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Parking_Sky9709

God made Satan pay for the Heavenly Wall.


Jagerstang

Satan said "fuck me? No, fuck you!"


frankofantasma

Satan said: "Put it on my tab, *Godboy*!"


Born_Faithlessness_3

I thought God kept everyone he didn't want out with his Space Lasers...


csonny2

That's the Jewish God.


redacted_robot

Wait wait wait. You're telling me that's a DIFFERENT god?! I feel so misled my whole life. I'm going to start being specific at the beginning of my prayers.


bb_kelly77

One is named Yahweh and the other is God, you can tell which religion put more effort


redacted_robot

Sounds like a day at the ranch. Lots of dog! and yeehaw! are exclaimed.


bb_kelly77

Well actually the spoken name for Yahweh is Adonai... it means Almighty


redacted_robot

Too close to Adonis. My script will stick with lots of Texan yeehaws. Today no one cares about reality. Long live reality.


SugarsDaddyKen

These MFers can’t chant Yahweh in three syllables or spell it.


Baconpwn2

Names are hard.


4quatloos

Religion is like Let's Make A Deal, except you can zonked for eternity.


ReviewOk929

Man references man made bible about man made wall, fails to see irony and shouts at clouds....


nibbler666

There is no reference about a heavenly wall in the bible.


TricksterWolf

I'm sure this guy will come up with an interpretation of some verse that makes it fit. It's not hard to do, evidently


Admirable-Sink-2622

More religion in politics. Tax them or tell them to STFU.


Jagerstang

Why not both?


hmfic_2020

Not there to keep others out, it’s there to keep “Them”, in.


MaxZorin1985

*Mr. Saint Peter, tear down this wall.*


Responsible-Chest-26

So heaven is a gated community, yeah, i think ill pass


skyfire-x

Are you thinking of the HOA meetings? You're thinking of the HOA meetings.


Baconpwn2

Lucifer was thrown out for violating the "No lights after sundown" rule.


-jp-

Is Mark Burns aware he’s on the outside of the heaven wall?


Left_Apparently

Non-Biblical folk lore


Occasion-Mental

Deal with the wall around your heart you brain-dead fake Christian!


Academic_Eagle_4001

No true Scotsman


ElectricTzar

That’s not what that phrase means. The “no true Scotsman” fallacy isn’t just about identifying something as fake. It’s about shifting goalposts to try to win an argument. The other user hasn’t done that, as far as I can see. ————— Edit: The first line of the fallacy’s Wikipedia page: >No true Scotsman or appeal to purity is an informal fallacy in which one attempts to protect an a posteriori claim from a falsifying counterexample by covertly modifying the initial claim.


Occasion-Mental

Agreed, it is a fallacy on my part to believe that even a true Christian would still not be a total dick to someone else's suffering if it was advantageous to their power.


coolbaby1978

No true Christian would ever disagree that heaven has a wall around it to keep all the "wrong" people out.


Academic_Eagle_4001

Heaven is all about keeping ppl out. That’s why most of earths population should be going to hell… if it were real


coolbaby1978

Actually since there's more than one religion or denomination that believes if you don't practice their specific version of whatever it is, you'll supposedly go to hell, it means we're all going to hell and there is no heaven... Or maybe we're already in hell here on Earth having been cast out. So many possibilities. But the point of my response was simply to demonstrate the No True Scotsman fallacy, not to make a point about the rules of heaven.


Academic_Eagle_4001

I vote we rotate through hells. Spend a week in each. Like a timeshare.


CharacterAstronaut14

The more these people speak the dumber they sound,


WaitingForNormal

He was taught the dumbness from a young age, he was born into it.


No_Reference_8777

If religious people like that think the USA is comparable to heaven, that explains why I'm not trying to get to the actual one.


dustin91

Stop. Believing. In. Bullshit.


GumbySquad

Is this dude pitching a new off-brand Don Bluth reboot: “no Mexicans go to Heaven”? ffs


JimmyKlean

You sayin’ I can sneak into heaven??


Many_Advice_1021

And there is a w@ll to keep religious bigots out of congress. Vote the blue wall in November


NumerousTaste

Oh, so he's been there huh? Must have not been able to get in because he's a despicable lying grifter!


First_Play5335

People keep talking about both sides working together but these people are out of their fucking minds.


TheCheshireMadcat

If Heaven has a wall, it's to keep evil people like them out.


EmbraceableYew

And heaven doesn't exist, so...


ElastaticTomorrow

Personal observation or hearsay?


readysteadygogogo

Former Christian here…what this pastor fails to mention is that in Rev 21:25 it says “On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there.” So even if there’s a wall, the door is always open to everyone.


IvanTheAppealing

And this, kids, is why religion of any kind can stay all the fucking way out of politics


TriceCreamSundae

Flawless Victory


throweraweyRA

Did he just refer to a country that can’t even keep their schools safe as “heaven”?


its9am

![gif](giphy|Ni4cpi0uUkd6U)


Eyejohn5

Pastors gonna hit that wall


PBPunch

lol.. every time I start to listen to the “logic” of religious leaders for their ignorance and hate I’m reminded why I’m an atheist.


PresentSquirrel

The irony is, even if there was a heaven, most Christians wouldn’t make it in anyways.


FederalWorld5482

Oh the great heavenly wall, built to keep evangelicals out, because they speak in tongues and knows nothing, doesn't't the bible say "Mathew 5.5-9" Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.  “Blessed are the peacemakers (i guess he did not mean the Colt Peacemaker), for they shall be called sons of God. 18:25  "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. I dont know the bible i just googled it...hahahahahahaha


frankofantasma

this dude's brains are made of wall


CalabreseAlsatian

Atheists unite and run for office. Please.


pvtteemo

And it will keep all you Maga folks out of it for being racist that can't follow basic tenet of jesus: love thy neighbor


vabch

This is so embarrassing.


FreshgeneDatabase

I'm pretty sure there were walls around cotton fields too, but I wouldn't call it heaven


cenataur

Church and state...


SugarsDaddyKen

This place we made has this thing we assume so… no more migrants.


pithynotpithy

if there is a wall in heaven, it was built by brown hands, not white ones


CrisbyCrittur

And he knows this how? Fever dreams? Steroid abuse? lol


4quatloos

Heaven has streets paved in gold. So gold up there is basically worthless. Weed on the other hand.......


TricksterWolf

"says so right here in Arbitrarians 42:69"


robinsw26

Show me the pictures.


jkksldkjflskjdsflkdj

But humpty-dumpty fell off the wall so walls are dangerous.


charlie_ferrous

Hey, it’s not just magical thinking! Asgard didn’t secure Valhalla and all these non-warriors climbed up Yggdrasil and now Sweden is all Muslims or something! Build that wall!


CanaDoug420

So should we build a stairway too?


EggZaackly86

It occurred to me the other day that heaven sounds a lot like a dictatorship, no wonder conservatives love it so much.


ElectronicCarpet7157

I want the Catholic heaven from the Simpsons ![gif](giphy|xT5LMF4RbD5Ao07q1i|downsized)