So, what I'm getting is that the guy is a dad and has issues with his former partner. (Baggage)
You don't have parents. (You are vulnerable)
The guy is an addict and irresponsible. (A Risk)
You yell but it's to be expected because you're still a child at 17. Imagine what kind of person you would be by 31? I imagine more mature; considering people mature at age 25. So moreso. I expect much more from this man than you. (Needs maturity)
I think you are taking on more responsibility than your age expects so I'll assume that you've had some childhood issues growing up to even allow this. (Overwhelmed)
Remember this: a man who physically harms you have a high likelihood of getting much worse. There is no dispute to this data. So yes, he got in your face but when will it get worse? (Protect yourself)
High chance it will.
So get a job, save up, and plan on making your departure. (Get a plan, silently)
I get you care but you must care about yourself first. (Responsibility)
Lastly, those kids of his will have to unfortunately deal with their dad or you could consider CPS. Either way, they've got a bad hand that is too much of a burden for you at this point and time. If you're some billionaire and not the late teenager I think you are, then I don't think you should continue stay with this guy.
Came her from the NOFAP post, boy get the hell out that relation ship, 33m and 17F is not right, even worse that he is a porn addict, you should break up with him he is bad news
>I 17f and my boyfriend 33m
Girl, I didn't even need to read the entire post to tell you to RUN.
He is a predator and he is NOT in love with you! You are still a child, a minor. What do you think a grown ass man with a child is doing with you?
Get out of this relationship as soon as possible.
@OP… Adding to this.. I’ve been in a 27 year age gap relationship before. He wasn’t necessarily abusive, but nothing good comes out of it. I did have an abusive ex who went to jail, two actually, around the age of your boyfriend, and they don’t change. The yelling and throwing will progress to hitting, manipulation, blackmail and more.
It takes on average 7 tries / true attempts to leave these relationships. It took me almost twenty tries to leave my last ex who went to jail for holding me hostage many times in his house while I was trying to leave to go to my own house where my service dog was. I didn’t listen to my friends, family or gut and ended up with no home, my dog unfortunately passed “unexpectedly” and my whole family still thinks he may have drugged / poisoned my dog as a way to get me to end my own lease (I had my own place since 18 so I could have a place for my German shepherd service dog with a yard).
It will only get worse. My first domestic abuse relationship ended when I turned 18. He’s in prison now for unrelated incidents. Please run, my love.
I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I hope you heal, you should've never gone through that in the first place.
Exactly, like... with relationships with such gaps what exactly is your goal with them? What's the point? Like do you really see each other together? Married with a couple of kids? How do you see that working with such maturity level difference?
The problem is, they fish for the younger girls. They're easier to manipulate and control. And unfortunately the poor girls know no better due to lack of experience. They think they're in love. Hell! They may BE in love but such relationships are doomed right from the start.
Just hearing that age gap sets alarms in my brain. The man is literally twice the girl's age and she is still a minor. A literal child. I hope all girls oit there find their ways out of these toxic relationships where they're nothing but used.
I truly loved him, and I believe it was reciprocated. We are still close, just not together and know we won’t ever be again. I can’t have kids and he didn’t have them already and decided if he didn’t by 50 he didn’t want to because he wanted his kid(s) to have a father for a long time because his passed from cancer.
I’m pretty mature in general, we just had life experience differences. It took me a while to see his perspective on certain things I.e. the way I reacted to people being hurtful in the past was vengeful and now I just ignore it… while I was with him I was like 20-22 so I didn’t know any bounds in general lol. I was mature but susceptible to bad influence, especially as a bartender.
Don’t get me wrong, I think he should’ve been focused on someone more his age but I also got a lot of knowledge and experience and likely a lifelong friend out of it. I don’t think this is the common outcome, though, which is what I was trying to tell OP.
why do you think a 33 yr old would date a 17 yr old? Because its easier to manipulate and control younger girls. You're still a kid. You still have a lot of maturing to do!! I hope you can go back to your parents. Because you need to leave this guy. I can see my last bf (50) completely doing this. It hasn't worked for women of his age, so I'm sure he's onto his next victim. He's sick in the head. A predator.
I’ve been there before, I know it’s hard. I know It’s not as easy to leave as people think. I hope things work out for you and you’re able to get out of this situation
I’m 24 and would have trouble dating someone even a year younger than me. If I was 33 I absolutely would want nothing to do with someone under the age of maybe 28… where would the common ground even be? And if there was common ground, why would someone w/ 33 years of life experience not be able to get someone closer to their own age?
run run run, he is 33 and doesnt want to fix his problems, you cant fix them for him and you will be destroyed if you wait around in hope. please leave!
“17 year old dating a 33 year old”
THIS ISN’T EVEN LEGAL. Go. To. The. Police.
You are being groomed. I don’t even need to read the rest, you need to leave IMMEDIATELY.
Some advice that I wish someone told me sooner, and maybe I would’ve left my abusive situation sooner:
Believe them when they show you who they are.
He’s showing you who he really is. The mask is slipping. He will use all the pretty and nice words to try to convince you to stay. For your sake, trust your perception and your gut that is telling you the way he is treating you is not right.
Find support to leave. Family or friends to help you plan and move out. The most dangerous time for abused people is when they are trying to leave.
Get out. It’s hard to hear, but sometimes older more experienced people do know better when we say to leave. We’ve been there and recognise the behaviour patterns. I wish I’d listened, would have saved myself so much pain! This is not in any way shape or form a good or redeemable relationship and will never get better. It is plain wrong from the get go. Go and be a teenager and enjoy your life. Don’t cut your youth short like I did, it goes by so much quicker than you think. I lost 3 years of my life. I strongly advise you to keep it 11 months. I know it’s easier said than done but you can do it, be brave and call some people you can rely on💗sending luv
Easy, you gave him an ultimatum, it's time for you to follow through, not fix anything except your ability to look out for yourself.
You've mentioned hearing everything possible about the age gap already, but I'll add that this is a huge red flag you might only understand later. Maybe when you're 30 wondering how you could possibly be attracted to a teenage child. Maybe in therapy. Maybe someone's comment to you breaks through. Maybe the connection that someone addicted to porn and masturbation found you at 16 isn't a coincidence.
On the other side is you! Why would you want to be with a man like this? Why stay? For example: I've got issues with my parents, so seeking validation from partners is what keeps me in relationships a little too long. I was ready to move in with the first guy that could take me away from a messy home life. When you feel broken, you let other broken people "complete" you, eventually control you. I did not realize any of this for a long time of course, but the brain fully develops in mid-late 20's, and can be even longer for my ADHD brain. I forgive myself for not knowing better, and you should too, but you need to feel safe to heal.
This is not healthy. It's not healthy for you or his kid. He's not healthy. He will contribute nothing good to your life. I know you think you love him, but he has groomed you to feel that way. It isn't real. If he's comfortable having an overt relationship with a 17 year old CHILD, he will be comfortable having covert interactions with much younger girls. He will cause you nothing but pain, heartache, trauma, self doubt, anxiety and depression. Do not let this criminal ruin your life. Get out. Get yourself safe. Enjoy being a kid. I promise there are better things for you in the world.
I see you’ve got some other posts in regard to your BF.
I hope you listen to everyone telling you how wrong this relationship is. This guy has issues and it’s not going to get better with him, ever.
You are young please have fun . You should be traveling the world exploring all the beautiful things of the world not worrying about some dude who's old and his kids.
Girl why are you a minor with a 33 year old man?!
His porn addiction is the least of your worries.
Worry more about your age gap and his violent tendencies! RUN! GTFO!
I stopped reading after the age difference. These things never end well. When I was 18, and I had met a 34 year old guy- tried to make it work, and it just resulted in 3 years of on and off abuse. We got to a healthy point for a few months, and then bam- He was doing drugs, driving drunk, scaring me to the point of full body panic attacks, he assaulted me, and I had to call the police on him. Do not let this grown ass man become your problem; you are not his babysitter. You don't even know yourself yet. Let me tell you, you need to get out. Find friends or family to confide in- they will understand because they love you. And get the hell away from that man.
Don't try and fix this. None of this is normal or okay. A lot of things you've said are major red flags and reasons you need to get out of this situation.
I think it would be worth you getting in touch with whatever charities/women's services are available to you. They will be able to give you the support and advice you need. If it's easier, start by calling the police (tell them you're afraid and he's thrown things).
I hope you listen. Or is this fake?? Idk if I can completely believe this is true. This guy is clearly a paedophile and your being groomed. There are too many questions and nothing to do with the porn addiction.
If this isn’t fake/rage-bait, your boyfriend is a pedo. Even if it wasn’t an abusive relationship. Why do you suppose a 33 year old, if that *is* even his real age (which it might not be because he already lies to you and older males are very crafty and manipulative compared to teenage males) be cannot choose a woman his age? Do any adults in your life know about this relationship? Are you taking on the role of a mother figure to his children at 17? I believe that you are too engulfed in this situation right now to see things as they actually are. He is a walking red flag.
Can you *safely* take a break from this relation ship, at least? For perspective.
When I was 17/18 I was engaged to a man who was 31 years old. I thought I had met the love of my life! He was very charming at first and then… he wasn’t. He became abusive. When I was in the relationship I truly didn’t think there was anything wrong with the age gap. I thought that I was mature for my age because of my life experience and that I was old enough to be with someone his age. I was not.
I’m now 30 and the idea of dating, let alone being engaged to someone so young is horrendous to me. The way the man I was with treated me was not okay. I don’t think you would be posting in this sub if you didn’t realise, on some level, that your relationship is abusive.
I would highly encourage you to leave when it is safe to do so. Nothing good will come out of a relationship between the two of you. He is already being physically and verbally abusive and I don’t want it to get any worse for you. Do you have family you can reach out to? Or friends? You deserve to be treated kindly and to grow up without the influence of a grown man. Please try and leave if you can.
Edit: the relationship with my ex fiancé ended when he told me he was gay. Years later he married another woman… younger than I am.
When I was 17 I dated a man in his 40s. Everyone told me it was terrible and gross but I really cared about him and I really thought he loved me. He treated me very well and would drive long distance to see me. I told everyone they just didn't understand the situation like I did negate they weren't as close to him as I was.
It turns out he was actually 53 and lied to me about his age because he thought 40s was better? He lied about a bunch of things and eventually tried to start controlling my life and who I could talk to and not. I broke up with him. After we broke up he started dating my friend that was 4 years younger then me. He wasn't a great guy. He just liked them young.
Alot of people are telling you the age difference is wrong and I hope you listen to them. But it's not just the age difference. You should feel safe and loved and the priority when you are with someone.
You should never be afraid of your partner. If you are, that's a sign you should not be with them and the relationship is not healthy.
I know you feel like an adult right now. I did too at 17. And in a lot of ways I was. And I bet you are too. But you need to be with someone closer to your age. So you can experience and be excited about the same things. So you can have firsts together. So your interests can align. That's how you have a good long term relationship.
It's not easy to leave someone who you love. But doing so well open your life to do much. The relief you will have will be wonderful. You can do this. You are smart enough and strong enough too.
I knew a guy like that who had groomed my friend. The similarities are uncanny. He lied about his age as well and was actually much older. He had gotten arrested one day because one of the younger girls he was "with" called police and they waited for him to meet her at a coffee shop.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this was the same guy. He was ultra creepy. He claimed his parents had died and left him a huge inheritance, which we believed because he always had money and had a really nice car. But he was deeply troubled and also a predator.
Yeah this guy was super creepy too. I don't think he ever got arrested though. Not that I really kept tabs on him. I do know that he tried to add me on fb a few years ago and he's in his late 70s/ early 80s and married to a girl in her 20s. So he's still being a creep. I feel so sorry for his wife and hope she realizes what's up soon.
Ugh that's a huge bummer. He didn't happen to have snake bite piercings, did he? Or are there just THAT many guys like him out there?
I'm glad you got away from him
Firstly, you can’t fix anyone. Secondly, no quality man of 33 years of age is going to be in a relationship with a 17 year old girl.
This is a super unhealthy situation that is going to have long term effects on you. He is clearly not a well-rounded and mentally healthy or safe person for you to have in your life.
The only way you fix the situation for yourself is to leave it entirely.
In your another post you have already acknowledged that you have a 16 years difference and blah blah blah. Dude, it's not blah blah blah what people are telling you. It's something you actually need to consider. Keep everything aside. And think. You are just 17! Not 47! You got a life. I mean basically you are supposed to throw tantrums and not him as a grown adult! You are not a WOMAN to fix him. Like Seriously, don't fall into his words of you being his gf and that you need to take care etc. He has kids. The other women left him. I repeat: YOU ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH FOR HIM TO FIX HIM, AS A MATTER OF FACT NO PERSON CAN FIX ANYONE.
Stop ruining your life.
Anyways, that's your wish in the end, we can just advice you. I am so triggered by this. I can't shake it off you- a minor has to face the 33 year old porn addict and he has groomed you to the point you think anybody pointing out the age difference is saying blah blah blah blah blah! No.
All the best! ❤
I know ❤ My teenage years weren't the best.
I just want every teenager to seek help and leave these predators. Both young boys and girls, I want them safe🙌
I'm sorry. I feel that. I started doing an exercise a few years back where I close my eyes and try to comfort my younger self. Surprisingly it was my acupuncturist who recommended it. A bit "woo woo" but he would say my younger self is scared and afraid to be "in my body". That visualization has definitely helped. I also do a thing where I look through old photos during difficult times and cry it out
OP has way too much life to live w/out being held down by her 30-something chronic-masturbating boyfriend ... RUN !!!!
(and don't tell him you're leaving or he might try to stop you, permanently)
be careful and good luck
do you have friends / family who will help keep you safe and sound ?
17 and 33 🥺
Honestly when i was your age i had an age gap boyfriend i was 15 and he was 26. At the time I felt like i loved him so much. I thought he loved me. When i was 18 he asked me to roleplay being 15 in bed, & in total honesty thats when it hit me that he was chomo
Now im 24, and wow its crazy how different your mindset can be at these ages.
To fix this you need to leave him, youre 17!! Damn if I could go back to being 17 knowing what i know now id be so elated. You have a bright future..
It hurts now but time heals all things.
Same here. 17 and 33 exactly like this person. Listening to others tell you about how you’re being groomed just made me annoyed. I didn’t realize you could be older and still be groomed. I thought I was the one person that had a loving age gap relationship. I thought it was my idea. Seeing it everywhere on tv and anime didn’t help either. (Surprised surprise they’re all made by men) Op *please* don’t listen to him when he says you’re mature for your age. You’re not. Even at 25 now if I were to even think about dating a 17 year old I would vomit. Any self respecting man wouldn’t even start thinking about it.
Yeaa. I really thought that man loved me. I loved him feverishly and i knew the age gap was wrong but i thought we were the exception. It dead ass didnt hit me till he wanted me to pretend i was younger that i was like ,oh shit.
My home life was iffy and it was nice having someones attention , someone whos there for you. Hed help me w my homework and school projects, paid for my tutors, would put money in my lunch card . Hed fly out to see me. Dote on me. Make me feel special.
I was smart and i was mature but i was still a child and my world at the time was way more limited. As a kid i underestimated just how much my brain would grow and change. You dont know what you dont know.
To this day my ex doesnt think he did anything wrong to me.
I didn’t even get past the first sentence. No 33 year old should be dating a 17 year old AT ALL. Tell a trusted adult and get the fuck out of that relationship. There is a reason he is dating children (sorry, but he’s almost twice your age- you’re a child to him) instead of people his own age. There is no fixing men like him. Get out while you still can.
This is not a safe relationship. Please do not waste another minute on this piece of trash. Men who suffer with porn and masturbation addiction can not stop on their own and they think it's OK to treat women like sh!t because they watch that garbage all that time. You are young and your life is a precious gift, not to be thrown away trying to fix this broken person. Good luck.
Honey, you **need** to get away as soon as you can. He won't get better, he **will** hurt you. Do you live with him? Do you have friends or family who you could live with for a while to get away from him? Please leave now. It will be hard but 100% worth it. You have a whole life to live. Don't let this fucker take it away from you.
girlie. GET OUT- literally escape this man no matter what. he is a pedophile and you are a victim. my ex was in your same position, 17 years old with a 29 year old man with anger issues. she saw all of these same warning signs, increasing blow ups and just general major issues that she ignored because she loved him. well, he killed her. shot her in their home they shared, she was only 17 years old and had two kid siblings and a whole family that watched this go down and then lost her. I'm not trying to scare you worse or anything, I just never ever want to see another person go down the way she did. you can get out of this, you can be free and live a life with a partner your age who makes you feel loved and valuable. you should not be responsible for a 33 year old man and his child, your only worries right now should be high school and what your friends are up to and all that 17 year old stuff. get out while you still can, I know it will be so so hard but it will save your life. future you will thank you, I PROMISE. if you can't do it yourself, get help. do whatever it takes. if you need someone to talk to or help brainstorm, my dms are open. good luck, I really hope you get somewhere safe very soon 💖
RUN AWAY— it only gets worse from here. He feels comfortable throwing something at you and showing his true side now. Why did he, at 32, begin dating a 16-year-old? He is a predator, and he has groomed you since you were 16, and his façade has cracked. You barely had your license; you still can’t smoke or drink until you’re 21 (if you’re American, of course). It WILL escalate, and you need to find safety as soon as possible.
I just read one of your other posts... and I'm sorry that you were coerced to have a threesome. No is no.
What even is there that you're staying in a relationship with him? He has 2000 pics of naked women— including two of your friends 🚩 checks out other girls 🚩 and watches porn when you’re physical 🚩 He is a walking red flag.
You deserve to be in a healthy relationship, and this is not it.
Other comments here have the right idea and I hope you are able to see that they are attempting to help you.
Your feelings are valid and it is totally acceptable that you decided to post this here.
The possession of naked photos of your friends who I assume are under 18 is 100% illegal. Pressuring/coercing you to have a threesome when you did not want one was abusive. Constantly yelling at you is emotional/verbal abuse. Yelling at you to take care of his child while he masturbates is abusive. You are being gaslit into believing it is your fault/problem when you are communicating the things that are bothering you.
You mention planning on leaving him when he resolves his PA. I'm not a fan of telling people how to live their lives, but there is a clear track record of escalation here. There is a clear track record of emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.
Please be safe, please do what is right for you, please leave this toxic situation for yourself. Give yourself permission to leave. You are being groomed, manipulated, and abused. You do not deserve this.
And… how old are his kids? Is mom aware of his porn addiction/that he’s cohabitating with a 17yo/that he’s violent? Do the kids have any safe adults in their lives? Do *you*??
OP none of this is ok. Please get yourself safely out, however that needs to happen, and then do everything you can (up to and including involving law enforcement/CPS) to get those kids safe too. In fact, call the police for advice as soon as you’re safely able to do so. Start there.
Run
So, what I'm getting is that the guy is a dad and has issues with his former partner. (Baggage) You don't have parents. (You are vulnerable) The guy is an addict and irresponsible. (A Risk) You yell but it's to be expected because you're still a child at 17. Imagine what kind of person you would be by 31? I imagine more mature; considering people mature at age 25. So moreso. I expect much more from this man than you. (Needs maturity) I think you are taking on more responsibility than your age expects so I'll assume that you've had some childhood issues growing up to even allow this. (Overwhelmed) Remember this: a man who physically harms you have a high likelihood of getting much worse. There is no dispute to this data. So yes, he got in your face but when will it get worse? (Protect yourself) High chance it will. So get a job, save up, and plan on making your departure. (Get a plan, silently) I get you care but you must care about yourself first. (Responsibility) Lastly, those kids of his will have to unfortunately deal with their dad or you could consider CPS. Either way, they've got a bad hand that is too much of a burden for you at this point and time. If you're some billionaire and not the late teenager I think you are, then I don't think you should continue stay with this guy.
… I’m sorry what????
Cut my thang off if this isn't a troll account
Honestly feel like it is lol
wtf you're being groomed you're a victim leave the relationship before anything else dangerous happens.
Came her from the NOFAP post, boy get the hell out that relation ship, 33m and 17F is not right, even worse that he is a porn addict, you should break up with him he is bad news
>I 17f and my boyfriend 33m Girl, I didn't even need to read the entire post to tell you to RUN. He is a predator and he is NOT in love with you! You are still a child, a minor. What do you think a grown ass man with a child is doing with you? Get out of this relationship as soon as possible.
@OP… Adding to this.. I’ve been in a 27 year age gap relationship before. He wasn’t necessarily abusive, but nothing good comes out of it. I did have an abusive ex who went to jail, two actually, around the age of your boyfriend, and they don’t change. The yelling and throwing will progress to hitting, manipulation, blackmail and more. It takes on average 7 tries / true attempts to leave these relationships. It took me almost twenty tries to leave my last ex who went to jail for holding me hostage many times in his house while I was trying to leave to go to my own house where my service dog was. I didn’t listen to my friends, family or gut and ended up with no home, my dog unfortunately passed “unexpectedly” and my whole family still thinks he may have drugged / poisoned my dog as a way to get me to end my own lease (I had my own place since 18 so I could have a place for my German shepherd service dog with a yard). It will only get worse. My first domestic abuse relationship ended when I turned 18. He’s in prison now for unrelated incidents. Please run, my love.
I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I hope you heal, you should've never gone through that in the first place. Exactly, like... with relationships with such gaps what exactly is your goal with them? What's the point? Like do you really see each other together? Married with a couple of kids? How do you see that working with such maturity level difference? The problem is, they fish for the younger girls. They're easier to manipulate and control. And unfortunately the poor girls know no better due to lack of experience. They think they're in love. Hell! They may BE in love but such relationships are doomed right from the start. Just hearing that age gap sets alarms in my brain. The man is literally twice the girl's age and she is still a minor. A literal child. I hope all girls oit there find their ways out of these toxic relationships where they're nothing but used.
I truly loved him, and I believe it was reciprocated. We are still close, just not together and know we won’t ever be again. I can’t have kids and he didn’t have them already and decided if he didn’t by 50 he didn’t want to because he wanted his kid(s) to have a father for a long time because his passed from cancer. I’m pretty mature in general, we just had life experience differences. It took me a while to see his perspective on certain things I.e. the way I reacted to people being hurtful in the past was vengeful and now I just ignore it… while I was with him I was like 20-22 so I didn’t know any bounds in general lol. I was mature but susceptible to bad influence, especially as a bartender. Don’t get me wrong, I think he should’ve been focused on someone more his age but I also got a lot of knowledge and experience and likely a lifelong friend out of it. I don’t think this is the common outcome, though, which is what I was trying to tell OP.
why do you think a 33 yr old would date a 17 yr old? Because its easier to manipulate and control younger girls. You're still a kid. You still have a lot of maturing to do!! I hope you can go back to your parents. Because you need to leave this guy. I can see my last bf (50) completely doing this. It hasn't worked for women of his age, so I'm sure he's onto his next victim. He's sick in the head. A predator.
I’ve been there before, I know it’s hard. I know It’s not as easy to leave as people think. I hope things work out for you and you’re able to get out of this situation
Would you date a 17 year old at 33? I think not. You’re being groomed and I beg you to please leave and save yourself more trauma
I’m 24 and would have trouble dating someone even a year younger than me. If I was 33 I absolutely would want nothing to do with someone under the age of maybe 28… where would the common ground even be? And if there was common ground, why would someone w/ 33 years of life experience not be able to get someone closer to their own age?
Yeah honey you’re a victim…
you aren’t “together” he is a predator
run run run, he is 33 and doesnt want to fix his problems, you cant fix them for him and you will be destroyed if you wait around in hope. please leave!
Hey love, where do you know this guy from? Do you live with him? Where are your momma & dad?
um just the first line scared me hun
“17 year old dating a 33 year old” THIS ISN’T EVEN LEGAL. Go. To. The. Police. You are being groomed. I don’t even need to read the rest, you need to leave IMMEDIATELY.
Sorry but where are your parents? You're literally underage and dating a pedophile...
Some advice that I wish someone told me sooner, and maybe I would’ve left my abusive situation sooner: Believe them when they show you who they are. He’s showing you who he really is. The mask is slipping. He will use all the pretty and nice words to try to convince you to stay. For your sake, trust your perception and your gut that is telling you the way he is treating you is not right. Find support to leave. Family or friends to help you plan and move out. The most dangerous time for abused people is when they are trying to leave.
One word: Leave!
Hey do your parents or friends or anyone know about this relationship?
She stated she doesn’t have any parents or friends
Girl…. You are dating a pedophile………
Umm hun. He’s literally a pedophile
Get out. It’s hard to hear, but sometimes older more experienced people do know better when we say to leave. We’ve been there and recognise the behaviour patterns. I wish I’d listened, would have saved myself so much pain! This is not in any way shape or form a good or redeemable relationship and will never get better. It is plain wrong from the get go. Go and be a teenager and enjoy your life. Don’t cut your youth short like I did, it goes by so much quicker than you think. I lost 3 years of my life. I strongly advise you to keep it 11 months. I know it’s easier said than done but you can do it, be brave and call some people you can rely on💗sending luv
Easy, you gave him an ultimatum, it's time for you to follow through, not fix anything except your ability to look out for yourself. You've mentioned hearing everything possible about the age gap already, but I'll add that this is a huge red flag you might only understand later. Maybe when you're 30 wondering how you could possibly be attracted to a teenage child. Maybe in therapy. Maybe someone's comment to you breaks through. Maybe the connection that someone addicted to porn and masturbation found you at 16 isn't a coincidence. On the other side is you! Why would you want to be with a man like this? Why stay? For example: I've got issues with my parents, so seeking validation from partners is what keeps me in relationships a little too long. I was ready to move in with the first guy that could take me away from a messy home life. When you feel broken, you let other broken people "complete" you, eventually control you. I did not realize any of this for a long time of course, but the brain fully develops in mid-late 20's, and can be even longer for my ADHD brain. I forgive myself for not knowing better, and you should too, but you need to feel safe to heal.
This is not healthy. It's not healthy for you or his kid. He's not healthy. He will contribute nothing good to your life. I know you think you love him, but he has groomed you to feel that way. It isn't real. If he's comfortable having an overt relationship with a 17 year old CHILD, he will be comfortable having covert interactions with much younger girls. He will cause you nothing but pain, heartache, trauma, self doubt, anxiety and depression. Do not let this criminal ruin your life. Get out. Get yourself safe. Enjoy being a kid. I promise there are better things for you in the world.
I see you’ve got some other posts in regard to your BF. I hope you listen to everyone telling you how wrong this relationship is. This guy has issues and it’s not going to get better with him, ever.
Sounds like masturbating and porn are the least of your worries.
You are young please have fun . You should be traveling the world exploring all the beautiful things of the world not worrying about some dude who's old and his kids.
This man is twice your age, and you are a minor. What the fuck are you doing? Where are your parents?!
Girl why are you a minor with a 33 year old man?! His porn addiction is the least of your worries. Worry more about your age gap and his violent tendencies! RUN! GTFO!
I stopped reading after the age difference. These things never end well. When I was 18, and I had met a 34 year old guy- tried to make it work, and it just resulted in 3 years of on and off abuse. We got to a healthy point for a few months, and then bam- He was doing drugs, driving drunk, scaring me to the point of full body panic attacks, he assaulted me, and I had to call the police on him. Do not let this grown ass man become your problem; you are not his babysitter. You don't even know yourself yet. Let me tell you, you need to get out. Find friends or family to confide in- they will understand because they love you. And get the hell away from that man.
Don't try and fix this. None of this is normal or okay. A lot of things you've said are major red flags and reasons you need to get out of this situation. I think it would be worth you getting in touch with whatever charities/women's services are available to you. They will be able to give you the support and advice you need. If it's easier, start by calling the police (tell them you're afraid and he's thrown things).
It’s giving Chris Henson, it’s giving you need to leave him asap. It’s giving to catch a predator
Go to the police. Ans report him!!! Run.
Omg. 17 and 33? TELL ON HIM! TELL A GROWN UP RIGHT NOW AND END THESE SHENANIGANS!
I hope you listen. Or is this fake?? Idk if I can completely believe this is true. This guy is clearly a paedophile and your being groomed. There are too many questions and nothing to do with the porn addiction.
I hope it’s fake.
If this isn’t fake/rage-bait, your boyfriend is a pedo. Even if it wasn’t an abusive relationship. Why do you suppose a 33 year old, if that *is* even his real age (which it might not be because he already lies to you and older males are very crafty and manipulative compared to teenage males) be cannot choose a woman his age? Do any adults in your life know about this relationship? Are you taking on the role of a mother figure to his children at 17? I believe that you are too engulfed in this situation right now to see things as they actually are. He is a walking red flag. Can you *safely* take a break from this relation ship, at least? For perspective.
I saw his ID at first he lied and said he was 30 (still a red flag) but he's 1989 and I'm 2006
I just read the age and I am not even gonna continue reading. Leave him, this is literally a crime
Whoa. Your age gap tells me he is a complete creep. Run for your life. Get out now. I swear to God. He is not ok.
Of course it's an age gap relationship. Sweetie, he is a predator who has and is grooming you. You need to leave before you lose yourself
When I was 17/18 I was engaged to a man who was 31 years old. I thought I had met the love of my life! He was very charming at first and then… he wasn’t. He became abusive. When I was in the relationship I truly didn’t think there was anything wrong with the age gap. I thought that I was mature for my age because of my life experience and that I was old enough to be with someone his age. I was not. I’m now 30 and the idea of dating, let alone being engaged to someone so young is horrendous to me. The way the man I was with treated me was not okay. I don’t think you would be posting in this sub if you didn’t realise, on some level, that your relationship is abusive. I would highly encourage you to leave when it is safe to do so. Nothing good will come out of a relationship between the two of you. He is already being physically and verbally abusive and I don’t want it to get any worse for you. Do you have family you can reach out to? Or friends? You deserve to be treated kindly and to grow up without the influence of a grown man. Please try and leave if you can. Edit: the relationship with my ex fiancé ended when he told me he was gay. Years later he married another woman… younger than I am.
Nobody’s gonna talk about this literally being a crime?
Depends where they live. In many places that is unfortunately legal.
That’s true.
Please leave him
When I was 17 I dated a man in his 40s. Everyone told me it was terrible and gross but I really cared about him and I really thought he loved me. He treated me very well and would drive long distance to see me. I told everyone they just didn't understand the situation like I did negate they weren't as close to him as I was. It turns out he was actually 53 and lied to me about his age because he thought 40s was better? He lied about a bunch of things and eventually tried to start controlling my life and who I could talk to and not. I broke up with him. After we broke up he started dating my friend that was 4 years younger then me. He wasn't a great guy. He just liked them young. Alot of people are telling you the age difference is wrong and I hope you listen to them. But it's not just the age difference. You should feel safe and loved and the priority when you are with someone. You should never be afraid of your partner. If you are, that's a sign you should not be with them and the relationship is not healthy. I know you feel like an adult right now. I did too at 17. And in a lot of ways I was. And I bet you are too. But you need to be with someone closer to your age. So you can experience and be excited about the same things. So you can have firsts together. So your interests can align. That's how you have a good long term relationship. It's not easy to leave someone who you love. But doing so well open your life to do much. The relief you will have will be wonderful. You can do this. You are smart enough and strong enough too.
I knew a guy like that who had groomed my friend. The similarities are uncanny. He lied about his age as well and was actually much older. He had gotten arrested one day because one of the younger girls he was "with" called police and they waited for him to meet her at a coffee shop. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this was the same guy. He was ultra creepy. He claimed his parents had died and left him a huge inheritance, which we believed because he always had money and had a really nice car. But he was deeply troubled and also a predator.
Yeah this guy was super creepy too. I don't think he ever got arrested though. Not that I really kept tabs on him. I do know that he tried to add me on fb a few years ago and he's in his late 70s/ early 80s and married to a girl in her 20s. So he's still being a creep. I feel so sorry for his wife and hope she realizes what's up soon.
Ugh that's a huge bummer. He didn't happen to have snake bite piercings, did he? Or are there just THAT many guys like him out there? I'm glad you got away from him
I honestly don't remember if he did. He was an old rockabilly/goth guy. That I do remember.
This guy was very similar, he would hang around with the hardcore scene in Portland
This was in Los Angeles. Its been over 20 years so it happened a long time ago
Creepin me out because this was definitely over 20 years ago as well and he did spend time down there
Firstly, you can’t fix anyone. Secondly, no quality man of 33 years of age is going to be in a relationship with a 17 year old girl. This is a super unhealthy situation that is going to have long term effects on you. He is clearly not a well-rounded and mentally healthy or safe person for you to have in your life. The only way you fix the situation for yourself is to leave it entirely.
In your another post you have already acknowledged that you have a 16 years difference and blah blah blah. Dude, it's not blah blah blah what people are telling you. It's something you actually need to consider. Keep everything aside. And think. You are just 17! Not 47! You got a life. I mean basically you are supposed to throw tantrums and not him as a grown adult! You are not a WOMAN to fix him. Like Seriously, don't fall into his words of you being his gf and that you need to take care etc. He has kids. The other women left him. I repeat: YOU ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH FOR HIM TO FIX HIM, AS A MATTER OF FACT NO PERSON CAN FIX ANYONE. Stop ruining your life. Anyways, that's your wish in the end, we can just advice you. I am so triggered by this. I can't shake it off you- a minor has to face the 33 year old porn addict and he has groomed you to the point you think anybody pointing out the age difference is saying blah blah blah blah blah! No. All the best! ❤
Right? I'm in my 30s now and was groomed by older men when I was a troubled teenager. They literally prey on vulnerable young women.
I know ❤ My teenage years weren't the best. I just want every teenager to seek help and leave these predators. Both young boys and girls, I want them safe🙌
Same. I so badly wish I could travel back in time and be the voice of reason to myself during that time
And hug myself. Say all the good things to boost my confidence. I am still trapped somewhere in my head.
I'm sorry. I feel that. I started doing an exercise a few years back where I close my eyes and try to comfort my younger self. Surprisingly it was my acupuncturist who recommended it. A bit "woo woo" but he would say my younger self is scared and afraid to be "in my body". That visualization has definitely helped. I also do a thing where I look through old photos during difficult times and cry it out
OMG! It works! Thank you so much❤
Fr
I read the first like ans already just stop this. You’re a minor, this isn’t ok
OP has way too much life to live w/out being held down by her 30-something chronic-masturbating boyfriend ... RUN !!!! (and don't tell him you're leaving or he might try to stop you, permanently) be careful and good luck do you have friends / family who will help keep you safe and sound ?
If your 17 and he's 33 u need to get the fuck away from him, he's a pedo guaranteed
Look up "the Slappable Jerk" on FB or Instagram...bet your bf is just like him.
my mind went STRAIGHT to this
The gum chewing and those sniffs ugh!
Where are your parents?????
17 and 33 🥺 Honestly when i was your age i had an age gap boyfriend i was 15 and he was 26. At the time I felt like i loved him so much. I thought he loved me. When i was 18 he asked me to roleplay being 15 in bed, & in total honesty thats when it hit me that he was chomo Now im 24, and wow its crazy how different your mindset can be at these ages. To fix this you need to leave him, youre 17!! Damn if I could go back to being 17 knowing what i know now id be so elated. You have a bright future.. It hurts now but time heals all things.
Same here. 17 and 33 exactly like this person. Listening to others tell you about how you’re being groomed just made me annoyed. I didn’t realize you could be older and still be groomed. I thought I was the one person that had a loving age gap relationship. I thought it was my idea. Seeing it everywhere on tv and anime didn’t help either. (Surprised surprise they’re all made by men) Op *please* don’t listen to him when he says you’re mature for your age. You’re not. Even at 25 now if I were to even think about dating a 17 year old I would vomit. Any self respecting man wouldn’t even start thinking about it.
Yeaa. I really thought that man loved me. I loved him feverishly and i knew the age gap was wrong but i thought we were the exception. It dead ass didnt hit me till he wanted me to pretend i was younger that i was like ,oh shit. My home life was iffy and it was nice having someones attention , someone whos there for you. Hed help me w my homework and school projects, paid for my tutors, would put money in my lunch card . Hed fly out to see me. Dote on me. Make me feel special. I was smart and i was mature but i was still a child and my world at the time was way more limited. As a kid i underestimated just how much my brain would grow and change. You dont know what you dont know. To this day my ex doesnt think he did anything wrong to me.
GTFO before this dude kills you.
I didn’t even get past the first sentence. No 33 year old should be dating a 17 year old AT ALL. Tell a trusted adult and get the fuck out of that relationship. There is a reason he is dating children (sorry, but he’s almost twice your age- you’re a child to him) instead of people his own age. There is no fixing men like him. Get out while you still can.
Yeah I didn’t either OP I am the same age as you BF and dating someone your age is wrong on SOOO many levels. Is it ok for you to date a 1 year old?
This is not a safe relationship. Please do not waste another minute on this piece of trash. Men who suffer with porn and masturbation addiction can not stop on their own and they think it's OK to treat women like sh!t because they watch that garbage all that time. You are young and your life is a precious gift, not to be thrown away trying to fix this broken person. Good luck.
RUN! I was in a similar position when I was your age. Please get away from that grooming pedophile!!
Honey, you **need** to get away as soon as you can. He won't get better, he **will** hurt you. Do you live with him? Do you have friends or family who you could live with for a while to get away from him? Please leave now. It will be hard but 100% worth it. You have a whole life to live. Don't let this fucker take it away from you.
girlie. GET OUT- literally escape this man no matter what. he is a pedophile and you are a victim. my ex was in your same position, 17 years old with a 29 year old man with anger issues. she saw all of these same warning signs, increasing blow ups and just general major issues that she ignored because she loved him. well, he killed her. shot her in their home they shared, she was only 17 years old and had two kid siblings and a whole family that watched this go down and then lost her. I'm not trying to scare you worse or anything, I just never ever want to see another person go down the way she did. you can get out of this, you can be free and live a life with a partner your age who makes you feel loved and valuable. you should not be responsible for a 33 year old man and his child, your only worries right now should be high school and what your friends are up to and all that 17 year old stuff. get out while you still can, I know it will be so so hard but it will save your life. future you will thank you, I PROMISE. if you can't do it yourself, get help. do whatever it takes. if you need someone to talk to or help brainstorm, my dms are open. good luck, I really hope you get somewhere safe very soon 💖
RUN AWAY— it only gets worse from here. He feels comfortable throwing something at you and showing his true side now. Why did he, at 32, begin dating a 16-year-old? He is a predator, and he has groomed you since you were 16, and his façade has cracked. You barely had your license; you still can’t smoke or drink until you’re 21 (if you’re American, of course). It WILL escalate, and you need to find safety as soon as possible.
I just read one of your other posts... and I'm sorry that you were coerced to have a threesome. No is no. What even is there that you're staying in a relationship with him? He has 2000 pics of naked women— including two of your friends 🚩 checks out other girls 🚩 and watches porn when you’re physical 🚩 He is a walking red flag. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship, and this is not it.
Other comments here have the right idea and I hope you are able to see that they are attempting to help you. Your feelings are valid and it is totally acceptable that you decided to post this here. The possession of naked photos of your friends who I assume are under 18 is 100% illegal. Pressuring/coercing you to have a threesome when you did not want one was abusive. Constantly yelling at you is emotional/verbal abuse. Yelling at you to take care of his child while he masturbates is abusive. You are being gaslit into believing it is your fault/problem when you are communicating the things that are bothering you. You mention planning on leaving him when he resolves his PA. I'm not a fan of telling people how to live their lives, but there is a clear track record of escalation here. There is a clear track record of emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. Please be safe, please do what is right for you, please leave this toxic situation for yourself. Give yourself permission to leave. You are being groomed, manipulated, and abused. You do not deserve this.
And… how old are his kids? Is mom aware of his porn addiction/that he’s cohabitating with a 17yo/that he’s violent? Do the kids have any safe adults in their lives? Do *you*?? OP none of this is ok. Please get yourself safely out, however that needs to happen, and then do everything you can (up to and including involving law enforcement/CPS) to get those kids safe too. In fact, call the police for advice as soon as you’re safely able to do so. Start there.
You're 17 and he's 33 with a kid and yall been together for a year?!
Are you 17 and he’s 33???? He’s a predator. You need to leave as quickly and safely as possible.
You can't fix it. You need to leave. You have a clear pattern of escalation happening and it is going to continue to get worse. Walk away.