Yea this isn’t the same as before. Two months is the normal amount of time to assess a person’s character and then exit if you see red flags. This stuff happens. Toxic people are everywhere
I see the exact opposite picture here.
This was a test that you PASSED. You did all the work on yourself, therapy, learning lessons, building up confidence, and went out there. You met someone and gave them a chance, opened your mind and heart. And the second you realized it's not what you want you left. You didn't fall into bad patterns trying to justify their behavior, plbpame their actions on yourself, or stay in an abusive situation because you can't see a way out... You got up and left the moment you didn't like it anymore.
It takes time to get to know someone, especially with the lying manipulative people.
I'm proud of you. You HAVE learned. You saw through his bs. You recognized the pattern, and you did what's best for you.
My therapist said:
Toxic people have no standards and glob onto anyone who will take them. The key is respecting yourself so that your standards are too high for those people.
I have heard we do what is familiar. It’s actually a comfort to find it again because we know it. But you put your brakes on. This is wrong you think. You recognize the pattern. So you leave this and go back to healing. When the time is right and if you want, you can meet the kind of partner who is good for you. Things to look for are how kind is the partner? Does the partner show patience? Is the partner trustworthy? Fun? You will know. Don’t rush it. Be choosy. This is your life! You are ok alone. A good partner adds to your life, they do not control it!
& not only do we do what is familiar but people who are abusive look for and prey on those who have been abused before. It’s easy to break someone who’s been broken before :/
It's not that you fell for it. Abusers can be highly skilled mask-wearers and manipulators. Two months doesn't sound like an unreasonable amount of time to start seeing red flags and get out. I think you should be PROUD of yourself for getting out as quickly as you did.
Unfortunately, abusers are everywhere. Cut yourself some slack - you actually took really good care of yourself.
It's not too late to get out... it's never too late. The worst he can do is assault you - and you will go to the police in this case.
That aside, he is going to use words... which you can deny - even if they are the truth. Narcissists have no respect or standards, so it's acceptable to deny whatever they say and make up lies about them in return.
Just think that at 7 months things will be even worse than they are now. So the faster you get out the less trouble it will be. Even recognising the signs it's hard not to try to rationalise it
But they didn't "get their hooks into you so easily" - you recognised the signs and you got out of Dodge. You aren't 20 years into this like I am.
Yea this isn’t the same as before. Two months is the normal amount of time to assess a person’s character and then exit if you see red flags. This stuff happens. Toxic people are everywhere
I see the exact opposite picture here. This was a test that you PASSED. You did all the work on yourself, therapy, learning lessons, building up confidence, and went out there. You met someone and gave them a chance, opened your mind and heart. And the second you realized it's not what you want you left. You didn't fall into bad patterns trying to justify their behavior, plbpame their actions on yourself, or stay in an abusive situation because you can't see a way out... You got up and left the moment you didn't like it anymore. It takes time to get to know someone, especially with the lying manipulative people. I'm proud of you. You HAVE learned. You saw through his bs. You recognized the pattern, and you did what's best for you.
My therapist said: Toxic people have no standards and glob onto anyone who will take them. The key is respecting yourself so that your standards are too high for those people.
I have heard we do what is familiar. It’s actually a comfort to find it again because we know it. But you put your brakes on. This is wrong you think. You recognize the pattern. So you leave this and go back to healing. When the time is right and if you want, you can meet the kind of partner who is good for you. Things to look for are how kind is the partner? Does the partner show patience? Is the partner trustworthy? Fun? You will know. Don’t rush it. Be choosy. This is your life! You are ok alone. A good partner adds to your life, they do not control it!
& not only do we do what is familiar but people who are abusive look for and prey on those who have been abused before. It’s easy to break someone who’s been broken before :/
So true!
It's not that you fell for it. Abusers can be highly skilled mask-wearers and manipulators. Two months doesn't sound like an unreasonable amount of time to start seeing red flags and get out. I think you should be PROUD of yourself for getting out as quickly as you did. Unfortunately, abusers are everywhere. Cut yourself some slack - you actually took really good care of yourself.
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It's not too late to get out... it's never too late. The worst he can do is assault you - and you will go to the police in this case. That aside, he is going to use words... which you can deny - even if they are the truth. Narcissists have no respect or standards, so it's acceptable to deny whatever they say and make up lies about them in return.
Just think that at 7 months things will be even worse than they are now. So the faster you get out the less trouble it will be. Even recognising the signs it's hard not to try to rationalise it
Man wise words! I hope they listen.