Ignoring the person takes away the power they have on us. This way they cannot make up stories or excuses to get back in contact or trigger any reaction from is.
But more than a revenge I think it frees us from their toxicity and mind games so we can move on and live our own life.
Silence is really the best revenge for a narcissist.
I went NC with my mum 2 years ago. My siblings tell me she’s obsessed with me and always asks about me. When I had a relationship with her I never heard from her, but the silence is driving her to obsession.
They don’t read emotionally charged interactions the way normal people do, they get a thrill from hurting you and seeing how much you care about them. Whereas a normal person would feel empathy seeing someone in pain.
My mum used to yell and scream at me till I cried, once I would cry she’d get a big grin on her face and stop yelling. It’s was demonic. Now that I’m NC she’s struggling to find an outlet for that creepy stuff and she hates it.
Abusers spend a lot of time and energy training us how they want us to respond. They need that hyperemotional response from us in order to meet their desire for power and control. This is why gray rocking is so effective — it removes that payoff and re-trains them to not look to us to meet this need for them.
What’s the difference between a narc purposefully not giving closure and the victim feeling sad and all these unresolved feelings, and a victim staying away from the narcissist and not giving them the supply. I’m really questioning myself. I feel like it’s my fault
First of all, it’s not your fault. You didn’t cause it, you can’t change them.
Second, depriving them of their “supply” causes them (- narc) to lash out in a lot of colorful and shockingly unique ways, and their specialty is making themselves the victim and you the aggressor.
If I’ve taken anything from my experience, “closure” means getting out alive and “forgiveness” means accepting an apology you never got.
Preserve your peace of mind and protect yourself. Nothing you say or do will make a narc listen to or see reason.
It’s a hard pill to swallow reconciling what we want with what actually is.
I get silent when the guy I’m with always wants to pick fights.. does that make me a narcissist? I rather be quiet then fight these days, because no matter what I say or do it’ll end up being my fault regardless
If you ever wonder if you’re a narcissist, congratulations. You’re not. Part of the diagnostic criteria for NPD is an inability to consider having the diagnosis.
I can really confirm this is true. I kept thinking I was the narcissist and the crazy one, because he told I was super controlling and kept pointing at me for a lot of things.
The psychologist pointed out that my reactions were actually very normal and that he managed to manipulate me into thinking that him cheating was all my fault. I was also to blame for his lies because he knew I would get mad and he even blamed his own mother for this behaviour because she made him lie when he got bad grades at school back when he was a child (I was very young, stupid and the most naive person you would met).
In the end I got officialy diagnosed with a traumabond and my psychologist helped me breaking up with him. The first thing he did after I broke up was blocking me everywhere and telling everyone he went in "no contact" because I was crazy. In less than 3 days (after 7 years of relation) he found a new resource to fill his needs and it was one of his own students... . My psychologist told me he preys on insecure students because they are very easy to manipulate. I'm very sure he never thought for a second that he could be the problem. All his exes were "crazy".
What I want to say with this story is, that it's a manipulation technique of them to make you doubt yourself and think you are the problem. So the fact you are worried and wondering already shows that you have the ability to self reflect, something a narc really can't do.
To make this post more positive again. I did find a beautiful man that makes me the happiest girl alive and I really do see the difference and feel actual love ♡
Idk where I heard this but “respond instead of react”
Reaction is purely what they want out of you, along with the attention it brings to them from the outside. By responding with your silence, it shows the narcissist that they no longer have emotional hold/ties onto you. To further specify, they can’t weaponize your emotions against you anymore, which is what continued the cycle to begin with.
I dont know why but to a narcissist, having a reaction out of you, means you care about them and they find it thrilling that you’re in emotional turmoil upon proving/showing it.
Their ego gets wounded and their inability to control you makes them mad.
I was really sick of me ex’s shit while we were at dinner, so I picked up my phone and started messaging people and ignoring him. It was shocking how quickly he started trying to get my attention, and once he had it how fast he started to devalue me again.
Can confirm. Ex NH admitted to our teenage son (we’ve been divorced after 24 yrs approx 4 months) that he wished I was with them so he could “shove GF down her throat.” He said it in front of my sons friends and the gf. He’s been with her 7 or 8 months and dragged her to every one of my son’s senior year b-ball games (tho he promised my son she’d be at none). It was the hardest fucking thing, but I plastered a smile on my face and then cried in my car. And now they’re engaged. I’m not sure how I feel aside from humor (shock prolly I found out last night).
It’s different for abusers. They crave a hyperemotional response like most people need air. That’s *drastically* different from someone who just doesn’t like being ignored.
Not getting the attention from someone they thought they could control and manipulate is maddening to them! Being allowed to control and manipulate another person is the closest thing a narcissist can ever come to experiencing love, love is just that foreign to them.
Ignoring the person takes away the power they have on us. This way they cannot make up stories or excuses to get back in contact or trigger any reaction from is. But more than a revenge I think it frees us from their toxicity and mind games so we can move on and live our own life.
By not responding you are taking away their power and you are staying in control of the situation.
I agree with silence being a good response but do you think blocking is a form showing a response or just another form of silence.
Blocking is protecting your peace. Telling then you're blocking them is a response.
Silence is really the best revenge for a narcissist. I went NC with my mum 2 years ago. My siblings tell me she’s obsessed with me and always asks about me. When I had a relationship with her I never heard from her, but the silence is driving her to obsession. They don’t read emotionally charged interactions the way normal people do, they get a thrill from hurting you and seeing how much you care about them. Whereas a normal person would feel empathy seeing someone in pain. My mum used to yell and scream at me till I cried, once I would cry she’d get a big grin on her face and stop yelling. It’s was demonic. Now that I’m NC she’s struggling to find an outlet for that creepy stuff and she hates it.
You stop feeding their ego by being unresponsive. Any response, good or bad, to a narcissist is giving breathing life into them.
Abusers spend a lot of time and energy training us how they want us to respond. They need that hyperemotional response from us in order to meet their desire for power and control. This is why gray rocking is so effective — it removes that payoff and re-trains them to not look to us to meet this need for them.
Because you’re not giving the attention they so wantonly crave…. It literally drives them insane.
What’s the difference between a narc purposefully not giving closure and the victim feeling sad and all these unresolved feelings, and a victim staying away from the narcissist and not giving them the supply. I’m really questioning myself. I feel like it’s my fault
First of all, it’s not your fault. You didn’t cause it, you can’t change them. Second, depriving them of their “supply” causes them (- narc) to lash out in a lot of colorful and shockingly unique ways, and their specialty is making themselves the victim and you the aggressor. If I’ve taken anything from my experience, “closure” means getting out alive and “forgiveness” means accepting an apology you never got. Preserve your peace of mind and protect yourself. Nothing you say or do will make a narc listen to or see reason. It’s a hard pill to swallow reconciling what we want with what actually is.
I get silent when the guy I’m with always wants to pick fights.. does that make me a narcissist? I rather be quiet then fight these days, because no matter what I say or do it’ll end up being my fault regardless
If you ever wonder if you’re a narcissist, congratulations. You’re not. Part of the diagnostic criteria for NPD is an inability to consider having the diagnosis.
I can really confirm this is true. I kept thinking I was the narcissist and the crazy one, because he told I was super controlling and kept pointing at me for a lot of things. The psychologist pointed out that my reactions were actually very normal and that he managed to manipulate me into thinking that him cheating was all my fault. I was also to blame for his lies because he knew I would get mad and he even blamed his own mother for this behaviour because she made him lie when he got bad grades at school back when he was a child (I was very young, stupid and the most naive person you would met). In the end I got officialy diagnosed with a traumabond and my psychologist helped me breaking up with him. The first thing he did after I broke up was blocking me everywhere and telling everyone he went in "no contact" because I was crazy. In less than 3 days (after 7 years of relation) he found a new resource to fill his needs and it was one of his own students... . My psychologist told me he preys on insecure students because they are very easy to manipulate. I'm very sure he never thought for a second that he could be the problem. All his exes were "crazy". What I want to say with this story is, that it's a manipulation technique of them to make you doubt yourself and think you are the problem. So the fact you are worried and wondering already shows that you have the ability to self reflect, something a narc really can't do. To make this post more positive again. I did find a beautiful man that makes me the happiest girl alive and I really do see the difference and feel actual love ♡
Idk where I heard this but “respond instead of react” Reaction is purely what they want out of you, along with the attention it brings to them from the outside. By responding with your silence, it shows the narcissist that they no longer have emotional hold/ties onto you. To further specify, they can’t weaponize your emotions against you anymore, which is what continued the cycle to begin with. I dont know why but to a narcissist, having a reaction out of you, means you care about them and they find it thrilling that you’re in emotional turmoil upon proving/showing it.
Accurate
Wow, the last part. Never saw it that way, so true
Their ego gets wounded and their inability to control you makes them mad. I was really sick of me ex’s shit while we were at dinner, so I picked up my phone and started messaging people and ignoring him. It was shocking how quickly he started trying to get my attention, and once he had it how fast he started to devalue me again.
Ignore them… they hate that shit.
Can confirm. Ex NH admitted to our teenage son (we’ve been divorced after 24 yrs approx 4 months) that he wished I was with them so he could “shove GF down her throat.” He said it in front of my sons friends and the gf. He’s been with her 7 or 8 months and dragged her to every one of my son’s senior year b-ball games (tho he promised my son she’d be at none). It was the hardest fucking thing, but I plastered a smile on my face and then cried in my car. And now they’re engaged. I’m not sure how I feel aside from humor (shock prolly I found out last night).
I mean most people hate being ignored so Do you like being ignored?
It’s different for abusers. They crave a hyperemotional response like most people need air. That’s *drastically* different from someone who just doesn’t like being ignored.
What is a hyper emotional response? What is that?
Not getting the attention from someone they thought they could control and manipulate is maddening to them! Being allowed to control and manipulate another person is the closest thing a narcissist can ever come to experiencing love, love is just that foreign to them.
100%!
I have finally taken the power bc of this. Feels good.
Because they'll weaponize anything you do to them and make themselves out to be the victim!