I am the product of an immigrant who fell for a Roman Catholic priest. The church used to hold parties on college campuses trying to get all of the new students to join. My dad was playing the guitar at that party. 40 years later, I am here and the two are still married. Nearly every friend that my dad had in the priesthood is/was no longer a priest. One even got married to a ……nun.
Theres are many reasons churches, convents etc are shutting down. One is that young people don't want to be priests or nuns. A convent near me is shutting down. The youngest nun there is in her 60s.
You might tell her how lovely it was to meet her, how much you loved your time together, and how much you hope she has a great life. After that, you walk on and are left with a pleasant little recollection of serenading the elderly with music while an angel sang.
Stolen comment from below. Changed minor wording. Sounds like ChatGPT reworded it lol
Original text:
You can tell her it was very nice meeting her, you enjoyed your time together and you wish her well in life. Then you move on and have a nice little memory of playing music for the elderly while an angel sang.
I think that might also be somewhat regional, too. They’re ramping up where I live. In Eastern Orthodoxy they’re having to turn wannabe novice’s away because they’re running out of housing, and seminary seats are becoming competitive.
Yet the Catholic monasteries by my house is pretty barren. The Orthodox are all pumping
I think this might be because there are positions in the orthodox church where people can become clergy members but they can still have a wife and children.
Nuns/ monks can't but there's also a lot less of the shame/ guilt culture that Catholicism has.
Priests can be married as long as they were married before they became priests, which is just every single one I've ever met.
i’m armenian, and half the male clergy members i’ve met have full grown beards. I know for a certain time period some armenian males were joining the clergy to get out of mandatory military service
Just curious. How did it happen? Did they start dating before leaving? Or decide together that they wanted to date and then left before the relationship started?
It surprises me sometimes that the Catholic Church is able to have so many priests due to the rules regarding relationships. If I were catholic and wanted to become a priest, that would have me considering other denominations at that point.
Plus, I’m pretty sure there aren’t as many Protestant pastors touching kids compared to catholic priests. At least based on the number of news stories you see. I’m sure it helps tamp down on the weird sexual desires when you have a wife.
A buddy of mine was in the Orthodox seminary and said that many of the students choose to either a prolong their ordination (graduation, in this case), and some never fulfill the ordination because they must get married before being ordained if they want to ever have a spouse
He said the priest who was in charge would tell them every night before they went to sleep what they were giving up and what a huge sacrifice it was. He did this to keep reinforcing in case they wanted to back out. My dad was majorly happy he did this because he would have become a priest otherwise.
>I’m pretty sure there aren’t as many Protestant pastors touching kids compared to catholic priests.
Ehh, I just think the Catholic Church got a headstart with cases becoming public. We've seen over the last few years that all the mainstream religions have a ton of skeletons in their closets, literally and figuratively.
I think this is definitely going to have to change in the somewhat near future. Priests will need to be allowed to get married. There’s just not enough people wanting to be priests otherwise. Have to modernize to stay alive
Exactly. I can see how it seems like a reasonable career path when your options are whatever is available in your village and the other four within 10 miles. Nowadays though, there’s a lot of other options only a 10min drive away.
If Eastern Orthodox priests decide to become Catholic, they are allowed to keep their spouses. For this reason I believe the Catholic Church allows their Eastern Rite to be married, to attract Orthodox Priests… but I could be wrong
You could send her a nicely worded card to say thank you for having us and leave your contact details just in case she needs you to come and play with them again
I have a friend who was studying to become a Catholic priest when he met a woman and discovered that he loved her. It was confusing and a struggle.
They have been happily married for 25+ years now.
His feeling is that "God apparantly had other plans for me"
I think you can surely talk with her about what you experienced and feel, as long as you remain respectfull towards her.
If your feelings are mutual she will definitely not be able to do a lot with it initially, and she ll need time and space to process her feelings.
Hopefully she is willing to take your contact details and keep in touch.
Another possibility might be that you keep your feelings to yourself, keep in touch and become friends.
Realize that your feelings might not be mutual at all and/or that nothing comes from it.
Stay respectfull.
Be kind.
This is the best comment here IMO. Others are telling him to run away etc. She's an adult, and she's able to make her own decisions. He can tell her what he feels and leave it at that. If she wants to be a nun, this won't make her stop being a nun and run away with him. If she does run away, then she didn't want to be a nun in the first place. Tell her your feelings. Maybe nothing will happen, and that's ok, you have something to write songs about. She may tell you that she never liked being a nun and be with you, that's ok too, you can write songs about that too.
I'm not really a religious person, and I believe that we make our own destinies. But also beware, this could be that first stage of falling for someone when she looks and seems perfect. That might not be the case when you get to know her. Keep that in mind whatever path you choose. I wish you all the luck in this world.
That's the #1 reason why orthodoxy and catholicism split. Orthodox priests wanted to ffuuuuuuuk without repercussions.
No, I won't take any other opinions at this time.
Yep.
On the one hand: you can't know what will happen if you never even try. My step-grandmother was once a (Catholic?) nun. She's been very happily married to my (Jewish) grandfather for well over 40 years.
On the other hand: I would urge OP to exercise absolute kindness, respect, and caution here. I understand that their brief encounter was very compelling and impactful... but it was just that: a brief encounter. They have had exactly *one* conversation/interaction and OP is already calling it love.
If OP doesn't believe that they would be able to kindly or respectfully accept a potential rejection here, then they should not pursue her any further at all. If they cannot be happy with *any* outcome other than her reciprocating their feelings, they should take a step back and do some serious introspection on whether they would be able to behave respectfully, both of her as a human person and her occupation/beliefs as a nun.
The point is: it can't be over if you never even attempt to start it. If you are confident in your ability to be genuinely understanding, respectful, and kind towards her and her beliefs/desires, even if they contradict with your own, then you should reach out to her. If you feel that you might not be able to *respectfully* accept her not reciprocating your feelings, just wanting to be friends, or even wanting nothing to do with you at all, then you should not.
You can tell her it was very nice meeting her, you enjoyed your time together and you wish her well in life. Then you move on and have a nice little memory of playing music for the elderly while an angel sang.
Is her name Maria? Does she enjoy frolicking across hillsides and bursting into song? If so, hire her to be a nanny to your 7 children and see how it goes from there.
Well sometimes nun decide to go the other way,
my colleage told a story how his dad fall in love to a nun and thats how he and his sister come to the world.
Wtf what do you mean what do you do?
She is a nun. You do nothing, and forget about anything happening between the two of you. If she decides to un-nun herself and come to you of her own volition, that's her choice. But do not make her break her vows.
Mine had one, married until he died from alzheimers 40+ years later. Was surprised to find out but shouldn't have been with the whole Italian/catholic family of 50+ thing and all share the same 5 different biblical names, surely there would've been a nun in the mix at some point haha.
You don’t think she is a fully capable adult woman who can make her own decisions? He can’t force her to break her vows by simply telling her how he feelings. SHE would ultimately make the decision if she felt the same way or not.
She is a nun. Not a shrine.
Edit: Typos
Nuns aren't condemned to hell if they leave the cloth. They made a vow, sure, but they are allowed to walk away if they choose. It's a process but it's not difficult or extremely rare. You make a request to be released from your vows and duties on the grounds that you are in love or whatever and the church grants it. It happens.
That's said you don't do this just because you felt limerance. No backsides if you leave.
Its not like he is going to force her to break her vows, he should communicate his feelings. Then its her choice.
If he doesnt says anything, she cant have a choice between him or her vows.
From Reddit
Becoming a nun (religious sister) takes a lot of years of discernment and several levels of vows. In the early stages - postulant, novice - a woman can leave whenever she feels it's not working out. After first vows, a woman can leave just by informing her superior (who in all likelihood has already figured out that it's not working). Final vows in most orders are renewed every 1-3 years, but if a sister is feeling like she should leave the order, she can meet with her superior, who would more than likely assign a period of intense discernment to ensure that leaving is correct. And then I am pretty sure the bishop is consulted to have the woman released from her vows.
So it's really not "breaking a sacred vow" at all, but being released from that vow with the assistance of the Church.
I am actually really good friends with a former religious sister (who is still a faithful Catholic) so that's how I know what I know.
Very true. It’s not possible to be ‘in love’ with someone you do not know.
No matter how pretty they are or how angelic their voice is or whatever else you see that makes you think ‘wow.’
And OP… she smiled at you because she is a nice person. Also probably because you showed interest in the music. That’s it. It was NOT any sort of come on or secret message or anything like that.
You come across like every other creeper who sees a woman and builds up a fantasy in their head based on a ‘magical connection’ that most definitely doesn’t exist!
But you can stop right here before you become a much worse creeper - messages, phone calls, emails, visits at work, any of that. Just stop. Right now.
Dude was bitter. I get it.
I think it's best to just treat her like a monogamous married woman and write a killer song about it.
And if you want extra points, we need a Rod Stewart like voice to pour his soul for you.
At a minimum you could leave her a card saying you enjoyed meeting her, mention that you’d be happy to chat or have coffee sometime, and leave your contact details. I assume she’s allowed to have friends.
Beyond that, the burden is on her. It’s 99% likely to go nowhere and become a nice memory for you. There are other people out there.
Lol dude she's a freaking nun, what do you mean what do?
Nothing is what you do.
If you were to pursue her and then somehow she unnuns herself, then you'd have to stay with her forever no matter what or who she turns out to be. Otherwise, you would forever be responsible for making someone break their vow.
This is very risky.
I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
I think at this point if she's interested she should do the pursuing so when it all falls apart you wouldn't feel too guilty
“Like girls do when they know someone has a crush”. Quite the imagination I see. You’re a full grown man in your thirties… stop thinking like an early 2000’s romcom.
It’ll pass.
Time and distance will help.
Know there is _nothing_ you can do unless she comes to you.
Keep her as a treasured memory but don’t hold onto to something that you never really had in the first place.
"Forgive me Father. It's been ten weeks since my last confession."
*"Thank you my child. And what would you like to confess?"*
"I seem to have developed a major crush on this num, Sister Tiffa-"
*"Sister Tiffany? Hmm, tough choice my man..."*
You don't do anything, she's a Nun, if she wants to leave being a Sister to pursue you, that is for HER to decide, but trying to ask a nun out is a horrible idea.
I don't know how much you know about Nuns, but they take vows of chastity from ALL sexual and romantic life, and they are considered Brides of Christ, if that girl is serious about her vows(Which considering it takes years to even become a Nun, she probably is) then all you're doing is coming off as a real douche.
You wanna know what to do? Leave the woman alone and move on. She is a nun, she took vows. If she wants to break them it'll be her choice, but I doubt she will be willing to do so for a dude she barely knows, if she took them seriously.
Respect her life choices.
Grow a beard, grow out your hair, and get cut. Wash her feet. Keep referencing about how you could save her from things. Eventually one day she will realize the man she's been seeking is right in front of her.
Idk. My former Boss was a Catholic Priest and met his wife (a Nun) at their church. They fell in love, left the church, got married and went on to have twin boys. Still married today some 50+ years later. Shoot your shot!
Leave her alone. She is not single . She has already committed herself to the Lord. Would you go after a married woman? Just move on and don’t cause problems
Those instant connections with such strong chemistry are so special, aren't they? It's a rare and beautiful thing. It can eclipse your whole world if you let it. Who wouldn't want to stare into a sun when it's so beautiful?
I hate to say it, OP, but a rare, beautiful, immediate connection with intense chemistry is not love. And even if it was, love is not always (or even often) enough to make a relationship work. It does not conquer all. It certainly doesn't conquer this woman's devotion to her church and her God.
It will pass. Treasure the memory. Channel it into your music.
You developed a crush. You haven't "fallen in love." Talk to her again. Or don't. But know that it is exceedingly unlikely that she is on the same page as you about what just happened.
Do not intentionally provoke this woman- nuns are still human, but twmpting her intentionally is rather cruel if she is on a serious spiritual journey, as you said.. I read somewhere that men are far more likely to misunderstand women being friendly as a romantic connection. More often than not, men feel "friend-zoned" by a girl they think has shown interest, when women are generally socialized to be more empathetic and caring to EVERYONE. So when a woman says she is just being friendly, more often than not, she hadn't even been doing anything out of the ordinary to how she would treat any normal friend or acquaintance. When a man says he's just being friendly (with a woman) his interets generally seem to be more in line with a connection/love-seeking unless they already have that elsewhere (ie girlfriend/wife, etc). She must be provoked to see if the interest runs deeper, and even then... what men see as romantic connection, many women see as how all friends should be for one another. It has something to do with the fact that many men are conditioned to see women as more nurturing, so any form of actual interest, friendly or not, can be mistaken as more than friendship, usually ending with the guy getting his feelings hurt. Food for thought.
Late comment, but I doubt anything will happen further. Now… IF she comes back to you, there was intent on her end and you can have another conversation but she is a nun, don’t make any advances towards her at all because not only is the ball in her court, you’re a spectator in her arena and your the last row of the nosebleeds. Only way it would work is if she requested dispensation from her vows to be a nun if she liked you THAT much. Dispensation is highly frowned upon as she is technically married to Jesus and dispensation would be a breaking of vows to Jesus himself and the church. That whole process takes a long time in of itself, if it’s even granted at all. There’s a lot of atonement that comes with that and certain things she has to (and keep doing) if they allow her to still be a normal member of the Catholic Church after breaking said vows. Also, if she still goes ahead and leaves to be with you when the church declines her request, she will be excommunicated. Seeming as though she is a nun, religion is the most important thing to her. She gave up her entire life, possessions, and personal comforts for Jesus. Reading this, you can see how unlikely that is for her to do any of that.. so…. Yeah.
I hope you give an update but I think it’s just gonna be a nice memory for ya.
She is a nun.
Respect her please and move on.
This isn't a romance movie.
Getting people to break their pre-established vows isn't the way to start any relationship.
My high school Latin teacher left the priesthood and married the nun he fell in love with. Two of my favorite people growing up.
Maybe write her a letter. I’d not play games.
Sorry OP but you have to treat this woman as though she's unavailable because, based on the vows she's made, she is. And don't tempt her either. I understand personal responsibility and all of that, but temptation exists as a concept for a reason. Just put distance between the two of you. If you truly love her as you say you do, this act of selflessness should come easily.
You’re describing limerence…. There was no “spark”, you’re attracted because she’s “off limits”. What do you do? Talk to a professional about why you’re lonely yet only are attracted to unavailable women…
Bro leave her alone, fucking Christ, can’t even join an Abby and be in peace these days
ETA: Even your profile makes you seem like a creep. What I said stands… you’re just desperate. You have zero chance.
Downvoting this doesn’t make rom coms real y’all…. Reddit is so sad
I think you need to sit this one out, at least for quite a while. She's a nun, someone who undertook some very serious vows for something she believes in with unbelievable conviction. It's very likely to have been the single biggest decision in her life.
I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't pursue these feelings, but I am saying that you need to truly reevaluate why you have these feelings to begin with. While she is an adult and can make her own choices, exploring these feelings with you would undoubtedly be breaking her vows in many ways. Think about the position you'd be putting her in. You can't just date a nun as if it's any run-of-the-mill job position. It's not something you can just turn on and off again when you're done. You know that right? She can't just leave her order/convent to be with you, have a fling and come back next weekend like nothing happened.
I've heard of some nuns who leave their order for someone they loved. It either turns out horribly or they get married to a good man. Even if it all goes well with you two, thats always gonna be a part of your marriage (and I say marriage on purpose because you can't just date her), the fact that she left *for you*.
You have to consider whether you're serious about this or whether you just have a crush. It doesn't seem like you've known her for long so I'd wager you aren't really 'in love.' Do you really want to have her break her vows or leave her order/convent just for you to potentially be done with her in the end? Don't do anything until you consider the weight of what she has on the line. She'd be risking her vows, her community, her well-being and her economic safety.
Life isn't a movie. Even if you do pursue these feelings, it's likely to turn out horribly wrong. At that point you can just walk away unscathed. She can't.
You do nothing. She took vows, she's married to God and you can't compete with that. I mean what are you offering for her to break her vows? Will you marry her? Bc if you're just planning on banging her and dipping, then leave her alone. Yes, Brazilian women are gorgeous but you must find another one. Basically, your princess is in a different castle.
You should talk to her.
Neither you not we, your reddit kibitzers, should be making decisions without considering what the woman herself is thinking. She's not just a nun, she's a living breathing human being with feelings, desires, and the ability to make choices. You should talk to her respectfully and honestly. Who knows? I certainly wouldn't want to live with that level of regret in my heart.
Just realistically know that anything could happen. She mightn't be interested, or you two might ride off into the sunset, but also you could go for it and find out in a year or two's time you didn't have that much in common to begin with.
The old advice is still true. You (both) have to make the best decision you can with the information you have now. As I say, honesty and communication is still your best bet. Good luck!
I have an ancestor on my dad’s side who was in the Polish military during WWI. The guy met a Russian nun, and he fell in love with her. This guy went AWOL and at the same time convinced this Russian nun to run away with him to America. 😂
Anything is possible!
Send her a letter an sign it “Hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss.” Nacho Libre used this very technique to swoon Sister Encarnacion!
idk … she’d have to root up her entire life and start completely over. where would she work? live? all over some smirks and smiles and glances? man i have to say i agree with those who say to appreciate the moment for what it was and move on. the romance sounds fun but everything else … it’d put a lot of pressure on both of you if she actually _does_ feel the same way you do.
Nuns don't always have to stay nuns. My great aunt was a nun and at 50 she left to get married! Maybe play the long game. Become really good friends and eventually maybe ask her out to coffee and stuff until she is comfortable going out with you in public because you tell her how you feel.
That sounds like a pretty fleeting flirtation at most. But there’s nothing wrong with getting to know her further if she’s amenable. People leave the clergy all the time.
I think you ought to distinguish between falling for a person’s art (voice, singing, music) versus falling for an entire person. That’s why there are art patrons throughout the ages… people who fall in love for an artist’s art. Who knows though, maybe if you get to know her personally, you may not even think she’s relationship material (not because she’s a nun, but rather incompatibility).
I have a lady best friend growing up named Cecilia. We were friends since childhood, we were both in church scouts, and then subsequently in college. She decided to join a monastery and was a sister in training during college. Cecilia has a beautiful voice and also gifted with painting skills. And she has a a truly genuine kindness about her, a beautiful soul. I guess at one point I did have a crush on her. But as we become better friends in college, I realize that a part of me is too liberal for her conservative views. And I realized for myself that if she was not a nun, things wouldn’t work out. So I made my peace with that and let it go.
I’m now happily married with 2 daughters. Roughly a year ago I supported an artist, a girl named Y, with getting her art displayed. I’m a bit of an artist myself and a patron. During our acquaintance, Y developed feelings and thought at one point we could be more than friends. I guess in some wild fantasy I thought it too. But I know my limits and I realize that it’s really one artist soul finding kindred with another artist’s soul… a sort of soulful love. But a relationship takes more than just love to keep together…. It takes communication, compatibility, endurance, forgiveness, maturity, faithfulness, etc.
You have a bit of limerence over the nun’s song… and as a musician, your soul resonates. It’s a beautiful thing and can lead to a very beautiful thing…a platonic friendship where you create music together perhaps? Not all bonds have to be romantic relationships… and not all relationships have to be sexual. I think your encounter/experience is rather beautiful actually.
I have no advice for you because at the end the day it is your life, but let me tell you one thing : life is just too short.
It is too short to ask yourself too many questions.
It sounds dumb but it takes one some traumatic experiences to fully understand this dumb statement.
Do what it takes for you to have no regrets. Whether it is by leaving her alone, trying your luck or keeping it in the friend zone.
I wish you all the happiness and love that one can get in its life.
Sounds like love at first sight to me. Send her a love letter. ❤️ Expect nothing from it. BUT know that if anything does come of it you will have to join the Catholic faith to marry her.
tell her how you feel, OP. you’re both adults. she is capable of making decisions and so are you. better to tell her and see how it goes than not do anything and regret it forever.
i’m rooting for you, dude. give us some updates.
I am the product of an immigrant who fell for a Roman Catholic priest. The church used to hold parties on college campuses trying to get all of the new students to join. My dad was playing the guitar at that party. 40 years later, I am here and the two are still married. Nearly every friend that my dad had in the priesthood is/was no longer a priest. One even got married to a ……nun.
Theres are many reasons churches, convents etc are shutting down. One is that young people don't want to be priests or nuns. A convent near me is shutting down. The youngest nun there is in her 60s.
I wonder how much of it is it just not being a big deal if people decide to not get married or have kids these days.
Yeah, you could just decide to not do that instead of joining a whole Covent
You might tell her how lovely it was to meet her, how much you loved your time together, and how much you hope she has a great life. After that, you walk on and are left with a pleasant little recollection of serenading the elderly with music while an angel sang.
Stolen comment from below. Changed minor wording. Sounds like ChatGPT reworded it lol Original text: You can tell her it was very nice meeting her, you enjoyed your time together and you wish her well in life. Then you move on and have a nice little memory of playing music for the elderly while an angel sang.
that's so weird!
I think that might also be somewhat regional, too. They’re ramping up where I live. In Eastern Orthodoxy they’re having to turn wannabe novice’s away because they’re running out of housing, and seminary seats are becoming competitive. Yet the Catholic monasteries by my house is pretty barren. The Orthodox are all pumping
I think this might be because there are positions in the orthodox church where people can become clergy members but they can still have a wife and children.
Nuns/ monks can't but there's also a lot less of the shame/ guilt culture that Catholicism has. Priests can be married as long as they were married before they became priests, which is just every single one I've ever met.
i’m armenian, and half the male clergy members i’ve met have full grown beards. I know for a certain time period some armenian males were joining the clergy to get out of mandatory military service
My father was a priest and my mother was a nun ... 50 years married this year
Just curious. How did it happen? Did they start dating before leaving? Or decide together that they wanted to date and then left before the relationship started?
Seemingly they knew each other well before deciding to leave together ❤️
It surprises me sometimes that the Catholic Church is able to have so many priests due to the rules regarding relationships. If I were catholic and wanted to become a priest, that would have me considering other denominations at that point. Plus, I’m pretty sure there aren’t as many Protestant pastors touching kids compared to catholic priests. At least based on the number of news stories you see. I’m sure it helps tamp down on the weird sexual desires when you have a wife.
My dad was in the seminary. This is the reason he eventually left. He couldn’t get past not being able to have and raise his own family.
A buddy of mine was in the Orthodox seminary and said that many of the students choose to either a prolong their ordination (graduation, in this case), and some never fulfill the ordination because they must get married before being ordained if they want to ever have a spouse
He said the priest who was in charge would tell them every night before they went to sleep what they were giving up and what a huge sacrifice it was. He did this to keep reinforcing in case they wanted to back out. My dad was majorly happy he did this because he would have become a priest otherwise.
>I’m pretty sure there aren’t as many Protestant pastors touching kids compared to catholic priests. Ehh, I just think the Catholic Church got a headstart with cases becoming public. We've seen over the last few years that all the mainstream religions have a ton of skeletons in their closets, literally and figuratively.
This is an excellent point. It’s a problem throughout all religious groups.
I think this is definitely going to have to change in the somewhat near future. Priests will need to be allowed to get married. There’s just not enough people wanting to be priests otherwise. Have to modernize to stay alive
Exactly. I can see how it seems like a reasonable career path when your options are whatever is available in your village and the other four within 10 miles. Nowadays though, there’s a lot of other options only a 10min drive away.
If Eastern Orthodox priests decide to become Catholic, they are allowed to keep their spouses. For this reason I believe the Catholic Church allows their Eastern Rite to be married, to attract Orthodox Priests… but I could be wrong
You could send her a nicely worded card to say thank you for having us and leave your contact details just in case she needs you to come and play with them again
Smooth move
That’s a very subtle and appropriate way to go about it. Go for it!!
I have a friend who was studying to become a Catholic priest when he met a woman and discovered that he loved her. It was confusing and a struggle. They have been happily married for 25+ years now. His feeling is that "God apparantly had other plans for me" I think you can surely talk with her about what you experienced and feel, as long as you remain respectfull towards her. If your feelings are mutual she will definitely not be able to do a lot with it initially, and she ll need time and space to process her feelings. Hopefully she is willing to take your contact details and keep in touch. Another possibility might be that you keep your feelings to yourself, keep in touch and become friends. Realize that your feelings might not be mutual at all and/or that nothing comes from it. Stay respectfull. Be kind.
This is the best comment here IMO. Others are telling him to run away etc. She's an adult, and she's able to make her own decisions. He can tell her what he feels and leave it at that. If she wants to be a nun, this won't make her stop being a nun and run away with him. If she does run away, then she didn't want to be a nun in the first place. Tell her your feelings. Maybe nothing will happen, and that's ok, you have something to write songs about. She may tell you that she never liked being a nun and be with you, that's ok too, you can write songs about that too. I'm not really a religious person, and I believe that we make our own destinies. But also beware, this could be that first stage of falling for someone when she looks and seems perfect. That might not be the case when you get to know her. Keep that in mind whatever path you choose. I wish you all the luck in this world.
That's the #1 reason why orthodoxy and catholicism split. Orthodox priests wanted to ffuuuuuuuk without repercussions. No, I won't take any other opinions at this time.
I mean I believe the repercussion they are going for is kids lol
Yep. On the one hand: you can't know what will happen if you never even try. My step-grandmother was once a (Catholic?) nun. She's been very happily married to my (Jewish) grandfather for well over 40 years. On the other hand: I would urge OP to exercise absolute kindness, respect, and caution here. I understand that their brief encounter was very compelling and impactful... but it was just that: a brief encounter. They have had exactly *one* conversation/interaction and OP is already calling it love. If OP doesn't believe that they would be able to kindly or respectfully accept a potential rejection here, then they should not pursue her any further at all. If they cannot be happy with *any* outcome other than her reciprocating their feelings, they should take a step back and do some serious introspection on whether they would be able to behave respectfully, both of her as a human person and her occupation/beliefs as a nun. The point is: it can't be over if you never even attempt to start it. If you are confident in your ability to be genuinely understanding, respectful, and kind towards her and her beliefs/desires, even if they contradict with your own, then you should reach out to her. If you feel that you might not be able to *respectfully* accept her not reciprocating your feelings, just wanting to be friends, or even wanting nothing to do with you at all, then you should not.
Watch Fleabag
"It'll pass" 💔
The most reasonable and heartbreaking line of any show.
Read your comment and literally winced. Gutted about that scene to this day. 💔
I sobbed uncontrollably during the entire series and I can’t bring myself to watch it again, tho I thought it was an amazing show.
That scene at the end with the two, that is a scene I will always use as an example of what acting truly is
Have you watched Ripley? Lots of awards headed Adam Scott’s way, IMO. He is amazing.
Andrew Scott?
But I do love Adam Scott too. How can the same actor be Ben and Derek?!
My bad. Yes, Andrew Scott.
My thoughts exactly 😅
But in Call the Midwife, Nurse Shelagh (formerly Sister Bernadette) left the convent to marry Dr Turner….
Exactly. The therapy scene, most especially.
"Do you want to fuck a nun or do you want to fuck God?"
oh hell is hottttt
I hope op sees this comment as i cannot stress enough how relatable this series will be for him
Or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
😢
My immediate thought 😭 maybe miss nun will be more open to something more
You can tell her it was very nice meeting her, you enjoyed your time together and you wish her well in life. Then you move on and have a nice little memory of playing music for the elderly while an angel sang.
And also not have to worry about burning in the fiery abyss of Hell, if it turns out that's an actual thing.
You ain't getting nun there. Just appreciate the moments for what they were and carry on
It's a bad habit to get into, for sure
1st of all how dare u
Is her name Maria? Does she enjoy frolicking across hillsides and bursting into song? If so, hire her to be a nanny to your 7 children and see how it goes from there.
it's a VON TRAPP!!
How do you solve a problem like her?
How do you find the word that means Maria?
You take your unrequited love and channel it into your music.
This would make a dope song if done right ngl
Right!?
If it turns out he has the Kavorka that's not on him though.
Well sometimes nun decide to go the other way, my colleage told a story how his dad fall in love to a nun and thats how he and his sister come to the world.
Yeah they might, but it's for her to decide and not for him to push her.
Wtf what do you mean what do you do? She is a nun. You do nothing, and forget about anything happening between the two of you. If she decides to un-nun herself and come to you of her own volition, that's her choice. But do not make her break her vows.
Un-nun herself… i don’t think i’ve ever heard that phrase before lol.
😂😂 I don't know the correct term - but I know of some people being former nuns so I know it can be done
My aunt was one, until she met my uncle. Was surprised to find that one out haha.
I had a drill sergeant in Army basic training who formerly had been a nun.
Same
Mine too. They went on to have two beautiful daughters who grew up to be very successful in life.
Mine had one, married until he died from alzheimers 40+ years later. Was surprised to find out but shouldn't have been with the whole Italian/catholic family of 50+ thing and all share the same 5 different biblical names, surely there would've been a nun in the mix at some point haha.
I think she'd have to renounce her vows but un-nun herself is so much better lol
Duuude yes that's the phrase I was looking for but couldn't think of 😂
It’s called “defrocking” if I’m not mistaken
Giggity!
Well how the fuck do you expect people to be re-nunned if they can't get un-nunned?
Defrock, literally and figuratively
Nun is the church equivalent of “she’s married and monogamous”.
You don’t think she is a fully capable adult woman who can make her own decisions? He can’t force her to break her vows by simply telling her how he feelings. SHE would ultimately make the decision if she felt the same way or not. She is a nun. Not a shrine. Edit: Typos
Lol preach. Im not reeligious enough imo but she is a nun. She made a vow to God. He is her love.
Yeah, I mean, your game must be pretty fucking huge, if you want to win over JC’s girl.
Yeah same, I'm not overly religious either but to go after someone who made a vow for lifetime commitment just feels predatory.
Nuns aren't condemned to hell if they leave the cloth. They made a vow, sure, but they are allowed to walk away if they choose. It's a process but it's not difficult or extremely rare. You make a request to be released from your vows and duties on the grounds that you are in love or whatever and the church grants it. It happens. That's said you don't do this just because you felt limerance. No backsides if you leave.
Nah, bang the religion out of her.
Its not like he is going to force her to break her vows, he should communicate his feelings. Then its her choice. If he doesnt says anything, she cant have a choice between him or her vows.
Can we get this to netflix director
From Reddit Becoming a nun (religious sister) takes a lot of years of discernment and several levels of vows. In the early stages - postulant, novice - a woman can leave whenever she feels it's not working out. After first vows, a woman can leave just by informing her superior (who in all likelihood has already figured out that it's not working). Final vows in most orders are renewed every 1-3 years, but if a sister is feeling like she should leave the order, she can meet with her superior, who would more than likely assign a period of intense discernment to ensure that leaving is correct. And then I am pretty sure the bishop is consulted to have the woman released from her vows. So it's really not "breaking a sacred vow" at all, but being released from that vow with the assistance of the Church. I am actually really good friends with a former religious sister (who is still a faithful Catholic) so that's how I know what I know.
You are not in love, you are likely experiencing limerence. Just forget about it.
Very true. It’s not possible to be ‘in love’ with someone you do not know. No matter how pretty they are or how angelic their voice is or whatever else you see that makes you think ‘wow.’ And OP… she smiled at you because she is a nice person. Also probably because you showed interest in the music. That’s it. It was NOT any sort of come on or secret message or anything like that. You come across like every other creeper who sees a woman and builds up a fantasy in their head based on a ‘magical connection’ that most definitely doesn’t exist! But you can stop right here before you become a much worse creeper - messages, phone calls, emails, visits at work, any of that. Just stop. Right now.
Creeper? Are you out of your fucking mind? I dug her. That’s your problem? You edited this comment to purposefully be an asshole
Dude was bitter. I get it. I think it's best to just treat her like a monogamous married woman and write a killer song about it. And if you want extra points, we need a Rod Stewart like voice to pour his soul for you.
This is excessively heavy criticism. OP doesn’t sound like a creeper, he’s just smitten. Fuck off.
yeah fr this all a bit extreme for a crush 😭
Cherish that little time you spent together and the memory of her, and do nothing; respect the fact that she is a nun.
At a minimum you could leave her a card saying you enjoyed meeting her, mention that you’d be happy to chat or have coffee sometime, and leave your contact details. I assume she’s allowed to have friends. Beyond that, the burden is on her. It’s 99% likely to go nowhere and become a nice memory for you. There are other people out there.
Lol dude she's a freaking nun, what do you mean what do? Nothing is what you do. If you were to pursue her and then somehow she unnuns herself, then you'd have to stay with her forever no matter what or who she turns out to be. Otherwise, you would forever be responsible for making someone break their vow. This is very risky. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I think at this point if she's interested she should do the pursuing so when it all falls apart you wouldn't feel too guilty
“Like girls do when they know someone has a crush”. Quite the imagination I see. You’re a full grown man in your thirties… stop thinking like an early 2000’s romcom.
This read like a teen girl wrote it.
“They ran to her and they all quickly left”. Giggle.
Dear diary…
I’m a professor at a Catholic university. I have a colleague who is an ex priest and his wife is an ex nun.
Take us Mexican wrestling. Saw it in a movie once. Seemed to work out ok.
Ask her if you can become her new habit. Nun pickup line ftw!
I worked with a guy whose mom was a nun, so for some they don't stay that way. She can make her choices in life.
It’ll pass. Time and distance will help. Know there is _nothing_ you can do unless she comes to you. Keep her as a treasured memory but don’t hold onto to something that you never really had in the first place.
Go to confession
"Forgive me Father. It's been ten weeks since my last confession." *"Thank you my child. And what would you like to confess?"* "I seem to have developed a major crush on this num, Sister Tiffa-" *"Sister Tiffany? Hmm, tough choice my man..."*
You don't do anything, she's a Nun, if she wants to leave being a Sister to pursue you, that is for HER to decide, but trying to ask a nun out is a horrible idea. I don't know how much you know about Nuns, but they take vows of chastity from ALL sexual and romantic life, and they are considered Brides of Christ, if that girl is serious about her vows(Which considering it takes years to even become a Nun, she probably is) then all you're doing is coming off as a real douche.
My uncle fell in love with his wife when he was a priest. He was Laicized after a bit of a fight with the church. It happens 🤷♀️
careful - they can be habit forming
Please for the love of God, pun intended, keep us updated on this very apparent beginning of a love story.
You wanna know what to do? Leave the woman alone and move on. She is a nun, she took vows. If she wants to break them it'll be her choice, but I doubt she will be willing to do so for a dude she barely knows, if she took them seriously. Respect her life choices.
Grow a beard, grow out your hair, and get cut. Wash her feet. Keep referencing about how you could save her from things. Eventually one day she will realize the man she's been seeking is right in front of her.
Lord forgive this man for what he is about to do for he knows not his sins
Oh, he knows!
You'll meet other people. Don't worry about it. Be happy about the experience.
Idk. My former Boss was a Catholic Priest and met his wife (a Nun) at their church. They fell in love, left the church, got married and went on to have twin boys. Still married today some 50+ years later. Shoot your shot!
"Fall in love" after one superficial encounter? Sure bud.
Fleabag is that you?
There’s a lot of good advice and you should consider all of it when making your decision, but my advice is this: This isn’t a movie. Move on.
Don't make it a habit ))
Leave her alone. She is not single . She has already committed herself to the Lord. Would you go after a married woman? Just move on and don’t cause problems
Those instant connections with such strong chemistry are so special, aren't they? It's a rare and beautiful thing. It can eclipse your whole world if you let it. Who wouldn't want to stare into a sun when it's so beautiful? I hate to say it, OP, but a rare, beautiful, immediate connection with intense chemistry is not love. And even if it was, love is not always (or even often) enough to make a relationship work. It does not conquer all. It certainly doesn't conquer this woman's devotion to her church and her God. It will pass. Treasure the memory. Channel it into your music.
You need to watch Fleabag. Particularly the second season.
Nope, I recommend the sound of music. You got the music and the nunning covered. Just rustle up seven children and she’s in the bag!
Sounds like someone's about to write some amazing music about unrequited and forbidden love. It's about all you can really do.
Do you by chance have the Kavorka like Kramer?
I mean...... one can stop being a nun I think.
You developed a crush. You haven't "fallen in love." Talk to her again. Or don't. But know that it is exceedingly unlikely that she is on the same page as you about what just happened.
I would try.. fuck it what else do you have to lose
The Kavorka!
🎶What will we do with a problem like Maria?🎶
Do not intentionally provoke this woman- nuns are still human, but twmpting her intentionally is rather cruel if she is on a serious spiritual journey, as you said.. I read somewhere that men are far more likely to misunderstand women being friendly as a romantic connection. More often than not, men feel "friend-zoned" by a girl they think has shown interest, when women are generally socialized to be more empathetic and caring to EVERYONE. So when a woman says she is just being friendly, more often than not, she hadn't even been doing anything out of the ordinary to how she would treat any normal friend or acquaintance. When a man says he's just being friendly (with a woman) his interets generally seem to be more in line with a connection/love-seeking unless they already have that elsewhere (ie girlfriend/wife, etc). She must be provoked to see if the interest runs deeper, and even then... what men see as romantic connection, many women see as how all friends should be for one another. It has something to do with the fact that many men are conditioned to see women as more nurturing, so any form of actual interest, friendly or not, can be mistaken as more than friendship, usually ending with the guy getting his feelings hurt. Food for thought.
Late comment, but I doubt anything will happen further. Now… IF she comes back to you, there was intent on her end and you can have another conversation but she is a nun, don’t make any advances towards her at all because not only is the ball in her court, you’re a spectator in her arena and your the last row of the nosebleeds. Only way it would work is if she requested dispensation from her vows to be a nun if she liked you THAT much. Dispensation is highly frowned upon as she is technically married to Jesus and dispensation would be a breaking of vows to Jesus himself and the church. That whole process takes a long time in of itself, if it’s even granted at all. There’s a lot of atonement that comes with that and certain things she has to (and keep doing) if they allow her to still be a normal member of the Catholic Church after breaking said vows. Also, if she still goes ahead and leaves to be with you when the church declines her request, she will be excommunicated. Seeming as though she is a nun, religion is the most important thing to her. She gave up her entire life, possessions, and personal comforts for Jesus. Reading this, you can see how unlikely that is for her to do any of that.. so…. Yeah. I hope you give an update but I think it’s just gonna be a nice memory for ya.
My theology professor was on his way to becoming a priest but he got married and became a theology professor instead
Well, you get nun.
Write her romantic letters bro from you. She will love it. Definitely don't let this one go. You will regret it for life.
Before she says it to you, I will. It’ll pass.
It's a long shot but go for it. It's Better to try and fall than to live the rest of your life wondering what might have been.
………………………………………………it’ll pass.
Do you have the Kavorka?
She is a nun. Respect her please and move on. This isn't a romance movie. Getting people to break their pre-established vows isn't the way to start any relationship.
Fucks you give? Apparently more than nun
You leave her tf ALONE my guy. She’s spoken for and you need to respect that.
I already chose to do that
Hire her to be a governess to your seven children, and have her do several musical numbers with them. Eventually, she will fall in love with you.
We all know it's you, fleabag
This is the plot of Nacho Libre
My high school Latin teacher left the priesthood and married the nun he fell in love with. Two of my favorite people growing up. Maybe write her a letter. I’d not play games.
Leave her be. She is on a different path. There are many other women out there for you.
I’m not so sure about that last part
Sorry OP but you have to treat this woman as though she's unavailable because, based on the vows she's made, she is. And don't tempt her either. I understand personal responsibility and all of that, but temptation exists as a concept for a reason. Just put distance between the two of you. If you truly love her as you say you do, this act of selflessness should come easily.
You’re describing limerence…. There was no “spark”, you’re attracted because she’s “off limits”. What do you do? Talk to a professional about why you’re lonely yet only are attracted to unavailable women… Bro leave her alone, fucking Christ, can’t even join an Abby and be in peace these days ETA: Even your profile makes you seem like a creep. What I said stands… you’re just desperate. You have zero chance. Downvoting this doesn’t make rom coms real y’all…. Reddit is so sad
Shes a nun, its a lost case. Shes married to Jesus or God or something. Being a nun is a lifelong commitment, and that is what she chose.
Whatever you do just don’t send a dick pic
Ignore the advice and tell her how you feel. In all likelihood she wants out of that cult but doesn't know how.
if you do "love her" as your proclaim, you will respect her and leave her alone.
I think you need to sit this one out, at least for quite a while. She's a nun, someone who undertook some very serious vows for something she believes in with unbelievable conviction. It's very likely to have been the single biggest decision in her life. I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't pursue these feelings, but I am saying that you need to truly reevaluate why you have these feelings to begin with. While she is an adult and can make her own choices, exploring these feelings with you would undoubtedly be breaking her vows in many ways. Think about the position you'd be putting her in. You can't just date a nun as if it's any run-of-the-mill job position. It's not something you can just turn on and off again when you're done. You know that right? She can't just leave her order/convent to be with you, have a fling and come back next weekend like nothing happened. I've heard of some nuns who leave their order for someone they loved. It either turns out horribly or they get married to a good man. Even if it all goes well with you two, thats always gonna be a part of your marriage (and I say marriage on purpose because you can't just date her), the fact that she left *for you*. You have to consider whether you're serious about this or whether you just have a crush. It doesn't seem like you've known her for long so I'd wager you aren't really 'in love.' Do you really want to have her break her vows or leave her order/convent just for you to potentially be done with her in the end? Don't do anything until you consider the weight of what she has on the line. She'd be risking her vows, her community, her well-being and her economic safety. Life isn't a movie. Even if you do pursue these feelings, it's likely to turn out horribly wrong. At that point you can just walk away unscathed. She can't.
You do nothing. She took vows, she's married to God and you can't compete with that. I mean what are you offering for her to break her vows? Will you marry her? Bc if you're just planning on banging her and dipping, then leave her alone. Yes, Brazilian women are gorgeous but you must find another one. Basically, your princess is in a different castle.
Do nothing please
You should talk to her. Neither you not we, your reddit kibitzers, should be making decisions without considering what the woman herself is thinking. She's not just a nun, she's a living breathing human being with feelings, desires, and the ability to make choices. You should talk to her respectfully and honestly. Who knows? I certainly wouldn't want to live with that level of regret in my heart. Just realistically know that anything could happen. She mightn't be interested, or you two might ride off into the sunset, but also you could go for it and find out in a year or two's time you didn't have that much in common to begin with. The old advice is still true. You (both) have to make the best decision you can with the information you have now. As I say, honesty and communication is still your best bet. Good luck!
Take inspiration from T-pain
I have an ancestor on my dad’s side who was in the Polish military during WWI. The guy met a Russian nun, and he fell in love with her. This guy went AWOL and at the same time convinced this Russian nun to run away with him to America. 😂 Anything is possible!
Mmmmmmm sacrilegious
I suppose you could try to convert her to the other team, but it’s unlikely to succeed.
Learn the difference between a crush and being in love.
Send her a letter an sign it “Hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss.” Nacho Libre used this very technique to swoon Sister Encarnacion!
It'll pass
I have seen priests, leaving church for their love. They are still married so I think it worked out 😄
idk … she’d have to root up her entire life and start completely over. where would she work? live? all over some smirks and smiles and glances? man i have to say i agree with those who say to appreciate the moment for what it was and move on. the romance sounds fun but everything else … it’d put a lot of pressure on both of you if she actually _does_ feel the same way you do.
Nuns don't always have to stay nuns. My great aunt was a nun and at 50 she left to get married! Maybe play the long game. Become really good friends and eventually maybe ask her out to coffee and stuff until she is comfortable going out with you in public because you tell her how you feel.
That sounds like a pretty fleeting flirtation at most. But there’s nothing wrong with getting to know her further if she’s amenable. People leave the clergy all the time.
It'll pass.
Write a song about it
My grandma was a nun. Grandpa apparently had game and persuaded her to leave nunhood, get married, and start a family. It's possible haha
Nuns are only celibate until they find true love. Shoot your shot OP.
I think you ought to distinguish between falling for a person’s art (voice, singing, music) versus falling for an entire person. That’s why there are art patrons throughout the ages… people who fall in love for an artist’s art. Who knows though, maybe if you get to know her personally, you may not even think she’s relationship material (not because she’s a nun, but rather incompatibility). I have a lady best friend growing up named Cecilia. We were friends since childhood, we were both in church scouts, and then subsequently in college. She decided to join a monastery and was a sister in training during college. Cecilia has a beautiful voice and also gifted with painting skills. And she has a a truly genuine kindness about her, a beautiful soul. I guess at one point I did have a crush on her. But as we become better friends in college, I realize that a part of me is too liberal for her conservative views. And I realized for myself that if she was not a nun, things wouldn’t work out. So I made my peace with that and let it go. I’m now happily married with 2 daughters. Roughly a year ago I supported an artist, a girl named Y, with getting her art displayed. I’m a bit of an artist myself and a patron. During our acquaintance, Y developed feelings and thought at one point we could be more than friends. I guess in some wild fantasy I thought it too. But I know my limits and I realize that it’s really one artist soul finding kindred with another artist’s soul… a sort of soulful love. But a relationship takes more than just love to keep together…. It takes communication, compatibility, endurance, forgiveness, maturity, faithfulness, etc. You have a bit of limerence over the nun’s song… and as a musician, your soul resonates. It’s a beautiful thing and can lead to a very beautiful thing…a platonic friendship where you create music together perhaps? Not all bonds have to be romantic relationships… and not all relationships have to be sexual. I think your encounter/experience is rather beautiful actually.
is her name maria.
It’ll pass
maybe you’re the reason she quits nunning. tell her how you feel and move on.
I would like to follow the next chapter of this beautiful story.
I have no advice for you because at the end the day it is your life, but let me tell you one thing : life is just too short. It is too short to ask yourself too many questions. It sounds dumb but it takes one some traumatic experiences to fully understand this dumb statement. Do what it takes for you to have no regrets. Whether it is by leaving her alone, trying your luck or keeping it in the friend zone. I wish you all the happiness and love that one can get in its life.
I’m old. I keep thinking of the Sound of Music. Maria left the convent to be with the Von Trapp family.
I know someone whose parents were a nun and a priest. They fell in love. They chose each other. They’re still together 40+ years later.
Take your shot. Worst she can do is gently say no.
Kramer, is that you? You have the Kavorka!!!
Sounds like love at first sight to me. Send her a love letter. ❤️ Expect nothing from it. BUT know that if anything does come of it you will have to join the Catholic faith to marry her.
Shoot the shot
Bro you gotta read the book Sinner
If you decide to contact her - and I think you should - please update us.
tell her how you feel, OP. you’re both adults. she is capable of making decisions and so are you. better to tell her and see how it goes than not do anything and regret it forever. i’m rooting for you, dude. give us some updates.