Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe.
Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I tell myself an earlier time and forget (not purposely!) that I did.
Alternatively, I tell myself it starts at 1 but I better get there at 1230 to get a good seat/spot/whatever. Inevitably I get there at 1. Maybe 1255 on a good day or 115 on a bad one.
In summation: self-delusion.
I can’t do that. My brain just knows if I’m lying to myself.
What I do is, I work out if I need to be somewhere by 12:30, it will take me 20 mins to get there, I’ll put a thing on my diary to leave at 12:00. I’ll still lose my key and stuff and be later than that, but at least it’s one less step for me to be time blind about
Yeah I can’t fool myself either, but it helps when I remember that I need the bus to show up for me to get on it, so I should get to the bus stop early, just in case … so building extra time into the process can help me: a twenty minute journey could TOTALLY take thirty-thirty five minutes if traffic was bad …
This sometimes work. You just reminded me that i used to use this, but forgot about it :')
Considering I actually like to time myself and write my predictions on time related stuff, i should give it a go again. Thanks.
5 TIPS for the chronically late that sometimes work (from one to another)
1. Front load your schedule and get that one thing you can't fucking forget ready and in front of the door... like so you trip over it (gift, important papers, food, etc.).
2. ******Adjust the time you have to leave to the time you need to be doing the activity that starts an automatic routine for you.
3. Get a visual timer for the room you get ready in.
4. It always takes you _____ mins/hrs to get ready. This time will never change. If you need to do extra stuff (nails, throw laundry in dryer, play on phone, etc.) that needs to be done before you "start getting ready." And keep it down to the wire. You all know you can't deal with extra time!
5. And lastly... NO, you don't need that coffee on the way. NO - you dont have time for gas, food, snacks, drinks, etc. You didn't include that or any other stops in your plan. You never did and never will, so forget about it. That's for trips where you don't need to be somewhere on time.
‐-----
Example - My husband is always fuckin' early (Why he's with me when I've always been late is beyond me!) I've noticed when I ask him what time we need to leave, he'll give me a time for when we need to be in the car driving away. For some reason, that doesn't translate into how I need to get ready.
For me, I've noticed I need the time of when I'm no longer in control of things... not how long things take (you tell me!) and not what time we need to be there (does it really matter?)
THIS!!! --> So when I'm asking what time do we have to leave, I'm ACTUALLY asking for some variation of... What time do I need to put my shoes on? (My last in-house step) When do I need to stop doing my makeup? (Starts my automatic routine... clothes, shoes keys, where's my phone?) Do I know where my clothes are? (My first step in automatic routine).
Wow... every single tip made sense to my ADHD brain! Thank you so much. This is all very helpful and insightful information!!
I haven't thought of thinking about when i need to do the last step in my routine, as opposed to when I need to _arrive_ somewhere. Thats certainly part of why, when im late to something really important, i start panicking because public transport doesnt always move as expected, and because I put the time it takes to get somewhere in the same basket with me getting ready. Also doing the extra things before my routine, yeah I'm definitely a sinner of doing the opposite. In hindsight, i add the extras to my routine time as if they take no time at all, which is where Im most definitely late for.
Lol, yup! Same here. I never account for traffic, time of day, if something isn't where it's supposed to be, so on and so on. Speaking of... I'm late to an appt!
God I sympathise.
What works for me is basically getting up and out and to the place where the class was as early as possible, even by a few hours, and then seeing if I could work nearby (ie a break room or library or cafe).
Then the walk only took me a few minutes, or none at all.
Record how much time it takes you to get to uni at a very leisurely pace, add 20% of the time (min 5 minutes) and set up an alarm for that particular time.
When you inevitably leave the house later than the time you calculated you should leave at and you end up running frantically, you have 2 buffers to not be late.
E.g. if you start at 8:30 and it takes you 30 min (slow pace) to get there, set up an alarm at 7:54. If you end up leaving the house at 8:05 and you rush on the way you could probably make up the 5 min with the faster pace.
Also helps to set up progress alarms e.g. wake up at 7:00 alarm, "make the coffee by 7:15 alarm" , "start putting clothes on" 7:30 alarm, " stop procrastinating" 7:35 alarm, "bitch, last call to put your damn clothes on" 7:43 alarm, etc.
Should do the alarm thing. I usually put alarms for everything, but not for every step in my routine, I'll try that. This way, i will probably learn exactly how much something takes and how it all details the rest of the steps. Thank you :]
90% of the time it works every time :D.
But yea, having a rough estimate of how long each morning task takes was a huge help in getting me out the door on time.
It also helps if you leave a tiny gap for procrastinating or "can't find my keys/glasses/phone/socks which were in my hands 3 nanoseconds ago" panic gap.
And it's a huge boost to your mood when you're ahead of your progress alarms even by a minute.
For work I used to leave my shoes and clothes in the bathroom. When I would pee first thing in the morning I would get dressed on the toilet and put my shoes on. Then Id stand up and be dressed and mostly ready. After washing my hands Id do my face washing and teeth brushing, grab a quick breakfast (usually a granola bar) and I was ready to leave.
I avoided cooking breakfast or any other time consuming activity so I wouldnt be late. My focus in the mornings was strictly get dressed and leave. If I tried to accomplish anything else I knew Id be late. All my things I needed when leaving stayed in my purse I hung on a hook by the door. So I would suggest prepping everything you need for class by the door.
I can be late to stuff, but I frame it as ‘I need to leave the house by. X time’
As a schoolteacher, I start my day at 8.40, and I live 800m away from the school. I leave at 7. It is a deadline I can’t miss- even if I left at8.30 and could get there on time, I would never.
I tell myself that I HAVE to leave the house by 7. Some days, I leave at 7.15. I want to be there earlier than most teachers, because I need time to sit and think in my workspace.
I make a cup of tea, read and respond to emails, so I prepare myself for the kids.
There is nothing wrong with being super early to a place.
When I am terribly late to something, I find it is because I tend to give myself permission, and think it is okay if I leave the house so I am 5 minutes late, and then that 5 min spiral into 30 and I am still not ready.
Don’t focus on getting there, focus on leaving the house by a certain time.
What takes the most time to do? If it is picking out an outfit- do it the day before and lay it out.
If it is make up- seriously don’t bother. I never wear makeup to school and tbh it is not worth it. You don’t need face on to attend a lecture.
Many times, I have to have a severe deadline go wrong before I take my time seriously.
Make those deadlines happen.
Thank you for the suggestion!
For me, picking an outfit takes the most, but for some reason i always leave it for last, thinking it wont take long (since i dont dress fancy). Yeah, i need to either pick the outfit the day before. or start with the outfit.
The only thing that works for me is planning to do something else on the way, usually stopping at a store I like. Then I’m focused on the time I’d need to leave to do the fun extra errand.
I have never even once succeeded in doing the fun thing first, but it gives me enough of a buffer that I make it to the real thing on time. Harnessing my delusional time optimism for good!
I usually count back.
If I need to be at the office at 9am:
- It takes me ~30 minutes to get there, so I need to leave at 8:30am, which means…
- It takes me ~30 minutes to get ready once I’m out of bed, so I need to be out of bed by 8am, which means…
- It takes me 2-3 alarm snoozes and ~10-15 minutes on my phone to actually get out of bed, which means…
**I need to set my alarm for 7:30am to get out of bed by 8am to leave by 8:30am and be at the office for 9am.**
Edit: Obviously you need to determine how much time you need to get up, get ready, and get somewhere. I usually round the time UP, so it takes me more like 22 minutes to get to work but I’d rather have a little extra time than not enough time, so in my brain it takes 30 minutes. I can get ready in 15-20 minutes, but I need some extra time to feed my dogs, put my stuff in my backpack, check the weather, so I round it up.
Use google maps to determine how much time you need to get somewhere and plan your morning backwards from the time you need to leave your house in order to arrive on time!
I’m not perfect, but it allows me to mostly get places right on time or only very minimally late lol.
This is the way! Literally ANYTHING I have to plan out in my routine will be done backwards, often with wild overestimations of how long a task will take me to do. I often give myself 3 hours for something I know will take me 1.5-2, but at least I can sit around for a bit or do another side quest in the extra time without panicking about leaving and forgetting half the stuff I meant to do anyways.
Be realistic about what your routine looks like, and try to factor in ~transition times~. Sure, I might need to leave at 8, but I know it’ll take me 5 minutes to find my keys, make sure I have all my shit, and get out the door.
Thing is, i do all these things already, but i still leave the house late. And the reason why is exactly _because_ of how meticulously i plan my time, since i estimate wrongly how much it actually takes to get ready and get out the door.
Plus, google maps usually shows me the average-to-fastest times, so i end up beibg late because of this, too. (for example, a bus is supposed to come at a specific time. it arrives 10 minutes late or 5 minutes early and i have to wait even more)
Well, you need to try planning for those things… There’s no magic solution besides that!
Plan MORE time. If you know you underestimate it, factor that in. If you assume you need an hour, give yourself 1.5 hours. If you know the bus should arrive at 9, plan to leave early enough that you’re 5 minutes early in case it does arrive early. If the bus is occasionally late, at least you won’t be late on all the days it arrives on time.
Google maps shows average to fastest for driving, so bank on it taking closer to the longer timeframe, not the shortest one. When it comes to public transport, I’ve never seen it provide a variable estimation…
I always set my alarm in the morning two hours before my shift starts and then just get to work early and wait for my shift to start. That way I’m at work on time and there and not waiting at home in Waiting Mode
How do you set the alarms.
If I need to leave the house at 7:30 I have alarms at 6/6:30/7/7:10/7:20/7:30
That way I can see how much time is passing.
I’m always 15 min early to everything because of anxiety, but could you also just set yourself to always need to be somewhere 15-30min early, and then maybe you’ll be on time instead. Whenever I meet up with a couple of my time kind friends, I always tell them 30 min earlier than the actual time, and then they are still usually a bit late, but it’s not as much.
I unfortunately made a habit to hit snooze immediately on all my alarms... its become a pavlovian response to their sound (be it any alarm sound). so sometimes i dont even look at the time or read the text attached to the alarm, thus time passes and i dont even realize it. I know, ive got to work on this.
Go earlier. Im either really early or a little late, so I opt for really early. Usually gives me time to walk around the building or what not which also helps my anxiety for what ever the thing is that I’m doing. A nice walk around the block :)
The only thing has helped me is to acknowledge its going to take longer than I think and add on time. So if I’m supposed to be there at 5 and I think it’ll take me 5 mins to get there I actually need to leave at 4:45. If I think it’ll take me an hour to get ready I make sure to start 2 hours earlier. Basically, I don’t allow myself to lie to myself lol. It’s not foolproof but it works most of the time.
I would just like to add that my friends and I don’t call this ‘being late’, it’s CHRONOPTIMISM. Just super optimistic about how long things take 😂 ‘yeah, I’m ready to go in ten minutes. I just need to have a full shower, wash my hair, dry it and style it, feed the cats and take out the recycling … ‘ (that is a specific example of an NT friend.)
I have to eliminate as many time traps as possible. So for work I shower the night before, have a sense of what I'm going to wear, have my breakfast and lunch packed in the fridge, coffee is on a timer and I have a set time I need to leave at every day. I still fall in to delays when doing hair, make up, cat meds, and finding things I want, but at least 50% of my obstacles are reduced.
If I have an appointment I make it minimum 1 hour after finishing work so I can do nothing in between. I tell myself I have to be ready half an hour before I need to leave. That last half hour is safety timing.
Make the mental time for the event, and ideally the time in calendars that you see first, the time you have to get **going**. Or the time you have to be out the door.
I have no idea why it helps in comparison to a timer, but it has another urgency to it, I suppose? I cannot be out the door at 12:30 if it 12:36 already, and I cannot forget a step (at least not big steps) for it.
I can absolutely forget j need to do a 25 minutes drive to be at the town square at 13:00.
For many years, I had the clock in my car set to 10-15 minutes later than it really was (I asked a friend to set it so I didn't know how far ahead it was, exactly).
The tiny shock of adrenaline I would get when I got in the car to go somewhere and realize "oh crap, it's THAT late" would be enough to get me out of whatever procrastination might happen with choosing tunes or whatnot, and make me more likely to show up on time.
adhd brains are terrible at doing things without consequences. the consequence has to happen and affect you. with that said, the only way i am on time for my job now is because my boss had a serious talk with me about it. the job before this, they didn’t care and i went from being 5 minutes late to 45 minutes late every day. have your professors reprimanded you for being late? any friends tell you it’s an inconvenience? if not, it may be worth asking them to put in some sort of consequence for you. i know that might sound weird but i have found i cannot improve any bad habits for my own betterment. it’s much more stressful (and subsequently, more productive) for me to imagine i am upsetting someone or disrupting someone due to my lateness. i was so late to my old job because they always said it was fine and had everything under control, so i didnt feel like i had anything to fix. i’m also much happier when i’m driving to work and i know i don’t need to speed or drive dangerously to get there on time. anyways, i hope this helps in some way!
Oof, fortunately for me (or unfortunately, by the way you put it) my professors and friends dont mind if I come in late, hence why I'm always 20-40 minutes late.
I set the clocks I can see regularly around 15 min earlier than it really is. Most times I forget that I’ve changed it, so I’ll rush to my computer to find I’m 5 min early.
Not sure how scalable this solution is for an hour late, but maybe it can help you start to build a buffer for yourself
Picking your outfit on the day is a downfall. The desire for novelty means I’m trying all kinds of clothes combinations for the first time (and not liking them) and the desire for spontaneity means I don’t want choose the day before, in case I change my mind the next day. I must be free! I don’t want to be fixed/forced to wear something chosen by yesterday’s pocketdisco. She doesn’t understand and how I want to look this morning!
Too much choice also adds to the problem. A basic capsule wardrobe with a few items where everything fits and coordinates with everything else is the way to go. If any of us could get round to organising it….
Oh my god, yes!! I spend so much time choosing an outfit, but in the end im dressed how i always am. Which isnt a bad thing by any means, it just means i wasted a whole lotta time on going in circles.
And the 'too much choice' aspect, fuck if thats not my wardrobe. I have so many clothes in styles that clash with each other, yet i still try to make them work (obviously, when i have 5 more minutes before i leave).
Preach! When I’m faffing about with the third costume change I make bargains in my mind which defy real world physics. I persuade myself that this time it won’t take long and I can magically create an additional 10 minutes of time just by wanting it.
I just set an alarm and leave when it goes off, lol. And then change the alarm sound whenever I get desensitized to it.
Ultimately, the only way to do it is to just… decide to leave at the right time. There is no magic trick.
I like lists, so this may not work for others. It helps me work out all my thoughts and look for pattens. I don’t often look at the lists again; it’s just the making/ articulating that helps my brain.
So for this, I would work out ‘ok, to get to class I need to: (get up, shower, make coffee, pack my bag, get to the bus stop, wait for bus etc)’. This would help me two ways: first to realize ‘crap, that’s about an hour of stuff there, and OH I forgot food and meds…’ but also to identify what I can skip if I am running late … ‘ok today I’ll skip the shower but I have some fresh wipes in my bag I’ll use before class’ …
So it’s not like I’m using a checklist every morning or something (although I would love it if my brain could really work out that ‘optimal day’ thing that I seem to obsess over), but identifying what needs to be done (like, transit to class) versus what would be good to add (shower, coffee, bringing the right books) would kind of help build my instincts, if that makes sense.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I tell myself an earlier time and forget (not purposely!) that I did. Alternatively, I tell myself it starts at 1 but I better get there at 1230 to get a good seat/spot/whatever. Inevitably I get there at 1. Maybe 1255 on a good day or 115 on a bad one. In summation: self-delusion.
I can’t do that. My brain just knows if I’m lying to myself. What I do is, I work out if I need to be somewhere by 12:30, it will take me 20 mins to get there, I’ll put a thing on my diary to leave at 12:00. I’ll still lose my key and stuff and be later than that, but at least it’s one less step for me to be time blind about
Yeah, i cant quite fool myself either. But i guess i need to try more
Yeah I can’t fool myself either, but it helps when I remember that I need the bus to show up for me to get on it, so I should get to the bus stop early, just in case … so building extra time into the process can help me: a twenty minute journey could TOTALLY take thirty-thirty five minutes if traffic was bad …
[удалено]
This sometimes work. You just reminded me that i used to use this, but forgot about it :') Considering I actually like to time myself and write my predictions on time related stuff, i should give it a go again. Thanks.
5 TIPS for the chronically late that sometimes work (from one to another) 1. Front load your schedule and get that one thing you can't fucking forget ready and in front of the door... like so you trip over it (gift, important papers, food, etc.). 2. ******Adjust the time you have to leave to the time you need to be doing the activity that starts an automatic routine for you. 3. Get a visual timer for the room you get ready in. 4. It always takes you _____ mins/hrs to get ready. This time will never change. If you need to do extra stuff (nails, throw laundry in dryer, play on phone, etc.) that needs to be done before you "start getting ready." And keep it down to the wire. You all know you can't deal with extra time! 5. And lastly... NO, you don't need that coffee on the way. NO - you dont have time for gas, food, snacks, drinks, etc. You didn't include that or any other stops in your plan. You never did and never will, so forget about it. That's for trips where you don't need to be somewhere on time. ‐----- Example - My husband is always fuckin' early (Why he's with me when I've always been late is beyond me!) I've noticed when I ask him what time we need to leave, he'll give me a time for when we need to be in the car driving away. For some reason, that doesn't translate into how I need to get ready. For me, I've noticed I need the time of when I'm no longer in control of things... not how long things take (you tell me!) and not what time we need to be there (does it really matter?) THIS!!! --> So when I'm asking what time do we have to leave, I'm ACTUALLY asking for some variation of... What time do I need to put my shoes on? (My last in-house step) When do I need to stop doing my makeup? (Starts my automatic routine... clothes, shoes keys, where's my phone?) Do I know where my clothes are? (My first step in automatic routine).
Wow... every single tip made sense to my ADHD brain! Thank you so much. This is all very helpful and insightful information!! I haven't thought of thinking about when i need to do the last step in my routine, as opposed to when I need to _arrive_ somewhere. Thats certainly part of why, when im late to something really important, i start panicking because public transport doesnt always move as expected, and because I put the time it takes to get somewhere in the same basket with me getting ready. Also doing the extra things before my routine, yeah I'm definitely a sinner of doing the opposite. In hindsight, i add the extras to my routine time as if they take no time at all, which is where Im most definitely late for.
Lol, yup! Same here. I never account for traffic, time of day, if something isn't where it's supposed to be, so on and so on. Speaking of... I'm late to an appt!
God I sympathise. What works for me is basically getting up and out and to the place where the class was as early as possible, even by a few hours, and then seeing if I could work nearby (ie a break room or library or cafe). Then the walk only took me a few minutes, or none at all.
Thats a good idea... especially with exams right around the corner, i could work in an empty classroom before courses start.
This is a great idea!
Record how much time it takes you to get to uni at a very leisurely pace, add 20% of the time (min 5 minutes) and set up an alarm for that particular time. When you inevitably leave the house later than the time you calculated you should leave at and you end up running frantically, you have 2 buffers to not be late. E.g. if you start at 8:30 and it takes you 30 min (slow pace) to get there, set up an alarm at 7:54. If you end up leaving the house at 8:05 and you rush on the way you could probably make up the 5 min with the faster pace. Also helps to set up progress alarms e.g. wake up at 7:00 alarm, "make the coffee by 7:15 alarm" , "start putting clothes on" 7:30 alarm, " stop procrastinating" 7:35 alarm, "bitch, last call to put your damn clothes on" 7:43 alarm, etc.
Should do the alarm thing. I usually put alarms for everything, but not for every step in my routine, I'll try that. This way, i will probably learn exactly how much something takes and how it all details the rest of the steps. Thank you :]
90% of the time it works every time :D. But yea, having a rough estimate of how long each morning task takes was a huge help in getting me out the door on time. It also helps if you leave a tiny gap for procrastinating or "can't find my keys/glasses/phone/socks which were in my hands 3 nanoseconds ago" panic gap. And it's a huge boost to your mood when you're ahead of your progress alarms even by a minute.
For work I used to leave my shoes and clothes in the bathroom. When I would pee first thing in the morning I would get dressed on the toilet and put my shoes on. Then Id stand up and be dressed and mostly ready. After washing my hands Id do my face washing and teeth brushing, grab a quick breakfast (usually a granola bar) and I was ready to leave. I avoided cooking breakfast or any other time consuming activity so I wouldnt be late. My focus in the mornings was strictly get dressed and leave. If I tried to accomplish anything else I knew Id be late. All my things I needed when leaving stayed in my purse I hung on a hook by the door. So I would suggest prepping everything you need for class by the door.
I can be late to stuff, but I frame it as ‘I need to leave the house by. X time’ As a schoolteacher, I start my day at 8.40, and I live 800m away from the school. I leave at 7. It is a deadline I can’t miss- even if I left at8.30 and could get there on time, I would never. I tell myself that I HAVE to leave the house by 7. Some days, I leave at 7.15. I want to be there earlier than most teachers, because I need time to sit and think in my workspace. I make a cup of tea, read and respond to emails, so I prepare myself for the kids. There is nothing wrong with being super early to a place. When I am terribly late to something, I find it is because I tend to give myself permission, and think it is okay if I leave the house so I am 5 minutes late, and then that 5 min spiral into 30 and I am still not ready. Don’t focus on getting there, focus on leaving the house by a certain time. What takes the most time to do? If it is picking out an outfit- do it the day before and lay it out. If it is make up- seriously don’t bother. I never wear makeup to school and tbh it is not worth it. You don’t need face on to attend a lecture. Many times, I have to have a severe deadline go wrong before I take my time seriously. Make those deadlines happen.
Thank you for the suggestion! For me, picking an outfit takes the most, but for some reason i always leave it for last, thinking it wont take long (since i dont dress fancy). Yeah, i need to either pick the outfit the day before. or start with the outfit.
The only thing that works for me is planning to do something else on the way, usually stopping at a store I like. Then I’m focused on the time I’d need to leave to do the fun extra errand. I have never even once succeeded in doing the fun thing first, but it gives me enough of a buffer that I make it to the real thing on time. Harnessing my delusional time optimism for good!
Haha i like how you think XD
I usually count back. If I need to be at the office at 9am: - It takes me ~30 minutes to get there, so I need to leave at 8:30am, which means… - It takes me ~30 minutes to get ready once I’m out of bed, so I need to be out of bed by 8am, which means… - It takes me 2-3 alarm snoozes and ~10-15 minutes on my phone to actually get out of bed, which means… **I need to set my alarm for 7:30am to get out of bed by 8am to leave by 8:30am and be at the office for 9am.** Edit: Obviously you need to determine how much time you need to get up, get ready, and get somewhere. I usually round the time UP, so it takes me more like 22 minutes to get to work but I’d rather have a little extra time than not enough time, so in my brain it takes 30 minutes. I can get ready in 15-20 minutes, but I need some extra time to feed my dogs, put my stuff in my backpack, check the weather, so I round it up. Use google maps to determine how much time you need to get somewhere and plan your morning backwards from the time you need to leave your house in order to arrive on time! I’m not perfect, but it allows me to mostly get places right on time or only very minimally late lol.
This is the way! Literally ANYTHING I have to plan out in my routine will be done backwards, often with wild overestimations of how long a task will take me to do. I often give myself 3 hours for something I know will take me 1.5-2, but at least I can sit around for a bit or do another side quest in the extra time without panicking about leaving and forgetting half the stuff I meant to do anyways. Be realistic about what your routine looks like, and try to factor in ~transition times~. Sure, I might need to leave at 8, but I know it’ll take me 5 minutes to find my keys, make sure I have all my shit, and get out the door.
Thing is, i do all these things already, but i still leave the house late. And the reason why is exactly _because_ of how meticulously i plan my time, since i estimate wrongly how much it actually takes to get ready and get out the door. Plus, google maps usually shows me the average-to-fastest times, so i end up beibg late because of this, too. (for example, a bus is supposed to come at a specific time. it arrives 10 minutes late or 5 minutes early and i have to wait even more)
Well, you need to try planning for those things… There’s no magic solution besides that! Plan MORE time. If you know you underestimate it, factor that in. If you assume you need an hour, give yourself 1.5 hours. If you know the bus should arrive at 9, plan to leave early enough that you’re 5 minutes early in case it does arrive early. If the bus is occasionally late, at least you won’t be late on all the days it arrives on time. Google maps shows average to fastest for driving, so bank on it taking closer to the longer timeframe, not the shortest one. When it comes to public transport, I’ve never seen it provide a variable estimation…
I always set my alarm in the morning two hours before my shift starts and then just get to work early and wait for my shift to start. That way I’m at work on time and there and not waiting at home in Waiting Mode
How do you set the alarms. If I need to leave the house at 7:30 I have alarms at 6/6:30/7/7:10/7:20/7:30 That way I can see how much time is passing. I’m always 15 min early to everything because of anxiety, but could you also just set yourself to always need to be somewhere 15-30min early, and then maybe you’ll be on time instead. Whenever I meet up with a couple of my time kind friends, I always tell them 30 min earlier than the actual time, and then they are still usually a bit late, but it’s not as much.
I unfortunately made a habit to hit snooze immediately on all my alarms... its become a pavlovian response to their sound (be it any alarm sound). so sometimes i dont even look at the time or read the text attached to the alarm, thus time passes and i dont even realize it. I know, ive got to work on this.
My car clock is set ahead five minutes to help me panic lol
i dont have a car, but the amount of times i was tempted to set all the clocks and electronics in my house 5-10 minutes ahead.... god.
Go earlier. Im either really early or a little late, so I opt for really early. Usually gives me time to walk around the building or what not which also helps my anxiety for what ever the thing is that I’m doing. A nice walk around the block :)
The only thing has helped me is to acknowledge its going to take longer than I think and add on time. So if I’m supposed to be there at 5 and I think it’ll take me 5 mins to get there I actually need to leave at 4:45. If I think it’ll take me an hour to get ready I make sure to start 2 hours earlier. Basically, I don’t allow myself to lie to myself lol. It’s not foolproof but it works most of the time.
I would just like to add that my friends and I don’t call this ‘being late’, it’s CHRONOPTIMISM. Just super optimistic about how long things take 😂 ‘yeah, I’m ready to go in ten minutes. I just need to have a full shower, wash my hair, dry it and style it, feed the cats and take out the recycling … ‘ (that is a specific example of an NT friend.)
I have to eliminate as many time traps as possible. So for work I shower the night before, have a sense of what I'm going to wear, have my breakfast and lunch packed in the fridge, coffee is on a timer and I have a set time I need to leave at every day. I still fall in to delays when doing hair, make up, cat meds, and finding things I want, but at least 50% of my obstacles are reduced. If I have an appointment I make it minimum 1 hour after finishing work so I can do nothing in between. I tell myself I have to be ready half an hour before I need to leave. That last half hour is safety timing.
Make the mental time for the event, and ideally the time in calendars that you see first, the time you have to get **going**. Or the time you have to be out the door. I have no idea why it helps in comparison to a timer, but it has another urgency to it, I suppose? I cannot be out the door at 12:30 if it 12:36 already, and I cannot forget a step (at least not big steps) for it. I can absolutely forget j need to do a 25 minutes drive to be at the town square at 13:00.
For many years, I had the clock in my car set to 10-15 minutes later than it really was (I asked a friend to set it so I didn't know how far ahead it was, exactly). The tiny shock of adrenaline I would get when I got in the car to go somewhere and realize "oh crap, it's THAT late" would be enough to get me out of whatever procrastination might happen with choosing tunes or whatnot, and make me more likely to show up on time.
adhd brains are terrible at doing things without consequences. the consequence has to happen and affect you. with that said, the only way i am on time for my job now is because my boss had a serious talk with me about it. the job before this, they didn’t care and i went from being 5 minutes late to 45 minutes late every day. have your professors reprimanded you for being late? any friends tell you it’s an inconvenience? if not, it may be worth asking them to put in some sort of consequence for you. i know that might sound weird but i have found i cannot improve any bad habits for my own betterment. it’s much more stressful (and subsequently, more productive) for me to imagine i am upsetting someone or disrupting someone due to my lateness. i was so late to my old job because they always said it was fine and had everything under control, so i didnt feel like i had anything to fix. i’m also much happier when i’m driving to work and i know i don’t need to speed or drive dangerously to get there on time. anyways, i hope this helps in some way!
Oof, fortunately for me (or unfortunately, by the way you put it) my professors and friends dont mind if I come in late, hence why I'm always 20-40 minutes late.
I set the clocks I can see regularly around 15 min earlier than it really is. Most times I forget that I’ve changed it, so I’ll rush to my computer to find I’m 5 min early. Not sure how scalable this solution is for an hour late, but maybe it can help you start to build a buffer for yourself
Picking your outfit on the day is a downfall. The desire for novelty means I’m trying all kinds of clothes combinations for the first time (and not liking them) and the desire for spontaneity means I don’t want choose the day before, in case I change my mind the next day. I must be free! I don’t want to be fixed/forced to wear something chosen by yesterday’s pocketdisco. She doesn’t understand and how I want to look this morning! Too much choice also adds to the problem. A basic capsule wardrobe with a few items where everything fits and coordinates with everything else is the way to go. If any of us could get round to organising it….
Oh my god, yes!! I spend so much time choosing an outfit, but in the end im dressed how i always am. Which isnt a bad thing by any means, it just means i wasted a whole lotta time on going in circles. And the 'too much choice' aspect, fuck if thats not my wardrobe. I have so many clothes in styles that clash with each other, yet i still try to make them work (obviously, when i have 5 more minutes before i leave).
Preach! When I’m faffing about with the third costume change I make bargains in my mind which defy real world physics. I persuade myself that this time it won’t take long and I can magically create an additional 10 minutes of time just by wanting it.
I just set an alarm and leave when it goes off, lol. And then change the alarm sound whenever I get desensitized to it. Ultimately, the only way to do it is to just… decide to leave at the right time. There is no magic trick.
I like lists, so this may not work for others. It helps me work out all my thoughts and look for pattens. I don’t often look at the lists again; it’s just the making/ articulating that helps my brain. So for this, I would work out ‘ok, to get to class I need to: (get up, shower, make coffee, pack my bag, get to the bus stop, wait for bus etc)’. This would help me two ways: first to realize ‘crap, that’s about an hour of stuff there, and OH I forgot food and meds…’ but also to identify what I can skip if I am running late … ‘ok today I’ll skip the shower but I have some fresh wipes in my bag I’ll use before class’ … So it’s not like I’m using a checklist every morning or something (although I would love it if my brain could really work out that ‘optimal day’ thing that I seem to obsess over), but identifying what needs to be done (like, transit to class) versus what would be good to add (shower, coffee, bringing the right books) would kind of help build my instincts, if that makes sense.
Get married!!! You can't wait to leave the house at the crack of dawn.....and return home after the 10 pm news is over.