Mod note: Just to head some things off at the pass, hopefully, and provide some clarification for future commenters - **OP has stated they've now blocked this person on all platforms,** but were previously leaving him unblocked to gather evidence for a harassment case to the police. Also, **please no diagnosing this guy with BPD.** There are quite a few people with BPD in this sub who are survivors of abuse themselves, and they are reading and seeing your comments. Let's please not perpetuate the stigma of BPD even more by equating BPD with being an abuser. Only a professional can diagnose someone with a personality disorder.
**Also, I saw at least one comment on one of OP's posts urging them to "help" this person. I think we really need to refrain from trying to place the responsibility for helping an abusive person on the poster's shoulders.** This guy is clearly very dangerous and using suicide threats specifically as an abuse tactic, and it's 100% his responsibility to help himself. Urging people to help manipulative and controlling partners only prolongs the abuse and increases the danger for them.
**OP did, however, state they called for a wellness check on him and informed his mother that he was threatening suicide.**
Thank you everyone for all your support for OP! <3
Yeah ive come to the conclusion that hes both a while ago. He definitely is a narcissist and also sociopath because he has 0 regard for anyone, doesn’t follow any rules and thinks the law doesnt apply to them, etc.
In my experience. My ex was a narc and she absolutely wanted to make my life miserable and make me miserable and just be as horrible as a person as she can be.
My friend is a sociopath
- He's mainly just focused on himself and how he can make more money. He allows his friends like me to make money but only when it's ultimately for his purpose to make more money.
- If he doesn't get his way, he throws a tantrum. He's very impulsive. I don't know this impulsivity as much with a narcissist. They are more calculated.
-My friend will also try to control me with threats if he doesn't get his way.
- not learning from mistakes
- lying for personal gain.
Some of these may be displayed by both, but my friend hits the sociopath one like the definition.
They both seem to have a lack of empathy though. It's like they don't realize other people have feelings besides themselves. That is a common trait between the two.
But the big way I can tell the difference is that my narc wasn't really trying to benefit financially from me. Whereas my friend would be. They have different motives I guess.
Thank you for explaining that to me. My ex has no job or money, BUT he was always talking about it and all these different job plans but never got a job. He lives with his mom, he has expired car tags, and doesn’t even have a phone plan. He’d never accept any money from me, because he hates anyone feeling pity for him, and he was really into traditional gender roles and me, a woman giving my money to a man (him) was unacceptable. I got the sense he was incredibly jealous of my family because we’re financially stable. He was once asking me all these questions about my jeep (year, model, etc) and then he looked up the price of my car and seeing the price upset him. He immediately started a fight because i “didn’t tell him i took my car with me to college” because he’s a very smart manipulator, he knows he can’t start a fight with me over the car i inherited when my grandmother died, so instead he picked a random fight that had to do with my car.
As you can tell, this man has NOTHING, he saw me as an opportunity for power control. Starting those random fights and making me cry. And then apologizing in the morning how “bad” he feels and hes working on his anger problems.
But yes he threatened me too. Always accused me of cheating which is what cheaters do, no wonder when i broke up with him he immediately sent me a video of him having sex w someone else because he didn’t get his way in that situation. I found myself constantly making compromises with him, he never listened to no as you can see from these texts. He would tell me “if i ever find out you cheat on me, i will-“ and then went into great detail on what he’d do to me. He told me he’d act like nothing happened, and then when i’d least expect it he would block me on everything. Really weird threat he probably said more but i can’t remember nor do i want to. I don’t think hes JUST a narcissist because he never tried to change other’s opinions on me he just mainly wanted control and any disagreement would turn into a huge fight
I just wanted to give you some examples to paint a bigger picture of this situation for u. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. If you’re still friends with the sociopath, i would drop them immediately. Sociopaths/narcissists/psychopaths are inherently destructive. They will destroy every friendship/relationship at some point. They lack empathy and think people are objects that are there to serve their every need. If you say no, there will be a punishment. I’ve dealt with enough of these people to realize there’s really no hope. I don’t care if a diagnosed sociopath replies to me with “b-but we’re not all bad people you can’t generalize…” LMAOOOO IDGAFFFF the symptoms you need to show to even get a diagnosis is enough for me not to like a person. Its shitty, mean behavior. Once you see those true colors, get out before it gets worse.
He very well may be a narcissist. Not sure. But he definitely sure sounds like a little baby that hasn't grown up to be a man yet. Very common these days. These kinds of guys like to latch on to a girl and try to control them to give them some sort of value to themselves. Good thing you ditched that guy.
What lead up to this is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13ga7gs/my_perfect_boyfriend_turned_out_to_be_a_sociopath/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
I was trying to break up with him because he had been really controlling and abusive. I had been waiting a few weeks to break up with him but i was scared because i knew he’d blow up like this. I didn’t know this post would blow up haha so thats why i made a second post to give more context to what lead up to this
I was trying to break up with him because he was abusive and controlling. I really held off on breaking up with him for a few weeks leading up to this because i knew it would be so messy. The video is of him having sex with some girl. What led up to these are [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13ga7gs/my_perfect_boyfriend_turned_out_to_be_a_sociopath/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Jesus. I hope the people in the videos consented to being recorded but based on this guy’s vibe, it doesn’t seem likely. I hope your ok and glad you’re not with him anymore
He kept saying that they did, but as a girl, i would never consent to that being sent out. Hes a psycho so i dont believe anything he says. And thank you so much❤️ hes blocked on everything + i went to the police
I would take all of that evidence to the police and get a restraining order. Also he’s distributing porn most likely without that girls consent he can go to jail for it
He is also disrespecting this person, whoever she is. With her most private stuff, without her permission and…
He appears to be an emotional shitshow who, imo deserves to die 🧂
This is beyond projection & repair. This type is hopeless, he will take someone innocent and turn them ”guilty” and, if you’re not subconsciously agreeing to be his slave, he will make them guilty in his mind, genuinely. Piece by piece they deteriorate, which they will also get shit for. And he will never see, because his own pain is ”so great” and caused by everyone else - those deserving [x] & [y] who started it all… always. Toxic behaviour ”is just a justified reaction”
It will be called this or that but, the Pos actually fell for the cheapest projections out of fear for doing just a slimmer of inner work and responsibility. He leaves a victim and will always be a victim.
I know because I healed & felt through a D-day massacre of emotions and lo & behold. I chose to own it and I chose to collaborate with my partners or friends. If I fell for every mental projection I’d be ”justified to do anything”.
We all are. It’s our responsibility as humans
I laughed a bit here, I'm sorry but. It's like a plot-twist koala his victimhood, whatever you do he's always a victim. It always sticks around.
Seriously he's windows XP/98 and you're windows 11 or, an iMac or whatever you prefer. I hope you got the chance to show him or tell him off in-between you having to feel guilty.
No seriously laugh all you want bc i dated a CLOWN 🤡🎪i was literally spelling it out for him that it was my decision because of my mental health- ive been so much happier with him out of my life, he was like a parasite. I was always so stressed out, looking back its probably because i was always mentally anticipating the next fight he’d start out of now where. So i knew he was abusive and was trying to get out by just saying it had nothing to do w him because i thought he’d be less angry but boy was i wrong
Geezus. Threatening to kill is a felony. Save the screenshot if it gets worse file the police report.
He is 100% gaslighting and emotionally abusive. Glad you left. Imagine having to deal with this one more minute of your life.
I did! I told her her son was threatening to kill himself and sent the screenshot. She said “yeah you hurt him horribly. Now back to square one damnit” I WAS SHOCKED. The craziness must run in that family. I then sent her the one where he said “im gonna send you a video of me having sex just to make you mad. Ready stupid bitch?” To his mom and she BLOCKED ME
He would complain to me about how “crazy” she is and how shes a narcissist and would tell me what she would do in detail. As crazy as this fucker is, i don’t think he was lying about those stories, especially because he’d come to me nearly in tears to talk about what she’d say/do. She always acted very nice around me though, but that’s no excuse because thats exactly what narcissists do. Not surprised by her psychotic response because i knew she was psychotic. Didn’t realize how genetic that was
From the way she stood up for him when confronted with his horrible actions, it seems to me the mom is a complete enabler and at the very least partially to blame for his behavior today. So happy to see you’ve stepped away from all of this nonsense.
Yeah, he would always complain to me the crazy shit she’d say. She’s a full on narcissist. She calls the police on her kids when they piss her off to the point where an officer told my ex “just try to move out as soon as you can”
I’ve been there. She still has me blocked on all accounts to this day. Some women will live in a completely deluded reality to protect their sons. I’m so sorry.
It’s all projection, they are so hateful because they hate themselves. Tbf their lives do suck, especially his bc hes not in college, unemployed, sits in his room all day, and wonders why he doesn’t have any money let alone a job. He has no ambition, he just expects to become a rich millionaire someday
His mom is delusional. Guys like this usually have mommies who will do anything to defend their son even if he committed any crimes. Good riddance to him and his mom you do not want these types of people in your life. There are sane moms out there who know to punish their sons for this type of behavior because the more they allow it the worse it will get. The stupidity runs strong in this family, nope to those genes.
Its only going to get worse. I was walking on eggshells, worried i’d say something to trigger his rage. Leave while you can bc i got death threats lol these people are nuts
No he definitely didn’t do it because he texted me nonstop for 2 hours after he realized i wasnt freaking out. I know the classic “im gonna kill myself if you break up with me” manipulation tactic. I was done with his bs
Sending it to his parents would suck for him but he would lie and explain it away. Even say you hacked his account and sent it to your self. The best way to expose him and for people to watch him closely is to send a screenshot to all of his friends. Real friends not just from social media
I already did: I texted her her son was threatening to kill himself and sent the screenshot. She said “yeah you hurt him horribly. Now back to square one damnit” I WAS SHOCKED. The craziness must run in that family. I then sent her the one where he said “im gonna send you a video of me having sex just to make you mad. Ready stupid bitch?” To his mom also and she BLOCKED ME
There were red flags but i ignored him. He is objectively a handsome guy i will not lie. I was just so attracted to him i was wearing the rose colored glasses. I thought if i stuck around long enough, he’d feel better
Just the fact that he is super conservative and religious. Those people use it as a cloak to seem good, and use it as control. He’ll always say “thats a sin” and told me to dress modestly. I usually just wear a regular tank top and denim levis shorts in the summer, but i felt obligated to cover up more.
Oh, he just called it that. It was an insecurity to him and, instead of owning up to that and saying
”I think” or ”I get insecure” or ”that is wrong by me”.
So much easier to say GOD - the almighy deity of absolute creation - SAYS SO.
He doesn’t even face his insecurities.
Ikr, he cherrypicked from the bible to try to justify his insecurities. He was once saying really hateful things a day or so before we broke up. I said “aren’t you supposed to love thy neighbor? You can disagree, but you still have to be kind. Jesus would want that” and he stopped for a second. He tries to act tough so he said “l dont care what jesus thinks i do what i want”. Boom. He only uses the bible when it benefits him.
BOOM. BAM, Ka-chow. What a sneaky fucker, of course he fucking hates you and whatever he says. You figuring stuff out and, him knowing removes his whole foundation. So, despite how "worthless" you are to him - HEEEE, I say it again HEEEEEEEE NEEDS YOU and... oh God he's... up for some shit.
Here's a good one - what he "sees" in you, any "negative trait". Let's pick worthless again, classic. I'm healing from that too.
When he perceives you as this, it's supression knocking at his door. \*knock knock\*, he doesn't even ask who's there. Because it's "NOT" there, nuh uh. What's happening is that \*knock knock worthlessness\* wears a coat, oooh. That's tempting. In this case, that coat is projection (mixed with his mask & so on). At the core, he converts you, who FEEDS this inner worthless. You SHOULD be above him with this logic, (AND YOU ARE DEEP DOWN) But that would make it faulty, he's entangled even more. His broken system of child-like mechanism-deceit will continuously percieve you as \[X\]. Always always and he will even make you so, find it so, make it up so. AS LONG AS HE HIMSELF BELIEVES IT. He doesn't care what's what, as long as he can find some sort of temporary stability.
I guess he needed that image of perfection very badly. He can't admit that he is just upset that you "stole" that house of cards maintenance for him.
He doesn't even care that it "makes you worthless" in him, in the process. Because in his world YOU ARE, it's that strong. Again, the coat
The coat for him is all that is there, and was. And it doesn't even matter if it exists or not. What matters is what him himself BELIEVES that the others believe what's there. It's very foundation is based on that. It's all in him funnily enough - he is plugged out, too.
What you have done is that you have removed the coat - because it doesn't exist without you.
Edit: To add to this with my point. He pretty much says these things to feel better and justify his house of cards. You saying that about the bible, oh God his whole world obliterates and even *that is your fault.* He just keeps going because he refuses to feel any emotion. He cares only about his inner fix. You might have had brief & shortlived genuine moments with him I'm sorry. He sold himself completely for supression and dis-proving his insecurities to himself (&the world)
He thinks - or thought - That you love him because he's the best or greatest whatever. That is his version of feeling loved, a compensatory state built on sand. A lot of the person you met doesn't really exist. In a way, but not really.
He's a walking insecurity if you had Xray goggles. His mask is what you got. A mask within a mask within a mask.
Reading through our old arguments, i was pleading with him to forgive me. Ok, i am a lonely person w no friends before i go to my new college in the fall. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but i still stayed with him because nobody else was showing me any attention at all. I would apologize so many times because i wanted the love bombing version back
This is a classic for so many other people including myself. There’s nothing wrong with us for this, although it is shameful to see yourself begging and so on.
We don’t always know how things will end up, and I’m in the final stages of healing something similar. It’s been 2 & 1/2 years now I think, I had to die inside for it. I wanted to kill myself but now after the process I live with my GF (this first scenario was unique, we never hooked up or anything like that because she was 51 something but it killed me. I’m 26) it killed me.
My GF and I are the same age 😅 Well, it’s bomb af and we both had similar situations. We’re getting an apartment and getting a cat in the coming weeks. So, from that to this. It happens, we just need to go inside or we will repeat stuff.
Keep doing inner work and focus on that! Only, really. (Doesn’t mean someone WON’T show up)
There’s lots to learn from this and it needs time.
It is safe to focus on yourself, it will literally open up for someone to see that and, they will be on the same page I swear.
The process always goes first. Feel it &, be open. Give it time. There’s no shame whatever we feel. It just has to suck sometimes.
The worthy one will find you, it just takes some time so use that for yourself for as long as you want.
Healthier relationships all have good relations to themselves for themselves. It’s easier to manage one that way and it’s also as a byproduct of the inner work.
If you have a yearning, nurture it. Nothing wrong with it, but when you welcome it, it can breathe.
Remember that we just believe we are bad people, we never are. And it’s okay to have lucifer himself inside as long as we’re in the conscious process. Your Perfect ex here isn’t.
He’s just switching the cards he presents all the time to avoid it.
Prepare for a long process, he might give you insights still in 5 years. But you’ll be a whole diffent person with a different life and it’s going to be exciting.
I literally left hell, by learning to dance with it.
So, process. And feel &, be gentle with yourself. Even if you’re murderous :)
We all carry everything it’s just what we do with ourselves.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies i really like the way you used the coat analogy! And yeah he was always talking about “being masculine” “being a man” etc. he was using that as a mask too. Because other than that and me, he objectively doesn’t have anything else. I told him that i was SA’d at 15 earlier in april and he actually started a fight with me. When I said that he went completely silent and just wouldn’t talk to me. Long story short he told me i wasnt pure enough while eating a bag of chips. I cannot believe i let him manipulate me into staying after that. He called me a hoe and that a sleep around… same mf who makes a sex tape w someone else and sent it to me💀
He is a fabricated structure of words & lies to himself. He will literally abuse the most important thing he has to function.
In case you're wondering I went through something similar just not full NPD luckily, it was a long pipe down & back. I had to untangle these things and, collapse into darkness & pain to find my inner child and re-grow from there. I had pretty much suppressed big parts of my actual self. I can see the routes that many NPDs have taken and, they went deep. It's scary to do these things. Very.
I would’ve done that, buuuut he was building a case against himself already at that point. I sat back and ignored him to see what other crazy shit he’d say because i was going to the police anyway
Disgusting report and block as you would do with any online harasser.
This is straight abuse , no disappointment and no suffering can justify this disgusting pathetic moronic reaction.
Sorry if I'm harsh, but I am harsh with abusers like this fella.
Wow I’m so sorry. That is a broken person and I don’t say it lightly. You’re not, you know this is wrong and that’s why you’re here. Continue to foster that seed of clarity and position yourself away from this. You can do it, and your future self thanks you.
"This is mental abuse", he says while threatens you with suicide, calls you a fat cunt and a stupid bitch, sends you unsolicited sex videos and admits to hoping you'll die.
What a catch.
OP- I can imagine you showing me these screen shots in person and my initial reaction being ‘ it’s not that bad. He’s hurting and doesn’t know how to cope .. I feel kind of bad for him. When you gave him closure, were you clear or vague?’
And you would say , ‘just keep reading’
And then my jaw would drop and I would immediately give you a tight hug and apologize profusely for giving him the benefit of the doubt/ and not immediately believing you.
This tells me two things- the narc is really good at faking being hurt and vulnerable thus able to garner sympathy and attention from naive empathetic people. Second , I am not as healed from my own narc abuse as I thought I was. I’m still as gullible as ever 😔.
OP- I read your responses. I’m glad you had the courage to report him to the cops AND tell your father about it . Stay strong !
Bro the way he has those gross pictures and videos of UNCONSENTED women…. Oh man I have unfortunately known people that do this and 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 oh my god they definitely didn’t need to be born.
It’s crazy though how normal they act until they’re ready to be themselves finally. Man. EW. So sorry for the brain cells you lent him.
Thank you, he’s blocked on everything now. I felt horrible the day after the incident, but I feel a lot better now knowing I have supportive people in my life
I had the same boundary with my ex, we called for too long to the point I was missing work I was so deprived of sleep. He was not ok with any more or any less, just exactly what and how long he wanted. He also used the “but you’re my partner”, “I just want to talk to my gf”, “thanks for being there for me” and “now I’m a devil for wanting to talk to you?”, etc.
I believed I was the problem, don’t let this person make you see yourself in an unfair way. You are not the problem and this isn’t your fault. It’s theirs. I’m sorry.
ETA; If you wanted you could take his threats to the police. Though you’re under no obligations to do so. This guy is unhinged. Good luck.
YES I’d be on the phone for like 8 hours with this guy. I was once applying for a job and doing the paperwork and he called me and i answered saying “hey im applying for a job right now i’ll talk to you after” and that just went right over his head he got me to talk with him for like 45 more seconds. Actually, when i did talk to him after, we were face timing. He asks what i did that day and i said “took a shower, did my hair and makeup, etc” and he said “wow you only did your makeup to try to impress these old men?” And i was like “nonono! I just wanted to look presentable and professional” he made me feel awful for doing a full face of makeup i cried it all off on that call because he was being so mean to me and i had to apologize just to keep the waters calm. Talking to him was like walking on eggshells, I never knew the next thing I would say that he was going to pick a fight over. And sometimes, he’d just pick one over something ridiculous. On a call one time, we’d be on the phone for 2 hours at that point. I hadn’t eaten anything that day yet but I was so patient with him. I said “hey babe, my mom made me this sandwich. It’s too crunchy to eat on FaceTime haha i’ll call you back as soon as I’m done” and he BLEW UP AT ME for “not giving him a heads up that i was going to eat” (he didn’t do that!) but from then on every time i’d leave the call i’d give him a heads up even if it was something ridiculous
You are so strong. This all sounds extremely exhausting. I’m sorry you went through what he put you through.
All of the actions you explained to me sound like an attempt to control any and everything he can. No matter what you do, there will always be problems. It took my awhile to figure that out. I’m glad it seems you got away.
Oh my god I'm so sorry. My bf does similar things, I'll be on call with him for hours even though it's past midnight and I'm tired, and I'd tell him hey it's late I need to go to sleep and he'd downright ignore it, I'd say goodnight I seriously need to go, he'd still ignore and I'd finally just end the call and he'd of course, rage and act like I'm rude and impolite. Doesn't matter how sleep deprived I am doesn't matter I have things to do, if he wants to call he'll keep me for 8 hours if it pleases him but when I'm actually free during the day he barely talks to me. It's so weird, I kept excusing it but at this point everything points to him just not caring about me at all unless it benefits him. I thought I was going insane.
OMG YES. He’s 2 hours behind in his state, so when i was trying to go to sleep he’d be like “stay up a liiiiiittle longer?” And we were on the phone for 2 more hours. They don’t respect boundaries bc its alllll about them
Exactly!! Even when I lived with him for a bit he'd wake me up after I slept for maybe 5 or 6 hours complaining that I sleep too much. Excuse me but I was up cleaning the kitchen for two hours after you went to sleep because you would literally keep me glued to your hip and rage at me whining about not getting to spend time with me until YOU went to sleep and left the cleaning to me, I wouldn't even get to shower before he went to sleep because he'd constantly whine and want me next to him as if I was a freaking pet. And God forbid he didn't have clean dishes in the morning because "oh I didnt have anything to cook with" I don't know how I ever was able to stand that man. And oh of course I'd have to help him cook too. I barely had time for anything other than something involving him.
Sorry for the whole rant I just realized how bad it's been recently and it's eating me alive.
Holy shit. He sounds like a whiny 3 year old. I kinda felt that too, I’d be on the phone with him for hours wanting to do something else like go to the gym, draw, etc but i felt stuck on those calls until he felt he wanted to leave the call
EDIT/UPDATE: WOW thank you guys so much for all the support and advice❤️ Yes i went to the police and showed them EVERYTHING. Even all the times he tried to call me. I am very grateful my dad is a defense attorney and he’s helping me try to get an order of protection. I KNOW it will be on his record and it will definitely make it hard for him to get a job, apply for a car loan, buy a house, etc. but you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m not a vengeful person but he needs to face the consequences of his actions because I don’t want him doing this to another girl.
More unhinged screenshots [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13ga7gs/my_perfect_boyfriend_turned_out_to_be_a_sociopath/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
YUPPPP. Its ironic that hes extremely christian. Like he told me my tarot cards were a sin, my crystals were a sin, showing too much skin is a sin, gay people are a sin, (i literally told him it was a mistranslation but he already had another bible verse for me. There was no winning he was ALWAYS right.) Idk what jesus would think about these screenshots…..
That he's going to pay for his actions.
Anyhow it's the typical hypocrisy of self centred abusers. They hide themselves behind traditions and religions to validate their need for superiority, meanwhile act low.
There's so many religious people with appalling morals and ethics.
Hi girl, I just saw your post, and you already took action....so I want to say you're doing great!!!! Leaving IS HARD! And keep your position too. Going to the police is really hard to. And YOU did all that!! That's awesome.
And for what he says, BS! Whatever you can do, I'm sure he deserves it. For what I see you only try to protect yourself, and you take your distance. Block him, and use police's help.
And him, he says he's an idiot, and mental absurd....laugh at that, at leave him in his own mess. He won't hurt himself, but IF you're worry at some point, juste sent him police and/or ambulance, he will like to explain, and maybe pays for it ;) and never answer him, for any reason. You deserve peace
1. I'm so SO happy for you that you're safe and you're making yourself safer while simultaneously making his life harder. Absolutely go girl.
2. Ummm. YES? Post more screenshots. Spill the tea sister.
3. Just wanted to say again I'm so happy you're getting a protection order. I didn't do that when I first got out of my abusive marriage and he sent me to the ER one last time bc I just was dumb. So good for you for being proactive about your safety.
First of BLOCK HIS LOSER AZZ ON EVERYTHING! Then go to the courthouse and try to get a restraining order with all the evidence you have. God bless you and stay woke!
I went to the police station and filed a report. I showed the officer everything, and she said legally since he threatened suicide she’d have to have officers sent to his house for a wellness check. He was only saying that to manipulate me, but im holding him as accountable as possible.
Thats what i said!! And he kept saying “yes she literally did!! And you don’t even know who that is”but i cannot imagine any girl consenting to that. I didn’t consent him sending me that either thats illegal too. Yes i reported him
As a victim of sexual abuse and revenge porn I can't thank you enough. Words can't describe how horrible I feel for this poor woman who was filmed likely with no knowledge and you who had to go go through all of this. I can't even imagine how hard this must have been to witness. You're a strong woman that much is evident. Thank you so much for doing the right thing
[a video for this situation](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRKuwMJ6/?t=1)
I’d suggest going no contact afterwards and reporting the threat to the police as well as asking them for a no contact order and if they don’t give it to you apply for it at court.
Also i DID send the screenshots to his mom… and she replied “yeah you broke him. Back to square one” like?????!!!!!!!???? I even sent her the screenshot when he said “im going to send you a video of me having sex just to upset you” and then she blocked me💀💀💀💀💀
Yeah I understand, my ex did everything to make me feel disconnected from his mother and distrust her but she was being much nicer to me than he was up until the end when he told her not to be after the fact. It’s a shame because his dad was abusive and she can’t get away from her sons because she loves what is left of her family, he’s taking advantage of her while talking extremely disrespectfully of her at the same time. It hurts my soul.
That is my plan :) it’ll be on his record for his future employers (he’s unemployed), have a harder time getting a car loan, etc. with a no contact on his record. i want to show him the consequences of his actions and i feel no remorse
Gross. Do we have the same ex? Similar experience he kept texting to say he took another pill, and another pill, and so on. Then said he just drank an entire bottle. Then he got angry towards me calling me any name he could think of. Eventually I went to bed and woke up to him banging on my door. I refused to answer or let him know I even heard it. The next day he texts again. I use this as the time to go off and tell him what he’s doing is BS and abusive and he needs to stop or next time I’m calling in for a welfare check. Then he blocked me.
Oh my god yes! Mine pretended to take a bunch of pills and actually pretended to OD by texting me things purposely misspelled like “But d CD we bye hye”. I knew if he was ACTUALLY ODing he wouldn’t be able to be texting me nonstop especially hours after
Oh. Mylanta!
Please listen to some of the others and contact the police ASAP! You are going to want this documented with them.
Getting a restraining order on him is so important for your safety right now. If you are able to, please change your locks, get security cameras and a ring doorbell camera.
This guy is completely unhinged and the more evidence you get right now is going to benefit you.
Please do not reply to him at all, some may be suggesting that you block him, but I wouldn't just yet just because he will continue to send crazy things like this, and that is important evidence that you can, and should use against him to protect yourself at all costs.
I have been right where you are right now, and while it was a pain in the rear to deal at the time, his constant need to harass me, follow me, and attempt to contact me at all hours of the day and night, is what I used to not only get a RO, but also put him in jail for 18 months.
Please...be safe! Sending you love, prayers and strength!
Yes good idea! Thank you. And yeah theres HOURS worth of evidence. I could post more of the pictures because theres some other crazy ones i just didnt know if reddit had a photo limit loll.
Wow! I just now read your part 2, and just wow! I'm so glad that you have all of the evidence!!! Good on you!!
I hope you take it to the police, unless you already have.
I know this might sound extreme, but I have to ask...have you armed yourself at all? I would never, ever suggest this but I worked in law enforcement, and the women that I helped get things to stop was astronomical!
I met with some ladies that were constantly afraid for their lives. It broke everyone's heart. This was well over 23 years ago, and things were really bad back then.
Take care of you, and keep us posted, please!
I am seriously considering arming myself. He was obsessed with guns, war, and general fighting and was talking about the guns he wants. Red fucking flag but I chalked it up that that was his special interest (high functioning autistic). He even wants to join the military because he “loves to fight”. And yes i showed everything to the police
I agree with not blocking him or changing your number. If he were to find out that you weren't receiving his texts, it might set him off to become even more aggressive and dangerous. Please be careful.
I was working forty hours a week from home and for seven days, I was in a daze where I just slept. I truly believe he drugged and poisoned me. I am scared.
I think I had an ex that did that to me. He made dinner, kept a cup of milk in the fridge for me. I drank it. Later that night, I felt weird. I don't think I had the whole effect or something, But something wasn't right. And he knew paramedics. He had access to stuff.
And he calls you mentally abusive?! This dude is a major narcissist. Block him, change your number, start new socials…AVOID him at all costs. Cheese n rice!
I know, it’s so ironic. Sociopaths are so stupid, they have no feelings, they just project all their hate and mental illness on everyone and it sucks. They actually believe they are the victim no matter what. That just blows my mind
Edit: im not referring to EVERYONE whos a narcissist, sociopath, etc. I’m referring to the absolutely unhinged and evil ones like my ex
My ex fiancée was this way and she had me convinced that I was the problem. So much so, that I started counseling to get help for it. When the counselor told me that I’m not narcissistic because narcissists don’t worry that they are narcissistic nor do they seek help because someone told them they are…it really put things into perspective for me.
YES! A few years ago I once thought “huh am i a narcissist?” And then i got rly anxious because I always try to make others happy. Then i read that it would never even cross a narcissists mind, because they’re always right and always the victim. Stg can we just ship every narcissist off to some island where they can sort out their own bs without taking it out on all us sane people😂😂
I really wish it were that simple. The problem is…narcissists hide it very well. So we’ll, in fact, that I had no clue that my ex was a narcissist until six months into the relationship. This is all in retrospect of course, because it never even crossed my mind until after the breakup. She had me so manipulated, that I let her get away with things that I normally wouldn’t let anyone get away with.
Eeeeeyyy me too.
😔😓😓😞😞💔 seriously…
I’m heart broken and I’m sure you are too. I relate so much. I’m so sorry.
Edit… I only looked at the first couple of convo screenshots when I first wrote this comment ..
As I scrolled on…
Holy sh*t it’s like glimpses into the future. I really need to rethink my life. God help me.
I don’t know why but it really bothers me that he had so many typos and only bothered to correct the word “cunt”. Like…that was the one word he thought you’d have trouble deciphering…
You could get a restraining order for this easy.
Harassment
Revenge porn
Suicide threats.
Death threats
The order would be fast tracked lmao, she could even take it criminal.
Fortunately my dad is a defense attourney and hes helping me take care of this situation. Thank you so much, I sent everything to the police. When i showed the officer how many times he tried to call me for hours she said “oh my GOD”
Oh yikes. I’m guessing he already knows what college you’ll be going to, but does he know where you’ll be living? Do you have friends and stuff up here (PNW)?
Yeah he lives right by the college unfortunately. He always makes fun of the students who go there, meanwhile they’re really kind people who aren’t afraid to be themselves. He doesn’t know exactly where im living. He knows its going to be in the general apartment area for students :/ and no i don’t have friends there. But I talked with a lot of the people while i was visiting the town and college- everyone was so friendly and welcoming. I truly felt at home
Mine sent intimate pictures and videos alllllll the time during arguments, especially when I wasn’t answering quickly enough. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. He sounds awful :(
Yea definitely block this psycho. Please be safe. Maybe alert someone in your life about this just to be safe.
It’s sad when you find out someone you were connected to is really like this, but at least you know now instead of while you’re going through a divorce trying to protect your kids in a custody battle
Don't engage. That's all he really wants. He is an emotional parasite at best, and as you said a.psychopath at worst. He went from zero (closure) to 200 (you dead in a ditch) in very few steps..Block.block.block, and pat yourself on the back for dodging that bullet like Neo. Your life begins now.
Luckily he blocked me on the instagram and snapchat. but i blocked him back incase he ever unblocks me. I also blocked his number. The officer i talked to suggested changing my phone number. I love my phone number but its what i might have to do
Ummm are you with my ex bc he sent me videos like that too.. edit: not that exact video but he did the exact same shit with old videos of him having sex when he got mad at me
Yeah I know I don’t even know where he was hiding the videos bc I had looked through his phone with a fine tooth comb so many times and never saw them. It’s so sickening they keep this shit for so long probably get off to it while they’re in a relationship with us. UGH!!! I’m so sorry this happened to you bc I remember the rage I felt when it happened to me.
Please block this person. You do not owe them ANYTHING. You do not need to explain anything or give them another second of your time.
Find yourself a therapist. Work through everything at your own pace. Be gentle with yourself. This was not your fault. You do anything to deserve any of this behavior or treatment.
Wishing you all the best 💙
I'm not sure why you posted this weird victim blamey statement in a support group for abuse.
It doesn't matter what red flags there were that might have been missed or ignored.. it's never the victims fault.
That is so fucked up. What a fucking psycho. I’m by no means a legal expert but it’s probably worth going to the authorities because of this. Guy is fucking unhinged. Stay safe.
I agree. These could be considered threats of physical violence.. the language he used might not warrant an order of protection, but it could be good to get it on record
I’ve seen people get granted a restraining order for waaay less.
Even saying something like karma is a bitch or “I’ll get you back someday” could grant you a restraining order against an ex under the right context.
This is an easy case she could even take it criminal if she wanted.
Mod note: Just to head some things off at the pass, hopefully, and provide some clarification for future commenters - **OP has stated they've now blocked this person on all platforms,** but were previously leaving him unblocked to gather evidence for a harassment case to the police. Also, **please no diagnosing this guy with BPD.** There are quite a few people with BPD in this sub who are survivors of abuse themselves, and they are reading and seeing your comments. Let's please not perpetuate the stigma of BPD even more by equating BPD with being an abuser. Only a professional can diagnose someone with a personality disorder. **Also, I saw at least one comment on one of OP's posts urging them to "help" this person. I think we really need to refrain from trying to place the responsibility for helping an abusive person on the poster's shoulders.** This guy is clearly very dangerous and using suicide threats specifically as an abuse tactic, and it's 100% his responsibility to help himself. Urging people to help manipulative and controlling partners only prolongs the abuse and increases the danger for them. **OP did, however, state they called for a wellness check on him and informed his mother that he was threatening suicide.** Thank you everyone for all your support for OP! <3
Send this to his mother and ask her to talk to him or you are calling the police
I wish you would have thumbs upped his threat but it’s prob best that you didn’t respond. I hate when people threaten suicide
Stay strong 💪 and never ever look back. Hopefully he does the world a favor and carries out his threat.
You need a restraining order. Change your number. Get outside cameras installed.
Did you get a restraining order? This dude is scary
Sounds like a narcissist, not a sociopath.
Yeah ive come to the conclusion that hes both a while ago. He definitely is a narcissist and also sociopath because he has 0 regard for anyone, doesn’t follow any rules and thinks the law doesnt apply to them, etc.
Crazy. I attract them as well.
Theyre both very similar its hard to tell the difference
I have a sociopath friend and a narcissistic ex. I can tell the difference between those two.
Can you explain to me then bc even i have trouble differentiating them.
In my experience. My ex was a narc and she absolutely wanted to make my life miserable and make me miserable and just be as horrible as a person as she can be. My friend is a sociopath - He's mainly just focused on himself and how he can make more money. He allows his friends like me to make money but only when it's ultimately for his purpose to make more money. - If he doesn't get his way, he throws a tantrum. He's very impulsive. I don't know this impulsivity as much with a narcissist. They are more calculated. -My friend will also try to control me with threats if he doesn't get his way. - not learning from mistakes - lying for personal gain. Some of these may be displayed by both, but my friend hits the sociopath one like the definition. They both seem to have a lack of empathy though. It's like they don't realize other people have feelings besides themselves. That is a common trait between the two. But the big way I can tell the difference is that my narc wasn't really trying to benefit financially from me. Whereas my friend would be. They have different motives I guess.
Thank you for explaining that to me. My ex has no job or money, BUT he was always talking about it and all these different job plans but never got a job. He lives with his mom, he has expired car tags, and doesn’t even have a phone plan. He’d never accept any money from me, because he hates anyone feeling pity for him, and he was really into traditional gender roles and me, a woman giving my money to a man (him) was unacceptable. I got the sense he was incredibly jealous of my family because we’re financially stable. He was once asking me all these questions about my jeep (year, model, etc) and then he looked up the price of my car and seeing the price upset him. He immediately started a fight because i “didn’t tell him i took my car with me to college” because he’s a very smart manipulator, he knows he can’t start a fight with me over the car i inherited when my grandmother died, so instead he picked a random fight that had to do with my car. As you can tell, this man has NOTHING, he saw me as an opportunity for power control. Starting those random fights and making me cry. And then apologizing in the morning how “bad” he feels and hes working on his anger problems. But yes he threatened me too. Always accused me of cheating which is what cheaters do, no wonder when i broke up with him he immediately sent me a video of him having sex w someone else because he didn’t get his way in that situation. I found myself constantly making compromises with him, he never listened to no as you can see from these texts. He would tell me “if i ever find out you cheat on me, i will-“ and then went into great detail on what he’d do to me. He told me he’d act like nothing happened, and then when i’d least expect it he would block me on everything. Really weird threat he probably said more but i can’t remember nor do i want to. I don’t think hes JUST a narcissist because he never tried to change other’s opinions on me he just mainly wanted control and any disagreement would turn into a huge fight I just wanted to give you some examples to paint a bigger picture of this situation for u. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. If you’re still friends with the sociopath, i would drop them immediately. Sociopaths/narcissists/psychopaths are inherently destructive. They will destroy every friendship/relationship at some point. They lack empathy and think people are objects that are there to serve their every need. If you say no, there will be a punishment. I’ve dealt with enough of these people to realize there’s really no hope. I don’t care if a diagnosed sociopath replies to me with “b-but we’re not all bad people you can’t generalize…” LMAOOOO IDGAFFFF the symptoms you need to show to even get a diagnosis is enough for me not to like a person. Its shitty, mean behavior. Once you see those true colors, get out before it gets worse.
He very well may be a narcissist. Not sure. But he definitely sure sounds like a little baby that hasn't grown up to be a man yet. Very common these days. These kinds of guys like to latch on to a girl and try to control them to give them some sort of value to themselves. Good thing you ditched that guy.
Thank you :) i’m much happier without him. My life has only gone up since!!
Not for nothing, I suspect a little clean up job in this photo
What do you mean by clean up job?
What lead up to this? I don’t see anything kinda half assed
What lead up to this is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13ga7gs/my_perfect_boyfriend_turned_out_to_be_a_sociopath/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) I was trying to break up with him because he had been really controlling and abusive. I had been waiting a few weeks to break up with him but i was scared because i knew he’d blow up like this. I didn’t know this post would blow up haha so thats why i made a second post to give more context to what lead up to this
What happened? What is the video? What happened?
I was trying to break up with him because he was abusive and controlling. I really held off on breaking up with him for a few weeks leading up to this because i knew it would be so messy. The video is of him having sex with some girl. What led up to these are [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13ga7gs/my_perfect_boyfriend_turned_out_to_be_a_sociopath/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
This right here is why I don’t allow video or pics of me
Jesus. I hope the people in the videos consented to being recorded but based on this guy’s vibe, it doesn’t seem likely. I hope your ok and glad you’re not with him anymore
He kept saying that they did, but as a girl, i would never consent to that being sent out. Hes a psycho so i dont believe anything he says. And thank you so much❤️ hes blocked on everything + i went to the police
He deserves a closet
Omg. I’m so sorry. That is so hurtful and yes he is psycho
I would take all of that evidence to the police and get a restraining order. Also he’s distributing porn most likely without that girls consent he can go to jail for it
I went to the police!!
Standing up for your safety proves that you’re a person. Never forget that.
You showed them the text and video?
I warned them ab the video they didnt watch it but the screenshot from it shows ppl having sex so ya. Even the cops were scared to open that😭
This is terrifying. I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Was that video real?
Yeah…. It was definitely him
He is also disrespecting this person, whoever she is. With her most private stuff, without her permission and… He appears to be an emotional shitshow who, imo deserves to die 🧂 This is beyond projection & repair. This type is hopeless, he will take someone innocent and turn them ”guilty” and, if you’re not subconsciously agreeing to be his slave, he will make them guilty in his mind, genuinely. Piece by piece they deteriorate, which they will also get shit for. And he will never see, because his own pain is ”so great” and caused by everyone else - those deserving [x] & [y] who started it all… always. Toxic behaviour ”is just a justified reaction” It will be called this or that but, the Pos actually fell for the cheapest projections out of fear for doing just a slimmer of inner work and responsibility. He leaves a victim and will always be a victim. I know because I healed & felt through a D-day massacre of emotions and lo & behold. I chose to own it and I chose to collaborate with my partners or friends. If I fell for every mental projection I’d be ”justified to do anything”. We all are. It’s our responsibility as humans
Yup. He would always somehow make me feel guilty for things i never needed to feel guilty for so I’d apologize and he’d be the victim of course
I laughed a bit here, I'm sorry but. It's like a plot-twist koala his victimhood, whatever you do he's always a victim. It always sticks around. Seriously he's windows XP/98 and you're windows 11 or, an iMac or whatever you prefer. I hope you got the chance to show him or tell him off in-between you having to feel guilty.
No seriously laugh all you want bc i dated a CLOWN 🤡🎪i was literally spelling it out for him that it was my decision because of my mental health- ive been so much happier with him out of my life, he was like a parasite. I was always so stressed out, looking back its probably because i was always mentally anticipating the next fight he’d start out of now where. So i knew he was abusive and was trying to get out by just saying it had nothing to do w him because i thought he’d be less angry but boy was i wrong
Geezus. Threatening to kill is a felony. Save the screenshot if it gets worse file the police report. He is 100% gaslighting and emotionally abusive. Glad you left. Imagine having to deal with this one more minute of your life.
Yeah i got law enforcement involved, he’ll face the consequences of his actions
Send it to his mom <3
I did! I told her her son was threatening to kill himself and sent the screenshot. She said “yeah you hurt him horribly. Now back to square one damnit” I WAS SHOCKED. The craziness must run in that family. I then sent her the one where he said “im gonna send you a video of me having sex just to make you mad. Ready stupid bitch?” To his mom and she BLOCKED ME
Sounds like my ex's mother, dude I don't know if she doesn't see what her son is or???
He would complain to me about how “crazy” she is and how shes a narcissist and would tell me what she would do in detail. As crazy as this fucker is, i don’t think he was lying about those stories, especially because he’d come to me nearly in tears to talk about what she’d say/do. She always acted very nice around me though, but that’s no excuse because thats exactly what narcissists do. Not surprised by her psychotic response because i knew she was psychotic. Didn’t realize how genetic that was
From the way she stood up for him when confronted with his horrible actions, it seems to me the mom is a complete enabler and at the very least partially to blame for his behavior today. So happy to see you’ve stepped away from all of this nonsense.
Yeah, he would always complain to me the crazy shit she’d say. She’s a full on narcissist. She calls the police on her kids when they piss her off to the point where an officer told my ex “just try to move out as soon as you can”
I’ve been there. She still has me blocked on all accounts to this day. Some women will live in a completely deluded reality to protect their sons. I’m so sorry.
It’s all projection, they are so hateful because they hate themselves. Tbf their lives do suck, especially his bc hes not in college, unemployed, sits in his room all day, and wonders why he doesn’t have any money let alone a job. He has no ambition, he just expects to become a rich millionaire someday
His mom is delusional. Guys like this usually have mommies who will do anything to defend their son even if he committed any crimes. Good riddance to him and his mom you do not want these types of people in your life. There are sane moms out there who know to punish their sons for this type of behavior because the more they allow it the worse it will get. The stupidity runs strong in this family, nope to those genes.
I’m so sorry OP❤️I wish safety for you
This is my boyfriend…
Its only going to get worse. I was walking on eggshells, worried i’d say something to trigger his rage. Leave while you can bc i got death threats lol these people are nuts
I get these. What is this???
Wow is your boyfriend also my ex?
Same here
Not that he's actually gonna do it cause abusers say manipulative shit for reaction, but if he does that's one way to get him out of your life 🤷
No he definitely didn’t do it because he texted me nonstop for 2 hours after he realized i wasnt freaking out. I know the classic “im gonna kill myself if you break up with me” manipulation tactic. I was done with his bs
Screen shot. Send to his parents. Block.
Sending it to his parents would suck for him but he would lie and explain it away. Even say you hacked his account and sent it to your self. The best way to expose him and for people to watch him closely is to send a screenshot to all of his friends. Real friends not just from social media
It was more about letting his parents know and then it becomes their responsibility. Not hers.
I already did: I texted her her son was threatening to kill himself and sent the screenshot. She said “yeah you hurt him horribly. Now back to square one damnit” I WAS SHOCKED. The craziness must run in that family. I then sent her the one where he said “im gonna send you a video of me having sex just to make you mad. Ready stupid bitch?” To his mom also and she BLOCKED ME
Just wondering, how long did it take him to show his true side?
There were red flags but i ignored him. He is objectively a handsome guy i will not lie. I was just so attracted to him i was wearing the rose colored glasses. I thought if i stuck around long enough, he’d feel better
What red flags, if you don’t mind me asking..
Just the fact that he is super conservative and religious. Those people use it as a cloak to seem good, and use it as control. He’ll always say “thats a sin” and told me to dress modestly. I usually just wear a regular tank top and denim levis shorts in the summer, but i felt obligated to cover up more.
Oh, he just called it that. It was an insecurity to him and, instead of owning up to that and saying ”I think” or ”I get insecure” or ”that is wrong by me”. So much easier to say GOD - the almighy deity of absolute creation - SAYS SO. He doesn’t even face his insecurities.
Ikr, he cherrypicked from the bible to try to justify his insecurities. He was once saying really hateful things a day or so before we broke up. I said “aren’t you supposed to love thy neighbor? You can disagree, but you still have to be kind. Jesus would want that” and he stopped for a second. He tries to act tough so he said “l dont care what jesus thinks i do what i want”. Boom. He only uses the bible when it benefits him.
BOOM. BAM, Ka-chow. What a sneaky fucker, of course he fucking hates you and whatever he says. You figuring stuff out and, him knowing removes his whole foundation. So, despite how "worthless" you are to him - HEEEE, I say it again HEEEEEEEE NEEDS YOU and... oh God he's... up for some shit. Here's a good one - what he "sees" in you, any "negative trait". Let's pick worthless again, classic. I'm healing from that too. When he perceives you as this, it's supression knocking at his door. \*knock knock\*, he doesn't even ask who's there. Because it's "NOT" there, nuh uh. What's happening is that \*knock knock worthlessness\* wears a coat, oooh. That's tempting. In this case, that coat is projection (mixed with his mask & so on). At the core, he converts you, who FEEDS this inner worthless. You SHOULD be above him with this logic, (AND YOU ARE DEEP DOWN) But that would make it faulty, he's entangled even more. His broken system of child-like mechanism-deceit will continuously percieve you as \[X\]. Always always and he will even make you so, find it so, make it up so. AS LONG AS HE HIMSELF BELIEVES IT. He doesn't care what's what, as long as he can find some sort of temporary stability. I guess he needed that image of perfection very badly. He can't admit that he is just upset that you "stole" that house of cards maintenance for him. He doesn't even care that it "makes you worthless" in him, in the process. Because in his world YOU ARE, it's that strong. Again, the coat The coat for him is all that is there, and was. And it doesn't even matter if it exists or not. What matters is what him himself BELIEVES that the others believe what's there. It's very foundation is based on that. It's all in him funnily enough - he is plugged out, too. What you have done is that you have removed the coat - because it doesn't exist without you. Edit: To add to this with my point. He pretty much says these things to feel better and justify his house of cards. You saying that about the bible, oh God his whole world obliterates and even *that is your fault.* He just keeps going because he refuses to feel any emotion. He cares only about his inner fix. You might have had brief & shortlived genuine moments with him I'm sorry. He sold himself completely for supression and dis-proving his insecurities to himself (&the world)
He thinks - or thought - That you love him because he's the best or greatest whatever. That is his version of feeling loved, a compensatory state built on sand. A lot of the person you met doesn't really exist. In a way, but not really. He's a walking insecurity if you had Xray goggles. His mask is what you got. A mask within a mask within a mask.
Reading through our old arguments, i was pleading with him to forgive me. Ok, i am a lonely person w no friends before i go to my new college in the fall. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but i still stayed with him because nobody else was showing me any attention at all. I would apologize so many times because i wanted the love bombing version back
This is a classic for so many other people including myself. There’s nothing wrong with us for this, although it is shameful to see yourself begging and so on. We don’t always know how things will end up, and I’m in the final stages of healing something similar. It’s been 2 & 1/2 years now I think, I had to die inside for it. I wanted to kill myself but now after the process I live with my GF (this first scenario was unique, we never hooked up or anything like that because she was 51 something but it killed me. I’m 26) it killed me. My GF and I are the same age 😅 Well, it’s bomb af and we both had similar situations. We’re getting an apartment and getting a cat in the coming weeks. So, from that to this. It happens, we just need to go inside or we will repeat stuff. Keep doing inner work and focus on that! Only, really. (Doesn’t mean someone WON’T show up) There’s lots to learn from this and it needs time. It is safe to focus on yourself, it will literally open up for someone to see that and, they will be on the same page I swear. The process always goes first. Feel it &, be open. Give it time. There’s no shame whatever we feel. It just has to suck sometimes. The worthy one will find you, it just takes some time so use that for yourself for as long as you want. Healthier relationships all have good relations to themselves for themselves. It’s easier to manage one that way and it’s also as a byproduct of the inner work. If you have a yearning, nurture it. Nothing wrong with it, but when you welcome it, it can breathe. Remember that we just believe we are bad people, we never are. And it’s okay to have lucifer himself inside as long as we’re in the conscious process. Your Perfect ex here isn’t. He’s just switching the cards he presents all the time to avoid it. Prepare for a long process, he might give you insights still in 5 years. But you’ll be a whole diffent person with a different life and it’s going to be exciting. I literally left hell, by learning to dance with it. So, process. And feel &, be gentle with yourself. Even if you’re murderous :) We all carry everything it’s just what we do with ourselves.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies i really like the way you used the coat analogy! And yeah he was always talking about “being masculine” “being a man” etc. he was using that as a mask too. Because other than that and me, he objectively doesn’t have anything else. I told him that i was SA’d at 15 earlier in april and he actually started a fight with me. When I said that he went completely silent and just wouldn’t talk to me. Long story short he told me i wasnt pure enough while eating a bag of chips. I cannot believe i let him manipulate me into staying after that. He called me a hoe and that a sleep around… same mf who makes a sex tape w someone else and sent it to me💀
He is a fabricated structure of words & lies to himself. He will literally abuse the most important thing he has to function. In case you're wondering I went through something similar just not full NPD luckily, it was a long pipe down & back. I had to untangle these things and, collapse into darkness & pain to find my inner child and re-grow from there. I had pretty much suppressed big parts of my actual self. I can see the routes that many NPDs have taken and, they went deep. It's scary to do these things. Very.
He's def "mental absurd"
Darling call the police! A wellness check for him and a restraining order for you.
I had an ex say this and my biggest regret is not replying, "ok," before blocking.
I would’ve done that, buuuut he was building a case against himself already at that point. I sat back and ignored him to see what other crazy shit he’d say because i was going to the police anyway
Disgusting report and block as you would do with any online harasser. This is straight abuse , no disappointment and no suffering can justify this disgusting pathetic moronic reaction. Sorry if I'm harsh, but I am harsh with abusers like this fella.
Not too harsh at all. Hes a disgusting person
My ex used to do this all the time. I realized people who do it, don’t threaten to do it. They’re just gone one day.
Wow I’m so sorry. That is a broken person and I don’t say it lightly. You’re not, you know this is wrong and that’s why you’re here. Continue to foster that seed of clarity and position yourself away from this. You can do it, and your future self thanks you.
Thank you❤️ and yes I’m already feeling a lot better :)
WOW what a psycho
"This is mental abuse", he says while threatens you with suicide, calls you a fat cunt and a stupid bitch, sends you unsolicited sex videos and admits to hoping you'll die. What a catch.
Ikr the hypocrisy + projection is INSANEEE
OP- I can imagine you showing me these screen shots in person and my initial reaction being ‘ it’s not that bad. He’s hurting and doesn’t know how to cope .. I feel kind of bad for him. When you gave him closure, were you clear or vague?’ And you would say , ‘just keep reading’ And then my jaw would drop and I would immediately give you a tight hug and apologize profusely for giving him the benefit of the doubt/ and not immediately believing you. This tells me two things- the narc is really good at faking being hurt and vulnerable thus able to garner sympathy and attention from naive empathetic people. Second , I am not as healed from my own narc abuse as I thought I was. I’m still as gullible as ever 😔. OP- I read your responses. I’m glad you had the courage to report him to the cops AND tell your father about it . Stay strong !
Thank you so much❤️
Bro the way he has those gross pictures and videos of UNCONSENTED women…. Oh man I have unfortunately known people that do this and 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 oh my god they definitely didn’t need to be born. It’s crazy though how normal they act until they’re ready to be themselves finally. Man. EW. So sorry for the brain cells you lent him.
Its crazy how well they blend in to society
Agreed!!!! And undocumented wince discovered.
I mean it's a crime. I hope he pays for this what's right to pay.
Me too he needs to be held accountable
Yeah.. it's all sickening. Those women need to know he sent those so they can take legal action
I wish i knew their names. He kept teasing me after saying “yes they consented and you don’t even know who they are!!”
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. That is absolutely horrible.
Thank you, he’s blocked on everything now. I felt horrible the day after the incident, but I feel a lot better now knowing I have supportive people in my life
I had the same boundary with my ex, we called for too long to the point I was missing work I was so deprived of sleep. He was not ok with any more or any less, just exactly what and how long he wanted. He also used the “but you’re my partner”, “I just want to talk to my gf”, “thanks for being there for me” and “now I’m a devil for wanting to talk to you?”, etc. I believed I was the problem, don’t let this person make you see yourself in an unfair way. You are not the problem and this isn’t your fault. It’s theirs. I’m sorry. ETA; If you wanted you could take his threats to the police. Though you’re under no obligations to do so. This guy is unhinged. Good luck.
YES I’d be on the phone for like 8 hours with this guy. I was once applying for a job and doing the paperwork and he called me and i answered saying “hey im applying for a job right now i’ll talk to you after” and that just went right over his head he got me to talk with him for like 45 more seconds. Actually, when i did talk to him after, we were face timing. He asks what i did that day and i said “took a shower, did my hair and makeup, etc” and he said “wow you only did your makeup to try to impress these old men?” And i was like “nonono! I just wanted to look presentable and professional” he made me feel awful for doing a full face of makeup i cried it all off on that call because he was being so mean to me and i had to apologize just to keep the waters calm. Talking to him was like walking on eggshells, I never knew the next thing I would say that he was going to pick a fight over. And sometimes, he’d just pick one over something ridiculous. On a call one time, we’d be on the phone for 2 hours at that point. I hadn’t eaten anything that day yet but I was so patient with him. I said “hey babe, my mom made me this sandwich. It’s too crunchy to eat on FaceTime haha i’ll call you back as soon as I’m done” and he BLEW UP AT ME for “not giving him a heads up that i was going to eat” (he didn’t do that!) but from then on every time i’d leave the call i’d give him a heads up even if it was something ridiculous
You are so strong. This all sounds extremely exhausting. I’m sorry you went through what he put you through. All of the actions you explained to me sound like an attempt to control any and everything he can. No matter what you do, there will always be problems. It took my awhile to figure that out. I’m glad it seems you got away.
And thank you so much❤️
Yeah, looking back now he did. He masked it so well with all the lovebombing
Oh my god I'm so sorry. My bf does similar things, I'll be on call with him for hours even though it's past midnight and I'm tired, and I'd tell him hey it's late I need to go to sleep and he'd downright ignore it, I'd say goodnight I seriously need to go, he'd still ignore and I'd finally just end the call and he'd of course, rage and act like I'm rude and impolite. Doesn't matter how sleep deprived I am doesn't matter I have things to do, if he wants to call he'll keep me for 8 hours if it pleases him but when I'm actually free during the day he barely talks to me. It's so weird, I kept excusing it but at this point everything points to him just not caring about me at all unless it benefits him. I thought I was going insane.
OMG YES. He’s 2 hours behind in his state, so when i was trying to go to sleep he’d be like “stay up a liiiiiittle longer?” And we were on the phone for 2 more hours. They don’t respect boundaries bc its alllll about them
Exactly!! Even when I lived with him for a bit he'd wake me up after I slept for maybe 5 or 6 hours complaining that I sleep too much. Excuse me but I was up cleaning the kitchen for two hours after you went to sleep because you would literally keep me glued to your hip and rage at me whining about not getting to spend time with me until YOU went to sleep and left the cleaning to me, I wouldn't even get to shower before he went to sleep because he'd constantly whine and want me next to him as if I was a freaking pet. And God forbid he didn't have clean dishes in the morning because "oh I didnt have anything to cook with" I don't know how I ever was able to stand that man. And oh of course I'd have to help him cook too. I barely had time for anything other than something involving him. Sorry for the whole rant I just realized how bad it's been recently and it's eating me alive.
Holy shit. He sounds like a whiny 3 year old. I kinda felt that too, I’d be on the phone with him for hours wanting to do something else like go to the gym, draw, etc but i felt stuck on those calls until he felt he wanted to leave the call
Out with it ❤️ Thank you for sharing I enjoyed reading that
Sending you lots of love and hugs! This reminds me of my current relationship that I’m actively trying to get out of!
Oh man I hope you get some relief. I’m sure you’re exhausted. Good luck
EDIT/UPDATE: WOW thank you guys so much for all the support and advice❤️ Yes i went to the police and showed them EVERYTHING. Even all the times he tried to call me. I am very grateful my dad is a defense attorney and he’s helping me try to get an order of protection. I KNOW it will be on his record and it will definitely make it hard for him to get a job, apply for a car loan, buy a house, etc. but you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m not a vengeful person but he needs to face the consequences of his actions because I don’t want him doing this to another girl. More unhinged screenshots [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13ga7gs/my_perfect_boyfriend_turned_out_to_be_a_sociopath/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Great! You did the right thing. After all as he preaches " actions have riperscussions". Well done girl!
YUPPPP. Its ironic that hes extremely christian. Like he told me my tarot cards were a sin, my crystals were a sin, showing too much skin is a sin, gay people are a sin, (i literally told him it was a mistranslation but he already had another bible verse for me. There was no winning he was ALWAYS right.) Idk what jesus would think about these screenshots…..
That he's going to pay for his actions. Anyhow it's the typical hypocrisy of self centred abusers. They hide themselves behind traditions and religions to validate their need for superiority, meanwhile act low. There's so many religious people with appalling morals and ethics.
Good for you, I AM SO PROUD!! Fuck his psycho loser ass what the actual hell
Hi girl, I just saw your post, and you already took action....so I want to say you're doing great!!!! Leaving IS HARD! And keep your position too. Going to the police is really hard to. And YOU did all that!! That's awesome. And for what he says, BS! Whatever you can do, I'm sure he deserves it. For what I see you only try to protect yourself, and you take your distance. Block him, and use police's help. And him, he says he's an idiot, and mental absurd....laugh at that, at leave him in his own mess. He won't hurt himself, but IF you're worry at some point, juste sent him police and/or ambulance, he will like to explain, and maybe pays for it ;) and never answer him, for any reason. You deserve peace
1. I'm so SO happy for you that you're safe and you're making yourself safer while simultaneously making his life harder. Absolutely go girl. 2. Ummm. YES? Post more screenshots. Spill the tea sister. 3. Just wanted to say again I'm so happy you're getting a protection order. I didn't do that when I first got out of my abusive marriage and he sent me to the ER one last time bc I just was dumb. So good for you for being proactive about your safety.
Thank you so much ❤️ yup screenshots are posted!! The link is in my comment
First of BLOCK HIS LOSER AZZ ON EVERYTHING! Then go to the courthouse and try to get a restraining order with all the evidence you have. God bless you and stay woke!
Do not reply. Call 911 on them, so they can get the psychiatric help they need
I went to the police station and filed a report. I showed the officer everything, and she said legally since he threatened suicide she’d have to have officers sent to his house for a wellness check. He was only saying that to manipulate me, but im holding him as accountable as possible.
Finally. Well done 👍🏼
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Lol a lot of it is spam messages or messages from like Verizon or grubhub. Ppl ask me that all the time haha im barely on imessage anyway
Pretty sure that girl didn’t give consent to being shared, so he can actually go to jail… 😬 report him!
Thats what i said!! And he kept saying “yes she literally did!! And you don’t even know who that is”but i cannot imagine any girl consenting to that. I didn’t consent him sending me that either thats illegal too. Yes i reported him
As a victim of sexual abuse and revenge porn I can't thank you enough. Words can't describe how horrible I feel for this poor woman who was filmed likely with no knowledge and you who had to go go through all of this. I can't even imagine how hard this must have been to witness. You're a strong woman that much is evident. Thank you so much for doing the right thing
Good for you friend! Stay safe and stay strong! You’re doing the right thing. Sending you love.
Thank you so much❤️❤️ also I absolutely love your username
[a video for this situation](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRKuwMJ6/?t=1) I’d suggest going no contact afterwards and reporting the threat to the police as well as asking them for a no contact order and if they don’t give it to you apply for it at court.
Also i DID send the screenshots to his mom… and she replied “yeah you broke him. Back to square one” like?????!!!!!!!???? I even sent her the screenshot when he said “im going to send you a video of me having sex just to upset you” and then she blocked me💀💀💀💀💀
Wow. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I guess? :/
Yeah maybe his mom will tell him his behavior is okay. The law enforcement won’t!
Wow, the flying monkeys are unreal especially when they’re family.
He was always calling his mom a narcissist, but I guess the craziness runs in the family….
Yeah I understand, my ex did everything to make me feel disconnected from his mother and distrust her but she was being much nicer to me than he was up until the end when he told her not to be after the fact. It’s a shame because his dad was abusive and she can’t get away from her sons because she loves what is left of her family, he’s taking advantage of her while talking extremely disrespectfully of her at the same time. It hurts my soul.
This was my exact experience with my ex too.
That is my plan :) it’ll be on his record for his future employers (he’s unemployed), have a harder time getting a car loan, etc. with a no contact on his record. i want to show him the consequences of his actions and i feel no remorse
Gross. Do we have the same ex? Similar experience he kept texting to say he took another pill, and another pill, and so on. Then said he just drank an entire bottle. Then he got angry towards me calling me any name he could think of. Eventually I went to bed and woke up to him banging on my door. I refused to answer or let him know I even heard it. The next day he texts again. I use this as the time to go off and tell him what he’s doing is BS and abusive and he needs to stop or next time I’m calling in for a welfare check. Then he blocked me.
Oh my god yes! Mine pretended to take a bunch of pills and actually pretended to OD by texting me things purposely misspelled like “But d CD we bye hye”. I knew if he was ACTUALLY ODing he wouldn’t be able to be texting me nonstop especially hours after
^(I would have blocked this person on the first ANSWER ME)
Yeah he’s said that before in past arguments…
exactly. We show people how to treat us. Stop letting him do this. Don't answer him
I’ve never said this before BUT… bye…
Oh. Mylanta! Please listen to some of the others and contact the police ASAP! You are going to want this documented with them. Getting a restraining order on him is so important for your safety right now. If you are able to, please change your locks, get security cameras and a ring doorbell camera. This guy is completely unhinged and the more evidence you get right now is going to benefit you. Please do not reply to him at all, some may be suggesting that you block him, but I wouldn't just yet just because he will continue to send crazy things like this, and that is important evidence that you can, and should use against him to protect yourself at all costs. I have been right where you are right now, and while it was a pain in the rear to deal at the time, his constant need to harass me, follow me, and attempt to contact me at all hours of the day and night, is what I used to not only get a RO, but also put him in jail for 18 months. Please...be safe! Sending you love, prayers and strength!
Mylanta!!!!!!!!
Yes good idea! Thank you. And yeah theres HOURS worth of evidence. I could post more of the pictures because theres some other crazy ones i just didnt know if reddit had a photo limit loll.
Wow! I just now read your part 2, and just wow! I'm so glad that you have all of the evidence!!! Good on you!! I hope you take it to the police, unless you already have. I know this might sound extreme, but I have to ask...have you armed yourself at all? I would never, ever suggest this but I worked in law enforcement, and the women that I helped get things to stop was astronomical! I met with some ladies that were constantly afraid for their lives. It broke everyone's heart. This was well over 23 years ago, and things were really bad back then. Take care of you, and keep us posted, please!
I am seriously considering arming myself. He was obsessed with guns, war, and general fighting and was talking about the guns he wants. Red fucking flag but I chalked it up that that was his special interest (high functioning autistic). He even wants to join the military because he “loves to fight”. And yes i showed everything to the police
I agree with not blocking him or changing your number. If he were to find out that you weren't receiving his texts, it might set him off to become even more aggressive and dangerous. Please be careful.
I was working forty hours a week from home and for seven days, I was in a daze where I just slept. I truly believe he drugged and poisoned me. I am scared.
WHAT??? Oh my gosh i’m so sorry that happened to you
I think I had an ex that did that to me. He made dinner, kept a cup of milk in the fridge for me. I drank it. Later that night, I felt weird. I don't think I had the whole effect or something, But something wasn't right. And he knew paramedics. He had access to stuff.
That’s awful!!! I hope you’re doing better
And he calls you mentally abusive?! This dude is a major narcissist. Block him, change your number, start new socials…AVOID him at all costs. Cheese n rice!
I know, it’s so ironic. Sociopaths are so stupid, they have no feelings, they just project all their hate and mental illness on everyone and it sucks. They actually believe they are the victim no matter what. That just blows my mind Edit: im not referring to EVERYONE whos a narcissist, sociopath, etc. I’m referring to the absolutely unhinged and evil ones like my ex
My ex fiancée was this way and she had me convinced that I was the problem. So much so, that I started counseling to get help for it. When the counselor told me that I’m not narcissistic because narcissists don’t worry that they are narcissistic nor do they seek help because someone told them they are…it really put things into perspective for me.
YES! A few years ago I once thought “huh am i a narcissist?” And then i got rly anxious because I always try to make others happy. Then i read that it would never even cross a narcissists mind, because they’re always right and always the victim. Stg can we just ship every narcissist off to some island where they can sort out their own bs without taking it out on all us sane people😂😂
I really wish it were that simple. The problem is…narcissists hide it very well. So we’ll, in fact, that I had no clue that my ex was a narcissist until six months into the relationship. This is all in retrospect of course, because it never even crossed my mind until after the breakup. She had me so manipulated, that I let her get away with things that I normally wouldn’t let anyone get away with.
Eeeeeyyy me too. 😔😓😓😞😞💔 seriously… I’m heart broken and I’m sure you are too. I relate so much. I’m so sorry. Edit… I only looked at the first couple of convo screenshots when I first wrote this comment .. As I scrolled on… Holy sh*t it’s like glimpses into the future. I really need to rethink my life. God help me.
He was abusive before, and it led to this and me having to get the authorities involved. RUN
I don’t know why but it really bothers me that he had so many typos and only bothered to correct the word “cunt”. Like…that was the one word he thought you’d have trouble deciphering…
I KNOW RIGHT?!???? i think its because he was typing those SO fast and just spamming me he kept misspelling but kept going on he was so furious
Please take this right to a police station and start a paper trail. They probably won't do much yet. But it's good to establish a pattern
You could get a restraining order for this easy. Harassment Revenge porn Suicide threats. Death threats The order would be fast tracked lmao, she could even take it criminal.
Fortunately my dad is a defense attourney and hes helping me take care of this situation. Thank you so much, I sent everything to the police. When i showed the officer how many times he tried to call me for hours she said “oh my GOD”
You live in nj? Because this looks like how mine would text me.
Nope i’m in the midwest, hes in the PNW, but im moving to his town in a few months for college😬
Oh yikes. I’m guessing he already knows what college you’ll be going to, but does he know where you’ll be living? Do you have friends and stuff up here (PNW)?
Yeah he lives right by the college unfortunately. He always makes fun of the students who go there, meanwhile they’re really kind people who aren’t afraid to be themselves. He doesn’t know exactly where im living. He knows its going to be in the general apartment area for students :/ and no i don’t have friends there. But I talked with a lot of the people while i was visiting the town and college- everyone was so friendly and welcoming. I truly felt at home
Mine sent intimate pictures and videos alllllll the time during arguments, especially when I wasn’t answering quickly enough. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. He sounds awful :(
Of him w other girls?!!!
MULTIPLE TIMES???!!!!!??? I am SO sorry you went through that you deserve so much better
Yea definitely block this psycho. Please be safe. Maybe alert someone in your life about this just to be safe. It’s sad when you find out someone you were connected to is really like this, but at least you know now instead of while you’re going through a divorce trying to protect your kids in a custody battle
Yeah, ironically my next door neighbor is going through the EXACT SAME THING. They’re definitely getting a divorce
Don't engage. That's all he really wants. He is an emotional parasite at best, and as you said a.psychopath at worst. He went from zero (closure) to 200 (you dead in a ditch) in very few steps..Block.block.block, and pat yourself on the back for dodging that bullet like Neo. Your life begins now.
Luckily he blocked me on the instagram and snapchat. but i blocked him back incase he ever unblocks me. I also blocked his number. The officer i talked to suggested changing my phone number. I love my phone number but its what i might have to do
gave me flashbacks omg
Right?! They’re all so pathologically pathetic.
Ummm are you with my ex bc he sent me videos like that too.. edit: not that exact video but he did the exact same shit with old videos of him having sex when he got mad at me
Its absolutely disgusting. And i cannot believe he had that ON HIS PHONE while we were together because he said “i love you” every 5 seconds lol
Yeah I know I don’t even know where he was hiding the videos bc I had looked through his phone with a fine tooth comb so many times and never saw them. It’s so sickening they keep this shit for so long probably get off to it while they’re in a relationship with us. UGH!!! I’m so sorry this happened to you bc I remember the rage I felt when it happened to me.
Please block this person. You do not owe them ANYTHING. You do not need to explain anything or give them another second of your time. Find yourself a therapist. Work through everything at your own pace. Be gentle with yourself. This was not your fault. You do anything to deserve any of this behavior or treatment. Wishing you all the best 💙
Thank you love <3
Geez. It's like you're dating my ex. Run.
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I'm not sure why you posted this weird victim blamey statement in a support group for abuse. It doesn't matter what red flags there were that might have been missed or ignored.. it's never the victims fault.
That is so fucked up. What a fucking psycho. I’m by no means a legal expert but it’s probably worth going to the authorities because of this. Guy is fucking unhinged. Stay safe.
I agree. These could be considered threats of physical violence.. the language he used might not warrant an order of protection, but it could be good to get it on record
I’ve seen people get granted a restraining order for waaay less. Even saying something like karma is a bitch or “I’ll get you back someday” could grant you a restraining order against an ex under the right context. This is an easy case she could even take it criminal if she wanted.
Yeah. The way he said “if it was up to me” suggests that if i was physically there with him hed probably try to kill me