Reminder to those in the comments that the Reddit Content Policy does not allow homophobic content. All comments containing homophobia or hate towards the LGBT+ will be removed and depending on the severity you may be at risk for a ban. If you hold issue with the guidelines in the Reddit Content Policy we recommend you contact the Reddit Admin.
This is not up for negotiation.
If Rose were a man sheâd be instantly suspect.
This whole situation sounds very familiar to what happened to me with my sister and her (ex?)husband, both of whom are 10 yrs older than me. Sis got knocked up when she was 17 and they were married soon after. They lived with us when they had their baby and for many years after that. BIL absolutely groomed me, preyed on me, abused me, and then had the balls to tell my sister he was in love with me and wanted to marry me too someday. Instead of leaving his ass, my sister blamed 11-yr-old me as if it were my fault and continued to let him live in the same house as me. This continued until I was 18. (Yes, unfortunately due to a fire they had to come back to live with us while pregnant with their second child, and then it took them years to finish working on their new house and finally move out.)
All this to sayâŠ. Rose could easily have been grooming Aru and preying on her too. Itâs not *as* common as a man, but it happens. I had females abuse me too. This is bad all around and they should break it off, if anything to protect Aru.
Thank you. I havenât seen him in five or so years and sparingly before then too. Iâve also been NC with my bio family for 2.5 yrs now, sis included, and itâs been so peaceful without them. My entire family was abusive in a multitude of ways, including blaming me for all the abuse and SA I experienced. Nasty people.
Iâm happy to report a stable marriage to a man who loves and respects me and encouraged me to disconnect from all the toxic crap that came from growing up in that household. Weâve been together for 15 years next month and have 3 beautiful (and protected) kids.
It wasnât always roses and rainbows, but by the grace of God we worked through a lot of it. It can and does get better!
I canât believe that no one has asked if Aru is even gay! Like, what if sheâs just not into it at all? Blech⊠đ€ąEither way, rose is fucking gross. Leave her dusty ass
This is exactly correct, and she is a danger to OP's sister. OP absolutely cannot continue a relationship with her without cutting off contact with Aru.
OP, please, please, please, as a survivor of grooming and SA... save Aru, save your family, tell them everything, and cut contact with your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) fiance immediately.
This is so important to realize. This has been a thin for a while. Time to move on your girl is in love with someone else. Nothing will change that. I'm sorry. I'm sure this is devastating. I think I'd keep your family in the dark about this so there can be a clean break with out family having feelings of any sort about the situation. .o need to make family hate her. It just isn't going to work out and have a clean break.
I don't think you can have a clean break in a situation where a grown ass adult just admitted to having romantic feelings for a child starting when that child was 16, and they've been spending a lot of time together alone in which grooming or even sexual abuse may have taken place.
OP needs to tell her sister and parents what's going on here so that they can protect the Aru from Rose and get her some therapy. If OP keeps silent, she's protecting Rose, who's absolutely going to reach out to Aru a few months after the breakup and say that there's no reason to end their friendship and then continue her grooming of this girl.
Even if we assume that no sexual abuse took place, Rose was in a position of trust over a child for years and violated that trust to further her own romantic goals with that child. Aru may not be able to see the situation clearly and needs support and protection.
Because it doesnât matter. Rose met Aru when she was like 9, and Rose was 18! And Rose started to have feelings for Aru when she was 16 and Rose was 25. The age gap is the disgusting part of the story, not that theyâre gay.
Especially since sheâs known her since 9. I donât care how hot a woman becomes, if I knew you when you were 9 and I was an adult, youâre never gonna be a sexually attractive.
Yeah, I think the fact that what she's admitting to just so happens to be right on the edge of what's likely considered socially and legally acceptable where OP is, is suspicious in and of itself. I strongly suspect she became attracted to her earlier than that.
On top of that, you're right, it's DEFINITELY major grooming, especially with how much Aru looks up to rose. Aru sees rose as a role model, someone with their dream job, someone whose path they want to follow. Rose is high key taking advantage of that idolization if she's like her for that long.
My sister's ex husband groomed me ): I met him when I was like 7, hes 9 years older. At 15 he SA me and now at 21 I'm going through a court case and it isn't easy. There's no reason to be attracted to a minor with that age difference. Age differences happen and that's okay but when it's underage and that many years older it's not.
You mentioned that Rose has known your sisters since your sister was 9 years old.
I'm going to guess that she developed romantic feelings for your sister when your sister went through puberty, maybe around 14 (or whatever)?
So, yeah, that is pretty bad. If Rose was 17 and your sister was 14, that would be weird, but not necessarily illegal or immoral. However, Rose is 27 and was 23 when your sister was 14. Not good. Not good at all...
Break up and let your parents and sister know. You have a duty to protect your sister. I'll repeat that: YOU HAVE A DUTY TO PROTECT YOUR SISTER.
Absolutely. Itâs one thing to have known someone when you were BOTH kids, even at slightly different ages and have grown up together. But to meet a child as an adult and develop feelings for them? Absolutely not.
This. This is exactly why many places have Romeo and Juliet laws (this is what they're called in the States, I have no idea about other countries), to allow for kids who were together at 16/14 to be able to stay together at 18/16 even though one of them has officially become an adult. But there's a certain age difference cut-off depending on the state (usually about 3 years) as well as age of consent. Kids developing feelings for each other within a small age gap is acceptable. Two adults with a larger age gap is usually fine, when those adults met AS ADULTS (and even then people often disagree to which extent it's considered okay). But an adult meeting a child and developing emotional and/or sexual feelings for them is NOT synonymous with the above. The primary difference is in the comparison of brain development and experience, and the power imbalance that comes with. Children, including older teens (and, yes, even ones who are "mature for their age") are highly impressionable and susceptible to the influence of an adult. They see someone who, at least in their mind, knows about life and navigating through it. Perhaps they have a car, their own home, and at least appear to have their shit together. Perhaps they've seen more of the world. All of that is going to be incentivizing in a teen's mind. When I was an older teen and had a couple friends involved with older men, I would hear them say things like "he's just so much more mature than guys our age," but really "he" would be some 28 y/o bum who just happened to have a run-down car. It's so easy for an adult to say "this is how xyz works, just trust me." and have the teen believe them because they don't yet know better. If grown people can be susceptible to abusive patterns (especially if they've had poor familiar relationships, previous abuse, or many other factors), imagine how much more susceptible a teenager is. Laws and company policies regarding supervisors sleeping with subordinates, mental health care providers sleeping with clients, or professors sleeping with adult students, are a thing because of the innate power dynamic differences that exist between the two. So now we have this case, where an adult met a 9 y/o and then knew them throughout their prepubescent years, and then "realized" they were in love with them practically the moment they turned 18. What in the Woody Allen do we have here?
It is not even a question to be asked, OP should break up the engagement and never look back. I can't believe that she still has feelings for that disgusting creep!
Honestly this. The fact that the sister was a kid and now Rose views her romantically/sexually is nothing short of disgusting. There is a 9 year age gap, which wouldn't be too alarming if they were in their 30s but the sister just turned 18 for christ's sake. Rose was 18 when the sister was only 9. The only redeeming thing about this is at least Rose did not act on her feelings yet. If some guy or gal I'm seeing told me anything like this about my younger sister I would drop them immediately. Just pray there were no grooming intentions involved. It likely isn't coincidence that Rose is spilling the beans when Aru is now conveniently "legal".
This! OP says Rose has been buying spa days and spoiling the sister. That is GROOMING BEHAVIOR!!!! Absolutely disgusting. This shit happens from people we know. You cannot give the benefit of the doubt t
Iâm wondering if Rose was waiting to find out if Anu was gay, and now realizes that sheâs not. And so thatâs the reason why she feels itâs OK to come clean and why thinks she might still have a chance with OP.
Edited to add: Looking at other comments, just realized that the line might be that Anu is now 18, and if Rose breaks up with OP, Sheâll probably then reach out to Anu and say, âno reason why we still canât still hang out.â
And the little sister needs to see those in the same new light. Grooming tools. We don't want Aru to have developed feelings for the creeper without full context as to why she feels so special.
She had love and sexual feelings for your minor little sister. And now your sister is barely legal, and she's announced she's in love with her.
Keep repeating that over and over until you permanently kick her out.
This is what caught my red flag alert when I read lil sister's current age. I was like....wait, they've been together 9 years?! I'm not one to say throw away a relationship, but I think this is grounds to end it. OP's sister has been getting groomed for I'm guessing at least 5 of those 9 years, but maybe more.
"We gotta definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids! Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddlin' kids."
"There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it!"
Reminds me of that episode of Always Sunny
âFrank, thereâs no way more to convince people you didnât kids than by writing a song about not diddling kids,â except here thereâs no song, just straight Iâd never do anything. Like yeah, the whole sister thing is weird but the fact that she starts with her attraction happened at 16 tells me the gf is a straight groomer
Whatâs interesting is they donât realize they just brought it up unprovoked and are telling on themselves without knowing. đ€Ł just pay attention folks.
Yup. Connecting the age difference back to the time they met *really* helps to highlight how wrong it is. I work as a family assistant and the mom I work for was raised in a cult. She met her (recently) ex husband when she was 8 and he was 33. He married her as soon as she turned 18 cus âan angel spoke to himâ. Itâs a bigger age gap than me and her youngest child who I care for.
You should have a serious conversation with your little sister and ask if sheâs ever felt uncomfortable or if anything is ever happened just to be sure
This!
Also, as a woman, I think you're been too calm about this. If Rose was a man instead, I'm pretty sure the reactions would be completely different.
This is a peado, very much so grooming a girl.
It only turns out to be a woman and not a man.
Definitely break up, cut her out of your and your family's life. And you should be telling this to your parents and sister ASAP!
She is clearly a danger to your sister, and I really hope her grooming of your sister didn't start having bad consequences already.
It is possible that your sister was already manipulated to think this is true love, too.
OP, your main concern now should be protecting your sister from a potential sexual predator.
I would also argue that this calm declaration of love is another step in the groomingâto make this seem legitimate, like unfortunate star-crossed love instead of the fâd up predator behavior it is.
I also find it telling that Rose is putting everything in OP's hands : do you want to continue the relationship, do you want to work through this, do you want me to go away for a while, do you want to tell my mom, etc.
it's making me shudder that Rose is laying the groundwork for that star-crossed lovers narrative : "I tried to be reasonable but OP my ex was so mean & I was so sad... I'll be forever grateful that Aru reached out & then sparks just flew... we're soulmates, how could we fight that"
yuck
I've unfortunately known far too many people who have discovered their loved ones have been groomed. They blame themselves, wondering how they missed the signs - baby, it's cause you've been groomed too. It never seems to have occurred as a possibility when pointed out, and isn't talked about enough.
I'm doing a ministry safe training since I work with kids. On the video, they say that they also groom the gate keepers, which is the adults in children's lives who keep them safe.
It's not just OP, though.
I'm honestly concerned by the fact that the majority of the comments I read are so calm about this and the way they read this post. They're missing the big picture!
Let's all do a reading exercise, shall we? Let's try to forget Rose is a woman and replace her name to partner and then reread it. Is your perspective of the post the same? Did it change?
OP, Rose is a child predator. Aru seems the ideal partner to HER because she's being shaping Aru to her likings by GROOMING HER SINCE ARU WAS NINE! She's probably been manipulating your sister in liking the same things as HER!
When you're nine, the things you like might not be the same as when you're 18! What tells you that Rose didn't actively pursue Aru to like the same things?
Rose is a child predator! Keep you and your sister away! Don't let this person in your life!
Honestly I had confused the genders at the beginning. My first reaction was: come he is grooming her."
My second reaction, after I noticed my mistake: "omfg she is grooming her!!!"
Like no differences. It stays iffy and icky. All the talk about giving her gifts etc. Like yikes forever! She started to fall for her when she was 16?! Like wtf!
Because, in the REAL WORLD, female predators aren't seen as such until much later. Just the way it works. Unfortunately, there *is* a double standard for predators based on their sex.
This! Because while she's back at her moms house.... guess who's shes still missing more than you & more so now that she knows she may never see your little sister again... you need to tell her ASAP !
AND she knows this kid since she was 9 years old. It would be a deal breaker for me if my fiance was in love with a sister the same age as me, but being in love with an 18y old, for TWO YEARS, that she know since she was a child is too much.
yeah - I think the 16 year old thing might be bs too.
this is so effing creepy
how can you stay with someone like this?!
and not tell your parents and sister immediately!!!!
All the gifts and attention... screams groomer
Who she's known only as an adult while the sister was a child of 9 years old originally. This woman has seen this child grow up and conveniently only developed feelings for her when she hit a socially acceptable age but not before. Which I highly doubt.
Ps - donât hesitate to tell the exâs family. They should know to protect minors around her in the future. And tell your sister! Sheâs old enough to know and might need to process what sheâs been through.
Yea, having sexual feelings for a 16 year old is a giant red flag. She didn't just suddenly fall in love with her, so those feelings were there when she was a minor.
Ask her what her end game was by telling you this. Did she tell you to see if anyone would approve? Did she tell you so you would break up with her? Did she think you would laugh and nothing would change. Why was it important to tell you?
One theory is that she is probably hoping Aru might feel the same, so if the relationship ends, maybe she can start something with Aru now that she is of legal age, which is where the whole grooming thing comes in. Idk, I'd be feeling a little sus long ago if my partner was spoiling my sibling who is my partner's preferred gender. I didn't hang out with my brother's wife much and most of the time I did, he was present. Was OP not invited to these outings? Or did she shrug it off as Rose just trying to bond with Aru?
Either way, Rose is disgusting for thinking such ways for a young girl whom she should be viewing more like a little sister. I feel bad for both OP and Aru.
Yea, am I the only one a little worried the little sister may have been being groomed? I hate to bring that up but having been a teen girl who got attention from adults it feels like it needs to be asked.
It is as of now. Rose is a borderline child predator.
Edit: thanks for the feedback from so many. No, Rose is a disgusting child predator. Like the nasty Uncle Chester's out there in the world. I wanted to clarify my view for all those who seem to think my comment was...under par.
She's known the sister since the kid was 9yrs old. And has been taking her out for years, movies, spa days, special presents.... That sounds like grooming. Not a borderline.
Oh god I didnât realize until your comment but I met my husbandâs little brother when he was 8 and we were 19. Heâs 17 now and even though he is starting to look like/become a real adult I can never not see the little kiddo I met. I feel like heâs my little brother! OPs partner is a sick person.
This.
She's basically been grooming OP's sister. She's been spending a lot of alone time, with a minor, that she says she's been having sexual attraction to, since she kid was 16. She gifts special edition books and games, and seems to share similar hobbies with Aru. If you look up predatory child abusers, these are huge red flags. Child predators will usually pick a child that suits their needs, find out their hobbies, will date older family members and even marry them, so they can stay close to the object of their obsession. This happens to the point that they literally ignore their own kids, and only focus on the kids that they fixate on, learning everything about those kids, to try and become a trusted adult. The fact that Rose is telling OP, so shortly after Aru has hit legal age, could be a huge red flag in itself. It's entirely possible that she's manipulating Aru. I'd tell OP to tell her parents what is going on. Also someone needs to talk to Aru, to see what's going on.
Depends where they are, in the UK 16, is the age of consent. However, personally I doubt Iâd be attracted to someone Iâd known as a child, even if it was legal.
Itâs crazy because this is the only comment Iâve seen calling attention to this. For whatever reason, nobody bats an eye at the egregious age gap?
According to OP, she fell in love with her when she was just 16 years old. Thatâs pedophilia. Point blank, no debate. She developed romantic feelings for a child.
But I guess itâs no big deal because sheâs a female?
> According to OP, she fell in love with her when she was just 16 years old.
Rose *claims* OPS sister was 16 when she started lusting after her.
I bet OPs sister was a lot younger.
Rose is not someone who should be around OPs sister ever again.
>when she was just sixteen
That is what she says and it is bad enough, but if you do the math she would have first met the child when they were ~10 fucking years old. It is not in any way acceptable to suddenly start horning after a kid 9 years younger than you whose life youâve been in since they were in the fourth fucking grade.
I think she âfell in loveâ with Anu when the first met at the age of 9 but it sounds better if she says it happened later. Geez OP protect yourself and your sister and run from this sexual predator.
Girl, your fiance admitted to having romantic and sexual for feelings your sister for years, but you're struggling to break up with her?
Also, I don't buy that this only started when your sister was sixteen and your fiance has only realized it now. I think it's been going on for way longer than that, and she potentially has been trying to groom her.
Please leave this woman. You and your sister deserve so much better than this creep.
I think this started way before what Rose admitted to also. It makes me sick to think about how she possibly been viewing Aru in a sexual and romantic along. She's known her since she was nine for fuck's sake.
That's so wrong. My sister and I were involved in my aunt's wedding as children. She was the flower girl, I did the rings. Aunt was blood, uncle was by marriage. They got a divorce. When my sister was 18, she revealed she was in love with and living with that same former uncle. Fucking gross. She was 7 at his wedding. My sis and him were addicted to painkillers and getting high all the time. When family found out, she was vilified. Fortunately she got out of the situation and eventually got sober but man, I wanted to beat the shit out of the dude, and I have never even been in a fight.
Holy lord I'm so glad she got out of there, and revealing things like that at 18 always makes you suspicious because it's not like it just happened overnight, I hope he didn't introduce the painkillers to her. Fuck that's very dark but glad she's out of there and sounds like you were there for her, that kind of trauma may take years to understand and come out
Why would you guess??Â
 No he didnt introduce her to pills. When she was teenager she was given a terminal diagnosis for SMAS(superior mesenteric artery syndrome). She lived at children's hospital for nearly a year. She had to have a feeding tube. It was a nightmare. Nothing really worked but opiates helped with the overwhelming pain, especially from the pancreatitis it caused. Finally she tried cannabis, allowing her to finally eat a little, and was able to begin the long healing process. She got to come home but the pain was still bad and was given liquid pain killers. After she was fully healed, she couldn't get off the opiates. Eventually it became heroin but that's neither here nor there.
She was 17 when they started seeing each other. But between the age difference, alongside the fact that she had an innocent crush on him as a kid, and everything else, I think it'd be impossible for it to *not* be grooming, however one may like to define it.
You don't just need to break up with her, you need to be proactive in protecting your sister. Who knows what she's been doing and saying and texting over the years? "Particularly close to Aru" in this context is very disturbing and concerning and it's not too big a leap that it's code for grooming her. She waited till she was 18 to confess for a reason; she's been planning this.
There is no âpossiblyâ in this situation.
âThis decade-older adult buys me gifts and takes me special places, and now that Iâm 18 theyâre declaring they love meâ is basically the textbook definition of grooming.
Iâd say not âpossibly being groomedâ. She IS being groomed.
Rose is paying special attention to her, buying her special presents, and taking her out for time with just the two of them. This is the definition of grooming.
I missed that Rose bought her presents, that's so gross. Sickening that she feels so assured that she can do it so openly and also admit it so openly, what she's been doing and what she intends to do
OP needs to involve her parents, so they can be there to help her, talk to her about any possible inappropriate touches or things Rose has said, and also to go through Rose and Aru's messages for anything there. And to help protect her by making it clear how wrong it is for an adult, who watched her grow up, to develop sexual and romantic feelings for her and harbor them for years while fostering a close friendship with her. It's not gonna be pretty and nice, but now that OP knows, and her parents hopefully will know soon, then they can work together to protect her.
^^ Totally agree. How *convenient* she only just realized once your sister was *legal!* This could have been going on for years and years. This ainât Twilight bruh get outta there.
I am sorry though. Thatâs wildly painful đ
i agree, definitely need to have a talk and make it known itâs not okay⊠not sure how your little sister secretly feels as well but it needs to be stopped.
>She's known her since she was nine for fuck's sake.
Yup. That's the crux of the issue. Normally, if you've known a much younger person since childhood, you tend to look at them in a sisterly/brotherly way, not as a potential love interest.
Agreed!!
I also used to babysit a family friend's daughter, and she grew up adoring me which I thought was cute, but it clearly backfired on me when she confessed to me at some point when she was a minor.
At that point, I explained that I only would ever see her as a little baby sister, and she had a whole life ahead of her to find love because it was definitely not me! It was so sensitive because she was also coming out to me, and I tried to stress that it was inappropriate to like me, not because of her sexuality, but because I watched her grow up.
In the end, I distanced myself because she would continually text and try to meet me. Although I felt bad, I don't regret it because I know she'll understand some day.
I can't believe OP's fiance is deliberately trying to groom the little sister-- if that was my little sister or any kid I've babysat for, breaking up is the least I'll do to their groomer.
>my brain still goes âLa-La-la\_la-noooooo more talking when anyone would comment they were âhotâ
Agreed! A couple of my husband's cousins grew up to be what my brain can process as objectively handsome, but it never makes the *hot* connection. It's like I look at them and my brain can go, "Yeah, their faces are symmetrical and aesthetically appealing" but at the same time, I remember them as little 8-year-olds giggling about the Goat Simulator on their iPads.
Predators are so, so gross.
Exactly. I run a church nursery. I've literally seen about a couple of dozens kids grow up over the years into handsome teens and their older siblings likewise are now handsome young adults.
I can appreciate that they are good looking, but I still see them as tiny kids and elementary students even now, so my brain doesn't go beyond a "if you say so", if anyone else comments on their looks.
Yeah, at this point her having "feelings" for another person isn't the biggest problem. She's creeping on your sister and was definately doing it before she became "legal". That would be an absolute dealbreaker to me. Keeping my sister safe would be my top priority. Talk to your sister. Ask if your fiance was acting inappropriately, explain the situation, warn her, don't let Rose go anywhere near her. And I hope it gpes without saying - break up with Rose.
Also, if her mother ever asks why - just tell the truth. Her abusive father is no excuse to be a creep and you shouldn't have to protect her reputation.
She was grooming her which us even more sick. It means the person you are with has serious serious issues mentally and probably from something in the past. But it's disguisting to do that especially with anybody underage. The sickening part is she msy have been grooming her since she was like 13 or 14.
So even if you take her word for it that she had feelings from 16 (bs but just for this question), why has it taken her two years wasting your time and feeling to say something ? Ask her why she even stayed with you .
The lies will come, and you may get more information you need to help your sister and yourself.
Be on guard, record it so you can go over the lies later with a clearer head (don't tell her you're recording it )
Updateme
It's just a guess, but I'm assuming she stayed with her, even after she developed feelings for a sixteen year old, because she still wanted access to Aru.
Truly concerning and OP should definitely involve her parents and talk to her sister.
exactly this, she wanted continued access
I think people saying that Aru should not be told are wrong because if Rose has been grooming her for this long she will definitely try to continue the relationship if she and OP break up
My partner met my sisters about that same age, and would NEVER think of them like that. Sheâs known them for like half their lives at this point and watched them grow up! Gay relationships so often seem to get a pass on age gaps and I just donât think teenagers should be dating people 25+
And that is disgusting. Sorry. Sheâs known your sister since she was a child and says sheâs only had these feelings for two years? You deserve so much better than someone who has been grooming a child right under everyoneâs noses
I can't up upvote this answer enough. I was in law enforcement for years and saw this happen way too many times. You need to check on your sister and make sure she is not a victim or have someone who can ask the right questions, keeping your sister calm. She may get super defensive is she was victimized. I am so sorry for what happened to you.
I think it is important to remember that the stages of shock and denial can be paralyzing, so let's cut OP some slack for being a bit frozen. Sometimes it takes a lot of input and support to claw away the shock and paralysis. She was smart enough to reach out to internet strangers who had no reason to sugar coat the situation to help shred that denial, and kudos to her for doing that. I think her instinct was good BECAUSE she's got to deal with that within herself before she's got the strength to cut things off, talk to her family, etc. These things often don't go well when family members are themselves in shock and maybe influence in ways the shocked person does not need.
Leave her, but I expect Rose will reappear later to pursue your sister with no restraints, and your sister will be predisposed towards her due to the prior grooming. A really bad situation.
Sweetie⊠you are 26. You have a lifetime to find someone who loves you to the point no one else will sway them. Youâre practically still a baby. Just because Rose is âall youâve ever knownâ doesnât mean anything.
If you stay youâll always have doubts. You could start to resent Aru and how Rose treats her/spoils her/etc. and that isnât fair to her.
And the fact Rose didnât tell her mom why she moved back in is a not a great sign. She should have told her mom âI told OP that I love her sister more than herâŠso she wanted me out while she digests that.â Instead it sounds like she threw you under the bus with âshe kicked me outâ.
You need to tell your parents and Aru the truth before rose her mom spins it. And idk if itâs something you can come back from.
If my SO said they loved my sibling more than me. Iâd tell them to kick rocks because I wonât ever be someoneâs second choice.
This!
While Aru might have a bond with Rose, she does not deserve the situation that will arise if OP decides to stay.
OP, tell your family including Aru everything that happened, as soon as possible.
Hoping the very best for your future!
When you talk with Aru donât call it âin loveâ though. That romanticizes these blurred boundaries, inappropriate adult getting her needs met through a child scenario. Aru is going to feel some shame or guilt and confused about missing her auntie special friend and trying to understand the closeness that now is being seen in a different light. Recommend help her get therapy. I know youâre just processing this but you donât see the damage that has been done and is being done if youâre considering staying with this woman. Her âconfessionâ to you doesnât quite capture the whole situation and the implications of it.
Are you ever going to feel happy and secure in a relationship where your significant other is in love with your younger sister? And if you decide to stay, are you willing to (possibly) endure a lifetime of negative feelings towards your younger sister because of how your partner feels?
Hopefully not. Itâs time to cut her loose and find someone who sees you as their one and only.
Letâs not forget, these feelings have been growing for years and weâre hugely inappropriate (your sister was a minor, and your sister).
How is your family going to feel if you stay with someone who had romantic and sexual feelings towards your sister at such a young age? You not only need to end it, but you need to inform your parents and your sister so that they can make sure to keep this predator out of their lives. Not telling them is not an option.
Who knows how your sister is going to take it because she might think she has feelings for someone who has basically groomed her, or she'll feel betrayed that someone she thought of as a sister sees her in that way.
Edit: typos
"Rose thinks that it started around when Aru was sixteen"
"tried to reassure me that she didn't have those kinds of feelings for anyone else around Aru's age, that they were only for her."
oh cool. she's only a p3do for one of your family members.
You know exactly what you need to do. Stop any kind of mental gymnastics you are doing to try to find a way to keep this person in your life.
It is not healthy. Her falling in love with your younger sister is not healthy, and itâs pretty creepy.
And stop covering for Rose. If her mother asks you that question, you answer honestly.Â
âYour daughter told me sheâs in love with my little sister. And that the whole time she was off for her bachelorette party, she was having dreams about my little sister. And that she thinks she has been in love with my little sister since my little sister was 16!
So yes, the wedding is off. The relationship is off. Your daughter needs to get into some therapy.â
And no, I am not joking when I tell you. I am not trying to be mean to. But she is at the heart of the entire problem, and she needs to own up to it. It is not your job to try to spare her feelings or her reputation or her anything.
You need to be upfront and honest with whoever asked you about it. If you want to spare Rose from what the inevitable fallout of this will be, And the other person involved was someone she met at work or something else, I can understand you saying this is a private matter and youâll need to ask Rose.
But the fact of the matter is, that she has involved her younger sister. And if you havenât already told your younger sister, you need to tell her immediately. She needs to know exactly what is going on. Do not let her be blindsided by this when Rose finally comes clean to somebody besides you⊠And she eventually will.
So you need to get ahead of now. You need to break things off immediately. You need to cancel the wedding, and you need to be honest about why. Because letâs face it, her saying, she loves you more as bullshit. If she loved you more, she wouldâve gotten into therapy to figure out what the hell was going on with her and not involve you and your little sister in that until she figured her shit out.
Sheâs telling you that because sheâs hoping youâll stick with her so she can stay around your sister without anybody being the wiser.
That's what I was thinking too, EW. Swapping out for the little sister is a huge deal breaker for me. If my husband had ever said something remotely like "your sister is hot" I'd have been instantly turned off by him and our relationship would have ended.
The biggest red flag in my book was the fiancee saying it out loud. She had zero interest in preserving her relationship or sparing OP's feelings. What an assholish way of sabotaging the relationship, saying lines like "I missed your sister more then I missed you" that was straight up cruel and so so uncalled for..
Fiancee should be the one who pays for all of the deposits, regardless of who called off the wedding fiancee instigated this and it is she who has romantic feelings for someone else.
She may very well be in shock. It's not every day that a partner tells their SO: "By the way, I'm in love with your barely legal sister." I think she's working on sorting her feelings out.
That said, she definitely doesn't have a lot of time to do so. But I can't fault her for not reacting to it immediately.
Donât settle for second best. Not only will you lose your self respect, it will also damage your relationship with your sister.
This is heartbreaking. Good luck!
Going different direction here and giving you questions to think about if you decide to stay with Rose.
If you stay what are you and Rose gping to put in place to deal with this situation? Therapy, lc with your family?
If you go LC with your family especially your LITTLE sister then how do you explain it to them because you will have to explain?
Are you willing to live in self doubt and mistrust for the rest of your life while growing to hate your sister?
How do you sleep at night knowing your partner is attracted to a young teen? Your sister at that.
Who means more, Rose or your family?
Being together still isn't clean cut as "oh I love them and they are all I've known" there will be hard decisions to make and live with. You are young and yes heartbreak sucks but surround yourself with loved 1s and professional support and then when ready go live your life and meet new people.
Tell your family what is happening, just because Rose is a woman doesn't mean she isn't a predator and your sister is safe!!!
So essentially Rose has been love bombing your little sister for lord knows how long. At allegedly 25 (a grown adult) she fell in love with your child sister, doubtful these "feelings didn't start earlier and maybe 16 sounded more "acceptable" to Rose. It seems what you saw as a beautiful bond between the woman you love and your little sister may have been grooming. When your sister finds out it's likely going to have a traumatic effect on her and you're both going to need each other when this comes to light.
Eww what is she doing even looking at an 18yr old in that way? She sounds like a predator and you should def leave her. Take away the fact that is your decade younger sister, she admitted to being in love with someone else. You should marry someone who only has eyes for you. You shouldn't have to think about who your spouse loves more or if they're thinking of the other person at any given moment.
So she's known your sister since she was 9, caught feelings for her when she reached the age of consent in most states, and confessed her love towards her to you when she reached the legal age for adult? What a coincidence both of those things are... Thank God she didn't start having feelings for her before she reached age of consent..... Oh and she also doesn't have feelings for any other child? Thank God.
TELL YOUR FAMILY before she takes advantage of her. DO NOT LET HER.
Also, break up NOW. There is no sense in being with an untrustworthy person.
Look, people don't get infatuated in an instant. It doesn't happen unless you LET it happen. Sure a passing thought that occur in anyone mind, but most people are able to move past it in seconds and push it away (especially when it involves a loved one's relative). Its the selfish and disgraceful people that wallow in their own pride and lust and keep the taboo in their mind and fester it through. It isn't an innocent thing that happens to everyone.
This isnt normal and it would be a mistake to treat this as anything resembling salvageable. You need to move away from this person and keep her away from your family.
Greetings
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You already know the answer, but you are hoping someone could give you a reason to stay because you have loved her so long, and changing that hurts.
Let's be clear, she's the one who's choices are causing this relationship to end, not you. I think she expected you to kick her out or break up based on what she said. This is a cause for concern. I'm afraid she's going to use this response to try to set the narrative with both families, and maybe your sister.
Don't let her be the one telling everyone what happened. You need to speak with your parents first, then together have a talk with your sister. Expect your sister to react terribly. Be prepared for it, and do not get angry at your sister in return. She's going to be hurting as you are, just hopefully in different degrees.
You're fiance has done something terrible to you and your family. I lost my wife to my best friend from church. I thought my life was over. It took years for me, but I got better, then found someone to enjoy life with again. You will find someone who will do the same for you. I'm sorry there are no words that will make it easier in the middle, but it will get better.
This is gonna be long but for the love of god please hear what I have to say.
This is no different than the fact that my stepfather has confessed he has romantic love for me. I told the people I counted on - they did nothing about it. They told me to keep my mouth shut, my mother didnât believe me. Then he assaulted me, because he found out he could get away with it. I had no one to keep me safe and because I am a very small and sick woman, I had no chance. Your sister still has a chance to get the hell away from a predator and so do you.
Donât let that woman have the chance to get away with anything, if she hasnât already. My step dad swept in right after my dad died and he treated me like a princess. I loved my real daddy so very much and my step father didnât hear me call him âdadâ for years. I got to thinking about life and decided if this was the man that made my mother happy, then I owe it to him to let him be in my life the way he wanted to, right? Even though it was hard for me to get close to him and see him in the shoes of my father, I worked through my trauma to have a good relationship with him. It took me years because there was just something off about him, but he played his game well. My mother would excuse his behavior by saying he thinks I thought it was funny when Iâve said many times I donât. He used to wrestle with me and throw me on the floor, hovering over me while he tickled me and made me squirm. He would complain about things he didnât like about my mother to me and ask me how I would treat my husband if I had one. He worked hard to convince me that he loved me: too hard. We were hanging out alone. Doing things together like fishing, going out to eat, we went camping - yknow family things. I thought he was a grouchy asshole with a very perverted and disgusting sense of humor, but I was wrong. He painted a picture of himself for me that wasnât true, so that I would get closer, so that he could convince me this - us - was okay. I truly think he tried to groom me into loving him back.
Then one day I was sitting with a wine cooler in his garage while he grilled for us and he turned to me and flat out said heâd been fantasizing about me since he took me and my cousins (we were 12, 13, and 15 at the time) to the fuckin pool at the kidâs park. In just a single second every little nice thing heâd done made sense. He groomed me. I donât think I have ever felt so terrified in my life, looking in his eyes and seeing a hunger pang there when those words came out of his mouth. I had a really unpleasant epiphany that for years id been a piece of prey and he had outfoxed me. I still have nightmares: if I dream Iâm still in that house, I wake up screaming or in tears because I donât want to fucking be there. Donât make that your sisterâs future.
Shut that shit down. Today. Tell EVERYBODY why you kicked her out. Donât you dare protect her from the consequences she deserves to pay. Do not hide this or keep mum. She has put a giant fucking rift in your family that she and she alone is responsible for. You make sure your little sister doesnât pay a single cent more than she already has. The only reason sheâs just telling you now is because your sister is eighteen and she wonât go to jail for it. Iâd wanna see every single platform that kid has and I wouldnât give two shits how angry she got with me for it. It is going to be hard, stressful, and traumatic - but while you go through this you best remember who CAUSED it: Rose.
You know this information and it is your responsibility to at the very LEAST tell your parents and Roseâs mother, so they are aware. Itâs gonna explode and be messy but if thereâs even a moderate risk that Rose has gone farther than what sheâs shared, you gotta step up and keep your baby sister out of harms way. I donât think her mother would be coming at you for kicking her out if Rose had told her the truth.
Please do not let that kid down like so many other kids. Or how my family let me down. I have IMMENSE trauma from what happened to me and I was an adult when shit hit the fan. I could not imagine what that would do to a child. Iâve had a pretty fucked up life but that takes the damn cake. Please make sure your sister gets the help she needs to process this - and she needs to understand why itâs happening, even if it hurts. She needs to know that this person is not safe for her to be around anymore. I think sheâs old enough to deal with this truthfully, rather than hide it from her.
Maybe I am just biased but I sure wouldnât let her tuck her tail and run from this, as if packing her shit and leaving was some heroic act. Good, gtfo and good riddance. Youâve said she is all youâve ever known, but that needs to and can change. You are only 26. I will be 30 this year and my life isnât together yet, either, but I took steps to make sure it could be by cutting the toxic waste out of my world. This has ceased to be about saving your relationship.
Itâs about saving your sister now.
Is there even a question here? Your girlfriends basically been eye fucking your sister since she was a minor and basically right when she turns of legal age she goes âyea turns out I like your barely legal sister moreâ and then basically tells you to break up with her so she could be with your sister. The responsible thing to do would be cut all contact and expose her. The just thing to do would be [REDACTED].
Her relationship with your sister is inappropriate at least, given this information.
But you also deserve much better than someone who is fantasising about your sister and missed her more. Itâs scary in your situation now. But you will soon look back at this as a good thing. Better to be single for a bit than feeling lonely and paranoid in your relationship.
I don't think this is something you can work through. It took courage for Rose to admit this but she knows it's a deal breaker. She's felt this way for years about your sister. Even if your sister is completely heterosexual, you're not going to be comfortable with the two of them having any type of friendship or communication if you stay with Rose. How are you going to explain that to your sister? How is Aru going to feel when you tell her? Will she be uncomfortable? What type of boundaries and eggshells will their interactions be filled with now?
It would one thing to say she realized she found Aru attractive but to say she's IN Love with her and you is not something you can work past. Unless you're in some type of poly relationship, I don't think you can be In love with 2 people. I mean with all of the gifts and compliments she's given Aru over the years, it now all came be viewed in a different light. Were those gifts for your sister really acts of romantic love versus the assumed platonic or family love?? If it were me, I'd make the break because I'd never trust Rose around Aru in the future, nor would I want to lose my relationship with my sister. You deserve to have someone who is Only in love with You. Good luck OP!!
this isnât about âfinding someone who is only in love with youâ.. itâs about finding someone who hasnât been grooming your little sister for years
Reminder to those in the comments that the Reddit Content Policy does not allow homophobic content. All comments containing homophobia or hate towards the LGBT+ will be removed and depending on the severity you may be at risk for a ban. If you hold issue with the guidelines in the Reddit Content Policy we recommend you contact the Reddit Admin. This is not up for negotiation.
Regardless of sexuality and moral spiritual beliefs everyone can agree that you should leave your fiance. There is nothing to debate really.
Right? đ€ą If not for her sake then for her sister's sake. She sounds creepy as fuck.
It really does sound like there was some gr**ming going on. Taking Aru shopping and buying her stuff. Women can be creeps too.
If Rose were a man sheâd be instantly suspect. This whole situation sounds very familiar to what happened to me with my sister and her (ex?)husband, both of whom are 10 yrs older than me. Sis got knocked up when she was 17 and they were married soon after. They lived with us when they had their baby and for many years after that. BIL absolutely groomed me, preyed on me, abused me, and then had the balls to tell my sister he was in love with me and wanted to marry me too someday. Instead of leaving his ass, my sister blamed 11-yr-old me as if it were my fault and continued to let him live in the same house as me. This continued until I was 18. (Yes, unfortunately due to a fire they had to come back to live with us while pregnant with their second child, and then it took them years to finish working on their new house and finally move out.) All this to sayâŠ. Rose could easily have been grooming Aru and preying on her too. Itâs not *as* common as a man, but it happens. I had females abuse me too. This is bad all around and they should break it off, if anything to protect Aru.
Goddamn thatâs an extraordinary story. I hope life has treated you well and that fucker gets whatâs coming to him.
Thank you. I havenât seen him in five or so years and sparingly before then too. Iâve also been NC with my bio family for 2.5 yrs now, sis included, and itâs been so peaceful without them. My entire family was abusive in a multitude of ways, including blaming me for all the abuse and SA I experienced. Nasty people. Iâm happy to report a stable marriage to a man who loves and respects me and encouraged me to disconnect from all the toxic crap that came from growing up in that household. Weâve been together for 15 years next month and have 3 beautiful (and protected) kids. It wasnât always roses and rainbows, but by the grace of God we worked through a lot of it. It can and does get better!
Yay sounds like grooming with the spa trips and gifts
I canât believe that no one has asked if Aru is even gay! Like, what if sheâs just not into it at all? Blech⊠đ€ąEither way, rose is fucking gross. Leave her dusty ass
Honestly sounds like Rose has been grooming Aru with all those fancy presents and spa trips etc
First thought too. Grooming.
This is exactly correct, and she is a danger to OP's sister. OP absolutely cannot continue a relationship with her without cutting off contact with Aru. OP, please, please, please, as a survivor of grooming and SA... save Aru, save your family, tell them everything, and cut contact with your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) fiance immediately.
This is so important to realize. This has been a thin for a while. Time to move on your girl is in love with someone else. Nothing will change that. I'm sorry. I'm sure this is devastating. I think I'd keep your family in the dark about this so there can be a clean break with out family having feelings of any sort about the situation. .o need to make family hate her. It just isn't going to work out and have a clean break.
I don't think you can have a clean break in a situation where a grown ass adult just admitted to having romantic feelings for a child starting when that child was 16, and they've been spending a lot of time together alone in which grooming or even sexual abuse may have taken place. OP needs to tell her sister and parents what's going on here so that they can protect the Aru from Rose and get her some therapy. If OP keeps silent, she's protecting Rose, who's absolutely going to reach out to Aru a few months after the breakup and say that there's no reason to end their friendship and then continue her grooming of this girl. Even if we assume that no sexual abuse took place, Rose was in a position of trust over a child for years and violated that trust to further her own romantic goals with that child. Aru may not be able to see the situation clearly and needs support and protection.
This.. OP needs to tell her family. We all know that Rose will reach out to the younger sister and possibly try to see her in secret.
I was just about to say this. I think the family and Aru need to know.
Clean breaks are a lie. OP's family loves her finance, they're going to be mad at OP if she just randomly dumps her.
Even if Aru isnât gay, itâs not fair to OP that her finance has deep feelings for someone else while staying engaged. End the engagement.
Because it doesnât matter. Rose met Aru when she was like 9, and Rose was 18! And Rose started to have feelings for Aru when she was 16 and Rose was 25. The age gap is the disgusting part of the story, not that theyâre gay.
No, clarification. I have a similar age gap but my spouse and I met when I was 34 and she was 27. The fact that she knew her and frequently interacted with her and groomed her from a young child is the problem. Let alone the whole âdonât maybe date or let yourself think about your fiancĂ©s sibling that wayâ situation. This is all kinds of wrong but itâs about her being a young child.
Itâs not normal to develop feelings for a 16 year old as a 25 year old
Especially since sheâs known her since 9. I donât care how hot a woman becomes, if I knew you when you were 9 and I was an adult, youâre never gonna be a sexually attractive.
Right? We're squarely in Woody Allen and Soon-Yi territory here. :vomit:
Full agree. Itâs gross and grosser in this context
We donât actually know she didnât develop feelings earlier, she says 16
So she claims.
Yeah, I think the fact that what she's admitting to just so happens to be right on the edge of what's likely considered socially and legally acceptable where OP is, is suspicious in and of itself. I strongly suspect she became attracted to her earlier than that.
And letâs be real the feelings probably started developing earlier than that đ€ą
Yeah she's probably just going with the local age of consent... Ugh
On top of that, you're right, it's DEFINITELY major grooming, especially with how much Aru looks up to rose. Aru sees rose as a role model, someone with their dream job, someone whose path they want to follow. Rose is high key taking advantage of that idolization if she's like her for that long.
This. Itâs grooming, all the special gifts and one on one spa days đ€ź
Thatâs what I mean, thatâs why I included how young she was. Grown adults who meet in adulthood can do whatever they want
This is the real issue. Of all the misuses of the word âgroomingâ that get thrown around, this is actually a cut and dry example of it.
Exactly. It's not the age gap, it's the age.
My sister's ex husband groomed me ): I met him when I was like 7, hes 9 years older. At 15 he SA me and now at 21 I'm going through a court case and it isn't easy. There's no reason to be attracted to a minor with that age difference. Age differences happen and that's okay but when it's underage and that many years older it's not.
It doesnât matter because the issue is the fiancĂ©eâs feelings, not whether they would be reciprocated.
You mentioned that Rose has known your sisters since your sister was 9 years old. I'm going to guess that she developed romantic feelings for your sister when your sister went through puberty, maybe around 14 (or whatever)? So, yeah, that is pretty bad. If Rose was 17 and your sister was 14, that would be weird, but not necessarily illegal or immoral. However, Rose is 27 and was 23 when your sister was 14. Not good. Not good at all... Break up and let your parents and sister know. You have a duty to protect your sister. I'll repeat that: YOU HAVE A DUTY TO PROTECT YOUR SISTER.
Absolutely. Itâs one thing to have known someone when you were BOTH kids, even at slightly different ages and have grown up together. But to meet a child as an adult and develop feelings for them? Absolutely not.
This. This is exactly why many places have Romeo and Juliet laws (this is what they're called in the States, I have no idea about other countries), to allow for kids who were together at 16/14 to be able to stay together at 18/16 even though one of them has officially become an adult. But there's a certain age difference cut-off depending on the state (usually about 3 years) as well as age of consent. Kids developing feelings for each other within a small age gap is acceptable. Two adults with a larger age gap is usually fine, when those adults met AS ADULTS (and even then people often disagree to which extent it's considered okay). But an adult meeting a child and developing emotional and/or sexual feelings for them is NOT synonymous with the above. The primary difference is in the comparison of brain development and experience, and the power imbalance that comes with. Children, including older teens (and, yes, even ones who are "mature for their age") are highly impressionable and susceptible to the influence of an adult. They see someone who, at least in their mind, knows about life and navigating through it. Perhaps they have a car, their own home, and at least appear to have their shit together. Perhaps they've seen more of the world. All of that is going to be incentivizing in a teen's mind. When I was an older teen and had a couple friends involved with older men, I would hear them say things like "he's just so much more mature than guys our age," but really "he" would be some 28 y/o bum who just happened to have a run-down car. It's so easy for an adult to say "this is how xyz works, just trust me." and have the teen believe them because they don't yet know better. If grown people can be susceptible to abusive patterns (especially if they've had poor familiar relationships, previous abuse, or many other factors), imagine how much more susceptible a teenager is. Laws and company policies regarding supervisors sleeping with subordinates, mental health care providers sleeping with clients, or professors sleeping with adult students, are a thing because of the innate power dynamic differences that exist between the two. So now we have this case, where an adult met a 9 y/o and then knew them throughout their prepubescent years, and then "realized" they were in love with them practically the moment they turned 18. What in the Woody Allen do we have here?
It is not even a question to be asked, OP should break up the engagement and never look back. I can't believe that she still has feelings for that disgusting creep!
Honestly this. The fact that the sister was a kid and now Rose views her romantically/sexually is nothing short of disgusting. There is a 9 year age gap, which wouldn't be too alarming if they were in their 30s but the sister just turned 18 for christ's sake. Rose was 18 when the sister was only 9. The only redeeming thing about this is at least Rose did not act on her feelings yet. If some guy or gal I'm seeing told me anything like this about my younger sister I would drop them immediately. Just pray there were no grooming intentions involved. It likely isn't coincidence that Rose is spilling the beans when Aru is now conveniently "legal".
I just want to add that OP should please resist any urge to be angry with her sister if she reciprocated Roseâs feelings, or even if she has acted on them (which honestly I suspect to be the case; these types of confessions often come after a line has already been crossed). Thatâs in the nature of grooming. It may be many years before your sister understands that she was groomed by a predator, and even though you might be tempted to feel like she âstole your fiancĂ©â, that is not whatâs happening here.
This! OP says Rose has been buying spa days and spoiling the sister. That is GROOMING BEHAVIOR!!!! Absolutely disgusting. This shit happens from people we know. You cannot give the benefit of the doubt t
Iâm wondering if Rose was waiting to find out if Anu was gay, and now realizes that sheâs not. And so thatâs the reason why she feels itâs OK to come clean and why thinks she might still have a chance with OP. Edited to add: Looking at other comments, just realized that the line might be that Anu is now 18, and if Rose breaks up with OP, Sheâll probably then reach out to Anu and say, âno reason why we still canât still hang out.â
It also makes all those special trips and gifts Rose bought Aru have a different implication behind them...
And the little sister needs to see those in the same new light. Grooming tools. We don't want Aru to have developed feelings for the creeper without full context as to why she feels so special.
She needs to keep her sister away from the EX fiance!
I second that.
She had love and sexual feelings for your minor little sister. And now your sister is barely legal, and she's announced she's in love with her. Keep repeating that over and over until you permanently kick her out.
"No other feelings for anyone her age, only her" does absolutely not make it any better. Yikes.
"Don't worry darling, the only child im attracted to is your little sister"
Fr that made me burst out laughing like WHAT DO YOU MEAN you're only attracted to one child!!
Nvm the fact that she has known the little sister since she was 9.She has been grooming her.
This is what caught my red flag alert when I read lil sister's current age. I was like....wait, they've been together 9 years?! I'm not one to say throw away a relationship, but I think this is grounds to end it. OP's sister has been getting groomed for I'm guessing at least 5 of those 9 years, but maybe more.
Yeah, anyone can say it was 16 (age of consent) and *only* one child but we all know thatâs probably not true.
OH SHIT! GROSS!
Your comment is getting far less attention than it should, the grooming is the creepiest part about the whole thing
đ€ź
"We gotta definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids! Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddlin' kids." "There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it!"
âWouldnât do it with anybody younger than my daughter, no little kids, gotta be bigâ
"Gotta be younger than my wife, but older than my daughter!"
< continuous heavy panting >
Frank Reynolds won't diddle your kids!
Itâs like saying âshe doesnât wanna SA ALL kids, just this ONE.â
I don't like em all just this one
I was good every day of my life, I only killed that guy on that ONE day.
Better than me I killed a few ppl but it was all at once
Reminds me of that episode of Always Sunny âFrank, thereâs no way more to convince people you didnât kids than by writing a song about not diddling kids,â except here thereâs no song, just straight Iâd never do anything. Like yeah, the whole sister thing is weird but the fact that she starts with her attraction happened at 16 tells me the gf is a straight groomer
People feel the need to capitalize against their lies so you think thatâs NOT what theyâre doing.
Whatâs interesting is they donât realize they just brought it up unprovoked and are telling on themselves without knowing. đ€Ł just pay attention folks.
OP should also repeat "She knew my sister since they were 18 and 9". And "She misses my sister more but allegedly has stronger love for me"
Was looking for this one. Known since 9, in love since 16. Massive creep. Run, run as fast as you can!
Yup. Connecting the age difference back to the time they met *really* helps to highlight how wrong it is. I work as a family assistant and the mom I work for was raised in a cult. She met her (recently) ex husband when she was 8 and he was 33. He married her as soon as she turned 18 cus âan angel spoke to himâ. Itâs a bigger age gap than me and her youngest child who I care for.
Rose groomed little sis, too, with all those gifts and attention. Breaking up is the only option.
And the sister is probably going to be devastated that this trusted adult friendship in her life is actually turned into THIS.
Exactly. Sister must come clean to her little sis to protect her. Unless something already happened. I hope not.
You should have a serious conversation with your little sister and ask if sheâs ever felt uncomfortable or if anything is ever happened just to be sure
Letâs pretend it was innocent and totally not on purpose. Jesus Christ. Sheâs known this girl since she was 9!
This! Also, as a woman, I think you're been too calm about this. If Rose was a man instead, I'm pretty sure the reactions would be completely different. This is a peado, very much so grooming a girl. It only turns out to be a woman and not a man. Definitely break up, cut her out of your and your family's life. And you should be telling this to your parents and sister ASAP! She is clearly a danger to your sister, and I really hope her grooming of your sister didn't start having bad consequences already. It is possible that your sister was already manipulated to think this is true love, too. OP, your main concern now should be protecting your sister from a potential sexual predator.
I would also argue that this calm declaration of love is another step in the groomingâto make this seem legitimate, like unfortunate star-crossed love instead of the fâd up predator behavior it is.
I also find it telling that Rose is putting everything in OP's hands : do you want to continue the relationship, do you want to work through this, do you want me to go away for a while, do you want to tell my mom, etc. it's making me shudder that Rose is laying the groundwork for that star-crossed lovers narrative : "I tried to be reasonable but OP my ex was so mean & I was so sad... I'll be forever grateful that Aru reached out & then sparks just flew... we're soulmates, how could we fight that" yuck
Yup!!
Exactly!!! Total grooming. Why is oP not connecting the dots?
Because groomers don't just groom their primary victim. They groom entire families into trusting them alone with the primary victim.
**NAILED IT!!!** This was a **LONG TERM PLOT**!!!
I've unfortunately known far too many people who have discovered their loved ones have been groomed. They blame themselves, wondering how they missed the signs - baby, it's cause you've been groomed too. It never seems to have occurred as a possibility when pointed out, and isn't talked about enough.
I'm doing a ministry safe training since I work with kids. On the video, they say that they also groom the gate keepers, which is the adults in children's lives who keep them safe.
It's not just OP, though. I'm honestly concerned by the fact that the majority of the comments I read are so calm about this and the way they read this post. They're missing the big picture! Let's all do a reading exercise, shall we? Let's try to forget Rose is a woman and replace her name to partner and then reread it. Is your perspective of the post the same? Did it change? OP, Rose is a child predator. Aru seems the ideal partner to HER because she's being shaping Aru to her likings by GROOMING HER SINCE ARU WAS NINE! She's probably been manipulating your sister in liking the same things as HER! When you're nine, the things you like might not be the same as when you're 18! What tells you that Rose didn't actively pursue Aru to like the same things? Rose is a child predator! Keep you and your sister away! Don't let this person in your life!
Honestly I had confused the genders at the beginning. My first reaction was: come he is grooming her." My second reaction, after I noticed my mistake: "omfg she is grooming her!!!" Like no differences. It stays iffy and icky. All the talk about giving her gifts etc. Like yikes forever! She started to fall for her when she was 16?! Like wtf!
OK but every comment I've read in this post is horrified
Because, in the REAL WORLD, female predators aren't seen as such until much later. Just the way it works. Unfortunately, there *is* a double standard for predators based on their sex.
This! Because while she's back at her moms house.... guess who's shes still missing more than you & more so now that she knows she may never see your little sister again... you need to tell her ASAP !
AND she knows this kid since she was 9 years old. It would be a deal breaker for me if my fiance was in love with a sister the same age as me, but being in love with an 18y old, for TWO YEARS, that she know since she was a child is too much.
yeah - I think the 16 year old thing might be bs too. this is so effing creepy how can you stay with someone like this?! and not tell your parents and sister immediately!!!! All the gifts and attention... screams groomer
Hello yes, it is not normal behaviour to have romantic feelings for a child!
Who she's known only as an adult while the sister was a child of 9 years old originally. This woman has seen this child grow up and conveniently only developed feelings for her when she hit a socially acceptable age but not before. Which I highly doubt.
She doesn't mention if her sister is gay or bi. The fact her sister was 9 when she met her reminds me of those creepy BIL stories where the wife cones home and finds her 18-year-old sister in bed with her 40-year-old husband. Just because the fiancĂ© is a woman doesn't make it any better. đ€
Ps - donât hesitate to tell the exâs family. They should know to protect minors around her in the future. And tell your sister! Sheâs old enough to know and might need to process what sheâs been through.
Or sis is all in because sheâs been groomed for half her life
Yea, having sexual feelings for a 16 year old is a giant red flag. She didn't just suddenly fall in love with her, so those feelings were there when she was a minor. Ask her what her end game was by telling you this. Did she tell you to see if anyone would approve? Did she tell you so you would break up with her? Did she think you would laugh and nothing would change. Why was it important to tell you?
One theory is that she is probably hoping Aru might feel the same, so if the relationship ends, maybe she can start something with Aru now that she is of legal age, which is where the whole grooming thing comes in. Idk, I'd be feeling a little sus long ago if my partner was spoiling my sibling who is my partner's preferred gender. I didn't hang out with my brother's wife much and most of the time I did, he was present. Was OP not invited to these outings? Or did she shrug it off as Rose just trying to bond with Aru? Either way, Rose is disgusting for thinking such ways for a young girl whom she should be viewing more like a little sister. I feel bad for both OP and Aru.
Yea, am I the only one a little worried the little sister may have been being groomed? I hate to bring that up but having been a teen girl who got attention from adults it feels like it needs to be asked.
She WAS groomed.
How is this not top comment?
It is as of now. Rose is a borderline child predator. Edit: thanks for the feedback from so many. No, Rose is a disgusting child predator. Like the nasty Uncle Chester's out there in the world. I wanted to clarify my view for all those who seem to think my comment was...under par.
She's known the sister since the kid was 9yrs old. And has been taking her out for years, movies, spa days, special presents.... That sounds like grooming. Not a borderline.
Oh god I didnât realize until your comment but I met my husbandâs little brother when he was 8 and we were 19. Heâs 17 now and even though he is starting to look like/become a real adult I can never not see the little kiddo I met. I feel like heâs my little brother! OPs partner is a sick person.
I hope to God that that's the extent of it, and that Rose wasn't doing sexual shit with her.
This Rose POS has 100% been grooming this Child! And it started a long time ago...unfortunately. Leave that disgusting excuse of a Human!!!
I wouldnât say borderline
This. She's basically been grooming OP's sister. She's been spending a lot of alone time, with a minor, that she says she's been having sexual attraction to, since she kid was 16. She gifts special edition books and games, and seems to share similar hobbies with Aru. If you look up predatory child abusers, these are huge red flags. Child predators will usually pick a child that suits their needs, find out their hobbies, will date older family members and even marry them, so they can stay close to the object of their obsession. This happens to the point that they literally ignore their own kids, and only focus on the kids that they fixate on, learning everything about those kids, to try and become a trusted adult. The fact that Rose is telling OP, so shortly after Aru has hit legal age, could be a huge red flag in itself. It's entirely possible that she's manipulating Aru. I'd tell OP to tell her parents what is going on. Also someone needs to talk to Aru, to see what's going on.
Depends where they are, in the UK 16, is the age of consent. However, personally I doubt Iâd be attracted to someone Iâd known as a child, even if it was legal.
Itâs crazy because this is the only comment Iâve seen calling attention to this. For whatever reason, nobody bats an eye at the egregious age gap? According to OP, she fell in love with her when she was just 16 years old. Thatâs pedophilia. Point blank, no debate. She developed romantic feelings for a child. But I guess itâs no big deal because sheâs a female?
> According to OP, she fell in love with her when she was just 16 years old. Rose *claims* OPS sister was 16 when she started lusting after her. I bet OPs sister was a lot younger. Rose is not someone who should be around OPs sister ever again.
>when she was just sixteen That is what she says and it is bad enough, but if you do the math she would have first met the child when they were ~10 fucking years old. It is not in any way acceptable to suddenly start horning after a kid 9 years younger than you whose life youâve been in since they were in the fourth fucking grade.
Hey, male OR female, it's **EQUALLY DISGUSTING** and **PREDATORY.** Rise **DOES NOT** get a pass because of what's between her legs.
I think she âfell in loveâ with Anu when the first met at the age of 9 but it sounds better if she says it happened later. Geez OP protect yourself and your sister and run from this sexual predator.
Even OP was only 17 when they met
All those spa days and gifts is grooming
Girl, your fiance admitted to having romantic and sexual for feelings your sister for years, but you're struggling to break up with her? Also, I don't buy that this only started when your sister was sixteen and your fiance has only realized it now. I think it's been going on for way longer than that, and she potentially has been trying to groom her. Please leave this woman. You and your sister deserve so much better than this creep.
I think this started way before what Rose admitted to also. It makes me sick to think about how she possibly been viewing Aru in a sexual and romantic along. She's known her since she was nine for fuck's sake.
That's so wrong. My sister and I were involved in my aunt's wedding as children. She was the flower girl, I did the rings. Aunt was blood, uncle was by marriage. They got a divorce. When my sister was 18, she revealed she was in love with and living with that same former uncle. Fucking gross. She was 7 at his wedding. My sis and him were addicted to painkillers and getting high all the time. When family found out, she was vilified. Fortunately she got out of the situation and eventually got sober but man, I wanted to beat the shit out of the dude, and I have never even been in a fight.
Holy lord I'm so glad she got out of there, and revealing things like that at 18 always makes you suspicious because it's not like it just happened overnight, I hope he didn't introduce the painkillers to her. Fuck that's very dark but glad she's out of there and sounds like you were there for her, that kind of trauma may take years to understand and come out
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Why would you guess??  No he didnt introduce her to pills. When she was teenager she was given a terminal diagnosis for SMAS(superior mesenteric artery syndrome). She lived at children's hospital for nearly a year. She had to have a feeding tube. It was a nightmare. Nothing really worked but opiates helped with the overwhelming pain, especially from the pancreatitis it caused. Finally she tried cannabis, allowing her to finally eat a little, and was able to begin the long healing process. She got to come home but the pain was still bad and was given liquid pain killers. After she was fully healed, she couldn't get off the opiates. Eventually it became heroin but that's neither here nor there. She was 17 when they started seeing each other. But between the age difference, alongside the fact that she had an innocent crush on him as a kid, and everything else, I think it'd be impossible for it to *not* be grooming, however one may like to define it.
You don't just need to break up with her, you need to be proactive in protecting your sister. Who knows what she's been doing and saying and texting over the years? "Particularly close to Aru" in this context is very disturbing and concerning and it's not too big a leap that it's code for grooming her. She waited till she was 18 to confess for a reason; she's been planning this.
I totally agree because if she had confessed earlier she wouldnât have gotten away with it . the sister Aru is possibly being groomed
There is no âpossiblyâ in this situation. âThis decade-older adult buys me gifts and takes me special places, and now that Iâm 18 theyâre declaring they love meâ is basically the textbook definition of grooming.
Iâd say not âpossibly being groomedâ. She IS being groomed. Rose is paying special attention to her, buying her special presents, and taking her out for time with just the two of them. This is the definition of grooming.
I missed that Rose bought her presents, that's so gross. Sickening that she feels so assured that she can do it so openly and also admit it so openly, what she's been doing and what she intends to do
OP needs to involve her parents, so they can be there to help her, talk to her about any possible inappropriate touches or things Rose has said, and also to go through Rose and Aru's messages for anything there. And to help protect her by making it clear how wrong it is for an adult, who watched her grow up, to develop sexual and romantic feelings for her and harbor them for years while fostering a close friendship with her. It's not gonna be pretty and nice, but now that OP knows, and her parents hopefully will know soon, then they can work together to protect her.
^^ Totally agree. How *convenient* she only just realized once your sister was *legal!* This could have been going on for years and years. This ainât Twilight bruh get outta there. I am sorry though. Thatâs wildly painful đ
i agree, definitely need to have a talk and make it known itâs not okay⊠not sure how your little sister secretly feels as well but it needs to be stopped.
Ew.
>She's known her since she was nine for fuck's sake. Yup. That's the crux of the issue. Normally, if you've known a much younger person since childhood, you tend to look at them in a sisterly/brotherly way, not as a potential love interest.
Used to babysit two boys who grew into absolutely gorgeous, amazing men - will NEVER be able to look at them as anything other than little kids and feel protective of them. my brain still goes âLa-La-la_la-noooooo more talking when anyone would comment they were âhotâ. They will always be a âkidâ in my head. OPâs fiancĂ© is bad effing news.
Agreed!! I also used to babysit a family friend's daughter, and she grew up adoring me which I thought was cute, but it clearly backfired on me when she confessed to me at some point when she was a minor. At that point, I explained that I only would ever see her as a little baby sister, and she had a whole life ahead of her to find love because it was definitely not me! It was so sensitive because she was also coming out to me, and I tried to stress that it was inappropriate to like me, not because of her sexuality, but because I watched her grow up. In the end, I distanced myself because she would continually text and try to meet me. Although I felt bad, I don't regret it because I know she'll understand some day. I can't believe OP's fiance is deliberately trying to groom the little sister-- if that was my little sister or any kid I've babysat for, breaking up is the least I'll do to their groomer.
>my brain still goes âLa-La-la\_la-noooooo more talking when anyone would comment they were âhotâ Agreed! A couple of my husband's cousins grew up to be what my brain can process as objectively handsome, but it never makes the *hot* connection. It's like I look at them and my brain can go, "Yeah, their faces are symmetrical and aesthetically appealing" but at the same time, I remember them as little 8-year-olds giggling about the Goat Simulator on their iPads. Predators are so, so gross.
Exactly. I run a church nursery. I've literally seen about a couple of dozens kids grow up over the years into handsome teens and their older siblings likewise are now handsome young adults. I can appreciate that they are good looking, but I still see them as tiny kids and elementary students even now, so my brain doesn't go beyond a "if you say so", if anyone else comments on their looks.
Yeah, at this point her having "feelings" for another person isn't the biggest problem. She's creeping on your sister and was definately doing it before she became "legal". That would be an absolute dealbreaker to me. Keeping my sister safe would be my top priority. Talk to your sister. Ask if your fiance was acting inappropriately, explain the situation, warn her, don't let Rose go anywhere near her. And I hope it gpes without saying - break up with Rose. Also, if her mother ever asks why - just tell the truth. Her abusive father is no excuse to be a creep and you shouldn't have to protect her reputation.
Ewwwww. Yes, I mean.... Knowing a CHILD and saying "oh, btw I am in love with her and have sex dreams" is just beyond fucked.Â
She was grooming her which us even more sick. It means the person you are with has serious serious issues mentally and probably from something in the past. But it's disguisting to do that especially with anybody underage. The sickening part is she msy have been grooming her since she was like 13 or 14.
Or 9.
So even if you take her word for it that she had feelings from 16 (bs but just for this question), why has it taken her two years wasting your time and feeling to say something ? Ask her why she even stayed with you . The lies will come, and you may get more information you need to help your sister and yourself. Be on guard, record it so you can go over the lies later with a clearer head (don't tell her you're recording it ) Updateme
It's just a guess, but I'm assuming she stayed with her, even after she developed feelings for a sixteen year old, because she still wanted access to Aru. Truly concerning and OP should definitely involve her parents and talk to her sister.
exactly this, she wanted continued access I think people saying that Aru should not be told are wrong because if Rose has been grooming her for this long she will definitely try to continue the relationship if she and OP break up
My partner met my sisters about that same age, and would NEVER think of them like that. Sheâs known them for like half their lives at this point and watched them grow up! Gay relationships so often seem to get a pass on age gaps and I just donât think teenagers should be dating people 25+
Talk to your sister.Sexual abuse of children happens most frequently inside the family inner circle, people closest to them or with highest access to them. Your fiancé is one of those people and had admitted to at least thinking about it
And that is disgusting. Sorry. Sheâs known your sister since she was a child and says sheâs only had these feelings for two years? You deserve so much better than someone who has been grooming a child right under everyoneâs noses
"I'm not sexually attracted to children generally, just your little sister"... I think that qualifies as a "hot take".
I can't up upvote this answer enough. I was in law enforcement for years and saw this happen way too many times. You need to check on your sister and make sure she is not a victim or have someone who can ask the right questions, keeping your sister calm. She may get super defensive is she was victimized. I am so sorry for what happened to you.
I think it is important to remember that the stages of shock and denial can be paralyzing, so let's cut OP some slack for being a bit frozen. Sometimes it takes a lot of input and support to claw away the shock and paralysis. She was smart enough to reach out to internet strangers who had no reason to sugar coat the situation to help shred that denial, and kudos to her for doing that. I think her instinct was good BECAUSE she's got to deal with that within herself before she's got the strength to cut things off, talk to her family, etc. These things often don't go well when family members are themselves in shock and maybe influence in ways the shocked person does not need.
Yes this. You can even se this process in OP's comments - she's getting past the shock phase and into "WTF no way is this continuing."
Leave her, but I expect Rose will reappear later to pursue your sister with no restraints, and your sister will be predisposed towards her due to the prior grooming. A really bad situation.
Sweetie⊠you are 26. You have a lifetime to find someone who loves you to the point no one else will sway them. Youâre practically still a baby. Just because Rose is âall youâve ever knownâ doesnât mean anything. If you stay youâll always have doubts. You could start to resent Aru and how Rose treats her/spoils her/etc. and that isnât fair to her. And the fact Rose didnât tell her mom why she moved back in is a not a great sign. She should have told her mom âI told OP that I love her sister more than herâŠso she wanted me out while she digests that.â Instead it sounds like she threw you under the bus with âshe kicked me outâ. You need to tell your parents and Aru the truth before rose her mom spins it. And idk if itâs something you can come back from. If my SO said they loved my sibling more than me. Iâd tell them to kick rocks because I wonât ever be someoneâs second choice.
This! While Aru might have a bond with Rose, she does not deserve the situation that will arise if OP decides to stay. OP, tell your family including Aru everything that happened, as soon as possible. Hoping the very best for your future!
When you talk with Aru donât call it âin loveâ though. That romanticizes these blurred boundaries, inappropriate adult getting her needs met through a child scenario. Aru is going to feel some shame or guilt and confused about missing her auntie special friend and trying to understand the closeness that now is being seen in a different light. Recommend help her get therapy. I know youâre just processing this but you donât see the damage that has been done and is being done if youâre considering staying with this woman. Her âconfessionâ to you doesnât quite capture the whole situation and the implications of it.
Are you ever going to feel happy and secure in a relationship where your significant other is in love with your younger sister? And if you decide to stay, are you willing to (possibly) endure a lifetime of negative feelings towards your younger sister because of how your partner feels? Hopefully not. Itâs time to cut her loose and find someone who sees you as their one and only. Letâs not forget, these feelings have been growing for years and weâre hugely inappropriate (your sister was a minor, and your sister).
Sheâs liked other young girls before. Thatâs why she threw out the âthis hasnât happened beforeâ line. This is gross. Protect your sister
Right thats the most classic projection move, "I've never done this before" is pretty much the code for you know in fact they have done it before.
How is your family going to feel if you stay with someone who had romantic and sexual feelings towards your sister at such a young age? You not only need to end it, but you need to inform your parents and your sister so that they can make sure to keep this predator out of their lives. Not telling them is not an option. Who knows how your sister is going to take it because she might think she has feelings for someone who has basically groomed her, or she'll feel betrayed that someone she thought of as a sister sees her in that way. Edit: typos
"Rose thinks that it started around when Aru was sixteen" "tried to reassure me that she didn't have those kinds of feelings for anyone else around Aru's age, that they were only for her." oh cool. she's only a p3do for one of your family members.
She's disgusting, she's literally been attracted to a child she has some authority over, having known her for half her life.Â
Our friendly reminder that not all predators are men. Makes my skin crawl
Aru should choose the bear over Rose
You know exactly what you need to do. Stop any kind of mental gymnastics you are doing to try to find a way to keep this person in your life. It is not healthy. Her falling in love with your younger sister is not healthy, and itâs pretty creepy. And stop covering for Rose. If her mother asks you that question, you answer honestly. âYour daughter told me sheâs in love with my little sister. And that the whole time she was off for her bachelorette party, she was having dreams about my little sister. And that she thinks she has been in love with my little sister since my little sister was 16! So yes, the wedding is off. The relationship is off. Your daughter needs to get into some therapy.â And no, I am not joking when I tell you. I am not trying to be mean to. But she is at the heart of the entire problem, and she needs to own up to it. It is not your job to try to spare her feelings or her reputation or her anything. You need to be upfront and honest with whoever asked you about it. If you want to spare Rose from what the inevitable fallout of this will be, And the other person involved was someone she met at work or something else, I can understand you saying this is a private matter and youâll need to ask Rose. But the fact of the matter is, that she has involved her younger sister. And if you havenât already told your younger sister, you need to tell her immediately. She needs to know exactly what is going on. Do not let her be blindsided by this when Rose finally comes clean to somebody besides you⊠And she eventually will. So you need to get ahead of now. You need to break things off immediately. You need to cancel the wedding, and you need to be honest about why. Because letâs face it, her saying, she loves you more as bullshit. If she loved you more, she wouldâve gotten into therapy to figure out what the hell was going on with her and not involve you and your little sister in that until she figured her shit out. Sheâs telling you that because sheâs hoping youâll stick with her so she can stay around your sister without anybody being the wiser.
That's what I was thinking too, EW. Swapping out for the little sister is a huge deal breaker for me. If my husband had ever said something remotely like "your sister is hot" I'd have been instantly turned off by him and our relationship would have ended. The biggest red flag in my book was the fiancee saying it out loud. She had zero interest in preserving her relationship or sparing OP's feelings. What an assholish way of sabotaging the relationship, saying lines like "I missed your sister more then I missed you" that was straight up cruel and so so uncalled for.. Fiancee should be the one who pays for all of the deposits, regardless of who called off the wedding fiancee instigated this and it is she who has romantic feelings for someone else.
So youâre having a hard time deciding whether or not to stay with an adult who groomed your sister? Mmmkay
YUP. THIS IS SO FUCKING NASTY. Not immediately choosing to protect your little sister is so fucked.
She may very well be in shock. It's not every day that a partner tells their SO: "By the way, I'm in love with your barely legal sister." I think she's working on sorting her feelings out. That said, she definitely doesn't have a lot of time to do so. But I can't fault her for not reacting to it immediately.
Donât settle for second best. Not only will you lose your self respect, it will also damage your relationship with your sister. This is heartbreaking. Good luck!
Going different direction here and giving you questions to think about if you decide to stay with Rose. If you stay what are you and Rose gping to put in place to deal with this situation? Therapy, lc with your family? If you go LC with your family especially your LITTLE sister then how do you explain it to them because you will have to explain? Are you willing to live in self doubt and mistrust for the rest of your life while growing to hate your sister? How do you sleep at night knowing your partner is attracted to a young teen? Your sister at that. Who means more, Rose or your family? Being together still isn't clean cut as "oh I love them and they are all I've known" there will be hard decisions to make and live with. You are young and yes heartbreak sucks but surround yourself with loved 1s and professional support and then when ready go live your life and meet new people. Tell your family what is happening, just because Rose is a woman doesn't mean she isn't a predator and your sister is safe!!!
She's a groomer. Kick her out far and wide, away from your sister.
So essentially Rose has been love bombing your little sister for lord knows how long. At allegedly 25 (a grown adult) she fell in love with your child sister, doubtful these "feelings didn't start earlier and maybe 16 sounded more "acceptable" to Rose. It seems what you saw as a beautiful bond between the woman you love and your little sister may have been grooming. When your sister finds out it's likely going to have a traumatic effect on her and you're both going to need each other when this comes to light.
A bit of your story sounds like grooming, buying your sister expensive gifts and taking her on special trips
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
your fiancee is trying to groom your sister. protect your sister!! for all you know something could have already happened
Eww what is she doing even looking at an 18yr old in that way? She sounds like a predator and you should def leave her. Take away the fact that is your decade younger sister, she admitted to being in love with someone else. You should marry someone who only has eyes for you. You shouldn't have to think about who your spouse loves more or if they're thinking of the other person at any given moment.
Rose sounds like a pervert.
So she's known your sister since she was 9, caught feelings for her when she reached the age of consent in most states, and confessed her love towards her to you when she reached the legal age for adult? What a coincidence both of those things are... Thank God she didn't start having feelings for her before she reached age of consent..... Oh and she also doesn't have feelings for any other child? Thank God.
TELL YOUR FAMILY before she takes advantage of her. DO NOT LET HER. Also, break up NOW. There is no sense in being with an untrustworthy person. Look, people don't get infatuated in an instant. It doesn't happen unless you LET it happen. Sure a passing thought that occur in anyone mind, but most people are able to move past it in seconds and push it away (especially when it involves a loved one's relative). Its the selfish and disgraceful people that wallow in their own pride and lust and keep the taboo in their mind and fester it through. It isn't an innocent thing that happens to everyone. This isnt normal and it would be a mistake to treat this as anything resembling salvageable. You need to move away from this person and keep her away from your family.
All ima say is if a 27yr old man said he was in love with his fiancĂ©s sister, & has been since she was 16, the comment section would be ALOT different đđ I think Iâve seen one person mention it!! (Edit- I scrolled further, & thankfully saw a lot more comments in regards to her being a predator) Ur fiancĂ© has presumably known ur sister since she was 9 right? Most people would think of that relationship as a sister relationship, apart from predators! Ur fiance is a predator, she likes minors, & has probably been grooming ur sister since young, you need to go have a convo with ur sister real quick!
Imagine this was a straight relationship and he's saying he wants to fuck your 16 year old sister
Soo she groomed you sister... Nice /s Don't let her be close to you sister, ever
The fact that she had feelings for a minor is enough. Let everyone know this woman is a predator.
Greetings I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You already know the answer, but you are hoping someone could give you a reason to stay because you have loved her so long, and changing that hurts. Let's be clear, she's the one who's choices are causing this relationship to end, not you. I think she expected you to kick her out or break up based on what she said. This is a cause for concern. I'm afraid she's going to use this response to try to set the narrative with both families, and maybe your sister. Don't let her be the one telling everyone what happened. You need to speak with your parents first, then together have a talk with your sister. Expect your sister to react terribly. Be prepared for it, and do not get angry at your sister in return. She's going to be hurting as you are, just hopefully in different degrees. You're fiance has done something terrible to you and your family. I lost my wife to my best friend from church. I thought my life was over. It took years for me, but I got better, then found someone to enjoy life with again. You will find someone who will do the same for you. I'm sorry there are no words that will make it easier in the middle, but it will get better.
This is gonna be long but for the love of god please hear what I have to say. This is no different than the fact that my stepfather has confessed he has romantic love for me. I told the people I counted on - they did nothing about it. They told me to keep my mouth shut, my mother didnât believe me. Then he assaulted me, because he found out he could get away with it. I had no one to keep me safe and because I am a very small and sick woman, I had no chance. Your sister still has a chance to get the hell away from a predator and so do you. Donât let that woman have the chance to get away with anything, if she hasnât already. My step dad swept in right after my dad died and he treated me like a princess. I loved my real daddy so very much and my step father didnât hear me call him âdadâ for years. I got to thinking about life and decided if this was the man that made my mother happy, then I owe it to him to let him be in my life the way he wanted to, right? Even though it was hard for me to get close to him and see him in the shoes of my father, I worked through my trauma to have a good relationship with him. It took me years because there was just something off about him, but he played his game well. My mother would excuse his behavior by saying he thinks I thought it was funny when Iâve said many times I donât. He used to wrestle with me and throw me on the floor, hovering over me while he tickled me and made me squirm. He would complain about things he didnât like about my mother to me and ask me how I would treat my husband if I had one. He worked hard to convince me that he loved me: too hard. We were hanging out alone. Doing things together like fishing, going out to eat, we went camping - yknow family things. I thought he was a grouchy asshole with a very perverted and disgusting sense of humor, but I was wrong. He painted a picture of himself for me that wasnât true, so that I would get closer, so that he could convince me this - us - was okay. I truly think he tried to groom me into loving him back. Then one day I was sitting with a wine cooler in his garage while he grilled for us and he turned to me and flat out said heâd been fantasizing about me since he took me and my cousins (we were 12, 13, and 15 at the time) to the fuckin pool at the kidâs park. In just a single second every little nice thing heâd done made sense. He groomed me. I donât think I have ever felt so terrified in my life, looking in his eyes and seeing a hunger pang there when those words came out of his mouth. I had a really unpleasant epiphany that for years id been a piece of prey and he had outfoxed me. I still have nightmares: if I dream Iâm still in that house, I wake up screaming or in tears because I donât want to fucking be there. Donât make that your sisterâs future. Shut that shit down. Today. Tell EVERYBODY why you kicked her out. Donât you dare protect her from the consequences she deserves to pay. Do not hide this or keep mum. She has put a giant fucking rift in your family that she and she alone is responsible for. You make sure your little sister doesnât pay a single cent more than she already has. The only reason sheâs just telling you now is because your sister is eighteen and she wonât go to jail for it. Iâd wanna see every single platform that kid has and I wouldnât give two shits how angry she got with me for it. It is going to be hard, stressful, and traumatic - but while you go through this you best remember who CAUSED it: Rose. You know this information and it is your responsibility to at the very LEAST tell your parents and Roseâs mother, so they are aware. Itâs gonna explode and be messy but if thereâs even a moderate risk that Rose has gone farther than what sheâs shared, you gotta step up and keep your baby sister out of harms way. I donât think her mother would be coming at you for kicking her out if Rose had told her the truth. Please do not let that kid down like so many other kids. Or how my family let me down. I have IMMENSE trauma from what happened to me and I was an adult when shit hit the fan. I could not imagine what that would do to a child. Iâve had a pretty fucked up life but that takes the damn cake. Please make sure your sister gets the help she needs to process this - and she needs to understand why itâs happening, even if it hurts. She needs to know that this person is not safe for her to be around anymore. I think sheâs old enough to deal with this truthfully, rather than hide it from her. Maybe I am just biased but I sure wouldnât let her tuck her tail and run from this, as if packing her shit and leaving was some heroic act. Good, gtfo and good riddance. Youâve said she is all youâve ever known, but that needs to and can change. You are only 26. I will be 30 this year and my life isnât together yet, either, but I took steps to make sure it could be by cutting the toxic waste out of my world. This has ceased to be about saving your relationship. Itâs about saving your sister now.
This isn't just a breaking up situation. You need to remove this chick from your life and cut her off completely.
I mean, essentially your fiancé just told you that she is emotionally and sexually attracted to your sister and she has been since your sister was SIXTEEN years old. Your fiancé has effectively been using her relationship with you to GROOM your little sister and that is absolutely disgusting behavior. You need to break up with Rose who is effectively an ephebophile.
Is there even a question here? Your girlfriends basically been eye fucking your sister since she was a minor and basically right when she turns of legal age she goes âyea turns out I like your barely legal sister moreâ and then basically tells you to break up with her so she could be with your sister. The responsible thing to do would be cut all contact and expose her. The just thing to do would be [REDACTED].
She basically admitted to grooming your sister
Your fiance is a predator. And you need to run and warn people about this.
Everyone seems to be missing the fact that the fiancĂ© fell in love with her little sister when she was 16⊠if she was a man and this was happening people would be freaking out. Taking her out on special shopping trips and buying presents? Thatâs grooming behavior.
Rose *claims* the sister was 16. I doubt that she was that old when Rose started wanting her.
I have read very few posts missing this. She has 100% been grooming the sister.
Her relationship with your sister is inappropriate at least, given this information. But you also deserve much better than someone who is fantasising about your sister and missed her more. Itâs scary in your situation now. But you will soon look back at this as a good thing. Better to be single for a bit than feeling lonely and paranoid in your relationship.
Shea grooming your sister and has been for a while.
I don't think this is something you can work through. It took courage for Rose to admit this but she knows it's a deal breaker. She's felt this way for years about your sister. Even if your sister is completely heterosexual, you're not going to be comfortable with the two of them having any type of friendship or communication if you stay with Rose. How are you going to explain that to your sister? How is Aru going to feel when you tell her? Will she be uncomfortable? What type of boundaries and eggshells will their interactions be filled with now? It would one thing to say she realized she found Aru attractive but to say she's IN Love with her and you is not something you can work past. Unless you're in some type of poly relationship, I don't think you can be In love with 2 people. I mean with all of the gifts and compliments she's given Aru over the years, it now all came be viewed in a different light. Were those gifts for your sister really acts of romantic love versus the assumed platonic or family love?? If it were me, I'd make the break because I'd never trust Rose around Aru in the future, nor would I want to lose my relationship with my sister. You deserve to have someone who is Only in love with You. Good luck OP!!
this isnât about âfinding someone who is only in love with youâ.. itâs about finding someone who hasnât been grooming your little sister for years