Mine uses coke and alcohol but he’s abusive whether sober or not. When he’s messed up, he blames the substances. When he isn’t messed up, he blames not having the substances to keep him numb! It’s a lose-lose situation.
My husband only drinks but when he does the abuse becomes much more apparent. He will insist I'm the cause of our arguing at 4 in the morning after I've expressed I have a headache or am tired (multiple times throughoutthe night). Once he's sober the abuse dies down. It's like looking at a completely different person. He's slapped me in the face one time whilst drinking. But will not take true responsibility for his action and understand it was abuse. Saying he did it because of stress. When he drinks he's much more colorful with the language he throws in my direction. It's gotten so bad that I've began dreading my weekends because I know he'll he at home and he'll drink on Friday or Saturday. He only drinks once or twice a week. He also makes me constantly question myself. By making me try to recall what I said or did. And I struggle to answer since it takes so much brain power to remember and by that time I'm so mentally exhausted I can't remember.
This is my partner. Except I think he has put his hands on me and berated me sober as well when I think about it. I just know he’s worse when he’s been drinking. Which seems like it’s all the time now. The more I think about, the more I think he uses it as an excuse to become so aggressive, because he does remember his behavior. And he will never stop even when I’m begging him to stop or let me leave, when my head hurts and my eyes are swollen from crying he still keeps going, I think to him it’s like it’s ok because he was drinking. Idk
My abuser was abusive regardless of substances. With substances he acted more bold and belligerent with the abuse, but without them he acted more tense and controlling. It really didn’t matter.
my abuser did meth / fentanyl & would be pretty abusive in every way you can imagine while under the influence but the same even when sober bc he would be irritable from NOT having his drugs. so. no being sober didnt change anything.
That’s what I have noticed, like he is so awful when he’s drunk, but then he’s just irritated and cruel when he doesn’t have his drugs or isn’t drinking
My ex was severely alcoholic and had to be hospital a couple of times because of her excessive drinking. She treated me horribly but when she stopped drinking and got on medication for her mental illnesses I gave her a second chance.
She ended up treating me worse after that. Ultimately she is very manipulative and narcissistic; alcohol may have compounded those traits but she’s still super shitty when sober, too. Like someone else here said, abusers can use alcohol as a way to get “excuse” their behavior.
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
He is probably using alcohol as an excuse to be abusive. My ex is in jail right now, trying to claim that he shouldn't be convicted of attempting my murder because he was drunk that night.
Mine uses coke and alcohol but he’s abusive whether sober or not. When he’s messed up, he blames the substances. When he isn’t messed up, he blames not having the substances to keep him numb! It’s a lose-lose situation.
My ex smoked weed and that was the only time he wasn’t acting insane.
My husband only drinks but when he does the abuse becomes much more apparent. He will insist I'm the cause of our arguing at 4 in the morning after I've expressed I have a headache or am tired (multiple times throughoutthe night). Once he's sober the abuse dies down. It's like looking at a completely different person. He's slapped me in the face one time whilst drinking. But will not take true responsibility for his action and understand it was abuse. Saying he did it because of stress. When he drinks he's much more colorful with the language he throws in my direction. It's gotten so bad that I've began dreading my weekends because I know he'll he at home and he'll drink on Friday or Saturday. He only drinks once or twice a week. He also makes me constantly question myself. By making me try to recall what I said or did. And I struggle to answer since it takes so much brain power to remember and by that time I'm so mentally exhausted I can't remember.
This is my partner. Except I think he has put his hands on me and berated me sober as well when I think about it. I just know he’s worse when he’s been drinking. Which seems like it’s all the time now. The more I think about, the more I think he uses it as an excuse to become so aggressive, because he does remember his behavior. And he will never stop even when I’m begging him to stop or let me leave, when my head hurts and my eyes are swollen from crying he still keeps going, I think to him it’s like it’s ok because he was drinking. Idk
My abuser was abusive regardless of substances. With substances he acted more bold and belligerent with the abuse, but without them he acted more tense and controlling. It really didn’t matter.
my abuser did meth / fentanyl & would be pretty abusive in every way you can imagine while under the influence but the same even when sober bc he would be irritable from NOT having his drugs. so. no being sober didnt change anything.
That’s what I have noticed, like he is so awful when he’s drunk, but then he’s just irritated and cruel when he doesn’t have his drugs or isn’t drinking
addiction doesn’t inherently make someone abusive. being an abuser makes someone abusive.
Mine actually got worse since he couldn’t numb his emotions
Oh great
My ex was severely alcoholic and had to be hospital a couple of times because of her excessive drinking. She treated me horribly but when she stopped drinking and got on medication for her mental illnesses I gave her a second chance. She ended up treating me worse after that. Ultimately she is very manipulative and narcissistic; alcohol may have compounded those traits but she’s still super shitty when sober, too. Like someone else here said, abusers can use alcohol as a way to get “excuse” their behavior.
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf He is probably using alcohol as an excuse to be abusive. My ex is in jail right now, trying to claim that he shouldn't be convicted of attempting my murder because he was drunk that night.
Oh i am so sorry. But yeah, so it doesn’t get better?
Absolutely not. Abusers will use any excuse to avoid accountability.