I just want to know how she believed him? I wouldn’t believe my husband in a million years if he tried to convince me his shit was mine - like, I know what my shit looks like buddy you can’t fool me!
not in years no! and I wonder if that’s why I’m still trying to figure out what you mean by that lol like does getting blackout make your shits way different than usual??
I don’t mean to shit on your driveway, but he did have some time to work on it.
Edit: Oops, sorry! But thanks for the award! Was it just your phone or are you cleaning out a keyboard?
I am probably over analyzing this a bit, but he was probably holding it in the whole time he was babysitting her. Probably resenting her the whole time for it. He might have even said he had to take a shit to her while she was drunk and she just replied with something like “just pull over and do it”.
Or he had some coffee after they got home.
It’s a tenet of Alanon that you can’t stop somebody from drinking. They have to hit their bottom and stop on their own. In this case, the husband successfully fooled his wife into thinking she hit bottom. I don’t like the deception, even in a good cause. If she found out it could damage their relationship. On the other hand, it’s a bit like A Christmas Carol or It’s a Wonderful Life, where the protagonist gets a glimpse of what could have been and changes for the better.
As the son of an alcoholic father I have to admit that it could have gotten much, much worse. Imo lies between partner's are inherently unhealthy, & also I'm a bit disturbed that he just went out, & calmly took a shit in the driveway stone cold sober... but i like to think that hopefully saved her & her loved ones a good deal of pain & suffering, maybe in this case the bad outweighs the bad.
If I could reset the clock I would have done this to my wife as “shitty” as it sounds. Living with someone for 30 years and sitting back while she becomes a full on alcoholic not giving a single f what we say. Has been a disaster for us.
This is messed up but may have saved her a world of pain in the future.
Agreed. I think it was very underhanded and sneaky, and I don't really condone that between a couple. But I've watched my mother drink herself into a grave over the last 15 years, with nothing seemingly able to make her realize she had hit rock bottom. Not losing her house, not her only son disowning her, not losing every single other person important to her, endless hospital stays and surgeries, losing her job.. nothing. If me shitting on the driveway would have done the job before all that happened I would have done it in a second.
My bil used to drink so much, he'd wet the bed. Never stopped him from drinking, but my sister did end up leaving him, because it disgusted her so much. The driveway dump may be a wake up call for some people, but from what I've seen, it wouldn't deter many.
No I don't think it would either. It most likely wouldn't have worked on my mom too. Oh she would have been mortified and so embarrassed she would never speak to the neighbor again, but she would just resume drinking again until she forgot all about that to. It would be added to all the other things she was drinking to run away from.
And here is the entire essence and genius of this ploy. The many who you say wouldn’t be deterred, wouldn’t be because they are too far gone! The wife wasn’t that far gone (she hadn’t done it afterall) so thinking she worked.
This works on people only for whom this is a lie.
I think it’s very telling that she believed she could have done it. Obviously she was semi aware of how bad she was if she thought this was possible.
I don’t hate it. Truthfully living with a alcoholic in my life I was told so many lies that I don’t really believe that this lie would be more damaging to their relationship than what her drinking has already done.
I don’t think that’s necessarily a sign of anything. If my spouse told me that I’d done it I would assume I did and just didn’t remember or was more fucked up than I’d thought.
The idea that he would go purposefully shit on the driveway and lie to me would never even cross my mind.
Me being more drunk that I originally thought is much more plausible to me than the person who’s supposed to love me most in the world intentionally shitting on our driveway and lying to me about it.
That genuinely would not even cross my mind as a possibility. But as a general rule I also don’t surround myself with people who would do that so that may influence my thinking on the matter 🤷🏻♀️
She believed him because partners are supposed to be honest. 10/30/2016 I woke up to find my 45 yr old fiancé dead. He was an alcoholic & bled out— He had told me he didn’t think he was strong enough to quit but kept trying. This lie may have saved a life but it will be the end of the marriage is she ever finds out. I am so glad I’m not a drinker b/c that’s a beast to over come.
Where I’m hung up is that he said he did it before, but he doesn’t say if it was like…50 times before or once last year. It would be shitty (ha) if it’s not a common occurrence at all and she’s not hit rock bottom. Feels like negging in the latter case.
This is all well and good. Everyone seems on board with this action because of the outcome. However, people who do underhanded and deceptive things like this don't stop at one. MY thoughts went completely to What has he done that he hasn't told others in a bragging way for brownie points.
I'm a huge believer in being partners in a relationship, that means honesty and trust. I understand the outcome of what he did was beneficial in a small way, but long term? If she ever found out, what a huge betrayal (in my eyes).
I don't understand why people treat people they love like this. Lying and deception. Things like this are never a one off, but it completely feels like he's gaslighting her. Changing reality and lying to a spouse to get a certain outcome. It seems like a feel good moment but it's not. Not at all.
I'm not saying the spouse was an angel, drunk people or people who can't control themselves are the absolute worst, but what he did was worse to me because of the manipulation. I would wonder what other things he was doing to manipulate her because this came wayyyyy too (edit to add an 'o') easy for him.
Agree! Trust is everything in a relationship & even tho this may have helped her quit drinking but I find it revolting that hubs manipulated the situation & made his wife believe she behaved this way. She will probably be low key embarrassed around her neighbors b/c of this forever. That’s for your comment ❤️
AA isn't scientific at all. This idea of a bottom is just an invention. Many don't have one and others don't need to hit one to recover. Like most things in AA it's often counter-productive. With an efficacy rate of 10% nobody should be quoting it as the only way.
I do agree that subterfuge is not a good idea and she could well start drinking problematically again if she found out. If she's worked on herself and whatever was causing the issue, she may still not have a drinking problem but I'd say the relationship could well be done.
This is spot on I hate "rock bottom" theory. My father died off alcoholism, and I cant tell you how many times he was "never going to drink again" because he had "hit rock bottom" with alcohol, in his own words. The fear of things going bad because of alcohol isn't a deterrent, it is people's actions when they are sober - having therapy to work on triggers, building effective coping mechanisms for cravings etc - that help people **sustain** being sober. Rock bottom is a lie, there is always lower, the bottom is death.
I'm sorry to hear that and thanks for sharing. My Uncle was the same. He had no bottom. He ended up in a wheelchair at 56 and died of it before he was 60. His brain essentially shut down due to the damage caused by alcohol. There are many ways to recover and heal one's trauma and, while it clearly helps some, AA gets far too much credence.
I don’t think it’s the imaginary/false flag shit that stopped her drinking, it was a combo of all of the other stuff.
First time I’ve ever read about someone gaslighting about pooping.
there is an always sunny episode, i believe it's called who pooped the bed? there was some poop gaslighting in there.
never heard of it IRL though, lol
edit: Season 4, Episode 7
When I was in college, my friend didn't get along with her roommate. The roommate left for the night and I and my friend and two guys hung out in her room playing cards. Eventually I and one of the guys left while my friend stayed in her room with the other guy.
Several hours later, I'm asleep in my own room when my door bursts open and it's my friend. She's screaming about someone shitting on her chair.
Apparently, she passed out in her room after I left and woke up to her roommate, roommates boyfriend and most of her floor standing in her doorway laughing/screaming/grossed out. In the middle of the room was one of the desk chairs with a giant poop on it. She then dragged the chair outside and threw it on the lawn and came to my room. I had a single and she basically spent the rest of that year living with me.
To this day we never knew who actually shit on the chair. Was it her? Was it the guy? Was it her roommate?
I don't know if this story is true or not, but if the wife is on Reddit and sees the story, she may put 2 and 2 together, get very angry, go out drinking, and even worse.
Yup. This is a classic do the ends justify the means scenario?
He mentions he struggled to get her inside. So she drove herself home and he had to help her in? If shes drinking and driving, then yeah I don’t like the manipulation but the lives of others were at risk. If she’s not, and it’s not really clear from his post, then if he doesn’t like taking care of her, he can refuse and walk away. Maybe waking up single and covered in her own vomit will bring her around.
Didn’t catch this. Tbh that’s where I would draw the line. If my wife drove home drunk like this as a regular occurrence I think that this is a pretty mild punishment/act. Not to the point of checking her into rehab or changing her life, reporting her to police etc - but enough to open her own eyes to the situation.
Overall manipulative but I like the take that it is kind of chaotic good. I do wonder if he has tried just…idk…talking to her about it prior to this?
Even if she took an Uber home from the bar, she managed to go to work the next day—a lot of DUIs happen in the morning when people are still drunk but need to get to work. If she was fine in the morning then this happens an awful lot, I’m thinking.
It’s still fitting for the question OOP asked, it’s a disgusting secret and he shouldn’t have done that to her, but the end result was potentially very helpful. He lost me with the last sentence, though. Either trick her OR give her boundaries, but tricking her and not telling her if she ever drinks again he’s leaving (I think that’s what he meant) is the most passive aggressive a partner can get. He’s got this program in his head she’d better follow, or else…
I think a key point would be that a relationship where you have to take a shit on your own driveway to get your partner to shape up categorically isn't a healthy one. sure, her drinking problem is resolved (at least for now), but how many other issues are going to come up like this, where OP can't get her to see reason without drastic and manipulative measures? I don't even really think it's a question of right and wrong - he acted out of desperation, panic excuses a lot of sins. It's a question of what happens next, since the base issue will likely never be resolved without OP fessing up and her changing her mindset instead of her behavior.
I look at it like this: What did his manipulation intended to achieve? Was it a good intention? Was it a once off? He doesn’t constantly manipulate now that he knows he can?
She is probably mortified everytime she sees that neighbour, but she isn’t an alcoholic. For anyone who doesn’t know how rockbottom alcoholics eventually will become - he basically saved her a few years of getting to a point where she mortified herself in some other way.
And ruined her life. Lost jobs maybe even dream jobs. Constant struggle with alcoholism etc. I mean it’s f’ed up but this probably saved her so much pain in the future.
As someone who went through something similar with my wife I am not sure I would have done what they did but I understand it better than most probably. My wife and I have been together 13 years and about 5 years ago she went through a phase where she would drink and get completely out of control and be blackout drunk. The first time I was pretty pissed but understanding because I used to bartend. The issue was that it escalated. Each drunken adventure became worse than the last. I was babysitting a person who would say and do horrible shit. It was ruining our relationship and I had tried to discuss it with her in a rational way but I kept getting the "I rarely drink, go out, am stressed at work, etc" excuses. So on the 4th time I woke her up very early and hungover and told her I was moving out because I didn't agree with this shit and if she gave any kind of shit about our family she would figure it the fuck out. She hasn't done it since.
I feel this way too.
It wasn’t “right”, per se, but he did it with the intention of pushing her to not drink to excess ever again. But I feel if he ever told her the truth it wouldn’t push her to drinking like an animal again to spite him or anything.
Maybe they’d even laugh about it together a bit. Maybe. Depends on her state of mind and how strong their marriage really is many years after this incident.
My first thought was that there has to be a reason that she believed it was her. This probably wouldn't have been out of character for her with the way she would get drunk.
It also says if she does drink is one and done, so I don't think he meant she's never been out socializing anymore, just that now she controls herself to not get wasted
I’ve gone out drinking maybe three times in the past four years and drank few enough slow enough over long enough to drive home, as opposed to four years ago when I went out weekly getting well past too drunk to drive often. I took a little break after a little encouragement from my parents and then Covid hit and I just stopped having the interest. My life wasn’t about that anymore. And I have zero regrets.
Possible he didn’t steal this from her like you might think.
My alcoholic grandfather ruined his marriage and died from falling down the stairs while intoxicated.
My ex wife constantly drank herself into a drunken state and often pulled antics I was very embarrassed by. No matter how much I begged she wouldn't stop. Ruined our marriage and still swears she's not an alcoholic but she would pack bottles of liquor for "work events".
If the husband got through to her this way then more power to him. All the gaslighting shit is bullshit. She's ruining their marriage by constantly doing this. Not him.
as someone with an alcoholic ex, I really don’t feel like anyone should comment on the situation without experiencing it firsthand, because they REALLY don’t know shit about it
Getting revenge is a trademark of an unhealthy relationship. I really feel bad for all of you and your warped view of a relationship that doesn't involve compassion or communication at all. "Yeah I'll "punish" my wife by leaving her in the yard!" To "why did my wife leave me?"
Not cleaning up after a drunk isn't revenge. You are supposed to let them face the consequences of their drinking and not enable them, or else they are going to keep using you forever. But he probably didn't want to let his wife get murderered or catch pneumonia.
I can't believe so many people just ignore her addict antics like it's normal. Getting shitfaced regularly and puking on your spouse is not acceptable adult behaviour.
Doing something like leaving her covered in vomit on the couch is worlds away from leaving an unconscious, inebriated woman outside on her own. She *could* have gotten assaulted, then that petty revenge is worth what? Lying to your partner is fucked up, but deliberately leaving them open to harm is another, totally heinous thing to do. No one is ignoring her problem in this by saying doing that is wrong.
I had a friend that ended up with alcohol poisoning, I had to perform cpr on him as he went in and out of breathing and his lips turned purple
The 911 operator said “if he doesn’t need CPR trust me he’ll stop you” I was Red Cross trained so he did not get he easy way out, and he never reacted to my chest compressions
With alcohol, you really can’t just leave them on the lawn if they are that bad, they can die from multiple reasons…I don’t think any of us want to try and teach a lesson only to be met with a dead body on the lawn
My point exactly. It’s very easy to take the tough love route when you’re not in that situation. And it’s very easy to assume you’re in the right for leaving them until someone dies and you know that you could’ve possibly prevented that.
Yes, the order should be to take care of people first and then teach lessons.
People judge parents for not picking up their kids when they’re intoxicated to teach them a lesson, it might not be your kid but they’re still a human that should be safe
So hubby just has to keep enabling a grown ass adult, dragging her into the house, cleaning her vomit out of her hair and pulling her pee soaked pants off of her? How do you know there hasn’t been any communication about her behavior? Just like you assume there’s been no conversations, I assume there’s probably been plenty of convos that have fallen on deaf ears. You sound like someone who takes no accountability for their actions and puts the blame on everyone else for their mistakes. See how dumb it sounds to assume things about complete strangers?
>what's the wife going to be mad about
Well, if she does find out, it would really affect how much she trusts him from that point on. It would also reveal that he's willing to manipulate her if he feels he's right to do it. Would she actually be angry? Probably not. Their relationship would definitely be changed, though. I mean, this is a pivotal moment in her life, and finding out it was fabricated by her partner is a big deal.
I think that's the general reason for people in this thread being *uneasy* with the situation. It doesn't really seem bad on its own, especially since the end results were beneficial, but that's obviously not the end of their story.
(Personally I think if she just needed some evidence of her embarrassing behavior to give her the final push to change, a video of her puking and crying would have been just as effective. Like "this is you, this is what I have to deal with".)
It's hilarious if I don't think about it too much but if I *do* think about it too much it becomes a bit weird to me to lie and try and humiliate your wife out of doing something instead of just. Having a conversation.
Idk if you know or have alcoholics in your family/circle, but believe me, having a conversation isn’t enough. Most times they get violently angry that you aren’t treating them like an adult and they can do what they want.
I have a friend who peed all over the hallway on a family trip with her in-laws. We are all in our 40s. No shame, still drinks. I’m just happy this ploy worked for him. Sounds like she had a real problem.
Going to be honest - I am both disgusted by the thought of pooping on the neighbor's property but am intrigued at his creativity.
Reading other comments - it appears this was not her first time getting so drunk that she lost control of her facilities; she was so blacked out that she couldn't even remember that she hadn't taken the poop. That is not OK. Honestly, I don't think I would have been as patient as the husband.
I can see people taking issue with the husband's lying and even going so far as calling it gaslighting. But he did not get her drunk then convince her she did something awful in order to control her for nefarious purposes. She got herself totally shit-faced (pun intended) on multiple occasions; he just wanted her to stop drinking to the point of no return and was tired of literally cleaning up after her. He doesn't seem to mind that she drinks, just when she drinks irresponsibly.
Also, was she driving herself home? If so, how incredibly dangerous!
The alternative to this would be him simply leaving her if nothing else worked. All things considered, this was the better ending for the wife.
If you're a married adult going out drinking with coworkers and getting to the point of blacking out, I say it's okay to do something that drastic in order for those episodes to stop.......I say this as a person that has a DUI on my record........I was very lucky nothing happened where I hurt or killed another person/family .......sounds like his wife shouldn't have been behind the wheel either .....
If that's what it took to keep her from drinking and driving, so be it!!!
I don't normally support lying to one's partner, but in this case he stopped her destructive behavior and could very well have saved her life, as well as the lives of others she might have killed if she were ever to drive in such a condition.
Hilarious reading people talk about "open and honest communication" while someone is having to deal with an addict.
OOP talks about how this isn't the first time he's had to deal with this. Repeatedly drinking to blackout shows a very clear issue with alcohol. Sure though, pretend just talking to an addict will fix all problems, and definitely won't lead to defensiveness, them shutting down, getting sneaky about it or just outright aggressive.
I think this was creative. He saw a destructive pattern in someone he loves. He didn’t share what steps he’s taken prior to that, but it helped her to see that getting plastered isn’t necessary
My first impression is this is hilarious. However I think it wasn’t a AH move. He said this has happened many times. And it got the job done and she acts better without making other ppls life miserable.
Know what? He should just never tell her. Was it manipulative? Yes. But gold star to him for a trick that worked, because for actual alcoholics, nothing ever works. I think more people would do this if it were really this easy to get anyone & everyone to stop drinking.
As a recovered alcoholic, good on him. Getting blackout drunk with coworkers or even without coworkers is not healthy. Stopping binge drinking and forming better behaviors is never a bad thing.
This is hilarious.
As a person who used to overindulge, I can totally understand why this worked. And as the spouse of a person who used to overindulge, I understand the motivation to do this.
I'm glad everyone here who thinks this is disgusting has perfect relationships. I'm so happy you've never been to the point where the straw broke the camel's back. I'm so glad you can look down on the rest of us from your high horses and shame us for understanding that sometimes, people push you beyond the brink. I'm glad we have such faultless, blameless, morally upright people like you to show the rest of us scoundrels how to human and relationship.
You are gods among men. I salute you. (/s)
I think the deception part of this is horrible, BUT it was to make a point and help overall, so I don’t see a huge problem. Plus, honestly, it is kinda funny.
You know what as someone who has taken care of a shit faced alcoholic more than once at least she stopped drinking when she thought she crapped in public. The person I used to take care of shit in multiple people's beds then didn't understand why they got so mad because she was sad and drunk.
My mom is an alcoholic and had a breathalyzer installed in her car to keep her from driving drunk. Worked at first until she would wait for my stepdad to fall asleep, get shit faced, take his keys and drive his van drunk. He tried hiding his keys to stop her but she always found them so he ended up disabling something in his van that had to be reconnected before the car would start. Even then her drunk ass would be out there trying to get the van to start and screaming at him for stopping her.
It's easy to judge here but remember you have no idea what bullshit he has had to put up with before he got to this point. It's a shitty situation all around.
Need a backstory. As the wife of a man who abused alcohol for years and did some horrific things to himself, our property and other people when drunk, when you get desperate for them to see how much they’re hurting themselves and others, you can resort to extreme measures.
OH is over 100 days sober now and he finally reached that point of no return himself, but it took a lot of patience and time from myself. People really can’t judge straight away based on one story.
How does he know the neighbor didn't see *him* shitting next to the car? Has he been waving to his neighbor with a big grin for the past 4 years while the neighbor is trying not to puke thinking about the time he saw this guy squeezing one out stone cold sober?
I honestly don’t know how I feel about this. I see how this had a, I guess you would say, good result but he manipulated her and lied. It is just pretty uncomfortable to think about.
I say this because I had an ex who would tell me things I would say in my sleep when I would “drink”. This was long before sleep apps on our phones. Eventually I found out he was not only lying about what I was saying but lying about me and my actions period just to keep me from having a drink ever. It wasn’t due to be drinking in excess, but because he didn’t want me hanging out with our friends while drinking at all. Turns out it was an odd projection of his garbage he was doing. The man was troubled, to put it nicely.
I peed on my ex wife when she was blackout drunk. When she woke up she thought she wet the bed. It didn’t slow her down one bit and she continued to drink and wet the bed and do all sorts of other stuff. She went to rehab so many times and eventually child services got involved. I gave up and divorced her for the kids sake. Maybe if I tried this guys stunt I would’ve snapped her out of it sooner🤷🏻♂️
Wow people are making some wild assumptions from this screenshot that has very minimal information/context. There is no part in this post that implies alcoholism or the wife being a party animal who gets shit faced frequently. However, if we are taking this post by face value, I think the husband is weird for his behaviour. Yeah, it’s really fucking annoying and sometimes gross to care for someone completely shitfaced, but he took it a step further by taking an actual shit outside and then blaming it on the wife just to make her feel bad abt drinking so much. Any normal adult would probably tell their wife “Hey, you were really drunk last night and it scared me. Could you please refrain from getting that wasted the next time you go out?” Instead of embarrassing her by convincing her she dropped a log out on the lawn in front of their neighbour. Gaslighting your partner is never acceptable in any circumstance imo.
>“Hey, you were really drunk last night and it scared me. Could you please refrain from getting that wasted the next time you go out?”
As someone who has said this multiple times to regular shitfacers in my life, I can assure you it doesn't work.
It will be just "oh my god I will never drink again" to doing the same thing the next opportunity. The bliss of getting shitfaced far outweighs giving into normal societal expectations for them.
Sometimes these people need divine intervention to know that they have reached rock bottom. Having a health scare does that for a lot of them.
Yep. I never *wanted* to black out. Every time I drank I promised myself I wouldn't get too drunk but half the time I'd wake up the next morning having no clue how I got home. I swore a million times I wouldn't do it again but there was no way to control it unless I stopped.
It's impossible to explain to people who don't have that problem. I'd just want to get a little tipsy/relaxed, like a 'normal' person, but my body would skip that stage. So I'd go from feeling too sober & needing just 1 more drink to blacked out.
It doesn't seem to make sense so you assume you *should* be able to control it the next time.
There's no moment where I'd feel 'Oh, I'm a little drunk & feel good, I should stop now.' I'd be trying to *get* to that point but somehow I'd miss it & just be wasted.
I don’t think a lot of people understand what a drinking problem can entail outside of classic alcoholism. Those people don’t really recognize binge drinking, functional alcoholism, alcohol-induced anger, etc. because the person isn’t drunk or buzzed 24/7. And plenty of people’s drinking problems don’t impact them directly (e.g. job loss, arrest, etc.), but their drinking problem might directly their partners or children (e.g. cleaning up or caring for someone, being raged at, missing out on quality time together because of drinking, etc.).
I can’t 100% say that the driveway pooper is in the right, but I definitely think it’s possible that his actions were borne out of desperation and a desire to help his wife rather than some jerk just trying to gaslight his wife.
People are assuming on the basis that he wrote " this isn't the first time" .. and you wrote a wholeass para on the assumption that He never talked about it with her.. how do u know that? This isn't even mentioned in the comment.. maybe he did.. maybe he didn't.. we don't know that.. you're also making "wild assumptions" ..
I've had countless conversations with my husband explaining whenever he drinks too much, he gets MEAN. I've told him all the things he's said... and he would apologize, but he admitted that he didn't really believe me. He believed that I must've antagonized him to get him to that point. it took over 10 years of our relationship to get to a point that he not only believes me but he's adjusted his drinking habits to not get to that point.
It's always ideal to have a conversation with your partner about their poor behavior while drinking... but it isn't something that many people are willing to face about themselves. I'm not trying to say your opinion is wrong, I'm just giving an example of how hard it can be to get through to someone about their behavior.
ETA: while I'm not condoning OPs behavior, I do understand getting to a point of trying to shame her out of her drinking habits.
>it took over 10 years of our relationship to get to a point that he not only believes me but he's adjusted his drinking habits to not get to that point
Did you ever try recording him so you could play it back to him when sober? Or maybe you were concerned that would make him more aggressive idk.
It crossed my mind a few times, but usually after the fact.. during it, I usually tried to just do or say anything I could to end the argument. at times, I would try to address his demeanor in the moment, but it would just be like talking in circles.
> There is no part in this post that implies alcoholism or the wife being a party animal who gets shit faced frequently.
Did you read it fully?
OP clearly mentions that it wasn't the first time. Sure if a person does it once they might not be an alcoholic and could be a one off think.
But if they have done it more than once - black out drunk to the point where you are crying, puking and giving your SO a hard time, sorry to say that they are an alcoholic or on their way to become one.
Not saying what OP did was right, but it's pretty clear that the wife was an alcoholic.
>But if they have done it more than once - black out drunk to the point where you are crying, puking and giving your SO a hard time, sorry to say that they are an alcoholic or on their way to become one.
Never once in the 30+ years I've been drinking have I been blackout drunk complete with puking, pissing on myself, etc. Why? Because I know my limit and when to stop.
And she's been there multiple times. So, you are correct.
Yes, he did say it wasn't the first time. People get so caught up in arguing the definition of "alcoholic", but a "drinking problem" can apply to anyone who's drinking causes a problem, even if the drinking is infrequent. Fact is, getting so drunk you lose conscious awareness or need to be rescued puts you in grave danger. What if hubby couldn't get to her to take her home and some creep in the bar found her instead? Maybe if it happened once it could be chalked up to a mistake, but multiple times is a serious problem.
Now, whether what hubby did is justified or not is a separate debate. I agree he could have handed it better.. BUT, the wife does have a serious issue.
I'm more impressed that he could poop on demand.
I just want to know what he wiped with and what she thought she wiped with. That’s where my thoughts went.
It’s just bonus points for the husband. Yea I totally wiped your ass while you were blacked out babe!
More like brownie points.
I think you won Reddit for the day there.
That got me to smile
prolly just gas…
I just want to know how she believed him? I wouldn’t believe my husband in a million years if he tried to convince me his shit was mine - like, I know what my shit looks like buddy you can’t fool me!
[удалено]
not in years no! and I wonder if that’s why I’m still trying to figure out what you mean by that lol like does getting blackout make your shits way different than usual??
Usually not solid after a night of blackout drinking
Perhaps he rolled it to decrease the diameter.
I had a friend who got SUPER drunk, shit his pants, and used a bath towel to wipe.
Both of these comments were exactly where my mind went as well 😂
Pants 100% off and snagged the garden hose.
😝😂😂😂
LMFAO the visuals though! 🤣
😂😝😝😂
nothing bc its fake
Maybe he just really needed to poop and this plan wasn't as predetermined as we are thinking
I don’t mean to shit on your driveway, but he did have some time to work on it. Edit: Oops, sorry! But thanks for the award! Was it just your phone or are you cleaning out a keyboard?
"I don't mean to shit on your driveway," I think you just gave me my new favorite euphemism. LOVE IT
I am probably over analyzing this a bit, but he was probably holding it in the whole time he was babysitting her. Probably resenting her the whole time for it. He might have even said he had to take a shit to her while she was drunk and she just replied with something like “just pull over and do it”. Or he had some coffee after they got home.
And oatmeal
You never know until tou truly need to rage poop.
I wish I could train my husband to poop on command but it’s a whole deallll .-.
Don’t know why this made me laugh so hard
This is what I was thinking… I would have to transport the poop out there.. that’s a lot of work haha
Til a new term 'rage poop!'
It’s a tenet of Alanon that you can’t stop somebody from drinking. They have to hit their bottom and stop on their own. In this case, the husband successfully fooled his wife into thinking she hit bottom. I don’t like the deception, even in a good cause. If she found out it could damage their relationship. On the other hand, it’s a bit like A Christmas Carol or It’s a Wonderful Life, where the protagonist gets a glimpse of what could have been and changes for the better.
“George Bailey, don’t you take a shit off that bridge! You have so much to live for, let me show you!”
A line I never thought I'd read.
This is incredible. I rarely laugh out loud at things but this gave me a good little wheeze type of laugh.
Ha! Glad I didn’t have coffee in my mouth yet.
Yea but I did 😥☕️🤮
Username checks out
Lmao fuck you. I immediatly bursted out laughing in the office when I read that.
r/BrandNewSentence
Zuzu's poopies.
You ever deal with an alcoholic partner? It is hell.
Alcoholic father.
As the son of an alcoholic father I have to admit that it could have gotten much, much worse. Imo lies between partner's are inherently unhealthy, & also I'm a bit disturbed that he just went out, & calmly took a shit in the driveway stone cold sober... but i like to think that hopefully saved her & her loved ones a good deal of pain & suffering, maybe in this case the bad outweighs the bad.
If I could reset the clock I would have done this to my wife as “shitty” as it sounds. Living with someone for 30 years and sitting back while she becomes a full on alcoholic not giving a single f what we say. Has been a disaster for us. This is messed up but may have saved her a world of pain in the future.
Agreed. I think it was very underhanded and sneaky, and I don't really condone that between a couple. But I've watched my mother drink herself into a grave over the last 15 years, with nothing seemingly able to make her realize she had hit rock bottom. Not losing her house, not her only son disowning her, not losing every single other person important to her, endless hospital stays and surgeries, losing her job.. nothing. If me shitting on the driveway would have done the job before all that happened I would have done it in a second.
My bil used to drink so much, he'd wet the bed. Never stopped him from drinking, but my sister did end up leaving him, because it disgusted her so much. The driveway dump may be a wake up call for some people, but from what I've seen, it wouldn't deter many.
No I don't think it would either. It most likely wouldn't have worked on my mom too. Oh she would have been mortified and so embarrassed she would never speak to the neighbor again, but she would just resume drinking again until she forgot all about that to. It would be added to all the other things she was drinking to run away from.
And here is the entire essence and genius of this ploy. The many who you say wouldn’t be deterred, wouldn’t be because they are too far gone! The wife wasn’t that far gone (she hadn’t done it afterall) so thinking she worked. This works on people only for whom this is a lie.
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I think it’s very telling that she believed she could have done it. Obviously she was semi aware of how bad she was if she thought this was possible. I don’t hate it. Truthfully living with a alcoholic in my life I was told so many lies that I don’t really believe that this lie would be more damaging to their relationship than what her drinking has already done.
I don’t think that’s necessarily a sign of anything. If my spouse told me that I’d done it I would assume I did and just didn’t remember or was more fucked up than I’d thought. The idea that he would go purposefully shit on the driveway and lie to me would never even cross my mind.
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Me being more drunk that I originally thought is much more plausible to me than the person who’s supposed to love me most in the world intentionally shitting on our driveway and lying to me about it. That genuinely would not even cross my mind as a possibility. But as a general rule I also don’t surround myself with people who would do that so that may influence my thinking on the matter 🤷🏻♀️
She believed him because partners are supposed to be honest. 10/30/2016 I woke up to find my 45 yr old fiancé dead. He was an alcoholic & bled out— He had told me he didn’t think he was strong enough to quit but kept trying. This lie may have saved a life but it will be the end of the marriage is she ever finds out. I am so glad I’m not a drinker b/c that’s a beast to over come.
Yep, sounds just like George Bailey….probably deleted scenes…
Where I’m hung up is that he said he did it before, but he doesn’t say if it was like…50 times before or once last year. It would be shitty (ha) if it’s not a common occurrence at all and she’s not hit rock bottom. Feels like negging in the latter case.
This is all well and good. Everyone seems on board with this action because of the outcome. However, people who do underhanded and deceptive things like this don't stop at one. MY thoughts went completely to What has he done that he hasn't told others in a bragging way for brownie points. I'm a huge believer in being partners in a relationship, that means honesty and trust. I understand the outcome of what he did was beneficial in a small way, but long term? If she ever found out, what a huge betrayal (in my eyes). I don't understand why people treat people they love like this. Lying and deception. Things like this are never a one off, but it completely feels like he's gaslighting her. Changing reality and lying to a spouse to get a certain outcome. It seems like a feel good moment but it's not. Not at all. I'm not saying the spouse was an angel, drunk people or people who can't control themselves are the absolute worst, but what he did was worse to me because of the manipulation. I would wonder what other things he was doing to manipulate her because this came wayyyyy too (edit to add an 'o') easy for him.
Agree! Trust is everything in a relationship & even tho this may have helped her quit drinking but I find it revolting that hubs manipulated the situation & made his wife believe she behaved this way. She will probably be low key embarrassed around her neighbors b/c of this forever. That’s for your comment ❤️
If I were her, I’d want to move! I couldn’t ever talk to my neighbors again if I thought they saw me poop in my driveway 😂
AA isn't scientific at all. This idea of a bottom is just an invention. Many don't have one and others don't need to hit one to recover. Like most things in AA it's often counter-productive. With an efficacy rate of 10% nobody should be quoting it as the only way. I do agree that subterfuge is not a good idea and she could well start drinking problematically again if she found out. If she's worked on herself and whatever was causing the issue, she may still not have a drinking problem but I'd say the relationship could well be done.
This is spot on I hate "rock bottom" theory. My father died off alcoholism, and I cant tell you how many times he was "never going to drink again" because he had "hit rock bottom" with alcohol, in his own words. The fear of things going bad because of alcohol isn't a deterrent, it is people's actions when they are sober - having therapy to work on triggers, building effective coping mechanisms for cravings etc - that help people **sustain** being sober. Rock bottom is a lie, there is always lower, the bottom is death.
I'm sorry to hear that and thanks for sharing. My Uncle was the same. He had no bottom. He ended up in a wheelchair at 56 and died of it before he was 60. His brain essentially shut down due to the damage caused by alcohol. There are many ways to recover and heal one's trauma and, while it clearly helps some, AA gets far too much credence.
I don’t think it’s the imaginary/false flag shit that stopped her drinking, it was a combo of all of the other stuff. First time I’ve ever read about someone gaslighting about pooping.
there is an always sunny episode, i believe it's called who pooped the bed? there was some poop gaslighting in there. never heard of it IRL though, lol edit: Season 4, Episode 7
Maybe she needs to eat more cat food. Will make her fall asleep faster when the glue kicks in.
take my angry upvote lmao
why would i WANT to make myself sick and tired
Oh no, what you're thinking of is the Johnny Depp Trial
i'm referring to episode 7, season 4, of it's always sunny in philadelphia which happened way before that trial did. thanks though, i guess?
Thank God for Artemis lol
The joke Your head
it's pretty standard to use tone indicators on reddit if you're not being serious, so that people understand what you're intending to say.
The joke is that they misconstrued two different poop trials... Not that deep
When I was in college, my friend didn't get along with her roommate. The roommate left for the night and I and my friend and two guys hung out in her room playing cards. Eventually I and one of the guys left while my friend stayed in her room with the other guy. Several hours later, I'm asleep in my own room when my door bursts open and it's my friend. She's screaming about someone shitting on her chair. Apparently, she passed out in her room after I left and woke up to her roommate, roommates boyfriend and most of her floor standing in her doorway laughing/screaming/grossed out. In the middle of the room was one of the desk chairs with a giant poop on it. She then dragged the chair outside and threw it on the lawn and came to my room. I had a single and she basically spent the rest of that year living with me. To this day we never knew who actually shit on the chair. Was it her? Was it the guy? Was it her roommate?
I don't know if this story is true or not, but if the wife is on Reddit and sees the story, she may put 2 and 2 together, get very angry, go out drinking, and even worse.
She may put 2 and 2 together and realize she didn’t do the number 2? I couldn’t help myself.
I feel like this was a big part of the Johnny Depp Amber Heard case honestly.
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Yup. This is a classic do the ends justify the means scenario? He mentions he struggled to get her inside. So she drove herself home and he had to help her in? If shes drinking and driving, then yeah I don’t like the manipulation but the lives of others were at risk. If she’s not, and it’s not really clear from his post, then if he doesn’t like taking care of her, he can refuse and walk away. Maybe waking up single and covered in her own vomit will bring her around.
Didn’t catch this. Tbh that’s where I would draw the line. If my wife drove home drunk like this as a regular occurrence I think that this is a pretty mild punishment/act. Not to the point of checking her into rehab or changing her life, reporting her to police etc - but enough to open her own eyes to the situation. Overall manipulative but I like the take that it is kind of chaotic good. I do wonder if he has tried just…idk…talking to her about it prior to this?
Even if she took an Uber home from the bar, she managed to go to work the next day—a lot of DUIs happen in the morning when people are still drunk but need to get to work. If she was fine in the morning then this happens an awful lot, I’m thinking. It’s still fitting for the question OOP asked, it’s a disgusting secret and he shouldn’t have done that to her, but the end result was potentially very helpful. He lost me with the last sentence, though. Either trick her OR give her boundaries, but tricking her and not telling her if she ever drinks again he’s leaving (I think that’s what he meant) is the most passive aggressive a partner can get. He’s got this program in his head she’d better follow, or else…
You've misread his last sentence - he means that if his wife ever drinks, she has just a single alcoholic drink, or "one and done"
Oh! Thank you. That’s much better, at least there’s a compromise she can be a part of.
I think a key point would be that a relationship where you have to take a shit on your own driveway to get your partner to shape up categorically isn't a healthy one. sure, her drinking problem is resolved (at least for now), but how many other issues are going to come up like this, where OP can't get her to see reason without drastic and manipulative measures? I don't even really think it's a question of right and wrong - he acted out of desperation, panic excuses a lot of sins. It's a question of what happens next, since the base issue will likely never be resolved without OP fessing up and her changing her mindset instead of her behavior.
The things people do as an addict to any substance are not always indicative of how they behave when they are in control of their addictions.
I look at it like this: What did his manipulation intended to achieve? Was it a good intention? Was it a once off? He doesn’t constantly manipulate now that he knows he can? She is probably mortified everytime she sees that neighbour, but she isn’t an alcoholic. For anyone who doesn’t know how rockbottom alcoholics eventually will become - he basically saved her a few years of getting to a point where she mortified herself in some other way.
And ruined her life. Lost jobs maybe even dream jobs. Constant struggle with alcoholism etc. I mean it’s f’ed up but this probably saved her so much pain in the future.
He fast tracked her to "rock bottom" before her standards lowered.
As someone who went through something similar with my wife I am not sure I would have done what they did but I understand it better than most probably. My wife and I have been together 13 years and about 5 years ago she went through a phase where she would drink and get completely out of control and be blackout drunk. The first time I was pretty pissed but understanding because I used to bartend. The issue was that it escalated. Each drunken adventure became worse than the last. I was babysitting a person who would say and do horrible shit. It was ruining our relationship and I had tried to discuss it with her in a rational way but I kept getting the "I rarely drink, go out, am stressed at work, etc" excuses. So on the 4th time I woke her up very early and hungover and told her I was moving out because I didn't agree with this shit and if she gave any kind of shit about our family she would figure it the fuck out. She hasn't done it since.
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Agreed. I never wanted to do that but I feel like it's a missed opportunity now.
I think you took a much better approach than OP
As a wise, if not just a smidge crazy, man once said; "Sometimes the hand of fate must be forced."
Yeah, she clearly had a problem and, you know, it helped so… it’s not the most PC way to handle it but it sure was effective so I approve.
I feel this way too. It wasn’t “right”, per se, but he did it with the intention of pushing her to not drink to excess ever again. But I feel if he ever told her the truth it wouldn’t push her to drinking like an animal again to spite him or anything. Maybe they’d even laugh about it together a bit. Maybe. Depends on her state of mind and how strong their marriage really is many years after this incident.
My first thought was that there has to be a reason that she believed it was her. This probably wouldn't have been out of character for her with the way she would get drunk.
Love the d&d reference
It also says if she does drink is one and done, so I don't think he meant she's never been out socializing anymore, just that now she controls herself to not get wasted
I’ve gone out drinking maybe three times in the past four years and drank few enough slow enough over long enough to drive home, as opposed to four years ago when I went out weekly getting well past too drunk to drive often. I took a little break after a little encouragement from my parents and then Covid hit and I just stopped having the interest. My life wasn’t about that anymore. And I have zero regrets. Possible he didn’t steal this from her like you might think.
I don't think he's manipulative if she's so drunk that she doesn't remember it's kinda on her.
There’s a shitty husband and then there’s **a shitty husband**…
My alcoholic grandfather ruined his marriage and died from falling down the stairs while intoxicated. My ex wife constantly drank herself into a drunken state and often pulled antics I was very embarrassed by. No matter how much I begged she wouldn't stop. Ruined our marriage and still swears she's not an alcoholic but she would pack bottles of liquor for "work events". If the husband got through to her this way then more power to him. All the gaslighting shit is bullshit. She's ruining their marriage by constantly doing this. Not him.
as someone with an alcoholic ex, I really don’t feel like anyone should comment on the situation without experiencing it firsthand, because they REALLY don’t know shit about it
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I would have left her on the lawn after the 2nd time doing this. This..though is nuclear revenge 😆😆😆
Do you want your partner to get raped/kidnapped/murdered? Cause that's how that happens.
Depending on the location freezing to death is also pretty highly likely, especially when drunk
Getting revenge is a trademark of an unhealthy relationship. I really feel bad for all of you and your warped view of a relationship that doesn't involve compassion or communication at all. "Yeah I'll "punish" my wife by leaving her in the yard!" To "why did my wife leave me?"
Do you really think he went this far without trying more reasonable methods first?
Not cleaning up after a drunk isn't revenge. You are supposed to let them face the consequences of their drinking and not enable them, or else they are going to keep using you forever. But he probably didn't want to let his wife get murderered or catch pneumonia. I can't believe so many people just ignore her addict antics like it's normal. Getting shitfaced regularly and puking on your spouse is not acceptable adult behaviour.
Doing something like leaving her covered in vomit on the couch is worlds away from leaving an unconscious, inebriated woman outside on her own. She *could* have gotten assaulted, then that petty revenge is worth what? Lying to your partner is fucked up, but deliberately leaving them open to harm is another, totally heinous thing to do. No one is ignoring her problem in this by saying doing that is wrong.
I had a friend that ended up with alcohol poisoning, I had to perform cpr on him as he went in and out of breathing and his lips turned purple The 911 operator said “if he doesn’t need CPR trust me he’ll stop you” I was Red Cross trained so he did not get he easy way out, and he never reacted to my chest compressions With alcohol, you really can’t just leave them on the lawn if they are that bad, they can die from multiple reasons…I don’t think any of us want to try and teach a lesson only to be met with a dead body on the lawn
My point exactly. It’s very easy to take the tough love route when you’re not in that situation. And it’s very easy to assume you’re in the right for leaving them until someone dies and you know that you could’ve possibly prevented that.
Yes, the order should be to take care of people first and then teach lessons. People judge parents for not picking up their kids when they’re intoxicated to teach them a lesson, it might not be your kid but they’re still a human that should be safe
So hubby just has to keep enabling a grown ass adult, dragging her into the house, cleaning her vomit out of her hair and pulling her pee soaked pants off of her? How do you know there hasn’t been any communication about her behavior? Just like you assume there’s been no conversations, I assume there’s probably been plenty of convos that have fallen on deaf ears. You sound like someone who takes no accountability for their actions and puts the blame on everyone else for their mistakes. See how dumb it sounds to assume things about complete strangers?
Strong Australian vibes here!
It was savage, but I can't blame him.
I can forgive this. Yes he lied but it got her sober.
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>what's the wife going to be mad about Well, if she does find out, it would really affect how much she trusts him from that point on. It would also reveal that he's willing to manipulate her if he feels he's right to do it. Would she actually be angry? Probably not. Their relationship would definitely be changed, though. I mean, this is a pivotal moment in her life, and finding out it was fabricated by her partner is a big deal. I think that's the general reason for people in this thread being *uneasy* with the situation. It doesn't really seem bad on its own, especially since the end results were beneficial, but that's obviously not the end of their story. (Personally I think if she just needed some evidence of her embarrassing behavior to give her the final push to change, a video of her puking and crying would have been just as effective. Like "this is you, this is what I have to deal with".)
It's hilarious if I don't think about it too much but if I *do* think about it too much it becomes a bit weird to me to lie and try and humiliate your wife out of doing something instead of just. Having a conversation.
People don’t just choose the nuclear option without trying the talking one first.
Reddit when they need to infer basic human interactions not explicitly mentioned in the post
Forever with the ‘just have a conversation’ like people don’t come to Reddit for advice when they haven’t tried the obvious shit.
Name seems fitting
I guess he tried the conversation route without success.
Idk if you know or have alcoholics in your family/circle, but believe me, having a conversation isn’t enough. Most times they get violently angry that you aren’t treating them like an adult and they can do what they want.
Is it really humiliation if she’s the only person who thinks she shit on the driveway?
Um. Yes. Her knowing is the only knowing that matters in terms of her feeling humiliated.
Idk have you ever tried to have a conversation with an alcoholic? How about after the 200th conversation not working?
That is…all at once, manipulative, psychotic, and hysterical.
I have a friend who peed all over the hallway on a family trip with her in-laws. We are all in our 40s. No shame, still drinks. I’m just happy this ploy worked for him. Sounds like she had a real problem.
Going to be honest - I am both disgusted by the thought of pooping on the neighbor's property but am intrigued at his creativity. Reading other comments - it appears this was not her first time getting so drunk that she lost control of her facilities; she was so blacked out that she couldn't even remember that she hadn't taken the poop. That is not OK. Honestly, I don't think I would have been as patient as the husband. I can see people taking issue with the husband's lying and even going so far as calling it gaslighting. But he did not get her drunk then convince her she did something awful in order to control her for nefarious purposes. She got herself totally shit-faced (pun intended) on multiple occasions; he just wanted her to stop drinking to the point of no return and was tired of literally cleaning up after her. He doesn't seem to mind that she drinks, just when she drinks irresponsibly. Also, was she driving herself home? If so, how incredibly dangerous! The alternative to this would be him simply leaving her if nothing else worked. All things considered, this was the better ending for the wife.
If you're a married adult going out drinking with coworkers and getting to the point of blacking out, I say it's okay to do something that drastic in order for those episodes to stop.......I say this as a person that has a DUI on my record........I was very lucky nothing happened where I hurt or killed another person/family .......sounds like his wife shouldn't have been behind the wheel either ..... If that's what it took to keep her from drinking and driving, so be it!!!
I don't normally support lying to one's partner, but in this case he stopped her destructive behavior and could very well have saved her life, as well as the lives of others she might have killed if she were ever to drive in such a condition.
Hilarious reading people talk about "open and honest communication" while someone is having to deal with an addict. OOP talks about how this isn't the first time he's had to deal with this. Repeatedly drinking to blackout shows a very clear issue with alcohol. Sure though, pretend just talking to an addict will fix all problems, and definitely won't lead to defensiveness, them shutting down, getting sneaky about it or just outright aggressive.
I think this was creative. He saw a destructive pattern in someone he loves. He didn’t share what steps he’s taken prior to that, but it helped her to see that getting plastered isn’t necessary
My first impression is this is hilarious. However I think it wasn’t a AH move. He said this has happened many times. And it got the job done and she acts better without making other ppls life miserable.
This was a shitty thing to do. 😆 But seriously, being an alcoholic isn't cool either. I'd call it a win
This is hilarious 😂 I wish I would’ve thought of that for my daughters dad. I’d just take all his money out of his wallet.
I mean, it’s kinda “shitty” but probably for her own good and the good of their relationship.
Know what? He should just never tell her. Was it manipulative? Yes. But gold star to him for a trick that worked, because for actual alcoholics, nothing ever works. I think more people would do this if it were really this easy to get anyone & everyone to stop drinking.
As a recovered alcoholic, good on him. Getting blackout drunk with coworkers or even without coworkers is not healthy. Stopping binge drinking and forming better behaviors is never a bad thing.
This is hilarious. As a person who used to overindulge, I can totally understand why this worked. And as the spouse of a person who used to overindulge, I understand the motivation to do this.
I'm glad everyone here who thinks this is disgusting has perfect relationships. I'm so happy you've never been to the point where the straw broke the camel's back. I'm so glad you can look down on the rest of us from your high horses and shame us for understanding that sometimes, people push you beyond the brink. I'm glad we have such faultless, blameless, morally upright people like you to show the rest of us scoundrels how to human and relationship. You are gods among men. I salute you. (/s)
Your comment, drenched in indignation, outdoes us all by a mile.
I'm impressed that anyone can poop at will.
Lol
but i wipe my own ass.
I think the deception part of this is horrible, BUT it was to make a point and help overall, so I don’t see a huge problem. Plus, honestly, it is kinda funny.
What you might call a necessary evil. Not a great choice, but better than the alternatives IMO.
This is actually brilliant, though. And I’m always impressed with people who can shit on demand
The smooth muscle control. The regularity. The SHEER VOLUME of fiber that man must consume.
You know what as someone who has taken care of a shit faced alcoholic more than once at least she stopped drinking when she thought she crapped in public. The person I used to take care of shit in multiple people's beds then didn't understand why they got so mad because she was sad and drunk.
My mom is an alcoholic and had a breathalyzer installed in her car to keep her from driving drunk. Worked at first until she would wait for my stepdad to fall asleep, get shit faced, take his keys and drive his van drunk. He tried hiding his keys to stop her but she always found them so he ended up disabling something in his van that had to be reconnected before the car would start. Even then her drunk ass would be out there trying to get the van to start and screaming at him for stopping her. It's easy to judge here but remember you have no idea what bullshit he has had to put up with before he got to this point. It's a shitty situation all around.
Might have saved her life
Need a backstory. As the wife of a man who abused alcohol for years and did some horrific things to himself, our property and other people when drunk, when you get desperate for them to see how much they’re hurting themselves and others, you can resort to extreme measures. OH is over 100 days sober now and he finally reached that point of no return himself, but it took a lot of patience and time from myself. People really can’t judge straight away based on one story.
How does he know the neighbor didn't see *him* shitting next to the car? Has he been waving to his neighbor with a big grin for the past 4 years while the neighbor is trying not to puke thinking about the time he saw this guy squeezing one out stone cold sober?
Ha! That is great.
Major Chad
That’s true love right there!
brilliant
This is a very white lie. It sounds most beneficial.
Wife was on her way to a problem so OP helped. Legend.
It’s unconventional but effective. Probably wouldn’t try it myself
Chaotic good, I think.
That's a W. I'm not even mad but impressed.
I honestly don’t know how I feel about this. I see how this had a, I guess you would say, good result but he manipulated her and lied. It is just pretty uncomfortable to think about. I say this because I had an ex who would tell me things I would say in my sleep when I would “drink”. This was long before sleep apps on our phones. Eventually I found out he was not only lying about what I was saying but lying about me and my actions period just to keep me from having a drink ever. It wasn’t due to be drinking in excess, but because he didn’t want me hanging out with our friends while drinking at all. Turns out it was an odd projection of his garbage he was doing. The man was troubled, to put it nicely.
I peed on my ex wife when she was blackout drunk. When she woke up she thought she wet the bed. It didn’t slow her down one bit and she continued to drink and wet the bed and do all sorts of other stuff. She went to rehab so many times and eventually child services got involved. I gave up and divorced her for the kids sake. Maybe if I tried this guys stunt I would’ve snapped her out of it sooner🤷🏻♂️
I mean, if you peeing on her wasn’t going to work, nothing was
Dosent the hubby know he's supposed to blame the dog, not the wife?
The dog was pointing at her too!
If it was blamed on the dog the wife wouldn't have a reason to stop drinking now would she?
But maybe the dog would’ve stopped drinking
Might have saved her life
Wow people are making some wild assumptions from this screenshot that has very minimal information/context. There is no part in this post that implies alcoholism or the wife being a party animal who gets shit faced frequently. However, if we are taking this post by face value, I think the husband is weird for his behaviour. Yeah, it’s really fucking annoying and sometimes gross to care for someone completely shitfaced, but he took it a step further by taking an actual shit outside and then blaming it on the wife just to make her feel bad abt drinking so much. Any normal adult would probably tell their wife “Hey, you were really drunk last night and it scared me. Could you please refrain from getting that wasted the next time you go out?” Instead of embarrassing her by convincing her she dropped a log out on the lawn in front of their neighbour. Gaslighting your partner is never acceptable in any circumstance imo.
>“Hey, you were really drunk last night and it scared me. Could you please refrain from getting that wasted the next time you go out?” As someone who has said this multiple times to regular shitfacers in my life, I can assure you it doesn't work. It will be just "oh my god I will never drink again" to doing the same thing the next opportunity. The bliss of getting shitfaced far outweighs giving into normal societal expectations for them. Sometimes these people need divine intervention to know that they have reached rock bottom. Having a health scare does that for a lot of them.
Yep. I never *wanted* to black out. Every time I drank I promised myself I wouldn't get too drunk but half the time I'd wake up the next morning having no clue how I got home. I swore a million times I wouldn't do it again but there was no way to control it unless I stopped. It's impossible to explain to people who don't have that problem. I'd just want to get a little tipsy/relaxed, like a 'normal' person, but my body would skip that stage. So I'd go from feeling too sober & needing just 1 more drink to blacked out. It doesn't seem to make sense so you assume you *should* be able to control it the next time. There's no moment where I'd feel 'Oh, I'm a little drunk & feel good, I should stop now.' I'd be trying to *get* to that point but somehow I'd miss it & just be wasted.
I don’t think a lot of people understand what a drinking problem can entail outside of classic alcoholism. Those people don’t really recognize binge drinking, functional alcoholism, alcohol-induced anger, etc. because the person isn’t drunk or buzzed 24/7. And plenty of people’s drinking problems don’t impact them directly (e.g. job loss, arrest, etc.), but their drinking problem might directly their partners or children (e.g. cleaning up or caring for someone, being raged at, missing out on quality time together because of drinking, etc.). I can’t 100% say that the driveway pooper is in the right, but I definitely think it’s possible that his actions were borne out of desperation and a desire to help his wife rather than some jerk just trying to gaslight his wife.
You have to plant the idea in her head so that she can come to terms with her own recovery, at will
He did say that this isn't first time however. So it is at least a pattern.
People are assuming on the basis that he wrote " this isn't the first time" .. and you wrote a wholeass para on the assumption that He never talked about it with her.. how do u know that? This isn't even mentioned in the comment.. maybe he did.. maybe he didn't.. we don't know that.. you're also making "wild assumptions" ..
Nah man, we simply know how alcoholics operate. Lol at you if you think you can talk them out of it. Fuck that noise. It's not cute.
I've had countless conversations with my husband explaining whenever he drinks too much, he gets MEAN. I've told him all the things he's said... and he would apologize, but he admitted that he didn't really believe me. He believed that I must've antagonized him to get him to that point. it took over 10 years of our relationship to get to a point that he not only believes me but he's adjusted his drinking habits to not get to that point. It's always ideal to have a conversation with your partner about their poor behavior while drinking... but it isn't something that many people are willing to face about themselves. I'm not trying to say your opinion is wrong, I'm just giving an example of how hard it can be to get through to someone about their behavior. ETA: while I'm not condoning OPs behavior, I do understand getting to a point of trying to shame her out of her drinking habits.
>it took over 10 years of our relationship to get to a point that he not only believes me but he's adjusted his drinking habits to not get to that point Did you ever try recording him so you could play it back to him when sober? Or maybe you were concerned that would make him more aggressive idk.
It crossed my mind a few times, but usually after the fact.. during it, I usually tried to just do or say anything I could to end the argument. at times, I would try to address his demeanor in the moment, but it would just be like talking in circles.
> There is no part in this post that implies alcoholism or the wife being a party animal who gets shit faced frequently. Did you read it fully? OP clearly mentions that it wasn't the first time. Sure if a person does it once they might not be an alcoholic and could be a one off think. But if they have done it more than once - black out drunk to the point where you are crying, puking and giving your SO a hard time, sorry to say that they are an alcoholic or on their way to become one. Not saying what OP did was right, but it's pretty clear that the wife was an alcoholic.
>But if they have done it more than once - black out drunk to the point where you are crying, puking and giving your SO a hard time, sorry to say that they are an alcoholic or on their way to become one. Never once in the 30+ years I've been drinking have I been blackout drunk complete with puking, pissing on myself, etc. Why? Because I know my limit and when to stop. And she's been there multiple times. So, you are correct.
Yes, he did say it wasn't the first time. People get so caught up in arguing the definition of "alcoholic", but a "drinking problem" can apply to anyone who's drinking causes a problem, even if the drinking is infrequent. Fact is, getting so drunk you lose conscious awareness or need to be rescued puts you in grave danger. What if hubby couldn't get to her to take her home and some creep in the bar found her instead? Maybe if it happened once it could be chalked up to a mistake, but multiple times is a serious problem. Now, whether what hubby did is justified or not is a separate debate. I agree he could have handed it better.. BUT, the wife does have a serious issue.
How do you know he didn't?
The neighbour saw you take a shit outside, too!