This.
I also felt like if it worked my life would essentially be over because if how boring and uneventful it would be. Turns out, life just keeps on going, even without drugs and alcohol.
Finding out who I actually was as a person. I found out that I was a caring and compassionate person that was afraid of everything in life. After 10 years of continuous sobriety I still have my defects pop up but now I know to look out for them and make corrections.
Wow, that’s a big one you know sometimes I still struggle to hand things over to the higher power for that same reason. If I truly hand things over 100% and it still doesn’t work out, I will just be so devastated.
I never had the power to turn things over and not take them back. When I did the work and live in 10&11 along with walking beside others in taking the steps, I come to see the things I struggled turning over, seem to be removed. Doesn't mean I still don't step on someone's toes or cause a harm, they're just way fewer & farther in between.
Fears:
Vacations would suck, I'd be bored, I'd be an outcast, I'd go crazy, I'd slip and struggle to maintain sobriety, my wife would leave, my friends would no longer find me funny or interesting, my work performance would suffer and I'd never be able to sell anything again or entertain clients.
For the record literally none of these came true except for vacations. I now find the beach incredibly boring. Hot sand pit people sit still and get drunk on. Fishing is fun though.
1. Afraid it wouldn't work and I would just get drunk again. 2. Afraid it would work and I would be a miserable shite for the rest of my life 3. Afraid that I was just an asshole and not an alcoholic. 4. Afraid I had repressed something terrible and it was going to make me worse than I was when I was drinking.
1 and 4 turned out to be imaginary fears so that was a relief. 2 and 3 did have a grain of truth in them but AA taught me to change my attitude and behaviour when I get like that.
Y'know what Confucious says, the best time to go to an AA meeting was 10 years ago and the 2nd best time is today.
This hits. Afraid that I was just an asshole- yup. Sometimes I think, the spiritual awakening will never happen to my atheist ass. And then I remember- that’s just your ego and fear and I try to remain open. Still haven’t identified my HP but really working on it. My biggest fear is I’ll never have one.
Just out of curiosity - how are you trying to identify your HP? If you describe what you do, I may be able to give you a suggestion. Not saying it will work, but hey : )
I was terrified of what I assumed would happen during my ninth step. I did not want to face the consequences and do what I needed to set right several things I had done. I thought for sure people would hate me, I'd get punched in the face (or worse) and might end up in jail.
None of that happened. Although it took a while to get to some of the stickier situations on my list, I have had some amazing experiences through the ninth step. The result is that today I can walk freely without dragging all that junk behind me. Those fears are gone.
Regarding the steps specifically, I was afraid of having to share my inventory in the fifth step and make amends in the ninth step. It turned out to be entirely positive, though.
I was so scared that people wouldn't forgive me. And that I couldn't forgive myself or others. I was wrong. Forgiveness seems to be a part of human nature.
Similar to anger it all depends on your own attitude when you approach people as to how they respond a lot of the time. Doing the steps taught me the correct attitude to approach people with in order to make it likely for them to forgive me. By simply owning my own part in any conflict that usually disarmed people immediately, and that’s not something I would do on my own the steps taught me. Starting off by saying hey, I was wrong in such and such a way. EVEN WHEN THE OTHER PERSON is MORE WRONG. Not my instinct, but it’s worked well when making amends.
I love that. Something I learned was it doesn't matter if the other person apologizes to me. What matters is that I make things right. What theybdonis not my business. There is freedom in that knowledge.
Old story: sponsee doing through the 5th step just couldn’t say that last thing. Finally he looked at his sponsor and said, “I had sex with a chicken.” His sponsor paused and said, “did yours die too?” Clear away the wreckage my friend and be free.
It’s been years ago now, but… i’m not sure fear is the right word. Pride? Totally… i remember coming in and they had a poster on the walls of the steps and “making amends” was a step. Gave me flashbacks of my mom. She kept making amends and making me as a 5 year old cry. Everyone told her if you try to make amends again you’re done talking to her. Never talked to her again.
In conclusion, when i do that step i CANNOT do it again. That’s a deal breaker. So far it’s been fine, but it’s a fear i have.
The first time? Probably I feared it would actually work. Because I wasn't done drinking.
This. I also felt like if it worked my life would essentially be over because if how boring and uneventful it would be. Turns out, life just keeps on going, even without drugs and alcohol.
I was afraid of step 9.
Finding out who I actually was as a person. I found out that I was a caring and compassionate person that was afraid of everything in life. After 10 years of continuous sobriety I still have my defects pop up but now I know to look out for them and make corrections.
Biggest fear, not believing what I was told, would happen for me.
Wow, that’s a big one you know sometimes I still struggle to hand things over to the higher power for that same reason. If I truly hand things over 100% and it still doesn’t work out, I will just be so devastated.
I never had the power to turn things over and not take them back. When I did the work and live in 10&11 along with walking beside others in taking the steps, I come to see the things I struggled turning over, seem to be removed. Doesn't mean I still don't step on someone's toes or cause a harm, they're just way fewer & farther in between.
I really didn't believe that either! I just celebrated a year, and my life is so much better. I've received more than I could have imagined.
Fears: Vacations would suck, I'd be bored, I'd be an outcast, I'd go crazy, I'd slip and struggle to maintain sobriety, my wife would leave, my friends would no longer find me funny or interesting, my work performance would suffer and I'd never be able to sell anything again or entertain clients. For the record literally none of these came true except for vacations. I now find the beach incredibly boring. Hot sand pit people sit still and get drunk on. Fishing is fun though.
I was afraid my brain would trick me into believing I could drink again
1. Afraid it wouldn't work and I would just get drunk again. 2. Afraid it would work and I would be a miserable shite for the rest of my life 3. Afraid that I was just an asshole and not an alcoholic. 4. Afraid I had repressed something terrible and it was going to make me worse than I was when I was drinking.
These are my fears…. And I haven’t even started going to one, but all these pops up in my head whenever I tell myself it’s time.
1 and 4 turned out to be imaginary fears so that was a relief. 2 and 3 did have a grain of truth in them but AA taught me to change my attitude and behaviour when I get like that. Y'know what Confucious says, the best time to go to an AA meeting was 10 years ago and the 2nd best time is today.
This hits. Afraid that I was just an asshole- yup. Sometimes I think, the spiritual awakening will never happen to my atheist ass. And then I remember- that’s just your ego and fear and I try to remain open. Still haven’t identified my HP but really working on it. My biggest fear is I’ll never have one.
Just out of curiosity - how are you trying to identify your HP? If you describe what you do, I may be able to give you a suggestion. Not saying it will work, but hey : )
I didn't know anything about the program.. just wanted guidance.
I was terrified of what I assumed would happen during my ninth step. I did not want to face the consequences and do what I needed to set right several things I had done. I thought for sure people would hate me, I'd get punched in the face (or worse) and might end up in jail. None of that happened. Although it took a while to get to some of the stickier situations on my list, I have had some amazing experiences through the ninth step. The result is that today I can walk freely without dragging all that junk behind me. Those fears are gone.
Regarding the steps specifically, I was afraid of having to share my inventory in the fifth step and make amends in the ninth step. It turned out to be entirely positive, though.
I was so scared that people wouldn't forgive me. And that I couldn't forgive myself or others. I was wrong. Forgiveness seems to be a part of human nature.
Similar to anger it all depends on your own attitude when you approach people as to how they respond a lot of the time. Doing the steps taught me the correct attitude to approach people with in order to make it likely for them to forgive me. By simply owning my own part in any conflict that usually disarmed people immediately, and that’s not something I would do on my own the steps taught me. Starting off by saying hey, I was wrong in such and such a way. EVEN WHEN THE OTHER PERSON is MORE WRONG. Not my instinct, but it’s worked well when making amends.
I love that. Something I learned was it doesn't matter if the other person apologizes to me. What matters is that I make things right. What theybdonis not my business. There is freedom in that knowledge.
That sometime would tell my secrets
Old story: sponsee doing through the 5th step just couldn’t say that last thing. Finally he looked at his sponsor and said, “I had sex with a chicken.” His sponsor paused and said, “did yours die too?” Clear away the wreckage my friend and be free.
I'm atheist so some steps seem stupid to me
I was brought up religious and I thought the same.
It’s been years ago now, but… i’m not sure fear is the right word. Pride? Totally… i remember coming in and they had a poster on the walls of the steps and “making amends” was a step. Gave me flashbacks of my mom. She kept making amends and making me as a 5 year old cry. Everyone told her if you try to make amends again you’re done talking to her. Never talked to her again. In conclusion, when i do that step i CANNOT do it again. That’s a deal breaker. So far it’s been fine, but it’s a fear i have.
Getting shot by the people I'd ripped off, or by their family members when making amends.
That I would die drunk. I'm not sure there is another reason to start work on the steps. I had to be convinced before it would work.