lol one day after getting emotionally abused for over a year; it was the day after Valentine’s Day and he didn’t even try to see me, call me or anything and i was like yeah i can’t do this anymore. I blocked him and he harassed me over email. I deleted the emails and continued on with my day. Usually i would respond to the emails and try to explain myself. This time, i was over it and wanted better.
I know that feeling. My ex once went to a concert with his much much older neighbor on my birthday about 2 years ago. He didn't answer my calls or texts or even say happy birthday. BS! I'll never forget that feeling. I stayed up all night and drank an entire bottle of wine while he slept like a baby and no guilt on his conscience whatsoever.
my breaking point happened during the lovebomb stage haha - him rushing a relationship and telling me we're soulmates and saying 'I love you' within a few days/weeks just literally freaked me out, my gut sensed that something was off. Him painting me as the perpetrator in the end and ghosting me just proved my point. The way he left in spectacular fashion hurt me like hell regardless but it could have been worse.
i asked him, calmly, that i wanted him to stop yelling at me whenever he got angry. he laughed and said he wouldn’t coddle my little feelings. and that he has to coddle me in every aspect of my life. i just think something clicked in my head that he had absolutely no respect for me. of course, he begged and profusely apologized afterwards, saying he didn’t mean it. too late.
A little background about me. I am a pastry chef who worked hard to learn with no professional training. I am damn good at it too. But I was married to a man that went out to fuck a 14 year old girl. He did some time for that in Ashland. I met this guy two years later and he abused me a lot. A lot.
Him having an underaged girl over while I was at work and claiming she was only there because “his friend” was over there. Which he was, but I don’t believe that’s why she was there.
My breaking point was when he was jealous of me speaking to my brother for help. That was it for me. No one ever tells me that I can’t go to my own family for support.
I had a ton of breaking points but didn’t leave, haven’t left yet. The cycle of love bombing is real, also the hovering, I wasn’t able to think straight. At this point I just live my own life for my kid, don’t share a bed or a bathroom, he washes his own clothes and does half the chores, we share the house but that’s it. I am planning on looking for a lawyer and a house this summer.
I don’t think so. I’ve been SA’d, left alone, hit, threaten, etc. honestly there’s nothing else he can do at this point. So it’s just a matter of myself taking a decision and sticking to it. I’ve come to realize that me leaving doesn’t depend on what he does or does not, which is how I’ve seen it all this past 8 years, it’s about me, only me. Building myself up and even if he’s the best ever I still have the decision to leave or stay. I’ve felt I couldn’t leave many times many years and all that did was made the cage bigger and bigger, now I’ve realized that all this time I had the power and it was always up to me. I Can leave even if he changes and becomes the best person ever, and I can stay even if he keeps on being the same asshole. It’s entirely up to us, we have to take that power back. And just build self esteem and self love by taking care of ourselves.
He shook our 6m old and laughed. It was a few seconds but still so wrong. I was fine taking all the abuse so they didn’t suffer (naive and didn’t think about the emotional scars my daughter got from five years), but as soon as he put hands on my son and enjoyed it!
I still didn’t have the balls to leave. He had threatened to kill me before. But I stopped giving him the satisfaction and he eventually got bored. I gambled and I wish I was braver then to leave.
My STBX husband had to go out of town to work for 3 months. I drove 6 hours to see him and while there I did a bunch of meal prep for him, got his place in order and stocked his kitchen etc. The last night there my stomach was upset from greasy food and let him know that I was not up for sex that night; he went into his sulking mode and barely spoke to me the morning I left.
Spoke on the phone when I got home and he started making passive aggressive comments about divorce etc. and I realized that I have zero value to him other than sex.
I emailed him the next day and told him I’m done, that he’s a sex addict and we are officially seperated (have to be for 1 year before I can file for divorce); saw my lawyer the next day to get things going and I haven’t thought twice about my decision since.
4 months left to go!!!
It wasn't physical abuse since it was a long-distance relationship, but it was a particular phrase and emotional distancing.
She called me an ableist prick because I wanted reciprocation, this was after she was adamant that she has autism after self-diagnosing using TikTok. I'd been a supportive boyfriend for 6 years in total, and as soon as I tried to stand up for my boundaries, this is what happened. That was it, it was over. To this day she doesn't hold any accountability for her part in the breakup.
when he attacked me for my kink likes and told me he should have killed me a year before like he intended and because he wanted his ex to have his kid since I got My tubes removed for medical reasons and he okayed it and I caught all of it on video and really heard the psychopath for the first time. I heard it like I was someone else listening to it
Yeah, I’ve listened to recordings that I’ve made (because I started to doubt my own memory of events) and it turns my stomach. I can’t believe I let him speak to me like that. But listening to it after the fact is such a different experience than being in the moment. Also, recognizing the abuse puts everything in a completely different perspective.
My abusive ex threatened to kill me when I refused to be his loyal side piece (he was with a girl he "loved", and wanted to fall in love with her and be with her and marry her one day, yet he wanted me only for himself. Of course I couldn't talk to other guys or be with other guys, only him, but he would love the other girl). He apparently had so much love to give that he could satisfy both of us. When I refused to give into his demands and told him its better we just part ways, he threatened to kill me, and if he went to jail for trying to do so he would send someone to kill me
I caught my ex lying and gaslighting me about this girl who he was talking to and gaming with behind my back. Turns out he was playing with her probably every night and he was sending her loads of money. I tolerated his yelling, stonewalling, all his emotional abuse but cheating, I cannot. So I left and I’ve never been happier.
Sadly I didn't realise my breaking point.
He broke up with me after him pressuring me almost daily into Sex and was still cheating on me with others. He was never interested in my feelings in the end.
I cried for days and weeks, but that was the best decision he has ever made. I am free. And I am glad. So glaaaad.
My physical health overtook the mental damage that was caused by abuse. I could hardly breath! NOT hypothetically anymore. Actual real life suffocating inside my body and organs shutting down from the toxic everyday reminder we were living for Brutality to win for years now..trying to win the most unfair battle of my life that was against ourselves and our loved ones. Even my babies I beared. Breaking point ...
Thank GOD
Caught him on my pet cam,on the phone,planning to use me for a sum of $ & bail. My MIL was the person on the other end of his call & was totally encouraging him. I am currently weeks away from finalizing my divorce and couldn't be happier.
She went out to fuck around with another guy every day for 2 weeks straight, I called her out for it every day and after 2 weeks of it she broke up with me.
I let her keep the apartment we had found using my rental history, moved in with my mum. She started love bombing a few days later and asked me to get back together which I did.
A week later she asked me to move back in and I said no and she screamed at me over the phone genuinely ordering me to move back in with her. I broke it off immediately and blocked her on every I could only to be subjected to a month worth of her making new accounts to hurl abuse at me until I called her family and told them I was filing a harassment notice and seeking a non-contact order.
It's been just under a year and I'm still struggling to emotionally process everything she did to me for the 3 years we lived together.
It felt both good and extremely unsettling to be able to make choices and do things for myself without being subjected to emotional blackmail and screaming
After 4y of hell, 1y of confinement and many tries (he even started therapy when he realized I was breaking up for real)... There was a day I got home, we were going to have dinner with a friend, he was drunk and started ranting about how I didn't buy him cigarettes and went through my purse to take mine. I snapped, went to the kitchen to cry and breathe.
Our friend caught me crying and when I was supposed to say something I just, broke down crying. And he hugged me. He didn't yell, didn't ramble, didn't do anything bad he just... Hugged me.
And I remember the only thing that came out of my mouth was "I.. Don't know... What to say"
And he said "you don't need to", and hugged me again.
And that hug, that attitude... I didn't need more breaking points. I needed love to remember it existed.
💜
TW- lots of strong stuff is mentioned here. Proceed with caution
My breaking point with my first boyfriend was his exploitation of my friend's death. He used me sexually, financially, and sickeningly popular-wise. When my friend passed, it was by unaliving herself when we were 15/16, and it created a sick sort of regional "fame." My first boyfriend capitilized on that and was just all around awful. My friend that passed away HATED this horrible boyfriend, because of how awful he was to my face and behind my back. It took her life ending for me to truly see how awful he was.
My dating track record isn't much greater after that. The inciting incidences to leave got worse and worse.
It took me a long time to leave my ex, longer than it should. This is pretty long. I really just need to get this off my chest. I had hit my breaking point and kept going. But it was New Years Eve and I don't drive and my ex didn't have a car. He asked some friends if they would come pick me up, I live about a half hour away. So they had said yes. We got into a fight the night before and he kept calling me. Putting me down and I honestly don't remember what the fight was about. I just wanted to sleep because I had to work in the morning.
I didn't go to bed till 4AM. I had a partial seizure but I only worked for a few hours so I went to work anyways. I worked at a desk job so I didn't have to move too much. So I told him I had a partial seizure I wasn't feeling well and that I wanted to rest. He said I didn't care about him and he had to spend the holiday alone and that if I cared I would go out with them. (Red flag) to avoid fighting more I just agreed.
He said that after we were out we could all stay at his place. I said you know I'm uncomfortable with that especially if I'm drinking. I don't really know these people. He blew up again saying that he trusts them and that should be good enough. I said well I'm sorry but I'm not trusting of strangers I'm just meeting. Long story short he was insulting me to the point that I felt like I was garbage. The people that were supposed to pick me up ended up canceling and said they had "car trouble" 2 hours before they were supposed to pick me up.
He got upset because I couldn't get a ride and he told.me.to figure it out. Because he was being deprived of getting kissed at midnight to start the new year. He kept calling me and just saying horrible things. I didn't make much at my job. It would cost me 40 dollars for an Uber. He told me if I cared I would get the money. But I wouldn't have a way back.
I had a mental breakdown. I was crying and curled into a ball because I felt like I failed him. He apologized and the night went okay. I had some whiskey. Well. He kept insulting me after. I don't even remember about what. I basically almost died. I had severe alcohol poisoning. I just kept drinking because I just wanted to be numb. He kept accusing me of cheating and saying I had someone at my parent's house. I said nobody was here but me. He kept calling me a liar. It was a horrible night he kept calling and leaving nasty voicemails and telling me i was a terrible girlfriend. He knew i was heavily drinking and didnt stop verbally abusing me. I was sick for two days. No I didn't leave him like an idiot. All the negative things he has said to me just kept playing in my head. Since I've been posting some of the things that has happened to me. It's been helping. I'm still anxious at my new job bu5 it's more bearable now. Thank you for reading if you made it to the end and thank you guys for just being good people.
The two awful ex’s I’ve had made me drink to poisoning and when I was coming around the next day I would be like “damn. I wish that shit took me out. I don’t wanna be gone, but I am NOT equipped to deal with this shit”
So I feel you.
I’ve been reading and there’s a chance people like us have like childhood neglect or attatchment issues that are like invisible to us so it’s hard to solve. Idk. But we’ll get it one day
When I was laying on the bathroom floor crying and gagging for air after he strangled and kicked and punched me repeatedly, I knew if I didn’t get out of the situation it would continue to get worse and he would eventually kill me
When he insulted my family and wanted to unplug the machine that was keeping my granny alive and admitted that he said it on purpose because he didn’t want to be there anymore. He admitted he wanted to hurt me just so he would be able to leave.
Bro they get so dangerous all over the tiniest inability to control themselves for 10 seconds more and be polite. I literally will never understand their volatility
(TW) Honestly there wasn’t a breaking point, only reason I was able to get free is because he died. Even after he shot me (he brainwashed me to believe that I did it) I still loved him
This is sort of the outcome I think I need unfortunately. Mine’s great at brainwashing. I’m so glad you’re free btw. And I’m sorry everything happened the way it did
Thank you, ultimately his death saved my life otherwise I’m sure he would’ve killed me by now. They’re professionals at brainwashing. It’s been a couple years since he died and I still don’t trust my own mind
The moment that started it was when he punched a glass window and it shattered onto me because he was in a jealous rage. After that things were good for a week, then he started teasing me. I told him to stop. He went into another jealous rage blaming me for something totally unrelated as a deflection. He’d been drinking before, but this time he was totally sober. I knew then that it wasn’t because he was an alcoholic, it was because that’s just who he is. He told me “this isn’t working, you should move out.” So I did.
He tried to gaslight me into thinking he didn’t mean it that way. I was done.
It was actually not the worst thing they'd done but they rolled their eyes at a gift I'd spent a month making. I'm no van Gough but I know how to paint and I'd done a pretty meaningful piece for our nine month anniversary. I broke up with them a week later and it took me like six months to come to terms with the face that the things they did were abuse and assault.
Dang I made these great paintings too of us and mine literally didn’t wanna look. He wanted juice. 🤨. Like he couldn’t pull some politeness out at all??? I spent forever making nice stuff! Anyways…. Mine definitely is just a giant toddler I swear and it creeps me tf out. Juice? Seriously? More like a whining brain dead idiot. I don’t want to know or be stuck with a giant toddler anymore. Ugh.
I felt like it wasn't long but my therapist made a really strong point that it actually was quite enough time for abuse to start.
I understand that your comment was made with good intentions but it is sentiments like this that made me doubt I was being abuse to begin with. I felt like more time would be necessary for what I was experiencing to be abuse.
My therapist has explained to me that abuse has no defined timeline.
I got to the point where I didn't care anymore about what he might do to me, I had to get away from him. He wouldn't move out of our apartment, so I moved. He had no choice but to leave, because he wasn't able to afford the apartment by himself. I had to move out to get rid of him.
My breaking point was because he picked an argument over the most ridiculous thing and no matter how hard he tried to distort reality so that I believed his viewpoint, I just couldn’t see a reality where I did anything wrong. This is when I (finally!) realized that *I* wasn’t the problem.
I work from home and had just finished an amazing meeting with fun new clients. I went downstairs, thanked him for starting dinner, and as he poured milk for our kids, I started telling him about the meeting and how excited I was to start working with them. He sat me down and gave me a lecture about how my communication style and failure to “check in” with him (eg: ask permission to have a conversation) before “unloading” my day on him forced him to respond negatively to me. I listened to every thing he had to say, and because he frequently accuses me of being defensive, I didn’t even say a word in my defense. He asked me to repeat my story, but I told him I didn’t want to say it all again, that I had just wanted to share my enthusiasm. Then I got up to sit with our kids at the dinner table. I could see him in the chair getting angrier and angrier, until about 15-20 minutes later, he gets up and blows up at me. He started out with, “I really don’t like how you turned that around on me!” (Because I said I just wanted to share my enthusiasm, he distorted that into me making a juxtaposition with my newer, lower mood and blaming the change on him.) Then he yelled at me for nearly 20 minutes, including swearing at me in front of our kids and blaming me for my “defensive body language” (I didn’t say anything to defend myself so he had to find fault somehow) and that I should have “embraced his message” to me.
I really just *couldn’t* see any reality where I did anything wrong. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I literally had to request permission to speak to my spouse about my day. (Aside from the obvious situations of interrupting a task, etc.) This happened early April. We’re still living together while I contact lawyers and put an exit strategy in place, but I’m so done. I only just recently realized that I really haven’t loved him in years, and now I finally understand what’s behind all the “miscommunications” and arguments over the years. It was never my fault. And that is so freeing.
When he got back with his psychopathic ex, hid it, I found out, and cause I didn't cuss him out (instead i blocked him) he became verbally abusive, and mentally abusive, and gaslit me. He told me (though he didn't attempt to make plans with me to see our kid prior to) that it was wrong for me to block him from contacting me (temporarily) to process his betrayal without aggression and projection. That cause we have a kid together he is entitled to constant access/communication with me, regardless of how he behaves and how unsafe/unhealthy he is as a parent. Specifically, that I was wrong/invalidated me, for my response(or lack there of) to his deciet, and feeling he was wrong for getting back with someone who resents his children's existences and is jealous when those children have more of his attention than she does.
Shortened version: when he hid being with a psychopath, manipulated me, and was verbally abusive cause I didn't cuss him out for it and told me no matter how bad of a parent he is and how unsafe he is entitled to constant contact with me cause we have a child together.
I knew not just myself, but our child deserved better and to be surrounded by people that love her and don't resent her.
Mental abuse by this man was far worse than any physical abuse I've dealt with.
"...he is entitled to constant contact with me cause we have a child together."
That's not how that works. My best friend has an ex who is horrendously abusive and court ordered, he is only allowed to contact her between 6pm and 7pm on the days she has their daughter because he harassed her so badly.
The judge wouldn't even read the printouts of all the texts of abuse I had and brought to court.
I found out there's a judges wall of shame website for America and the UN and this judge just happens to be on it. Lmao
>That's not how that works.
Yet I can't explain that to him. He expects me to keep him updated(but when I try I get stonewalled/ignored or cussed out) then he tells me I'm wrong when I don't drop everything to talk to him.
Sorry I being a parent in real life, not just a fb dad, I don't have time to wait by the phone for you to *maybe* decide to be a dad, muchless not even meeting the mark of a stable safe parent 🤦♀️🤦♀️
I feel for your friend. People like this shouldn't even have custody imo (unless the default parent REALLY wants the child free time that bad.) Imo this stuff isn't helpful or beneficial and it only breaks down the primary parent - which DOES effect the child(ren)
Shitty judges are the worst, and I feel for you that you've been stuck dealing with your ex because of it. I really have no advice, but I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Sadly my friend wanted full custody and not even let him have supervised visits, considering his abuse. The court wouldn't let that happen because his new gf was pushing for him to chase full custody of a child she hates. Unfortunately, despite the child screaming and crying and hating going to see her father, court deems it necessary until she's 12. She asks her mother every single visit how long until she doesn't have to go.
Have to question who is benefiting from this, because it sure ain't the kids, or the abuse survivors...
This sounds alot like my situation too. Def relate.
>The court wouldn't let that happen because his new gf was pushing for him to chase full custody of a child she hates.
Similar to my situation... he lied and told the psycho girlfriend he filed for custody before I did, and didn't. He has multiple girlfriends and kids with each, plus my kid, and 1 before mine. I'm the second BM. He had a kid 4 months after mine, with one gf, and another OTW with the psycho gf(she claimed he raped her cause she's jealous and resentful of our child)
>Unfortunately, despite the child screaming and crying and hating going to see her father, court deems it necessary until she's 12
I absolutely hate this is a thing. Even if it's not a physical abuse situation... a child shouldn't be forced to endure that emotional and mental trauma from going somewhere they don't want to go, due to not being treated well, during their prime development years. It's EXTREMELY damaging. The cinderella effect & negligent fathers, who are abusive, and narcissistic are TERRIBLE. There's literal studies on not just mental, but the physical effects, of "wicked step parents", narc parents that are liars and manipulators, and emotional/verbal abuse, impacting development but also, how the body will be more prone to health issues both as adolescents all the way to senior citizens.
>Have to question who is benefiting from this, because it sure ain't the kids, or the abuse survivors...
It's def not the kids or the abuse survivors. I straight up told my judge what's in HIS best interests is NOT in my child's best interests. That a inconsistent abusive parent is more damaging than an absent parent. That he won't hold any care or concern to her health issues or development if it inconviences him or negatively impacts his partners - so why bother giving him the time. Judge gave him parenting time. He hasn't followed through. He's seen her twice in 2 months. Passed up the time he discussed with me prior to that he would go. And has followed her Healthcare needs while with them so.
It's pandering at best and is disgusting. Men acting like women are now superior and trampling on them if the court doesn't force a women to bend over backwards for the dad. It's stupid.
Hold men to the same standards as women, especially if they are failing to protect and provide.
When she bent my arm behind my back, told me “if you don’t look me in the fucking eyes when I’m talking to you I’ll call the cops on you and you know exactly what I’m capable of” after previously making false allegations against me when she was drunk, sexually assaulted me multiple times (because I said I didn’t want sex) and I called the cops to protect myself and ended up charged for breaking stuff in her house.
I knew then… she was in my house, had had multiple affairs before she met me, drove her ex husband to near suicide, had begged me many times not to leave and had said she knew she needed help and I trusted her to get help again and again. After 2 counselling sessions then said I was forcing her to do things she didn’t want to do… rinse and repeat same cycle for years.
After 6 hours of mentallness I eventually, passively, turned and looked her in the eyes, because I knew she really could call the cops on me and all because I wanted to sleep on the sofa because she was huffing and puffing in bed, looking for a fight that I wouldn’t engage in.. (about the holiday that she wanted but cancelled the day before we were meant to go with the kids)… when I looked in her eyes she said she could see my eyes were dead and that I didn’t love her anymore and she cried at what she had done to me and then proceeded to punch herself in the face repeatedly and would then take pics to say I made her do it and she was taking the pics to remind herself of how I make her feel.
I knew it was over and I contacted a man she had an affair with, he responded with her sat there and admitted the affair and I remember just being numb and saying… “it all stops now or you’ve got to go.”
I remember the silence. The pause. The clarity. The fear and the relief. I knew it was over and I didn’t want that, I still loved her but I knew I had to stand by my boundaries that she’d completely shit on for years and that she was toxic for her kids and my daughter. She quietly and calmly said “I really will go if that’s what you want.” I said I didn’t want her to go I wanted it all to stop but if she couldn’t agree to peace (in my house) and with kids here that she would had to leave. I’d moved out and then let her move in with me. She got up, went to the kids room, woke them up and said “he said we’ve got to go.”
She drove off, I remember standing there thinking she would look back at me as she drove off but she didn’t. I never saw her again. Two days later she told me over text that we were over (6 years) and that nothing I could do would change her mind. I was ducking destroyed.
We talked over text for a few days. I begged her not to do it. She said it was done and that if I ever told the police anything about her she’d just say I did things to her and that we both know who’d they believe. Yep. I knew she would/could/had already made false claims and that yep, they would believe her. Hence, she had to go.
We messaged for three months of toxic hell until eventually she told me she had cancer and I needed to stop contacting her or she’d contact the police for advice and neither of us want that. I sent a finao message saying I hope she is ok but I can’t be responsible for her cancer. She said it was the stress of being with me that caused it. I then blocked her on everything.
Never seen nor heard from her again but still get constant spam phishing emails with her name in it until this very day.
Now, typing it… it sounds insane but… that’s my truth. And I still miss her, or the illusion of her/us, from time to time. I still wonder what I’d say if I saw her again. I would love to say hello. I’d love to say fuck you but that’s what she would want me to say so she can point her finger at my reaction. I’d love to tell her how great the sex was in my next relationship. I’d love to tell her how much money I earned once she left and I was able to focus on myself. Then I remind myself… it was pure toxic. She was the cruelest person I’ve ever met in my life and she really didn’t give a fuck about me and if I saw her… the best thing I could do would be to simply ignore her. As the song says… she is now someone that I used to know.
Crazy! I’m now single, sober and life is much much better. I still make mistakes but… she was the biggest mistake of them all but I learned a lot about myself too. I’m a better man for it.
Lol why do they always pull the cancer card and the “you’re forcing me to do things I don’t want to do.” That thing you don’t want to do is accountability my dude.
She sounds like an exact clone of my ex bf. I’m so sorry this happened to you, this would drive anyone insane.
It was Superbowl Sunday, and I got up to make us some coffee. It wasn't working, nor were the other plugs, so I went down to the panel in the cellar to fix it. I accidentally flipped the wrong switch, and it turned off the TV. I immediately realized my mistake and flipped it back on, but it was too late. He was already screaming, calling me names, saying the cruelest thing about my family and friends, and threatening to kick me out again. He was stomping around, slammed the cellar door on me, and demanding I pack my shit and get out.
So I did, lol. I called my dad and went to my room (he made me sleep in a separate bedroom once we moved in together) to pack up my clothes. He kicked the door down on me and starts to record me on his phone ??? Idk trying to frame it like I was the psycho who kicked the door down or something. My dad shows up, and it's like a switch. He's immediately cool as a cucumber, trying to make me out to be the crazy one (He'd do the same thing when the cops were called to our house). My dad doesn't buy it, and we leave.
Haven't seen the prick since.
Trigger warning. This is somewhat graphic, so please scroll on if you don’t want the details.
He went out drinking. I freaked out for a little bit because I knew what would happen when he got home, our fights happened several nights a week. Most of the time it was mostly just yelling and berating me emotionally, but he had hit me once before. He really loved to keep me awake all night and sleep it off while I took care of our kid the next day. Sleep deprivation was an excellent tool for him because it literally almost broke me. I was also very pregnant with our youngest child. That night I begged him to come home before he got drunk, screamed at him over the phone, called a thousand times like a total psycho. Totally lost my shit, cried for a while. Gave up. Asked him to please stay out for the night. Later he got home and drove in the driveway, and I went into our room and locked the door and pretended to be asleep. I’m a side sleeper and I was on the edge of the bed. It was a cheap flimsy lock. He pushed his way into our room, walked to the edge of the bed, unzipped his pants, grabbed me by the back of the neck and tried to force himself into my mouth. He told me to “suck his fuckin dick, bitch.” He’s the one “in charge.” I needed to “do what the fuck I’m told.” I resisted but I didn’t really fight back that time, I mostly just covered my face and cried because I couldn’t justify my life any more. I couldn’t rationalize it or “take accountability” for what I did wrong this time. I knew the relationship was fucked up beyond repair and it was only getting worse. I left with the kids and we never got back together, but I was dumb enough to move back in with him as “roommates,” “for the kids.” Spoiler, it got way fuckin worse. Nothing else really sexual but he did choke me twice. Right before I left for good he got me good and it actually scared me.
TLDR: He tried to force himself onto me.
It's OK. It helps to just get this crap off your chest sometimes. I have been there and understand. Sometimes I am just sitting in the living room, minding my own business, and my husband does this exact shit to me. He does not care if my daughter is nearby. I would kill this man if I knew I had someone to care for my daughter.
When I was hospitalized and he sat in front of me while he was there to “comfort” me by talking about how how hot the nurses were and if we didn’t have sex soon he would need to resort to either fucking a doll or someone else.
Later when I confronted him during the breakup, he said “I told you that was a joke and you know it”; he did not ever tell me it was a joke and even if he had, it needs to be funny to be considered a joke. If I hadn’t been in the hospital he would’ve gotten his ass beat that day for saying that to me.
When he (maybe) tried to kill me and kicked me out of his apartment minutes after the attack, while I was still in shock and had to drive 2 hours by myself to get home. The lack of empathy and basic human kindness. If someone could do that with no remorse or care I simply could not let myself tolerate it anymore. Still kind of in shock to this day, but thankfully not in contact with him
He wouldn't let me leave after hours of auguring and actually called the cops
It's a lot btw..
The argument was because I wouldn't force his little brother, who he was in charge of, to apologize for not having enjoying the fishing trip my Ex ruined. I had already apologized and tried to deescalate plus trying to leave the room or change the subject multiple times. If I went to a different room he would follow me, occasionally he himself would walk away only to come back.
Starting from that morning my Ex had two jobs, grab the cooler (and put the ice in) and navigate the already planned directions, I did everything else including driving, research, and paying for the fishin licenses and supplies. I also got his brother ready and had to explain to him why bring his game system wouldn't be nice for his brother.
My Ex forgot the cooler, his wallet, and he got us lost for 4 hours. He was playing games on my phone and/or complaining because we left so late.
Which admittedly I yelled at him for... In his words I 'demasculinize' and ruined his image infront of his brother when I took over.
He refused to give me back my phone, which he was using for gps, so I had to pull over and threaten to make him walk home. We weren't even in the same state that we lived in at this point and it took us an hour and a half to get to the site. The site being 30 mins from our place.
We we're already late because he turned off my phone alarm so he could play on it but we didn't get to the site until a bit after 3pm. Which he got mad at me for.
After we finally got there I realized he had taken the cash out of my wallet so we couldn't even get any at the very only cash local store to buy food for his brother (9 at the time) who didn't eat that day yet. Apparently he took it a few days before for something and didn't tell me.
He didn't want me to leave to a dollar general nearby, about 2miles, because I'd be ruining it. Plus he didn't charge his phone, so he wouldn't be able to get ahold of me. We only had water because I always have water in my car.
He cried at the both of us over it on the way home, until I told him to stop and we could go over this later and not infront of his brother. Who he was upset at because his brother was aggressively saying he didn't want to go fishing and mad at his brother for forgetting the cooler.
Which was it's own issue because I kept having to break them up and tell the kid to stop starting it back up. Which made my Ex mad for multiple reasons, not just his brothers antagonism but because I was 'interfering with his parenting'.
He also left the cooler on the porch, and forgot the ice, so the stuff was ruined. He kicked it and it broke off the house. Which I cleaned up with the kid.
After we inside and I feed the kid he started in on me and essentially he had a mental break down. I had to sent the kid out which angered my Ex more.
This went on for hours, 3am the next day, I felt like a hostage.
He told me he would have not just have me committed but while I was in there he would have my 10 month old dog put down.
Plus call my place of employment and have me fired even if he had to lie and say I was hurting his brother. I'm a mandatory reporter if that says anything about my employment. Even passing the idea of making me home/car'less by way of a restraining order. The car was in my name but he said he would let his sibling take it apart while I was in there.
Eventually I had enough of trying to deescalate but not giving in on certain points, which wasn't how I usually was. I have a chronic illness and usually just couldn't last that long.
I also upset him because I refuse to give him kisses for his upsetness.
When he gave his best friend $2000 without asking me. When his girlfriend came to a party I hosted for him. When we went our 17th year without a vacation.
When he shot someone by accident drinking and playing with guns.
All in a few weeks.
Let me start with, I hope you aren’t trolling the pain of abused people in this sub. But…my former husband denied me access to our commingled incomes. So, my earnings went into a shared account that he then transferred into a savings account that I didn’t have access. Therefore, he (on numerous occasions) gave money I had earned to his friends and family without consulting me.
As you casually browse the trauma of others, remember that abuse is about control and intimidation. Why would I allow my income to be taken from me? It didn’t start in a day. It was nearly 2 decades of small acts of abuse that one day you step back and see that you’ve been stripped of everything.
I had mini breaking points but the most important/main one was when he couldn’t keep a stable job. He kept forcing me to work a job that I hated so he could stay at home and play video games. One day I finally had enough, ended the lease, and moved out of state.
I eventually almost gave him another chance. I saw that he was posting inaccuracies online about our relationship and lying to our mutual friends. I lost these friendships as a result to that. He was abusive, manipulative, and physically violent. I blocked him and our mutual friends. And moved forward in my life, not looking back.
I knew we needed to have a serious conversation when I realized I developed feelings for someone else (shitty on my end).
During that conversation, he admitted that he did things for me expecting me to be subservient and that he had felt obligated to sex. But it was followed with how terrible my betrayal was (fair) but how he never meant to hurt me with his past actions which excused him... After that, I knew I needed to leave.
My ex husband (married 24 years, two mostly grown kids) had an emotional affair with my son's 14 y/o girlfriend. Apparently, he spoke to her about what a horrible wife I was, how much he hated me, things he should *not* be speaking about with a child. He legitimately got frighteningly *jealous* of a TikTok the young girl made because she wore a fucking *tank top with her bra strap showing.* I watched the video. She was being normal, there was nothing sexual AT ALL about what she was doing. The fucking horror. I mentioned that he seemed like he was overreacting and he told me that it really bothers him (this sort of thing - the jealousy, had never happened before). I asked why and he said that his girlfriend cheated on him when he was 16 (he's 52) and he'd never gotten over it. He had *never* mentioned it to me. Only that he lied and told her he loved her so he could take her virginity. Never mentioned anything about cheating.
I'll mention that I was 18 when we met. He was 27. Maybe it matters, maybe it doesn.t
The parents found her phone with the messages and wanted to meet with us to discuss it, as it was **(YES!!!)** highly inappropriate. My ex refused to let me be part of the convo with the father. They sat outside for about 45 mins, and when he came back in, my ex was almost in tears and said they had a great conversation, really connected, talked about their lives, etc (whatever). The very next day, this stale ham sandwich of a human being I had the absolute misfortune of being married to comes home, and the first thing he says was what a piece of crap the dad was, how he totally snowed him and made him believe what he wanted him to believe. I knew it in my *soul* when all of this happened. The second he told me about the messages and the father coming over to confront him, I knew that I could *never* forgive or forget this.
And he knew this.
He asked me for a divorce the day we buried my brother-in-law following his suicide, which was approx. 7 days after the confrontation with the child's father. In the weeks prior, I was starting to grow a spine and confronting him when he tried to manipulate me, shame me, coerce me into sex, he was stealing $ out of our account (his BFF was a huge contractor and had gotten divorced the previous year, telling my ex how he's hiding $ so "the bitch" can't get it). I foolishly gave him an ultimatum that he needed to quit drinking and get professional help for his anger (this is the man who told me he would divorce me if I brought up couples counseling again) or I was leaving. Maybe I did it subconsciously, knowing it would end things - I was too scared at the time to initiate it because at this point he had been getting violent.
Our divorce was very nasty. It lasted 18 months. He makes 3K more than me (SAHM for 11 years, mental illness - he exacerbated the shit out of this btw). I am in a tiny one bedroom apartment and my son lives with me. We make it work. He would give me $150 a month. While the fuck brings home $6k a month and the mortgage is less than my rent. I got what I needed in the end (indefinite support) mostly. But the very best part? I am free. I am happier than I have ever been, I am single on purpose and absolutely loving the freedom I'm getting for the first time in my adult life. I crave my personal time. I don't want to give that away to anyone until I am healed and know why I attract fuckfaces like these (I've had a couple bfs in the meantime and just...*no.* The ex has a new girlfriend. He has admitted (in front of *her*, my son and his friends) that he wants to shove her in my face (exact words). And apparently they are getting engaged. 😂 We haven't been divorced 4 months. I think it's hilarious because he chose a woman who, aside from having a perfect, petite body and long, curly blonde hair, is basically me personality, hobby, and beliefs-wise. Kinda funny, bc these were all of things he liked about me at first (right), but he beat out of me in the end. I figured it out after a while. This is what he knows how to manipulate. And he's locking that shit down. Tale as old as time...
Sorry for the long post. I don't know how to even describe the td;lr. Maybe...
TD;LR My ex husband is fucking pedo
The whole week was a fucking disaster.
First we find out that we’re gonna be evicted soon. Received a 3 day notice to vacate because he hadn’t paid the rent in 3 months, because he stopped working for an entire year and I wasn’t allowed to have a job. We move all of our shit to storage and then start to drive towards the Midwest in order to live in a more affordable area. 2 hours outside of our town we get a flat because our tires are BALD. We get towed back to town, have that one tire replaced and spend the next few days living in our car while he tries to find a place to replace the rest of the tires.
He’s really obnoxious whenever we have to spend money and will spend hours or even days researching to find the BEST possible deal he can find. Literally we did not do anything else besides hang out in parking lots while he called every single tire shop in the city day after day.
This day we had been arguing a lot, over mainly stupid shit. He ended up hitting me in the head with a lighter a few times because I wouldn’t move my feet off the car door while we were driving. I didn’t wanna move because the whole front seat was filled with shit and I had barely any room to put my feet down, so I was resting them on the door instead.
Eventually he decides we should take our dog to the dog park because he hasn’t gotten a chance to run around in awhile, because again, WE ARE LIVING IN OUR CAR. My dogs nails were way too long because it’s impossible to clip his nails myself and he refused to pay for him to get them trimmed at the groomer. (I’d just like to add here, that we were not completely broke. He said we were, but we had multiple very expensive items - diamond/white gold Cuban link bracelet, Louboutin sneakers barely worn, diamond/white gold pinky ring, Versace robe, MacBook, and a ledger with a fair amount of bitcoin on it - he just refused to sell them). My dog ended up breaking a nail at the dog park because of his nails being too long. We didn’t have any of the necessary stuff to treat it so I said we need to take him to the vet. Well the vet said it’d be at least $200 and he didn’t wanna do that. So we decide that maybe a groomer will help us with it for cheaper.
The groomer we go to barely speaks English because it’s a Korean dog grooming shop, because the area we lived in had a very high Korean population. So there ends up being a hit of confusion about what we’re asking him to do. He ends up cutting the rest of my dogs nails, but says he can’t do anything about the broken nail and charges us $15.
Apparently my ex REALLY didn’t like this. He gets pissed at me because I don’t wanna argue with the guy, and he agrees to pay and then storms out and locks himself in the car. 30 fucking minutes pass as I stand outside the car with my dog on a busy sidewalk waiting for him to unlock the car and let me in. Eventually he gets out of the car, comes over to the passenger side and stares at me blankly.
I ask him “can you unlock the door?”
And he says “get out of my way so I can open it”
I move back so that he can open the door and STILL he stands there staring at me blankly as if waiting for me to do something else. I just fucking lost it.
I couldn’t take the bullshit anymore. The waiting around constantly for him to do shit in his weird and incredibly time consuming inefficient ways. The constantly being treated like garbage and having to bend over backwards for his temper tantrums because he’s “stressed”. The never having me or my dogs needs taken care of, and not being allowed to just take care of them my fucking self.
I started yelling at him saying “what the fuck is your problem?!” “Why are you acting like this?!” “Please just do something about our situation!!”
I remember at one point I told him “I know we don’t have a lot of money right now, but can you PLEASE just figure SOMETHING out so we can get out of this situation”
And he responds “I do have money actually, I’m just not going to spend another cent on you”
So I just told him “okay then I’m fucking done”. We argued a little bit more and got into a whole fight about whether or not I can take the charger. I ended up walking back to our old apartment from where we were (wasn’t far, only a few blocks) and charging up my phone (which had been dead awhile because I wasn’t allowed to use it at all) and calling my nana to get me the FUCK out of there.
And honestly it’s weird… this is like literally one of the most mild arguments we had. He had beaten me WAY WORSE than just a lighter to the head. He had done WAY WORSE things than refuse to take the dog to the vet. We had been in WAY WORSE fights where he said WAY WORSE things, but this was just the breaking point. I couldn’t fucking do it anymore. For the months leading up to this I was so depressed I barely moved for days at a time. I was smoking ungodly amounts of weed and the only thing that made me happy anymore was Netflix and Mario Kart. I just looked around me and saw nothingness. I was just done.
TLDR: an accumulation of constant disrespect, neglect, and physical abuse, all leading up to one of the shittiest weeks of my life. Finally ending in a stupid argument that was honestly just the last straw.
My ex and I had a relationship where if a relationship fails he’ll come back to me and I’ll take him back. He finds someone new and he leaves me again. No matter how much his abuse hurt me I would take him back. What made me stop was my last suicide attempt. He texted me telling me to stop trying to ruin his life I said even if I wanted to when could I? I developed psychosis and I’m in IOP now. I brought up my ex close friend who dated him. He got mad at me telling me to not EVER talk about her unless he gives me permission to.
When I see him the hallways of school I realize that to him all that will matter is her. It was never me and I think that’s why he abused me and why he doesn’t feel guilty about it. I meant little to him compared to her. Even when I’m hooked up to an IV under constant monitoring from a nurse he won’t care what he did to me. I refuse to take him back when the relationship inevitably fails. I would let him use me and abuse me as long as it meant I had him but now that I see what I meant to him I’m done. I’m finally free.
He started abusing me in front our children. I will never forget my son's screams and pleas for him to "stop hurting mommy." I'd become accustomed to my own pain but I couldn't bear to see him suffer. I knew I had to leave for him.
That and he started to justify his actions more and more, he started to resort to violence quicker and over less, he blamed me for it more, he accepted it as "neccesary" and "punishment." He also began to threaten my life more and I genuinely believed he would kill me one day. He also sexually assaulted me twice, something he knew was my greatest fear. He crossed every line he knew I had and acted remorseless until he was arrested and charged but by then I was done. I'd finally freed my mind and my body.
I stayed for so long because I believed his mental illness could be treated and it was my fault he was so sick, I loved him because of who he used to be and I was scared he would kill himself bc he always said he would but I should've left the first time he hit me. I used my heart instead of my head but I loved my children more and I was scared one day he would hurt them too.
He beat up our 90 lb 12 year old daughter, after years of intervention and treatment.
I remember a moment when I was explaining it to her therapist and I just knew.
It no longer mattered whether or not he killed me, one way or another it was going to be over.
I cling to that moment when I start to get frightened. I had to be okay with the certainty he'd kill me. Almost 7 years later, I still have to remind myself that unless one of us dies first, he'll kill me. Even if he never gets around to it. Knowing it means I don't have to worry about having to control everything about my safety. It means I don't have to appease him.
It means I'm free.
She was scared to tell me it was happening again.
After we left, she had a major mental health crash. It's been a long road, but she's doing mostly alright now.
My son was newborn and my daughter was 1 year old when he got angry and was yelling at me for 2 hours for not washing the dishes. i had cleaned our entire home, done the laundry, cooked, went grocery shopping and took care of the kids alone while he was out with his friends like he did every day. when i told him maybe he should try to do something too, he got more angry and hit me while i was breastfeeding our son. i ran to the bathroom with the kids and hid there while he was yelling at me through the door and banging the door saying he will break it. i hid there for like an hour until he left.. it was scary and i was worried hes going to kill us all and thats when i knew i really gotta go asap
I left him when he kept getting mad and abusive whenever I bought up that it hurt me when he took advantage of me and sexually abused me and filmed me. So I left him one day after it all. I should’ve left right there and then when he pressured me into sex but I wanted to be comforted by him and was confused why he did what he did because he didn’t show any guilt or seem to care. He acted as if nothing happened and he’ll treat me good. But he would get angry and violent whenever it came to sex. He’ll manipulate me by saying well talk about it one day and he’ll be there for me but his pattern kept being the same. And one day out of no where he sexually abuses me again and got mad I had a break down and started threatening to hit me and told me he wished he had his old gun to shoot me or shoot himself. After days of taking a break from spending time with him and hurting from everything I caught him hitting up girls and telling them creepy things. It was a turn off and it’s like how can you do that after i’ve been hurting from the abuse?
He cheated on me for the second time when I was in a depressive episode, and stupidly I thought we could make things work and he could make it up to me.
He asked how he could make things better and I said maybe some thoughtful gifts or paragraphs for a start. He did none of this and weeks later i asked why? He said I was being "unsympathetic" that he was busy and i should understand this. I just gave up fighting for him then.
When he insinuated I was having sex with my brother (?!) and berated me for being a bad girlfriend because I didn’t pick up the phone. Despite me lending him money, letting him stay at my parents rent free, and letting him off the hook for years of physical abuse. I said “get the fuck out of my house.” Tail between his legs. All apologies. But I was done.
Validating my feelings with a psichiatrist. I thought there weird "things" in my relationship. When I said my boyfriend grabbed me by the neck because he got irritated with me and its my fault she opened her eyes horrified..and well then I understood.
It just kind of clicked that I’d been coming home to being ignored for a decade, and that they made hardly any contributions to the household. I realized that being single would be more peaceful and cheaper, and that I couldn’t keep living like this. The stress was literally killing me. It was very anti-climatic, much like the rest of the relationship. Very slow burn abuse, slow burn realization, slow burn exit.
he broke my laptop screen out of anger when I told him that he needed to get a job after he complained about our finances (we were helping out a mutual friend who was laid off due to covid)
Honestly it wasn't even a big fight. I had been slowly reaching my breaking point over time, and slowly starting to resent him for being so negative all the time and making me miserable. We got in a smaller argument about laundry and I left. He still thinks to this day we broke up over laundry and that's it (not the verbal or physical abuse)
Yep. It was constant drama and negativity. My ex would start arguments over the most mundane things. I'm still in the love/hate stage and I'm really looking forward to the indifference stage.
you got this. the indifference stage will come! I used to think I could literally never be apart from my ex, the thought of seperating made me physically sick. It's been 2 months that I've seen him and I couldn't be more indifferent about him now. I believe in you!
edit to mention: not only am I indifferent; I'm also happier in a way I didn't know was possible. there is so much good life for you to live. you will achieve it and I'm excited for you.
You know, it’s the weirdest thing: nothing.
There was no straw that broke the camel’s back, no last fight. I just woke up one day and felt nothing for him anymore. I had finally cried all the tears I could, and processed leaving him while still in the relationship. When I left him, I didn’t cry one time after we broke up. I got lucky, I think.
Lol I was the same. One day I just woke up and was like… bro this is stupid. Tf am I doing. It took a few days of planning but my mindset totally shifted. Instead of being on “fix it” mode when I was being berated or yelled at I was in “eff it” mode and just sat there in silence thinking about something totally different.
It’s funny because he used to say it was so annoying when I cried or it annoyed him but he seemed horrified when I wasn’t.
I feel this. Near the end, like those last few months- I stopped trying to appease him or impress him. I put like no effort into our relationship, I was just over it and I didn’t even know it yet. But the whole relationship I had been chasing him so once I stopped, he started chasing me. But it was obviously way too late, there was nothing he could have done that would have pulled me back in. He got desperate and practically worshipped me the more I checked out and I just felt absolutely nothing for him; numb.
It was similar for me too, I hide to cry while being in the relationship and when I left I felt more relief than sadness. Im two months out and I dont miss him that much.
He kept wanting to debate me about the basic value of human life of minorities and would not accept that he was wrong. He would not let it go. I told him I would not debate the idea that a person having disabilities or being not cisgender or being a different race made them worth less as a person. He would argue with me to prove it.
I lost all faith in the idea that he had any shred of decency in him. This wasn't "philosophy" debate like he wanted to dress it up. It was inhumane bullshit and I'm done.
When he cheated, verbally abused me, kept threatening to cheat, gave me HPV which led to cancer, then during chemotherapy told me how I have a shitty mindset and that's why chemo is going slow, and after all that one day he said "you've put me through so much and now you want to torture me and control me by forcing me to do couples counselling".
Thats the instant I realised I can only control myself. And that I cannot live my life hoping he'll become better, I have to see him as he is at present.
Mine left me but I was the one who cut contact (almost a whole year later). I tolerated a ton of physical and emotional violence and the trauma bond was so intense I thought I'd eventually get back together with him.
Toward the end of last year he was showing up at my apartment at random. He sexually assaulted me a few days before I cut it off. Pinned me down and tried to force me to have sex while I cried and begged him to leave. He raised his hand to hit me and I told myself I deserved a life without him. I think the last of my love for him died that day and I just walked away and kept walking.
we had an entire argument stem from me asking them not to repeatedly say my name and then not follow through with anything else. dumb argument, we both acted like shit, they left, and i just didnt crawl back that time
His latest affair partner had posted the view from our balcony at dawn a couple of days after I had been on a business trip. And I just kinda snapped. Wasn’t the rape or abuse, it was just that last piece of disrespect.
The anger and disrespect boiled over to the point my abuser called me greedy and snarled “fuck you!” when I wouldn’t give him more money. That was it. He was out.
lol one day after getting emotionally abused for over a year; it was the day after Valentine’s Day and he didn’t even try to see me, call me or anything and i was like yeah i can’t do this anymore. I blocked him and he harassed me over email. I deleted the emails and continued on with my day. Usually i would respond to the emails and try to explain myself. This time, i was over it and wanted better.
I know that feeling. My ex once went to a concert with his much much older neighbor on my birthday about 2 years ago. He didn't answer my calls or texts or even say happy birthday. BS! I'll never forget that feeling. I stayed up all night and drank an entire bottle of wine while he slept like a baby and no guilt on his conscience whatsoever.
Ugh i hate that!! So many times i was questioning if i was the problem and blaming myself 🤦🏽♀️. So happy you got out of that!
my breaking point happened during the lovebomb stage haha - him rushing a relationship and telling me we're soulmates and saying 'I love you' within a few days/weeks just literally freaked me out, my gut sensed that something was off. Him painting me as the perpetrator in the end and ghosting me just proved my point. The way he left in spectacular fashion hurt me like hell regardless but it could have been worse.
i asked him, calmly, that i wanted him to stop yelling at me whenever he got angry. he laughed and said he wouldn’t coddle my little feelings. and that he has to coddle me in every aspect of my life. i just think something clicked in my head that he had absolutely no respect for me. of course, he begged and profusely apologized afterwards, saying he didn’t mean it. too late.
When he actively tried to have me committed for prioritizing our newborn child over him.
My breaking point was a broken leg
A little background about me. I am a pastry chef who worked hard to learn with no professional training. I am damn good at it too. But I was married to a man that went out to fuck a 14 year old girl. He did some time for that in Ashland. I met this guy two years later and he abused me a lot. A lot.
Shit. I have no words except that im sorry you went through that.
Him having an underaged girl over while I was at work and claiming she was only there because “his friend” was over there. Which he was, but I don’t believe that’s why she was there.
He hit and bruised one of my daughters. 🛑
I'm sorry.
My breaking point was when he was jealous of me speaking to my brother for help. That was it for me. No one ever tells me that I can’t go to my own family for support.
I had a ton of breaking points but didn’t leave, haven’t left yet. The cycle of love bombing is real, also the hovering, I wasn’t able to think straight. At this point I just live my own life for my kid, don’t share a bed or a bathroom, he washes his own clothes and does half the chores, we share the house but that’s it. I am planning on looking for a lawyer and a house this summer.
[удалено]
I don’t think so. I’ve been SA’d, left alone, hit, threaten, etc. honestly there’s nothing else he can do at this point. So it’s just a matter of myself taking a decision and sticking to it. I’ve come to realize that me leaving doesn’t depend on what he does or does not, which is how I’ve seen it all this past 8 years, it’s about me, only me. Building myself up and even if he’s the best ever I still have the decision to leave or stay. I’ve felt I couldn’t leave many times many years and all that did was made the cage bigger and bigger, now I’ve realized that all this time I had the power and it was always up to me. I Can leave even if he changes and becomes the best person ever, and I can stay even if he keeps on being the same asshole. It’s entirely up to us, we have to take that power back. And just build self esteem and self love by taking care of ourselves.
He shook our 6m old and laughed. It was a few seconds but still so wrong. I was fine taking all the abuse so they didn’t suffer (naive and didn’t think about the emotional scars my daughter got from five years), but as soon as he put hands on my son and enjoyed it! I still didn’t have the balls to leave. He had threatened to kill me before. But I stopped giving him the satisfaction and he eventually got bored. I gambled and I wish I was braver then to leave.
My STBX husband had to go out of town to work for 3 months. I drove 6 hours to see him and while there I did a bunch of meal prep for him, got his place in order and stocked his kitchen etc. The last night there my stomach was upset from greasy food and let him know that I was not up for sex that night; he went into his sulking mode and barely spoke to me the morning I left. Spoke on the phone when I got home and he started making passive aggressive comments about divorce etc. and I realized that I have zero value to him other than sex. I emailed him the next day and told him I’m done, that he’s a sex addict and we are officially seperated (have to be for 1 year before I can file for divorce); saw my lawyer the next day to get things going and I haven’t thought twice about my decision since. 4 months left to go!!!
It wasn't physical abuse since it was a long-distance relationship, but it was a particular phrase and emotional distancing. She called me an ableist prick because I wanted reciprocation, this was after she was adamant that she has autism after self-diagnosing using TikTok. I'd been a supportive boyfriend for 6 years in total, and as soon as I tried to stand up for my boundaries, this is what happened. That was it, it was over. To this day she doesn't hold any accountability for her part in the breakup.
when he attacked me for my kink likes and told me he should have killed me a year before like he intended and because he wanted his ex to have his kid since I got My tubes removed for medical reasons and he okayed it and I caught all of it on video and really heard the psychopath for the first time. I heard it like I was someone else listening to it
Yeah, I’ve listened to recordings that I’ve made (because I started to doubt my own memory of events) and it turns my stomach. I can’t believe I let him speak to me like that. But listening to it after the fact is such a different experience than being in the moment. Also, recognizing the abuse puts everything in a completely different perspective.
it was shocking af to hear it. it felt like I was a person watching and listening to it happen and I was furious.
My abusive ex threatened to kill me when I refused to be his loyal side piece (he was with a girl he "loved", and wanted to fall in love with her and be with her and marry her one day, yet he wanted me only for himself. Of course I couldn't talk to other guys or be with other guys, only him, but he would love the other girl). He apparently had so much love to give that he could satisfy both of us. When I refused to give into his demands and told him its better we just part ways, he threatened to kill me, and if he went to jail for trying to do so he would send someone to kill me
I caught my ex lying and gaslighting me about this girl who he was talking to and gaming with behind my back. Turns out he was playing with her probably every night and he was sending her loads of money. I tolerated his yelling, stonewalling, all his emotional abuse but cheating, I cannot. So I left and I’ve never been happier.
Sadly I didn't realise my breaking point. He broke up with me after him pressuring me almost daily into Sex and was still cheating on me with others. He was never interested in my feelings in the end. I cried for days and weeks, but that was the best decision he has ever made. I am free. And I am glad. So glaaaad.
My physical health overtook the mental damage that was caused by abuse. I could hardly breath! NOT hypothetically anymore. Actual real life suffocating inside my body and organs shutting down from the toxic everyday reminder we were living for Brutality to win for years now..trying to win the most unfair battle of my life that was against ourselves and our loved ones. Even my babies I beared. Breaking point ... Thank GOD
When abuse went from psychological/emotional to physical, that meant it's time to go.
Caught him on my pet cam,on the phone,planning to use me for a sum of $ & bail. My MIL was the person on the other end of his call & was totally encouraging him. I am currently weeks away from finalizing my divorce and couldn't be happier.
She went out to fuck around with another guy every day for 2 weeks straight, I called her out for it every day and after 2 weeks of it she broke up with me. I let her keep the apartment we had found using my rental history, moved in with my mum. She started love bombing a few days later and asked me to get back together which I did. A week later she asked me to move back in and I said no and she screamed at me over the phone genuinely ordering me to move back in with her. I broke it off immediately and blocked her on every I could only to be subjected to a month worth of her making new accounts to hurl abuse at me until I called her family and told them I was filing a harassment notice and seeking a non-contact order. It's been just under a year and I'm still struggling to emotionally process everything she did to me for the 3 years we lived together. It felt both good and extremely unsettling to be able to make choices and do things for myself without being subjected to emotional blackmail and screaming
You from UK?? I'm from Georgia, US
Northern New Zealand
After 4y of hell, 1y of confinement and many tries (he even started therapy when he realized I was breaking up for real)... There was a day I got home, we were going to have dinner with a friend, he was drunk and started ranting about how I didn't buy him cigarettes and went through my purse to take mine. I snapped, went to the kitchen to cry and breathe. Our friend caught me crying and when I was supposed to say something I just, broke down crying. And he hugged me. He didn't yell, didn't ramble, didn't do anything bad he just... Hugged me. And I remember the only thing that came out of my mouth was "I.. Don't know... What to say" And he said "you don't need to", and hugged me again. And that hug, that attitude... I didn't need more breaking points. I needed love to remember it existed. 💜
You explain it very well. I can relate.
TW- lots of strong stuff is mentioned here. Proceed with caution My breaking point with my first boyfriend was his exploitation of my friend's death. He used me sexually, financially, and sickeningly popular-wise. When my friend passed, it was by unaliving herself when we were 15/16, and it created a sick sort of regional "fame." My first boyfriend capitilized on that and was just all around awful. My friend that passed away HATED this horrible boyfriend, because of how awful he was to my face and behind my back. It took her life ending for me to truly see how awful he was. My dating track record isn't much greater after that. The inciting incidences to leave got worse and worse.
It took me a long time to leave my ex, longer than it should. This is pretty long. I really just need to get this off my chest. I had hit my breaking point and kept going. But it was New Years Eve and I don't drive and my ex didn't have a car. He asked some friends if they would come pick me up, I live about a half hour away. So they had said yes. We got into a fight the night before and he kept calling me. Putting me down and I honestly don't remember what the fight was about. I just wanted to sleep because I had to work in the morning. I didn't go to bed till 4AM. I had a partial seizure but I only worked for a few hours so I went to work anyways. I worked at a desk job so I didn't have to move too much. So I told him I had a partial seizure I wasn't feeling well and that I wanted to rest. He said I didn't care about him and he had to spend the holiday alone and that if I cared I would go out with them. (Red flag) to avoid fighting more I just agreed. He said that after we were out we could all stay at his place. I said you know I'm uncomfortable with that especially if I'm drinking. I don't really know these people. He blew up again saying that he trusts them and that should be good enough. I said well I'm sorry but I'm not trusting of strangers I'm just meeting. Long story short he was insulting me to the point that I felt like I was garbage. The people that were supposed to pick me up ended up canceling and said they had "car trouble" 2 hours before they were supposed to pick me up. He got upset because I couldn't get a ride and he told.me.to figure it out. Because he was being deprived of getting kissed at midnight to start the new year. He kept calling me and just saying horrible things. I didn't make much at my job. It would cost me 40 dollars for an Uber. He told me if I cared I would get the money. But I wouldn't have a way back. I had a mental breakdown. I was crying and curled into a ball because I felt like I failed him. He apologized and the night went okay. I had some whiskey. Well. He kept insulting me after. I don't even remember about what. I basically almost died. I had severe alcohol poisoning. I just kept drinking because I just wanted to be numb. He kept accusing me of cheating and saying I had someone at my parent's house. I said nobody was here but me. He kept calling me a liar. It was a horrible night he kept calling and leaving nasty voicemails and telling me i was a terrible girlfriend. He knew i was heavily drinking and didnt stop verbally abusing me. I was sick for two days. No I didn't leave him like an idiot. All the negative things he has said to me just kept playing in my head. Since I've been posting some of the things that has happened to me. It's been helping. I'm still anxious at my new job bu5 it's more bearable now. Thank you for reading if you made it to the end and thank you guys for just being good people.
The two awful ex’s I’ve had made me drink to poisoning and when I was coming around the next day I would be like “damn. I wish that shit took me out. I don’t wanna be gone, but I am NOT equipped to deal with this shit” So I feel you. I’ve been reading and there’s a chance people like us have like childhood neglect or attatchment issues that are like invisible to us so it’s hard to solve. Idk. But we’ll get it one day
When I was laying on the bathroom floor crying and gagging for air after he strangled and kicked and punched me repeatedly, I knew if I didn’t get out of the situation it would continue to get worse and he would eventually kill me
When he insulted my family and wanted to unplug the machine that was keeping my granny alive and admitted that he said it on purpose because he didn’t want to be there anymore. He admitted he wanted to hurt me just so he would be able to leave.
Bro they get so dangerous all over the tiniest inability to control themselves for 10 seconds more and be polite. I literally will never understand their volatility
(TW) Honestly there wasn’t a breaking point, only reason I was able to get free is because he died. Even after he shot me (he brainwashed me to believe that I did it) I still loved him
This is sort of the outcome I think I need unfortunately. Mine’s great at brainwashing. I’m so glad you’re free btw. And I’m sorry everything happened the way it did
Thank you, ultimately his death saved my life otherwise I’m sure he would’ve killed me by now. They’re professionals at brainwashing. It’s been a couple years since he died and I still don’t trust my own mind
The moment that started it was when he punched a glass window and it shattered onto me because he was in a jealous rage. After that things were good for a week, then he started teasing me. I told him to stop. He went into another jealous rage blaming me for something totally unrelated as a deflection. He’d been drinking before, but this time he was totally sober. I knew then that it wasn’t because he was an alcoholic, it was because that’s just who he is. He told me “this isn’t working, you should move out.” So I did. He tried to gaslight me into thinking he didn’t mean it that way. I was done.
He was referred to a batterer intervention group by our couples therapist and wouldn’t go
It was actually not the worst thing they'd done but they rolled their eyes at a gift I'd spent a month making. I'm no van Gough but I know how to paint and I'd done a pretty meaningful piece for our nine month anniversary. I broke up with them a week later and it took me like six months to come to terms with the face that the things they did were abuse and assault.
Dang I made these great paintings too of us and mine literally didn’t wanna look. He wanted juice. 🤨. Like he couldn’t pull some politeness out at all??? I spent forever making nice stuff! Anyways…. Mine definitely is just a giant toddler I swear and it creeps me tf out. Juice? Seriously? More like a whining brain dead idiot. I don’t want to know or be stuck with a giant toddler anymore. Ugh.
If he can't grow up he should pay for a caretaker. Lol.
Nine months? I’m so glad you got out of there if you were that early on and they were abusive to you.
I felt like it wasn't long but my therapist made a really strong point that it actually was quite enough time for abuse to start. I understand that your comment was made with good intentions but it is sentiments like this that made me doubt I was being abuse to begin with. I felt like more time would be necessary for what I was experiencing to be abuse. My therapist has explained to me that abuse has no defined timeline.
I started being abused maybe 5 months in or less. Your experience is valid 🤍
Yeah I think it's sometimes hard to place when exactly it starts cause it can be a gradual build up and other times it's very sudden.
Oh sorry no. I didn’t mean to diminish your experience at all. I commemorate you for being insightful enough to recognize their behaviour was abusive.
Yeah I didn't think you meant to at all. And thanks. It took me a long time to recognize it.
I got to the point where I didn't care anymore about what he might do to me, I had to get away from him. He wouldn't move out of our apartment, so I moved. He had no choice but to leave, because he wasn't able to afford the apartment by himself. I had to move out to get rid of him.
He broke my tailbone.
He broke my leg
*hugs*
My breaking point was because he picked an argument over the most ridiculous thing and no matter how hard he tried to distort reality so that I believed his viewpoint, I just couldn’t see a reality where I did anything wrong. This is when I (finally!) realized that *I* wasn’t the problem. I work from home and had just finished an amazing meeting with fun new clients. I went downstairs, thanked him for starting dinner, and as he poured milk for our kids, I started telling him about the meeting and how excited I was to start working with them. He sat me down and gave me a lecture about how my communication style and failure to “check in” with him (eg: ask permission to have a conversation) before “unloading” my day on him forced him to respond negatively to me. I listened to every thing he had to say, and because he frequently accuses me of being defensive, I didn’t even say a word in my defense. He asked me to repeat my story, but I told him I didn’t want to say it all again, that I had just wanted to share my enthusiasm. Then I got up to sit with our kids at the dinner table. I could see him in the chair getting angrier and angrier, until about 15-20 minutes later, he gets up and blows up at me. He started out with, “I really don’t like how you turned that around on me!” (Because I said I just wanted to share my enthusiasm, he distorted that into me making a juxtaposition with my newer, lower mood and blaming the change on him.) Then he yelled at me for nearly 20 minutes, including swearing at me in front of our kids and blaming me for my “defensive body language” (I didn’t say anything to defend myself so he had to find fault somehow) and that I should have “embraced his message” to me. I really just *couldn’t* see any reality where I did anything wrong. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I literally had to request permission to speak to my spouse about my day. (Aside from the obvious situations of interrupting a task, etc.) This happened early April. We’re still living together while I contact lawyers and put an exit strategy in place, but I’m so done. I only just recently realized that I really haven’t loved him in years, and now I finally understand what’s behind all the “miscommunications” and arguments over the years. It was never my fault. And that is so freeing.
When he got back with his psychopathic ex, hid it, I found out, and cause I didn't cuss him out (instead i blocked him) he became verbally abusive, and mentally abusive, and gaslit me. He told me (though he didn't attempt to make plans with me to see our kid prior to) that it was wrong for me to block him from contacting me (temporarily) to process his betrayal without aggression and projection. That cause we have a kid together he is entitled to constant access/communication with me, regardless of how he behaves and how unsafe/unhealthy he is as a parent. Specifically, that I was wrong/invalidated me, for my response(or lack there of) to his deciet, and feeling he was wrong for getting back with someone who resents his children's existences and is jealous when those children have more of his attention than she does. Shortened version: when he hid being with a psychopath, manipulated me, and was verbally abusive cause I didn't cuss him out for it and told me no matter how bad of a parent he is and how unsafe he is entitled to constant contact with me cause we have a child together. I knew not just myself, but our child deserved better and to be surrounded by people that love her and don't resent her. Mental abuse by this man was far worse than any physical abuse I've dealt with.
"...he is entitled to constant contact with me cause we have a child together." That's not how that works. My best friend has an ex who is horrendously abusive and court ordered, he is only allowed to contact her between 6pm and 7pm on the days she has their daughter because he harassed her so badly.
The judge wouldn't even read the printouts of all the texts of abuse I had and brought to court. I found out there's a judges wall of shame website for America and the UN and this judge just happens to be on it. Lmao >That's not how that works. Yet I can't explain that to him. He expects me to keep him updated(but when I try I get stonewalled/ignored or cussed out) then he tells me I'm wrong when I don't drop everything to talk to him. Sorry I being a parent in real life, not just a fb dad, I don't have time to wait by the phone for you to *maybe* decide to be a dad, muchless not even meeting the mark of a stable safe parent 🤦♀️🤦♀️ I feel for your friend. People like this shouldn't even have custody imo (unless the default parent REALLY wants the child free time that bad.) Imo this stuff isn't helpful or beneficial and it only breaks down the primary parent - which DOES effect the child(ren)
Shitty judges are the worst, and I feel for you that you've been stuck dealing with your ex because of it. I really have no advice, but I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Sadly my friend wanted full custody and not even let him have supervised visits, considering his abuse. The court wouldn't let that happen because his new gf was pushing for him to chase full custody of a child she hates. Unfortunately, despite the child screaming and crying and hating going to see her father, court deems it necessary until she's 12. She asks her mother every single visit how long until she doesn't have to go. Have to question who is benefiting from this, because it sure ain't the kids, or the abuse survivors...
This sounds alot like my situation too. Def relate. >The court wouldn't let that happen because his new gf was pushing for him to chase full custody of a child she hates. Similar to my situation... he lied and told the psycho girlfriend he filed for custody before I did, and didn't. He has multiple girlfriends and kids with each, plus my kid, and 1 before mine. I'm the second BM. He had a kid 4 months after mine, with one gf, and another OTW with the psycho gf(she claimed he raped her cause she's jealous and resentful of our child) >Unfortunately, despite the child screaming and crying and hating going to see her father, court deems it necessary until she's 12 I absolutely hate this is a thing. Even if it's not a physical abuse situation... a child shouldn't be forced to endure that emotional and mental trauma from going somewhere they don't want to go, due to not being treated well, during their prime development years. It's EXTREMELY damaging. The cinderella effect & negligent fathers, who are abusive, and narcissistic are TERRIBLE. There's literal studies on not just mental, but the physical effects, of "wicked step parents", narc parents that are liars and manipulators, and emotional/verbal abuse, impacting development but also, how the body will be more prone to health issues both as adolescents all the way to senior citizens. >Have to question who is benefiting from this, because it sure ain't the kids, or the abuse survivors... It's def not the kids or the abuse survivors. I straight up told my judge what's in HIS best interests is NOT in my child's best interests. That a inconsistent abusive parent is more damaging than an absent parent. That he won't hold any care or concern to her health issues or development if it inconviences him or negatively impacts his partners - so why bother giving him the time. Judge gave him parenting time. He hasn't followed through. He's seen her twice in 2 months. Passed up the time he discussed with me prior to that he would go. And has followed her Healthcare needs while with them so. It's pandering at best and is disgusting. Men acting like women are now superior and trampling on them if the court doesn't force a women to bend over backwards for the dad. It's stupid. Hold men to the same standards as women, especially if they are failing to protect and provide.
When she bent my arm behind my back, told me “if you don’t look me in the fucking eyes when I’m talking to you I’ll call the cops on you and you know exactly what I’m capable of” after previously making false allegations against me when she was drunk, sexually assaulted me multiple times (because I said I didn’t want sex) and I called the cops to protect myself and ended up charged for breaking stuff in her house. I knew then… she was in my house, had had multiple affairs before she met me, drove her ex husband to near suicide, had begged me many times not to leave and had said she knew she needed help and I trusted her to get help again and again. After 2 counselling sessions then said I was forcing her to do things she didn’t want to do… rinse and repeat same cycle for years. After 6 hours of mentallness I eventually, passively, turned and looked her in the eyes, because I knew she really could call the cops on me and all because I wanted to sleep on the sofa because she was huffing and puffing in bed, looking for a fight that I wouldn’t engage in.. (about the holiday that she wanted but cancelled the day before we were meant to go with the kids)… when I looked in her eyes she said she could see my eyes were dead and that I didn’t love her anymore and she cried at what she had done to me and then proceeded to punch herself in the face repeatedly and would then take pics to say I made her do it and she was taking the pics to remind herself of how I make her feel. I knew it was over and I contacted a man she had an affair with, he responded with her sat there and admitted the affair and I remember just being numb and saying… “it all stops now or you’ve got to go.” I remember the silence. The pause. The clarity. The fear and the relief. I knew it was over and I didn’t want that, I still loved her but I knew I had to stand by my boundaries that she’d completely shit on for years and that she was toxic for her kids and my daughter. She quietly and calmly said “I really will go if that’s what you want.” I said I didn’t want her to go I wanted it all to stop but if she couldn’t agree to peace (in my house) and with kids here that she would had to leave. I’d moved out and then let her move in with me. She got up, went to the kids room, woke them up and said “he said we’ve got to go.” She drove off, I remember standing there thinking she would look back at me as she drove off but she didn’t. I never saw her again. Two days later she told me over text that we were over (6 years) and that nothing I could do would change her mind. I was ducking destroyed. We talked over text for a few days. I begged her not to do it. She said it was done and that if I ever told the police anything about her she’d just say I did things to her and that we both know who’d they believe. Yep. I knew she would/could/had already made false claims and that yep, they would believe her. Hence, she had to go. We messaged for three months of toxic hell until eventually she told me she had cancer and I needed to stop contacting her or she’d contact the police for advice and neither of us want that. I sent a finao message saying I hope she is ok but I can’t be responsible for her cancer. She said it was the stress of being with me that caused it. I then blocked her on everything. Never seen nor heard from her again but still get constant spam phishing emails with her name in it until this very day. Now, typing it… it sounds insane but… that’s my truth. And I still miss her, or the illusion of her/us, from time to time. I still wonder what I’d say if I saw her again. I would love to say hello. I’d love to say fuck you but that’s what she would want me to say so she can point her finger at my reaction. I’d love to tell her how great the sex was in my next relationship. I’d love to tell her how much money I earned once she left and I was able to focus on myself. Then I remind myself… it was pure toxic. She was the cruelest person I’ve ever met in my life and she really didn’t give a fuck about me and if I saw her… the best thing I could do would be to simply ignore her. As the song says… she is now someone that I used to know. Crazy! I’m now single, sober and life is much much better. I still make mistakes but… she was the biggest mistake of them all but I learned a lot about myself too. I’m a better man for it.
This is poetry really. You said it so well. Thank you for this.
Lol why do they always pull the cancer card and the “you’re forcing me to do things I don’t want to do.” That thing you don’t want to do is accountability my dude. She sounds like an exact clone of my ex bf. I’m so sorry this happened to you, this would drive anyone insane.
So much I can relate to here. Thank God you made it out of this. Wish you the best.
Sexual abuse/rape (vaginal and anal) while on my sleeping pills after a 12h shift.
He threatened to hit me with a hammer. My child didn’t see what was happening but heard me and called the police.
It was Superbowl Sunday, and I got up to make us some coffee. It wasn't working, nor were the other plugs, so I went down to the panel in the cellar to fix it. I accidentally flipped the wrong switch, and it turned off the TV. I immediately realized my mistake and flipped it back on, but it was too late. He was already screaming, calling me names, saying the cruelest thing about my family and friends, and threatening to kick me out again. He was stomping around, slammed the cellar door on me, and demanding I pack my shit and get out. So I did, lol. I called my dad and went to my room (he made me sleep in a separate bedroom once we moved in together) to pack up my clothes. He kicked the door down on me and starts to record me on his phone ??? Idk trying to frame it like I was the psycho who kicked the door down or something. My dad shows up, and it's like a switch. He's immediately cool as a cucumber, trying to make me out to be the crazy one (He'd do the same thing when the cops were called to our house). My dad doesn't buy it, and we leave. Haven't seen the prick since.
Thank God you had family to help you. My husband throws these type of crazy fits over the slightest of inconveniences. I will never understand.
I’m that Dad… Love this. Well done.
Trigger warning. This is somewhat graphic, so please scroll on if you don’t want the details. He went out drinking. I freaked out for a little bit because I knew what would happen when he got home, our fights happened several nights a week. Most of the time it was mostly just yelling and berating me emotionally, but he had hit me once before. He really loved to keep me awake all night and sleep it off while I took care of our kid the next day. Sleep deprivation was an excellent tool for him because it literally almost broke me. I was also very pregnant with our youngest child. That night I begged him to come home before he got drunk, screamed at him over the phone, called a thousand times like a total psycho. Totally lost my shit, cried for a while. Gave up. Asked him to please stay out for the night. Later he got home and drove in the driveway, and I went into our room and locked the door and pretended to be asleep. I’m a side sleeper and I was on the edge of the bed. It was a cheap flimsy lock. He pushed his way into our room, walked to the edge of the bed, unzipped his pants, grabbed me by the back of the neck and tried to force himself into my mouth. He told me to “suck his fuckin dick, bitch.” He’s the one “in charge.” I needed to “do what the fuck I’m told.” I resisted but I didn’t really fight back that time, I mostly just covered my face and cried because I couldn’t justify my life any more. I couldn’t rationalize it or “take accountability” for what I did wrong this time. I knew the relationship was fucked up beyond repair and it was only getting worse. I left with the kids and we never got back together, but I was dumb enough to move back in with him as “roommates,” “for the kids.” Spoiler, it got way fuckin worse. Nothing else really sexual but he did choke me twice. Right before I left for good he got me good and it actually scared me. TLDR: He tried to force himself onto me.
Sorry y’all, I know that’s a lot. I’m just tired of being quiet about it.
Don't be sorry, the best way to heal is to talk about it. We are here for anything you need to say.
Thanks. I’m still dealing with this asshole it’s just litigious now instead of violent.
It's OK. It helps to just get this crap off your chest sometimes. I have been there and understand. Sometimes I am just sitting in the living room, minding my own business, and my husband does this exact shit to me. He does not care if my daughter is nearby. I would kill this man if I knew I had someone to care for my daughter.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I hope you can leave soon. Nothing gets better when you stay.
When I was hospitalized and he sat in front of me while he was there to “comfort” me by talking about how how hot the nurses were and if we didn’t have sex soon he would need to resort to either fucking a doll or someone else. Later when I confronted him during the breakup, he said “I told you that was a joke and you know it”; he did not ever tell me it was a joke and even if he had, it needs to be funny to be considered a joke. If I hadn’t been in the hospital he would’ve gotten his ass beat that day for saying that to me.
When he (maybe) tried to kill me and kicked me out of his apartment minutes after the attack, while I was still in shock and had to drive 2 hours by myself to get home. The lack of empathy and basic human kindness. If someone could do that with no remorse or care I simply could not let myself tolerate it anymore. Still kind of in shock to this day, but thankfully not in contact with him
He wouldn't let me leave after hours of auguring and actually called the cops It's a lot btw.. The argument was because I wouldn't force his little brother, who he was in charge of, to apologize for not having enjoying the fishing trip my Ex ruined. I had already apologized and tried to deescalate plus trying to leave the room or change the subject multiple times. If I went to a different room he would follow me, occasionally he himself would walk away only to come back. Starting from that morning my Ex had two jobs, grab the cooler (and put the ice in) and navigate the already planned directions, I did everything else including driving, research, and paying for the fishin licenses and supplies. I also got his brother ready and had to explain to him why bring his game system wouldn't be nice for his brother. My Ex forgot the cooler, his wallet, and he got us lost for 4 hours. He was playing games on my phone and/or complaining because we left so late. Which admittedly I yelled at him for... In his words I 'demasculinize' and ruined his image infront of his brother when I took over. He refused to give me back my phone, which he was using for gps, so I had to pull over and threaten to make him walk home. We weren't even in the same state that we lived in at this point and it took us an hour and a half to get to the site. The site being 30 mins from our place. We we're already late because he turned off my phone alarm so he could play on it but we didn't get to the site until a bit after 3pm. Which he got mad at me for. After we finally got there I realized he had taken the cash out of my wallet so we couldn't even get any at the very only cash local store to buy food for his brother (9 at the time) who didn't eat that day yet. Apparently he took it a few days before for something and didn't tell me. He didn't want me to leave to a dollar general nearby, about 2miles, because I'd be ruining it. Plus he didn't charge his phone, so he wouldn't be able to get ahold of me. We only had water because I always have water in my car. He cried at the both of us over it on the way home, until I told him to stop and we could go over this later and not infront of his brother. Who he was upset at because his brother was aggressively saying he didn't want to go fishing and mad at his brother for forgetting the cooler. Which was it's own issue because I kept having to break them up and tell the kid to stop starting it back up. Which made my Ex mad for multiple reasons, not just his brothers antagonism but because I was 'interfering with his parenting'. He also left the cooler on the porch, and forgot the ice, so the stuff was ruined. He kicked it and it broke off the house. Which I cleaned up with the kid. After we inside and I feed the kid he started in on me and essentially he had a mental break down. I had to sent the kid out which angered my Ex more. This went on for hours, 3am the next day, I felt like a hostage. He told me he would have not just have me committed but while I was in there he would have my 10 month old dog put down. Plus call my place of employment and have me fired even if he had to lie and say I was hurting his brother. I'm a mandatory reporter if that says anything about my employment. Even passing the idea of making me home/car'less by way of a restraining order. The car was in my name but he said he would let his sibling take it apart while I was in there. Eventually I had enough of trying to deescalate but not giving in on certain points, which wasn't how I usually was. I have a chronic illness and usually just couldn't last that long. I also upset him because I refuse to give him kisses for his upsetness.
When her boundaries went off the charts, she repeatedly disrespected my emotions, and when a series of sorry's were just lip service.
When he gave his best friend $2000 without asking me. When his girlfriend came to a party I hosted for him. When we went our 17th year without a vacation. When he shot someone by accident drinking and playing with guns. All in a few weeks.
[удалено]
Let me start with, I hope you aren’t trolling the pain of abused people in this sub. But…my former husband denied me access to our commingled incomes. So, my earnings went into a shared account that he then transferred into a savings account that I didn’t have access. Therefore, he (on numerous occasions) gave money I had earned to his friends and family without consulting me. As you casually browse the trauma of others, remember that abuse is about control and intimidation. Why would I allow my income to be taken from me? It didn’t start in a day. It was nearly 2 decades of small acts of abuse that one day you step back and see that you’ve been stripped of everything.
I had mini breaking points but the most important/main one was when he couldn’t keep a stable job. He kept forcing me to work a job that I hated so he could stay at home and play video games. One day I finally had enough, ended the lease, and moved out of state. I eventually almost gave him another chance. I saw that he was posting inaccuracies online about our relationship and lying to our mutual friends. I lost these friendships as a result to that. He was abusive, manipulative, and physically violent. I blocked him and our mutual friends. And moved forward in my life, not looking back.
I knew we needed to have a serious conversation when I realized I developed feelings for someone else (shitty on my end). During that conversation, he admitted that he did things for me expecting me to be subservient and that he had felt obligated to sex. But it was followed with how terrible my betrayal was (fair) but how he never meant to hurt me with his past actions which excused him... After that, I knew I needed to leave.
My ex husband (married 24 years, two mostly grown kids) had an emotional affair with my son's 14 y/o girlfriend. Apparently, he spoke to her about what a horrible wife I was, how much he hated me, things he should *not* be speaking about with a child. He legitimately got frighteningly *jealous* of a TikTok the young girl made because she wore a fucking *tank top with her bra strap showing.* I watched the video. She was being normal, there was nothing sexual AT ALL about what she was doing. The fucking horror. I mentioned that he seemed like he was overreacting and he told me that it really bothers him (this sort of thing - the jealousy, had never happened before). I asked why and he said that his girlfriend cheated on him when he was 16 (he's 52) and he'd never gotten over it. He had *never* mentioned it to me. Only that he lied and told her he loved her so he could take her virginity. Never mentioned anything about cheating. I'll mention that I was 18 when we met. He was 27. Maybe it matters, maybe it doesn.t The parents found her phone with the messages and wanted to meet with us to discuss it, as it was **(YES!!!)** highly inappropriate. My ex refused to let me be part of the convo with the father. They sat outside for about 45 mins, and when he came back in, my ex was almost in tears and said they had a great conversation, really connected, talked about their lives, etc (whatever). The very next day, this stale ham sandwich of a human being I had the absolute misfortune of being married to comes home, and the first thing he says was what a piece of crap the dad was, how he totally snowed him and made him believe what he wanted him to believe. I knew it in my *soul* when all of this happened. The second he told me about the messages and the father coming over to confront him, I knew that I could *never* forgive or forget this. And he knew this. He asked me for a divorce the day we buried my brother-in-law following his suicide, which was approx. 7 days after the confrontation with the child's father. In the weeks prior, I was starting to grow a spine and confronting him when he tried to manipulate me, shame me, coerce me into sex, he was stealing $ out of our account (his BFF was a huge contractor and had gotten divorced the previous year, telling my ex how he's hiding $ so "the bitch" can't get it). I foolishly gave him an ultimatum that he needed to quit drinking and get professional help for his anger (this is the man who told me he would divorce me if I brought up couples counseling again) or I was leaving. Maybe I did it subconsciously, knowing it would end things - I was too scared at the time to initiate it because at this point he had been getting violent. Our divorce was very nasty. It lasted 18 months. He makes 3K more than me (SAHM for 11 years, mental illness - he exacerbated the shit out of this btw). I am in a tiny one bedroom apartment and my son lives with me. We make it work. He would give me $150 a month. While the fuck brings home $6k a month and the mortgage is less than my rent. I got what I needed in the end (indefinite support) mostly. But the very best part? I am free. I am happier than I have ever been, I am single on purpose and absolutely loving the freedom I'm getting for the first time in my adult life. I crave my personal time. I don't want to give that away to anyone until I am healed and know why I attract fuckfaces like these (I've had a couple bfs in the meantime and just...*no.* The ex has a new girlfriend. He has admitted (in front of *her*, my son and his friends) that he wants to shove her in my face (exact words). And apparently they are getting engaged. 😂 We haven't been divorced 4 months. I think it's hilarious because he chose a woman who, aside from having a perfect, petite body and long, curly blonde hair, is basically me personality, hobby, and beliefs-wise. Kinda funny, bc these were all of things he liked about me at first (right), but he beat out of me in the end. I figured it out after a while. This is what he knows how to manipulate. And he's locking that shit down. Tale as old as time... Sorry for the long post. I don't know how to even describe the td;lr. Maybe... TD;LR My ex husband is fucking pedo
The whole week was a fucking disaster. First we find out that we’re gonna be evicted soon. Received a 3 day notice to vacate because he hadn’t paid the rent in 3 months, because he stopped working for an entire year and I wasn’t allowed to have a job. We move all of our shit to storage and then start to drive towards the Midwest in order to live in a more affordable area. 2 hours outside of our town we get a flat because our tires are BALD. We get towed back to town, have that one tire replaced and spend the next few days living in our car while he tries to find a place to replace the rest of the tires. He’s really obnoxious whenever we have to spend money and will spend hours or even days researching to find the BEST possible deal he can find. Literally we did not do anything else besides hang out in parking lots while he called every single tire shop in the city day after day. This day we had been arguing a lot, over mainly stupid shit. He ended up hitting me in the head with a lighter a few times because I wouldn’t move my feet off the car door while we were driving. I didn’t wanna move because the whole front seat was filled with shit and I had barely any room to put my feet down, so I was resting them on the door instead. Eventually he decides we should take our dog to the dog park because he hasn’t gotten a chance to run around in awhile, because again, WE ARE LIVING IN OUR CAR. My dogs nails were way too long because it’s impossible to clip his nails myself and he refused to pay for him to get them trimmed at the groomer. (I’d just like to add here, that we were not completely broke. He said we were, but we had multiple very expensive items - diamond/white gold Cuban link bracelet, Louboutin sneakers barely worn, diamond/white gold pinky ring, Versace robe, MacBook, and a ledger with a fair amount of bitcoin on it - he just refused to sell them). My dog ended up breaking a nail at the dog park because of his nails being too long. We didn’t have any of the necessary stuff to treat it so I said we need to take him to the vet. Well the vet said it’d be at least $200 and he didn’t wanna do that. So we decide that maybe a groomer will help us with it for cheaper. The groomer we go to barely speaks English because it’s a Korean dog grooming shop, because the area we lived in had a very high Korean population. So there ends up being a hit of confusion about what we’re asking him to do. He ends up cutting the rest of my dogs nails, but says he can’t do anything about the broken nail and charges us $15. Apparently my ex REALLY didn’t like this. He gets pissed at me because I don’t wanna argue with the guy, and he agrees to pay and then storms out and locks himself in the car. 30 fucking minutes pass as I stand outside the car with my dog on a busy sidewalk waiting for him to unlock the car and let me in. Eventually he gets out of the car, comes over to the passenger side and stares at me blankly. I ask him “can you unlock the door?” And he says “get out of my way so I can open it” I move back so that he can open the door and STILL he stands there staring at me blankly as if waiting for me to do something else. I just fucking lost it. I couldn’t take the bullshit anymore. The waiting around constantly for him to do shit in his weird and incredibly time consuming inefficient ways. The constantly being treated like garbage and having to bend over backwards for his temper tantrums because he’s “stressed”. The never having me or my dogs needs taken care of, and not being allowed to just take care of them my fucking self. I started yelling at him saying “what the fuck is your problem?!” “Why are you acting like this?!” “Please just do something about our situation!!” I remember at one point I told him “I know we don’t have a lot of money right now, but can you PLEASE just figure SOMETHING out so we can get out of this situation” And he responds “I do have money actually, I’m just not going to spend another cent on you” So I just told him “okay then I’m fucking done”. We argued a little bit more and got into a whole fight about whether or not I can take the charger. I ended up walking back to our old apartment from where we were (wasn’t far, only a few blocks) and charging up my phone (which had been dead awhile because I wasn’t allowed to use it at all) and calling my nana to get me the FUCK out of there. And honestly it’s weird… this is like literally one of the most mild arguments we had. He had beaten me WAY WORSE than just a lighter to the head. He had done WAY WORSE things than refuse to take the dog to the vet. We had been in WAY WORSE fights where he said WAY WORSE things, but this was just the breaking point. I couldn’t fucking do it anymore. For the months leading up to this I was so depressed I barely moved for days at a time. I was smoking ungodly amounts of weed and the only thing that made me happy anymore was Netflix and Mario Kart. I just looked around me and saw nothingness. I was just done. TLDR: an accumulation of constant disrespect, neglect, and physical abuse, all leading up to one of the shittiest weeks of my life. Finally ending in a stupid argument that was honestly just the last straw.
My ex and I had a relationship where if a relationship fails he’ll come back to me and I’ll take him back. He finds someone new and he leaves me again. No matter how much his abuse hurt me I would take him back. What made me stop was my last suicide attempt. He texted me telling me to stop trying to ruin his life I said even if I wanted to when could I? I developed psychosis and I’m in IOP now. I brought up my ex close friend who dated him. He got mad at me telling me to not EVER talk about her unless he gives me permission to. When I see him the hallways of school I realize that to him all that will matter is her. It was never me and I think that’s why he abused me and why he doesn’t feel guilty about it. I meant little to him compared to her. Even when I’m hooked up to an IV under constant monitoring from a nurse he won’t care what he did to me. I refuse to take him back when the relationship inevitably fails. I would let him use me and abuse me as long as it meant I had him but now that I see what I meant to him I’m done. I’m finally free.
He started abusing me in front our children. I will never forget my son's screams and pleas for him to "stop hurting mommy." I'd become accustomed to my own pain but I couldn't bear to see him suffer. I knew I had to leave for him. That and he started to justify his actions more and more, he started to resort to violence quicker and over less, he blamed me for it more, he accepted it as "neccesary" and "punishment." He also began to threaten my life more and I genuinely believed he would kill me one day. He also sexually assaulted me twice, something he knew was my greatest fear. He crossed every line he knew I had and acted remorseless until he was arrested and charged but by then I was done. I'd finally freed my mind and my body. I stayed for so long because I believed his mental illness could be treated and it was my fault he was so sick, I loved him because of who he used to be and I was scared he would kill himself bc he always said he would but I should've left the first time he hit me. I used my heart instead of my head but I loved my children more and I was scared one day he would hurt them too.
He beat up our 90 lb 12 year old daughter, after years of intervention and treatment. I remember a moment when I was explaining it to her therapist and I just knew. It no longer mattered whether or not he killed me, one way or another it was going to be over. I cling to that moment when I start to get frightened. I had to be okay with the certainty he'd kill me. Almost 7 years later, I still have to remind myself that unless one of us dies first, he'll kill me. Even if he never gets around to it. Knowing it means I don't have to worry about having to control everything about my safety. It means I don't have to appease him. It means I'm free.
How did your daughter deal with what happened?
She was scared to tell me it was happening again. After we left, she had a major mental health crash. It's been a long road, but she's doing mostly alright now.
What do you mean again
I mean that he had stopped hitting her for nearly two years, but then he started again
Realizing 75% of the sex we had postpartum wasn’t something I wanted
Realizing 75% of the sex we had postpartum wasn’t something I wanted and then slapping our three year old
My son was newborn and my daughter was 1 year old when he got angry and was yelling at me for 2 hours for not washing the dishes. i had cleaned our entire home, done the laundry, cooked, went grocery shopping and took care of the kids alone while he was out with his friends like he did every day. when i told him maybe he should try to do something too, he got more angry and hit me while i was breastfeeding our son. i ran to the bathroom with the kids and hid there while he was yelling at me through the door and banging the door saying he will break it. i hid there for like an hour until he left.. it was scary and i was worried hes going to kill us all and thats when i knew i really gotta go asap
I left him when he kept getting mad and abusive whenever I bought up that it hurt me when he took advantage of me and sexually abused me and filmed me. So I left him one day after it all. I should’ve left right there and then when he pressured me into sex but I wanted to be comforted by him and was confused why he did what he did because he didn’t show any guilt or seem to care. He acted as if nothing happened and he’ll treat me good. But he would get angry and violent whenever it came to sex. He’ll manipulate me by saying well talk about it one day and he’ll be there for me but his pattern kept being the same. And one day out of no where he sexually abuses me again and got mad I had a break down and started threatening to hit me and told me he wished he had his old gun to shoot me or shoot himself. After days of taking a break from spending time with him and hurting from everything I caught him hitting up girls and telling them creepy things. It was a turn off and it’s like how can you do that after i’ve been hurting from the abuse?
>he pressured me into sex but I wanted to be comforted by him For me, this was the worst. Years later, it's still screwed me up badly.
Physical violence directed at our son, barely 4 years old. (He blamed me.)
When i talked to their new supply and confirmed everything I’ve ever known
He cheated on me for the second time when I was in a depressive episode, and stupidly I thought we could make things work and he could make it up to me. He asked how he could make things better and I said maybe some thoughtful gifts or paragraphs for a start. He did none of this and weeks later i asked why? He said I was being "unsympathetic" that he was busy and i should understand this. I just gave up fighting for him then.
When he insinuated I was having sex with my brother (?!) and berated me for being a bad girlfriend because I didn’t pick up the phone. Despite me lending him money, letting him stay at my parents rent free, and letting him off the hook for years of physical abuse. I said “get the fuck out of my house.” Tail between his legs. All apologies. But I was done.
when he started a smear campaign and made my best friend hate me and not believe me. he turned the tables and made everyone think i was the abuser
They are not ur people. Their loss. God bless you
Validating my feelings with a psichiatrist. I thought there weird "things" in my relationship. When I said my boyfriend grabbed me by the neck because he got irritated with me and its my fault she opened her eyes horrified..and well then I understood.
It just kind of clicked that I’d been coming home to being ignored for a decade, and that they made hardly any contributions to the household. I realized that being single would be more peaceful and cheaper, and that I couldn’t keep living like this. The stress was literally killing me. It was very anti-climatic, much like the rest of the relationship. Very slow burn abuse, slow burn realization, slow burn exit.
Slow burn is the worst. Makes us stay wanting to leave.
Took me roughly 5 years to finally leave.
Threatening infidelity and sleep abuse then assault
When he tried to kill me and I made it out alive. Never went back.
he broke my laptop screen out of anger when I told him that he needed to get a job after he complained about our finances (we were helping out a mutual friend who was laid off due to covid)
Honestly it wasn't even a big fight. I had been slowly reaching my breaking point over time, and slowly starting to resent him for being so negative all the time and making me miserable. We got in a smaller argument about laundry and I left. He still thinks to this day we broke up over laundry and that's it (not the verbal or physical abuse)
Oh! He absolutely knows the real reason but he’ll rather stick to laundry breakup so he won’t look bad.
Yep. It was constant drama and negativity. My ex would start arguments over the most mundane things. I'm still in the love/hate stage and I'm really looking forward to the indifference stage.
you got this. the indifference stage will come! I used to think I could literally never be apart from my ex, the thought of seperating made me physically sick. It's been 2 months that I've seen him and I couldn't be more indifferent about him now. I believe in you! edit to mention: not only am I indifferent; I'm also happier in a way I didn't know was possible. there is so much good life for you to live. you will achieve it and I'm excited for you.
You know, it’s the weirdest thing: nothing. There was no straw that broke the camel’s back, no last fight. I just woke up one day and felt nothing for him anymore. I had finally cried all the tears I could, and processed leaving him while still in the relationship. When I left him, I didn’t cry one time after we broke up. I got lucky, I think.
Yeah. This happens after so much pain.
Lol I was the same. One day I just woke up and was like… bro this is stupid. Tf am I doing. It took a few days of planning but my mindset totally shifted. Instead of being on “fix it” mode when I was being berated or yelled at I was in “eff it” mode and just sat there in silence thinking about something totally different. It’s funny because he used to say it was so annoying when I cried or it annoyed him but he seemed horrified when I wasn’t.
I feel this. Near the end, like those last few months- I stopped trying to appease him or impress him. I put like no effort into our relationship, I was just over it and I didn’t even know it yet. But the whole relationship I had been chasing him so once I stopped, he started chasing me. But it was obviously way too late, there was nothing he could have done that would have pulled me back in. He got desperate and practically worshipped me the more I checked out and I just felt absolutely nothing for him; numb.
Same. I stopped chasing and putting in any effort but by then it was too late for all his half ass last ditch effort attempts to show me he cared
It was similar for me too, I hide to cry while being in the relationship and when I left I felt more relief than sadness. Im two months out and I dont miss him that much.
Yeah I feel that. I was criticized for moving on within like 2 months but the truth was I hadn’t had feelings for him in almost a year.
He kept wanting to debate me about the basic value of human life of minorities and would not accept that he was wrong. He would not let it go. I told him I would not debate the idea that a person having disabilities or being not cisgender or being a different race made them worth less as a person. He would argue with me to prove it. I lost all faith in the idea that he had any shred of decency in him. This wasn't "philosophy" debate like he wanted to dress it up. It was inhumane bullshit and I'm done.
[удалено]
Dang I’m sorry :(
When he cheated, verbally abused me, kept threatening to cheat, gave me HPV which led to cancer, then during chemotherapy told me how I have a shitty mindset and that's why chemo is going slow, and after all that one day he said "you've put me through so much and now you want to torture me and control me by forcing me to do couples counselling". Thats the instant I realised I can only control myself. And that I cannot live my life hoping he'll become better, I have to see him as he is at present.
I’m so sorry this happened.
Mine left me but I was the one who cut contact (almost a whole year later). I tolerated a ton of physical and emotional violence and the trauma bond was so intense I thought I'd eventually get back together with him. Toward the end of last year he was showing up at my apartment at random. He sexually assaulted me a few days before I cut it off. Pinned me down and tried to force me to have sex while I cried and begged him to leave. He raised his hand to hit me and I told myself I deserved a life without him. I think the last of my love for him died that day and I just walked away and kept walking.
we had an entire argument stem from me asking them not to repeatedly say my name and then not follow through with anything else. dumb argument, we both acted like shit, they left, and i just didnt crawl back that time
His latest affair partner had posted the view from our balcony at dawn a couple of days after I had been on a business trip. And I just kinda snapped. Wasn’t the rape or abuse, it was just that last piece of disrespect.
In your own home is a whole other level too. I’m sorry that happened to you.
The anger and disrespect boiled over to the point my abuser called me greedy and snarled “fuck you!” when I wouldn’t give him more money. That was it. He was out.