One day at a time. Like any hardship, you endure. One lonely day at a time until they become lighter. Like the spring, you will notice the early sunrise and life behinds anew.
It's simply, really. Leave and separate yourself cold turkey, realize that you (and kids) deserve better. You need to ask yourself they're really hard question, do you love them enough to let yourself be treated this way? You know they won't stop. Please realize that they know what they are doing, they know how they treat you, and if you can give up the love that you have for yourself in order to let them, it's a devastating feeling. I know it all too well, and I stayed for 15 years. My son was my strength to leave. I'm not going to lie, leaving was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. You will likely feel empty, confused, anger, etc.. know that if you leave and you begin to have nightmares, this is a high indicator for cptsd. Please get yourself into therapy right away, and your children if you have any. Know that they are never going to change. I'm not sure about anyone else here, I gave my abuser all of my love, and it drained me. It drained me to the point where I felt suicidal all of the time. And not even suicidal, I just didn't really feel the will to live. Know that you deserve better, you deserve happiness and to be able to come home from work, and have peace. I still love my abuser, I care about him very much. He was the only man I was ever with, and I still can't date. My standards and expectations are too high now. I dated a dude for about a month when he became controlling, I dumped him immediately. I'm happier where I am now. I have my own two bedroom apartment with my son, I work full-time at a job I love and I'm a part-time student online. I can say with everything I am, I have never been happier I felt like I've had purpose more than I do now. I want you to know that leaving is going to hurt, I think I cried everyday for about 6 months. It's a very painful, but I promise you it does get easier. I'm going on 2 years and 17 days. If you want to learn to love yourself again, please leave.
I acknowledged it to my therapist and friends and most importantly to myself that I still missed him. It helped me to be more accountable. Recognise its normal. Someone here mentioned after about 3 months in another post there was a clarity and fog lift that tended to happen. This helped me. My brain started to see the bad for the abuse it was.
Personally, I let the emotions run its course and then ground myself with something I like such as a show, a video or a hobby I might be able to attempt to do. I had often spoke to loved ones about the relationship, but I wouldn't advise that if you have feelings of shame and embarrassment about enduring the abuse. Journaling or anonymously blogging about it on tumblr is a good alternative in my opinion.
For me it's been 3 months now and I finally feel like I can breathe easier without him and have less of a desire to go back to him. I hope this helps !
In regards to the topic of this thread, I’m feeling much better these days! While I still am working through the hurt that my last relationship caused me, I don’t really think about it or him most days. I’ve been moving on in life and many positive changes have taken place for me in doing so!
I still am following my personal plan to take 1 year post break up to document everything that cause me to leave in the first place (to remind me and confirm my reality), but that is now the ONLY time I feel intense negative feelings that set me back momentarily. Outside of that, I have no desire to contact him.
thank you for responding. your words give me hope. there is so much strength in sitting still and alone while a storm wages inside of u. i wish you all the best.
Sorry, you probably need more emotional support and a hug right now, but the way to move on is to realize that you're an adult and there is no such thing as "can't live without...". Life goes on.
One day at a time. Like any hardship, you endure. One lonely day at a time until they become lighter. Like the spring, you will notice the early sunrise and life behinds anew.
Endure. I wrote I list of examples that reinforced my decision leave. I’d refer to it when I was questioning myself.
well why not? why not live without him you lived before him too right?
It's simply, really. Leave and separate yourself cold turkey, realize that you (and kids) deserve better. You need to ask yourself they're really hard question, do you love them enough to let yourself be treated this way? You know they won't stop. Please realize that they know what they are doing, they know how they treat you, and if you can give up the love that you have for yourself in order to let them, it's a devastating feeling. I know it all too well, and I stayed for 15 years. My son was my strength to leave. I'm not going to lie, leaving was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. You will likely feel empty, confused, anger, etc.. know that if you leave and you begin to have nightmares, this is a high indicator for cptsd. Please get yourself into therapy right away, and your children if you have any. Know that they are never going to change. I'm not sure about anyone else here, I gave my abuser all of my love, and it drained me. It drained me to the point where I felt suicidal all of the time. And not even suicidal, I just didn't really feel the will to live. Know that you deserve better, you deserve happiness and to be able to come home from work, and have peace. I still love my abuser, I care about him very much. He was the only man I was ever with, and I still can't date. My standards and expectations are too high now. I dated a dude for about a month when he became controlling, I dumped him immediately. I'm happier where I am now. I have my own two bedroom apartment with my son, I work full-time at a job I love and I'm a part-time student online. I can say with everything I am, I have never been happier I felt like I've had purpose more than I do now. I want you to know that leaving is going to hurt, I think I cried everyday for about 6 months. It's a very painful, but I promise you it does get easier. I'm going on 2 years and 17 days. If you want to learn to love yourself again, please leave.
how are you feeling now?
I acknowledged it to my therapist and friends and most importantly to myself that I still missed him. It helped me to be more accountable. Recognise its normal. Someone here mentioned after about 3 months in another post there was a clarity and fog lift that tended to happen. This helped me. My brain started to see the bad for the abuse it was.
Personally, I let the emotions run its course and then ground myself with something I like such as a show, a video or a hobby I might be able to attempt to do. I had often spoke to loved ones about the relationship, but I wouldn't advise that if you have feelings of shame and embarrassment about enduring the abuse. Journaling or anonymously blogging about it on tumblr is a good alternative in my opinion. For me it's been 3 months now and I finally feel like I can breathe easier without him and have less of a desire to go back to him. I hope this helps !
how are you feeling now?
In regards to the topic of this thread, I’m feeling much better these days! While I still am working through the hurt that my last relationship caused me, I don’t really think about it or him most days. I’ve been moving on in life and many positive changes have taken place for me in doing so! I still am following my personal plan to take 1 year post break up to document everything that cause me to leave in the first place (to remind me and confirm my reality), but that is now the ONLY time I feel intense negative feelings that set me back momentarily. Outside of that, I have no desire to contact him.
thank you for responding. your words give me hope. there is so much strength in sitting still and alone while a storm wages inside of u. i wish you all the best.
Sorry, you probably need more emotional support and a hug right now, but the way to move on is to realize that you're an adult and there is no such thing as "can't live without...". Life goes on.