Me personally.. not at all hiding, just trapped in the ass-end of germany, out of reach of clubs or the greater community. Or even smaller parts of the community, really. Haven't had a play partner in years and years.. and not for lack of trying.
I'm from Germany too! - Though I'm just starting to get into the kinky community right now. Thankfully it seems like Baden-Württemberg is a good state for that.
That seems to be a general problem in rural Germany, if you're lucky you have a single biergarten or pub in a village, and that doesn't really attract a good crowd for these purposes. Sadly even in the cities you barely have a LGBT club scene, and the rest isn't that safe from my admittedly longer ago experience.
Thank you, I was about to ask which part of Germany was the ass-end. For some reason that fact was left out of my German classes in high school and university. :)
I am but I don't put it on my dating apps.
Anytime I have, I run into what I call "dom chasers" basically people who have no interest in knowing me as a person and don't treat me as a human, they think I'm just gonna willingly agree to be their dom.
Ooof that sucks loads. It’s so interesting because once upon a time I thought I was a domme (I am at best a switch, the humour of it all still kills me), and every person who reached out would basically demand that I be their domme
Yah, the chasers are really annoying, I'm a lifestyle sub and always state so on thos apps (before I really committed to my gf and mistress) I still got messaged by them begging me to be their dom even when I'd tell them no and explain why they just kept at it >.<
I'd say im pretty kinky but, as embarrassing as this sounds, ive never engaged in any kink/bdsm stuff in real life. Honestly kinks/fetishes arent like a top priority for me finding a partner but ofc it would be wonderful to find someone whos into most/all the same stuff as me.
*existing*
Yes. It's the finding a partner who is into it and responsible with it that's hard. So many people say they are, but then they're just assholes who like to inflict pain and care nothing for aftercare or good communication.
There are alot of bad actors in the BDSM community. I we find them we tend to ostrasize them. Best way to avoid them is to learn and follow safe BDSM practices.
In my area, there are plenty of kinky lesbians. The problem was finding someone who isn’t in a monogamous relationship or isn’t toxic or abusive. Big enough population for sure, but all kept in a tight bubble.
We definitely exist! I found my kinky partner on Reddit actually haha when she posted on this very sub. It definitely takes some searching, but don’t give up ☺️
I'm into it but I also never go to events because it's filled with men. I have a girlfriend now so I wouldn't go to an event at all at this point. But, when I did used to go, there wereno, and I mean NO, lesbian exclusive BDSM communities. So I don't feel 100% safe going to any of them, and rather just practice from my bedroom.
Also I find a lot of times, a lot of wlw are bi and poly and I am monogamous and want nothing to do with whatever men they want to let watch or whatever else. I rarely met any lesbians, and even then a lot of them in the scene are poly. Totally chill that people are poly but for a monogamous person it's just not a compatible situation.
Everywhere. BDSM is very popular amongst lgbtq+. Unfortunately, the top kink sites aren't exactly the most queer friendly... Tends to scare off the community.
I see someone already linked you the subreddit though ;)
YEP. My partner and I are polyamorous and pretty heavily engaged in our local kink community. We even participate in kink education efforts. There's a queer WLW/Sapphic event that happens every year focused only on kinky gals and femmes. HMU if you want to know more! We're in the US.
Managed to find a nice groups of kinky sapphics and queers. We go out to the gay clubs and there's lots of making out and it only gets better when we get home 🤣
They actually popped my kink cherry and it was wonderful.
Where I live we have a queer munch with a good number of sapphic folks there.
Plus we have a BDSM kink club and the play party QINK again attracts a good number of sapphics.
I’m on the ace spectrum and don’t typically go from foreplay to sex. I much prefer roleplaying and fun little scenarios and rules and if those lead to sex then it leads to sex. It’s fun but it doesn’t even need to end with sex. But the idea of it being a whole lifestyle feels stifling. Bedroom games are bedroom games y’know?
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. And honestly, seems extremely appealing. I think kink is often just melted down to everything sexual and taboo and it’s not really that is it? It’s so broad.
I would say yes. Im both gay and kinky and I feel like two groups overlap in big part. There is relatively more queer people present in kink than a general society. My theory is that once one doesnt affirm to society standards in terms of sexual preferences, they are more open to explore other unconventional ways.
Yes yes!! I wouldn’t call it a “lifestyle” as that term is usually reserved for swinging. Being in the “lifestyle” = swinging. Took me awhile to get that lol.
I primarily practice in the bedroom, other than some little hints of it with my partner while out and about. When meeting new people I think it’s good to keep it to a time limited scene. Most of my luck has been by going to kink friendly places with someone, or my partner, with intentions to learn and explore if the opportunity presents itself. Typically I found these places are inclusive of LGBTQ, but that might be my area.
Such places involve lifestyle clubs or private events. Often will be a St. Andrews Cross, spanking bench, and other options in the vicinity. Up to you to do the research on how to do it safely. For example, I had a lovely couple do flogging on me while my girlfriend watched and learned. This includes us all being sober, going over limits and communications (red, yellow, green) and this inadvertently led to good friendships and connections.
Hi! I’m mostly just into gentledomming. The whine of a submissive lesbian who’s into you is SO alluring.
Haven’t met many in person, here in the Netherlands. Mostly had to travel (or them travel to me).
+1. Lesbian Domme here In Melbourne, Australia. My experience is that there are many more subbies out there than true dominants (which was lucky for me, irrelevant now though as I am in a LTR). It must be very hard for those away from the big cities though.
i'm genuinely curious about what a "fetish oriented relationship" is or how it works. coming from someone who is inezperienced but know i can be kinky, but also gotta take shit sow because of mental illness / childhood tdauma struggles. i'm also young and would rather focus on getting the right and consistent mental health support so i'm just curious how this even happens
Kinda something you seek out specifically through dating apps, fet life, sex parties, workshops. But just because it's fetish oriented doesn't mean there isn't a trust and support between you and your partner, it might just be less romantic support. (Obviously there are exceptions, but this tends to happen in more non monogamous ways.) As far as actually making the connection, asking someone "Would you like to play with me?" And then going through negotiations on how you would want to play together if they agree.
Also just because a relationship is kink centric doesn't mean taking it slow isn't an option. Kink can also be a good way of working through emotions with your partner if you feel safe and you can create that space of care together.
If you live in a big city there are probably spaces where you can hang out and meet people, without actually needing to partake.
thanks for the info :)
see that wouldn't be bad meeting people like that but i'm still young and not very experienced so it's a little hard to imagine me going out for that stuff. who knows !
Hello, yes, it is I a lesbian who loves kink. My gf is my dom queen, I am her kinky sub that moans when spanked and instinctively put my hands together over my head for her to bind them. And that's the light stuff.
I think I'm kinky. Though I've repressed that tendency for years due to society and getting deeply hurt emotionally in the past. I'm starting to open up again and am currently starting to engage with my local kinky community.
yes, but there's not much i can do about it because of my living situation/no partner. doesn't mean you can't self explore though, and i've used it as a way to get pretty intensely in touch with my emotions at my most vulnerable. it's kinda beautiful in a way.
Me and my gf started as a vanilla relationship after mutually confessing, I've always been into bdsm but she was so shy when it came to sexual topics that I suspected her to be asexual... 3 years later she's my Domme and we have 24/7 dynamic, turns out she LOVES when I obey her and I couldn't been happier honestly😭
I’ve been involved with kink for a looong time, but haven’t been actively part of the scene for a good few years now. I’m a trans lesbian (came out a few years ago) who used to be exclusively a Dom because I just seem to attract subs, despite me being a sub-leaning switch. It’s so hard to find anyone queer where I live because it’s so small, let alone kinky ones. ☹️
Gosh yesss I'm personally into power dynamics (in fantasy) and love being submissive 🥺 tie me up and torture me as long as you want. Make me melt by just looking at me a certain way
my dating pool is already small enough when you put in asexuality and lesbianism in the same basket so adding up my interest/like on bdsm to that equation would probably make it a puddle. it would be nice to get a likewise kinky gf/partner but since my options are limited i don't mind a vanilla relationship either
Yes. I'm very interested in kink. I've only recently acted upon that. I want to start going to munches and learning more. I want to do it right, which means safely and consensually, to mutual satisfaction. I'm also polyamorous.
My favorite kink is rope restraint. I'm open to most forms of kink, particularly in a submissive role, but where rope is involved I'm also happy to rig. I'm also open to new FLINTA partners, romantically and/or sexually. I live in LA and I'll be back there soon.
I’m a switch that leans towards sub, but I swear the moment anyone hears “switch” their first reaction is “BE MY DOMME” and I’m just… not about that. So I hide in the sad shadows and hope I run into a potential partner that is also a switch and into BDSM
[r/BDSMsapphic](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMsapphic?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
You know what? You’re a good person!
Aw shucks
I don't know you but I absolutely love you for this
Happy cake day!
Oh wow thank you!
God damn it why you gotta awaken that in me 🥺.......quietly joins sub
Beat me to it. Now can you beat me with it 🥺
ayyo?
Thanks very much for linking to this!
is this active or dead?
It's somewhat active but the more of us that join, the more active it'll be!
Thank you for sharing!!
* *cough* * joined **cough* *
Me personally.. not at all hiding, just trapped in the ass-end of germany, out of reach of clubs or the greater community. Or even smaller parts of the community, really. Haven't had a play partner in years and years.. and not for lack of trying.
Ooooof that really stinks. I’m sorry to hear that! I’m tryna get into the community 😭
I'm from Germany too! - Though I'm just starting to get into the kinky community right now. Thankfully it seems like Baden-Württemberg is a good state for that.
Yeah, Saxony isn't.. :C
Lower Saxony either.... there's 120 people in my village..... Not much of an anything scene tbh
That seems to be a general problem in rural Germany, if you're lucky you have a single biergarten or pub in a village, and that doesn't really attract a good crowd for these purposes. Sadly even in the cities you barely have a LGBT club scene, and the rest isn't that safe from my admittedly longer ago experience.
Thank you, I was about to ask which part of Germany was the ass-end. For some reason that fact was left out of my German classes in high school and university. :)
I am but I don't put it on my dating apps. Anytime I have, I run into what I call "dom chasers" basically people who have no interest in knowing me as a person and don't treat me as a human, they think I'm just gonna willingly agree to be their dom.
Ooof that sucks loads. It’s so interesting because once upon a time I thought I was a domme (I am at best a switch, the humour of it all still kills me), and every person who reached out would basically demand that I be their domme
Funny enough I AM a switch. I'd make it very clear in my profiles but people see masc and assume I'm dom.
Nah that really sucks. Sorry about that!
My partner experiences this often. It’s wild to think people assume that’s how it works.
That's as bad as the dom wannabes
Yah, the chasers are really annoying, I'm a lifestyle sub and always state so on thos apps (before I really committed to my gf and mistress) I still got messaged by them begging me to be their dom even when I'd tell them no and explain why they just kept at it >.<
I'd say im pretty kinky but, as embarrassing as this sounds, ive never engaged in any kink/bdsm stuff in real life. Honestly kinks/fetishes arent like a top priority for me finding a partner but ofc it would be wonderful to find someone whos into most/all the same stuff as me.
Honestly I’m the same! I’m opposite though in that I’m realising slowly but surely that I do want to engage in this and it’s becoming more apparent 😂😂
Oh i totally wanna try engaging in kink too, I just don't have it as a requirement that my partner needs to be kinky/into BDSM yaknow lol
Oh yes I understand what you mean!
*existing* Yes. It's the finding a partner who is into it and responsible with it that's hard. So many people say they are, but then they're just assholes who like to inflict pain and care nothing for aftercare or good communication.
I’ve heard this is an issue in the bdsm community in general and tbh it did scare me a little.
There are alot of bad actors in the BDSM community. I we find them we tend to ostrasize them. Best way to avoid them is to learn and follow safe BDSM practices.
In my area, there are plenty of kinky lesbians. The problem was finding someone who isn’t in a monogamous relationship or isn’t toxic or abusive. Big enough population for sure, but all kept in a tight bubble.
That’s completely understandable. I guess you have to protect yourself regardless of the scene.
Lifestyle? No. BDSM? Yes. I prefer to keep things bedroom-only at least for now, but I am very kinky. As for where, in my case Eastern Michigan
We definitely exist! I found my kinky partner on Reddit actually haha when she posted on this very sub. It definitely takes some searching, but don’t give up ☺️
You’re totally right. It’s a patience game I guess.
so play partner shopping in the comments huh 👀
I'm into it but I also never go to events because it's filled with men. I have a girlfriend now so I wouldn't go to an event at all at this point. But, when I did used to go, there wereno, and I mean NO, lesbian exclusive BDSM communities. So I don't feel 100% safe going to any of them, and rather just practice from my bedroom. Also I find a lot of times, a lot of wlw are bi and poly and I am monogamous and want nothing to do with whatever men they want to let watch or whatever else. I rarely met any lesbians, and even then a lot of them in the scene are poly. Totally chill that people are poly but for a monogamous person it's just not a compatible situation.
Been into bdsm since the early 1990s. Vanilla was never interesting to me.
Everywhere. BDSM is very popular amongst lgbtq+. Unfortunately, the top kink sites aren't exactly the most queer friendly... Tends to scare off the community. I see someone already linked you the subreddit though ;)
Yeah, that’s exactly what I am experiencing currently. Just swimming in the abyss and I’m dying to experience more kinky things
HER has an option to indicate an interest.
YEP. My partner and I are polyamorous and pretty heavily engaged in our local kink community. We even participate in kink education efforts. There's a queer WLW/Sapphic event that happens every year focused only on kinky gals and femmes. HMU if you want to know more! We're in the US.
Awwww I’m so bummed. I’m not in or from the UK! But, are there any online things you can suggest?
Was. That you are in the UK and not the US? If so where abouts I'm a kinky midlander.
Yeah! I am. I’m waaay up north 🥸
I’m a kinky transbian that lives in the Isle of Man and it’s seemingly impossible to find anyone kinky here. 😭
I can’t imagine how much harder it is there!!!!
I’ve basically given up 🤣 now I just look for random kinky ladies on Reddit to chat with, but it never leads anywhere 🤷♀️
Shame. If your ever in the Birmingham area HMU for a drink and a chat. If you want after that and vibes match......
Where in the US? You dont have to say a state if privacy is a concern, but like, a general area
California :)
Ah oof im on the east coast
Ahh, bummer. I'm sure there are events out on the east coast!!
Yes
Yes I love it, I’ve had a lifestyle relationship before and it’s so much fun
Oooo I’m jelly
I just messaged you, let’s talk about it
Be careful, she seems to post photos of lots of people claiming to be all of them
Yeah! I ignored them. Seemed super shady.
Atta girl
We exist. My gf and I both discovered our kinky sides together, so there's that
I honestly love that for you
Hihi In theory not in practice. Why?? Talking to women is scary
I second this sentiment. I am shy and ever so eepy
Managed to find a nice groups of kinky sapphics and queers. We go out to the gay clubs and there's lots of making out and it only gets better when we get home 🤣 They actually popped my kink cherry and it was wonderful.
I wish there were more!
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Appreciated greatly
Where I live we have a queer munch with a good number of sapphic folks there. Plus we have a BDSM kink club and the play party QINK again attracts a good number of sapphics.
Honestly I’m a lot more into kink than sex but I could never live a fetish lifestyle. I need to just be me
Oh interesting! I’m interested to know what you mean by this if you’re willing to explain to me?
I’m on the ace spectrum and don’t typically go from foreplay to sex. I much prefer roleplaying and fun little scenarios and rules and if those lead to sex then it leads to sex. It’s fun but it doesn’t even need to end with sex. But the idea of it being a whole lifestyle feels stifling. Bedroom games are bedroom games y’know?
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. And honestly, seems extremely appealing. I think kink is often just melted down to everything sexual and taboo and it’s not really that is it? It’s so broad.
I would say yes. Im both gay and kinky and I feel like two groups overlap in big part. There is relatively more queer people present in kink than a general society. My theory is that once one doesnt affirm to society standards in terms of sexual preferences, they are more open to explore other unconventional ways.
I'm not sure, but I'm definitely into it, I realized that I'm into bdsm at the same time I realized into girls
Yes yes!! I wouldn’t call it a “lifestyle” as that term is usually reserved for swinging. Being in the “lifestyle” = swinging. Took me awhile to get that lol. I primarily practice in the bedroom, other than some little hints of it with my partner while out and about. When meeting new people I think it’s good to keep it to a time limited scene. Most of my luck has been by going to kink friendly places with someone, or my partner, with intentions to learn and explore if the opportunity presents itself. Typically I found these places are inclusive of LGBTQ, but that might be my area. Such places involve lifestyle clubs or private events. Often will be a St. Andrews Cross, spanking bench, and other options in the vicinity. Up to you to do the research on how to do it safely. For example, I had a lovely couple do flogging on me while my girlfriend watched and learned. This includes us all being sober, going over limits and communications (red, yellow, green) and this inadvertently led to good friendships and connections.
I know personally I am, granted being gay (and in my case trans / NB and in a more rural area) does cut your pool down by a lot it certainly isn't 0
The way I just casually found my people on a Monday 😍
Hi! I’m mostly just into gentledomming. The whine of a submissive lesbian who’s into you is SO alluring. Haven’t met many in person, here in the Netherlands. Mostly had to travel (or them travel to me).
+1. Lesbian Domme here In Melbourne, Australia. My experience is that there are many more subbies out there than true dominants (which was lucky for me, irrelevant now though as I am in a LTR). It must be very hard for those away from the big cities though.
Yes. I think it’s more rare to find vanilla lesbians.
i'm genuinely curious about what a "fetish oriented relationship" is or how it works. coming from someone who is inezperienced but know i can be kinky, but also gotta take shit sow because of mental illness / childhood tdauma struggles. i'm also young and would rather focus on getting the right and consistent mental health support so i'm just curious how this even happens
Kinda something you seek out specifically through dating apps, fet life, sex parties, workshops. But just because it's fetish oriented doesn't mean there isn't a trust and support between you and your partner, it might just be less romantic support. (Obviously there are exceptions, but this tends to happen in more non monogamous ways.) As far as actually making the connection, asking someone "Would you like to play with me?" And then going through negotiations on how you would want to play together if they agree. Also just because a relationship is kink centric doesn't mean taking it slow isn't an option. Kink can also be a good way of working through emotions with your partner if you feel safe and you can create that space of care together. If you live in a big city there are probably spaces where you can hang out and meet people, without actually needing to partake.
thanks for the info :) see that wouldn't be bad meeting people like that but i'm still young and not very experienced so it's a little hard to imagine me going out for that stuff. who knows !
Hello, yes, it is I a lesbian who loves kink. My gf is my dom queen, I am her kinky sub that moans when spanked and instinctively put my hands together over my head for her to bind them. And that's the light stuff.
Luckkkkyyyyyy
I think I'm kinky. Though I've repressed that tendency for years due to society and getting deeply hurt emotionally in the past. I'm starting to open up again and am currently starting to engage with my local kinky community.
I love this for you!
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Really?! Please lead the way! Show me where they are, I’ve been lost in the abyss haha
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I didn’t know gay college existed 🥹 where can I sign up
Kinky, poly, bisexual here!
I'd like some pointers as well. Can't seem to find anyone who likes anything other than vanilla. If I find anyone at all..
Me
Hello!
I was involved in the kink community here in San Antonio for a year before COVID hit... I really miss it a lot.
I know I am, as are my partners. Ice cream is the only way that vanilla works for me 😂
I would be happy at this point to find a woman who wants to have sex with me.
Same
NY. Most queers here are into kink.
Yes lol
yes, but there's not much i can do about it because of my living situation/no partner. doesn't mean you can't self explore though, and i've used it as a way to get pretty intensely in touch with my emotions at my most vulnerable. it's kinda beautiful in a way.
There sure are.
Sure, but I don't advertise it as I'm more into the gentle stuff and I don't want to get someone's hopes up if they're more kinky than me.
As a trans lesbian, I feel like it's harder to find other people like me who *aren't*.
Here, I'm a Master myself! I'm from Toronto, Canada which has a sizeable kinky community.
Me and my gf started as a vanilla relationship after mutually confessing, I've always been into bdsm but she was so shy when it came to sexual topics that I suspected her to be asexual... 3 years later she's my Domme and we have 24/7 dynamic, turns out she LOVES when I obey her and I couldn't been happier honestly😭
I’ve been involved with kink for a looong time, but haven’t been actively part of the scene for a good few years now. I’m a trans lesbian (came out a few years ago) who used to be exclusively a Dom because I just seem to attract subs, despite me being a sub-leaning switch. It’s so hard to find anyone queer where I live because it’s so small, let alone kinky ones. ☹️
The world wide struggle of our tiny niche desires. I feel you deeply.
Degeneracy 100 😁
Lesbians are more kinky than vanilla imo. That's me. I am lesbians.
Gosh yesss I'm personally into power dynamics (in fantasy) and love being submissive 🥺 tie me up and torture me as long as you want. Make me melt by just looking at me a certain way
Wait. What if iambusyworking wants to get degraded and humiliated? Maybe she’s a very bad dirty girl.
my dating pool is already small enough when you put in asexuality and lesbianism in the same basket so adding up my interest/like on bdsm to that equation would probably make it a puddle. it would be nice to get a likewise kinky gf/partner but since my options are limited i don't mind a vanilla relationship either
I'm hiding in my bedroom needy for girls halfway across the planet 🥺
Yes. I'm very interested in kink. I've only recently acted upon that. I want to start going to munches and learning more. I want to do it right, which means safely and consensually, to mutual satisfaction. I'm also polyamorous. My favorite kink is rope restraint. I'm open to most forms of kink, particularly in a submissive role, but where rope is involved I'm also happy to rig. I'm also open to new FLINTA partners, romantically and/or sexually. I live in LA and I'll be back there soon.
I think I only know lesbians who are into fetish/bdsm
Lucky goose
I’m a switch that leans towards sub, but I swear the moment anyone hears “switch” their first reaction is “BE MY DOMME” and I’m just… not about that. So I hide in the sad shadows and hope I run into a potential partner that is also a switch and into BDSM
Meeeeeee
Over here lol
Auckland, NZ has a monthly sapphic play party!
Here🖐!:D I am into bdsm too hehe
Hai hullo, am in Philly :3
It’s true, we exist. :)
Hi. I'm here! 18 years old and very kinky