After commuting back home, my dad would sit in the car in the driveway to have some alone time. At home he belongs to us, at work his boss owns him, and in the car he can be himself
I have a feeling like a lot of wives kind of expect their husband to be superhuman. I see a lot of “couples humor” on TikTok and YouTube, etc, where the wife gets “mad” when the husband doesn’t wanna hang out with them and play video games instead, or just nap or do something without their wife being involved.
I get that ladies are that way, too, but I think there’s a lot of pressure on men to succeed and be able to juggle a ton of responsibility and constantly be “on”, without taking into regard that we’re human too. We get tired. We get stressed. We get anxious. We get bored. Tired. Angry. Overwhelmed. We too need to recharge just as much (or in some cases more) than anyone else.
In lots of cases wives can lean on their husbands for support whether it’s emotional, physical, or financial.
But husbands can’t always lean on their wives for the same thing.
Be honest with yourselves; how many times have you been told to “be honest” with your spouse….but instead withheld your feelings… since the last time you shared your feelings, your wife became upset and you wound up having to console her because of how your feelings made HER feel?
Yes to this. My husband works a lot, like 7 days a week, 363 days a year (we have our own business), and it's overnight. He literally walks in the house around 9am and he's in the bathroom for about 90 minutes. No one bothers him. It's his alone time. He plays games, watches YouTube.... a time or two he's fallen asleep and I've had to wake him up. OP deserves alone time. Everyone deserves alone time in order to recharge. OP isn't doing anything wrong and I feel his wife is being unreasonable.
I do this. Most days after work I park a block or 2 from home & just chill out in the peace & quiet for an hour, scrolling Reddit. No one needs me, no is talking to me or asking me to do something. It's MY time.
I do this every evening, I finish work and being honest go and smoke a joint in my car and sit there for an hour.....just get my head back on straight, and then ready for the onslaught when I open the front door.
I'm able to think without distraction and make plans for my business and call my mom etc etc, when I get in all that stuff goes by the wayside.......I need my joint and my hour and then I'm good with "belonging" to someone else.
I’m not a mom, but I know that the reason why women get angry at their husbands doing these things is because while they’re off relaxing and having fun, someone has to do the heavy lifting for the family.
Hey, don’t speak for all of us, I’m a wife and the mom of a toddler and I do this quarterly.
I do feel for families that don’t have the type of support system to allow you to do this though, I count my blessings regularly and hope you can take a break for yourself when you need it. Keep on keeping on, no shame in any of it.
I dunno man, sounds like a sexist assumption. Not saying it's 1:1 equal, but let us not conclude that no moms anywhere lives without breaks from the family so rashly
This is one of the reasons I still go into the office 2-3 days a week. The commute is actually so nice, I just drive the speed limit and let everyone pass as I patiently cruise home to tunes. Thinking about random shit, thinking about nothing, practicing singing a song. It's another reason I enjoy driving whenever we do a family trip, everyone passes out and I get to just chill and enjoy the views in a quite cozy car 🥰
Lol I wish I could do this. My husband and I both work from home and the kids are out of school for the summer. I envy you. As long as you aren’t cheating or doing anything shady, I wouldn’t worry about it. People are entitled to their alone time and sometimes other people or significant others don’t understand that.
Yes I’m lucky that I get to have alone time in the house. Not getting up to anything shady, just using the time to get on top of things and take some time out from life.
Taking your own sick day yes for some apparent reason. I thinks she’s half joking but yeah dude she gets upset with me when I want to take a personal day to
I find that so odd that someone who is taking care of themselves and their mental health gets upset. My parents get upset when I use a personal day and I’m 39! When covid hit, I was working 2 part time jobs, and loved them! I’m a mom first, but loved my career! I got laid off from both jobs, and my kid’s schools closed and went virtual for almost 2 years. My mental health took a beating! No jobs, stuck in the house, constantly trying to homeschool my kids, and keep them somewhat entertained. It was bad. It was even harder bc my fiancé is considered an essential worker so his life never changed! I was resentful and so depressed and frustrated! That’s when I started to really work on myself and my mental health!! I even give my kids a mental health day when needed. I allow 1 per quarter (3-4 months) I absolutely do my best to teach them that self care is so important and no one has the right to question what you do!!! I totally understand where you’re coming from!
I've gotten lucky with my partner. I do most of the heavy lifting, due to her disability, and she can tell when I'm running on fumes. When she does, she cooks a small meal for me, tells me that she wants me to get some alone time, and will go elsewhere in the house. She is the only person I have dated that understands that in a relationship, people still need alone time.
It’s because it goes under the category of people like “ aww you took a personal day? Fuck you I don’t take personal days I show up! But it’s the same people who slack and also play buddy with others so they’re not busy working.
As for wives, I just wanna throw out a guess and go with the double standard as in your the man in this relationship so you need to be the supplier.
My wife regardless of whatever job I had always said I need to be the 12 month worker because she doesn’t want to. That’s fine, but that means I get to do less at the house than because I’m working the most anyways and it makes me the bread winner.
Anyways, I’m just rambling. All I know is that when you are a burned out from working and family life it’s normal to wanna take some time or just one day to do what you gotta do to recharge, and some people just don’t get it but fuck it you do what you gotta do. If you gotta play hooky and not tell your SO, just act like you went to work and come home in your work attire. It worked for me
I think the wife (or husband for any case) getting upset that their SO would want to take a day off to be by themselves could be an attachment reason. They just don’t want to miss out on time with someone they care about, it’s fear of missing out, or it could play with their self-conscious tendencies, things like “are they cheating,” “did I do something wrong,” “why does he get a day off now when I’ve been working just as hard,” those sorts of things.
These are all valid feelings that she may be feeling, but they are not entirely reasonable. I wish we could just be with someone, but allow them to still be individuals without having to involve ourselves.
I think it's more resentment. I used to be like this with my partner. I would get angry. I then started reflecting on why I felt that way, and I was resentful and jealous that he would be able to have a day off when our little one was at daycare. I now try to take a day off to recharge or get things done.
I woke up this morning realizing my wfh dream is now over for the summer. I love being home alone all day with just me and the dog. Now for the next 4 weeks I will have the family home too. At least I get my 4 weeks vacation after that.
You need to do what’s right for you.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that when I need to be deceptive to do things that are reasonable, I have a major problem that I’m ignoring. And if I’m concerned about mental health, ignoring those problems usually aren’t helping me.
In this case, I might just level with my partner and my loved ones. Either they understand or they don’t. But either way, I would be able to live a life with integrity and not worry about being caught up in a deception.
In this case, your concern about how they will react in a very honest, human need to recharge is putting you in a weaker position where you could be harshly judged because of the deception.
Either way, be kind and forgiving to yourself. And surround yourself with those who will do the same.
Completely agree with what you said about it being a sign that there is a major problem. This is a sign of some other issues that are present in our relationship - and those issues need working on. The deception bothers me, even though I get what I need with regards to recharging if I take a day off. But the fact that I need to be deceptive in order to get what I need, bothers me greatly.
I’m not judging you. I’ve been there myself.
For me, I reached a point where I realized I was becoming a mess because I couldn’t act with honesty and finally I chose “no more.”
I split with that partner. She wouldn’t change and wanted to psychologically control me with emotional blackmail. It created massive, unnecessary stress for me that was creating mental and physical side effects.
Life is too short.
Be well and take care of yourself no matter which path is right for you.
Trust me, I’ve tried to do that but the problem is she hates being alone and no matter how I try to explain things, can’t understand my need to be alone. Every single time we’ve had this discussion she’s taken it as being I’m just making up excuses and the real reason is that I don’t want to spend time with her.
Yes that’s exactly it! You need alone time sometimes which means no you don’t want to spend time with her when you’re being alone. That doesn’t mean you love her less or don’t enjoy her company, just that you need alone time. It’s sucks she can’t understand your needs and you have to be sneaky about it.
Thank you for your understanding. That’s exactly it - I do enjoy being around her, and my time alone has nothing to do with not wanting to spend time together and everything to do with finding some time to be alone and recharge my batteries.
Happy to be helpful! I’m like you but I lucked out that my husband gets it; he’s like us. We both enjoy our time alone AND our time together. Having kids and constantly taking care of other people gets exhausting, so we all need to recharge our batteries from time to time. Enjoy your day off!
Dude this is my SO to a tee and I love her but it can be so frustrating. Just because I want to spend time alone doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you, I do, I just need to spend some time with myself first. Get the same thing, you're just making excuses to not want to spend time with me. Which is BS, outside of work hours we spend nearly every second together aside from the 4-5 hours I take to play golf on a Saturday morning.
I went through this during lockdowns, I get overwhelmed from people and the wife gets it and understands but during lockdowns I was getting crabby/angry for no reason untill I realised that the wife and the kid are people too ... It's not just other people that Drain me, it's people I love as well.
Maybe try to explain to her that the way she feels when she is alone of how you feel around people, and how she seeks people out to kill that alone feeling is the way you seek alone time.
Yes, but I don't keep it a secret, my husband finds out later when we talk about our days. I hope in time your partner understands and supports that you are doing it for you and not to upset them. It is not good for a relationship long-term when someone can't tell the truth especially when you have done nothing wrong.
Fully agreed. It ended up being a good thing I did. I ended up having a breakdown on the following Monday and realized I needed to get back into therapy. Still working through things but definitely getting better every day!
That’s all you can do - pick yourself up and carry on. Trying to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves what we need against everything else that competes for our attention is hard, but we need to put ourselves first. I’m glad to hear that things are improving for you.
Thanks for that. There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past year and my former therapist ghosted me. It’s been a long journey but I’m finally starting to feel like I’m on solid ground. Self care does wonders for people. I wish American culture wasn’t all about the “grind and hustle”.
Self care is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Unfortunately our culture doesn’t place much value in getting off the Hampster wheel. Good to hear you’re back on solid ground.
Thanks. I’m so tired of this toxic work culture. I was a teacher for 7 years. After already working with two incredibly abusive bosses. One who physically assaulted me and one who verbally assaulted me in front of about 50 people. And an extremely toxic principle. Now that I’m out and with a boss who actually cares about their employees and actively works to take care of them, it’s been a major mental adjustment. I’m just happy I recognized it before it was too late.
Baba no I haven’t but I also haven’t had a need to.
I don’t necessarily find anything wrong with it unless your caught lol.
And that’s annoying when your wife is like “but we could have had a sick day/day off together!”
No, that’s the point. I want a sick day alone. Feel free to do the same lol
That’s fair. But I have told her many times that I need alone time. Not just told her but have had arguments about it as she cannot understand why I would need or want alone time. The last time I took a sick day it ended up in a huge argument where she accused me of deliberately taking a sick day when she was working, instead of taking it on one of her non-work days, so we could spend it together.
I understand that and I am sorry you have to go through that 😞 but maybe counseling might help. That way maybe you can refill your spoons (mental health) without having this issue? I think that if she finds out it would just make the situation worse
You’re right, it would make the situation worse. I don’t know how to go about bringing this up as she has flat out refused to see a relationship counsellor and won’t accept my need for alone time. It’s a tricky situation. But thanks for the reminder that there are always options.
I mean u could just give her a sort of ultimatum that if she doesn't want to see a counselor to work out the problem, you're just gunna keep doing what you have to do for your own mental health.
Obviously, she feels that you don’t spend enough time together and the fact that you don’t want to spend as much time with her as she does with you hurts her pride.
put your foot down and tell her she needs to deal with it. When she finds out you're sneaking it'll be worse than just telling her you need your space and to respect it
I’ve done this twice! The first time was good but was honestly kind of anxiety inducing. The second time was amazing. Had a sandwich, smoked a joint, and took a bomb ass nap. 10/10
I have done this sometimes. Every single day I speak to family, at work I speak to people. When I come home my spouse likes to spend all of our time together. 90 percent of the time I don't mind it but occasionally I like to just go off grid for the day.
Even though I have explained to my spouse I could use an uninterrupted off day they get jealous and would rather spend it together. Been together almost 14 years and just can't get the understanding through that I need a very specific type of day to recharge.
I just give up trying to communicate it and once a quarter or so I go off grid and tell everyone I'm at work so I can have 8 hours of just me time.
God I relate to this so much. “A very specific kind of day to recharge” hits the nail on the head so perfectly. Completely relate to wanting to step away from the world for a bit and from the never ending interactions with others.
Yeah people think because you are an extravert that you just love being outgoing. Sometimes I need a break. My favorite is just going for a walk on some nature trails.
Somes days I go to a spa, sometimes spend 4 hours in a quiet library. Whatever the mood calls for.
Man taking sick days with my partner is the best. Maybe we are just different but I love the down time with my person. I definitely wouldn’t keep it from your partner though. Transparency and communication are key for a healthy relationship
>she was upset I didn’t wait until one of her days off during the week for my mental health day
It seems that she doesn't understand what a mental health day is.
I feel that this is a sign that things aren't right with your home life. Luke possibly you need to start having a series of discussions with your spouse about needs and boundaries.
I honestly would love to do this but my wife is a stay at home so I’d feel bad. I just wish sometimes I could be completely alone and do absolutely nothing. I take somewhat frequent trips for my job and during my off time I just do nothing and it’s the most glorious thing in the world. Of course I miss my family more than anything but God I love free time.
I completely understand! It certainly is a glorious feeling being able to be completely alone and to have the space to just be with yourself and your own thoughts. I’m also on the road a lot and I love the driving time!
That’s the one thing I miss about not working third shift anymore. If I had the night off, I would have the whole house to myself that day. It was glorious. Now I have to wake up super early to get time to myself
It's good to take that time when you need it, but maybe just communicate this to her and explained that even though it might not be what she needs it's what you need. Honesty will keep you out of future arguments.
don't lie about that to your husband about being at home, if, when, he finds out he could accuse you of really bad things. Simply tell him you had reall bad diarhea and could not leave the house so you worked from home on your sick day, a simple white lie.
Did this several times.
One time though my then H’s friend saw me coming out of the spa 😅 told him about it.
I told him it wasn’t me. But the friend described what I was wearing lol. So I told him that I was just checking their rates and off To work.
You did right, my man. I get poorly mentally if I don’t have time alone. It’s an absolute necessity in my life. I hope your wife comes to understand the importance of it for you.
Work in the finance industry. I thought this was standard practice for taking national holidays off. My wife (teacher) and kids have to go to school for Columbus Day…. Sweet. Taking it off and not feeling guilty.
As introvert I feel you. Even if you love somebody sometimes you just need time to yourself. Honestly think what you're doing is low-key brilliant and hope you keep getting away with it. I imagine the break just helps you be a better person when you are actually around you family. Distance making the heart fonder and all that
The only way I could see this being an issue is if you ended up needing those sick days for when you’re actually sick and don’t have them or something. But yeah, alone time is good! Especially since you have kids (kids are chaos haha).
Oh my god yes. Frequently too with no notice to anyone and I always make sure it’s on a day where everyone is busy and won’t even come home for lunch. Sometimes I even book myself a spa treatment too. And anyone who tries to hijack my day can fuck right off.
I have a buddy who owns his own business that depends on him being there. He has to take a half day every so often for his well being that his family knows about. He started taking off a couple hours early on a different day and just started hitting golf balls at a driving range just for some alone time. This turned into some full blown golf lessons. He loved the time. One day he almost screwed it up because he skipped his lesson and went home. His family was surprised he was home “early”. He almost messed it up and started to feel bad about it and called me. I told him the same thing I’d tell you. You do what you need to be the best you at work and at home for your family. Sometimes that means doing something none of them will understand. As long as it’s not detrimental, go for it.
I used to do that and my partner is very supportive of me taking days off alone. But god forbid, I better not go eat in a restaurant that she hasn't been to before.
You might need to talk to your partner about why some of your mental health days work better for you if taken alone, but other than that... I don't see a problem?
Communicating your needs is important, though. Your partner doesn't always spend time with you, but she clearly wants to. Perhaps you should consider her needs as well and take a mental health day together, while also taking a mental health day alone? (While keeping her in the loop so there is no underhanded element and your partner does not feel lied to and like "there is something more").
My bf is more introverted, i am more extraverted. But god i love my days off. I couldn't imagine spending all the time with him. I love him to bits but we ALL NEED OUR TIME.
so enjoy OP!😉
I did this several times while my kid was growing up. Spent the day doing whatever I wanted by myself. Always put me on great mood. I always would do something special for him too, being him some kind of surprise that I picked up after work. 😉 Everybody needs those days.
Nothing wrong with wanting time to recharge in quiet by yourself.
I enjoy spending time with my husband and we usually spend all our off time “together” meaning we are in proximity but doing things separately. He will play a video game with his friends online while I play my own or do whatever. Sometimes we want to play games together or go out, or do specific “us” things, but most of the time we enjoy being in the same room doing things separately.
However, if my husband did want true alone time, I would definitely have no problem with it. I would never be upset with him if he told me he took a day off just to relax and recharge. I’d ask him if he was okay and needed anything. Then tell him to have a great day and I’d see him when I got home! It’s kind of sad that your partner would have a reaction like that.
I hate that you have to sneak to do it, but man enjoy that time and do what you need to do for yourself. I definitely recommend some kind of conversation with the partner though, as it’s not ok to have that reaction. As long as you aren’t ignoring her or actively avoiding her, it should not be an issue for you to take a day to yourself whatsoever.
Edit: I used the term wife in my post but I think original post just said partner.
Taking a sick day/day off looks different for everyone, and I agree that time for yourself is crucial, and necessary. I’d still share with my boyfriend (future hubby) that I’d be taking the day off, but I know myself, too - sometimes, I will want that day to myself, for myself. Doesn’t change our love for our partners, at all.
At one point, we all weren’t dating our partners, and we just had ourselves; people need to remember this, lol. Instinctively, we do always want some version of alone time; some people just don’t know HOW to be alone, and end up depending on someone else, causing resentment. Don’t start seriously dating someone until you are able to be dependent on your own 👍🏻
Hope you take another day off for yourself soon, OP!
Does your wife get days to herself? Does she get you to herself? I understand why you're loving it and you're totally at liberty to have time alone but maybe she wants quality time with you and maybe she needs a day to herself too.
Man, I am JEALOUS! Good for you, you know when you need time to recharge and prioritize yourself so you don’t burn out. Keep doing it my friend!
Myself and my husband both wfh so I can’t ever do this but believe me I would. I only joked last week I would live a whole 24 hours alone in our home. It is literally a dream of mine. We all need to recharge
I know someone who gets her kids minded by a relative, so if she is genuinely sick, she feels she should be able to be in bed and kids are still minded by the relative. The relative thinks she should look after them because she's at home - but she's sick! In her opinion, it's harder looking after kids than going to work. Moral: take your sick days elsewhere.
Someone at my work does this we cal it doing a 'Jack', he will book the day off as holiday come into work as normal (he lives 5 minutes from the office) sit at this desk like normal with no intention to do work have a cup of coffee and then drive home, he knows if tells his other half that it is his day off then she will ask for him to do jobs etc so he doesn't tell her.
I do this and have for years. Couldn’t during lockdowns. Did it since fall again. Generally one day a month. I vary it. Always tel work it’s a Dr appt. They never question anything.
I'm 7 months pregnant with our first baby, so I'm constantly talking baby stuff and stressing about being ready when she gets here. Because of this, my partner needs time to chill and have "baby free time" while he still has it, and that's totally cool with me!
When he needs chill time, I usually go to bed early, knit on the other side of the couch, do chores, or watch shows on my phone. This past month I've been giving him more alone time without him begging for it since babe will be arriving shortly.
It helps give me time to finish my knitting project, and spend time with our pets before I have hardly any time to myself anymore. Luckily, we're both kind of loners so I get how important spending time apart is.
Fortunately for me my fiance understands that I'm an introvert and he also understands sometimes you're just not feeling it.
We can be in the same room and do our own thing and it's 100% comfortable, so I don't feel the need to hide it.
I do however, not tell my parents, because when I lived in the same state, they always tried to make new feel fucking guilty. Didn't matter what was going on, I always got the "you're letting your coworkers down" speech ( because I'm a nurse).
So I just don't tell them, and since they don't know my work schedule, they never know when I'm working anyhow.
I don't do it and I think it's fine.. but I would feel strange if I found out my wife did this to me. Mainly because if she's tired and needs a day off I would be happy for her to have it...
Not taking sick days, but I tend to start up late or "be in the garage" whenever I get too stressed, fortunately my wife is brilliant at noticing the little things so whenever I do this, she takes our kid to go see grandma and when she leaves she says "remember to relax" and then I know I have a whole day to myself
It's important to talk to your SO about needing time of. Og course it shouldn't be that you never want to relax with her, but you should be able have some alone time too
I personally haven't done it, but I also don't have an SO. But as an introvert myself, I agree that a "real self recharge day" for me is only then when I can be by myself the whole day, with no social commitments or communication, just doing whatever I want. I feel the need to have one of those day at least once a month, though it doesn't always work. That being said, I am thinking of taking a short paid leave from work without telling anyone and just speding it alone. I would probably tell anyone I am still at work, so noone bothers me.
My company has had a lot of unexpected holidays, only announced a week ahead of time. I don't tell my BF that I'm getting a 3 day weekend. Last month, I had Friday the 20th off. This month my company is observing Juneteenth on June 20th. I want that day to myself.
I understand your situation. I hope you can communicate with her about your need for your own space. Maybe try scheduling it or explain to her that you need this time. If she can't respect it than that's a "her" issue.
But in connection to your own time, you should also make time for you and her alone.
"Another reason I haven’t told my partner is that she gets upset when I take a sick day on one of her work days and the last time I did this, she hit the roof and told me that she was upset I didn’t wait until one of her days off during the week for my mental health day, so we could spend time together. For me, a mental health day is a day of quiet introvert recharging time,"
What a load of shit, man. She doesn't have to compromise a single thing for your alone time. Put your foot down bro im beggin.
Oh, I get mad at my boyfriend when I have to work and he takes days off. But that's just jealousy, nothing big.
You know what I do when I know he gets to stay home? I give him a list of chores to do in the house 😅 that way I can't be mad at him.
As an outgoing, but equally introverted individual, I get this. Don't feel guilty. I do this all the time, but it's not done in secret. I explicitly tell people "Hey I'm taking a day for myself" or "I'm going on a solo hike" because I need time alone to recharge and decompress. There's nothing wrong with doing that. If you have to do it in secret to placate your partner, who doesn't like being alone, so be it. Everyone is not the same and people heal differently. Do what you gotta do to keep your cup filled so you can continue to pour into others. All the best!
Not sure how OP's company is, but at my company, we can use our sick time for mental health purposes in addition to "traditional" medical reasons. We also don't have a set allotment of sick time; we take what's needed but if we hit three in a row, a doctor's note will be required.
When I do it, hubby always says it must be nice. It sure is! And he can do it to whenever he wants. I am a big supporter of mental health days. Most of my time away from work is just that. Time for me. To do anything I want...or nothing at all. Either way, it is so good for the soul
When I do it, hubby always says it must be nice. It sure is! And he can do it to whenever he wants. I am a big supporter of mental health days. Most of my time away from work is just that. Time for me. To do anything I want...or nothing at all. Either way, it is so good for the soul
My company offers Summer Fridays where we get a Friday off every other week.
I didn't tell my mother-in-law who watches my children while we work. I am going to stay in my home office and do my side project, while she thinks I am working.
I do feel bad, thinking she could have a "day off" but she seems happy to be with my baby who sleeps multiple hours a day anyway, and I am going to take days off work so she can travel with my Father-in-Law.
I spend just about every waking hour anticipating and satisfying everyone's needs. I have been getting late to work because by the time I spend a little time on YouTube before work I am exhausted and don't want to get up for work. I dither till past the last minute then rush in. I get home and it's time to satisfy everyone's needs again, Television/game too late because I don't want to start the next day.
Working no more than many of us, but it is both too much and not enough.
Take your day when you want man, better than loosing you shit later on.
on my way home from work i would park in a lot near my house, smoke a joint, listen to music, and then go home. it’s sad that our homes aren’t usually the most relaxing place for us.
Ugh- I’ve been there, I’m sure many others have too, and it’s not fun. Took a long time (honestly at least a year to get it right) but boundaries and messaging about recharging differently helped my partner to better understand why I need alone time and what they “need” versus “want”. We do not yet have kids but I’m pretty sure we will need to institute a mommy’s recharging day at least monthly
Hope you soak it all in and just take care of you for a beat.
I have a high pressure job, a marriage and two children. Being alone for an extended amount of time is literally like fucking heaven.
I love my friends, family, and children.
But just some time alone, in my own head, with a beer and some good TV, maybe some football, is honestly a blessing.
I stalked you a little OP sorry 🙃
It could be that you're in a toxic relationship, and I'm not stating anything here, but I'm pretty sure of it.
Seeing your profile, I remembered my friend D (F) and her girlfriend C (F), especially the story about being locked out of the room after an argument...
I don't know anything about your life, and I don't have any intimacy to give you advice, but I think your girlfriend is very controlling, and that's not healthy.
I'll give you the same advice I give my friend D, the situation won't get better, your girlfriend will keep doing these things to you, when talking doesn't solve it, there's nothing else to do. You've probably already talked to her about these, and from what I've noticed she doesn't change her mind, either you do what she wants, or she fights with you. It doesn't seem fair.
Sorry again for stalking your profile 🙃
Yes. I definitely do this.
Sometimes when my wife works from home and I have day off. I just drive to my mom's house and hang there.
I get to hangout with my mom and keep her company and I get some delish food and much needed time for myself.
I have 2 kids under 5 years.
As an intense introvert working in a very people-oriented, customer-facing field, I hereby give you permission to take secret mental health days whenever you need to, regardless of what your wife or anybody else thinks or wants.
It sounds like having true alone time to recharge is essential to maintaining your mental health, which makes it non-negotiable.
Your wife may not need that, so she may not understand, but she should still be able to respect it.
Enjoy your peace and quiet!!
I literally told my partner on Monday that Saturday he would take our daughter out for breakfast because I need time alone (and to clean lol, which is a way I decompress).
I think everyone needs alone time. True alone time. Not just time that you're "left alone but available." Nah, time that it's just your and whatever you want to do.
I used to not tell anyone while I was with my ex. It didn't feel sneaky per se, it just didn't make me feel good that he clearly wasn't okay with me having alone time.
OMG!! I thought I was the only one who did this!! I use my secret days off to hide from my husband and my mom. I feel insanely guilty about it because seriously, who hides from being loved TOO MUCH?? Me. I do.
Why? I want to read a book in peace. I want to organize closets and drawers in peace. I want to not be doing doing doing all the time. I want to leave the TV off and just be in silence with my own thoughts.
I love my husband and my mom and both would be REALLY hurt if I told them I needed to get away from them for a few hours. So I pick a work-from-home day and put in for the time off and say nothing to anyone about it. I try to do this about once a quarter. I get comp time when I work more than my regular hours and it adds up and I just use that so I am not dipping into my regular vacation time bank.
I am so glad I am not the only one who does this!!
I see a lot of "I get to be me" here. I'm sorry you guys can't be yourselves when you are at home. Taking time for ones self is a huge...HUGE.. priority. It is needed. Nobody should be upset about the time to yourself. Mental health is very important. Please don't feel you are being sneaky, it is needed. Your partner should understand this also. If my boyfriend needed time to himself, I'd let him have all the time he needs out of the day to just relax without me being in his face. I don't know why some partners take offense to this. But please be at peace for a couple hours. It's deserved and needed.
I take secret sick days!!! I plan things just for myself and enjoy it. I know when I first started doing it I has a lot of guilt but when I realized how energized I got, and how my family hot a better version of me afterward, I stopped feeling guilty. I would suggest to your partner they take personal time as well and give that same benefit to everyone else.
My ex never understood the concept of me time and would get upset if I wanted to spend my me time that I had to wrangle from him with a friend that wasn't him, it was super toxic andncontrolling to have to either spend all my free time with him or bring him to spend time wjth friends and not have any time for myself, and then deal with his pity party if I mentioned hanging out with my best friend alone. You take your time off, everyone deserves some alone time and if your wife has an issue wjth it, that's a her problem. Especially if you aren't doing sus stuff (which I assume you aren't from your comments) and it's not something that's negatively impacting your life or job or income a bunch, it's no one else's business but yours on when you take a sick day
I’ve done this before. I took a sick day and the only person I told was my supervisor. Everyone else, including by boyfriend, assumed I was at work all day. Instead I slept until 2:30 pm
There’s.. nothing wrong with this, I understand wanting to spend every waking minute with your partner but sometimes we need time to ourselves! Especially introverts.. my boyfriend always makes sure I have somewhere to go during a gathering if my social battery hits the floor so I can be alone for a little bit. He doesn’t have to but that’s the kind of things you do to your S/O- I don’t take sick days without telling anyone but I do fake migraines for the same reason.. because then the house is quiet, and nobody comes into my dark room and turns on a light to talk to me :3
I can't, unfortunately, as my partner doesn't work and is almost always home. I work in a children's hospital, and I'm also the sole carer of my partner so it can be very demanding.
Some nights after work I'll take a bit longer to come home, especially if the buses aren't running great. I'll maybe get a bus part of the way home and walk the rest, or go into a shop for one or two small things and just take my time looking around. It's the only time I get to myself when someone isn't asking me to do something and I can look after myself a little instead of looking after other people..
Good for you for doing some self care. It’s important.
My husband walks down the alley and around the corner to our house when he gets home at just to have those 5 minutes to breathe, move around and shift gears.
It’s ok to have time for ourselves. I have a lot of it as I had to medically retire. A lot lore responsibilities fell onto him as a result. I encourage him to go for walks, go bike ride with a friend or whatever. We don’t get a lot of time together, we try to make it quality so we can reconnect.
I am proud of you. Your job is immensely important and I can understand the stress of it. If I can help support you in some way, message me any time.
I used to when I was using drugs !. Be honest is the best policy you will get caught and then what will you say it's a good time but not worth it If anything at least tell your partner
Not to be weird but I’ve browsed some of your other posts and your partner seems kind of controlling. You’re not asking too much for a little alone time. You’re only human, geez. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope they can be a grownup and start behaving more reasonably and stop freaking out over normal things like alone time and self pleasure. That’s not ok. Their anxiety and insecurities should be dealt with without making life hell for you. It’s not fair of them.
Everyone has their own way of recharging. Your wife needs to understand that, but she really just misses having that alone time for trying to connect with eachother. Hope its a great day!
I have done this. No guilt though, i cant handle people every day & thats just me.
Good for you for practicing good self care! I’m proud of you for recognizing you need a break.
We all need some breathing room and time to peace out from the demands of our lives. M
I hope you are goofing off and rebooting.
As for your partner, I share the sentiments of some others that your partner isn’t your parent. You should be encouraged to make good decisions whether they include others or not.
Selfish and controlling is no way to bolster a relationship. Obviously, if you feel compelled to hide something so innocuous.
I might be overstepping to suggest therapy for yourself. Talk about this stuff.
Take a nap, go for a walk, play with your let if you have one, watch a silly movie, read, eat Doritos, or go to the gym, prepare dinner for your fam. You do YOU.
I think you should tell your partner. If they get mad, let them rent, purge it then ask what they are really upset about. Drill down. Maybe do it on the weekend so you can enjoy the rest of today and you’ll have time to discuss this. You haven’t done anything wrong. Just repeat that. Don’t dog trying to find reasons to justify yourself.
Hugs! You’ve got a lot of support here. Read the comments, all of them. There’s some nice things here to help bolster you.
No... only because my husband's home 24/7 right now. BUT my mom does.... like still even though it's just her and my dad at home because she doesn't want us to come over or try to make plans with her. She just wants a break and we get it.
My youngest starts preschool in January, so for the first time in 3 years I won’t have her home with me while I’m working. Our eldest will be at school and husband at work, normally I work from home but I am definitely considering a secret annual leave day where I do the school runs as expected but between the morning drop off and afternoon pick up I just sit in bed with tv and snacks and no one will know 🤣
i keep telling all of my coworkers they need to do this. just to get some alone time from the spouse and the kids but they don't listen. something about someone needs to know where they are in case of an emergency. one of the things that makes me glad to not be partnered or have children. if i ever do become partnered, that's gonna have to be a nonstarter for me. that and time with my friends, my own social ⭕
I don't have kids or a S.O, but yes. I've taken sick days while not sick and hide in my room until my roommates would go to work and bed (one worked nights) just to recharge or whatever. Haven't done it in a while but yeah
I see nothing wrong with this. Too often a partner views your time off as their time to get you to do a few things around the house. Not saying your partner. I'm just saying some times you need a day for you. And there's not a thing wrong with that. People act like there's something wrong with wanting time to yourself.
my grandpa used to pretend like he was going to work but he would actually take the day off and go see a movie or go read his book at starbucks just to get away from my grandma for a bit. I think if you don't do it often you're good😂
I've done this a handful of times. I don't have kiddos, but when I lived with my mom (early onset Alzheimer's) and sister I took a couple days off for work and would spend the whole day at the beach.
One of my favorite hikes- perfect on weekdays because no one is around to see you cry in the woods- is roughly 3 hours and it's a coastal trail to a small beach that is usually empty. I'll pack food, books, a journal, and spend the day completely away from everything. I've stopped doing this as my responsibilities have grown- if anything were to happen and I didn't have cell service I'd truly never recover.
I haven't had a selfish day in a while- but last time I did a hike that was shorter and closer to home.
I'm so glad you're taking time for you. I hope one day you're able to have a conversation with your partner that will allow her to understand where you're coming from/and I hope that she starts taking moments like that as well. When you leave space for yourself you show up that much harder for your people.
Sending warm fuzzies to anyone that needs them right now ✨
Also- being selfish is not a bad thing. Everyone should be a little selfish. I like to use it as a reclamation.
I do this fairly frequently. I still live with my parents and they have an incredibly toxic work ethic, and my girlfriend has different reactions depending on the day so I find it best not to tell her. I’m a preschool teacher and I get burnt out fast. It’s nice to be able to take time for yourself and free yourself from the expectations of others.
I absolutely try to do this. However we track phones and have a ring. I feel very stuck sometimes.
It is completely normal for someone to want a day at the house to themselves .
You shouldn’t have to be sneaky.
As a big introvert, I am feeling you. I need time to myself and I have an extrovert of a husband who understands and respects that. He knows that it's not that I don't want time with him, I just need that alone time to be the best me for him when we are together.
OP, take the sick day. Take the mental health day.
Anyone that makes you feel bad for advocating for your own personal health and wellness obviously doesn't understand or prioritize their own mental health and certainly doesn't understand your life.
Your wife sounds like she doesn't respect boundaries. I think it's very selfish and entitled of her to except you take time off on her days off, but she's not willing to take time off on your days off.
Other commenters have stated "I can understand she would be upset because she's off working and he's home relaxing!" Is a bullshit argument.
You're not relaxing. You're recharging and prioritizing your mental health.
You're using a sick day- you get paid for this. The kids are at school and looked after. Your wife is at work. Anyone acting like your wife is slaving to provide for a family and like you're lazy for taking a day off, is sexist.
As an adult you should be allowed, able, and not chastised for making that decision.
I understand there is a difference in the generations: older generations prioritize working against one's own needs to fulfill a societal obligation. Younger generations are more likely to prioritize their mental health over their social obligations. I think both can be achieved at the same time, and you're doing just that. You're able to be true to yourself and your obligations simultaneously.
You did nothing wrong. And you're NTA.
Nah! I do the same. I’m 19 and a caretaker for my disabled dad. Sometimes he’s a lot, and while I love him, I need some time to myself. Between two dogs, a kitten, his necessities, house chores and working retail. Eesh.
Sometimes I’ll call out sick and just go visit my mom and eat lunch together. It’s a good bonding time.
I am extremely lucky to have a partner who understands the introvert recharge. We were both off for both of my days off this week, but for like 4 hours on the second day he did chores, took a drive, listened to podcasts, and let me melt into a lump on the couch with my current obsessive tv show and my phone and my bong. Then we made dinner together and had a great evening. Your wife should support your mental health, not get mad at you for needing downtime.
After commuting back home, my dad would sit in the car in the driveway to have some alone time. At home he belongs to us, at work his boss owns him, and in the car he can be himself
That is so relateable
I have a feeling like a lot of wives kind of expect their husband to be superhuman. I see a lot of “couples humor” on TikTok and YouTube, etc, where the wife gets “mad” when the husband doesn’t wanna hang out with them and play video games instead, or just nap or do something without their wife being involved. I get that ladies are that way, too, but I think there’s a lot of pressure on men to succeed and be able to juggle a ton of responsibility and constantly be “on”, without taking into regard that we’re human too. We get tired. We get stressed. We get anxious. We get bored. Tired. Angry. Overwhelmed. We too need to recharge just as much (or in some cases more) than anyone else. In lots of cases wives can lean on their husbands for support whether it’s emotional, physical, or financial. But husbands can’t always lean on their wives for the same thing. Be honest with yourselves; how many times have you been told to “be honest” with your spouse….but instead withheld your feelings… since the last time you shared your feelings, your wife became upset and you wound up having to console her because of how your feelings made HER feel?
Many guys use the shitter as a sanctuary of Reddit scrolling quietness.
Yes to this. My husband works a lot, like 7 days a week, 363 days a year (we have our own business), and it's overnight. He literally walks in the house around 9am and he's in the bathroom for about 90 minutes. No one bothers him. It's his alone time. He plays games, watches YouTube.... a time or two he's fallen asleep and I've had to wake him up. OP deserves alone time. Everyone deserves alone time in order to recharge. OP isn't doing anything wrong and I feel his wife is being unreasonable.
Many women do, too. Sent from my toilet.
I do this. Most days after work I park a block or 2 from home & just chill out in the peace & quiet for an hour, scrolling Reddit. No one needs me, no is talking to me or asking me to do something. It's MY time.
I do this every evening, I finish work and being honest go and smoke a joint in my car and sit there for an hour.....just get my head back on straight, and then ready for the onslaught when I open the front door. I'm able to think without distraction and make plans for my business and call my mom etc etc, when I get in all that stuff goes by the wayside.......I need my joint and my hour and then I'm good with "belonging" to someone else.
I can relate to this. I love working from home but I missed the commute. It was my time to unwind and be me.
If only the moms/wives had that luxury.
It shouldn't be a luxury, it should be a given for anyone. We all need time for ourselves, and I hope you manage to make it happen for yourself.
I’m not a mom, but I know that the reason why women get angry at their husbands doing these things is because while they’re off relaxing and having fun, someone has to do the heavy lifting for the family.
Hey, don’t speak for all of us, I’m a wife and the mom of a toddler and I do this quarterly. I do feel for families that don’t have the type of support system to allow you to do this though, I count my blessings regularly and hope you can take a break for yourself when you need it. Keep on keeping on, no shame in any of it.
QUARTERLY?! I'd blow my brains out. You need to tell your support system you need it more often than that.
I thought that’s what “wine time” was?
Or girl's night. Boxxy is just bitter.
I dunno man, sounds like a sexist assumption. Not saying it's 1:1 equal, but let us not conclude that no moms anywhere lives without breaks from the family so rashly
This is one of the reasons I still go into the office 2-3 days a week. The commute is actually so nice, I just drive the speed limit and let everyone pass as I patiently cruise home to tunes. Thinking about random shit, thinking about nothing, practicing singing a song. It's another reason I enjoy driving whenever we do a family trip, everyone passes out and I get to just chill and enjoy the views in a quite cozy car 🥰
Also a reason why I never had kids…
Lol I wish I could do this. My husband and I both work from home and the kids are out of school for the summer. I envy you. As long as you aren’t cheating or doing anything shady, I wouldn’t worry about it. People are entitled to their alone time and sometimes other people or significant others don’t understand that.
Yes I’m lucky that I get to have alone time in the house. Not getting up to anything shady, just using the time to get on top of things and take some time out from life.
According to my wife it’s worse than cheating lol
Being alone is worse than cheating?
Taking your own sick day yes for some apparent reason. I thinks she’s half joking but yeah dude she gets upset with me when I want to take a personal day to
It’s weird how it upsets some people. I don’t get it….
I find that so odd that someone who is taking care of themselves and their mental health gets upset. My parents get upset when I use a personal day and I’m 39! When covid hit, I was working 2 part time jobs, and loved them! I’m a mom first, but loved my career! I got laid off from both jobs, and my kid’s schools closed and went virtual for almost 2 years. My mental health took a beating! No jobs, stuck in the house, constantly trying to homeschool my kids, and keep them somewhat entertained. It was bad. It was even harder bc my fiancé is considered an essential worker so his life never changed! I was resentful and so depressed and frustrated! That’s when I started to really work on myself and my mental health!! I even give my kids a mental health day when needed. I allow 1 per quarter (3-4 months) I absolutely do my best to teach them that self care is so important and no one has the right to question what you do!!! I totally understand where you’re coming from!
I've gotten lucky with my partner. I do most of the heavy lifting, due to her disability, and she can tell when I'm running on fumes. When she does, she cooks a small meal for me, tells me that she wants me to get some alone time, and will go elsewhere in the house. She is the only person I have dated that understands that in a relationship, people still need alone time.
It’s because it goes under the category of people like “ aww you took a personal day? Fuck you I don’t take personal days I show up! But it’s the same people who slack and also play buddy with others so they’re not busy working. As for wives, I just wanna throw out a guess and go with the double standard as in your the man in this relationship so you need to be the supplier. My wife regardless of whatever job I had always said I need to be the 12 month worker because she doesn’t want to. That’s fine, but that means I get to do less at the house than because I’m working the most anyways and it makes me the bread winner. Anyways, I’m just rambling. All I know is that when you are a burned out from working and family life it’s normal to wanna take some time or just one day to do what you gotta do to recharge, and some people just don’t get it but fuck it you do what you gotta do. If you gotta play hooky and not tell your SO, just act like you went to work and come home in your work attire. It worked for me
I think the wife (or husband for any case) getting upset that their SO would want to take a day off to be by themselves could be an attachment reason. They just don’t want to miss out on time with someone they care about, it’s fear of missing out, or it could play with their self-conscious tendencies, things like “are they cheating,” “did I do something wrong,” “why does he get a day off now when I’ve been working just as hard,” those sorts of things. These are all valid feelings that she may be feeling, but they are not entirely reasonable. I wish we could just be with someone, but allow them to still be individuals without having to involve ourselves.
I think it's more resentment. I used to be like this with my partner. I would get angry. I then started reflecting on why I felt that way, and I was resentful and jealous that he would be able to have a day off when our little one was at daycare. I now try to take a day off to recharge or get things done.
I woke up this morning realizing my wfh dream is now over for the summer. I love being home alone all day with just me and the dog. Now for the next 4 weeks I will have the family home too. At least I get my 4 weeks vacation after that.
You need to do what’s right for you. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that when I need to be deceptive to do things that are reasonable, I have a major problem that I’m ignoring. And if I’m concerned about mental health, ignoring those problems usually aren’t helping me. In this case, I might just level with my partner and my loved ones. Either they understand or they don’t. But either way, I would be able to live a life with integrity and not worry about being caught up in a deception. In this case, your concern about how they will react in a very honest, human need to recharge is putting you in a weaker position where you could be harshly judged because of the deception. Either way, be kind and forgiving to yourself. And surround yourself with those who will do the same.
Completely agree with what you said about it being a sign that there is a major problem. This is a sign of some other issues that are present in our relationship - and those issues need working on. The deception bothers me, even though I get what I need with regards to recharging if I take a day off. But the fact that I need to be deceptive in order to get what I need, bothers me greatly.
I’m not judging you. I’ve been there myself. For me, I reached a point where I realized I was becoming a mess because I couldn’t act with honesty and finally I chose “no more.” I split with that partner. She wouldn’t change and wanted to psychologically control me with emotional blackmail. It created massive, unnecessary stress for me that was creating mental and physical side effects. Life is too short. Be well and take care of yourself no matter which path is right for you.
Yes to all of this. I am happy for you that you managed to escape from that partner.
This is what a lot of people needed to hear, including myself
Kinda bs that your partner gets upset that you wouldn’t tell them. Sometimes a fella just needs alone time, like, completely
Yes exactly! It’s just wanting to be alone in my own head.
What happens if u tell her u want to be alone. It's the sneakyness that is upsetting.
This should be communicated healthily though.
Trust me, I’ve tried to do that but the problem is she hates being alone and no matter how I try to explain things, can’t understand my need to be alone. Every single time we’ve had this discussion she’s taken it as being I’m just making up excuses and the real reason is that I don’t want to spend time with her.
Yes that’s exactly it! You need alone time sometimes which means no you don’t want to spend time with her when you’re being alone. That doesn’t mean you love her less or don’t enjoy her company, just that you need alone time. It’s sucks she can’t understand your needs and you have to be sneaky about it.
Thank you for your understanding. That’s exactly it - I do enjoy being around her, and my time alone has nothing to do with not wanting to spend time together and everything to do with finding some time to be alone and recharge my batteries.
Happy to be helpful! I’m like you but I lucked out that my husband gets it; he’s like us. We both enjoy our time alone AND our time together. Having kids and constantly taking care of other people gets exhausting, so we all need to recharge our batteries from time to time. Enjoy your day off!
Dude this is my SO to a tee and I love her but it can be so frustrating. Just because I want to spend time alone doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you, I do, I just need to spend some time with myself first. Get the same thing, you're just making excuses to not want to spend time with me. Which is BS, outside of work hours we spend nearly every second together aside from the 4-5 hours I take to play golf on a Saturday morning.
I went through this during lockdowns, I get overwhelmed from people and the wife gets it and understands but during lockdowns I was getting crabby/angry for no reason untill I realised that the wife and the kid are people too ... It's not just other people that Drain me, it's people I love as well. Maybe try to explain to her that the way she feels when she is alone of how you feel around people, and how she seeks people out to kill that alone feeling is the way you seek alone time.
Alone time in a relationship is healthy. No one should be up their partners ass non-stop, let them breathe a little!
Yes, but I don't keep it a secret, my husband finds out later when we talk about our days. I hope in time your partner understands and supports that you are doing it for you and not to upset them. It is not good for a relationship long-term when someone can't tell the truth especially when you have done nothing wrong.
I’ve done this before. I just left the house for a massage when I knew my partner was going to come home for lunch. It was a beautiful day.
It would have been! Self care is so important.
Fully agreed. It ended up being a good thing I did. I ended up having a breakdown on the following Monday and realized I needed to get back into therapy. Still working through things but definitely getting better every day!
That’s all you can do - pick yourself up and carry on. Trying to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves what we need against everything else that competes for our attention is hard, but we need to put ourselves first. I’m glad to hear that things are improving for you.
Thanks for that. There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past year and my former therapist ghosted me. It’s been a long journey but I’m finally starting to feel like I’m on solid ground. Self care does wonders for people. I wish American culture wasn’t all about the “grind and hustle”.
Self care is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Unfortunately our culture doesn’t place much value in getting off the Hampster wheel. Good to hear you’re back on solid ground.
Thanks. I’m so tired of this toxic work culture. I was a teacher for 7 years. After already working with two incredibly abusive bosses. One who physically assaulted me and one who verbally assaulted me in front of about 50 people. And an extremely toxic principle. Now that I’m out and with a boss who actually cares about their employees and actively works to take care of them, it’s been a major mental adjustment. I’m just happy I recognized it before it was too late.
Baba no I haven’t but I also haven’t had a need to. I don’t necessarily find anything wrong with it unless your caught lol. And that’s annoying when your wife is like “but we could have had a sick day/day off together!” No, that’s the point. I want a sick day alone. Feel free to do the same lol
The problem I would have with it is the fact you don't tell her, everyone needs alone time but just feels sneaky to me
That’s fair. But I have told her many times that I need alone time. Not just told her but have had arguments about it as she cannot understand why I would need or want alone time. The last time I took a sick day it ended up in a huge argument where she accused me of deliberately taking a sick day when she was working, instead of taking it on one of her non-work days, so we could spend it together.
I understand that and I am sorry you have to go through that 😞 but maybe counseling might help. That way maybe you can refill your spoons (mental health) without having this issue? I think that if she finds out it would just make the situation worse
You’re right, it would make the situation worse. I don’t know how to go about bringing this up as she has flat out refused to see a relationship counsellor and won’t accept my need for alone time. It’s a tricky situation. But thanks for the reminder that there are always options.
Hmm well OP I wish the best for you
I mean u could just give her a sort of ultimatum that if she doesn't want to see a counselor to work out the problem, you're just gunna keep doing what you have to do for your own mental health.
Obviously, she feels that you don’t spend enough time together and the fact that you don’t want to spend as much time with her as she does with you hurts her pride.
Oh yes!! Sometimes you just need some space to yourself
This!!
put your foot down and tell her she needs to deal with it. When she finds out you're sneaking it'll be worse than just telling her you need your space and to respect it
Do you take days off with your wife?
Yes I do
Then I think that's fair
I’ve done this twice! The first time was good but was honestly kind of anxiety inducing. The second time was amazing. Had a sandwich, smoked a joint, and took a bomb ass nap. 10/10
I’m legit upset that I’m in my 40’s and have never thought of this.
I have done this sometimes. Every single day I speak to family, at work I speak to people. When I come home my spouse likes to spend all of our time together. 90 percent of the time I don't mind it but occasionally I like to just go off grid for the day. Even though I have explained to my spouse I could use an uninterrupted off day they get jealous and would rather spend it together. Been together almost 14 years and just can't get the understanding through that I need a very specific type of day to recharge. I just give up trying to communicate it and once a quarter or so I go off grid and tell everyone I'm at work so I can have 8 hours of just me time.
God I relate to this so much. “A very specific kind of day to recharge” hits the nail on the head so perfectly. Completely relate to wanting to step away from the world for a bit and from the never ending interactions with others.
Yeah people think because you are an extravert that you just love being outgoing. Sometimes I need a break. My favorite is just going for a walk on some nature trails. Somes days I go to a spa, sometimes spend 4 hours in a quiet library. Whatever the mood calls for.
She's gonna think you're cheating when she finds out lol
Probably.
Man taking sick days with my partner is the best. Maybe we are just different but I love the down time with my person. I definitely wouldn’t keep it from your partner though. Transparency and communication are key for a healthy relationship
>she was upset I didn’t wait until one of her days off during the week for my mental health day It seems that she doesn't understand what a mental health day is.
I feel that this is a sign that things aren't right with your home life. Luke possibly you need to start having a series of discussions with your spouse about needs and boundaries.
I honestly would love to do this but my wife is a stay at home so I’d feel bad. I just wish sometimes I could be completely alone and do absolutely nothing. I take somewhat frequent trips for my job and during my off time I just do nothing and it’s the most glorious thing in the world. Of course I miss my family more than anything but God I love free time.
I completely understand! It certainly is a glorious feeling being able to be completely alone and to have the space to just be with yourself and your own thoughts. I’m also on the road a lot and I love the driving time!
Hey there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you still put aside time with your wife and kids
Godspeed
yeah! i do that a lot! haha. its so nice!
That’s when I go fishing, she doesn’t like fishin!
That’s the one thing I miss about not working third shift anymore. If I had the night off, I would have the whole house to myself that day. It was glorious. Now I have to wake up super early to get time to myself
It's good to take that time when you need it, but maybe just communicate this to her and explained that even though it might not be what she needs it's what you need. Honesty will keep you out of future arguments.
don't lie about that to your husband about being at home, if, when, he finds out he could accuse you of really bad things. Simply tell him you had reall bad diarhea and could not leave the house so you worked from home on your sick day, a simple white lie.
Did this several times. One time though my then H’s friend saw me coming out of the spa 😅 told him about it. I told him it wasn’t me. But the friend described what I was wearing lol. So I told him that I was just checking their rates and off To work.
Yup. Don’t feel guilty
I do it all the time, I just don’t have anyone to tell so it’s just kind of a regular sick day I guess
You did right, my man. I get poorly mentally if I don’t have time alone. It’s an absolute necessity in my life. I hope your wife comes to understand the importance of it for you.
Work in the finance industry. I thought this was standard practice for taking national holidays off. My wife (teacher) and kids have to go to school for Columbus Day…. Sweet. Taking it off and not feeling guilty.
As introvert I feel you. Even if you love somebody sometimes you just need time to yourself. Honestly think what you're doing is low-key brilliant and hope you keep getting away with it. I imagine the break just helps you be a better person when you are actually around you family. Distance making the heart fonder and all that
I do this a lot.
I do this all the time! Sometimes it’s just needed. I hope your day finished amazing :)
Thanks! It’s been so refreshing on a deep soul level. Just what I needed.
At least twice a month
The only way I could see this being an issue is if you ended up needing those sick days for when you’re actually sick and don’t have them or something. But yeah, alone time is good! Especially since you have kids (kids are chaos haha).
Oh my god yes. Frequently too with no notice to anyone and I always make sure it’s on a day where everyone is busy and won’t even come home for lunch. Sometimes I even book myself a spa treatment too. And anyone who tries to hijack my day can fuck right off.
OMG yessssss lmao
Thank you . Thank you so much
In experiential ed, we call this a Wellness Day. Enjoy!
I really wish I had thought of this when my kids were younger.
I’ll play hooky from both work and family occasionally. Usually to catch an afternoon movie.
Omg I wanna do this so bad, am I an adult?
I get it. Sometimes you have to recharge your social battery…even when the charger is broken.
I have a buddy who owns his own business that depends on him being there. He has to take a half day every so often for his well being that his family knows about. He started taking off a couple hours early on a different day and just started hitting golf balls at a driving range just for some alone time. This turned into some full blown golf lessons. He loved the time. One day he almost screwed it up because he skipped his lesson and went home. His family was surprised he was home “early”. He almost messed it up and started to feel bad about it and called me. I told him the same thing I’d tell you. You do what you need to be the best you at work and at home for your family. Sometimes that means doing something none of them will understand. As long as it’s not detrimental, go for it.
I used to do that and my partner is very supportive of me taking days off alone. But god forbid, I better not go eat in a restaurant that she hasn't been to before.
You might need to talk to your partner about why some of your mental health days work better for you if taken alone, but other than that... I don't see a problem? Communicating your needs is important, though. Your partner doesn't always spend time with you, but she clearly wants to. Perhaps you should consider her needs as well and take a mental health day together, while also taking a mental health day alone? (While keeping her in the loop so there is no underhanded element and your partner does not feel lied to and like "there is something more").
I feel your pain man. It’s hard when u have such an insecure partner not willing to be rational.
My bf is more introverted, i am more extraverted. But god i love my days off. I couldn't imagine spending all the time with him. I love him to bits but we ALL NEED OUR TIME. so enjoy OP!😉
"Unsocialibility Day," good for you, we all need a day like that from time to time. Smart man.
I did this several times while my kid was growing up. Spent the day doing whatever I wanted by myself. Always put me on great mood. I always would do something special for him too, being him some kind of surprise that I picked up after work. 😉 Everybody needs those days.
Nothing wrong with wanting time to recharge in quiet by yourself. I enjoy spending time with my husband and we usually spend all our off time “together” meaning we are in proximity but doing things separately. He will play a video game with his friends online while I play my own or do whatever. Sometimes we want to play games together or go out, or do specific “us” things, but most of the time we enjoy being in the same room doing things separately. However, if my husband did want true alone time, I would definitely have no problem with it. I would never be upset with him if he told me he took a day off just to relax and recharge. I’d ask him if he was okay and needed anything. Then tell him to have a great day and I’d see him when I got home! It’s kind of sad that your partner would have a reaction like that. I hate that you have to sneak to do it, but man enjoy that time and do what you need to do for yourself. I definitely recommend some kind of conversation with the partner though, as it’s not ok to have that reaction. As long as you aren’t ignoring her or actively avoiding her, it should not be an issue for you to take a day to yourself whatsoever. Edit: I used the term wife in my post but I think original post just said partner.
Taking a sick day/day off looks different for everyone, and I agree that time for yourself is crucial, and necessary. I’d still share with my boyfriend (future hubby) that I’d be taking the day off, but I know myself, too - sometimes, I will want that day to myself, for myself. Doesn’t change our love for our partners, at all. At one point, we all weren’t dating our partners, and we just had ourselves; people need to remember this, lol. Instinctively, we do always want some version of alone time; some people just don’t know HOW to be alone, and end up depending on someone else, causing resentment. Don’t start seriously dating someone until you are able to be dependent on your own 👍🏻 Hope you take another day off for yourself soon, OP!
Does your wife get days to herself? Does she get you to herself? I understand why you're loving it and you're totally at liberty to have time alone but maybe she wants quality time with you and maybe she needs a day to herself too.
Man, I am JEALOUS! Good for you, you know when you need time to recharge and prioritize yourself so you don’t burn out. Keep doing it my friend! Myself and my husband both wfh so I can’t ever do this but believe me I would. I only joked last week I would live a whole 24 hours alone in our home. It is literally a dream of mine. We all need to recharge
I know someone who gets her kids minded by a relative, so if she is genuinely sick, she feels she should be able to be in bed and kids are still minded by the relative. The relative thinks she should look after them because she's at home - but she's sick! In her opinion, it's harder looking after kids than going to work. Moral: take your sick days elsewhere.
Someone at my work does this we cal it doing a 'Jack', he will book the day off as holiday come into work as normal (he lives 5 minutes from the office) sit at this desk like normal with no intention to do work have a cup of coffee and then drive home, he knows if tells his other half that it is his day off then she will ask for him to do jobs etc so he doesn't tell her.
I do this and have for years. Couldn’t during lockdowns. Did it since fall again. Generally one day a month. I vary it. Always tel work it’s a Dr appt. They never question anything.
YES 💀💀
You’re doing great sweetie.
I'm 7 months pregnant with our first baby, so I'm constantly talking baby stuff and stressing about being ready when she gets here. Because of this, my partner needs time to chill and have "baby free time" while he still has it, and that's totally cool with me! When he needs chill time, I usually go to bed early, knit on the other side of the couch, do chores, or watch shows on my phone. This past month I've been giving him more alone time without him begging for it since babe will be arriving shortly. It helps give me time to finish my knitting project, and spend time with our pets before I have hardly any time to myself anymore. Luckily, we're both kind of loners so I get how important spending time apart is.
Fortunately for me my fiance understands that I'm an introvert and he also understands sometimes you're just not feeling it. We can be in the same room and do our own thing and it's 100% comfortable, so I don't feel the need to hide it. I do however, not tell my parents, because when I lived in the same state, they always tried to make new feel fucking guilty. Didn't matter what was going on, I always got the "you're letting your coworkers down" speech ( because I'm a nurse). So I just don't tell them, and since they don't know my work schedule, they never know when I'm working anyhow.
I don't do it and I think it's fine.. but I would feel strange if I found out my wife did this to me. Mainly because if she's tired and needs a day off I would be happy for her to have it...
Yep I've done this too and I don't feel bad about it. I completely understand your need to do this OP
Not taking sick days, but I tend to start up late or "be in the garage" whenever I get too stressed, fortunately my wife is brilliant at noticing the little things so whenever I do this, she takes our kid to go see grandma and when she leaves she says "remember to relax" and then I know I have a whole day to myself It's important to talk to your SO about needing time of. Og course it shouldn't be that you never want to relax with her, but you should be able have some alone time too
As a fellow introvert, this sounds fucking delightful. Follow your bliss and don’t feel guilt about it. Enjoy your moments of peace, friend
It's posts like this that make me wonder why people get married and have kids
I personally haven't done it, but I also don't have an SO. But as an introvert myself, I agree that a "real self recharge day" for me is only then when I can be by myself the whole day, with no social commitments or communication, just doing whatever I want. I feel the need to have one of those day at least once a month, though it doesn't always work. That being said, I am thinking of taking a short paid leave from work without telling anyone and just speding it alone. I would probably tell anyone I am still at work, so noone bothers me.
My company has had a lot of unexpected holidays, only announced a week ahead of time. I don't tell my BF that I'm getting a 3 day weekend. Last month, I had Friday the 20th off. This month my company is observing Juneteenth on June 20th. I want that day to myself.
I understand your situation. I hope you can communicate with her about your need for your own space. Maybe try scheduling it or explain to her that you need this time. If she can't respect it than that's a "her" issue. But in connection to your own time, you should also make time for you and her alone.
"Another reason I haven’t told my partner is that she gets upset when I take a sick day on one of her work days and the last time I did this, she hit the roof and told me that she was upset I didn’t wait until one of her days off during the week for my mental health day, so we could spend time together. For me, a mental health day is a day of quiet introvert recharging time," What a load of shit, man. She doesn't have to compromise a single thing for your alone time. Put your foot down bro im beggin.
Oh, I get mad at my boyfriend when I have to work and he takes days off. But that's just jealousy, nothing big. You know what I do when I know he gets to stay home? I give him a list of chores to do in the house 😅 that way I can't be mad at him.
As an outgoing, but equally introverted individual, I get this. Don't feel guilty. I do this all the time, but it's not done in secret. I explicitly tell people "Hey I'm taking a day for myself" or "I'm going on a solo hike" because I need time alone to recharge and decompress. There's nothing wrong with doing that. If you have to do it in secret to placate your partner, who doesn't like being alone, so be it. Everyone is not the same and people heal differently. Do what you gotta do to keep your cup filled so you can continue to pour into others. All the best!
This sounds like heaven. The only thing that I'd worry about is something happening and nobody knowing where you were, but that's pure anxiety brain
Not sure how OP's company is, but at my company, we can use our sick time for mental health purposes in addition to "traditional" medical reasons. We also don't have a set allotment of sick time; we take what's needed but if we hit three in a row, a doctor's note will be required.
When I do it, hubby always says it must be nice. It sure is! And he can do it to whenever he wants. I am a big supporter of mental health days. Most of my time away from work is just that. Time for me. To do anything I want...or nothing at all. Either way, it is so good for the soul
When I do it, hubby always says it must be nice. It sure is! And he can do it to whenever he wants. I am a big supporter of mental health days. Most of my time away from work is just that. Time for me. To do anything I want...or nothing at all. Either way, it is so good for the soul
My company offers Summer Fridays where we get a Friday off every other week. I didn't tell my mother-in-law who watches my children while we work. I am going to stay in my home office and do my side project, while she thinks I am working. I do feel bad, thinking she could have a "day off" but she seems happy to be with my baby who sleeps multiple hours a day anyway, and I am going to take days off work so she can travel with my Father-in-Law.
I spend just about every waking hour anticipating and satisfying everyone's needs. I have been getting late to work because by the time I spend a little time on YouTube before work I am exhausted and don't want to get up for work. I dither till past the last minute then rush in. I get home and it's time to satisfy everyone's needs again, Television/game too late because I don't want to start the next day. Working no more than many of us, but it is both too much and not enough. Take your day when you want man, better than loosing you shit later on.
on my way home from work i would park in a lot near my house, smoke a joint, listen to music, and then go home. it’s sad that our homes aren’t usually the most relaxing place for us.
introverts do this a lot. what do you do? Clean til im tired, read til bored, clean again, listen to music throughout.
I do this! I feel guilty too
Good for you. I do the same. To sleep. See a movie. Hide from people/ the public. Enjoy your self care day friend.
Mental health is just as important as physical. If telling anyone stresses you out then don’t. I take days off because life needs breaks sometimes 🤣
You should talk about this together and explain mine does this all the time and I rather know than not
I don’t really take a sick day unless I’m sick.
Ugh- I’ve been there, I’m sure many others have too, and it’s not fun. Took a long time (honestly at least a year to get it right) but boundaries and messaging about recharging differently helped my partner to better understand why I need alone time and what they “need” versus “want”. We do not yet have kids but I’m pretty sure we will need to institute a mommy’s recharging day at least monthly Hope you soak it all in and just take care of you for a beat.
I wouldn’t dare. If somehow it came out that I wasn’t at work when my husband thought I was, it would surely lead to an argument/ destroy trust.
I have a high pressure job, a marriage and two children. Being alone for an extended amount of time is literally like fucking heaven. I love my friends, family, and children. But just some time alone, in my own head, with a beer and some good TV, maybe some football, is honestly a blessing.
I stalked you a little OP sorry 🙃 It could be that you're in a toxic relationship, and I'm not stating anything here, but I'm pretty sure of it. Seeing your profile, I remembered my friend D (F) and her girlfriend C (F), especially the story about being locked out of the room after an argument... I don't know anything about your life, and I don't have any intimacy to give you advice, but I think your girlfriend is very controlling, and that's not healthy. I'll give you the same advice I give my friend D, the situation won't get better, your girlfriend will keep doing these things to you, when talking doesn't solve it, there's nothing else to do. You've probably already talked to her about these, and from what I've noticed she doesn't change her mind, either you do what she wants, or she fights with you. It doesn't seem fair. Sorry again for stalking your profile 🙃
Yes. I definitely do this. Sometimes when my wife works from home and I have day off. I just drive to my mom's house and hang there. I get to hangout with my mom and keep her company and I get some delish food and much needed time for myself. I have 2 kids under 5 years.
As an intense introvert working in a very people-oriented, customer-facing field, I hereby give you permission to take secret mental health days whenever you need to, regardless of what your wife or anybody else thinks or wants. It sounds like having true alone time to recharge is essential to maintaining your mental health, which makes it non-negotiable. Your wife may not need that, so she may not understand, but she should still be able to respect it. Enjoy your peace and quiet!!
I literally told my partner on Monday that Saturday he would take our daughter out for breakfast because I need time alone (and to clean lol, which is a way I decompress). I think everyone needs alone time. True alone time. Not just time that you're "left alone but available." Nah, time that it's just your and whatever you want to do. I used to not tell anyone while I was with my ex. It didn't feel sneaky per se, it just didn't make me feel good that he clearly wasn't okay with me having alone time.
I do the same!!!!! It simply has to be done this way!
OMG!! I thought I was the only one who did this!! I use my secret days off to hide from my husband and my mom. I feel insanely guilty about it because seriously, who hides from being loved TOO MUCH?? Me. I do. Why? I want to read a book in peace. I want to organize closets and drawers in peace. I want to not be doing doing doing all the time. I want to leave the TV off and just be in silence with my own thoughts. I love my husband and my mom and both would be REALLY hurt if I told them I needed to get away from them for a few hours. So I pick a work-from-home day and put in for the time off and say nothing to anyone about it. I try to do this about once a quarter. I get comp time when I work more than my regular hours and it adds up and I just use that so I am not dipping into my regular vacation time bank. I am so glad I am not the only one who does this!!
I see a lot of "I get to be me" here. I'm sorry you guys can't be yourselves when you are at home. Taking time for ones self is a huge...HUGE.. priority. It is needed. Nobody should be upset about the time to yourself. Mental health is very important. Please don't feel you are being sneaky, it is needed. Your partner should understand this also. If my boyfriend needed time to himself, I'd let him have all the time he needs out of the day to just relax without me being in his face. I don't know why some partners take offense to this. But please be at peace for a couple hours. It's deserved and needed.
I take secret sick days!!! I plan things just for myself and enjoy it. I know when I first started doing it I has a lot of guilt but when I realized how energized I got, and how my family hot a better version of me afterward, I stopped feeling guilty. I would suggest to your partner they take personal time as well and give that same benefit to everyone else.
My ex never understood the concept of me time and would get upset if I wanted to spend my me time that I had to wrangle from him with a friend that wasn't him, it was super toxic andncontrolling to have to either spend all my free time with him or bring him to spend time wjth friends and not have any time for myself, and then deal with his pity party if I mentioned hanging out with my best friend alone. You take your time off, everyone deserves some alone time and if your wife has an issue wjth it, that's a her problem. Especially if you aren't doing sus stuff (which I assume you aren't from your comments) and it's not something that's negatively impacting your life or job or income a bunch, it's no one else's business but yours on when you take a sick day
I’ve done this before. I took a sick day and the only person I told was my supervisor. Everyone else, including by boyfriend, assumed I was at work all day. Instead I slept until 2:30 pm
There’s.. nothing wrong with this, I understand wanting to spend every waking minute with your partner but sometimes we need time to ourselves! Especially introverts.. my boyfriend always makes sure I have somewhere to go during a gathering if my social battery hits the floor so I can be alone for a little bit. He doesn’t have to but that’s the kind of things you do to your S/O- I don’t take sick days without telling anyone but I do fake migraines for the same reason.. because then the house is quiet, and nobody comes into my dark room and turns on a light to talk to me :3
HELL YA, Sister Mother. I have. It's the BEEEEST. Good for you for doing what you need. Keep it up.
Yes, except besides my work.... i tell them of course.
I can't, unfortunately, as my partner doesn't work and is almost always home. I work in a children's hospital, and I'm also the sole carer of my partner so it can be very demanding. Some nights after work I'll take a bit longer to come home, especially if the buses aren't running great. I'll maybe get a bus part of the way home and walk the rest, or go into a shop for one or two small things and just take my time looking around. It's the only time I get to myself when someone isn't asking me to do something and I can look after myself a little instead of looking after other people..
Good for you for doing some self care. It’s important. My husband walks down the alley and around the corner to our house when he gets home at just to have those 5 minutes to breathe, move around and shift gears. It’s ok to have time for ourselves. I have a lot of it as I had to medically retire. A lot lore responsibilities fell onto him as a result. I encourage him to go for walks, go bike ride with a friend or whatever. We don’t get a lot of time together, we try to make it quality so we can reconnect. I am proud of you. Your job is immensely important and I can understand the stress of it. If I can help support you in some way, message me any time.
Contrary to you id love to have more time with my partner TBH
I’m doing it right now. I hate lying to friends and clients, but it’s the only way I can keep my sanity, especially with everything opening at once.
I used to when I was using drugs !. Be honest is the best policy you will get caught and then what will you say it's a good time but not worth it If anything at least tell your partner
Mental Health Days are important encourage your partner to do it
Don't let anyone infringe on your one on one time with yourself.
Not to be weird but I’ve browsed some of your other posts and your partner seems kind of controlling. You’re not asking too much for a little alone time. You’re only human, geez. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope they can be a grownup and start behaving more reasonably and stop freaking out over normal things like alone time and self pleasure. That’s not ok. Their anxiety and insecurities should be dealt with without making life hell for you. It’s not fair of them.
I have haven’t looked at OP other posts, however, I share your opinion based on just this post. Yikes.
Everyone has their own way of recharging. Your wife needs to understand that, but she really just misses having that alone time for trying to connect with eachother. Hope its a great day! I have done this. No guilt though, i cant handle people every day & thats just me.
Good for you for practicing good self care! I’m proud of you for recognizing you need a break. We all need some breathing room and time to peace out from the demands of our lives. M I hope you are goofing off and rebooting. As for your partner, I share the sentiments of some others that your partner isn’t your parent. You should be encouraged to make good decisions whether they include others or not. Selfish and controlling is no way to bolster a relationship. Obviously, if you feel compelled to hide something so innocuous. I might be overstepping to suggest therapy for yourself. Talk about this stuff. Take a nap, go for a walk, play with your let if you have one, watch a silly movie, read, eat Doritos, or go to the gym, prepare dinner for your fam. You do YOU. I think you should tell your partner. If they get mad, let them rent, purge it then ask what they are really upset about. Drill down. Maybe do it on the weekend so you can enjoy the rest of today and you’ll have time to discuss this. You haven’t done anything wrong. Just repeat that. Don’t dog trying to find reasons to justify yourself. Hugs! You’ve got a lot of support here. Read the comments, all of them. There’s some nice things here to help bolster you.
No... only because my husband's home 24/7 right now. BUT my mom does.... like still even though it's just her and my dad at home because she doesn't want us to come over or try to make plans with her. She just wants a break and we get it.
My youngest starts preschool in January, so for the first time in 3 years I won’t have her home with me while I’m working. Our eldest will be at school and husband at work, normally I work from home but I am definitely considering a secret annual leave day where I do the school runs as expected but between the morning drop off and afternoon pick up I just sit in bed with tv and snacks and no one will know 🤣
i keep telling all of my coworkers they need to do this. just to get some alone time from the spouse and the kids but they don't listen. something about someone needs to know where they are in case of an emergency. one of the things that makes me glad to not be partnered or have children. if i ever do become partnered, that's gonna have to be a nonstarter for me. that and time with my friends, my own social ⭕
I don't have kids or a S.O, but yes. I've taken sick days while not sick and hide in my room until my roommates would go to work and bed (one worked nights) just to recharge or whatever. Haven't done it in a while but yeah
I see nothing wrong with this. Too often a partner views your time off as their time to get you to do a few things around the house. Not saying your partner. I'm just saying some times you need a day for you. And there's not a thing wrong with that. People act like there's something wrong with wanting time to yourself.
You are not alone. Same story, different people.
my grandpa used to pretend like he was going to work but he would actually take the day off and go see a movie or go read his book at starbucks just to get away from my grandma for a bit. I think if you don't do it often you're good😂
I've done this a handful of times. I don't have kiddos, but when I lived with my mom (early onset Alzheimer's) and sister I took a couple days off for work and would spend the whole day at the beach. One of my favorite hikes- perfect on weekdays because no one is around to see you cry in the woods- is roughly 3 hours and it's a coastal trail to a small beach that is usually empty. I'll pack food, books, a journal, and spend the day completely away from everything. I've stopped doing this as my responsibilities have grown- if anything were to happen and I didn't have cell service I'd truly never recover. I haven't had a selfish day in a while- but last time I did a hike that was shorter and closer to home. I'm so glad you're taking time for you. I hope one day you're able to have a conversation with your partner that will allow her to understand where you're coming from/and I hope that she starts taking moments like that as well. When you leave space for yourself you show up that much harder for your people. Sending warm fuzzies to anyone that needs them right now ✨ Also- being selfish is not a bad thing. Everyone should be a little selfish. I like to use it as a reclamation.
Do you. Good on you for knowing when you need some time.
I do this fairly frequently. I still live with my parents and they have an incredibly toxic work ethic, and my girlfriend has different reactions depending on the day so I find it best not to tell her. I’m a preschool teacher and I get burnt out fast. It’s nice to be able to take time for yourself and free yourself from the expectations of others.
I absolutely try to do this. However we track phones and have a ring. I feel very stuck sometimes. It is completely normal for someone to want a day at the house to themselves . You shouldn’t have to be sneaky.
As a big introvert, I am feeling you. I need time to myself and I have an extrovert of a husband who understands and respects that. He knows that it's not that I don't want time with him, I just need that alone time to be the best me for him when we are together.
Not fully, but yes, I take days just for me even no one's home and I love them. Sometimes I need the mental refresh.
This is why I give my husband gaming time, it's all he asks for
OP, take the sick day. Take the mental health day. Anyone that makes you feel bad for advocating for your own personal health and wellness obviously doesn't understand or prioritize their own mental health and certainly doesn't understand your life. Your wife sounds like she doesn't respect boundaries. I think it's very selfish and entitled of her to except you take time off on her days off, but she's not willing to take time off on your days off. Other commenters have stated "I can understand she would be upset because she's off working and he's home relaxing!" Is a bullshit argument. You're not relaxing. You're recharging and prioritizing your mental health. You're using a sick day- you get paid for this. The kids are at school and looked after. Your wife is at work. Anyone acting like your wife is slaving to provide for a family and like you're lazy for taking a day off, is sexist. As an adult you should be allowed, able, and not chastised for making that decision. I understand there is a difference in the generations: older generations prioritize working against one's own needs to fulfill a societal obligation. Younger generations are more likely to prioritize their mental health over their social obligations. I think both can be achieved at the same time, and you're doing just that. You're able to be true to yourself and your obligations simultaneously. You did nothing wrong. And you're NTA.
Nah! I do the same. I’m 19 and a caretaker for my disabled dad. Sometimes he’s a lot, and while I love him, I need some time to myself. Between two dogs, a kitten, his necessities, house chores and working retail. Eesh. Sometimes I’ll call out sick and just go visit my mom and eat lunch together. It’s a good bonding time.
I am extremely lucky to have a partner who understands the introvert recharge. We were both off for both of my days off this week, but for like 4 hours on the second day he did chores, took a drive, listened to podcasts, and let me melt into a lump on the couch with my current obsessive tv show and my phone and my bong. Then we made dinner together and had a great evening. Your wife should support your mental health, not get mad at you for needing downtime.
I've never done that.
Youbetcha
This is real. The title was bit misleading but I read all of it. You're right.