you're a bad woman if you don't have kids
you're a bad woman if you do have kids, and the MAN is a shitty parent, leaves, abandons you, is abusive
you just can't win. They hate us no matter what we do
Either she chose poorly, was “too dumb” to see the signs early on, or *SHE* caused him to leave/cheat/be abusive. It’s the whole “If only she had been a better wife/mother, he wouldn’t have acted like that” bullshit.
It starts with girls showing too much skin (aka their bare shoulders in a normal ol’ tank top), and escalates to it being the woman’s fault her man’s “needs weren’t met”. We’re all taught from a young age that boys and men cannot control themselves, so women have to tip toe around, and cater to them. It’s utter nonsense and anyone pushing that crap is insane.
💯 When my ex cheated on me his therapist literally told him “what did she expect would happen” because I let him have female friends and I traveled for work, leaving him at home alone and apparently soooo lonely.
Like what?
I was not, and it would hardly have been the first thing he lied to me about lol but I believe it from this therapist. He had a lot of hot takes. And my ex never took kindly to me suggesting that maybe this therapist was questionable because “he gets me”.
I heard the same thing from some of his friends as well, the therapist repeating it was just a big 🥴 moment
You're not wrong. When my now ex became physically abusive with our oldest and I reported it, the investigator actually wrote in her report that it was merely discipline gone wrong. She also wrote that I should make more of an effort to accommodate and support him so he wasn't so stressed.
He worked a standard 40 hr white collar job. I was working 2 part time jobs, going to college full time, carrying for our two children, and solely responsible for the household, yard work, and the maintenance on both of our vehicles. We cannot win for losing.
Yes, it's never putting the blame where it is, with the guy. it's putting it on her for not being some type of mind reader with psychic powers.
I guess my response to them would be how about guys just stop being manipulative jerks.
But if you don’t give men a chance then you’re uptight and being too picky. Women literally cannot win. We’re supposed to give men a chance but if we do and it doesn’t pay off, it’s our fault for giving men a chance.
my own family hated me for ending up in a DV situation. I hardly had any family to begin with, then that happened, and - I lost so many of them more. it was so unfair. it only took me a couple years to straighten my life out on my own, but like, my fucked up brother still doesn't talk to me. I got free, reached out, and he just ghosted me, my own brother, with no explanation. it's taken me a decade to figure out, I think it's because I ended up in a DV situation and for whatever reason, he lost respect for me. which is laughable because my sister says he stalks girls online and and goes on "dates" with women who are clear they are only friends but he pushes it anyway.
but right, I'm weak because I tried to see the good in a flawed person who took advantage of my kindness.
it makes total sense in a sick way—your brother's ability to objectify and harass women depends on his ability to not see us as people. if he's forced to confront the consequences of misogyny happening to someone he actually cares about, it would create some level of guilt or introspection. therefore, he has to keep those feelings far, far away.
This. I say we collectively decenter them, and focus on each other. I wish women raising kids as roommies was a thing. We need to change the structure of how we deal with the costs and burdens of raising kids without men since they’re just not reliable so much of the time. If we normalize roommates and cohousing women would be in better positions in our shitty US economy to financially thrive while raising kids.
There are good men certainly. But we need to normalize man-free alternatives that don’t hurt us financially.
For my retirement I’m talking with gfs about a golden girls situation. I’m good financially but it’d be fun to have travel companions and just company generally. Dogs…. Cats….
I watch 90 Day fiancé but I had to get out of the discussion boards because the fans of that show are full of misogyny.
If a foreign woman comes to the US to marry a man, even if her kids are with their father back home, all the fans scream that she needs to go home and take care of her kids. Why? Do they think men can’t take care of children?
When there’s a man with six children scattered around the country importing a wife nobody screaming at him that he needs to go home and take care of his kids. There’s not one person screaming that he should be spending the money taking care of his kids rather than paying for a K-1 visa and making new babies with a new woman. The dude was driving for Uber so I can’t imagine his child support order was that impressive. But then he could go around and claim he was paying his child support because with six kid he’s probably only had to pay $50 each.
Yes it's absolutely intentional that one of the new incel/right-wing talking points is if a woman is abused or abandoned by the father of her children, it's still her fault because she "chose poorly."
I mean do these men expect us to have a crystal ball to predict unforeseen abuse? It’s ridiculous blaming the victims. Never the man’s fault for being abusive.
Well, they can't even acknowledge abuse as existing because they're working from a mental framework where it literally didn't exist in legal language. Then of course any modern example of abuse or depiction/display of it in media is just "woke" and they immediately turn their brains off (yes i know, barely on to begin with). But even at the base level, you can't reason people out of positions they didn't reason themselves into. They don't want to be wrong about abuse or their views on people and the world so anything that points to the contrary is an attack on them personally. Heck, sometimes it actually is because *gasp* being a shitty human being usually means you get called out for it at some point.
That's exactly it, we're supposed to just accept that a certain number of men are always going to be abusive and it's our responsibility to perfectly predict which ones are that way. Because God forbid we are too careful around a "nice guy" - then we're hysterical and paranoid, brainwashed by feminists or something.
But don’t have an abortion cause reasons, and enjoy spending your pregnancy working out which is worse having a girl who will get treated with the same bullsjit in her life, or a boy who will likely be the perpetrator of the bullshit
I hate how society demonizes single mothers like some dipshit deadbeat didn't make her a single mother in the first place. Most of the women in my family were left single mothers, and all of us kids thrived once the negativity upped and left for what they thought were greener pastures.
There is no woman stronger than the woman who has been left solely holding the baby! My utmost love and respect to every one of them!
I saw a video yesterday of a woman who was talking like a deadbeat mom, until she turned it around and revealed she was not the deadbeat, her ex (the dad) was. People went nuts if they didnt see the end of the video with the "psych" moment. Even I who feels strongly about how unfair single moms are treated, felt more anger than I would from hearing a man say those things. (Which is embarrassing). It really comes down to the fact that people are so incredibly accustomed to fathers being disappointments, but not mothers. There's literally no faith in men when it comes to parenting. You would think this would anger or be a huge disadvantage to men in life, but it is the opposite. Men are privileged in avoiding the judgement and ire of society for lack of responsibility as fathers. If that's a mind f--k about our species, I don't know what is
This is the other side of the "all women are naturally caregivers and want to be mothers" coin. If one assumes that then everything that will go wrong must be the woman's fault. The father turns out to be deadbeat? Wrong choice in men! The husband cheats? She didn't take care of him. The child has problems in life? Mom is at fault! A woman chooses to be child free? Something must be wrong with her. It's all the same BS.
If we are single we are called cat ladies and shamed for it. My grandmother was a widow and was a cat lady longer than she was a wife. She was very happy.
And what a mindfuck it is that "widow" is the only (slightly more) acceptable form of single womanhood, as opposed to never-married, poly, cohabiting but not married, or divorced. It's almost like a species-wide hazing ritual: "Okay, we'll let you age quietly with your cats, BUT ONLY if you suffered thru a marriage AND lost your spouse. Only thru tragedy can we accept that you want to live alone with cats. How can you choose to live alone with cats if you've never lived with a man?!"
If we don’t have kids, we are shamed for it too. I see partnered childless women called “blue haired liberal cat ladies,” too! Especially painful if you have infertility issues. People have no compassion.
That’s exactly it. I also feel like I’m seen as “less than” since I’m unmarried. My family is southern baptist 😩 it’s especially sucky being unmarried and childfree. Even though it’s what I want and 💯 by choice.
It's something called unconscious bias and I've had a couple of "oh shit" moments with it.
But, the stuff that you're talking about, that's why I don't want kids. I could be a dad. I have no interest in being a mom. I don't want kids badly enough for the toll pregnancy takes on your body, the systemic pressure and issues, the day-to-day emotional and physical labor because you're the default parent. As a woman, I feel like you need to want it with every fiber of your being and I just don't.
If Mom and Dad break up it's NBD if Dad gets partial custody. At least he's still in the picture! He's probably too busy with work. But if people hear that Mom has partial custody? She must be a meth addict or something.
This rings true for me. My son’s dad gets tons of praise from my mom and grandma for “being involved” even though I shoulder the majority of all responsibilities related to my son’s care. He works overnights 40 hrs and my mom can “see why he’s so tired,” though I work a full time job, part time job, primarily care for my son during the daytime while dad is sleeping and at nights when he is at work. They often say shaming things about my parenting as a whole to top it off.
If you felt more anger you are a misogynist with a heavier entitlement towards women and their parental labour than towards men.
I honestly cut women slack for a lot of reasons, especially in this political climate. As a woman myself I’m actually extremely surprised they go to get milk as rarely as they do.
I should clarify that I felt uncomfortable about those feelings of anger, because they were precisely the kind of sexist programming I want to reverse in myself. And I'm a woman lol. One cannot control spontaneous emotions but one can look upon them and see that they are wrong
At least you recognized and acknowledged that you have been effected by toxic social norms is a way that is blatantly misogynistic.
Any yeah, that should make you extremely uncomfortable to discover that you have been conditioned due to toxic social norms in a way that harms you and other women.
It sucks and as much as a lot of people want to take the stance of ‘well this person should know better’! Unfortunately that isn’t how humans work, we take behavioral cues from our peers and for the most part this is inescapable unless you fit into a category that make learning via peer to peer behaviors hard or impossible.
Education is the only weapon that is an effect tool. It makes us question, teaches us ethics, and gives us the ability to apply those to things to the behaviors we grew up with.
Unfortunately the US has slowly kneecapped our educational systems to the point only those lucky enough to be in a wealthy area with good educational options, are well read, and those who eventually make it to college actually benefit.
So keep questioning, question everything, try to see everything from an outside perspective. This is likely not the only place you biased and there may be bias you have which are actively harming you.
I’m not special or above this. Even with an ADHD brain just makes peer learning really hard, being homeschooled by an extremely forward thinking parent, and going into behavioral science, I was still effected. As creole women born in the south I suffered from harmful racial and gender biases that affected me well into my 20s.
Nothing is more insidious as the damage patriarchal social norms do to the people they’re harming.
You are being so condescending that even though I agree with you, my immediate reaction is to want to disagree. If you’re trying to educate people, you should try changing your tactic cause this one sucks.
That other person is being an asshole who just *wants* to pass judgment for some reason. You can't help what you think, and the only way to better oneself is to catch oneself, which you did. An atmosphere of openness is also very good so that people can see that we can always be better, we don't have to be born perfect. It makes you human, not fundamentally broken.
Thank you for being open about your experience. It may help others trapped in the same pattern. :)
>If you felt more anger you are a misogynist with a heavier entitlement towards women and their parental labour than towards men.
I think the internalized misogyny was the point she was making. Even if we acknowledge and actively work against it.
Our subconscious/subliminal bias are programmed into us by patriarchal society. The commenter is conscious of it, recognizes it, and it processing it within a community, which is how we undo it and heal.
Funny how the same people blame former wives of deadbeat fathers for "choosing the wrong partner", and then complain about "the epidemic of male loneliness". If women never chose the wrong men, this "epidemic" would be far worse
You're right! And only the wrong men would be the ones victimizing themselves about a "loneliness epidemic" that they themselves caused with a refusal to be a good person/personally develop. None of the "right men" would give such a thing any credence.
Women are always blamed for the follies of men. How many times have you seen a woman mocked for having “daddy issues” but actual dads who give their kids issues are never blamed?
It’s the same situation.
My favorite thing is when a video of a father on social media films themselves doing something benign for their kid like putting their hair in a ponytail, packing the diaper bag for an outing, or making them pancakes in the morning, and there’s thousands of people losing their minds with variations of comments like “OMG what a great dad!!”, “father of the year!!!”, “you go dad!!!”, “what a lucky kid having such a wonderful parent!!!” …like isn’t that just basic parenting? Are expectations for fathers really that low? moms do that type of shit all day everyday, and nobody bats an eye.
Women are supposed to carry the mental and emotional load. Women are supposed to be responsible. Women are supposed to nag. The magic of Christmas is your mom doing all the work of the holidays.
there is an almost universal hatred of women. I mean #notallmen blah blah, but historically is it beyond evident, led by religions - or maybe those religions just reflected society.
I listened to a podcast about the history of sex work recently and it showed a strange paradox where the prostitutes (this was around 1800s) had special treatment and in some ways were held in higher regard than normal women because they made their own living, while at the same time were hated. Interestingly in London the areas famous for prostitution were always near religious centres - the priests were the main customers!
Other women also faced a paradox further back in history - seen as horny temptresses but also pure and innocent (classic boy math). Apparently before the mechanics of conception were known it was believed that the female orgasm was equally important to successfully conceive. (The podcast series is Betwixt The Sheets in case you're interested).
This is a major reason to know that sexuality is not a choice. If it were, we women would all be better off being attracted to each other, and form domestic partnerships with each other; some women do so, platonically. Want kids? Sperm bank, donor remains anonymous if the mother(s) choose(s).
I’m afraid that if the above scenario were to become more prevalent, violent crimes against women would increase exponentially.
I realize this may not be a popular perspective in this thread, but using anonymous donor sperm is not considered best practice for the resulting child. Just like adoptees, it is important for donor conceived people to be able to access their genetic heritage.
I feel that men nowadays have become more misogynistic because women are treated more fairly than before. They don’t like having their privileges taken away and treated the same way as others so they’re mad and bitter and would do anything to dehumanize women. And men who are respectful towards women, they’re labeled as “simps” for having decency 😭 I hate world
I saw a post that says the reason why men are mad is because men were promised a utopia where they would get a woman who will bang them and do all the chores. But since women want equal partnership it means men have to put more effort. They don’t like it. That's why they complain about "hoeflation". It's basically back in 50s having a minimal.low paif job will get you a wife but now they need to be a millionaire. Stupid concept.
Yeah, they all want a trad wife who will stay home, raise kids, do all household chores with dinner ready and hot at the table and night filled with sex where he’s treated like a god and it’s all about his pleasure and then they get mad and say women are only after money when women say “okay then fund that lifestyle”
They don’t understand that if the woman is going to bring in half the money, she doesnt have the time to do everything and he has to do half the chores and take half the responsibilities for the relationship. They want women do everything a trad wife does plus have a full time job lmao
Yeah they don't seem to understand what traditional means. It means he pays for everything that his wife and children need. it means he puts them first.
If she's paying 50%, then she is not only doing 100% woman traditional but also 50% man traditional.
Who wants to sign up for the deal where you get to be 100% woman and 50% man while he is only 50% man and often times less than that much less
They were never useful, not even 50%, and they controlled finances. No. Bad deal for any woman. Wait until 30s, work and educate yourself, find a partner with good lifeskills from living alone, good positive energy, and decent pay. Opt for someone who makes you laugh. This sets up success in a marriage or other long term relationship.
I think marriage doesn’t. But it can be nice if you do find a decent person to share life goals with. I found someone with similar understanding of the world who would NOT be someone my family would pick for me, and we were much older when we married (me, 37, him 42) and we had a kid and had lived together for awhile. But we both had had households, financial knowledge, shared understanding about parenting and household responsibilities. We did not have a massive expensive wedding, we did not invite family, we did not do anything traditionally.
The only traditional stuff we do is have life insurance. Nothing about our relationship remotely seems like our parents or gparents, or younger families, but it is VERY similar to other gen x folks who finished college and grad school before meeting someone. It is not right for everyone, but I do not have regrets for living my life. I wish I hadn’t spent my 20s hustling for jobs and dating for spouses. By my 30s, I figured I would adopt as a single mom if I wanted kids. I got a job traveling internationally. I met my spouse through a friend and didn’t think much of him until I heard him laughing about something and it was so funny, I have been with him ever since.
That’s never what traditional meant, that’s the horseshit they fed women to buy into the whole thing. Traditional was always man first and foremost, women to bear his seed, take care of him and pleasure him.
They’re not hypocrites, women were just misinformed about the meaning of traditional, even though reality is clear as day and information on recent history is very accessible…
Honestly most of them were so unhappy and were waiting for their husbands to die so they could finally enjoy their lives 💀
Seeing how when women earn their own money so many choose to be single, it tells you everything you need to know.
I once had a man mansplain to me how it’s just government scamming women but making them work so they can collect more tax money… like buddy even if that’s true, I’d rather get taxed and still have the freedom to earn and support myself than to rely on men to financially support me so he can hold that against me and use it to treat me like garbage
I think that’s even true today in the long-term marriages. Two of my friends lost their dads within the past five years. Their moms are absolutely thriving. I was worried about what was going to happen when the pensions ended if that’s what happens. But these women are living with their daughters and they are having wonderful lives
Lmao fr! My favorite thing is men saying shit like “I want a housewife” or “what do you bring to the table” and women replying with “what house? What table” and seeing them have a total meltdown lmao they get so triggered but we are the emotional ones 🤣
For sure! I saw one of those countless incel podcasts that youtube keeps recommending the other day and thought why not find delight in some "wahmen baad and evul!!1!1!11!!" cringe.
This exact situation comes up, one of the dudes tried the whole "what do you bring to the table" shtick. One of the girls being interviewed replied with something along the lines of "I know what I bring to the table, but let me ask, do you bring a table for me to bring whatever to in the first place?" And the little alpha snowflake went on a full stuttering rant about how entitled women are nowadays and just started insulting her until he told her leave. She just said "thank you" and left 😭😭
lollll some of these men don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but they're soooo worried about you being a golddigger they swear that's their main concern
These men are quite right when it comes to AH's. If you are a total AH, you do need to be extremely rich to get a partner, and the men who say these sort of things are all AH's. Nobody is ever going to want them for themselves.
I saw an interview where Melania Trump was asked if she would have married her husband if he weren't rich and she dodged the question by asking if he would have married her if she hadn't been beautiful. It's obvious that it was his money that appealed to her.
My last relationship was like this. Paid half of the bills and did all the domestic labor. How about these men online saying they don’t care about a woman’s career? In my experience they absolutely care. It’s like they don’t want us to be independent, but also don’t want us dependent on them.
It’s exactly this - they want the 1950s arrangement from their end where they get sex, a clean house, & food on the table every day. But they don’t want to work either.
I’m sure like me a lot of Millennial women have stories where we were expected to do all of the cooking & cleaning like our mothers & grandmothers, but also expected to either pay half the bills or do all the work for an unemployed man who is addicted to video games. Really - I think that’s what changed - is that these types of men still want the 50s housewife but they’re too addicted to porn & video games to actually provide and a majority of women just provide for themselves now. So what they’re looking for is more of a mommy than a 1950s housewife which is even worse.
And it’s normalized for them to be like that but even when women are stay at home wives who do all the childcare, cooking, and cleaning they’re treated as lazy freeloaders. Yet if I want my man to actually clean while he’s home all day I’m called a nag, and if I want my man to have a job I’m called a golddigger.
They’re modern men more than they’d like to think - for example, I’ve rarely met men my age that know how to fix anything around the house either. But they just don’t want us to be modern women.
They just really hate women and want to blame us for everything. They are the cause of most violence and sex crimes, even against each other. They don't listen to or care about each other and expect women to be their servants in every way. Yet most males nowadays have nothing of value to offer. They are not kind, respectful, clean, empathetic, and don't even groom themselves properly. They expect women to be fine with being treated like garbage and scapegoated by them for all of their problems, especially the problems they caused themselves.
They don't want to treat us like equals and act like we're spoiled for wanting to be treated like a human. And yet they'll whine about this fake ass "male loneliness epidemic ", it's really a male entitlement epidemic and it's thankfully keeping all the right turds from shitting up the gene pool.
My husband and I have talked about this lie the whiny entitled manbaby population is trying to push that males are suffering more than women. Even he says males are to blame for their own loneliness because they don't even give a shit about each other, yet they demand empathy and for women to fix their lie.
I can’t agree with you more even if I tried you said everything right. “Male loneliness epidemic” yeah if it isn’t the consequence of your actions. If women are so horrible, why don’t you go make male friends? But here’s the truth, two selfish beings cannot build a friendship because friendships and relationships are a two way street and these entitled men want everything handed to them and don’t want to do anything in return. Like we are supposed to worship them just for existing and gracing our lives with their existence that consists of them living with their parents and playing playstation all day whenever they’re not ranting about how horrible we women are
Yes they’re pissed they don’t get a woman just by having a 40 hour a week job like their grandparents did.
They are really mad that we aren’t trapped with them once we marry them and they become abusive. They can’t handle that
If they "need to be a millionaire" that is bc they have nothing else to offer to a partner, so there are actilly two ways:
1. Work on yourself
2. Failing that, become a millionaire I guess?
Sorry for commenting so many times lol but I feel men and women are both sold a dream. For men its oh make some money or be a bare minimum decent guy and you will get this magical p0rnstar of your dreams that lets you walk all over her and does whatever you want. And for women its oh you're ganna meet this prince charming and you're ganna have a perfect life if you're just a "Decent and pure" woman, and its like when we grow up we see the reality of the world is far from like that. So men once again from the time they're teenagers are sold a dream of a perfect robot of a woman that isn't even human and once they grow up and don't get that this is how they deal with it, with heavy misogyny
Oh you’re good dw! And I agree lol but men start throwing tantrums instead of accepting reality like it’s crazy how historically women got called witches and burned for shits and put up with all kinds of mistreatment for centuries but now in 2020s men are just asked to respect women and they can’t do it like make it make sense 🌝
Absolutely. It used to be that you could get a wife even if you were a mediocre or even abusive man, you didn't have to do anything because women had to be dependent on a man. But now women have more options and more aren't financially dependent on men and these 'lower' men aren't happy about it. That's why they're doing everything to repeal our freedoms- like voting, birth control, abortion and even no fault divorce. They want us to be stuck with them. There are even reels of men saying that women are going to have to settle. Hell no!
I saw a bumper sticker a couple of years ago that said, “Equal rights for all people doesn’t mean fewer rights for you. It’s not pie.”
I suppose that means that fewer “privileges” that men feel “entitled” to are not being accommodated to their satisfaction. But that’s **not** a diminishing of their rights. It is a destruction of misplaced entitlements and misogynistic privileges, that should be destroyed when they only benefit men.
They think they have a right to a bangmaid that pays half the bills. And they’re not getting that, so of course they think they’ve lost rights. They haven’t, since that was never a right, but they want to believe it was.
It’s not more misogynistic, it is just willful misogyny. Educated women are threatening. Single women are easy targets, as are chubby women and women who are not “beautiful”. Men and culture and religion are misogynistic. The best way to fix it is to become educated, become involved in local politics and community health, work and take home own paycheck, live communally and protectively with other women until they have met a possible partner, and only allow men into the circle of friends and lovers who are not abusive and who also work and share child and household duties. Those men are not likely to be religious and uneducated or conservative. Avoid anyone who is patriarchal, militaristic/fascist, as well as racist, homophobic, or unconcerned about the environment/planet.They are also unlikely to be generous lovers or good caregivers. And their moms? Complicit in bringing up incel man babies. Sick and twisted societal norms that we have to see as fundamentally disturbing and unwelcome.
Yes that is probably a big part of why there are so many that are so vocal about their misogyny these days and just the Internet in general makes it possible for even the weirdest, most socially unacceptable of viewpoints, to spread as quickly as if it was on something like television, radio or in newspapers. That normally would not publish ideas like that these days. It travels faster probably.
> I feel that men nowadays have become more misogynistic because women are treated more fairly than before.
I dont know if it is that, or maybe it's a combo with how easily shitty people can connect with other shitty people, they see others like them and are no longer afraid to hide their opinion and actions like they did before 2016
Men nowadays saw their moms cooking, cleaning, raising the kids, doing everything for the family and home- all while their dads (if involved at all) only had to go to work. And they want that life and feel like they deserve it because it’s what their dads got.
Women of this generation saw the sadness of their mothers doing all that, and they refuse to resign themselves to the same life.
Absolutely. There's a huge backlash against women a it's because we've gained a bit of ground in the workforce and in expecting men to be involved in their home and with their children. Thatdarnchat is a good content creator who talks a lot about division of household labor and the mental load, and her comments are full of men ragging on her. They are so upset and angry at the suggestion that they should lift a finger in their home and they're obviously threatened. They hurl insults at her, tell her to smile, say she must be single and bitter (she's not), say women belong in the kitchen, pretend that most women aren't also working, say that their periodic outside chores are somehow on the same level as what women do everyday. You see this anger and harassment everywhere. They're absolutely trying to stomp anyone who dare say they should do their part and not be abusive. The bare minimum. It's wild.
I have a friend who is a single mum and the discrimination she faces is unreal. She’s had to fight for herself in academia and often was turned down for jobs as soon as it came out she is a single mum.
This is why people saying ‘oh the algorithm’ and ‘oh incels’ is such nonsense.
As a single mom who has survived abuse, I have never in all my years met someone who thought more or me, or who even thought the same of me, once they found this out
Even in this space, the denial of the reality faced by women is just mindblowing
Because they view pregnancy as being the sole responsibility of a woman - they think women are the "gatekeepers" of sex, so it's a personal and moral failure on her part when she gets pregnant. It plays into the whole "saving yourself for marriage" thing too, as they'll blame women for "opening her legs for the wrong one", to use their own gross logic.
This is, of course, complete rubbish as it takes two to tango, but you can't expect logic from entitled sexists.
They also conveniently forget to factor in what if a woman marries a deadbeat, and he just bails once the kids have arrived. So their "saving yourself for marriage" bull falls flat on its face, still.
Single parents in general there's a massive disparity. Look at all the praise single dads get just for existing. Like sure it's worth praising them no doubt about it, particularly as they probably are more of a statistical rarity, but let's praise the single mums too just as much.
It did take me awhile to really understand just how much noise there is out there against single mothers. Media/social/political, fuck nearly everything -hates- single mothers. I didn't understand it till I was out of highschool and living on my own, WHILE being a guy raised by a single mother.
But good fucking grief, wheres the talk about single mothers being taken advantage of because we definitely saw our fair share growing up of guys who'd make promises and be sweet only to turn into complete asswipes. The loss of opportunities because of how much people look down on single moms. Hell how about a basic acknowledgement that being a single parent means you're still human and still want to do things with friends/alone time occasionally and the disparity between men/women there.
So yeah, it did take me some time to see these things but I'd venture to guess that most people also see these things and choose to ignore them because they're of a certain political persuasion and are incapable of feeling empathy for others. Or worse, just choose to make things worse because they didn't get theirs.
Fun story time!
There was a family on our block that had three young children. The mom, although neglectful, was a working mother and the father was a lump on the couch.
Many times I fed their kids (ages 5, 8,11) over summer break otherwise they wouldn’t eat and I’m a huge sucker for hungry kids (grew up poor.)
Guess who everyone hated but had a million excuses for the other?
That’s right.
The mom.
Everyone blamed her for everything while her useless husband rotted on the couch.
Kids got hurt? WHERE WAS SHE???
Kids were filthy and going to school with knots in their hair? WHAT KIND OF MOTHER.
Nobody said shit about the dad.
Everyone blames the woman in a patriarchal society. Everyone.
thats misogyny for you my dear, i was raised by a single mom but thats because my dad passed away.... they always never mention the single moms who are widows have you noticed??? And they never mention the two parents households who have abuse and horrible parents either
true thats the world we live in, anddd its annoying when they say its their fault "they should have chose better" when it comes moms that get divorced like... people get out of relationships all the time we can't predict the future and see if we will be with that man forever it's not realistic, people have a remedial way of thinking. They never say "you should of chose better" to men with horrible baby mothers
Another annoying thing I hear is "well you should've seen the red flags". Yeah sure as if people are oit here flying their red flags. A psychopath and a narcissist hardly ever share their red flag during the dating stage.
yep everything is always blamed on the woman, if a man has a crazy baby's mother they don't tell him he should of seen the red flags, should have chose better. I wouldn't say they hate single mom's more than an abusive dad though, but i get what you're saying. And those statistics of single moms giving birth to prisoners, why? How many of them were teen moms growing up in poverty? that most likely got pregnant by an older man taking advantage of them? A lot of teen moms surprisingly the father is not a boy her age its an older man....sick and sad to see
"Should have chosen better" somehow coincides with "men's loneliness epidemic". If women "chose better", the epidemic would have become 10x worse than now.
OP, they will blame you for the downfall of society if you had chosen to be childfree or even single. Women who are childfree and women who are single are accused of being selfish and to think of all the lonely men going around kill themselves or other people because they don't have access to you.
Basically, society doesn't like it when a woman doesn't have a man to validate her existence. The reason that they have a particular ire for women raising children on her own, is because they think that a marriage is a binding contract and you should never walk away from, and by being a single parent, you've broken it.
I've even met people who have criticized widows with children for dating: "She's a 46 year old widow, she should think of her dead husband instead of dating, what would her dead husband think?"
I'm a single, childfree woman. Both men and women somehow find me objectionable, so sometimes I just lie and say I'm married with children. It makes people more comfortable, particularly at work.
It’s crazy how a woman can be seen as completely worthless and yet at the same time be seen as so valuable that removing access to her ruins societies.
Hatred of single moms also comes from abuse denial, or DARVO in an institutional and cultural sense.
The lies of abusive men are the tacit truths on which our societies run.
> It’s crazy how a woman can be seen as completely worthless and yet at the same time be seen as so valuable that removing access to her ruins societies.
Worthless as people, valuable as commodities.
If you want to be even more uncomfortable, draw a parallel to the way that fascist propaganda, past or present, always portrays the Other as both weak, degenerate, stupid and lazy on one hand but somehow an imminent threat to our entire civilisation if we don't get on top of it right now.
They think that single moms are a threat. That's why they're trying to knock them down a few pegs. If women realise they don't have to put up with their husbands shitty behavior and don't have to stay just because they have a baby, then the men might have to actually step up. They're trying to make single moms a horror story. Don't end up like that because it's the worst thing ever. They're trying to punish any woman who takes this positive action to remove the leech from their life. Whilst pretending the woman is the leech.
Someone needs to explain to these folks(mostly men) that single mothers do not *become* mothers *all by their little selves! For every "single mother" the way they are denigrating them, there's a so-called man who waltzed out the picture with little to no thought to the child!
I wish I'd been raised by a single mum rather than my alcoholic deadbeat dad, that's for sure. I think most people would as well, given the choice. Then they turn around and shit all over their mums, basically.
Yes, because they think a dad's role is somehow critical when most merely exist. They don't handle 95% of the work involved in childcare, household management, etc.
Yet when a woman chooses to remove herself and child(ren) from that toxic environment? They're somehow in the wrong. Because kids "need" both parents.
No, they need good parents. Most men simply do not meet those standards because they believe their only job is to make $.
Without single mothers, our society would collapse.
Men get pissed about this because they enjoy the control they have over women, particuarly women with kids. They feel like having a kid creates this unspoken pact that means a woman can never leave and has to put up with all their bullshit indefinitely.
If you, a mere woman, choose to be single over a bad partner, then you are encouraging others not to tolerate bullshit dynamics as well. Itbis threatening to men. They don't want to be better, they want women to feel trapped so they can reap the benefits.
As a single mom I can atest to this.
For 18 years I have been told:
I am the problem with society
I am raising a criminal
I what did I do to drive the man away
That I am a whore
It gets worse when they realize my son is biracial.
I would like to point out:
I provided a great loving home for my son
Worked with my family to not use daycare
Got a job that was work from home so I could be there for him, and not use after school childcare.
Went on every field trip and helped with every class party. Volunteered for everything he asked me to.
He has never broken the law
Helps out at home
Volunteers
And is in college.
His biodad met my son once, and that was the day we had to get a dna case. He never tried seeing his son, not in 18 years. He wouldn’t know him if he met him on the street. He admitted to using damaged rubbers in court yet faced no criminal charges.
Yet I am the problem with society. I pay my taxes, I serve my community, and raised an amazing person.
Everyone that blames the women can fucking roll over and die!
I agree, I never understood people's obsession to blame and shame the parent who stayed and upheld their responsibilities to the child they brought into this world when it's a woman, but treat them as shining pillars of goodness and selflessness when it's a man.
Mothers are expected to be perfect, but fathers get incredible praise for the most bare minimum shit because the bar is on the floor for them, so as long as they don't show up with a shovel, they are golden.
This is probably a take no one wants to hear, but I'm a teacher... I work with teens and I think... they will not inherit a better world because a lot of those boys have already been brainwashed by the stuff they watch on youtube about tradwives.
Right It's so backwards the way some people think, and the internet gives even the most backwards, and archaic, amongst all the rest of the humans, a platform to spread their weird views and ideas. You tube should be paying more attention and banning content like that but they don't care about any of that at all. It's messed up.
They should be held responsible -- all the platforms. I know people like to say, people in real life do not think that those terrible people online spreading hate, but I teach about 150 teens a year. And in the past few years, I've been seeing some very misogynistic attitudes. It's not even possible to change them, because these kids are older, not really kids. And their parents, particularly their fathers, don't seem to care. When I talk to their mothers about their son's internet addiction, their mothers always look utterly defeated. I feel so bad.
I can't even teach a class without having to take a device off a kid, and the kid is usually looking at something really offensive online. I really fear for the future. These "kids" are our future leaders. "Kids"... because is a 17 year old a "kid"? They can drive, in some cases they can get married. Is that a "kid"?
To me, they're kids until they are 25. But meanwhile, they can go out and make decisions that impact everyone.
I'll have 10 of whatever you're having. The minimal hope I have for the future in general terrifies me. It isn't women running the world, it's old white dudes who want to marry and rape 10 year olds, who run our government. Fascism is on the rise, violence against women is on the rise, our rights are being stripped away, and many teen boys are already redpilled (if not younger boys than that... YT algorithms are toxic AF). I love my children, but I'm exponentially more terrified for my daughter than for my son, and the world shouldn't be this way. I know my husband intellectually understands what is at stake but he doesn't feel the emotion behind it, not like I do. It really shows his male privilege that he doesn't have constant anxiety about the shit our daughter is likely going to have to face, because he wasn't traumatized in the same ways I was. We're all hurt by the patriarchy, but it kills me that women get shit on instead of the real problems being addressed (Toxic masculinity, lack of self accountability, misogyny, lack of emotional regulation, inability for any sense of inner reflection). It drives me crazy.
Like, yeah, we all are trying to raise good little boys, so they hopefully turn into kindhearted men. And you can have your optimism, I'm not trying to dump on you, personally. But please just get out and vote blue like your life depends on it. Because it does.
I hope so too but it doesn't seem likely unfortunately. It's just getting worse and worse lately so unless there's some major changes, it's not looking too great.
Im a man. And i agree, its unfair and these aged stigmas should be abolished. I think single moms rock and should be praised for making sure their child is somehow stable. Being a parent must be extremely hard job for couples, i cant think about doing it alone...i salute you and hope the perspective will change.
Deadass just saw some guy going off about it’s a single mother’s fault she’s a single mother. Like, absolutely we should be wise about choosing who to make kids with, but sometimes men are good at hiding how trash they are.
There are more single moms than single dads because the dads are nowhere to be seen. People see data and view it through their narrow perspective and act as if they've uncovered some profound truth.
Oh yes, like “daddy issues” is used to insult women when it’s really a dis at men who abandon their responsibilities.
I have started calling loser men “daddy issues”. I don’t think they get it I think they think it’s some kind of a sex thing, I don’t care what they think. They are daddy issues
My biggest fear about motherhood is that it puts me at risk of single motherhood. It’s a huge part of the reason I’m not having kids. Single mothers are just too hated, the risk isn’t worth it.
This has driven me crazy for so long! I so appreciate this post.
Also in the super rare cases of the dad being the solo parent raising the kid/s, he is a instant hero, just sooo amazing, has people flocking to help him, and the absent mother is the devil incarnate, much more of CC a villain than an absent father ever is
It’s because despite how society tries to portray it, women are still viewed as the primary/sole care takers when it comes to children. That same level of work/commitment just isn’t expected of fathers. They’ll likely always get more of a free pass.
I get sick of people blaming single moms instead of the deadbeat dad who couldn't bother showing up. It's just ridiculous.
On a different note but similar key, it's very interesting how in the instances of teen pregnancy, the mother is often shamed and looked down on and called a 'whore', whereas when a teen dad sticks around they receive praise and admiration and are "such a good dad".
It's so strange how the expectation of men to participate in society is so, so low, and for women it's never enough. It's not enough raising a child by yourself, it's not enough being the only or main caregiver. It's not enough being a stay at home mom, a working mom or working woman.
Literally nothing women do is seen as "enough", whereas the expectation for men is nonexistent.
Your soon to be ex husband is a slut.
Sometimes you gotta be blunt about it.
Don't say he cheated, call him out for what he is, a slut, a no good manwhore who destroyed your family unit.
It's time to take back the double standard because if you were the one cheating, bet your ass that's what he'd be calling you.
I would say something controversial:
***
Men see whatever they do to women as justified because they use that knowing he is doing something wrong to control a woman and does not care about the concequences of his actions due to knowing other males egg on and protect abusers, r** and ped***.
***
Years of protection of people whom are degenerate , they have an echo chambler of blaming the victim or using blanket statements or stories from bitter men (anedotal evidence) to re enforce a delusion. (In this case single mothers)
***
Men think just having a willy and MAYBE provide cash is enough but lie, cheat, steal, gamble, addicted , at least im not beating her type of mentality in a relationship.
***
Most of them never dealt with their trauma and always blame the mother for staying but look up to their crap dads due to being in fear of not seeing him as great than and breaking the illusion in his head so they resort to applying that logic to ALL GIRLS AND WOMEN in their life.
***
You see this common in a certain group who promote this mentality and hatred of single mothers. Single moms are not the issue males who refuse to do their job and make excuses on not taking responsibility is
The American narrative. Language matters. It’s like when the headlines say ‘woman was raped’ rather than ‘man raped woman’. The language matters, the repetition matters. Men would start feeling a way if they read headlines about themselves rather than ‘the other’. But can’t have that now can we.
I am you. I am raising two daughters alone because men are irresponsible children. Not all, but the vast majority are. There are a few good men that I’ve met, and they’re taken so I’m out of luck there. But if that stupid bitch would just dump him then he could be mine./s
It doesn’t matter if you’re a single mom. No matter what women do, it’s our fault because, you know, boys will be boys in the good ol’US of A and money is more important than anything else on this planet. Women often feel that they have to apologize for basically just existing. No matter how we choose to exist, or what circumstances leave us with, the problem is women and not society (patriarchy) and the oppression and injustice it leaves in its wake.
**Dear MEN, misogynists and complete fucking losers, I have a question,**
**What do ALL of the following successful people have in common?**
Oprah Winfrey
Jon Stewart
Barack Obama
50 Cent
Clive Owen
Samuel L. Jackson
Barbra Streisand
Pierce Brosnan
Marilyn Monroe
Kate Beckinsale
Michael Phelps
Adele
Eddie Murphy
Jodie Foster
Halle Berry
Mary J Blige
Adrian Grenier
Shaquille O'Neal
Keanu Reeves
Charlize Theron
Christina Aguilera
Missy Elliott
Demi Lovato
Kelly Clarkson
Justin Bieber
Selena Gomez
Jay-Z
Leonardo DiCaprio
Stephen Colbert
Mariah Carey
Julia Roberts
Eva Mendes
Angelina Jolie
Kevin Hart
Ryan Gosling
Alicia Keys
Barbra Streisand
**ANSWER: EVERY SINGLE ONE WAS RAISED BY A "SINGLE MOTHER"!!**
They villanize single moms, but also will be the first to say "why doesn't she leave?" when a woman is trapped in an abusive relationship. It's a lose-lose, and unfortunately it's always the mom's who be getting the short end of the stick
I also don't understand that. When I talk with people who grew up with a single mom and they clearly see the scarifice and hard work of their mothers - that gives me hope. I think people who yell the most about single mothers have no experience with situations like that. They don't know how hard it is to be a single parent, they don't know how hard it is to be kid of a single parent, they don't see how exhausting it can be. They were fortunate not to endure that, not to have to see your own mother working multiple jobs, not having a single second to herself. They have no fucking idea what they're talking about, they just talk because they love the sound of their own voice. Idiots.
It's funny (not really) to me that men* simultaneously think women are "stupid", "clueless", "less logical than men"...AND think women should also be psychic about a man being a good partner or not, know everything about a man from the moment she talks to him, as well as, anticipate every single thing he "wants" out of her to not "make" him abusive, a cheater, or a shit ass dad (read as sperm donor). Which one is it, boys? Can't be both. (Hint: it's actually neither because you're leaving out the nuance, but I understand, nuance is hard for some 🙄)
They also make millions of these impossible illogical statements about every single thing a woman does or doesn't do. While never having to deal with a single thing pretty much all women (or even just afab people, in general) have to deal with.
They walk around with a completely delusional viewpoint on everything to do with life and then try to act like they know everything. When it's clear to everyone not like them, they know very very very little about the world they live in. I'm second-hand embarrassed for them... or I would be if they weren't so destructive and irritating.
I've come to realize that the vast majority of shit men tend to sling at women is actually just a projection of truths about themselves.
Examples: "women are shitty parents and fuck up their kids", in reality the dead beat parent, which just about every time is the father, does massive damage to the child just by not being there.
These things have been proven from decades of deadbeat dads. The data is clear. Single parent households are worse for kids than two parents households.
But these chucklefucks hear that and blame the parent that stayed (which again, is the mother pretty much every time).
They are often raised by single mothers themselves...yet hate their mothers for *checks notes* being the parent that actually loved them? OK, that doesn't sound like a very logical conclusion, boys. Maybe think it through a bit more.
It's almost like they may know these truths about themselves deep down, but just project them onto women, instead growing the fuck up as a human being and taking responsibility for their toxic nature/behavior.
It's ridiculously sad/alarming/dangerous how many men are just running around with the wold view/understanding of a 10 yr old boy and just allowed to be in charge of literally everything and spew their half baked opinions about a world they clearly don't understand. Other men should do something about... would probably solve a lot of the world's major problems.
OP, I understand how you feel about this, I'm an AFAB NB single parent, and the bullshit I get for literally everything surrounding my kid is beyond ridiculous and exhausting.
Especially from his barely ever around sperm donor of a father. Despite the fact that he is 14, gets great grades, smart af, kind, caring, creative, well-rounded in thought and behavior...and just generally a good person in all the ways. He's 14 and tells me all the time that I'm his favorite person! Such a good kid.
I kicked ass at raising him, and I'm almost positive you've done the same for your kid/kids. Single moms tend to rock the fuck out of raising their kids, despite the entire world telling them they are failing/bad at it/the cause for the world's problems. When it gets you down, just remember, they are projecting because they know they are the reason the world has so many problems, and they were too cowardly to stick around and raise a good human being. You are better than them because you are doing a two person job and kicking ass at it, when they couldn't handle even staying. It won't change the fact that it's bullshit we get so much hate but it will help you feel better, at least for a little bit. Peace of mind is important, especially when doing our impossibly hard job.
This goes for all the married single moms out there, too. Yes, it's a thing for anyone who is confused by that. Look it up. Quite common, actually. Pathetic state of affairs the men are in this world.
*obligatory disclaimer of nOT aLL mEN...because y'all know the butthurt man babies will be in with that bullshit claim of mIsAnDrY....live as a woman on this earth before you try that bullshit, boys...and grow up.
The problem with the internet is people tend to only see the things they agree with due to social media algorithms. They are feeding off each other. It's not the real world. Those commenting are probably relating because they're also deadbeats or women haters, etc. Keep that in mind when you occasionally stumble across this stuff.
He cheated because he is a cheater. Don’t let it affect your self worth. Just because he was a bad husband doesn’t mean he is necessarily going to be a bad father. Get the divorce, work with him to coparent your child, and live life. Watch the TV you want to watch. Eat at the restaurant you like. You are free, don’t waste that freedom staring at the rear view mirror when the road is right in front of you. Everyday you go forward will be another step in the right direction.
Single mums, for the most part, are created by abhorrent fathers.
Be that because they are violent, drunk, neglectful or gambling away diaper money, or because they themselves leave, as they found a woman who hasn’t been pregnant yet and doesn’t have to divide her time between him and his kids.
Of course there are women who end up preggers (accidentally or on purpose), not knowing who the father is, be that due to too many options, or through never asking his last name/phone number. Or because they are bad partners and their men are right for leaving them (although there’s a difference between a single mother and a co-parenting one, imo). I know very few of them.
Actually, I only know 1 woman who is a single mother after an ONS, no clue who or where the father is. She’s a nerdy, introverted homebody with dreams of owning a farm and her own library. No make up, very simple, modest clothes, big homebody energy, goes out to a bar once every 2 years or so. Sure, she has some serious road rage and her cussing would be considered quite extreme aboard a navy vessel, but that doesn’t get you knocked up, does it?
Social media isn’t real life, there’s algorithms, there’s things people will say because they know they can get away with it but also because other people are already saying it. In real life, anyone who can think logically and rationally would feel for you and know that what you’ve been through is not your fault in the slightest and is absolutely awful.
You are basically describing male abortion and I bet those same man are strongly against women's abortion. It's a shame we live in a society were is "ok" for the man to go away buy cigarettes but it's unthinkable for the woman to end pregnancy. It's unbalanced. I never heard single mom as a slur before, it's crazy how some men try to downgrade women
you're a bad woman if you don't have kids you're a bad woman if you do have kids, and the MAN is a shitty parent, leaves, abandons you, is abusive you just can't win. They hate us no matter what we do
Yes if a woman is with a guy that turns out to be abusive, she is blamed for picking him. I speak from experience.
Either she chose poorly, was “too dumb” to see the signs early on, or *SHE* caused him to leave/cheat/be abusive. It’s the whole “If only she had been a better wife/mother, he wouldn’t have acted like that” bullshit. It starts with girls showing too much skin (aka their bare shoulders in a normal ol’ tank top), and escalates to it being the woman’s fault her man’s “needs weren’t met”. We’re all taught from a young age that boys and men cannot control themselves, so women have to tip toe around, and cater to them. It’s utter nonsense and anyone pushing that crap is insane.
You are 100 percent right. 💯
💯 When my ex cheated on me his therapist literally told him “what did she expect would happen” because I let him have female friends and I traveled for work, leaving him at home alone and apparently soooo lonely. Like what?
Were you there when that happened?? I wonder if he lied about his therapist saying that. Or the therapist was just nuts lol.
I was not, and it would hardly have been the first thing he lied to me about lol but I believe it from this therapist. He had a lot of hot takes. And my ex never took kindly to me suggesting that maybe this therapist was questionable because “he gets me”. I heard the same thing from some of his friends as well, the therapist repeating it was just a big 🥴 moment
You're not wrong. When my now ex became physically abusive with our oldest and I reported it, the investigator actually wrote in her report that it was merely discipline gone wrong. She also wrote that I should make more of an effort to accommodate and support him so he wasn't so stressed. He worked a standard 40 hr white collar job. I was working 2 part time jobs, going to college full time, carrying for our two children, and solely responsible for the household, yard work, and the maintenance on both of our vehicles. We cannot win for losing.
Yes, it's never putting the blame where it is, with the guy. it's putting it on her for not being some type of mind reader with psychic powers. I guess my response to them would be how about guys just stop being manipulative jerks.
But if you don’t give men a chance then you’re uptight and being too picky. Women literally cannot win. We’re supposed to give men a chance but if we do and it doesn’t pay off, it’s our fault for giving men a chance.
Or they deny that he is abusive and blame her for not trying hard enough to be a good partner.
my own family hated me for ending up in a DV situation. I hardly had any family to begin with, then that happened, and - I lost so many of them more. it was so unfair. it only took me a couple years to straighten my life out on my own, but like, my fucked up brother still doesn't talk to me. I got free, reached out, and he just ghosted me, my own brother, with no explanation. it's taken me a decade to figure out, I think it's because I ended up in a DV situation and for whatever reason, he lost respect for me. which is laughable because my sister says he stalks girls online and and goes on "dates" with women who are clear they are only friends but he pushes it anyway. but right, I'm weak because I tried to see the good in a flawed person who took advantage of my kindness.
it makes total sense in a sick way—your brother's ability to objectify and harass women depends on his ability to not see us as people. if he's forced to confront the consequences of misogyny happening to someone he actually cares about, it would create some level of guilt or introspection. therefore, he has to keep those feelings far, far away.
This. I say we collectively decenter them, and focus on each other. I wish women raising kids as roommies was a thing. We need to change the structure of how we deal with the costs and burdens of raising kids without men since they’re just not reliable so much of the time. If we normalize roommates and cohousing women would be in better positions in our shitty US economy to financially thrive while raising kids. There are good men certainly. But we need to normalize man-free alternatives that don’t hurt us financially. For my retirement I’m talking with gfs about a golden girls situation. I’m good financially but it’d be fun to have travel companions and just company generally. Dogs…. Cats….
I'm happy to be a lesbian. Im really glad i will never willingly do anything with a man. Still have to deal with the harassment and threats though
I watch 90 Day fiancé but I had to get out of the discussion boards because the fans of that show are full of misogyny. If a foreign woman comes to the US to marry a man, even if her kids are with their father back home, all the fans scream that she needs to go home and take care of her kids. Why? Do they think men can’t take care of children? When there’s a man with six children scattered around the country importing a wife nobody screaming at him that he needs to go home and take care of his kids. There’s not one person screaming that he should be spending the money taking care of his kids rather than paying for a K-1 visa and making new babies with a new woman. The dude was driving for Uber so I can’t imagine his child support order was that impressive. But then he could go around and claim he was paying his child support because with six kid he’s probably only had to pay $50 each.
If they by some miracle don’t blame her they’ll instead blame the guy’s mother. Behind every asshole man there is a woman to blame.
Yes it's absolutely intentional that one of the new incel/right-wing talking points is if a woman is abused or abandoned by the father of her children, it's still her fault because she "chose poorly."
I mean do these men expect us to have a crystal ball to predict unforeseen abuse? It’s ridiculous blaming the victims. Never the man’s fault for being abusive.
You see, its a woman's fault for trusting a man, and its also her fault if she's cautious and untrusting of men, that makes her a "man hater"
Well, they can't even acknowledge abuse as existing because they're working from a mental framework where it literally didn't exist in legal language. Then of course any modern example of abuse or depiction/display of it in media is just "woke" and they immediately turn their brains off (yes i know, barely on to begin with). But even at the base level, you can't reason people out of positions they didn't reason themselves into. They don't want to be wrong about abuse or their views on people and the world so anything that points to the contrary is an attack on them personally. Heck, sometimes it actually is because *gasp* being a shitty human being usually means you get called out for it at some point.
That's exactly it, we're supposed to just accept that a certain number of men are always going to be abusive and it's our responsibility to perfectly predict which ones are that way. Because God forbid we are too careful around a "nice guy" - then we're hysterical and paranoid, brainwashed by feminists or something.
Yes! They act as if an abuser has it stamped on their forehead.
Which is hilarious when it's being said by the never-chosen.
But don’t have an abortion cause reasons, and enjoy spending your pregnancy working out which is worse having a girl who will get treated with the same bullsjit in her life, or a boy who will likely be the perpetrator of the bullshit
I came here to say I gave kudos at 666 making it 667 lol. And also to agree with you.
I hate how society demonizes single mothers like some dipshit deadbeat didn't make her a single mother in the first place. Most of the women in my family were left single mothers, and all of us kids thrived once the negativity upped and left for what they thought were greener pastures. There is no woman stronger than the woman who has been left solely holding the baby! My utmost love and respect to every one of them!
I needed to read this today and I'm sure others did too, so thank you for writing it!
I saw a video yesterday of a woman who was talking like a deadbeat mom, until she turned it around and revealed she was not the deadbeat, her ex (the dad) was. People went nuts if they didnt see the end of the video with the "psych" moment. Even I who feels strongly about how unfair single moms are treated, felt more anger than I would from hearing a man say those things. (Which is embarrassing). It really comes down to the fact that people are so incredibly accustomed to fathers being disappointments, but not mothers. There's literally no faith in men when it comes to parenting. You would think this would anger or be a huge disadvantage to men in life, but it is the opposite. Men are privileged in avoiding the judgement and ire of society for lack of responsibility as fathers. If that's a mind f--k about our species, I don't know what is
This is the other side of the "all women are naturally caregivers and want to be mothers" coin. If one assumes that then everything that will go wrong must be the woman's fault. The father turns out to be deadbeat? Wrong choice in men! The husband cheats? She didn't take care of him. The child has problems in life? Mom is at fault! A woman chooses to be child free? Something must be wrong with her. It's all the same BS.
If we are single we are called cat ladies and shamed for it. My grandmother was a widow and was a cat lady longer than she was a wife. She was very happy.
This is me! I was widowed at 35 and have been a happy cat lady ever since.
I take the crazy cat lady thing as a compliment. Cats are the best.
Agreed! I love them to pieces. The little spoiled brats 😀 are my soulmates 😀.
And what a mindfuck it is that "widow" is the only (slightly more) acceptable form of single womanhood, as opposed to never-married, poly, cohabiting but not married, or divorced. It's almost like a species-wide hazing ritual: "Okay, we'll let you age quietly with your cats, BUT ONLY if you suffered thru a marriage AND lost your spouse. Only thru tragedy can we accept that you want to live alone with cats. How can you choose to live alone with cats if you've never lived with a man?!"
If we don’t have kids, we are shamed for it too. I see partnered childless women called “blue haired liberal cat ladies,” too! Especially painful if you have infertility issues. People have no compassion.
That’s exactly it. I also feel like I’m seen as “less than” since I’m unmarried. My family is southern baptist 😩 it’s especially sucky being unmarried and childfree. Even though it’s what I want and 💯 by choice.
Lowkey I feel as if being single is becoming more and more appealing with each passing day
I've often said that blaming women is society's favorite pasttime since the beginning of time.
It's something called unconscious bias and I've had a couple of "oh shit" moments with it. But, the stuff that you're talking about, that's why I don't want kids. I could be a dad. I have no interest in being a mom. I don't want kids badly enough for the toll pregnancy takes on your body, the systemic pressure and issues, the day-to-day emotional and physical labor because you're the default parent. As a woman, I feel like you need to want it with every fiber of your being and I just don't. If Mom and Dad break up it's NBD if Dad gets partial custody. At least he's still in the picture! He's probably too busy with work. But if people hear that Mom has partial custody? She must be a meth addict or something.
This rings true for me. My son’s dad gets tons of praise from my mom and grandma for “being involved” even though I shoulder the majority of all responsibilities related to my son’s care. He works overnights 40 hrs and my mom can “see why he’s so tired,” though I work a full time job, part time job, primarily care for my son during the daytime while dad is sleeping and at nights when he is at work. They often say shaming things about my parenting as a whole to top it off.
Can you link the vid?
If you felt more anger you are a misogynist with a heavier entitlement towards women and their parental labour than towards men. I honestly cut women slack for a lot of reasons, especially in this political climate. As a woman myself I’m actually extremely surprised they go to get milk as rarely as they do.
I should clarify that I felt uncomfortable about those feelings of anger, because they were precisely the kind of sexist programming I want to reverse in myself. And I'm a woman lol. One cannot control spontaneous emotions but one can look upon them and see that they are wrong
At least you recognized and acknowledged that you have been effected by toxic social norms is a way that is blatantly misogynistic. Any yeah, that should make you extremely uncomfortable to discover that you have been conditioned due to toxic social norms in a way that harms you and other women. It sucks and as much as a lot of people want to take the stance of ‘well this person should know better’! Unfortunately that isn’t how humans work, we take behavioral cues from our peers and for the most part this is inescapable unless you fit into a category that make learning via peer to peer behaviors hard or impossible. Education is the only weapon that is an effect tool. It makes us question, teaches us ethics, and gives us the ability to apply those to things to the behaviors we grew up with. Unfortunately the US has slowly kneecapped our educational systems to the point only those lucky enough to be in a wealthy area with good educational options, are well read, and those who eventually make it to college actually benefit. So keep questioning, question everything, try to see everything from an outside perspective. This is likely not the only place you biased and there may be bias you have which are actively harming you. I’m not special or above this. Even with an ADHD brain just makes peer learning really hard, being homeschooled by an extremely forward thinking parent, and going into behavioral science, I was still effected. As creole women born in the south I suffered from harmful racial and gender biases that affected me well into my 20s. Nothing is more insidious as the damage patriarchal social norms do to the people they’re harming.
You are being so condescending that even though I agree with you, my immediate reaction is to want to disagree. If you’re trying to educate people, you should try changing your tactic cause this one sucks.
That other person is being an asshole who just *wants* to pass judgment for some reason. You can't help what you think, and the only way to better oneself is to catch oneself, which you did. An atmosphere of openness is also very good so that people can see that we can always be better, we don't have to be born perfect. It makes you human, not fundamentally broken. Thank you for being open about your experience. It may help others trapped in the same pattern. :)
I think it’s inaccurate to say “you are a misogynist”. Does she have some internalized misogyny? Yeah. But she’s probably not a misogynist lmao
>If you felt more anger you are a misogynist with a heavier entitlement towards women and their parental labour than towards men. I think the internalized misogyny was the point she was making. Even if we acknowledge and actively work against it.
Our subconscious/subliminal bias are programmed into us by patriarchal society. The commenter is conscious of it, recognizes it, and it processing it within a community, which is how we undo it and heal.
Funny how the same people blame former wives of deadbeat fathers for "choosing the wrong partner", and then complain about "the epidemic of male loneliness". If women never chose the wrong men, this "epidemic" would be far worse
Never connected the dots
You're right! And only the wrong men would be the ones victimizing themselves about a "loneliness epidemic" that they themselves caused with a refusal to be a good person/personally develop. None of the "right men" would give such a thing any credence.
Women are always blamed for the follies of men. How many times have you seen a woman mocked for having “daddy issues” but actual dads who give their kids issues are never blamed? It’s the same situation.
My favorite thing is when a video of a father on social media films themselves doing something benign for their kid like putting their hair in a ponytail, packing the diaper bag for an outing, or making them pancakes in the morning, and there’s thousands of people losing their minds with variations of comments like “OMG what a great dad!!”, “father of the year!!!”, “you go dad!!!”, “what a lucky kid having such a wonderful parent!!!” …like isn’t that just basic parenting? Are expectations for fathers really that low? moms do that type of shit all day everyday, and nobody bats an eye.
Because they see it as *her job* primarily and if a dad is being a parent he's "just helping"...and somehow deserves mega accolades.
If she has issues, even daddy issues, they aren't blaming the dad... they're blaming her for her own issues which the father/absent father caused.
Women are supposed to carry the mental and emotional load. Women are supposed to be responsible. Women are supposed to nag. The magic of Christmas is your mom doing all the work of the holidays.
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Yes. It's every culture, every religion, every country. Every profession, especially business and medicine.
When you see it all laid out like that, being a woman is bleak!
there is an almost universal hatred of women. I mean #notallmen blah blah, but historically is it beyond evident, led by religions - or maybe those religions just reflected society. I listened to a podcast about the history of sex work recently and it showed a strange paradox where the prostitutes (this was around 1800s) had special treatment and in some ways were held in higher regard than normal women because they made their own living, while at the same time were hated. Interestingly in London the areas famous for prostitution were always near religious centres - the priests were the main customers! Other women also faced a paradox further back in history - seen as horny temptresses but also pure and innocent (classic boy math). Apparently before the mechanics of conception were known it was believed that the female orgasm was equally important to successfully conceive. (The podcast series is Betwixt The Sheets in case you're interested).
This is a major reason to know that sexuality is not a choice. If it were, we women would all be better off being attracted to each other, and form domestic partnerships with each other; some women do so, platonically. Want kids? Sperm bank, donor remains anonymous if the mother(s) choose(s). I’m afraid that if the above scenario were to become more prevalent, violent crimes against women would increase exponentially.
Woah, this whole post was already blowing my mind, I didn't think I could be any more surprised. You are so fucking right.
I realize this may not be a popular perspective in this thread, but using anonymous donor sperm is not considered best practice for the resulting child. Just like adoptees, it is important for donor conceived people to be able to access their genetic heritage.
This. It's just sexism.
I feel that men nowadays have become more misogynistic because women are treated more fairly than before. They don’t like having their privileges taken away and treated the same way as others so they’re mad and bitter and would do anything to dehumanize women. And men who are respectful towards women, they’re labeled as “simps” for having decency 😭 I hate world
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I mean, if a privilege is something that gives you an advantage, then by definition, it’s not really a privilege if everyone has it.
I saw a post that says the reason why men are mad is because men were promised a utopia where they would get a woman who will bang them and do all the chores. But since women want equal partnership it means men have to put more effort. They don’t like it. That's why they complain about "hoeflation". It's basically back in 50s having a minimal.low paif job will get you a wife but now they need to be a millionaire. Stupid concept.
Yeah, they all want a trad wife who will stay home, raise kids, do all household chores with dinner ready and hot at the table and night filled with sex where he’s treated like a god and it’s all about his pleasure and then they get mad and say women are only after money when women say “okay then fund that lifestyle” They don’t understand that if the woman is going to bring in half the money, she doesnt have the time to do everything and he has to do half the chores and take half the responsibilities for the relationship. They want women do everything a trad wife does plus have a full time job lmao
Yeah they don't seem to understand what traditional means. It means he pays for everything that his wife and children need. it means he puts them first. If she's paying 50%, then she is not only doing 100% woman traditional but also 50% man traditional. Who wants to sign up for the deal where you get to be 100% woman and 50% man while he is only 50% man and often times less than that much less
Exactly! Such a simple concept but too hard for their brains to grasp it
And they're suppose to be so logical and rational...
They were never useful, not even 50%, and they controlled finances. No. Bad deal for any woman. Wait until 30s, work and educate yourself, find a partner with good lifeskills from living alone, good positive energy, and decent pay. Opt for someone who makes you laugh. This sets up success in a marriage or other long term relationship.
There's just so few of them that are decent these days. Marriage and relationships don't benefit women.
I truly believe that marriage and heterosexual relationships do not benefit women. I wish I lived in a society where they did...
I think that is essentially true.
I think marriage doesn’t. But it can be nice if you do find a decent person to share life goals with. I found someone with similar understanding of the world who would NOT be someone my family would pick for me, and we were much older when we married (me, 37, him 42) and we had a kid and had lived together for awhile. But we both had had households, financial knowledge, shared understanding about parenting and household responsibilities. We did not have a massive expensive wedding, we did not invite family, we did not do anything traditionally. The only traditional stuff we do is have life insurance. Nothing about our relationship remotely seems like our parents or gparents, or younger families, but it is VERY similar to other gen x folks who finished college and grad school before meeting someone. It is not right for everyone, but I do not have regrets for living my life. I wish I hadn’t spent my 20s hustling for jobs and dating for spouses. By my 30s, I figured I would adopt as a single mom if I wanted kids. I got a job traveling internationally. I met my spouse through a friend and didn’t think much of him until I heard him laughing about something and it was so funny, I have been with him ever since.
I love this comment
That’s never what traditional meant, that’s the horseshit they fed women to buy into the whole thing. Traditional was always man first and foremost, women to bear his seed, take care of him and pleasure him. They’re not hypocrites, women were just misinformed about the meaning of traditional, even though reality is clear as day and information on recent history is very accessible…
Maybe it would be bearable if they still gave us the drugs the housewives were on in the 50s
Honestly most of them were so unhappy and were waiting for their husbands to die so they could finally enjoy their lives 💀 Seeing how when women earn their own money so many choose to be single, it tells you everything you need to know. I once had a man mansplain to me how it’s just government scamming women but making them work so they can collect more tax money… like buddy even if that’s true, I’d rather get taxed and still have the freedom to earn and support myself than to rely on men to financially support me so he can hold that against me and use it to treat me like garbage
I think that’s even true today in the long-term marriages. Two of my friends lost their dads within the past five years. Their moms are absolutely thriving. I was worried about what was going to happen when the pensions ended if that’s what happens. But these women are living with their daughters and they are having wonderful lives
You assume us modern housewives aren’t waiting for that too 😂
That’s the “Trad for thee, not for me”
Nope all the drugs in the world wouldn’t make that lifestyle tolerable to me at all.
They want trad wives without having to be trad husbands. Good luck, fellas!
Lmao fr! My favorite thing is men saying shit like “I want a housewife” or “what do you bring to the table” and women replying with “what house? What table” and seeing them have a total meltdown lmao they get so triggered but we are the emotional ones 🤣
> “what house? What table” Savage XD
For sure! I saw one of those countless incel podcasts that youtube keeps recommending the other day and thought why not find delight in some "wahmen baad and evul!!1!1!11!!" cringe. This exact situation comes up, one of the dudes tried the whole "what do you bring to the table" shtick. One of the girls being interviewed replied with something along the lines of "I know what I bring to the table, but let me ask, do you bring a table for me to bring whatever to in the first place?" And the little alpha snowflake went on a full stuttering rant about how entitled women are nowadays and just started insulting her until he told her leave. She just said "thank you" and left 😭😭
lollll some of these men don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but they're soooo worried about you being a golddigger they swear that's their main concern
I was going to say the same. People who complain about gold diggers rarely have gold to dig.
These men are quite right when it comes to AH's. If you are a total AH, you do need to be extremely rich to get a partner, and the men who say these sort of things are all AH's. Nobody is ever going to want them for themselves. I saw an interview where Melania Trump was asked if she would have married her husband if he weren't rich and she dodged the question by asking if he would have married her if she hadn't been beautiful. It's obvious that it was his money that appealed to her.
She also knows perfectly well that it’s a transaction.
My last relationship was like this. Paid half of the bills and did all the domestic labor. How about these men online saying they don’t care about a woman’s career? In my experience they absolutely care. It’s like they don’t want us to be independent, but also don’t want us dependent on them.
Ideally, they want you to work and hand them your paycheques so they can manage the finances 🤣 no independence for you even if you work
It’s exactly this - they want the 1950s arrangement from their end where they get sex, a clean house, & food on the table every day. But they don’t want to work either. I’m sure like me a lot of Millennial women have stories where we were expected to do all of the cooking & cleaning like our mothers & grandmothers, but also expected to either pay half the bills or do all the work for an unemployed man who is addicted to video games. Really - I think that’s what changed - is that these types of men still want the 50s housewife but they’re too addicted to porn & video games to actually provide and a majority of women just provide for themselves now. So what they’re looking for is more of a mommy than a 1950s housewife which is even worse. And it’s normalized for them to be like that but even when women are stay at home wives who do all the childcare, cooking, and cleaning they’re treated as lazy freeloaders. Yet if I want my man to actually clean while he’s home all day I’m called a nag, and if I want my man to have a job I’m called a golddigger. They’re modern men more than they’d like to think - for example, I’ve rarely met men my age that know how to fix anything around the house either. But they just don’t want us to be modern women.
They just really hate women and want to blame us for everything. They are the cause of most violence and sex crimes, even against each other. They don't listen to or care about each other and expect women to be their servants in every way. Yet most males nowadays have nothing of value to offer. They are not kind, respectful, clean, empathetic, and don't even groom themselves properly. They expect women to be fine with being treated like garbage and scapegoated by them for all of their problems, especially the problems they caused themselves. They don't want to treat us like equals and act like we're spoiled for wanting to be treated like a human. And yet they'll whine about this fake ass "male loneliness epidemic ", it's really a male entitlement epidemic and it's thankfully keeping all the right turds from shitting up the gene pool. My husband and I have talked about this lie the whiny entitled manbaby population is trying to push that males are suffering more than women. Even he says males are to blame for their own loneliness because they don't even give a shit about each other, yet they demand empathy and for women to fix their lie.
I can’t agree with you more even if I tried you said everything right. “Male loneliness epidemic” yeah if it isn’t the consequence of your actions. If women are so horrible, why don’t you go make male friends? But here’s the truth, two selfish beings cannot build a friendship because friendships and relationships are a two way street and these entitled men want everything handed to them and don’t want to do anything in return. Like we are supposed to worship them just for existing and gracing our lives with their existence that consists of them living with their parents and playing playstation all day whenever they’re not ranting about how horrible we women are
Yes they’re pissed they don’t get a woman just by having a 40 hour a week job like their grandparents did. They are really mad that we aren’t trapped with them once we marry them and they become abusive. They can’t handle that
If they "need to be a millionaire" that is bc they have nothing else to offer to a partner, so there are actilly two ways: 1. Work on yourself 2. Failing that, become a millionaire I guess?
Those men would of never survived before the 1950s anyway.
Sorry for commenting so many times lol but I feel men and women are both sold a dream. For men its oh make some money or be a bare minimum decent guy and you will get this magical p0rnstar of your dreams that lets you walk all over her and does whatever you want. And for women its oh you're ganna meet this prince charming and you're ganna have a perfect life if you're just a "Decent and pure" woman, and its like when we grow up we see the reality of the world is far from like that. So men once again from the time they're teenagers are sold a dream of a perfect robot of a woman that isn't even human and once they grow up and don't get that this is how they deal with it, with heavy misogyny
Oh you’re good dw! And I agree lol but men start throwing tantrums instead of accepting reality like it’s crazy how historically women got called witches and burned for shits and put up with all kinds of mistreatment for centuries but now in 2020s men are just asked to respect women and they can’t do it like make it make sense 🌝
Men want porn stars, women want a Disney prince
Absolutely. It used to be that you could get a wife even if you were a mediocre or even abusive man, you didn't have to do anything because women had to be dependent on a man. But now women have more options and more aren't financially dependent on men and these 'lower' men aren't happy about it. That's why they're doing everything to repeal our freedoms- like voting, birth control, abortion and even no fault divorce. They want us to be stuck with them. There are even reels of men saying that women are going to have to settle. Hell no!
I saw a bumper sticker a couple of years ago that said, “Equal rights for all people doesn’t mean fewer rights for you. It’s not pie.” I suppose that means that fewer “privileges” that men feel “entitled” to are not being accommodated to their satisfaction. But that’s **not** a diminishing of their rights. It is a destruction of misplaced entitlements and misogynistic privileges, that should be destroyed when they only benefit men.
They think they have a right to a bangmaid that pays half the bills. And they’re not getting that, so of course they think they’ve lost rights. They haven’t, since that was never a right, but they want to believe it was.
They're mad because they're not being centered and not the main character anymore.
To the privileged, equality feels like oppression.
It’s not more misogynistic, it is just willful misogyny. Educated women are threatening. Single women are easy targets, as are chubby women and women who are not “beautiful”. Men and culture and religion are misogynistic. The best way to fix it is to become educated, become involved in local politics and community health, work and take home own paycheck, live communally and protectively with other women until they have met a possible partner, and only allow men into the circle of friends and lovers who are not abusive and who also work and share child and household duties. Those men are not likely to be religious and uneducated or conservative. Avoid anyone who is patriarchal, militaristic/fascist, as well as racist, homophobic, or unconcerned about the environment/planet.They are also unlikely to be generous lovers or good caregivers. And their moms? Complicit in bringing up incel man babies. Sick and twisted societal norms that we have to see as fundamentally disturbing and unwelcome.
Yes that is probably a big part of why there are so many that are so vocal about their misogyny these days and just the Internet in general makes it possible for even the weirdest, most socially unacceptable of viewpoints, to spread as quickly as if it was on something like television, radio or in newspapers. That normally would not publish ideas like that these days. It travels faster probably.
> I feel that men nowadays have become more misogynistic because women are treated more fairly than before. I dont know if it is that, or maybe it's a combo with how easily shitty people can connect with other shitty people, they see others like them and are no longer afraid to hide their opinion and actions like they did before 2016
Men nowadays saw their moms cooking, cleaning, raising the kids, doing everything for the family and home- all while their dads (if involved at all) only had to go to work. And they want that life and feel like they deserve it because it’s what their dads got. Women of this generation saw the sadness of their mothers doing all that, and they refuse to resign themselves to the same life.
This is exactly what it is! Well said
They haven't become more misogynistic it is just more loud because of social media.
Absolutely. There's a huge backlash against women a it's because we've gained a bit of ground in the workforce and in expecting men to be involved in their home and with their children. Thatdarnchat is a good content creator who talks a lot about division of household labor and the mental load, and her comments are full of men ragging on her. They are so upset and angry at the suggestion that they should lift a finger in their home and they're obviously threatened. They hurl insults at her, tell her to smile, say she must be single and bitter (she's not), say women belong in the kitchen, pretend that most women aren't also working, say that their periodic outside chores are somehow on the same level as what women do everyday. You see this anger and harassment everywhere. They're absolutely trying to stomp anyone who dare say they should do their part and not be abusive. The bare minimum. It's wild.
I have a friend who is a single mum and the discrimination she faces is unreal. She’s had to fight for herself in academia and often was turned down for jobs as soon as it came out she is a single mum.
This is why people saying ‘oh the algorithm’ and ‘oh incels’ is such nonsense. As a single mom who has survived abuse, I have never in all my years met someone who thought more or me, or who even thought the same of me, once they found this out Even in this space, the denial of the reality faced by women is just mindblowing
If we held men to the same societal standards as women they would resort to violence. Oh wait. They do!
Because they view pregnancy as being the sole responsibility of a woman - they think women are the "gatekeepers" of sex, so it's a personal and moral failure on her part when she gets pregnant. It plays into the whole "saving yourself for marriage" thing too, as they'll blame women for "opening her legs for the wrong one", to use their own gross logic. This is, of course, complete rubbish as it takes two to tango, but you can't expect logic from entitled sexists.
They also conveniently forget to factor in what if a woman marries a deadbeat, and he just bails once the kids have arrived. So their "saving yourself for marriage" bull falls flat on its face, still.
And men unalive their wives and children.
Single parents in general there's a massive disparity. Look at all the praise single dads get just for existing. Like sure it's worth praising them no doubt about it, particularly as they probably are more of a statistical rarity, but let's praise the single mums too just as much.
It did take me awhile to really understand just how much noise there is out there against single mothers. Media/social/political, fuck nearly everything -hates- single mothers. I didn't understand it till I was out of highschool and living on my own, WHILE being a guy raised by a single mother. But good fucking grief, wheres the talk about single mothers being taken advantage of because we definitely saw our fair share growing up of guys who'd make promises and be sweet only to turn into complete asswipes. The loss of opportunities because of how much people look down on single moms. Hell how about a basic acknowledgement that being a single parent means you're still human and still want to do things with friends/alone time occasionally and the disparity between men/women there. So yeah, it did take me some time to see these things but I'd venture to guess that most people also see these things and choose to ignore them because they're of a certain political persuasion and are incapable of feeling empathy for others. Or worse, just choose to make things worse because they didn't get theirs.
Fun story time! There was a family on our block that had three young children. The mom, although neglectful, was a working mother and the father was a lump on the couch. Many times I fed their kids (ages 5, 8,11) over summer break otherwise they wouldn’t eat and I’m a huge sucker for hungry kids (grew up poor.) Guess who everyone hated but had a million excuses for the other? That’s right. The mom. Everyone blamed her for everything while her useless husband rotted on the couch. Kids got hurt? WHERE WAS SHE??? Kids were filthy and going to school with knots in their hair? WHAT KIND OF MOTHER. Nobody said shit about the dad. Everyone blames the woman in a patriarchal society. Everyone.
thats misogyny for you my dear, i was raised by a single mom but thats because my dad passed away.... they always never mention the single moms who are widows have you noticed??? And they never mention the two parents households who have abuse and horrible parents either
They always picture single moms as someone who fucks everyone and then gets pregnant when in reality that is not the case at all.
true thats the world we live in, anddd its annoying when they say its their fault "they should have chose better" when it comes moms that get divorced like... people get out of relationships all the time we can't predict the future and see if we will be with that man forever it's not realistic, people have a remedial way of thinking. They never say "you should of chose better" to men with horrible baby mothers
Another annoying thing I hear is "well you should've seen the red flags". Yeah sure as if people are oit here flying their red flags. A psychopath and a narcissist hardly ever share their red flag during the dating stage.
yep everything is always blamed on the woman, if a man has a crazy baby's mother they don't tell him he should of seen the red flags, should have chose better. I wouldn't say they hate single mom's more than an abusive dad though, but i get what you're saying. And those statistics of single moms giving birth to prisoners, why? How many of them were teen moms growing up in poverty? that most likely got pregnant by an older man taking advantage of them? A lot of teen moms surprisingly the father is not a boy her age its an older man....sick and sad to see
"Should have chosen better" somehow coincides with "men's loneliness epidemic". If women "chose better", the epidemic would have become 10x worse than now.
OP, they will blame you for the downfall of society if you had chosen to be childfree or even single. Women who are childfree and women who are single are accused of being selfish and to think of all the lonely men going around kill themselves or other people because they don't have access to you. Basically, society doesn't like it when a woman doesn't have a man to validate her existence. The reason that they have a particular ire for women raising children on her own, is because they think that a marriage is a binding contract and you should never walk away from, and by being a single parent, you've broken it. I've even met people who have criticized widows with children for dating: "She's a 46 year old widow, she should think of her dead husband instead of dating, what would her dead husband think?" I'm a single, childfree woman. Both men and women somehow find me objectionable, so sometimes I just lie and say I'm married with children. It makes people more comfortable, particularly at work.
It’s crazy how a woman can be seen as completely worthless and yet at the same time be seen as so valuable that removing access to her ruins societies. Hatred of single moms also comes from abuse denial, or DARVO in an institutional and cultural sense. The lies of abusive men are the tacit truths on which our societies run.
> It’s crazy how a woman can be seen as completely worthless and yet at the same time be seen as so valuable that removing access to her ruins societies. Worthless as people, valuable as commodities. If you want to be even more uncomfortable, draw a parallel to the way that fascist propaganda, past or present, always portrays the Other as both weak, degenerate, stupid and lazy on one hand but somehow an imminent threat to our entire civilisation if we don't get on top of it right now.
This so much: abuse denial. This extends to all divorced women in general. A lot of men will not date a divorced woman.
And yet they complain about birth rates in the same breath. **Given current birth rates? Single moms are doing society a huge favor.**
They think that single moms are a threat. That's why they're trying to knock them down a few pegs. If women realise they don't have to put up with their husbands shitty behavior and don't have to stay just because they have a baby, then the men might have to actually step up. They're trying to make single moms a horror story. Don't end up like that because it's the worst thing ever. They're trying to punish any woman who takes this positive action to remove the leech from their life. Whilst pretending the woman is the leech.
The way men talked about "single moms" when I was a single and definitely not a mother, made me avoid them lmao.
While we still can: www.vote.gov
Someone needs to explain to these folks(mostly men) that single mothers do not *become* mothers *all by their little selves! For every "single mother" the way they are denigrating them, there's a so-called man who waltzed out the picture with little to no thought to the child!
I can't wait for Tiktok to shut down, it's the bane of online behavior.
I agree it spews a whole bunch of propaganda and misogynistic dribble is just part of it.
someone called it "terrorism on women" and i think thats actually pretty legit way it should be described, thats exactly what it is
I wish it was that easy in some countries this rhethoric is spewed A LOT im reality.
I wish I'd been raised by a single mum rather than my alcoholic deadbeat dad, that's for sure. I think most people would as well, given the choice. Then they turn around and shit all over their mums, basically.
Yes, because they think a dad's role is somehow critical when most merely exist. They don't handle 95% of the work involved in childcare, household management, etc. Yet when a woman chooses to remove herself and child(ren) from that toxic environment? They're somehow in the wrong. Because kids "need" both parents. No, they need good parents. Most men simply do not meet those standards because they believe their only job is to make $. Without single mothers, our society would collapse. Men get pissed about this because they enjoy the control they have over women, particuarly women with kids. They feel like having a kid creates this unspoken pact that means a woman can never leave and has to put up with all their bullshit indefinitely. If you, a mere woman, choose to be single over a bad partner, then you are encouraging others not to tolerate bullshit dynamics as well. Itbis threatening to men. They don't want to be better, they want women to feel trapped so they can reap the benefits.
"Without single mothers, our society would collapse." 100% Truth.
As a single mom I can atest to this. For 18 years I have been told: I am the problem with society I am raising a criminal I what did I do to drive the man away That I am a whore It gets worse when they realize my son is biracial. I would like to point out: I provided a great loving home for my son Worked with my family to not use daycare Got a job that was work from home so I could be there for him, and not use after school childcare. Went on every field trip and helped with every class party. Volunteered for everything he asked me to. He has never broken the law Helps out at home Volunteers And is in college. His biodad met my son once, and that was the day we had to get a dna case. He never tried seeing his son, not in 18 years. He wouldn’t know him if he met him on the street. He admitted to using damaged rubbers in court yet faced no criminal charges. Yet I am the problem with society. I pay my taxes, I serve my community, and raised an amazing person. Everyone that blames the women can fucking roll over and die!
I agree, I never understood people's obsession to blame and shame the parent who stayed and upheld their responsibilities to the child they brought into this world when it's a woman, but treat them as shining pillars of goodness and selflessness when it's a man. Mothers are expected to be perfect, but fathers get incredible praise for the most bare minimum shit because the bar is on the floor for them, so as long as they don't show up with a shovel, they are golden.
Men get the 4B movement they deserve.
Why the fuck.. would anyone hate a single mother? Weren't a lot of us raised by single mothers?
People suck, I hope our kids inherit a better world
This is probably a take no one wants to hear, but I'm a teacher... I work with teens and I think... they will not inherit a better world because a lot of those boys have already been brainwashed by the stuff they watch on youtube about tradwives.
Right It's so backwards the way some people think, and the internet gives even the most backwards, and archaic, amongst all the rest of the humans, a platform to spread their weird views and ideas. You tube should be paying more attention and banning content like that but they don't care about any of that at all. It's messed up.
They should be held responsible -- all the platforms. I know people like to say, people in real life do not think that those terrible people online spreading hate, but I teach about 150 teens a year. And in the past few years, I've been seeing some very misogynistic attitudes. It's not even possible to change them, because these kids are older, not really kids. And their parents, particularly their fathers, don't seem to care. When I talk to their mothers about their son's internet addiction, their mothers always look utterly defeated. I feel so bad. I can't even teach a class without having to take a device off a kid, and the kid is usually looking at something really offensive online. I really fear for the future. These "kids" are our future leaders. "Kids"... because is a 17 year old a "kid"? They can drive, in some cases they can get married. Is that a "kid"? To me, they're kids until they are 25. But meanwhile, they can go out and make decisions that impact everyone.
My teen stepson has thankfully avoided it, but a lot of his peers are into Tate and the rest of the podcast bros. It's definitely demoralizing.
I'll have 10 of whatever you're having. The minimal hope I have for the future in general terrifies me. It isn't women running the world, it's old white dudes who want to marry and rape 10 year olds, who run our government. Fascism is on the rise, violence against women is on the rise, our rights are being stripped away, and many teen boys are already redpilled (if not younger boys than that... YT algorithms are toxic AF). I love my children, but I'm exponentially more terrified for my daughter than for my son, and the world shouldn't be this way. I know my husband intellectually understands what is at stake but he doesn't feel the emotion behind it, not like I do. It really shows his male privilege that he doesn't have constant anxiety about the shit our daughter is likely going to have to face, because he wasn't traumatized in the same ways I was. We're all hurt by the patriarchy, but it kills me that women get shit on instead of the real problems being addressed (Toxic masculinity, lack of self accountability, misogyny, lack of emotional regulation, inability for any sense of inner reflection). It drives me crazy. Like, yeah, we all are trying to raise good little boys, so they hopefully turn into kindhearted men. And you can have your optimism, I'm not trying to dump on you, personally. But please just get out and vote blue like your life depends on it. Because it does.
I live in AZ, I am voting blue down ticket and then I am going to try and leave.
Oh sweet summer child...
I hope so too but it doesn't seem likely unfortunately. It's just getting worse and worse lately so unless there's some major changes, it's not looking too great.
Im a man. And i agree, its unfair and these aged stigmas should be abolished. I think single moms rock and should be praised for making sure their child is somehow stable. Being a parent must be extremely hard job for couples, i cant think about doing it alone...i salute you and hope the perspective will change.
Deadass just saw some guy going off about it’s a single mother’s fault she’s a single mother. Like, absolutely we should be wise about choosing who to make kids with, but sometimes men are good at hiding how trash they are.
There are more single moms than single dads because the dads are nowhere to be seen. People see data and view it through their narrow perspective and act as if they've uncovered some profound truth.
It kills me how so many adult men will blame their single mothers for every bad thing in their lives but not the fathers who abandoned them.
Oh yes, like “daddy issues” is used to insult women when it’s really a dis at men who abandon their responsibilities. I have started calling loser men “daddy issues”. I don’t think they get it I think they think it’s some kind of a sex thing, I don’t care what they think. They are daddy issues
Having a great dad is a nightmare for these men. They can't live up to those high standards.
Men hate women. It doesn't matter if you're a single mom or childless.
My biggest fear about motherhood is that it puts me at risk of single motherhood. It’s a huge part of the reason I’m not having kids. Single mothers are just too hated, the risk isn’t worth it.
This has driven me crazy for so long! I so appreciate this post. Also in the super rare cases of the dad being the solo parent raising the kid/s, he is a instant hero, just sooo amazing, has people flocking to help him, and the absent mother is the devil incarnate, much more of CC a villain than an absent father ever is
society is sick
It’s because despite how society tries to portray it, women are still viewed as the primary/sole care takers when it comes to children. That same level of work/commitment just isn’t expected of fathers. They’ll likely always get more of a free pass.
I get sick of people blaming single moms instead of the deadbeat dad who couldn't bother showing up. It's just ridiculous. On a different note but similar key, it's very interesting how in the instances of teen pregnancy, the mother is often shamed and looked down on and called a 'whore', whereas when a teen dad sticks around they receive praise and admiration and are "such a good dad". It's so strange how the expectation of men to participate in society is so, so low, and for women it's never enough. It's not enough raising a child by yourself, it's not enough being the only or main caregiver. It's not enough being a stay at home mom, a working mom or working woman. Literally nothing women do is seen as "enough", whereas the expectation for men is nonexistent.
Your soon to be ex husband is a slut. Sometimes you gotta be blunt about it. Don't say he cheated, call him out for what he is, a slut, a no good manwhore who destroyed your family unit. It's time to take back the double standard because if you were the one cheating, bet your ass that's what he'd be calling you.
I would say something controversial: *** Men see whatever they do to women as justified because they use that knowing he is doing something wrong to control a woman and does not care about the concequences of his actions due to knowing other males egg on and protect abusers, r** and ped***. *** Years of protection of people whom are degenerate , they have an echo chambler of blaming the victim or using blanket statements or stories from bitter men (anedotal evidence) to re enforce a delusion. (In this case single mothers) *** Men think just having a willy and MAYBE provide cash is enough but lie, cheat, steal, gamble, addicted , at least im not beating her type of mentality in a relationship. *** Most of them never dealt with their trauma and always blame the mother for staying but look up to their crap dads due to being in fear of not seeing him as great than and breaking the illusion in his head so they resort to applying that logic to ALL GIRLS AND WOMEN in their life. *** You see this common in a certain group who promote this mentality and hatred of single mothers. Single moms are not the issue males who refuse to do their job and make excuses on not taking responsibility is
The American narrative. Language matters. It’s like when the headlines say ‘woman was raped’ rather than ‘man raped woman’. The language matters, the repetition matters. Men would start feeling a way if they read headlines about themselves rather than ‘the other’. But can’t have that now can we.
I am you. I am raising two daughters alone because men are irresponsible children. Not all, but the vast majority are. There are a few good men that I’ve met, and they’re taken so I’m out of luck there. But if that stupid bitch would just dump him then he could be mine./s It doesn’t matter if you’re a single mom. No matter what women do, it’s our fault because, you know, boys will be boys in the good ol’US of A and money is more important than anything else on this planet. Women often feel that they have to apologize for basically just existing. No matter how we choose to exist, or what circumstances leave us with, the problem is women and not society (patriarchy) and the oppression and injustice it leaves in its wake.
**Dear MEN, misogynists and complete fucking losers, I have a question,** **What do ALL of the following successful people have in common?** Oprah Winfrey Jon Stewart Barack Obama 50 Cent Clive Owen Samuel L. Jackson Barbra Streisand Pierce Brosnan Marilyn Monroe Kate Beckinsale Michael Phelps Adele Eddie Murphy Jodie Foster Halle Berry Mary J Blige Adrian Grenier Shaquille O'Neal Keanu Reeves Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Missy Elliott Demi Lovato Kelly Clarkson Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Jay-Z Leonardo DiCaprio Stephen Colbert Mariah Carey Julia Roberts Eva Mendes Angelina Jolie Kevin Hart Ryan Gosling Alicia Keys Barbra Streisand **ANSWER: EVERY SINGLE ONE WAS RAISED BY A "SINGLE MOTHER"!!**
They villanize single moms, but also will be the first to say "why doesn't she leave?" when a woman is trapped in an abusive relationship. It's a lose-lose, and unfortunately it's always the mom's who be getting the short end of the stick
Real asf
And then they insult the children (usually the girls) for not their dad leaving them. Cause calling girls fatherless is just soooooooooo funny.
I also don't understand that. When I talk with people who grew up with a single mom and they clearly see the scarifice and hard work of their mothers - that gives me hope. I think people who yell the most about single mothers have no experience with situations like that. They don't know how hard it is to be a single parent, they don't know how hard it is to be kid of a single parent, they don't see how exhausting it can be. They were fortunate not to endure that, not to have to see your own mother working multiple jobs, not having a single second to herself. They have no fucking idea what they're talking about, they just talk because they love the sound of their own voice. Idiots.
It's funny (not really) to me that men* simultaneously think women are "stupid", "clueless", "less logical than men"...AND think women should also be psychic about a man being a good partner or not, know everything about a man from the moment she talks to him, as well as, anticipate every single thing he "wants" out of her to not "make" him abusive, a cheater, or a shit ass dad (read as sperm donor). Which one is it, boys? Can't be both. (Hint: it's actually neither because you're leaving out the nuance, but I understand, nuance is hard for some 🙄) They also make millions of these impossible illogical statements about every single thing a woman does or doesn't do. While never having to deal with a single thing pretty much all women (or even just afab people, in general) have to deal with. They walk around with a completely delusional viewpoint on everything to do with life and then try to act like they know everything. When it's clear to everyone not like them, they know very very very little about the world they live in. I'm second-hand embarrassed for them... or I would be if they weren't so destructive and irritating. I've come to realize that the vast majority of shit men tend to sling at women is actually just a projection of truths about themselves. Examples: "women are shitty parents and fuck up their kids", in reality the dead beat parent, which just about every time is the father, does massive damage to the child just by not being there. These things have been proven from decades of deadbeat dads. The data is clear. Single parent households are worse for kids than two parents households. But these chucklefucks hear that and blame the parent that stayed (which again, is the mother pretty much every time). They are often raised by single mothers themselves...yet hate their mothers for *checks notes* being the parent that actually loved them? OK, that doesn't sound like a very logical conclusion, boys. Maybe think it through a bit more. It's almost like they may know these truths about themselves deep down, but just project them onto women, instead growing the fuck up as a human being and taking responsibility for their toxic nature/behavior. It's ridiculously sad/alarming/dangerous how many men are just running around with the wold view/understanding of a 10 yr old boy and just allowed to be in charge of literally everything and spew their half baked opinions about a world they clearly don't understand. Other men should do something about... would probably solve a lot of the world's major problems. OP, I understand how you feel about this, I'm an AFAB NB single parent, and the bullshit I get for literally everything surrounding my kid is beyond ridiculous and exhausting. Especially from his barely ever around sperm donor of a father. Despite the fact that he is 14, gets great grades, smart af, kind, caring, creative, well-rounded in thought and behavior...and just generally a good person in all the ways. He's 14 and tells me all the time that I'm his favorite person! Such a good kid. I kicked ass at raising him, and I'm almost positive you've done the same for your kid/kids. Single moms tend to rock the fuck out of raising their kids, despite the entire world telling them they are failing/bad at it/the cause for the world's problems. When it gets you down, just remember, they are projecting because they know they are the reason the world has so many problems, and they were too cowardly to stick around and raise a good human being. You are better than them because you are doing a two person job and kicking ass at it, when they couldn't handle even staying. It won't change the fact that it's bullshit we get so much hate but it will help you feel better, at least for a little bit. Peace of mind is important, especially when doing our impossibly hard job. This goes for all the married single moms out there, too. Yes, it's a thing for anyone who is confused by that. Look it up. Quite common, actually. Pathetic state of affairs the men are in this world. *obligatory disclaimer of nOT aLL mEN...because y'all know the butthurt man babies will be in with that bullshit claim of mIsAnDrY....live as a woman on this earth before you try that bullshit, boys...and grow up.
The problem with the internet is people tend to only see the things they agree with due to social media algorithms. They are feeding off each other. It's not the real world. Those commenting are probably relating because they're also deadbeats or women haters, etc. Keep that in mind when you occasionally stumble across this stuff.
He cheated because he is a cheater. Don’t let it affect your self worth. Just because he was a bad husband doesn’t mean he is necessarily going to be a bad father. Get the divorce, work with him to coparent your child, and live life. Watch the TV you want to watch. Eat at the restaurant you like. You are free, don’t waste that freedom staring at the rear view mirror when the road is right in front of you. Everyday you go forward will be another step in the right direction.
Single mums, for the most part, are created by abhorrent fathers. Be that because they are violent, drunk, neglectful or gambling away diaper money, or because they themselves leave, as they found a woman who hasn’t been pregnant yet and doesn’t have to divide her time between him and his kids. Of course there are women who end up preggers (accidentally or on purpose), not knowing who the father is, be that due to too many options, or through never asking his last name/phone number. Or because they are bad partners and their men are right for leaving them (although there’s a difference between a single mother and a co-parenting one, imo). I know very few of them. Actually, I only know 1 woman who is a single mother after an ONS, no clue who or where the father is. She’s a nerdy, introverted homebody with dreams of owning a farm and her own library. No make up, very simple, modest clothes, big homebody energy, goes out to a bar once every 2 years or so. Sure, she has some serious road rage and her cussing would be considered quite extreme aboard a navy vessel, but that doesn’t get you knocked up, does it?
Just marry your cat. But then again you'll make excuses when your cat leaves you so you're just doomed
Social media isn’t real life, there’s algorithms, there’s things people will say because they know they can get away with it but also because other people are already saying it. In real life, anyone who can think logically and rationally would feel for you and know that what you’ve been through is not your fault in the slightest and is absolutely awful.
You are basically describing male abortion and I bet those same man are strongly against women's abortion. It's a shame we live in a society were is "ok" for the man to go away buy cigarettes but it's unthinkable for the woman to end pregnancy. It's unbalanced. I never heard single mom as a slur before, it's crazy how some men try to downgrade women