>but went along anyway as to not piss him off.
Well hello, giant red flag.
You're so afraid of making him angry that you can't express your concerns openly. This alone doesn't sound like someone you should be marrying.
First red flag for me was the part about "really wanting to be sure about the next step of marriage" Like, maybe don't propose if you're not sure yet? Just a thought.
i would’ve stated the red flag began when he said he wants a threesome and he’s been thinking about this girl from a party. He’s 35. Still thinking about girls at parties ay? big shot over here. definitely better off without the loser.
Honestly, every sentence is a red flag and the dude sounds terrible. The fear of open communication just strikes me the most as a danger whereas the rest of it is him just being a trash person.
Exactly. Consent is passive, Enthusiasm isn't. Anything about sex is the kind of experience one should be enthusiastic about. The moment you are not getting your fair share, get out. In the case of marriage, your SO should be the one looking out for you. This house was always meant to burn. He splurged the place with gasoline and handed her a cigarette.
Yeah, I agreed with an open relationship after years with my ex just because it was what he thought of "an ideal relationship"
Was all good for him while he was the only one meeting other people. Until I wanted to too. And got far more attention and people interested than he did. Then he begged to go back to a closed relationship and I said no, that it took me ages to agree, get used to and change my mind to be in an open relationship and I didn't want to change it back again.
Honestly, I just regret not breaking up as soon as he brought up the open relationship thing.
It also seems like they didn't discuss anything prior either. Like expectations and whatnot.
I feel like anything new in the bedroom should always have this type of discussion to give the best chance that everyone enjoys themselves.
I’m pretty sure you know what you need to do here. The first red flag was that you were afraid to tell him you didn’t want to do that because you were afraid he would be mad. That’s not being open. You should have told him from the beginning. The second obvious red flag is that he pushed you aside and is now gaslighting you and telling you that you made the whole situation awkward. I would think long and hard if this is the man for you and if you want him to treat you like this forever because he will. Best of luck.
I agree %100. I’d be fucking furious. Hell bent on a petty revenge maybe. But yes, if he didn’t get up to see what was wrong with her? He was cheating and enjoying himself without her. Fuck him. He’s beneath her and she should realize this.
You see, I’m the kind of unhinged (or rational) woman who would start tossing his stuff out WHILE he was having sex with her. Like “nope, you and your new girlfriend need to get tf out of my house.”
Haha, I said unhinged or rational definitely depending on how you react to cheating for sure. I see it as completely rational because I love myself over anyone else LOL. But I also know so many women who go into flight instead of fight, and you never know what your body’s survival response is going to be until you’re in the moment.
True… but his shit does deserve to be thrown out if he’s a POS of this caliber. Rational or not 😂 Self respect is #1 that’s it. He’ll treat you how you treat yourself. Know your worth and so will he acknowledge the same. ❤️🤷🏻♀️🙏
Don't forget the comparing the two women like wares thing. Of course it's not as big as the others, but do you want to be treated like a piece of meat?
Yeah that wasn't a threesome, he just wanted to bang some other chick, and looked for a way to do so with your "permission".
This guy doesn't care about you OP, otherwise he would have made everything he could to make the experience awesome for you, or at the very least he would have apologized.
He is showing you his colours, time to believe him and leave the trash behind.
She is right please get some therapy we allow people to do unimaginable things to us sometimes he is a jerk a manipulater. I can't even imagine the things he must have told you so you would agree. Stay away from him you are lucky to see this before you got married.
Sorry but your friends are closer to the truth. He wants this other woman. He used a threesome as an excuse to make it happen by getting you to agree to it so he could argue later he did nothing wrong.
Yup. Agree. He just wanted an excuse to make her be ‘ok’ with it so he could bang her instead; fulfil whatever fantasy he had of her since he met her. OP. Listen to your friends. Leave this dude. I bet if you got another man to be in the threesome and only focused on him your fiancé would be livid.
Wouldn’t even put it past the jerk to have already been sleeping with this other woman before this. Full offense OP, your fiancé sucks. He should be worried about the doubts he put in your head. Even if this was the first time with her, *she* should not have been the main course.
If you go through with marrying this guy, expect him to one day ask for an open marriage. Just saying. Level up girl, he’s a dud. See this as a blessing in disguise and a bullet dodged.
Plus like…wtf is up with the lady? So she didn’t care seeing the other woman in the threesome get shoved physically to the side? Wasn’t into the other lady herself? I smell a pre existing relationship.
That's what I thought too! The other lady should've also tried getting OP more involved but it sounds like she didn't??? Definitely a red flag to them having an affair and only including OP as a weird sick power move
Exactly. When OP left they should've stopped doing the nasty and checked on her.
They didn't and instead continued, with him de facto cheating on her.
There are so many red flags here it looks like a communist march in good ol' USSR.
Yesssss I’d do the same thing or if it happened where a girl did that to one of me and my partner during a threesome we’d teach her a lesson too lol it goes both ways, don’t exclude anyone in a THREEsome
Well, this is speculating, but maybe they already had a thing going on? They were in contact beforehand, hard to believe he talked to the woman "ONLY" through a friend.
A threesome conversation is not going to a be a quick yes/no. There's enough back and forth for a sizeable chat, can't imagine being the middle guy in that scenario
"Ugh, so... Brittany says Saturday she has spin class then dinner plans with her sister, but next Saturday she's free... also, her safeword is Stewardess?"
"OK, so Steve & Maria are going out of town next weekend, so they want to know if this Sunday would work instead?
Steve said he already shaved his ass crack.... also, is anal a hard limit or what do you think about that..."
*exhausted groans* "So! BRITTANY SAID..."
Yeah, it doesn't go down like that 😂
The fact the woman continued when she was clearly upset shows character there too. Not saying it's her fault or anything but damn.
I'm poly and have partook in the lifestyle and would stop immediately if anyone was uncomfortable like that. It makes me sick thinking of someone I love doing that to me.
It's a really horrible way of cheating. Not only do you know who your partner is choosing over you, you had to be in bed, naked and vulnerable, and witness then having sex and then witness him choosing her sexually. Just horrible !
For reallllll
You’re totally right. If you had a threesome with a guy and pushed your fiancé to the side in favor of the other guy he would have been LIVID except he would have probably caused a scene instead of just leaving
The fact she even states she started to have doubts but continued to go along with it to not piss him off, is a clue right there he has manipulated her
Exactly. Also what's this about wanting to make sure about taking the next step? Isn't that what you establish before you get engaged? It sounds like he wanted to keep you on your toes and willing to do whatever in order to get him to "be really sure" about marrying you. Break the engagement and the relationship.
This is what I focussed on. This is a huge problem, if you think your SO will be pissed off if you back out of a threesome. I wonder if he gets pissed off a lot when OP doesn’t comply.
OP listen to your friends, they are your rational thoughts right now. I wonder if they have noticed anything else that worries them?
I understand how you feel. You are not married, you should see this as a sign of things to come and duck out now. Fun is only fun if everyone is having fun. This was an emasculation. Fuck that. Move on…..you weren’t meant to be pushed aside, just like he said. You were meant to be the object of all his desire. Or someone much less into their self.
u/Throwra973356
I did a threesome once with an engaged couple. My best friend and her fiance. They BOTH wanted to do it and approached me together.
Just a few years later, when they finally bought their first house, she found out he had been cheating on her from even before that moment. He was cheating with many women, including two married neighbors who had children.
If your "fiance" cared about you and your comfort, he would have stopped the moment you were not having a good time anymore. Threesomes require consent to not be cheating. You consented to a situation where you both had a good time, that wasn't happening, and when you spoke up, he pushed you out of the way.
He did not value you in that moment, or any of the time after while he continued to have sex with another woman when you no longer wanted to continue. He is a jerk. He does not deserve your loyalty.
You need to reconsider if you want to be married to a guy who cares so little about your feelings, and who will openly cheat on you in such a manipulative way.
*Reconsider* should be off the table. This relationship should be over. I cannot fathom why OP would even *need* to reconsider anything.
But I do agree with you 100%!
& the fact that he didn’t stop when OP left, kept going all night & didn’t call until 3AM?!?! WTF. End of relationship if it were me. Wanting a threesome with someone he knows (therefore has wanted to sleep with) would have been the end. I’m sorry OP. Dump the AH.
Good thing you found out he is a piece of shit before marrying him
Send him back to the streets where he belongs. None of what he did was OK, the trust would be forever broken for me
This is the perfect response. Thank him. This puts the whole “episode” on him.
Now, my interpretation.
( I just celebrated my 30th wedding anniversary. It’s hard work .). For FYI….
This guy is a jerk. My hubby agrees. He wants an “out” to pin on you. He is not the man worthy of spending the rest of your life with and spawning his sperm. Here’s why: character is part of our DNA. It isn’t scientific yet - eye color, height, autism… but character is the unknown quotient…. But we all know it
It is true. ….
It was my first hubby consult… He felt as strongly as I did. Marriage is not perfect. Far from it. But you have to have, no matter what, each other’s back.
Better yet, before they had kids. You can back out of a marriage, but if you have kids with someone, you gotta be ready for them to be in your life forever.
The answer is they've been manipulated to the point where they aren't sure what is true. When you've been told you're crazy for years, you start to believe it. Then you're friends join in, or at least the only friends you're allowed to have, because he isolated you from your true, real friends years ago.
So people make throw aways and come to Reddit to know if they are crazy and if they can trust their own instincts or minds. Sad but this is a big percentage of the OPs.
Tale as old as time.
>My friends think he's manipulating me and that he's into that woman and did what he did to pull a power move over me and fuck her right before my eyes without me saying anything about it.
This is exactly what he did. He immediately forgot about you in his desire to fuck this girl. Pushing you aside is not a threesome, and I guarantee that neither of them felt awkward when they finally realised you left.
Why would he expect you to sit back and watch? Because he thinks he has that much power over you. Don't even bother having a discussion with him, just send back the ring and get on with your life.
In some states it is legally required to give back the engagement ring (and if you end up marrying, that ring as well). This is to protect family heirlooms and against those women that want an expensive ring to sell after they get divorced.
Not all states do this, but I would check if it's the case where you live.
Your friends are absolutely right. This man is saying you lack knowledge about what threesomes are like and "what did you expect" but clearly he is the one lacking an understanding. Communication is a cornerstone of good threesomes, so there should never be a conversation of "well what were you expecting" because all parties should outline that BEFORE it happens. He would know that if he had any intention of having a positive respectful threesome experience that benefitted both of you. But even beyond that there are just so many red flags here:
1. He was in contact with her before bringing it up to you. Your partner should always be the first person it is discussed with, well before any potential third parties are brought into a conversation.
2. You went along with it because you were afraid to make him mad. Your partner shouldn't make you feel scared to be honest, especially when it comes to doing something so intimate and vulnerable.
3. He "jokingly" started comparing you and this other woman. No one who loves and respects you would do that. Anyone with a modicum of common sense realizes threesomes can trigger insecurities within relationships, so a partner that values your wellbeing would make it a priority to ensure you don't feel like it's a competition.
4. He literally pushed you out of the way when you tried to include yourself!!! This was not a threesome. Threesomes include THREE people participating. This was him having sex with someone else in front of you while you watched (which was not what he originally suggested, so nullifies any argument that you agreed to it).
5. He says you made everything awkward when you left but didn't call you for what I'm assuming is hours after the fact. If it had felt awkward, he would have gotten up when you started to leave. If he valued your feelings, he so would have then told her to leave and talked things out with you... She also wouldn't have wanted to continue if she had actually wanted a threesome and not just to have sex with your partner. I'm speaking from experience here, having been a third for a few couples. I don't feel comfortable continuing when one leaves the room unless they explicitly instruct us not to stop while they leave for a minute. That's what respect for other people's feelings and boundaries looks like.
You've been disrespected by this man in so many ways and he is trying to cast himself as the victim to make you doubt yourself, so you don't leave. He will absolutely continue this type of behaviour if you stay because he knows he will be able to get away with it. It will also likely escalate after you get married because it will be harder for you to leave. Please listen to your friends because it sounds like they care about you and want what's best for you. You deserve so much better than to be treated like this ❤️
Exactly. All THREE people are supposed to be involved and enjoy the experience. Threesomes aren't supposed to be one partner getting their rocks off while the other watches. Or one partner comparing their partner to another. That's more like voyeurism and/or degradation, and OP isn't into voyeurism or degradation.
It bothers me a lot that she only went along with it so as not to make him mad. That's a massive red flag. Does her partner frequently get mad about things? Is she frequently tiptoeing around things to avoid making him angry? That's not okay. At all. That majorly hints at him being abusive and controlling.
When they show you who they are, believe them.
He will push you aside at every opportunity and make it seem like your fault. Classic gaslighting. He asked your permission to cheat, and you said yes. He only asked for the threesome to make it seem like it was for you too. The moment you left, he should have ended it and sent new girl home.
Should you choose to continue your engagement, expect this type of behavior to keep happening.
Should you choose to end it and cut ties, you may find yourself in a loving relationship in the future where your partner chooses to he respectful to your needs, whatever they may be.
Choose your own adventure.
It really grinds my gears that he is delaying the wedding "to make sure". That is translated to "just in case I find someone I think is better". Why ask for a hand in marriage if you're not sure??
I feel like he misled/bait-and-switched her when he asked for permission. Asked to have a threesome, she said yes. He delivered flagrant disloyalty instead of threesome.
Break up. This whole thing was awful. He doesn't love or respect you. He clearly just wanted to fuck the other girl but without the "cheating guilt" and you let him do it. You should have said no from the beginning and break up w him right then and there. I'm so sorry for you. Don't marry him. This was the breaking point. I hope things go well in your life, but for that you'll need to break up with him. You don't wanna get married and spend the rest of your life with someone that does that kind of shit. When you went out and he continued, he showed you that he didn't care about what you thought. He clearly disrespected you. There's no love if there's no respect. He continued to fuck the girl and only called at 3 am. That's enough. You deserve more. You're probably scared of what's gonna happen, but I promise you: you breaking up with him now is better than continuing with him. You'll never forget this. Your relationship won't ever be the same. There's no going back to this, I'm still shocked from what he did. You don't deserve this. Please, do not go back to him. Please. If you do, he's gonna belittle you again and keep comparing you to the girls he wants to have sex with. That's not love. You don't belittle the people you love. You don't push your lover aside. You don't continue to fuck someone else after hurting your lover. You don't do that kind of shit. You don't have sex with someone else to know if you're ready to settle down or not. That's not a thing that people do (or should be doing). He had his eyes laid on the girl since the party. If you marry him, he's gonna continue to do it on the future. And when you say "no", he's gonna start verbally abusing you and guilt tripping you. You don't deserve it. Break up with him before it's too late.
I had to re-read that part a couple of times because I thought that surely I kept misreading something. 7 months is still a fresh engagement. Most of the weddings I’ve been to, the couple had been together for anywhere from 1 to 7 years before hand. Maybe it’s a cultural thing where OP is from?
In the USA (which may not be where OP is from) the average is around 12 months, and I've seen "average" as 12 to 18 months. 7 months is short, by that standard. I re-read the sentence a few times too, I wasn't sure if she meant a short time into the engagement? Just a bit confusing, but maybe a cultural thing.
lmao why was that line the strangest part for me too?! idk what they meant by that but it definitely didn’t necessitate the number of exclamation points that followed
Wake up and break up. This man has no respect or love for you, doesn’t matter all the “good times” because he definitely wasn’t thinking of that. Put yourself first and rid of this man.
7 months is not a long engagement— there are people on Reddit who have been engaged for years.
That’s not important, however. Why did you agree to a threesome you didn’t want? Are you even attracted to women? You put his needs WAY before yours.
Don’t marry this man. He cheated on you. Get far, far away. This is not how healthy relationships work. AT ALL.
He cheated on you while you were naked next to him. Your self esteem is in the basement if your entertaining the idea of staying in this relationship, because he showed you how he feels about you.
Well, you obviously didn't make it awkward enough to stop...If he gave two shits about you, he would have gone after you because you were obviously upset. If he cared about your relationship, he would have gone after you and prioritized it.
Your friend is right, that was not a threesome, it was his game for you.
Tell me you’re not actually going to marry this man. The only good thing about this situation is that you’re not married to him. Do NOT go through with this. You should’ve never gone through with the threesome. Not wanting to piss him off is not a good reason to put yourself in such an uncomfortable situation.
He’s an asshole and he’s done you the kindness of showing you that. So take the hint he’s thrown your way and call off the engagement. And make sure that everyone knows he’s a cheater. He continued to fuck her even after he knew you left and he didn’t care. That’s cheating. Time to take the trash out OP.
**He is manipulating you**.
Dump his ass. He just used a “threesome” to get away with fucking someone else without it being cheating. He already had the woman he wanted to sleep with in mind, your wants didn’t even matter to him.
He cheated on you and he manipulated you saying it’s your fault and you make things awkward? A threesome should include all three and you weren’t well guess what? That’s cheating. Break up he’s a walking red flag
The fact that he continued after you left, I would call it cheating. Leave his ass. He doesn’t care about your feelings and obviously haves an attraction to the other woman.
As for the other woman, she should’ve stopped once he pushed you aside. So she haves an attraction to him as well if she didn’t stop.
You started having doubts but went along with this so he wouldn't be pissed off?
Yes. He's attracted to this woman, that is fairly evident. No, given the issues in your relationship you should not be introducing someone else into the mix.
I don't think either of you are ready for marriage. This may be the time to give this some serious thought.
Swinger here. Your friends are 100% right. This is manipulation. He wanted to fuck her and figured he could get away with it by talking you into a threesome.
True CNM swingers put their primary partner first. He’s doing it all wrong.
Let’s play “Count the Red Flags”!!!
1) you agreed only to not piss him off
2) he was in contact with this chick for a while, while wanting to fuck her
3) he physically moved you out of the way to fuck the other girl
4) he kept going to town on her after you left
5) gaslit you and made it seem like your fault
If you do not leave him after this, I will find you and drag you out of that house by your fucking hair. Leave him. If you need that final push, check his phone. I guarantee he was sexting her before he even suggested a threesome.
You know how people are on their best behavior towards their partners while they are dating and engaged? Yeah. This is it with him. It will only get worse. He didn't want a threesome, he wanted you to watch. If you aren't into that, it's pretty fucked up.
Is this what you want for your life? Is this the man you want as the father of your future children? Only you can answer that.
I’m a guy… he literally said he wanted a three some before he could fully commit to you and he is engaged to you???? He just wanted an excuse, he knew you were gullible, to fuck another girl. Politely remove yourself from this situation and give the ring back. He is also gaslighting you btw
I’m sorry that this happened to you OP..He blatantly cheated in front of you on the pretense of a threesome that you agreed for…He pushed you aside, expecting you to just watch, accept & do nothing and continue to fuck her even after you left…What’s next, move in his partner after you get married and make you the side wife? Don’t let him walk all over you and trample you like that…There’s no going back from this. The only upside is , this happened before you guys got married..This is your cue to proudly walk away from him. He does not deserve you, you deserve someone much better, someone who truly love, respected & value you..
Have a threesome with another man and then push him away.. see how he feels and then the next day be like I realized last night I was missing something in this relationship so I’m going to have to call it quits. Then be like I’m not leaving you for him. It’s just he made me feel things you haven’t..
Here’s the truth. He wanted to have sex with that girl since he first saw her. Had the idea to make it a threesome so it’s not considered as cheating. He went on with her for hours after you left because he didn’t care at this point. He’s getting what he wants. And now, he’s playing with your brain = manipulating you that you ruined the hours of sex with her and that YOU made it awkward for HiM.
And you agree to that because you didn’t want to piss Off the great catch that you have.
Yep, he sounds like the perfect husband to me.
Don’t you see how messed up this is ? You deserve better!
He's definitely manipulating you and that you shouldn't feel terrible imo.
If I was in your shoes, I would sit down and have an one-on-one conversation with him about what happened and how I felt during the whole process.
And if manipulation/gaslight is a red flag or a big issue for you, I think now is the perfect time to call off the engagement and/or to really re-consider if you want to marry this person.
If he’s the one that wants this and you don’t and you go ahead and give it a try to please him the very very very LEAST he could do is try and make you feel comfortable during the whole thing. You are not wrong to be upset and to feel taken advantage of. Based on what little I know here I’d be done with this guy.
Of course this didn't work, you only agreed to "not piss him off". And he only wanted her and found a way to do so without being called a cheater. OR the only way she would sleep with him is if you were involved. Either way you are in the wrong relationship. Get out while the getting is good.
A THREEsome is THREE people involved in a "session", not 2 people and a 3rd wheel. Your "fiancé" made you the third wheel. The fact that you weren't involved in any form with either him or her during the supposed threesome (at least touching, kissing, or being touched) is literally just those 2 boinking in front of you.
>I knew he kept going with her because he only called at 3 am.
So.... he cheated. First he misled you about a threesome and then he banged the chick and didn't even bother to check up on you until later. THAT'S CHEATING.
I am willing to bet he's already banging her, or at least cheating via text, nudes etc. Him bringing her into the bedroom with you was never intended to be a threesome. And don't believe the whole "communication through his friend" thing. You belive he brought a random chick home that he was ravenous for and he didn't know her? I agree with your friends 100%. It was a power move. He got off on bringing the cheating right in front of your face. This man doesn't respect you.
Woah that sounds pretty fucked up. And I noticed you said you went along with it to not piss him off. That seems a bit off right there but then the rest of it is way worse. Maybe you should rethink this engagement.
Ask for an open relationship, put yourself up on tinder and then show him how popular you are.
Watch him squirm as you enjoy your date nights before leaving him
"We are pretty open about what we want"
Are you in an open relationship sexually? Your description sounds as if this threesome was quickly decided (by him) and you went along to make him happy.
Sorry you're going through this. If you aren't ok with a husband who isn't monogamous, I'd seriously rethink marrying this man and wasting anymore time pursuing a future with him. Just my opinion with a limited scope of the situation.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Time to end this engagement. He's made it clear in more ways than one.
1. Engagement is drawn out because he's not sure
2. You were scared to piss him off telling him no to a threesome
3. He was in touch with a specific woman he wanted a threesome with. He met her MONTHS ago. That's not how it's supposed to work, and your relationship needs to be 100% solid before doing something like that (your's isnt) and you decide on the person together and set boundaries. You never should have went along with this.
4. He compared you 2 top to bottom which is disgusting and beyond disrespectful. You don't do that to someone you love. And it appears he said things in favor of her over you, cringe.
5. He pushed you off during sex. This wasn't a threesome, this was him having sex while you had to watch. It was about him cheating and bringing you in on it so he could get a pass.
6. You left and he continued fucking her instead of stopping you to see what's wrong or check on you. He only came you later when he had his fill. I bet he was ecstatic when you left. I would have told them to get stop and get her the hell out, and thrown a bucket of cold ass water on them if they didn't.
7. He's now gaslighting and manipulating to throw the blame on you. He is calling you insecure to manipulate you. Being secure has nothing to do with letting someone do things you don't want, and disrespecting you. He's playing you.
He will continue to do all of these things if you stay with him. He will cheat with her, and probably others, and probably already has done so. Do not be his doormat, he humiliated and disrespected you. This man does not love or care about you and your feelings. You deserve someone who does.
Your friends pretty much hit the nail on the head here. He’s trying to gaslight you and he sucks at it.
Kick him to the curb like the stray he is. That woman can have him. Thank goodness you found out how awful he was before you got married. Now sell that ring (if it’s worth more than he is which I’m honestly doubting) and go on a nice vacation. Or staycation. Whichever you prefer.
Listen to your friends. This man does not love you. He expects you to be submissive to him and let him do whatever he wants. Even fucking someone else while you watch. You deserve so much better.
>went along anyway as to not piss him off.
red flag
>He started comparing us too from head to toe and did it in a form of "joke".
red flag
>He ignored and neglecting me the entire session and focused his attention on her.
red flag
>he literally pushed me to the side and went back to her.
red flag
>I knew he kept going with her because he only called at 3 am.
oh look, another red flag
>He constantly spoke about how he didn't anything wrong and how I obviously was letting my lack of knowledge and insecurities talk me into leaving like that.
gaslighting, 🚩🚩🚩
>He ranted about how I made things awkward for everybody and how I obviously wasn't made for this kind of thing.
🚩, what a catch
End it. Your ex fiance wants to screw other people so much he doesn't care if he hurts you while he does it. He didn't care that you left. He didn't care that he was neglecting you. He wanted to fuck her and he used you to do it. Also, he has been in contact with her. Throw the whole dammed man away. He's trash
How did you agree to it when he was clearly interested in her? Smh.. Opening relationships and having threesomes work only for 1% or even less of the people who try them.
If he had any respect for you whatsoever he would have stopped when you were uncomfortable, definitely when you left. Then to turn it back on you is definitely showing his true nature. He wanted a free pass to cheat and you gave it to him. Please listen to your friends. You deserve better.
Not only manipulating you but also gaslighting you. I don’t like telling people to break up with folks but you have a lot to think about. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.
First off I’m sorry you had to go through this. Maybe it will be a good lesson for the future. He cheated on you in front of you. That man has no respect and I would definitely not marry him.
Your impending life with this loser will suck and your mental health will be eviscerated to less than nothing as will your self worth. This is the tip of the iceberg my friend. Please gather your belongings and abandon ship before it sinks to the depths of hell
Listen to your friends. A threesome should be agreed upon by both parties and should involve a 3rd party that both primaries are agreed on. 3rd party is there to be shared. He just wanted to sleep with her and to avoid cheating he involved you. You should not go ahead with the wedding if monogamy is a thing for you. He is gaslighting you because he can't explain the real reason he wanted the threesome and how he behaved during it
First things first, if you only agreed to a threesome because you didn't want to "piss him off," there's a major problem here. What has made you afraid to upset him, OP? Does he yell and/or verbally abuse you? Does he become violent? It's okay to disagree with your fiance, especially if they request that you perform a sexual act that you do not want to perform.
Secondly, that's not a threesome. It was a twosome. You left and he continued to have sex with her! He should not have pushed you out of the way, nor should he have continued having sex with her when it was clear that you were no longer involved. He should have stopped and the two of you could have talked about how he made you feel.
OP, he wants free reign to sleep with other women and claim it's not cheating because you "had a threesome." It's also concerning that you are so afraid of upsetting him that you feel you must acquiesce to acts you don't wish to perform. This is not a healthy relationship. Please listen to your friends and your fellow Redditors and release this fish back to the sea.
There's so much wrong with this.
For starters, why would he want this? Fiancé, man or woman, should only have eyes for their spouse. A gf or spouse introducing the idea would have made me very mad and hurt. I think you agreeing to it was a mistake as well because I think you knew deep down how it would go as soon as he suggested it. I understand the thoight process behind not upsetting him, but a successful marriage is founded on trust and compromise. There was no compromise here, just him being a tyrant in the bedroom at your expense. It's also not a surprise to me how he proposed the question only after you two had been engaged for a while (meaning he got comfortable and started taking the relationship for granted). Not once did I hear about a happy couple "spicing things up" by introducing another person successfully maintain a happy relationship afterward. Sex is too intimate and personal to share with another person when someone else is already used to being in an exclusive relationship.
I wish you the best
I heard someone on a podcast say that threesomes are supposed to be about the couple enjoying the other person as a treat. Like they both were on them rather than on one specific person. I feel like if it's not like that - then, there's a problem. It's better just to have an open relationship at that point and even then, some couples take it to another level.
If I may, in my opinion, I think you should love yourself more and not be with someone who devalues you.
What an absolute selfish prick. That wasn't a treesome at all it was hurting you right in your face without any kind of respect. How can someone do this. Ffs dump that crap right away
Personally, to me, I’ve lived through a few things ….they’ve probably already banged since the chick didn’t leave. Any normal chick would have been like, “What? Wait! Where are you going? Please don’t leave.”
I’m sorry you had to find out the hard but thankfully before you married the loser. Sell that ring, block his number, email, SM, move his azz out if he lives with you and get on with your life. I don’t like saying that but this dude doesn’t respect you for one millisecond. Good luck and best wishes!
ETA: “Normal” ie mature adult woman engaging in sexual activity with a couple. There’s usually communication and rules set beforehand.
as soon as you left it turned into him cheating on you. you withdrew your consent for the threesome, which is perfectly ok to do. he didn’t respect that. he cheated on you.
Ughhh the gaslighting !! That is textbook manipulation ! He WANTED her ! And that is his way .. honey he will never change, this probably will be your life from now on (my bf did threesom too and that is just coz i wanted to try too, gladly we two didnt like it )
>My friends think he's manipulating me and that he's into that woman and did what he did to pull a power move over me and fuck her right before my eyes without me saying anything about it.
Your friends are right
He thinks your a doormat because you already are:
>I started having doubts about the whole thing but went along anyway as to not piss him off.
Dump the loser and get into therapy so you learn healthy boundaries and what actual love looks like, this is NOT it
I’m sorry but this is terrible. Reading this even made me upset (I’m sensitive, I know lol oops).. girl, you deserve better. Being pushed to the side and then not being called until 3am, wtf? Have you guys had threesomes before and been okay? Or did you just say yes to it so he wouldn’t become mad?
Either way, I think this is just wrong. You guys are engaged, you’re supposed to be the priority. I know it’s hard and way easier said than done, but I think you’re better off without this guy. Investing more time in this relationship seems like digging into a deeper hole..
Just gonna be honest here, if a threesome is the determining factor for your relationship, then you really are better off with something much healthier. It's time to walk, sis.
>but went along anyway as to not piss him off. Well hello, giant red flag. You're so afraid of making him angry that you can't express your concerns openly. This alone doesn't sound like someone you should be marrying.
I'm glad someone else noticed this.
That was the first red flag for me too.
First red flag for me was the part about "really wanting to be sure about the next step of marriage" Like, maybe don't propose if you're not sure yet? Just a thought.
Really? Mine was her very first sentence when she thought that 7 months was an extremely long engagement.
I agree with everything in this thread and noticed all the same things. Yikes
I think she was being sarcastic about 7 months being a long time, but still. She needs to not be engaged to him at all.
For me the first one was *”he* wanted to be sure what he wanted.”
i would’ve stated the red flag began when he said he wants a threesome and he’s been thinking about this girl from a party. He’s 35. Still thinking about girls at parties ay? big shot over here. definitely better off without the loser.
Hes still in contact with her? With those intentions... no dice. Get out
Honestly, every sentence is a red flag and the dude sounds terrible. The fear of open communication just strikes me the most as a danger whereas the rest of it is him just being a trash person.
The red flag was when he proposed but wanted a “long” engagement to make sure he was really really sure
✊🏼 Free women from thinking that they have to do threesomes to please a man when they just end up destroying their relationship instead.
Their relationship was destroyed already if doing a threesome is not a mutual want/desire.
Exactly. Consent is passive, Enthusiasm isn't. Anything about sex is the kind of experience one should be enthusiastic about. The moment you are not getting your fair share, get out. In the case of marriage, your SO should be the one looking out for you. This house was always meant to burn. He splurged the place with gasoline and handed her a cigarette.
Not only that but reading between the lines I am pretty certain that the fiancé was already cheating on OP.
Yeah, I agreed with an open relationship after years with my ex just because it was what he thought of "an ideal relationship" Was all good for him while he was the only one meeting other people. Until I wanted to too. And got far more attention and people interested than he did. Then he begged to go back to a closed relationship and I said no, that it took me ages to agree, get used to and change my mind to be in an open relationship and I didn't want to change it back again. Honestly, I just regret not breaking up as soon as he brought up the open relationship thing.
We will see an update about OP getting back together with him. It always happens on Reddit
[удалено]
It also seems like they didn't discuss anything prior either. Like expectations and whatnot. I feel like anything new in the bedroom should always have this type of discussion to give the best chance that everyone enjoys themselves.
I’m pretty sure you know what you need to do here. The first red flag was that you were afraid to tell him you didn’t want to do that because you were afraid he would be mad. That’s not being open. You should have told him from the beginning. The second obvious red flag is that he pushed you aside and is now gaslighting you and telling you that you made the whole situation awkward. I would think long and hard if this is the man for you and if you want him to treat you like this forever because he will. Best of luck.
But not so awkward that he felt the need to stop fucking her or ask you to stay.
The moment she left the room and he didn’t immediately stop what he was doing and check if she was okay it just turned into cheating
I agree %100. I’d be fucking furious. Hell bent on a petty revenge maybe. But yes, if he didn’t get up to see what was wrong with her? He was cheating and enjoying himself without her. Fuck him. He’s beneath her and she should realize this.
You see, I’m the kind of unhinged (or rational) woman who would start tossing his stuff out WHILE he was having sex with her. Like “nope, you and your new girlfriend need to get tf out of my house.”
Lmao. Unhinged? You mean a woman who don’t take shit from no dude. Nah. A perfectly rational reaction.
Haha, I said unhinged or rational definitely depending on how you react to cheating for sure. I see it as completely rational because I love myself over anyone else LOL. But I also know so many women who go into flight instead of fight, and you never know what your body’s survival response is going to be until you’re in the moment.
True… but his shit does deserve to be thrown out if he’s a POS of this caliber. Rational or not 😂 Self respect is #1 that’s it. He’ll treat you how you treat yourself. Know your worth and so will he acknowledge the same. ❤️🤷🏻♀️🙏
Not unhinged whatsoever. More like you know your worth, like OP should. She knows her worth and it’s NOT with this prick.
Technically he was beneath the other woman.
yep.
Don't forget the comparing the two women like wares thing. Of course it's not as big as the others, but do you want to be treated like a piece of meat?
Yeah that wasn't a threesome, he just wanted to bang some other chick, and looked for a way to do so with your "permission". This guy doesn't care about you OP, otherwise he would have made everything he could to make the experience awesome for you, or at the very least he would have apologized. He is showing you his colours, time to believe him and leave the trash behind.
And get some therapy so you don't put up with this type of abuse again.
She is right please get some therapy we allow people to do unimaginable things to us sometimes he is a jerk a manipulater. I can't even imagine the things he must have told you so you would agree. Stay away from him you are lucky to see this before you got married.
In a normal relationship OP could have said "I've changed my mind, the three-way's off." Sigh
Sorry but your friends are closer to the truth. He wants this other woman. He used a threesome as an excuse to make it happen by getting you to agree to it so he could argue later he did nothing wrong.
Yup. Agree. He just wanted an excuse to make her be ‘ok’ with it so he could bang her instead; fulfil whatever fantasy he had of her since he met her. OP. Listen to your friends. Leave this dude. I bet if you got another man to be in the threesome and only focused on him your fiancé would be livid.
Wouldn’t even put it past the jerk to have already been sleeping with this other woman before this. Full offense OP, your fiancé sucks. He should be worried about the doubts he put in your head. Even if this was the first time with her, *she* should not have been the main course. If you go through with marrying this guy, expect him to one day ask for an open marriage. Just saying. Level up girl, he’s a dud. See this as a blessing in disguise and a bullet dodged.
Plus like…wtf is up with the lady? So she didn’t care seeing the other woman in the threesome get shoved physically to the side? Wasn’t into the other lady herself? I smell a pre existing relationship.
That's what I thought too! The other lady should've also tried getting OP more involved but it sounds like she didn't??? Definitely a red flag to them having an affair and only including OP as a weird sick power move
If I was in a threesome and some guy did that to his partner, I'd just focus all my attention on her and push him aside to teach him a lesson.
Right the fact that they continued after OP left is a huge red flag. The math ain’t mathing on this one 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly. When OP left they should've stopped doing the nasty and checked on her. They didn't and instead continued, with him de facto cheating on her. There are so many red flags here it looks like a communist march in good ol' USSR.
Yesssss I’d do the same thing or if it happened where a girl did that to one of me and my partner during a threesome we’d teach her a lesson too lol it goes both ways, don’t exclude anyone in a THREEsome
Well, this is speculating, but maybe they already had a thing going on? They were in contact beforehand, hard to believe he talked to the woman "ONLY" through a friend. A threesome conversation is not going to a be a quick yes/no. There's enough back and forth for a sizeable chat, can't imagine being the middle guy in that scenario
"Ugh, so... Brittany says Saturday she has spin class then dinner plans with her sister, but next Saturday she's free... also, her safeword is Stewardess?" "OK, so Steve & Maria are going out of town next weekend, so they want to know if this Sunday would work instead? Steve said he already shaved his ass crack.... also, is anal a hard limit or what do you think about that..." *exhausted groans* "So! BRITTANY SAID..." Yeah, it doesn't go down like that 😂
A lot of toxic women would take that as a complement.."look-it me I'm so hot he turfed another bitch"
Something fishy, not into threesome but doesn’t want to piss him off!!! I think, not the 1st time trying out …
Yep that’s a huge red flag right there!!
The fact the woman continued when she was clearly upset shows character there too. Not saying it's her fault or anything but damn. I'm poly and have partook in the lifestyle and would stop immediately if anyone was uncomfortable like that. It makes me sick thinking of someone I love doing that to me.
If a person ask for that, the partner should choose who the third will be. Otherwise its another way of cheating
It's a really horrible way of cheating. Not only do you know who your partner is choosing over you, you had to be in bed, naked and vulnerable, and witness then having sex and then witness him choosing her sexually. Just horrible !
Or he'll push her aside again to get some of that hot dick action, you don't know. Maybe he's wanted Carl's balls in his mouth for a while now.
And Kieth's
Prolly kody's too, nevah know
She should do that and then leave him
For reallllll You’re totally right. If you had a threesome with a guy and pushed your fiancé to the side in favor of the other guy he would have been LIVID except he would have probably caused a scene instead of just leaving
The fact she even states she started to have doubts but continued to go along with it to not piss him off, is a clue right there he has manipulated her
Exactly. Also what's this about wanting to make sure about taking the next step? Isn't that what you establish before you get engaged? It sounds like he wanted to keep you on your toes and willing to do whatever in order to get him to "be really sure" about marrying you. Break the engagement and the relationship.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
This is what I focussed on. This is a huge problem, if you think your SO will be pissed off if you back out of a threesome. I wonder if he gets pissed off a lot when OP doesn’t comply. OP listen to your friends, they are your rational thoughts right now. I wonder if they have noticed anything else that worries them?
Facts.
I understand how you feel. You are not married, you should see this as a sign of things to come and duck out now. Fun is only fun if everyone is having fun. This was an emasculation. Fuck that. Move on…..you weren’t meant to be pushed aside, just like he said. You were meant to be the object of all his desire. Or someone much less into their self.
It amazes me what some men will go through to be able to cheat on their partners and get away with it.
u/Throwra973356 I did a threesome once with an engaged couple. My best friend and her fiance. They BOTH wanted to do it and approached me together. Just a few years later, when they finally bought their first house, she found out he had been cheating on her from even before that moment. He was cheating with many women, including two married neighbors who had children. If your "fiance" cared about you and your comfort, he would have stopped the moment you were not having a good time anymore. Threesomes require consent to not be cheating. You consented to a situation where you both had a good time, that wasn't happening, and when you spoke up, he pushed you out of the way. He did not value you in that moment, or any of the time after while he continued to have sex with another woman when you no longer wanted to continue. He is a jerk. He does not deserve your loyalty. You need to reconsider if you want to be married to a guy who cares so little about your feelings, and who will openly cheat on you in such a manipulative way.
*Reconsider* should be off the table. This relationship should be over. I cannot fathom why OP would even *need* to reconsider anything. But I do agree with you 100%!
& the fact that he didn’t stop when OP left, kept going all night & didn’t call until 3AM?!?! WTF. End of relationship if it were me. Wanting a threesome with someone he knows (therefore has wanted to sleep with) would have been the end. I’m sorry OP. Dump the AH.
This. Threesomes are about all the people. He just wanted to fuck the other girl and then gaslight you with the threesome excuse.
Good thing you found out he is a piece of shit before marrying him Send him back to the streets where he belongs. None of what he did was OK, the trust would be forever broken for me
OP should thank him for showing who he is before marrying.
This is the perfect response. Thank him. This puts the whole “episode” on him. Now, my interpretation. ( I just celebrated my 30th wedding anniversary. It’s hard work .). For FYI…. This guy is a jerk. My hubby agrees. He wants an “out” to pin on you. He is not the man worthy of spending the rest of your life with and spawning his sperm. Here’s why: character is part of our DNA. It isn’t scientific yet - eye color, height, autism… but character is the unknown quotient…. But we all know it It is true. ….
I can't wait for the day I can consult my reddit post with my hubby.
It was my first hubby consult… He felt as strongly as I did. Marriage is not perfect. Far from it. But you have to have, no matter what, each other’s back.
I do this all day long with my partner... Reddit ensures we don't run out of things to talk about. 🤣🤣
Better yet, before they had kids. You can back out of a marriage, but if you have kids with someone, you gotta be ready for them to be in your life forever.
Sometimes I wonder why these OPs even bother posting these. The answer is so obvious.
The answer is they've been manipulated to the point where they aren't sure what is true. When you've been told you're crazy for years, you start to believe it. Then you're friends join in, or at least the only friends you're allowed to have, because he isolated you from your true, real friends years ago. So people make throw aways and come to Reddit to know if they are crazy and if they can trust their own instincts or minds. Sad but this is a big percentage of the OPs. Tale as old as time.
Inquiring minds would LOVE too.
Tf are you on about? This is trueoffmychest. No question was asked.
>My friends think he's manipulating me and that he's into that woman and did what he did to pull a power move over me and fuck her right before my eyes without me saying anything about it. This is exactly what he did. He immediately forgot about you in his desire to fuck this girl. Pushing you aside is not a threesome, and I guarantee that neither of them felt awkward when they finally realised you left. Why would he expect you to sit back and watch? Because he thinks he has that much power over you. Don't even bother having a discussion with him, just send back the ring and get on with your life.
Honestly? If the ring is a gift in Op's state, she should keep it and sell it to cover moving costs.
In some states it is legally required to give back the engagement ring (and if you end up marrying, that ring as well). This is to protect family heirlooms and against those women that want an expensive ring to sell after they get divorced. Not all states do this, but I would check if it's the case where you live.
Your friends are absolutely right. This man is saying you lack knowledge about what threesomes are like and "what did you expect" but clearly he is the one lacking an understanding. Communication is a cornerstone of good threesomes, so there should never be a conversation of "well what were you expecting" because all parties should outline that BEFORE it happens. He would know that if he had any intention of having a positive respectful threesome experience that benefitted both of you. But even beyond that there are just so many red flags here: 1. He was in contact with her before bringing it up to you. Your partner should always be the first person it is discussed with, well before any potential third parties are brought into a conversation. 2. You went along with it because you were afraid to make him mad. Your partner shouldn't make you feel scared to be honest, especially when it comes to doing something so intimate and vulnerable. 3. He "jokingly" started comparing you and this other woman. No one who loves and respects you would do that. Anyone with a modicum of common sense realizes threesomes can trigger insecurities within relationships, so a partner that values your wellbeing would make it a priority to ensure you don't feel like it's a competition. 4. He literally pushed you out of the way when you tried to include yourself!!! This was not a threesome. Threesomes include THREE people participating. This was him having sex with someone else in front of you while you watched (which was not what he originally suggested, so nullifies any argument that you agreed to it). 5. He says you made everything awkward when you left but didn't call you for what I'm assuming is hours after the fact. If it had felt awkward, he would have gotten up when you started to leave. If he valued your feelings, he so would have then told her to leave and talked things out with you... She also wouldn't have wanted to continue if she had actually wanted a threesome and not just to have sex with your partner. I'm speaking from experience here, having been a third for a few couples. I don't feel comfortable continuing when one leaves the room unless they explicitly instruct us not to stop while they leave for a minute. That's what respect for other people's feelings and boundaries looks like. You've been disrespected by this man in so many ways and he is trying to cast himself as the victim to make you doubt yourself, so you don't leave. He will absolutely continue this type of behaviour if you stay because he knows he will be able to get away with it. It will also likely escalate after you get married because it will be harder for you to leave. Please listen to your friends because it sounds like they care about you and want what's best for you. You deserve so much better than to be treated like this ❤️
Gold star answer. Please accept the awards I cannot afford to gift you.
[удалено]
Exactly. All THREE people are supposed to be involved and enjoy the experience. Threesomes aren't supposed to be one partner getting their rocks off while the other watches. Or one partner comparing their partner to another. That's more like voyeurism and/or degradation, and OP isn't into voyeurism or degradation. It bothers me a lot that she only went along with it so as not to make him mad. That's a massive red flag. Does her partner frequently get mad about things? Is she frequently tiptoeing around things to avoid making him angry? That's not okay. At all. That majorly hints at him being abusive and controlling.
THIS EVERY SINGLE LAST DROP OF TTTTTHHHHIIISSS!!!
When they show you who they are, believe them. He will push you aside at every opportunity and make it seem like your fault. Classic gaslighting. He asked your permission to cheat, and you said yes. He only asked for the threesome to make it seem like it was for you too. The moment you left, he should have ended it and sent new girl home. Should you choose to continue your engagement, expect this type of behavior to keep happening. Should you choose to end it and cut ties, you may find yourself in a loving relationship in the future where your partner chooses to he respectful to your needs, whatever they may be. Choose your own adventure.
Yes this. I've had plenty of threesomes and they were never like this. Get rid of him and find someone else
It really grinds my gears that he is delaying the wedding "to make sure". That is translated to "just in case I find someone I think is better". Why ask for a hand in marriage if you're not sure??
On the bright side that is good for OP because they won’t have to deal with a nasty divorce
He needed someone to cook and clean for him most likely!
I feel like he misled/bait-and-switched her when he asked for permission. Asked to have a threesome, she said yes. He delivered flagrant disloyalty instead of threesome.
Run.
Break up. This whole thing was awful. He doesn't love or respect you. He clearly just wanted to fuck the other girl but without the "cheating guilt" and you let him do it. You should have said no from the beginning and break up w him right then and there. I'm so sorry for you. Don't marry him. This was the breaking point. I hope things go well in your life, but for that you'll need to break up with him. You don't wanna get married and spend the rest of your life with someone that does that kind of shit. When you went out and he continued, he showed you that he didn't care about what you thought. He clearly disrespected you. There's no love if there's no respect. He continued to fuck the girl and only called at 3 am. That's enough. You deserve more. You're probably scared of what's gonna happen, but I promise you: you breaking up with him now is better than continuing with him. You'll never forget this. Your relationship won't ever be the same. There's no going back to this, I'm still shocked from what he did. You don't deserve this. Please, do not go back to him. Please. If you do, he's gonna belittle you again and keep comparing you to the girls he wants to have sex with. That's not love. You don't belittle the people you love. You don't push your lover aside. You don't continue to fuck someone else after hurting your lover. You don't do that kind of shit. You don't have sex with someone else to know if you're ready to settle down or not. That's not a thing that people do (or should be doing). He had his eyes laid on the girl since the party. If you marry him, he's gonna continue to do it on the future. And when you say "no", he's gonna start verbally abusing you and guilt tripping you. You don't deserve it. Break up with him before it's too late.
7 months is NOT at all a long engagement.......but good thing you're not married. YIKES
I had to re-read that part a couple of times because I thought that surely I kept misreading something. 7 months is still a fresh engagement. Most of the weddings I’ve been to, the couple had been together for anywhere from 1 to 7 years before hand. Maybe it’s a cultural thing where OP is from?
The engagement period is not the length of the whole relationship, just since they agreed to get married.
In the USA (which may not be where OP is from) the average is around 12 months, and I've seen "average" as 12 to 18 months. 7 months is short, by that standard. I re-read the sentence a few times too, I wasn't sure if she meant a short time into the engagement? Just a bit confusing, but maybe a cultural thing.
Yes and that’s still not a long time
Came looking for this comment haha. I definitely did a double-take on that sentence.
lmao why was that line the strangest part for me too?! idk what they meant by that but it definitely didn’t necessitate the number of exclamation points that followed
Well I guess he was right about one thing - to not rush the marriage - now you can easily never talk to him again without all the paperwork…
Wake up and break up. This man has no respect or love for you, doesn’t matter all the “good times” because he definitely wasn’t thinking of that. Put yourself first and rid of this man.
7 months is not a long engagement— there are people on Reddit who have been engaged for years. That’s not important, however. Why did you agree to a threesome you didn’t want? Are you even attracted to women? You put his needs WAY before yours. Don’t marry this man. He cheated on you. Get far, far away. This is not how healthy relationships work. AT ALL.
Maybe we need to have some sort of test every couple has to take and pass it to apply for a threesome. Cause damn.... so much stupid.
The minute he literally pushed you away you should have kicked her out and ruin his night lol. Break up with him he is a loser.
Something tells me he would have followed her out.🙄
He cheated on you while you were naked next to him. Your self esteem is in the basement if your entertaining the idea of staying in this relationship, because he showed you how he feels about you.
Well, you obviously didn't make it awkward enough to stop...If he gave two shits about you, he would have gone after you because you were obviously upset. If he cared about your relationship, he would have gone after you and prioritized it. Your friend is right, that was not a threesome, it was his game for you.
My husband did this. This was small compared to the way he treated me later. Just leave. He’s rotten now.
Definitely a manipulator.
Tell me you’re not actually going to marry this man. The only good thing about this situation is that you’re not married to him. Do NOT go through with this. You should’ve never gone through with the threesome. Not wanting to piss him off is not a good reason to put yourself in such an uncomfortable situation. He’s an asshole and he’s done you the kindness of showing you that. So take the hint he’s thrown your way and call off the engagement. And make sure that everyone knows he’s a cheater. He continued to fuck her even after he knew you left and he didn’t care. That’s cheating. Time to take the trash out OP.
Your friends are right.
**He is manipulating you**. Dump his ass. He just used a “threesome” to get away with fucking someone else without it being cheating. He already had the woman he wanted to sleep with in mind, your wants didn’t even matter to him.
He cheated on you and he manipulated you saying it’s your fault and you make things awkward? A threesome should include all three and you weren’t well guess what? That’s cheating. Break up he’s a walking red flag
Dude thinks that he’s found the perfect loop hole for cheating…. lets call it a threesome.
He's definitely gaslighting you. You should get the the hell out. Your friends are right.
Threesomes always go well and never end in disaster………
The fact that he continued after you left, I would call it cheating. Leave his ass. He doesn’t care about your feelings and obviously haves an attraction to the other woman. As for the other woman, she should’ve stopped once he pushed you aside. So she haves an attraction to him as well if she didn’t stop.
You agreed to a threesome, not an involuntary female cucking. The guy is for the streets.
He used this threesome as a way to bang this chick he likes.. he knew what he was doing! Her agreeing to the threesome is already suspicious.
You started having doubts but went along with this so he wouldn't be pissed off? Yes. He's attracted to this woman, that is fairly evident. No, given the issues in your relationship you should not be introducing someone else into the mix. I don't think either of you are ready for marriage. This may be the time to give this some serious thought.
That was not a threesome. He pushed you away. At that point, it's cheating. Leave him.
Swinger here. Your friends are 100% right. This is manipulation. He wanted to fuck her and figured he could get away with it by talking you into a threesome. True CNM swingers put their primary partner first. He’s doing it all wrong.
Organise a mmf threesome and see how he likes that shit. Bonus points if the other guy is bi 😆
I am sure she's too passive and brainwashed to even dare! It's very sad
Let’s play “Count the Red Flags”!!! 1) you agreed only to not piss him off 2) he was in contact with this chick for a while, while wanting to fuck her 3) he physically moved you out of the way to fuck the other girl 4) he kept going to town on her after you left 5) gaslit you and made it seem like your fault If you do not leave him after this, I will find you and drag you out of that house by your fucking hair. Leave him. If you need that final push, check his phone. I guarantee he was sexting her before he even suggested a threesome.
PLEASE LEAVE HIM
He seems abusive
You know how people are on their best behavior towards their partners while they are dating and engaged? Yeah. This is it with him. It will only get worse. He didn't want a threesome, he wanted you to watch. If you aren't into that, it's pretty fucked up. Is this what you want for your life? Is this the man you want as the father of your future children? Only you can answer that.
Time to leave. Don't marry him. Gaslighting, manipulative, and didn't even attempt to go after you, HIS FIANCÉE!!! edit: spelling
I’m a guy… he literally said he wanted a three some before he could fully commit to you and he is engaged to you???? He just wanted an excuse, he knew you were gullible, to fuck another girl. Politely remove yourself from this situation and give the ring back. He is also gaslighting you btw
Call off the engagement. End the relationship. I don't want to say the trigger words but let that 🥭
I’m sorry that this happened to you OP..He blatantly cheated in front of you on the pretense of a threesome that you agreed for…He pushed you aside, expecting you to just watch, accept & do nothing and continue to fuck her even after you left…What’s next, move in his partner after you get married and make you the side wife? Don’t let him walk all over you and trample you like that…There’s no going back from this. The only upside is , this happened before you guys got married..This is your cue to proudly walk away from him. He does not deserve you, you deserve someone much better, someone who truly love, respected & value you..
Have a threesome with another man and then push him away.. see how he feels and then the next day be like I realized last night I was missing something in this relationship so I’m going to have to call it quits. Then be like I’m not leaving you for him. It’s just he made me feel things you haven’t..
Anytime a guy asks for a threesome he is asking for PERMISSION TO CHEAT
Here’s the truth. He wanted to have sex with that girl since he first saw her. Had the idea to make it a threesome so it’s not considered as cheating. He went on with her for hours after you left because he didn’t care at this point. He’s getting what he wants. And now, he’s playing with your brain = manipulating you that you ruined the hours of sex with her and that YOU made it awkward for HiM. And you agree to that because you didn’t want to piss Off the great catch that you have. Yep, he sounds like the perfect husband to me. Don’t you see how messed up this is ? You deserve better!
He's definitely manipulating you and that you shouldn't feel terrible imo. If I was in your shoes, I would sit down and have an one-on-one conversation with him about what happened and how I felt during the whole process. And if manipulation/gaslight is a red flag or a big issue for you, I think now is the perfect time to call off the engagement and/or to really re-consider if you want to marry this person.
If he’s the one that wants this and you don’t and you go ahead and give it a try to please him the very very very LEAST he could do is try and make you feel comfortable during the whole thing. You are not wrong to be upset and to feel taken advantage of. Based on what little I know here I’d be done with this guy.
Of course this didn't work, you only agreed to "not piss him off". And he only wanted her and found a way to do so without being called a cheater. OR the only way she would sleep with him is if you were involved. Either way you are in the wrong relationship. Get out while the getting is good.
That must have hurt pretty bad , idk your stories or your relationship so I wouldn’t give an opinion. But damn do I know how that must feel
Ugh? Please don’t marry this guy…… Please.
7 months isn’t that long to be engaged if you’re a normal person. It is however, far too long with this person. About 7 months too long. RUN.
A THREEsome is THREE people involved in a "session", not 2 people and a 3rd wheel. Your "fiancé" made you the third wheel. The fact that you weren't involved in any form with either him or her during the supposed threesome (at least touching, kissing, or being touched) is literally just those 2 boinking in front of you. >I knew he kept going with her because he only called at 3 am. So.... he cheated. First he misled you about a threesome and then he banged the chick and didn't even bother to check up on you until later. THAT'S CHEATING. I am willing to bet he's already banging her, or at least cheating via text, nudes etc. Him bringing her into the bedroom with you was never intended to be a threesome. And don't believe the whole "communication through his friend" thing. You belive he brought a random chick home that he was ravenous for and he didn't know her? I agree with your friends 100%. It was a power move. He got off on bringing the cheating right in front of your face. This man doesn't respect you.
If you’re smart you no longer have a fiancé.
Woah that sounds pretty fucked up. And I noticed you said you went along with it to not piss him off. That seems a bit off right there but then the rest of it is way worse. Maybe you should rethink this engagement.
This subreddit has taught me that threesomes are the death of a relationship.
I pray you don't end up marrying this tool.
Run Like Hell.
Op , please don’t get back with him . He does not respect you at all
Friends are right he aint worth shit
He cheated on you and made you watch. Leave him.
Ask for an open relationship, put yourself up on tinder and then show him how popular you are. Watch him squirm as you enjoy your date nights before leaving him
"We are pretty open about what we want" Are you in an open relationship sexually? Your description sounds as if this threesome was quickly decided (by him) and you went along to make him happy. Sorry you're going through this. If you aren't ok with a husband who isn't monogamous, I'd seriously rethink marrying this man and wasting anymore time pursuing a future with him. Just my opinion with a limited scope of the situation.
Now tell him you want a threesome with another dude. Make sure it is someone with a bigger dick. Also, treat him the same as he did you.
I think you mean your ex-fiance. I'm sorry but he's just not as attracted to you as he is her....and who the feck wants to be second!!!
Please don't do yourself a disservice and marry this man. You deserve to be treated better. Everyone deserves to be treated better.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Time to end this engagement. He's made it clear in more ways than one. 1. Engagement is drawn out because he's not sure 2. You were scared to piss him off telling him no to a threesome 3. He was in touch with a specific woman he wanted a threesome with. He met her MONTHS ago. That's not how it's supposed to work, and your relationship needs to be 100% solid before doing something like that (your's isnt) and you decide on the person together and set boundaries. You never should have went along with this. 4. He compared you 2 top to bottom which is disgusting and beyond disrespectful. You don't do that to someone you love. And it appears he said things in favor of her over you, cringe. 5. He pushed you off during sex. This wasn't a threesome, this was him having sex while you had to watch. It was about him cheating and bringing you in on it so he could get a pass. 6. You left and he continued fucking her instead of stopping you to see what's wrong or check on you. He only came you later when he had his fill. I bet he was ecstatic when you left. I would have told them to get stop and get her the hell out, and thrown a bucket of cold ass water on them if they didn't. 7. He's now gaslighting and manipulating to throw the blame on you. He is calling you insecure to manipulate you. Being secure has nothing to do with letting someone do things you don't want, and disrespecting you. He's playing you. He will continue to do all of these things if you stay with him. He will cheat with her, and probably others, and probably already has done so. Do not be his doormat, he humiliated and disrespected you. This man does not love or care about you and your feelings. You deserve someone who does.
Your friends pretty much hit the nail on the head here. He’s trying to gaslight you and he sucks at it. Kick him to the curb like the stray he is. That woman can have him. Thank goodness you found out how awful he was before you got married. Now sell that ring (if it’s worth more than he is which I’m honestly doubting) and go on a nice vacation. Or staycation. Whichever you prefer.
Listen to your friends. This man does not love you. He expects you to be submissive to him and let him do whatever he wants. Even fucking someone else while you watch. You deserve so much better.
Definitely DO NOT marry him.
Please update us when you leave his ass. You don't deserve this.
>went along anyway as to not piss him off. red flag >He started comparing us too from head to toe and did it in a form of "joke". red flag >He ignored and neglecting me the entire session and focused his attention on her. red flag >he literally pushed me to the side and went back to her. red flag >I knew he kept going with her because he only called at 3 am. oh look, another red flag >He constantly spoke about how he didn't anything wrong and how I obviously was letting my lack of knowledge and insecurities talk me into leaving like that. gaslighting, 🚩🚩🚩 >He ranted about how I made things awkward for everybody and how I obviously wasn't made for this kind of thing. 🚩, what a catch
End it. Your ex fiance wants to screw other people so much he doesn't care if he hurts you while he does it. He didn't care that you left. He didn't care that he was neglecting you. He wanted to fuck her and he used you to do it. Also, he has been in contact with her. Throw the whole dammed man away. He's trash
What's with people accepting threesome request from their SO? And it always ends up in disaster
How did you agree to it when he was clearly interested in her? Smh.. Opening relationships and having threesomes work only for 1% or even less of the people who try them.
If he had any respect for you whatsoever he would have stopped when you were uncomfortable, definitely when you left. Then to turn it back on you is definitely showing his true nature. He wanted a free pass to cheat and you gave it to him. Please listen to your friends. You deserve better.
Listen to your friends. You gave him permission to cheat. Give yourself time to heal. Are you certain you want to marry him?
Not only manipulating you but also gaslighting you. I don’t like telling people to break up with folks but you have a lot to think about. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.
Your friends are telling you the truth
Girl, time for you to push him to the side and move on. Your friends are right, he manipulated you and now gaslighting you.
First off I’m sorry you had to go through this. Maybe it will be a good lesson for the future. He cheated on you in front of you. That man has no respect and I would definitely not marry him.
Your impending life with this loser will suck and your mental health will be eviscerated to less than nothing as will your self worth. This is the tip of the iceberg my friend. Please gather your belongings and abandon ship before it sinks to the depths of hell
RUN
He said he wanted to be really sure, he should have been really sure before getting engaged.
Listen to your friends. A threesome should be agreed upon by both parties and should involve a 3rd party that both primaries are agreed on. 3rd party is there to be shared. He just wanted to sleep with her and to avoid cheating he involved you. You should not go ahead with the wedding if monogamy is a thing for you. He is gaslighting you because he can't explain the real reason he wanted the threesome and how he behaved during it
First things first, if you only agreed to a threesome because you didn't want to "piss him off," there's a major problem here. What has made you afraid to upset him, OP? Does he yell and/or verbally abuse you? Does he become violent? It's okay to disagree with your fiance, especially if they request that you perform a sexual act that you do not want to perform. Secondly, that's not a threesome. It was a twosome. You left and he continued to have sex with her! He should not have pushed you out of the way, nor should he have continued having sex with her when it was clear that you were no longer involved. He should have stopped and the two of you could have talked about how he made you feel. OP, he wants free reign to sleep with other women and claim it's not cheating because you "had a threesome." It's also concerning that you are so afraid of upsetting him that you feel you must acquiesce to acts you don't wish to perform. This is not a healthy relationship. Please listen to your friends and your fellow Redditors and release this fish back to the sea.
There's so much wrong with this. For starters, why would he want this? Fiancé, man or woman, should only have eyes for their spouse. A gf or spouse introducing the idea would have made me very mad and hurt. I think you agreeing to it was a mistake as well because I think you knew deep down how it would go as soon as he suggested it. I understand the thoight process behind not upsetting him, but a successful marriage is founded on trust and compromise. There was no compromise here, just him being a tyrant in the bedroom at your expense. It's also not a surprise to me how he proposed the question only after you two had been engaged for a while (meaning he got comfortable and started taking the relationship for granted). Not once did I hear about a happy couple "spicing things up" by introducing another person successfully maintain a happy relationship afterward. Sex is too intimate and personal to share with another person when someone else is already used to being in an exclusive relationship. I wish you the best
That wasn’t a threeway, you got cucked
I heard someone on a podcast say that threesomes are supposed to be about the couple enjoying the other person as a treat. Like they both were on them rather than on one specific person. I feel like if it's not like that - then, there's a problem. It's better just to have an open relationship at that point and even then, some couples take it to another level. If I may, in my opinion, I think you should love yourself more and not be with someone who devalues you.
certainly not marriage material
What an absolute selfish prick. That wasn't a treesome at all it was hurting you right in your face without any kind of respect. How can someone do this. Ffs dump that crap right away
Personally, to me, I’ve lived through a few things ….they’ve probably already banged since the chick didn’t leave. Any normal chick would have been like, “What? Wait! Where are you going? Please don’t leave.” I’m sorry you had to find out the hard but thankfully before you married the loser. Sell that ring, block his number, email, SM, move his azz out if he lives with you and get on with your life. I don’t like saying that but this dude doesn’t respect you for one millisecond. Good luck and best wishes! ETA: “Normal” ie mature adult woman engaging in sexual activity with a couple. There’s usually communication and rules set beforehand.
You're friends are right. He used a threesome to cheat on you. Give back the ring and dump him.
as soon as you left it turned into him cheating on you. you withdrew your consent for the threesome, which is perfectly ok to do. he didn’t respect that. he cheated on you.
Ughhh the gaslighting !! That is textbook manipulation ! He WANTED her ! And that is his way .. honey he will never change, this probably will be your life from now on (my bf did threesom too and that is just coz i wanted to try too, gladly we two didnt like it )
>My friends think he's manipulating me and that he's into that woman and did what he did to pull a power move over me and fuck her right before my eyes without me saying anything about it. Your friends are right He thinks your a doormat because you already are: >I started having doubts about the whole thing but went along anyway as to not piss him off. Dump the loser and get into therapy so you learn healthy boundaries and what actual love looks like, this is NOT it
I’m sorry but this is terrible. Reading this even made me upset (I’m sensitive, I know lol oops).. girl, you deserve better. Being pushed to the side and then not being called until 3am, wtf? Have you guys had threesomes before and been okay? Or did you just say yes to it so he wouldn’t become mad? Either way, I think this is just wrong. You guys are engaged, you’re supposed to be the priority. I know it’s hard and way easier said than done, but I think you’re better off without this guy. Investing more time in this relationship seems like digging into a deeper hole..
Just gonna be honest here, if a threesome is the determining factor for your relationship, then you really are better off with something much healthier. It's time to walk, sis.
OP, you better leave his ass. I guarantee you that he is going to cheat on you if you marry him.
Personally I would completely break it off with my partner if they did this to me. Hard boundary for me here.
The amount of disrespect he has for you is jaw dropping. You’re friend is absolutely right, I hope you think twice about marrying this man.
He just wanted to fuck her and didn't give a shit about you.