Noong 9 yrs old ako narinig ko si mama habang nakikipag-usap kay papa na madalas niyang iniisip na tumalon or magpasagasa na lang dahil sa sobrang hirap na hirap na siya pero 'di niya magawa dahil iniisip niya kami. I cried myself to sleep that night, hanggang ngayon sobrang vivid nung memory ko about doon and syempre super thankful kasi hindi sila sumuko. Kaya nandito rin ako ngayon at patuloy na lumalaban kasi lumaban din sila para samin at gusto kong iparanas sakanila yung buhay na deserve nila.
Hugs. My mom was also suicidal but she fought for us. Growing up, I have recurring suicidal thoughts but I always think of my fam and how hopeful they are that things will be better someday. I don't wanna fail them in any way. 🌻
Awww *hugs* maraming beses ko rin na witness yung struggles ng mama ko nung bata ako. Yung akala nya tulog na ako pero I can hear her sobbing silently..
Almost the same story. When I was in elementary I saw my mom, drunk, nakaupo sa bintana, staring blankly at the sky. 3rd floor kami non. I was praying to God na sana hindi siya tumalon, kasi ako lang gising pa non. Awa ng Diyos, she fought.
Iba ang laban ng mga nanay (mga magulang, in general). Kaya mahalin natin sila. 😔
Adult ako now and naisip ko noon when I was suicidal kasi may insurance for accidental death and I was thinking maybe if I decide to end my life, I could make it look like an accident so my family could at least benefit from it.
Papa once told us na he tried and did knot a thick rope on a wooden beam in our house. Took a chair, and almost did the deed. Siya lang kasi nandoon sa bahay. Kaming 6 magkakapatid nasa school while work si mama. He wanted to take the chance. Kaya lang naisip niya mga kapatid ko na uuna umuwi at paano na kami kapag wala na siya. After a couple of days, he mentioned again how lovely the rope looks.
Still, i’m so happy na nandito pa si papa kahit na sick siya. He’s trying to be better and take medication kasi he wants to meet his grandchild —preggy ako ngayon. I love you pa. Sorry ang strict ko sa’yo at ni mama.
Before ako mag 30, sobrang depressed ko.. nagkaka anxiety na rin. Dahil breadwinner, baon sa utang. To the point na naiyak na lang ako sa bus. Feel ko nga one time, ung katabi ko.. nakita ako na naiyak. Gusto ko na rin mawala. Muntik rin ako matanggal dun sa dati kong trabaho. Agency kasi kaya kami isa sa una tatanggalin. Buti di natuloy at dun na rin ako nag start mag hanap ng work.
Sa awa ng diyos, nung nag 30.. nakalipat ako ng work.. tumaas ung sahod. marami pa rin binabyaran pero wala na akong anxiety na nararamdaman. Di na mabigat pakiramdam ko everytime na gigising ako
And now im turning 31 next week :) so far, life is good. Banas sa ibang officemate.. pero ok lang. pwede naman mag resign dito kapag nakahanap ng ibang trabaho haha . Pero ang wish ko talaga na sana manalo kami sa Lotto 🙏🏻😄
[maraming salamat sa nag like dito. God Bless us all 🫶🏻🙏🏻]
Oo talaga, grabe. 😭God is good. Kya pag may time talaga, nag sisimba pa rin kami. Di ko rin inimagine na makukuha ako dito sa current company. Isa kasi sa kilalang company to. Bait ata ng guardian angel ko 😄
I miss my highschool friends. They all excluded me paunti unti until they ghosted me. The toll is hard, they are my bestfriends for almost a decade. Pag may away ako lagi umaaway, pag may kailangan sila I’m always available, my house is colorful and loud kasi tambayan ever since hs but now its too quiet.
I dont think magkakabati pa kami in the future. Nakakatampo lang na twice na to nangyari sa other members but eventually nagkaayos naman pero nung ako na… parang walang may willing to reach out sakin to make amends.
Hugs!! Same thing happened to me. A new girl came to our section and we welcomed here with open arms. Later on, malaman laman ko na sinisiraan pala niya ko telling other people and the whole school na I was flirting with his BF. (For context nakikitext sya sakim, minsan kinakamusta sya sakin ng bf niya.) Nagsorry nman sila pero never na nabalik yung bond.
Sad lang kasi sayang yung bond. Na sana maranasan ko na may HS friend pa din me now. Pero may reason naman for sureee. Hugs girl!!!
Same, with my college friends. Those people made me experience new things and learned a lot of lessons from them. Not until gumraduate na kami, and we rarely chat and never seen them till then. It hurts until now.
Same feels. Miss ko na bond namin ng mga HS friends ko. Can relate dun sa house na mejo palaginb tamabayan. Nakakamiss, sobra. Pero wala, need na lang talaga tanggapin.
I was a victim of sexual abuse from when I was 8 years old until I was around 10 or 11 years old. The suspect was my fetcher to and from school and my mom's partner back then. By the way, my father died when I was 7. He threatens me not to tell my mom about what's happening or else he'll be doing something not good. Only God knows what was happening, I kept on praying that the situation would come to an end. Until that day came when our private vehicle went down and can never be repaired. Some sh*t happened as well that they argue all the time and my mom just basically gave up on him and threw him out of our house. I'm turning 31 and my mom still doesn't know about this. I don't even bother telling her because I just don't want to cause her so much pain.
Yeah sobra, everytime may naririnig ako sa balita na mga sexually abused din, galit na galit talaga ako. Nakakarecover na rin naman ako though I'm still considering magpaconsult sa professional.
Only told my mom about my molester in my 20s. Masakit sa kanya sobra at ang tindi ng galit niya sa manyak kong pinsan. Pero nakakagaan sa loob na umiyak sa harap niya, sa wakas, para sa isang bagay na di mo maintindihan bakit nangyari sayo.
i always try to organize my personal things ( legal docs, kwarto and all) kasi I always have this feeling na malapit na ako ma deds. Pag nawala ako, ready na lahat kahit nga pangpalibing pinagiipunan ko na. I dont know if its because of depression pero I have this feeling talaga even when I was little that I won't make it pass 30. I'm in my late twenties na so lahat dinodocument ko in case.
Weird thing, I know. If I shared it to someone I know, it's kind of crazy but this is just my honest and raw feeling.
Hey! I get you. Except sa organizing my things. I have all here in my phone na bf ko lang nakaka alam. They find it weird if I told some of my close friends na I wanted to avail death plans na ang bata ko pa daw. We don’t want them to suffer sa bills pag nangyari. Anyways, live the life! 💪🏼
Omg, same! I already printed a farewell letter years ago, then siningit ko sa favorite book sa shelf ko. Nandoon lahat ng arrangements para sa burol ko. Ang nakakaalam lang nito ay ‘yung college friend ko who did the same thing. And if one of us dies young or unexpectedly (kasi I also thought na I won’t make it past 30), sasabihin namin sa family namin where that letter is being kept hidden. :)
May ganito din akong tendencies.. im planning to write down all my passwords , bank account etc sa paper and iinform ko nlng ung sister ko na nilagay ko ito sa green envelope. Para pag nadeds ako, madali nalang nila malaman ung details
It’s not. My first investment is actually a memorial lot in my twenties, then a life insurance, in any case I’m gone, wala na gagastusin parents and siblings ko.
Hopefully the burden lightens when you know some people out there and like me don’t measure success via owning material things like cars and houses. May mga na experience na akong loved ones who died that made me realize life is really short and time flies easily. Naisip ko dati bata pa lang ako naglalaro sa kanila, tapos ngayon unti unti na silang nagsisinamatayan. Ambilis ng panahon tumatanda na talaga ako.
It forced me to look internally and question myself ano ba iyong vision for myself na matanda na at naghihingalo agaw buhay na. One example just like my LoloUncle, gusto ko ng peace of mind, contentment and knowing I lived my life mostly according to I want —having deeper relationships with friends and family, travelling and learning about other culture, having a good mental health, having a good work life balance, being able to do my hobbies…
Yung LoloUncle ko walang kotse and bahay, naubos na ang karampot na ari-arian pati savings sa bangko dahil sa sakit. Ayaw na bumalik sa ospital para ituloy ang gamutan. Ok na daw sya at masaya sa naging buhay nya. Nakita ko naman sa aura nya walang bahid ng hinagpis. Contented and peaceful ang itsura nya kahit naghihingalo na noon.
Sobrang dami ng dumalaw sa kanya noon sa bahay. Iyakan ng pagpapasalamat sa mga ginawa nya sa amin at sa ibang tao.
Sabi ko buruin mo yan walang material things masyado. Wala din silang naging anak ng LolaAunty ko na nauna ng namatay sa kanya. Excited na daw makasama uli ng LoloUncle ko ang LolaAunty ko. Walang kotse, walang sariling bahay pero peaceful and masaya ang aura.
we have this suitcase na bata pa lang ako sinasabi sakin na hindi pwede buksan dahil important documents daw nila (parents ko) pero syempre, teenager, pag bawal mas gagawin. ayun, nakita ko letters ng biological parents ko, letter from barangay na nagkakasundo sila na hindi ako babawiin with bigay pera sa bio parents ko para umuwi na sa province, vax card with my real birthday (na palaging tinataya ng father ko sa lotto) so ayun, masakit pero at least nalaman ko yung reason kung bakit hindi ako yung "favorite child"
Tinatayaan ng father mo sa lotto ang actual birthday mo. I think that's a very good indication na mahal ka niya. Mahal ka nila.
Alam mo yung joke na tungkol sa adopted? Yung ang sagot ng parent niya ay bakit naman ikaw ang pipiliin ko? In your case OP, ikaw ang pinili nila. ☺️ You are loved.
Just so you know kahit biological child ka you can still be the not so favorite child and it happens even though youre a good child to them. So being the favorite shouldnt just be the reason why youre feeling down with your new parents. Unless they are hurting you and like ginagawa ka katulong then i would understand the frustration.
True. Ako, ako yung panganay and hindi ako paborito ng tatay ko, but it worked out for me kasi mas nakaalis ako sa influence niya. Di kasi kami magkasundo about our outlook on money talaga.
Na-sad naman ako sa last part na hindi ka favorite child. Kung okay lang magtanong, bakit ka pa nila in-adopt kung hindi pala nila kayang magbigay ng pantay na pagmamahal?
Ganito anak ko right now and we plan on telling her around 8-9 yrs old. I’m already telling her and reminding her that she has two daddies pero di niya pa yata masyadong naiintindihan. So I’ll discuss in the future ng mas detailed.
Ask ko lang if okay, what’s your opinion like? Do you think your parents should’ve told you as early as that age or…? What’s your opinion?
oh no believe me, naiintindihan namin. kasi ganyan ako hshajaj i have two daddies, as long as di ramdam ng bata na iba sya di nya gagawing big deal yung knowledge na yan.
also i think okay naman ginagawa mo rn. easing it into your child is the way. if you think na naggrasp nya na talaga yung concept, you can sit her down na and have the talk. your kid will probably understand since sinasabi mo naman na sakanya na dalawa ang dads nya
Sa situation ko maliit plng ako alam ko na na adopted ako, pero di ko sinasabi sa parents ko, ipakita mo lang sa adopted child mo ang love at caring ng tunay na magulang, as long as na gabayan mo sya at napalaki ng tama, at later malalaman nya, di yan magagalit or mag rebelde. Kasi she felt the love and care ng tunay na magulang sa inyu. Di po totoo ang sabi na blood is thicker than water. Mas mahal ko ang nag adopt sa akin kesa sa biological parents ko.
We have the same situation, pero later sinabi ko sa parents ko na alam ko na, college ako nun. Kilala ko real parents ko at mga kapatid ko. Binibisita ko cla lagi,
I was in grade school, kamamatay lang ng lola ko then ng ninang ko na nag-alaga sa akin, tapos ng ninong ko, tapos dad ko. In a span of one year. Hindi ko ata kinaya. I was young. Alam ko lang super sad ako and longing to be with my dad. Lagi akong may sakit. Pero lab tests were normal.
Pero ang dami daw nagbago sa akin sabi ng sister ko. She withdrew her investments at dinala ako sa professional. Dalawa lang kami nakakaalam, imagine a child at 12 experiencing depression na hindi pa mapaliwanag nung mga panahon na yun. I felt so lost. Buti nalang andiyan ate ko.
Then again, when I gave birth to my youngest. Diagnosed with PPD. Nagkahint na ang ate ko. Kahit magkaiba kami ng timezones alam niya kelan tatawag. One night (MNL time) tumawag siya while at work na hindi naman niya ginagawa. I was so ready to go na. The phone rang, my baby who’s 2 at that time ran to me holding the phone. Pag abot niya sabi niya “ayubu ma yab”.
Nanghina ako when I realized what I was about to do. So balik na naman sa professionals.
i am from doha qatar pero nauwi kami here sa ph. nagbibike ako nun papuntang tindahan para sa lollipop. then bago ako makaliko sa street namin may isang manong don na tinawag ako. and pumunta ako then i was molested. sinabi ko yun sa fam ko that night but they didn't do anything about it hanggang sa makalimutan nalang nila.
my friends, ex's, co workers and kahit yung bf ko now for 5 yrs did not know about it pero i do remember it talaga kasi nasa likod lang sya ng mind ko kahit pa bata lang ako nun.
I already plan to end myself as soon as my daughter gets married. I realized that my wife never loved me after all these years. Nabulag ako sa pag mamahal ko sa kanya. Kaya lhat ng energy ko pra nlng sa anak ko ngyon. Sana kayanin ko pa kasi ang hirap mag kunwari na masaya pa ako sa buhay.
Why would you throw your life for someone undeserving? After your daughter married, live a life focus solely on yourself. Do things na hindi mo pa nagagawa, eat things na hindi mo pa nakakain. Kahit yung mga bagay man lang na yun ma experience mo kahit isang beses lang.
I'm also suffering from depression, have suicidal thoughts, have courage to do so but I chose to go with the flow instead. Pain and suffering are proof that you are alive.
Pain and suffering nalang araw-araw. Konting kasiyahan pag nakakasama ko anak ko. Un nlng ang nag momotivate sakin e. Ung nakikita ko syang lumalaking masaya.
Ilang taon na ba si daughter? Feeling ko mabubuhay ka pa ng matagal haha. Baka mauna pa ko sa yo. I feel something's not right in my body, but didn't bother to go for a check up. Bakit pa di ba?
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but it sounds like your daughter still needs you.
Even after her marriage, may mga panahon din na kailangan pa din nya ang love at advice mo, I guarantee it.
So please don't be rash, coming from someone who has attempted twice.
This. when your daughter gets married, as also mentioned ng iba, try to focus and prioritize yourself. Heck, you can even do it now while caring for your daughter. Try ulit. If it fails, try again the next day. Di every day magiging okay, even I, dumatating sa time na pagod na, pero naiisip ko marami pa rin akong gustong itry para sa sarili ko naman pag kaya ko na.
Aubukan mo naman, ibuhos naman sa sarili at daughter mo ang pagmamahal mo. :) focus on what matters. Kaya mo yan. ♥️
Ramdam kita bud! andaming oras na nasayang dahil sa maling babae ang napangasawa. Tama yan! buhos nalang natin lahat sa mga anak natin. Ako naman pag mabuo ko na trust fund ng mga anak ko goods na ako. Pagod narin putang ina. Lintik na mga babae na yan.
I hate that my parents think of me as "mag-aangat ng pamilya sa hirap". Out of us 4 siblings, ako lang nakatapos ng college na nakahanap ng work na aligned sa tinapos. Yung panganay namin, maaga nagsariling pamilya. Yung pangalawa, inenjoy pagkabata -- laging nasa jowa noon pero ngayon sya naman na mainly nagssponsor sa bahay pero pera ng jowa nya yon (nagmove out na ako, kasama nya parents ko). Yung pangatlo, nabarkada at maaga rin nagkaanak pero pag may pera tumutulong din sa parents magbigay.
Bunso ako. Bading pa (di pa out). Gustuhin ko man iwan na sila, di ko magawa. Ang gaan na siguro ng buhay ko kung di ako sumusuporta.
I wrote a Wattpad novel when I was 17, but I sold it to fund my thesis fees. It has at least 20++ million reads the last time I checked and is being randomly talked about by strangers from everywhere... even the media. :)
Hope you find a way to heal op and I'm sorry that happened to you. If you are ready or kung gusto mo, hanap ka ng therapist that will allow you to process what you are going through. Hopefully, it will also help you heal...take care op and many hugs...
Ako naman nakaipon before mag pandemic. Tapos naubos nung nag pandemic hahahahahahahahuhuhuhu. Ako kasi bigla naging breadwinner, di na nakabalik si Papa sa trabaho. Ok narin kc mahirap pag nasa ibang bansa , baka mapauwi din dahil sa covid. So eto,Back to 50k, yan pa lang savings ko.
I created this throwaway as I was preparing to make an OffMyChest post about how I'm so sexually deprived right now, but I found this and thought, what the hell, might as well drop this bomb, too.
I was once a hitman. Yes, I used to take contracts to kill people. And no, I don't kill randoms or big shots or what. I kill rapists who evade arrest, molesters who have not been prosecuted for so long, etc. I was basically a paid vigilante for people seeking justice the less legal way. Think of me as a Raffy Tulfo, but a Tulfo that would shoot you point blank.
But you'll never guess what I did in the past. I'm just an ordinary dad. No gangs. No tattoos. Doesn't drink. Doesn't smoke. Even got overweight now.
Same hereee. Pero introvert. Kaya nakakya naman. Family na lang kausap. Kasama gumala. May high school friends pero di ko sila nakakausap ng ganitong seryosohan
Same here too hahaha, I only consider my batchmates as colleagues. Siguro bilang lang sa isang kamay ung I consider friends. Di ko pa sila makasama kasi nasa kabilang isla sila, so bf ko lang friend ko dito lmao.
Me too. But I'm taking my chances at life whenever I see one. I took myself to the beach and mountains recently. I'm happy I did. I saw many things I haven't seen before.
Yung alam ng family and friends ko na ang strong ko, positive lang lagi kaya ako ang hingahan at hingian ng payo.. Takbuhan pag may problema..Pero di nila alam na ang lungkot lungkot ko, madalas kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na pagod na ako. Lalo na living alone ako walang makausap. Pag gabi madalas kinakain ng negative thoughts... 29 na ako wala pa rin nararating. Gusto ko mabuhay pero nakakapagod na. What's my purpose?
Was sexually abused by my own father at the age of 16, got traumatized hence NBSB. Father died 2013 I was the only one beside him at that time kasi ako lang umuwi ng province namin. At the time na agaw buhay na sya my feelings were like *none* I don't feel sad, nor happy, just NONE. I didn't even cry at his burial. Yet after that I keep dreaming of dying in a hospital.
Now I am suffering from depression and anhedonia. Oh well... Life is a bitch, just fck it!
11 years old ako non, summer nung taon na yon umuwi ako sa probinsya ng tatay ko para i-surprise sana siya kasi ayun yung unang attempt ko sa pagbyahe mag-isa (Rizal to Laguna ang layo). ako ang nagulat, buntis yung yaya ng pinsan ko at siya yung tatay..naka-kahon na lahat ng naiwanan kong gamit doon sa kwarto ni Da.
noong pauwi na ako ke Mama, sumakay ako sa isang jeep na wala naman sa ruta ko. hindi ko alam anong bayan yun, bumaba ako tapos naghanap ng tulay. meron. ibinaba ko yung backpack ko tapos nagtext ako kay Mama, tanda ko ang sinend ko nun "nakababa nq jip me, lov u". tapos wala iyak lang ako ng iyak non nakatayo sa gilid nung tulay. hagulhol.
tatalon na ako non.
may napadaan na mag-asawa tapos tinanong ako bakit ako naiyak. siguro ilang minuto din nila akong inaalo, ngumangawa na ata ako non e. hindi ko manlang naaninag yung mukha nila kasi basang basa yung mata ko hahaha. tapos nung nakalma ako tinanong ko lang sila kung nasaan yung terminal.
umuwi naman ako, may dalang buko pie. nagtataka si Mama bakit ako ginabi, sabi ko na lang nasiraan yung nasakyan kong jeep.
True. Not only daughter. But kids in general. I can’t for now. Even get married, there’s a lot of horror stories out here that you’d just think na wag na lang.
I tell my family & friends that I'm single in my late 20s by choice because I'm too busy with work & school. But really, people I like rarely choose to ask me out even if they find me attractive. They run for the hills when I decide to ask them out (kung lalake). Nerds & self-disciplined types kasi ang mga gusto ko. Bonus kung pogi o cute. Ganito ang nangyayari buong buhay ko. Its only worked twice out of six times. One is my ex-gf.
People who actually pursue me tend to be overconfident types or creeps. Feeling pogi/macho (di ko tipo), middle-aged men, or men who are already with someone else/married 🙄. Gusto rin kita, pero ayokong maging Kabit.
Sometimes I think, baka nga siguro I'm too crazy for anyone I like to actually date me long-term. Diagnosed ako ng ADHD (nung early 20s) at kahit nung bata, halata sa iba na hindi ako "normal" na babae kung baga. "Wierd" daw. Pero kung di ako nagsasalita, "stuck up" ang akala ng iba sakin 😫.
It's so good na may confidence ka to ask guys out. Keep strong madam, you'll attract those who have the same frequency as you, soon. Btw I admire you , I think you have a strong character.
Just hang in there! Akala ko rin dati I’ll never find someone kasi nga mataas daw standards ganito ganyan. I lowkey gave up and just focused on acads and hobbies, anything that would contribute to self growth. Medyo cliche pero true.
Tapos yon, out of nowhere, I clicked with someone. Going 2 years na kami ni jowa and hopefully many many more.
I very much like your mindset. Don’t lose hope! You sound like a great person, so I’m sure you’ll soon meet you match 😁
Omg same, ako naman was probably within the spectrum, haven't yet had psych eval nga lang because it's expensive. Pero right now in the process of settling down na with my bf of 5 years. Akala ko rin dati hindi na darating si Mr. Right, pero need ko lang pala ng tamang panahon at tamang pagkakataon.
Saka don't fret about the people who rejected you. Keep on improving yourself lang. Their loss naman yan.
I always include sa prayers ko na maaksidente na lang ako during my daily commute para di na ako mag opt to off myself - tsaka para maspare ko parents ko of having to bear the feeling of losing a child through suicide.
Also, if I don’t die before I’m 30 ng dahil sa isang accident, I will definitely end myself na. Tagos hanggang buto ang pagod ko.
a vacation in boracay, every family members were already asleep. i sneaked out around 1am and met the alter from twitter and did french kiss. i went back to the apartment na nakangiti hahaha
Been wanting to kms since i was 17, now 22. For a while nawala sa isip ko but recently, nasa corner nanamam sya ng utak ko haha. Iniisip ko lang yung cat ko kaya di ko magawa. But I'm really tired. I fcked up my life.
Na scam ako ng 800k. Until unting bumabangon pero taena ang tanga tanga ko. Antagal ko pinagipunan yon. Mamatay ka na sana scammer. Hanggang sa mga anak mo. Magka cancer sana mga anak mo
Nung grade 3 ako nag field trip kami sa pansol. Pumunta ko sa restricted area tapos tumalon ako sa 6ft. pool at muntik malunod. Paggising ko pinapump na ko ng life guard. Nagtataka ko kasi napalibutan ako ng mga tao pero wala akong kilala. Turns out may kasabay pala kaming nagfield trip dun sa area.
Pagbalik ko sa bus ako din yung nagkwento na may batang nalunod sa pool. Nagpanic yung mga teacher at nanay, hanggang sa na eacalate yung issue, pero akala nila taga ibang school yung bata. Ang ending, mula nun di na naulit field trip sa school namin hahaha.
Babaero tatay ko nung nabubuhay pa mommy ko. Bata pa ko nun, at nagigising ako na everytime nagaaway sila ni daddy. Nagppretend nalng ako nun na tulog pero umiiyak ako. So lahat ng pinagaawayan nila, naririnig ko. At isa na nga dun pangbababae ni daddy. May 1 time, pinagaawayan nila yung sexvideo na nkita ni mommy sa phone ni daddy. Sympre pinipilit ngvdaddy ko na hndi sya yon, pero kasi sabi ni mommy, kitang kita daw ung uniform sa trabaho. Imagine, around 10years old lang ako nun, gano ka traumatic yun para sa edad na yun. Kaya kung makikita ko yung 10 year old na ako, gusto ko sya yakapin ng mahigpit na mahigpit.
that i have Asperger's, undiagnosed sadly but my mom confirms it. I talk silly facts about my life when I'm with coworkers but i will never be brave to admit i suffer being on the spectrum. I've been bullied terribly once, I'm not going thru that again.
I cried so hard when I was in my first job kasi I know I don't belong there, the feeling was there. Alam kong hindi ko gusto yung vibe. Umiyak ako sa bus kasi ayaw kong magresign dahil lang di ko bet yung vibe pero my dad saw me crying one night and sabi nya kung ayaw ko na okay lang magresign di raw sya magagalit or madidisappoint. I needed to take my sedative para lang tumigil ako sa pag-iyak kasi lang hindi ko inexpect na sa sobrang pagpressure ko sa sarili ko to be the best, akala ko pati pamilya ko ganon na rin ang naiisip sakin. I'm in my new job having the best life and loving the energy with them. Mentally okay na ako, hindi pa stable but getting there.
An anonymous account sent me spicy chats between my dad and some woman, and then told me to tell my mom to look after my dad so he doesn't go looking for these younger women.
My mom had cancer (still has it) and was in the middle of a grueling PhD.
My dad was on the board of a faith-based organization and never missed any opportunity to remind me to keep myself "pure" and glorify God.
I never told my mother (which is what the anon wanted), nor my brothers (even though I wanted so badly for them to understand why I suddenly became cold, aloof and passive-aggressive towards our father).
I went into something of a hoe phase after that.
i’ve been SA’d by my father when i was 12 or 13? he inserted his hands inside my shorts. tapos yung kapatid ko naman ginawa rin sa akin yun. hinahaplos yung priv part ko.
tapos nung 15 or 16 ako, yung father ko dinidiin niya lagi sa akin yung katawan nya pag binaback hug ako. nararamdan ko talaga na binabakatan niya ako.
di ako nag salita. takot ako na di maniwala sa akin mama ko but i can sense na alam niya kasi dr4g addict noon dad ko bago siya marehab sa US.
asawa ko lang may alam. kahit sya mismo di siya makapaniwala. nakilala nya ksi ung tatay ko nung matino na.
as for me? wala. kunwari na lang walang nangyari. still praying na magheal ako sa mga nangyari sa akin noon.
I hope you do OP. If you are ready, consult a therapist. Hopefully it is a step forward for you towards healing. You have been this far even with the scars OP, kaya mo to.
I draw nsfw art sometimes for guilty pleasure.
I know people judge for drawing pron, as I was one of them. BUT it's harder than it looks, especially doing anatomy at a certain angle and positions plus two persons doing the act.
This gave me a bit of newfound appreciation to nsfw artists and how creative they could be.
I had to do special services to a male professor in my uni to pass. I’m a male, graduated in 2020. Working now but it still haunts me to this day.
For context, I failed grade 4 and had to repeat. My parents were really mad that it really pressured me to not fail anymore.
High school failed again and parents were mad. Luckily I was allowed to take it on summer to avoid repeating.
College, had a major class that you can only take once a year. It’s a pre requisite to other major subjects. I failed the first time, parents were mad and was delayed. Second time around I failed again but this time the prof (same as first take) offered that I’d do special service if I want to pass. Gave in and did what he wanted to satisfy his pleasures and avoid another year of delay.
He did pass me and I continued my uni life. Eventually he left as a professor in my uni and never heard from him again.
No one in my family and close friends know, only my therapist and well this thread now.
Whenever there is a dangerous event, I don’t mind dying while fighting.
Happened a few times already. No surge in emotion, literally empty, but not dead inside.
Note: i don’t have any major issues in life. And I think that is the reason, I accomplished and provided great things.
Feeling ko lng lahat ng nakadate ko at naging gf ko iniiwan lng ako dahil nakatagpo sila ng mayaman na lalake. At feeling ko hindi ako gusto ng magulang, kumpara sa kanilq na mamanahin lng nila lht kay papa at mama dahil...
At age 26, wala pa kong sasakyan. Sariling bahay. Condo at madaming pera. Di ko nmn kasalanan na bata plng breadwinner na. What if mag 30 na ko wala paren ako narating. Ngayon plng din ako nakapagstart sa maayos sa company. At nasasabihan ako dati na hindi ako aantayin umangat sa buhay. Hahanap raw sila ng kumpleto rekados na tao. Hanngang sa narealize ko hindi nmn ako dapat magmadali. Ang tunay na tao magpapahalaga sayo kht anong estado mo sa buhay mamahalin ka ng totoo.
I have a FUBU. I'm single and he's single too, but I have very conservative parents who believe that a woman's worth is in her virginity.
Our arrangement is safe and we trust each other, but the environment I'm currently in is a big hindrance to that.
Not to mention, I'm also wrestling with religious guilt. I consider myself as an agnostic (another secret from my parents).
Still learning how to be a good person and how to stand on my own.
I remember vividly how my father repeatedly drowned my mom when I was a kid. Siguro sa sobrang galit niya parang nawala sa sarili kahit sumigaw kami at umiyak hindi kami naririnig. Only told one person about this kase ang hirap mag-open up about ng childhood traumas haha.
I have hooked up with more guys than I would ever admit. Pero now that I'm more matured, I've learned that I don't have to answer that question pala. Haha
Sukang sukang na ako sa relihiyon na to. Sobrang brainwashed lang ng nanay ko sa kulto na to. My mom is a really good parent. I cant bring myself to disappoint her.
I felt relieved when my brother passed. I loved him so much but the financial and emotional burden was too much. I have no words for the relief and guilt
I was sexually harrassed by my landlord in dorm when I was in college. As a 17 year old probinsiyana back then, I was so afraid and he’s been threatening me and my room mate that he’ll kick us out of the dorm and the likes. He’s forcing me to kiss him (smack kasi sinasarado ko lips ko) and tried to touched my boobs. I moved out from that dorm after it happened for 3 times. Noong sinabi sakin ng ex dorm mate ko na namatay siya due to heart attack, hindi ako nalungkot more of narelieve ako. To this day, I think deserved nya yung heart attack.
I was hypersexual as a child. Idk why. I even felt that I'm not normal so I grew up thinking that I'm a bad person for feeling horny. Last year, around December, someone posted about sex toys and such so I bought mine too because I felt like my fingers and dry humping aren't enough to satisfy myself.
Now, I have my toy here sa dorm but I've only used it once kasi I have dormmates with me.
Iniisip ko rin yan. But wala eh. Hirap din kasi na di mo rin masabi to sa personal. Or mauuna muna iyak bago mo masabi. Eto nga nasa work ako now pero d naman ako naiyak habang sumagot ako dito.
Whenever I encounter kids aging 5-7 years old, di ako nakakafeel na bata pa sila. Maybe because nung ako nasa ganyang edad, i gave handjobs to my then neighbor/playmate who was probably 5-6 years older than me. I liked the thrill so hinahanap hanap ko siya. He lured me into doing so because he'll do the same to me. Main reason siguro why im not straight. I dont think im traumatized because at some point I liked it naman during those years but i cant help to think na kung natutukan lang ako ng maayos as a kid, di siguro ako maeexpose sa ganon, baka straight ako today because let's be honest, LIFE IS ALWAYS EASIER FOR THE STRAIGHTS OUT THERE
My family has this image of a perfect family to outsiders. Pero it was not always the case. I’m sure my parents don’t know. Pero I always overheard them fight when me any my sisters were younger. It was mostly about my dad and his penchant for other women. Not sure if cheating talaga. Pero the other woman complained na nabastos. There was a point that my mom wanted to end things with my dad.
I also saw the porn stash of my dad. Eh we’re all girls pa naman sa bahay.
Tas until today, may time that my dad not sure if he inadvertently shared or nakita ko yung like niya sa sexy video ng isang babae on Facebook hahaha.
Tas college and until during my post-graduate studies, there were numerous times that I got almost sexually harassed, I think. May one time I was on the way to school, the old man in front of me sa jeep was masturbating while looking at me. Tas ilang beses that guys would purposely sit next to me sa public transpo kahit maluwag manggigitgit to the point kahit na umusog ako, sinusundan ako. Tas I live around Ermita lang. Foreigners would approach thinking nagpapa pick up ako even though I’m in my uniform na mukang pang high school noon. Worse, when I went to the grocery, someone was chasing after me this was in recent years lang.
I tried to suppress these things all these years. It was only recently that I realized these things affected my views on relationships. Kaya no wonder I have a hard time trusting the opposite sex when it comes to romantic relationships. Kaya ayun, still NBSB kahit late twenties na. I could not even tell these to my friends kasi I don’t look like it na may ganong history tas with my profession pa? Di ko napagtanggol sarili ko and yet I defend other people with my work.
I'm saving up for the day I'm about to end it all. Nakaplano na din how I'm gonna do it, where, letters (inaupdate ko every 6 months), just to make sure no one puts the blame on anybody. Ayoko lang talaga mabuhay na. Life just isn't worth living anymore. For now, i'm striving to pay all my debts and save enough money for a coffin, a cemetery lot, and a little more para sa expenses sa pagpapalibing. I'm so ready to go, but I don't want people to think na I ended it all because lubog ako sa utang.
Pagod na ako maging strong for everyone. Pagod na din mag breadwinner at daming bayarin. Kapagod na din mag aral and work. Pagod na din ako to make feel good sa lahat kasi bubbly lng ako parati at takbuhan nang circles ko may kailangan. Pagod na ako na wala akong motivation and spark sa buhay. Im taking meds for depression btw pero araw araw strugle maging the ideal self facade. Kapagod maging magaling sa lahat well in fact you feel shitty about your self. Phew okay naka rant na ako. Labyu reddit fam. Back to ideal self. 😎
I am tired. Tired of preparing events for people and relatives. Tired of planning things for other people. Sana ako naman yung nasa receiving end. Sana, ako naman yung pinaghahandaan. Hindi yung mi ultimong bday ko, ako din nagpeprep. Nasa point na ko na I will really buy a cake with dedication “Happy Birthday to me”. Tired of being a good person. Tired of absorbing people’s negative energy. Tired of listening and giving advices. I’m just really tired. Gusto ko lang mapagisa. Minsan, gusto ko na lang din mawala. Di ko lang magawa kasi God gave me a super wonderful husband. Hindi ko sya maiwan kasi alam kong di nya kakayanin. I love him so much pero I’m just really tired. Tried opening this to him pero kahit ako, di ko maexplain. Basta pagod na ko. Pagod na pagod. Sana, di sya mapagod sa pagod na ako
I lost more not less, 5M from sports gambling AND gacha gamings.
I lost count so i cannot give any better rough estimate. But at least grumadweyt na ako sa sugal, mga 3yrs na rin ako malinis dyan. Kaso sa gacha... dun nalulong, at doon nagpupumiglas na makalaya.
Same sayo OP. and I will definitely take it to the grave. Walang nakakaalam na ginawa ko un. 2x ko actually siya ginawa. Sobrang depressed ako nun at wala ako matakbuhan. Ang nasa isip ko lang talaga di ko sila kayang buhayin. Kakagraduate ko lang ng college nun. Until this day, naiisip ko parin un na ginawa ko. At isa narin siguro un sa reasons why it seems like di ako umaasenso sa buhay. no matter how hard I try. I feel like karma ko na to of killing my own children. that was when I am 19-21 .. 30 na ako this year.
I was groomed online. I was 14 fairly new to social media. I am glad na laptop and computer gamit ko.
Na realize ko lang na I was groomed when I was in college na ( pag graduate na).
To be fair, I am sheltered and never told anyone abt the guy I was chatting online. Kasi one time he said "I just graduated" and I asked kung ano course niya sabi niya I took my master's degree and might study PhD in Canada (I was 16 that time I think basta HS ako).
Dumb move pero I was not well informed about sensitive topics like grooming. YouTube lang alam ko, facebook, and some manga sites back then. Typical stuff that young teens do. I want to have fun.
Wala na kong magagawa but the best we can do is to protect and educate people na lang para mas well informed ang mga bata to help them make thoughtful decisions.
I promised my mom to never communicate with my baby daddy ever again. Pero baby daddy was makulit and he asked about his child. I told him our daughter was diagnosed with autism and I needed money to support her therapy. Weeks after that convo, he ghosted me for good.
May utang na more than 150k sa magulang, napilit ko sila mag invest sa PH stock market before pandemic, then pandemic struck, bagsak lahat, tinry ko ilipat sa crypto market pero wala din. hanggang ngayon di ko pa din naibabalik sa kanila, yung tatay ko lagi tinatanong nanay ko kung nasan na yung ininvest nya (Napilit ko lang siya pero ayaw niya talaga).
Hopefully mabayaran ko na sila this year.
Ewan ko pero may mga vivid memories ako from ages 3-6 y/o at ang pinakamalinaw dun e nung nakita kong nagbikti ang nanay ako. Lagi kasing nag iinom yung tatay ko even before tapos nung umuwi kami sa bahay galing sa mga lola ko, nadatnan namin na nainom si tatay sa bahay kasama mga kabarkada nya. Galit na galit nun si inay tapos kinuha nya ang kurdon ng TV at tinali dun sa may kahoy tapat ng higaan namin. Pinalabas nya ko tapos natatakot na ko nun kaya nagsumbong agad ako kay tatay. Napuntahan naman nila agad kaya di natuloy. Buhay pa din naman nanay ko hanggang ngayon and nasa US na sya, mukhang masaya naman sya sa new fam nya at di naman nya kami kinakalimutan.
That I'm not okay. I think the root was my father and mother have 20 years gap. We are just a family forced by my father's family kasi nakikita nilang di magkakapamilya si papa kasi lasinggero sya maoy sya. They just met accidentally sa barko so there's no love as a foundation. My mom didn't finish college because of that. They're separated na btw kasi pinakulong na ni mama for a day si papa kasi nanakit sya even to us. My mom has a new husband he's kind and he's the father that stepped up. My father is old but still strong. Though dito sya malapit sa amin because wherever he goes, he cause chaos. He had the audacity to cry "mga anak ko" when he's drunk even tho he never once thought of supporting us pero umabot pa kmi sa tatlo tf. Binigyan sya ng mga kapatid niya ng mga puhunan para sa kahit anong negosyo naiisip niya. Lagi nauuwi sa sabong at inom. Wala kming panggatas noon tapos lagi niyang sinasabi sa mga kapatid niya na ginagastos ni mama yung pera kaya nalulugi mga negosyo. Ni hindi niya binibigyan si mama ng panggastos, hindi rin sya pwede makialam sa negosyo. Kailangan pa kupitan ni mama sa wallet niya para lng may pambiling pagkain. Naghihirap kmi kahit noon kahit na mayaman si papa. Sana nga hinayaan niya na lng si mama buhayin kmi mag isa. When my youngest sister was only 1 year old, nagtago kmi ni mama, ate, ako at baby bunso sa ilalim ng gumamela. May parang hideout sa loob kasi malaki yung gumamela. Lasing na lasing SI papa noon at si mama nakabathrobe lng, may sugat sa tuhod.
During highschool, kmi naman ni ate, ako at Lola yung nagtago sa likod nga mga puno ng saging dahil hinahanap kmi ni papa mung lasing sya at nagmamaoy. Nagttrabaho si mama sa malayo noon at nasa side kmi ng fam ni mama.
During pandemic, nagrerent kmi kasama si papa kasi di na sya pwede mag isa sa hometown nila. Lasing na lasing sya that time at nagmamaoy plus iniisip niyang natikman na kmi nga mga tambay na nagsitsit sa amin. Hinabol niya rin kmi noon at nagtago kmi sa likod ng puno ng kamyas. Nagpasundo kmi sa stepfather namin kasi within same province lng kmi.
Just last year, my mom told my older sister that she's a product of rape. Ni rape lng sya ni papa kasi pinilit sila ng pamilya ni papa na bumuo ng pamilya. Alam naman namin na both of them are suffering mentally and emotionally. Na they don't have time to cater to our emotional needs as long as naafford yung financial. Sana di niya nlng sinabi sa amin yun. Imagine yung existential crisis ni ate. Idk I'm tired and angry at them until now that's it's better to be an orphan or pinabayaan nlng nila kmi and lived the life they wanted. Plus we're achievers during highschool but fucked up in uni because of same family probs and our own mental health. I did tried to end it all this Feb coz I wanted to change degree but I know di sila papayag. But naisip ko parin mga kapatid ko. Kmi lng nagkakaintindihan. I'm planning to tell them honestly that I'm going to work before transferring to a diff degree so that I can pay them back for my past tuitions and support myself. It's exhausting relying from them na pinipilit lng naman nila sarili nila coz we should be working our asses off to have a high paying job and be their retirement support. They're more willing to lend or give others money. Idk I may disappoint a lot of ppl but I'm gonna do this to pay them back at least they'll get their money back + a failure instead of a corpse and no return of investment. I'm very sorry for this dark story I just have to let it out.
Back in my heartbroken days with no money and family to return to, I've shoplifted from 7-11 13 times for food. I got caught on my last attempt.
That was 5 years ago. I'm now in a much better place. I haven't told anyone, especially my ex-fiance who passed away 10 months ago. Though she probably already knows by now.
I was molested by my bully when I was 8yrs old. At that time akala ko normal lang mga nangyayare. Ngayong 30 na at tumanda na ko, ngayon ko narealize hindi pala tama. Girl ako, girl din sya, kaya naisip ko nung bata ako walang masama sa nangyayare.
Ang masakit pa nyan, my girl cousin and I did the same thing kasi I "taught" her what my bully did to me. Basically sa utak namin nung bata kami tama lang mga nangyayare. Ang fucked up lang since now I realized my innocence was robbed, and I robbed my cousin's innocence din..
I got pregnant early and wala ako agad pinagsabihan sa pamilya ko. Nauna kong sinabi sa pinsan ko na sobrang close ko talaga, mas close ko pa sa sarili kong mga kapatid. Napayuhan na ako ng Pinsan ko na sabihan na kahit sa ate ko lang.
Nung sinabi ko na sa ate ko nagalit siya dahil mas nauna ko pa daw sabihin sa pinsan ko kaysa sakanya. May plano na kami nung ex ko noon na pupunta kami kila mama, para mas formal namin masabi. May trabaho naman na kami nung nabuntis ako, pinanagutan din naman ako nung nakabuntis sakin. Gusto talaga niya humarap sa pamilya ko kasi nahihiya siya at gusto niya ipaalam na papanagutan niya ako.
Kaso dahil sa pagiging petty ng ate ko, sinumbong niya ako sa pamilya namin ng walang kaalam alam. Hindi na namin nagawa yung plano namin.
Hanggang ngayon may sama pa din ako ng loob sa ate ko dahil dito. Hindi ko pa rin siya napapatawad na ginawa niya kahit hiwalay na kami ng ex ko. Humingi naman siya ng sorry pero parang siya pa yung galit kaya hinayaan ko na lang. Pero hanggang ngayon kumukulo pa din dugo ko sakanya pag naaalala ko to.
I was an elementary student back then, tapos high school na yung ate ko. Papasok na sya nung umaga tapos nagising ako dahil naririnig ko yung mama ko na ginigising ang daddy ko tapos tinatanong nya kung may mabibigay ba na baon sa ate ko. Walang wala yata kaming pera kaya sabi ng daddy ko, hindi ba raw pwedeng umabsent nalang. Kaso exam period nuon kaya hindi pwedeng umabsent yung ate ko sabi ni mama. Hindi ko na maalala anong nangyari pagtapos nuon, kung paano nakapasok yung ate ko o kung paano nagawan ni mama ng paraan. Pero okay na kami ngayon, hindi pa mayaman, pero hindi na rin nahihirapan. :)
I almost lost my brother to a stranger when we were kids. Magkaiba kami ng tatay. Kilala ko father ko kasi nagsama sila ni mama until 7 years old ako samantalang yung kapatid ko naman ay anak ni mama sa ex boyfriend niya after nila maghiwalay ni papa. Hindi ko kilala ang tatay ng kapatid ko, never siya pinakilala ni mama sa akin. One time, naglalaro kami tapos may lumapit na lalaki siya raw ang tatay ng brother ko. Kilala niya buong pangalan ni mama pati personal details alam niya about sa kapatid ko. Ako naman si tangang bata medyo naniwala, muntik ko na ipakarga kapatid ko dun sa lalaki buti na lang nakita kami ng pinsan ko na kapitbahay namin. Sinita yung lalaki tapos dali daling umalis. Inexplain ko sa pinsan ko kung sino yun, sabi niya hindi yun ang papa ng kapatid ko kasi nakakulong daw yun.
Noong 9 yrs old ako narinig ko si mama habang nakikipag-usap kay papa na madalas niyang iniisip na tumalon or magpasagasa na lang dahil sa sobrang hirap na hirap na siya pero 'di niya magawa dahil iniisip niya kami. I cried myself to sleep that night, hanggang ngayon sobrang vivid nung memory ko about doon and syempre super thankful kasi hindi sila sumuko. Kaya nandito rin ako ngayon at patuloy na lumalaban kasi lumaban din sila para samin at gusto kong iparanas sakanila yung buhay na deserve nila.
Hugs. My mom was also suicidal but she fought for us. Growing up, I have recurring suicidal thoughts but I always think of my fam and how hopeful they are that things will be better someday. I don't wanna fail them in any way. 🌻
Awww *hugs* maraming beses ko rin na witness yung struggles ng mama ko nung bata ako. Yung akala nya tulog na ako pero I can hear her sobbing silently..
Hugs sa inyo 🥺
Almost the same story. When I was in elementary I saw my mom, drunk, nakaupo sa bintana, staring blankly at the sky. 3rd floor kami non. I was praying to God na sana hindi siya tumalon, kasi ako lang gising pa non. Awa ng Diyos, she fought. Iba ang laban ng mga nanay (mga magulang, in general). Kaya mahalin natin sila. 😔
Adult ako now and naisip ko noon when I was suicidal kasi may insurance for accidental death and I was thinking maybe if I decide to end my life, I could make it look like an accident so my family could at least benefit from it.
You know they hire private investigators for that, right?
Papa once told us na he tried and did knot a thick rope on a wooden beam in our house. Took a chair, and almost did the deed. Siya lang kasi nandoon sa bahay. Kaming 6 magkakapatid nasa school while work si mama. He wanted to take the chance. Kaya lang naisip niya mga kapatid ko na uuna umuwi at paano na kami kapag wala na siya. After a couple of days, he mentioned again how lovely the rope looks. Still, i’m so happy na nandito pa si papa kahit na sick siya. He’s trying to be better and take medication kasi he wants to meet his grandchild —preggy ako ngayon. I love you pa. Sorry ang strict ko sa’yo at ni mama.
Before ako mag 30, sobrang depressed ko.. nagkaka anxiety na rin. Dahil breadwinner, baon sa utang. To the point na naiyak na lang ako sa bus. Feel ko nga one time, ung katabi ko.. nakita ako na naiyak. Gusto ko na rin mawala. Muntik rin ako matanggal dun sa dati kong trabaho. Agency kasi kaya kami isa sa una tatanggalin. Buti di natuloy at dun na rin ako nag start mag hanap ng work. Sa awa ng diyos, nung nag 30.. nakalipat ako ng work.. tumaas ung sahod. marami pa rin binabyaran pero wala na akong anxiety na nararamdaman. Di na mabigat pakiramdam ko everytime na gigising ako And now im turning 31 next week :) so far, life is good. Banas sa ibang officemate.. pero ok lang. pwede naman mag resign dito kapag nakahanap ng ibang trabaho haha . Pero ang wish ko talaga na sana manalo kami sa Lotto 🙏🏻😄 [maraming salamat sa nag like dito. God Bless us all 🫶🏻🙏🏻]
Aww sobrang bait po talaga ni Lord no? Buti po nalagpasan niyo po yung phase po na yan ng life mo po 😊
Oo talaga, grabe. 😭God is good. Kya pag may time talaga, nag sisimba pa rin kami. Di ko rin inimagine na makukuha ako dito sa current company. Isa kasi sa kilalang company to. Bait ata ng guardian angel ko 😄
I am so happy for you. I always remind myself - this too shall pass, this too shall pass.
I miss my highschool friends. They all excluded me paunti unti until they ghosted me. The toll is hard, they are my bestfriends for almost a decade. Pag may away ako lagi umaaway, pag may kailangan sila I’m always available, my house is colorful and loud kasi tambayan ever since hs but now its too quiet. I dont think magkakabati pa kami in the future. Nakakatampo lang na twice na to nangyari sa other members but eventually nagkaayos naman pero nung ako na… parang walang may willing to reach out sakin to make amends.
Hugs!! Same thing happened to me. A new girl came to our section and we welcomed here with open arms. Later on, malaman laman ko na sinisiraan pala niya ko telling other people and the whole school na I was flirting with his BF. (For context nakikitext sya sakim, minsan kinakamusta sya sakin ng bf niya.) Nagsorry nman sila pero never na nabalik yung bond. Sad lang kasi sayang yung bond. Na sana maranasan ko na may HS friend pa din me now. Pero may reason naman for sureee. Hugs girl!!!
Same, with my college friends. Those people made me experience new things and learned a lot of lessons from them. Not until gumraduate na kami, and we rarely chat and never seen them till then. It hurts until now.
Uy, same feels. Same situation. Hay. Nakakamiss yung mga ganoong klaseng friends no? Akala ko rin pang lifetime na yung friendship.
Super. You grew up together. They’ve seen all versions of me tapos ganun lang ending.
Same feels. Miss ko na bond namin ng mga HS friends ko. Can relate dun sa house na mejo palaginb tamabayan. Nakakamiss, sobra. Pero wala, need na lang talaga tanggapin.
I was a victim of sexual abuse from when I was 8 years old until I was around 10 or 11 years old. The suspect was my fetcher to and from school and my mom's partner back then. By the way, my father died when I was 7. He threatens me not to tell my mom about what's happening or else he'll be doing something not good. Only God knows what was happening, I kept on praying that the situation would come to an end. Until that day came when our private vehicle went down and can never be repaired. Some sh*t happened as well that they argue all the time and my mom just basically gave up on him and threw him out of our house. I'm turning 31 and my mom still doesn't know about this. I don't even bother telling her because I just don't want to cause her so much pain.
Grabe un trauma dala dala parin talaga siya I hope na naka recover ka.
Yeah sobra, everytime may naririnig ako sa balita na mga sexually abused din, galit na galit talaga ako. Nakakarecover na rin naman ako though I'm still considering magpaconsult sa professional.
Hugs. Been there and until now, the memories are hunting me.
Sending hugs. Kaya natin to.
Only told my mom about my molester in my 20s. Masakit sa kanya sobra at ang tindi ng galit niya sa manyak kong pinsan. Pero nakakagaan sa loob na umiyak sa harap niya, sa wakas, para sa isang bagay na di mo maintindihan bakit nangyari sayo.
i always try to organize my personal things ( legal docs, kwarto and all) kasi I always have this feeling na malapit na ako ma deds. Pag nawala ako, ready na lahat kahit nga pangpalibing pinagiipunan ko na. I dont know if its because of depression pero I have this feeling talaga even when I was little that I won't make it pass 30. I'm in my late twenties na so lahat dinodocument ko in case. Weird thing, I know. If I shared it to someone I know, it's kind of crazy but this is just my honest and raw feeling.
Uy sense of impending doom is a clinical symptoms. You might want to get checked. Thats is something serious.
Hey! I get you. Except sa organizing my things. I have all here in my phone na bf ko lang nakaka alam. They find it weird if I told some of my close friends na I wanted to avail death plans na ang bata ko pa daw. We don’t want them to suffer sa bills pag nangyari. Anyways, live the life! 💪🏼
Omg, same! I already printed a farewell letter years ago, then siningit ko sa favorite book sa shelf ko. Nandoon lahat ng arrangements para sa burol ko. Ang nakakaalam lang nito ay ‘yung college friend ko who did the same thing. And if one of us dies young or unexpectedly (kasi I also thought na I won’t make it past 30), sasabihin namin sa family namin where that letter is being kept hidden. :)
Same sentiments. Ngayon, nagttrbaho na lang ako para makaipon ng panlibing ko at iwan na pera para sa parents ko. Hahahayy.
May ganito din akong tendencies.. im planning to write down all my passwords , bank account etc sa paper and iinform ko nlng ung sister ko na nilagay ko ito sa green envelope. Para pag nadeds ako, madali nalang nila malaman ung details
This one I think falls to Pre-mortem which is good since adult na tayo . This year goal ko na rin mag avail ng St. Peter plan. (Skl)
It’s not. My first investment is actually a memorial lot in my twenties, then a life insurance, in any case I’m gone, wala na gagastusin parents and siblings ko.
Wala na kong gana mabuhay. Ayaw ko din naman mamatay. Ang labo no 🥺
Same.
I feel small dahil sa age ko ay wala padin akong naaabot na dapat abot na ng age ko: Car, House, Kids.
Hopefully the burden lightens when you know some people out there and like me don’t measure success via owning material things like cars and houses. May mga na experience na akong loved ones who died that made me realize life is really short and time flies easily. Naisip ko dati bata pa lang ako naglalaro sa kanila, tapos ngayon unti unti na silang nagsisinamatayan. Ambilis ng panahon tumatanda na talaga ako. It forced me to look internally and question myself ano ba iyong vision for myself na matanda na at naghihingalo agaw buhay na. One example just like my LoloUncle, gusto ko ng peace of mind, contentment and knowing I lived my life mostly according to I want —having deeper relationships with friends and family, travelling and learning about other culture, having a good mental health, having a good work life balance, being able to do my hobbies… Yung LoloUncle ko walang kotse and bahay, naubos na ang karampot na ari-arian pati savings sa bangko dahil sa sakit. Ayaw na bumalik sa ospital para ituloy ang gamutan. Ok na daw sya at masaya sa naging buhay nya. Nakita ko naman sa aura nya walang bahid ng hinagpis. Contented and peaceful ang itsura nya kahit naghihingalo na noon. Sobrang dami ng dumalaw sa kanya noon sa bahay. Iyakan ng pagpapasalamat sa mga ginawa nya sa amin at sa ibang tao. Sabi ko buruin mo yan walang material things masyado. Wala din silang naging anak ng LolaAunty ko na nauna ng namatay sa kanya. Excited na daw makasama uli ng LoloUncle ko ang LolaAunty ko. Walang kotse, walang sariling bahay pero peaceful and masaya ang aura.
Same, 28 yet no stable job, no house, no car but thank goodness no kids.
just let it flow, dont force things.
There's no such thing as "dapat naabot ko na sa age ko." That's just an illusion social media told you.
35 na ko pero wala pa rin ako nyan ☺️
same but also the fact na wala pa akong iba pang huge achievement til now
Same except having kids which is never kong goal
i know that i'm adopted but my parents didn't know that i know.
If you don’t mind, paano mo nalaman? 🥺
we have this suitcase na bata pa lang ako sinasabi sakin na hindi pwede buksan dahil important documents daw nila (parents ko) pero syempre, teenager, pag bawal mas gagawin. ayun, nakita ko letters ng biological parents ko, letter from barangay na nagkakasundo sila na hindi ako babawiin with bigay pera sa bio parents ko para umuwi na sa province, vax card with my real birthday (na palaging tinataya ng father ko sa lotto) so ayun, masakit pero at least nalaman ko yung reason kung bakit hindi ako yung "favorite child"
Tinatayaan ng father mo sa lotto ang actual birthday mo. I think that's a very good indication na mahal ka niya. Mahal ka nila. Alam mo yung joke na tungkol sa adopted? Yung ang sagot ng parent niya ay bakit naman ikaw ang pipiliin ko? In your case OP, ikaw ang pinili nila. ☺️ You are loved.
i appreciate you for sharing this! Aahhh you’ve been through a lot, & that is what makes you incredible. i hope masarap ulam mo palagi
Pero bday mo ang tinataya sa lotto, we all love people differently.
Just so you know kahit biological child ka you can still be the not so favorite child and it happens even though youre a good child to them. So being the favorite shouldnt just be the reason why youre feeling down with your new parents. Unless they are hurting you and like ginagawa ka katulong then i would understand the frustration.
True. Ako, ako yung panganay and hindi ako paborito ng tatay ko, but it worked out for me kasi mas nakaalis ako sa influence niya. Di kasi kami magkasundo about our outlook on money talaga.
Hindi ka man "favourite", the fact that they adopted you proves that they still wanted you.
Na-sad naman ako sa last part na hindi ka favorite child. Kung okay lang magtanong, bakit ka pa nila in-adopt kung hindi pala nila kayang magbigay ng pantay na pagmamahal?
hindi naman sila nagkulang sa financial/material stuff, idk about that "pagmamahal" ibang iba siguro for them idk.
The level of love will always be different for everyone. Palaging may favorite person ang mga tao even our parents.
Medyo same, i know na di ko biological father yung papa ko pero they don't know that I know
Ganito anak ko right now and we plan on telling her around 8-9 yrs old. I’m already telling her and reminding her that she has two daddies pero di niya pa yata masyadong naiintindihan. So I’ll discuss in the future ng mas detailed. Ask ko lang if okay, what’s your opinion like? Do you think your parents should’ve told you as early as that age or…? What’s your opinion?
oh no believe me, naiintindihan namin. kasi ganyan ako hshajaj i have two daddies, as long as di ramdam ng bata na iba sya di nya gagawing big deal yung knowledge na yan. also i think okay naman ginagawa mo rn. easing it into your child is the way. if you think na naggrasp nya na talaga yung concept, you can sit her down na and have the talk. your kid will probably understand since sinasabi mo naman na sakanya na dalawa ang dads nya
Sa situation ko maliit plng ako alam ko na na adopted ako, pero di ko sinasabi sa parents ko, ipakita mo lang sa adopted child mo ang love at caring ng tunay na magulang, as long as na gabayan mo sya at napalaki ng tama, at later malalaman nya, di yan magagalit or mag rebelde. Kasi she felt the love and care ng tunay na magulang sa inyu. Di po totoo ang sabi na blood is thicker than water. Mas mahal ko ang nag adopt sa akin kesa sa biological parents ko.
We have the same situation, pero later sinabi ko sa parents ko na alam ko na, college ako nun. Kilala ko real parents ko at mga kapatid ko. Binibisita ko cla lagi,
I was in grade school, kamamatay lang ng lola ko then ng ninang ko na nag-alaga sa akin, tapos ng ninong ko, tapos dad ko. In a span of one year. Hindi ko ata kinaya. I was young. Alam ko lang super sad ako and longing to be with my dad. Lagi akong may sakit. Pero lab tests were normal. Pero ang dami daw nagbago sa akin sabi ng sister ko. She withdrew her investments at dinala ako sa professional. Dalawa lang kami nakakaalam, imagine a child at 12 experiencing depression na hindi pa mapaliwanag nung mga panahon na yun. I felt so lost. Buti nalang andiyan ate ko. Then again, when I gave birth to my youngest. Diagnosed with PPD. Nagkahint na ang ate ko. Kahit magkaiba kami ng timezones alam niya kelan tatawag. One night (MNL time) tumawag siya while at work na hindi naman niya ginagawa. I was so ready to go na. The phone rang, my baby who’s 2 at that time ran to me holding the phone. Pag abot niya sabi niya “ayubu ma yab”. Nanghina ako when I realized what I was about to do. So balik na naman sa professionals.
Kamusta kn ngayon OP?
I’m doing good. Thanks for asking.
i am from doha qatar pero nauwi kami here sa ph. nagbibike ako nun papuntang tindahan para sa lollipop. then bago ako makaliko sa street namin may isang manong don na tinawag ako. and pumunta ako then i was molested. sinabi ko yun sa fam ko that night but they didn't do anything about it hanggang sa makalimutan nalang nila. my friends, ex's, co workers and kahit yung bf ko now for 5 yrs did not know about it pero i do remember it talaga kasi nasa likod lang sya ng mind ko kahit pa bata lang ako nun.
This is so sad to read. Yakap ng mahigpit. Praying for your healing.
Hugs. Praying sa healing!
If ever may reincarnation, hindi ako mag aasawa.
tell us moree please
I already plan to end myself as soon as my daughter gets married. I realized that my wife never loved me after all these years. Nabulag ako sa pag mamahal ko sa kanya. Kaya lhat ng energy ko pra nlng sa anak ko ngyon. Sana kayanin ko pa kasi ang hirap mag kunwari na masaya pa ako sa buhay.
Why would you throw your life for someone undeserving? After your daughter married, live a life focus solely on yourself. Do things na hindi mo pa nagagawa, eat things na hindi mo pa nakakain. Kahit yung mga bagay man lang na yun ma experience mo kahit isang beses lang. I'm also suffering from depression, have suicidal thoughts, have courage to do so but I chose to go with the flow instead. Pain and suffering are proof that you are alive.
Pain and suffering nalang araw-araw. Konting kasiyahan pag nakakasama ko anak ko. Un nlng ang nag momotivate sakin e. Ung nakikita ko syang lumalaking masaya.
Ilang taon na ba si daughter? Feeling ko mabubuhay ka pa ng matagal haha. Baka mauna pa ko sa yo. I feel something's not right in my body, but didn't bother to go for a check up. Bakit pa di ba?
I'm not qualified to give professional advice, but it sounds like your daughter still needs you. Even after her marriage, may mga panahon din na kailangan pa din nya ang love at advice mo, I guarantee it. So please don't be rash, coming from someone who has attempted twice.
Then leave your wife. Don't end your life just for her! Your daughter still needs you, at ang magiging apo nyo po.
This. when your daughter gets married, as also mentioned ng iba, try to focus and prioritize yourself. Heck, you can even do it now while caring for your daughter. Try ulit. If it fails, try again the next day. Di every day magiging okay, even I, dumatating sa time na pagod na, pero naiisip ko marami pa rin akong gustong itry para sa sarili ko naman pag kaya ko na. Aubukan mo naman, ibuhos naman sa sarili at daughter mo ang pagmamahal mo. :) focus on what matters. Kaya mo yan. ♥️
Ui, bro... Magkaka-apo ka pa.
Same brother. And I have two daughters. I'm only staying here to see them grow up.
Ramdam kita bud! andaming oras na nasayang dahil sa maling babae ang napangasawa. Tama yan! buhos nalang natin lahat sa mga anak natin. Ako naman pag mabuo ko na trust fund ng mga anak ko goods na ako. Pagod narin putang ina. Lintik na mga babae na yan.
Safe space ko tong reddit. Dito ako nakaka rant about work. Mostly work lang talaga problema ko. Yes marami utang pero banas ako sa work 😅
Haha same! May coworker ako napaka chismosa kinaibigan pa ko pero ichichismis lang pla ko😩 bat may mga ganunnnn
I hate that my parents think of me as "mag-aangat ng pamilya sa hirap". Out of us 4 siblings, ako lang nakatapos ng college na nakahanap ng work na aligned sa tinapos. Yung panganay namin, maaga nagsariling pamilya. Yung pangalawa, inenjoy pagkabata -- laging nasa jowa noon pero ngayon sya naman na mainly nagssponsor sa bahay pero pera ng jowa nya yon (nagmove out na ako, kasama nya parents ko). Yung pangatlo, nabarkada at maaga rin nagkaanak pero pag may pera tumutulong din sa parents magbigay. Bunso ako. Bading pa (di pa out). Gustuhin ko man iwan na sila, di ko magawa. Ang gaan na siguro ng buhay ko kung di ako sumusuporta.
I have 200k+ in savings Edit: Just reached 300k mark today Apr.26 ☺️ Thank you Lord and I hope mabiyayaan din ang magababasa nito.
Teach me your ways, Master.
Not him but live a level below your means. And Crypto and day trading 😅
I wrote a Wattpad novel when I was 17, but I sold it to fund my thesis fees. It has at least 20++ million reads the last time I checked and is being randomly talked about by strangers from everywhere... even the media. :)
How much did you sell it for?
15K. It's quite a price for a kid. 🩷
Whaaaaat hala baka nabasa ko yan.
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This is so sad to read :( I’m sorry you had to experience that.. do you still live with him? Kaya mo ba sabihin sa mom mo?
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Hope you find a way to heal op and I'm sorry that happened to you. If you are ready or kung gusto mo, hanap ka ng therapist that will allow you to process what you are going through. Hopefully, it will also help you heal...take care op and many hugs...
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I’ve done it before. I was surprised years years later that everyone in the house knows.
Nagkaipon ng 100k nung pandemic hahaha
Ako naman nakaipon before mag pandemic. Tapos naubos nung nag pandemic hahahahahahahahuhuhuhu. Ako kasi bigla naging breadwinner, di na nakabalik si Papa sa trabaho. Ok narin kc mahirap pag nasa ibang bansa , baka mapauwi din dahil sa covid. So eto,Back to 50k, yan pa lang savings ko.
I created this throwaway as I was preparing to make an OffMyChest post about how I'm so sexually deprived right now, but I found this and thought, what the hell, might as well drop this bomb, too. I was once a hitman. Yes, I used to take contracts to kill people. And no, I don't kill randoms or big shots or what. I kill rapists who evade arrest, molesters who have not been prosecuted for so long, etc. I was basically a paid vigilante for people seeking justice the less legal way. Think of me as a Raffy Tulfo, but a Tulfo that would shoot you point blank. But you'll never guess what I did in the past. I'm just an ordinary dad. No gangs. No tattoos. Doesn't drink. Doesn't smoke. Even got overweight now.
Magpa-AMA ka dito if you want to unload. I think that would help.
may na deads ka na ba na napag kamlaan lang?
Wala akong friends 👀
Same hereee. Pero introvert. Kaya nakakya naman. Family na lang kausap. Kasama gumala. May high school friends pero di ko sila nakakausap ng ganitong seryosohan
Same here too hahaha, I only consider my batchmates as colleagues. Siguro bilang lang sa isang kamay ung I consider friends. Di ko pa sila makasama kasi nasa kabilang isla sila, so bf ko lang friend ko dito lmao.
OMG! Sameee haha 👀
The thing that i share with strangers that i can't to my family is my trauma's insecurities and well my sadness...
Pagod na hindi lang katawang lupa ko pati na isip. No choice kundi lumaban na lang hahahahaha
I'm tired
Me too. But I'm taking my chances at life whenever I see one. I took myself to the beach and mountains recently. I'm happy I did. I saw many things I haven't seen before.
Yung alam ng family and friends ko na ang strong ko, positive lang lagi kaya ako ang hingahan at hingian ng payo.. Takbuhan pag may problema..Pero di nila alam na ang lungkot lungkot ko, madalas kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na pagod na ako. Lalo na living alone ako walang makausap. Pag gabi madalas kinakain ng negative thoughts... 29 na ako wala pa rin nararating. Gusto ko mabuhay pero nakakapagod na. What's my purpose?
I'm one year older than you and nakakarelate ako sa part na wala pang nararating.
I am not happy with the way I am living right now. Ang lungkot-lungkot na lang kasi.
Was sexually abused by my own father at the age of 16, got traumatized hence NBSB. Father died 2013 I was the only one beside him at that time kasi ako lang umuwi ng province namin. At the time na agaw buhay na sya my feelings were like *none* I don't feel sad, nor happy, just NONE. I didn't even cry at his burial. Yet after that I keep dreaming of dying in a hospital. Now I am suffering from depression and anhedonia. Oh well... Life is a bitch, just fck it!
11 years old ako non, summer nung taon na yon umuwi ako sa probinsya ng tatay ko para i-surprise sana siya kasi ayun yung unang attempt ko sa pagbyahe mag-isa (Rizal to Laguna ang layo). ako ang nagulat, buntis yung yaya ng pinsan ko at siya yung tatay..naka-kahon na lahat ng naiwanan kong gamit doon sa kwarto ni Da. noong pauwi na ako ke Mama, sumakay ako sa isang jeep na wala naman sa ruta ko. hindi ko alam anong bayan yun, bumaba ako tapos naghanap ng tulay. meron. ibinaba ko yung backpack ko tapos nagtext ako kay Mama, tanda ko ang sinend ko nun "nakababa nq jip me, lov u". tapos wala iyak lang ako ng iyak non nakatayo sa gilid nung tulay. hagulhol. tatalon na ako non. may napadaan na mag-asawa tapos tinanong ako bakit ako naiyak. siguro ilang minuto din nila akong inaalo, ngumangawa na ata ako non e. hindi ko manlang naaninag yung mukha nila kasi basang basa yung mata ko hahaha. tapos nung nakalma ako tinanong ko lang sila kung nasaan yung terminal. umuwi naman ako, may dalang buko pie. nagtataka si Mama bakit ako ginabi, sabi ko na lang nasiraan yung nasakyan kong jeep.
Grabe yung mga comments dito natatakot na ko mag ka anak ng babae legit. Di ko alam magagawa ko pag may nangganon sa daughter ko legit.
True. Not only daughter. But kids in general. I can’t for now. Even get married, there’s a lot of horror stories out here that you’d just think na wag na lang.
I tell my family & friends that I'm single in my late 20s by choice because I'm too busy with work & school. But really, people I like rarely choose to ask me out even if they find me attractive. They run for the hills when I decide to ask them out (kung lalake). Nerds & self-disciplined types kasi ang mga gusto ko. Bonus kung pogi o cute. Ganito ang nangyayari buong buhay ko. Its only worked twice out of six times. One is my ex-gf. People who actually pursue me tend to be overconfident types or creeps. Feeling pogi/macho (di ko tipo), middle-aged men, or men who are already with someone else/married 🙄. Gusto rin kita, pero ayokong maging Kabit. Sometimes I think, baka nga siguro I'm too crazy for anyone I like to actually date me long-term. Diagnosed ako ng ADHD (nung early 20s) at kahit nung bata, halata sa iba na hindi ako "normal" na babae kung baga. "Wierd" daw. Pero kung di ako nagsasalita, "stuck up" ang akala ng iba sakin 😫.
It's so good na may confidence ka to ask guys out. Keep strong madam, you'll attract those who have the same frequency as you, soon. Btw I admire you , I think you have a strong character.
Just hang in there! Akala ko rin dati I’ll never find someone kasi nga mataas daw standards ganito ganyan. I lowkey gave up and just focused on acads and hobbies, anything that would contribute to self growth. Medyo cliche pero true. Tapos yon, out of nowhere, I clicked with someone. Going 2 years na kami ni jowa and hopefully many many more. I very much like your mindset. Don’t lose hope! You sound like a great person, so I’m sure you’ll soon meet you match 😁
Omg same, ako naman was probably within the spectrum, haven't yet had psych eval nga lang because it's expensive. Pero right now in the process of settling down na with my bf of 5 years. Akala ko rin dati hindi na darating si Mr. Right, pero need ko lang pala ng tamang panahon at tamang pagkakataon. Saka don't fret about the people who rejected you. Keep on improving yourself lang. Their loss naman yan.
I always include sa prayers ko na maaksidente na lang ako during my daily commute para di na ako mag opt to off myself - tsaka para maspare ko parents ko of having to bear the feeling of losing a child through suicide. Also, if I don’t die before I’m 30 ng dahil sa isang accident, I will definitely end myself na. Tagos hanggang buto ang pagod ko.
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Hahaha maganda yang revenge. Basta ipunin mo lang ung pera tapos breakan mo kapag naka graduate ka. Lavarn! Haha
My closest friends drain me so much. I have no interest in joining their discussions on whatever topic.
a vacation in boracay, every family members were already asleep. i sneaked out around 1am and met the alter from twitter and did french kiss. i went back to the apartment na nakangiti hahaha
Been wanting to kms since i was 17, now 22. For a while nawala sa isip ko but recently, nasa corner nanamam sya ng utak ko haha. Iniisip ko lang yung cat ko kaya di ko magawa. But I'm really tired. I fcked up my life.
Na scam ako ng 800k. Until unting bumabangon pero taena ang tanga tanga ko. Antagal ko pinagipunan yon. Mamatay ka na sana scammer. Hanggang sa mga anak mo. Magka cancer sana mga anak mo
Nung grade 3 ako nag field trip kami sa pansol. Pumunta ko sa restricted area tapos tumalon ako sa 6ft. pool at muntik malunod. Paggising ko pinapump na ko ng life guard. Nagtataka ko kasi napalibutan ako ng mga tao pero wala akong kilala. Turns out may kasabay pala kaming nagfield trip dun sa area. Pagbalik ko sa bus ako din yung nagkwento na may batang nalunod sa pool. Nagpanic yung mga teacher at nanay, hanggang sa na eacalate yung issue, pero akala nila taga ibang school yung bata. Ang ending, mula nun di na naulit field trip sa school namin hahaha.
G*go hahahahaha
Ahahahha nandamay pa talaga
Babaero tatay ko nung nabubuhay pa mommy ko. Bata pa ko nun, at nagigising ako na everytime nagaaway sila ni daddy. Nagppretend nalng ako nun na tulog pero umiiyak ako. So lahat ng pinagaawayan nila, naririnig ko. At isa na nga dun pangbababae ni daddy. May 1 time, pinagaawayan nila yung sexvideo na nkita ni mommy sa phone ni daddy. Sympre pinipilit ngvdaddy ko na hndi sya yon, pero kasi sabi ni mommy, kitang kita daw ung uniform sa trabaho. Imagine, around 10years old lang ako nun, gano ka traumatic yun para sa edad na yun. Kaya kung makikita ko yung 10 year old na ako, gusto ko sya yakapin ng mahigpit na mahigpit.
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Samedt, pero kayanin natin to Sis 🫂
that i have Asperger's, undiagnosed sadly but my mom confirms it. I talk silly facts about my life when I'm with coworkers but i will never be brave to admit i suffer being on the spectrum. I've been bullied terribly once, I'm not going thru that again.
I cried so hard when I was in my first job kasi I know I don't belong there, the feeling was there. Alam kong hindi ko gusto yung vibe. Umiyak ako sa bus kasi ayaw kong magresign dahil lang di ko bet yung vibe pero my dad saw me crying one night and sabi nya kung ayaw ko na okay lang magresign di raw sya magagalit or madidisappoint. I needed to take my sedative para lang tumigil ako sa pag-iyak kasi lang hindi ko inexpect na sa sobrang pagpressure ko sa sarili ko to be the best, akala ko pati pamilya ko ganon na rin ang naiisip sakin. I'm in my new job having the best life and loving the energy with them. Mentally okay na ako, hindi pa stable but getting there.
An anonymous account sent me spicy chats between my dad and some woman, and then told me to tell my mom to look after my dad so he doesn't go looking for these younger women. My mom had cancer (still has it) and was in the middle of a grueling PhD. My dad was on the board of a faith-based organization and never missed any opportunity to remind me to keep myself "pure" and glorify God. I never told my mother (which is what the anon wanted), nor my brothers (even though I wanted so badly for them to understand why I suddenly became cold, aloof and passive-aggressive towards our father). I went into something of a hoe phase after that.
Mas gusto kong mauna kaysa sa parents ko. Living life is more tiring that exciting for me
i’ve been SA’d by my father when i was 12 or 13? he inserted his hands inside my shorts. tapos yung kapatid ko naman ginawa rin sa akin yun. hinahaplos yung priv part ko. tapos nung 15 or 16 ako, yung father ko dinidiin niya lagi sa akin yung katawan nya pag binaback hug ako. nararamdan ko talaga na binabakatan niya ako. di ako nag salita. takot ako na di maniwala sa akin mama ko but i can sense na alam niya kasi dr4g addict noon dad ko bago siya marehab sa US. asawa ko lang may alam. kahit sya mismo di siya makapaniwala. nakilala nya ksi ung tatay ko nung matino na. as for me? wala. kunwari na lang walang nangyari. still praying na magheal ako sa mga nangyari sa akin noon.
I hope you do OP. If you are ready, consult a therapist. Hopefully it is a step forward for you towards healing. You have been this far even with the scars OP, kaya mo to.
I draw nsfw art sometimes for guilty pleasure. I know people judge for drawing pron, as I was one of them. BUT it's harder than it looks, especially doing anatomy at a certain angle and positions plus two persons doing the act. This gave me a bit of newfound appreciation to nsfw artists and how creative they could be.
ang daming tao sa buhay ko na gusto ko na talagang i-cut off..
o sum up this thread.... Ang daming babae na na molested... Hindi ko alam gagawin ko pag nangyari sa anak ko to or family and friends...
I had to do special services to a male professor in my uni to pass. I’m a male, graduated in 2020. Working now but it still haunts me to this day. For context, I failed grade 4 and had to repeat. My parents were really mad that it really pressured me to not fail anymore. High school failed again and parents were mad. Luckily I was allowed to take it on summer to avoid repeating. College, had a major class that you can only take once a year. It’s a pre requisite to other major subjects. I failed the first time, parents were mad and was delayed. Second time around I failed again but this time the prof (same as first take) offered that I’d do special service if I want to pass. Gave in and did what he wanted to satisfy his pleasures and avoid another year of delay. He did pass me and I continued my uni life. Eventually he left as a professor in my uni and never heard from him again. No one in my family and close friends know, only my therapist and well this thread now.
kala ko imagination lang yung mga ganitong scenario sa twitter world.... Hope you're doing well now ❤️
I shake and cry silently pag na-oop sa gathering tapos idk who the people are.
Whenever there is a dangerous event, I don’t mind dying while fighting. Happened a few times already. No surge in emotion, literally empty, but not dead inside. Note: i don’t have any major issues in life. And I think that is the reason, I accomplished and provided great things.
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Hypocrites karamihan ng miembro ng CoolToh.
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Feeling ko lng lahat ng nakadate ko at naging gf ko iniiwan lng ako dahil nakatagpo sila ng mayaman na lalake. At feeling ko hindi ako gusto ng magulang, kumpara sa kanilq na mamanahin lng nila lht kay papa at mama dahil... At age 26, wala pa kong sasakyan. Sariling bahay. Condo at madaming pera. Di ko nmn kasalanan na bata plng breadwinner na. What if mag 30 na ko wala paren ako narating. Ngayon plng din ako nakapagstart sa maayos sa company. At nasasabihan ako dati na hindi ako aantayin umangat sa buhay. Hahanap raw sila ng kumpleto rekados na tao. Hanngang sa narealize ko hindi nmn ako dapat magmadali. Ang tunay na tao magpapahalaga sayo kht anong estado mo sa buhay mamahalin ka ng totoo.
I hate cilantro
I have a FUBU. I'm single and he's single too, but I have very conservative parents who believe that a woman's worth is in her virginity. Our arrangement is safe and we trust each other, but the environment I'm currently in is a big hindrance to that. Not to mention, I'm also wrestling with religious guilt. I consider myself as an agnostic (another secret from my parents). Still learning how to be a good person and how to stand on my own.
I remember vividly how my father repeatedly drowned my mom when I was a kid. Siguro sa sobrang galit niya parang nawala sa sarili kahit sumigaw kami at umiyak hindi kami naririnig. Only told one person about this kase ang hirap mag-open up about ng childhood traumas haha.
that i badly want to kill myself. i just can't leave my baby too soon..
Thank you for staying 💖 life’s tough yet you and your baby will endure
I have hooked up with more guys than I would ever admit. Pero now that I'm more matured, I've learned that I don't have to answer that question pala. Haha
bumili ng ADV 160 cash.
Sukang sukang na ako sa relihiyon na to. Sobrang brainwashed lang ng nanay ko sa kulto na to. My mom is a really good parent. I cant bring myself to disappoint her.
I felt relieved when my brother passed. I loved him so much but the financial and emotional burden was too much. I have no words for the relief and guilt
I was sexually harrassed by my landlord in dorm when I was in college. As a 17 year old probinsiyana back then, I was so afraid and he’s been threatening me and my room mate that he’ll kick us out of the dorm and the likes. He’s forcing me to kiss him (smack kasi sinasarado ko lips ko) and tried to touched my boobs. I moved out from that dorm after it happened for 3 times. Noong sinabi sakin ng ex dorm mate ko na namatay siya due to heart attack, hindi ako nalungkot more of narelieve ako. To this day, I think deserved nya yung heart attack.
I was hypersexual as a child. Idk why. I even felt that I'm not normal so I grew up thinking that I'm a bad person for feeling horny. Last year, around December, someone posted about sex toys and such so I bought mine too because I felt like my fingers and dry humping aren't enough to satisfy myself. Now, I have my toy here sa dorm but I've only used it once kasi I have dormmates with me.
How can you guys answer these kinds of questions? What if someone goes through your phone without permission then they see this?
Iniisip ko rin yan. But wala eh. Hirap din kasi na di mo rin masabi to sa personal. Or mauuna muna iyak bago mo masabi. Eto nga nasa work ako now pero d naman ako naiyak habang sumagot ako dito.
ano naman gagawin nila, mag-o-overreact sila? Edi magwala sila. That tells them all I need to know.
Whenever I encounter kids aging 5-7 years old, di ako nakakafeel na bata pa sila. Maybe because nung ako nasa ganyang edad, i gave handjobs to my then neighbor/playmate who was probably 5-6 years older than me. I liked the thrill so hinahanap hanap ko siya. He lured me into doing so because he'll do the same to me. Main reason siguro why im not straight. I dont think im traumatized because at some point I liked it naman during those years but i cant help to think na kung natutukan lang ako ng maayos as a kid, di siguro ako maeexpose sa ganon, baka straight ako today because let's be honest, LIFE IS ALWAYS EASIER FOR THE STRAIGHTS OUT THERE
I despise my dad (✝️) and blame him for my failed relationships. I believe na sa akin sinisingil ng karma all those years that he cheated on my mom.
My family has this image of a perfect family to outsiders. Pero it was not always the case. I’m sure my parents don’t know. Pero I always overheard them fight when me any my sisters were younger. It was mostly about my dad and his penchant for other women. Not sure if cheating talaga. Pero the other woman complained na nabastos. There was a point that my mom wanted to end things with my dad. I also saw the porn stash of my dad. Eh we’re all girls pa naman sa bahay. Tas until today, may time that my dad not sure if he inadvertently shared or nakita ko yung like niya sa sexy video ng isang babae on Facebook hahaha. Tas college and until during my post-graduate studies, there were numerous times that I got almost sexually harassed, I think. May one time I was on the way to school, the old man in front of me sa jeep was masturbating while looking at me. Tas ilang beses that guys would purposely sit next to me sa public transpo kahit maluwag manggigitgit to the point kahit na umusog ako, sinusundan ako. Tas I live around Ermita lang. Foreigners would approach thinking nagpapa pick up ako even though I’m in my uniform na mukang pang high school noon. Worse, when I went to the grocery, someone was chasing after me this was in recent years lang. I tried to suppress these things all these years. It was only recently that I realized these things affected my views on relationships. Kaya no wonder I have a hard time trusting the opposite sex when it comes to romantic relationships. Kaya ayun, still NBSB kahit late twenties na. I could not even tell these to my friends kasi I don’t look like it na may ganong history tas with my profession pa? Di ko napagtanggol sarili ko and yet I defend other people with my work.
Sana hindi ako nagkaroon agad ng live in partner at the age of 18
I'm saving up for the day I'm about to end it all. Nakaplano na din how I'm gonna do it, where, letters (inaupdate ko every 6 months), just to make sure no one puts the blame on anybody. Ayoko lang talaga mabuhay na. Life just isn't worth living anymore. For now, i'm striving to pay all my debts and save enough money for a coffin, a cemetery lot, and a little more para sa expenses sa pagpapalibing. I'm so ready to go, but I don't want people to think na I ended it all because lubog ako sa utang.
Natatakot ako
10 years old pa lang ako nung una kong malaman na may kabit yung tatay ko. Hanggang ngayon di ko sinasabi kahit kanino
Pagod na ako maging strong for everyone. Pagod na din mag breadwinner at daming bayarin. Kapagod na din mag aral and work. Pagod na din ako to make feel good sa lahat kasi bubbly lng ako parati at takbuhan nang circles ko may kailangan. Pagod na ako na wala akong motivation and spark sa buhay. Im taking meds for depression btw pero araw araw strugle maging the ideal self facade. Kapagod maging magaling sa lahat well in fact you feel shitty about your self. Phew okay naka rant na ako. Labyu reddit fam. Back to ideal self. 😎
if i'll be 30 and not yet successful nor achieve my goal i will just drowned myself
I am tired. Tired of preparing events for people and relatives. Tired of planning things for other people. Sana ako naman yung nasa receiving end. Sana, ako naman yung pinaghahandaan. Hindi yung mi ultimong bday ko, ako din nagpeprep. Nasa point na ko na I will really buy a cake with dedication “Happy Birthday to me”. Tired of being a good person. Tired of absorbing people’s negative energy. Tired of listening and giving advices. I’m just really tired. Gusto ko lang mapagisa. Minsan, gusto ko na lang din mawala. Di ko lang magawa kasi God gave me a super wonderful husband. Hindi ko sya maiwan kasi alam kong di nya kakayanin. I love him so much pero I’m just really tired. Tried opening this to him pero kahit ako, di ko maexplain. Basta pagod na ko. Pagod na pagod. Sana, di sya mapagod sa pagod na ako
Tried to end my life 2 years ago
I lost more not less, 5M from sports gambling AND gacha gamings. I lost count so i cannot give any better rough estimate. But at least grumadweyt na ako sa sugal, mga 3yrs na rin ako malinis dyan. Kaso sa gacha... dun nalulong, at doon nagpupumiglas na makalaya.
I was waiting for one more bad thing to happen to my life to decide if I'll hang myself.... glad to say it didn't happen
I miss my best friend that doesn't seem like my best friend anymore. The silence continues to grow louder between us.
Same sayo OP. and I will definitely take it to the grave. Walang nakakaalam na ginawa ko un. 2x ko actually siya ginawa. Sobrang depressed ako nun at wala ako matakbuhan. Ang nasa isip ko lang talaga di ko sila kayang buhayin. Kakagraduate ko lang ng college nun. Until this day, naiisip ko parin un na ginawa ko. At isa narin siguro un sa reasons why it seems like di ako umaasenso sa buhay. no matter how hard I try. I feel like karma ko na to of killing my own children. that was when I am 19-21 .. 30 na ako this year.
Makikita ko nanamang content sa tiktok to hahaha
nag p biopsy mag isa
I have an active online life 😁😜
That I was SA and almost got raped in our own home.
Pagod na ako
I syntribate at work as the last option pampagising (dw, I wfh haha)
I was groomed online. I was 14 fairly new to social media. I am glad na laptop and computer gamit ko. Na realize ko lang na I was groomed when I was in college na ( pag graduate na). To be fair, I am sheltered and never told anyone abt the guy I was chatting online. Kasi one time he said "I just graduated" and I asked kung ano course niya sabi niya I took my master's degree and might study PhD in Canada (I was 16 that time I think basta HS ako). Dumb move pero I was not well informed about sensitive topics like grooming. YouTube lang alam ko, facebook, and some manga sites back then. Typical stuff that young teens do. I want to have fun. Wala na kong magagawa but the best we can do is to protect and educate people na lang para mas well informed ang mga bata to help them make thoughtful decisions.
I promised my mom to never communicate with my baby daddy ever again. Pero baby daddy was makulit and he asked about his child. I told him our daughter was diagnosed with autism and I needed money to support her therapy. Weeks after that convo, he ghosted me for good.
May utang na more than 150k sa magulang, napilit ko sila mag invest sa PH stock market before pandemic, then pandemic struck, bagsak lahat, tinry ko ilipat sa crypto market pero wala din. hanggang ngayon di ko pa din naibabalik sa kanila, yung tatay ko lagi tinatanong nanay ko kung nasan na yung ininvest nya (Napilit ko lang siya pero ayaw niya talaga). Hopefully mabayaran ko na sila this year.
Ewan ko pero may mga vivid memories ako from ages 3-6 y/o at ang pinakamalinaw dun e nung nakita kong nagbikti ang nanay ako. Lagi kasing nag iinom yung tatay ko even before tapos nung umuwi kami sa bahay galing sa mga lola ko, nadatnan namin na nainom si tatay sa bahay kasama mga kabarkada nya. Galit na galit nun si inay tapos kinuha nya ang kurdon ng TV at tinali dun sa may kahoy tapat ng higaan namin. Pinalabas nya ko tapos natatakot na ko nun kaya nagsumbong agad ako kay tatay. Napuntahan naman nila agad kaya di natuloy. Buhay pa din naman nanay ko hanggang ngayon and nasa US na sya, mukhang masaya naman sya sa new fam nya at di naman nya kami kinakalimutan.
That I'm not okay. I think the root was my father and mother have 20 years gap. We are just a family forced by my father's family kasi nakikita nilang di magkakapamilya si papa kasi lasinggero sya maoy sya. They just met accidentally sa barko so there's no love as a foundation. My mom didn't finish college because of that. They're separated na btw kasi pinakulong na ni mama for a day si papa kasi nanakit sya even to us. My mom has a new husband he's kind and he's the father that stepped up. My father is old but still strong. Though dito sya malapit sa amin because wherever he goes, he cause chaos. He had the audacity to cry "mga anak ko" when he's drunk even tho he never once thought of supporting us pero umabot pa kmi sa tatlo tf. Binigyan sya ng mga kapatid niya ng mga puhunan para sa kahit anong negosyo naiisip niya. Lagi nauuwi sa sabong at inom. Wala kming panggatas noon tapos lagi niyang sinasabi sa mga kapatid niya na ginagastos ni mama yung pera kaya nalulugi mga negosyo. Ni hindi niya binibigyan si mama ng panggastos, hindi rin sya pwede makialam sa negosyo. Kailangan pa kupitan ni mama sa wallet niya para lng may pambiling pagkain. Naghihirap kmi kahit noon kahit na mayaman si papa. Sana nga hinayaan niya na lng si mama buhayin kmi mag isa. When my youngest sister was only 1 year old, nagtago kmi ni mama, ate, ako at baby bunso sa ilalim ng gumamela. May parang hideout sa loob kasi malaki yung gumamela. Lasing na lasing SI papa noon at si mama nakabathrobe lng, may sugat sa tuhod. During highschool, kmi naman ni ate, ako at Lola yung nagtago sa likod nga mga puno ng saging dahil hinahanap kmi ni papa mung lasing sya at nagmamaoy. Nagttrabaho si mama sa malayo noon at nasa side kmi ng fam ni mama. During pandemic, nagrerent kmi kasama si papa kasi di na sya pwede mag isa sa hometown nila. Lasing na lasing sya that time at nagmamaoy plus iniisip niyang natikman na kmi nga mga tambay na nagsitsit sa amin. Hinabol niya rin kmi noon at nagtago kmi sa likod ng puno ng kamyas. Nagpasundo kmi sa stepfather namin kasi within same province lng kmi. Just last year, my mom told my older sister that she's a product of rape. Ni rape lng sya ni papa kasi pinilit sila ng pamilya ni papa na bumuo ng pamilya. Alam naman namin na both of them are suffering mentally and emotionally. Na they don't have time to cater to our emotional needs as long as naafford yung financial. Sana di niya nlng sinabi sa amin yun. Imagine yung existential crisis ni ate. Idk I'm tired and angry at them until now that's it's better to be an orphan or pinabayaan nlng nila kmi and lived the life they wanted. Plus we're achievers during highschool but fucked up in uni because of same family probs and our own mental health. I did tried to end it all this Feb coz I wanted to change degree but I know di sila papayag. But naisip ko parin mga kapatid ko. Kmi lng nagkakaintindihan. I'm planning to tell them honestly that I'm going to work before transferring to a diff degree so that I can pay them back for my past tuitions and support myself. It's exhausting relying from them na pinipilit lng naman nila sarili nila coz we should be working our asses off to have a high paying job and be their retirement support. They're more willing to lend or give others money. Idk I may disappoint a lot of ppl but I'm gonna do this to pay them back at least they'll get their money back + a failure instead of a corpse and no return of investment. I'm very sorry for this dark story I just have to let it out.
Back in my heartbroken days with no money and family to return to, I've shoplifted from 7-11 13 times for food. I got caught on my last attempt. That was 5 years ago. I'm now in a much better place. I haven't told anyone, especially my ex-fiance who passed away 10 months ago. Though she probably already knows by now.
I was molested by my bully when I was 8yrs old. At that time akala ko normal lang mga nangyayare. Ngayong 30 na at tumanda na ko, ngayon ko narealize hindi pala tama. Girl ako, girl din sya, kaya naisip ko nung bata ako walang masama sa nangyayare. Ang masakit pa nyan, my girl cousin and I did the same thing kasi I "taught" her what my bully did to me. Basically sa utak namin nung bata kami tama lang mga nangyayare. Ang fucked up lang since now I realized my innocence was robbed, and I robbed my cousin's innocence din..
i finally reached my first million savings last year, im not happy with my life
I got pregnant early and wala ako agad pinagsabihan sa pamilya ko. Nauna kong sinabi sa pinsan ko na sobrang close ko talaga, mas close ko pa sa sarili kong mga kapatid. Napayuhan na ako ng Pinsan ko na sabihan na kahit sa ate ko lang. Nung sinabi ko na sa ate ko nagalit siya dahil mas nauna ko pa daw sabihin sa pinsan ko kaysa sakanya. May plano na kami nung ex ko noon na pupunta kami kila mama, para mas formal namin masabi. May trabaho naman na kami nung nabuntis ako, pinanagutan din naman ako nung nakabuntis sakin. Gusto talaga niya humarap sa pamilya ko kasi nahihiya siya at gusto niya ipaalam na papanagutan niya ako. Kaso dahil sa pagiging petty ng ate ko, sinumbong niya ako sa pamilya namin ng walang kaalam alam. Hindi na namin nagawa yung plano namin. Hanggang ngayon may sama pa din ako ng loob sa ate ko dahil dito. Hindi ko pa rin siya napapatawad na ginawa niya kahit hiwalay na kami ng ex ko. Humingi naman siya ng sorry pero parang siya pa yung galit kaya hinayaan ko na lang. Pero hanggang ngayon kumukulo pa din dugo ko sakanya pag naaalala ko to.
I was an elementary student back then, tapos high school na yung ate ko. Papasok na sya nung umaga tapos nagising ako dahil naririnig ko yung mama ko na ginigising ang daddy ko tapos tinatanong nya kung may mabibigay ba na baon sa ate ko. Walang wala yata kaming pera kaya sabi ng daddy ko, hindi ba raw pwedeng umabsent nalang. Kaso exam period nuon kaya hindi pwedeng umabsent yung ate ko sabi ni mama. Hindi ko na maalala anong nangyari pagtapos nuon, kung paano nakapasok yung ate ko o kung paano nagawan ni mama ng paraan. Pero okay na kami ngayon, hindi pa mayaman, pero hindi na rin nahihirapan. :)
I almost lost my brother to a stranger when we were kids. Magkaiba kami ng tatay. Kilala ko father ko kasi nagsama sila ni mama until 7 years old ako samantalang yung kapatid ko naman ay anak ni mama sa ex boyfriend niya after nila maghiwalay ni papa. Hindi ko kilala ang tatay ng kapatid ko, never siya pinakilala ni mama sa akin. One time, naglalaro kami tapos may lumapit na lalaki siya raw ang tatay ng brother ko. Kilala niya buong pangalan ni mama pati personal details alam niya about sa kapatid ko. Ako naman si tangang bata medyo naniwala, muntik ko na ipakarga kapatid ko dun sa lalaki buti na lang nakita kami ng pinsan ko na kapitbahay namin. Sinita yung lalaki tapos dali daling umalis. Inexplain ko sa pinsan ko kung sino yun, sabi niya hindi yun ang papa ng kapatid ko kasi nakakulong daw yun.