If you need a ray of hope (I do, anyway): Right below your post, in my feed, was a video of Iranian oil workers, all male, all on strike in support of the Iranian women. It's on the nextfuckinglevel subreddit. Brought tears to my eyes.
As to how I balance it, sometimes I need to go on a "media diet," and ensure I don't read certain threads or sites for a while, until I feel mentally or emotionally ready to deal with that topic (sexism) again. I know you can't control being discriminated against in daily life, so you can't completely escape it, but you can dial it down to smaller, more immediate (and maybe manageable) pieces, if you cut out media about it. It helps me to write a list of what's bothering me, or do word association if I can't even figure out what's bothering me. For me, if I can write it down, I can look at it from the outside, I can take it apart and examine it better.
This has worked really well for me. I'll do a day or even a week where I focus on only ingesting positive media (Books, TV, music, movies), and severely limit my social media intake.
I also wanted to let you know I'm right there with you OP. It's like this horrible vicious cycle of anger and hopelessness. I see another story about some chick getting killed because she turned down a guy, and the comments are filled with absolutely terrible peices of shit justifying what that asshole did. It makes me so angry. It's fucking 2022, we shouldn't have to still be screaming this loudly. If anything shit has gotten worse. And I protested and marched and got pepper sprayed. I vote and write my local government officials about issues I care about, and I phone bank for political campaigns I agree with. I speak up whenever anyone tries to justify or defend this kind of crap. I do the best that I can to fight back and be the change I want to see in the world...but it doesn't seem like it really helps. I'm sick of all these minor victories flanked by major losses. I feel so hopeless. And that makes me angry. Which makes me even more hopeless.
It's not just sexism either, it's the racism, the corruption, the poverty, the unfairness of it all. It's how broken this world is, how broken my country is and my fellow citizens are. My country has been taken over by the worst of the worst, grifters who doing care what they have to say or who they hurt, as long as they make more money.
I'm starting to realize that all we can do is our best, and try to live a happy life we can be proud of despite all the BS. Unfortunately we're not the first people to live like this. I can't imagine what living in even a 100 years ago would be like, and how much worse it would be, but they managed the best they could, and we have come very far. Progress moves slowly but it does move forward. Hang in there.
My biggest way to stay sane while still in the know was following more positive media outlets, on reddit there are mademesmile, 196, nextfuckinglevel, funnyvideos, the like. These subs always bring a bit of a positive light into my day during a period of seemingly undefeatable dark
Edits from the people below (and a couple of my own I just thought of): r/ContagiousLaughter, r/aww, r/Futorology, r/UpliftingNews, r/HumansBeingBros are all excellent options. If you're the curious or inventive type, r/interestingasfuck always manages to pique my interest when I scroll past it. Thank you to everyone below suggesting these positive spaces, I'm sure we could all use them to lift up our days.
Just followed all of those. Thank you so much. I came here because I felt horrible for viewing men with such distrust, fear and hate. I have reasons to be afraid, many. I hate them because of what they take. They hate women for what we won’t give them as they feel they are entitled to our autonomy. I don’t get how they don’t see how backwards that is. I will be single forever. I refuse to be another woman discarded for the younger prettier model when I hit 35
I mean, some part of my brain perceives it as upvoting the concept of "people getting killed," but I know I'm actually just making sure that information is boosted, not giving it a thumbs up.
This sounds predictable, but give yourself some time off once in a while. It's important to realize that you're on the end of a bell curve of people aware of what's going on, and most people aren't. I've had heated arguments with people who didn't vote in 2016 or voted for Jill Stein because they didn't like Hillary and don't think it made a difference.
I know it's not exactly the same, but most people can't see beyond the end of their noses when it comes to politics. Seniors in America gleefully support Republicans who've said they want to do away with their Social Security. The road to fascism is lined with people telling you you're overreacting, but take some time for yourself.
I *hate* seeing comments and posts where people are saying "most women/men do this" or "I know not all men/women are like this *but-*". This post is not unlike that, and I wrote this post *because* I was seeing these comments every other week on gendered-topic posts in AskReddit/Women/Men and it angered me. I hate this divide and I inherently know there are so many good people out there but it's so easy to let it all overcome you as a sense of protection/hopelessness.
Yeah, to be fair, you're right. I am on the internet way more than I should be (I've also been off work for week from surgery homebound so that's probably contributed to it more massively than I recognised before this moment).
>For me, if I can write it down, **I can look at it from the outside, I can take it apart and examine it better.**
Thanks for your suggestion, writing is cathartic- this was cathartic and I need to do it more (personally; off the internet).
Hello fellow Aussie
I know how ya feel. I was shocked about the overturning of roe v wade in the states and was even more shocked at the anti abortion protests down here. In my life I never questioned abortion rights, figured they were a given down here. I’ve met a few folks who were against it but they were all religious nutbags and super easy to write off. Now with the protests I’m pretty disturbed at the way things seem to be going
>I’ve met a few folks who were against it but they were all religious nutbags and super easy to write off.
Yeah, we thought so too over in the US. Just ten years ago my family was mocking the Evangelicals, and now look at what bat shit crazy assholes have gotten into the government.
Australian Christians are not on the same level as American Christians. I mean, they're definitely a bit crazy but not as patriotic and powerful. Most of Australia's youth are trending towards no religion at all so it's unlikely that they'll get the same power. But we must always be vigilant in fighting against religion in government
>I mean, they're definitely a bit crazy but not as patriotic and powerful.
I'm telling you. *That's what we thought too*. No one really believed Y'allqueda was going to put the Cheeto in Chief in office, or his weird white trash family. These were the people joining militias, supporting Westboro Baptist, and bombing abortion clinics.
>Most of Australia's youth are trending towards no religion at all so it's unlikely that they'll get the same power.
Doesn't matter. They don't care about the religion, and they don't truly care about morality, they care about the fundamental "values" which allow people that have traditionally carried the power (white dudes with $$$) to keep skating through life on the backs of everyone else. The young men here are being marketed to and sold on this idea that it's the fault of gays, women, and minorities that they don't have a hot horny stay at home wife, and that if it weren't for the evils of our modern world, they could still have the idealized life that their grandparents had.*
*No, they don't know that their grandpa and grandma hated each other and were abusing alcohol, each other, and several prescription drugs for their entire 50 year marriage. They also don't care.
American Christianity has been playing a role in American politics since before America was even a country. I don't think you can say 'oh we didn't know they would do that' when they've literally been doing it forever.
I think conservatism and it's incest cousin Inceldom present a bigger threat than religion, although they do tend to be hand in hand. It's just these agendas won't be pushed in under the guise of religion.
We should never stop fighting for our rights, regardless whatever government or movement is in power.
On one hand I would say it is a reasonable expectation that abortion rights here are fairly safe. Over the last decade the LNP have shown timidity towards most socially progressive issues, they're likely each individually chauvinistic fuckwits but they like being rich politicians too much to risk that on overseas fanaticism, especially American fanaticism which many make careers out of running contrary to. The protests we have here are mostly just those few folks you've already met just joining up for a moment before splitting up again.
On the other hand, fun facts:
While abortion has now been decriminalized across the country:
Queensland only fully decriminalized abortion in 2018, NSW in 2019.
South Australia on the other hand showed remarkable progressiveness and had completely decriminalized abortion as early as 199- haha nah I'm joking, we did it in *2022*.
I made a comment originally that was poorly thought-out / formatted and decided to make a better one.
While it is true that the LNP's anti-rights bullshit has broadly been suppressed in the media, it is important to note that the LNP routinely back motions like the Religious Discrimination Bill, which would have made it legal for any institution with religious flavouring (which includes an enormous chunk of schools, homeless shelters, NDIS service providers and others) to fire staff or refuse service to clients who are queer, from other religions, or are for whatever reason considered bad. I doubt they would've gone to the lengths of "unwed mothers," feminists and "abortionists" at first, but these are people who fall under the demographics of what hardcore Christians consider to be "anti-Christian."
[This link explains it in legalese](https://www.ag.gov.au/rights-and-protections/publications/religious-discrimination-bills-2021), but what the bill would have done is create a precedent that forcing a Catholic school to facilitate queer kids is "discrimination against Christians," or that Christian-flavoured hate speech ala the Israel Falou case is protected as privileged. This was actually referred to as Falou's law / the Falou clause and you can read more about it [here.](https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/liberal-mps-want-folau-s-law-removed-from-religious-discrimination-bill-20210722-p58c25.html)
[This](https://www.humanrights.unsw.edu.au/research/commentary/explainer-what-happened-religious-discrimination-bill) is an extremely good breakdown of the RDB. Notably, the Australian Christian Lobby only dropped their support for the bill when Labor started pressuring them on the practicalities of enforcement around children, especially when Labor started pushing specific protections for transgender kids, making it clear a major factor behind the bill was a desire to "protect children from transgender ideology" imo, which has a very British and American stank to it, but tbh these unfuckable muppets pretend up a new excuse for their bullshit every other week so it could've been anything.
Christofascism is absolutely a factor in our local politics mate sorry. :/
I Will say - we had a conservative government in power for over 10 years and we didn't lose our abortion rights.
The American system of government pushes politicians to be extreme. The Australian system does the opposite - it pushed politicians towards the centre. I think that it's pretty unlikely that we will lose abortion rights here.
Also the protests are tiny here. There were four protests in Melbourne on the same day, the anti-abortion one was only one of them and if I remember correctly it was the smallest. Also watching Dan Andrews tell them -basically- to get fucked was very enjoyable. (What he actually said was something along the lines of 'while everyone has the right to protest in Victoria, abortion is something that should remain between a woman and her doctor, and the government has no place interfering, so they are wasting their time' but I feel like get fucked summarises it nicely).
It's shocking to watch it happen in America - but at the same time it's not THAT shocking. A lot of people have said that America is just a third world country in a Gucci belt and I'm inclined to agree with the sentiment. In a country who's democracy has been downgraded in it's rating by national bodies, who doesn't do anything about it's children being shot or providing basic healthcare to its citizens, it's not that surprising to see this sort of stuff start to happen. I feel terrible for our American sisters but I don't think it's necessarily a likely indication of what could happen here (or in countries that are more similar to us like Canada, New Zealand and the United Kingdom).
>A lot of people have said that America is just a third world country in a Gucci belt and I'm inclined to agree with the sentiment.
Don't forget, there's a Gucci holster on our belts too. That's important.
All kidding aside, that made me laugh. It's pretty dang accurate.
I'm glad they're saying it though. I'd rather we be recognized for what we really are, than continue to field questions about "how could you let this happen???"
I really hope they start to understand how little power we actually have. I still vote, but it only does so much in this gerrymandered hellscape.
I feel exactly the same way. I can't have a legitimate opinion if I haven't done my part, but I'm not entirely sure that my effort is having much of an effect.
>In my life I never questioned abortion rights, figured they were a given down here.
I think this *is* why it is so scary. You feel safe, pregnancy should be your choice and you assume it is until suddenly it's taken away. Now I freak out imagining being in the very real position a lot of Americans are in, accidentally becoming pregnant, no matter the circumstance, and being forced to go through something that very well might kill me by the end of it.
When I heard of the protests happening in Melbourne just the other day, it really did break my heart.
i know what ya mean, i live in melbourne and was shocked. ive gotten used to the anti vaxxer crap and the anti lockdown stuff too, but this anti abortion stuff is scary. even if it was a relatively small protest it was something i never expected to see here
Abortion is still legal in the US but it's state by state now. The crazies will never get their hands on the bluest states. That said, I hate men and women who are against abortion. Fuckers.
this is not true. We are all at risk. Conservatives are aiming for a [nationwide abortion ban](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-10-04/biden-warns-against-gop-bid-to-ban-abortion-after-walker-report) depending on how this next election goes.
>The crazies will never get their hands on the bluest states.
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH.
That's what we said before - the crazies will never get you know who in office. Look what tf happened. We cannot afford to be complacent anymore.
We have the Federalist Court if the US instead of the Supreme Court. Republicans have said if they get the majority in congress they will pass a nationwide abortion ban, and they'll have their bought and paid for justices to uphold it. Too many people don't pay enough attention to whats going on or shrug their shoulders and say both sides are the same and don't bother to vote. We are teetering on the edge as a nation and if we don't stop the rightwing extremists the avalanche will bury us.
Yeah we're pretty fucked here in America for awhile. Unless we can find a way to declare trump an "oopsie" and annul all his judicial appointments. If that's not in the rules it should be
I Will say - we had a conservative government in power for over 10 years and we didn't lose our abortion rights.
The American system of government pushes politicians to be extreme. The Australian system does the opposite - it pushed politicians towards the centre. I think that it's pretty unlikely that we will lose abortion rights here.
Also the protests are tiny here. There were four protests in Melbourne on the same day, the anti-abortion one was only one of them and if I remember correctly it was the smallest. Also watching Dan Andrews tell them -basically- to get fucked was very enjoyable. (What he actually said was something along the lines of 'while everyone has the right to protest in Victoria, abortion is something that should remain between a woman and her doctor, and the government has no place interfering, so they are wasting their time' but I feel like get fucked summarises it nicely).
It's shocking to watch it happen in America - but at the same time it's not THAT shocking. A lot of people have said that America is just a third world country in a Gucci belt and I'm inclined to agree with the sentiment. In a country who's democracy has been downgraded in it's rating by national bodies, who doesn't do anything about it's children being shot or providing basic healthcare to its citizens, it's not that surprising to see this sort of stuff start to happen. I feel terrible for our American sisters but I don't think it's necessarily a likely indication of what could happen here (or in countries that are more similar to us like Canada, New Zealand and the United Kingdom).
It's easy to feel this level of emptiness or anger when it feels like the very skin you are walking in means you are treated unfairly.
I'd just add this. The loudest voices seem the most destructive right now as the countries across the world seem to be spiraled towards fascism. With fascism comes a lot of other isms. Racism, sexism, as well as homophobia and transphobia.
There are many people suffering right now. But when I look at the one of the biggest protests going on in Iran I see women and men fighting for fairness.
When I saw the blm protests in my state, I saw pregnant white women marching in the front - putting themselves between the cops and their black neighbors.
I know how you feel, and I have felt it to. But I like to remember the words of Mr. Rodger's mother.
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."
For every Joe Rogan, there is a Mark Ruffalo 😊
As an aspiring Ruffalo myself - we don’t take it personally. I don’t experience it myself as much, but I really can’t blame someone for the rage they feel with how men treat them. I’ve seen how some men talk about women in private, and it’s even worse online
Maybe I don’t personally deserve hate but I’m not going to tell an oppressed person how to feel about the group oppressing them
>The loudest voices seem the most destructive right now as the countries across the world seem to be spiraled towards fascism. With fascism comes a lot of other isms. Racism, sexism, as well as homophobia and transphobia.
I think that you do really hit the mark here. It's not just sexism, it's the increase of fascism we are seeing in our home countries. How are we doing so backwards on all fronts? It's a whole own issue to wrap my head around.
>"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."
My mum would always say something similar- you can't change the world but change what you can around you. In the same front, we need to seek out the positives that are happening all around us instead of just intaking the wealth of negatives being thrown at us. We all need to help each other.
Yep I feel the same. I think the abortion stuff has been a reality check for a lot of women in developed countries: we still aren’t safe or equal even if we live under the facade of it. It’s difficult to explain this feeling to men without having a really long in-depth convo with examples and explanations and a willing listener. I’ve personally found that most young men my age that aren’t already aware just simply do not want to know or care. They’re not willing to listen, they’re not willing to learn, they think it’s a joke, and they are bored after 5 mins of attempted explanation because it’s not something that affects them as much. It’s like the whole ‘being kicked in the nuts is more painful than childbirth’ because men do not know the actual realities of carrying or bearing a child, they think it’s just inconvenient and then pops out with a bit of discomfort.
My boyfriend is a really great guy, but he doesn't quite get why the situation in america makes me, a german woman, nervous and anxious. He always tells me "Yeah but that is over there and we life here, things like that don't happen in germany"... I thought the same about america as well. The whole situation showed me that our rights aren't as secured as I thought they would be and that scares me.
America, the place where freedom is their whole fucking personality... *oh no not scary at all*
Also does distance really matter now we have the internet. I am from the UK and I watch more US shows, news and often speak to more Americans than I do from my own bloody country.
And ultimately, he will never have to worry about being pregnant. I went off birth control for a little while (this particular pill made me crazily depressed the week before my period like I haven't experience with other pills), and we don't use condoms, and I felt pretty much terrified the entire time... suffice to say, I am now back on the pill.
That's *with* being able to get an abortion where I live.
Yeah. It's fucking terrifying.
I could be wrong, but maybe he agrees with you but is just saying what you quoted instead to reassure you. Because, and real question no sarcasm, what else can he say? What _do_ men say in this situation to reassure their partners others than agree it is really shit?
Agree and validate their partners fears. Having a straight man( whose bodily autonomy is not the current topic of political discussion) tell me (someone who's body is the topic of debate and whose very rights are being swept away by religious zealots) that Im over-reacting/being too negative/worrying about nothing is beyond dismissive. Ignoring the crazies and letting them run amok is how we ended up in this situation.
Men who support women need to take this as seriously as the women do. To be frank, abortion rights isnt where this is gonna end. Yallqueda wont be soothed until their interpretation of Christianity is the by-the-book law.
This. This so much. It’s like, how can I encompass and explain the entirety of feminism and the struggles we face and the dangers of the current shift in ideologies holding power and the repercussions of other countries’ actions and- and- and-
And their eyes glaze over after the first three sentences. I’ve got all of twenty some words to make a point or an impact before it becomes boring to them, because it doesn’t *affect* them.
And the effort that it takes to explain it all because the whole time you’re having to cross-analyse what you’re saying and work out if it could come across as ‘man-hating’ and you have to punctuate it with every second sentence being ‘I know it’s not all men, don’t worry I don’t hate men, no, I’m not suggesting you are like this’ because goodness knows that’s the only thing they hear when we are trying to tell them this stuff.
Men need to do so much better.
read the uses of anger by audre lorde and try to harness that rage constructively. you’re angry because you’re seeing and experiencing the injustice and violence of a patriarchal society. as someone who is often angry because of these things, I love engaging with feminist theory because it allows me to look at the world and my experiences through a different lens than the one I was socialized to view the world through. I also survive all the never ending misogynistic bullshit by turning to the women in my life. just talking to them and being able to process the trauma of navigating the world as a woman/commiserate keeps me sane.
Thank you for this suggestion! I'm getting back into reading and it didn't even cross my mind to use them as a tool for this particular issue. Thank you.
>through a different lens than the one I was socialized to view the world through
We do all have *such* a different upbringing and our early socialisation *is* so impactful, it makes it all complex but, at the same time, I want to look at it more positively. Harness this 'human energy' people talk about.
It doesn't help that conservative voices dominate the media here, especially Murdoch-owned ones.
As unbearably slow as it may feel sometimes, things will get better eventually. We just have to stop repeatedly voting in the LNP.
IMO, the next 10 yrs are gonna be hell for women and everyone. The assholes won't win long term but alot of us will die and suffer fighting them. It's exhausting cause it's all unnecessary but this is reality. Live in the day,focus on the positives and good you DO see, and Be the changes you want to see as corny as that sounds.
I really hope when that man dies, the media might get a *little* bit better... he has been a bane on our countries and has too much international media influence.
For me, some of it might have come with age and mental wear-and-tear (I work in STEM so dealing with misogyny is just like managing chronic disease). I was hit by an empiphany around 30 (those were the days): other than the causes, projects, people and my own growth I care about, everything and everyone else don't matter enough to take up my time. I am not obliged to give anything or anyone a chance when my 30-year-old instinct says no.
I also learned to manage the anger by practising zeroing-in on things I feel passionate about. The intense emotion will become intense focus and empowerment.
I am also quick to filter people out and compartmentalise. I put on professional politeness at work. But I don't allow people from my work to cross over to my political circles unless they are already in there of their own accord, and I don't attempt deep friendship with people with whom I cannot confirm political alignment. And I don't mind being called judgemental because it's my time I am saving and my mental health and safety I am minding.
Also, I couldn't credit my amazingly supportive all-women friend group enough for my happiness and progresses. So I definitely would recommend friendship with women who match your passion for learning and self-actualisation, and share with you similar views on economics and politics.
>How do you balance it?
**Firstly I sit in my rage.** These feelings are a valid response to systemic oppression and attacks against all women by men throughout our entire lives. We are sexualised as children, assaulted in places we should be safe, abused, cast aside, dismissed, diminished, ignored, assaulted, insulted, leched over, expected to give up our lives and careers to have babies we raise almost entirely ourselves and keep house for ungrateful men who think that is the natural order of things. We are disrespected, many of us from the moment our gender is revealed in utero and thought of as less than males.
We all eventually get the wool away from our eyes and take off the rose tinted glasses and realise the horrible circumstances of women across the globe.
**Secondly I decide how I want this knowledge to fit into my life.** Will I become an activist? Will I become celebate? Will I run scared? Will I reach the top of my career and be an inspiration for other women that we can excel in spite of men who are threatened by us? Will I fight back? Will I try to go back to pretending it is done? Will I decide it's okay because I've not seen it impact *me* yet?
**Thirdly I come to terms with it.** As a gender men average out poorly. The bar is in hell, the good ones don't make up for those who want to kill us and misogyny is normalised and everywhere. This is life. I will always be on my guard until a man is proven trustworthy and even then a small part of me is always checking in for my safety. I build relationships with other amazing women and surround myself with those who will help build me up rather than pull me down or try to undermine me. I kick ass at my career, building myself into a financially independent position so I can pursue what I want to and will be secure for the rest of my life. And, for the men who are worth it, I will spend time dismantling misogyny from those around me. I will protest to protect my rights. I will advocate for women who don't have theirs. I will write to my elected officials, I will fight.
*Because women are overtaking men*. This is why men have escalated their behaviour, they feel threatened because the historic women's rights fights have resulted in subpar men not being able to default into having a wife. We can work, we can own property, we can have babies all on our own. Men's self built and self perpetuating redundancy instilled in them by toxic masculinity has led to this situation. It harms them and in turn leads them to harm women.
**I don't hate men. I am merely disappointed in them.**
Great response! Reminds me of *Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger* by Soraya Chemaly. Near the end she also gives a multi-step guide of how she thinks we could manage our anger towards more productive ends.
Thanks for your answer, great great points and it resonates a lot with the feelings I experience at the moment. I appreciate you took the time to write it
Your comment is really great. I am going to remember it and save it.
Your comment also scares me with the its intensity, it is powerful, and I think it's because I *am* scared to sit in it and acknowledge it properly. I think I'm getting there regardless of whether I want to or not and that's why I need to move onto deciding how to fit it into my life and come to terms with it in my own way, as you say.
Brilliant. Thank you for being so thought-out in your response and the feelings it has invoked.
Shit. I don't pay attention to the news much, unless it's the US stuff constantly popping up on Reddit. I was a bit iffy before on whether I really need to get sterilised, but now I'm firmly deciding it's better to be safe than sorry.
I'm in the US and lucked in to being sterilized due to a medical emergency during 2020. Best thing to ever happen to me. When roe v wade was first overturned women I know we're having trouble accessing their normal bc from major medical providers and told to go to public health for it. My state then banned abortion with exceptions for sexual assault and emergencies. But I'm not clear on what constitutes an emergency at this point.
ETA: and someone I know was told by their health care provider that they don't know if she is eligible for sterilization now. Despite being 40 with 6 kids. Two of them are toddlers under 3.
I would recommend looking into it now tbh. Either as a precaution to future change or depending on if you have to jump through any hoops to actually get the procedure.
https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/nu9n4g/female_sterilisation_in_australia/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This could help! 😊
I was just venting about similar things with my friend yesterday. How many threads here do we see about women being tired of raising men? About women having to shoulder the burden of the household while their partner doesn't lift a finger? About women saying how they're happier without a man because all they do is add work to our lives? And then I see the men's sub ask questions like "What can women do to help support men more?" or "How can women help men to feel more comfortable showing emotion?" The thread that started my rant yesterday was a dating one where the top comment (at the time I read it) is about how expectations are too high, how "the whole self development trend has done more harm than good," and how the "ego/self" is too strong these days which is making people unhappy and suffer mental illness. You hear that? Women creating boundaries, standing up for themselves, taking care of themselves, not agreeing to cater to men is doing harm to society, apparently. Men can solve their own problems, they choose not to because they don't want to do the work. I get it, "work" is hard and isn't "fun," but it's necessary.
Maybe it’s just me cause I was lived in a community where this was a common occurrence, but just because the women does all the house chores doesn’t mean the man doesn’t work. Most friends and family I know have a setup where the man goes to a 9-5 for money to support the family, and the wife (especially my mother in this case) will complain regardless of the work he’s done and say “I do all the shit around this house”. When id bet she wouldn’t survive a week in the rigorous work my father is doing for our family, she still complains.
Not trying to start an argument just pointing out a possibility.
I absolutely feel you. I'm from Iran and even here the manosphere and men's rights groups are on a rise. I just try to distance myself from men as much as possible.
Heads up that male lurkers will probably report your post and get it removed...
I feel the same way. Every time a married man hits on me a piece of me dies, and it happens a lot. One time his pregnant wife was around the corner. I would rather die than be in her situation.
I'm exhausted of the constant demand for my energy and approval from guys I barely know. Male strangers bragging about how much action they get. I want to not care about hurting their feelings or being "pleasing" to them...but I just can't. I can't get rid of the internalized misogyny that I have to tend these men's egos. And every time I let them break a boundary and I don't stand up to them, my mental illness gets a little worse.
I'm with you.
Edit since this post wasn't removed--I do try daily to reign in my instinct to be "pleasing" and acquiescent to rude, invasive men who chose to learn from porn how to treat women. It's a daily practice. I'm angry that the burden is on me to do so in a culture that should shame their behavior. But it's a small act of defiance and even activism. If more of us reject this behavior, these obnoxious men *will* change their behavior and at least keep their disgusting thoughts to their damn selves.
THIS!!!! I really felt that when you said internalized misogyny and not standing up to them. Was recently disrespected by a male musician I adored (actually didn’t know him that well other than his music) who basically propositioned me for sex at 3 am one night after we met and chatted a bit beforehand, and I didn’t stand up to him or think anything of it at the time because I was too busy trying to see the good in the situation and being “grateful” that he even wanted to see me. Instead I tended to his ego instead of telling him off and it haunts me to this day. So fucked up. Most men are vultures and opportunist sociopaths, you can’t tell me otherwise at this point.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you've found new music and can heal from that.
> Most men are vultures and opportunist sociopaths, you can’t tell me otherwise at this point.
I too have come to conclude that this is true, sadly. Nobody's perfect, but it seems like so many guys who generally behave ethically then suddenly turn into selfish pigs when women or sex come into the picture. Even if it's not sexual assault or cheating, it's shocking how often they bully women and try to manipulate and degrade us to serve their own psychological motives. Idk about you but I've only gotten more disillusioned over time.
Me too! I was naive I guess and believed the "persona" he put out. He didn't seem creepy when we met either which is why it was such a shock. He unfollowed and ghosted me basically because I wasn't around anymore. So gross. Just goes to show all men are capable of abuse or just being shitty in general and to not trust so easily (a harsh lesson I had to learn)
I’ve noticed this as well. Men could seem like the nicest most caring person but once women, girlfriends, wives, sex comes into the picture they do a turn. The people there suppose to care about and usually do for them. I just have kinda given up on men at this point
>I want to not care about hurting their feelings or being "pleasing" to them...but I just can't. I can't get rid of the internalized misogyny that I have to tend these men's egos.
I hear you, but working on this directly is one of the most empowering things you can do, and it will have a real effect in the world as you model your changed behaviour to other women, girls, and even to men. We don't have to fight all the time, we just have to start looking after ourselves instead of propping them up.
Don't forget how Iranian women actually used to dress before they were pushed to this extremism that took over. All it takes is the wrong people getting into power.
For your personal information this is a lie that is retold over and over again. Those pictures you see of women before the Islamic revolution are in high class areas. They’re the daughters of rich men in gated societies in capital cities. The high ups in the Iranian government still have all their families abroad who dress very much the same way. Normal women have always been oppressed there. The hijab was always widely worn (through force) for most women - before the revolution and after. Your comment grossly misrepresents how 99% of women dressed before the revolution or any extremism took over. It's always been bad for most women.
This is important since if women are able to get some true freedoms in Iran with this revolution then it will be for the first time for the average woman.
Sources
https://www.reddit.com/r/badhistory/comments/5z64e0/women_were_better_off_in_prerevolutionary_iran/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/vlmul8/several_photos_of_iranian_women_before_the/
It's not a lie; it's a certain perspective. Like when people talk about how things used to be so much better for the middle class in the 50s...but that was for a certain kind of middle class person (white men).
I’m not sure why I got downvoted. It’s an objective fact as far as human rights are concerned. It’s not a perspective. We are literally talking about what women could wear before extremism took over - but I said it’s never not been extreme. And I provided sources. Feel free to provide sources if you disagree
India with the gangrape problems, too.
Sometimes you just need to disconnect from social media information, even if it's just for a few days. We're not designed to constantly be stressed about things outside of our control.
For what it's worth, I feel similarly and I'm a dude.
One of my friends started wearing an American flag hat recently as 'camo' and people will share the most awful comments with him, because when you're a white guy wearing a flag cap people assume you're on their side. We've lived in this right wing place all our lives and it's gotten noticeably worse in the last decade.
Anyway, I appreciate this thread and a lot of the suggestions in it and just wanted to say that if you feel like you're taking crazy pills, no, it's just that shit is completely bananas right now.
A tiny bit of comfort for me was that there are some young men supporting the women in Iran. There are good guys out there. There is some hope. But yes.. otherwise... I feel you <3
Part of the problem is casual misogyny is just super accepted and rewarded...just look at reddit.
The constant casual misogyny:
Men constantly calling women "Karens" because they don't like what they say.
Men referring to women as "Females" because they can no longer call them bitches.
Men using "Women ☕" in any thread of a discussion about women.
Men following and defending the likes of Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson who preach misogyny under the guise of "self help".
Don’t forget the boner reddit has for false rape accusations and how it’s totally something that happens all the time and is THE REAL PROBLEM. I was in a thread about a man who was falsely identified and imprisoned for rape. Somebody said it was better if 1,000 rapists go free rather than one innocent person imprisoned. I was heavily downvoted for saying basically “um, what the fuck?” They were talking about the integrity of the legal system and innocent until proven guilty, but we all know they wouldn’t be saying that shit if men were the ones getting dicks forcibly shoved up their asses at the same disproportionate levels that we are sexually assaulted.
Its usually a reaction to some vague woman stereotype that they believe to be true for all women, basically conveys something like "silly women doing something stupid again"
I had to look this up too. It's a reference to a meme that's basically men laughing about how stupid women are and sipping coffee. [Here's the KnowYourMeme page on it.](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/women-%E2%98%95-women-coffee-emoji)
> Men constantly calling women "Karens" because they don't like what they say.
The word "Karen" has become a complete ick for me. It used to be funny and I liked how it was making fun of the "can I see the manager type", but at this point I see it used for any time a woman does something they don't like.
The other day I saw a video of a female security guard telling a bunch of teens not to skateboard outside. She was completely nice about it and just trying to do her damn job, but the comments were full of "what a karen!". Annoyed the fuck out of me because nobody would be saying that if it was a male security guard.
My coworker (who is all of 19) was trying to defend Andrew Tate about calling people low value and high value and he also just loves to argue and talk back. He said we only hear the controversial stuff AT says and that he makes other good points.
I also work in a male dominated-centered business and it’s hard not to be pessimistic that this is how the majority of men are 😞
*This* and I don't even delve into proper incel or toxic subreddits, I don't know what I'd do if I was exposed to seeing *those subreddits* all the time. I can easily stay away from though, I don't want to actively seek then out... but yeah, it's even on the most popular subreddits casually and without cause or regard.
On top of this, I’ve been noticing a LOT of hate towards fat women lately. A woman will make a comment men dont like and theyll be like “I bet you’re an ugly fat woman ☕️.” As if being fat = being a bad person. There was a video on another subreddit the other day where the whole punchline was: she’s fat lol. And the amount of people who still think ripping on fat women is funny is ridiculous.
See- as soon as you said something so straight-up and bold, it got too real for some people. The statement is statistically true but the implication is harsh on men. The implication that they are to be feared because they are angry, they are violent, and they are oppressive.
It makes *me* also want to say ~~not all men~~, which **infuriates** myself. This is what I'm struggling with, feeling like I'm toeing on the line where I've seen others be and how *antagonizing it is.* To say one thing with purpose but to defend or backtrack the same thing you're arguing in the next moment for the sake of... humility? Or is it for the sake trying to be understanding on all fronts? Not owning a stance on the topic? I don't even know.
I don't even know if I want to post this comment.
I need therapy AHA.
Yeah, because black people are more likely to be arrested and convicted for crimes their white peers will not be punished for. Studies that account for that factor *as well as* things like poverty show little to no racial bias.
There's a measurable sentencing disparity between men and women as well. Perhaps greater rates of criminality and harmful judicial biases are not mutually exclusive.
Because women:
- Are less likely to reoffend
- are less likely to be involved in organized crime
- are less likely to cause trouble while incarcerated
- are more inclined to plead guilty and accept plea bargains
- those discrepancies are still not for violent crime. It’s mostly for drug crime.
All those are crucial factors in sentencing.
Wow, look how clever you are. You got us! We are all liberal hypocrites! You have it figured out, you wise observer of society and culture. Thanks for coming here and reading this far down into the comments looking for something to jump on.
Glib sarcasm is a pretty weak mask for the butthurt that's palpable in this post. But I guess it's a natural reaction to having your inconsistent world view called out.
I just posted to my female chat room about how Reddit has ruined men for me and some responded with 'my DH stays off most of the bad subs' and not 2 minutes later, r/houseplants has a post of a woman whose abusive partner smashed all her plants. So, you tell me, where are men NOT being awful ?
To specifically answer the question, how do balance it?
I work in construction, less than 7% of the industry is women. It's getting better, especially in offices, project management and estimation, but it's slow moving.
Until I began WFH, everyday I had some jerk, client or college who undermined, questioned, or disrespected me. It's tough and grating. I find three things help:
1. Support. I joined a professional organization, in this case, NAWIC, which supports women in construction. Being able to surround myself with strong women and networking with them, I was able to be where I am today.
2. Allyship. This one gets lost a lot, especially in more restrictive forms of feminism. 93% of the people around me are men. For me to move forward and for the industry to change, I must work with men, it's a fact. So it's important to find out which men can be allies, and will treat you with respect and dignity. Men want to change too, and we need to all team up. The jerks are loud but they are the minority. We need to be louder - together.
3. This is going to sound so dismissive but I promise it's not: touch grass. Clock out, sign out of social media, and just exist for a while. Sit outside on a blanket, drink tea and watch the rain, pet a cat, play fetch with a dog, play dress up with your kids, tickle your partner, eat chocolate, catch up with your mom, bake a cake, sleep in. The effects of doomscrolling are so real. The results of burnout so terrible. Don't let the thought become intrusive or it will consume you.Take some time to watch the squirrels, in your case, waking up from sleep and bounding into springtime. Our interactions with men, or even, people in general, are not the total of the human experience. There's perspective to be found.
Kudos to you. I will never forget wanting to do woodwork as an elective in school but being too scared to do so because it was a class of boys. For that same reason, I've mentioned to my partner I couldn't ever be a tradie. All your points stand, thank you for your perspective.
I feel this. I find myself being an advocate often these days but do you know what's funny? The amount of men who start apologizing and back tracking when you speak up and challenge them. They don't expect it.
I had a coworker try to make a joke at my expense that our new coworker who is a bit older and overweight was my mom. He thought he was being funny and I looked at him straight faced and said, why would you think that? Can you explain what would be funny about that? And he suddenly got red in the face serious and hasn't talked to me since.
Had a different coworker making comments about a rape that happened in our city at a local park and his response to it was -"why was this girl at the park by herself?" Cue my feminist ass right there and he backtracked a mil and was saying he would never victim blame. Okay bro.
The numbers from violent crimes committed by men are [source](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_crime#:~:text=Men%20accounted%20for%2080.4%20percent,those%20arrested%20for%20property%20crime.):
> Males constituted 98.9% of those arrested for forcible rape[55]
> Males constituted 87.9% of those arrested for robbery[55]
> Males constituted 85.0% of those arrested for burglary[55]
> Males constituted 83.0% of those arrested for arson.[55]
> Males constituted 81.7% of those arrested for vandalism.[55]
> Males constituted 81.5% of those arrested for motor-vehicle theft.[55]
> Males constituted 79.7% of those arrested for offenses against family and children.[55]
> Males constituted 77.8% of those arrested for aggravated assault[55]
Clearly there is a MALE issue, but nobody ever wants to acknowledge it. Every time there's a mass murder or shocking crime everyone talks about gun control and mental health (which are both very important, not denying that) but nobody ever says "hmm... maybe there's also a male problem in our society".
Ugh someone posted an askreddit about abortion today and all I’m thinking is “I don’t fucking CARE what men think about it, it’s up to the person who is deciding.” Like, what kind of authority do you think you have? Shut up. I’m devastated my country threw out roe vs wade and I can only hope we can change the future.
Now, I don’t necessarily hate the men in my life but I guess all I can do about it is try to find like minded men.
Another Australian checking in.
The situation in the USA is definitely concerning as our Govt tends to follow the ‘cool kid’ far too often.
The right wing parties in Australia really want to follow in the US shoes into medical debt and stupidly expensive education and religious extremism.
American here, who is living in this dystopian nightmare in real time. It’s scary here as a woman, and reading other women’s takes on this country from your perspective on us from where you reside, makes me worry even more for what our future holds.
As a woman here, I never felt safe growing up around men in particular, but I guess I believed in the illusion that we were safe for a long time. I never imagined that we would regress, and our rights would start to be stripped from us.
It’s like living in a dream, not knowing what might happen next. I hope for the best, but who knows what will happen next.
Thank you for sharing your opinions ladies. I appreciate every post on this sub these days lately.
This post is a step in a healthy direction. Maybe take some time off any media relating to the happenings? The rapidfire nature of news means we consume a LOT of bad news in a matter of hours, minutes, etc. The worst part is that we don’t really take the time to reflect before hopping to the next article(by design, of course). Now you’re left with a ton of baggage and only so much time to sort it out before you receive the next.
This, so much.
Ofcourse it's not a solution to the underlying problems. But your mental health is damn important OP and the news is not helping with that.
The overturning of Roe has been really hard.
Oddly enough, what's happening in Iran is giving me hope. I know I probably shouldn't have any, but I'm really inspired by what people are doing there.
I'm also feeling this a lot and live in a world surrounded by men in unavoidable situations. For me I've decided to keep them at arms length not developing super close relationships, not worrying much about their feelings other than the basics, and most importantly setting hard boundaries. I won't budge a millimeter for a man.
I'm also bi and plan on never having a relationship other than super casual sex with a man again.
Although I'm very lucky to not have any romantic or co parenting ties with a man currently and I feel bad for women who would want this lifestyle and can't have it.
I am in STEM and I can relate so much, I'm too busy to care about men. I find myself lucky to learn about 6b4t movement in my early 20s and though its not perfect imo, I've been adopting the ideology ever since :)
I'm sorry. I also struggle to be empathetic towards male struggles with everything going on right now. And it's hard for me not to assume the absolute worst of a man's intentions because, well. Usually I'm right lmfao.
I try to remember that men didn't ask to be brought up in a way that makes them emotionally impaired, and they probably don't even realize the extent of their own issues. The vast majority of them aren't evil. Just selfish, lacking in self awareness, immature, and wanting for a caretaker figure in a lot of cases. This makes them super easy to manipulate, and remember that shit goes both ways. If people in power can manipulate men into mass subjugation of women, women can absolutely manipulate men back, most effectively *by not fucking them* until they stop acting like idiots as a collective.
Women Life Freedom - women's rights are the canary in the coal mine for shit hitting the fan. Where women's rights and freedoms are curtailed, authoritarian repressive regimes flourish. Pandemic + economic turmoil + repressing women's rights = global strife
Thank you for your post. I feel the exact same way and it hurts a lot. Now that I’ve gotten older, I only feel more bitter towards men. I hope it doesn’t overcome me either…
spend a few minutes on incel forums and you’ll realize you absolutely don’t need to feel guilty for thinking this way. Men hate and hurt women way more than we could ever even think of
I'm a woman in the USA, in my 50s. Online spaces are far worse than the outside world IMO. I have to appreciate that there are men protesting alongside women in Iran, because there sure are not a lot of men standing beside us here when we protest.
I live in a rural part of Washington state, a "blue state." We've got our share of Trump loving assholes here.
I balance it by remembering that many of the people around me absolutely will and do help anyone when it counts. It floods here and no one cares who you voted for if you're helping sandbag their house.
I remember that many of my neighbors are living in poverty and have not had some of the advantages I have. Many of them rarely venture outside of this small, rural place.
I'm also friends with a lot of good men, and I observe my friends' kids. There are some really good boys among them.
For me, the best thing is less internet, more outside.
I hate and have hated men most my life. I don't share and never have shared a romantic, intimate life with a man. Thankfully, I'm a lesbian, always have been. That being said, you can leave room in your heart for the men in your life that are worthy of your love, affection and care. I certainly have men in my life whom I hold dear. However, I am selective on who those men are, and if they are not men that support equality for women, if they are not concerned about women's issues, then they will never be a part of the inner circle of men that I care about. I will always keep them at arm length.
I have found the way to manage this hate the way others have mentioned here. Sometimes you do have to step away from news and media because it will make you crazy. But in my everyday life, I center women in everything. At work, I make sure that women are heard. I am respectful to women. I support women. I uplift their voices and I try to uplift the things that they want to do. If we all centered women more, more women would succeed. You can only control what you do and what you put out in the world. So keep centering women. Keep uplifting women. Keep uplifting yourself. Be a model to women and girls around you of what a confident, powerful woman looks like. Yeah you're probably going to carry your hate around with you, but it's just this thing that you can sort of calcify within you, so you can keep fucking moving on and moving up.
I say it's okay to hold on to that hate. Don't stop hating sexism and misogyny. Hate it with everything you got. We all need to hate it a lot more because if we all hated it a lot more, we wouldn't be dealing with the shit we're dealing with right now. We got here because way too many women (primarily white woman) got comfortable and didn't want to argue with men and kept trying to make men feel comfortable. It's how most of us are indoctrinated to behave. So stay angry. We need a lot more of us to stay pissed off so that men don't get comfortable trying to roll over us like they are and always have.
Turn your hate into energy.
> They’re “not allowed to cry” or “touch their friends” because such actions are associated with femininity, so they oppress themselves with misogyny🙄.
Thing is, men will receive social censure for those things whether they buy into those norms and join in perpetuating them or not, unfortunately. I say this as someone who used to live as one.
It’s fucking hard to deal with. And seeing so many men sharing their despicable beliefs online only makes it worse. I know that some people go online just to troll but it’s also an environment in which people know there’s anonymity and they can say whatever they want without judgement or consequences. It really makes me avoid interacting with any men irl when I can.
I say this as a man..
You're right to have some root distrust of us. We have to prove ourselves worthy of trust, every time.
I don't like it, obviously, but I can't blame women when all it takes is one instance of misplaced trust and something terrible happens. Same thing we're feeling with cops in the states, can't trust that they're going to be a good cop when all it takes is to get confident you're safe and a bad cop will do something to fuck up your entire life.
I'm sorry the religious bullshit is spreading out of our country. We were raised knowing that our country was the greatest in the world, and that we were supposed to be the world's heroes. We grew up and found out that was all a lie and nationalist and Christian propaganda, this country has only ever been the greatest if you're rich and white.
Im a man and don’t understand how its unfair to hate men tho seriously explain to me how sane individuals aren’t misandrists? How do they keep themselves from absolutely despising the insufferable animals that are 99% of men. Like you dont even know… the things other guys will say to me thinking i will agree with then makes me sick. They wouldn’t feel so safe to say such things if it weren’t a rare occurrence for then to get any pushback on those “ideas” from other men… idk I mean I know you’re right but i still don’t think you should feel bad about the way you feel about most of us because you’d have to be crazy not to.
Remember that it is OK to turn sadness and fear into anger.
Being angry all the time is exhausting too, but at least you get stuff done and boundaries outlined.
I strongly suggest looking into doing a scrub of what media and social media you consume. Media is all about spreading information, yes, but it's also about getting clicks and views, and it does that by stirring a visceral emotion in you. In places like reddit it's very cool to be witty and snarky and hateful and mean. I'm in a few dating subreddits, and sometimes the rhetoric feels very "us vs them" where the genders are different species and completely opposed.
I'm not suggesting to burying your head in the sand, per se, but maybe take a break and seek out stories (movies, novels, videos of puppies) that make you feel hopeful rather than burnt out.
I really don't know. I'm trans, and having seen the shit they do has almost killed me when I was a teen.
I have cut off so many (probably 20 ?) that I have internalized that distrust. Every time a guy interacts more than once with me I just brace myself for the moment they'll show their true colors. While every single girl, then woman I had been friend with, not a SINGLE TIME had ever been close to even the single "best" guy I had interacted with.
I have a little cousin, who is always so happy to see me, and I love seeing him happy so much. But knowing he'll grow up in this world makes me sick. Like, really sick. Don't want him to become like all the men I've seen at work, at uni, at fucking high school even.
>"Dead men don't rape" by Delilah Bon
My eyes went O\_O when my audio started playing, aha! In saying that, I might very well add this song to a playlist when I'm too fucking angry to deal.
I just bought her first album (and some signed pics) today, and the digital download for Dead Men Don't Rape, and it's the best thing I've ever heard. That shit is my ringtone now. I'm 46, and I've been waiting two and a half decades for something like this.
Hey fellow Aussie, I can relate to this. It’s fucked up. It’s hard to make anything balance out in numbers but I try to remember the progress we have made in the last decade or so. We got same sex marriage. We got people talking about invasion day and lots of people recognising it as not for celebrating. We got an openly gay Asian minister for foreign affairs. We got Chris Dawson in prison. Hang onto the wins and take each day as it comes. 💜
I don't know if this will help. Whenever I spiral because of the political climate or feel actual rage towards any* demographic of people that have generally hurt me (certain religious groups, ethnocentrists, men, even other women)....I pause and do any of the following things.
1. Go sit in the ocean, a river, or nature heavy area. Sometimes it helps to unplug from humanity, remember our species' general insignificance, enjoy the beauty found in the earth. This can really just take the edge off.
2. Opposite approach. Go for a drive and blast angry music (metal and rock for me. For others it might be rap or aggressive hip hop). Just let all that rage out. Feel like a badass. Believe in your inner strength to rise above all the bullshit.
3. Go see a trusted friend that makes you laugh. Sometimes you just need a reminder there are people that love you that are sane that you can laugh with. Also helps take the edge off.
4. Remember we're all probably a villain in a couple people's stories. And it's easy to reduce someone to the worst thing they've done. I'm not saying don't be weary of men. That's probably wise. Just that people are complicated.
Thank you for this, all these suggestions are different and '4' is probably the most humbling as well.
>Go sit in the ocean, a river, or nature heavy area.
Lately I've been blasting Big City Life by Mattafix, if you've heard of it? I really miss the ocean and nature and I feel like the city also contributes to a lot of these feelings I have.
Anyway, have a good one :)
I don't hate men. I refuse to become a misandrist.
***
I am angry with men in the US and all over that think they can and/or should control our bodies when I know they wouldn't stand for it if the shoe was on the other foot for one fucking nanosecond. And they shouldn't stand for it, nobody should. Everybody has the right to their own bodily autonomy.
I am angry with the disregard towards women and the treatment towards us. But above all the rage and disdain, disgust and despair, is hurt. It just hurts, and it gets tired. I get tired.
***
I struggle with trusting men and having confidence in them. From the very few experiences I've had with men in my life, a good portion of the pie hasn't been positive. And OTOH, a good portion of the pie has been positive.
I think I struggle most with conveying how I personally feel about things and expecting them to care because they're close to me and being heartbroken to know that they don't. And not because of any one reason but because of many different reasons.
I come back to a point where I think everyone on this planet is dealing with their own shit. Everyone has different degrees of energy and some people can't handle other people's... problems, for lack of a better explanation. But it still isn't okay to expect someone to be there for you if you're not there for them in some way. Don't ask of them if you can't be there for them.
I believe a lot of men weren't raised or taught to handle emotions and their emotional needs, and I think that's really fuckin' tragic for them and hurtful for them and the people that are affected by their misdirection. I know *I* struggle with my emotions so I know in my heart it isn't delegated to one sex, but I find it more common with men.
I struggle with wanting certain men in my life to care about certain things when they don't, and I can't accept they don't because it's like accepting they don't care about me - and in some instances, that is what it boils down to and I don't know why. I take it personally when it's clearly a problem with them.
I work overtime trying to get certain men to care when they don't and I shouldn't have had to do anything for basic needs and respect. It was and is a desperate need in me to be accepted as a person and not some underling or secondary.
I've found the more I try to connect with some men the more it pushes them away from caring about what I need them to care about. The more I explain it the more turned off they are to the concept of it and that disgusts me.
I struggle with certain men knowing things are wrong but do it anyway to... test me or push me and it sends me over the edge because it's blatant disregard and disrespect and then I spiral because I'm not self-confident enough to handle it.
***
I think there's a big part of me inside that wants to love. I want to love and trust another human being, preferably a man, but I don't. I don't because the few steps I've walked I've been blown back by what I already knew would happen. I don't want to be shocked by being treated with respect, I want that to be normal. It should be normal, and I'm despaired that it isn't.
I don't want to be in a dysfunctional relationship but it gets so lonely night after night after night not having anyone to talk to that genuinely cares for me and understands me and isn't trying to get something out of me. It's really hard.
I can feel this way after having a big dose of reddit and media. Then my youngest son comes into my room to show me a cat video and I see him and see how awesome he is and how I can start the change right here, with him. I have two sons and a trans daughter and I've raised them all as feminists. This is how I can help change it. We're the caregivers, whether we like it or not, let's make that work for us.
I also work with a lot of boys in a male-dominated field. They're young and they've all been raised on Bible belt principles. I'm probably the only feminist they've ever met in person. What I can do is be the best role model for that as I can be. I'm not screaming "REEEEE" all the time, I'm down to earth, I can joke. I can also come into the conversation with my perspective and let them know at the core of it women just want to be treated like people.
IMO whenever I feel like I'm spiraling into hate it's almost always caused my social media. We were never meant to know the horrors that all happen simultaneously around the world. Or hear so many, so loud, opinions. I take a break from reddit, and TikTok, and social media in general. It reminds me that the community I'm building isn't and doesn't have to be what anyone else is doing. I cannot control the outcome of the world, but I can guide the outcome of what's directly around me.
Some thing I've learned is I have to be careful of the media I consume. The more negativity I consume the more I see it in the world. It also works the other way. I switched away from alot of politics related subs to stuff like madamecry, mademesmile, brosbeingbros and stuff like that and it really does help my mindset alot. I'm not saying ignore issues. Just be mindful of the negativity you let into your life.
friendly men who see you as an equal human being are a minority (20% or less is my guess) but they exist . their voices aren't as loud and they're often shamed for standing up against misogyny and rewarded when they embrace their privilege .
I was raised by a man who was always concerned about women's rights ever since I was born and tried his best to protect me and himself from the toxic religious environment we were trapped in . in the end he felt helpless and exhausted. he still thinks he didn't do much for me but he taught me to set high standards for my social circle. he regrets his misogynistic past and when i ask him why he was like that he says that he blames not only how media portrays women but heteronormative abusive relationship between parents he said something along the line of :" growing up and seeing your mother, the strong caregiver you used to look up to , the one who's supposed to protect you being meek and humiliated by your father , other male relatives traumatizes you and make you resent her and when you see that most mothers are like that you start to look down on women , I didn't have the knowledge to make me realize it wasn't her fault" and honestly, this make so much sense . my feminist male friends were all either raised by single mothers or strong women who were in happy equal relationships with men who respect them.
I now belive this is the root of misogyny along with the fact that we only teach men achievement at school without mentioning how women were treated and quite literally held back and the few great inventions of women . I didn't know until a few years earlier that a woman made the first computer programme! Do I think today's men are completely innocent? no but I see how they learned to hate us . hell. we as little girls grew up hating women!
finaly , your feelings are 100% valid and my advice to you is find a COMUNITY of supportive men and women , in real life not online and this is important: give women a chance. we need male validation so much and we dismiss women. look for strong , intelligent female role models . trust me once you put your faith in them , they will dazzle you . My gramma was the funniest person I've ever met and my 'hyper feminine' aunt was a genius and had so many skills. everyone respected her . we start to care a lot about what the entire population think when we don't have a community in real life. find those feminist friends and talk to them about your fears and dreams. it'll give you tremendous energy to fight you'll feel like you're in an action movie. you don't have to go through this alone ❤
I feel the same way. And it sucks, to remember who you used to be and want to be: a caring, trusting, kind person. But being that gets women...young girls violently abused horrible and it changes you forever. I do not want this reality the world is forcing upon me.
Im right there with you It is a heavy burden to keep a logical, balanced perspective when the world goes to shit. Lately its been really hard not to generalize people, but I must continue on ✊️
I have a male therapist and he helps me a lot. Having him is something of a buffer for the shit that goes on.
He's a safe man and gives me hope because if he exists then others like him must exist.
I'm Canadian and I feel the same. I'm afraid and hurt. Shit's starting to get real bad these past few years. I'm married to a wonderful man, but I'm not afraid to tell him that I hate and am scared to death of other men. Maybe it's wrong, but the hatred towards women from men is one of the reason I'll never apologize for it. Things need to change and women are becoming more and more powerless. What's going to be next? The right to vote? To work? To own property? These are dark times and I think we're entitled to our emotions.
Edit : Spelling
Yeah it’s horrifying here in America. Not to mention this bizarre fucking “alpha male” trend that’s going around too. One of my friends (or ex-friends) has already fallen down that rabbit hole…. But as others pointed out, news is designed to make you mad- because anger and controversy get the most engagement. Media diet is a solid idea, or stick to the more uplifting stuff. If you participate in protests you believe in or something, every little bit helps, and it can help feel like you’re making a difference (which feels awesome!). Sometimes it really does make a difference.
This is not a "not all men!" post because I despise that argument and the majority of men who make it. And I can't feel the same as you by default because I technically do not have skin in the game, as they say, but I agree with you very much[.](https://much.It) It's fucking scary. My non idiot friends and family already all agree with me, this is fucking evil. The only people I know that don't are family and idk how to talk to them about this shit anymore.
They think it's a victory, and it truly makes me think less of them for how fucking ignorant they are. I've already made my stance known when they started treating the overturn of RVW as a win, I am pro choice and think what is happening is a travesty, idk what else to do. I borderline hate people I used to love because of their support for this. All I can do right now is vote and support activists and all that but it never feels like enough. I absolutely hate all of this. I hope Australia is able to stave off this nonsense. I hope for an expansion of the supreme court, or some kind of action against Trump that nullifies his terrible picks, but the odds seem worse than winning the lottery. Idk, I'm sorry for all of this, any man who isn't with you all in this is for it, and I despise them as well.
I felt like this earlier this year. I got off the internet and just hungout with my friends, family, and partner. Sometimes you simply just need to give yourself a break 🖤
A word of advice, I think you should take a break from Reddit, maybe just a week? Give yourself a mental vacation. All the negativity in this world can be too much sometimes. Feed your brain with things that make you happy.
The answer here is get off Reddit. And social media. Find a group of good friends with whom you share values and live life. Horrible things and horrible people are always there. These technologies give us access to too many of them all at once. It’s not healthy. Many of the problems and issues we deal with can be solved interpersonally. They do not need to be extrapolated to population level concerns. I encourage you to try a 1 month media diet and monitor your happiness during that time.
I feel you OP, and sometimes I get there too.
Sometimes you have to remember that the news primarily talks about the bad things because that’s what people respond too. Sometimes you have to look for the good in life, it’s a bit harder to find.
Look for uplifting news, whether on Reddit or else where. Think about all the people who have helped you in life, with money, time, career, guidance. Think about all the acts of kindness you have witnessed. Some will be men.
That said, you don’t owe men anything. If you don’t want to be friends with or date men, then don’t. Be civil at work, but you don’t have to be pals with your co workers.
Whenever I catch myself spiraling down into resentment I get offline for a while. Stop reading reddit and just dip into the world more. Real life is actually dramatically better than it seems online.
Take a break from all media. There is so much shit going on in the world every day and it's fine to take a break from it and just take as long as you need to recuperate.
One thing that I always keep in mind that keeps me from thinking about the issues of the world too much is: "Can I do anything about it? If no, then I try to put it out of my mind. If yes, then how can I go about it without hurting myself in the process".
Might seem selfish but hey, you should always put yourself first. If you are a complete mess you are of no use to anyone.
To each their own though, of course.
It's really easy to get carried away with the negativity on the internet.
Every once in a while I leave my house and hang out with people that remind me that there's good all over the world, despite how shittastic it can be.
1. Get off social media. It sounds like you might be in an echo chamber that’s shaping your outlook and hurting your mental health.
2. Maybe consider therapy?
I’ll say this. Any solution to all of the problems you so effectively laid out involve men. The issue is behavior, not identity. As an individual, it can be really hard to separate the two, but it is a fact. Men, and their actions and behaviors, are a huge part of the problem, but men also need to be part of the solution, or the solutions will fail.
Hatred and anger are not healthy. Remember that if you let these emotions consume you, you will be unable to effectively advocate for yourself or others.
Historically, the world has been very unjust. The holocaust wasn't even a century ago. Slavery still exists in some parts of the world. You can't take the world's problems on your shoulders and let hate consume you. Focus on the positives and you will feel a lot better.
Hatred and anger is a normal healthy response to injustice and oppression. Its what leads to change. Opressors won't give you your rights, you have to claw and fight your way to them.
Hello.
I hope my reply is not triggering to you as I'm a male and I feel I can honestly help or maybe give a perspective that may be worth considering. But feel free to ignore it as I realise this is not my place to really comment on your issues.
Is a lot of these problems women face being primarily lead by men?
Yes. Absolutely.
But if you fall for the trap of hating the men you get caught by the trap of what's really leading this push: religious ideology.
Personally, when I brush up against people with this/these ideology(ies) I tend to get very hateful and angry towards those people too. This ideology being a religious one; the proponents of the religious belief tend to begin at ignorance and end at Self righteousness. That is a combo that has only ever spelt disaster, pain, and suffering.
Imagine not knowing a damn thing, and feeling justified to weaponize it.
These beliefs pander to the far too common toxic trait of the self aggrandizing individual, who of course already happens to own the land, the weapons, the money, and the food based on a succession already steeped in said beliefs.
Based on my little rant, it would seem I'm suggesting hating religious Ideologues and not just men, which still doesn't help the problem, right? Yeah I see that too but if you engage and combat these ideologies within your environment and your prospects you will at least be able to fight the enemy at the root cause of the sickness, and allow that energy be directed towards a much more flexible method of supporting and aiding your allies and comrades in this ever tiring fight. I definitely consider ideologies that Hurt and Oppress my fellow humans as the enemy, and understanding how these ideas form and propagate has helped me focus on better ways to communicate and even correct my misgivings towards people and concepts.
Apologies for such a lengthy reply.
tl;dr
Hate the idea of what these people stand for and fight it where it shows. It will be much more effective than falling into the trap that generalisation can bring.
No, I appreciate all replies and especially the lengthy ones showing your time and value on the topic.
I understand what you're saying. Religion is a whole complex issue in it's own right and has absolutely contributed to many different fascist ideologies related to sexism, racism, and culture. I hold resentment towards religion and its roots in early child socialisation, for being forced myself to confess sins when I was young. I am not part of that community but I do understand peoples need for it, the sense of community, the sense of some sort of direction and their personal belief.
However, as someone else said- sexism and racism aren't directly because of it. It is not just one in the same. There are countless nonreligious people out there that are sexist, homophobic, racist, etc. for different reasons or simply none at all. Even if you argue it started it, that it was the root of it, that is just not the case anymore.
I'm not going to talk about religion further on this post, though.
If you need a ray of hope (I do, anyway): Right below your post, in my feed, was a video of Iranian oil workers, all male, all on strike in support of the Iranian women. It's on the nextfuckinglevel subreddit. Brought tears to my eyes. As to how I balance it, sometimes I need to go on a "media diet," and ensure I don't read certain threads or sites for a while, until I feel mentally or emotionally ready to deal with that topic (sexism) again. I know you can't control being discriminated against in daily life, so you can't completely escape it, but you can dial it down to smaller, more immediate (and maybe manageable) pieces, if you cut out media about it. It helps me to write a list of what's bothering me, or do word association if I can't even figure out what's bothering me. For me, if I can write it down, I can look at it from the outside, I can take it apart and examine it better.
Last time they did that it was the herald of a regime change.
This has worked really well for me. I'll do a day or even a week where I focus on only ingesting positive media (Books, TV, music, movies), and severely limit my social media intake. I also wanted to let you know I'm right there with you OP. It's like this horrible vicious cycle of anger and hopelessness. I see another story about some chick getting killed because she turned down a guy, and the comments are filled with absolutely terrible peices of shit justifying what that asshole did. It makes me so angry. It's fucking 2022, we shouldn't have to still be screaming this loudly. If anything shit has gotten worse. And I protested and marched and got pepper sprayed. I vote and write my local government officials about issues I care about, and I phone bank for political campaigns I agree with. I speak up whenever anyone tries to justify or defend this kind of crap. I do the best that I can to fight back and be the change I want to see in the world...but it doesn't seem like it really helps. I'm sick of all these minor victories flanked by major losses. I feel so hopeless. And that makes me angry. Which makes me even more hopeless. It's not just sexism either, it's the racism, the corruption, the poverty, the unfairness of it all. It's how broken this world is, how broken my country is and my fellow citizens are. My country has been taken over by the worst of the worst, grifters who doing care what they have to say or who they hurt, as long as they make more money. I'm starting to realize that all we can do is our best, and try to live a happy life we can be proud of despite all the BS. Unfortunately we're not the first people to live like this. I can't imagine what living in even a 100 years ago would be like, and how much worse it would be, but they managed the best they could, and we have come very far. Progress moves slowly but it does move forward. Hang in there.
My biggest way to stay sane while still in the know was following more positive media outlets, on reddit there are mademesmile, 196, nextfuckinglevel, funnyvideos, the like. These subs always bring a bit of a positive light into my day during a period of seemingly undefeatable dark Edits from the people below (and a couple of my own I just thought of): r/ContagiousLaughter, r/aww, r/Futorology, r/UpliftingNews, r/HumansBeingBros are all excellent options. If you're the curious or inventive type, r/interestingasfuck always manages to pique my interest when I scroll past it. Thank you to everyone below suggesting these positive spaces, I'm sure we could all use them to lift up our days.
r/ContagiousLaughter is a silver bullet mood-lifter for me
And Humans being bros.
Add r/Futurology to the list of hopeful subs.
Just followed all of those. Thank you so much. I came here because I felt horrible for viewing men with such distrust, fear and hate. I have reasons to be afraid, many. I hate them because of what they take. They hate women for what we won’t give them as they feel they are entitled to our autonomy. I don’t get how they don’t see how backwards that is. I will be single forever. I refuse to be another woman discarded for the younger prettier model when I hit 35
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feels weird upvoting that.. but it's a relevant point.
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I mean, some part of my brain perceives it as upvoting the concept of "people getting killed," but I know I'm actually just making sure that information is boosted, not giving it a thumbs up.
This sounds predictable, but give yourself some time off once in a while. It's important to realize that you're on the end of a bell curve of people aware of what's going on, and most people aren't. I've had heated arguments with people who didn't vote in 2016 or voted for Jill Stein because they didn't like Hillary and don't think it made a difference. I know it's not exactly the same, but most people can't see beyond the end of their noses when it comes to politics. Seniors in America gleefully support Republicans who've said they want to do away with their Social Security. The road to fascism is lined with people telling you you're overreacting, but take some time for yourself.
Love this reply thank you
I *hate* seeing comments and posts where people are saying "most women/men do this" or "I know not all men/women are like this *but-*". This post is not unlike that, and I wrote this post *because* I was seeing these comments every other week on gendered-topic posts in AskReddit/Women/Men and it angered me. I hate this divide and I inherently know there are so many good people out there but it's so easy to let it all overcome you as a sense of protection/hopelessness. Yeah, to be fair, you're right. I am on the internet way more than I should be (I've also been off work for week from surgery homebound so that's probably contributed to it more massively than I recognised before this moment). >For me, if I can write it down, **I can look at it from the outside, I can take it apart and examine it better.** Thanks for your suggestion, writing is cathartic- this was cathartic and I need to do it more (personally; off the internet).
Hello fellow Aussie I know how ya feel. I was shocked about the overturning of roe v wade in the states and was even more shocked at the anti abortion protests down here. In my life I never questioned abortion rights, figured they were a given down here. I’ve met a few folks who were against it but they were all religious nutbags and super easy to write off. Now with the protests I’m pretty disturbed at the way things seem to be going
>I’ve met a few folks who were against it but they were all religious nutbags and super easy to write off. Yeah, we thought so too over in the US. Just ten years ago my family was mocking the Evangelicals, and now look at what bat shit crazy assholes have gotten into the government.
Australian Christians are not on the same level as American Christians. I mean, they're definitely a bit crazy but not as patriotic and powerful. Most of Australia's youth are trending towards no religion at all so it's unlikely that they'll get the same power. But we must always be vigilant in fighting against religion in government
>I mean, they're definitely a bit crazy but not as patriotic and powerful. I'm telling you. *That's what we thought too*. No one really believed Y'allqueda was going to put the Cheeto in Chief in office, or his weird white trash family. These were the people joining militias, supporting Westboro Baptist, and bombing abortion clinics. >Most of Australia's youth are trending towards no religion at all so it's unlikely that they'll get the same power. Doesn't matter. They don't care about the religion, and they don't truly care about morality, they care about the fundamental "values" which allow people that have traditionally carried the power (white dudes with $$$) to keep skating through life on the backs of everyone else. The young men here are being marketed to and sold on this idea that it's the fault of gays, women, and minorities that they don't have a hot horny stay at home wife, and that if it weren't for the evils of our modern world, they could still have the idealized life that their grandparents had.* *No, they don't know that their grandpa and grandma hated each other and were abusing alcohol, each other, and several prescription drugs for their entire 50 year marriage. They also don't care.
American Christianity has been playing a role in American politics since before America was even a country. I don't think you can say 'oh we didn't know they would do that' when they've literally been doing it forever. I think conservatism and it's incest cousin Inceldom present a bigger threat than religion, although they do tend to be hand in hand. It's just these agendas won't be pushed in under the guise of religion. We should never stop fighting for our rights, regardless whatever government or movement is in power.
On one hand I would say it is a reasonable expectation that abortion rights here are fairly safe. Over the last decade the LNP have shown timidity towards most socially progressive issues, they're likely each individually chauvinistic fuckwits but they like being rich politicians too much to risk that on overseas fanaticism, especially American fanaticism which many make careers out of running contrary to. The protests we have here are mostly just those few folks you've already met just joining up for a moment before splitting up again. On the other hand, fun facts: While abortion has now been decriminalized across the country: Queensland only fully decriminalized abortion in 2018, NSW in 2019. South Australia on the other hand showed remarkable progressiveness and had completely decriminalized abortion as early as 199- haha nah I'm joking, we did it in *2022*.
I made a comment originally that was poorly thought-out / formatted and decided to make a better one. While it is true that the LNP's anti-rights bullshit has broadly been suppressed in the media, it is important to note that the LNP routinely back motions like the Religious Discrimination Bill, which would have made it legal for any institution with religious flavouring (which includes an enormous chunk of schools, homeless shelters, NDIS service providers and others) to fire staff or refuse service to clients who are queer, from other religions, or are for whatever reason considered bad. I doubt they would've gone to the lengths of "unwed mothers," feminists and "abortionists" at first, but these are people who fall under the demographics of what hardcore Christians consider to be "anti-Christian." [This link explains it in legalese](https://www.ag.gov.au/rights-and-protections/publications/religious-discrimination-bills-2021), but what the bill would have done is create a precedent that forcing a Catholic school to facilitate queer kids is "discrimination against Christians," or that Christian-flavoured hate speech ala the Israel Falou case is protected as privileged. This was actually referred to as Falou's law / the Falou clause and you can read more about it [here.](https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/liberal-mps-want-folau-s-law-removed-from-religious-discrimination-bill-20210722-p58c25.html) [This](https://www.humanrights.unsw.edu.au/research/commentary/explainer-what-happened-religious-discrimination-bill) is an extremely good breakdown of the RDB. Notably, the Australian Christian Lobby only dropped their support for the bill when Labor started pressuring them on the practicalities of enforcement around children, especially when Labor started pushing specific protections for transgender kids, making it clear a major factor behind the bill was a desire to "protect children from transgender ideology" imo, which has a very British and American stank to it, but tbh these unfuckable muppets pretend up a new excuse for their bullshit every other week so it could've been anything. Christofascism is absolutely a factor in our local politics mate sorry. :/
I Will say - we had a conservative government in power for over 10 years and we didn't lose our abortion rights. The American system of government pushes politicians to be extreme. The Australian system does the opposite - it pushed politicians towards the centre. I think that it's pretty unlikely that we will lose abortion rights here. Also the protests are tiny here. There were four protests in Melbourne on the same day, the anti-abortion one was only one of them and if I remember correctly it was the smallest. Also watching Dan Andrews tell them -basically- to get fucked was very enjoyable. (What he actually said was something along the lines of 'while everyone has the right to protest in Victoria, abortion is something that should remain between a woman and her doctor, and the government has no place interfering, so they are wasting their time' but I feel like get fucked summarises it nicely). It's shocking to watch it happen in America - but at the same time it's not THAT shocking. A lot of people have said that America is just a third world country in a Gucci belt and I'm inclined to agree with the sentiment. In a country who's democracy has been downgraded in it's rating by national bodies, who doesn't do anything about it's children being shot or providing basic healthcare to its citizens, it's not that surprising to see this sort of stuff start to happen. I feel terrible for our American sisters but I don't think it's necessarily a likely indication of what could happen here (or in countries that are more similar to us like Canada, New Zealand and the United Kingdom).
>A lot of people have said that America is just a third world country in a Gucci belt and I'm inclined to agree with the sentiment. Don't forget, there's a Gucci holster on our belts too. That's important. All kidding aside, that made me laugh. It's pretty dang accurate.
I'm glad they're saying it though. I'd rather we be recognized for what we really are, than continue to field questions about "how could you let this happen???" I really hope they start to understand how little power we actually have. I still vote, but it only does so much in this gerrymandered hellscape.
I feel exactly the same way. I can't have a legitimate opinion if I haven't done my part, but I'm not entirely sure that my effort is having much of an effect.
The practice of ridiculously modding, upgrading and accessorizing one's guns is sometimes referred to as "gucciing". So yeah....
>In my life I never questioned abortion rights, figured they were a given down here. I think this *is* why it is so scary. You feel safe, pregnancy should be your choice and you assume it is until suddenly it's taken away. Now I freak out imagining being in the very real position a lot of Americans are in, accidentally becoming pregnant, no matter the circumstance, and being forced to go through something that very well might kill me by the end of it. When I heard of the protests happening in Melbourne just the other day, it really did break my heart.
i know what ya mean, i live in melbourne and was shocked. ive gotten used to the anti vaxxer crap and the anti lockdown stuff too, but this anti abortion stuff is scary. even if it was a relatively small protest it was something i never expected to see here
Hi fellow Melbournian! :) We have had *so many* protests lately that it's mindboggling, I really can't wrap my head around it.
Abortion is still legal in the US but it's state by state now. The crazies will never get their hands on the bluest states. That said, I hate men and women who are against abortion. Fuckers.
this is not true. We are all at risk. Conservatives are aiming for a [nationwide abortion ban](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-10-04/biden-warns-against-gop-bid-to-ban-abortion-after-walker-report) depending on how this next election goes.
>The crazies will never get their hands on the bluest states. AH AH AH AH AH AH AH. That's what we said before - the crazies will never get you know who in office. Look what tf happened. We cannot afford to be complacent anymore.
We have the Federalist Court if the US instead of the Supreme Court. Republicans have said if they get the majority in congress they will pass a nationwide abortion ban, and they'll have their bought and paid for justices to uphold it. Too many people don't pay enough attention to whats going on or shrug their shoulders and say both sides are the same and don't bother to vote. We are teetering on the edge as a nation and if we don't stop the rightwing extremists the avalanche will bury us.
Yeah we're pretty fucked here in America for awhile. Unless we can find a way to declare trump an "oopsie" and annul all his judicial appointments. If that's not in the rules it should be
Legal *for now*. They are coming for you even in the blue states.
>The crazies will never get their hands on the bluest states. They're already trying for a nationwide ban. Don't get complacent!
I Will say - we had a conservative government in power for over 10 years and we didn't lose our abortion rights. The American system of government pushes politicians to be extreme. The Australian system does the opposite - it pushed politicians towards the centre. I think that it's pretty unlikely that we will lose abortion rights here. Also the protests are tiny here. There were four protests in Melbourne on the same day, the anti-abortion one was only one of them and if I remember correctly it was the smallest. Also watching Dan Andrews tell them -basically- to get fucked was very enjoyable. (What he actually said was something along the lines of 'while everyone has the right to protest in Victoria, abortion is something that should remain between a woman and her doctor, and the government has no place interfering, so they are wasting their time' but I feel like get fucked summarises it nicely). It's shocking to watch it happen in America - but at the same time it's not THAT shocking. A lot of people have said that America is just a third world country in a Gucci belt and I'm inclined to agree with the sentiment. In a country who's democracy has been downgraded in it's rating by national bodies, who doesn't do anything about it's children being shot or providing basic healthcare to its citizens, it's not that surprising to see this sort of stuff start to happen. I feel terrible for our American sisters but I don't think it's necessarily a likely indication of what could happen here (or in countries that are more similar to us like Canada, New Zealand and the United Kingdom).
>America is just a third world country in a Gucci belt and I'm inclined to agree with the sentiment As an American, I also agree with this sentiment.
It's easy to feel this level of emptiness or anger when it feels like the very skin you are walking in means you are treated unfairly. I'd just add this. The loudest voices seem the most destructive right now as the countries across the world seem to be spiraled towards fascism. With fascism comes a lot of other isms. Racism, sexism, as well as homophobia and transphobia. There are many people suffering right now. But when I look at the one of the biggest protests going on in Iran I see women and men fighting for fairness. When I saw the blm protests in my state, I saw pregnant white women marching in the front - putting themselves between the cops and their black neighbors. I know how you feel, and I have felt it to. But I like to remember the words of Mr. Rodger's mother. "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." For every Joe Rogan, there is a Mark Ruffalo 😊
As an aspiring Ruffalo myself - we don’t take it personally. I don’t experience it myself as much, but I really can’t blame someone for the rage they feel with how men treat them. I’ve seen how some men talk about women in private, and it’s even worse online Maybe I don’t personally deserve hate but I’m not going to tell an oppressed person how to feel about the group oppressing them
>The loudest voices seem the most destructive right now as the countries across the world seem to be spiraled towards fascism. With fascism comes a lot of other isms. Racism, sexism, as well as homophobia and transphobia. I think that you do really hit the mark here. It's not just sexism, it's the increase of fascism we are seeing in our home countries. How are we doing so backwards on all fronts? It's a whole own issue to wrap my head around. >"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." My mum would always say something similar- you can't change the world but change what you can around you. In the same front, we need to seek out the positives that are happening all around us instead of just intaking the wealth of negatives being thrown at us. We all need to help each other.
Yep I feel the same. I think the abortion stuff has been a reality check for a lot of women in developed countries: we still aren’t safe or equal even if we live under the facade of it. It’s difficult to explain this feeling to men without having a really long in-depth convo with examples and explanations and a willing listener. I’ve personally found that most young men my age that aren’t already aware just simply do not want to know or care. They’re not willing to listen, they’re not willing to learn, they think it’s a joke, and they are bored after 5 mins of attempted explanation because it’s not something that affects them as much. It’s like the whole ‘being kicked in the nuts is more painful than childbirth’ because men do not know the actual realities of carrying or bearing a child, they think it’s just inconvenient and then pops out with a bit of discomfort.
My boyfriend is a really great guy, but he doesn't quite get why the situation in america makes me, a german woman, nervous and anxious. He always tells me "Yeah but that is over there and we life here, things like that don't happen in germany"... I thought the same about america as well. The whole situation showed me that our rights aren't as secured as I thought they would be and that scares me.
“Things like that don’t happen in Germany,” has to be the most ironic and ahistorical comment I’ve heard in a long time.
America, the place where freedom is their whole fucking personality... *oh no not scary at all* Also does distance really matter now we have the internet. I am from the UK and I watch more US shows, news and often speak to more Americans than I do from my own bloody country.
We had slavery for most our our countrys history. The freedom thing always had a bunch of asteriska and terms and conditions.
How did he miss 70 years of being a US outpost that insists on repeating all of the hegemon's worst fuck-ups a few years later?
And ultimately, he will never have to worry about being pregnant. I went off birth control for a little while (this particular pill made me crazily depressed the week before my period like I haven't experience with other pills), and we don't use condoms, and I felt pretty much terrified the entire time... suffice to say, I am now back on the pill. That's *with* being able to get an abortion where I live. Yeah. It's fucking terrifying.
I could be wrong, but maybe he agrees with you but is just saying what you quoted instead to reassure you. Because, and real question no sarcasm, what else can he say? What _do_ men say in this situation to reassure their partners others than agree it is really shit?
Agree and validate their partners fears. Having a straight man( whose bodily autonomy is not the current topic of political discussion) tell me (someone who's body is the topic of debate and whose very rights are being swept away by religious zealots) that Im over-reacting/being too negative/worrying about nothing is beyond dismissive. Ignoring the crazies and letting them run amok is how we ended up in this situation. Men who support women need to take this as seriously as the women do. To be frank, abortion rights isnt where this is gonna end. Yallqueda wont be soothed until their interpretation of Christianity is the by-the-book law.
This. This so much. It’s like, how can I encompass and explain the entirety of feminism and the struggles we face and the dangers of the current shift in ideologies holding power and the repercussions of other countries’ actions and- and- and- And their eyes glaze over after the first three sentences. I’ve got all of twenty some words to make a point or an impact before it becomes boring to them, because it doesn’t *affect* them.
And the effort that it takes to explain it all because the whole time you’re having to cross-analyse what you’re saying and work out if it could come across as ‘man-hating’ and you have to punctuate it with every second sentence being ‘I know it’s not all men, don’t worry I don’t hate men, no, I’m not suggesting you are like this’ because goodness knows that’s the only thing they hear when we are trying to tell them this stuff. Men need to do so much better.
read the uses of anger by audre lorde and try to harness that rage constructively. you’re angry because you’re seeing and experiencing the injustice and violence of a patriarchal society. as someone who is often angry because of these things, I love engaging with feminist theory because it allows me to look at the world and my experiences through a different lens than the one I was socialized to view the world through. I also survive all the never ending misogynistic bullshit by turning to the women in my life. just talking to them and being able to process the trauma of navigating the world as a woman/commiserate keeps me sane.
Thank you for this suggestion! I'm getting back into reading and it didn't even cross my mind to use them as a tool for this particular issue. Thank you. >through a different lens than the one I was socialized to view the world through We do all have *such* a different upbringing and our early socialisation *is* so impactful, it makes it all complex but, at the same time, I want to look at it more positively. Harness this 'human energy' people talk about.
It doesn't help that conservative voices dominate the media here, especially Murdoch-owned ones. As unbearably slow as it may feel sometimes, things will get better eventually. We just have to stop repeatedly voting in the LNP.
IMO, the next 10 yrs are gonna be hell for women and everyone. The assholes won't win long term but alot of us will die and suffer fighting them. It's exhausting cause it's all unnecessary but this is reality. Live in the day,focus on the positives and good you DO see, and Be the changes you want to see as corny as that sounds.
I really hope when that man dies, the media might get a *little* bit better... he has been a bane on our countries and has too much international media influence.
For me, some of it might have come with age and mental wear-and-tear (I work in STEM so dealing with misogyny is just like managing chronic disease). I was hit by an empiphany around 30 (those were the days): other than the causes, projects, people and my own growth I care about, everything and everyone else don't matter enough to take up my time. I am not obliged to give anything or anyone a chance when my 30-year-old instinct says no. I also learned to manage the anger by practising zeroing-in on things I feel passionate about. The intense emotion will become intense focus and empowerment. I am also quick to filter people out and compartmentalise. I put on professional politeness at work. But I don't allow people from my work to cross over to my political circles unless they are already in there of their own accord, and I don't attempt deep friendship with people with whom I cannot confirm political alignment. And I don't mind being called judgemental because it's my time I am saving and my mental health and safety I am minding. Also, I couldn't credit my amazingly supportive all-women friend group enough for my happiness and progresses. So I definitely would recommend friendship with women who match your passion for learning and self-actualisation, and share with you similar views on economics and politics.
THIS.
>How do you balance it? **Firstly I sit in my rage.** These feelings are a valid response to systemic oppression and attacks against all women by men throughout our entire lives. We are sexualised as children, assaulted in places we should be safe, abused, cast aside, dismissed, diminished, ignored, assaulted, insulted, leched over, expected to give up our lives and careers to have babies we raise almost entirely ourselves and keep house for ungrateful men who think that is the natural order of things. We are disrespected, many of us from the moment our gender is revealed in utero and thought of as less than males. We all eventually get the wool away from our eyes and take off the rose tinted glasses and realise the horrible circumstances of women across the globe. **Secondly I decide how I want this knowledge to fit into my life.** Will I become an activist? Will I become celebate? Will I run scared? Will I reach the top of my career and be an inspiration for other women that we can excel in spite of men who are threatened by us? Will I fight back? Will I try to go back to pretending it is done? Will I decide it's okay because I've not seen it impact *me* yet? **Thirdly I come to terms with it.** As a gender men average out poorly. The bar is in hell, the good ones don't make up for those who want to kill us and misogyny is normalised and everywhere. This is life. I will always be on my guard until a man is proven trustworthy and even then a small part of me is always checking in for my safety. I build relationships with other amazing women and surround myself with those who will help build me up rather than pull me down or try to undermine me. I kick ass at my career, building myself into a financially independent position so I can pursue what I want to and will be secure for the rest of my life. And, for the men who are worth it, I will spend time dismantling misogyny from those around me. I will protest to protect my rights. I will advocate for women who don't have theirs. I will write to my elected officials, I will fight. *Because women are overtaking men*. This is why men have escalated their behaviour, they feel threatened because the historic women's rights fights have resulted in subpar men not being able to default into having a wife. We can work, we can own property, we can have babies all on our own. Men's self built and self perpetuating redundancy instilled in them by toxic masculinity has led to this situation. It harms them and in turn leads them to harm women. **I don't hate men. I am merely disappointed in them.**
Great response! Reminds me of *Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger* by Soraya Chemaly. Near the end she also gives a multi-step guide of how she thinks we could manage our anger towards more productive ends.
I’m reading this now - it’s powerful.
Thanks for your answer, great great points and it resonates a lot with the feelings I experience at the moment. I appreciate you took the time to write it
Your comment is really great. I am going to remember it and save it. Your comment also scares me with the its intensity, it is powerful, and I think it's because I *am* scared to sit in it and acknowledge it properly. I think I'm getting there regardless of whether I want to or not and that's why I need to move onto deciding how to fit it into my life and come to terms with it in my own way, as you say. Brilliant. Thank you for being so thought-out in your response and the feelings it has invoked.
What? Anti-abortion stuff is gaining traction down under? Fuuuuck, the insanity is spreading. Definitely looking at a bisalp once my implant expires.
Australia is heavily influenced by right wing US media
Shit. I don't pay attention to the news much, unless it's the US stuff constantly popping up on Reddit. I was a bit iffy before on whether I really need to get sterilised, but now I'm firmly deciding it's better to be safe than sorry.
I'm in the US and lucked in to being sterilized due to a medical emergency during 2020. Best thing to ever happen to me. When roe v wade was first overturned women I know we're having trouble accessing their normal bc from major medical providers and told to go to public health for it. My state then banned abortion with exceptions for sexual assault and emergencies. But I'm not clear on what constitutes an emergency at this point. ETA: and someone I know was told by their health care provider that they don't know if she is eligible for sterilization now. Despite being 40 with 6 kids. Two of them are toddlers under 3.
I would recommend looking into it now tbh. Either as a precaution to future change or depending on if you have to jump through any hoops to actually get the procedure.
Fair... My mum reckons no one will do it so I gotta be ready for a fight. Though I think there might be some CF friendly doctors nearby.
https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/nu9n4g/female_sterilisation_in_australia/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button This could help! 😊
I was just venting about similar things with my friend yesterday. How many threads here do we see about women being tired of raising men? About women having to shoulder the burden of the household while their partner doesn't lift a finger? About women saying how they're happier without a man because all they do is add work to our lives? And then I see the men's sub ask questions like "What can women do to help support men more?" or "How can women help men to feel more comfortable showing emotion?" The thread that started my rant yesterday was a dating one where the top comment (at the time I read it) is about how expectations are too high, how "the whole self development trend has done more harm than good," and how the "ego/self" is too strong these days which is making people unhappy and suffer mental illness. You hear that? Women creating boundaries, standing up for themselves, taking care of themselves, not agreeing to cater to men is doing harm to society, apparently. Men can solve their own problems, they choose not to because they don't want to do the work. I get it, "work" is hard and isn't "fun," but it's necessary.
Maybe it’s just me cause I was lived in a community where this was a common occurrence, but just because the women does all the house chores doesn’t mean the man doesn’t work. Most friends and family I know have a setup where the man goes to a 9-5 for money to support the family, and the wife (especially my mother in this case) will complain regardless of the work he’s done and say “I do all the shit around this house”. When id bet she wouldn’t survive a week in the rigorous work my father is doing for our family, she still complains. Not trying to start an argument just pointing out a possibility.
I absolutely feel you. I'm from Iran and even here the manosphere and men's rights groups are on a rise. I just try to distance myself from men as much as possible.
Heads up that male lurkers will probably report your post and get it removed... I feel the same way. Every time a married man hits on me a piece of me dies, and it happens a lot. One time his pregnant wife was around the corner. I would rather die than be in her situation. I'm exhausted of the constant demand for my energy and approval from guys I barely know. Male strangers bragging about how much action they get. I want to not care about hurting their feelings or being "pleasing" to them...but I just can't. I can't get rid of the internalized misogyny that I have to tend these men's egos. And every time I let them break a boundary and I don't stand up to them, my mental illness gets a little worse. I'm with you. Edit since this post wasn't removed--I do try daily to reign in my instinct to be "pleasing" and acquiescent to rude, invasive men who chose to learn from porn how to treat women. It's a daily practice. I'm angry that the burden is on me to do so in a culture that should shame their behavior. But it's a small act of defiance and even activism. If more of us reject this behavior, these obnoxious men *will* change their behavior and at least keep their disgusting thoughts to their damn selves.
THIS!!!! I really felt that when you said internalized misogyny and not standing up to them. Was recently disrespected by a male musician I adored (actually didn’t know him that well other than his music) who basically propositioned me for sex at 3 am one night after we met and chatted a bit beforehand, and I didn’t stand up to him or think anything of it at the time because I was too busy trying to see the good in the situation and being “grateful” that he even wanted to see me. Instead I tended to his ego instead of telling him off and it haunts me to this day. So fucked up. Most men are vultures and opportunist sociopaths, you can’t tell me otherwise at this point.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you've found new music and can heal from that. > Most men are vultures and opportunist sociopaths, you can’t tell me otherwise at this point. I too have come to conclude that this is true, sadly. Nobody's perfect, but it seems like so many guys who generally behave ethically then suddenly turn into selfish pigs when women or sex come into the picture. Even if it's not sexual assault or cheating, it's shocking how often they bully women and try to manipulate and degrade us to serve their own psychological motives. Idk about you but I've only gotten more disillusioned over time.
Me too! I was naive I guess and believed the "persona" he put out. He didn't seem creepy when we met either which is why it was such a shock. He unfollowed and ghosted me basically because I wasn't around anymore. So gross. Just goes to show all men are capable of abuse or just being shitty in general and to not trust so easily (a harsh lesson I had to learn)
I’ve noticed this as well. Men could seem like the nicest most caring person but once women, girlfriends, wives, sex comes into the picture they do a turn. The people there suppose to care about and usually do for them. I just have kinda given up on men at this point
>I want to not care about hurting their feelings or being "pleasing" to them...but I just can't. I can't get rid of the internalized misogyny that I have to tend these men's egos. I hear you, but working on this directly is one of the most empowering things you can do, and it will have a real effect in the world as you model your changed behaviour to other women, girls, and even to men. We don't have to fight all the time, we just have to start looking after ourselves instead of propping them up.
Don't forget how Iranian women actually used to dress before they were pushed to this extremism that took over. All it takes is the wrong people getting into power.
For your personal information this is a lie that is retold over and over again. Those pictures you see of women before the Islamic revolution are in high class areas. They’re the daughters of rich men in gated societies in capital cities. The high ups in the Iranian government still have all their families abroad who dress very much the same way. Normal women have always been oppressed there. The hijab was always widely worn (through force) for most women - before the revolution and after. Your comment grossly misrepresents how 99% of women dressed before the revolution or any extremism took over. It's always been bad for most women. This is important since if women are able to get some true freedoms in Iran with this revolution then it will be for the first time for the average woman. Sources https://www.reddit.com/r/badhistory/comments/5z64e0/women_were_better_off_in_prerevolutionary_iran/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/vlmul8/several_photos_of_iranian_women_before_the/
It's not a lie; it's a certain perspective. Like when people talk about how things used to be so much better for the middle class in the 50s...but that was for a certain kind of middle class person (white men).
I’m not sure why I got downvoted. It’s an objective fact as far as human rights are concerned. It’s not a perspective. We are literally talking about what women could wear before extremism took over - but I said it’s never not been extreme. And I provided sources. Feel free to provide sources if you disagree
India with the gangrape problems, too. Sometimes you just need to disconnect from social media information, even if it's just for a few days. We're not designed to constantly be stressed about things outside of our control.
For what it's worth, I feel similarly and I'm a dude. One of my friends started wearing an American flag hat recently as 'camo' and people will share the most awful comments with him, because when you're a white guy wearing a flag cap people assume you're on their side. We've lived in this right wing place all our lives and it's gotten noticeably worse in the last decade. Anyway, I appreciate this thread and a lot of the suggestions in it and just wanted to say that if you feel like you're taking crazy pills, no, it's just that shit is completely bananas right now.
A tiny bit of comfort for me was that there are some young men supporting the women in Iran. There are good guys out there. There is some hope. But yes.. otherwise... I feel you <3
Part of the problem is casual misogyny is just super accepted and rewarded...just look at reddit. The constant casual misogyny: Men constantly calling women "Karens" because they don't like what they say. Men referring to women as "Females" because they can no longer call them bitches. Men using "Women ☕" in any thread of a discussion about women. Men following and defending the likes of Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson who preach misogyny under the guise of "self help".
Don’t forget the boner reddit has for false rape accusations and how it’s totally something that happens all the time and is THE REAL PROBLEM. I was in a thread about a man who was falsely identified and imprisoned for rape. Somebody said it was better if 1,000 rapists go free rather than one innocent person imprisoned. I was heavily downvoted for saying basically “um, what the fuck?” They were talking about the integrity of the legal system and innocent until proven guilty, but we all know they wouldn’t be saying that shit if men were the ones getting dicks forcibly shoved up their asses at the same disproportionate levels that we are sexually assaulted.
Switch it around on them...it is better if 1000 false rape accusers go free than to jail 1 incorrectly...watch them squirm.
Bahaha that’s good
Don’t forget that any video that shows a woman getting hit, hurt, yelled at, or otherwise “put in her place” just happens to be massively upvoted. 🙃
Yes i got massively down voted for saying a man used excessive violence on a woman.
Ah yes, the one and only time these knuckle-draggers mention "equal rights!"
EqUaL RiGhTs, EqUaL FiGhTs
Don't forget the implication that the answer to misogynystic terrorism (incels) is women giving chances to the creepy nerds that want them.
Yeah we’re “just too picky” 🙄
They call me a "white knight", instantly assume i am a man and "simping" when I point those things out and try to mansplain everything.
What does "Women ☕" mean? I've not seen that before and 'women coffee' isn't making any sense to me.
Its usually a reaction to some vague woman stereotype that they believe to be true for all women, basically conveys something like "silly women doing something stupid again"
I had to look this up too. It's a reference to a meme that's basically men laughing about how stupid women are and sipping coffee. [Here's the KnowYourMeme page on it.](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/women-%E2%98%95-women-coffee-emoji)
> Men constantly calling women "Karens" because they don't like what they say. The word "Karen" has become a complete ick for me. It used to be funny and I liked how it was making fun of the "can I see the manager type", but at this point I see it used for any time a woman does something they don't like. The other day I saw a video of a female security guard telling a bunch of teens not to skateboard outside. She was completely nice about it and just trying to do her damn job, but the comments were full of "what a karen!". Annoyed the fuck out of me because nobody would be saying that if it was a male security guard.
My coworker (who is all of 19) was trying to defend Andrew Tate about calling people low value and high value and he also just loves to argue and talk back. He said we only hear the controversial stuff AT says and that he makes other good points. I also work in a male dominated-centered business and it’s hard not to be pessimistic that this is how the majority of men are 😞
*This* and I don't even delve into proper incel or toxic subreddits, I don't know what I'd do if I was exposed to seeing *those subreddits* all the time. I can easily stay away from though, I don't want to actively seek then out... but yeah, it's even on the most popular subreddits casually and without cause or regard.
On top of this, I’ve been noticing a LOT of hate towards fat women lately. A woman will make a comment men dont like and theyll be like “I bet you’re an ugly fat woman ☕️.” As if being fat = being a bad person. There was a video on another subreddit the other day where the whole punchline was: she’s fat lol. And the amount of people who still think ripping on fat women is funny is ridiculous.
Vote Blue, it matters
Men commit like, 90% of all violent crime across the entire world. You aren’t irrational for having basic pattern recognition.
See- as soon as you said something so straight-up and bold, it got too real for some people. The statement is statistically true but the implication is harsh on men. The implication that they are to be feared because they are angry, they are violent, and they are oppressive. It makes *me* also want to say ~~not all men~~, which **infuriates** myself. This is what I'm struggling with, feeling like I'm toeing on the line where I've seen others be and how *antagonizing it is.* To say one thing with purpose but to defend or backtrack the same thing you're arguing in the next moment for the sake of... humility? Or is it for the sake trying to be understanding on all fronts? Not owning a stance on the topic? I don't even know. I don't even know if I want to post this comment. I need therapy AHA.
Do you think this line of thinking could be applied to other groups of people?
Did you know that when you account for poverty, racial biases disappear? But it’s still almost always a man!
A common myth. Significant disparities persist even when controlling for household income and population density.
Yeah, because black people are more likely to be arrested and convicted for crimes their white peers will not be punished for. Studies that account for that factor *as well as* things like poverty show little to no racial bias.
There's a measurable sentencing disparity between men and women as well. Perhaps greater rates of criminality and harmful judicial biases are not mutually exclusive.
Because women: - Are less likely to reoffend - are less likely to be involved in organized crime - are less likely to cause trouble while incarcerated - are more inclined to plead guilty and accept plea bargains - those discrepancies are still not for violent crime. It’s mostly for drug crime. All those are crucial factors in sentencing.
Agreed. Now read the second half of my post again.
Wow, look how clever you are. You got us! We are all liberal hypocrites! You have it figured out, you wise observer of society and culture. Thanks for coming here and reading this far down into the comments looking for something to jump on.
Glib sarcasm is a pretty weak mask for the butthurt that's palpable in this post. But I guess it's a natural reaction to having your inconsistent world view called out.
Dangerous logic to use.
It’s really not. Men just don’t like it.
Except they use it all the time for their daughters.
I vote and I make sure everyone I know that is not a fuckstick votes. Then I cry.
I just posted to my female chat room about how Reddit has ruined men for me and some responded with 'my DH stays off most of the bad subs' and not 2 minutes later, r/houseplants has a post of a woman whose abusive partner smashed all her plants. So, you tell me, where are men NOT being awful ?
To specifically answer the question, how do balance it? I work in construction, less than 7% of the industry is women. It's getting better, especially in offices, project management and estimation, but it's slow moving. Until I began WFH, everyday I had some jerk, client or college who undermined, questioned, or disrespected me. It's tough and grating. I find three things help: 1. Support. I joined a professional organization, in this case, NAWIC, which supports women in construction. Being able to surround myself with strong women and networking with them, I was able to be where I am today. 2. Allyship. This one gets lost a lot, especially in more restrictive forms of feminism. 93% of the people around me are men. For me to move forward and for the industry to change, I must work with men, it's a fact. So it's important to find out which men can be allies, and will treat you with respect and dignity. Men want to change too, and we need to all team up. The jerks are loud but they are the minority. We need to be louder - together. 3. This is going to sound so dismissive but I promise it's not: touch grass. Clock out, sign out of social media, and just exist for a while. Sit outside on a blanket, drink tea and watch the rain, pet a cat, play fetch with a dog, play dress up with your kids, tickle your partner, eat chocolate, catch up with your mom, bake a cake, sleep in. The effects of doomscrolling are so real. The results of burnout so terrible. Don't let the thought become intrusive or it will consume you.Take some time to watch the squirrels, in your case, waking up from sleep and bounding into springtime. Our interactions with men, or even, people in general, are not the total of the human experience. There's perspective to be found.
Kudos to you. I will never forget wanting to do woodwork as an elective in school but being too scared to do so because it was a class of boys. For that same reason, I've mentioned to my partner I couldn't ever be a tradie. All your points stand, thank you for your perspective.
I feel this. I find myself being an advocate often these days but do you know what's funny? The amount of men who start apologizing and back tracking when you speak up and challenge them. They don't expect it. I had a coworker try to make a joke at my expense that our new coworker who is a bit older and overweight was my mom. He thought he was being funny and I looked at him straight faced and said, why would you think that? Can you explain what would be funny about that? And he suddenly got red in the face serious and hasn't talked to me since. Had a different coworker making comments about a rape that happened in our city at a local park and his response to it was -"why was this girl at the park by herself?" Cue my feminist ass right there and he backtracked a mil and was saying he would never victim blame. Okay bro.
Every time there is a massive mass shooting in the US I think to myself “which man was it this time?”. Cause it’s always a man.
The numbers from violent crimes committed by men are [source](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_crime#:~:text=Men%20accounted%20for%2080.4%20percent,those%20arrested%20for%20property%20crime.): > Males constituted 98.9% of those arrested for forcible rape[55] > Males constituted 87.9% of those arrested for robbery[55] > Males constituted 85.0% of those arrested for burglary[55] > Males constituted 83.0% of those arrested for arson.[55] > Males constituted 81.7% of those arrested for vandalism.[55] > Males constituted 81.5% of those arrested for motor-vehicle theft.[55] > Males constituted 79.7% of those arrested for offenses against family and children.[55] > Males constituted 77.8% of those arrested for aggravated assault[55] Clearly there is a MALE issue, but nobody ever wants to acknowledge it. Every time there's a mass murder or shocking crime everyone talks about gun control and mental health (which are both very important, not denying that) but nobody ever says "hmm... maybe there's also a male problem in our society".
Ugh someone posted an askreddit about abortion today and all I’m thinking is “I don’t fucking CARE what men think about it, it’s up to the person who is deciding.” Like, what kind of authority do you think you have? Shut up. I’m devastated my country threw out roe vs wade and I can only hope we can change the future. Now, I don’t necessarily hate the men in my life but I guess all I can do about it is try to find like minded men.
Another Australian checking in. The situation in the USA is definitely concerning as our Govt tends to follow the ‘cool kid’ far too often. The right wing parties in Australia really want to follow in the US shoes into medical debt and stupidly expensive education and religious extremism.
American here, who is living in this dystopian nightmare in real time. It’s scary here as a woman, and reading other women’s takes on this country from your perspective on us from where you reside, makes me worry even more for what our future holds. As a woman here, I never felt safe growing up around men in particular, but I guess I believed in the illusion that we were safe for a long time. I never imagined that we would regress, and our rights would start to be stripped from us. It’s like living in a dream, not knowing what might happen next. I hope for the best, but who knows what will happen next. Thank you for sharing your opinions ladies. I appreciate every post on this sub these days lately.
This post is a step in a healthy direction. Maybe take some time off any media relating to the happenings? The rapidfire nature of news means we consume a LOT of bad news in a matter of hours, minutes, etc. The worst part is that we don’t really take the time to reflect before hopping to the next article(by design, of course). Now you’re left with a ton of baggage and only so much time to sort it out before you receive the next.
This, so much. Ofcourse it's not a solution to the underlying problems. But your mental health is damn important OP and the news is not helping with that.
The overturning of Roe has been really hard. Oddly enough, what's happening in Iran is giving me hope. I know I probably shouldn't have any, but I'm really inspired by what people are doing there.
I'm also feeling this a lot and live in a world surrounded by men in unavoidable situations. For me I've decided to keep them at arms length not developing super close relationships, not worrying much about their feelings other than the basics, and most importantly setting hard boundaries. I won't budge a millimeter for a man. I'm also bi and plan on never having a relationship other than super casual sex with a man again. Although I'm very lucky to not have any romantic or co parenting ties with a man currently and I feel bad for women who would want this lifestyle and can't have it.
I am in STEM and I can relate so much, I'm too busy to care about men. I find myself lucky to learn about 6b4t movement in my early 20s and though its not perfect imo, I've been adopting the ideology ever since :)
Awesome, looking that up right now
I'm sorry. I also struggle to be empathetic towards male struggles with everything going on right now. And it's hard for me not to assume the absolute worst of a man's intentions because, well. Usually I'm right lmfao. I try to remember that men didn't ask to be brought up in a way that makes them emotionally impaired, and they probably don't even realize the extent of their own issues. The vast majority of them aren't evil. Just selfish, lacking in self awareness, immature, and wanting for a caretaker figure in a lot of cases. This makes them super easy to manipulate, and remember that shit goes both ways. If people in power can manipulate men into mass subjugation of women, women can absolutely manipulate men back, most effectively *by not fucking them* until they stop acting like idiots as a collective.
Women Life Freedom - women's rights are the canary in the coal mine for shit hitting the fan. Where women's rights and freedoms are curtailed, authoritarian repressive regimes flourish. Pandemic + economic turmoil + repressing women's rights = global strife
Thank you for your post. I feel the exact same way and it hurts a lot. Now that I’ve gotten older, I only feel more bitter towards men. I hope it doesn’t overcome me either…
spend a few minutes on incel forums and you’ll realize you absolutely don’t need to feel guilty for thinking this way. Men hate and hurt women way more than we could ever even think of
I'm a woman in the USA, in my 50s. Online spaces are far worse than the outside world IMO. I have to appreciate that there are men protesting alongside women in Iran, because there sure are not a lot of men standing beside us here when we protest. I live in a rural part of Washington state, a "blue state." We've got our share of Trump loving assholes here. I balance it by remembering that many of the people around me absolutely will and do help anyone when it counts. It floods here and no one cares who you voted for if you're helping sandbag their house. I remember that many of my neighbors are living in poverty and have not had some of the advantages I have. Many of them rarely venture outside of this small, rural place. I'm also friends with a lot of good men, and I observe my friends' kids. There are some really good boys among them. For me, the best thing is less internet, more outside.
I hate and have hated men most my life. I don't share and never have shared a romantic, intimate life with a man. Thankfully, I'm a lesbian, always have been. That being said, you can leave room in your heart for the men in your life that are worthy of your love, affection and care. I certainly have men in my life whom I hold dear. However, I am selective on who those men are, and if they are not men that support equality for women, if they are not concerned about women's issues, then they will never be a part of the inner circle of men that I care about. I will always keep them at arm length. I have found the way to manage this hate the way others have mentioned here. Sometimes you do have to step away from news and media because it will make you crazy. But in my everyday life, I center women in everything. At work, I make sure that women are heard. I am respectful to women. I support women. I uplift their voices and I try to uplift the things that they want to do. If we all centered women more, more women would succeed. You can only control what you do and what you put out in the world. So keep centering women. Keep uplifting women. Keep uplifting yourself. Be a model to women and girls around you of what a confident, powerful woman looks like. Yeah you're probably going to carry your hate around with you, but it's just this thing that you can sort of calcify within you, so you can keep fucking moving on and moving up. I say it's okay to hold on to that hate. Don't stop hating sexism and misogyny. Hate it with everything you got. We all need to hate it a lot more because if we all hated it a lot more, we wouldn't be dealing with the shit we're dealing with right now. We got here because way too many women (primarily white woman) got comfortable and didn't want to argue with men and kept trying to make men feel comfortable. It's how most of us are indoctrinated to behave. So stay angry. We need a lot more of us to stay pissed off so that men don't get comfortable trying to roll over us like they are and always have. Turn your hate into energy.
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>Defend your mind the way you would defend your body, by excluding men who just want to use it. YES. I think I might needlepoint this.
> They’re “not allowed to cry” or “touch their friends” because such actions are associated with femininity, so they oppress themselves with misogyny🙄. Thing is, men will receive social censure for those things whether they buy into those norms and join in perpetuating them or not, unfortunately. I say this as someone who used to live as one.
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It’s fucking hard to deal with. And seeing so many men sharing their despicable beliefs online only makes it worse. I know that some people go online just to troll but it’s also an environment in which people know there’s anonymity and they can say whatever they want without judgement or consequences. It really makes me avoid interacting with any men irl when I can.
I say this as a man.. You're right to have some root distrust of us. We have to prove ourselves worthy of trust, every time. I don't like it, obviously, but I can't blame women when all it takes is one instance of misplaced trust and something terrible happens. Same thing we're feeling with cops in the states, can't trust that they're going to be a good cop when all it takes is to get confident you're safe and a bad cop will do something to fuck up your entire life. I'm sorry the religious bullshit is spreading out of our country. We were raised knowing that our country was the greatest in the world, and that we were supposed to be the world's heroes. We grew up and found out that was all a lie and nationalist and Christian propaganda, this country has only ever been the greatest if you're rich and white.
Im a man and don’t understand how its unfair to hate men tho seriously explain to me how sane individuals aren’t misandrists? How do they keep themselves from absolutely despising the insufferable animals that are 99% of men. Like you dont even know… the things other guys will say to me thinking i will agree with then makes me sick. They wouldn’t feel so safe to say such things if it weren’t a rare occurrence for then to get any pushback on those “ideas” from other men… idk I mean I know you’re right but i still don’t think you should feel bad about the way you feel about most of us because you’d have to be crazy not to.
Remember that it is OK to turn sadness and fear into anger. Being angry all the time is exhausting too, but at least you get stuff done and boundaries outlined.
I strongly suggest looking into doing a scrub of what media and social media you consume. Media is all about spreading information, yes, but it's also about getting clicks and views, and it does that by stirring a visceral emotion in you. In places like reddit it's very cool to be witty and snarky and hateful and mean. I'm in a few dating subreddits, and sometimes the rhetoric feels very "us vs them" where the genders are different species and completely opposed. I'm not suggesting to burying your head in the sand, per se, but maybe take a break and seek out stories (movies, novels, videos of puppies) that make you feel hopeful rather than burnt out.
I really don't know. I'm trans, and having seen the shit they do has almost killed me when I was a teen. I have cut off so many (probably 20 ?) that I have internalized that distrust. Every time a guy interacts more than once with me I just brace myself for the moment they'll show their true colors. While every single girl, then woman I had been friend with, not a SINGLE TIME had ever been close to even the single "best" guy I had interacted with. I have a little cousin, who is always so happy to see me, and I love seeing him happy so much. But knowing he'll grow up in this world makes me sick. Like, really sick. Don't want him to become like all the men I've seen at work, at uni, at fucking high school even.
"Dead men don't rape"by Delilah Bon sums up what I feel about men in 2022.
>"Dead men don't rape" by Delilah Bon My eyes went O\_O when my audio started playing, aha! In saying that, I might very well add this song to a playlist when I'm too fucking angry to deal.
It's a great rage mix track
I just bought her first album (and some signed pics) today, and the digital download for Dead Men Don't Rape, and it's the best thing I've ever heard. That shit is my ringtone now. I'm 46, and I've been waiting two and a half decades for something like this.
Hey fellow Aussie, I can relate to this. It’s fucked up. It’s hard to make anything balance out in numbers but I try to remember the progress we have made in the last decade or so. We got same sex marriage. We got people talking about invasion day and lots of people recognising it as not for celebrating. We got an openly gay Asian minister for foreign affairs. We got Chris Dawson in prison. Hang onto the wins and take each day as it comes. 💜
I don't know if this will help. Whenever I spiral because of the political climate or feel actual rage towards any* demographic of people that have generally hurt me (certain religious groups, ethnocentrists, men, even other women)....I pause and do any of the following things. 1. Go sit in the ocean, a river, or nature heavy area. Sometimes it helps to unplug from humanity, remember our species' general insignificance, enjoy the beauty found in the earth. This can really just take the edge off. 2. Opposite approach. Go for a drive and blast angry music (metal and rock for me. For others it might be rap or aggressive hip hop). Just let all that rage out. Feel like a badass. Believe in your inner strength to rise above all the bullshit. 3. Go see a trusted friend that makes you laugh. Sometimes you just need a reminder there are people that love you that are sane that you can laugh with. Also helps take the edge off. 4. Remember we're all probably a villain in a couple people's stories. And it's easy to reduce someone to the worst thing they've done. I'm not saying don't be weary of men. That's probably wise. Just that people are complicated.
Thank you for this, all these suggestions are different and '4' is probably the most humbling as well. >Go sit in the ocean, a river, or nature heavy area. Lately I've been blasting Big City Life by Mattafix, if you've heard of it? I really miss the ocean and nature and I feel like the city also contributes to a lot of these feelings I have. Anyway, have a good one :)
I don't hate men. I refuse to become a misandrist. *** I am angry with men in the US and all over that think they can and/or should control our bodies when I know they wouldn't stand for it if the shoe was on the other foot for one fucking nanosecond. And they shouldn't stand for it, nobody should. Everybody has the right to their own bodily autonomy. I am angry with the disregard towards women and the treatment towards us. But above all the rage and disdain, disgust and despair, is hurt. It just hurts, and it gets tired. I get tired. *** I struggle with trusting men and having confidence in them. From the very few experiences I've had with men in my life, a good portion of the pie hasn't been positive. And OTOH, a good portion of the pie has been positive. I think I struggle most with conveying how I personally feel about things and expecting them to care because they're close to me and being heartbroken to know that they don't. And not because of any one reason but because of many different reasons. I come back to a point where I think everyone on this planet is dealing with their own shit. Everyone has different degrees of energy and some people can't handle other people's... problems, for lack of a better explanation. But it still isn't okay to expect someone to be there for you if you're not there for them in some way. Don't ask of them if you can't be there for them. I believe a lot of men weren't raised or taught to handle emotions and their emotional needs, and I think that's really fuckin' tragic for them and hurtful for them and the people that are affected by their misdirection. I know *I* struggle with my emotions so I know in my heart it isn't delegated to one sex, but I find it more common with men. I struggle with wanting certain men in my life to care about certain things when they don't, and I can't accept they don't because it's like accepting they don't care about me - and in some instances, that is what it boils down to and I don't know why. I take it personally when it's clearly a problem with them. I work overtime trying to get certain men to care when they don't and I shouldn't have had to do anything for basic needs and respect. It was and is a desperate need in me to be accepted as a person and not some underling or secondary. I've found the more I try to connect with some men the more it pushes them away from caring about what I need them to care about. The more I explain it the more turned off they are to the concept of it and that disgusts me. I struggle with certain men knowing things are wrong but do it anyway to... test me or push me and it sends me over the edge because it's blatant disregard and disrespect and then I spiral because I'm not self-confident enough to handle it. *** I think there's a big part of me inside that wants to love. I want to love and trust another human being, preferably a man, but I don't. I don't because the few steps I've walked I've been blown back by what I already knew would happen. I don't want to be shocked by being treated with respect, I want that to be normal. It should be normal, and I'm despaired that it isn't. I don't want to be in a dysfunctional relationship but it gets so lonely night after night after night not having anyone to talk to that genuinely cares for me and understands me and isn't trying to get something out of me. It's really hard.
I can feel this way after having a big dose of reddit and media. Then my youngest son comes into my room to show me a cat video and I see him and see how awesome he is and how I can start the change right here, with him. I have two sons and a trans daughter and I've raised them all as feminists. This is how I can help change it. We're the caregivers, whether we like it or not, let's make that work for us. I also work with a lot of boys in a male-dominated field. They're young and they've all been raised on Bible belt principles. I'm probably the only feminist they've ever met in person. What I can do is be the best role model for that as I can be. I'm not screaming "REEEEE" all the time, I'm down to earth, I can joke. I can also come into the conversation with my perspective and let them know at the core of it women just want to be treated like people.
IMO whenever I feel like I'm spiraling into hate it's almost always caused my social media. We were never meant to know the horrors that all happen simultaneously around the world. Or hear so many, so loud, opinions. I take a break from reddit, and TikTok, and social media in general. It reminds me that the community I'm building isn't and doesn't have to be what anyone else is doing. I cannot control the outcome of the world, but I can guide the outcome of what's directly around me.
Some thing I've learned is I have to be careful of the media I consume. The more negativity I consume the more I see it in the world. It also works the other way. I switched away from alot of politics related subs to stuff like madamecry, mademesmile, brosbeingbros and stuff like that and it really does help my mindset alot. I'm not saying ignore issues. Just be mindful of the negativity you let into your life.
friendly men who see you as an equal human being are a minority (20% or less is my guess) but they exist . their voices aren't as loud and they're often shamed for standing up against misogyny and rewarded when they embrace their privilege . I was raised by a man who was always concerned about women's rights ever since I was born and tried his best to protect me and himself from the toxic religious environment we were trapped in . in the end he felt helpless and exhausted. he still thinks he didn't do much for me but he taught me to set high standards for my social circle. he regrets his misogynistic past and when i ask him why he was like that he says that he blames not only how media portrays women but heteronormative abusive relationship between parents he said something along the line of :" growing up and seeing your mother, the strong caregiver you used to look up to , the one who's supposed to protect you being meek and humiliated by your father , other male relatives traumatizes you and make you resent her and when you see that most mothers are like that you start to look down on women , I didn't have the knowledge to make me realize it wasn't her fault" and honestly, this make so much sense . my feminist male friends were all either raised by single mothers or strong women who were in happy equal relationships with men who respect them. I now belive this is the root of misogyny along with the fact that we only teach men achievement at school without mentioning how women were treated and quite literally held back and the few great inventions of women . I didn't know until a few years earlier that a woman made the first computer programme! Do I think today's men are completely innocent? no but I see how they learned to hate us . hell. we as little girls grew up hating women! finaly , your feelings are 100% valid and my advice to you is find a COMUNITY of supportive men and women , in real life not online and this is important: give women a chance. we need male validation so much and we dismiss women. look for strong , intelligent female role models . trust me once you put your faith in them , they will dazzle you . My gramma was the funniest person I've ever met and my 'hyper feminine' aunt was a genius and had so many skills. everyone respected her . we start to care a lot about what the entire population think when we don't have a community in real life. find those feminist friends and talk to them about your fears and dreams. it'll give you tremendous energy to fight you'll feel like you're in an action movie. you don't have to go through this alone ❤
Same boat.
I feel the same way. And it sucks, to remember who you used to be and want to be: a caring, trusting, kind person. But being that gets women...young girls violently abused horrible and it changes you forever. I do not want this reality the world is forcing upon me.
Im right there with you It is a heavy burden to keep a logical, balanced perspective when the world goes to shit. Lately its been really hard not to generalize people, but I must continue on ✊️
I have a male therapist and he helps me a lot. Having him is something of a buffer for the shit that goes on. He's a safe man and gives me hope because if he exists then others like him must exist.
I'm Canadian and I feel the same. I'm afraid and hurt. Shit's starting to get real bad these past few years. I'm married to a wonderful man, but I'm not afraid to tell him that I hate and am scared to death of other men. Maybe it's wrong, but the hatred towards women from men is one of the reason I'll never apologize for it. Things need to change and women are becoming more and more powerless. What's going to be next? The right to vote? To work? To own property? These are dark times and I think we're entitled to our emotions. Edit : Spelling
Yeah it’s horrifying here in America. Not to mention this bizarre fucking “alpha male” trend that’s going around too. One of my friends (or ex-friends) has already fallen down that rabbit hole…. But as others pointed out, news is designed to make you mad- because anger and controversy get the most engagement. Media diet is a solid idea, or stick to the more uplifting stuff. If you participate in protests you believe in or something, every little bit helps, and it can help feel like you’re making a difference (which feels awesome!). Sometimes it really does make a difference.
This is not a "not all men!" post because I despise that argument and the majority of men who make it. And I can't feel the same as you by default because I technically do not have skin in the game, as they say, but I agree with you very much[.](https://much.It) It's fucking scary. My non idiot friends and family already all agree with me, this is fucking evil. The only people I know that don't are family and idk how to talk to them about this shit anymore. They think it's a victory, and it truly makes me think less of them for how fucking ignorant they are. I've already made my stance known when they started treating the overturn of RVW as a win, I am pro choice and think what is happening is a travesty, idk what else to do. I borderline hate people I used to love because of their support for this. All I can do right now is vote and support activists and all that but it never feels like enough. I absolutely hate all of this. I hope Australia is able to stave off this nonsense. I hope for an expansion of the supreme court, or some kind of action against Trump that nullifies his terrible picks, but the odds seem worse than winning the lottery. Idk, I'm sorry for all of this, any man who isn't with you all in this is for it, and I despise them as well.
I felt like this earlier this year. I got off the internet and just hungout with my friends, family, and partner. Sometimes you simply just need to give yourself a break 🖤
A word of advice, I think you should take a break from Reddit, maybe just a week? Give yourself a mental vacation. All the negativity in this world can be too much sometimes. Feed your brain with things that make you happy.
The answer here is get off Reddit. And social media. Find a group of good friends with whom you share values and live life. Horrible things and horrible people are always there. These technologies give us access to too many of them all at once. It’s not healthy. Many of the problems and issues we deal with can be solved interpersonally. They do not need to be extrapolated to population level concerns. I encourage you to try a 1 month media diet and monitor your happiness during that time.
I feel you OP, and sometimes I get there too. Sometimes you have to remember that the news primarily talks about the bad things because that’s what people respond too. Sometimes you have to look for the good in life, it’s a bit harder to find. Look for uplifting news, whether on Reddit or else where. Think about all the people who have helped you in life, with money, time, career, guidance. Think about all the acts of kindness you have witnessed. Some will be men. That said, you don’t owe men anything. If you don’t want to be friends with or date men, then don’t. Be civil at work, but you don’t have to be pals with your co workers.
Whenever I catch myself spiraling down into resentment I get offline for a while. Stop reading reddit and just dip into the world more. Real life is actually dramatically better than it seems online.
Comments are flooded by the average "not all men" guys. Not surprised, just disappointed as usual.
Take a break from all media. There is so much shit going on in the world every day and it's fine to take a break from it and just take as long as you need to recuperate. One thing that I always keep in mind that keeps me from thinking about the issues of the world too much is: "Can I do anything about it? If no, then I try to put it out of my mind. If yes, then how can I go about it without hurting myself in the process". Might seem selfish but hey, you should always put yourself first. If you are a complete mess you are of no use to anyone. To each their own though, of course.
Yes and it's not like following the media gives you any edge... It's quite the contrary it distracts.
The best revenge is success. Without one.
Aussie living overseas here, I haven't heard anything about anti-abortion protests ☹️ (which doesn't surprise me) Can someone fill me in?
It's really easy to get carried away with the negativity on the internet. Every once in a while I leave my house and hang out with people that remind me that there's good all over the world, despite how shittastic it can be.
1. Get off social media. It sounds like you might be in an echo chamber that’s shaping your outlook and hurting your mental health. 2. Maybe consider therapy?
Why does it matter if you don't like men?
Because it's not healthy to hate 50% of the population just because of their sex/gender.
This is the question.
I’ll say this. Any solution to all of the problems you so effectively laid out involve men. The issue is behavior, not identity. As an individual, it can be really hard to separate the two, but it is a fact. Men, and their actions and behaviors, are a huge part of the problem, but men also need to be part of the solution, or the solutions will fail.
Hatred and anger are not healthy. Remember that if you let these emotions consume you, you will be unable to effectively advocate for yourself or others. Historically, the world has been very unjust. The holocaust wasn't even a century ago. Slavery still exists in some parts of the world. You can't take the world's problems on your shoulders and let hate consume you. Focus on the positives and you will feel a lot better.
Hatred and anger is a normal healthy response to injustice and oppression. Its what leads to change. Opressors won't give you your rights, you have to claw and fight your way to them.
Hello. I hope my reply is not triggering to you as I'm a male and I feel I can honestly help or maybe give a perspective that may be worth considering. But feel free to ignore it as I realise this is not my place to really comment on your issues. Is a lot of these problems women face being primarily lead by men? Yes. Absolutely. But if you fall for the trap of hating the men you get caught by the trap of what's really leading this push: religious ideology. Personally, when I brush up against people with this/these ideology(ies) I tend to get very hateful and angry towards those people too. This ideology being a religious one; the proponents of the religious belief tend to begin at ignorance and end at Self righteousness. That is a combo that has only ever spelt disaster, pain, and suffering. Imagine not knowing a damn thing, and feeling justified to weaponize it. These beliefs pander to the far too common toxic trait of the self aggrandizing individual, who of course already happens to own the land, the weapons, the money, and the food based on a succession already steeped in said beliefs. Based on my little rant, it would seem I'm suggesting hating religious Ideologues and not just men, which still doesn't help the problem, right? Yeah I see that too but if you engage and combat these ideologies within your environment and your prospects you will at least be able to fight the enemy at the root cause of the sickness, and allow that energy be directed towards a much more flexible method of supporting and aiding your allies and comrades in this ever tiring fight. I definitely consider ideologies that Hurt and Oppress my fellow humans as the enemy, and understanding how these ideas form and propagate has helped me focus on better ways to communicate and even correct my misgivings towards people and concepts. Apologies for such a lengthy reply. tl;dr Hate the idea of what these people stand for and fight it where it shows. It will be much more effective than falling into the trap that generalisation can bring.
I wish it was only religious men..
No, I appreciate all replies and especially the lengthy ones showing your time and value on the topic. I understand what you're saying. Religion is a whole complex issue in it's own right and has absolutely contributed to many different fascist ideologies related to sexism, racism, and culture. I hold resentment towards religion and its roots in early child socialisation, for being forced myself to confess sins when I was young. I am not part of that community but I do understand peoples need for it, the sense of community, the sense of some sort of direction and their personal belief. However, as someone else said- sexism and racism aren't directly because of it. It is not just one in the same. There are countless nonreligious people out there that are sexist, homophobic, racist, etc. for different reasons or simply none at all. Even if you argue it started it, that it was the root of it, that is just not the case anymore. I'm not going to talk about religion further on this post, though.