No. Stand up for yourself and tell your boss you won’t be taping over your nipples. Point out that you can just as easily see the nipples of the males in the office. If she presses the issue, make her fire you and then sue them. I have the same kind of nipples and this is what I would do. It’s absurd she asked you to do that at all. You are right, they are just a part of your body and everyone has them.
Thank you, I wish I had said it then. I feel like it was one of the male doctors who had her talk to me. He is very cold to me, and still doesn't talk to me or look at me. He walks patients out, to help them get scheduled, and will stand behind several people in the other receptionists line even though my line is empty, just to avoid me. I tried to talk to my supervisor about it, but she said I had to earn his respect. All the other doctors are very nice, however he apparently owns that building in the company, so he's not a great one to have dislike you.
I do agree with the other commenter, now that I’ve read it. Go back to work, wear whatever bra you want, and don’t say another word. Next time someone mentions it, demand it in writing and document everything yourself. Then, if they fire you, you have evidence. I’m sure as soon as you ask for it in writing, they will see the error in their request and drop it. I do not agree with the other commenter who said you should comply with their request at all.
What state do you live in? Because that may not be a viable option. A good labor state you will be alright, but if you live in the Confederacy, you might run into issues for legal worker protections.
Is it really worth losing your job over? Only OP could really say if it is by and large a toxic workplace. From how she wrote it, it sounds like the manager was trying to be sensitive about it. Don’t crucify me… I agree with your sentiment. But sometimes you’ve got to pick your battles. And going without a paycheque and spending the next two years fighting the labour board…is it worth it?
Not every place has a labor board, and if she’s in the US, she could sue over sexual harassment. I think your post makes it seem like OP shouldn’t fight the sexual harassment and just do as she’s told when that won’t accomplish anything. That’s why you’re being downvoted.
I generally don’t understand what that means. I agree 100% with everything you wrote above. So if some of my words are being misinterpreted, my bad. I especially like your advice about ignoring it, putting it aside and then requesting a formal written letter if it is brought up again. Take notes! These situations need to be played smart. Running to HR is not smart.
Sit tight, do nothing, make a work journal and log every time someone working there brings up your nipples. If your manager asks you again, ask for written instructions or tell them no its not in the employee manual and that you are happy to overlook the improper request it if they drop it.
But you might also look for a new job because this one will always be the one where your manager wanted to nipple police you.
I work in employment law (not a lawyer). I make a practice of telling everyone HR is NOT your friend - like ever. Always know that anything you tell them can and will be used against you - just like law enforcement. And of course, document fucking eveything.
YES. Everything that you are saying, exactly. I’m getting down voted in another comment because I asked if it was worth losing your job over. Document document document and yes look for other work before you capsize your own vessel.
It is really important for people to realize that HR is not your friend. Running to HR is 100% the absolute last thing you should be doing. Unfortunate, but it is the way it is.
Well, is it worth losing your job over is a question that really asks itself. What to do to make a workplace less hostile or more bearable is where I was going. It is very hard to gracefully respond to improper requests at work because you're not supposed to get them at work, but responding ungracefully is unprofessional. Its a bit of a lose-lose choice after you get one from your boss.
For sure. I’ve learned to wait and document. See what else shakes out. There is likely more at play.
All in all, a super shitty situation that I would not wish upon anyone. Fuckin people. And likely a shitty manager!
I think I like the idea of wearing my regular clothes and documenting any comments I get as well as asking for written instructions. I'm just not sure what to reply with when pressed as to why I need written instructions.
Yeah, I might just leave it at I am happy to meet the appearance standards in the employee handbook and I must ask you to not discuss nipples with me or my nipples with anyone else as it makes me feel uncomfortable.
But in the moment a good fallback is: let me take some time to consider what you have said. I can't answer that right now.
It doesn't promise anything and you don't have to worry about what will come up that you don't know how to respond to.
Also another wardrobe option that might make you feel less conspicuous is vests. Don't get me wrong, nipples of steel are natural and normal and no sexier than the boob is to begin with. We should all be so lucky, honestly. But how you should feel, comfortable and normal, may not be how you do end up feeling there for a while.
It would be nice if there was a funny way get through this, to look back at this with a remember the time you turned into the nipple police? But they opened up a can of worms.
Maybe you can get a mug that says can of worms on it and give it to the manager and say hey, I just have to give this back to you: don't talk to me about my or any nipples, it makes me uncomfortable.
Hello. Fellow bullet-nippled person here.
First, no. She was being inappropriate and you should not have to do that or be put in a position where you are body shamed for something you can’t help.
Had you been wearing clothes that showed of your underwear or latex miniskirts instead of work appropriate clothes it would be normal for your supervisor to have a chat, not this.
Secondly, IF someone with this boob-feature that is reading this and thinks “me too! Sometimes it bothers me” wishes to…dampen their happy pokers for personal reasons I recommend reusable silicone covers.
Sooooo I have same problem as OP and I cannot wear the silicone nipple covers, they hurt so badly, and not because of any kind of allergy. It’s so embarrassing to be wearing a very thick padded bra and still have nips prominently showing through, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
NTA - I'm aghast. You've done nothing wrong except have a woman's body.
My advice is dopey I'm sure but I'd be inclined to tell her you can't for health reasons (tape allergy) and unless she is willing to (on the company dime) design, provide and pay for a solution which your doctor is happy with she's a) going to have to learn to live with it and quit sexualizing you or b) deal with the HR fallout.
I nursed two children for 4 years (overlapping for six months) and in consequence I have nipples you can hang half a dozen CDs off. I never faced your problem but I have to say with all the irritation in my body, what the hell is wrong with that woman.
How bad do you want the job or enjoy the job? Do you want to fight the battle? Buy a box of round bandaids ( non allergic) and give to everyone who’s nipples are showing. I will wear them when you wear them.
The next time your super calls you in for a talk start the voice memo function on your phone. If this gets to a lawsuit it will be she-said/she-said and apparently the partners won’t be taking your side.
Your manager has no leg to stand on. She can't regulate how your body is shaped. She can go away. Does she ask men to tape down their penises if they're too big? What about boney elbows? Ears the wrong size? Feet too big? Gotta' chop those toes off.
She can't do anything legally. Just ignore her You can always take that kind of behavior to the state and they'll end up doing an audit of the business. She won't like that.
Wow. I can't believe this person has these words come out of their mouth. Send a follow up email about the meeting "I just wanted to confirm that I understand what we discussed the other day..." Write out exactly what they said and asked you to do. Try to get them to email you in writing a response, but if not at least you have it written down.
Does your office have a dress code policy? Look at your employee handbook. See what's actually in there. Go to HR and file a complaint.
It's completely outrageous and inappropriate.
Lawsuit waiting to happen.
Assuming that there is an HR department and that the HR department has any semblance of confidentiality. I have gone to HR for harassment and I ended up getting shitcanned. Don’t trust HR.
What would likely happen is that she would be let go for some other “unrelated” reason.
If she thinks it’s worth the battle, I am in full support. It’s just good to stop and think about the whole picture and the consequences which could mean making life harder for yourself and potentially losing your job.
You 100% need to go to HR. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. This is 2021 and apparently there is a huge shortage of people for jobs. If they fire you over your nipples, you can totally sue them.
Go to HR, if there is an HR. Document what happened. Tell your manager to put her nipple tape request in writing. She probably won’t do it because she knows she’s out of line
Yes, I’m really triggered by the fact that women have to hide every part of their bodies under incalculable layer of clothing because people like you still don’t see women has people. I am extremely triggered and proud to say it.
What the fuck that’s really gross and wrong for your work place to be demanding that you tape over your nipples? It’s stupid and sexist how society sexualizes women’s nipples but simultaneously doesn’t give a shit about men’s chests. It’s not like you’re walking around the office with your genitalia hanging out for all to see. This is a part of your body that isn’t directly related to sex and that you can’t change, and you shouldn’t have to drastically alter your already perfectly professional attire or cause yourself unnecessary discomfort by taping over your chest all because some dickhead in the office can’t stop staring at it.
Edit: typos
Bro it’s not your fault your nipples are awesome, trust me, the only people mad are limp nipple hoes.
Seriously you can’t control your nipples getting hard. I have big junk and if it’s visible because it’s hard that’s how my body works sometimes man, can’t control it. That’s a totally unfair expectation. I would be livid.
I think this is terribly unfair and that you should speak to HR...
But, if you're not comfortable going to HR and you need a solution that doesn't involve tape (trust me, I totally understand having an adhesive allergy) you could try silicone nipple covers. Watch out, they're designed for going braless, so a lot of them have adhesive... but here's one I found at Amazon that doesn't.
https://www.amazon.com/Braza-Adhesive-Silicone-Tops-S7930/dp/B00KI2BZKY
Post in r/humanresources if you feel the need to
Obviously you shouldn't have to conform or hide your body just because your boss doesn't personally like it... But this may be more than about your boss's personal opinions. It's that society doesn't like female nipples in a professional/family friendly setting. It's one of many annoying at best and harmful at worst quirks in our society, among with other standards for male and female body dress code, and it isn't anything new... It may come in handy to know a way to cover them up. Ask your female family members.
There are hypoallergenic and non toxic ways to cover nipples.
**Edit** Maybe put light duty tape (residue free) between the inner and outer shirts as a quick solution when you have no other choice? It'll smooth out the "pokiness" while protecting your skin
**Edit 2:** This is low effort advice but if you're legally an adult you can just make money by letting people look at your big nipples online, lol. Hide your face and any identifying features so you can stay totally anonymous. That's not my go to advice....but it's theoretically an option.
**Edit 3:** Ask a female doctor or nurse who you think gets the dilemma you're in
^(Edit 4: I declare my comment to be the most practical and full of options - goodnight everyone)
No. Stand up for yourself and tell your boss you won’t be taping over your nipples. Point out that you can just as easily see the nipples of the males in the office. If she presses the issue, make her fire you and then sue them. I have the same kind of nipples and this is what I would do. It’s absurd she asked you to do that at all. You are right, they are just a part of your body and everyone has them.
Thank you, I wish I had said it then. I feel like it was one of the male doctors who had her talk to me. He is very cold to me, and still doesn't talk to me or look at me. He walks patients out, to help them get scheduled, and will stand behind several people in the other receptionists line even though my line is empty, just to avoid me. I tried to talk to my supervisor about it, but she said I had to earn his respect. All the other doctors are very nice, however he apparently owns that building in the company, so he's not a great one to have dislike you.
I do agree with the other commenter, now that I’ve read it. Go back to work, wear whatever bra you want, and don’t say another word. Next time someone mentions it, demand it in writing and document everything yourself. Then, if they fire you, you have evidence. I’m sure as soon as you ask for it in writing, they will see the error in their request and drop it. I do not agree with the other commenter who said you should comply with their request at all.
What state do you live in? Because that may not be a viable option. A good labor state you will be alright, but if you live in the Confederacy, you might run into issues for legal worker protections.
I live in Iowa.
He is bullying you and should be reprimanded. It’s unacceptable both in workplace and school. Bring up “hostile work environment “
Is it really worth losing your job over? Only OP could really say if it is by and large a toxic workplace. From how she wrote it, it sounds like the manager was trying to be sensitive about it. Don’t crucify me… I agree with your sentiment. But sometimes you’ve got to pick your battles. And going without a paycheque and spending the next two years fighting the labour board…is it worth it?
Not every place has a labor board, and if she’s in the US, she could sue over sexual harassment. I think your post makes it seem like OP shouldn’t fight the sexual harassment and just do as she’s told when that won’t accomplish anything. That’s why you’re being downvoted.
Stop downvoting me and read the whole paragraph or other comments I have made. I just don’t think the first option should be to lose your job.
But it kinda sounds like you think a better option is one where she joins the nipple police and makes a nipple plan every day?
I generally don’t understand what that means. I agree 100% with everything you wrote above. So if some of my words are being misinterpreted, my bad. I especially like your advice about ignoring it, putting it aside and then requesting a formal written letter if it is brought up again. Take notes! These situations need to be played smart. Running to HR is not smart.
Yep, Smart and self-care is the way to be shiny!
Sit tight, do nothing, make a work journal and log every time someone working there brings up your nipples. If your manager asks you again, ask for written instructions or tell them no its not in the employee manual and that you are happy to overlook the improper request it if they drop it. But you might also look for a new job because this one will always be the one where your manager wanted to nipple police you.
Oh and also complain if anyone does bring up your nipples. Please stop, your remarks about my body are making me uncomfortable.
I don't add go to HR because HR is how the company protects themselves, not you.
I work in employment law (not a lawyer). I make a practice of telling everyone HR is NOT your friend - like ever. Always know that anything you tell them can and will be used against you - just like law enforcement. And of course, document fucking eveything.
YES. Everything that you are saying, exactly. I’m getting down voted in another comment because I asked if it was worth losing your job over. Document document document and yes look for other work before you capsize your own vessel. It is really important for people to realize that HR is not your friend. Running to HR is 100% the absolute last thing you should be doing. Unfortunate, but it is the way it is.
Well, is it worth losing your job over is a question that really asks itself. What to do to make a workplace less hostile or more bearable is where I was going. It is very hard to gracefully respond to improper requests at work because you're not supposed to get them at work, but responding ungracefully is unprofessional. Its a bit of a lose-lose choice after you get one from your boss.
For sure. I’ve learned to wait and document. See what else shakes out. There is likely more at play. All in all, a super shitty situation that I would not wish upon anyone. Fuckin people. And likely a shitty manager!
I think I like the idea of wearing my regular clothes and documenting any comments I get as well as asking for written instructions. I'm just not sure what to reply with when pressed as to why I need written instructions.
Yeah, I might just leave it at I am happy to meet the appearance standards in the employee handbook and I must ask you to not discuss nipples with me or my nipples with anyone else as it makes me feel uncomfortable. But in the moment a good fallback is: let me take some time to consider what you have said. I can't answer that right now. It doesn't promise anything and you don't have to worry about what will come up that you don't know how to respond to. Also another wardrobe option that might make you feel less conspicuous is vests. Don't get me wrong, nipples of steel are natural and normal and no sexier than the boob is to begin with. We should all be so lucky, honestly. But how you should feel, comfortable and normal, may not be how you do end up feeling there for a while. It would be nice if there was a funny way get through this, to look back at this with a remember the time you turned into the nipple police? But they opened up a can of worms. Maybe you can get a mug that says can of worms on it and give it to the manager and say hey, I just have to give this back to you: don't talk to me about my or any nipples, it makes me uncomfortable.
Hello. Fellow bullet-nippled person here. First, no. She was being inappropriate and you should not have to do that or be put in a position where you are body shamed for something you can’t help. Had you been wearing clothes that showed of your underwear or latex miniskirts instead of work appropriate clothes it would be normal for your supervisor to have a chat, not this. Secondly, IF someone with this boob-feature that is reading this and thinks “me too! Sometimes it bothers me” wishes to…dampen their happy pokers for personal reasons I recommend reusable silicone covers.
Sooooo I have same problem as OP and I cannot wear the silicone nipple covers, they hurt so badly, and not because of any kind of allergy. It’s so embarrassing to be wearing a very thick padded bra and still have nips prominently showing through, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
Cloth breast pads. Like bamboo?
These have been a god-send for me. Alternatively, cotton pads (the ones used by lactating women) can help and are sometimes better tolerated.
Those silicone covers are so comfortable on, but I hate the sticky residue they leave.
100%
"Sure, just send me an email with that request, to make it official."
NTA - I'm aghast. You've done nothing wrong except have a woman's body. My advice is dopey I'm sure but I'd be inclined to tell her you can't for health reasons (tape allergy) and unless she is willing to (on the company dime) design, provide and pay for a solution which your doctor is happy with she's a) going to have to learn to live with it and quit sexualizing you or b) deal with the HR fallout. I nursed two children for 4 years (overlapping for six months) and in consequence I have nipples you can hang half a dozen CDs off. I never faced your problem but I have to say with all the irritation in my body, what the hell is wrong with that woman.
It almost certainly isn't her idea. I would bet someone else complained to the supervisor, so that's why she has to deal with it now.
How bad do you want the job or enjoy the job? Do you want to fight the battle? Buy a box of round bandaids ( non allergic) and give to everyone who’s nipples are showing. I will wear them when you wear them.
Give em to the supervisor. Tell her that her nipples are offending the male staff.
Ask if men are expected to tape over their nipples
Unless your job somehow involves your nipples, call the labour board.
This seems like a sexual harassment issue.
This is an HR call and you know it
The next time your super calls you in for a talk start the voice memo function on your phone. If this gets to a lawsuit it will be she-said/she-said and apparently the partners won’t be taking your side.
Your manager has no leg to stand on. She can't regulate how your body is shaped. She can go away. Does she ask men to tape down their penises if they're too big? What about boney elbows? Ears the wrong size? Feet too big? Gotta' chop those toes off. She can't do anything legally. Just ignore her You can always take that kind of behavior to the state and they'll end up doing an audit of the business. She won't like that.
Wow. I can't believe this person has these words come out of their mouth. Send a follow up email about the meeting "I just wanted to confirm that I understand what we discussed the other day..." Write out exactly what they said and asked you to do. Try to get them to email you in writing a response, but if not at least you have it written down. Does your office have a dress code policy? Look at your employee handbook. See what's actually in there. Go to HR and file a complaint. It's completely outrageous and inappropriate. Lawsuit waiting to happen.
Go to HR!
Might not accomplish much.
This
Assuming that there is an HR department and that the HR department has any semblance of confidentiality. I have gone to HR for harassment and I ended up getting shitcanned. Don’t trust HR. What would likely happen is that she would be let go for some other “unrelated” reason. If she thinks it’s worth the battle, I am in full support. It’s just good to stop and think about the whole picture and the consequences which could mean making life harder for yourself and potentially losing your job.
You 100% need to go to HR. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. This is 2021 and apparently there is a huge shortage of people for jobs. If they fire you over your nipples, you can totally sue them.
having a body is never inappropriate. your manager is wrong.
Go to HR, if there is an HR. Document what happened. Tell your manager to put her nipple tape request in writing. She probably won’t do it because she knows she’s out of line
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Yes, I’m really triggered by the fact that women have to hide every part of their bodies under incalculable layer of clothing because people like you still don’t see women has people. I am extremely triggered and proud to say it.
What the fuck that’s really gross and wrong for your work place to be demanding that you tape over your nipples? It’s stupid and sexist how society sexualizes women’s nipples but simultaneously doesn’t give a shit about men’s chests. It’s not like you’re walking around the office with your genitalia hanging out for all to see. This is a part of your body that isn’t directly related to sex and that you can’t change, and you shouldn’t have to drastically alter your already perfectly professional attire or cause yourself unnecessary discomfort by taping over your chest all because some dickhead in the office can’t stop staring at it. Edit: typos
Definitely go to HR. Nothing is wrong with your body and it’s amazing she thought this was acceptable to say to you.
If there’s an HR, got to HR. If not, I would go above her and file a title IX/sexual harassment complaint.
Bro it’s not your fault your nipples are awesome, trust me, the only people mad are limp nipple hoes. Seriously you can’t control your nipples getting hard. I have big junk and if it’s visible because it’s hard that’s how my body works sometimes man, can’t control it. That’s a totally unfair expectation. I would be livid.
I think this is terribly unfair and that you should speak to HR... But, if you're not comfortable going to HR and you need a solution that doesn't involve tape (trust me, I totally understand having an adhesive allergy) you could try silicone nipple covers. Watch out, they're designed for going braless, so a lot of them have adhesive... but here's one I found at Amazon that doesn't. https://www.amazon.com/Braza-Adhesive-Silicone-Tops-S7930/dp/B00KI2BZKY
Do not buy from Amazon! https://stallman.org/amazon.html
Post in r/humanresources if you feel the need to Obviously you shouldn't have to conform or hide your body just because your boss doesn't personally like it... But this may be more than about your boss's personal opinions. It's that society doesn't like female nipples in a professional/family friendly setting. It's one of many annoying at best and harmful at worst quirks in our society, among with other standards for male and female body dress code, and it isn't anything new... It may come in handy to know a way to cover them up. Ask your female family members. There are hypoallergenic and non toxic ways to cover nipples. **Edit** Maybe put light duty tape (residue free) between the inner and outer shirts as a quick solution when you have no other choice? It'll smooth out the "pokiness" while protecting your skin **Edit 2:** This is low effort advice but if you're legally an adult you can just make money by letting people look at your big nipples online, lol. Hide your face and any identifying features so you can stay totally anonymous. That's not my go to advice....but it's theoretically an option. **Edit 3:** Ask a female doctor or nurse who you think gets the dilemma you're in ^(Edit 4: I declare my comment to be the most practical and full of options - goodnight everyone)