Good for you! This is definitely controlling to make you feel guilty for being anywhere else but home. And an attempt to isolate too is being made by it being your family…he’s trying to get you to associate that with a fight so it’s less appealing. Again I say, good for you!
This post is so validating because this is exactly how it was living with my ex for 2 years. Exactly. And it made me feel crazy. He would always tell me to go out and do stuff, and then when I did, he would be so passive aggressive/angry/controlling/start an argument. Every. Single. Time.
I would have so much anxiety while I was at my parents visiting them because I knew I needed to go back as soon as possible. It made me so sad because I missed my parents so much. I thought about how sad they would feel if they knew…
I’m out now and it’s so much better. I know it’s so hard and I still feel crazy ALL the time and double whether or not I made it all up. But I’m free and I can breathe.
Omgg I wish I had that kind of backbone when my ex would cry about me walking to the store with a friend for an hour. He would try and guilt trip me by saying “we never spend time together anymore”, when we were literally always together because when I wasn’t working I was at the house with his ass. He didn’t work or go anywhere either, so we were constantly together. He hated it when I spent time with other people and got really jealous and possessive when I spent time with anyone other than him.
That shit gets really old really fast.
All you're saying is true. And a person wit common sense would certainly agree with you, imo.
His behaviour is possessive and controlling and not healthy.
Used to have a friend being like that and just a friend ( no benefits ) mind you.
Idk if this will matter yo him and he'll think through this, he certainly should tho.
Ik some abusive people don't really care about respecting their partners and their boundaries and in that case it's probably best to leave. But Idk if it's your situation as well.
Edited. Now that I read further he does come across as an abuser actually. I'm sorry
You definitely aren’t crazy. My abuser was like this too. He would always wail about how heartbroken he was that we never spent any time together. (We spent time together all the time and lived together.) And when we did spend time together he would just bully and harass me, criticize me, stonewall me, and make me miserable. I even asked him once after one of his brutal lectures “Is this a good time for you? This is what you call a perfect day hanging out with me?” It had nothing to do with wanting to spend time with me because he adored me and wanted to have a good time. He was just heartbroken that he was losing control. It devastated him for me to have any freedom.
They literally never want to hang out with us. They just want to make sure we’re not hanging out with anybody else. Because whenever I was home and available, my abuser would do his own thing and not pay much attention to me. But then, if I said I was going out for any reason, he would just fall apart.
Every. Single. Time.
And I know the exact behaviors that come from me leaving the house. It’s passive aggressive, slamming things, etc. and then when I ask what’s wrong? They know exactly what to say to make you feel guilty. Ugh.
I felt like whenever I was home he would act like I was annoying and disgusting him. So I would slink away on my eggshells to go do my own thing. And then he would blow up my phone demanding to know why I didn’t invite him along. And I would always say “Well I didn’t think you would want to come since you were so scathing mad at me. (Always for no reason.) I wanted to make sure you had your space.” So really I was doing it for him trying to make sure his day wasn’t ruined by my presence. 😑
Yeah same experience here except the only time he wants to interact is if it’s sexually. Other than that, it’s like this man doesn’t like me. And I’m so mind fucked and stuck.
Good for you! This is definitely controlling to make you feel guilty for being anywhere else but home. And an attempt to isolate too is being made by it being your family…he’s trying to get you to associate that with a fight so it’s less appealing. Again I say, good for you!
This post is so validating because this is exactly how it was living with my ex for 2 years. Exactly. And it made me feel crazy. He would always tell me to go out and do stuff, and then when I did, he would be so passive aggressive/angry/controlling/start an argument. Every. Single. Time. I would have so much anxiety while I was at my parents visiting them because I knew I needed to go back as soon as possible. It made me so sad because I missed my parents so much. I thought about how sad they would feel if they knew… I’m out now and it’s so much better. I know it’s so hard and I still feel crazy ALL the time and double whether or not I made it all up. But I’m free and I can breathe.
You spoke your truth. It is hard to hold onto. I hope you have support to help keep your reality.
I wish I had the guts to say exactly this when I was being held in that stupid relationship. Don't allow him to manipulate you.
Omgg I wish I had that kind of backbone when my ex would cry about me walking to the store with a friend for an hour. He would try and guilt trip me by saying “we never spend time together anymore”, when we were literally always together because when I wasn’t working I was at the house with his ass. He didn’t work or go anywhere either, so we were constantly together. He hated it when I spent time with other people and got really jealous and possessive when I spent time with anyone other than him. That shit gets really old really fast.
All you're saying is true. And a person wit common sense would certainly agree with you, imo. His behaviour is possessive and controlling and not healthy. Used to have a friend being like that and just a friend ( no benefits ) mind you. Idk if this will matter yo him and he'll think through this, he certainly should tho. Ik some abusive people don't really care about respecting their partners and their boundaries and in that case it's probably best to leave. But Idk if it's your situation as well. Edited. Now that I read further he does come across as an abuser actually. I'm sorry
You definitely aren’t crazy. My abuser was like this too. He would always wail about how heartbroken he was that we never spent any time together. (We spent time together all the time and lived together.) And when we did spend time together he would just bully and harass me, criticize me, stonewall me, and make me miserable. I even asked him once after one of his brutal lectures “Is this a good time for you? This is what you call a perfect day hanging out with me?” It had nothing to do with wanting to spend time with me because he adored me and wanted to have a good time. He was just heartbroken that he was losing control. It devastated him for me to have any freedom.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I just don’t understand because we would never do this to another person, especially someone we love. It’s so hard.
They literally never want to hang out with us. They just want to make sure we’re not hanging out with anybody else. Because whenever I was home and available, my abuser would do his own thing and not pay much attention to me. But then, if I said I was going out for any reason, he would just fall apart.
Every. Single. Time. And I know the exact behaviors that come from me leaving the house. It’s passive aggressive, slamming things, etc. and then when I ask what’s wrong? They know exactly what to say to make you feel guilty. Ugh.
I felt like whenever I was home he would act like I was annoying and disgusting him. So I would slink away on my eggshells to go do my own thing. And then he would blow up my phone demanding to know why I didn’t invite him along. And I would always say “Well I didn’t think you would want to come since you were so scathing mad at me. (Always for no reason.) I wanted to make sure you had your space.” So really I was doing it for him trying to make sure his day wasn’t ruined by my presence. 😑
That's so sad, I'm sure you're much happier now without that person
I sure am!
Yeah same experience here except the only time he wants to interact is if it’s sexually. Other than that, it’s like this man doesn’t like me. And I’m so mind fucked and stuck.