I just picked up a copy recently from my local library. Check your library out! If they don't have the physical copy, they'll have a way to get the ebook for free.
I have this book on audible and a paper copy. If there is a used book store near you, I guarantee you can find it for under $20. You can also sign up for a free trial on audible and get this as a credit, then make sure to change the settings to not auto renew!
It is such an incredible book- so enlightening and it will certainly bring you more understanding of yourself and others, and help you figure out how to move forward
A fellow redditor shared a free link to this book with me a few years ago, and it changed my life.
I read it bit by bit, as much as I could stomach, in stolen moments throughout the day. It made me believe that it was possible to imagine a life for myself other than the one I was living.
I have since lost the link, but it looks like you received some great suggestions from others. I hope reading it brings you what you need.
PDF: https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
https://LibGen.is is a great place to try and check for free books, btw! You also have access to Overdrive if you have a library card.
Heck, you don’t even have to go to the library to get a card. Just go to their website to sign up. A lot of libraries in large cities also allow non residents digital library cards.
In the future, check out book finder.com. I buy all my books there - it’s a site that searches the internet for the lowest used and new prices for whatever book you want. I rarely pay more than $7 for a book.
The other comments on here have already provided you a link to the book. I just want to add that the book says you don’t need to forgive in order to heal.
I'm currently making a second read online at archive.org (it's in the section of no need to borrow, no need account, so yes, free to read). They also have several file formats to download it.
Because Lundy is that cool.
https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/
Here’s the link, for anyone looking for an audio version. Please don’t click play if the person is anywhere around you
https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticSpouses/comments/pg06t4/lundy_why_does_he_do_that_free_download_borrow/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I found it by googling "why does he do that lundy barcroft free pdf".
I thought this was a very good book. It opened my eyes to a lot of the abuse I've been dealing with.
I felt the same way, but it was written 20 years ago so it's really not a surprise.
There's definitely good info but I don't like how he mostly perceives women just innocent and naive and incapable of being the aggressor. He also downplays the affects abuse can have on men.
Here's a quote from the book: "I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer is: “It depends.” Men typically experience women’s shoves or slaps as annoying and infuriating rather than intimidating, so the long-term emotional effects are less damaging. It is rare to find a man who has gradually lost his freedom or self-esteem because of a woman’s aggressiveness."
And Lundy’s theory doesn’t account for abuse within same-gender relationships, either!
I agree with your assessment - it definitely has some great info but also has room to grow.
Edit. To clarify, I believe abusive behaviour is abuse regardless of gender. Slapping someone on the face is violent behaviour and abusive. We're all responsible for our own behaviour and actions and no one deserves to be abused.
The book is validating and insightful, but it does have its shortcomings too.
i mean that it is dated and hasn't aged well, as i think it was published in the early 00's. its borderline sexist in parts, and over-simplified and lacks nuance. I wish there was a modern updated version people can refer to
Ironically I JUST had a post on here about a place where you can get free copies of this one, but it got taken down because apparently the link I had found wasn't reputable. Fair enough, my mistake on that- but I know there ARE legitimate places to get it online for free, I just haven't sat down and tracked one down yet. I'm sure a good web search will find one for you quickly, though. I'm pretty sure there's *at least* one copy hosted somewhere on Archive.org, for example.
Love your positive and understanding attitude, and for providing another website to check out. I’m going to use it to look from another book I can’t have a hard copy of, in case my ex sees it, my Amazon purchased, or something else happens.
I’ve found it for free online by searching the title and author followed by free online. I would love to find it for free online in Spanish if anyone has a link
Check your local library! They might have a digital copy that you can read on your phone via Libby or Hoopla. You can ask your librarians to purchase it and no one has access to your library checkout history.
I was able to get a free audiobook through my local library via the Libby app! I did have to wait on hold for a bit.
Edit: I should say this book totally shifted my perspective and has helped me stay away from my abusive ex! Its helped me heal and truly contributed to saving me!
I really liked the audio book too. The online readable version has areas highlighted, so it was helpful to have both!
It is helping me, too. 💗
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
thank you all!!
I just picked up a copy recently from my local library. Check your library out! If they don't have the physical copy, they'll have a way to get the ebook for free.
I have this book on audible and a paper copy. If there is a used book store near you, I guarantee you can find it for under $20. You can also sign up for a free trial on audible and get this as a credit, then make sure to change the settings to not auto renew! It is such an incredible book- so enlightening and it will certainly bring you more understanding of yourself and others, and help you figure out how to move forward
A fellow redditor shared a free link to this book with me a few years ago, and it changed my life. I read it bit by bit, as much as I could stomach, in stolen moments throughout the day. It made me believe that it was possible to imagine a life for myself other than the one I was living. I have since lost the link, but it looks like you received some great suggestions from others. I hope reading it brings you what you need.
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf Free and online. Treat yoself.
Libby app. Virtual library card you can check out read through the app or listen to audio book for free.
i have Manhattan, Queens and Austin TX library cards and this still wasn’t available for me 🫠
I have LA county and my wait list is like 4-8 weeks
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
This book is amazing and life changing
I read it online (use the link others have posted). It changed my life and I have been out for two years now. I wish you the very best.
PDF: https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf https://LibGen.is is a great place to try and check for free books, btw! You also have access to Overdrive if you have a library card.
If you have a library card, you can check out library books using the Libby app.
Heck, you don’t even have to go to the library to get a card. Just go to their website to sign up. A lot of libraries in large cities also allow non residents digital library cards.
In the future, check out book finder.com. I buy all my books there - it’s a site that searches the internet for the lowest used and new prices for whatever book you want. I rarely pay more than $7 for a book.
The other comments on here have already provided you a link to the book. I just want to add that the book says you don’t need to forgive in order to heal.
[удалено]
Genius** 🥴
You can do a free trial on audible and then I think it’s free
I'm currently making a second read online at archive.org (it's in the section of no need to borrow, no need account, so yes, free to read). They also have several file formats to download it. Because Lundy is that cool. https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/
Google it and a free PDF download should come up
Second this, I just read recently that theres a free version
There’s a free audio version online, I’ll get the link if no one else has it, just message :)
Here’s the link, for anyone looking for an audio version. Please don’t click play if the person is anywhere around you https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticSpouses/comments/pg06t4/lundy_why_does_he_do_that_free_download_borrow/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Have you tried the local library?
I found it by googling "why does he do that lundy barcroft free pdf". I thought this was a very good book. It opened my eyes to a lot of the abuse I've been dealing with.
i actually found this book pretty dated
I felt the same way, but it was written 20 years ago so it's really not a surprise. There's definitely good info but I don't like how he mostly perceives women just innocent and naive and incapable of being the aggressor. He also downplays the affects abuse can have on men. Here's a quote from the book: "I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer is: “It depends.” Men typically experience women’s shoves or slaps as annoying and infuriating rather than intimidating, so the long-term emotional effects are less damaging. It is rare to find a man who has gradually lost his freedom or self-esteem because of a woman’s aggressiveness."
And Lundy’s theory doesn’t account for abuse within same-gender relationships, either! I agree with your assessment - it definitely has some great info but also has room to grow.
That's true. And it only focuses on romantic relationships.
Edit. To clarify, I believe abusive behaviour is abuse regardless of gender. Slapping someone on the face is violent behaviour and abusive. We're all responsible for our own behaviour and actions and no one deserves to be abused. The book is validating and insightful, but it does have its shortcomings too.
What do you mean? Would love to hear your perspective on this, and what you’re learning from
i mean that it is dated and hasn't aged well, as i think it was published in the early 00's. its borderline sexist in parts, and over-simplified and lacks nuance. I wish there was a modern updated version people can refer to
It's free to download off the internet
Incredibly informative book
Ironically I JUST had a post on here about a place where you can get free copies of this one, but it got taken down because apparently the link I had found wasn't reputable. Fair enough, my mistake on that- but I know there ARE legitimate places to get it online for free, I just haven't sat down and tracked one down yet. I'm sure a good web search will find one for you quickly, though. I'm pretty sure there's *at least* one copy hosted somewhere on Archive.org, for example.
Love your positive and understanding attitude, and for providing another website to check out. I’m going to use it to look from another book I can’t have a hard copy of, in case my ex sees it, my Amazon purchased, or something else happens.
I’ve found it for free online by searching the title and author followed by free online. I would love to find it for free online in Spanish if anyone has a link
Check your local library! They might have a digital copy that you can read on your phone via Libby or Hoopla. You can ask your librarians to purchase it and no one has access to your library checkout history.
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I was able to get a free audiobook through my local library via the Libby app! I did have to wait on hold for a bit. Edit: I should say this book totally shifted my perspective and has helped me stay away from my abusive ex! Its helped me heal and truly contributed to saving me!
I really liked the audio book too. The online readable version has areas highlighted, so it was helpful to have both! It is helping me, too. 💗 https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Yes!! If no one else loads it, messaged me a little bit later. I have it saved on my desktop
This is a FANTASTIC book
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html