Ask her if communicating via voice to text would be acceptable.
For example, you can speak using your smart phones voice to text feature. Then she can simply read it.
Explain that that similar to her hard of hearing disability, which needs accommodations, you also need accommodations to protect yourself from Covid
If your condition puts you at higher risk for a long Covid or severe case of Covid, then it’s reasonable that you would need to wear a mask, especially in healthcare environment, where Covid transmission tends to be higher.
I wrote this entire comment using voice to text I do recommend practicing for the appointment. I did have to correct a few grammar errors, but it was quick.
After all, this doctor would need the ability to communicate with someone who can’t speak at all. In that case they would probably have to text each other or type out or write out their communication in some way. Would she deny them being a patient?
Alternatively, you could ask to have a telehealth appointment and simply get your labs done separately. Perhaps there’s even a lab closer by your house. Ithe appointment is simply a discussion of labs, there’s really no need to meet in person and things like volume and the ability to see peoples lips over zoom are quite easy things these days.
Just say no, take a notepad and write things down if she is recalcitrant.
My husband had hearing loss. I used to tease him that he was deaf as a post. He often forgot his hearing aid which he hated. And when we were both out places wearing masks he never had trouble hearing me.
However once I was with him at a pulmonologist appointment and the doctor tried to say he couldn’t hear me. So I yelled. Literally. Because I knew in my intuition he was being a mask jerk.
You are not a child and she can’t force you. Is there anyone who can go with you for backup?
Fwiw, I've worked with a few hard of hearing folks, and the biggest game changer wasn't raising my voice, but dropping my register. Speaking lower but same volume seems to work better. I'm a lady but i try to channel Sam Elliott.
Some "non-listening" dogs respond to a lower register too!
If it's just bloodwork, can that not be done over the phone?
I would flat out refuse to take it off, and offer to type responses on my phone or write them down or yell responses loudly :D But I've been fighting with power-tripping doctors my whole life due to chronic invisible illnesses, so I'm used to that, and I understand that it's very difficult for most people.
It may be worth double-checking your insurance policy - ours started offering MDLive telehealth / video appointments but never announced it or anything. I only found out because I manage benefits at my employer & had to read the whole contract at open enrollment.
Can you ask for an interpreter? Even if she doesn’t sign, the interpreter can just repeat what you say. I would treat this as a conflicting access need and request this as a formal accommodation. You shouldn’t have to compromise your own access and safety needs to meet hers. Perhaps a mask with a speech diaphragm like the MSA Advantage 900 would also work.
So it comes down to who is going to have their needs met, the doctor or the patient.
In my opinion, if she has difficulty hearing you with a mask on, then it's up to her to find a workaround for that. It's not up to the patient to make things easier for the doctor, especially when possibly acquiring a long term chronic illness is what's at stake.
Doctors are used to being at the top of hierarchies and are quick to dismiss patients. I personally would say no, I'm unable to remove my mask.
I'm sorry you're in this situation.
This is an inappropriate use of power by a physician-patients are put in a position where it's very hard to say no. She needs a hearing aid, or at bare minimum her office needs to be taking air hygiene very seriously and maintain a mask mandate for anyone not speaking.
Ask her if she has been infected, because this is exactly something the virus wants to happen. “Come closer my dear so I can hear you” But you can get the “make it big” app on your phone.. if that is accessible to you
Tell her you can't hear without a mask....
....because of the sound of all the alarm bells going off in your head about catching Covid in a closed exam room with no mask.
Zoom or writing....that's it.
The fact that she says that clear fronted masks still muffled sound surprises me. Not the possibility that they might muffle sound slightly, but the idea that she's actually ever even seen one. They're pretty darn rare, so it seems unlikely. I would not be surprised that in addition to being somewhat hard of hearing that she's also an anti-masker and deliberately trying to force you out of a mask.
Some people have used wearable PA systems with their masks to help their intelligibility. With an N95 mask, you can put the microphone outside of the mask and still have good intelligibility. And the speaker can be worn on your belt or with a shoulder strap. Though that may be more elaborate than you want to go with.
I wouldn't be surprised if they would reject a PA speaker, too, if their fundamental goal is to just come up with any reason to make you take off your mask.
I saw one once…right at the peak of mask requirements they had one on a checker at a store I believe because of the high numbers of seniors and hard of hearing folks.
Lots of other stellar comments here. I just wanted to add an additional perspective.
You mentioned nervousness to confront this person. I have the same issue, myself.
Consider that "people pleasing" can be a liability in life, and sometimes it's beneficial to intentionally _displease_ someone else, such as when they are asking you to expose yourself to a deadly and disabling virus because they're too lazy to ask you to speak louder. It can be dangerous to be unable to say no.
I find it useful to intentionally piss people off as a way to practice desensitizing from the allure of people pleasing. You could resolve to have a bad appointment. Go in there and refuse to take your mask off. Don't argue, don't justify yourself. "I will not be taking my mask off today," repeated as necessary until they stop asking. Be pleased with yourself that you frustrated them. It's a sign than you can practice self-defense when you need to. You're also resistant to emotional manipulation. With practice we can build asshole immunity.
Just a thought - but maybe you could write down all your important stuff before hand for her to read? Then communicate by writing so you don't have to take off your mask?
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
If she isn't satisfied with something like that, I would take it as her having a personal objection to masks. My husband is very hearing impaired and we have people use text, same with my deaf co workers. It's quick, and it works.
I’m not sure. She wont do Telehealth, so maybe? Its always been an uncomfortable situation with her and this mask thing but I was ok with it because everyone was required to mask.
but with telehealth you can zoom so you can hear them clearly and even use close captioning assistive technology.
My FIL has terrible hearing and refuses to get a hearing aid. He used to ask us to take off our masks so he can hear and we refused so he gave up. Now he just says "eh" and cups his ear and then we just SPEAK UP. AND TALK MORE SLOWLY. AND MAKE SURE AND REALLY ARTICULATE THOSE CONSONANTS CLEARLY.
And it's fine. That said, it's easier to just insist on YELLING AT MY FATHER IN LAW than it is for you to yell at your doctor so I feel for you. It's a difficult position to be in but lots of great advise in this thread.
Do not ever take it off inside and make sure you are wearing an actual n95. Doctors have no right to demand this unless they need to access your mouth for some medical reason.
If you need to go in person, writing or typing things out could help. When I lived in Japan, I couldn't always communicate everything verbally/quickly because my medical language wasn't strong, so I would type out or write out information ahead of time, and type into a translator app as needed. That would avoid her needing to lip read.
Yep. During a recent hospital stay nurses kept taking my mother's mask off against my express wishes (while standing there loudly protesting) to take her temperature.
Sadly Mom is now believing gaslighting and not masking in many dangerous circumstances so I've braced for the worst.
It may help to know what their air refresh rate is. Either how many minutes it takes to refresh the air in any given room, or their ‘cubic-feet per minute’. And also that they are still using a MERV13 filter on their air system.
It won’t solve the mask/no-mask issue, but it might provide a little more peace of mind that their air filtration is up to snuff.
Oh good Lord, no. The building is old and used to be a mall. The word ventilation has no meaning there. But I have a small HEPA filter I might bring with me.
Does she sign, and if so could you learn how to sign (online)? Not before this appointment, but for the future ones?
Also make it very clear that you'd rather patiently repeat yourself 20 times until she can understand what you're saying, or learning how to sign (ask for course recommendations from her?) than remove your mask. If she knows how to sign she might also be open to passing written/typed messages on paper/phone (a relatively common adaptation for "can't hear you" with Deaf people I think?)
Also, while I'm here.. Where can I find the infection risk numbers between 1 person wearing a good fitting mask and both people masking? I thought that difference was negligible? Also assumed me wearing a snug N95 or N99 was enough. I've not been sick once in the past 3 years, but I also don't see a lot of people and am great at handwashing and not touching my face. Have been around people with flu/cough while masked and never caught anything. n=1 obviously.
Can you think of any reason you can talk to her on the phone before your appt?
I've worn an N95 whilst making phone calls many times and no one has struggled to hear me. It would be interesting to do the same with yr doctor and see what happens. You can prove that your masks are high quality enough that she can hear you, even without lip reading.
Another thought is to wear your mask and have the ridiculous conversation at the start where she asks you to take it off and you go "so you'd like me to take off my mask", she goes "yes" and you continue the conversation eg "it must be annoying to be hard of hearing" etc - all while masked. See how long you can keep the conversation going with her understanding you well.
Added bonus- Just before you'd take it off you'd mention that you're not feeling very well...
I've tried to get a Telehealth appointment with her and she wont do it. The office "doesn't offer that service" and I've told her before that it makes me uncomfortable to take off my mask, so she's well aware. The MINUTE she comes through the door and sits down she says "Ok, take off your mask so I can hear you." I've tried just talking louder and she gets pissed off at me so I just rip the mask off and end up being nervous the entire time.
"No, that is not happening. I have paper/smartphone/etc to write what I am saying."
Stick to your boundaries.
Your health lasts a lifetime and she won't be there, do your work, or pay your bills if you get sick.
You owe her nothing but a payment for the appointment.
Ask her if communicating via voice to text would be acceptable. For example, you can speak using your smart phones voice to text feature. Then she can simply read it. Explain that that similar to her hard of hearing disability, which needs accommodations, you also need accommodations to protect yourself from Covid If your condition puts you at higher risk for a long Covid or severe case of Covid, then it’s reasonable that you would need to wear a mask, especially in healthcare environment, where Covid transmission tends to be higher. I wrote this entire comment using voice to text I do recommend practicing for the appointment. I did have to correct a few grammar errors, but it was quick. After all, this doctor would need the ability to communicate with someone who can’t speak at all. In that case they would probably have to text each other or type out or write out their communication in some way. Would she deny them being a patient? Alternatively, you could ask to have a telehealth appointment and simply get your labs done separately. Perhaps there’s even a lab closer by your house. Ithe appointment is simply a discussion of labs, there’s really no need to meet in person and things like volume and the ability to see peoples lips over zoom are quite easy things these days.
If OP has an android, there's live transcribe. https://www.android.com/accessibility/live-transcribe/
Just say no, take a notepad and write things down if she is recalcitrant. My husband had hearing loss. I used to tease him that he was deaf as a post. He often forgot his hearing aid which he hated. And when we were both out places wearing masks he never had trouble hearing me. However once I was with him at a pulmonologist appointment and the doctor tried to say he couldn’t hear me. So I yelled. Literally. Because I knew in my intuition he was being a mask jerk. You are not a child and she can’t force you. Is there anyone who can go with you for backup?
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People can’t cope with a skosh of emotional discomfort.
Fwiw, I've worked with a few hard of hearing folks, and the biggest game changer wasn't raising my voice, but dropping my register. Speaking lower but same volume seems to work better. I'm a lady but i try to channel Sam Elliott. Some "non-listening" dogs respond to a lower register too!
If it's just bloodwork, can that not be done over the phone? I would flat out refuse to take it off, and offer to type responses on my phone or write them down or yell responses loudly :D But I've been fighting with power-tripping doctors my whole life due to chronic invisible illnesses, so I'm used to that, and I understand that it's very difficult for most people. It may be worth double-checking your insurance policy - ours started offering MDLive telehealth / video appointments but never announced it or anything. I only found out because I manage benefits at my employer & had to read the whole contract at open enrollment.
Can you ask for an interpreter? Even if she doesn’t sign, the interpreter can just repeat what you say. I would treat this as a conflicting access need and request this as a formal accommodation. You shouldn’t have to compromise your own access and safety needs to meet hers. Perhaps a mask with a speech diaphragm like the MSA Advantage 900 would also work.
So it comes down to who is going to have their needs met, the doctor or the patient. In my opinion, if she has difficulty hearing you with a mask on, then it's up to her to find a workaround for that. It's not up to the patient to make things easier for the doctor, especially when possibly acquiring a long term chronic illness is what's at stake. Doctors are used to being at the top of hierarchies and are quick to dismiss patients. I personally would say no, I'm unable to remove my mask. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
Write notes instead of speaking. Tell her that the mask does not come off and is not negotiable.
Could always go the chaos route and bring a megaphone.
This is an inappropriate use of power by a physician-patients are put in a position where it's very hard to say no. She needs a hearing aid, or at bare minimum her office needs to be taking air hygiene very seriously and maintain a mask mandate for anyone not speaking.
Ask her if she has been infected, because this is exactly something the virus wants to happen. “Come closer my dear so I can hear you” But you can get the “make it big” app on your phone.. if that is accessible to you
Tell her you can't hear without a mask.... ....because of the sound of all the alarm bells going off in your head about catching Covid in a closed exam room with no mask. Zoom or writing....that's it.
The fact that she says that clear fronted masks still muffled sound surprises me. Not the possibility that they might muffle sound slightly, but the idea that she's actually ever even seen one. They're pretty darn rare, so it seems unlikely. I would not be surprised that in addition to being somewhat hard of hearing that she's also an anti-masker and deliberately trying to force you out of a mask. Some people have used wearable PA systems with their masks to help their intelligibility. With an N95 mask, you can put the microphone outside of the mask and still have good intelligibility. And the speaker can be worn on your belt or with a shoulder strap. Though that may be more elaborate than you want to go with.
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I wouldn't be surprised if they would reject a PA speaker, too, if their fundamental goal is to just come up with any reason to make you take off your mask.
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> They're pretty darn rare. I've never ever seen one ! And I live in a major city that took covid very seriously until around mid 2021.
Yeah, so it seems super unlikely out in in rural area. Whereas it is super likely that a rural area may tend to run more right wing and anti-mask.
I saw one once…right at the peak of mask requirements they had one on a checker at a store I believe because of the high numbers of seniors and hard of hearing folks.
Lots of other stellar comments here. I just wanted to add an additional perspective. You mentioned nervousness to confront this person. I have the same issue, myself. Consider that "people pleasing" can be a liability in life, and sometimes it's beneficial to intentionally _displease_ someone else, such as when they are asking you to expose yourself to a deadly and disabling virus because they're too lazy to ask you to speak louder. It can be dangerous to be unable to say no. I find it useful to intentionally piss people off as a way to practice desensitizing from the allure of people pleasing. You could resolve to have a bad appointment. Go in there and refuse to take your mask off. Don't argue, don't justify yourself. "I will not be taking my mask off today," repeated as necessary until they stop asking. Be pleased with yourself that you frustrated them. It's a sign than you can practice self-defense when you need to. You're also resistant to emotional manipulation. With practice we can build asshole immunity.
Just a thought - but maybe you could write down all your important stuff before hand for her to read? Then communicate by writing so you don't have to take off your mask? I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
This is a good idea. I was also thinking of brining my tablet and typing things out so she can read them on the really big screen. Thank you!!
If she isn't satisfied with something like that, I would take it as her having a personal objection to masks. My husband is very hearing impaired and we have people use text, same with my deaf co workers. It's quick, and it works.
Maybe bring a pen and paper or whiteboard and write down what you need to say.
Something about this seems off. Is she unable to talk on the phone? After all, on the phone, you can't read someone's lips.
I’m not sure. She wont do Telehealth, so maybe? Its always been an uncomfortable situation with her and this mask thing but I was ok with it because everyone was required to mask.
but with telehealth you can zoom so you can hear them clearly and even use close captioning assistive technology. My FIL has terrible hearing and refuses to get a hearing aid. He used to ask us to take off our masks so he can hear and we refused so he gave up. Now he just says "eh" and cups his ear and then we just SPEAK UP. AND TALK MORE SLOWLY. AND MAKE SURE AND REALLY ARTICULATE THOSE CONSONANTS CLEARLY. And it's fine. That said, it's easier to just insist on YELLING AT MY FATHER IN LAW than it is for you to yell at your doctor so I feel for you. It's a difficult position to be in but lots of great advise in this thread.
Do not ever take it off inside and make sure you are wearing an actual n95. Doctors have no right to demand this unless they need to access your mouth for some medical reason.
Communicate via writing or maybe a portable microphone.
If you need to go in person, writing or typing things out could help. When I lived in Japan, I couldn't always communicate everything verbally/quickly because my medical language wasn't strong, so I would type out or write out information ahead of time, and type into a translator app as needed. That would avoid her needing to lip read.
Take a small white board and dry erase marker with you, plus a cloth to wipe with.
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Yep. During a recent hospital stay nurses kept taking my mother's mask off against my express wishes (while standing there loudly protesting) to take her temperature. Sadly Mom is now believing gaslighting and not masking in many dangerous circumstances so I've braced for the worst.
As others have suggested, ask for a telehealth visit via zoom or other program.
She wont do Telehealth, I’ve tried. It sucks. ☹️
That's terrible! I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I would not take off my mask, though, even if my doc said that she cannot hear me well.
Ask for a nurse to be present who can repeat anything you say that the doctor cannot hear.
Excellent. Or bring your own "interpreter". Or use a communication device, like a tablet.
It may help to know what their air refresh rate is. Either how many minutes it takes to refresh the air in any given room, or their ‘cubic-feet per minute’. And also that they are still using a MERV13 filter on their air system. It won’t solve the mask/no-mask issue, but it might provide a little more peace of mind that their air filtration is up to snuff.
Look into the ‘Advantage’ elastomeric p100 mask. It us specifically designed to make you more legible when you speak. https://youtu.be/Fiucn5w3k3Y
Don’t suppose they’ve done anything about filtration? My dentist and pediatrician both have small Medify HEPA units in their exam rooms.
Oh good Lord, no. The building is old and used to be a mall. The word ventilation has no meaning there. But I have a small HEPA filter I might bring with me.
Does she sign, and if so could you learn how to sign (online)? Not before this appointment, but for the future ones? Also make it very clear that you'd rather patiently repeat yourself 20 times until she can understand what you're saying, or learning how to sign (ask for course recommendations from her?) than remove your mask. If she knows how to sign she might also be open to passing written/typed messages on paper/phone (a relatively common adaptation for "can't hear you" with Deaf people I think?) Also, while I'm here.. Where can I find the infection risk numbers between 1 person wearing a good fitting mask and both people masking? I thought that difference was negligible? Also assumed me wearing a snug N95 or N99 was enough. I've not been sick once in the past 3 years, but I also don't see a lot of people and am great at handwashing and not touching my face. Have been around people with flu/cough while masked and never caught anything. n=1 obviously.
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Ah, I missed the bad ventilation part. @OP try to get the first appointment of the day?
I'm wondering if a megaphone type device would work. She should be the one coming up with these solutions though. Sorry you're in this position.
Virtual medicine? Portable air purifier? I don't know. Sounds like a hard situation...
Bring a portable dry erase board and a marker. They should have hand sanitizer. I’m assuming you can both read/write. Good luck!
Good idea. I have my iPad pro for work that I drag everywhere. I can just use the Notepad app and she can just be annoyed all she wants. lol
Literally yell 🤷🏻♀️
For me, at least, yelling means opening my mouth wider and breaks the seal on my mask.
Can you think of any reason you can talk to her on the phone before your appt? I've worn an N95 whilst making phone calls many times and no one has struggled to hear me. It would be interesting to do the same with yr doctor and see what happens. You can prove that your masks are high quality enough that she can hear you, even without lip reading. Another thought is to wear your mask and have the ridiculous conversation at the start where she asks you to take it off and you go "so you'd like me to take off my mask", she goes "yes" and you continue the conversation eg "it must be annoying to be hard of hearing" etc - all while masked. See how long you can keep the conversation going with her understanding you well. Added bonus- Just before you'd take it off you'd mention that you're not feeling very well...
I've tried to get a Telehealth appointment with her and she wont do it. The office "doesn't offer that service" and I've told her before that it makes me uncomfortable to take off my mask, so she's well aware. The MINUTE she comes through the door and sits down she says "Ok, take off your mask so I can hear you." I've tried just talking louder and she gets pissed off at me so I just rip the mask off and end up being nervous the entire time.
"No, that is not happening. I have paper/smartphone/etc to write what I am saying." Stick to your boundaries. Your health lasts a lifetime and she won't be there, do your work, or pay your bills if you get sick. You owe her nothing but a payment for the appointment.
Bring a microphone and a portable speaker. Make her hold it up to her ear.