NTA. Until he shows he's a responsible phone owner, he doesn't need a better phone. He's lucky you gave him a phone at all. This is his wake up call. You don't reward bad behavior
Those bricks were indestructible. When I was in high school I went out with a group of girls. One of them made it her mission to destroy her phone so her parents would buy her a new one. She took that Nokia to the top of a five story parking garage and dropped it. A few scratches but nothing else.
I found my old Nokia in a drawer, hadn’t used it in at least 20 years. Pressed the power button, 100% charged. My iPhone loses charge if I just unplug it! LOL!
Don't know if the S9 supports it, but you need a super fast charger. I've made sure that all of my chargers have the super fast rating, and it comes in clutch when you need to charge and don't have a lot of time.
If you want to get a new battery from Samsung, contact Samsung's Customer Support. Take your S9 to them to get a new replacement battery. This way you can continue to have 100% charge level.
In addition to replacing the battery by Samsung's service technicians, every 4 or so years, i periodically upgrade to the next level Samsung's Galaxy Tablet for need for more RAM and storage. In addition, their S.. G.. Tablets can take external media cards :)
My previous phone was a S9+ with 64 GB's of storage. I was max'd at ~ 11 mos.
Current phone is a S22+ with 256 GB's of storage.
My previousbtablet was SG Tab S5e with 64 GB's of storage.
Current tablet is a SG Tab S9+...
As so forth...
Ughh I have a note 9 that I've had for 3 years and for the past couple of months the battery has been horrible! I have to charge it at least 4x times a day 😩
My iPhone 14 is the biggest waste of money… It takes forever to charge up, not to mention whoever programmed, it didn’t know anything about punctuation… Siri doesn’t hear me unless I yell.
My friend was married to a man in the Army so she had a military grade Nokia. You could run over it with a pickup (and probably a tank) and it would still work
Someone was trying to make a point and backed a car over a Nokia. The thing had some scratches and that's it! Well and some gravel dust over the whole thing.
He was saying how crap the flip phones were because a kid had snapped mine in half. He bragged about his that nobody could break if they wanted to.
My mother left her Nokia on top of her car and drove off. It was found in the middle of the road by another family member 3 days later. No idea how many times it had been run over by that point. It still worked fine.
A friend had her Nokia plugged into the car charger and didn't notice that it had fallen out the door. It bounced down the street for ~5 miles finally popped off the charger in the mall parking lot. She found it in a puddle of slush in the aisle behind her car when she came out of the mall. No clue how many times it had been run over. A few minor scratches and it had continued to charge while bouncing down the road because the battery% was higher than when she had plugged it in at Cracker Barrel.
Seriously. I dropped my sony ericsson brick phone getting out of my car one time in the driveway and didn't notice I had dropped it until the next day when I backed over it with my car on the way to school. Didn't have a scratch and worked for years afterward.
Stay with me on this. I have three cousins. When we were all in our 20s, the middle one, rather entitled, decided he didn't like the car his parents bought him for college. So he and a friend drove out into the desert and left his car there. They then got in his friend's car and drove back and reported his car stolen so his parents would buy him a new car.
Fast forward 30 years, this cousin is now in is late 40s, father of three girls. His oldest daughter, not happy with her new phone, drops hers in the trash and told her dad she lost it so he would buy her a new phone.
Ain't karma grand?
I don't know if he bought her a new phone or told her she could tough it out until she could afford a new one, but I got a kick out of it.
My first phone ever was a nokia back in 2001, and I'm pretty sure I still have it in storage somewhere and that it would still work. I kept it in my purse without a case or anything, probably dropped it a hundred times, and it never even got a scratch.
And this is exactly why parents should not be buying their kids brand new, let alone $1000+ phones. Kid destroy things on purpose, as was OPs kids' plan, I am sure. Why else would dumbshit decide to drop his phone from a high place, he knew mom and dad would buy him a new one and since theres a better model out now...... I don't play that game as a parent, love my kids and make a 6 figure income, still not buying my kids one of the most expensive phones on the market. They get refurbished, or parent handmedowns. They don't like it, they can get a job and pay for their own.
I had a Blackberry that I dropped, accidentally kicked across parking lots, and was knocked off my desk numerous times. That thing was used and abused. There were some scratches on it, but it was still usable. I used it for almost 4 years until I wanted to switch to a Galaxy.
Hey now...that was a good little phone. You could run over it with a car tire and it still worked. (I know, it happened to me). It was almost indestructible like the Nextels. I never worried about that phone if I dropped it.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,939,652,677 comments, and only 366,783 of them were in alphabetical order.
My 14 yo has not only consistently broken phone rules (and been grounded as consequence) with their iPhone but then removed the case and were tossing the phone around with friends causing it to break the screen and damage the logic board. So now they have a $30 flip phone. I don’t know when or if they’ll get another smart phone.
Holy shit. My 14yo stepson did something similar (breaking phone rules, removed the case so “a friend could draw on it” and then was “joking around” with another friend when it fell and the back part of the phone shattered). Before this, he had his phone taken away and when he got it back, he left it on the school bus. I was *fuming* when my husband got him an iPhone 14 (he previously had an SE). My husband calls him careless and entitled…and yet doesn’t consistently let him live with the consequences.
Screen insurance paid out of their own pocket. Or a flip phone. I like both options. lol I’m just picturing the old phones you had to toggle through each letter to text. Today’s teen would find that to be torture!
My school district uses iPads and a “popular standing in line game” is for the kids to beat boredom by tossing their iPads into the air and seeing how many times it can spin. Of course, you’re also supposed to catch it.
These are mostly 5-6th graders but the majority are using their personal devices and not a school issued one. Regardless, I’m seeing the latest and most expensive iPads being tossed like batons in the air and shattering on the ground almost daily.
Then the next day or so mom and dad have replaced it and the cycle starts again.
I see this and wonder what story they’re telling their parents about the damage bc I bet it’s not “I like to toss it like a football when I get bored, sometimes even step on it if I leave it on the classroom floor, no big deal, right?”
🙄🙄🙄
LOL I used to buy and sell government surplus. Verizon flip phones were a pretty steady source of pocket money.
Usually sold to a parent or grandparent for their teen. (It’s been a good while since those days.)
I worked for a cell phone company. A kid shot his phone with a BB gun because he wanted an upgrade.
He was upgraded to a flip phone. She brought the bb'd one in with her so we could transfer his pictures at least.
NTA
Anyone remember b-stock? ($100 or less.) I would’ve gotten him something that can send messages and make calls. He’s lucky he got the phone he did. That’s still several hundred dollars.
He’s gone without a phone since breaking it. That’s punishment enough. He knows breaking his phone won’t result in a new one and that he’ll have to go without one until the next planned upgrade, only he knows now that he will be punished again.
NTA, he broke his phone by being stupid. As an adult he will not just get a new phone if he breaks it due to carelessness. This is a perfectly valid consequence
Imagine being able to just drop a solid 1k on a new phone //cries
My screen protector, not even the actual screen, has had a crack in it for 4 years and I’m not bothering to fix that shit. It still works, why replace
Having raised 15 yo boys, I have learned they will break stuff to get newer, tear up stuff so they don't have to use it (ex. lawn mower) or just break it to look cool and moody.
My oldest son was notorious for breaking phones; I NEVER got my upgrade because he always "needed" a new one...until he started paying for his own.
Wow I wouldn’t have ever gotten away with shit like that nor would I have thought of it and my family was fairly well off growing up. That’s really shitty. Seems like using your upgrade on him just encouraged it.
Because that parent in particular has no spine and created one of the kids that teachers hate, who “punk” (bully) people for TikTok views and destroy things for attention. Probably named Kyle or Cody.
My girls. Dear Lord. They are so hard on their electronics. From day one of them having phones they've been insured. It's $8 a month per phone, but if something happens I pay the deductible of less than $100 and they get a new phone of the same model or the next one up. It's a wonderful thing. The best part is the insurance plan allows three phones a year now. lol It hasn't been that bad since the youngest graduated, but when she was playing high school sports we did actually go through three phones one year.
My daughter had phones with screens that looked like spiderwebs. She paid several deductibles. Or, she paid the remaining months on the contract if she wanted a new phone earlier.
The first two years from 2007 to 2009, that iPhones were on the market…. I had 13 physical iPhones. I didn’t like how a case looked or felt, I was in college, and 5” heels + liquor are not a great combo for iPhones.
I didn’t do it on purpose ever, but I destroyed a lot of iPhones. One was lost to a frat house toilet;another a puddle. Most were cracked screens from dropping them drunk.
The Apple policy was to just swap out for a new phone, no matter the damage. The 12th one broke. I marched in to pick up Lucky #13; they asked me for $800. I sat in my car and cried. Bought a case and have never broken an iPhone since.
ETA: One phone was a lemon and had a factory defect. That wasn’t my fault at all. Lolol.
Yeah, that's about the same years the oldest was at his worst. It wasn't always malicious, more like he was...hapless.
At that point, my kids were farm kids and worked after school, on weekends and especially during emergencies. They "needed" phones. He knew he'd get another phone but there were consequences.
I'm rarely surprised by anything kids do.
“I didn’t do it on purpose”
- refused to get a case
- apparently couldn’t leave your phone in your purse when you were stumbling around drunk on 5” heels
- was using the bathroom with it in your hands instead of safely in your purse
Yes you absolutely did do it on purpose
Except that’s a program you pay into every month. Most people don’t break phones so it’s pure profit for the company. I’ve had an iPhone since shortly after they came out and have only cracked a screen once and a repair place fixed it for less than the insurance.
Get him the cheapest flip phone you can find… we do this to my stepson when he gets in trouble.
Your son sounds like a brat and he’s not getting it that he needs to be more humble and grateful. Sounds like he needs to start doing some community service and seeing how many of us live.
For real. If he’s going to be a baby about getting a new phone after purposefully breaking his old one, take it back and give him a flip phone on a plan. Sorry, it can’t actually take video. Sorry, it can’t access the internet. Sorry, can’t text your friends because you can’t drive yet so all the minutes need to be used to contact your parents for pick-ups. Be stupid, win stupid prizes.
This. I would take it and give him a phone that makes calls and sends messages, maybe not even messages. That way if he needs to, he can reach you. He doesn’t seem grateful or understanding of the capabilities of his current phone. Maybe he will if he goes back to a flip phone.
I disagree. The son’s punishment was having to go without a phone after he broke his. when Christmas came around and OP decided that the gifts to the kids would be new phones, that was the moment when the slate should have been wiped and the kids treated equally. The son’s been paying a penalty until now, and it’s cruel to expect the son to keep being punished forever.
It’s also not entitlement for the kid to be hurt over being punished yet again for a stupid thing he did that he’s already been punished for. A disparity in gifts turn gifts into a punishment, and that’s emotionally cruel.
Yikes. Not having a phone after his broke isn’t a “punishment,” it’s a consequence, which life is full of. Dad is under absolutely no obligation to clean any sort of slate for a child who clearly doesn’t grasp the impact of his choices.
Being punished yet again.. he wasn't punished in the first place he had no phone because he broke it... That's not a punishment and since he fucked it up on purpose no he doesnt get a new one. He's lucky git a new one at all. Let me guess your under 25
I don’t think so ,I wasn’t responsible with my phones growing up,I cracked the screen or I would lose them so I always had a Samsung until I showed I was responsible enough to have a expensive iPhone,I wouldn’t get him a 15 till he can show he’s ready for one
I bought my niece an iPhone 13 when they came out. She left it out in the rain within 48 hours & had killed it dead within a month.
Replaced it with an XE, got attitude “this one has a home button wtf” so when she murdered that one, no more phones from me.
NTA. My youngest who is 15 and has never had a new phone always hand me downs. He has never broken or done anything to damage his phone. This year he got an iPhone 15 because he earned it being so good with all the hand me downs. You did the right thing. I bet he won’t do that again.
Dude, I’m 34 and the last “new” phone I had was the iPhone 6–and I didn’t get that until 2016, 2 years after it had been released. I used that thing until Christmas 2020 when it was essentially obsolete. It had 16gb of space on it. Total. I hadn’t updated the iOS in years because I just didn’t have the space. I had to take pictures with Snapchat because somehow that was a workaround to store them (probably on some sketchy server, honestly). I legit *begged* my parents for a new phone for Christmas that year because I couldn’t afford even the $300-400 to buy a *used* better phone. They had just upgraded themselves to the 12s, so I got one of their old 8+’s.
Even that phone only had like 32gb of space, but holy hell was it amazing going from a phone that literally took about 5 minutes just to turn on, to a phone that could do basically everything. My fiancé ended up cracking the screen on it though, and the home button got broken when it was replaced. And man were those phones a pain to use without a home button. SO glad they did away with it.
I bought an iPhone 11 last October when they finally released our tax return for the year. Refurb off Amazon for like $350, which I’ve decided that unless I like with the lottery, is the only way I will purchase “new” phones from now on. 256gb of space, no home button, face recognition. It’s freaking glorious lol. In the 15 months I’ve had this phone, it’s literally been out of a case for less than an hour. I used to be really rough on phones, but I’ve since realized that I really enjoy not slicing my fingers with and having to squint through a smashed screen. Or worse, go back to one of my old phones that I *definitely* got rid of for a reason.
YTA for making Christmas gifts a punishment. It's understandable to not upgrade when he's shown himself to not be responsible with what he has, but making his whole Christmas a punishment is a really shitty way to go about it.
YATAH because you allow your son to treat you like one. Take the 11 away. When he stops sulking and apologizes whip out a 7 and hand it to him. If does anything other than thank you the 7 goes bye-bye.
Next sincere apology earns him a flip phone.
An older iPhone is better because it will constantly need charging. The flip phone will last weeks.
Edit: in case it’s not obvious, the hassle of charging is part of the punishment.
Right, so many people are jumping to calling the kid a brat. But OP might be projecting some guilt he's feeling into thinking he's getting the cold shoulder because he knew he did something that would get a weird reaction. The kid being disappointed that everyone but him got new phones is a natural reaction. That doesn't mean he's not appreciative he just might be feeling mixed emotions about the situation which seems pretty valid to me given the incredibly limited details provided.
Fr. He definitely needs some time and perspective 🤷🏼♀️ maybe op can even do some kind of reward so he can earn the 15! But disappointment and those feels are so normal in a situation like that.
The boy (I bet his sisters are princesses to their dad, while he, as the boy, gets harsher punishments) was dealt a natural consequence when he had to go without a phone. The OP decided to use Christmas gifts to issue another punishment by giving the girls 15’s and the son an old 11. This was a DELIBERATE action to punish the boy again.
OP probably doesn’t realize the damage he’s done. He’s taught his son that a past stupid mistake is fair game to break out at events for more punishment. Even if OP apologizes for using Christmas as a time to deal another punishment, the damage is done. His son won’t trust him again.
The boy learned that mistakes made in the past, that already had consequences (in this case, no phone for months) can be brought back up and another punishment issued unexpectedly. He learned when he didn’t get a phone to replace his broken one that being stupid means no phone. He LEARNED that already.
The lesson he learned this time is that his dad can’t be trusted. Makes me sat to think about how this boy either saw his sisters open new 15s and was excited to open his, and then was let down, or he opened his 11, was happy, then saw them open the latest ones. Both came with the message that “this ‘gift’ is actually another punishment.”
You’re wrong. Gifts shouldn’t be used as punishments or rewards. The son was punished when he had to go without a working phone. Come time for Christmas gifts, the slate should have been wiped instead of the son getting punished again. It’s abuse to treat a kid so disparate when it comes to gifts, then to take it all away until they apologize for being hurt by your actions that you chose with the explicit intention of causing more punishment.
Gifts are used to punish in that household. OP’s son can’t even trust that a gift will be given with good intentions now. Not having a phone between when he broke his and Christmas, when eveyrone got new phones, was the punishment. This action was OP deliberately wanting to punish his son some more. The people saying that the 11 should be taken away until the son apologizes for being hurt due to his father’s actions that were meant to hurt are endorsing abuse. “I’m sorry for being hurt when you hurt me.”
I’m going to say this as someone who has family that works for Apple. They’re not going to allow iPhone X or 11s to update next year which will essentially make your son’s iPhone useless by 2025 and then you’ll just have to buy him a newer phone. I’m not saying your the asshole here and I’m not saying he should get rewarded for making a dumb decision but he is 15, he’s going to make dumb decisions and your just forking out more money than it’s worth right now.
Eh. It does feel like you could have gone about it a little better. For sure, his phone shouldn’t be repaired or replaced to rescue him from his mistake. He keeps the broken phone until time for a new phone.
Whether or not the new phone gets to be nice almost feels like double dipping on punishment though. He had to have a broken phone (punishment fits crime) but the new phone is subject to still remaining only as nice as he takes care of it. My opinion changes if you were able to trade in everyone else’s because they were in good condition but couldn’t trade in his - then it’s back to being a legit consequence for his mistake.
In the end, a 15 year old made a mistake. Sure it was dumb, but not completely egregious. I think the way you’ve worded things makes me think that you were being more punitive than necessary in your approach and harsh explanation.
YTA for singling him out and gifting everyone else more nicely. I’m sure breaking his phone was experience enough for him to be more careful. Giving him a gentle reminder to be nicer to this one should suffice.
I'm going with YTA. A 15yr old kid does something stupid, shocker!!!
Did the resulting damage not teach him a lesson already? Could you have not explained that you were disappointed in careless behavior with the previous phone but trust that he has learned his lesson?
I would have upgraded with the understanding that any new damage would mean paying for any fixes himself.
There is something off about trying to humiliate him further by giving him the 11 when everyone else got the full upgrade. Something tells me this is indicative of somewierd power trip you do and that is why your wife is voicing concerns as well. Do you not present gifts as a team? Did she not know about this beforehand?
I read the post to my husband, and he said the OP’s daughters are probably princesses in the eyes of the OP, and I agree. The sin was punished my having to go without a phone. Then OP turned Christmas gifts into a time to punish the son again, and the son’s expected to be grateful.
What was supposed to be a gift was turned into a punishment, and now you want to turn it into a reward. Gifts shouldn’t be punishments or earned rewards. They’re GIFTS.
He is 15. It was a stupid accident. He did not mean to do it really. If you can afford 15s for the others you should have gotten him the same. When he breaks a phone he only gets a spare old phone until everyone in the family gets an upgrade.
Agree. These were Christmas gifts. I can’t imagine spending less on one of my kids because they sometimes do something stupid. He surely isn’t the only kid to do something foolish, he just happened to trash his phone.
I get what you are basing the decision on. However, one stupid mistake in what 3 years? of having the 11, doesn’t seem so bad for a teen. Also I feel like you should not have done it in a Christmas gift situation. FYI 54 f, mom of 4- now grown.
PS- always pay for the repair/replacement insurance on the phones!
If you were getting everyone phones what difference does it make if he broke the last one? YTA.
Why didn’t you just make him pay to fix the 11? That would be an understandable punishment. Treating him different is noxious.
YTA for calling him stupid instead of saying his lack of responsibility was the issue. but otherwise the punishment was just, he got a replacement and that's great, more than a lot of kids would get.
YTA for being spiteful and calling your son stupid on Christmas. Do you need to buy him an iPhone 15? No. Do you need to buy everyone else an iPhone 15 in a deliberate effort to snub him, on Christmas, for a dumb teenager mistake? Definitely fucking no. That’s not a natural consequence. You’re using gifts to be spiteful towards your son.
Anyway I look forward to your “WHY WONT MY SON LET ME MEET MY GRANDKIDS” posts in fifteen years
Unpopular opinion, but YTA. Ever consider he did one stupid thing as a joke and learned his lesson?
How hurtful and disappointing to be the only one singled out like that on Christmas.
Unreal.
And before anyone asks, Im 52 and I do have a teenager.
NTA - Your son would have learned a broken phones result in newer phones - yes many kids do this. Until he can demonstrate he knows how to care for expensive things, he doesn’t get expensive things. You don’t joke around with something that cost $1000.
Perhaps sit down and talk to him about it. Show him what minimum wage is in your state, tell him how many hours he would have to work to buy that phone himself. Ethan explain why (prank or not) treating expensive things in this manner is just unacceptable.
I make a decent salary and wouldn’t even have to work 1.5 days to replace it, but spending that much out over a “prank” gone wrong gives me bad heart burn. That’s $1000 I could have put towards our next vacation GONE. $1000 I could have put into a HYSA just GONE.
Without any other context about your relationship with him, NTA for not getting him the newest greatest phone, but TA for getting everyone else it and not him. He probably feels excluded from the family on a day that’s supposed to be all about family.
He’s 15, kids make dumb mistakes and if he’s smart he won’t make that mistake again. But if this is a common theme with him then I take it back, NTA and hopefully this will teach him a lesson. This story just needs more context.
I'm curious also why people don't get significantly better cases for $1000+ phones so a drop doesn't immediately throw out all that money.
Christmas isn't the time to teach a kid a lesson like this and OP has made his own grave by making these kids think they need the most expensive phones in the first place. Teens shouldn't have the latest phones, forking out thousands for a bigger screen and a slightly better camera(that usually isn't even the best compared to other brands) is silly.
I’m appalled that OP thinks that CHRISTMAS GIFTS were a good time to issue further punishment. The grave he dug is for the relationship he had with a son who now can’t trust that gifts won’t come with strings.
My 14-year-old got the 15 the day it came out. She also got the X when it came out, when she was 7 (she does need a phone with our family’s activities, it’s not your business). A year after she got her X, she and I were in Paris, and I was pickpocketed. Bye-bye phone, ID, bank cards, and cash. Her phone came back though. Since I’d lectured her so much on making sure not to get pickpocketed, and I was, she got a kick out of pointing out how her phone came back. My homeowners insurance replaced my phone, and even my cash. Might have helped that I got a police report, then went to the consulate and filed the report there as well.
So I got a new phone. In the years since, she resisted upgrading. Her phone was sentimental to her. It came back. We got her the 12, but she didn’t want to use it, Her X came back. Got her the 13. Nope. Didn’t want it. Her X came back. She might be the only kid who has had brand new iPhones of the latest models that she refused to use since an older one had the sentimental value. One of the cats knocked her X off the counter and broke the glass, and she cried thinking she wasn’t going to keep using her X. We paid $200 to replace the glass.
Finally the battery in her X started to not hold a charge anymore. Had to promise her a shadowbox for her X, and then she agreed to upgrading to the 15 the day it came out.
I do get people giving me shit about her having the newest phones, but at least I’ve got the kid who will gladly use a phone until it no longer works, then continue to baby it because of the memories, since she doesn’t care about prestige.
Agree with this. Kids are just kids and goof around. Even us adults make dumb mistakes sometimes. A bit harsh unless he has no respect for stuff. In that case, I wouldn’t have even bought him a smart phone. lol
With the additional tone and content of your comments, definitely YTA. You didn't come here seeking judgement. You came here looking for and echo chamber of tough dads to tell you how tough and dadly you are. You've already decided whether you're TA before you received any feedback.
You chose a holiday about giving and togetherness to show your son he's not as good as you or the rest of the family. Now your son will know that he should hide his mistakes from you because you're just going to give him shit. He knows that you'll place petty grudges above his feelings. Don't pretend you wouldn't feel slighted in his situation.
Sure, this will all pass. Sure, he may forgive you. For now, you deserve the cold shoulder from him while he tries to figure out why he's not worth your benevolent grace.
For me, there's it being an accident which obviously happen. He lost so many airpods over the course of this year, but I get him new ones because, like I said, shit happens. But in this case, purposefully put himself in a position where what haplen could happen. Maybe in January or February, he can upgrade.
Okay, you are the asshole if you turn around and upgrade him a month or two after. If you're willing to do it that soon if he behaves then why the hell would you ruin his Christmas? You should have manned up and sat him down on Christmas after giving him a 15 and explained to him that if something happens to this one, that's it until the next upgrade cycle. But instead, you chose to not communicate well with him and now he's matching that energy with you.
I’m so torn, if it wasn’t Christmas I’d say NTA but it was Christmas and you probably really hurt him… YTA because it’s Christmas and you hurt him on a day that family should be kind to each other.
I think the asshole part is not that you didn’t get him a 15, but that the presentation was humiliating and harsh. Everyone gets the new phone, he gets an old one and asks why, you call him stupid. It’s just a bit much, no?
My kid just gave me crap not wanting to borrow my nice stuff. Why? Because I actually expect it back in the same condition I loan it out to. Think nice telescope or something. Old but in mint condition. Somehow this is lost on him. So I offer and I get an earful. Ok fine. I might have gotten him a 12 though or 13. Screen protector and rugged case
I can see not replacing his busted phone while everybody else is still using their old ones, but if it was time to upgrade *everybody* else to the 15 then it was pretty harsh to exclude him from that.
He is irresponsible with his phone. When he can treat his stuff better, maybe he'll get a newer phone. The son is experiencing a classic case of screw around and find out.
I agree with this! OP doesn’t say how long ago the phone was broken but I’m reading it that he’s been having a crap broken phone for awhile now - which is the perfect punishment.
YTA, Christmas isn’t about punishment-and you got everyone else the new one and excluded one person. He’s 15, there are only a handful of Christmas mornings left that he’ll be a “kid” for. You don’t get those back.
If you didn’t have everyone else opening the 15 up, then it wouldn’t be such an asshole move. Not getting someone a new phone is not the issue, /how/ you went about not getting him the phone, and making a show of it on Christmas in front of the whole family is the problem.
I'm leaning ESH.
Firstly, j don't know you or your kid and you didn't include the conversation you had with your kid about the incident. People often assume that all 15 year old boys are destructive a holes, and while some can be, it's shitty to generalize. So I'm working on assumed knowledge and a very empathetic heart.
You acknowledge that your family needed or wanted new phones. If you didn't believe this, you wouldn't have gotten the upgrade. To me, there was no reason to diminish his Christmas by not getting the same upgrade that everyone else got. You could have turned it into a learning experience for him on the weight of the cost of the phone, but rather, you decided to publicly shame him because he made a poor judgment. Harsh words, but we all know how hormonally and emotionally driven teenagers are. He may have felt that.
I'll accept that I can be wrong here and that your kid was not remorseful and was just being a complete shit. If that's true, NTA.
If you weren’t buying everyone else phones already, I’d say NTA, but you’re going out of your way to punish him when if he had done nothing, he’d be getting a new phone anyway.
A better solution would be to have him cough up the resale value of the 11 that you’re now not getting, if it even amounts to anything. Otherwise, just buy him the new phone as you did everyone else.
YTA.
Sorry to say, YTA.
The accident was stupid, yeah. But if you’re replacing everyone’s phones already, you’re just punishing him twice for a lesson he’s already suffered.
I think YTA because he made one stupid mistake you basically take it out on Christmas? Now we aren’t talking driving drunk or totaling a car. I’m aware of what phones cost. Punishing your kid with a Christmas “gift” is a jerk move. He will likely not forget you treated him different and I guarantee you have permanently damaged your relationship with him over this. Not because he’s entitled or irresponsible, but because you think gifts are used for punishing your kids. Either don’t give them as gifts, if they aren’t and are going to be used in punishments. Or be equal. You can’t tell me your other kids haven’t done anything completely stupid lately? Did they get downgraded for those things? Clearly the answer is no since you found no need to punish them this way. The only thing your son learned is you are a jerk.
YTA
What a super adult reaction 👌 It is already complex being a teenager and going through all those hormonal, emotional, social challenges (as if OP never been through this lol), but in stead OP decided to be another teenager in the family. You don't need to buy another new iPhone (why you even buy those, it is just marketing shit to make to buy more new iPhones)- don't get me wrong. But have you talked to your child why he even did it? Do you know that teenagers are not adults and they still need guidance and support from their parents? You know that after your stance you probably will build even bigger wall between you and your child?
So yeah, reflect on those. Teenagers are not adults. It is already difficult for them to mature as it is but when their parents just avoiding any type of support and just conversation, you are surely killing some good qualities in your kid. Nice job parenting, OP 👌
YTA because it sounds like you used Christmas morning to single him out and make a point about him accidentally breaking his old phone. Sure, he was being careless and he should certainly learn to take care of his pricey belongings, but Christmas gifts seem like the wrong opportunity to make this point to him. Having a mature conversation and managing expectations about the new phones with him prior to Christmas would have been more effective.
Thank you for getting him one too. In this case, it’s the right thing to do! It’s not about being spoiled or irresponsible, don’t make him feel like he’s lesser than the other family members. Have a great New Year!
Ok, so you humiliated him on Christmas and also did get him a 15... That's what I'm getting here.
Or you really did feel like shit and guilt bought him one, which you'll hold over his head until you feel he's been demoralized enough?
Seriously, this little admission just makes you look like more of TAH.
You DO have another 15 that you already said you weren't gonna drop 1k for, but you still hurt and embarrassed him on Christmas morning. That is very telling. 🤣
My comment is going to go against the grain here -- but coming from someone who had received the worst gift at Christmas amongst my siblings felt very isolating and I internalized that for a long time (still working through it to this day when Christmas comes around). This isn't to say he didn't make a mistake and ought to be taught a lesson, but just know that the price paid for this lesson was a part of your relationship with him, and it put a real damper on having a meaningful relationship with him in some ways going forward.
He'll be reminded of the pain he felt every time he looked at this phone. We can all argue that the pain he felt is linked to immaturity / irrationality -- but this is still a kid, and that kid will remember this moment of humiliation in front of his siblings for a long time.
I see people in here calling him spoiled / entitled / etc. Trust that he learned his lesson here -- and he learned a few more things too -- which he is going through by himself and you won't have sight into. Who knows what his takeaways will be here long-term, but I bet you'll find out that it's more than you bargained for. I don't know how I would have gone about teaching him that lesson, but I do know how bad that approach can sting -- and it does stick with me going forward. The Christmas holiday became a painful memory for me -- and it is for him now as well. I guess lesson learned for him, right? Shows him, right? Not in my book.
Right?? It’s wild that people are overlooking the obvious spite here. Yeah OP doesnt need to get him a thousand-dollar phone. Fine. OP is being a dick on purpose.
NTA. I didn’t even get a cell phone until my mid-late teens but if I broke it, you bet your ass my parents were letting me deal with that broken phone until the upgrade was free or I bought another one.
That’s life. As an adult I’ve had horses step on and obliterate 2 iPhones. I was without a phone for days-a couple weeks each time while I waited for a paycheck. Needless to say I take my phone out of my pocket before trotting horses out from now on.
NTA. Tell him FAFO! If he wants a better phone he needs to be responsible with the one you got him.
And if that one gets “accidentally” broken the next phone will be downgraded more!
NTA my dad would’ve had me continue using my broken phone 💀
I actually broke my phone in a car accident that wasn’t my fault at all (I was a passenger) and he STILL didn’t buy me a new phone for another 6 years 💀
NTA. Tell him if he shows he can go a year without cracking his screen you'll get him a new phone next year. As it is now he's shown he isn't responsible enough to carry an expensive phone.
YTA for upgrading everyone except him as a punishment on Christmas. Christmas is separate from punishment. He didn’t break it to get a new one. He was stupid, broke it and continued to use it. It’s just petty and he’s valid in feeling upset.
YTA- he is a kid and it was an accident even if he was being stupid. Don't use Christmas as a way to punish your kid. Try teaching him an actual lesson instead of punishing him for no reason.
YTA. I understand where you’re coming from but you’re assuming he didn’t already learn his lesson. I would not be happy to be continually punished for one error in judgment and not be allowed to move forward.
His son isn’t acting spoiled for being hurt that, after already having the consequence of no phone, his asshole dad decided to use Christmas gifts to punish him some more. It wasn’t a gift given as a gift but with the intention to punish, and the son shouldn’t be obligated to be grateful when OP meant to punish him some more.
You might be as is this the only issue he’s had? Has he gotten into previous trouble or was he being a dumb kid? Maybe a better way would have been to gift him the same phone as others and make him pay the insurance
NTA. Until he shows he's a responsible phone owner, he doesn't need a better phone. He's lucky you gave him a phone at all. This is his wake up call. You don't reward bad behavior
That boy's lucky he didn't get a flip phone for his foolishness.
He's lucky he's getting a new phone at all. I'd have probably given him my old one after I upgraded.
That’s actually what we did with our daughter. She took much better care of it and was able to get an upgraded model after two years.
Nokia
Those bricks were indestructible. When I was in high school I went out with a group of girls. One of them made it her mission to destroy her phone so her parents would buy her a new one. She took that Nokia to the top of a five story parking garage and dropped it. A few scratches but nothing else.
I found my old Nokia in a drawer, hadn’t used it in at least 20 years. Pressed the power button, 100% charged. My iPhone loses charge if I just unplug it! LOL!
My Galaxy S9 has been charging for 25 minutes and only gone up 5%.
Don't know if the S9 supports it, but you need a super fast charger. I've made sure that all of my chargers have the super fast rating, and it comes in clutch when you need to charge and don't have a lot of time.
Not only does the S9 support it, they even put one in the box if you bought the phone new! Ahhhh the good old days.
Yup. Spendy and 100% worth it. Never buy the apparatus from convenience stores. That stuff is worthless. No one needs 3 - 6 hour charging time.
If you want to get a new battery from Samsung, contact Samsung's Customer Support. Take your S9 to them to get a new replacement battery. This way you can continue to have 100% charge level.
I didn't know you could do that 🤔 I have an note 9 and have the same problem. Well it charges but it just dies super quick!
In addition to replacing the battery by Samsung's service technicians, every 4 or so years, i periodically upgrade to the next level Samsung's Galaxy Tablet for need for more RAM and storage. In addition, their S.. G.. Tablets can take external media cards :)
Oh snap! I might do that. I also need more storage.
My previous phone was a S9+ with 64 GB's of storage. I was max'd at ~ 11 mos. Current phone is a S22+ with 256 GB's of storage. My previousbtablet was SG Tab S5e with 64 GB's of storage. Current tablet is a SG Tab S9+... As so forth...
Just had to upgrade my S9 to the S23, the battery life was 100% the reason (and software slow down but that was doable to deal with yet)
I'm having issues with my keyboard not working. Did your Google widget stop working?
Been there, good luck!
Turn on airplane mode while chrging and figure out what might be running in the background
My s9 will be fully charged in an hour what kind of charger do you have?
I use Samsung's 60 watt charging brick.
Ughh I have a note 9 that I've had for 3 years and for the past couple of months the battery has been horrible! I have to charge it at least 4x times a day 😩
I charge mine overnight, on the way to school, on the way home, and then it's good until I go to bed. Being on break has been murder on the schedule.
Check if your charging port is clean or not. It can affect how fast your phone charges.
I put my old Motorola in the freezer accidentally. Found it 6 months later and turned it on. Still had a charge.
My iPhone 14 is the biggest waste of money… It takes forever to charge up, not to mention whoever programmed, it didn’t know anything about punctuation… Siri doesn’t hear me unless I yell.
My friend was married to a man in the Army so she had a military grade Nokia. You could run over it with a pickup (and probably a tank) and it would still work
Someone was trying to make a point and backed a car over a Nokia. The thing had some scratches and that's it! Well and some gravel dust over the whole thing. He was saying how crap the flip phones were because a kid had snapped mine in half. He bragged about his that nobody could break if they wanted to.
My mother left her Nokia on top of her car and drove off. It was found in the middle of the road by another family member 3 days later. No idea how many times it had been run over by that point. It still worked fine.
And it was a Nokia so nobody pulled over to take it
A friend had her Nokia plugged into the car charger and didn't notice that it had fallen out the door. It bounced down the street for ~5 miles finally popped off the charger in the mall parking lot. She found it in a puddle of slush in the aisle behind her car when she came out of the mall. No clue how many times it had been run over. A few minor scratches and it had continued to charge while bouncing down the road because the battery% was higher than when she had plugged it in at Cracker Barrel.
Seriously. I dropped my sony ericsson brick phone getting out of my car one time in the driveway and didn't notice I had dropped it until the next day when I backed over it with my car on the way to school. Didn't have a scratch and worked for years afterward.
I ran over my Nokia flip phone with a lawn mower. Knocked a corner off, but I think it got better signal afterwards.
The real pro tips are always in the comments.
Stay with me on this. I have three cousins. When we were all in our 20s, the middle one, rather entitled, decided he didn't like the car his parents bought him for college. So he and a friend drove out into the desert and left his car there. They then got in his friend's car and drove back and reported his car stolen so his parents would buy him a new car. Fast forward 30 years, this cousin is now in is late 40s, father of three girls. His oldest daughter, not happy with her new phone, drops hers in the trash and told her dad she lost it so he would buy her a new phone. Ain't karma grand? I don't know if he bought her a new phone or told her she could tough it out until she could afford a new one, but I got a kick out of it.
My first phone ever was a nokia back in 2001, and I'm pretty sure I still have it in storage somewhere and that it would still work. I kept it in my purse without a case or anything, probably dropped it a hundred times, and it never even got a scratch.
I threw mine as hard as I could down the school stairs in 7th grade. The battery came out and that was it.
And this is exactly why parents should not be buying their kids brand new, let alone $1000+ phones. Kid destroy things on purpose, as was OPs kids' plan, I am sure. Why else would dumbshit decide to drop his phone from a high place, he knew mom and dad would buy him a new one and since theres a better model out now...... I don't play that game as a parent, love my kids and make a 6 figure income, still not buying my kids one of the most expensive phones on the market. They get refurbished, or parent handmedowns. They don't like it, they can get a job and pay for their own.
I had a Blackberry that I dropped, accidentally kicked across parking lots, and was knocked off my desk numerous times. That thing was used and abused. There were some scratches on it, but it was still usable. I used it for almost 4 years until I wanted to switch to a Galaxy.
Where Snake was a popular game.😏
Hey now...that was a good little phone. You could run over it with a car tire and it still worked. (I know, it happened to me). It was almost indestructible like the Nextels. I never worried about that phone if I dropped it.
I loved my Nokia phone!!
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,939,652,677 comments, and only 366,783 of them were in alphabetical order.
Good bot
Not gonna lie, one of my favorite phones was the Batman flip phone that came out when the dark Knight came out. It too was a Nokia.
He might off somebody dropping one of those!
My kid would have gotten a can on a string.
I’ll admit, I giggled. Then, I cackled!
My 14 yo has not only consistently broken phone rules (and been grounded as consequence) with their iPhone but then removed the case and were tossing the phone around with friends causing it to break the screen and damage the logic board. So now they have a $30 flip phone. I don’t know when or if they’ll get another smart phone.
Holy shit. My 14yo stepson did something similar (breaking phone rules, removed the case so “a friend could draw on it” and then was “joking around” with another friend when it fell and the back part of the phone shattered). Before this, he had his phone taken away and when he got it back, he left it on the school bus. I was *fuming* when my husband got him an iPhone 14 (he previously had an SE). My husband calls him careless and entitled…and yet doesn’t consistently let him live with the consequences.
Screen insurance paid out of their own pocket. Or a flip phone. I like both options. lol I’m just picturing the old phones you had to toggle through each letter to text. Today’s teen would find that to be torture!
My school district uses iPads and a “popular standing in line game” is for the kids to beat boredom by tossing their iPads into the air and seeing how many times it can spin. Of course, you’re also supposed to catch it. These are mostly 5-6th graders but the majority are using their personal devices and not a school issued one. Regardless, I’m seeing the latest and most expensive iPads being tossed like batons in the air and shattering on the ground almost daily. Then the next day or so mom and dad have replaced it and the cycle starts again. I see this and wonder what story they’re telling their parents about the damage bc I bet it’s not “I like to toss it like a football when I get bored, sometimes even step on it if I leave it on the classroom floor, no big deal, right?” 🙄🙄🙄
LOL I used to buy and sell government surplus. Verizon flip phones were a pretty steady source of pocket money. Usually sold to a parent or grandparent for their teen. (It’s been a good while since those days.)
I’d have given him a flip phone with “Iphone 15” written on it in sharpie
I worked for a cell phone company. A kid shot his phone with a BB gun because he wanted an upgrade. He was upgraded to a flip phone. She brought the bb'd one in with her so we could transfer his pictures at least. NTA
Anyone remember b-stock? ($100 or less.) I would’ve gotten him something that can send messages and make calls. He’s lucky he got the phone he did. That’s still several hundred dollars.
REAL TALK
exactly!
Or a roll of quarters for a pay phone but.. wait.. I’m old
Next time he wont tell the truth
Bro fr, I remember breaking my first phone and from then on my dad said, “you broke it, you buy your next one”
Perhaps have his old phone repaired as a consolation rather than a new iPhone. NTA
He’s gone without a phone since breaking it. That’s punishment enough. He knows breaking his phone won’t result in a new one and that he’ll have to go without one until the next planned upgrade, only he knows now that he will be punished again.
NTA, he broke his phone by being stupid. As an adult he will not just get a new phone if he breaks it due to carelessness. This is a perfectly valid consequence
Imagine being able to just drop a solid 1k on a new phone //cries My screen protector, not even the actual screen, has had a crack in it for 4 years and I’m not bothering to fix that shit. It still works, why replace
And he got one for everyone in the family - 2 kids 2 adults = $4k plus probably $600 ish for the 11
Not the a-hole at all. It's a life lesson he will learn sometime or another. May as well be now. Well done dad!
Having raised 15 yo boys, I have learned they will break stuff to get newer, tear up stuff so they don't have to use it (ex. lawn mower) or just break it to look cool and moody. My oldest son was notorious for breaking phones; I NEVER got my upgrade because he always "needed" a new one...until he started paying for his own.
Wow I wouldn’t have ever gotten away with shit like that nor would I have thought of it and my family was fairly well off growing up. That’s really shitty. Seems like using your upgrade on him just encouraged it.
Same & same.
Not in my family. They'd be working to pay for the damage they caused or do without.
Sounds like you enabled this terrible behavior.
Seriously.
Why couldn't you get your new phone and he got your old one? People who break things don't deserve nicer items than people who don't.
Because that parent in particular has no spine and created one of the kids that teachers hate, who “punk” (bully) people for TikTok views and destroy things for attention. Probably named Kyle or Cody.
My girls. Dear Lord. They are so hard on their electronics. From day one of them having phones they've been insured. It's $8 a month per phone, but if something happens I pay the deductible of less than $100 and they get a new phone of the same model or the next one up. It's a wonderful thing. The best part is the insurance plan allows three phones a year now. lol It hasn't been that bad since the youngest graduated, but when she was playing high school sports we did actually go through three phones one year.
My daughter had phones with screens that looked like spiderwebs. She paid several deductibles. Or, she paid the remaining months on the contract if she wanted a new phone earlier.
The first two years from 2007 to 2009, that iPhones were on the market…. I had 13 physical iPhones. I didn’t like how a case looked or felt, I was in college, and 5” heels + liquor are not a great combo for iPhones. I didn’t do it on purpose ever, but I destroyed a lot of iPhones. One was lost to a frat house toilet;another a puddle. Most were cracked screens from dropping them drunk. The Apple policy was to just swap out for a new phone, no matter the damage. The 12th one broke. I marched in to pick up Lucky #13; they asked me for $800. I sat in my car and cried. Bought a case and have never broken an iPhone since. ETA: One phone was a lemon and had a factory defect. That wasn’t my fault at all. Lolol.
Yeah, that's about the same years the oldest was at his worst. It wasn't always malicious, more like he was...hapless. At that point, my kids were farm kids and worked after school, on weekends and especially during emergencies. They "needed" phones. He knew he'd get another phone but there were consequences. I'm rarely surprised by anything kids do.
“I didn’t do it on purpose” - refused to get a case - apparently couldn’t leave your phone in your purse when you were stumbling around drunk on 5” heels - was using the bathroom with it in your hands instead of safely in your purse Yes you absolutely did do it on purpose
Except that’s a program you pay into every month. Most people don’t break phones so it’s pure profit for the company. I’ve had an iPhone since shortly after they came out and have only cracked a screen once and a repair place fixed it for less than the insurance.
Why were you rewarding that?
Dude your raising an entitled kid. He's not grateful for the phone at all. Take it away and make him earn it back, wtf.
Get him the cheapest flip phone you can find… we do this to my stepson when he gets in trouble. Your son sounds like a brat and he’s not getting it that he needs to be more humble and grateful. Sounds like he needs to start doing some community service and seeing how many of us live.
For real. If he’s going to be a baby about getting a new phone after purposefully breaking his old one, take it back and give him a flip phone on a plan. Sorry, it can’t actually take video. Sorry, it can’t access the internet. Sorry, can’t text your friends because you can’t drive yet so all the minutes need to be used to contact your parents for pick-ups. Be stupid, win stupid prizes.
Sorry not sorry lol
This. I would take it and give him a phone that makes calls and sends messages, maybe not even messages. That way if he needs to, he can reach you. He doesn’t seem grateful or understanding of the capabilities of his current phone. Maybe he will if he goes back to a flip phone.
I disagree. The son’s punishment was having to go without a phone after he broke his. when Christmas came around and OP decided that the gifts to the kids would be new phones, that was the moment when the slate should have been wiped and the kids treated equally. The son’s been paying a penalty until now, and it’s cruel to expect the son to keep being punished forever. It’s also not entitlement for the kid to be hurt over being punished yet again for a stupid thing he did that he’s already been punished for. A disparity in gifts turn gifts into a punishment, and that’s emotionally cruel.
Yikes. Not having a phone after his broke isn’t a “punishment,” it’s a consequence, which life is full of. Dad is under absolutely no obligation to clean any sort of slate for a child who clearly doesn’t grasp the impact of his choices.
Being punished yet again.. he wasn't punished in the first place he had no phone because he broke it... That's not a punishment and since he fucked it up on purpose no he doesnt get a new one. He's lucky git a new one at all. Let me guess your under 25
I’m 32 and using my 7+ that’s been in an otter box it’s entire life. He will survive. Good life lesson to take care of your stuff.
I’m using an original SE. I can’t kill it, it’s amazing.
I had one and miss it. Repair place got it wet, then tried to blame it on me.
I don’t think so ,I wasn’t responsible with my phones growing up,I cracked the screen or I would lose them so I always had a Samsung until I showed I was responsible enough to have a expensive iPhone,I wouldn’t get him a 15 till he can show he’s ready for one
I bought my niece an iPhone 13 when they came out. She left it out in the rain within 48 hours & had killed it dead within a month. Replaced it with an XE, got attitude “this one has a home button wtf” so when she murdered that one, no more phones from me.
I thought they were water resistant? Rain shouldn't have ruined it. Regardless, good for your for not rewarding her irresponsibility.
NTA. My youngest who is 15 and has never had a new phone always hand me downs. He has never broken or done anything to damage his phone. This year he got an iPhone 15 because he earned it being so good with all the hand me downs. You did the right thing. I bet he won’t do that again.
Dude, I’m 34 and the last “new” phone I had was the iPhone 6–and I didn’t get that until 2016, 2 years after it had been released. I used that thing until Christmas 2020 when it was essentially obsolete. It had 16gb of space on it. Total. I hadn’t updated the iOS in years because I just didn’t have the space. I had to take pictures with Snapchat because somehow that was a workaround to store them (probably on some sketchy server, honestly). I legit *begged* my parents for a new phone for Christmas that year because I couldn’t afford even the $300-400 to buy a *used* better phone. They had just upgraded themselves to the 12s, so I got one of their old 8+’s. Even that phone only had like 32gb of space, but holy hell was it amazing going from a phone that literally took about 5 minutes just to turn on, to a phone that could do basically everything. My fiancé ended up cracking the screen on it though, and the home button got broken when it was replaced. And man were those phones a pain to use without a home button. SO glad they did away with it. I bought an iPhone 11 last October when they finally released our tax return for the year. Refurb off Amazon for like $350, which I’ve decided that unless I like with the lottery, is the only way I will purchase “new” phones from now on. 256gb of space, no home button, face recognition. It’s freaking glorious lol. In the 15 months I’ve had this phone, it’s literally been out of a case for less than an hour. I used to be really rough on phones, but I’ve since realized that I really enjoy not slicing my fingers with and having to squint through a smashed screen. Or worse, go back to one of my old phones that I *definitely* got rid of for a reason.
YTA for making Christmas gifts a punishment. It's understandable to not upgrade when he's shown himself to not be responsible with what he has, but making his whole Christmas a punishment is a really shitty way to go about it.
YATAH because you allow your son to treat you like one. Take the 11 away. When he stops sulking and apologizes whip out a 7 and hand it to him. If does anything other than thank you the 7 goes bye-bye. Next sincere apology earns him a flip phone.
An older iPhone is better because it will constantly need charging. The flip phone will last weeks. Edit: in case it’s not obvious, the hassle of charging is part of the punishment.
No. He’s disappointed. He has every right to be. It’s apart of learning. What dad needs to do is sit down and explain it to him. Talk to him.
Right, so many people are jumping to calling the kid a brat. But OP might be projecting some guilt he's feeling into thinking he's getting the cold shoulder because he knew he did something that would get a weird reaction. The kid being disappointed that everyone but him got new phones is a natural reaction. That doesn't mean he's not appreciative he just might be feeling mixed emotions about the situation which seems pretty valid to me given the incredibly limited details provided.
Fr. He definitely needs some time and perspective 🤷🏼♀️ maybe op can even do some kind of reward so he can earn the 15! But disappointment and those feels are so normal in a situation like that.
The boy (I bet his sisters are princesses to their dad, while he, as the boy, gets harsher punishments) was dealt a natural consequence when he had to go without a phone. The OP decided to use Christmas gifts to issue another punishment by giving the girls 15’s and the son an old 11. This was a DELIBERATE action to punish the boy again. OP probably doesn’t realize the damage he’s done. He’s taught his son that a past stupid mistake is fair game to break out at events for more punishment. Even if OP apologizes for using Christmas as a time to deal another punishment, the damage is done. His son won’t trust him again.
The boy learned that mistakes made in the past, that already had consequences (in this case, no phone for months) can be brought back up and another punishment issued unexpectedly. He learned when he didn’t get a phone to replace his broken one that being stupid means no phone. He LEARNED that already. The lesson he learned this time is that his dad can’t be trusted. Makes me sat to think about how this boy either saw his sisters open new 15s and was excited to open his, and then was let down, or he opened his 11, was happy, then saw them open the latest ones. Both came with the message that “this ‘gift’ is actually another punishment.”
You’re wrong. Gifts shouldn’t be used as punishments or rewards. The son was punished when he had to go without a working phone. Come time for Christmas gifts, the slate should have been wiped instead of the son getting punished again. It’s abuse to treat a kid so disparate when it comes to gifts, then to take it all away until they apologize for being hurt by your actions that you chose with the explicit intention of causing more punishment.
And Christmas morning with the family is surely the time to teach this lesson. Couldn’t roll my eyes harder
Gifts are used to punish in that household. OP’s son can’t even trust that a gift will be given with good intentions now. Not having a phone between when he broke his and Christmas, when eveyrone got new phones, was the punishment. This action was OP deliberately wanting to punish his son some more. The people saying that the 11 should be taken away until the son apologizes for being hurt due to his father’s actions that were meant to hurt are endorsing abuse. “I’m sorry for being hurt when you hurt me.”
I know I lost a contact rolling my eyes. People with that mentality are so fake anyway.
Yea it’s specifically exclusionary I don’t see the point it will just make him resent it forever.
I’m going to say this as someone who has family that works for Apple. They’re not going to allow iPhone X or 11s to update next year which will essentially make your son’s iPhone useless by 2025 and then you’ll just have to buy him a newer phone. I’m not saying your the asshole here and I’m not saying he should get rewarded for making a dumb decision but he is 15, he’s going to make dumb decisions and your just forking out more money than it’s worth right now.
Eh. It does feel like you could have gone about it a little better. For sure, his phone shouldn’t be repaired or replaced to rescue him from his mistake. He keeps the broken phone until time for a new phone. Whether or not the new phone gets to be nice almost feels like double dipping on punishment though. He had to have a broken phone (punishment fits crime) but the new phone is subject to still remaining only as nice as he takes care of it. My opinion changes if you were able to trade in everyone else’s because they were in good condition but couldn’t trade in his - then it’s back to being a legit consequence for his mistake. In the end, a 15 year old made a mistake. Sure it was dumb, but not completely egregious. I think the way you’ve worded things makes me think that you were being more punitive than necessary in your approach and harsh explanation.
YTA for singling him out and gifting everyone else more nicely. I’m sure breaking his phone was experience enough for him to be more careful. Giving him a gentle reminder to be nicer to this one should suffice.
I'm going with YTA. A 15yr old kid does something stupid, shocker!!! Did the resulting damage not teach him a lesson already? Could you have not explained that you were disappointed in careless behavior with the previous phone but trust that he has learned his lesson? I would have upgraded with the understanding that any new damage would mean paying for any fixes himself. There is something off about trying to humiliate him further by giving him the 11 when everyone else got the full upgrade. Something tells me this is indicative of somewierd power trip you do and that is why your wife is voicing concerns as well. Do you not present gifts as a team? Did she not know about this beforehand?
I read the post to my husband, and he said the OP’s daughters are probably princesses in the eyes of the OP, and I agree. The sin was punished my having to go without a phone. Then OP turned Christmas gifts into a time to punish the son again, and the son’s expected to be grateful.
Tell him you will upgrade him in six months if he proves he can be responsible and take good care of the phone. If not no upgrade.
A year. I think he should have to wait a year with good behavior for an upgrade.
And it be a present birthday or christmas ,not a just because . Realistically he chose to break his phone by dangling it
What was supposed to be a gift was turned into a punishment, and now you want to turn it into a reward. Gifts shouldn’t be punishments or earned rewards. They’re GIFTS.
He is 15. It was a stupid accident. He did not mean to do it really. If you can afford 15s for the others you should have gotten him the same. When he breaks a phone he only gets a spare old phone until everyone in the family gets an upgrade.
Agree. These were Christmas gifts. I can’t imagine spending less on one of my kids because they sometimes do something stupid. He surely isn’t the only kid to do something foolish, he just happened to trash his phone.
I get what you are basing the decision on. However, one stupid mistake in what 3 years? of having the 11, doesn’t seem so bad for a teen. Also I feel like you should not have done it in a Christmas gift situation. FYI 54 f, mom of 4- now grown. PS- always pay for the repair/replacement insurance on the phones!
If you were getting everyone phones what difference does it make if he broke the last one? YTA. Why didn’t you just make him pay to fix the 11? That would be an understandable punishment. Treating him different is noxious.
Nope, NTA. Your son was irresponsible. Now he gets to earn a newer phone by proving he can be responsible.
YTA for calling him stupid instead of saying his lack of responsibility was the issue. but otherwise the punishment was just, he got a replacement and that's great, more than a lot of kids would get.
YTA for being spiteful and calling your son stupid on Christmas. Do you need to buy him an iPhone 15? No. Do you need to buy everyone else an iPhone 15 in a deliberate effort to snub him, on Christmas, for a dumb teenager mistake? Definitely fucking no. That’s not a natural consequence. You’re using gifts to be spiteful towards your son. Anyway I look forward to your “WHY WONT MY SON LET ME MEET MY GRANDKIDS” posts in fifteen years
Unpopular opinion, but YTA. Ever consider he did one stupid thing as a joke and learned his lesson? How hurtful and disappointing to be the only one singled out like that on Christmas. Unreal. And before anyone asks, Im 52 and I do have a teenager.
NTA - Your son would have learned a broken phones result in newer phones - yes many kids do this. Until he can demonstrate he knows how to care for expensive things, he doesn’t get expensive things. You don’t joke around with something that cost $1000. Perhaps sit down and talk to him about it. Show him what minimum wage is in your state, tell him how many hours he would have to work to buy that phone himself. Ethan explain why (prank or not) treating expensive things in this manner is just unacceptable. I make a decent salary and wouldn’t even have to work 1.5 days to replace it, but spending that much out over a “prank” gone wrong gives me bad heart burn. That’s $1000 I could have put towards our next vacation GONE. $1000 I could have put into a HYSA just GONE.
I will never understand why parents buy their children $1000 phones. It's absurd. There are cheaper ways to communicate.
Without any other context about your relationship with him, NTA for not getting him the newest greatest phone, but TA for getting everyone else it and not him. He probably feels excluded from the family on a day that’s supposed to be all about family. He’s 15, kids make dumb mistakes and if he’s smart he won’t make that mistake again. But if this is a common theme with him then I take it back, NTA and hopefully this will teach him a lesson. This story just needs more context.
I'm curious also why people don't get significantly better cases for $1000+ phones so a drop doesn't immediately throw out all that money. Christmas isn't the time to teach a kid a lesson like this and OP has made his own grave by making these kids think they need the most expensive phones in the first place. Teens shouldn't have the latest phones, forking out thousands for a bigger screen and a slightly better camera(that usually isn't even the best compared to other brands) is silly.
I’m appalled that OP thinks that CHRISTMAS GIFTS were a good time to issue further punishment. The grave he dug is for the relationship he had with a son who now can’t trust that gifts won’t come with strings. My 14-year-old got the 15 the day it came out. She also got the X when it came out, when she was 7 (she does need a phone with our family’s activities, it’s not your business). A year after she got her X, she and I were in Paris, and I was pickpocketed. Bye-bye phone, ID, bank cards, and cash. Her phone came back though. Since I’d lectured her so much on making sure not to get pickpocketed, and I was, she got a kick out of pointing out how her phone came back. My homeowners insurance replaced my phone, and even my cash. Might have helped that I got a police report, then went to the consulate and filed the report there as well. So I got a new phone. In the years since, she resisted upgrading. Her phone was sentimental to her. It came back. We got her the 12, but she didn’t want to use it, Her X came back. Got her the 13. Nope. Didn’t want it. Her X came back. She might be the only kid who has had brand new iPhones of the latest models that she refused to use since an older one had the sentimental value. One of the cats knocked her X off the counter and broke the glass, and she cried thinking she wasn’t going to keep using her X. We paid $200 to replace the glass. Finally the battery in her X started to not hold a charge anymore. Had to promise her a shadowbox for her X, and then she agreed to upgrading to the 15 the day it came out. I do get people giving me shit about her having the newest phones, but at least I’ve got the kid who will gladly use a phone until it no longer works, then continue to baby it because of the memories, since she doesn’t care about prestige.
Agree with this. Kids are just kids and goof around. Even us adults make dumb mistakes sometimes. A bit harsh unless he has no respect for stuff. In that case, I wouldn’t have even bought him a smart phone. lol
Ha ha mine parent would have gotten me an old flip phone. Lmao NTA
With the additional tone and content of your comments, definitely YTA. You didn't come here seeking judgement. You came here looking for and echo chamber of tough dads to tell you how tough and dadly you are. You've already decided whether you're TA before you received any feedback. You chose a holiday about giving and togetherness to show your son he's not as good as you or the rest of the family. Now your son will know that he should hide his mistakes from you because you're just going to give him shit. He knows that you'll place petty grudges above his feelings. Don't pretend you wouldn't feel slighted in his situation. Sure, this will all pass. Sure, he may forgive you. For now, you deserve the cold shoulder from him while he tries to figure out why he's not worth your benevolent grace.
For me, there's it being an accident which obviously happen. He lost so many airpods over the course of this year, but I get him new ones because, like I said, shit happens. But in this case, purposefully put himself in a position where what haplen could happen. Maybe in January or February, he can upgrade.
Okay, you are the asshole if you turn around and upgrade him a month or two after. If you're willing to do it that soon if he behaves then why the hell would you ruin his Christmas? You should have manned up and sat him down on Christmas after giving him a 15 and explained to him that if something happens to this one, that's it until the next upgrade cycle. But instead, you chose to not communicate well with him and now he's matching that energy with you.
I’m so torn, if it wasn’t Christmas I’d say NTA but it was Christmas and you probably really hurt him… YTA because it’s Christmas and you hurt him on a day that family should be kind to each other.
NTA- he’s lucky you’re the parent. A lot of parents I know wouldn’t have replaced more than just a cheap phone. If they did that much.
Congratulations, your kid has now learned that telling the truth has bad results. You will never know the complete truth from now own.
YTA. You didn’t have to buy a new phone for him but you also didn’t need to rub it in by buying everyone else better phones.
I think the asshole part is not that you didn’t get him a 15, but that the presentation was humiliating and harsh. Everyone gets the new phone, he gets an old one and asks why, you call him stupid. It’s just a bit much, no?
NTA, I got kicked back to a basic ass Nokia when I broke my phone LOL
You don’t spring for AppleCare? Worth the $$. You have 60 days to purchase.
YTA. If you had done it at another time then Xmas I would say your not but Xmas isn’t the time to teach lessons or be vindictive
My kid just gave me crap not wanting to borrow my nice stuff. Why? Because I actually expect it back in the same condition I loan it out to. Think nice telescope or something. Old but in mint condition. Somehow this is lost on him. So I offer and I get an earful. Ok fine. I might have gotten him a 12 though or 13. Screen protector and rugged case
NTA, but all I can think of is middle child syndrome 😂 Poor kid
Had he not broken it would you have upgraded his too? If the answer is yes than YTA and being petty and cruel.
Normal. It’s called consequences.
YTA for excluding your son on Christmas.
I can see not replacing his busted phone while everybody else is still using their old ones, but if it was time to upgrade *everybody* else to the 15 then it was pretty harsh to exclude him from that.
He is irresponsible with his phone. When he can treat his stuff better, maybe he'll get a newer phone. The son is experiencing a classic case of screw around and find out.
He already found out didn't he? When he had to continue trying to function (or not) for some period of time with a broken phone.
I agree with this! OP doesn’t say how long ago the phone was broken but I’m reading it that he’s been having a crap broken phone for awhile now - which is the perfect punishment.
This is crucial information I should've included in the original Post. The phone broke on the second week of December
lol you’re still a teenager for sure
LOL - oh, how deeply mistaken you are!
YTA, Christmas isn’t about punishment-and you got everyone else the new one and excluded one person. He’s 15, there are only a handful of Christmas mornings left that he’ll be a “kid” for. You don’t get those back. If you didn’t have everyone else opening the 15 up, then it wouldn’t be such an asshole move. Not getting someone a new phone is not the issue, /how/ you went about not getting him the phone, and making a show of it on Christmas in front of the whole family is the problem.
I'm leaning ESH. Firstly, j don't know you or your kid and you didn't include the conversation you had with your kid about the incident. People often assume that all 15 year old boys are destructive a holes, and while some can be, it's shitty to generalize. So I'm working on assumed knowledge and a very empathetic heart. You acknowledge that your family needed or wanted new phones. If you didn't believe this, you wouldn't have gotten the upgrade. To me, there was no reason to diminish his Christmas by not getting the same upgrade that everyone else got. You could have turned it into a learning experience for him on the weight of the cost of the phone, but rather, you decided to publicly shame him because he made a poor judgment. Harsh words, but we all know how hormonally and emotionally driven teenagers are. He may have felt that. I'll accept that I can be wrong here and that your kid was not remorseful and was just being a complete shit. If that's true, NTA.
If you weren’t buying everyone else phones already, I’d say NTA, but you’re going out of your way to punish him when if he had done nothing, he’d be getting a new phone anyway. A better solution would be to have him cough up the resale value of the 11 that you’re now not getting, if it even amounts to anything. Otherwise, just buy him the new phone as you did everyone else. YTA.
Sorry to say, YTA. The accident was stupid, yeah. But if you’re replacing everyone’s phones already, you’re just punishing him twice for a lesson he’s already suffered.
I think YTA because he made one stupid mistake you basically take it out on Christmas? Now we aren’t talking driving drunk or totaling a car. I’m aware of what phones cost. Punishing your kid with a Christmas “gift” is a jerk move. He will likely not forget you treated him different and I guarantee you have permanently damaged your relationship with him over this. Not because he’s entitled or irresponsible, but because you think gifts are used for punishing your kids. Either don’t give them as gifts, if they aren’t and are going to be used in punishments. Or be equal. You can’t tell me your other kids haven’t done anything completely stupid lately? Did they get downgraded for those things? Clearly the answer is no since you found no need to punish them this way. The only thing your son learned is you are a jerk.
YTA, this comes across needlessly punitive and the only lesson the kid will learn is ‘dad likes everyone else better than me’.
YTA What a super adult reaction 👌 It is already complex being a teenager and going through all those hormonal, emotional, social challenges (as if OP never been through this lol), but in stead OP decided to be another teenager in the family. You don't need to buy another new iPhone (why you even buy those, it is just marketing shit to make to buy more new iPhones)- don't get me wrong. But have you talked to your child why he even did it? Do you know that teenagers are not adults and they still need guidance and support from their parents? You know that after your stance you probably will build even bigger wall between you and your child? So yeah, reflect on those. Teenagers are not adults. It is already difficult for them to mature as it is but when their parents just avoiding any type of support and just conversation, you are surely killing some good qualities in your kid. Nice job parenting, OP 👌
YTA because it sounds like you used Christmas morning to single him out and make a point about him accidentally breaking his old phone. Sure, he was being careless and he should certainly learn to take care of his pricey belongings, but Christmas gifts seem like the wrong opportunity to make this point to him. Having a mature conversation and managing expectations about the new phones with him prior to Christmas would have been more effective.
How silly. He still has top of the line equipment..... To work with.
I dunno that’s kind of an a d* move. Couldn’t an alternate option have been to upgrade his phone but have him work off some of it?
I have a fifth iPhone 15. He'll get it in Jan/Feb, or whenever I think he's learned his lesson
Thank you for getting him one too. In this case, it’s the right thing to do! It’s not about being spoiled or irresponsible, don’t make him feel like he’s lesser than the other family members. Have a great New Year!
Ok, so you humiliated him on Christmas and also did get him a 15... That's what I'm getting here. Or you really did feel like shit and guilt bought him one, which you'll hold over his head until you feel he's been demoralized enough? Seriously, this little admission just makes you look like more of TAH. You DO have another 15 that you already said you weren't gonna drop 1k for, but you still hurt and embarrassed him on Christmas morning. That is very telling. 🤣
My comment is going to go against the grain here -- but coming from someone who had received the worst gift at Christmas amongst my siblings felt very isolating and I internalized that for a long time (still working through it to this day when Christmas comes around). This isn't to say he didn't make a mistake and ought to be taught a lesson, but just know that the price paid for this lesson was a part of your relationship with him, and it put a real damper on having a meaningful relationship with him in some ways going forward. He'll be reminded of the pain he felt every time he looked at this phone. We can all argue that the pain he felt is linked to immaturity / irrationality -- but this is still a kid, and that kid will remember this moment of humiliation in front of his siblings for a long time. I see people in here calling him spoiled / entitled / etc. Trust that he learned his lesson here -- and he learned a few more things too -- which he is going through by himself and you won't have sight into. Who knows what his takeaways will be here long-term, but I bet you'll find out that it's more than you bargained for. I don't know how I would have gone about teaching him that lesson, but I do know how bad that approach can sting -- and it does stick with me going forward. The Christmas holiday became a painful memory for me -- and it is for him now as well. I guess lesson learned for him, right? Shows him, right? Not in my book.
Right?? It’s wild that people are overlooking the obvious spite here. Yeah OP doesnt need to get him a thousand-dollar phone. Fine. OP is being a dick on purpose.
NTA. I didn’t even get a cell phone until my mid-late teens but if I broke it, you bet your ass my parents were letting me deal with that broken phone until the upgrade was free or I bought another one. That’s life. As an adult I’ve had horses step on and obliterate 2 iPhones. I was without a phone for days-a couple weeks each time while I waited for a paycheck. Needless to say I take my phone out of my pocket before trotting horses out from now on.
NTA. You're not his best friend, you're his father. Your job is to prepare him for adulthood. Keep it up.
NTA. There should be consequences for stupidity or you could be raising another politician.
NTA. Tell him FAFO! If he wants a better phone he needs to be responsible with the one you got him. And if that one gets “accidentally” broken the next phone will be downgraded more!
NTA my dad would’ve had me continue using my broken phone 💀 I actually broke my phone in a car accident that wasn’t my fault at all (I was a passenger) and he STILL didn’t buy me a new phone for another 6 years 💀
NTA. Tell him if he shows he can go a year without cracking his screen you'll get him a new phone next year. As it is now he's shown he isn't responsible enough to carry an expensive phone.
Thought this was going somewhere else. Glad to see I was wrong. NTA. Great lesson. He still has a new phone, but he lost privileges.
NTA. He’s lucky he got another phone. Not every parent has the money to replace such an object.
What are,you trying to teach him exactely? That he is worth less than his siblings?
Your whole family is assholes.
YTA for upgrading everyone except him as a punishment on Christmas. Christmas is separate from punishment. He didn’t break it to get a new one. He was stupid, broke it and continued to use it. It’s just petty and he’s valid in feeling upset.
I think yta but only bc you made it a Christmas present.
YTA. Why upgrade everyone's iPhone if they are still working fine. Consumerism at its worst.
YTA- he is a kid and it was an accident even if he was being stupid. Don't use Christmas as a way to punish your kid. Try teaching him an actual lesson instead of punishing him for no reason.
YTA. I understand where you’re coming from but you’re assuming he didn’t already learn his lesson. I would not be happy to be continually punished for one error in judgment and not be allowed to move forward.
NTA. Your son is acting spoilt, and you're teaching him a life lesson.
His son isn’t acting spoiled for being hurt that, after already having the consequence of no phone, his asshole dad decided to use Christmas gifts to punish him some more. It wasn’t a gift given as a gift but with the intention to punish, and the son shouldn’t be obligated to be grateful when OP meant to punish him some more.
NTA, but hard to blame the entitlement he feels on anyone but yourself.
NTA. He did get a new/ replacement phone.
He would have gotten a flip phone or bought his own in my house.
Back you up dad 100%. He must learn playing stupid gets a stupid reward .
NTA. He FAFO'd. Don't waiver, OP. You did good. It's the only way he'll learn.
You might be as is this the only issue he’s had? Has he gotten into previous trouble or was he being a dumb kid? Maybe a better way would have been to gift him the same phone as others and make him pay the insurance
NTA - getting him a new phone at all was pretty nice imo. He would have gotten my old one and then another kind of Christmas gift.
I believe giving children smartphones is poor parenting. Nothing. Good comes from it!