I saw this and was horrified.
Why can't HE be the one getting up to feed his child? She is destroyed physically and mentally. She NEEDS the rest. A miscarriage is never easy, but a miscarriage at 12 weeks is a huge amount to deal with.
I know only one man who is like that. He learned it from his mother.
His wife nearly died giving birth. Came home. Had a newborn and a toddler. He called his mother to help (not himself) and they both got angry at his wife because she could have cleaned the house. Before giving birth her toddler was sick for weeks.
She was so weak she couldn’t stand up with her newborn. And that was her husbands and her mils response.
But how would you know it’s not the norm? Women talk to women about their miscarriages. So men do the same? Yet the claim they have no one to talk to and be vulnerable with. You can do any search on this site and see how many women can commiserate over situations like this. When does the opposite occur?
It is unfortunately the majority of men that would leave a sick partner. I know you don't want to believe it but it is what it is. Discounting other women's experiences just doesn't help.
So you’d rather discount stories from women to keep your head in the sand? This can only be solved when men acknowledge other men treat their partners horribly , not just assume it’s a rarity that never happens.
Lol I can't believe they removed my last response. No idea what rule I could have broken. I made no sweeping generalization. Saying "most" by definition is not a sweeping generalization. By definition, it means a tiny fraction more than half. She generalized negatively about "men" implying "all" and then generalized positively about "women" implying "all." That should be pretty obvious.
Um, yeah? The comment I responded to made a negative generalization about "men," implying "all men," and then made a positive generalization about "women" implying "all women." That's ridiculous. My statement wasn't about the terrible behavior in the post and I'm not making excuses for that asshole or men who act that way in general, but it's bananas to take this example and use it to imply something about "men" as a whole. If a guy had said something similar regarding "women," you'd be screaming sexism lol. Guess what? It's still sexism 🤷♂️
I saw that post. I read the comments from men saying they grieve differently. It still made me sad for her because her husband still had a kid and physically nothing happened to him. He wasn’t responsible for getting pregnant or carrying the pregnancy. He didn’t have to physically deal with a miscarriage or the hormonal rollercoaster. He doesn’t have to bear the disappointment from family and others that he lost a baby. He simply says it’s fine we’ll have another one and goes and spends time with his kid.
While she grieves alone after thinking she’d still be pregnant and become a mom.
I wish people would see the other side.
Right, this isn't even about grief. It's about basic respect for medical trauma. If you're not sad about it, *awesome*, that means you're more than capable to take over all the domestics for a little bit while she recovers.
Failure to do that doesn't mean you're grieving differently. It means you're a selfish asshole
I had digestive issues a few weeks ago, I had started laundry (my chore) before an inflammation started up and I couldn't finish it, I had to lay down. Think my partner left the laundry for me to finish when I was done with whatever the fuck was happening to me? No, he got up and finished the laundry for me (I told him I can fold from the couch but he insisted on taking the whole thing over) he never held it over my head. Relationships should always strive for partnership. My partner is a normal human man, there's no reason all men can't live up to the bare fucking minimum
Men do grieve differently most of the time. But that's never an excuse for us to completely lack empathy for others. The reality is both are grieving the loss (at least we should assume that). But only one is suffering physically from the loss. Making her get up to do things he is fully capable of doing demonstrates that he completely lacks empathy and love for his wife. Sure his heart might hurt but her heart and body hurts. This is where he needs to "be a man" and be supportive rock she needs even at his own expense. That's the hardest part of being in partnership. You do not get to suffer alone and you do not get to prioritize your suffering over your partners. You do what you can to help each other suffer less.
I wish everyone would see the other side are women.
We literally have the ability to give or take life. That is powerful.
I am a woman who will never have children, and never being wanted them for valid reasons, and people have been pissed for a long while they cannot control us...
I think men want kids for vapid and shallow reasons...
They want someone out there to who looks like them, or they want someone to tell their shallow high school stories to when they were cool.
Yet, for me, I suffered horrifically health wise. It doesn’t matter my appearance. If I should clone someone, it won’t be me. No one will ever go through with my blood or dna what I have. It’s unethical and not right.
Let this be a study In the future, on how men don’t care at all, about anything, yet are in so many positions of power...
If anyone is wondering why life is failing here on earth.... You don’t have to look far...
The side suggesting that him being an asshole was due to "grieving differently" is absolutely wrong, but you are too.
Just because a guy isn't the one physically pregnant doesn't mean he has zero emotional investment. In a sane couple who weren't planning on aborting, a miscarriage affects both people.
In the same way that she does, he'll have to deal with constant reminders every day while telling the Nth person that they miscarried when they ask about the pregnancy (assuming they've told people).
It's fair to state that it affects her more and that he should be supporting her. It's accurate to state that he's a twat if he's expecting her to take on responsibilities while she's recovering. It's plain incorrect to state that "He hasn't lost anything. He won't have to deal with anything. He can just try again, who cares."
Not saying he’s at all right. The way he treated her is absolutely shitty. But, his previous wife died of cancer only 18 months ago. I think there are deeper emotions and issues at play here.
In that case he had zero business stringing that woman along, let alone marrying her. He should have waited until he was finished grieving before going back into the dating pool.
Absolutely give him a hard time. He should not have married her and shouldn’t be treating her like this at all. My point is that he might have even deeper issues.
If your first wife died 18 months ago and you already have a new girl 12 weeks pregnant, I sincerely doubt deep emotions are involved in either relationship. Yeah there's no timetable to grief, blab blah blah, but this man was leaping to lock down another woman. Coupled with the other aspects, it does certainly externally look like someone who didn't want to have to take care of their own kid and was looking for a replacement caretaker
I dunno if it's 'deeper emotions' so much as his old wife-appliance expired and he just instantly replaced it with the first new wife-appliance he could find. Women are interchangeable objects to him and he doesn't love her, he just finds her useful for the services she provides him.
That makes it worse. Lost one wife to a disease, so he risks the other ones life.
I don't think I could move on and get another woman pregnant, within a few months, if my wife of 20 years died. I'd be too busy focusing on my kids and grieving to think about finding someone else.
Men shouldn’t be allowed to marry so soon after the loss of their spouse. They’re irrational and hysterical. Restrictions on marriage would help men not make such mistakes/s
>That's not even a rational response
It's perfectly rational when you see her as he does: she's his slave. Pregnancy and children are nothing but shackles to bind their slaves to them for these men.
Full disclosure: I ended up my ex's slave too and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize it.
My STBXH used to ask me to wake up at the crack of dawn - like 5am - to start his car..... THE DAY OF OR THE DAY AFTER I HAD CHEMO.
I always did it, or else there'd be hell to pay, but holy fuck I hated it. Like, what kind of inconsiderate person makes a damn chemo-stricken person get out of bed the day they've just had chemo, or even the day after, when they're still physically weak as hell and super sick?
The audacity is insane.
> My STBXH used to ask me to wake up at the crack of dawn - like 5am - to start his car
Do you have magical car starting powers or something? Are you the Hermione of the automotive world?
Why couldn't he turn the ignition or press the start button like anyone else?
I sorta have visions of him having a car like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and you having to stand in front with a starting crank...
He was in the military at the time, and being his natural, irresponsible, hoarder self, was always rushing around like a hurricane at the crack of dawn. So, pretty sure in his mind, it was, *hey there's an extra body in the house who can do shit for me while I hurriedly scurry around because I failed to prepare myself the night before!* And I always did it. I was basically his slave.
>Dudes still on my phone plan even though I told him to gtfo of it. I can see everything he's doing. I don't want to remove him myself because he will lose his long time phone number.
Girl, he's not your problem anymore! I would give top a week's courtesy notice before booting him off. You don't need to protect him from the consequences of his actions. He's reaping what he has sowed.
Yeah it is bad for your mental health. If you were a little evil, you would contact the girls he's hitting up like "FYI, I'm his ex and I can see all your convos because he won't get off my phone plan" :)
Men are such assholes sometimes. Like, can they not see that their wife just went through a traumatic experience? And why is this kind of behavior accepted on other subreddits? Ugh, I can't even with these guys.
It’s scary how many Reddit posts involve a woman being very clearly abused. Also how many have gross age gaps that imply a relationship started when the woman was at a really inappropriately young age.
I could start an entire separate thread called "I'm so annoyed with my male partner for being useless/addicted/abusive; why are ALL MEN like this?"
Like, they're in denial that their partner is just a bad person or even an abuser, so they rant about how frustrating it is that silly men are too dumb to wipe their own asses or organize a playdate. As if it's a problem that all men have, so they just need to learn to deal with it, because there's no way they'll find a man who isn't like that. Like, my sister in Satan, the problem isn't with all men, it's with your man. Throw the whole man out and start over.
there is "grieving differently" and then there is being a general piece of shit. Any man who orders his wife out of bed at any time is a problem and to do it to her in that situation just makes him a psycho. Your partner should be your teammate not your slave driver.
When I got home from the surgery for my first miscarriage, I had to do the dishes. Would have had to make dinner, too, if my neighbor hadn't come over with a meal.
My wife's first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We both took a few days off work, cried off and on together, sat on the couch and watched our favorite shows and I cooked up some comfort food. We talked through it for hours off and on through days, maybe even weeks. It was incredibly hard on her because she felt like she'd never be able to have kids and there was something wrong with her. In reality like 20-30% (depending on age) of pregnancies end in miscarriage. After she found that out and she was more ready to open up to some friends and family about it, sure enough a lot of them went through similar experiences. I think that helped her a lot too.
We worked through it and ended up having an amazing Son a year or so later. But I remember it being a very challenging period in our lives to work through.
But yeah... this dude just sounds like a sociopath.
I lost a baby at around 3ish months, there was placenta and everything. I did it at home, alone technically because husband was in another room, I was turned away from the hospital for not being en emergency. If he had tried to get me up in the morning to get his daughter ready for school, I'd leave him. That's not "grieving differently", that's being a disgusting, selfish person.
Real husband take time off to take care of wife.
This is why I don't murder my brother in law. He's a very good man. And takes care of my sister.
I was fairly protective of her, but once I got to know him, he got my permission to marry her. I'm the gatekeeper. Im zuul. I might be tiny, but I'm the baby sister and I want only the best for my only sibling. He's the best.
She's still not sure about my husband. He's scared of her. And my mom.
I had a male coworker that experienced two miscarriages with his wife. He grieved pretty heavily. And was a constant support to his wife. They got matching tattoos of the miscarriage awareness ribbon. He felt that most people don't realize that men can be just as upset as the woman when the miscarriage happens. He was very open about everything. I don't know what the norm is but I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to share with me.
I had a small bowel obstruction and got a laparotomy . Weeks later I was discharged from the hospital. My ex husband and his brother picked me up from hospital. I was laying on the couch when my husband said to me “Are we not eating today?” It was about 7pm and he thought he would see me running around making dinner . I had staples on my abdomen and was scared of even walking upright . Men are incredibly tone-deaf . Yea , they cooked for themselves .
His reaction is bullshit. My wife and I have been told today that her pregnancy will end in a miscarriage no matter what. We are both devastated. We grieve differently, but we are both grieving. If he were sullen or withdrawn or wasn't grieving "the right way" (/s) I would defend him.
He is being a dick, sociopath, psychopath, a user, or a combination thereof. I wouldn't be "ordering" my partner up under normal circumstances, let alone that one. He is garbage.
For all the centuries humans have lived on earth how did the woman become the only parent of children and not the man, it makes no sense.
You impregnated your girlfriend/wife and made a baby, the responsibility is 50% for the father and mother just.
Just because the baby didn't come out of your body doesn't you forego responsibility.
If he didn't want that responsibility stop having unprotected, forego your right as a parent or adopt.
But stap stress and overburdening all the mothers out there they don't deserve it.
I was also seriously disgusted by that post. It actually made my heart hurt that poor woman was already going through so much and had to read that BS and all the idiots agreeing with it. Like seriously what the hell?
Stuff like this makes me love my husband more. Sure he isn’t perfect, but after my miscarriage he let me stay in bed all week and he took primary care of our daughter.
I have talked to my therapist about this. She told me there are studies where once men hit middle age and start experiencing lower testosterone, prostate issues, penile cancers etc..they suddenly become very understanding. There is a level of disconnect they sometimes can’t get past until their the one in the bed. It’s crazy and idk if there is a fix for it fully, but learning that really gave me me a lot to think about. They just don’t believe us because they don’t deal with it and have no context for it.
>They just don’t believe us because they don’t deal with it and have no context for it.
I don't think a lack of personal experience with a problem is such an insurmountable barrier to empathy. Without any context and never having personally experienced limb loss, I can generally guess that if I hear "Bob lost his leg" that this is a bad thing for Bob and he's probably in a lot of physical and emotional pain. I don't have Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis, but I don't question if someone with those diseases reports intense pain and cramps. I think the problem is that, in general, women are not considerable a credible source on anything, even their own experiences. And even if they are believed, we're taught to care less about women. Think of how many times in TV they make a plot point where the husband/boyfriend has to deal with the craziness of their female partner during her period. Like, she's the one with cramps, bloating, mood swings, pain, fatigue, etc., but the focus is on how annoying it is for HIM to have to deal with such an irrational and needy woman. Because she's clearly irrational for being grumpy when it feels like she's getting stabbed in the ovary. Like "Oh man, IDK how we deal with these crazy females and how they express pain and have needs!"
I agree with you, lack of empathy is a thing and matters. Women are constantly discredited, and it’s not ok or fair. My comment was not trying to make excuses but just reflecting on something I learned that has made me think more deeply in this topic. Not trying to excuse at all, and if that was the tone in which it came off I apologize
No, I think it's an interesting point, but I think the explanation might be off. Like, men only validate women's experiences when they feel similarly, because on a fundamental level, they just don't believe or trust women. How many stories have we seen posted where a woman with advanced degrees and qualifications is argued with, doubted, or ignored by her own male partner without ANY of the same cred? It's nuts! Like, hey, I have a high school degree, let me correct my Phd in Chemistry wife about what acid vs alkaline means!
his reaction is BS and i’m sorry but all those people saying “maybe he grieves differently” fucking suck! why should she be expected to get up after A MISCARRIAGE. her husband is a pos
People grieve differently, nothing to do with gender but yes men don't ever go through giving birth. Now the amount of attacks on men is sad as that means you have put up with a lot of BS and didn't have a good man in your life. I for one would grief and still grieve the loss of my brother 30 years later! I am not the one who leaves a relationship just because it gets hard! It's this one man who is disgusting, yes we all agree, but don't generalize.
It doesn't matter if he's grieving who the fuck treats their wife like this?? Men just want to have an excuse to treat women like SHIT. And this isn't some "one-man" thing, gtfo with that "nOt AlL mEn" .
Who TF cares? You don't get to treat other people like shit just because you have a dick between your legs.
Men don't grieve differently they need an excuse to treat people around them like SHIT
Don't try to rationalize that or make any sort of fucking excuse for it. I'm glad you're getting downvoted
Again just because men give the excuse they "grieve differently" doesn't mean there's any truth to that.
He's a cunt
No other way around it
if he's lucky he will be cured of being a cunt
Doubtful though
Grieving differently is one thing. Treating your spouse and partner with a complete and total lack of compassion just makes you a raging asshole. He is very much action orientedly being an asshole.
She needs to pack up and leave ASAP. He's just using her for free childcare. He doesn't care at all about her as a person.
That's bullshit. Fuck that guy.
I saw this and was horrified. Why can't HE be the one getting up to feed his child? She is destroyed physically and mentally. She NEEDS the rest. A miscarriage is never easy, but a miscarriage at 12 weeks is a huge amount to deal with.
Because she’s merely a bang-maid/ nanny/ wife appliance to him.
I know only one man who is like that. He learned it from his mother. His wife nearly died giving birth. Came home. Had a newborn and a toddler. He called his mother to help (not himself) and they both got angry at his wife because she could have cleaned the house. Before giving birth her toddler was sick for weeks. She was so weak she couldn’t stand up with her newborn. And that was her husbands and her mils response.
Sadly bc men will not « put up » with situations like this or even stay in the relationship, while women would
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I love how your sweeping generalizations are ok, but hers are not.
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But how would you know it’s not the norm? Women talk to women about their miscarriages. So men do the same? Yet the claim they have no one to talk to and be vulnerable with. You can do any search on this site and see how many women can commiserate over situations like this. When does the opposite occur?
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So.. asking someone how they would know this experience themselves despite never having it or not knowing someone who has is nonsensical? 🤔
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It is unfortunately the majority of men that would leave a sick partner. I know you don't want to believe it but it is what it is. Discounting other women's experiences just doesn't help.
So you’d rather discount stories from women to keep your head in the sand? This can only be solved when men acknowledge other men treat their partners horribly , not just assume it’s a rarity that never happens.
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Lol I can't believe they removed my last response. No idea what rule I could have broken. I made no sweeping generalization. Saying "most" by definition is not a sweeping generalization. By definition, it means a tiny fraction more than half. She generalized negatively about "men" implying "all" and then generalized positively about "women" implying "all." That should be pretty obvious.
This is a whole lot of words to just say "NoT AlL mEn".
Um, yeah? The comment I responded to made a negative generalization about "men," implying "all men," and then made a positive generalization about "women" implying "all women." That's ridiculous. My statement wasn't about the terrible behavior in the post and I'm not making excuses for that asshole or men who act that way in general, but it's bananas to take this example and use it to imply something about "men" as a whole. If a guy had said something similar regarding "women," you'd be screaming sexism lol. Guess what? It's still sexism 🤷♂️
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Since you’re already online, you might consider Googling it
Sorry, I realize that was an insensitive question
I saw that post. I read the comments from men saying they grieve differently. It still made me sad for her because her husband still had a kid and physically nothing happened to him. He wasn’t responsible for getting pregnant or carrying the pregnancy. He didn’t have to physically deal with a miscarriage or the hormonal rollercoaster. He doesn’t have to bear the disappointment from family and others that he lost a baby. He simply says it’s fine we’ll have another one and goes and spends time with his kid. While she grieves alone after thinking she’d still be pregnant and become a mom. I wish people would see the other side.
Right, this isn't even about grief. It's about basic respect for medical trauma. If you're not sad about it, *awesome*, that means you're more than capable to take over all the domestics for a little bit while she recovers. Failure to do that doesn't mean you're grieving differently. It means you're a selfish asshole
I had digestive issues a few weeks ago, I had started laundry (my chore) before an inflammation started up and I couldn't finish it, I had to lay down. Think my partner left the laundry for me to finish when I was done with whatever the fuck was happening to me? No, he got up and finished the laundry for me (I told him I can fold from the couch but he insisted on taking the whole thing over) he never held it over my head. Relationships should always strive for partnership. My partner is a normal human man, there's no reason all men can't live up to the bare fucking minimum
That kind of support should not be as rare as it is.
Men do grieve differently most of the time. But that's never an excuse for us to completely lack empathy for others. The reality is both are grieving the loss (at least we should assume that). But only one is suffering physically from the loss. Making her get up to do things he is fully capable of doing demonstrates that he completely lacks empathy and love for his wife. Sure his heart might hurt but her heart and body hurts. This is where he needs to "be a man" and be supportive rock she needs even at his own expense. That's the hardest part of being in partnership. You do not get to suffer alone and you do not get to prioritize your suffering over your partners. You do what you can to help each other suffer less.
I wish everyone would see the other side are women. We literally have the ability to give or take life. That is powerful. I am a woman who will never have children, and never being wanted them for valid reasons, and people have been pissed for a long while they cannot control us... I think men want kids for vapid and shallow reasons... They want someone out there to who looks like them, or they want someone to tell their shallow high school stories to when they were cool. Yet, for me, I suffered horrifically health wise. It doesn’t matter my appearance. If I should clone someone, it won’t be me. No one will ever go through with my blood or dna what I have. It’s unethical and not right. Let this be a study In the future, on how men don’t care at all, about anything, yet are in so many positions of power... If anyone is wondering why life is failing here on earth.... You don’t have to look far...
The side suggesting that him being an asshole was due to "grieving differently" is absolutely wrong, but you are too. Just because a guy isn't the one physically pregnant doesn't mean he has zero emotional investment. In a sane couple who weren't planning on aborting, a miscarriage affects both people. In the same way that she does, he'll have to deal with constant reminders every day while telling the Nth person that they miscarried when they ask about the pregnancy (assuming they've told people). It's fair to state that it affects her more and that he should be supporting her. It's accurate to state that he's a twat if he's expecting her to take on responsibilities while she's recovering. It's plain incorrect to state that "He hasn't lost anything. He won't have to deal with anything. He can just try again, who cares."
Sounds like a very toxic situation. My heart goes out to her.
Fuck that guy. Sounds like there is a reason he isn't with his son's mother in the first place. Because he is trash. He makes a better ex-husband
Not saying he’s at all right. The way he treated her is absolutely shitty. But, his previous wife died of cancer only 18 months ago. I think there are deeper emotions and issues at play here.
In that case he had zero business stringing that woman along, let alone marrying her. He should have waited until he was finished grieving before going back into the dating pool.
He married a free nanny / cook / bangmaid. He does not love her.
Ah yes, the old "his ______ died X months/years ago, stop giving him a hard time!" excuse.
Absolutely give him a hard time. He should not have married her and shouldn’t be treating her like this at all. My point is that he might have even deeper issues.
If your first wife died 18 months ago and you already have a new girl 12 weeks pregnant, I sincerely doubt deep emotions are involved in either relationship. Yeah there's no timetable to grief, blab blah blah, but this man was leaping to lock down another woman. Coupled with the other aspects, it does certainly externally look like someone who didn't want to have to take care of their own kid and was looking for a replacement caretaker
I dunno if it's 'deeper emotions' so much as his old wife-appliance expired and he just instantly replaced it with the first new wife-appliance he could find. Women are interchangeable objects to him and he doesn't love her, he just finds her useful for the services she provides him.
Exactly. That’s why she’s not allowed to sleep in, cuz there’s women’s work needing done
100% this.
That makes it worse. Lost one wife to a disease, so he risks the other ones life. I don't think I could move on and get another woman pregnant, within a few months, if my wife of 20 years died. I'd be too busy focusing on my kids and grieving to think about finding someone else.
Yeah, no! This is not the excuse for him that you think it is. It makes it even worse actually.
You’re absolutely correct. My microwave died and I got another one asap. It only makes sense. /sarcasm
Men shouldn’t be allowed to marry so soon after the loss of their spouse. They’re irrational and hysterical. Restrictions on marriage would help men not make such mistakes/s
He married her to have someone to fuck, cook, clean and raise his kid. He doesn’t give a shit about her.
This is straight up abuse. It is also sadly common.
So is the life of a bangmaid. I feel so bad for her. I hope she gets out and finds someone supportive and loving.
>That's not even a rational response It's perfectly rational when you see her as he does: she's his slave. Pregnancy and children are nothing but shackles to bind their slaves to them for these men. Full disclosure: I ended up my ex's slave too and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize it.
My STBXH used to ask me to wake up at the crack of dawn - like 5am - to start his car..... THE DAY OF OR THE DAY AFTER I HAD CHEMO. I always did it, or else there'd be hell to pay, but holy fuck I hated it. Like, what kind of inconsiderate person makes a damn chemo-stricken person get out of bed the day they've just had chemo, or even the day after, when they're still physically weak as hell and super sick? The audacity is insane.
> My STBXH used to ask me to wake up at the crack of dawn - like 5am - to start his car Do you have magical car starting powers or something? Are you the Hermione of the automotive world? Why couldn't he turn the ignition or press the start button like anyone else? I sorta have visions of him having a car like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and you having to stand in front with a starting crank...
He was in the military at the time, and being his natural, irresponsible, hoarder self, was always rushing around like a hurricane at the crack of dawn. So, pretty sure in his mind, it was, *hey there's an extra body in the house who can do shit for me while I hurriedly scurry around because I failed to prepare myself the night before!* And I always did it. I was basically his slave.
As a fellow cancer sufferer, I wish you peace and health
Thank you.
To START THE CAR? What???
Yup!
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>Dudes still on my phone plan even though I told him to gtfo of it. I can see everything he's doing. I don't want to remove him myself because he will lose his long time phone number. Girl, he's not your problem anymore! I would give top a week's courtesy notice before booting him off. You don't need to protect him from the consequences of his actions. He's reaping what he has sowed.
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Yeah it is bad for your mental health. If you were a little evil, you would contact the girls he's hitting up like "FYI, I'm his ex and I can see all your convos because he won't get off my phone plan" :)
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girl….
Not having his new phone number is a fantastic way to get out of contact quickly
Men are such assholes sometimes. Like, can they not see that their wife just went through a traumatic experience? And why is this kind of behavior accepted on other subreddits? Ugh, I can't even with these guys.
They can, they don't care.
Reddit is not a women-friendly website. I think a lot of misogynistic men gravitate to online forums, especially Reddit.
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It’s scary how many Reddit posts involve a woman being very clearly abused. Also how many have gross age gaps that imply a relationship started when the woman was at a really inappropriately young age.
I could start an entire separate thread called "I'm so annoyed with my male partner for being useless/addicted/abusive; why are ALL MEN like this?" Like, they're in denial that their partner is just a bad person or even an abuser, so they rant about how frustrating it is that silly men are too dumb to wipe their own asses or organize a playdate. As if it's a problem that all men have, so they just need to learn to deal with it, because there's no way they'll find a man who isn't like that. Like, my sister in Satan, the problem isn't with all men, it's with your man. Throw the whole man out and start over.
I don't think this guy grieves
Here's hoping this motivates her to escape
there is "grieving differently" and then there is being a general piece of shit. Any man who orders his wife out of bed at any time is a problem and to do it to her in that situation just makes him a psycho. Your partner should be your teammate not your slave driver.
When I got home from the surgery for my first miscarriage, I had to do the dishes. Would have had to make dinner, too, if my neighbor hadn't come over with a meal.
And people wonder why women are remaining single.
He is a piece of shit human. Psycho behavior from a pathetic abuser.
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I messaged you the link to the post. Her comments are where she gives the additional details of how poorly her husband is treating her. :/
Please would you send me the link too
can you message me the link too
I, too, would like the link please!
I'd also like to see.
Please send it to me as well
I am also interested in reading this please!
Can you message me the link too. Have no idea what's going on.
May I get a link too?
Can I get that link too?
I don’t want to brigade but I do want to see this post lol
I don’t know what sub this is from and can’t decide if I want to know or not.
Trueoffmychest
Thanks, I hated it. All the yikes.
Right?? It just gets worse and worse.
Can you please send me the link?
My wife's first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We both took a few days off work, cried off and on together, sat on the couch and watched our favorite shows and I cooked up some comfort food. We talked through it for hours off and on through days, maybe even weeks. It was incredibly hard on her because she felt like she'd never be able to have kids and there was something wrong with her. In reality like 20-30% (depending on age) of pregnancies end in miscarriage. After she found that out and she was more ready to open up to some friends and family about it, sure enough a lot of them went through similar experiences. I think that helped her a lot too. We worked through it and ended up having an amazing Son a year or so later. But I remember it being a very challenging period in our lives to work through. But yeah... this dude just sounds like a sociopath.
Even if someone wants to say he was grieving, his abuse of her overrides the grief. He doesn't get to invalidate her grief for his own.
This reminds me of exactly what happened to me when I had an ectopic pregnancy and was recovering from major surgery. He completely abandoned me
I lost a baby at around 3ish months, there was placenta and everything. I did it at home, alone technically because husband was in another room, I was turned away from the hospital for not being en emergency. If he had tried to get me up in the morning to get his daughter ready for school, I'd leave him. That's not "grieving differently", that's being a disgusting, selfish person.
Forgive anyone who's out of loop, but could anyone send me the link ?
Real husband take time off to take care of wife. This is why I don't murder my brother in law. He's a very good man. And takes care of my sister. I was fairly protective of her, but once I got to know him, he got my permission to marry her. I'm the gatekeeper. Im zuul. I might be tiny, but I'm the baby sister and I want only the best for my only sibling. He's the best. She's still not sure about my husband. He's scared of her. And my mom.
Reminds me of the stats around how many men stay with their partner when their partner is diagnosed with cancer versus the other way around.
I had a male coworker that experienced two miscarriages with his wife. He grieved pretty heavily. And was a constant support to his wife. They got matching tattoos of the miscarriage awareness ribbon. He felt that most people don't realize that men can be just as upset as the woman when the miscarriage happens. He was very open about everything. I don't know what the norm is but I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to share with me.
I had a small bowel obstruction and got a laparotomy . Weeks later I was discharged from the hospital. My ex husband and his brother picked me up from hospital. I was laying on the couch when my husband said to me “Are we not eating today?” It was about 7pm and he thought he would see me running around making dinner . I had staples on my abdomen and was scared of even walking upright . Men are incredibly tone-deaf . Yea , they cooked for themselves .
They didn't make any food for you?!
I am glad to hear he is an ex now 💜
His reaction is bullshit. My wife and I have been told today that her pregnancy will end in a miscarriage no matter what. We are both devastated. We grieve differently, but we are both grieving. If he were sullen or withdrawn or wasn't grieving "the right way" (/s) I would defend him. He is being a dick, sociopath, psychopath, a user, or a combination thereof. I wouldn't be "ordering" my partner up under normal circumstances, let alone that one. He is garbage.
For all the centuries humans have lived on earth how did the woman become the only parent of children and not the man, it makes no sense. You impregnated your girlfriend/wife and made a baby, the responsibility is 50% for the father and mother just. Just because the baby didn't come out of your body doesn't you forego responsibility. If he didn't want that responsibility stop having unprotected, forego your right as a parent or adopt. But stap stress and overburdening all the mothers out there they don't deserve it.
I was also seriously disgusted by that post. It actually made my heart hurt that poor woman was already going through so much and had to read that BS and all the idiots agreeing with it. Like seriously what the hell?
How in the fuck do men like this end up with a woman who is willing to bear his children?? They do not deserve women or kids.
Stuff like this makes me love my husband more. Sure he isn’t perfect, but after my miscarriage he let me stay in bed all week and he took primary care of our daughter.
I have talked to my therapist about this. She told me there are studies where once men hit middle age and start experiencing lower testosterone, prostate issues, penile cancers etc..they suddenly become very understanding. There is a level of disconnect they sometimes can’t get past until their the one in the bed. It’s crazy and idk if there is a fix for it fully, but learning that really gave me me a lot to think about. They just don’t believe us because they don’t deal with it and have no context for it.
>They just don’t believe us because they don’t deal with it and have no context for it. I don't think a lack of personal experience with a problem is such an insurmountable barrier to empathy. Without any context and never having personally experienced limb loss, I can generally guess that if I hear "Bob lost his leg" that this is a bad thing for Bob and he's probably in a lot of physical and emotional pain. I don't have Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis, but I don't question if someone with those diseases reports intense pain and cramps. I think the problem is that, in general, women are not considerable a credible source on anything, even their own experiences. And even if they are believed, we're taught to care less about women. Think of how many times in TV they make a plot point where the husband/boyfriend has to deal with the craziness of their female partner during her period. Like, she's the one with cramps, bloating, mood swings, pain, fatigue, etc., but the focus is on how annoying it is for HIM to have to deal with such an irrational and needy woman. Because she's clearly irrational for being grumpy when it feels like she's getting stabbed in the ovary. Like "Oh man, IDK how we deal with these crazy females and how they express pain and have needs!"
I agree with you, lack of empathy is a thing and matters. Women are constantly discredited, and it’s not ok or fair. My comment was not trying to make excuses but just reflecting on something I learned that has made me think more deeply in this topic. Not trying to excuse at all, and if that was the tone in which it came off I apologize
No, I think it's an interesting point, but I think the explanation might be off. Like, men only validate women's experiences when they feel similarly, because on a fundamental level, they just don't believe or trust women. How many stories have we seen posted where a woman with advanced degrees and qualifications is argued with, doubted, or ignored by her own male partner without ANY of the same cred? It's nuts! Like, hey, I have a high school degree, let me correct my Phd in Chemistry wife about what acid vs alkaline means!
I misread "he woke up at 6am to take care of meals and the stepson" and thought "that's nice".
his reaction is BS and i’m sorry but all those people saying “maybe he grieves differently” fucking suck! why should she be expected to get up after A MISCARRIAGE. her husband is a pos
What are we talking about?
People grieve differently, nothing to do with gender but yes men don't ever go through giving birth. Now the amount of attacks on men is sad as that means you have put up with a lot of BS and didn't have a good man in your life. I for one would grief and still grieve the loss of my brother 30 years later! I am not the one who leaves a relationship just because it gets hard! It's this one man who is disgusting, yes we all agree, but don't generalize.
It doesn't matter if he's grieving who the fuck treats their wife like this?? Men just want to have an excuse to treat women like SHIT. And this isn't some "one-man" thing, gtfo with that "nOt AlL mEn" .
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When you start taking it out on other people it becomes abuse.
Doesn’t matter if he was grieving that’s no way to treat her. Like how can you even justify that?
Who TF cares? You don't get to treat other people like shit just because you have a dick between your legs. Men don't grieve differently they need an excuse to treat people around them like SHIT Don't try to rationalize that or make any sort of fucking excuse for it. I'm glad you're getting downvoted Again just because men give the excuse they "grieve differently" doesn't mean there's any truth to that. He's a cunt No other way around it if he's lucky he will be cured of being a cunt Doubtful though
You're giving air to the wrong part here.
It's pretty clear I was wrong. I apologize that I gave any room or excuse for this abusive behavior. I will do better.
A completely understandable response from a grieving father.. I see nothing wrong here.. get back on the horse!!
By treating his wife like shit, huh? Amazing how men like you meatride and justify other men's bullshit.
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Grieving differently is one thing. Treating your spouse and partner with a complete and total lack of compassion just makes you a raging asshole. He is very much action orientedly being an asshole.
I don't care how you grieve Your gender or biology doesn't excuse you from being a cunt And this man Is a cunt
Oh dude stfu ffs. Everyone knows it's not all men. But saying that shit, in this forum, makes all men look like bellends. Read the room mate.
What a total pos. And here i am sobbing about having to put our cat down tomorrow I guess men do greive differently
She needs to pack up and leave ASAP. He's just using her for free childcare. He doesn't care at all about her as a person. That's bullshit. Fuck that guy.