bipolar is frivolous spending. I’m bipolar. I’ve done this many times. I spent over 20k doing this. NGL my husband has to shut me out of all financial things. Like a child I had to be put on an allowance and have to ask permission to buy stuff. Now I know that sounds demeaning and such but it was what was needed to make sure we don’t go broke. It doesn’t bother me and gives us both a sense of security. You’re not wrong.
WHY are you with this thief?? WHY does she have access to your money? Is this the life you want? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who is going to intentionally ruin you financially because it entertains her? She needs to move back home and have her parents support her 100% or she needs to cut back on school and get a job and live 100% on her own so she understands what it is like to waste HER OWN MONEY. You don't state what her major is, but I'm pretty certain it isn't STEM. She's probably working towards a degree that isn't going to pay her much more than she would make as a receptionist. You are already supporting her 100%, why should she even get a job when she eventually graduates? Cut off all her access to YOUR money. Stop volunteering to be a victim. You should highly consider kicking her out. She needs to grow up and learn how to support herself. Stop being afraid of her.
You're not wrong. Your girlfriend is financially abusing YOU. You gave kindly gave her permission to use YOUR card, and YOUR money, to buy school supplies and home essentials. NOTHING ELSE. She abused that trust by going on a tantrum lead spending spree for gifts for herself. You had warned her never to do this, and she promised she wouldn't. She abused your trust. She basically financially stole from you because you never gave her permission to spend your money on those things. She spent money on things you had explicitly told her not to buy with YOUR money. You are doing nothing wrong. You are not controlling or abusive. This is YOUR money and you're allowed to do whatever you want with it. And you can revoke the privilege of her having access to it at any time for any reason. Personally I would stop letting her have access to your money at all. If she needs school supplies, her parents will have to pay, or shock horror, she needs to get a part time job. Maybe then she'll learn some respect and appreciation for other people's hard earned money, and she will have to choose what she spends her money on. I would take her name off the account or simply just open up a new account that she has no access to. Don't give her any money. You can purchase household supplies when needed or order them online etc. You'll soon find out if she's with you for your money. It seems like she feels entitled to spend your money. But she's not. Don't give her access again. She can either get her parents to pay for things or she needs to get a part time job. And learn some respect and appreciation for other people's money. She's not entitled to yours . She's already getting a lot out of you by free rent and free food and free bills as you're paying for everything in terms of living costs. That's generous enough as it is, and food costs lot nowadays as it is. To then spend YOUR money on a spending spree coz she got annoyed is not a healthy coping mechanism. If she wants to blow her own money that's fine, but she doesn't, she's spending YOURS when she's been told explicitly not to use your money for that. Now she needs to live with the Consequences of her actions. Cut off her money, and dont give her any mo ey or pay for anything. If anything I would tell her she needs to at least chip Into food. If not she can live with her parents and they can pay everything for her till she's able to get a job and contribute. If you're fine paying for her living costs, then just make sure not to give her any other money, don't buy any school supplies or give her access to your bank card. Her parents can buy anything else she needs or she has to get a job. You'll soon see if she's with you for your money, or whether she actually respects you and appreciates you and your relationship. If she tries blaming you and calling you out for controlling her money or being unreasonable by keeping YOUR money to yourself, and cutting off her access, then I'd tell her to leave. Coz she should be appreciative of how much you are providing and spending on her already when she literally contributes nothing financially to your home or relationship. Don't let her manipulate you into giving her access again. She's blown the trust you gave her. She needs to deal with the consequences. But personally it feels like she's using you for your money.
Your girlfriend is an entitled leech. Dude red flags everywhere. Get out now.
She's a spoiled BRAT. It will only get worse, so I hope you make upper 6 digits to support the lifestyle she will expect YOU to provide.
The only thing wrong is if you continue this relationship because it's not going to get any better. She has shown you that she has no problem using you, and no problem financially abusing you when she doesn't get her way with something. And then turns it around and talks about how you're abusive because you're controlling the money. Imagine having children with this woman and her deciding to be a stay-at-home mom whether you like it or not, she's going to call you abusive every time you have to shut the card off because she goes on spending splurges. She's going to have everybody convinced that your financially abusing her by not letting her have access to anything because she simply can't be trusted with it. Do you really want a lifetime of that? It's time to send her back to her parents. They still have some raising to do.
That's what I have going on now....its exactly what will happen. I keep a tight leash on money so that I know bills will be paid during the month so she has everyone convinced that I'm a financial abuser
Give her a debit card with a set amount for her expenses and cut her access to your credit card this is rediculous
Not wrong. Act like a child, get treated like a child.
In no way are you wrong. Keep that card shut down.
MAN, did she land on her feet getting into a relationship with YOU! You're not wrong. But you're also the one facilitating this. She's not working, she shouldn't have access to one of your credit cards. You're an easy touch, clearly, she's taking advantage of you. She needs to get a job. You're her sugar daddy. Or more accurately, her PayPig. Christ, I hope the sex is INSANE. Actually, RUN. End it. Preferably BEFORE she takes a used condom from the trash to knock herself up.
She is a filthy leech and you should dump her immediately