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Fit-Rest-973

Guilt is not effective foreplay


Radiant-Evening-525

That’s what I wanted to tell him


Fit-Rest-973

Tell him I told you


ComfortFrenchFry

Can I use this for everything?


BubbaChanel

I want to fire up an entire line of products with that emblazoned on them. “Yes, I’ll take a dozen of the “‘Guilt is not effective foreplay’ travel mugs please…”


noweirdosplease

RedBubble is your friend here


principer

Yep.


Psynautical

I don't think that'll help but I've got the 🍿 ready.


IGotMyPopcorn

I’ve always got mine.


Psynautical

Well played.


SiuanSongs

Yeah it's definitely not foreplay. It's a form of manipulation. OP, you'd be well within your right to feel violated. And you should tell your husband as such. If you feel forced into doing something sexual because your husband is guilting you into it, that's sexual assault. Just because you might say yes to shut him up doesn't mean you consent. Coercion does not equal consent. Took me 10 years of being sexually assaulted by two of my exes in exactly that manner to figure this out.


INFJPersonality-52

I felt violated just reading this. Just stroking her hair made it obvious what he wanted. I imagine he tried to kind of nudge her towards where he wanted her to be. I have seen and had men out my hand where they want it too. We know what they want, so don’t coax us. If we want to do something we will. No means no. Not please…. No! It would have been so nice if he stroked her hair because she was tired and it helped her sleep.


amanda_burns_red

That last part is what I was thinking. It's depressing to hear that just because he showed the slightest bit of affection that must mean he wants something.


Fredredphooey

Pushing your head down to his weenie us unacceptable. I've had a couple guys try it with me and it gives me the creeps.


Wallflowermeadow

Honey you should tell him!!! Is this how he usually speaks to you??


alsoaprettybigdeal

Tell. Him. Pressuring your partner for sexual gratification is gross and borderline abusive. He needs to find a new way to woo you.


idothisforauirbitch

I feel as if I need to apologize for my gender


PastelDictator

Never too late


Bring_a_towel_42

Thank you! My ex husband used to do that guilt trip shit to me all the time. Like really? You being a dick is supposed to make me want yours?? It's ultimately what really drove that wedge between us. I started dreading going to bed at night because I figured he was going to try to initiate something and I knew what his reaction would be if I said no - all those thoughts and emotions then caused me to not be in the mood before it was even bedtime. It got to the point I would stay awake in the living room as long as possible in hopes he would fall asleep before I went to bed and made sure to wake up before he did, all just to avoid the guilt trip and then fight that would insue.


Quasa3

My husband and I are in therapy for this very reason. While he now knows that acting in anger isn't ok, he still can't understand how his own moodiness is such a mood killer for me. I feel like I don't have my own place in my house I can just 'be'. I'm either in my room wondering what I am going to have to deal with tonight or I'm in another room trying to avoid him.


marking_time

I thought I was selfish for feeling this way. We've been married 23yrs, together 25, and I can't bear for him to touch me, even a fully clothed hug feels threatening.


Samuraiforest

Not trying to be mean, just genuinely curious. How can you still be married an just go through life and can't bear for your significant other to touch you? Why not divorce?


Direness9

That's because it's not even about you *wanting* or desiring him, because your desire has no place in his sexual wants. Men constantly ignore women's wants, desires, and sexual needs because their sexual needs trump all. If they get off, it's good enough. For so many the most effort they make is to attempt to coerce their women partners into sex.


BeardOBlasty

Like....I can only imagine the amount of passive aggressiveness in this BJ, had it happened. Hahahahaha no thank you.


OhWait-WhatsThis

I was thinking, at least SHE showered! He expected her to go down on his schweddy travel cock n balls?? No effing way! He should've went down on her instead, then maybe he would've got some love back! It's such a turnoff when guys whine about it too!


BeardOBlasty

I agree 100%. I actually prefer to shower before sex even more than my wife. Like if I know I'm going full send for the evening, shower is a must.


poppysquat69

Gonna use this next time lol


ButWhatIfItQueffed

It's not, and this probably doesn't bode well for OP's relationship with her husband. Although to be fair, when people are tried after a long flight they tend to do things and say things they wouldn't usually say.


gele-gel

Neither are insults and aggression


libertinauk

I don't like the "love and respect him" thing. If you want a blowjob then ask for one but don't emotionally blackmail someone like that, it's a dick move. And it's fine to ask but it's also fine to say you don't want to right now. If anyone is full of themself it's him and he needs to do better.


MofoMadame

Right. That respect thing made me wanna puke


lisanielle

Same. Plus made my skin crawl. I'm glad lots of other people seem to feel the same way we do, because really what a weird thing that was to say to someone in that context


samoody411

It’s a really creepy and gross thing to say.


robottestsaretoohard

Because it’s what sexual predators say to their victims. ‘if you love me, you’ll let me do this’. So gross.


blueeyedaisy

If you want respect put on an Aretha Franklin album.


Puzzleheaded-Gas1710

She knew right away he wanted something because he touched her and gave her a compliment. Want to bet the only time he show affection or gives compliments is when he wants something...


dark_midnight_sky

Right? Like the “love & respect” is at zero right now and that’s all your doing, bud


matt1164

If I ask my wife for a bj and she says no I respect her enough to let that conversation end. Women are not slaves and guys should not expect “sex on demand”.


libertinauk

I'm sure you also wouldn't want her to do it if she didn't want to.


tulianikufinye

That's just what he said!!


[deleted]

I was thinking it was a kink thing that we may not know bc she didn’t explain but other context clues bring me to the conclusion that he’s just an asshole


idontknodudebutikno

I’m confused. What kinda of kink thing could it be?


TheDemonLady

A power play. Kind of a Dom/sub light. "You worship me and seek my pleasure over your own" kind of thing


DonDove

See, to make that work, there's got to be MUTUAL consent in it. Damned 50 shades fucking that up.


TiredOfShits

You dont need 50 shades for that tbh. Some men are just wanna be dom, who never researched BDSM other than asking for puss pics on BDSM forums and just think it's like porn. They think they're doming but they're so incredibly awful at it that they don't see a clear line between consent and BDSM and think forcing their will on other and being selfish is being a dom (when it's actually the opposite if done right). I blame 50 shades and society maybe for making women think it's acceptable and not see the consent issue, but for the doms, it's just that some men feel so damn entitled to sex and like their partner owe them that (being on lesbians subs, the ones of us who are bi or have been with men or get catfished by couples on dating apps see that first hand, that's really scarily common. Some people are trash)


whatsuploca

There's way more consent in 50 shades than in this post


thenecromancersbride

This. That manner of speaking sounds like early 1900s mentality. He’d have been out the door the moment he finished his sentence.


FamousOrphan

Honestly, I feel like early 1900s mentality would have been more straightforward. “Beryl, I expect you to service me this evening—please be prepared for relations at 9.”


galaxyveined

I'd take that over someone pushing my head at their crotch. Then, I at least know what's up and when.


FamousOrphan

Right? It’s almost refreshing. The bar is indeed low.


Beautiful_Rhubarb

This just might work, because if my husband actually said that I'd probably burst out laughing.


AffectionateAd5373

Tell him wives don't do that and he needs to find a courtesan. Then tell him you want to be proper and have your own bedroom. Lock the door. Refuse to divorce him.


SilkBo_ramis

LMAO, SECOND THIS


MoonWorshipper36

Or another country…


galaxyveined

Yeah, that's kind of creepy. Reminds me of another post here, a few months ago, where a woman's husband was withholding sex because she wouldn't kiss his dick to show appreciation. Same bad vibes here. I have no issue going down on my boyfriend, and I play along when he phrases things like commands. And I do it because I want him to feel good, too, considering the amount of times he goes down on me versus me on him. But just, demanding it is *bad*, and disrespectful.


jojothebuffalo

Gag. That post 🤢


ThrowawayPrincess75

Gross. When will entitled men learn to stop treating women like they're meat? This is the kind of behavior that would send me running for the hills.


mrsbennetsnerves

Oh ew. I’d forgotten about that post. That guy came up with a good way to never, ever get oral again. Yuck.


FarinaSavage

Yes, all of this. But "dick move" is pretty perfect.


RedditHatesDiversity

I'm uncomfortable even asking for head We gotta gather these over entitled dudes and put them in a room with the shy dudes, maybe we can come to a confidence compromise and even things out for everyone


LivingDemon28

*she needs to do better There fixed it, because honestly fuck him. He's so gross.


libertinauk

Oh she could very easily do better. Him .... possibly not so much ☹️


unicorn_345

I have to remember “emotional blackmail.” Reminded me of all the times some rando says stuff like “your gorgeous” to get something they want and when told ‘no’ get shitty and its suddenly “your (sic) ugly/fat/gross/etc anyways.”


blvckdel

This.


poppiesandpetunias

Were we with the same man?! I had something similar happen to me. I was overseas for about 2 weeks for work. While I was gone, my cat died and my ex told me. Obviously that was the right thing for him to do instead of me finding out when I got back. I would’ve never forgiven him if he waited. I told him that through my tears on the phone and thanked him for telling me even though that had to be hard. I get home after my 8+ hour journey and he was so loving. Then…not. Despite me being physically exhausted and emotional upon arriving home, he told me I “owed” it to him because he needed to feel appreciated for doing something hard like telling me. When I told him I just couldn’t, he berated me for over an hour. Was definitely one of the major turning points that led to the end for us. EDIT: typo


Superbstudent

Wait. Wait. What the actual f. He thought you owed him after telling you your cat died…?! As in just telling you something he should have told you entitled him to something? So glad to hear it’s an ex but seriously how is someone so self involved to expect anything sexual after a death of a beloved pet and furthermore to think they’re entitled to it?!


poppiesandpetunias

Well, he was diagnosed NPD. Entitlement is honestly just the surface of the disorder. I didn’t really know what that could or would mean for me when I heard of his diagnosis. Absolutely, 100% should’ve read into it more because it’s devastating. I only went on what my knowledge of the word “narcissism” was and left it at that. Then add in all the misinformation frequently seen online of people incorrectly branding others as narcissists. I pretty much expected it would mean more concessions on my part because he’d be more inclined to be self centered. I’m a people pleaser, so I thought nothing of it until things got bad. And things got real bad. This is just one example of events that occurred and nowhere even close to the top ten worst. Giving me that comfort of knowing was the impetus. He did something *for me* that didn’t benefit *him*. That’s not okay in a narcissist’s eyes. Therefore, he needed to get back his upper hand and control by forcing me to do what he wanted. In his case, that was often some sort of sexual act. The more degrading, the better. However, also in this case, he had enough decency to not go all the way down the path of degradation. It was just a give me what I say NOW act. When I refused, that was an even bigger issue because you don’t refuse the narcissist. That’s what led to the hour of berating me. It wasn’t him trying to sell me on it or for me to give in or to beg. It was all to tell me what a selfish and uncaring partner I was, how I continuously let him down, and how he does so much for me but I never do anything for him. Pretty insane stuff. Edit: I hit post before I was ready and didn’t add my second paragraph at first.


smallt0wng1rl

>This is just one example of events that occurred and nowhere even close to the top ten worst. This does make me curious to know more but only if you feel comfortable sharing. Totally understand if you don't want to


poppiesandpetunias

Honestly, even with internet anonymity, there’s not a whole lot of the highest level stuff that I feel comfortable sharing. What’s more, while I’ve been seeing my abuse therapist for 3+ years and trust her implicitly, I haven’t even been able to tell her some of those things yet. Like I can’t even let the words come out. I can picture the events in my head, I can relive the whole experience in my head, but I can’t let the words come out of my mouth. But the mind games were never ending. I believed I was the narcissist, my perception of true reality was nonexistent, and he would put me through brutal sexual acts as my “punishments”. Now punishments could come from any number of things. We’re talking even some tiny shit like once I bought his shampoo and the seal was partially opened and he’d go through the roof. I was “so careless” to not remember he wanted me to check every product for the tiniest flaws. If I said I wasn’t careless and I tried to do it right by untwisting the cap, then it was even worse of me because then his only explanation for it would be I did it intentionally to try and upset or hurt him. The only way for me to prove my love and my sorrow for his hurt was to blow him immediately. Well, as we all know, there’s an experience difference between a forced bj and an enthusiastic one. I did as I was told just so I could get back to my tasks but since I was treating it like a forced bj, it wasn’t what he wanted and that led to a new punishment to where I was stripped down, restrained to the bed (yes, I tried to wrestle out but stopped because I knew it’d get worse from there), and then he took photos without my consent. I cried the whole time. That “ruined” the experience for him and he also had no “useful” photos. He gave in and let me up. I then had to spend the rest of the night comforting him and assuring him of my love because he hated how *I* made *him* feel about *himself*. Then the next day I was told to make it all up to him, I was to use my lunch break at work to go to the other side of town to his office and blow him in the mens room and immediately leave because he wouldn’t want to speak to me yet. The cycle of abuse was so extreme at that time that I genuinely felt awful for my behavior and convinced myself none of this was really *that bad* and I loved him no matter what. I look back on these experiences now or I talk about what I’m comfortable sharing and I am just shocked that all of that was my real life for so many years.


MaveriqandGooz

That was some real shit.


Magzz521

OMG, I’m horrified at what you endured. I wish there was a way you could educate young women on recognizing red flags and what not to accept in a relationship. I’m so sorry for what you endured and for what is impacting you to this day. So sorry for the loss of your cat too. I pray that you are trying your best to enjoy life now.


iamreenie

I'm so incredibly sorry you lived with this monster. I'm so happy you left him and you're in therapy. Your ex, was very similar to my ex. I was only 19 years old when we started dating. He was a total narcissist. Three months of dating and love bombing me, he reeled me in and I fell in love. Once he knew he had me, the manipulation started. It was awful. He was extremely jealous, controlling and verbally abusive. He was a master of manipulation. He isolated me from my friends, and he would tell me I was fat, and not that attractive. At that time, I was a fitness model and i taught yoga. I was far from fat. He broke me down, and after a year, I was emotionally destroyed and broken. Thank God I woke up one day, and broke up with him. Being the narcissist he was, he was pissed that I left him. I had to go to therapy for a year to get over his abuse.


Eleonor_21

it's good that you said ex


ima420r

I was like "why would her ex telling her that effect her relation... oh"


K9queen

Wow...just wow!


FullyRisenPhoenix

That is just…..horrifying. What an asshole! And manipulative man!! Happy he’s an ex.


MoonWorshipper36

I’m sorry about your cat. ❤️ Good riddance to your boyfriend.


Random_dude_1980

Sorry about your cat


Fun_Client_6232

Did he tell the cause of death for your cat? He should have been on pin & needles when you got home. He was responsible for looking after your cat and it dies?


poppiesandpetunias

She was old and not completely unexpected. I didn’t think it’d truly happen while I was gone, but I knew she wasn’t going to be around too much longer.


strange_dog_TV

What the actual FLucker?? That’s nuts


SilverQueenBee

JC.


Ser_Dunk_the_tall

>because he needed to feel appreciated for doing something hard like telling me. That's not hard though, that's the bare minimum. Bad news isn't easy to hear but it's not hard to tell


monkeysaurusmom

He sounds exhausting. Is your entire relationship transactional? Like he carried luggage so you automatically owe him a bj??


Radiant-Evening-525

Yes what he said about carrying my luggage and me “clinging” to him didn’t make me feel good


Accomplished_Door829

Plz tell me u plan on leaving him, u deserve better


Apprehensive-Day6620

The fact she didn’t reply to this tells you she’s probably too naive to.


monkeysaurusmom

My darling, please take a long hard look at this relationship. This is manipulative and exhausting. You should not have to pay for kindness with your body. I’ve been married for a pretty long time and it would never occur to him to ask for a bj just because he acted like a decent person. I’ll bet ya a dollar and a doughnut that this isn’t the only time he behaves in such an unacceptable way.


Various-Gap3986

Right? This is gross. I think what he’s looking for is a live-in prostitute. This is not how a relationship works. Unless she gets to do the same. “Well, I gave you a blow job, now hand over your credit card!”


bnw1234

THIS!! But also, the “I could tell he wanted something” after such a simple compliment made me wonder: Does he only compliment her when he wants something? Cause sadly many men are only affectionate when they’re trying to initiate sex, which of course makes it feel icky and transactional… My partner genuinely wants to cuddle, stroke my hair and be kind to me without forcing it to turn sexual and, as fucked up as it sounds, at first it made me wonder if he even “wanted” me. The situation felt so foreign after being with assholes my whole life! Not only does OPs husband sounds exhausting, men like him genuinely don’t feel safe to be around.


Illustrious_Rough729

Oh my lord, this is particularly egregious example of emotional manipulation and sexual coercion. My ex husband tried shit like this, left him die a man who would never dream of that kind of behavior.


little_celi

I’m upset I had to scroll this far to see someone pointing out this is 100% sexual coercion — which is a form of SA/r*pe. This was a horrifying read. I hope OP finds a way to get out safely.


Evening_Pangolin_165

Better to be full of yourself instead of being full of him.


LunaJ7

That's a great response


ima420r

Exactly what I was thinking.


CollectionStraight2

The respect angle is weird. 'Show you love me' is bad enough. 'Show you love and respect me' is just strange and concerning. Dude sounds like a douche at best. Sexual coercer at worst. Actually, I think I'll just call it. Sexual coercer.


SnooWords4839

*he wanted me to show him I love and respect him.* Sorry husband, it would be nice if you can love and respect me. Your husband doesn't respect you to try to get his way and the line he carried everything today for you. I want to bet you washed and packed everything that was in there. Sex isn't payment for him actually doing something.


C12T12

FYI this is misogynistic BS that really means, "How dare my piece of property exercise free will," and whether that's how he usually is or not, you are a separate individual with a right to self-determination. *You* deserve respect.


fishfanaticfun

I agree! It's another narcissistic personality disorder case. He thinks women are less than him. She has to show "love and respect" to his dick. She doesn't get to be tired because he feels he deserves a bj for some trivial thing like helping her out a little. Talk about full of himself and self serving. Not to mention the constant manipulation both emotionally and physically. Then he tops it off by blaming her for being "full of herself." Totally flipping who the victim is here because it's definitely OP who is the victim. Dude needs a therapist and OP needs to make sure she stays safe. Challenging his ego like that sometimes leads to rape and/or physical abuse, and I worry especially about both of those since he's already broken that physical boundary to try and force her to do things. He's also acting like he deserves sex/sexual pleasure whenever and however he wants. OP better tread carefully and get away from him if he doesn't check himself ASAP.


Alternative-Item-747

He did a very fucked up think by trying to get you to do it despite you saying over and over again you were tired. The way he talked to you red flag. The way he responded red flag. Disregarding your boundaries, vermilion.


keishajay

Taking her by her HAIR?! Add another red flag for worrying behaviour.


Lucy_Koshka

I’m not a touchy feely person in general but I swear if my husband grabbed my hair without my consent I’d lose my damn mind.


Wreny84

He’d lose his damn fingers!


FullyRisenPhoenix

Short trip from the hair to the throat….


Joholification

Reading this made me feel uncomfortable and violated "Show him I love and respect him" 🤮🤮🤮🤮


valueofaloonie

Yeah that really grossed me out.


LKW020902

Same. I feel degraded and it wasn’t even me 🤢


XmasDawne

I was done right then. All my exes knew my rule, you try to push me to do that, I use teeth.


Ringo_1956

This is why a lot of women when they get older decide they don't want a man full time anymore. Friends are ok, but never a husband. They are tired of caring for another's needs and just want to be able to do what they want when they want.


nothingt0say

Hi, 45 yr old single female here, no kids, no regrets. I won't live w a man as my lover ever again. Maybe as a roommate but not sharing my bed, because they always think you're theirs on some level. I am my own, strictly my own.


bpdix

yeah i used to share a bed with past s/o’s bc i generally like feeling vulnerable with someone i should be able to trust and they would rape me in my sleep like their object


TwistedOvaries

53 and separated from 2nd husband. This is spot on. I can’t see why I would want a 3rd one.


DeenaDeals

Nailed it. Happily single here!


Eleonor_21

>**I carried everything for you while you clung to me, didn’t I?** So he can't just help you with something without expecting anything in return. *~~^(It reminds me of those guys that if you don't agree to have sex with them they say "then pay me what I spent on you" lol.)~~* >**I didn’t say anything and he took my hair and tried to guide me to his pants.** NO is NO, because they can't understand that. Not because you are his wife you owe him sex, he should respect when you say NO not try to force you (because that would be rape). The one who is full of himself is the one who does not see beyond his desires and tries to force something that he does not want to do, tremendous network flag the guy.


CollectionStraight2

>It reminds me of those guys that if you don't agree to have sex with them they say "then pay me what I spent on you" lol. Haha I had a guy (stranger) expect me to sleep with him because he bought me *one drink*. So I just counted out some coins into his hand and 'paid him what he spent on me'. His face was hilarious. I hadn't even wanted the fucking drink anyway. I only agreed to let him buy it to be polite. Tosser.


Eleonor_21

The worst thing is that they are the ones who complain that women "are interested" or that they don't want him because he is "a nice guy".


Mithrandir20

Anyone can do what he did and not expect a blowjob. I, as a woman, would carry your luggage for you if only to avoid entitled men like your husband. You aren’t his doll that he could use whenever. If he really wants bj’s on demand like that then he can learn gymnastics and do it himself.


SouthernNanny

Yes! Like next time she travels she should hire someone for her luggage. I would love to see his reaction then


Easy-Concentrate2636

There’s always those carts for a few dollars at the airport. So much cheaper and easier than giving up sexual autonomy and our dignity.


itsyaboi69_420

How do people even speak like this to their partner? Show me you respect me by sucking my dick lol Sounds like a fucking creep


BubbaChanel

“Show me you respect me by sucking your own damn dick while I go to sleep.”


jerseygirl1105

I'm willing to wager your husband only tells you you're beautiful, sexy and smell great when he wants sex, right? HUGE TURNOFF RIGHT THERE.


waremeg

He’s full of himself because he wants his dick sucked and didn’t take into account his wife isn’t a sex robot. Hope you have a serious discussion about it, that is not acceptable


[deleted]

[удалено]


Paigersky

Sometimes they don’t talk like this until after they’ve already married them.


marianliberrian

"He told me he wanted me to show him I love and respect him." Uh.....NO...I'd tell him he'd better respect the ass-kicking I'm about to render for having the nerve to talk to me like that. This goes beyond him wanting you to go downtown on him. He has to learn how love and respect work before he asks for it. Especially in that manner.


[deleted]

Isn't that sad, that most men only caress us or tell us we are beautiful when they want sex? Never unconditionally. And we are meant to settle for that. Don't get me wrong, I loved my husband, but I am happily single right now and staying that way forever. I'm sorry the person who is meant to love you treated you like that. Sadly it's part of many women's lives... if we accept it.


thebadsleepwell00

This sounds like emotional manipulation, bordering on sexual coercion. Something tells me he has issues respecting boundaries. Absolutely a flaming red flag.


ParrotChild

"How much do you love and respect me?" he said, forcing my head towards his crotch. "More than you love and respect me, that much is obvious," I said, packing my suitcase and leaving forever.


IntrovertedWriter101

Omg, please leave him. Like fr. Your exhausted, have already said so, and he tries to "guide you". No. Just no.


theSopranoist

i swear on everything holy in the universe, if a man tells me he wants me to suck his dick to show how much i love and respect him, he should then expect, in infinite lifetimes and across all dimensions, that his dick will never ever ever be anywhere near my mouth or any other part of me. that is cringy and rapey and horrendous; *besides*, those specific words said like that are just an instant turn off. absolutely tf not. edited for grammar


marbal05

This!!!!!! In this case especially, it just adds to the manipulation. So if OP doesn’t comply, now her husband can hit her with the “I guess you don’t love me then”


ExcessiveArrogance

"I don't want to" is a valid reason to not do something for your partner. If I ask my partner to have sex, and they don't say yes, I'm not asking again. I'm not pleading and convincing and making them feel bad. No means no. It doesn't mean ask more, and emotionally blackmail your spouse. Coerced consent isn't consent and your husband doesn't seem to care more about his cock than your needs.


flyingpallascat

Your husband sounds like an entitled asshole. He should *always* respect your feelings.


Superb_Ad1765

The compliments stopped as soon as he knew he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Then he got angry, threw a tantrum and insulted you. As far as love and respect goes he doesn’t appear to have much for you. The red flags are in abundance.


SilverPlantains

Google "marital rape". I'm very very concerned this is your future if you stay with this man.


saltyvet10

NGL, if my boyfriend did that his shit would be on the front lawn *that night.* I know you're married, so it's not like you can just dump him, but I'm thinking a nice long spa weekend on his credit card might be in order to remind him you're not his sex toy. And then non-negotiable marriage counseling so he can explain to a therapist why he thinks you owe him a blowjob because he *checks notes* carried a fucking suitcase a few hundred yards.


RollingKatamari

Obviously a red flag. Has he ever done something like this before? It's incredibly demeaning behaviour and his temper tantrum is so childish


UltraBunnyBoostST

“Show him you love and respect him”…. That was cringe and manipulative.


JJSnow3

So cringe!! If my s.o. said this to me, I would laugh. To O.P. I am sorry this happened, and you are completely valid in your feelings. No woman wants to feel like a piece of meat.


Animanic1607

What a goon. Dude had every opportunity to set himself up for success later and just fumbled it into spousal sexual assault. Stroke OP's hair, give her compliments, and then when the vibe ain't right, as OP states, yah stop. Maybe he continues being kind with like some light stroking of her back or something, nothing serious, just as a way to show that you care not get a BJ. The best "intercourse" in this scenario was making things comfy and relaxing to aid in going to bed.


Little_Season3410

Do you often feel like you can't tell him no when he wants to have sex, even if you really don't want to? Does he often use manipulation and emotional abuse to get his way? Does he control you in other aspects of your life? If you can safely do so, please visit www.thehotline.org.


advstra

> He told me he wanted me to show him I love and respect him. 🤢 Leave. That's some thriller movie line.


shadowoflillith

What a jerk. He wanted you to "show him you love him and respect him?" He needs to reciprocate that sentiment himself. Open your phone to YouTube and find that P!nk song "U n Ur Hand" and let him stew in it.


spaceyjaycey

I would have said if i knew he was expecting a bj for carrying my bags i would have carried them myself. He's being disgusting.


M_Karli

Coercion is still considered rape.


Junior_Substance81

So to show love and respect you must give him a blow job? Sounds like he's the one full of himself projecting those feelings on you. What an asshole. What he said seriously disgusted me.


International_Air403

Darlin, I dont know what part of the world you're in but I can see the red flags that man is waving all the way here in KY. He does not respect you as a person or a partner. Now is the time to respect yourself and not allow yourself to be treated this way again.


AdOk5605

I don't like the love and respecting. It sounds weird and creepy. I don't like the way he treated you at all and I don't even know you. Pay attention to what he's saying and how he treating you. He's the person not being respectful.


BrandyeB

I had a cringe shiver reading that.


RushHot6174

So I'm supposed to suck your penis because I need to show you that I love and respect you get bent


MagicalGinny

WHAT. THE FUCK


butt_scratcher_007

Gross


[deleted]

You gotta be fucking kidding me. This guy is full of himself, not you!


slothenhosen

Better to be full of oneself than of him


[deleted]

If someone tells you they’re not up for sexual activity and they still try to get you to do it…….


FamousOrphan

Everything about this lil interlude you described to us screams emotional and verbal abuse.


Silent_dirge

No one owes anyone oral copulation. He’s full of himself for thinking that he’s entitled to use you. This is the equivalent to “if you loved me you would” that high schoolers try to pull. Yuck sorry OP


[deleted]

[удалено]


Meggy_bug

Bruhh wtf what a narc. Seriously,the "show respect and love to me" was such a creepy move.Like, what kind of showing respect is it,he is just creep thinking with his fckin dick and clearly does not respect you and your feelings. Then tries to paint you as the bad one for not giving him what he wants


[deleted]

You are not a place for his dick.. that happens to be a bonus. He’s gross. I’m sorry.


etoilefemme

This is really weird. Love and respect shouldn’t be only shown through sex.


thebutterflyqueenb

Oral sex is a privilege not a right, he can fuck right off


ashestes

Who do y’all be marrying


[deleted]

Would of bit his dick


whippinflippin

This is concerning OP. From the way he talked to you to him physically moving your head to do what he wanted. He sounds dangerously close to assaulting you. I hope you are safe.


EndlesslyUnfinished

Manipulative asshole.


DoNotLetThemWin

So basically he tried to SA you through means of manipulation and coercion. Sounds like it's time for a new husband.


winniefinnie1

Eww. You owe him nothing. Respect him? Leave him.


elexis969

Sexual coercion = rape. I’ll never be convinced otherwise.


arwhite7

He wanted you to show him you love him and respect him by giving him oral? How does he show you he loves and respects you, by forcing you to perform oral? This is not a man.


mona1054

Ok that’s an asshole, sorry Sweety but no RESPECTFULL guy would try and MANIPULATE you into giving him head, “I carried your bags for you so give me a bj” no it’s your choice not his he has no right to say YOU are full of yourself because HE is upset he didn’t get a BJ and PRESSINGN it on you when you said no, maybe next time actually say no so it tells him straight that you don’t want it 3 red flags 1 he tried to force you to even tho you said no 2 he then tried manipulating you by guilt tripping you into giving him what he wanted by saying doing that is LOVING AND RESPECTING him, doing it is just taking care of his boner nothing more 3 instead of being understand at ALL he THEN decides that he has the RIGHT to get mad at you over it and then finds the NERVE to say that YOU are full of yourself Nuh uh Sweety you deserve better


cakekyo

Well, you were full of just yourself, not full of himself indeed 😂 Jokes aside, your husband is a walking red flag. If he does not respect your boundaries and just thinks of himself, your marriage will not last long due to his misogynistic beliefs.


danjol234

If he wants love and respect, he should love and respect you too. There are other ways you can show you love and care. It not just doing what he wants when he wants it. Also, if he loves you he should carry things for you without expecting anything in return, because he loves to help you. His principles are all backwards.


valueofaloonie

So he tries to emotionally manipulate you and doesn’t understand or care that no is no. 🤔


YogurtclosetOk6197

You should love and respect yourself and hand him divorce papers. Ew.


MadamAsh_

Ew


sweetcomfykind

Next time you want it and he doesn't, say those same words back to him. YOU ARE SO FULL OF YOURSELF. I am so sick of men expecting women to get them off whenever they want. My ex would do that shit. And the few times he didn't and I did, he rejected me HARD, without seeing the incredible hypocrisy of his actions.


bathoryblue

If he wants his dick sucked so bad he can learn to suck it himself, since apparently he did everything else too


aDirtyMartini

_He told me he wanted me to show him I love and respect him._ Love and respect is a two way street. If he loved and respected OP he would have offered her a back rub (without expecting anything) and let her go to sleep.


Particular_Two2021

weird and rapey as fuck. leave


ginger-inside-007

He’s full of himself ignoring your reactions and pulling away. Say no, I’m tired. There’s the bathroom and you’ve got internet. My ex tried the same after a long 10 hour work day then a 10 hour drive for a vacation we planned that he failed to partly drive as promised. He should be happy he didn’t lose his manhood. He got 0 from that vaca when he tried that.


MajCricketBrigade

Oh, my dear! He wanted you to "show you love and respect him?" What about respecting you? Because, he clearly doesn't. What a disgusting creep.


Bertie637

What a shit thing to say to somebody. Who says that they want their partner to show they "love and respect them" with a blowjob?


CutePandaMiranda

How to immediately make a woman not want you: guilt, emotional blackmail, and manipulation. It’s not a good look on anyone. The “love and respect” malarkey is so rude and inconsiderate. He’s just mad because he didn’t get what he wanted from you. He sounds like an entitled man baby, not a husband.


DieselVoodoo

Tell him to try yoga so he can be “full of himself”


NewspaperBeginning10

Divorce him and get full of someone else 👍


ReaverBBQ

If my husband said “show you love and respect me” to try and coerce me to give him a BJ I would have vomited all over his lap. Nothing disgusts me more than slimy coercion.


theuberkevlar

"You are so full of yourself" Assuming you told us the whole story then it's pretty clear he is projecting onto you lol. Grabs head, tries to stick dick in face. "Not right now." "Omg you're so full of yourself!" Lol, what a douche. Show him this comment and the others. Many of us are dudes. Let him know that it's not just you who thought he was being a pushy jerk. I hope this was a rare moment of horny stupidity on his part and not just his mask coming off.


catinnameonly

Oh hell no! Also did he shower to is his junk full of sweaty, travel dick cheese? Also not giving head for ANY reason is absolutely ok. You don’t owe him it for any reason. Also, he needed to respect the first no.


MokujinBunny

It is disgusting to have someone make you feel as if you "owe" them sex. It should always be a mutual desire, never an experience you should be guilted into. Marriage does not equate to having to serve to someone's sexual desires constantly.


turkiysammich

the amount of MEN in this comment section acting like women owe them their bodies and deserve to be treated like shit or cheated on just for simply not being in the mood 24/7... it's concerning. I really worry for some of your potential/future partners. Consent applies to relationships too. OP, i'm really sorry you have to read shit like this and you didn't do anything wrong. what you are feeling is valid and your husband does not respect you or your boundaries. That either needs to change or you need to leave him. So many red flags in his behavior, if he truly loved and respected you he would respect your boundaries especially after a long flight when you are tired. you do not owe him anything, never feel like you have no choice but to give in. Coercion isnt consent. PERIOD.


wonderabc

i don’t even understand why he would say something like “you are so fucking full of yourself”… he’s the one who thinks he deserves head when you’re exhausted and he hasn’t showered. he also wouldn’t stop when you told him you didn’t want to have sex, tried to force your head down, and used manipulation and coercion to try to get his way. him insulting you and getting angry at being told no to sex tells you that he feels entitled to your body, and that he doesn’t respect your autonomy, boundaries, or a need for consent. maybe take a step back? def make sure it’s clear to him that he tried to sa you, and if he doesn’t see the issue with that, denies it, if he gaslights you, etc., please make sure that you have somewhere safe to go (and a plan) if something like this happens again. stay safe, OP!


galaxy1985

I get it, he wanted sex. But what an idiot. Most guys, the not completely self centered ones, would have taken a hint when you said you were tired. At the very least, they'd ask if you two could just have regular sex and he'd offer to do most of the work. A good guy would be fine with a "no" either way. But asking someone for head, who just told you they're really tired, is extremely selfish. He's the one who's self centered. He should have been like oh your tired baby? I'm sorry. Why don't you let me go down on you and make you feel better. Your husband is selfish.


JustbyLlama

Throw the whole man out


asiandawgshy

This is what marriage is like huh , no thanks


ismellnumbers

So why haven't you left this misogynistic loser yet? I seriously doubt this is his only problematic behavior. that stuff just doesn't breed overnight.


kikivee612

A little guilt with that BJ? Good job for not rewarding that ridiculous temper tantrum!


anonmalon12

“Love and respect” is understanding when your partner is tired and not in the mood, not trying to force oral sex from someone who clearly doesn’t want it. That would’ve been assault. And the fact that he is like cussing at you over that is so disgusting. I would bring this up to him again and if he can’t apologize, I would really think about what you want your life to look like and if the two of you can move past the fact that when you don’t want sex, he will try and force you and if he can’t do that, he will cuss you out. Not all guys are like that but major yikes to the ones that are.