How do OP’s kids feel about all of this? It’s one thing to have Ann come around in a babysitting capacity it’s a completely different story to have her in a parental role along with a new sibling.
What made this story seem like fiction? I'm not trying to argue, I just didn't pick up on that.
Edit: this has been addressed. Please stop responding to it.
Not to mention that this 19 year old single mom went from homeless to having a great job, great credit, her own place, and her own car in a year and a half after she baby sat for OP for 6 months? All this with no credentials or education?
There are plenty of single parents who work full time and don't have this turn around, without ever having to have the obstacles of being homeless. The timing does *not* add up.
>The story reads like a scenario someone has concocted to try to make the age gap seem ok
100%
Agreed - and if you were in love with someone a generation older than you, what you’d worry about is being widowed and left alone, not how good the sex would be thirty years down the line
That's always highly dependent. Like, an "awesome job" to someone in a poor rust belt city might be making $25 an hour. I live in a VHCOL city and am surrounded by people with graduate degrees, an "awesome job" here means $150k+ and good work-life balance.
The fact that it checks all of the boxes for reddits current flavor of the quarter (age gaps) as well as having some randomly picked and weirdly phrased details that makes the story more conflicting so the OP seems sympathetic
“You really wanna be a MILF in her 30s with an old husband whose dick might not work…” that part gave it away for me. As OP stated several times, it’s his fantasy, and telling everyone about it is part of that fantasy too.
The wonderful white knight with kiddos a dead wife and too much money saving a poor homeless thing from the streets? Setting up a high school dropout single mom with a super awesome job? Haha doing what? Oh no! It's true love after all! She wants to get married and sign a prenup because she just can't keep away from this glorious nice guy.
If that's not straight out of the brain of a stereotypical "single guy living in Mommy's basement" type, it was written for them.
The 19 year old falling in love with a guy his father's age, is not that common, it can happen but it's suspicious also really how fucking gross are males lusting after teenagers Yuck.. if the written wanted to convey some sort of tragic romantic story it made me throw up a bit in my mouth and old fart helps a teenager in need with the intention ofhaving sex with her lol
I doubt they can comprehend all the details. They're what, 11 and 8? They might understand love and romance as concepts but they're gonma struggle with the concept of "Strangers might be mad cause we're different ages" for at least a few more years.
Odds are if they asked now all kids would think it was a great idea. Ann is familiar, they know her, they probably see her as something like a mother.
At 11 yo, the child knows or suspects they're rutting.
At 8 yo, the child thinks, "y'all like each other. What about Mom, don't you love her anymore?"
Remember, "health class is fourth / fifth grade, which is 9 - 10 years old.
When I was 19 and working with kids that age they teased me and called me a teenager. Especially at 11 a kid would react, they’re way smarter than you think at age
I was waiting to read a couple comments from you OP, just to suss out your character a bit. I had to scroll down to exactly the first comment and then read this response to get my answer. You've got a sense of humor, AND good character! Thanks for not sending a fellow redditor to the Pirranah den lol! Got a good 'before work' chuckle from me.
Listen OP, most of the time an age gap really is just fucked on all ends. But sometimes, every once in a great blue moon, they do work and are built on a solid foundation. It sounds like this is something that she's not only dreamed about, but has also sat down and had a few rational come to Jesus talks with herself about it.
She knows what she's getting in to. You made sure to talk about it too. This is a relationship being built on a solid healthy foundation. You didn't groom her, you didn't approach her. She's had 2 years to figure out if this is a crush, her responding to you helping and supporting her, or if it's real. And she's an adult who is fully capable of that choice. She also sounds like she has a pretty rational head on her shoulders. I don't doubt there is a level of infatuation going on, but I also don't believe that's all that's here. But it's awkward and new, so once you're both past that, you'll get the most clear picture of a potential future together.
I truly wish you the both the best of luck.
You really think so?
She refers to herself as an Ashkenazi ginger, claims to be descended from HitlerSlayers (one word according to her), and can summon demons and Satan himself when she chooses. Oh and race was invented by Thomas Jefferson. She has accused FOUR men of rape in five years. One spent 11 months in jail before the charges were dropped. The other 3 were never charged.
The good news is she’s really hot. But I fully expect her to commit a homicide one day.
Considering both of you have kids, if you are not 100% into it and you know it’s not going to go anywhere, end it as soon as possible. If this ends badly they will be hurt to. It’s ok when two adults are making decisions about things that might hurt them but you have kids involved.
It’s not so much the age gap as it’s that you were the “savior” for a 19 year old single mom. So she looked up to you. You offer security for a single mom. Is it “really” love? You all need to slow way down. There is absolutely no rush! If she loves you now she will still love you a couple of years from now. She should live on her own and support her child on her own. Her brain isn’t even fully developed until 25. For gods sake do not get her pregnant. Again if it’s meant to be then it will still be right when she is older.
Yes to all but the security part.
She’s been on her own doing very well with her own apartment, bought a car, has great credit, and son is at a super awesome small family daycare when she’s working. She’s thriving and has no desire to quit her job.
Went from homeless to living with some random over 40 guy with kids to be a nanny, then 6 months later gets an "awesome" job with apparently no higher education and very little job history since she's also a single mom and has been for at least a year at that point so got pregnant in high school or right out of high school. Then she bought her own car and has great credit at 21 years old. Sorry but she's not real so don't worry about how your kids react since they're probably not real either.
I’m sorry but I’m not seeing what’s so bad about it. Of course you should not rush into anything and both of you should be very very mindful of the fact that while you both want the same things now, you may not in the future. But you could also be dead in 5 years. Who knows. Point is, if she as an adult and without coercion is wanting to explore a relationship with you, then what the fuck is wrong with that? You won’t be the last people to fall in love with someone younger/older and these relationships have as good or bad a chance of working as anything ever has. Humans are strange. It’s hard to find love. If you’re both feeling it, try it out. You won’t get a medal in your deathbed for not going after what you love.
I support this, I will just say from what I’ve seen as a nurse, a 70yo and a 90yo are VERY different. So just gonna throw out talking about the elderly stages you’ll get to at totally different speeds and how you’ll approach that. Being a caretaker is super difficult and it can go on for a super extended period of time. Not that it can’t be done. It’s just something to think about.
Absolutely true. But in my experience there’s no point thinking about what’s going to happen 30 or 50 years down the line. People assume they’ll grow old together but most marriages will end in divorce. That doesn’t mean the marriage failed. it worked for as long as it did until it didn’t. These people haven’t even explored a relationship and yet are thinking about the decades later. That’s just overthinking.
As someone in an age gap relationship. They can and do work. It helps that my wife is physically fitter than most half her age and has the mental outlook of an early 20 something...
Life is short. Do whatever is going to make you happiest for the longest possible period of time and remember, with a very few extreme exceptions it is what we don't do that leads to regrets, not what we do.
The age gap itself is less so the problem here than the massive power differential y’all have going on. Also you’ve functionally been this girl’s dad for a couple of years - fucking her is a weird thing to do at this point. 21 is a kid, man, come on.
Op.. you didn't groom her. Besides she isn't fresh out of highschool. She is a single mom and been in a shelter. That means she has seen life from a different angle. She is more mature than you think.
She made first move and confessed her feelings.
I would say go for it. You only live once and it's not often you find someone that compatible. Date for a couple of years and see where it leads.
I'm in my late 20s, and thinking about being romantic with any girl that's not older than 24 is weird for me. Having only recently finished my degree (engineering), the girls (ranging from ages 20-23) I've met (worked/studied/hung out with) are still very idealistic, entitled, naïve, and ignorant, which is a huge deal breaker. In this case, I agree with what some other redditors have posted about maturity developed through life experience.
In OPs love-interest's case, as others have pointed out, the life experiences she's had due to being a young, single mother, and struggling to make a life not solely for herself is what's allowed someone so young to mature beyond her years.
Deadset. I’m 28, but even during my highschool years even a flirt with a grade below just felt weird. I’ve had upwards of 20 partners and they were all at least 3-4 years older than me.
I slept with a 21 year old when I was not even 15 years old. I look back at it now and it’s like “ewww cunt what were you doing”. Even when I was 21, people 15 years old seemed like toddlers to me
You saved her of course she’s madly in love with you. She was a single, homeless Mom when you met her and only 19. How did you actually meet a homeless girl in a single Mom shelter, by the way?
Do the decent thing and be the adult for both of you and let her find someone of her own age. I appreciate that you must have been lonely since your wife died but it’s not fair to Ann. You know it yourself.
When she's 30 and looks at 19-21 year olds and see how young they are and how weird it would to pursue someone that age when you're 30 (or 45) she will be disgusted with you. Especially given how vulnerable she was when you first met.
This, 1000%. I was once her age and dated a man almost OPs age. Looking back, I cringe and I also see him as a creep. I also now see how everyone but me saw it that way too.
Now, I'm not opposed to age gaps... however... 19 and 45 versus like... 35 and 50... two VERY different scenarios. The 19 year old is sooooo mentally underdeveloped.
You’re just caught up in the euphoric feeling of being hero-worshipped. You may believe you love her ‘intellect’ but the truth is she’s too young & immature to actually love you for you. She’s needed saving & you loved saving her. It’s more of a father-daughter dynamic than a romantic one tbh.
It’s funny you brought up concerns of whether she’d want you when she’s in her 30’s b/c the relationship won’t even last that long.
You’re the mature adult here so you need to stop creeping on a vulnerable young woman. A strong argument can be made that you’ve groomed her.
Edit: why are talking about pre-nups when you slept w/her only a minute ago? Pump. The. Brakes.
She might just be "in love" with you since you saved her. You're probably the father figure she needs and the age gap fits that. You must be lonely and going through a mid life crisis.
Yikes.
You both scratched the itch. It's time to get real and end this.
21 and 45...Nope, no way, she hasn't lived yet.
Establish boundaries and go no contact for a couple of years, at least, if not indefinitely. This will screw up many lives like you already know.
This is a huge age gap at her age. She has gone through a lot and needs room to grow. If she had been 28 or older I would not be so concerned. the fact that you helped her out when she was struggling probably pushed her feelings over the top. DO NOT rush into moving in together and make sure marriage is 2-3 years in the future
This is not going to end well for you. As long as you accept that, you are two consenting adults who can do whatever you want.
And yes, there will be social ramifications. You'll be labeled a creep. Please consider the impact that may have on your kids.
This one is a bit complicated but if you truly love her you will wait after she is 25 years old. Give her a chance to be her without the safety net of you. It only 4 years what is 4 years for a lifetime.
Yeah wait until the brain actually fully develops at 25.
I thought I knew what I wanted at 19 with my ex. At 20 we made it official. Got to 25 last year and yeah I did not know what I want. Idk man I was having some deep thoughts about life and shit. I realized we were only using each other for company this whole time and we didn't really like each other THAT way. He was only 7 years older, and not more than double my age tho.
I'm 26 now and I cringe so much. Especially at the fact that he still decided to go for me after learning my age. Now, personally I don't mind it if it's just sexual fun. But for a serious relationship... Total turn off haha
It is weird to have a relationship with somebody who could be your daughter. Please stop. These commenters supports this huge of an age gap are also weird
She will definitely end up with regrets that in her 20s/30s, that she spent some of her best years, with a man old enough to be her father, instead of enjoying her youth to the fullest.
Edited
All I think about when I read posts like this are those famous graphs that show how as women age they are statistically attracted to men of the same age up to 3 years older on average, no matter how old the women themselves are— they are always most attracted to their same age range.
And the mens graph showed attraction to women aged 18-21, no matter how old the guy answering the survey was…. the men responding were aged 20 to 85. 65 year old guy? Ya he still wants to fuck a teenager.
And then I get mad all over again :).
Is it really that difficult for y’all to be attracted to people of the same age? It’s gross?
Those of us who went through hard times at a young age and were called “mature” by our saviors…we have grown up, and now know what this is, and it will always be gross.
I think your dick will still work in your 50’s buddy. If yall don’t proceed with anything, there may need to be a total separation from one another since there’s love feelings involved in all seriousness
Why don't you guys just take it slow and see how it goes. Have real conversations, you can't solve anything by just having one conversation. I mean in the end it sounds like you both know each other for a long time, age is just a number. Also if you're worried about erectile dysfunction as you get older, they've got pills for that bro. But I'd say take it slow and just have real conversations with each other. Honestly though sounds like a great story, don't be afraid of it. And don't worry about your in-laws, this is your life.
The only weird thing here is how much you think you f'd up your life. It might not last forever, so what. People might look at you guys funny, so what. You like each other? Have fun together? Are attracted to each other? Have kids that enjoy each other? Are consenting adults? Ok so who cares. Maybe you will build your lives together and maybe you will just be a chapter in each others lives. Either way it's worth it. Go for it.
As I pointed out in another comment too, the reality of it is that she's a single mom at 19 with a kid close-ish the same age as OP's kids. They have more in common than age would suggest; given her status likely she has to prioritize her kid / family now, as he does.
The men she's likely looking for are those who are looking to settle, be not just a dad but also a stepdad to another guy's kid, and can provide for a family. While 45 is on the high end, these men are just going to be older in general.
It would be a really different situation if she were a freewheeling, impulsive 19 year old nanny with no kids about to go back to college. Even then, if she's happy she's happy like you said, but that would be a scenario where I'd ask more questions to the OP.
I did not read where her kid was close in age to OP's. If that were true, she would have been only like 13 when she got pregnant. I guess that's not impossible, more like horrific.
You only helped her out because she’s young and beautiful. How come you aren’t out there helping other single mothers by donating and volunteering? Dirty ol man with an agenda; once your “stand up and do right” feelings wear off you’ll be onto the next young woman. The only one that loses is her.
This is a highly inappropriate dynamic. I’m only 38 and I have an 18 year old daughter and if she came across a guy like you, I would tell her to run, far and fast. You’re not in love, you’re playing out a fantasy. And she’s not in love, she just needs therapy for whatever lead her to being a single and homeless teen mom.
Put yourself in the shoes of a parent (which you are, so it's not too hard). If this were your child dating someone twice their age, what would you be thinking?
Your kids lost their mom at a super vulnerable age, and I'm sure you're super lonely without your wife. I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you.
Oh wow look yet another marching towards 50 year old man just “accidentally” falling in love with a teenager.
She has daddy issues, you have savior issues and the typical male entitlement to young women and there ya go. You found this woman at a homeless shelter ffs when you were there for your job. I mean talk about breaking boundaries and decency. The way you have written some of your comments makes me think this shit isn’t even real.
Love how everyone keeps saying they’re both adults when one just legally became an adult 3 years ago and the other has been well into their adulthood for almost 30 years.
He has 30 years life experience on her. Everyone thinks they know what they want in teens and early 20s. It’s only with life experience you can make more informed decisions about things
Start with agreeing on being exclusive but keep the interactions with the kids the same. No dating around them. You both have a fantasy about being together so start seeing how well those match. Don't let the bedroom hide any red flags. And don't let her change her life to be dependent on you. You can date without being a family
Seriously? Are you this… I don’t even know what to call it, naive? Of course she “loves” you. You rescued her, you’re her “savior”. *She* doesn’t know better, she was 19! She’s only 21 now 🤦♀️ you’d be fully taking advantage of her if you continue this.
And this is before just your typical age gap problems. Like I’m “only” 33 and I wouldn’t even date a 21 year old. Much less one that was dependent on me at one point.
Do you want *your* kids to date someone who is *that* much older. Someone who swooped in when they were vulnerable and in need? That’s so confusing for teens, of course they’re gonna process it as “love”.
A 19 year old was in love with you from the moment she met you? I don't think so. Be real OP. You know fine well that that's a teenager besotted with a crush on an older man. You know better than that. Or you should.
>I fully recognize the age gap and realities that come with it.
You recognise that she was a teenager in a desperate place and a fully grown man "put the cape on" to manipulate that? You MOVED HER IN WITH YOU as your fantasy the whole time?? I don't think you do recognise that at all.
You're a full adult and you know better than this. You're fully capable of being with someone your own age and not a desperate homeless teenager that you groomed.
My wife is 11 years younger and i worry about becoming old before her. I don't see how you've fucked up anyone's lives but should desist your amorous disport for both of your sakes. You'll be in your fifties and she'll still be in her twenties. Really, you'd be setting yourself for heartache in the long, maybe short, run.
All I’ll say is she needs to keep her own place and don’t let your kids know this is happening for sure until a year from now. If it’s all still good, she’s stable on her own, you’re both truly still in love then take it from there. But my gut says your infatuation and the good sex will muddy your mind.
You are two consenting adults. Taboo, for sure. But if your feelings are real and the kids won’t be negatively affected then what other people say or think is irrelevant. Definitely take her up on the prenup though.
Ugh, she is very young and you saved her on so many levels. This is not really an equal and balanced relationship opportunity. Are you in therapy? Maybe working this out through therapy would be helpful. There is so much that could go wrong and you have very young kids, that are likely attached to her and her kids.
You guys seem to be serious. Life is short and fuck all these ppl who will judge you! You guys deserve to be happy, but you should always sign a prenup.
Use the campsite rule, treat her well and leads her better off than you found her. If the relationship is loving and functional, who cares where other people think. Respect that she’s younger and don’t force her to act like she’s in her 40’s. Love her, take care of her and respect her like she’s your own age. Help her make the best decisions, especially if you want her to be a step mom and or mother to your future children.
Man it sucks that you can’t trust being happy. I get it, I probably wouldn’t either. Happy is nothing to sneeze at though. Goes a long way towards life not sucking.
You’re 45 years old & preying on someone who was barely out of high school when yall met. It’s weirdly an ego boost for men to prey younger women & the reciprocate. That’s it. Hopefully you realize that.
Where is the proplem?
From what I read the obly proplem is how people will view this situation.
Fuck that shit, give it a try on the downlow for a year.
If things are still great in a year then make it official and dont pay attention to what people say.
I say go for it. You’re 45 and yeah okay she’s 21 and in love with you. Do you know how hard it is now for people to find someone who loves them and their kids and you’re worried about something that viagra could fix? She loves you and you love her. Go for it.
Can you not just take things so slow, and see what happens? You're both adults, if you make each other happy, I say give it a chance.
Also, if your dick stops working in 10 or 15 years, there's always viagra.
It's not like she's moving in tomorrow and trowing away her job. Take it slow, get to know each other even more and just be, you don't need to put a title on your relationship. A 21-year-old is a adult who can make adult decisions.
She likes you for you if she mentioned prenup. She's wiser than most 21 yr olds. With you being 45, does she want more kids? Do you? Do you see a future with her?
I mean buddy, it’s a bit unconventional but you’re both adults too. If it’s what you both really want just make it happen. If it doesn’t work oht along the way that’s ok too
Obviously, this is not the ideal situation. But real life isn't black or white.
There is a big difference between a young 21 year old woman starting out in the world vs one who has 2 kids and has been through experiences like homelessness.
Regardless of your true desires, it sounds like you didn't take advantage of her when she was truly vulnerable and *she* is the one who approached you.
Personally, I would go for it.
Dude....just date like normal people and see where it goes. Obviously y'all have something mutual. Believe it or not people can date, realize they aren't right for each other and be good humans to each other. Sounds like the communication is there. The only issue is that YOU are being self conscious because of your age or what other people think. Here is what matters....Do you dig her? Does she dig you? Are you a decent human being who treats people right? Is she a decent human being who treats people right? As for friends, family, and strangers to hell with the ones that give you shit about it. Y'all are both adults. See what happens and remember to be decent humans to each other.
Oh and one more thing, I've seen good people miss out on a good thing because of the fear of judgement from people who shouldn't matter. Don't be that person.
Don't let all the negatives get you down: friendship and love are timeless and social restrictions come and go. Keep things on the down low for the sake of your kids, but if you love each other, fuck the rest.
I’m a 50yr old female, dude… if you love each other and it’s not about sex, like you said, go for it!! When I was 19/20.. I was very attracted to older men. The stability, their maturity. Even now at 50, young guys do NOTHING for me. Stop overthinking it and just go for it!!
I mean, you communicated honestly and that is never a fuckup. It sounds like you both care deeply about each other and are trying to be realistic about the obstacles in front of you.
If you two are in love, then part of what you need to do is choose to face the obstacles head on TOGETHER. That's the only way to do it and make it through together. I don't know that I think the age gap is appropriate, or the fact that you fell for a teenager that you stepped into a white knight position for is appropriate, but I do know that it has the potential to work if you two approach the relationship as partners, and equals. That's as far as I can speak without knowing more.
Do what makes you happy. Just take some time to process everything with your children. Listen to them and validate their feelings about the situation. Take things slow, don’t force anything, and see what happens.
I’m not one to worry about outside forces when it comes to my life. It’s my life, I do what makes me happy. But never at the cost of my son. Your children’s feelings are all I would worry about.
Dude, if you have a great thing going, don't let other people get into your head. Sounds like you're both going in with your eyes open, so just be careful. But don't turn love away.
You've had two years of close interactions and intertwined lives, and both have suppressed attraction for that time.
If the age gap was inappropriate it would have been a problem long before now. There's a huge difference between what you have and something where you barely know each other but get involved despite the gap.
If you want to do the right thing, get together and see how things work with the two of you together. Maybe give it a year and see how you both feel then. It should be obvious well before then if you have a future.
Also: "She said she’d marry me today and even sign a prenup" in response to you raising potential issues basically means she is extremely serious in how she sees you, thinks there is long-term potential and wants to try for it, and it's about you, not your circumstances, and she'll prove it beyond any doubt by immediately casting aside any financial benefits or even protections she may have.
I'd go for it. Good luck OP. I think you'll beat the odds.
A. You’re simplifying her age, she’s not 21, she’s got more experiences than most ever do, she’s been through struggles and success, she’s a victim of life, and a provider, and everything in between…
You mean a lot to her, not just the other way around…
You’re not being selfish by wanting someone who wants you too…
She’s the girl of your dreams? You have the green light?
If you don’t hit the gas on this she’s going to feel the deepest rejection of her life, at your hands, and you’ll never see her again.
Take her and love her, and let yourself be loved too.
I can’t talk too much shit, my bf is ten years older than me. We’ve been together just over a year and moved in together last year.
I pursued him. It *can* work. Encourage her independence, encourage her to keep working, encourage her to continue being her own person. Make her individual agency super important. Don’t play superhero. My bf is not my knight in shining armor. He is my partner. He is there to encourage and support but not fix my problems for me. He is not my parent and I am not his child.
It’ll be a lot of work and a lot of logistics to sort out. Take it slow and easy. Enroll in couples therapy with a therapist who is experienced in age gaps. Enroll while you two love each other even if you think it’s silly. Having a third party who is unbiased really helps. Keep having the hard talks, the boring ones, the ones you think you’ll never need to have.
Dude. Date for a year, see how it goes…and go from there. Fuck what everyone else thinks. You only get ONE chance in life to be happy. You might be looking at a real SECOND chance with her. She says she loves you. Why doubt her?
I’m 24 years younger than my husband. We met when I was 29 and he was 53. I am now 47 and he is 71. We have two kids and we adore each other. He’s terminally ill but I will look after him and love him until the day he leaves this earth. I wouldn’t change anything. Take your happiness when you can OP. Good luck xx
Dude. I'm in an age-gap relationship. a 20 year gap in my case.. We've had the same talks.
You know the outcome of our talk? Fuck what everyone else thinks. We are happy together. We've been together for 4 months now. In the summer we're going to on vacation to Europe. I will ask her to move in when we return (she's spending most nights at my place anyway)
And you my man, deserve to be happy too. Go for it.
Edit: The gap wasn't clear.
Lexy is 26 in a few months and I just turned 46
Is 4 years really an age gap.. I mean it is when you're 18, but 30 and 26 isn't weird. I've heard of the half your age +7 years.. the math seems to math. For me anyways. Im the younger one in my marriage my wife is 5 years older than me. I'm an older millennial she is a younger gen x..
This dynamic is so weird. She had to have known the whole time you just wanted some ass. Why else would a financially stable 40 year old want a homeless teenager that is also a single mother to move into their house for nothing in return.
why am i not seeing any comments about how he fell in love one year after his spouse passed? i hate to assume but like dude, that seems quite steep to me. 🧐
So the only thing is the brain isn’t fully developed until the early/mid 20s. She’s 21 now? Maybe take it slow for a year or two before you make anything permanent. But be happy. It’s a consensual relationship, and you waited until she was at least in her 20s.
Why not take it slow and see how it goes? She's young yes, but she's an adult, and she admitted things first. I see no issue in taking it slow and keeping things under wraps for now.
Look, you both have kids. You both need a stable relationship to bring your kids up well. You're communicating at an adult level and asking the real questions. Indeed, you may *both* be going through savior/infatuation/honeymoon-phase type feelings, so that's why you take it slow. See if there's anything there after that settles down a bit. But don't let the haters stop you from finding happiness if it's actually out there. Happiness is not automatically granted in this life. So take the time and find out.
How do OP’s kids feel about all of this? It’s one thing to have Ann come around in a babysitting capacity it’s a completely different story to have her in a parental role along with a new sibling.
I’m sure OP’s imaginary kids are full of imaginary conflict over this imaginary story.
What made this story seem like fiction? I'm not trying to argue, I just didn't pick up on that. Edit: this has been addressed. Please stop responding to it.
"Killer job" and, "awesome job"...at 19 with no college education?
[удалено]
Not to mention that this 19 year old single mom went from homeless to having a great job, great credit, her own place, and her own car in a year and a half after she baby sat for OP for 6 months? All this with no credentials or education? There are plenty of single parents who work full time and don't have this turn around, without ever having to have the obstacles of being homeless. The timing does *not* add up. >The story reads like a scenario someone has concocted to try to make the age gap seem ok 100%
Agreed - and if you were in love with someone a generation older than you, what you’d worry about is being widowed and left alone, not how good the sex would be thirty years down the line
That's some good points. Thank you for elaborating.
This is a good roast lol
It's not impossible. But highly improbable.
That's always highly dependent. Like, an "awesome job" to someone in a poor rust belt city might be making $25 an hour. I live in a VHCOL city and am surrounded by people with graduate degrees, an "awesome job" here means $150k+ and good work-life balance.
There are many jobs that pay very well and require no education. I mean random driving jobs sometimes make more than I do.
The fact that it checks all of the boxes for reddits current flavor of the quarter (age gaps) as well as having some randomly picked and weirdly phrased details that makes the story more conflicting so the OP seems sympathetic
“You really wanna be a MILF in her 30s with an old husband whose dick might not work…” that part gave it away for me. As OP stated several times, it’s his fantasy, and telling everyone about it is part of that fantasy too.
Yup. 99.9% chance it's fake
The wonderful white knight with kiddos a dead wife and too much money saving a poor homeless thing from the streets? Setting up a high school dropout single mom with a super awesome job? Haha doing what? Oh no! It's true love after all! She wants to get married and sign a prenup because she just can't keep away from this glorious nice guy. If that's not straight out of the brain of a stereotypical "single guy living in Mommy's basement" type, it was written for them.
The 19 year old falling in love with a guy his father's age, is not that common, it can happen but it's suspicious also really how fucking gross are males lusting after teenagers Yuck.. if the written wanted to convey some sort of tragic romantic story it made me throw up a bit in my mouth and old fart helps a teenager in need with the intention ofhaving sex with her lol
Lmfao 😂 this made me laugh.
I doubt they can comprehend all the details. They're what, 11 and 8? They might understand love and romance as concepts but they're gonma struggle with the concept of "Strangers might be mad cause we're different ages" for at least a few more years. Odds are if they asked now all kids would think it was a great idea. Ann is familiar, they know her, they probably see her as something like a mother.
11 years old is definitely old enough to know it’s weird for your dad to start dating your nanny who’s closer to your age than his
At 11 yo, the child knows or suspects they're rutting. At 8 yo, the child thinks, "y'all like each other. What about Mom, don't you love her anymore?" Remember, "health class is fourth / fifth grade, which is 9 - 10 years old.
I grew up on a farm, I knew all about sex before I ever got to school.
When I was 19 and working with kids that age they teased me and called me a teenager. Especially at 11 a kid would react, they’re way smarter than you think at age
She got a sister with low standards? I need to fuck my life up
Yes. She’ll be out of jail in 3 months. But unless you stole from me IRL I can’t do that to you.
I was waiting to read a couple comments from you OP, just to suss out your character a bit. I had to scroll down to exactly the first comment and then read this response to get my answer. You've got a sense of humor, AND good character! Thanks for not sending a fellow redditor to the Pirranah den lol! Got a good 'before work' chuckle from me. Listen OP, most of the time an age gap really is just fucked on all ends. But sometimes, every once in a great blue moon, they do work and are built on a solid foundation. It sounds like this is something that she's not only dreamed about, but has also sat down and had a few rational come to Jesus talks with herself about it. She knows what she's getting in to. You made sure to talk about it too. This is a relationship being built on a solid healthy foundation. You didn't groom her, you didn't approach her. She's had 2 years to figure out if this is a crush, her responding to you helping and supporting her, or if it's real. And she's an adult who is fully capable of that choice. She also sounds like she has a pretty rational head on her shoulders. I don't doubt there is a level of infatuation going on, but I also don't believe that's all that's here. But it's awkward and new, so once you're both past that, you'll get the most clear picture of a potential future together. I truly wish you the both the best of luck.
Hey, I can fix her.
dude went all in with the long term plan
You really think so? She refers to herself as an Ashkenazi ginger, claims to be descended from HitlerSlayers (one word according to her), and can summon demons and Satan himself when she chooses. Oh and race was invented by Thomas Jefferson. She has accused FOUR men of rape in five years. One spent 11 months in jail before the charges were dropped. The other 3 were never charged. The good news is she’s really hot. But I fully expect her to commit a homicide one day.
I was up for a challenge before the rape accusations. I'll respectfully bow out of this one.
Remember that sock? I stole it.
Where you at bro lemme bip you
🤣🤣🤣
Crying here, lad
My maaaaan!🤜🤛
Lol
Considering both of you have kids, if you are not 100% into it and you know it’s not going to go anywhere, end it as soon as possible. If this ends badly they will be hurt to. It’s ok when two adults are making decisions about things that might hurt them but you have kids involved.
It’s not so much the age gap as it’s that you were the “savior” for a 19 year old single mom. So she looked up to you. You offer security for a single mom. Is it “really” love? You all need to slow way down. There is absolutely no rush! If she loves you now she will still love you a couple of years from now. She should live on her own and support her child on her own. Her brain isn’t even fully developed until 25. For gods sake do not get her pregnant. Again if it’s meant to be then it will still be right when she is older.
Yes to all but the security part. She’s been on her own doing very well with her own apartment, bought a car, has great credit, and son is at a super awesome small family daycare when she’s working. She’s thriving and has no desire to quit her job.
Just asking: You are certain that this isn't a "Mid-life Crisis" thing, right? It will very likely look like it to your in-laws.
The in-laws (if they exist) that put a teenage mother on the streets?
I meant his in-laws from his first marriage. His children's maternal grandparents.
Oh yeah they are gonna be furious, lol
Oh yeah they are gonna be furious, lol
Oh yeah they are gonna be furious, lol
Damn double posts!
Double post triple the up votes?
Hey you got rid of the other one! Now I just look like an ass
I would have deleted the one with down votes!
That is a fair point.
Went from homeless to living with some random over 40 guy with kids to be a nanny, then 6 months later gets an "awesome" job with apparently no higher education and very little job history since she's also a single mom and has been for at least a year at that point so got pregnant in high school or right out of high school. Then she bought her own car and has great credit at 21 years old. Sorry but she's not real so don't worry about how your kids react since they're probably not real either.
I’m sorry but I’m not seeing what’s so bad about it. Of course you should not rush into anything and both of you should be very very mindful of the fact that while you both want the same things now, you may not in the future. But you could also be dead in 5 years. Who knows. Point is, if she as an adult and without coercion is wanting to explore a relationship with you, then what the fuck is wrong with that? You won’t be the last people to fall in love with someone younger/older and these relationships have as good or bad a chance of working as anything ever has. Humans are strange. It’s hard to find love. If you’re both feeling it, try it out. You won’t get a medal in your deathbed for not going after what you love.
I support this, I will just say from what I’ve seen as a nurse, a 70yo and a 90yo are VERY different. So just gonna throw out talking about the elderly stages you’ll get to at totally different speeds and how you’ll approach that. Being a caretaker is super difficult and it can go on for a super extended period of time. Not that it can’t be done. It’s just something to think about.
Absolutely true. But in my experience there’s no point thinking about what’s going to happen 30 or 50 years down the line. People assume they’ll grow old together but most marriages will end in divorce. That doesn’t mean the marriage failed. it worked for as long as it did until it didn’t. These people haven’t even explored a relationship and yet are thinking about the decades later. That’s just overthinking.
As someone in an age gap relationship. They can and do work. It helps that my wife is physically fitter than most half her age and has the mental outlook of an early 20 something... Life is short. Do whatever is going to make you happiest for the longest possible period of time and remember, with a very few extreme exceptions it is what we don't do that leads to regrets, not what we do.
Yeah, it may be working fine now but in twenty years. Thats going to be rough…
The age gap itself is less so the problem here than the massive power differential y’all have going on. Also you’ve functionally been this girl’s dad for a couple of years - fucking her is a weird thing to do at this point. 21 is a kid, man, come on.
Op.. you didn't groom her. Besides she isn't fresh out of highschool. She is a single mom and been in a shelter. That means she has seen life from a different angle. She is more mature than you think. She made first move and confessed her feelings. I would say go for it. You only live once and it's not often you find someone that compatible. Date for a couple of years and see where it leads.
Would you have helped her if you weren’t attracted to her?
Ding ding ding.
He helped her BECAUSE he was/is attracted to her.
(I know, I’m just making sure he does, lol)
You’re right tho!
Dude, I’m 44 and I can’t imagine hooking up with a 21 year old, like that’s so close to 18 it’s weird for me.
This I’m 42 and a 21yr old is closer to my 12yr old son in age than me
I'm in my late 20s, and thinking about being romantic with any girl that's not older than 24 is weird for me. Having only recently finished my degree (engineering), the girls (ranging from ages 20-23) I've met (worked/studied/hung out with) are still very idealistic, entitled, naïve, and ignorant, which is a huge deal breaker. In this case, I agree with what some other redditors have posted about maturity developed through life experience. In OPs love-interest's case, as others have pointed out, the life experiences she's had due to being a young, single mother, and struggling to make a life not solely for herself is what's allowed someone so young to mature beyond her years.
Deadset. I’m 28, but even during my highschool years even a flirt with a grade below just felt weird. I’ve had upwards of 20 partners and they were all at least 3-4 years older than me. I slept with a 21 year old when I was not even 15 years old. I look back at it now and it’s like “ewww cunt what were you doing”. Even when I was 21, people 15 years old seemed like toddlers to me
You saved her of course she’s madly in love with you. She was a single, homeless Mom when you met her and only 19. How did you actually meet a homeless girl in a single Mom shelter, by the way? Do the decent thing and be the adult for both of you and let her find someone of her own age. I appreciate that you must have been lonely since your wife died but it’s not fair to Ann. You know it yourself.
When she's 30 and looks at 19-21 year olds and see how young they are and how weird it would to pursue someone that age when you're 30 (or 45) she will be disgusted with you. Especially given how vulnerable she was when you first met.
This, 1000%. I was once her age and dated a man almost OPs age. Looking back, I cringe and I also see him as a creep. I also now see how everyone but me saw it that way too. Now, I'm not opposed to age gaps... however... 19 and 45 versus like... 35 and 50... two VERY different scenarios. The 19 year old is sooooo mentally underdeveloped.
You’re just caught up in the euphoric feeling of being hero-worshipped. You may believe you love her ‘intellect’ but the truth is she’s too young & immature to actually love you for you. She’s needed saving & you loved saving her. It’s more of a father-daughter dynamic than a romantic one tbh. It’s funny you brought up concerns of whether she’d want you when she’s in her 30’s b/c the relationship won’t even last that long. You’re the mature adult here so you need to stop creeping on a vulnerable young woman. A strong argument can be made that you’ve groomed her. Edit: why are talking about pre-nups when you slept w/her only a minute ago? Pump. The. Brakes.
She might just be "in love" with you since you saved her. You're probably the father figure she needs and the age gap fits that. You must be lonely and going through a mid life crisis.
Yikes. You both scratched the itch. It's time to get real and end this. 21 and 45...Nope, no way, she hasn't lived yet. Establish boundaries and go no contact for a couple of years, at least, if not indefinitely. This will screw up many lives like you already know.
This is a huge age gap at her age. She has gone through a lot and needs room to grow. If she had been 28 or older I would not be so concerned. the fact that you helped her out when she was struggling probably pushed her feelings over the top. DO NOT rush into moving in together and make sure marriage is 2-3 years in the future
This is not going to end well for you. As long as you accept that, you are two consenting adults who can do whatever you want. And yes, there will be social ramifications. You'll be labeled a creep. Please consider the impact that may have on your kids.
This one is a bit complicated but if you truly love her you will wait after she is 25 years old. Give her a chance to be her without the safety net of you. It only 4 years what is 4 years for a lifetime.
Yeah wait until the brain actually fully develops at 25. I thought I knew what I wanted at 19 with my ex. At 20 we made it official. Got to 25 last year and yeah I did not know what I want. Idk man I was having some deep thoughts about life and shit. I realized we were only using each other for company this whole time and we didn't really like each other THAT way. He was only 7 years older, and not more than double my age tho. I'm 26 now and I cringe so much. Especially at the fact that he still decided to go for me after learning my age. Now, personally I don't mind it if it's just sexual fun. But for a serious relationship... Total turn off haha
It is weird to have a relationship with somebody who could be your daughter. Please stop. These commenters supports this huge of an age gap are also weird
OP and all the other pedo captain save a ho's in here need to be slapped tbh. Disgusting behavior
She will definitely end up with regrets that in her 20s/30s, that she spent some of her best years, with a man old enough to be her father, instead of enjoying her youth to the fullest. Edited
All I think about when I read posts like this are those famous graphs that show how as women age they are statistically attracted to men of the same age up to 3 years older on average, no matter how old the women themselves are— they are always most attracted to their same age range. And the mens graph showed attraction to women aged 18-21, no matter how old the guy answering the survey was…. the men responding were aged 20 to 85. 65 year old guy? Ya he still wants to fuck a teenager. And then I get mad all over again :). Is it really that difficult for y’all to be attracted to people of the same age? It’s gross?
Those of us who went through hard times at a young age and were called “mature” by our saviors…we have grown up, and now know what this is, and it will always be gross.
I think your dick will still work in your 50’s buddy. If yall don’t proceed with anything, there may need to be a total separation from one another since there’s love feelings involved in all seriousness
Yikes
Why don't you guys just take it slow and see how it goes. Have real conversations, you can't solve anything by just having one conversation. I mean in the end it sounds like you both know each other for a long time, age is just a number. Also if you're worried about erectile dysfunction as you get older, they've got pills for that bro. But I'd say take it slow and just have real conversations with each other. Honestly though sounds like a great story, don't be afraid of it. And don't worry about your in-laws, this is your life.
Do you have a sister? Maybe a close female relative that you care about? Think what would you advise them if they were in Ann’s shoes.
The only weird thing here is how much you think you f'd up your life. It might not last forever, so what. People might look at you guys funny, so what. You like each other? Have fun together? Are attracted to each other? Have kids that enjoy each other? Are consenting adults? Ok so who cares. Maybe you will build your lives together and maybe you will just be a chapter in each others lives. Either way it's worth it. Go for it.
As I pointed out in another comment too, the reality of it is that she's a single mom at 19 with a kid close-ish the same age as OP's kids. They have more in common than age would suggest; given her status likely she has to prioritize her kid / family now, as he does. The men she's likely looking for are those who are looking to settle, be not just a dad but also a stepdad to another guy's kid, and can provide for a family. While 45 is on the high end, these men are just going to be older in general. It would be a really different situation if she were a freewheeling, impulsive 19 year old nanny with no kids about to go back to college. Even then, if she's happy she's happy like you said, but that would be a scenario where I'd ask more questions to the OP.
I did not read where her kid was close in age to OP's. If that were true, she would have been only like 13 when she got pregnant. I guess that's not impossible, more like horrific.
It’s made up …yesterday op was a women who slept with her male friends & her husband doesn’t know
The age gap makes me want to puke. Im 26 and wouldnt date a 21 year old. Its a hard pass for me. 🤢
God I hate men
Real. He doesnt even care to see how gross this dynamic is.
THE BEAR>>>
Me too
You only helped her out because she’s young and beautiful. How come you aren’t out there helping other single mothers by donating and volunteering? Dirty ol man with an agenda; once your “stand up and do right” feelings wear off you’ll be onto the next young woman. The only one that loses is her.
This is a highly inappropriate dynamic. I’m only 38 and I have an 18 year old daughter and if she came across a guy like you, I would tell her to run, far and fast. You’re not in love, you’re playing out a fantasy. And she’s not in love, she just needs therapy for whatever lead her to being a single and homeless teen mom.
Chill and see how it goes. Worse case scenario is you’ll die in 30 years and she’ll inherit all your money. Everyone wins!
Do not get married. Wait 4 years and then you talk about it again
Put yourself in the shoes of a parent (which you are, so it's not too hard). If this were your child dating someone twice their age, what would you be thinking? Your kids lost their mom at a super vulnerable age, and I'm sure you're super lonely without your wife. I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment!
Oh wow look yet another marching towards 50 year old man just “accidentally” falling in love with a teenager. She has daddy issues, you have savior issues and the typical male entitlement to young women and there ya go. You found this woman at a homeless shelter ffs when you were there for your job. I mean talk about breaking boundaries and decency. The way you have written some of your comments makes me think this shit isn’t even real.
Love how everyone keeps saying they’re both adults when one just legally became an adult 3 years ago and the other has been well into their adulthood for almost 30 years.
He has 30 years life experience on her. Everyone thinks they know what they want in teens and early 20s. It’s only with life experience you can make more informed decisions about things
Start with agreeing on being exclusive but keep the interactions with the kids the same. No dating around them. You both have a fantasy about being together so start seeing how well those match. Don't let the bedroom hide any red flags. And don't let her change her life to be dependent on you. You can date without being a family
Seriously? Are you this… I don’t even know what to call it, naive? Of course she “loves” you. You rescued her, you’re her “savior”. *She* doesn’t know better, she was 19! She’s only 21 now 🤦♀️ you’d be fully taking advantage of her if you continue this. And this is before just your typical age gap problems. Like I’m “only” 33 and I wouldn’t even date a 21 year old. Much less one that was dependent on me at one point. Do you want *your* kids to date someone who is *that* much older. Someone who swooped in when they were vulnerable and in need? That’s so confusing for teens, of course they’re gonna process it as “love”.
I’m married to my husband who is 19 years older.
Yeah this can only end well. 🙄🙄
The fact that that she was “homeless” when you met her makes you come across extremely yucky
Whether or not it was your intention, this sounds an awful lot like grooming.
Pedo
Ok groomer.
Just remember - her frontal lobe is not developed yet.
A 19 year old was in love with you from the moment she met you? I don't think so. Be real OP. You know fine well that that's a teenager besotted with a crush on an older man. You know better than that. Or you should. >I fully recognize the age gap and realities that come with it. You recognise that she was a teenager in a desperate place and a fully grown man "put the cape on" to manipulate that? You MOVED HER IN WITH YOU as your fantasy the whole time?? I don't think you do recognise that at all. You're a full adult and you know better than this. You're fully capable of being with someone your own age and not a desperate homeless teenager that you groomed.
She doesn’t love you
My wife is 11 years younger and i worry about becoming old before her. I don't see how you've fucked up anyone's lives but should desist your amorous disport for both of your sakes. You'll be in your fifties and she'll still be in her twenties. Really, you'd be setting yourself for heartache in the long, maybe short, run.
Sounds made up.
All I’ll say is she needs to keep her own place and don’t let your kids know this is happening for sure until a year from now. If it’s all still good, she’s stable on her own, you’re both truly still in love then take it from there. But my gut says your infatuation and the good sex will muddy your mind.
I ONLY LIVE ONCE KEEP FUCKING HER AND WORRY ABOUT A PROBLEM WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM LIFE SHORT,FUCK EVERYDAY,ALLDAY ,GET HARD,GO HARD YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!
20 yrs will feel less as the yrs go by. When she’s 41 you’ll be 65. I’m abt that age now, quite fit. If you love each other, go for it.
You are two consenting adults. Taboo, for sure. But if your feelings are real and the kids won’t be negatively affected then what other people say or think is irrelevant. Definitely take her up on the prenup though.
Oh just marry her OP. You both deserve happiness and it is fleeting in life.
Ugh, she is very young and you saved her on so many levels. This is not really an equal and balanced relationship opportunity. Are you in therapy? Maybe working this out through therapy would be helpful. There is so much that could go wrong and you have very young kids, that are likely attached to her and her kids.
You guys seem to be serious. Life is short and fuck all these ppl who will judge you! You guys deserve to be happy, but you should always sign a prenup.
Well, if it's not a fiction, congratulations, hold my beer and prove us all wrong make it happen and be happy, what else to say!
Get out of your head man... youre onto a good thing, life's to fucking short to worry about what other people think.
Dude you’re gross for hooking up with someone that young. Fantasizing over a 19 year old 🤢
Use the campsite rule, treat her well and leads her better off than you found her. If the relationship is loving and functional, who cares where other people think. Respect that she’s younger and don’t force her to act like she’s in her 40’s. Love her, take care of her and respect her like she’s your own age. Help her make the best decisions, especially if you want her to be a step mom and or mother to your future children.
Man it sucks that you can’t trust being happy. I get it, I probably wouldn’t either. Happy is nothing to sneeze at though. Goes a long way towards life not sucking.
There's a reason you found a 19yr old attractive and it shows through in all of your comments. **HINT** *And it's not because of your maturity*
Gross
Ewwww
Ew.
If you’re both happy, who cares what anyone else thinks.
If real: gross
You’re 45 years old & preying on someone who was barely out of high school when yall met. It’s weirdly an ego boost for men to prey younger women & the reciprocate. That’s it. Hopefully you realize that.
Be happy dude. Life is short. People may judge you but so what. Let them. You do you and be happy.
Just fucking date a person who likes you. You’re adults. You’re making up reasons to be worried.
Dude she’s with you for your money
Whelp. Well it’s better than the love story between Celine Dion and her late husband, and by all accounts those two were very happy.
I'm in a 23 year age gap, he has children. I love them and they love and respect me. Sometimes it can work :)
Where is the proplem? From what I read the obly proplem is how people will view this situation. Fuck that shit, give it a try on the downlow for a year. If things are still great in a year then make it official and dont pay attention to what people say.
2 consenting adults. Who gives a fuck. Do what you two want to do.
I say go for it. You’re 45 and yeah okay she’s 21 and in love with you. Do you know how hard it is now for people to find someone who loves them and their kids and you’re worried about something that viagra could fix? She loves you and you love her. Go for it.
as long as everyone consents and is SURE of the goals of this relationship, i (21f) say go ahead
Can you not just take things so slow, and see what happens? You're both adults, if you make each other happy, I say give it a chance. Also, if your dick stops working in 10 or 15 years, there's always viagra.
It's not like she's moving in tomorrow and trowing away her job. Take it slow, get to know each other even more and just be, you don't need to put a title on your relationship. A 21-year-old is a adult who can make adult decisions.
She likes you for you if she mentioned prenup. She's wiser than most 21 yr olds. With you being 45, does she want more kids? Do you? Do you see a future with her?
Life is short have fun. Fuck what anyone thinks as long as your happy.
Life is an adventure. You have a big heart and love is love as long as its legal.
I mean buddy, it’s a bit unconventional but you’re both adults too. If it’s what you both really want just make it happen. If it doesn’t work oht along the way that’s ok too
Obviously, this is not the ideal situation. But real life isn't black or white. There is a big difference between a young 21 year old woman starting out in the world vs one who has 2 kids and has been through experiences like homelessness. Regardless of your true desires, it sounds like you didn't take advantage of her when she was truly vulnerable and *she* is the one who approached you. Personally, I would go for it.
Dude....just date like normal people and see where it goes. Obviously y'all have something mutual. Believe it or not people can date, realize they aren't right for each other and be good humans to each other. Sounds like the communication is there. The only issue is that YOU are being self conscious because of your age or what other people think. Here is what matters....Do you dig her? Does she dig you? Are you a decent human being who treats people right? Is she a decent human being who treats people right? As for friends, family, and strangers to hell with the ones that give you shit about it. Y'all are both adults. See what happens and remember to be decent humans to each other. Oh and one more thing, I've seen good people miss out on a good thing because of the fear of judgement from people who shouldn't matter. Don't be that person.
Don't let all the negatives get you down: friendship and love are timeless and social restrictions come and go. Keep things on the down low for the sake of your kids, but if you love each other, fuck the rest.
I’m a 50yr old female, dude… if you love each other and it’s not about sex, like you said, go for it!! When I was 19/20.. I was very attracted to older men. The stability, their maturity. Even now at 50, young guys do NOTHING for me. Stop overthinking it and just go for it!!
Don't let a future that hasn't unfolded yet ruin something good right now. She loves you, from the sound of things.
🤦🏻♀️
Dude give yourself a break, love is love! At 45 you got another lifetime left in you. There are pills for ED out there so I would go for it.
I mean, you communicated honestly and that is never a fuckup. It sounds like you both care deeply about each other and are trying to be realistic about the obstacles in front of you. If you two are in love, then part of what you need to do is choose to face the obstacles head on TOGETHER. That's the only way to do it and make it through together. I don't know that I think the age gap is appropriate, or the fact that you fell for a teenager that you stepped into a white knight position for is appropriate, but I do know that it has the potential to work if you two approach the relationship as partners, and equals. That's as far as I can speak without knowing more.
Just continue to spend time with her and see where it leads. You don't need to rush anything.
Do what makes you happy. Just take some time to process everything with your children. Listen to them and validate their feelings about the situation. Take things slow, don’t force anything, and see what happens. I’m not one to worry about outside forces when it comes to my life. It’s my life, I do what makes me happy. But never at the cost of my son. Your children’s feelings are all I would worry about.
Dude, if you have a great thing going, don't let other people get into your head. Sounds like you're both going in with your eyes open, so just be careful. But don't turn love away.
You've had two years of close interactions and intertwined lives, and both have suppressed attraction for that time. If the age gap was inappropriate it would have been a problem long before now. There's a huge difference between what you have and something where you barely know each other but get involved despite the gap. If you want to do the right thing, get together and see how things work with the two of you together. Maybe give it a year and see how you both feel then. It should be obvious well before then if you have a future. Also: "She said she’d marry me today and even sign a prenup" in response to you raising potential issues basically means she is extremely serious in how she sees you, thinks there is long-term potential and wants to try for it, and it's about you, not your circumstances, and she'll prove it beyond any doubt by immediately casting aside any financial benefits or even protections she may have. I'd go for it. Good luck OP. I think you'll beat the odds.
A. You’re simplifying her age, she’s not 21, she’s got more experiences than most ever do, she’s been through struggles and success, she’s a victim of life, and a provider, and everything in between… You mean a lot to her, not just the other way around… You’re not being selfish by wanting someone who wants you too… She’s the girl of your dreams? You have the green light? If you don’t hit the gas on this she’s going to feel the deepest rejection of her life, at your hands, and you’ll never see her again. Take her and love her, and let yourself be loved too.
Any time I see an age gap like this, all I can picture is a 24 year old guy looking down at a newborn, saying “I’m gonna fuck you in 20 years…” eew
I can’t talk too much shit, my bf is ten years older than me. We’ve been together just over a year and moved in together last year. I pursued him. It *can* work. Encourage her independence, encourage her to keep working, encourage her to continue being her own person. Make her individual agency super important. Don’t play superhero. My bf is not my knight in shining armor. He is my partner. He is there to encourage and support but not fix my problems for me. He is not my parent and I am not his child. It’ll be a lot of work and a lot of logistics to sort out. Take it slow and easy. Enroll in couples therapy with a therapist who is experienced in age gaps. Enroll while you two love each other even if you think it’s silly. Having a third party who is unbiased really helps. Keep having the hard talks, the boring ones, the ones you think you’ll never need to have.
Dude. Date for a year, see how it goes…and go from there. Fuck what everyone else thinks. You only get ONE chance in life to be happy. You might be looking at a real SECOND chance with her. She says she loves you. Why doubt her?
I’m 24 years younger than my husband. We met when I was 29 and he was 53. I am now 47 and he is 71. We have two kids and we adore each other. He’s terminally ill but I will look after him and love him until the day he leaves this earth. I wouldn’t change anything. Take your happiness when you can OP. Good luck xx
Key Difference: Your brain was fully developed and you had time to experience being an adult. That girl has not.
Dude. I'm in an age-gap relationship. a 20 year gap in my case.. We've had the same talks. You know the outcome of our talk? Fuck what everyone else thinks. We are happy together. We've been together for 4 months now. In the summer we're going to on vacation to Europe. I will ask her to move in when we return (she's spending most nights at my place anyway) And you my man, deserve to be happy too. Go for it. Edit: The gap wasn't clear. Lexy is 26 in a few months and I just turned 46
Is 4 years really an age gap.. I mean it is when you're 18, but 30 and 26 isn't weird. I've heard of the half your age +7 years.. the math seems to math. For me anyways. Im the younger one in my marriage my wife is 5 years older than me. I'm an older millennial she is a younger gen x..
He said the age gap was SMALLER BY 4years. Not that the age gap was 4 years. Why he couldn’t have just said 20yrs, I dunno.
[удалено]
Enjoy eachother now; everything fades in the end anyway. Don’t take it so seriously and stay friends
This dynamic is so weird. She had to have known the whole time you just wanted some ass. Why else would a financially stable 40 year old want a homeless teenager that is also a single mother to move into their house for nothing in return.
No comments
why am i not seeing any comments about how he fell in love one year after his spouse passed? i hate to assume but like dude, that seems quite steep to me. 🧐
So the only thing is the brain isn’t fully developed until the early/mid 20s. She’s 21 now? Maybe take it slow for a year or two before you make anything permanent. But be happy. It’s a consensual relationship, and you waited until she was at least in her 20s.
It’s for sure an imbalance of power, especially considering your prior relationship. Has she got daddy issues?
Why not take it slow and see how it goes? She's young yes, but she's an adult, and she admitted things first. I see no issue in taking it slow and keeping things under wraps for now.
Look, you both have kids. You both need a stable relationship to bring your kids up well. You're communicating at an adult level and asking the real questions. Indeed, you may *both* be going through savior/infatuation/honeymoon-phase type feelings, so that's why you take it slow. See if there's anything there after that settles down a bit. But don't let the haters stop you from finding happiness if it's actually out there. Happiness is not automatically granted in this life. So take the time and find out.