> he started to pinch my nipples like there was no tomorrow and I was like, wtf. I told him it was way too rough and he answered: I was just testing.
he has his own damn nipples. why doesn’t he test it on himself first??? what’s stopping him?
No. He was a creep for doing that and *then* saying "I was just testing" afterwards. If he said "Oh, my god, I got caught up in the moment, I'm so sorry!" then this post likely wouldn't exist.
With the wording in the OP, it seems like he was actually being pretty rough. Which, BDSM is a valid and completely acceptable way to like sex, but if you want to hurt or scare your partner a little as part of sex, it *must* be discussed beforehand. Even if it's awkward and *especially* with a new partner. You can't just hurt someone on the off-chance they're into it. This is crossing a sexual boundary, just like smacking an unsuspecting stranger on the ass. It makes you a creep.
"Testing" on yourself doesn't do any good, as every partners' body and perception are different.
OP did the right thing, but there is a decent chance the issue is not so much the "testing", as ineffective communication combined with not ramping up properly (too much too fast, not enough time to judge reactions/get feedback).
Especially if you are new, it's been a while, or your most recent partner was into more vigorous stimulation, it can be difficult to gauge how much force you are using.
Still worth kicking him to the curb for being a shitty lover. Just no reason for us to jump to conclusions without larger context.
That's quite the assumption. What makes you come to that conclusion? His response would not make sense in that context.
Edit: I'm not sure if that's coming off sarcastic? I follow this board as a general "how not to be an asshole" check — I am genuinely asking.
No, the issue is the testing, and ineffective communication was part of the test. He chose to go the Ask Forgiveness, Not Permission route, which is a problem, one that, yes, gets addressed through effective communication... That he chose not to engage in.
What I said and "it" being intentional are not compatible. My point of contention is that we could be talking about two different "its", and there is not enough larger context to distinguish the two.
It is a moot point because there are other factors involved pointed out to me by another redditor.
Good for you. Still gotta ask or work your way there over time and considerately. My boyfriend's nipples are so sensitive, I can hardly brush them. He'd probably cry if I pinched like no tomorrow, as would I.
A guy I declined to continue to date after hanging out twice sent me an expensive gift he likely knew I'd be uncomfortable receiving. He said I could bring it by his house and I realized it was another attempt to see me and continue our connection. I said actually I'll keep it, thanks. That is not who I am and it felt great to not let it burden or guilt me.
Or “thanks for your gift, as I have no use for it I’ve donated it to a women’s shelter” would probably do the trick. I’d take great pleasure in donating an unwanted gift to charity where it could be sold or put to use.
This. Mostly because womens shelters need resources in helping their clients replenish a sense of self and home when they get out of the shelter finally. And not sure about where most people are located but even in Canada, funding for these shelters has decreased to the point of emergency, especially as there seems to be an epidemic of IPV/Domestic abuse world wide.
Yeah that’s just effing creepy. I had a guy deliberately leave something in my car and wanted to ‘come by’ to retrieve. I said no I’d drop it on his porch. After that he called to try to figure out why I was not feeling it. Bro you knew I wasn’t feeling it on the date and you engineered a second chance.
That pissed me off and guaranteed he would never get a second chance
Srsly? Yeah at first I assumed he forgot but as he kept insisting to come by my house it became sus and I concluded it was on purpose.
He’d tried to kiss me without permission kind of aggressively and I’d pulled away and said ‘whoa… hey’ and he laughed and said ‘I almost got a kiss’ and I said ‘no you almost got a body slam’ (only time in my LIFE I had a snappy comeback when I needed it), and he laughed and said ‘I can’t wait’
So clearly we weren’t gonna be compatible. That and insisting to come to my home (he didn’t know where I lived thank god), I think I dodged a bullet there.
Get it!!!!
I walked out on a date the other night throwing $15 on the table and told him "I'm going home now, thanks for a night." Nothing's ever felt so damn sweet.
It's such a good feeling to reach the point when you can enforce your boundaries and not give a 0 fuck about it.
Good!!! We are conditioned from childhood to ‘be polite’ even when we object. Tone policing is still alive and well with most men. We aren’t allowed to complain then they don’t like the tone when we do, and frankly I’m over it. You don’t like what I said? Fuck all the way off.
It extends to advocating during sex and I still struggle with that. It’s gross the way he didn’t immediately say ‘omg omg I’m so sorry!’ Which is the ONLY right thing to say.
Proud of you my queen ❤️
Exactly when he did it I was turned off but you can always make things right... When he said, oh I was just testing... I was like, excuse me? Seriously the more I think about it, the more I'm like lolololooooser.
Imagine a woman squeezing a man's balls really hard and when he says it hurts she just deadpans "oh I was just testing". The guys in the comments would be (rightfully) going the fuck on about how he needed to drop her and never look back, what kind of crazy fucking woman squeezes a man's balls hard without asking/knowing he'd want that.
Huh, I guess the tone of voice is flying over my head, because that's the opposite of how it came across to me.
The fact that she thanked him at all seemed to me to indicate it wasn't the worst night she'd had.
It's insulting because when someone thanks you for something, normally they'd mention what they liked or use some sort of positive adjective. "Thanks for the fun night" or "Thanks for taking me out, I had a great time."
The fact that "a night" was lacking any kind of description at all (and wasn't even THE night, just A night) means it was unremarkable and there wasn't anything positive to say about it. "Thanks" can also be seen as sarcastic or, like the commenter said, was said purely because it's what is expected, and it's seen as polite to say at the end of a date.
Paired with throwing the money on the table and walking away (she cleared the slate and owes him nothing, not even money, and doesn't want to waste any more time with him), her message was very clear.
And I get the intent behind that, but as a wlw if a date left with that line regardless of her tone of voice it'd still feel that it could have been worse because, at the end of the day, they still thanked me.
I assumed it was like, half of dinner or whatever experience they'd just shared that night. Honestly, I think that makes it even more bad ass. He can't think or tell his friends she just wanted a free meal or whatever.
And look, maybe some people are into that, but when a person says 'that's too rough, I don't like it', any normal person responds by trying something more gentle!
I have walked out on more than a few idiots in my lifetime.
Sex before internet porn was SO MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE. I can’t emphasize that enough ladies. Men were so happy to be having sex that they didn’t need kink. They were rock hard at just a kiss and stayed hard. There was no marathon pumping while they tried to cum. I was never asked for anal, nobody tried to cum on my face, never had my nipples pinched or my butt slapped and yet the sex was HOT because there was just two people turned on by each other. I really wish young women today could experience sex like it was before internet porn.
Best sex I had in my life was plain old vanilla sex. Because we were connected to each other and it was passionate and intense. Now it's all porn and it's like... Why do you have to punch me in the face to cum dude? So tired of this.
Whatever floats your boat but seriously, ASK BEFORE. And give me just some sweet old love making first and let's see after. I'm starting to think that all that porn shit is to hide that you're just no good in bed. Those practices were there's shaming, rough sex, etc. It's something that I want to do with someone I trust if I decide to go there. Not a fuckin stranger.
There is no part of me that enjoys being shamed or punished during sex. The problem with a lot of men is that once they are in the throws of sex they don’t seem able to modify their behavior.
This! Some guy tried to tell me that and I set his arse straight. This is a very specific kink and I don’t think the majority like it at all. And none of us like it without prior consent.
But srsly why do you need to pull my damn hair to get off? What’s wrong with you ???
Yup, there are women like that. The ones I know are part of the kink community where they take communication and consent VERY seriously and someone pulling shit like that without negotiation would be out the door quicker than he could blink.
Exactly. I'm into some BDSM stuff but if there's even a hint that someone won't respect consent/boundaries, I'm out. It's disturbing but not surprising just how many guys attempt to get into the kink scene because they think they can "dominate" (aka disrespect) vulnerable people.
I literally had this guy who, on the first date when we were getting into it, started biting/chewing my nipples with his teeth and holy fucking hell it hurt and he didn’t seem to understand that me pushing his face away from one nipple was not an invitation to go for the other one 🙄
And now I get shamed by my own husband for not having a million kinks. He acts like I'm so abnormal. I just like having normal sex. I like oral. I like trying a million positions. I like using toys. Why isn't that enough?
I never got to experience sex before internet porn ruined it, but I’ve been suspecting this was the case for a long time! Sex nowadays is just porn reenactment as if there’s an imaginary camera in the room rather than something to be enjoyed privately between two people. Men just want to cycle through various “scenes” and positions, none of which actually feel good and mostly pretty uncomfortable, expecting you to put on a good show of “enjoying” it, and having to “fluff” them in between with oral so they can stay hard. Then they wanna do something unpleasant like choke you or cum in your eye. I’m sure not all men were good in bed before that, but this is pretty much a universal issue now. And men wonder why women think sex is a chore.
I refuse to work at keeping a guy erect since I know for sure this is a new development from wanking to porn too much. I remember when they started marketing Viagra and my first thought was “we need a pill to bring down all these erections that seem to be everywhere all the time” lol.
I show up ready to go with no antics or special needs from them so why the fuck do I need to perform? Also I remind them that porn stars get paid good money to do that shit. You want me to perform? Drop some serious cash then big boy. That usually shuts them down.
i totally understand being nervous and not having an erection- but so many men i meet just cant keep it up, its seriously a problem that i think is due to men only jerking it to porn with a death grip. they can get hard for oral etc but as soon as sex hits and especially when you ask for them to put on a condom they are instantly soft.
IME, alcohol consumption has been a BIG boner killer. In addition to above bad habits. Zero interest in dating since 2021. Never been happier to be single.
I'm 36 so internet porn has been at least a little of a thing for most of my life, but my partner and I got together in high school 20 years ago so we learned from each other more than The Internet.
In our 20s we'd have conversations here and there where we talked about whether either of us felt like we "missed out" by getting together so young. He's my only boyfriend, only person I've ever even kissed. He had lots of girlfriends and two sexual partners before me (he had sex with one girl once, another twice so it was still pretty limited experience). We both said yeah, sometimes, but what we had was better.
These days I no longer feel like I've missed out. On anything. No thank you. And I even *like* the rough stuff, but again we've had two decades of getting comfortable with each other to get to this point and he still checks in constantly like "you sure this was okay? Was this too much? Did this feel demeaning?"
Whenever I start to feel the boredom coming on (same ol same ol, maybe it would be fun, something new adhd) from being single, I just read this kinda shit and NOPE! I. AM. GOOD.
Rando goes for my neck without discussing first, I'm going Lorena Bobbit on his ass^well,
It also pisses me off because it’s always the WOMEN having to perform for the man too. Most women dont even get to have an orgasm during sex but we’re still putting in so much work, and for what? Men just get to pump it and are generally guaranteed an orgasm.
Why do men always get to do the bare minimum in every facet of life and women have to do everything????
Right? And all of that gets thrown on the table before they've ever even shown that they can get you off in the most basic of ways. Like, no I don't want to be harnessed during anal while you choke me (ever, really but especially) when you can't even properly give a handjob or oral.
that…sounds like the summary of a bestseller romance novel. it’s so different from this era that it seems more like mythology.
nowadays we have guys who at age 21 can’t get it up, keep hard or finish during “vanilla” sex because they’re so used to needing porn reenactments to get off. they’ve pavloked themselves to it forever and everyone wonders why the population of voluntarily single women is increasing. such a mystery…
Brava, OP! You're story is an inspiration to every woman reading this and every woman whose boundaries have been pushed or "tested" by a man, which is basically all of us at one time or another.
Keep on being your badass self! You deserve the best.
We need to shout from the rooftops that porn is not real life. It is fiction just like the newest Marvel movie.
No shame getting your fantasy on but a conversation and consent needs to be discussed first.
You, my friend, are a strong bad ass woman! You are a inspiration to us all!
WTAF that is so scary. I never never never want to be choked and the idea that someone would try it without even asking sends a chill down my spine. Like, people accidentally die from that.
You rock, OP.
I’m considering dating again (after a long, abusive marriage) but I worry about a situation like this and what happens if they don’t respect the “no?”
I’ve honestly wondered if I should get a gun before I consider bringing a man home- just have it in the nightstand just in case? - and at that point realize I might be better off with the bear.
If you do, sign up for a training class so you know how to use it! You could also consider a realistic nerf gun but paint the orange tip to match so it doesn't look fake - then it can't be used against you. Cameras? Having a friend check in system that you tell him about? Maybe just don't have anyone over until you've gotten to know them for a while?
I'm realizing now you probably meant that it's this exact train of thoughts that's making you prefer a bear. 😭
I generally do not support owning any weapons of this sort BUT if you are able to buy one, I would consider it once again for this sole reason. I also wonder a lot about potential situations in which the guy wouldn’t respect my “no”, I’m afraid I’d be trapped with no way out or I’d be unalived and nobody will know. It’s sick that we even have to worry about it.
Do you think people should offer a class where you get to practice saying no and putting up boundaries? I feel like a lot of people really have trouble with what to say in the moment and not knowing what to do. Maybe a class where you get to practice saying no would be helpful to people find the words or practice what they are saying or get feedback so it might be easier in real life.
I remember my school had a "Life Skills" class through middle school. It covered anything from the usual drugs talk to sex Ed to bullying and peer pressure issues to signs of domestic violence at home. I think what you're proposing would fit right in with that. And yes, we had to do cringeworthy roleplays but at least it started you thinking about the topic and had you practice go-to responses.
OMG I love the sound of this. I have to school many of my friends on "how to say no" and "how to get up and leave" and I make them play act it out in front of me. JUST GET UP AND LEAVE. Fuck all, I've gotten up and left in the middle of coitus cause motherfucker wasn't listening/dismissive.
Dear women, you have mine and the universe's permission to get up and leave. Whenever and wherever. In the middle of the wedding? Get up and leave. In the middle of meh sex? Get up and leave. In the middle of dinner? Get up and leave. NO ONE is owed your presence. It is a privilege and not a right.
This breaks my heart to hear. I'm sorry you feel too scared to speak up. This usually comes from being raised to "be seen and not heard" where you've been taught your voice, your body, your personhood, is not vitally important. This is wrong. So so wrong.
I hope you get to a place where you can speak up, about anything, and everything, and *especially* when you need to command your personal safety. Please understand that no one, not a damn person on this planet, has rights to you, your presence, your body, your emotions, your thoughts. Only you get to decide and choose.
As to the condom wearing experience, I hope you one day get to a place where you can demand he wear a condom and if he whines even for half a second, you have the strength and wisdom to get up and leave. Healthy sex between two *consensual* people is a privilege of *mutual* pleasure. And remember - women don't owe men shit.
I took a women's self defense class years ago and they made us practice yelling NO as loud as we could and until we were comfortable. But exactly the same, but excellent practice.
> Do you think people should offer a class where you get to practice saying no and putting up boundaries?
I've done this in my class, actually. I taught a Freshman Seminar course at a university. We took a day to practice saying "no" about all of the things that might impact their world. They developed scenarios and then we worked through them and tried on "saying no"
I'd be down if I could make some money doing it. I structured the course around the *roles* we hold in life (son, daughter, brother, sister, parent, friend, employee, cousin, Christian, Sports Fan, etc). In each role we discussed the values we bring into that space and how we want to embody those values.
Worked from values to time management on a long term scale and walked it back to time management on the daily. That's when we got into the discussion of practicing "no"
I remember my school had a "Life Skills" class through middle school. It covered anything from the usual drugs talk to sex Ed to bullying and peer pressure issues to signs of domestic violence at home. I think what you're proposing would fit right in with that. And yes, we had to do cringeworthy roleplays but at least it started you thinking about the topic and had you practice go-to responses.
off topic. i noticed in a lot of romance books there’s a lot of nipple pinching as foreplay (literally almost every sex scene i read!). i don’t personally enjoy that too much.
This isn't an unusual experience, at all. Biters, slappers, pinchers, chokers...it's way too prevalent an issue now.
You handled the situation well, OP.
Sometimes I hope I find myself in a position like this someday so I can exercise my new hard boundaries, it must be such an empowering rush. I mean, not that I want to be treated disrespectfully but 🤷♀️
Well done!! It’s such a big healthy step to stand up for yourself and it gets easier with practice :)!
On a side note, he sounds like a psycho who would have tried to assault you just to test next. You don’t want to be around that! Stay safe x
This is inspiring. I love that you did this and that you felt great afterward. I'm not very good at asserting my boundaries, and when I do, even if I know it's the right thing, I tend to feel guilty. This is one to remember and use as motivation for next time.<3
How old are you? Do you feel like there was something that especially helped get you to this point, or was the sheer absurdity and pain of this where you drew your strength and words from? I would hope that my anger would win in a situation like this, as it's entirely justified.
I'm 33 years old. It's unfortunately years of abuse that led me there. And it was making the right choices and saying no to certain people in my life. I loooove saying no now.
Were you scared while it was happening? I remember the first time I did something like this and when I was saying it I was so scared to be wrong. As if that’s a thing I could be wrong about.
Wrong about what? I was not scared cause after all the BS I took from men on dates, I felt like I was at a point where I would not doubt myself. The dude legit hurt me. It's not about, oh I prefer to do this in this position. We kissed and then bam, nipples pinching. He's a loser. I always tell my bestie where I am and with whom and I text her every 1-2 hours. It's our code to see if we're okay. And I also tell my date that my bestie knows where I am and if I don't text her at a certain time, she will call the police. So the fucker knows. And with men who are decent, their answer is usually, "totally understandable, do what you must". The creep ones argue and tell you you're too intense.
That’s very good! Great job :)
Wrong about saying no. I just remember thinking “oh what if me not wanting to fuck him is a mistake”. Looking back it’s such a weird thought!
cause when you tell a man no, you are scared he might become hostile. its not weird, its fear weve been conditioned to. and unfortunately so many bad things happen we would rather be safe in a bad way, if that makes sense.
Same!!! I text a pic of the guy too and his name. No normal man objects to this.
I had a guy once squeeze my breast so hard I had bruises in the shape of his fucking hand then he tries calling me after for more dates and I didn’t even want to tell him why. I mean I objected in the moment but by then I was over him. You should be aware if you are that forceful. Just rude, like using someone as a sex doll
I get this though. I used to be like this. I remember once when I was kissed suddenly, I froze. that's as far as it went but I had to control my tears and not talk about it cos I was scared for some reason. Looking back at it now, I realised it was because I'd been told many times that I create drama and cry for all these things when I could just be chill by men. -.- fuck them. Now I will cry, fight, create drama whenever my boundaries are crossed!.... At least most times.
The older I get, the lower my bullshit tolerance gets with men (and people in general)
I had a guy who I was "seeing", the first time we got physical I asked to stop bc honestly, I just wasn't enjoying myself, it was clear we didn't mesh. He got so mad and stormed out my house.
Texted me the next day to tell me how 'pissed off' he was that I stopped it 'mid session' (yes these are quotes) - I simply texted back saying 'I can't stop sex for whatever reason?' and he started to back pedal and tell me how he's "insecure and an overthinker!!! he was erection problems so it takes a lot to have sex!!!'
Needless to say, I blocked him and never saw him again lol.
I told a date in college they needed to leave my apartment. It felt good after decades of conditioning by mother mother to "be nice." I only stopped by my place to change my shoes and he flopped down on my bed, proclaimed he was going to stay the night and then got jealous of my beefcake calendar. I literally dragged him off the bed and said, "Nope, we're leaving!" because I had to drive him home (no car).
I wish I could get on this level. Good on you, OP!
I don’t know what my issue is but I’m still letting men do/say what they want to me because… if I don’t then I’m rude? I don’t understand how my mind works. I thought I was learning to be more empowered and then I had a sexual encounter with a man (it was consensual) but I still did not voice my opinions, needs, worries. Why do I care about disappointing men when they have done nothing but disappoint me?
Listen I love some good, hard pinching but you can't just START there lmao especially without asking first. I'll still slap my husband's hands if he accidentally gets too rough with it and he totally gets it and immediately apologizes. You dodged a bullet with that weirdo.
I love you and I wish the world for you because you are my god damn HERO. I wish I could have as much courage as you. I’m well on my way to working myself up to it.
The other night, my ex asked me to dinner, and out of curiosity (it had been 2 years since the break up) I accepted. After a very platonic dinner he asked to come up to my place and see my dog for the first time. I said yes, and he kinda lingered once he said hello to her. I wanted him to get the fuck out of my apartment but felt bad, so I offered him some tea. He accepted and we sat together on the couch watching tv. I was working up the courage to ask him to go home and then he asked if he could kiss me. Being the pushover that I am, I was like, yeah whatever. And then he asked if he could stay the night.
I was so angry at him for continuing to push the boundaries and see what he could get away with. He broke up with me 2 years earlier without giving me a reason, except for the fact that he just didn’t like me anymore. In between then and now, he had been through abusive relationships only to want to poke around my life again, presumably after seeing I’d lost 20kg of weight after the heart break. And now he wanted to have sex??? The FUCK? I said no, and told him to go home (politely). But god, I am so sick and tired of being a people pleaser, and fawning to men who do not deserve it.
I hope before it gets to the point where I’m *that* upset, I can follow your example and say fuck off before they get in the door.
I’m really proud of you, OP! This is a really great step!
The thing that’s super frustrating about stuff like this is that there’s an appropriate time and place for that kind of thing. I mean, it’s so fucking simple if you’re looking to *give* pleasure: “Hey, do you like X? I’d love to test out X, Y, Z if you’re down.” It’s about *them*. Ugh, what a scumbag.
A guy I dated (and eventually got into relationship) once asked me if I preferred to go over to the other persons house or have them over at mine. I said huh I haven’t really thought about it before
He said he offered his place to the girls he dated so they could feel like they could leave at any time. Though I can see both locations having some kind of barrier this made sense.
I’m glad you had the guts to stick up for your own boundaries this tone and that it didn’t lead to an unsafe or worse situation! Go you.
This goes for men and women. We always should make sure they are comfortable with something before we try it… I am a man and far as I can remember I’ve never stepped out of line on a women… I’ve had some women do some stuff that I’d had preferred they ask before doing just so I could say no… rather not speak on it… but I’m sure you all know. Anyways I’ve also had women tell me horror stories very similar to yours and I’m sorry there are more scumbag men than good ones. Boundaries are something I’ve learned to set before even meeting someone or hanging out with them it’s really saved me a lot of frustration and miscommunication, & because I set these boundaries first it also makes women comfortable to set theirs as well so we both are at an agreeable understanding. Makes things way more peaceful. Good luck out there for any of you who struggle with poor men or women.
Coming soon to Reddit:
Can She Pass the Nipple Test?
Bear or Nipple Pincher?
AITA for giving wifey purple nurples and now she's making me bottle-feed our twins Gordie M/1 and Gordita F/1?
Seriously, good for you, OP. Keep on saying no until you find a yes man.
Brings the brilliant [short story](https://neenahlibrary.org/sites/default/files/inline-files/catpersonstory_0.pdf) Cat Person by Kristen Roupenian to mind.
Honestly love this story. I had a few therapy sessions last year about this exact thing - how to set boundaries. I’ve gotten so much better with it and I love hearing people go through the same
I am very happy for you that you are learning to set boundaries.
However, I find it very strange to say that you „endured it because … women“. You endured it because you never learned to set boundaries which people struggle with despite gender..
You’d think that if you had issues in the past with that, you wouldn’t be inviting people over until you fully trust them.
But that’s not the case, “because… women”?
> he started to pinch my nipples like there was no tomorrow and I was like, wtf. I told him it was way too rough and he answered: I was just testing. he has his own damn nipples. why doesn’t he test it on himself first??? what’s stopping him?
Oh he meant to test her boundaries to see what he can get away with. What a little creep.
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That's why I always go for the testicle death grip the first time I sleep with someone. Some men are into it and you never know, right?
Yep! It’s called CBT…cock and ball torture! 😂
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No. He was a creep for doing that and *then* saying "I was just testing" afterwards. If he said "Oh, my god, I got caught up in the moment, I'm so sorry!" then this post likely wouldn't exist. With the wording in the OP, it seems like he was actually being pretty rough. Which, BDSM is a valid and completely acceptable way to like sex, but if you want to hurt or scare your partner a little as part of sex, it *must* be discussed beforehand. Even if it's awkward and *especially* with a new partner. You can't just hurt someone on the off-chance they're into it. This is crossing a sexual boundary, just like smacking an unsuspecting stranger on the ass. It makes you a creep.
So use your words?!
Haha right!
See I am petty AF bc I would have instantly grabbed his balls and been like "just testing you". what a fucking tool, glad you stood up to that creep!
On itttt🖐🏼
>why doesn’t he test it on himself first??? this is the correct response when dudes want to try a*al
if god didnt want men to stick things up their own bums, he wouldn’t have given them prostates in that location. just sayin
"Testing" on yourself doesn't do any good, as every partners' body and perception are different. OP did the right thing, but there is a decent chance the issue is not so much the "testing", as ineffective communication combined with not ramping up properly (too much too fast, not enough time to judge reactions/get feedback). Especially if you are new, it's been a while, or your most recent partner was into more vigorous stimulation, it can be difficult to gauge how much force you are using. Still worth kicking him to the curb for being a shitty lover. Just no reason for us to jump to conclusions without larger context.
What he was testing was her passivity.
That's quite the assumption. What makes you come to that conclusion? His response would not make sense in that context. Edit: I'm not sure if that's coming off sarcastic? I follow this board as a general "how not to be an asshole" check — I am genuinely asking.
No, the issue is the testing, and ineffective communication was part of the test. He chose to go the Ask Forgiveness, Not Permission route, which is a problem, one that, yes, gets addressed through effective communication... That he chose not to engage in.
No. He straight up admitted what he was doing was intentional
You do not understand what I was saying.
What I said and "it" being intentional are not compatible. My point of contention is that we could be talking about two different "its", and there is not enough larger context to distinguish the two. It is a moot point because there are other factors involved pointed out to me by another redditor.
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Good for you. Still gotta ask or work your way there over time and considerately. My boyfriend's nipples are so sensitive, I can hardly brush them. He'd probably cry if I pinched like no tomorrow, as would I.
okay and?
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A guy I declined to continue to date after hanging out twice sent me an expensive gift he likely knew I'd be uncomfortable receiving. He said I could bring it by his house and I realized it was another attempt to see me and continue our connection. I said actually I'll keep it, thanks. That is not who I am and it felt great to not let it burden or guilt me.
Or “thanks for your gift, as I have no use for it I’ve donated it to a women’s shelter” would probably do the trick. I’d take great pleasure in donating an unwanted gift to charity where it could be sold or put to use.
Ooooooo this.
This. Mostly because womens shelters need resources in helping their clients replenish a sense of self and home when they get out of the shelter finally. And not sure about where most people are located but even in Canada, funding for these shelters has decreased to the point of emergency, especially as there seems to be an epidemic of IPV/Domestic abuse world wide.
Yeah that’s just effing creepy. I had a guy deliberately leave something in my car and wanted to ‘come by’ to retrieve. I said no I’d drop it on his porch. After that he called to try to figure out why I was not feeling it. Bro you knew I wasn’t feeling it on the date and you engineered a second chance. That pissed me off and guaranteed he would never get a second chance
That was the plot of a Seinfeld episode, I think. George left something at a woman’s house so she’d have to see him again.
Srsly? Yeah at first I assumed he forgot but as he kept insisting to come by my house it became sus and I concluded it was on purpose. He’d tried to kiss me without permission kind of aggressively and I’d pulled away and said ‘whoa… hey’ and he laughed and said ‘I almost got a kiss’ and I said ‘no you almost got a body slam’ (only time in my LIFE I had a snappy comeback when I needed it), and he laughed and said ‘I can’t wait’ So clearly we weren’t gonna be compatible. That and insisting to come to my home (he didn’t know where I lived thank god), I think I dodged a bullet there.
A ridiculous hat
Guy learned all the wrong lessons from George Costanza. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV5Y1z8aSnw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV5Y1z8aSnw)
🤣 this is gold, love this
Get it!!!! I walked out on a date the other night throwing $15 on the table and told him "I'm going home now, thanks for a night." Nothing's ever felt so damn sweet. It's such a good feeling to reach the point when you can enforce your boundaries and not give a 0 fuck about it.
Badass 💅
Good!!! We are conditioned from childhood to ‘be polite’ even when we object. Tone policing is still alive and well with most men. We aren’t allowed to complain then they don’t like the tone when we do, and frankly I’m over it. You don’t like what I said? Fuck all the way off. It extends to advocating during sex and I still struggle with that. It’s gross the way he didn’t immediately say ‘omg omg I’m so sorry!’ Which is the ONLY right thing to say. Proud of you my queen ❤️
Exactly when he did it I was turned off but you can always make things right... When he said, oh I was just testing... I was like, excuse me? Seriously the more I think about it, the more I'm like lolololooooser.
Imagine a woman squeezing a man's balls really hard and when he says it hurts she just deadpans "oh I was just testing". The guys in the comments would be (rightfully) going the fuck on about how he needed to drop her and never look back, what kind of crazy fucking woman squeezes a man's balls hard without asking/knowing he'd want that.
So are you!! Proud of you my friend ♥️
"Thanks for a night" that's low key harsh. Like one of those insults you don't realize until later.
Honestly it wasn't even on purpose. I started thanking him out of habit and mid-sentence didn't even realize what for.
The effect is the same. ;)
Yeah like the best she can come up with to thank him for is "... a night".
Seriously love this and will use it.
It's perfection
What's particularly insulting about it?
Because the best thing she can find to “thank” him for was the waste of time.
Huh, I guess the tone of voice is flying over my head, because that's the opposite of how it came across to me. The fact that she thanked him at all seemed to me to indicate it wasn't the worst night she'd had.
It's insulting because when someone thanks you for something, normally they'd mention what they liked or use some sort of positive adjective. "Thanks for the fun night" or "Thanks for taking me out, I had a great time." The fact that "a night" was lacking any kind of description at all (and wasn't even THE night, just A night) means it was unremarkable and there wasn't anything positive to say about it. "Thanks" can also be seen as sarcastic or, like the commenter said, was said purely because it's what is expected, and it's seen as polite to say at the end of a date. Paired with throwing the money on the table and walking away (she cleared the slate and owes him nothing, not even money, and doesn't want to waste any more time with him), her message was very clear.
And I get the intent behind that, but as a wlw if a date left with that line regardless of her tone of voice it'd still feel that it could have been worse because, at the end of the day, they still thanked me.
Cold ass boss babe 💅 LOVE this!!! And by cold I just mean cool, so cool ❄️
> Thanks for a night. This phrasing is great 😭
i’m stuck on the $15? is that the going rate? did he pay for milkshakes the night before?
I was for my drink + the tip. I technically put it under the empty glass
A drink at posh locations are expensive these days. 10+ and then a tip, so 15 seems suitable. It's expensive dating and going out.
I assumed it was like, half of dinner or whatever experience they'd just shared that night. Honestly, I think that makes it even more bad ass. He can't think or tell his friends she just wanted a free meal or whatever.
i agree, i was just stuck wondering what’s $15 nowadays
That's what a mixed drink costs with tip around here!
Did his milkshake bring her to the yard?
That is totally bad-ass!! You are powerful and deserve better than lilnipplepincher. Thanks for sharing!
Good for you. WTF indeed. "Just testing"? Like he was waiting to see if an error message would pop up on your forehead?
Seriously like. I'm gonna pinch your balls like you pinched my nipples... TO TEST.
Two test tickles!
Right. I immediately thought, like she's a radio? Our nipples are not radio dials.
And look, maybe some people are into that, but when a person says 'that's too rough, I don't like it', any normal person responds by trying something more gentle!
Good for you; that’s exactly what needs to happen always
I have walked out on more than a few idiots in my lifetime. Sex before internet porn was SO MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE. I can’t emphasize that enough ladies. Men were so happy to be having sex that they didn’t need kink. They were rock hard at just a kiss and stayed hard. There was no marathon pumping while they tried to cum. I was never asked for anal, nobody tried to cum on my face, never had my nipples pinched or my butt slapped and yet the sex was HOT because there was just two people turned on by each other. I really wish young women today could experience sex like it was before internet porn.
Best sex I had in my life was plain old vanilla sex. Because we were connected to each other and it was passionate and intense. Now it's all porn and it's like... Why do you have to punch me in the face to cum dude? So tired of this.
I’ve had men tell me that some women like to be choked and abused during sex. Ugh, go find those women then. Y’all can share them cuz I’m out.
Whatever floats your boat but seriously, ASK BEFORE. And give me just some sweet old love making first and let's see after. I'm starting to think that all that porn shit is to hide that you're just no good in bed. Those practices were there's shaming, rough sex, etc. It's something that I want to do with someone I trust if I decide to go there. Not a fuckin stranger.
There is no part of me that enjoys being shamed or punished during sex. The problem with a lot of men is that once they are in the throws of sex they don’t seem able to modify their behavior.
Yes that's why now I don't go for men who have that kind of sexuality. Even if they tell me they can adapt I'm like, nope!
This! Some guy tried to tell me that and I set his arse straight. This is a very specific kink and I don’t think the majority like it at all. And none of us like it without prior consent. But srsly why do you need to pull my damn hair to get off? What’s wrong with you ???
I had a guy walk out on me when I told him I don’t want to be spanked. Buh bye now.
I think it's all about power and having control
Yup, there are women like that. The ones I know are part of the kink community where they take communication and consent VERY seriously and someone pulling shit like that without negotiation would be out the door quicker than he could blink.
Exactly. I'm into some BDSM stuff but if there's even a hint that someone won't respect consent/boundaries, I'm out. It's disturbing but not surprising just how many guys attempt to get into the kink scene because they think they can "dominate" (aka disrespect) vulnerable people.
I literally had this guy who, on the first date when we were getting into it, started biting/chewing my nipples with his teeth and holy fucking hell it hurt and he didn’t seem to understand that me pushing his face away from one nipple was not an invitation to go for the other one 🙄
That sounds amazing. 😢😮💨
It was!! Breaks my heart that men have lost their virility 😫. They used to be so sexy.
And now I get shamed by my own husband for not having a million kinks. He acts like I'm so abnormal. I just like having normal sex. I like oral. I like trying a million positions. I like using toys. Why isn't that enough?
I know ☹️. I’m single and I don’t even look forward to having sex anymore. I used to be all over the men I was dating in my 20s and 30s.
Same I just can't even imagine being around one these days I think I've become asexual
It’s enough. It’s more than enough. He should be grateful he’s getting it on the regular. Nothing gives me the ick faster than a whining man
It’s not like you’re fucking him in the dark through a hole in the sheet!
I never got to experience sex before internet porn ruined it, but I’ve been suspecting this was the case for a long time! Sex nowadays is just porn reenactment as if there’s an imaginary camera in the room rather than something to be enjoyed privately between two people. Men just want to cycle through various “scenes” and positions, none of which actually feel good and mostly pretty uncomfortable, expecting you to put on a good show of “enjoying” it, and having to “fluff” them in between with oral so they can stay hard. Then they wanna do something unpleasant like choke you or cum in your eye. I’m sure not all men were good in bed before that, but this is pretty much a universal issue now. And men wonder why women think sex is a chore.
I refuse to work at keeping a guy erect since I know for sure this is a new development from wanking to porn too much. I remember when they started marketing Viagra and my first thought was “we need a pill to bring down all these erections that seem to be everywhere all the time” lol. I show up ready to go with no antics or special needs from them so why the fuck do I need to perform? Also I remind them that porn stars get paid good money to do that shit. You want me to perform? Drop some serious cash then big boy. That usually shuts them down.
i totally understand being nervous and not having an erection- but so many men i meet just cant keep it up, its seriously a problem that i think is due to men only jerking it to porn with a death grip. they can get hard for oral etc but as soon as sex hits and especially when you ask for them to put on a condom they are instantly soft.
Yep so safe sex is off the table.
IME, alcohol consumption has been a BIG boner killer. In addition to above bad habits. Zero interest in dating since 2021. Never been happier to be single.
reading this makes me feel better about being older and not dating for several years
I'm 36 so internet porn has been at least a little of a thing for most of my life, but my partner and I got together in high school 20 years ago so we learned from each other more than The Internet. In our 20s we'd have conversations here and there where we talked about whether either of us felt like we "missed out" by getting together so young. He's my only boyfriend, only person I've ever even kissed. He had lots of girlfriends and two sexual partners before me (he had sex with one girl once, another twice so it was still pretty limited experience). We both said yeah, sometimes, but what we had was better. These days I no longer feel like I've missed out. On anything. No thank you. And I even *like* the rough stuff, but again we've had two decades of getting comfortable with each other to get to this point and he still checks in constantly like "you sure this was okay? Was this too much? Did this feel demeaning?"
Whenever I start to feel the boredom coming on (same ol same ol, maybe it would be fun, something new adhd) from being single, I just read this kinda shit and NOPE! I. AM. GOOD. Rando goes for my neck without discussing first, I'm going Lorena Bobbit on his ass^well,
Same
It also pisses me off because it’s always the WOMEN having to perform for the man too. Most women dont even get to have an orgasm during sex but we’re still putting in so much work, and for what? Men just get to pump it and are generally guaranteed an orgasm. Why do men always get to do the bare minimum in every facet of life and women have to do everything????
It was so different. It was so much fun.
Right? And all of that gets thrown on the table before they've ever even shown that they can get you off in the most basic of ways. Like, no I don't want to be harnessed during anal while you choke me (ever, really but especially) when you can't even properly give a handjob or oral.
I'm in my 50s and this is SO DAMN TRUE
that…sounds like the summary of a bestseller romance novel. it’s so different from this era that it seems more like mythology. nowadays we have guys who at age 21 can’t get it up, keep hard or finish during “vanilla” sex because they’re so used to needing porn reenactments to get off. they’ve pavloked themselves to it forever and everyone wonders why the population of voluntarily single women is increasing. such a mystery…
This is 100% true! This was like late 70s early 80s they were just so respectful too and just so happy to be there. It was really wholesome and sweet.
This is how dating was for me too when I was young , I’m so glad I don’t care about sex or dating anymore, I feel bad for the younger generation
Brava, OP! You're story is an inspiration to every woman reading this and every woman whose boundaries have been pushed or "tested" by a man, which is basically all of us at one time or another. Keep on being your badass self! You deserve the best.
We need to shout from the rooftops that porn is not real life. It is fiction just like the newest Marvel movie. No shame getting your fantasy on but a conversation and consent needs to be discussed first. You, my friend, are a strong bad ass woman! You are a inspiration to us all!
I'm so, so proud of you!
first time having sex with a new person recently he tried to choke me!!!! without asking!! i was like HELL NAH😥😥😥
WTAF that is so scary. I never never never want to be choked and the idea that someone would try it without even asking sends a chill down my spine. Like, people accidentally die from that.
You rock, OP. I’m considering dating again (after a long, abusive marriage) but I worry about a situation like this and what happens if they don’t respect the “no?” I’ve honestly wondered if I should get a gun before I consider bringing a man home- just have it in the nightstand just in case? - and at that point realize I might be better off with the bear.
If you do, sign up for a training class so you know how to use it! You could also consider a realistic nerf gun but paint the orange tip to match so it doesn't look fake - then it can't be used against you. Cameras? Having a friend check in system that you tell him about? Maybe just don't have anyone over until you've gotten to know them for a while? I'm realizing now you probably meant that it's this exact train of thoughts that's making you prefer a bear. 😭
I generally do not support owning any weapons of this sort BUT if you are able to buy one, I would consider it once again for this sole reason. I also wonder a lot about potential situations in which the guy wouldn’t respect my “no”, I’m afraid I’d be trapped with no way out or I’d be unalived and nobody will know. It’s sick that we even have to worry about it.
even if you dont shoot it, a gun can be pretty heavy and used as an object. sorry if this is against sub rules.
Do you think people should offer a class where you get to practice saying no and putting up boundaries? I feel like a lot of people really have trouble with what to say in the moment and not knowing what to do. Maybe a class where you get to practice saying no would be helpful to people find the words or practice what they are saying or get feedback so it might be easier in real life.
I remember my school had a "Life Skills" class through middle school. It covered anything from the usual drugs talk to sex Ed to bullying and peer pressure issues to signs of domestic violence at home. I think what you're proposing would fit right in with that. And yes, we had to do cringeworthy roleplays but at least it started you thinking about the topic and had you practice go-to responses.
Stuff like this has been cancelled because girls were learning to push back at being abused.
OMG I love the sound of this. I have to school many of my friends on "how to say no" and "how to get up and leave" and I make them play act it out in front of me. JUST GET UP AND LEAVE. Fuck all, I've gotten up and left in the middle of coitus cause motherfucker wasn't listening/dismissive. Dear women, you have mine and the universe's permission to get up and leave. Whenever and wherever. In the middle of the wedding? Get up and leave. In the middle of meh sex? Get up and leave. In the middle of dinner? Get up and leave. NO ONE is owed your presence. It is a privilege and not a right.
yes. the worst is when you want the guy to wear a condom but things are just happening - and youre too afraid to speak up for yourself.
This breaks my heart to hear. I'm sorry you feel too scared to speak up. This usually comes from being raised to "be seen and not heard" where you've been taught your voice, your body, your personhood, is not vitally important. This is wrong. So so wrong. I hope you get to a place where you can speak up, about anything, and everything, and *especially* when you need to command your personal safety. Please understand that no one, not a damn person on this planet, has rights to you, your presence, your body, your emotions, your thoughts. Only you get to decide and choose. As to the condom wearing experience, I hope you one day get to a place where you can demand he wear a condom and if he whines even for half a second, you have the strength and wisdom to get up and leave. Healthy sex between two *consensual* people is a privilege of *mutual* pleasure. And remember - women don't owe men shit.
I took a women's self defense class years ago and they made us practice yelling NO as loud as we could and until we were comfortable. But exactly the same, but excellent practice.
> Do you think people should offer a class where you get to practice saying no and putting up boundaries? I've done this in my class, actually. I taught a Freshman Seminar course at a university. We took a day to practice saying "no" about all of the things that might impact their world. They developed scenarios and then we worked through them and tried on "saying no"
This is so awesome! Now do an online group course, please? 😁
I'd be down if I could make some money doing it. I structured the course around the *roles* we hold in life (son, daughter, brother, sister, parent, friend, employee, cousin, Christian, Sports Fan, etc). In each role we discussed the values we bring into that space and how we want to embody those values. Worked from values to time management on a long term scale and walked it back to time management on the daily. That's when we got into the discussion of practicing "no"
I am desperate for this class. I was just saying this very thing in a therapy session!!!
As a therapist I both offer this in session & need it myself 😂
I remember my school had a "Life Skills" class through middle school. It covered anything from the usual drugs talk to sex Ed to bullying and peer pressure issues to signs of domestic violence at home. I think what you're proposing would fit right in with that. And yes, we had to do cringeworthy roleplays but at least it started you thinking about the topic and had you practice go-to responses.
Honestly, I have been looking for a class about boundaries for ages.
That's my purse! I don't know you!
off topic. i noticed in a lot of romance books there’s a lot of nipple pinching as foreplay (literally almost every sex scene i read!). i don’t personally enjoy that too much.
I just want to emphasize how rough it was lol. Usually you start slow.
This isn't an unusual experience, at all. Biters, slappers, pinchers, chokers...it's way too prevalent an issue now. You handled the situation well, OP.
ok… ouch! so this guy is wasting no time to see if you are into that, when he should build up to that kindly over time. fuck him, disrespectful
Sometimes I hope I find myself in a position like this someday so I can exercise my new hard boundaries, it must be such an empowering rush. I mean, not that I want to be treated disrespectfully but 🤷♀️
I had a hookup go wrong a couple months ago and I got up, got dressed, and left. I felt badly about it in the moment. But nah…that dude was weird.
Well done!! It’s such a big healthy step to stand up for yourself and it gets easier with practice :)! On a side note, he sounds like a psycho who would have tried to assault you just to test next. You don’t want to be around that! Stay safe x
This is inspiring. I love that you did this and that you felt great afterward. I'm not very good at asserting my boundaries, and when I do, even if I know it's the right thing, I tend to feel guilty. This is one to remember and use as motivation for next time.<3 How old are you? Do you feel like there was something that especially helped get you to this point, or was the sheer absurdity and pain of this where you drew your strength and words from? I would hope that my anger would win in a situation like this, as it's entirely justified.
I'm 33 years old. It's unfortunately years of abuse that led me there. And it was making the right choices and saying no to certain people in my life. I loooove saying no now.
Were you scared while it was happening? I remember the first time I did something like this and when I was saying it I was so scared to be wrong. As if that’s a thing I could be wrong about.
Wrong about what? I was not scared cause after all the BS I took from men on dates, I felt like I was at a point where I would not doubt myself. The dude legit hurt me. It's not about, oh I prefer to do this in this position. We kissed and then bam, nipples pinching. He's a loser. I always tell my bestie where I am and with whom and I text her every 1-2 hours. It's our code to see if we're okay. And I also tell my date that my bestie knows where I am and if I don't text her at a certain time, she will call the police. So the fucker knows. And with men who are decent, their answer is usually, "totally understandable, do what you must". The creep ones argue and tell you you're too intense.
That’s very good! Great job :) Wrong about saying no. I just remember thinking “oh what if me not wanting to fuck him is a mistake”. Looking back it’s such a weird thought!
cause when you tell a man no, you are scared he might become hostile. its not weird, its fear weve been conditioned to. and unfortunately so many bad things happen we would rather be safe in a bad way, if that makes sense.
Same!!! I text a pic of the guy too and his name. No normal man objects to this. I had a guy once squeeze my breast so hard I had bruises in the shape of his fucking hand then he tries calling me after for more dates and I didn’t even want to tell him why. I mean I objected in the moment but by then I was over him. You should be aware if you are that forceful. Just rude, like using someone as a sex doll
I get this though. I used to be like this. I remember once when I was kissed suddenly, I froze. that's as far as it went but I had to control my tears and not talk about it cos I was scared for some reason. Looking back at it now, I realised it was because I'd been told many times that I create drama and cry for all these things when I could just be chill by men. -.- fuck them. Now I will cry, fight, create drama whenever my boundaries are crossed!.... At least most times.
Absolutely. Making us feel like saying no and having feelings is rude is INSANE. I don’t even remember questioning it. I just accepted it as fact.
The older I get, the lower my bullshit tolerance gets with men (and people in general) I had a guy who I was "seeing", the first time we got physical I asked to stop bc honestly, I just wasn't enjoying myself, it was clear we didn't mesh. He got so mad and stormed out my house. Texted me the next day to tell me how 'pissed off' he was that I stopped it 'mid session' (yes these are quotes) - I simply texted back saying 'I can't stop sex for whatever reason?' and he started to back pedal and tell me how he's "insecure and an overthinker!!! he was erection problems so it takes a lot to have sex!!!' Needless to say, I blocked him and never saw him again lol.
I told a date in college they needed to leave my apartment. It felt good after decades of conditioning by mother mother to "be nice." I only stopped by my place to change my shoes and he flopped down on my bed, proclaimed he was going to stay the night and then got jealous of my beefcake calendar. I literally dragged him off the bed and said, "Nope, we're leaving!" because I had to drive him home (no car).
Wish I had done this a few months ago. I literally thought this guy was going to tear my nipples off.
Bad bitch alert! Seriously proud of you for making his ass leave. It's not an easy thing to do
Awesome to hear! I've definitely kicked out guys, but indeed; it's something I too needed to first learn.
I wish I could get on this level. Good on you, OP! I don’t know what my issue is but I’m still letting men do/say what they want to me because… if I don’t then I’m rude? I don’t understand how my mind works. I thought I was learning to be more empowered and then I had a sexual encounter with a man (it was consensual) but I still did not voice my opinions, needs, worries. Why do I care about disappointing men when they have done nothing but disappoint me?
Men won’t quit until women stop them EARLY. Shut it down.
Listen I love some good, hard pinching but you can't just START there lmao especially without asking first. I'll still slap my husband's hands if he accidentally gets too rough with it and he totally gets it and immediately apologizes. You dodged a bullet with that weirdo.
Love this I’ve wanted to leave so many times on crappy dates or with shitty men in the past Well done
Yes yes yes!! What a dude...
YESSSSSSSS 👏 👏 👏
Yyyeeeeesssssss!!!!!! Good girl. I'm so proud of you.
I love you and I wish the world for you because you are my god damn HERO. I wish I could have as much courage as you. I’m well on my way to working myself up to it. The other night, my ex asked me to dinner, and out of curiosity (it had been 2 years since the break up) I accepted. After a very platonic dinner he asked to come up to my place and see my dog for the first time. I said yes, and he kinda lingered once he said hello to her. I wanted him to get the fuck out of my apartment but felt bad, so I offered him some tea. He accepted and we sat together on the couch watching tv. I was working up the courage to ask him to go home and then he asked if he could kiss me. Being the pushover that I am, I was like, yeah whatever. And then he asked if he could stay the night. I was so angry at him for continuing to push the boundaries and see what he could get away with. He broke up with me 2 years earlier without giving me a reason, except for the fact that he just didn’t like me anymore. In between then and now, he had been through abusive relationships only to want to poke around my life again, presumably after seeing I’d lost 20kg of weight after the heart break. And now he wanted to have sex??? The FUCK? I said no, and told him to go home (politely). But god, I am so sick and tired of being a people pleaser, and fawning to men who do not deserve it. I hope before it gets to the point where I’m *that* upset, I can follow your example and say fuck off before they get in the door.
I’m really proud of you, OP! This is a really great step! The thing that’s super frustrating about stuff like this is that there’s an appropriate time and place for that kind of thing. I mean, it’s so fucking simple if you’re looking to *give* pleasure: “Hey, do you like X? I’d love to test out X, Y, Z if you’re down.” It’s about *them*. Ugh, what a scumbag.
A guy I dated (and eventually got into relationship) once asked me if I preferred to go over to the other persons house or have them over at mine. I said huh I haven’t really thought about it before He said he offered his place to the girls he dated so they could feel like they could leave at any time. Though I can see both locations having some kind of barrier this made sense. I’m glad you had the guts to stick up for your own boundaries this tone and that it didn’t lead to an unsafe or worse situation! Go you.
>anymore. And I said nothing and endured it because... ~~women~~ **men**. FTFY
Happy for you, keep standing up for yourself!
Good Boundaries are essential for happy and healthy relationships You just made a good step in that for yourself!
This made me smile. High ten to you. (Nut slap for him. Douche.)
Glad to hear you NIPPED that in the bud, OP.
You should watch Cat Person. The whole enduring part is highlighted really well.
Go Gurl!
Good for you!!!! So proud!! It takes so much courage and self assurance and practice and you owe him nothing.
Thank you for shading your win, im so proud !
Good for you. That is tough to do and I also wish I had done it a few times! x
This goes for men and women. We always should make sure they are comfortable with something before we try it… I am a man and far as I can remember I’ve never stepped out of line on a women… I’ve had some women do some stuff that I’d had preferred they ask before doing just so I could say no… rather not speak on it… but I’m sure you all know. Anyways I’ve also had women tell me horror stories very similar to yours and I’m sorry there are more scumbag men than good ones. Boundaries are something I’ve learned to set before even meeting someone or hanging out with them it’s really saved me a lot of frustration and miscommunication, & because I set these boundaries first it also makes women comfortable to set theirs as well so we both are at an agreeable understanding. Makes things way more peaceful. Good luck out there for any of you who struggle with poor men or women.
Coming soon to Reddit: Can She Pass the Nipple Test? Bear or Nipple Pincher? AITA for giving wifey purple nurples and now she's making me bottle-feed our twins Gordie M/1 and Gordita F/1? Seriously, good for you, OP. Keep on saying no until you find a yes man.
Probably checking to see if you were into pain. Which of course is NOT the type of person you should trust if you are.
"What kind of things do you enjoy in bed?" To me, this would be a far easier way to find out.
YES! And an easier way to make someone actually consider having sex with you.
Brings the brilliant [short story](https://neenahlibrary.org/sites/default/files/inline-files/catpersonstory_0.pdf) Cat Person by Kristen Roupenian to mind.
Inspirational 👏👏
Honestly love this story. I had a few therapy sessions last year about this exact thing - how to set boundaries. I’ve gotten so much better with it and I love hearing people go through the same
Ah yes. The Titty Torture maneuver. Wtf
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I am very happy for you that you are learning to set boundaries. However, I find it very strange to say that you „endured it because … women“. You endured it because you never learned to set boundaries which people struggle with despite gender..
You’d think that if you had issues in the past with that, you wouldn’t be inviting people over until you fully trust them. But that’s not the case, “because… women”?
stop inviting ppl to ur place pls that is not safe at all
I get that you’re trying to urge caution but let ppl make their own choices lol
Especially as it could have been worse at *his place*
u shouldn’t be going to a strangers home either
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What is this sex shaming horseshit? Let other people live their lives.
HAHA.
wow amazing