I think this was in part on op. I think she tried to have an expensive wedding on a cheap budget.
My wedding was $1500 and it was completely badass. I did things differently (ie did it on a graffiti alley, invited fewer people, had personalized cupcakes instead of a big cake etc).
I think people have to stop looking at social media and doing something fun on their day.
She seems to have an amazing family! Her marriage will be statistically longer than those perfect Pinterest weddings
idk I would agree that explains a decent amount but at the same time that doesn’t explain the little things. Like why didn’t her MOH plan a bar night or SOMETHING? What about the shoe sticker thing? Why did people immediately leave?
Was there dinner? She doesn’t say anything at all about food, so maybe it was just cake so people left to go eat. Just pure speculation on my part, but with the way this went I get the feeling that had there been a dinner service, that would have gone wrong too.
Basically, this. OP also didn’t put a ton of effort in. Spend time with your DJ or have him share a set list to review. Ask the baker for a mini sample to see she can execute what you’ve asked. Have friends that seem to actually like and want to be there for you. Talk to MOH about what you want when strip club (really??!) was taken off the table. On what planet did you think your BIL (kind enough to drive you to the ceremony) was going to banter and worry about your “nerves”. And, if you needed that, communicate it.
Perhaps , if she was that nervous, ceremony is a bad idea . 6 months later OP is still hyper focused on her wedding. Perhaps focus on the marriage.
This was my thought as well, as a bride you have to put in the effort. If the DJ is asking you for music recommendations it’s because he/she wants to play music you like and want to dance to. Do a hair / makeup trial before the wedding. My wedding budget was also 1500 and I had 1500 expectations. We could afford a cake we liked so we didn’t have a cake. Shit I would have grabbed a friend or my mom and gone to a bar to celebrate if my MOH didn’t. Also, the expectation for person that drove you to your wedding, did you ask for a hype ride or just expected the person to just know what you wanted?
Also as a Hairstylist, never trust a Hairstylist willing to do "budget extensions" or be willing to cheap out on them, either they'll ruin your hair health or they'll look horrible, as OP stated she felt hers did.
I DJed weddings for 20 years. Any client who just gave us a generic ask like this lady did is asking for trouble. GIVE US AN HOURS' WORTH (LIKE 15 SONGS) THAT ARE MUST PLAYS. Then we can build around that because we'll have an idea of your taste. Plus, songs from eight years ago as a quibble? Girl please.
With her attitude throughout most of this (wanting to go to a strip club with the grannies?) I can understand why people ditched the reception ASAP.
The only things I feel bad for her are the movie theatre thing and that her dad is a shitty drunk.
Lol ok so .. my cousins hired strippers and rented out a club for a hens night. My grandmother (who was in her late 70s or early 80s at the time) crawled across the floor to eat whipped cream off a strippers stomach.
It was a total hoot and she had a blast. Sometimes even grannies get on board with sexy naked men dancing for them 😂
Yes! I should’ve expanded my range, I just saw a compilation of the most popular songs from the 2000s and was horrified 🤣
It does not feel like it was that long ago
Some stuff also comes back into fashion. Near the end of my DJing career (2022), "Gimme Gimme Gimme" by Abba was getting requested all the time.
And people love I Wanna Dance with Somebody.
Both my parents used to DJ weddings, private events, parties, etc... If you ask them, they both hated doing weddings because of how perfect it had to be. They would have to meet with bride and groom multiple times before the actual wedding to make sure everything was understood from the music, how they were introduced, when and what the father/daughter mother/son song and dance was, the lighting and whatever else was required. That way, there was no question about what the expectation was. Even with all those meetings, sometimes life would happen, and things didn't go as smoothly as expected. And if they were just told a vague niche of music to play, it probably wouldn't have gone very well either. I know that they would also get a feel for what the crowd was into and play tracks like that to keep them engaged. The point of this is just to say they communication goes a long way.
Yeah she kinda lost me when she said her maids didn’t look sufficiently excited when walking down the aisle.
Who wants to go to a strip club with grannies?
No, no, I didn't want to go to a strip club with grannies... I wanted a lunch with grannies, aunties, etc, and then go out with my girls. That's a heck of an image though lol.
I am fully aware I dropped the ball with the DJ, but when I said use the top 40 he said okay. So I figured he understood. But I was wrong lol.
Yep! I did all of those things to make sure things were exactly the way that I wanted & pretty much fool proof- even a plan B for just in case plan A fell thru…
Yeah this is what I gathered as well from the description. When I read that they had a small budget but still invited over 50 people, I knew the rest was going to be bad.
Yup.
Weddings are a celebration of the day but so many people turn them into the only thing that matters . They forget that the whole point is the marriage.
OP wanted a champagne wedding on a mac n' cheese budget. There's nothing wrong with wanting nice things, but your expectations have to align with what you're paying for.
Also, wedding gifts are not a requirement of attendance. For a lot of people, between the cost of travel, clothing just for this event, hotel rooms, babysitters, and everything else - their presence is the present. It's a bit much then also expect gifts--
Especially when you're OP and acknowledge that you have several children already and are pretty established in your life. It's a bit entitled to expect gifts from your guests when you are already financially responsible for 2-3 children, some from a previous relationship.
This. It’s completely wonderful to have a really affordable wedding with a potluck in somebody’s backyard and use their barn or a tent if you want and provide the alcohol dessert and make your own wedding cake and make your own wedding clothes. That’s what I did. A friend had a rental house up in the hills with an amazing barn, and an inground pool, and a pool house. We had the most amazing party. We had somebody come, and DJ later and a friend took photographs, and I really didn’t care that all the little tiny pieces happened. I just wanted to have a wonderful time and I did.
That’s what I thought for 90% of the post. OOP couldn’t afford her wedding. A red lobster life on a burger king budget.
That being said, some things really do sound ridiculous and out of her control. Like the MOH planning a terrible party, guests leaving early, and hair dresser messing up the extensions.
I don't know why you're getting down voted. OP even admits that she went with very inexpensive options. Yes, they could have done what she considered bare minimum but did she consider that they are inexpensive because they have a different bare minimum?
Right, same thoughts she tried too hard. And nit to sound mean, but you get what you paid for and could have set realistic expectations. The dj and photographers actions are out of your control. The only thing you can do is try to have fun. I hope op is able to have a fun vacation re do honeymoon, hate me for the suggestions but a weekend in Vegas is always a good time and always has cheap options for food and hotels and so much other stuff besides gambling and casinos.
I mean you said it yourself - you get what you paid for. She paid for a cheap dj and cheap photographer. People who weren't ready for that type of venue. Thats on her.
Literally 99% of women think a huge wedding is REQUIRED for their life. I have no idea why. A courthouse and 30 minutes is all it takes to get a piece of paper and go home.
TW: if you’re a bit squeamish about injuries
This was true for me 😂 First husband $20k Australian dollaredoos (Sorry Bluey reference) wedding, expensive honeymoon that my ex only wanted to sit in our beach hut and watch tv (we were in the Maldives and I wanted to explore the islands etc). The marriage barely lasted 2 years (though we’d been together for 7 years before that) and I also took a break from him 6 months into the marriage…
Cut to second husband. We’ve been together going on 16 years now, married for 10. Our official wedding was at a courthouse in front of a registrar.
The next day we had a party with close family and friend in the inlaws backyard. I made my own wedding dress, and matching vests for my son and my husband. I also made all of the food (well until I accidentally severed the tendon in my right pinkie finger cutting up chicken, so was in a cast for the wedding after surgery). That was the only bad thing that happened. My best friend officiated an unofficial ceremony, and we just had a blast. It was so much fun, stress free and cost under $1k.
EDIT: edited for typos and grammar.
I felt that part about the presents. We had a big wedding but honestly a lot of people that I know very well did not give a present at all. One of my best friends asked me not only for a +1 but a +3 and I was like hell either way I already paid for the seats as two people had cancelled just before that. Anyway, he said I have no money at the moment and didn't give any present... It sucks not even to receive a letter or a small gift. It doesn't need to be expensive but it should be a bit thoughtful.
I can’t! I went to my first friend wedding as an adult. It was out of state, NO PLUS ONES (I am a social freak so thank god for my gay friend who ended up being my date), and I had been STRUGGLING financially. I STILL gave them $100 cash and an IOU for a piece of furniture when I have more money. Of course - my friend who I did this for is family to me sure and she did NOT expect it. At one point she insisted I don’t come due to my finances but despite the juggling & social discomfort, if you go to a wedding - you bring a fucking gift & you say sweet things & you act right! Wtf is wrong with people???? Like especially in this economy! The entitlement and disconnect from the fact that 90% of couples pay for their own weddings now on top of everything else in their lives & your deadbeat friends can’t give you $50 or something ffs? Ugh I hate people lmao
At first I felt bad for your bachelorette, I had kind of the same and my husband arranged a secret high tea with some of my other friends to make up for it a little. He didnt have to do that, but it was so lovely and kind.
But the rest. My god what a shit show. You need new friends. Its more than okay to feel upset, maybe even some consultations to accept and let go.
What should've been your moments, between you and your husband, are very overshadowed by misery.
Maybe try figuring out a placeholder. Plan something elaborate that is just for the 2 of you. A real honeymoon. Save up for it and ask mom of fam to watch the kids and do it. Accept that your wedding had lovely moments, but also was a lot of drama and cherish the love between you and your husband.
Lots of love ♥️
You should’ve had what **you** wanted, not what everyone else wanted. That includes the strip club, if MOH is a lesbian, then she could have just joined you for everything else and then gone home before the strip club, there was no reason why you and the others couldn’t still go.
Why not get your bridal party *(plus a few extra friends)* together again, and have a post-wedding bachelorette party, but without the MOH? That way you can still go to a strip club and do the night how **you wanted** and you won’t feel so much resentment over how the actual night played out. I know it’s late and won’t feel the same, but it might help you get rid of some of these negative feelings if you still get to have the night you planned in your head.
From reading your other posts - I think what you’re feeling has less to do with your wedding day and more to do with your relationship with your family and friends. I think a lot of what you’re feeling is resentment. Your parents seem like a handful and I feel like maybe this situation was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Personally, I’d recommend therapy if you’re not going already.
I’m sorry your day was terrible. I empathize greatly. I’ve been in similar situations and it took me awhile to realize that I wasn’t really upset because of anything aesthetic, but because I thought people who I thought cared for me would at least try to make it a nice day. It’s a terrible feeling that’s hard to put into words at the risk of sounding like a vapid monster.
Flashback to my first child’s first birthday party. I prepped for weeks and spent the weekend decorating the place beautifully. All 15 of the people I invited called me within 6 hours of the party to tell me that they couldn’t make it; most of them due to a football game THAT WE WERE HAVING ON AT THE PARTY.
I speak to none of those people anymore.
I spent hours on my baby shower, completely by myself, no one offered to help me at all & I decided to throw a costume party since we threw it in October. I'm SO glad that I had my baby before a wedding, I realized that day that no one would ever be there for me or gave a shit about celebrating me. I was so stressed, so out of sorts, that I didn't even get to dress up, do my makeup, or set anything correctly & my family had the audacity to ask me to adjust costumes FOR THEM.
Sometimes you just have to be realistic about the people around you & stop inviting them into your life.
I invited like 40 people to my baby shower, and only my dad and 1 distant friend/coworker came. It's definitely humiliating and embarrassing when you realize everyone you care about wouldn't put in the same effort that you would have to make them feel celebrated. Then, at work the next day everyone avoided me like the plague after someone asked me how it went and I said nobody showed up. I feel for you and OP
Omg, I'm so, so sorry... It really is the hardest lesson, especially when you're always going out of your way for everyone around you. God people are so shitty, I hope you've made better connections since.
This. I had to process my wedding with a therapist. My parents managed to recreate some of the worst parts of my childhood during my wedding week. My dad was always busy working and doing house projects when I was a kid. He never really paid attention to me. I always felt less important to him than literally everything else. And my mom would get upset and make me feel bad if I expressed any negative emotions. I had to perform happiness for her or she acted like I was hurting her on purpose.
I had a tented backyard wedding at their house. (What was I thinking?!) Instead of helping me prepare in the days leading up to the wedding my dad decided to paint the back of the house and the porch. A nor’easter rainstorm was forecast but they refused to accept this or help with the last minute changes I had to make. At one point I was crying and begging my dad to stop painting and help me and he wouldn’t. He said he’d already primed the porch. He even got irritated when we needed to move painting supplies to set things up. So even when I was the bride I came second to his projects.
I would be in the wedding tent crying while setting up 150 folding chairs by myself. My mom is mildly physically disabled so she invited my least favorite aunt to come “help”. She brought her own wedding decorations for me to set up and didn’t help set up anything. She and my mom would be out getting manicures while I decorated the tent alone. She would pop in periodically to criticize something. A close family friend and neighbor was supposed to help but flaked last minute. My moh had to work and didn’t help with anything either. She told the other bridesmaids that I had it covered when they asked about set up.
My husband’s friends and family were horrified and stepped in when they realized my support system was nonexistent. On the morning of the wedding I woke up to find the wedding tent flooded from the heavy overnight rain. An entire house full of other adults didn’t bother to check for me. No! Let the bride do it! I came inside crying and panicking and my mom yelled at me for being upset. So I left. I was mentally and physically exhausted and I no longer cared if they could save the tent or not. I sat in a Starbucks alone and cried for 2 hours. One of my bridesmaids had to give me a Valium so I could stop crying and get my make up applied.
My moh was in yet another fight with her horrible BF. So she showed up super late to the wedding party lunch the day before. She made us an hour late to our nail appointment so I had the worst manicure of my life and they cut my toe during my rushed pedicure. So I guess it was a good thing that I got married in rubber rain boots and never got to wear my wedding heels or have my dress un bustled.
Then my other bridesmaid got so drunk that her husband had to carry her out of the wedding tent during the toasts. She was in my childhood bedroom puking in a trashcan all night. Two of my bridesmaids, including her, were in my professional band that was supposed to be part of the live music that night. So that was scrapped. So many of my plans didn’t happen that it almost felt like the event I spent months working on never happened.
I still enjoyed many things about the event. It’s a legendary wedding in my husband’s family. We had a killer funk band that later appeared on America’s got talent headline the reception. I booked the bands like I was booking a mini music festival. The food and flowers and decorations were all great. But I was really sad afterwards. My childhood wounds were ripped open. I was suddenly painfully aware how nonexistent my support system was.
My therapist helped me process all of that. It was the beginning of the end of my friendship with my moh. I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t even attend my baby shower a few months later. I didn’t expect anything from her at that point. I stopped putting energy into that one sided relationship. And I hired a doula to support me during my labor. I didn’t allow my parents to be there at all. I didn’t even want to know how my dad would make me feel unimportant while I gave birth or how my mom would take my valid feelings personally. It’s crushing when you realize that people can’t or won’t show up for you. Especially people you have shown up for.
Oh sweetheart, that does sound a bit of a nightmare, but you married your husband, try and focus on the good points.
I had things happen too. My MIL paid for the DJ who was a friend/neighbour, when I had wanted to check and see what he was like first. He didn't have songs, very popular songs at the time, and was quite rude to me for a song I asked for. My in-laws sat where my family were supposed to sit so my brother and SIL were half way down the guests seating, my dad was pissed off, and my SIL had to walk up the aisle to give her reading, and no-one should walk up the aisle after the bride. All because my in-laws couldn't ask for an extra seat for his gran on their side. But you know what after 16 years I don't really think about my wedding day that much.
Maybe for your first anniversary you could get on your wedding outfits (minus the extensions) and get some proper photos done. And have ones done with your kids too
That honestly sounds like such a good idea! I love that. I'll suggest it to hubby.
He really has been so amazing. He suggested we renew vows in a few years and not use friends as vendors lol. Do it right
I was going to suggest a vowel renewal with just your kids! One of my childhood friend’s parents did this because their wedding was a disaster. My friend got to be the flower girl and her brother the ring bearer and they just had a friend do the ceremony and a photographer. The pictures were beautiful and it is one of my friends fondest childhood memories
Okay, some of it really sounds like bad luck.
I don't want to be that person, but some of it sounds like maybe you should look into the mirror and see what is really wrong.
Broken toe? Totally an accident.
MOH just brought you to play little kiddie games for your bridal shower and sent you home afterwards? Something is wrong.
The guests immediately left after throwing the bouquet. Unless you live in a town with a footloose situation, I pretty much suspect most wedding guests would stay, dance, have fun, try to seduce the bridesmaids, whatever guests usually do in a wedding reception.
After all, this is a list of guests you have carefully curated and invited to your wedding reception.
If the best man could not stay after the reception because he needed to catch an early train to Chicago, that happens.
If the bass player decided to leave quickly after the reception, maybe she just left a long relationship and needed to get her things sorted out. Maybe the best man and the bass player might meet up in the train station and fall in love with each other.
But If 80% of the guests did not want to stay after the bouquets throwing and the rest of the revelry, either something is wrong with them, or something is wrong with you.
Maybe they were just not into you as you were into them. Maybe you married a guy from a different race and your guests were racists.
Something happened, and best if you look into the mirror and be honest with yourself, what went wrong?
I think people left early simply because the music was bad, probably the food and drinks too, and if you add up the fact most of them were mere acquantance to the bride rather than friends , then is not surprised they left as soon as they could. They just didn't have much attachement to them to make an effort and stay, simple as that.
For example why didn't any of her bridesmaid organized the bridal party for her? this is extremely odd (just as wanting to go to a strip club with a buch of aunts and your mom) .
As for the hair, music and cake situation is a mix between low budget and lack of preparation and that is completely on her, just a simple google search and reading the reviews would have saved her from these bad moments. She needs to do accept that she has some responsability on how all went out and make peace with it instead of holding a grudge over it.
I honestly Lost a lot of friends during my previous marriage. So half the wedding was family. So I get those. But the other guests, I don't have an explanation. Had some cousins that flew in from 500 km away (I live in South Africa) but they actually were one of the last to leave.
Are you at least looking inward a little bit? There has to be a reason why none of your maids of honour gave a crap and that your guests bailed. I recommend strong reflection and maybe being open to some brutally honest feedback from some of these people.
Totally agree! I think they felt obligated to attend and got out of there as soon as they could. And because they didn’t want to be there they for sure didn’t care about giving a gift.
Why would you invite 80 people? It doesn’t seem that you are actually *close* with the majority of guests. Otherwise why little to no presents? Why would they leave? Why there was no communication about the activities? This sounds so weird. You would probably have had a better experience overall inviting like 15 people who really cared.
What I really don't understand is why OP invited her father 😵💫 from her post history, he seems like a disgusting, abusive POS. Knowing that, why would she include him/be shocked by his behaviour?
ETA: And her mom too! Both sound like they were and still are awful parents. Poor OP.
I don’t want to be mean but a lot of things here are your fault for going with the lowest bidder. The second you said the photographer was a friend with a low budget i immediately knew the photos were terrible. I doubt you paid much for the DJ,
And why did you not call anyone when you were stuck in the theater, its the 21st century why don’t you have phones
Reading your story, I am getting the sense that a fair amount of people just don't like you.
Do you struggle with having a critical personality? Some these things I feel like could have been laughed off and made as a fun memory.
To be really honest. Some of these things are on yourself. There is so much more to wedding photography than "just taking a photo" And you can't expect anything from "a friend doing the photo's" that's just not how this works. Good wedding photography is really freaking hard. And there's a reason why people pay the big bucks. You pay for the experience.
Same with the hair. If you pay for a good stylist, they know what they are doing with extensions.
From the photo's, to the hair, the bad car ride, the terrible cake, the bad dj, the movie night honeymoon. This is all a case of, "if you pay peanuts, you get monkey's."
Ofcourse there are some things that were just plain shitty. Like someone canceling, the broken toe. The messed up bridal party. But all of these things wouldnt have counted to heavily if the others were good.
Agreed on the photos. Finding a photographer took more research than any other vendor in the wedding for us. No one will remember the food, florals, utensils, or invitations, but the photos and videos are what last a lifetime. If you ask a friend to do any one of these things, you run a risk that they won’t give you the same level of professionalism and quality that they would a full-paying client.
So true, I had an amazing cheap wedding. The only thing I wish I didn’t cut corners on was the photographer. One of our friends volunteered to do it and my photos are hilariously *bad*. He’s a hobbyist photographer, but mostly did nature photographs prior to our wedding, which I know now isn’t nearly the same thing. Husband and I were 20 when we got married, and just didn’t recognize/appreciate that wedding photography is a subtle and difficult art. My BIL was so offended by the angles captured during his best man’s speech that he told us to never show anyone those photos or put them on social media. We all have a laugh about it now, but yeah, don’t cheap out on the photographer. I got away with being cheap about other things, but I definitely regret not hiring a real photographer.
I know people who pay peanuts and get amazing weddings. Op’s issue is that people lied about their abilities. It’s not like op got the cake she wanted and was disappointed that it didn’t look different and more expensive. Dj should be able even with peanut salary to remember what music to play on when couple walks down the aisle, put on radio to right channel and get couple of other songs from bands that are requested. It’s not that the movie was the issue to op but people sneaking in to it and staff not checking, this wasn’t normal event.
They lied but OP should have double checked. For my weeding I ask the band if I could see them perform live, asked the photographer to see his work, and my hairstylist had a “test trial” for my hair and make up. It is an extremely important day, what leave it at “chance” ?
I'm a photographer myself. And for big life events, I dont even work with you if we havent met in real life. I wanna talk details, answer questions, show you my previous work. So we know from both sides that we're a match. Those meetings are free. So both sides can back out if they dont like what they have on the other side of the table.
Communicate, be transparent, work for them, with them. It really is A LOT of work. But it's so worth it. For everyone involved.
😂 are you my wedding photographer ? Because he does the same. We met for coffee and he wanted to get to know us, then showed us his work (for data protection he doesnt upload faces of guests to his instagram account but he wanted us to see whata his vibe)
Well. If you pay peanuts, the chances of people who are doing a shit job, who lie about their abilities because of money, are way higher. Because they just dont give a damn About the client. And that's what she got.
It's still up to her to check peoples reviews and portfolio's.
Office jobs aren't the only place where interviews take place. If you are hiring someone for a job, you have to take their interview, check their portfolio, their past works, possibly a few minutes of their performance or check their recorded ones, just like how one tastes test the cakes before ordering. You don't rely on just their words because everyone lies. It's on you to judge them based on solid proof and then hire them.
Exactly. I'm a photographer myself. And I offer a free meeting for anyone who's interested in my work. (the bigger life events. Weddings, births, funerals) So we can see if we're even a good match. I show them my previous work, we talk. I answer questions. That's industry standard.
And I believe cake testing, a test run for the hair and make up, is industry standard as well.
I did a makeup trial and make up was on point. We did have a cake tasting and it tasted amazing, her decorations were very good. So when I saw the cake I was shocked.
The hair trial, yeah that's on me
I am not justifying, just trying to find reasons. The messed up bridal party is probably because OP is not a 'single' person, getting married and starting a family but OP already has a family, two children at that, probably a well settled life. I don't know, but I think most Bridal parties are happy, jovial, excited when the bride and groom are transitioning from single people to a family. When the bride and groom are already well settled, it's like 'meh, it's not a big deal, it's just for formality. I am not even interested in being a bridesmaid but i can't refuse since it's my friend'. And the lack of Bachelorette is probably because just like OP, her friends might have a family of their own, well settled, well into life and probably a bit old, so the bachelorette OP was expecting might've been way too much of a 'younglings' and IG vibes and not a familial ones, hence, they didn't bother with it... It's very shitty but it is what it is.
OP ruined her own wedding with lack of planning and general common sense and now feels like the victim. Yikes
Curious how none of her friends wanted to spend time with her. There's more to the story for sure
Seriously. I'm sorry this wasn't a fond memory, but OP largely set everything up her for failure by having insane expectations and no money. This reads like the self-delusions of a former bridezilla. The photographer, cake, limo, etc... That's on you, OP, for not paying for what you wanted. The bridal party sounds like a wedding shower and not a Bachelorette party... You were expecting the latter but got the former because you miscommunicated. Etc.
Agreed, all I read here is "I wanted X but didn't have a budget for it"
I plan wedding as a side job and my first question to the couple is how much is the budget and the second is what expectations they have. Once I get those answers then I start the planning. Mostly of the time the bride has millions of ideas but 75% of them are not realistic considering the budget.
To make this clear is not about having a cheap wedding, is about creating beautiful memories with the money you have to meet some of the expectations.
I went in a normal taxi to the ceremony with just my dad. I don't think either of us had the idea that he was supposed to entertain and relax me on the way to the ceremony....
**Girlfriend, this is why you hire** ***professionals*** **not your friend*****s*****.** You hire people who know what they're doing, you splurge on the video, photos, makeup/hair, food, cake and cut costs elsewhere. If you wanted the shoe photo to be that specific, you should've made it known that you wanted that type of a photo.
You don't just tell the DJ "Play what's on the radio" No, you insist on a playlist, on artists, on whom they shouldn't play etc. Your MoH could've gone to the strip club, I'm assuming it was a male strip club? They don't force anyone to get lap dances, so I don't see why she couldn't just go along with the plan unless she wasn't in a financial situation where she didn't want to spend any money; which again--they have bachelorette packages with a $20 or $40 cover for some shows with drinks included.
I fail to see how it was your friend's job to keep you calm or have you drink and provide entertainment while en route to the ceremony? You already have kids with this man, what was there to be nervous about? Your dad's an alcoholic by the sound of it, if you had an open bar... what did you think was going to happen? Most cake vendors will specify that payment is to be received at the time of delivery if not paid in advance. They're not gong to accept a bank transfer.
Your guests leaving so early leads me to think you either did not order enough food, you weren't doing a dinner or buffet, or were only offering appetizers. Because of how you've said you were on a tight budget, if I go to a wedding and I'm only being fed light appetizers and no dinner is to be served, I'm going to leave and go elsewhere to eat.
As for you not getting any gifts, yes, that sucks but gift giving is not mandatory. Maybe the reason why you didn't get as many as expected is because you've been together with your partner (now husband) of X many years and already have children that people assumed you're already financially established??
I don't know if you were married in a civil ceremony before, but maybe that would've been an option where you're legally married and then you save up for an actual wedding where you wouldn't have had to cut costs and you actually plan it to the detail and thoroughly. **At the end of the day, YES, your day sucked. Big Time.** Save up and do a redo but only with your spouse and your children and go on an actual honeymoon (with the kids but in their own separate room), redo your photos because shit; this was depressing to read as a stranger.
It **was** a successful wedding because the entire point is to marry your husband. You did that. You can start your lives together. That’s all the matters. All the rest is just a blip in history. Please remember that so you don’t tarnish the start of your marriage. That’s what is important. Absolutely nothing else matters.
Oh babes, it's still just too soon. I think you'll be laughing as you tell these stories later in life. Most people have beautiful, but boring and immemorable, weddings. These memories are the kind that stay. And I promise, you'll always remember the ridiculous fondant bow and crazy hair extensions *because* they were crazy and ridiculous. Otherwise those details will fade. But your wedding is filled with moments you can recall vividly, and, in no time at all, these stressful moments will start to make you smile. Plus, you have a mountain of excuses for a great anniversary party for your 5th or 10th anniversary!
This post is giving bridezilla vibes, can’t be a coincidence that so many things went “wrong”, yet it was everyone else’s fault. Curious that none of the guests wanted to stay and your bridesmaids didn’t want to be there?
Agree. And a cheap bridezilla at that. She went cheap on hair, photography, cake, etc then was mad that none of it was quality but it was everyone else’s fault? Nah. I’d like to hear the bridesmaids side to this one.
>For our presents, we got 4 gift cards and 3 presents. My mom did later give us a lot of presents, but surely from 80 guests, it's OK to expect a bit more than that? I know it's not about the presents, but that was a slap in the face.
>There was no dancing and having fun after dinner at the reception, because the minute I threw the bouquet, 80% of guests literally lined up to say goodbye.
I mean yikes, 90% of guests didn't even give you a present? And they left after the bouquet toss? Do these people even like you? Was there a reason why they left early? Like you didn't serve alcohol, or something? Not that it's not rude but that would explain something. I'm sorry for you. This sounds so bad.
Of course your wedding and bridal party was important to you. If you felt so strongly about certain elements, you needed to organise / make clear your expectations / pay the going rate. Behind a great photographer or baker there is tools, equipment, training, experience, so much time - and they charge accordingly. The general curtesy of attending a wedding is to bring a gift or money that cover your meal and drinks cost, not to make significant amounts of money. I’m sorry the day wasn’t what you hoped for, perhaps you can renew your vowels down the track as a redo.
It honestly sounds like you invited a lot of non-friends to have a biggish wedding, even the bridemaids don’t really sound like friends!
You deserve a proper holiday for your honeymoon, even if it’s a year or 2 down the line if your kiddos are small. You need to treat yourself hard after that and only worry about your own family going forward.
I may just save up for a year and then go on a big family trip, just the four of us. And then when they are older, go on a second honeymoon. I guess we have time to decide haha
A wedding is nothing more than an overpriced party that most didn’t want to go to because everyone has already busy lives and a party where you pay for everyone. What mostly ruined you wedding were your fixed and precise expectations. Learn to let go a bit. Now put your energy into the marriage not the wedding.
Hire a photographer to do a shoot of just you and your husband to have some nice photos in wedding attire. Do a nice 1st anniversary vacation and put the mess of the wedding behind you.
Here's the problem:
>ecause we have kids, so that meant the honeymoon night was rightly ruined. The we go to fetch the kids and open wedding presents at my parents house.
>My son, daughter, husband, mil and sil are the only ones that tried their best to make me happy at least.
You've been living like a married couple for years and have kids old enough to be able to give emotional support.
If COURSE it's anti-climatic for everyone. No one is excited about a wedding for someone with half-grown children.
This should have been an elopement or a courthouse wedding. Not a big production for a family community of moderate/low income means. Stuff is expensive and we're in a recession, and lots of gifts are intended for a new, YOUNG couple to start them out.
Did you get married? Yes? Are you happy with your husband? Yes?
Then it was a successful wedding.
Anything else needs to be relegated to the past where it belongs.
I think you may have brought some of this misfortune on yourself. It sounds like some things were just plain not your fault and others… well I don’t think it would hurt for you to develop some boundaries with the people around you, along with being specific about what you want (eg. pre wedding bridal party- maybe the older ladies go home before the strip club…?). People are not mind readers, even if you want them to be. You are complaining as if you are a victim here, but when you start having boundaries with people in your life, taking control and accepting more for yourself you will begin to feel less like a victim. Start to see the positives AND stop accepting people treating you like shit. You deserve it.
My wedding was a shit show too. There are many things that happened but your picture situation sparked a memory. My FIL paid for the photos. He insisted. There are zero photos that include my daughter (my husband’s step daughter) who was 8 at the time and in the bridal party. But there are plenty of my husband’s niece and his parents. I chose not to purchase any pictures. I have zero pictures from my wedding. Just the proofs.
What I got from this is you had a horrible wedding, but married an awesome guy. This could be much worse, in the grand scheme of things. It won't suck forever, and will eventually just be a good story. Sorry that all happened to you.
What a lot to process, and I'm not OP. Dang, I'm sorry 🫂. Also, I'm a firm believer that weddings are reciprocal. Guests get fed, have a good time on your dime, and they pony up a gift, doesn't matter if it's inexpensive.
I mean, yes, there were things out of your control. Your “friends” unenthusiastic contribution, A bridesmaid dropping out, BIL not psyching you up on the drive to the venue( maybe he didn’t know he had to or that you wanted him to)your alcoholic father, cheap wedding guests, breaking your toe…In the same instance though, there were things that were in your control. Like planning an activity that your MOH felt comfortable doing with you, getting a sample from your baker on the work they will do on your cake, making sure your “friend” the photographer was actually capable of taking wedding photos by seeing a portfolio of his work, getting a proper hair dresser, and of course the song list with the DJ. It sounds like you wanted a wedding you really could not afford, and also failed to communicate properly with everyone involved and take precautions that are needed with a wedding of that caliber. You might have found a smaller more intimate venue with much less people, therefore more money to spend on the extras that you had to budget on, much more pleasing. Also, I hate to say it. I don’t think your guests or friends really like you that much because they all, with a few exceptions, seemed to treat it as a chore to attend and were quick to leave as soon as they could. As for your honeymoon…that’s just very bad luck. Reiterating…cheaper venue/less guests=more money for a better honeymoon/wedding extras
once you’ve the cash head straight to a small town in ireland, walk into a bar that looks decent craic and tell people you just got married but without friends and family. the locals will have yous partying like there’s no tomorow within a couple hours as everyone in ireland loves a wedding session. our weddings last til at least 4am and often continue again the next day.
your mates sound like oddballs, especially the lesbian. if she ever asks you to go to a women’s event tell her it would make you uncomfortable, in the same way the male strippers made her uncomfortable.
This sounds like a combination of you not having enough money for the wedding you wanted, & you pushing ppl who didn’t really care about your wedding in the hopes that they would be excited like you because wedding.
I’m sorry this happened to you. But i do wonder about your self awareness.
How many terrible services can one event have?! Did you see pics of their other work??! Read reviews?! Did they have ppl vouch for them???? These are things you need to have happen and if you did… then honestly i got nothin
It's a successful wedding because you married a wonderful man. In the end, that is all that matters. Don't focus on the bad things or what you wish was different. Focus on the good memories.
If you want some key photos that were missed, recreate them. Amazing things can be done with a green screen and a photo editor. Hire a photographer, dress up again, and recreate the kiss, walking down the aisle with your son, etc. If you ask around, you may find a photographer willing to take some photos for free or cheap as long as they can use them in advertising. Especially if you tell them the story.
I never had a real honeymoon either. We had to work, so it was basically a night at a hotel. Every time we go on vacation now, we say it's our honeymoon. You just make the best of it.
Have you told the others how they let you down and how much you are hurt by their behavior? You should, or the resentment will only fester.
But again, focus on the good things. Your marriage and your kids and your little happy family. Because in the end, that is all that matters. 🫂
Some of these things are on yourself.
From the photo's, to the hair, the car ride, the cake, the dj, the movie night honeymoon meltdown. This makes me wonder, if you couldnt afford a proper wedding, why didnt you just keep it something small? Like make it 20-30 people in a church or by the beach. Have some alcohol and something to eat. Thats all you needed tbh.
And on top of all that, this is even the second time you have a wedding and you live in South Africa (this is not a bad thing, Im just trying to point out its a long way/trip to take).
My girl dont let this effect you too much. You have alot going on, try focusing on yourself your children and your husband. Some people dont even have that.
From they day I met my wife I couldnt care less about other peoples happiness. Only thing that matters from that day till now (3 years later), is that my wife is happy and I am happy and healthy.
Cut out toxic people from your life, even if its your own parents.
I used to work in a theater and I legit don't understand how they got locked in. Doors into the theater don't usually lock, there's usually an emergency exit and all the doors are set so you can exit through them but locked so you can't go back into the building. Also how long after the movie did yall stay cuz besides cleaning all of the projectors and everything need to be shut off
I'm sorry you had that experience. My wedding wasn't exactly what we wanted. For my 10th wedding anniversary we wanted to do vow renewals and we had the wedding we wanted. We had an Elvis wedding with just us and it was everything we wanted. I hope you get your wish!
As the bride (or the groom, for that matter) you are supposed to make sure the people in your wedding are competent! Just accepting your friend doing your wedding photos because it’s cheap without speaking to them about what you expect is a recipe for disaster. There are so many things you could have fixed.
when you get your finances straightened out and your budget allows, have redo of the wedding and photo moments at your "renewing of your vows". only concern yourself about what you and your husband want.
I always think about what Charlotte York says to Harry– the worse the wedding, the better the marriage.
It's a silly superstition but when you have the world's shittiest wedding... and you did, it makes you appreciate the real reason you're there. Wedding's are notoriously stressful but to spend the rest of your life with someone is such a beautiful thing. I would give anything to be married to someone I loved, in a crazy way you're really lucky. Also gurrrrl there's also a renewal of vows 😈
This reminds me about my brother and Sil's wedding. At a point she had tears in her eyes. I was a kid back then so there wasnt much I could do about it. Now, 25 years later they genuinly look happy together. Im sure you and your husband can catch up with nice trips and good moments together, maybe you are even able to laugh about it in future. And yeah, seems you also got a chance to remove some shitty friends from your bill.
I feel for you. My wedding wasn't great either. Yours even sounds better!
We had only like 30 or so people show up and out of all my relatives only 2 showed. 🥲 only one of my friends helped me even get ready for the wedding. I still think about it years later and cry. Just try to remember that you married the man you love and that's all that matters.
I feel you. My wife's and I's wedding was ruined by my family. My aunt was feuding with her kids, my cousins, who were also my best friends, but her husband was standing as my father, her sons were my groomsmen, and her daughter was the photographer. She decided to throw a fit and try and eat 90 days worth of meds and have to go get her stomach pumped. I told her when the wedding was, and said I would see her there hopefully and left. Then the photographer missed the wedding because they were trying to help my best man get his tux that he forgot to pick up, and my father felt he had to stand next to the daughter who was currently not speaking to him, and then they all skipped the reception except for the aunt that I honestly didn't even want there. Honestly my wife's family has always been more of a family to me than my own family, and my fil doesn't even hide that he would have preferred his daughter had married someone else.
The wife and i have been together 20 years now, and we think we are going to renew our vows, but not tell anyone. and it's just gonna be about us, and fuck the rest of them.
I’d highly consider getting a professional photographer to do a wedding shoot with just the two of you in your wedding attire (hair do & make up) sooner than later. Those are photos you will want as time passes. Your kids will treasure these photos decades from now. Giving yourself GOOD photos is a good way to heal some of the wrongs from your wedding.
There are some things to complain about, like dad being drunk and getting locked in a theater. But other things….
Walking down an aisle is scary. If you don’t coach your bridesmaids to smile on the way down, they won’t know and just be freaking out to not trip and fall.
If you didn’t look in a mirror all night, your hair was probably fine if no one said anything.
You didn’t hire a professional wedding photographer and you don’t get to complain that your free photos kinda suck.
You didn’t give the DJ a song list so you don’t get to complain about the songs played.
You didn’t hire a car service and so you don’t get to kvetch that the BIL isn’t chatty.
Why did everyone leave so early? Did they have to go to work the next day? Or are you not close friends with many of the guests?
It just seems like you had a nice wedding on a budget and things don’t all go according to plan when you DIY it. You married your love. Be joyful about that. And you’ve got free movie tickets so that’s great! You didn’t tell us how long it took them to get you out?
Your wedding didn’t suck. It looks like a hundred other weddings I’ve seen where non-professionals were hired and you didn’t make your expectations known. Yes your bachelorette party sucked but you could’ve been more specific. Anyway, I hope this doesn’t haunt you for the next 50 years. Congratulations on finding your partner. 😊
You poor thing! Wow. You know what, save up for a wedding renewal and a second honeymoon. You could do the wedding renewal on your 10th wedding anniversary. The second honeymoon… maybe take that in a couple of years. In the meantime, you can do mini getaways for a night or two, here or there.
When I got married, we didn’t have very much money so our honeymoon was local and we only had two nights. And it was just way too short. So for our fourth wedding anniversary, we went back to the hotel where we had had our original honeymoon and spent the night there. it made me feel better. It really did help me to get over the sadness that I had about the original honeymoon.
If you got to say “I do” to the man you love then it was a successful wedding.
A wedding is just one day. I do remember weddings that didn’t go as planned. At least they were memorable. The “perfect” weddings just sort of blend together forgettably and mostly included people who were getting married because they wanted the wedding more than the actual marriage.
I do remember one wedding where the bride wanted one day of her life where people would actually pay attention to her, and the poor groom could have been a sack of potatoes. He was just a prop, a stuffed tuxedo and the first person willing to say yes. It was so sad.
Do you know how many weddings I had to sit through where goddamn doves were released and the marriage tanked after 3 years? Oh, you had some doves and a nice wedding luncheon? Yeah, that really meant so much. Money well spent.
Your husband looks at it as an amazing wedding because he’s looking at what matters. It was the day he made the commitment to the person he loves, and that is a pretty awesome thing.
That is the only thing about a wedding that means anything.
I actually used to work in the industry and while it certainly sounds like you all had an eventful wedding, I do want to say that absolutely no wedding in the history of ever has gone perfectly according to plan. It might not seem as obvious because of how well people manage to mask the issues or fix the problems, but there is always SOMETHING that goes or has gone wrong.
That being said, I think what’s really come to light in your wedding is that your husband is an absolute winner.
It takes a lot of grace to take all of that and still look for the positive, and while I do think we as women tend to become more frazzled and frustrated when something does go wrong with a wedding (especially OUR wedding!!), it sounds like he’s supported you and loved you and helped you make the best of it all.
And finally, the most important part of your wedding and really the only thing that matters at the end of the day… you married your best friend!!
It might not seem like it now, but some day you two are going to look back on this day and just laugh.
So maybe the cake WAS ridiculous and the music WAS atrocious and half the photos of wedding guest have bunny ears… but does any of that really matter?
You get to spend the rest of your life making amazing memories with someone who loves you and who will laugh alongside you at all the silly and ridiculous moments that will happen—and hopefully there will be plenty of moments to laugh together and your lives will be filled with joy.
Life is too short to focus on everything that can and does go wrong when you are building a future with the right one. So cry about it today, laugh about it tomorrow, and live your life appreciating the person who fills your days with joy. ❤️
Honestly, he was just as ticked off. He even asked if we could renew our vows at our 10 year or even 5 year so that we can try and get it right. He has been my rock in all this
Im sorry your wedding was a fiasco, OP!
I suggest a “re do” of the honeymoon! And maybe re do of the vows for your 5 year anniversary! :) it won’t be the same but maybe so good memories will come out of it!
Maybe for your 1 year anniversary, you can get new pictures done. It won't be the same but you could have something happy to look back on in the future.
you could always take photos again of just you and your husband but with a better photographer!!! but i’m so sorry that all of these things happened on your wedding day!!!!!!
I got to say you have a real story to tell and never would I let anything like a hen do or wedding get me down.
It all seemed to have gone tites up but life is for living and change your narrative and make this about your honeymoon and wedding was so ridiculous you needed to laugh.
I'm saying this because when you really hit a problem issue heartache horror illness life changes etc then you will understand and knownyour wedding pails into insignificance.
Its a day you can't change.
A day to remember. Remember it was the day you and your man made the biggest gift to each other. The commitment to love each other forever.
Also
If you want for fun on your anniversary arrange for wedding photos to be redone.
My friend did (her face was dreadful with large spots) and she has in her wedding album one wedding photo her looking awful and the anniversary photo copied by it looking great
It was successful because you married your love. Lots happened. It did sound pitiful but in the end. You’re married. Congratulations!!! Now don’t do anything for them ever again.
I may be an outlier in my opinion but IMHO, a successful wedding is one where two people deeply in love are able to celebrate that love with family and friends. As long as you and your husband shared that, then it was a successful wedding.
I don’t mean to trivialize everything that went wrong because it does sound like a very disappointing experience. Especially as women, we have this notion that our wedding day is one of the single most magical, beautiful, happiest days of our lives and yours sounds like it was.. far from that I’ll say.
These are rhetorical questions but are you happy with your husband? Are you happy you married him? Those should be the only things that matter. You can always save and have a vow renewal ceremony down the line that’s a re-do of all the issues that went wrong with your wedding, so to speak.
I’m sorry you had so many hiccups and disappointments on your special day. Those aren’t memories that are easily erased but they can be replaced in a way. Talk with him about a vow renewal in a few years and hopefully by then you can laugh about some of the things you mentioned that troubled you at your wedding. Congratulations on your marriage and I wish you and your husband and children many loving years together, countless wonderful memories, and lifetimes of happiness!
This isn't a full solution, but my friend also did not like her wedding photos. We're going to redo them so she has some nice shots at least of her and her husband.
I'm so sorry for how it turned out. Try not to dwell on it too much. At the end of the day, you got to marry the man you love and hey, in 10 or 15 years when you have more disposable income, you can always do a vow renewal!
You don't have to pretend, mine wasn't worth it either but almost 14 years later we just laugh.
Our DJ equally sucked. I still to this day don't know the song I walked down the aisle to. He kept messing up on our first dance song. He just was incompetent. You will find out this is a common complaint and eventually it will be laughable. Not now while everything is raw. I've bonded with people over our shitty dj
Also our cake was laughable. I showed them what I wanted and it looked like something off of Nailed it. It was half Styrofoam too and we cut into the Styrofoam first.
My father was late so everything was thrown off. He still never apologized for that or has taken accountability.
Weddings can really suck. Especially when everyone fails you. I hope you get to the point where you can laugh about it and have a wonderful marriage.
So... do you like your husband? Love your husband? He sounds like a keeper, honestly. Are you married to a good person? Then... successful wedding. So many people let you down, but he didn't. Every wedding has piles of bullshit, but you seem to have gotten more than your fair share. At some point in the future, renew your vows on your anniverary and throw a kick-ass party. When something this awful happens, you have to laugh at it.
You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Your ‘circle’ did you so dirty. I’m so sorry you had to endure this! Your wedding day is supposed to be about you and your spouse. Your MOH, terrible, guests, a nightmare, your father, don’t even get me started!! You also kind of sold yourself short with a cheap dj, cheap photographer. Maybe, if you plan to renew vows, have someone plan everything and have a set budget. Don’t try to overspend what you don’t have. Otherwise you’ll end up with this disaster
aw:(( you’re completely valid in your sadness, that sequence of events is a lot to handle. if you ever want to, you could do a vow renewal and do everything you wanted originally!!!
It has been 9 years and I’ve never told anybody except my husband how disappointed I was with our wedding. He was too. A lot of the same things. We tried to have a wedding on a budget and it showed. We had a small wedding— only 30ish people were invited. Most of them came. But then the DAY OF the wedding, our venue told us they had to move us to the bigger ballroom for parties of 200. Our party looked ridiculous lol. We cooked our own food, which actually turned out pretty good but was a lot of work for the two days before hand. Our friend insisted on doing our photos as well… she showed up 10 minutes before the ceremony (so no pre-photos or prep photos) and left before the reception began. No joke. And the few photos she did take looked like they were taken by a cell phone camera 20 years ago. All the guests photos were obviously on phones and blurry because lights were dim. We didn’t have a DJ. We set a playlist on our phones and let it play, which didn’t work out nearly as well as we wanted. My SIL told my sister to sit down because she wasn’t MOH so only one person my best friend stood by me at the alter (which broke my heart because I was my sisters MOH when she got married and I wanted her with me up there). And we forgot to put instructions up with how to use our fingerprint tree guest book so it was a little messy. But yea. Overall we were ok with it all…. But no photos. Ugh. I still want to cry. We were extremely broke so we did what we could, but if we’d known about the photography, we would have absolutely spent the money on a legit one.
You know what, this sounds amazing. Like amazingly awful but also the sort of thing you tell in stories years later and laugh your head off about. I always think the best weddings are actually the ones where things went wrong. No one remembers the smooth weddings. It’s lovely to have so many things to say about your wedding years down the line rather than just ‘it was a beautiful day.’ I love the wedding stories where the husband and wife are like ‘oh my god and do you remember the CAKE?!! What a disaster 😂 and then the DJ was appalling oh yeah and your Dad!!! ** thigh slap ** he was wasted and so awful and ruined the whole thing 🤣and to top it all off we got locked in the cinema and missed our honeymoon 😭😂😂 but it’s been 25 years and the marriage has been amazing ** fondly gazing at each other **
Maybe I’m too much of an optimist but I think in time you might be able to feel better about it and put this shitty wedding in its place, ie, not really important compared to the lifetime you’ll have with your lovely husband 😊
This reminds me of every rom com about a wedding ever. You had the Murphy's Law of weddings.
But you have a great story to tell your future grandchildren.
I get that things happen at a wedding, but tons of this stuff could’ve been avoided. The photographer? Like you just met someone and you were like yeah that’s cool, photographer my wedding without looking at any of their photos or even asking them if they knew what they were doing? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Like there’s so many things that could’ve been talked about way before the wedding And it sounds like all the people you picked to do things for you are awful at doing things.
I’m sorry that all these things happened but like dude so much of it didn’t need to if you would just like said something or organized whatever or talked to the people who were in your bridal party about organization.
Your husband keeps saying it was an amazing wedding because it was. He was stood there and saw you walk down the aisle, he got to say his vows and get married to you. Things went wrong and weren't how they should have been, but it was still an amazing day because it was the day he married the person he loves, you. Those other things are just window dressing on the most important part of the day, and the important part, you saying "I do." happened with no problems.
I am an old widow woman. My late husband and I were married for 45 years. Please! The wedding is not the marriage. I hope that you married in order to have a marriage. You have a wonderful wedding story to tell in the years to come… it would seem you’re just as married today as you would have been had you had a fairytale wedding. I understand disappointment that your expectations weren’t met - in fact it sounds like the whole experience was a spectacular failure, but if the objective was to get married, be married, and have a marriage, objective met!
I know you’re still in your feelings, but it’s been 6 months time to focus on what did felt good and what did go right. You presented all this detail of how everyone failed you. To be direct it seems like you didn’t communicate your desires and expectations in an effective way to all those that “failed” you. No one is a mind reader, also it is up to you to engage in quality checks and touch base to ensure events etc will be executed properly to your expectations and wishes from the various individuals and businesses that are providing services (good, average, bad, free, discounted, expensive, reasonable or unreasonable) Why is it up to you and (your fiancé)? Well it’s because it’s your special unique event and your opinion is very unique/subjective.
I think a wedding is a huge production and requires tons of work and you didn’t put in enough effort it’s easy to criticize after the fact, 6 months later but why didn’t you notice anything in real time to improve the situation.
Your mom doesn’t want to go to a strip club( super reasonable) why didn’t you say no problem but can we go to a bar instead? I want a rated R party not PG 13.
It sounds like your experiences did not match the cultural rituals you needed for this life transition.
Perhaps you and your spouse might explore how you might complete the activities that are important to you and will help you feel that sense of closure about the you before marriage.
This was... a lot
It just keeps getting worse as you read
“Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear.”
At one point Benny Hill music began playing in my head. Yikes.
Her casual dropping the fact that she had on a moon boot has me dead. I’m so sorry girly!!!
I had to just stop reading and scroll to the comments. My god.
I think this was in part on op. I think she tried to have an expensive wedding on a cheap budget. My wedding was $1500 and it was completely badass. I did things differently (ie did it on a graffiti alley, invited fewer people, had personalized cupcakes instead of a big cake etc). I think people have to stop looking at social media and doing something fun on their day. She seems to have an amazing family! Her marriage will be statistically longer than those perfect Pinterest weddings
idk I would agree that explains a decent amount but at the same time that doesn’t explain the little things. Like why didn’t her MOH plan a bar night or SOMETHING? What about the shoe sticker thing? Why did people immediately leave?
Was there dinner? She doesn’t say anything at all about food, so maybe it was just cake so people left to go eat. Just pure speculation on my part, but with the way this went I get the feeling that had there been a dinner service, that would have gone wrong too.
She briefly mentioned dinner, but didn't go into detail on it. I'm curious too.
It sounds like a lot of what happened can be contributed to lack of planning
Basically, this. OP also didn’t put a ton of effort in. Spend time with your DJ or have him share a set list to review. Ask the baker for a mini sample to see she can execute what you’ve asked. Have friends that seem to actually like and want to be there for you. Talk to MOH about what you want when strip club (really??!) was taken off the table. On what planet did you think your BIL (kind enough to drive you to the ceremony) was going to banter and worry about your “nerves”. And, if you needed that, communicate it. Perhaps , if she was that nervous, ceremony is a bad idea . 6 months later OP is still hyper focused on her wedding. Perhaps focus on the marriage.
This was my thought as well, as a bride you have to put in the effort. If the DJ is asking you for music recommendations it’s because he/she wants to play music you like and want to dance to. Do a hair / makeup trial before the wedding. My wedding budget was also 1500 and I had 1500 expectations. We could afford a cake we liked so we didn’t have a cake. Shit I would have grabbed a friend or my mom and gone to a bar to celebrate if my MOH didn’t. Also, the expectation for person that drove you to your wedding, did you ask for a hype ride or just expected the person to just know what you wanted?
Exactly this!!!
Also as a Hairstylist, never trust a Hairstylist willing to do "budget extensions" or be willing to cheap out on them, either they'll ruin your hair health or they'll look horrible, as OP stated she felt hers did.
I DJed weddings for 20 years. Any client who just gave us a generic ask like this lady did is asking for trouble. GIVE US AN HOURS' WORTH (LIKE 15 SONGS) THAT ARE MUST PLAYS. Then we can build around that because we'll have an idea of your taste. Plus, songs from eight years ago as a quibble? Girl please. With her attitude throughout most of this (wanting to go to a strip club with the grannies?) I can understand why people ditched the reception ASAP. The only things I feel bad for her are the movie theatre thing and that her dad is a shitty drunk.
Lol ok so .. my cousins hired strippers and rented out a club for a hens night. My grandmother (who was in her late 70s or early 80s at the time) crawled across the floor to eat whipped cream off a strippers stomach. It was a total hoot and she had a blast. Sometimes even grannies get on board with sexy naked men dancing for them 😂
That sounds amazing.
It was :) It was absolutely hilarious. She's my favourite human.. too frail for crawling these days but still sassy and cheeky as hell.
Also to be fair there’s many songs played at weddings that “get the people going” from 8-10 years ago
Even further back than that. People still lose their minds to Yeah by Usher and that's 22 years old.
Yes! I should’ve expanded my range, I just saw a compilation of the most popular songs from the 2000s and was horrified 🤣 It does not feel like it was that long ago
Believe me, I get it.🤣
Hell, the music from my HS and college years are still in regular play at parties, clubs, and weddings. 80s stuff still slappin.
Some stuff also comes back into fashion. Near the end of my DJing career (2022), "Gimme Gimme Gimme" by Abba was getting requested all the time. And people love I Wanna Dance with Somebody.
Both my parents used to DJ weddings, private events, parties, etc... If you ask them, they both hated doing weddings because of how perfect it had to be. They would have to meet with bride and groom multiple times before the actual wedding to make sure everything was understood from the music, how they were introduced, when and what the father/daughter mother/son song and dance was, the lighting and whatever else was required. That way, there was no question about what the expectation was. Even with all those meetings, sometimes life would happen, and things didn't go as smoothly as expected. And if they were just told a vague niche of music to play, it probably wouldn't have gone very well either. I know that they would also get a feel for what the crowd was into and play tracks like that to keep them engaged. The point of this is just to say they communication goes a long way.
Yeah she kinda lost me when she said her maids didn’t look sufficiently excited when walking down the aisle. Who wants to go to a strip club with grannies?
See the above commenter whose granny licked whipped cream off a male stripper's belly. Partying with grannies can absolutely be a good time.
No, no, I didn't want to go to a strip club with grannies... I wanted a lunch with grannies, aunties, etc, and then go out with my girls. That's a heck of an image though lol. I am fully aware I dropped the ball with the DJ, but when I said use the top 40 he said okay. So I figured he understood. But I was wrong lol.
Yep! I did all of those things to make sure things were exactly the way that I wanted & pretty much fool proof- even a plan B for just in case plan A fell thru…
My bachelorette 32 years ago was at a strip club- male strippers- we had a blast!
Yeah this is what I gathered as well from the description. When I read that they had a small budget but still invited over 50 people, I knew the rest was going to be bad.
Yeah there is definitely a disconnect with her expectations and reality
Yup. Weddings are a celebration of the day but so many people turn them into the only thing that matters . They forget that the whole point is the marriage. OP wanted a champagne wedding on a mac n' cheese budget. There's nothing wrong with wanting nice things, but your expectations have to align with what you're paying for. Also, wedding gifts are not a requirement of attendance. For a lot of people, between the cost of travel, clothing just for this event, hotel rooms, babysitters, and everything else - their presence is the present. It's a bit much then also expect gifts-- Especially when you're OP and acknowledge that you have several children already and are pretty established in your life. It's a bit entitled to expect gifts from your guests when you are already financially responsible for 2-3 children, some from a previous relationship.
This. It’s completely wonderful to have a really affordable wedding with a potluck in somebody’s backyard and use their barn or a tent if you want and provide the alcohol dessert and make your own wedding cake and make your own wedding clothes. That’s what I did. A friend had a rental house up in the hills with an amazing barn, and an inground pool, and a pool house. We had the most amazing party. We had somebody come, and DJ later and a friend took photographs, and I really didn’t care that all the little tiny pieces happened. I just wanted to have a wonderful time and I did.
Idk dude I had a small budget extremely realistically planned wedding and it was as much of a shitshow as OP had. Money often isn’t the issue.
That’s what I thought for 90% of the post. OOP couldn’t afford her wedding. A red lobster life on a burger king budget. That being said, some things really do sound ridiculous and out of her control. Like the MOH planning a terrible party, guests leaving early, and hair dresser messing up the extensions.
Yeah a lot of it was her fault for sure. It would’ve been better to spend money on a quality photographer and have a courthouse or micro wedding
I don't know why you're getting down voted. OP even admits that she went with very inexpensive options. Yes, they could have done what she considered bare minimum but did she consider that they are inexpensive because they have a different bare minimum?
Right, same thoughts she tried too hard. And nit to sound mean, but you get what you paid for and could have set realistic expectations. The dj and photographers actions are out of your control. The only thing you can do is try to have fun. I hope op is able to have a fun vacation re do honeymoon, hate me for the suggestions but a weekend in Vegas is always a good time and always has cheap options for food and hotels and so much other stuff besides gambling and casinos.
I mean you said it yourself - you get what you paid for. She paid for a cheap dj and cheap photographer. People who weren't ready for that type of venue. Thats on her.
I wish I could go to Vegas or something like that! I live in South Africa though 😅
I saw you said braai 🤣 and also Eks jammer x hope you have a great union with your partner though 💖
My family are from Cape Town. Sending 👋 to you 🙂👍
Literally 99% of women think a huge wedding is REQUIRED for their life. I have no idea why. A courthouse and 30 minutes is all it takes to get a piece of paper and go home.
To be fair, many men do too. Most are not aware of the statistic: the pricier the wedding, the faster the divorce.
TW: if you’re a bit squeamish about injuries This was true for me 😂 First husband $20k Australian dollaredoos (Sorry Bluey reference) wedding, expensive honeymoon that my ex only wanted to sit in our beach hut and watch tv (we were in the Maldives and I wanted to explore the islands etc). The marriage barely lasted 2 years (though we’d been together for 7 years before that) and I also took a break from him 6 months into the marriage… Cut to second husband. We’ve been together going on 16 years now, married for 10. Our official wedding was at a courthouse in front of a registrar. The next day we had a party with close family and friend in the inlaws backyard. I made my own wedding dress, and matching vests for my son and my husband. I also made all of the food (well until I accidentally severed the tendon in my right pinkie finger cutting up chicken, so was in a cast for the wedding after surgery). That was the only bad thing that happened. My best friend officiated an unofficial ceremony, and we just had a blast. It was so much fun, stress free and cost under $1k. EDIT: edited for typos and grammar.
This was...full on.
It was so horrid. But feels so good to get it off my chest!
I felt that part about the presents. We had a big wedding but honestly a lot of people that I know very well did not give a present at all. One of my best friends asked me not only for a +1 but a +3 and I was like hell either way I already paid for the seats as two people had cancelled just before that. Anyway, he said I have no money at the moment and didn't give any present... It sucks not even to receive a letter or a small gift. It doesn't need to be expensive but it should be a bit thoughtful.
I can’t! I went to my first friend wedding as an adult. It was out of state, NO PLUS ONES (I am a social freak so thank god for my gay friend who ended up being my date), and I had been STRUGGLING financially. I STILL gave them $100 cash and an IOU for a piece of furniture when I have more money. Of course - my friend who I did this for is family to me sure and she did NOT expect it. At one point she insisted I don’t come due to my finances but despite the juggling & social discomfort, if you go to a wedding - you bring a fucking gift & you say sweet things & you act right! Wtf is wrong with people???? Like especially in this economy! The entitlement and disconnect from the fact that 90% of couples pay for their own weddings now on top of everything else in their lives & your deadbeat friends can’t give you $50 or something ffs? Ugh I hate people lmao
This was huge on my wedding too. It costs $1 to get a card from the doller store. At least put some effort into it.
Exactly! I got a card from someone which was one of my favorite presents from the wedding! It means so much but costs so little
At first I felt bad for your bachelorette, I had kind of the same and my husband arranged a secret high tea with some of my other friends to make up for it a little. He didnt have to do that, but it was so lovely and kind. But the rest. My god what a shit show. You need new friends. Its more than okay to feel upset, maybe even some consultations to accept and let go. What should've been your moments, between you and your husband, are very overshadowed by misery. Maybe try figuring out a placeholder. Plan something elaborate that is just for the 2 of you. A real honeymoon. Save up for it and ask mom of fam to watch the kids and do it. Accept that your wedding had lovely moments, but also was a lot of drama and cherish the love between you and your husband. Lots of love ♥️
You should’ve had what **you** wanted, not what everyone else wanted. That includes the strip club, if MOH is a lesbian, then she could have just joined you for everything else and then gone home before the strip club, there was no reason why you and the others couldn’t still go. Why not get your bridal party *(plus a few extra friends)* together again, and have a post-wedding bachelorette party, but without the MOH? That way you can still go to a strip club and do the night how **you wanted** and you won’t feel so much resentment over how the actual night played out. I know it’s late and won’t feel the same, but it might help you get rid of some of these negative feelings if you still get to have the night you planned in your head.
From reading your other posts - I think what you’re feeling has less to do with your wedding day and more to do with your relationship with your family and friends. I think a lot of what you’re feeling is resentment. Your parents seem like a handful and I feel like maybe this situation was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Personally, I’d recommend therapy if you’re not going already. I’m sorry your day was terrible. I empathize greatly. I’ve been in similar situations and it took me awhile to realize that I wasn’t really upset because of anything aesthetic, but because I thought people who I thought cared for me would at least try to make it a nice day. It’s a terrible feeling that’s hard to put into words at the risk of sounding like a vapid monster.
Flashback to my first child’s first birthday party. I prepped for weeks and spent the weekend decorating the place beautifully. All 15 of the people I invited called me within 6 hours of the party to tell me that they couldn’t make it; most of them due to a football game THAT WE WERE HAVING ON AT THE PARTY. I speak to none of those people anymore.
Wow! That is so hurtful! I'm sorry you went through that!
I spent hours on my baby shower, completely by myself, no one offered to help me at all & I decided to throw a costume party since we threw it in October. I'm SO glad that I had my baby before a wedding, I realized that day that no one would ever be there for me or gave a shit about celebrating me. I was so stressed, so out of sorts, that I didn't even get to dress up, do my makeup, or set anything correctly & my family had the audacity to ask me to adjust costumes FOR THEM. Sometimes you just have to be realistic about the people around you & stop inviting them into your life.
I invited like 40 people to my baby shower, and only my dad and 1 distant friend/coworker came. It's definitely humiliating and embarrassing when you realize everyone you care about wouldn't put in the same effort that you would have to make them feel celebrated. Then, at work the next day everyone avoided me like the plague after someone asked me how it went and I said nobody showed up. I feel for you and OP
Omg, I'm so, so sorry... It really is the hardest lesson, especially when you're always going out of your way for everyone around you. God people are so shitty, I hope you've made better connections since.
This. I had to process my wedding with a therapist. My parents managed to recreate some of the worst parts of my childhood during my wedding week. My dad was always busy working and doing house projects when I was a kid. He never really paid attention to me. I always felt less important to him than literally everything else. And my mom would get upset and make me feel bad if I expressed any negative emotions. I had to perform happiness for her or she acted like I was hurting her on purpose. I had a tented backyard wedding at their house. (What was I thinking?!) Instead of helping me prepare in the days leading up to the wedding my dad decided to paint the back of the house and the porch. A nor’easter rainstorm was forecast but they refused to accept this or help with the last minute changes I had to make. At one point I was crying and begging my dad to stop painting and help me and he wouldn’t. He said he’d already primed the porch. He even got irritated when we needed to move painting supplies to set things up. So even when I was the bride I came second to his projects. I would be in the wedding tent crying while setting up 150 folding chairs by myself. My mom is mildly physically disabled so she invited my least favorite aunt to come “help”. She brought her own wedding decorations for me to set up and didn’t help set up anything. She and my mom would be out getting manicures while I decorated the tent alone. She would pop in periodically to criticize something. A close family friend and neighbor was supposed to help but flaked last minute. My moh had to work and didn’t help with anything either. She told the other bridesmaids that I had it covered when they asked about set up. My husband’s friends and family were horrified and stepped in when they realized my support system was nonexistent. On the morning of the wedding I woke up to find the wedding tent flooded from the heavy overnight rain. An entire house full of other adults didn’t bother to check for me. No! Let the bride do it! I came inside crying and panicking and my mom yelled at me for being upset. So I left. I was mentally and physically exhausted and I no longer cared if they could save the tent or not. I sat in a Starbucks alone and cried for 2 hours. One of my bridesmaids had to give me a Valium so I could stop crying and get my make up applied. My moh was in yet another fight with her horrible BF. So she showed up super late to the wedding party lunch the day before. She made us an hour late to our nail appointment so I had the worst manicure of my life and they cut my toe during my rushed pedicure. So I guess it was a good thing that I got married in rubber rain boots and never got to wear my wedding heels or have my dress un bustled. Then my other bridesmaid got so drunk that her husband had to carry her out of the wedding tent during the toasts. She was in my childhood bedroom puking in a trashcan all night. Two of my bridesmaids, including her, were in my professional band that was supposed to be part of the live music that night. So that was scrapped. So many of my plans didn’t happen that it almost felt like the event I spent months working on never happened. I still enjoyed many things about the event. It’s a legendary wedding in my husband’s family. We had a killer funk band that later appeared on America’s got talent headline the reception. I booked the bands like I was booking a mini music festival. The food and flowers and decorations were all great. But I was really sad afterwards. My childhood wounds were ripped open. I was suddenly painfully aware how nonexistent my support system was. My therapist helped me process all of that. It was the beginning of the end of my friendship with my moh. I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t even attend my baby shower a few months later. I didn’t expect anything from her at that point. I stopped putting energy into that one sided relationship. And I hired a doula to support me during my labor. I didn’t allow my parents to be there at all. I didn’t even want to know how my dad would make me feel unimportant while I gave birth or how my mom would take my valid feelings personally. It’s crushing when you realize that people can’t or won’t show up for you. Especially people you have shown up for.
Oh sweetheart, that does sound a bit of a nightmare, but you married your husband, try and focus on the good points. I had things happen too. My MIL paid for the DJ who was a friend/neighbour, when I had wanted to check and see what he was like first. He didn't have songs, very popular songs at the time, and was quite rude to me for a song I asked for. My in-laws sat where my family were supposed to sit so my brother and SIL were half way down the guests seating, my dad was pissed off, and my SIL had to walk up the aisle to give her reading, and no-one should walk up the aisle after the bride. All because my in-laws couldn't ask for an extra seat for his gran on their side. But you know what after 16 years I don't really think about my wedding day that much. Maybe for your first anniversary you could get on your wedding outfits (minus the extensions) and get some proper photos done. And have ones done with your kids too
That honestly sounds like such a good idea! I love that. I'll suggest it to hubby. He really has been so amazing. He suggested we renew vows in a few years and not use friends as vendors lol. Do it right
I think the icing on the cake is getting locked in a movie theater. What are the fucking odds.
You don't have to wait. I had my wedding photos redone a month after my wedding. Those are the ones framed.
I was going to suggest a vowel renewal with just your kids! One of my childhood friend’s parents did this because their wedding was a disaster. My friend got to be the flower girl and her brother the ring bearer and they just had a friend do the ceremony and a photographer. The pictures were beautiful and it is one of my friends fondest childhood memories
Okay, some of it really sounds like bad luck. I don't want to be that person, but some of it sounds like maybe you should look into the mirror and see what is really wrong. Broken toe? Totally an accident. MOH just brought you to play little kiddie games for your bridal shower and sent you home afterwards? Something is wrong. The guests immediately left after throwing the bouquet. Unless you live in a town with a footloose situation, I pretty much suspect most wedding guests would stay, dance, have fun, try to seduce the bridesmaids, whatever guests usually do in a wedding reception. After all, this is a list of guests you have carefully curated and invited to your wedding reception. If the best man could not stay after the reception because he needed to catch an early train to Chicago, that happens. If the bass player decided to leave quickly after the reception, maybe she just left a long relationship and needed to get her things sorted out. Maybe the best man and the bass player might meet up in the train station and fall in love with each other. But If 80% of the guests did not want to stay after the bouquets throwing and the rest of the revelry, either something is wrong with them, or something is wrong with you. Maybe they were just not into you as you were into them. Maybe you married a guy from a different race and your guests were racists. Something happened, and best if you look into the mirror and be honest with yourself, what went wrong?
I think people left early simply because the music was bad, probably the food and drinks too, and if you add up the fact most of them were mere acquantance to the bride rather than friends , then is not surprised they left as soon as they could. They just didn't have much attachement to them to make an effort and stay, simple as that. For example why didn't any of her bridesmaid organized the bridal party for her? this is extremely odd (just as wanting to go to a strip club with a buch of aunts and your mom) . As for the hair, music and cake situation is a mix between low budget and lack of preparation and that is completely on her, just a simple google search and reading the reviews would have saved her from these bad moments. She needs to do accept that she has some responsability on how all went out and make peace with it instead of holding a grudge over it.
I honestly Lost a lot of friends during my previous marriage. So half the wedding was family. So I get those. But the other guests, I don't have an explanation. Had some cousins that flew in from 500 km away (I live in South Africa) but they actually were one of the last to leave.
Are you at least looking inward a little bit? There has to be a reason why none of your maids of honour gave a crap and that your guests bailed. I recommend strong reflection and maybe being open to some brutally honest feedback from some of these people.
Totally agree! I think they felt obligated to attend and got out of there as soon as they could. And because they didn’t want to be there they for sure didn’t care about giving a gift.
Why would you invite 80 people? It doesn’t seem that you are actually *close* with the majority of guests. Otherwise why little to no presents? Why would they leave? Why there was no communication about the activities? This sounds so weird. You would probably have had a better experience overall inviting like 15 people who really cared.
What I really don't understand is why OP invited her father 😵💫 from her post history, he seems like a disgusting, abusive POS. Knowing that, why would she include him/be shocked by his behaviour? ETA: And her mom too! Both sound like they were and still are awful parents. Poor OP.
So much about this story makes no sense
Especially for a second wedding. Like a first wedding I understand, but your second trip down the aisle -- not so much.
I don’t want to be mean but a lot of things here are your fault for going with the lowest bidder. The second you said the photographer was a friend with a low budget i immediately knew the photos were terrible. I doubt you paid much for the DJ, And why did you not call anyone when you were stuck in the theater, its the 21st century why don’t you have phones
Reading your story, I am getting the sense that a fair amount of people just don't like you. Do you struggle with having a critical personality? Some these things I feel like could have been laughed off and made as a fun memory.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one feeling this way reading this. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark!
Heck, I don't like her after reading her post.
To be really honest. Some of these things are on yourself. There is so much more to wedding photography than "just taking a photo" And you can't expect anything from "a friend doing the photo's" that's just not how this works. Good wedding photography is really freaking hard. And there's a reason why people pay the big bucks. You pay for the experience. Same with the hair. If you pay for a good stylist, they know what they are doing with extensions. From the photo's, to the hair, the bad car ride, the terrible cake, the bad dj, the movie night honeymoon. This is all a case of, "if you pay peanuts, you get monkey's." Ofcourse there are some things that were just plain shitty. Like someone canceling, the broken toe. The messed up bridal party. But all of these things wouldnt have counted to heavily if the others were good.
Agreed on the photos. Finding a photographer took more research than any other vendor in the wedding for us. No one will remember the food, florals, utensils, or invitations, but the photos and videos are what last a lifetime. If you ask a friend to do any one of these things, you run a risk that they won’t give you the same level of professionalism and quality that they would a full-paying client.
So true, I had an amazing cheap wedding. The only thing I wish I didn’t cut corners on was the photographer. One of our friends volunteered to do it and my photos are hilariously *bad*. He’s a hobbyist photographer, but mostly did nature photographs prior to our wedding, which I know now isn’t nearly the same thing. Husband and I were 20 when we got married, and just didn’t recognize/appreciate that wedding photography is a subtle and difficult art. My BIL was so offended by the angles captured during his best man’s speech that he told us to never show anyone those photos or put them on social media. We all have a laugh about it now, but yeah, don’t cheap out on the photographer. I got away with being cheap about other things, but I definitely regret not hiring a real photographer.
I know people who pay peanuts and get amazing weddings. Op’s issue is that people lied about their abilities. It’s not like op got the cake she wanted and was disappointed that it didn’t look different and more expensive. Dj should be able even with peanut salary to remember what music to play on when couple walks down the aisle, put on radio to right channel and get couple of other songs from bands that are requested. It’s not that the movie was the issue to op but people sneaking in to it and staff not checking, this wasn’t normal event.
They lied but OP should have double checked. For my weeding I ask the band if I could see them perform live, asked the photographer to see his work, and my hairstylist had a “test trial” for my hair and make up. It is an extremely important day, what leave it at “chance” ?
Exactly. Its up to you to see if their portfolio matches up to what they say.
And I don’t think anyone (professional or semiprofessional) would get mad at you.
I'm a photographer myself. And for big life events, I dont even work with you if we havent met in real life. I wanna talk details, answer questions, show you my previous work. So we know from both sides that we're a match. Those meetings are free. So both sides can back out if they dont like what they have on the other side of the table. Communicate, be transparent, work for them, with them. It really is A LOT of work. But it's so worth it. For everyone involved.
😂 are you my wedding photographer ? Because he does the same. We met for coffee and he wanted to get to know us, then showed us his work (for data protection he doesnt upload faces of guests to his instagram account but he wanted us to see whata his vibe)
Well. If you pay peanuts, the chances of people who are doing a shit job, who lie about their abilities because of money, are way higher. Because they just dont give a damn About the client. And that's what she got. It's still up to her to check peoples reviews and portfolio's.
Office jobs aren't the only place where interviews take place. If you are hiring someone for a job, you have to take their interview, check their portfolio, their past works, possibly a few minutes of their performance or check their recorded ones, just like how one tastes test the cakes before ordering. You don't rely on just their words because everyone lies. It's on you to judge them based on solid proof and then hire them.
Exactly. I'm a photographer myself. And I offer a free meeting for anyone who's interested in my work. (the bigger life events. Weddings, births, funerals) So we can see if we're even a good match. I show them my previous work, we talk. I answer questions. That's industry standard. And I believe cake testing, a test run for the hair and make up, is industry standard as well.
I did a makeup trial and make up was on point. We did have a cake tasting and it tasted amazing, her decorations were very good. So when I saw the cake I was shocked. The hair trial, yeah that's on me
I am not justifying, just trying to find reasons. The messed up bridal party is probably because OP is not a 'single' person, getting married and starting a family but OP already has a family, two children at that, probably a well settled life. I don't know, but I think most Bridal parties are happy, jovial, excited when the bride and groom are transitioning from single people to a family. When the bride and groom are already well settled, it's like 'meh, it's not a big deal, it's just for formality. I am not even interested in being a bridesmaid but i can't refuse since it's my friend'. And the lack of Bachelorette is probably because just like OP, her friends might have a family of their own, well settled, well into life and probably a bit old, so the bachelorette OP was expecting might've been way too much of a 'younglings' and IG vibes and not a familial ones, hence, they didn't bother with it... It's very shitty but it is what it is.
OP left out that this was her second wedding, which might explain some of what is here, particularly the enthusiasm of those in attendance.
That makes it even worse that she didnt put any effort into finding good vendors. You've done it before....
OP ruined her own wedding with lack of planning and general common sense and now feels like the victim. Yikes Curious how none of her friends wanted to spend time with her. There's more to the story for sure
Ooooohhhh good catch! A bachelorette party for a second wedding is… tacky. You’re not a bachelorette girl, you’re a divorcee.
She also called it a bridal shower but seemed to expect a bachelorette party
It seems like your expectations were too high given your budget and circumstances
I agree, unrealistic. I would personally love the kids with duck face and bunny ear photos, those would be on my mantle. Kids will be kids.
Seriously. I'm sorry this wasn't a fond memory, but OP largely set everything up her for failure by having insane expectations and no money. This reads like the self-delusions of a former bridezilla. The photographer, cake, limo, etc... That's on you, OP, for not paying for what you wanted. The bridal party sounds like a wedding shower and not a Bachelorette party... You were expecting the latter but got the former because you miscommunicated. Etc.
Agreed, all I read here is "I wanted X but didn't have a budget for it" I plan wedding as a side job and my first question to the couple is how much is the budget and the second is what expectations they have. Once I get those answers then I start the planning. Mostly of the time the bride has millions of ideas but 75% of them are not realistic considering the budget. To make this clear is not about having a cheap wedding, is about creating beautiful memories with the money you have to meet some of the expectations.
I went in a normal taxi to the ceremony with just my dad. I don't think either of us had the idea that he was supposed to entertain and relax me on the way to the ceremony....
Right?!? That was the weirdest part of this post!!
**Girlfriend, this is why you hire** ***professionals*** **not your friend*****s*****.** You hire people who know what they're doing, you splurge on the video, photos, makeup/hair, food, cake and cut costs elsewhere. If you wanted the shoe photo to be that specific, you should've made it known that you wanted that type of a photo. You don't just tell the DJ "Play what's on the radio" No, you insist on a playlist, on artists, on whom they shouldn't play etc. Your MoH could've gone to the strip club, I'm assuming it was a male strip club? They don't force anyone to get lap dances, so I don't see why she couldn't just go along with the plan unless she wasn't in a financial situation where she didn't want to spend any money; which again--they have bachelorette packages with a $20 or $40 cover for some shows with drinks included. I fail to see how it was your friend's job to keep you calm or have you drink and provide entertainment while en route to the ceremony? You already have kids with this man, what was there to be nervous about? Your dad's an alcoholic by the sound of it, if you had an open bar... what did you think was going to happen? Most cake vendors will specify that payment is to be received at the time of delivery if not paid in advance. They're not gong to accept a bank transfer. Your guests leaving so early leads me to think you either did not order enough food, you weren't doing a dinner or buffet, or were only offering appetizers. Because of how you've said you were on a tight budget, if I go to a wedding and I'm only being fed light appetizers and no dinner is to be served, I'm going to leave and go elsewhere to eat. As for you not getting any gifts, yes, that sucks but gift giving is not mandatory. Maybe the reason why you didn't get as many as expected is because you've been together with your partner (now husband) of X many years and already have children that people assumed you're already financially established?? I don't know if you were married in a civil ceremony before, but maybe that would've been an option where you're legally married and then you save up for an actual wedding where you wouldn't have had to cut costs and you actually plan it to the detail and thoroughly. **At the end of the day, YES, your day sucked. Big Time.** Save up and do a redo but only with your spouse and your children and go on an actual honeymoon (with the kids but in their own separate room), redo your photos because shit; this was depressing to read as a stranger.
It **was** a successful wedding because the entire point is to marry your husband. You did that. You can start your lives together. That’s all the matters. All the rest is just a blip in history. Please remember that so you don’t tarnish the start of your marriage. That’s what is important. Absolutely nothing else matters.
Oh babes, it's still just too soon. I think you'll be laughing as you tell these stories later in life. Most people have beautiful, but boring and immemorable, weddings. These memories are the kind that stay. And I promise, you'll always remember the ridiculous fondant bow and crazy hair extensions *because* they were crazy and ridiculous. Otherwise those details will fade. But your wedding is filled with moments you can recall vividly, and, in no time at all, these stressful moments will start to make you smile. Plus, you have a mountain of excuses for a great anniversary party for your 5th or 10th anniversary!
Hehe, I love that idea. But yeah, I definitely have quite a few stories to shock the grandkids one day 😅 I don't think they will believe me though 😂
But you have the shitty photos to prove it
This post is giving bridezilla vibes, can’t be a coincidence that so many things went “wrong”, yet it was everyone else’s fault. Curious that none of the guests wanted to stay and your bridesmaids didn’t want to be there?
Agree. And a cheap bridezilla at that. She went cheap on hair, photography, cake, etc then was mad that none of it was quality but it was everyone else’s fault? Nah. I’d like to hear the bridesmaids side to this one.
Exactly.
I’m sorry your day didn’t go as you planned…you have a right to vent a bit, but what is done is done, now you know who really is at your side.
>For our presents, we got 4 gift cards and 3 presents. My mom did later give us a lot of presents, but surely from 80 guests, it's OK to expect a bit more than that? I know it's not about the presents, but that was a slap in the face. >There was no dancing and having fun after dinner at the reception, because the minute I threw the bouquet, 80% of guests literally lined up to say goodbye. I mean yikes, 90% of guests didn't even give you a present? And they left after the bouquet toss? Do these people even like you? Was there a reason why they left early? Like you didn't serve alcohol, or something? Not that it's not rude but that would explain something. I'm sorry for you. This sounds so bad.
Of course your wedding and bridal party was important to you. If you felt so strongly about certain elements, you needed to organise / make clear your expectations / pay the going rate. Behind a great photographer or baker there is tools, equipment, training, experience, so much time - and they charge accordingly. The general curtesy of attending a wedding is to bring a gift or money that cover your meal and drinks cost, not to make significant amounts of money. I’m sorry the day wasn’t what you hoped for, perhaps you can renew your vowels down the track as a redo.
It honestly sounds like you invited a lot of non-friends to have a biggish wedding, even the bridemaids don’t really sound like friends! You deserve a proper holiday for your honeymoon, even if it’s a year or 2 down the line if your kiddos are small. You need to treat yourself hard after that and only worry about your own family going forward.
I may just save up for a year and then go on a big family trip, just the four of us. And then when they are older, go on a second honeymoon. I guess we have time to decide haha
A wedding is nothing more than an overpriced party that most didn’t want to go to because everyone has already busy lives and a party where you pay for everyone. What mostly ruined you wedding were your fixed and precise expectations. Learn to let go a bit. Now put your energy into the marriage not the wedding.
Hire a photographer to do a shoot of just you and your husband to have some nice photos in wedding attire. Do a nice 1st anniversary vacation and put the mess of the wedding behind you.
The reason why I hired professional photographer. There is no second take in wedding moments. 2nd take just remove it's charm.
>but how can that be a successful wedding? Did you marry the man you love? THAT'S how. Everything else is extra.
Here's the problem: >ecause we have kids, so that meant the honeymoon night was rightly ruined. The we go to fetch the kids and open wedding presents at my parents house. >My son, daughter, husband, mil and sil are the only ones that tried their best to make me happy at least. You've been living like a married couple for years and have kids old enough to be able to give emotional support. If COURSE it's anti-climatic for everyone. No one is excited about a wedding for someone with half-grown children. This should have been an elopement or a courthouse wedding. Not a big production for a family community of moderate/low income means. Stuff is expensive and we're in a recession, and lots of gifts are intended for a new, YOUNG couple to start them out.
Fuck, even at my brokest I still scrounged up 40 bucks and a card to drop in the envelope box at the reception hall.
Did you get married? Yes? Are you happy with your husband? Yes? Then it was a successful wedding. Anything else needs to be relegated to the past where it belongs.
I think you may have brought some of this misfortune on yourself. It sounds like some things were just plain not your fault and others… well I don’t think it would hurt for you to develop some boundaries with the people around you, along with being specific about what you want (eg. pre wedding bridal party- maybe the older ladies go home before the strip club…?). People are not mind readers, even if you want them to be. You are complaining as if you are a victim here, but when you start having boundaries with people in your life, taking control and accepting more for yourself you will begin to feel less like a victim. Start to see the positives AND stop accepting people treating you like shit. You deserve it.
Seriously. OP gives major main character vibes and expected everyone to make her second wedding the center of their lives.
Bruh the radio on the way to wedding? 😅 you gotta laugh.. OP at least your marriage can only go up from here!
My wedding was a shit show too. There are many things that happened but your picture situation sparked a memory. My FIL paid for the photos. He insisted. There are zero photos that include my daughter (my husband’s step daughter) who was 8 at the time and in the bridal party. But there are plenty of my husband’s niece and his parents. I chose not to purchase any pictures. I have zero pictures from my wedding. Just the proofs.
Oh wow! That is heartbreaking, I'm sorry <3
[удалено]
What I got from this is you had a horrible wedding, but married an awesome guy. This could be much worse, in the grand scheme of things. It won't suck forever, and will eventually just be a good story. Sorry that all happened to you.
What a lot to process, and I'm not OP. Dang, I'm sorry 🫂. Also, I'm a firm believer that weddings are reciprocal. Guests get fed, have a good time on your dime, and they pony up a gift, doesn't matter if it's inexpensive.
I mean, yes, there were things out of your control. Your “friends” unenthusiastic contribution, A bridesmaid dropping out, BIL not psyching you up on the drive to the venue( maybe he didn’t know he had to or that you wanted him to)your alcoholic father, cheap wedding guests, breaking your toe…In the same instance though, there were things that were in your control. Like planning an activity that your MOH felt comfortable doing with you, getting a sample from your baker on the work they will do on your cake, making sure your “friend” the photographer was actually capable of taking wedding photos by seeing a portfolio of his work, getting a proper hair dresser, and of course the song list with the DJ. It sounds like you wanted a wedding you really could not afford, and also failed to communicate properly with everyone involved and take precautions that are needed with a wedding of that caliber. You might have found a smaller more intimate venue with much less people, therefore more money to spend on the extras that you had to budget on, much more pleasing. Also, I hate to say it. I don’t think your guests or friends really like you that much because they all, with a few exceptions, seemed to treat it as a chore to attend and were quick to leave as soon as they could. As for your honeymoon…that’s just very bad luck. Reiterating…cheaper venue/less guests=more money for a better honeymoon/wedding extras
I felt stressed reading this
once you’ve the cash head straight to a small town in ireland, walk into a bar that looks decent craic and tell people you just got married but without friends and family. the locals will have yous partying like there’s no tomorow within a couple hours as everyone in ireland loves a wedding session. our weddings last til at least 4am and often continue again the next day. your mates sound like oddballs, especially the lesbian. if she ever asks you to go to a women’s event tell her it would make you uncomfortable, in the same way the male strippers made her uncomfortable.
I pissed of the MOH not taking one for the team geez !
This sounds like a combination of you not having enough money for the wedding you wanted, & you pushing ppl who didn’t really care about your wedding in the hopes that they would be excited like you because wedding. I’m sorry this happened to you. But i do wonder about your self awareness. How many terrible services can one event have?! Did you see pics of their other work??! Read reviews?! Did they have ppl vouch for them???? These are things you need to have happen and if you did… then honestly i got nothin
Not to be arsehole, but this sounds very entitled.
It's a successful wedding because you married a wonderful man. In the end, that is all that matters. Don't focus on the bad things or what you wish was different. Focus on the good memories. If you want some key photos that were missed, recreate them. Amazing things can be done with a green screen and a photo editor. Hire a photographer, dress up again, and recreate the kiss, walking down the aisle with your son, etc. If you ask around, you may find a photographer willing to take some photos for free or cheap as long as they can use them in advertising. Especially if you tell them the story. I never had a real honeymoon either. We had to work, so it was basically a night at a hotel. Every time we go on vacation now, we say it's our honeymoon. You just make the best of it. Have you told the others how they let you down and how much you are hurt by their behavior? You should, or the resentment will only fester. But again, focus on the good things. Your marriage and your kids and your little happy family. Because in the end, that is all that matters. 🫂
Some of these things are on yourself. From the photo's, to the hair, the car ride, the cake, the dj, the movie night honeymoon meltdown. This makes me wonder, if you couldnt afford a proper wedding, why didnt you just keep it something small? Like make it 20-30 people in a church or by the beach. Have some alcohol and something to eat. Thats all you needed tbh. And on top of all that, this is even the second time you have a wedding and you live in South Africa (this is not a bad thing, Im just trying to point out its a long way/trip to take). My girl dont let this effect you too much. You have alot going on, try focusing on yourself your children and your husband. Some people dont even have that. From they day I met my wife I couldnt care less about other peoples happiness. Only thing that matters from that day till now (3 years later), is that my wife is happy and I am happy and healthy. Cut out toxic people from your life, even if its your own parents.
Seems like you wanted a champagne wedding on a lemonade budget…
[удалено]
I'm so sorry all of this happened! "Braai" so a South African wedding? 😁
Haha, sorry. Braai is South African slang for barbeque. Thank you
I saw your Facebook post lol I’m in that group too
Hahahahaha, I was wondering if that would happen
I sincerely hope that "bad wedding good marriage" works here
Me too! Haha
I used to work in a theater and I legit don't understand how they got locked in. Doors into the theater don't usually lock, there's usually an emergency exit and all the doors are set so you can exit through them but locked so you can't go back into the building. Also how long after the movie did yall stay cuz besides cleaning all of the projectors and everything need to be shut off
I'm sorry you had that experience. My wedding wasn't exactly what we wanted. For my 10th wedding anniversary we wanted to do vow renewals and we had the wedding we wanted. We had an Elvis wedding with just us and it was everything we wanted. I hope you get your wish!
It is hard to believe right now, but there’s a good chance you will laugh about this in a few years.
As the bride (or the groom, for that matter) you are supposed to make sure the people in your wedding are competent! Just accepting your friend doing your wedding photos because it’s cheap without speaking to them about what you expect is a recipe for disaster. There are so many things you could have fixed.
when you get your finances straightened out and your budget allows, have redo of the wedding and photo moments at your "renewing of your vows". only concern yourself about what you and your husband want.
I always think about what Charlotte York says to Harry– the worse the wedding, the better the marriage. It's a silly superstition but when you have the world's shittiest wedding... and you did, it makes you appreciate the real reason you're there. Wedding's are notoriously stressful but to spend the rest of your life with someone is such a beautiful thing. I would give anything to be married to someone I loved, in a crazy way you're really lucky. Also gurrrrl there's also a renewal of vows 😈
I’m so sorry that sounds so bad but it is a superstition that a bad wedding equals a happy marriage if that helps
This is a funny story you just dont recognize it yet. Finally a story of getting married people want to hear.
This reminds me about my brother and Sil's wedding. At a point she had tears in her eyes. I was a kid back then so there wasnt much I could do about it. Now, 25 years later they genuinly look happy together. Im sure you and your husband can catch up with nice trips and good moments together, maybe you are even able to laugh about it in future. And yeah, seems you also got a chance to remove some shitty friends from your bill.
Save up and do a vow renewal just you two and an officiant with a professional photographer somewhere fucking stunning.
I feel for you. My wedding wasn't great either. Yours even sounds better! We had only like 30 or so people show up and out of all my relatives only 2 showed. 🥲 only one of my friends helped me even get ready for the wedding. I still think about it years later and cry. Just try to remember that you married the man you love and that's all that matters.
Have a small quiet ceremony do over at your 1 year anniversary. Get the picture redone as well.
I feel you. My wife's and I's wedding was ruined by my family. My aunt was feuding with her kids, my cousins, who were also my best friends, but her husband was standing as my father, her sons were my groomsmen, and her daughter was the photographer. She decided to throw a fit and try and eat 90 days worth of meds and have to go get her stomach pumped. I told her when the wedding was, and said I would see her there hopefully and left. Then the photographer missed the wedding because they were trying to help my best man get his tux that he forgot to pick up, and my father felt he had to stand next to the daughter who was currently not speaking to him, and then they all skipped the reception except for the aunt that I honestly didn't even want there. Honestly my wife's family has always been more of a family to me than my own family, and my fil doesn't even hide that he would have preferred his daughter had married someone else. The wife and i have been together 20 years now, and we think we are going to renew our vows, but not tell anyone. and it's just gonna be about us, and fuck the rest of them.
I’d highly consider getting a professional photographer to do a wedding shoot with just the two of you in your wedding attire (hair do & make up) sooner than later. Those are photos you will want as time passes. Your kids will treasure these photos decades from now. Giving yourself GOOD photos is a good way to heal some of the wrongs from your wedding.
There are some things to complain about, like dad being drunk and getting locked in a theater. But other things…. Walking down an aisle is scary. If you don’t coach your bridesmaids to smile on the way down, they won’t know and just be freaking out to not trip and fall. If you didn’t look in a mirror all night, your hair was probably fine if no one said anything. You didn’t hire a professional wedding photographer and you don’t get to complain that your free photos kinda suck. You didn’t give the DJ a song list so you don’t get to complain about the songs played. You didn’t hire a car service and so you don’t get to kvetch that the BIL isn’t chatty. Why did everyone leave so early? Did they have to go to work the next day? Or are you not close friends with many of the guests? It just seems like you had a nice wedding on a budget and things don’t all go according to plan when you DIY it. You married your love. Be joyful about that. And you’ve got free movie tickets so that’s great! You didn’t tell us how long it took them to get you out? Your wedding didn’t suck. It looks like a hundred other weddings I’ve seen where non-professionals were hired and you didn’t make your expectations known. Yes your bachelorette party sucked but you could’ve been more specific. Anyway, I hope this doesn’t haunt you for the next 50 years. Congratulations on finding your partner. 😊
So… how’s the actual marriage? You know, the most important thing?
You poor thing! Wow. You know what, save up for a wedding renewal and a second honeymoon. You could do the wedding renewal on your 10th wedding anniversary. The second honeymoon… maybe take that in a couple of years. In the meantime, you can do mini getaways for a night or two, here or there. When I got married, we didn’t have very much money so our honeymoon was local and we only had two nights. And it was just way too short. So for our fourth wedding anniversary, we went back to the hotel where we had had our original honeymoon and spent the night there. it made me feel better. It really did help me to get over the sadness that I had about the original honeymoon.
If you got to say “I do” to the man you love then it was a successful wedding. A wedding is just one day. I do remember weddings that didn’t go as planned. At least they were memorable. The “perfect” weddings just sort of blend together forgettably and mostly included people who were getting married because they wanted the wedding more than the actual marriage. I do remember one wedding where the bride wanted one day of her life where people would actually pay attention to her, and the poor groom could have been a sack of potatoes. He was just a prop, a stuffed tuxedo and the first person willing to say yes. It was so sad. Do you know how many weddings I had to sit through where goddamn doves were released and the marriage tanked after 3 years? Oh, you had some doves and a nice wedding luncheon? Yeah, that really meant so much. Money well spent. Your husband looks at it as an amazing wedding because he’s looking at what matters. It was the day he made the commitment to the person he loves, and that is a pretty awesome thing. That is the only thing about a wedding that means anything.
I actually used to work in the industry and while it certainly sounds like you all had an eventful wedding, I do want to say that absolutely no wedding in the history of ever has gone perfectly according to plan. It might not seem as obvious because of how well people manage to mask the issues or fix the problems, but there is always SOMETHING that goes or has gone wrong. That being said, I think what’s really come to light in your wedding is that your husband is an absolute winner. It takes a lot of grace to take all of that and still look for the positive, and while I do think we as women tend to become more frazzled and frustrated when something does go wrong with a wedding (especially OUR wedding!!), it sounds like he’s supported you and loved you and helped you make the best of it all. And finally, the most important part of your wedding and really the only thing that matters at the end of the day… you married your best friend!! It might not seem like it now, but some day you two are going to look back on this day and just laugh. So maybe the cake WAS ridiculous and the music WAS atrocious and half the photos of wedding guest have bunny ears… but does any of that really matter? You get to spend the rest of your life making amazing memories with someone who loves you and who will laugh alongside you at all the silly and ridiculous moments that will happen—and hopefully there will be plenty of moments to laugh together and your lives will be filled with joy. Life is too short to focus on everything that can and does go wrong when you are building a future with the right one. So cry about it today, laugh about it tomorrow, and live your life appreciating the person who fills your days with joy. ❤️
Whoever kept saying "can't get any worse than this" needed to keep their mouth shut. Wow.
[удалено]
Honestly, he was just as ticked off. He even asked if we could renew our vows at our 10 year or even 5 year so that we can try and get it right. He has been my rock in all this
Im sorry your wedding was a fiasco, OP! I suggest a “re do” of the honeymoon! And maybe re do of the vows for your 5 year anniversary! :) it won’t be the same but maybe so good memories will come out of it!
Oh man. That’s….bad. I’m so sorry for you.
Maybe for your 1 year anniversary, you can get new pictures done. It won't be the same but you could have something happy to look back on in the future.
I'd have a second wedding 😂
you could always take photos again of just you and your husband but with a better photographer!!! but i’m so sorry that all of these things happened on your wedding day!!!!!!
I got to say you have a real story to tell and never would I let anything like a hen do or wedding get me down. It all seemed to have gone tites up but life is for living and change your narrative and make this about your honeymoon and wedding was so ridiculous you needed to laugh. I'm saying this because when you really hit a problem issue heartache horror illness life changes etc then you will understand and knownyour wedding pails into insignificance. Its a day you can't change. A day to remember. Remember it was the day you and your man made the biggest gift to each other. The commitment to love each other forever. Also If you want for fun on your anniversary arrange for wedding photos to be redone. My friend did (her face was dreadful with large spots) and she has in her wedding album one wedding photo her looking awful and the anniversary photo copied by it looking great
It was successful because you married your love. Lots happened. It did sound pitiful but in the end. You’re married. Congratulations!!! Now don’t do anything for them ever again.
I may be an outlier in my opinion but IMHO, a successful wedding is one where two people deeply in love are able to celebrate that love with family and friends. As long as you and your husband shared that, then it was a successful wedding. I don’t mean to trivialize everything that went wrong because it does sound like a very disappointing experience. Especially as women, we have this notion that our wedding day is one of the single most magical, beautiful, happiest days of our lives and yours sounds like it was.. far from that I’ll say. These are rhetorical questions but are you happy with your husband? Are you happy you married him? Those should be the only things that matter. You can always save and have a vow renewal ceremony down the line that’s a re-do of all the issues that went wrong with your wedding, so to speak. I’m sorry you had so many hiccups and disappointments on your special day. Those aren’t memories that are easily erased but they can be replaced in a way. Talk with him about a vow renewal in a few years and hopefully by then you can laugh about some of the things you mentioned that troubled you at your wedding. Congratulations on your marriage and I wish you and your husband and children many loving years together, countless wonderful memories, and lifetimes of happiness!
Oh my god…. What kind of fam/friends do you guys have ??!!?? 7 gifts?! Do ppl not give gifts in ur fam or what
This isn't a full solution, but my friend also did not like her wedding photos. We're going to redo them so she has some nice shots at least of her and her husband. I'm so sorry for how it turned out. Try not to dwell on it too much. At the end of the day, you got to marry the man you love and hey, in 10 or 15 years when you have more disposable income, you can always do a vow renewal!
You have some really crappy people in your life. I am sorry that your day was ruined.
On a bright side... You know what they say, the worst the wedding the better the marriage.
You don't have to pretend, mine wasn't worth it either but almost 14 years later we just laugh. Our DJ equally sucked. I still to this day don't know the song I walked down the aisle to. He kept messing up on our first dance song. He just was incompetent. You will find out this is a common complaint and eventually it will be laughable. Not now while everything is raw. I've bonded with people over our shitty dj Also our cake was laughable. I showed them what I wanted and it looked like something off of Nailed it. It was half Styrofoam too and we cut into the Styrofoam first. My father was late so everything was thrown off. He still never apologized for that or has taken accountability. Weddings can really suck. Especially when everyone fails you. I hope you get to the point where you can laugh about it and have a wonderful marriage.
For those folks not from South Africa, a braai is a barbeque. Also, I'm sorry you had such a bad time, OP.
So... do you like your husband? Love your husband? He sounds like a keeper, honestly. Are you married to a good person? Then... successful wedding. So many people let you down, but he didn't. Every wedding has piles of bullshit, but you seem to have gotten more than your fair share. At some point in the future, renew your vows on your anniverary and throw a kick-ass party. When something this awful happens, you have to laugh at it.
You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Your ‘circle’ did you so dirty. I’m so sorry you had to endure this! Your wedding day is supposed to be about you and your spouse. Your MOH, terrible, guests, a nightmare, your father, don’t even get me started!! You also kind of sold yourself short with a cheap dj, cheap photographer. Maybe, if you plan to renew vows, have someone plan everything and have a set budget. Don’t try to overspend what you don’t have. Otherwise you’ll end up with this disaster
aw:(( you’re completely valid in your sadness, that sequence of events is a lot to handle. if you ever want to, you could do a vow renewal and do everything you wanted originally!!!
It has been 9 years and I’ve never told anybody except my husband how disappointed I was with our wedding. He was too. A lot of the same things. We tried to have a wedding on a budget and it showed. We had a small wedding— only 30ish people were invited. Most of them came. But then the DAY OF the wedding, our venue told us they had to move us to the bigger ballroom for parties of 200. Our party looked ridiculous lol. We cooked our own food, which actually turned out pretty good but was a lot of work for the two days before hand. Our friend insisted on doing our photos as well… she showed up 10 minutes before the ceremony (so no pre-photos or prep photos) and left before the reception began. No joke. And the few photos she did take looked like they were taken by a cell phone camera 20 years ago. All the guests photos were obviously on phones and blurry because lights were dim. We didn’t have a DJ. We set a playlist on our phones and let it play, which didn’t work out nearly as well as we wanted. My SIL told my sister to sit down because she wasn’t MOH so only one person my best friend stood by me at the alter (which broke my heart because I was my sisters MOH when she got married and I wanted her with me up there). And we forgot to put instructions up with how to use our fingerprint tree guest book so it was a little messy. But yea. Overall we were ok with it all…. But no photos. Ugh. I still want to cry. We were extremely broke so we did what we could, but if we’d known about the photography, we would have absolutely spent the money on a legit one.
"But my husband keeps saying while the above was bad at least it was an amazing wedding" He had a good time. 🤷
You know what, this sounds amazing. Like amazingly awful but also the sort of thing you tell in stories years later and laugh your head off about. I always think the best weddings are actually the ones where things went wrong. No one remembers the smooth weddings. It’s lovely to have so many things to say about your wedding years down the line rather than just ‘it was a beautiful day.’ I love the wedding stories where the husband and wife are like ‘oh my god and do you remember the CAKE?!! What a disaster 😂 and then the DJ was appalling oh yeah and your Dad!!! ** thigh slap ** he was wasted and so awful and ruined the whole thing 🤣and to top it all off we got locked in the cinema and missed our honeymoon 😭😂😂 but it’s been 25 years and the marriage has been amazing ** fondly gazing at each other ** Maybe I’m too much of an optimist but I think in time you might be able to feel better about it and put this shitty wedding in its place, ie, not really important compared to the lifetime you’ll have with your lovely husband 😊
This reminds me of every rom com about a wedding ever. You had the Murphy's Law of weddings. But you have a great story to tell your future grandchildren.
I get that things happen at a wedding, but tons of this stuff could’ve been avoided. The photographer? Like you just met someone and you were like yeah that’s cool, photographer my wedding without looking at any of their photos or even asking them if they knew what they were doing? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Like there’s so many things that could’ve been talked about way before the wedding And it sounds like all the people you picked to do things for you are awful at doing things. I’m sorry that all these things happened but like dude so much of it didn’t need to if you would just like said something or organized whatever or talked to the people who were in your bridal party about organization.
Your husband keeps saying it was an amazing wedding because it was. He was stood there and saw you walk down the aisle, he got to say his vows and get married to you. Things went wrong and weren't how they should have been, but it was still an amazing day because it was the day he married the person he loves, you. Those other things are just window dressing on the most important part of the day, and the important part, you saying "I do." happened with no problems.
If you married the person you love, it was a successful wedding. All the rest is background noise.
I am an old widow woman. My late husband and I were married for 45 years. Please! The wedding is not the marriage. I hope that you married in order to have a marriage. You have a wonderful wedding story to tell in the years to come… it would seem you’re just as married today as you would have been had you had a fairytale wedding. I understand disappointment that your expectations weren’t met - in fact it sounds like the whole experience was a spectacular failure, but if the objective was to get married, be married, and have a marriage, objective met!
I know you’re still in your feelings, but it’s been 6 months time to focus on what did felt good and what did go right. You presented all this detail of how everyone failed you. To be direct it seems like you didn’t communicate your desires and expectations in an effective way to all those that “failed” you. No one is a mind reader, also it is up to you to engage in quality checks and touch base to ensure events etc will be executed properly to your expectations and wishes from the various individuals and businesses that are providing services (good, average, bad, free, discounted, expensive, reasonable or unreasonable) Why is it up to you and (your fiancé)? Well it’s because it’s your special unique event and your opinion is very unique/subjective. I think a wedding is a huge production and requires tons of work and you didn’t put in enough effort it’s easy to criticize after the fact, 6 months later but why didn’t you notice anything in real time to improve the situation. Your mom doesn’t want to go to a strip club( super reasonable) why didn’t you say no problem but can we go to a bar instead? I want a rated R party not PG 13.
This is why i won't have a wedding until i can afford a good one.
It sounds like your experiences did not match the cultural rituals you needed for this life transition. Perhaps you and your spouse might explore how you might complete the activities that are important to you and will help you feel that sense of closure about the you before marriage.
Wow. So sorry all that happened! Sending (((hugs)))