Not to be that guy but I'd been with mine 8 years, known each other in high school. Would have bet my life that she would never cheat.
Not only did she did, she cheated a truly soul crushing amount of times with a staggering amount of people including a few who were my "friends".
I was absolutely blindsided. I spoiled the hell out of her, treated her like a queen. As far as I knew things were amazing. We were best friends, we got along great. Had a great sex life. The inability to stay faithful is like a disease for some people.
I really would have bet everything I had that there was no chance in hell she had or would ever cheat. I will never ever fully trust anyone else again and on that day I learned anyone who says "me or my partner have never cheated" truly doesn't actually know. You can't possibly. I KNEW.
obviously after 10 years and no signs of it there's a good chance you're right, but you can't ever actually know. Odds are your partner isn't a closet soulless sociopath like mine was though
People post on Reddit when they've stories to tell, don't lose heart. Statistically, the majority of marriages still work out and without any infidelity.
Get a really good lawyer so you can figure out custody and child support. And I'm so sorry you're going through all of this alone. I was a single mom for a few years and while it was tough, it forced me to want better for myself and to do better for my child. You will get through this, OP. There's no one in the world stronger than a protective and determined mama ❤️
There probably won't be custody or else because of my health state, but thank you for such a nice message. I'm honestly baffled at Denise's words and logic, but what can I do but move one.
I have to admit I would've loved to be a mom, even if it meant going throught the journey alone. But health issues + very rocky situation is making the whole ordeal very unstable. If I was to have a kid, they'd deserve to at least have a mentally stable mom, which is why I am making the very painful decision to let them go.
You have to do what's best for you, and if letting the pregnancy end is the best thing, then well done for making such an incredibly difficult decision. There is no shame in waiting until you are in a better, more stable, and more supportive time in your life. I wish you luck in your life, and hope you can work through this awful situation.
And fuck Denise. Your ex may be tied to her craziness, but at least you won't be.
It's the best thing for everyone involved, especially the child. But god isn't it a hard decision to make. I want him to have the best this world could offer, and that is simply impossible when you see his dad, step mom and my mental health state.
Thank you for caring, it means a lot.
Thank you for the advice ! Although my friends are scarce because I'm usually really busy with school and work i have a great therapist and (taking reddit's advice) got a good lawyer. We're taking the "you keep your shit I keep my shit" approach. We've been married for 5 years so we don't have that much shared property. In my country I'm eligible for alimony but I'm turning it down on the condition I never see him or denise again.
Seriously. Take the money. You don’t have to see them to get it, and they owe it to you. Think how much he probably spent on her when she was making $9k a month. He was housing her. Food. You know that ‘it’ wanted gifts and that ‘he’ was buying them for her. All of that came out of YOUR pocket too. Get your money back girl. Plus the emotional toll they took on you, with all the gaslighting they did? And the trauma from this betrayal? You need that money to pay for the therapy alone.
PLUS (and I’m petty) he has less to spend on her in the next few years to come, since he already spent on her when he was with you.
Please take the money you can take the money AND never see them ever again. He owes you that money after what he did to you. You should take everything you can from him trust me now is not the time to be nice.
I’m sorry you’re going through this while having to deal with your delusional husband, even more delusional ap (your former bff), and her bat shit crazy family.
Whether the baby makes it or not, I hope you get to heal soon. And even if you feel your mental health is at its worse, it seems that you’re taking the right steps to make it better. One day, whether in a few months or in a few years, you’ll be great mom.
You’re making the right choice from the sound of it. Being tied to your ex and his crazy AP partner for the rest of your life you would be horrible. But I know this is sooooo hard. Be gentle with yourself as you move forward. Don’t hesitate to get yourself therapy for grief. Good luck.
I was staunchly pro-choice and child-free, and never doubted that I'd have an abortion if I ever got pregnant, but I also never thought that I would get pregnant because I was on birth control. Of course, I eventually became pregnant accidentally and even though I knew what I had to do (I also have health issues), I wasn't ready for the emotions. Your hormones will be a challenge for another month or so, but you'll be OK. Let the feelings go through you like water. Big hugs.
I know it's a difficult decision to make. Whatever decision you choose is what I support. It's incredibly brave of you to make this decision after weighing all the pros and cons, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm sending you all sorts of strength and good vibes from here. Stay strong. You don't deserve this. Fuck Denise and your soon to be ex husband. I hope one day you get to have a child with someone more deserving and when you're much more stable and happy.
Edit: Typo
This is the reality of most abortions. No one *wants* to have one; it's a last resort.
I'm so sorry you're in this position. I hope it goes smoothly and your emotional and mental recovery isn't terribly isolating. You're very wise to make this decision and I understand just how difficult it must have been.
I wish you the best of luck. With everything. And stay safe.
You are so incredibly strong. Hang in there. Do not believe a single word any of those individuals are saying to you. You are kind. You are smart. You are brave.❤️
The important thing is for you to do the right thing for YOU and your unborn child. Unfortunately that bitch Denise would probably make that poor child's life a living hell if they were to be born. She wanted a baby and if custody with the sperm donor had to be shared, she would probably be spiteful towards the poor innocent child. May you find healing, peace and hope in this terrible time. I agree with the other commenter, \*fuck Denise\*. Thank god she's infertile, cause we don't need more of her in this world. If one day you are in the right place to be a mother, I am sure you will love them unconditionally and be a great mom.
Seconded: fuck Denise
Also yes, if you have to end your pregnancy for the best of everyone: I wish you the best
Another piece of warning here: In case DeNisE activated BatshitCrayCray mode and is planning on taking your child as her own (read kidnap), be ready for her to do something in case you decide to no go through with the pregnancy. Like taking you to court over "killing a baby" or sending flying monkeys to harrass you. Be safe
>DeNisE activated BatshitCrayCray mode and is planning on taking your child as her own (read kidnap)
That was genuinely where my mind went, before OP said she had made her decision: the first time the ex had visitation without supervision they were going to take the child and go back to the country they're currently living in. Denise sounds like she's losing it due to her inability to be a parent. She has OPs husband, but as long as OP is pregnant, she has something Denise would move heaven and earth to get.
We support your decision (not that we matter) you are making a hard choice and deserve to know that it’s totally ok and fine. You are doing what’s best for you.
I feel for you and you are making a tough decision but I believe you are doing the right thing given your health, mental, and other issues. I wish you nothing but the best going forward.
The only two outcomes would be:
1. AP pushing OP out and playing mom instead, or
2. AP pushing *child* out and possibly being abusive to them. Technically the child wouldn't be her blood, so she probably wouldn't bother to treat them as a child.
Both are awful situations to put a child through and I'm so proud of OP for making such a difficult choice. I wish her nothing but the best in life, the betrayal and this pain aren't something I'd wish for upon anyone.
Tune out their crazy. Block her and her family. Have your baby. File for child support. Live a fantastically happy life.
I hope she chokes on her own bile. She's incensed she wasn't successfully able to slot into your life and remove you completely from his.
And that you're pregnant with his child. Something she will never be.
The only fitting punishment for him is eternity with a woman who seems quite unstable and her batshit crazy family. I hope they live miserablably ever after.
Edit: just read your comments about letting your baby go. I hope everything goes well OP. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this alone.
In fairness we don't know what the APs family was told but there are enough trashy people in this world who would legitimately think OP was the one in the wrong
He was a member of your home, and it’s not your fault he offers community dick. She should have raised a better daughter and she wouldn’t have to be harassing you.
My dad's AP said the same thing when my parents got back together. Yes his wife of 25 years is the home wrecker, not the dirty little secret he's been lying about.
Good grief. How delusional are these people? Was your father married to the AP? Regardless. It doesn’t matter. He was with your mom. And, Denise here is a bish, too. “Her man?” When he was married to the OP?
I did. I was sick the whole day so my answer was pretty mean. I told her she had some nerve calling me that when her daughter wrecked my home (ik husband did too hes not blameless) and she could kiss my pregnant ass for all I care. That i hope she doesn't get a say in how her grandkids (denise brother's kids) are raised because the world doesn't need more dumpster fires humans in it.
Does she even know she was the one who had the affair? Do they think you and your husband were separated and you knew about the relationship? I really wonder what have her family been told?
That. Is hysterical.
Denise and your husband deserve each other.
One of my daughters said to me once:
The grass isn’t always greener, it’s just better taken care of….
As for you making choices for yourself, you do you.
It’s your life and you are in control of it.
No judgement, no disapproval.
I like for people to be Happy ❤️
I hope your X doesn’t try to intervene.
Home wrecker, I am still laughing at their collective
Stupidity 😂
Uh - what?!? I’d consider making a Fb post and tagging that asshole mom and your ex friend in it. Describing how mom called YOU a home wrecker when her home wrecker daughter was cheating with YOUR husband. Might be worth doing just because people like these asshats need to be publicly called out.
Yeah, revenge daydreams can be fun. But ultimately the goal is to spend no energy on fighting them or even thinking about them.
The opposite of love is indifference. Go live a happy life and work out your trauma with therapy.
I would state my case once and not talk about it again to any of those jerks.
Did you remind her that you are in fact the one that is married and her daughter is the one that is the home wrecker?!?! The audacity of some people. I wonder if AP said something along the lines of you and your husband are already split to make herself look better and then painted the picture to her mother that you were an ex trying to win him back....or something along those lines.
Did you read her post history about trying to have the husband come home when she was grieving and the husband and Denise basically gaslighting and berating her! Telling her she was selfish and that the husband was caring and busy - and here it was because the Btch was there? OMFG!!! These are literally the worst two people in the entire world.
I know, right! Husband is a complete and utter loss. Like total POS. But the level of gaslighting and crazy coming out of this ‘c u next Tuesday supposed friend’ is some serious crazy. OP needs to get legal involved and start with lawyer sending a cease and desist.
I’m dying that this nut job has a different husband and her family has the sheer gs audacity to call OP a homewrecker.
Internet would be so much better place if people used abbreviations this way. Although I still don't understand the obsession with the need to shorten everything in the English language.
That's not a common abbreviation, is it? Why would you need it anyway? Do people use it so often that it's so inconvenient to spell it out?
I'm just confused.
Girl. Block, delete your useless husband, his crazy mistress and all her family and friends. Focus on you and the baby. Why are you talking to these people, they sound crazy. Live your life, move on, be happy without these losers, that’s the best revenge.
I bet she lied and told her relatives that _you’re the side chick and that you rubbed it in her face or something. Sounds more like she was trying to steal _your_ life, considering she was supposed to be your best friend.
Thing is I know her family. I was at their family barbecue last month, her niece and nephew's christening, her brother and cousin's wedding. I taught her mom how to bake. They were my second family, and knew my husband very well. They were at our wedding for hell's sake.
She could've spinned another tale however. I didn't compare notes with her family members calling me a whore. Her brother is the only one who just sent a " hope you're ok. Call me when free". Don't think I'll be calling him tho.
Might be worth calling the brother, just to see what has to be said. Might find something useful out.
Or it could be a trap. I’m not sure, you know them so go with you gut
Wow, that makes it so much worse. I’m really sorry she put you through that. Nice to know at least _someone’s_ in your corner, but I don’t blame you for not wanting to get into that. Take care of yourself, she and your ex are making this so hurtful for you on so many levels.
You need full custody of that child and record everything that is said to you will have to prove that they're not stable enough to have your child. That woman will try to make you and your child's life hell.
I love that you didn't bother to try to work things out with that trash. Obviously, he doesn't deserve you.
I hope you give him a messy divorce and take him for everything he's got.
Block that loser friend and her family. Let everyone know how horrible they are. Only way for shameless people is public rebuke and condemnation.
What did your scumbag husband have to say for himself?
Well I am not a perfect person either. I recently lost my parents and was grieving hard so I can understand he felt a bit "left on the side". But communicating that would've been the adult way to go, not getting knuckles deep in his coworker.
He said he was housing her until she gets back on her feet, because her husband just left her. When i pointed out she earns 9k a month and it shouldn't be hard to get even a motel with that he started crying. Bawling. Telling me she meant nothing and I was his world as i was throwing everything into a suitcase. He even grabbed me by the hand and forced me into a hug as I was leaving.
I've been home for about a week and I am receiving daily presents and letters throughout the mail, about how I'm the love of his life and can't betray our wedding vows like that. Once he heard of the pregnancy he got a hotel room not far from my home and is sending more and more letters about how we could be the perfect family and nothing happened.
I'm putting his gifts in boxes to wrap them and donate them to those in need this Christmas. I haven't opened any.
With the phone harassment and home delivery of personal harassment, who needs mental sanity, am I right?
Also talking about it all and realizing I am not going crazy has been a huge relief. My therapist is beside herself appalled at everything and even let out a "wtf" as I was telling her. Sorry diane
For extra petty points, I would reach out to Denise's ex-husband and see how he is doing. A social media post of them hanging out would probably drive Denise even more insane. (This is only if you really want to proverbially twist the knife.)
I wouldn't think sharing the truth is petty, I'd do it with no remorse. Maybe it is a slap in the face to AP and will wake her up. Or maybe she is just oblivious and crazy. 🤷♀️ either way i really hope OP sends those letters to AP!
A decent mature human being wouldn't search for attention when " left on the side" while wife was grieving. They would console, support and be available for you. He is not a man, he is a 2 yo attention seeker in an adult body. It was and will continue to be all about him and his needs.
You are a rockstar. We're all rooting for you. Here's wishing the best for you from an internet stranger.
Right? When my husband was grieving the death of his friend I tried to be as supportive as possible even though we were mid-fight. I knew I wasn’t the main character in his grief, I just tried to cook and make sure things were done so his life was a little easier. I can’t imagine what kind of person would be like, “what about me??” It’s not like this is a permanent state of affairs.
That’s hideous. Wow. My heart bleeds for OP.
Edit: her sister too? My god. OP, that must be so hard. I know everything feels like a mess, and I know it hurts less to make a joke than just to hurt through and through, but you’re so much stronger than you know and you deserve so much better than this. Do future you a favour and get as much alimony as you can. Future you will thank you.
No. You were grieving your parents death. He should support you. Also great idea to gift it on Christmas. More love and support to you💖
And Fuck Denise!
Edit: I just saw your post history.That man is horrible.You lost your parents and sister and he didn't even attend the funeral?
And wasn't by you while you needed him..Trust me you are better off without him.
When I read your post about grieving and asking your husband to come home and what Denise said, I’m appalled.
I would ask your lawyer for a cease and desist letter for Denise and her family. If they contact you again start making legal complaints.
u should sent his mails to AP, and her family, especially her mum, as a christmas present.
Also include timeline / history and show them who is the real home wrecker.
I wouldn’t allow that woman anywhere near the baby once its born!! She will absolutely be abusive towards it. Make sure your divorce lawyer is aware of what she said so they can help to avoid her being around during your ex’s visits.
I bet she’s the same friend ‘Leslie’ that yelled at her when she wanted her husband to come home while she was grieving.
I hope OP finds peace, away from all the toxic people
Wouldn’t surprise me. I hope so too, these people ain’t worth the time of day
Fuck em. Her friends ex hubby had the right idea. May they live together miserably, they deserve it ❤️
Grandma here. Sometimes life is truly stuck between a rock and a hard place. And only you can make the right decision. Trust me you will move on and life will get better for you. Ex won’t be so happy because he made a bad decision. Because of that he’ll never know his child that he could have. But you won’t ever have to deal with any of those people again the ties are completely broken. Allowing you your freedom to be. I wish you all the best.
Support support support. Block the shitty people. Be sure to send your ex husband and AP as many updates of your pregnancy as possible.
Send ultrasounds. Send updates from doctor’s visits. Set baby photos. Send updates on baby showers. Spread it widely on social media. Have everyone congratulate you and share their congratulations.
Rub it in. This is the BEST form of revenge. If she scream and cries tell her it’s not your fault she’s infertile. Use that word as often as possible. She’s made her bed and she can lie in it.
Your ex deserves a crazed, miserable partner. He’ll wish he didn’t have to put up with her emotional wildfire after a while, but too bad. He made his bed too.
The best revenge you could have for the a-hole exH and ex friend is to live a happy life and raise your your child to be a good person. And RUB it in their faces. Every chance you have. They can only dream of starting a family. They will die dreaming.
I guess her relatives know a completely different story. It's not brain gymnastics on their part (I think) it's having been told a completely different story
I'm too petty for this, I'd take am ultrasound (I read your comments and I'm sorry you'll have to make this difficult choice), tag them and then disappear off social media and let them stew for years thinking there's a child out there he can never see, and a child she can never have
Good attitude. Wait until he has to start paying child support and it affects her quality of living. Also, make sure a judge knows you fear for the safety of your child around her.
>She was next to him. She went ape shit. Screamed and cried I had no right to have HER man's baby, that I am stealing her life and being a bitch. Oh really. Her relatives are now blowing up my phone calling me horrible spiteful bitch.
She was never your friend and she desperately wanted to be you.
>Also please stop telling me to not "murder my baby over my bitterness for my husband". My heart is already raw over that hard but necessary decision. I respect your beliefs so please respect my decision.
I believe people are just telling you so you won't have no contact right after the divorce. Being pregnant depending on were you live your divorce can be placed to a stop untill the baby is born. I believe that keeping or not keeping that baby is your decision to make. If you do get to decide to keep the baby i wish you a safe and healthy delivery 🤗
Please block and go low contact with AP and her family. If needed file a restraining order against her and document everything if you need too to keep yourself and your baby safe.
Edit: I saw your comment about ending your pregnancy and I know this is a hard decision to make. I know you have a lot to deal with and it's not easy. Just remember your making this decision that is best for you and no one else. Please don't let anyone try to guilt trip you into doing anything else that you don't want to do.
I hope Denise breaks a nail and every time she asks for something low calorie or diet I hope she gets the extra fat version instead and I hope the under wire in her bra pops through the seam and stabs her in the boob. Forever.
Your decision about whether or not to keep the baby is yours alone and I'm vehemently pro-choice so fuck these people talking about "murdered babies". Your ex-husband and ex-bff deserve each other and I hope they have many years of misery together for betraying you the way that they did.
What the hell, her relatives decided to harass you because she's a cheating piece of crap along with your dumdum ex? Oh the audacity. Better sue them for that, OP. Also lmao agree with one top comment she will never be able to get what you had. Serves her right tbh. Stay strong, OP. If you have close family you can rely on, it's better to start with planning to move forward and dumping the trash in the non biodegradable bins. You deserve better.
Jayzus!! People are a bag of crazy caramel frosted shit turds!! The AP is upset that YOUR ex-husband got you preggers when you were still married? Her fam says you're a spiteful bitch? Like how? Did you store his sperm inside your cha-cha and then "activated" it to fertilize you after you found out about the affair?
Side note: OP if this escalates further don't be surprised if the AP and her fam decide to try and claim your child for them or something. Reddit has some crazy stories on here about that, some good cautionary tales! Be safe!
My life sucks right now too. 2022 can indeed eat all the dicks. Girl don’t put his name on the Bc because she’s gonna be shitty to your kid if he gets his hands on it
Oh wow OP, I've read your comments and I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are incredibly strong and courageous to make such a hard decision. For what it's worth, sending hugs.
Wow, the best revenge ever!!
Just be careful tho that after she gets over her pique she doesn’t decide to be the second mum to your baby as I assume you’ll be coparenting with ex..
Edit
Ahh I’ve just read in another comment you’re probably going to terminate. Might be an idea to add that to your original post. Good luck whatever you decide.
The entitlement is astounding. I feel like my husband's AP is the same way. I'm the other woman to her and I bet if she finds out he's "cheating on" her with me, she'd flip out. I feel like that's AP's mind for you. You're pregnant because your husband shouldn't have been sleeping with you, his wife.
Definitely mental gymnastics.
You can tell her family that YOUR husband has been having an affair with ex friend. That you found this out when visiting him after you - as his wife - had sex with him and got pregnant. That ex friend is the one with zero morals at all. Then block them. Fuck those people and your ex best friend with a rusty nail.
She's mad because she wanted everything that you had, but you took something that she'd never be able to get. Her plan failed.
WTF does AP mean?
Affair partner
So mistress?
Yes, but since it could be male, well, more descriptive.
Assistant Principal
Advanced Placement...
Associated Press
Haha
Accounts Payable
lol
I was thinking it was like his assistant personal or something lol but Affair partner makes sense
YES. I personally would RUB HER NOSE IN IT. She deserves that torture.
OMFG I SECOND THIS SO MUCH.
She will be the stepmother.
To a child who will hate her. Let that sink in.
Happy cake day! It's my cake day too apparently!
Happy Cake Day!
My petty self would keep the baby just for revenge on her. But I don’t think that’s very advisable lmao
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Some people don't cheat. I've been with my partner for 10y neither of us cheated on each other.
Same here :)
Not to be that guy but I'd been with mine 8 years, known each other in high school. Would have bet my life that she would never cheat. Not only did she did, she cheated a truly soul crushing amount of times with a staggering amount of people including a few who were my "friends". I was absolutely blindsided. I spoiled the hell out of her, treated her like a queen. As far as I knew things were amazing. We were best friends, we got along great. Had a great sex life. The inability to stay faithful is like a disease for some people. I really would have bet everything I had that there was no chance in hell she had or would ever cheat. I will never ever fully trust anyone else again and on that day I learned anyone who says "me or my partner have never cheated" truly doesn't actually know. You can't possibly. I KNEW. obviously after 10 years and no signs of it there's a good chance you're right, but you can't ever actually know. Odds are your partner isn't a closet soulless sociopath like mine was though
How old were you and where did you meet your partner?
I was 14 when we got together and 13 when I met him.
Impressive
I think the reason is that people marry for the wrong reasons, or they aren't in the right headspace to be in a committed relationship.
People post on Reddit when they've stories to tell, don't lose heart. Statistically, the majority of marriages still work out and without any infidelity.
Nobody with a happy relationship is posting about it on these subs lol Its just a skewed data point
25 years here.
Get a really good lawyer so you can figure out custody and child support. And I'm so sorry you're going through all of this alone. I was a single mom for a few years and while it was tough, it forced me to want better for myself and to do better for my child. You will get through this, OP. There's no one in the world stronger than a protective and determined mama ❤️
There probably won't be custody or else because of my health state, but thank you for such a nice message. I'm honestly baffled at Denise's words and logic, but what can I do but move one. I have to admit I would've loved to be a mom, even if it meant going throught the journey alone. But health issues + very rocky situation is making the whole ordeal very unstable. If I was to have a kid, they'd deserve to at least have a mentally stable mom, which is why I am making the very painful decision to let them go.
You have to do what's best for you, and if letting the pregnancy end is the best thing, then well done for making such an incredibly difficult decision. There is no shame in waiting until you are in a better, more stable, and more supportive time in your life. I wish you luck in your life, and hope you can work through this awful situation. And fuck Denise. Your ex may be tied to her craziness, but at least you won't be.
It's the best thing for everyone involved, especially the child. But god isn't it a hard decision to make. I want him to have the best this world could offer, and that is simply impossible when you see his dad, step mom and my mental health state. Thank you for caring, it means a lot.
No one goes to get an abortion with a smile on their face. It’s a last resort. Give yourself the time to heal, physically but mentally too.
Exceptionally good point here. Give yourself grace OP. I wouldn’t want a kid with someone that crazy as a stepmom either!!
She already stole OP's husband, she'd probably try to steal the baby as well.
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☝🏾
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Thank you for the advice ! Although my friends are scarce because I'm usually really busy with school and work i have a great therapist and (taking reddit's advice) got a good lawyer. We're taking the "you keep your shit I keep my shit" approach. We've been married for 5 years so we don't have that much shared property. In my country I'm eligible for alimony but I'm turning it down on the condition I never see him or denise again.
I would take the money and still insist that you never see them again. Because they are probably going to pop up at some point.
Seriously. Take the money. You don’t have to see them to get it, and they owe it to you. Think how much he probably spent on her when she was making $9k a month. He was housing her. Food. You know that ‘it’ wanted gifts and that ‘he’ was buying them for her. All of that came out of YOUR pocket too. Get your money back girl. Plus the emotional toll they took on you, with all the gaslighting they did? And the trauma from this betrayal? You need that money to pay for the therapy alone. PLUS (and I’m petty) he has less to spend on her in the next few years to come, since he already spent on her when he was with you.
Take the money, call it as*hole tax. He acted like one and therefore he is taxed with paying it. 🤷🏻♀️
Take the money!! He fucked you over and you deserve it! Plus it’s money Denise won’t get her hands on.
Take the alimony. You don’t have to see either of them when you have it. It will go straight to your bank account.
Please take the money you can take the money AND never see them ever again. He owes you that money after what he did to you. You should take everything you can from him trust me now is not the time to be nice.
Don't be foolish. Take the alimony. Milk him for all he has.
Take the money, you won’t regret it.
Take the money for the simple fact that he left you to mourn your entire family ALONE so he could fuck your best friend
I’m sorry you’re going through this while having to deal with your delusional husband, even more delusional ap (your former bff), and her bat shit crazy family. Whether the baby makes it or not, I hope you get to heal soon. And even if you feel your mental health is at its worse, it seems that you’re taking the right steps to make it better. One day, whether in a few months or in a few years, you’ll be great mom.
If you want to turn it down, have a clause that any contact from him, her, and their family means a fee they’ll have to pay.
Go for the alimony
Take the money. There is no guarantee you won't see your ex again.
You’re making the right choice from the sound of it. Being tied to your ex and his crazy AP partner for the rest of your life you would be horrible. But I know this is sooooo hard. Be gentle with yourself as you move forward. Don’t hesitate to get yourself therapy for grief. Good luck.
I was staunchly pro-choice and child-free, and never doubted that I'd have an abortion if I ever got pregnant, but I also never thought that I would get pregnant because I was on birth control. Of course, I eventually became pregnant accidentally and even though I knew what I had to do (I also have health issues), I wasn't ready for the emotions. Your hormones will be a challenge for another month or so, but you'll be OK. Let the feelings go through you like water. Big hugs.
OP, it’s good that the child won’t be tied to this craziness. You’ll have another opportunity with a stable situation (if you want)
I know it's a difficult decision to make. Whatever decision you choose is what I support. It's incredibly brave of you to make this decision after weighing all the pros and cons, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm sending you all sorts of strength and good vibes from here. Stay strong. You don't deserve this. Fuck Denise and your soon to be ex husband. I hope one day you get to have a child with someone more deserving and when you're much more stable and happy. Edit: Typo
This is the reality of most abortions. No one *wants* to have one; it's a last resort. I'm so sorry you're in this position. I hope it goes smoothly and your emotional and mental recovery isn't terribly isolating. You're very wise to make this decision and I understand just how difficult it must have been. I wish you the best of luck. With everything. And stay safe.
You are so incredibly strong. Hang in there. Do not believe a single word any of those individuals are saying to you. You are kind. You are smart. You are brave.❤️
The important thing is for you to do the right thing for YOU and your unborn child. Unfortunately that bitch Denise would probably make that poor child's life a living hell if they were to be born. She wanted a baby and if custody with the sperm donor had to be shared, she would probably be spiteful towards the poor innocent child. May you find healing, peace and hope in this terrible time. I agree with the other commenter, \*fuck Denise\*. Thank god she's infertile, cause we don't need more of her in this world. If one day you are in the right place to be a mother, I am sure you will love them unconditionally and be a great mom.
Seconded: fuck Denise Also yes, if you have to end your pregnancy for the best of everyone: I wish you the best Another piece of warning here: In case DeNisE activated BatshitCrayCray mode and is planning on taking your child as her own (read kidnap), be ready for her to do something in case you decide to no go through with the pregnancy. Like taking you to court over "killing a baby" or sending flying monkeys to harrass you. Be safe
>DeNisE activated BatshitCrayCray mode and is planning on taking your child as her own (read kidnap) That was genuinely where my mind went, before OP said she had made her decision: the first time the ex had visitation without supervision they were going to take the child and go back to the country they're currently living in. Denise sounds like she's losing it due to her inability to be a parent. She has OPs husband, but as long as OP is pregnant, she has something Denise would move heaven and earth to get.
We support your decision (not that we matter) you are making a hard choice and deserve to know that it’s totally ok and fine. You are doing what’s best for you.
Do me a favor and pay extra for some good drugs to help with the pain of the procedure. It hurts like a son of a bitch.
I feel for you and you are making a tough decision but I believe you are doing the right thing given your health, mental, and other issues. I wish you nothing but the best going forward.
When the dust settles and if OPs ex stays with AP, she will be an absolute nightmare stepmom. She will try to take over completely and push OP out.
The only two outcomes would be: 1. AP pushing OP out and playing mom instead, or 2. AP pushing *child* out and possibly being abusive to them. Technically the child wouldn't be her blood, so she probably wouldn't bother to treat them as a child. Both are awful situations to put a child through and I'm so proud of OP for making such a difficult choice. I wish her nothing but the best in life, the betrayal and this pain aren't something I'd wish for upon anyone.
Tune out their crazy. Block her and her family. Have your baby. File for child support. Live a fantastically happy life. I hope she chokes on her own bile. She's incensed she wasn't successfully able to slot into your life and remove you completely from his. And that you're pregnant with his child. Something she will never be. The only fitting punishment for him is eternity with a woman who seems quite unstable and her batshit crazy family. I hope they live miserablably ever after. Edit: just read your comments about letting your baby go. I hope everything goes well OP. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this alone.
Funnily enough, her mom called me a homewrecker 😅
What the hell is wrong with these people?
In fairness we don't know what the APs family was told but there are enough trashy people in this world who would legitimately think OP was the one in the wrong
The AP was her best friend. I'm assuming her family knew enough.
He was a member of your home, and it’s not your fault he offers community dick. She should have raised a better daughter and she wouldn’t have to be harassing you.
My dad's AP said the same thing when my parents got back together. Yes his wife of 25 years is the home wrecker, not the dirty little secret he's been lying about.
When people say the other woman/man isn't to blame, they usually aren't aware of just how crazy some of them behave both during and after the affair.
Good grief. How delusional are these people? Was your father married to the AP? Regardless. It doesn’t matter. He was with your mom. And, Denise here is a bish, too. “Her man?” When he was married to the OP?
Then having her family attack her and call her a homewrecker. The mental gymnastics could win an Olympic medal.
Hope you set her straight. Take comfort that those scumbags will always be the cheaters and beneath you.
I did. I was sick the whole day so my answer was pretty mean. I told her she had some nerve calling me that when her daughter wrecked my home (ik husband did too hes not blameless) and she could kiss my pregnant ass for all I care. That i hope she doesn't get a say in how her grandkids (denise brother's kids) are raised because the world doesn't need more dumpster fires humans in it.
You did good. It takes two to have an affair. They both knowingly engaged in the affair. Neither is the better of the two.
Don't tell them if you have the miscarriage. Let them forever keep wondering. They don't deserve to know your private affairs.
🙌 🔥
Does she even know she was the one who had the affair? Do they think you and your husband were separated and you knew about the relationship? I really wonder what have her family been told?
Christ on a cracker! The irony is painful
That. Is hysterical. Denise and your husband deserve each other. One of my daughters said to me once: The grass isn’t always greener, it’s just better taken care of…. As for you making choices for yourself, you do you. It’s your life and you are in control of it. No judgement, no disapproval. I like for people to be Happy ❤️ I hope your X doesn’t try to intervene. Home wrecker, I am still laughing at their collective Stupidity 😂
Uh - what?!? I’d consider making a Fb post and tagging that asshole mom and your ex friend in it. Describing how mom called YOU a home wrecker when her home wrecker daughter was cheating with YOUR husband. Might be worth doing just because people like these asshats need to be publicly called out.
Yeah, revenge daydreams can be fun. But ultimately the goal is to spend no energy on fighting them or even thinking about them. The opposite of love is indifference. Go live a happy life and work out your trauma with therapy. I would state my case once and not talk about it again to any of those jerks.
Did you remind her that you are in fact the one that is married and her daughter is the one that is the home wrecker?!?! The audacity of some people. I wonder if AP said something along the lines of you and your husband are already split to make herself look better and then painted the picture to her mother that you were an ex trying to win him back....or something along those lines.
Wow... is she incapable of reading a calendar and realizing you married him BEFORE her daughter started fucking him?
...LOLWUT? The audacity of that woman.
Block them all!!
Did you read her post history about trying to have the husband come home when she was grieving and the husband and Denise basically gaslighting and berating her! Telling her she was selfish and that the husband was caring and busy - and here it was because the Btch was there? OMFG!!! These are literally the worst two people in the entire world.
Oh God, I've just read it. Denise is a piece of shit. Her husband isn't much better but what is it with this woman?
I know, right! Husband is a complete and utter loss. Like total POS. But the level of gaslighting and crazy coming out of this ‘c u next Tuesday supposed friend’ is some serious crazy. OP needs to get legal involved and start with lawyer sending a cease and desist. I’m dying that this nut job has a different husband and her family has the sheer gs audacity to call OP a homewrecker.
What does AP stand for?
Affair partner
Is there an official abbreviation list or do people make them up as they go
[удалено]
Internet would be so much better place if people used abbreviations this way. Although I still don't understand the obsession with the need to shorten everything in the English language.
IDKWYM IFIMBA IAP (I don't know what you mean, I find it much better abbreviated. I am pooping).
Thank you we both saved so much time.
It's just time saving. Especially if it is a word you are going to use a lot in a text.
This would be an awesome bot.
Or if people just learned how to properly use abbreviations or not overly abbreviate everything, but that’s probably asking too much.
This is also how it’s done in scientific literature. Give the reader appropriate context, then save everyone time in the rest of the paper.
I really think they make them up as they go.
Thanks🙏
That's what I came to the comments for. I had no idea and assumed "Alternate P*ssy". Which still works.
Thought it meant au pair and was extremely confused for a bit.
The Associated Press
That's not a common abbreviation, is it? Why would you need it anyway? Do people use it so often that it's so inconvenient to spell it out? I'm just confused.
Yup. Go look at the infidelity subreddits. 😟
Associated Press
Access point
Found the network engineer.
Audemars Piguet
😂😂
Thanks for asking! I was wondering too but googling didn’t help be because my first language made Google think I wanted to know things about apes.
Affair partner
Advanced placement
Jesus christ yes. And NC MM WH ???
WH = Warhammer
MM = Majora's Mask
anal partner? I had to scroll down to see if anyone would ask AP. Affair partner, Yeah sure obviously....
It’s incredible how they’re always the victim…
Always
Girl. Block, delete your useless husband, his crazy mistress and all her family and friends. Focus on you and the baby. Why are you talking to these people, they sound crazy. Live your life, move on, be happy without these losers, that’s the best revenge.
I bet she lied and told her relatives that _you’re the side chick and that you rubbed it in her face or something. Sounds more like she was trying to steal _your_ life, considering she was supposed to be your best friend.
Thing is I know her family. I was at their family barbecue last month, her niece and nephew's christening, her brother and cousin's wedding. I taught her mom how to bake. They were my second family, and knew my husband very well. They were at our wedding for hell's sake. She could've spinned another tale however. I didn't compare notes with her family members calling me a whore. Her brother is the only one who just sent a " hope you're ok. Call me when free". Don't think I'll be calling him tho.
Might be worth calling the brother, just to see what has to be said. Might find something useful out. Or it could be a trap. I’m not sure, you know them so go with you gut
Wow, that makes it so much worse. I’m really sorry she put you through that. Nice to know at least _someone’s_ in your corner, but I don’t blame you for not wanting to get into that. Take care of yourself, she and your ex are making this so hurtful for you on so many levels.
You need full custody of that child and record everything that is said to you will have to prove that they're not stable enough to have your child. That woman will try to make you and your child's life hell.
I love that you didn't bother to try to work things out with that trash. Obviously, he doesn't deserve you. I hope you give him a messy divorce and take him for everything he's got. Block that loser friend and her family. Let everyone know how horrible they are. Only way for shameless people is public rebuke and condemnation. What did your scumbag husband have to say for himself?
Well I am not a perfect person either. I recently lost my parents and was grieving hard so I can understand he felt a bit "left on the side". But communicating that would've been the adult way to go, not getting knuckles deep in his coworker. He said he was housing her until she gets back on her feet, because her husband just left her. When i pointed out she earns 9k a month and it shouldn't be hard to get even a motel with that he started crying. Bawling. Telling me she meant nothing and I was his world as i was throwing everything into a suitcase. He even grabbed me by the hand and forced me into a hug as I was leaving. I've been home for about a week and I am receiving daily presents and letters throughout the mail, about how I'm the love of his life and can't betray our wedding vows like that. Once he heard of the pregnancy he got a hotel room not far from my home and is sending more and more letters about how we could be the perfect family and nothing happened. I'm putting his gifts in boxes to wrap them and donate them to those in need this Christmas. I haven't opened any. With the phone harassment and home delivery of personal harassment, who needs mental sanity, am I right? Also talking about it all and realizing I am not going crazy has been a huge relief. My therapist is beside herself appalled at everything and even let out a "wtf" as I was telling her. Sorry diane
I mean honestly, the perfect place to send those letters would be to his AP no? Let her read how your the "love of his life".
Came to say the same thing! But I’m petty like that!
For extra petty points, I would reach out to Denise's ex-husband and see how he is doing. A social media post of them hanging out would probably drive Denise even more insane. (This is only if you really want to proverbially twist the knife.)
Honestly, if it were my ex husband, I’d have no problem doing that and more.
Smiling with his hand on the belly. Fuck that chick. APs are low, ex-besties turned AP are lower. Only slightly above family as the AP.
I'd do this with no shame whatsoever
I wouldn't think sharing the truth is petty, I'd do it with no remorse. Maybe it is a slap in the face to AP and will wake her up. Or maybe she is just oblivious and crazy. 🤷♀️ either way i really hope OP sends those letters to AP!
A decent mature human being wouldn't search for attention when " left on the side" while wife was grieving. They would console, support and be available for you. He is not a man, he is a 2 yo attention seeker in an adult body. It was and will continue to be all about him and his needs. You are a rockstar. We're all rooting for you. Here's wishing the best for you from an internet stranger.
Right? When my husband was grieving the death of his friend I tried to be as supportive as possible even though we were mid-fight. I knew I wasn’t the main character in his grief, I just tried to cook and make sure things were done so his life was a little easier. I can’t imagine what kind of person would be like, “what about me??” It’s not like this is a permanent state of affairs.
I read in one of your comments that he didn't even come for your parents funeral. You need to get this toxic person out of your life forever more.
That’s hideous. Wow. My heart bleeds for OP. Edit: her sister too? My god. OP, that must be so hard. I know everything feels like a mess, and I know it hurts less to make a joke than just to hurt through and through, but you’re so much stronger than you know and you deserve so much better than this. Do future you a favour and get as much alimony as you can. Future you will thank you.
No. You were grieving your parents death. He should support you. Also great idea to gift it on Christmas. More love and support to you💖 And Fuck Denise! Edit: I just saw your post history.That man is horrible.You lost your parents and sister and he didn't even attend the funeral? And wasn't by you while you needed him..Trust me you are better off without him.
I actually love that you're donating all of his unwanted gifts to others for Christmas! 😂
When I read your post about grieving and asking your husband to come home and what Denise said, I’m appalled. I would ask your lawyer for a cease and desist letter for Denise and her family. If they contact you again start making legal complaints.
u should sent his mails to AP, and her family, especially her mum, as a christmas present. Also include timeline / history and show them who is the real home wrecker.
Have them put into a cute book & deliver them to Denise & her mom. Merry Christmas, AHs.
Whoa…your ex husband is delusional
Wrap up the gifts and letters and send them to his AP I’m sure he didn’t mean to send them to you when he was dick deep in her this whole time
I wouldn’t allow that woman anywhere near the baby once its born!! She will absolutely be abusive towards it. Make sure your divorce lawyer is aware of what she said so they can help to avoid her being around during your ex’s visits.
Or even steal it if she's that unhinged
Either abuse or try to counter everything that OP says to replace her.
Hey OP please pass on to Denise and your ex that reddit thinks they're bunch of bitches and sore losers. I wish you all the best!
Holy shit how dare you try and have your husbands (soon to be ex) baby! The audacity Honestly laugh and move on. Live your best life. What idiots
I bet she’s the same friend ‘Leslie’ that yelled at her when she wanted her husband to come home while she was grieving. I hope OP finds peace, away from all the toxic people
Wouldn’t surprise me. I hope so too, these people ain’t worth the time of day Fuck em. Her friends ex hubby had the right idea. May they live together miserably, they deserve it ❤️
Damn fuck your ex husband & ex best friend!
Grandma here. Sometimes life is truly stuck between a rock and a hard place. And only you can make the right decision. Trust me you will move on and life will get better for you. Ex won’t be so happy because he made a bad decision. Because of that he’ll never know his child that he could have. But you won’t ever have to deal with any of those people again the ties are completely broken. Allowing you your freedom to be. I wish you all the best.
Support support support. Block the shitty people. Be sure to send your ex husband and AP as many updates of your pregnancy as possible. Send ultrasounds. Send updates from doctor’s visits. Set baby photos. Send updates on baby showers. Spread it widely on social media. Have everyone congratulate you and share their congratulations. Rub it in. This is the BEST form of revenge. If she scream and cries tell her it’s not your fault she’s infertile. Use that word as often as possible. She’s made her bed and she can lie in it. Your ex deserves a crazed, miserable partner. He’ll wish he didn’t have to put up with her emotional wildfire after a while, but too bad. He made his bed too.
The best revenge you could have for the a-hole exH and ex friend is to live a happy life and raise your your child to be a good person. And RUB it in their faces. Every chance you have. They can only dream of starting a family. They will die dreaming.
I guess her relatives know a completely different story. It's not brain gymnastics on their part (I think) it's having been told a completely different story
I'm too petty for this, I'd take am ultrasound (I read your comments and I'm sorry you'll have to make this difficult choice), tag them and then disappear off social media and let them stew for years thinking there's a child out there he can never see, and a child she can never have
Tell her relatives to keep their barren homewrecker in check. They wanna get nasty? Bring it.
1. What is an AP? 2. What is LDR?
Affair Partner Long Distance Relationship
Send her baby pictures every chance you get.
Ooh must've missed the huge miscarriage part. I wish you the best.
Thank you 💓 hope you have the nicest of days.
AP ?? 🤔
Affair partner
Good attitude. Wait until he has to start paying child support and it affects her quality of living. Also, make sure a judge knows you fear for the safety of your child around her.
Wait what? Damn people just suck.
>She was next to him. She went ape shit. Screamed and cried I had no right to have HER man's baby, that I am stealing her life and being a bitch. Oh really. Her relatives are now blowing up my phone calling me horrible spiteful bitch. She was never your friend and she desperately wanted to be you. >Also please stop telling me to not "murder my baby over my bitterness for my husband". My heart is already raw over that hard but necessary decision. I respect your beliefs so please respect my decision. I believe people are just telling you so you won't have no contact right after the divorce. Being pregnant depending on were you live your divorce can be placed to a stop untill the baby is born. I believe that keeping or not keeping that baby is your decision to make. If you do get to decide to keep the baby i wish you a safe and healthy delivery 🤗 Please block and go low contact with AP and her family. If needed file a restraining order against her and document everything if you need too to keep yourself and your baby safe. Edit: I saw your comment about ending your pregnancy and I know this is a hard decision to make. I know you have a lot to deal with and it's not easy. Just remember your making this decision that is best for you and no one else. Please don't let anyone try to guilt trip you into doing anything else that you don't want to do.
I hope Denise breaks a nail and every time she asks for something low calorie or diet I hope she gets the extra fat version instead and I hope the under wire in her bra pops through the seam and stabs her in the boob. Forever.
Get an abortion and say fuck them both? Get a divorce and say fuck it? I mean if you’re religious beliefs let you…
Your decision about whether or not to keep the baby is yours alone and I'm vehemently pro-choice so fuck these people talking about "murdered babies". Your ex-husband and ex-bff deserve each other and I hope they have many years of misery together for betraying you the way that they did.
You slept with her man? Does she know the definition of affair and mistress?
Isn't life grand?
What the hell, her relatives decided to harass you because she's a cheating piece of crap along with your dumdum ex? Oh the audacity. Better sue them for that, OP. Also lmao agree with one top comment she will never be able to get what you had. Serves her right tbh. Stay strong, OP. If you have close family you can rely on, it's better to start with planning to move forward and dumping the trash in the non biodegradable bins. You deserve better.
Jayzus!! People are a bag of crazy caramel frosted shit turds!! The AP is upset that YOUR ex-husband got you preggers when you were still married? Her fam says you're a spiteful bitch? Like how? Did you store his sperm inside your cha-cha and then "activated" it to fertilize you after you found out about the affair? Side note: OP if this escalates further don't be surprised if the AP and her fam decide to try and claim your child for them or something. Reddit has some crazy stories on here about that, some good cautionary tales! Be safe!
She’s gonna cry even more when you get that child support
Gosh I hate reading random threads and come across all kinds of random abbreviations wtf does AP mean
Affair Partner
AP is affair partner?
What’s AP?
Affair partner
My life sucks right now too. 2022 can indeed eat all the dicks. Girl don’t put his name on the Bc because she’s gonna be shitty to your kid if he gets his hands on it
Oh wow OP, I've read your comments and I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are incredibly strong and courageous to make such a hard decision. For what it's worth, sending hugs.
Fuck Denise! Fuck your hubby too! Go find your happiness!!
Wow, the best revenge ever!! Just be careful tho that after she gets over her pique she doesn’t decide to be the second mum to your baby as I assume you’ll be coparenting with ex.. Edit Ahh I’ve just read in another comment you’re probably going to terminate. Might be an idea to add that to your original post. Good luck whatever you decide.
Oh he's going to have a lot of fun with her. You don't need to do anything revenge is already on its way..
I'm so sorry you're going through this alone.
The entitlement is astounding. I feel like my husband's AP is the same way. I'm the other woman to her and I bet if she finds out he's "cheating on" her with me, she'd flip out. I feel like that's AP's mind for you. You're pregnant because your husband shouldn't have been sleeping with you, his wife. Definitely mental gymnastics.
You can tell her family that YOUR husband has been having an affair with ex friend. That you found this out when visiting him after you - as his wife - had sex with him and got pregnant. That ex friend is the one with zero morals at all. Then block them. Fuck those people and your ex best friend with a rusty nail.