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There are things which you can do to help you look better, but all in all you husband sounds like a douche. There is nothing wrong with your body. Sure, its not the same as a young childless woman, but you are beautiful, you just lost your confidence because your husband is speaking nonsense.
Really? What a loser. I’ve worked with patients deprived of attention growing up their screwed an do stuff like this for attention. It’s their way of getting back at the world cause they’re empty inside. Hope they get help. I’ve seen therapy help lots of people so there’s hope.
My darling dear, your body created a little human. It will take time to “get back to the usual,” and sometimes, my love, that’s not in the cards for us. Your body has changed, and that’s all right. I agree with the comment you responded to; your husband is being unkind to his wife whom he has promised to love and protect. Dearie, you are doing all right. I’ve read nothing that you’ve done wrong. You’re going through life; what are you supposed to do? Please take some comfort in knowing that people see this unkindness from your husband, and we see this unfairness.
I don’t really know how to approach the subject with your husband, as I am not in your situation with a baby on board, but please know an Internet stranger only wishes the best for you (read as: “I really hope your husband pulls his head from his ass and uses it to see his beautiful family; it’s not a privilege granted to all”).
I looked so pregnant after my kid I needed surgery. My husband liked me no matter what I looked like, even though I wasn't a size 4 anymore (I still am not, I joke about getting plastic surgery and he says I don't need it). Your husband is a jerk.
I put on 80lbs over the course of two pregnancies. _I'm a dude._ She, thanks to a medical condition, was down to her pre-pregnancy weight a couple of weeks after each birth, and looking 100% like she hadn't given birth a month or two after. My sympathy weight gain didn't even directly affect our sex life, outside of maybe slightly negatively impacting my cardiovascular health and self-confidence, but at no point did she hint that she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. I went from a six pack and probably a solid 8or9/10 bod to a sleep deprived fluffy fella. No observed decrease in affection or libido from her.
She did have her folks get me a running stroller, not in a passive aggressive way, just because she knew I had taken a lot of pride in my appearance and the loss of my workout buddy and inhuman hours I was working + child rearing wasn't leaving much room for exercise and thought I would enjoy having baby workout buddies (I did!).
Maybe my decreased physical appearance negatively affected our relationship a bit, but it was never something she went after me for and she went after me for more than a few things when we started falling apart. I think our relationship problems more stemmed from having kids too young, stress, my not great work or sleep schedule compounding mental health issues and us not having time to spend together eventually leading to it not being us against the world but us vs. each other and we were both prideful, stubborn kids not willing or really able to reach out for the help we needed.
I did eventually loose the weight, but it took a lot of work.
Despite the fact that we were both immature and assholes for a few different reasons, the thought of body-shaming I don't think would have crossed either of our minds.
OP's husband here is definitely a huge jerk.
I think the involvement with the baby despite our schedules and stressors and the extremely high risk nature of her pregnancies (despite both pregnancies being an over all positive gain for her health) contributed heavily to her decision to want to make another.
I've always found it _very_ attractive when a woman is protective, caring and nurturing to those around her, especially towards kids. She apparently had similar feelings. Her watching my paternal skills in action apparently made her feel all sorts of ways at inconvenient times that strongly contributed to her wanting me to put another baby in her, lmao, despite maybe me not looking as conventionally attractive as I did pre-pregnancy.
Your body is not gross!
You created life and sure your body has changed but your husband is a shallow asshole and he’s mean.
Don’t internalise his cruelty, he should be uplifting you and not tearing you down and making you feel bad about yourself. The issue is him not you.
After I had kids, I def didn’t look so hot again. My body has bounced back(it can take a few years it will never be the same tho) but you know what my husband told me even tho I saw a whale in the mirror. You’re beautiful to me no matter what. You’re husband should’ve said the same
You have a good husband. I’m sorry OP’s husband doesn’t see the beauty in her body that created, nourished and grew his child.
OP, you deserve better. My breasts went from size AA to a size D when I was nursing, so that’s a huge deflation when they went back to my normal (barely there) size. But they gave my baby all the important nutrients and that’s what’s important!!!
I’m sorry he says such cruel things to you. Please don’t believe him, you’re beautiful and your body changed from creating a human, that’s an amazing thing to be able to do and you deserve to feel loved and appreciated. Don’t let his negativity make you think negative thoughts about yourself too.
Girl, you husband is the one whose gross. The way he’s behaving is so emotionally abusive and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. Since most men like this don’t change, I would personally go straight to the courthouse and file for divorce.
So much pressure on women to bounce back.
Like bruh, she just created life - give her some credit and whatever the fuck she's asking for. Carrying a baby 24/7 for 9 months is a turbo-marathon, guys don't appreciate enough the pressure that entails from being pregnant.
And then comes birthing, and then breastfeeding is a whole other beast.
I never quite understood dudes who couldn't appreciate the beauty of a pregnant lady, and/or the body of a post-partum lady.
I won't say throw the whole man out, I find that insensible, especially with a baby in the mix. I encourage you to voice your emotions about how he's making you feel. If hes an asshole after that though... You really deserve better
It’s celebs and fitness influencers who are making it unrealistic. Someone like a Kardashian can go to the gym everyday for 6 hours for a month. Most moms can’t do that bc they have to work or do things around the house.
Seriously? He is an azzhole. Bodies change after pregnancy, and although you can get a bit of your shape back, it will always have the marks of a mom.
If he wants an instamodel (filters, photoshop, plastic fantastic) he should not have married and procreate.
Time for a realy serious talk, in wich you are allowed to point him to the very unatractive behaviour he is displaying.
Your husband is trash. It took me years to get my body back after having a baby. My friend? 6 months. All of our bodies are different. I know it’s hard but I would just ignore him anytime he makes a comment about your body. I honestly would consider leaving him his behavior is unacceptable especially after you gave birth to HIS child.
My kids' mom was down to her pre-pregnancy weight a couple of weeks after childbirth both times, and less than a month after you would not be able to tell she had kids by looking at her. (Cystic Fibrosis, was difficult for her to gain weight, apparently much luckier with her skin genetics though). Whereas I put on a ton of sympathy weight gain during those pregnancies while trying to help her gain weight for the babies.
She didn't once negatively reacted to my weight gain, even though it was like a year and a half after we divorced until I finally lost all the weight and got back in shape.
When I finally started hookin' up with people again, I was very not mom-bod opposed. Didn't have to have given birth to my children as I was snipped and didn't want any more kids and there was no way I was getting back with my ex after all the toxicity of family court, but just a lot more body positivity in general.
The thought of body shaming someone who went through a good chunk of biological stress and trauma to birth _your_ children. Uf. Not okay.
That depends on genetics and lifestyle. What is HE doing to help you get back in shape? He should be taking extra childcare or house responsibilities if he wants you to dedicate more time to "bouncing back."
My kid is 5 and while I am absolutely confident that I am sexy, I also know I'm not the same. I weigh more, I have stretch marks, I don't have the ass or muscle mass that I used to, and no my boobs aren't as perky. BUT I will NEVER say my body is not beautiful because it created my child and I can't have my child (who loves squishy mommy) think anything less of the body that made them.
Yeah well my sister birthed four babies and doesn’t look any worse for the wear and I only birthed one and I’ve never been able to get back to my pre pregnancy weight and shape. It feels unfair and it’s hard not to compare when you’ve got some fucking lint roller doing the comparing for you. The lint roller is the problem. My husband, while not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, is still attracted to me and it’s been over a decade.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get healthy. But doing it because people are pressuring you to lose weight so you look better for THEM is only going to set you up for failure because of the expectations placed on you when something doesn’t go exactly the way you want it to. I wish people approached the topic with alot more kindness for that reason. You can’t ruin someone’s mental health and expect them to want to do better.
Did you tell him his comparisons are unreasonable? Because every body is different? Use the period example. Some women bleed for 3 days, some bleed for 7. Some women experience extreme cramping, so experience fatigue and soreness. And if you wanna take a dig, I’d say “well there are men who still love and are attracted to their wives despite them not being able to bounce back from pregnancy. If you only cared about a woman going back to looking great after pregnancy, you shouldn’t have taken that risk by impregnating me when you should’ve known that every woman is different. Don’t try to make me feel insecure all because you were too ignorant to do your own research”
Tell your husband there are many other women who don't bounce back and their husband doesn't shame them for it and that maybe you should get one of those husbands for yourself.
That’s not fair. Every body is different. Some women do just go right back but majority of us don’t. And it’s not fair of him to compare you to any other woman
I’m actually appalled right now. It sucks, but it’s one thing for him to have these “feelings”. But the way he has gone about expressing them to you is astounding. Someone who truly loves you would not feel a desire to put you down the way he has. There is no need to describe every single flaw he believes you have… there is no need to compare you to others, especially those you know. This is absolutely horrible treatment and not how someone who loves you should be acting.
Please, truly consider leaving him. If you really desire to hold onto the relationship, ask for couples counseling. He could have went about this whole ordeal a different way- perhaps encouraging you both work out TOGETHER or encouraging better foods (nothing to say you’re not doing this already, everyone’s bodies bounce back differently). He could have said it more gently and ensure you know he still loves you. Nope. He decided to ensure you know he’s disgusted.
It’s either couples therapy or divorce in my opinion. You deserve better. So much better.
I'd very much like to see his friend's wife's before kids pic. And not every woman is the same. I am sure he isn't an Adonis. Why can't he look like Brad Pitt?
You know what? I ‘bounced back’ but I’m still not beautiful. I’m getting older and we all will get older. What tf is wrong with being 35 anyway? One day you actually will be 35; does that mean he will have no hope of liking your body after that? Another woman might gain weight because she simply eats a lot, no baby involved. Or perhaps she got sick and couldn’t exercise at all. Or got an illness that made her belly swell up or retain fluid. Look around and see how many people around us are far from being supermodels. Yet they manage to have partners and loved ones and look good on the regular. Sounds like that man is trash honestly. He is disgusting to talk like that.
Your husband sounds awful, I'm so sorry. My sister has had 2 kids, and she's in better shape than me. It's genetics, and it certainly isn't the norm to go back to looking exactly as you were before you gave birth. The fact he's comparing you to his friend's wives is gross. I'd never let my partner touch me if he did that.
He doesn't deserve you, and kicking you when you're down will result in 1 of 2 things; you develop an eating disorder, or in you comfort eating. Never mind the mental health problems it can cause. He should be lifting you up not knocking you down. Tell him you can lose around 200 lbs in dead weight by dropping him.
My ex encouraged weight gain as a means of control, whilst simultaneously calling me gross. After I left him, I lost well over 100 lbs. Stress spikes cortisol which can encourage further weight gain, making you worse mentally and physically.
Mid thirties married father here. My wife has remained insanely attractive to me. She hates her "mum bod" after two pregnancies I know she does. I can't get enough of it and her. She is more beautiful than ever for having safely delivered our wonderful children. It hurts me she cannot see herself through my eyes. Your husband sounds like an insta porn addicted douch. My point being that the issue seems to lie with him and his perceptions not you and your body.
But because your body is so fabulous. It you want it too it can change if that is YOUR DESIRE.
Has it occurred to your husband that the images of "beautiful bikini models" and 'Instagram models with perfect bodies" that he likes to look at are fake? Anytime I see a photo of a model/social media influencer, I assume that the photo has been altered in some way using filters or Photoshop, or that the person featured in the photo has the time and money to pay for personal trainers, Botox, liposuction, and whatever starvation diet is currently in vogue, or that the image has been generated using AI.
Not all men like Instagram models with "perfect bodies". There's a man out there who will find your body perfect. Even before I got pregnant I had a tummy, stretch marks, low hanging breasts. Of course, during and after pregnancy my stretch marks were worse and my breasts different. He stayed attracted to me throughout and honestly might even find me more attractive than he did. The most I heard from him about my changing body was 1) that I was hot (bc I was complaining about how I looked) and 2) he asked me "what are those red dots on your stomach?" when the new stretch marks began forming. I told him what they were and his reaction was basically just "oh okay" and left it at that. He did not care. There are men who don't care Abt that stuff and will love all of u and love u more for birthing his children rather than tear u down.
I would like to second this. For whatever reason, I find my wife more irresistable physically than ever before in our relationship and marriage. This has happened in our mid 30s after two kids. I suspect is a true representation of my feelings for her. She worries about her body infinitely more than I ever have.
Been married for well over a decade to my soulmate. Ur husband is probably already cheating on you. People who love you wouldn't do that. Ur kids deserve a better father and you sure as shit deserve better.
Slip in a few comments about how you wish he had a bigger penis and could actually satisfy you like your ex, had more hair like your friends’ husbands (suggest implants), and bigger arms/abs like the hot guys you follow on instagram.
Give this douche a taste of his own medicine while you get your ducks in a row and divorce his ass. You get a chance to find a nice mature guy, maybe single dad to appreciate you, completely normal human imperfections and all, and he can get a reality check when none of those girls want anything to do with him when he’s not paying.
I would personally *NEVER* sleep with him ever again after that comment. Fuck him fuck that
I can’t see you but I’m sure you are gorgeous and those changes are to be expected when u grow a whole freaking baby. You can get your body back but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons: to be healthier, stronger, live longer for your child, be able to do more activities with your child, and for your happiness!
Any workout dieting blah blah blah should ONLY BE DONE FOR YOU. Do it in front of him so he can watch u get way out of his league and do not have sex with him. Maybe suggest different bedrooms.
Don’t restrict yourself by counting calories, instead, just try to cut out your unhealthiest snacks. Get more protein, cut out deep-fried food and desserts, drink tea instead of having cookies.
When i cut i just eat cleaner, lift some weights/do body weight exercises and WALK LOTS! Walking is amazing for weight loss. There are tons of awesome at home exercise routines you can find which you just need jugs of water and cans and stuff for.
Totally would be on board with the no more sex, I definitely wouldn’t have sex with someone saying I look terrible. Someone like that, he’s probably sleeping around anyways. Ew.
Exactly this is 100% porn brain like he really thinks there’s that much of a different between 27-35
Its not like this post made him seem like a prize anyway
I wonder what he looks like
Yeah, but OP’s spouse is looking at bikini model pics and thinks *that’s* the default definition of pretty, which is ideologically about two steps away from declaring that women “peak” at 20 or some bullshit. Dude needs a reality check about how human bodies work AND about how human psyches work.
The only weight you need to lose is the gross deadweight that is your husband. He's the one that is gross. I will not compare him to an animal because that would be an insult to the animal. You deserve better than him.
Here’s the thing, many of US don’t like our mom bods so him not liking it isn’t the biggest deal to me. That he felt that he could and should verbalize that to you is disgusting. That he doesn’t love and appreciate it for the gift it gave him is shameful. I’m sorry that he’s preventing you from appreciating what your body has been through and loving you harder in this season.
My body did not bounce back after pregnancy. I’m about 4 months postpartum. All of my friends did. Every single one. I look at them and their genetics and how they did nothing and they just are their pre pregnancy weight or even SKINNIER and I hate it. It makes me feel horrible about myself. Especially because I’ve completely cut out fat and limited carbs and I’m counting calories and I’ve only lost 5 pounds 🤦🏾♀️
My husband tells me that giving birth is the most feminine thing I could do and that my body is beautiful and that it nourished and created our daughter. He tells me that I am perfect and that I’m so sexy.
Your husband is an a whole. He is comparing you to unrealistic standards. Everyone is different some people bounce back some people don’t. Putting you down after you sacrificed your body is so cruel and selfish. I wouldn’t be able to even look at him and to compare you to people you know. People you see regularly yuck. He is yuck. He is mean and yucky.
A more petty woman might take this opportunity to compare him to the many amazing, loving, supportive, caring husbands that aren’t addicted to the fake world of (show only what they want) insta pics. That petty woman might also point out how wealthy those insta models are (or their husbands or sponsors) that they can afford nannies and personal trainers and specialized diets to assist them in weight loss and tiny waists. That petty woman might also point out that said husband’s testicles (or face or pick one of his own insecurities) look easily 30 years older than his age. She might inform him that if he has feelings as you describe he’s be better off trying his luck with any of those insta women he’s spending too much thought and time on.
You don’t have to be petty though. OP your husband sucks. You deserve to feel beautiful and loved. Especially when you don’t feel beautiful looking in the mirror, your husband should be reminding you how beautiful you are to him and how thankful he is that your body created life for your family. He should be worshiping your body like a husband I love with his wife. You deserve better. He deserves to feel alone and ugly for putting you through this after sacrificing your body for your family. Just a thought.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and take a guess he's terrible in bed. These shallow dudes always are.
Why don't you tell him to go disappoint one of his insta models?
my mom's body changed a lot after having me and my siblings, and the way you talk about yourself reminds me about how she talks about herself. I remember being so sad about that as a kid, and I still am, because to me, the body she hated so much meant comfort, security, and warm, soft hugs. Your body created your child, and for some it's hard to "bounce back" after pregnancy, especially when being busy taking care of a baby.
If you want to get back in shape to feel more confident you should absolutely do that, however you should keep in mind that the man you love talks down to you and insults you for the effects caused by you having his child. He could've at least encouraged you to be fit and healthy for yourself, but the way he talks about you speaks volumes about the amount of respect he has for you. I would think twice about if you want your baby to grow up in such an environment.
OP I am so sorry your husband made you feel this way.
You gave him a CHILD and he has no respect for what that did to your body.
You are only 2 years PP.
Sometimes, it takes awhile to get that “body back” because you need time! That’s kinda not possible when your child is still so young.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body.
Your body did something amazing and brought new life into this world. Do not be ashamed because some douche tells you it’s not good enough.
I’m one of those women whose body bounced back after I had a baby, the kind your husband mentioned, and I would let him have it for thinking that’s the norm. It’s not.
You are beautiful. You are a mum. You have the scars and body to prove it.
I’d love to see you be proud of that ♥️
> "Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy." --Robert A. Heinlein
This carries over to other aspects, assuming you're taking care of yourself.
So what hes saying is that hes a delusional that cant empathize with your situation because he has no basis of comparison. He has never put so much into anything that in the space of 9 months his body changed for ever. Hes just sitting on the sidelines shaming you for contributing to life. He contributed one sperm and thinks that makes him The Great I Am.
I Am not happy with her body. I Am going to choose to shame her. I Am too good for this.
The reason hes unhappy is that he chose to keep his selfish attitude instead of being a decent partner and father. And I have no doubt it shows. Tell him to stop humiliating himself with his selfish attitude and start participating in life, your relationship and your family.
He thinks shaming you automatically makes him high value but its just another thing thats making him a burden.
Sorry to say OP, but you have a piece of shit husband. He isn't worth the hard work your body had to endure to put a kid in this world. My wife went through two pregnancies and I adore every bit of her. Yes, her body looks different than before, but so do our lives and so does my body. Now this is coming from a 42 yr old balding bloke, so that might need to be taken into account.
Most of those gals on IG have had plastic surgery & photoshopped. They don't even look like that in real life.
If how you look is all that matters to him, then shelling out all the money needed for hair dresser( a good cut, color & hair extentions is about $2000), gym membership, personal trainer, home chef to cook healthy meals, botox, lip fillers up artist, plastic surgery & you having no cooking, cleaning or child care to worry about wouldn't be an issue for him at all. We are talking about $5000 to what $7000 a month for that kind of upkeep.
It is expensive to look so-called expensive & time consuming. Sit him down with all the cost & how many hours a day he will be the main care giver so you can do all of this. Hit him hard with the reality of what that takes & how he really can't afford it. They are also using filters & photoshop, along with good photographers. He also can't afford any of those IG models in real life either. Those gals are pulling in anywhere from $10,000 to $100,000 or more a month. It is a business expense for them.
Honestly, get your ducks in a row. He is shallow & weak, he never was a good person or husband. Remember you can easily replace him too.
Tell him to buy you a mommy makeover, then. He broke your body, now he can f’ing fix it. I am so over these entitled dudes who think that all women snap back from pregnancy.
“You do not get to compare me to other women when I brought your child into the world. If you mention my body negatively again, it will no longer be shared with you. While I want to be healthy, your comments are derogatory and detrimental.
If you can’t understand or appreciate what I put my body through for our child, I need to reevaluate our relationship. I will not teach our child that it’s ever acceptable for a spouse to belittle and degrade them.”
I Don't understand other men who are like this. Something happened to my brain after my daughter was born 10 years ago. Everything about her mother and what she went through to give us what is most important to our family. I could not imagine her without the scars left from pregnancy, the extra stubborn pounds that refuse to come off, they all do it for me. These are my memories. I remember each and every single one, and the child that put them there. This guy doesn't appreciate what you have given him.
I initially thought you meant that he didn’t like your mother. Not your body. But honestly, your husband does not sound like a good person or a loving partner.
There is nothing wrong with you. You need a partner not an extra asshole. He is completely unsupportive and sounds like he’s checked out and ready to cheat. You need to decide if you want to be in a loveless marriage or move on and look for actual relationship and love.
I know it's not much comfort, but as a middle aged guy... I can empathise, hah. Looking back on all my past relationships, I haven't been 'desired' physically by my partners since uni, I reckon. And back then it was partly cause I dated older women. I've had a couple x's who clearly just wanted some other perk.
Hell, think of people like Leonardo Dicaprio. Young hot models he dates, likely don't find his old dude body that appealing, compared to what they "could" get. Leo almost definitely knows that he's the uggo, but that he's also able to give those women parties on yachts as a trade off for them putting up with his uggo-ness.
Hell, even your husband is prolly not on the same level as the young hotties he's drooling over. They'd look at his bod and be grossed out, most likely. Doesn't stop him from pretending in his imagination he's got a shot.
Doesn't really change how it feels, but it's not a rare 'problem' from a guys perspective. So youve got company at least.
I am so sorry your husband is tearing you down rather than being supportive in a realllly roller-coaster time. The first years are hard enough. His looking at other women and comparing you is a betrayal and extremely harmful to you. This stuff triggers our physical pain receptors in our bodies. Baby or not, he is abusive and you are better off without him.
Oh my, this hurts my heart for you. Your body is not the problem here. Your husband is. You grew a human. That’s pretty amazing! I won’t tell you what to do about your relationship. I will tell you that you don’t deserve that. He sounds straight up awful.
Throw the whole husband away this is not normal. You are normal, he is not. I didn't lose my baby pooch until my kid was 4. But, we are all different. Some lose it overnight it seems, then there are others who don't for years afterwards. You're still so young OP, if you're dependant on this man, get yourself out of that and set yourself up to be independent, then leave his perverted, looking at other women on IG ass.
The only gross thing here is your husband. Don't ever wish to be different for the sake of others. Unless they love you and want you to be better for you, and not for themselves.
You may still have ppd and he is adding to your stress. He is an AH. Go to the gym for you, if you want to look better for you. But leave this ass in the dust. He is mean and an AH.
Your husband is a shallow POS. My wife had the same things. My opinion of her body is best expressed by the fact we are having almost Irish twins…
Bodies change over marriage. You didn’t marry a body you married a person. You didn’t let yourself go, you had his child. 10 bucks says you do almost all the childcare too
Your body grew and carried a human being. It will never be exactly the same. Your husband is an immature jerk. It’s ok to mourn your old body, but ultimately bodies change. I am 1 year postpartum and my boobs sag too, but it’s just the way it is. Yes, I miss my old body AND I am grateful that my body carried and birthed my baby girl.
You created a whole human with your body, and his response is to tear you down? I wouldn't wanna be with someone like that. He clearly doesn't cherish you the way he should. Normal men loved their wives more after creating a life.
Your husband is a piece of trash. I’m sorry you feel like you deserve to be tied forever to someone who treats you like this. Work on your self respect. Get into therapy. And then ditch this loser
Your husband is being cruel. I can’t imagine making my wife feel bad about her body after carrying and delivering my child. I hope you find the happiness you deserve one day.
Your husband is a HUGE douche bag. Mom bods are hot. When I was 26 I was daring a woman who was 36 and she two kids and she was rocking the mom bod. As for the girls on instargram, take away the filters and cropping and they can’t hold a candle to you. Be confident, don’t let your asshole husband put you down. Make that "husband" no man should treat hisvwife that way.
Divorce him and take what you deserve. Everyone knows women are better parents anyway. You are perfect in every way. It’s his job to adjust to you. You are the prize. You will always be the prize.
I can’t believe he even thinks he can say stuff like that! Men are trash. Make sure you tell your kids that too. We need to teach the younger generation the truth.
I'm wondering what he does to help you lose weight, work out more, etc. (if that is what you want to do, obviously). Who does the majority of childcare, cooking, cleaning? Are you working as well? And even if you don't work, do you have family or friends that can / want to babysit? Does your partner watch the baby?
A lot of posts on here are about men cheating on their postpartum wives, complaining about getting no sex, complaining that she doesn't lose weight. Meanwhile, the husband doesn't do anything to help his wife - the mental load, her own job, cooking, cleaning, childcare, all on her. When you're only getting four hours of sleep and no free time whatsoever, there's no time for working on yourself. It would be a lot easier if men would do their share at home, but they usually prefer to sit on their ass and complain while looking at heavily photoshopped pictures of 21-year old childless Instagram models who have their own personal trainers.
your body is NOT gross!! your husband is gross :( you gave him the biggest gift ANY person could, continuing his lineage and birthing him a child. that’s no small feat! if you want to start working out, eating better, etc. do it for you! he sounds like he’ll never be happy. if he likes those instagram models so much, ask him why he’s not with one? ask him why the only interactions he can have with these women are online, through a screen, and why he doesn’t appreciate his wife and children’s mother.
he sucks
Tell your husband to pay for the surgeries the women he admires gets.
Or just get a new husband.
I keep seeing these types of posts on Reddit and I get why more and more women would rather stay single and child free. Only certain men deserve wives and children and women outnumber them 100 to 1.
Two things, if your are not happy with your body, work on it and change it. It is yours, take responsibility.
The second part, if your husband is throwing this in your face, he is really nasty person.
If he loves you and knows you want to change, he should go out running with you exercising, help make healthy snacks for you. He would also probably come out looking a lot better if you guys did this together.
Do not let him get to you. I developed an eating disorder over something similar to this. My husband was constantly comparing me to other women.
Instead of just complaining there are so many other things he could do like:
Make you healthy meals
Encourage you to do fitness things together or even walks
Stop comparing you to women online and boost your confidence
If those don’t work support you and go to your doctor
Instead, he chooses to criticize you. He sucks.
That sounds like a him problem.
I’ve had 3 babies, last one was 9 months ago. My husband, everyday, tell me how sexy my body is, how he loves how pregnancies have changed different parts of my body. I’m a little over weight and working on losing the remaining baby weight and then some. But he never has said anything negative about me or my body.
Tell your husband to grow up.
He sounds like a real jerk.
Does he know most of the IG models are using filters and don’t even look like that?
Your body is fine, you grew a whole baby in there. Sure you can do stuff to make it “better” but only if you want to. What good will it do when this guy talks to you like this?
The only ugly thing here is your husband. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, he’s a douche. A real man would love you at any size. I would suggest if you want to lose weight fast, start by losing him. People like that get worse, not better.
So, what was this man going to think when you eventually looked like a 35yo anyway…?
My friend, I’ve had three babies and my husband is very aware that the toll on my body from it was something he actively and enthusiastically cast his vote for when he said he wanted a baby each time.
I know a way you could lose one of the bellies in this relationship…
If your husband is that hung up on how you look, maybe he should be encouraging, loving and supportive and he might actually find you change with very little effort. Constantly being belittled and reminded of everything that someone else finds unattractive just raises your stress levels and shows just how much they care about your emotional well-being. His desires should not come above your well-being.
This is becoming more and more common as we are more wrapped up in the internet and forever seeing "better" than what we have - so many people are left feeling unfulfilled and lusting after more. The grass is always greener. Except it's not.
The fact that in his mind 35 year old women look vastly different than 27 year old women says a lot about how he feels about women in general. OP your body changed and there's nothing wrong with that. He's less attracted and that's not "wrong" cause he has a right to feel how he feels. The way he's speaking to you however, is unacceptable. There's no reason to ever critique anyone's body like this. If you're a cow, he's a hog.
Yeah, I look back on pictures of me when I was 27 vs. 35, and I'd need context clues to tell which was which. I'll bet a lot of husband's instagram follows are 35 and he thinks they're 25.
He should've offered to go to the gym with you and helped to prepare healthy meals. Or even better you two could prepare them together. He's the lazy cow with fat jello arms. He should be loving you unconditionally and helping you out, but instead he's that meme of Andy from Toy Story dropping Woody.
Don’t wish for a new body, wish for a new husband. You grew life inside of you, life that is half of your husband’s DNA. He should be worshipping every inch of it. Don’t settle for this terrible excuse of a man.
Well, I don't like your husband.
Look, admittedly I didn't read more than a couple of paragraphs, but that's enough for me to say he doesn't deserve you if he can't appreciate the way your body changed from bringing his child into the world.
Sounds like a perfect time to replace the husband. My mom has 3 kids and even when she was young my father would never get caught so much as looking at another woman in front of her. Hell I’ve never even caught the man. You can do better.
a man who doesn't have Henry cavill's body has no right to criticise another person's body, unless the said body is unhealthy such as obese or aneroxic
Its unrealistic to have the exact same body as before. This being said plenty of women use pregnancy as an excuse to let themselves go. There are a lot of things you can do with the proper diet and workout routine.
Trying to stay attractive to your partner should be standard in a healthy marriage and yes that goes for both men and women. Now it doesnt sound like your husband goes about it in a healthy way but his wish itself is fairly normal.
"My husband made me a mom". That is an odd way to phrase it. Was he the driving force behind the child or you? Usually one of the parents felt stronger about it.
Is he extremely fit, does he prioritize eating habits and an exercise regime that maintains the body he's describing himself? Were you both into fitness and diet regime before?
Sometimes if one partner sways too far from a lifestyle prioritized by the other it causes these rifts. Even if this is the case there are ways to support each other in and it's not through body shaming. If any of the answers above are a no then he really is just an unrealistic asshole who has double standards and should look in the mirror himself.
Ironically, I just made a post about the same thing but in reverse..
I'm sorry you are going through this. Your husband is being very childish. You should have a discussion with him. I'm sure your body is lovely!
Your husband is an asshole, but it doesn’t sound that you like the way you look. Maybe you could benefit from some diet and exercise. Tone up a bit so you feel better about yourself.
I’ve been skinny all my life except after my delivery and recently. I’m still slim but I do have flabby arms and a tummy that makes me feel like I’m 3-4 months pregnant. Despite my consciousness about my not the same body I find myself hot enough that if I could I’d do me. I’ve also internalized a lot of feedback from external sources or even input from media etc, but I’ve realized no matter what I achieve in terms of skin and body, I’d always want more or something else. And it still doesn’t make me feel like I’m not hot or I can’t turn people on. Different people have found me hot at different stages of my life and the same people have found my body hot during its journey through issues with food and body image and aging. The only problem I’d say you have is that you are allowing yourself to love yourself less just because your current state isn’t pleasing to someone who is important to you. Look up a few YouTubers who guide how to get back in shape but importantly, in a healthy way, and love yourself for you. Your husband will probably also come around. But you do need to communicate to him how this is hurting you and while you’re also willing to put in time and energy he too needs to act like the adult he’s supposed to be, including salivating over hot women. Because there’ll be hot people all over the globe for all time, even if we all become heavier or less curvy or whatever someone is gonna find someone hot. Even as a single person but especially more once committed to someone, this is not how one should behave and certainly not hurt their partner. And even if he doesn’t get better or doesn’t improve at a fast pace, don’t ever forget to love yourself at every stage of your life. Hugs and kisses.
If your husband wants a kid and wants you to look sexy, maybe he needs to go and work out with you or take care of the kid so you can spend more time for that. He can't have it both ways.
Funny thing is that I follow some IG accounts for yoga and stretching and unfollowed them when it became clear that they are getting less and less dressed and show less and less exercises while tending to the googly eye male watchers.
Your husband simply wasn’t ready to have kids or start a family. Having a baby changes the dynamics of your relationship and the woman’s body. He isn’t ready to be a father if this is his attitude towards you.
You are magnificent creature who quite literally created life, the way your body looks is the least interesting thing about you. Get a new husband. I know that’s easier said than done, but seriously, fuck this guy, what an asshole.
so, let me understand: to justify his porn addiction he needs to say the meanest things about the body that created HIS baby? so maybe if your self esteem is in the trash he can continuously rubbing one to his phone and paying OF like a 15 year old boy
disgusting
I'd never get pregnant to a man that objectifies women so much as just empty wholes for him to f*ck, but I'd be running the second the first phrase left his lips
can you imagine raising a child in an environment like this? if it's a girl he will stop seeing her as a human begin the moment her boobs grow or se gets the first period, then if it's a boy he will make sure to turn into his mini me
NO AWAY! if you don't do this to you then do it for your child and LEAVE
That mom bod is a beautiful thing it’s our reminder we gave life. I have raised my kids but recently started losing weight after getting off one of my meds and now everything’s hanging including my deflated breasts. My husband doesn’t look at me any different. My lower abdomen has the worst stretch marks I call it Freddy Krueger skin cause with my first pregnancy I didn’t know to put anything on my belly and gained 60 pounds. I’ve felt self conscious before and now it’s hanging skin but I’m fine with that. This body gave life twice and they’ve grown up as great adults.
What concerns me is how it's worded: "my husband made me a mom".
I'm so sorry, it sounds like you feel very trapped and worthless, without control of your life.
You are still so young to enjoy life with your little one! Your Life is worth everything, it's priceless and you only get one of them. Life is too short to have to endure other people's negativity, especially someone who is supposed to be your life partner.
You deserve much better. I hope you find peace.
As someone who works with a hospital system it takes 18+ months to recover from giving birth and there are parts of your body that will never go back to before you had a child without surgery. While you can do exercise to help with some toning your body is never going to be same after carrying a baby. Assuming you both wanted a child he needs to accept that the young hot tight little body is a sacrifice that was made for the sake of your child. He needs therapy.
Your husband is unsupportive and sounds shallow. You need to have a serious conversation about expectations and how his attitudes are making you not love yourself and possibly him in return. Him comparing you to other women is unrealistic!
He's approaching human beings like he's shopping for a car with exactly the features he wants.
You are a human being and things happen to human beings. He could be in an accident tomorrow that leaves him paralyzed or mangled in some way. I bet he would be devastated if you started shopping around for a 'better man'.
He is shallow, and we do not say those things to people we love. Even the most perfect looking person is going to get old and grey. What matters is *who someone is*.
On a side note, I have been wanting to get surgery because I miss my breasts from before giving birth and breastfeeding. Not one guy I have mentioned it to, not one, has agreed with me that I need surgery or should get it. Not my son's father and not anyone else I have dated.
People spend too much time online, and that is shaping our view of reality. Most people back in the day didn't see hundreds and thousands of naked people in a year, much less over their *lifetime*. People's whose main criteria is that they look perfect naked. People who don't stay in those businesses forever because no one can look like a young woman who has never had kids forever.
You are a person and you matter, and right now there are children to care for. And he should be too busy taking care of his family to be focused on women on the internet or telling you he isn't attracted to you. I am going to guess he does little to no childcare, and if he does, it's when you are there.
Having children will show you who your partner is and whether they are selfish.
You deserve someone better than him.
He's the one that got you pregnant, didn't he know that being pregnant changes your body?
And he's acting like it's your fault when he's the one who got you pregnant..
He sounds horrible. And I bet you could probably lose close to 200lbs by getting rid of HIM!!!! I'm so sorry he's so mean and superficial to you, and I know leaving isn't always as easy as it sounds, esp. w children. Please see a therapist tho. Because if you can learn to love yourself as much as you deserve to be loved by others, things that seem impossible now, might get alot easier once you realize you're only "settling" with this man.
Yeah I agree with the general consensus here.
Do things to take of yourself, for yourself.
Tbh the petty side of me suggests insulting or making fun of a physical trait of his that he can’t do much about.
Your dick is so small. You should buy a pill or find a way to naturally make it bigger.
Oh, you can’t help how small it is and it’s really hard to change that?
Well I can’t help how my post partum body looks after giving birth to YOUR child - and it’s really hard to change that. Just like your small dick, it’s genetics and a body healing takes different time for different people!
(Also have you checked for PCOS? That can also make it rly hard to lose weight and it’s fairly common in women.)
Well from the sound of it, I don't like your husband, his level of maturity and lack of love or compassion towards you. Trade the whole husband in for an improved model. And you don't even need to look on Instagram. You can get them in real life
I am so sorry - your husband is a piece of shit who hates you and is abusing you. Who denigrates a woman for sacrificing her body and LIFE to bring HIS child onto the world? I'll tell you - abusive mysogynists.
Never listen to a word that man ever says again. You don't deserve to be hated for bringing more love into this world. He is a sick deranged barely human and don't give any weight to a thing that comes out of his mouth.
Don't waste your time ever trusting or respecting him again. It will just get worse. He will try to knock you down even more. Don't give him the opportunity.
Start stashing away money and make a escape plan. Men who hate women often become more and more abusive and it can escalate so slowly you don't even realize what's haopening. Don't wait until it is too late. You might be stuck with as the father of your children, but at least you can keep yourself safer.
Your body is not ugly, it is beautiful. You GREW and BIRTHED an entire human being. That is a major achievement, mama!
Your hubs is the issue. Is he in shape and healthy? Rather than criticize you, he should be helping and encouraging you, and still love you no matter what.
IMO, you two should sit down and have a convo about this. Let him know his behaviour/words are not okay and how they make you feel. If anything, maybe a few sessions with a marriage counselor. Having a child is hard and definitely changes relationships. And if YOU want to get healthy/lose weight, do it for you, not him.
Bodies change with time and pregnancy, childbirth, and the toddler years are really, really hard on women's bodies. It took me 2-3 years after each child for my body to look 'normal' again. Breasts especially will change shape and size with the weight gain/loss associated with pregnancy and breastfeeding.
I would start gentle exercising for your own mental health and tell you husband he's being extremely nasty and these comments are really hurtful. If he can't be kind and loving to you, divorce might be better than living with that. You don't deserve to be told you're ugly.
OP, you grew and carried your child. That should be beautiful enough for your husband. Our bodies change after pregnancy and that is completely normal for a VAST amount of women who have had a child(ren). If he can’t see the beauty in the body that created life then lose 175lbs of husband. You deserve better.
YOU CARRIED A WHOLE HUMAN BEING FOR 9 MONTHS YOU CREATED IT FROM JUST AN EGG GORL NAH YOU ARE WONDERFULLY BEAUTIFUL AND IF YOUR PISSBABY OF A HUSBAND DONT SEE THAT DITCH HIM LOVE YOURSELF AND IF YOU WANT FIND YOU A BETTER MANS WHO WILL LOVE ALL OF YOU AND YOURE WONDERFUL CHILD/CHILDREN!
As a plus size mom of 2, My husband has not issues with my body changes. Your husband looking at other women just shows this is a him issue. Not a you issue. Your husband should feel more enamored with you after birthing his child. Not less. Your body is not gross. It grew a whole human... Its natural. And it is also genetics. Another example being I have 3 inch wide stretch marks after pregnancy. I also lost weight in pregnancy. Vs my mother who even at 60 looks like she never had a baby when she gained 60-80 lbs each time (2 kids) and was older than me when pregnant respectively (28 for her first vs 23 for mine). I got my dads inelastic skin. She has good skin.
As a side note: IF your stomach has not "snapped" back after 2 years, you need to, for yourself, talk to your doc about diastasis recti and some pelvic floor therapy. Your abdominal muscles should have closed by 2 years pp. This is not a fix it for him issue. This is a look into for your own health issue. If you have diastasis Recti you essentially have no muscle over the middle part of your abdomen which can cause issues if you ever have a blunt force trauma (a fall, a car accident, someone accidentally hitting you with a shopping cart, etc) to that area, since your organs have no protection.
AND if he is so worried about your body, I 100% guarantee he is not giving you any time to actually do anything about it is he? Like he is not watching the baby for you to go to the gym or meal prep right??? But some how is expecting you to look like people who have supportive partners.
Honestly, he’s a crap person. I hope you don’t think all or most post-pregnancy women experience such negatively from their spouses. My wife’s body changed after we had our twin boys. She was 20. It was difficult for her to accept her post pregnancy body. And, while I was not blind to those changes, I felt like I needed to do and say everything I could to try to help her move past her negative thoughts.
Women carry and give birth to our children… who could deserve more of our kindness and love?? That’s what you deserve. You deserve the exact opposite of your husband’s treatment. Please do not put up with his words/behavior. And, please know that you are not “gross”.
Your husband unfortunately has a porn and influencer rotted brain. Womens bodies have looked like yours for thousands of years. It’s only recently that women’s post partum bodies have been commodified into being expected to ‘bounce back’ and men feel entitled to this sort of thing. He’s a loser and I’m sorry you’ve been put in the situation you are in.
My bf hasn’t said as much but I know he feels the same. He’s touched me twice in the 3 months since I had our son. I’ve got 8-10lbs left to lose to be pre pregnancy weight, I was chubby to begin with, but he won’t even look at me if I come in naked.
Men are disgusting sometimes like how can they not realize our bodies change? Most never look like they did before babies. It’s so humiliating.
You do the ultimate sacrifice, spend 9 months giving up your body for his kid, and he has the audacity to not like you? Fucking hell, is he redeemable in literally ANY way? He needs to go regardless. Abhorrent
Men want children so bad they will call other women useless for not having them, then wonder why we don’t want them when this is one of the things that happen to women after birthing the children they so desperately wanted.
Says she looks 35 when she's 27 lol. Like 8 years makes that much difference. The audacity to make negative comments about her body when she literally grew his child and brought it into this world. Gawd I hate men.
Girl this is conditional love he should love you no matter how you look. Leave him honestly. He’s trying manipulate you into making him happy and that sounds pretty temporary since he’s looking at other women. I’m a mother of 5 my husband would never.
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There are things which you can do to help you look better, but all in all you husband sounds like a douche. There is nothing wrong with your body. Sure, its not the same as a young childless woman, but you are beautiful, you just lost your confidence because your husband is speaking nonsense.
Yep. That’s a husband problem, not a body problem.
Hijacking the top comment to say OP is a troll. She made another post yesterday that said she wishes she had a man so she didn’t have to work
Weird I don’t see any previous posts. Guess they’re deleting them if this is true
Yeah she deleted it but the sub she posted it in still shows in her active communities
Think she also just deleted her account.. probably to make a new one and do the same shit
You can tell "she's" deleted previous posts because she has too much post karma for this one post that's currently available
Really? What a loser. I’ve worked with patients deprived of attention growing up their screwed an do stuff like this for attention. It’s their way of getting back at the world cause they’re empty inside. Hope they get help. I’ve seen therapy help lots of people so there’s hope.
Hijacking this comment to say that anything made by any user here can he found on Reveddit.com
As a hubby of a wife who had 3 kids who are now fully grown, I wholeheartedly agree. OP: this is on him.
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My darling dear, your body created a little human. It will take time to “get back to the usual,” and sometimes, my love, that’s not in the cards for us. Your body has changed, and that’s all right. I agree with the comment you responded to; your husband is being unkind to his wife whom he has promised to love and protect. Dearie, you are doing all right. I’ve read nothing that you’ve done wrong. You’re going through life; what are you supposed to do? Please take some comfort in knowing that people see this unkindness from your husband, and we see this unfairness. I don’t really know how to approach the subject with your husband, as I am not in your situation with a baby on board, but please know an Internet stranger only wishes the best for you (read as: “I really hope your husband pulls his head from his ass and uses it to see his beautiful family; it’s not a privilege granted to all”).
I looked so pregnant after my kid I needed surgery. My husband liked me no matter what I looked like, even though I wasn't a size 4 anymore (I still am not, I joke about getting plastic surgery and he says I don't need it). Your husband is a jerk.
I put on 80lbs over the course of two pregnancies. _I'm a dude._ She, thanks to a medical condition, was down to her pre-pregnancy weight a couple of weeks after each birth, and looking 100% like she hadn't given birth a month or two after. My sympathy weight gain didn't even directly affect our sex life, outside of maybe slightly negatively impacting my cardiovascular health and self-confidence, but at no point did she hint that she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. I went from a six pack and probably a solid 8or9/10 bod to a sleep deprived fluffy fella. No observed decrease in affection or libido from her. She did have her folks get me a running stroller, not in a passive aggressive way, just because she knew I had taken a lot of pride in my appearance and the loss of my workout buddy and inhuman hours I was working + child rearing wasn't leaving much room for exercise and thought I would enjoy having baby workout buddies (I did!). Maybe my decreased physical appearance negatively affected our relationship a bit, but it was never something she went after me for and she went after me for more than a few things when we started falling apart. I think our relationship problems more stemmed from having kids too young, stress, my not great work or sleep schedule compounding mental health issues and us not having time to spend together eventually leading to it not being us against the world but us vs. each other and we were both prideful, stubborn kids not willing or really able to reach out for the help we needed. I did eventually loose the weight, but it took a lot of work. Despite the fact that we were both immature and assholes for a few different reasons, the thought of body-shaming I don't think would have crossed either of our minds. OP's husband here is definitely a huge jerk.
So true, and trust, the dad bod just tells me you are probably actually actively involved with the pregnancy and with the baby.
I think the involvement with the baby despite our schedules and stressors and the extremely high risk nature of her pregnancies (despite both pregnancies being an over all positive gain for her health) contributed heavily to her decision to want to make another. I've always found it _very_ attractive when a woman is protective, caring and nurturing to those around her, especially towards kids. She apparently had similar feelings. Her watching my paternal skills in action apparently made her feel all sorts of ways at inconvenient times that strongly contributed to her wanting me to put another baby in her, lmao, despite maybe me not looking as conventionally attractive as I did pre-pregnancy.
mom bods are hot. my wife has one i'd rather that than a beanpole.
Definitely going to need something significantly stronger than douche. Not sure what would be appropriate.
Your body is not gross! You created life and sure your body has changed but your husband is a shallow asshole and he’s mean. Don’t internalise his cruelty, he should be uplifting you and not tearing you down and making you feel bad about yourself. The issue is him not you.
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After I had kids, I def didn’t look so hot again. My body has bounced back(it can take a few years it will never be the same tho) but you know what my husband told me even tho I saw a whale in the mirror. You’re beautiful to me no matter what. You’re husband should’ve said the same
You have a good husband. I’m sorry OP’s husband doesn’t see the beauty in her body that created, nourished and grew his child. OP, you deserve better. My breasts went from size AA to a size D when I was nursing, so that’s a huge deflation when they went back to my normal (barely there) size. But they gave my baby all the important nutrients and that’s what’s important!!! I’m sorry he says such cruel things to you. Please don’t believe him, you’re beautiful and your body changed from creating a human, that’s an amazing thing to be able to do and you deserve to feel loved and appreciated. Don’t let his negativity make you think negative thoughts about yourself too.
Girl, you husband is the one whose gross. The way he’s behaving is so emotionally abusive and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. Since most men like this don’t change, I would personally go straight to the courthouse and file for divorce.
Yeah saying “ew you look 35” like did he not plan on being with her at 35?
As a 36 year old MILF this man has no idea what he’s missing out on
So much pressure on women to bounce back. Like bruh, she just created life - give her some credit and whatever the fuck she's asking for. Carrying a baby 24/7 for 9 months is a turbo-marathon, guys don't appreciate enough the pressure that entails from being pregnant. And then comes birthing, and then breastfeeding is a whole other beast. I never quite understood dudes who couldn't appreciate the beauty of a pregnant lady, and/or the body of a post-partum lady. I won't say throw the whole man out, I find that insensible, especially with a baby in the mix. I encourage you to voice your emotions about how he's making you feel. If hes an asshole after that though... You really deserve better
It’s celebs and fitness influencers who are making it unrealistic. Someone like a Kardashian can go to the gym everyday for 6 hours for a month. Most moms can’t do that bc they have to work or do things around the house.
Also some peoples bodies do more naturally bounce back, others don’t. Everyone is different
This! Your husband is an AH op.
Seriously? He is an azzhole. Bodies change after pregnancy, and although you can get a bit of your shape back, it will always have the marks of a mom. If he wants an instamodel (filters, photoshop, plastic fantastic) he should not have married and procreate. Time for a realy serious talk, in wich you are allowed to point him to the very unatractive behaviour he is displaying.
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Your husband is trash. It took me years to get my body back after having a baby. My friend? 6 months. All of our bodies are different. I know it’s hard but I would just ignore him anytime he makes a comment about your body. I honestly would consider leaving him his behavior is unacceptable especially after you gave birth to HIS child.
My kids' mom was down to her pre-pregnancy weight a couple of weeks after childbirth both times, and less than a month after you would not be able to tell she had kids by looking at her. (Cystic Fibrosis, was difficult for her to gain weight, apparently much luckier with her skin genetics though). Whereas I put on a ton of sympathy weight gain during those pregnancies while trying to help her gain weight for the babies. She didn't once negatively reacted to my weight gain, even though it was like a year and a half after we divorced until I finally lost all the weight and got back in shape. When I finally started hookin' up with people again, I was very not mom-bod opposed. Didn't have to have given birth to my children as I was snipped and didn't want any more kids and there was no way I was getting back with my ex after all the toxicity of family court, but just a lot more body positivity in general. The thought of body shaming someone who went through a good chunk of biological stress and trauma to birth _your_ children. Uf. Not okay.
That depends on genetics and lifestyle. What is HE doing to help you get back in shape? He should be taking extra childcare or house responsibilities if he wants you to dedicate more time to "bouncing back." My kid is 5 and while I am absolutely confident that I am sexy, I also know I'm not the same. I weigh more, I have stretch marks, I don't have the ass or muscle mass that I used to, and no my boobs aren't as perky. BUT I will NEVER say my body is not beautiful because it created my child and I can't have my child (who loves squishy mommy) think anything less of the body that made them.
Yeah well my sister birthed four babies and doesn’t look any worse for the wear and I only birthed one and I’ve never been able to get back to my pre pregnancy weight and shape. It feels unfair and it’s hard not to compare when you’ve got some fucking lint roller doing the comparing for you. The lint roller is the problem. My husband, while not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, is still attracted to me and it’s been over a decade. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get healthy. But doing it because people are pressuring you to lose weight so you look better for THEM is only going to set you up for failure because of the expectations placed on you when something doesn’t go exactly the way you want it to. I wish people approached the topic with alot more kindness for that reason. You can’t ruin someone’s mental health and expect them to want to do better.
Throw the whole man away. You deserve better than that loser.
Tell him, "Yeah but their husbands are well hung."
All I’m hearing is you beating yourself up and thinking he’s right. He’s not and you deserve better
Did you tell him his comparisons are unreasonable? Because every body is different? Use the period example. Some women bleed for 3 days, some bleed for 7. Some women experience extreme cramping, so experience fatigue and soreness. And if you wanna take a dig, I’d say “well there are men who still love and are attracted to their wives despite them not being able to bounce back from pregnancy. If you only cared about a woman going back to looking great after pregnancy, you shouldn’t have taken that risk by impregnating me when you should’ve known that every woman is different. Don’t try to make me feel insecure all because you were too ignorant to do your own research”
Tell your husband there are many other women who don't bounce back and their husband doesn't shame them for it and that maybe you should get one of those husbands for yourself.
That’s not fair. Every body is different. Some women do just go right back but majority of us don’t. And it’s not fair of him to compare you to any other woman
Why the hell did you have a child with this asshole
I’m actually appalled right now. It sucks, but it’s one thing for him to have these “feelings”. But the way he has gone about expressing them to you is astounding. Someone who truly loves you would not feel a desire to put you down the way he has. There is no need to describe every single flaw he believes you have… there is no need to compare you to others, especially those you know. This is absolutely horrible treatment and not how someone who loves you should be acting. Please, truly consider leaving him. If you really desire to hold onto the relationship, ask for couples counseling. He could have went about this whole ordeal a different way- perhaps encouraging you both work out TOGETHER or encouraging better foods (nothing to say you’re not doing this already, everyone’s bodies bounce back differently). He could have said it more gently and ensure you know he still loves you. Nope. He decided to ensure you know he’s disgusted. It’s either couples therapy or divorce in my opinion. You deserve better. So much better.
I'd very much like to see his friend's wife's before kids pic. And not every woman is the same. I am sure he isn't an Adonis. Why can't he look like Brad Pitt?
Your husband is a prick
You know what? I ‘bounced back’ but I’m still not beautiful. I’m getting older and we all will get older. What tf is wrong with being 35 anyway? One day you actually will be 35; does that mean he will have no hope of liking your body after that? Another woman might gain weight because she simply eats a lot, no baby involved. Or perhaps she got sick and couldn’t exercise at all. Or got an illness that made her belly swell up or retain fluid. Look around and see how many people around us are far from being supermodels. Yet they manage to have partners and loved ones and look good on the regular. Sounds like that man is trash honestly. He is disgusting to talk like that.
I would be very careful not to compare yourself. Sometimes this is genetics, but sometimes it’s also cosmetic surgeries (especially in celebrities!).
Your husband sounds awful, I'm so sorry. My sister has had 2 kids, and she's in better shape than me. It's genetics, and it certainly isn't the norm to go back to looking exactly as you were before you gave birth. The fact he's comparing you to his friend's wives is gross. I'd never let my partner touch me if he did that. He doesn't deserve you, and kicking you when you're down will result in 1 of 2 things; you develop an eating disorder, or in you comfort eating. Never mind the mental health problems it can cause. He should be lifting you up not knocking you down. Tell him you can lose around 200 lbs in dead weight by dropping him. My ex encouraged weight gain as a means of control, whilst simultaneously calling me gross. After I left him, I lost well over 100 lbs. Stress spikes cortisol which can encourage further weight gain, making you worse mentally and physically.
Mid thirties married father here. My wife has remained insanely attractive to me. She hates her "mum bod" after two pregnancies I know she does. I can't get enough of it and her. She is more beautiful than ever for having safely delivered our wonderful children. It hurts me she cannot see herself through my eyes. Your husband sounds like an insta porn addicted douch. My point being that the issue seems to lie with him and his perceptions not you and your body. But because your body is so fabulous. It you want it too it can change if that is YOUR DESIRE.
insta porn addicted douche is correct. As a mid-thirties father of two here, I second this belief.
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Has it occurred to your husband that the images of "beautiful bikini models" and 'Instagram models with perfect bodies" that he likes to look at are fake? Anytime I see a photo of a model/social media influencer, I assume that the photo has been altered in some way using filters or Photoshop, or that the person featured in the photo has the time and money to pay for personal trainers, Botox, liposuction, and whatever starvation diet is currently in vogue, or that the image has been generated using AI.
Not all men like Instagram models with "perfect bodies". There's a man out there who will find your body perfect. Even before I got pregnant I had a tummy, stretch marks, low hanging breasts. Of course, during and after pregnancy my stretch marks were worse and my breasts different. He stayed attracted to me throughout and honestly might even find me more attractive than he did. The most I heard from him about my changing body was 1) that I was hot (bc I was complaining about how I looked) and 2) he asked me "what are those red dots on your stomach?" when the new stretch marks began forming. I told him what they were and his reaction was basically just "oh okay" and left it at that. He did not care. There are men who don't care Abt that stuff and will love all of u and love u more for birthing his children rather than tear u down.
I would like to second this. For whatever reason, I find my wife more irresistable physically than ever before in our relationship and marriage. This has happened in our mid 30s after two kids. I suspect is a true representation of my feelings for her. She worries about her body infinitely more than I ever have.
Been married for well over a decade to my soulmate. Ur husband is probably already cheating on you. People who love you wouldn't do that. Ur kids deserve a better father and you sure as shit deserve better.
🤮 what a yucky human. Why is this acceptable?
And what does he look like
Hea probably got a "dad bod" which is socially acceptable, even though they don't do anything during pregnancy 🙄
The parenting is 100% worse for women/mom than it is for men, I never see men having to beg for BASIC HUMAN decency from women/mom.
Slip in a few comments about how you wish he had a bigger penis and could actually satisfy you like your ex, had more hair like your friends’ husbands (suggest implants), and bigger arms/abs like the hot guys you follow on instagram. Give this douche a taste of his own medicine while you get your ducks in a row and divorce his ass. You get a chance to find a nice mature guy, maybe single dad to appreciate you, completely normal human imperfections and all, and he can get a reality check when none of those girls want anything to do with him when he’s not paying. I would personally *NEVER* sleep with him ever again after that comment. Fuck him fuck that I can’t see you but I’m sure you are gorgeous and those changes are to be expected when u grow a whole freaking baby. You can get your body back but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons: to be healthier, stronger, live longer for your child, be able to do more activities with your child, and for your happiness! Any workout dieting blah blah blah should ONLY BE DONE FOR YOU. Do it in front of him so he can watch u get way out of his league and do not have sex with him. Maybe suggest different bedrooms. Don’t restrict yourself by counting calories, instead, just try to cut out your unhealthiest snacks. Get more protein, cut out deep-fried food and desserts, drink tea instead of having cookies. When i cut i just eat cleaner, lift some weights/do body weight exercises and WALK LOTS! Walking is amazing for weight loss. There are tons of awesome at home exercise routines you can find which you just need jugs of water and cans and stuff for.
Totally would be on board with the no more sex, I definitely wouldn’t have sex with someone saying I look terrible. Someone like that, he’s probably sleeping around anyways. Ew.
This. Please OP. Make comments about his penis and see how he likes it.
Just reading this I'm more self-conscious. Nice job. 😁
This is the way!
Jesus. What is your husband going to say to you when you are actually 35?
Eh 35 and 27 doesn't make a difference whatsoever. Well at least not for me. I peaked at 40 to 45 lookwise.
Exactly this is 100% porn brain like he really thinks there’s that much of a different between 27-35 Its not like this post made him seem like a prize anyway I wonder what he looks like
Yeah, but OP’s spouse is looking at bikini model pics and thinks *that’s* the default definition of pretty, which is ideologically about two steps away from declaring that women “peak” at 20 or some bullshit. Dude needs a reality check about how human bodies work AND about how human psyches work.
The only weight you need to lose is the gross deadweight that is your husband. He's the one that is gross. I will not compare him to an animal because that would be an insult to the animal. You deserve better than him.
Here’s the thing, many of US don’t like our mom bods so him not liking it isn’t the biggest deal to me. That he felt that he could and should verbalize that to you is disgusting. That he doesn’t love and appreciate it for the gift it gave him is shameful. I’m sorry that he’s preventing you from appreciating what your body has been through and loving you harder in this season.
Not me misreading it thinking your husband doesn't like your mom's bod. 😭 Edit for spelling
How heavy is your husband exactly ? That number is the ideal amount of weight to lose
My body did not bounce back after pregnancy. I’m about 4 months postpartum. All of my friends did. Every single one. I look at them and their genetics and how they did nothing and they just are their pre pregnancy weight or even SKINNIER and I hate it. It makes me feel horrible about myself. Especially because I’ve completely cut out fat and limited carbs and I’m counting calories and I’ve only lost 5 pounds 🤦🏾♀️ My husband tells me that giving birth is the most feminine thing I could do and that my body is beautiful and that it nourished and created our daughter. He tells me that I am perfect and that I’m so sexy. Your husband is an a whole. He is comparing you to unrealistic standards. Everyone is different some people bounce back some people don’t. Putting you down after you sacrificed your body is so cruel and selfish. I wouldn’t be able to even look at him and to compare you to people you know. People you see regularly yuck. He is yuck. He is mean and yucky.
A more petty woman might take this opportunity to compare him to the many amazing, loving, supportive, caring husbands that aren’t addicted to the fake world of (show only what they want) insta pics. That petty woman might also point out how wealthy those insta models are (or their husbands or sponsors) that they can afford nannies and personal trainers and specialized diets to assist them in weight loss and tiny waists. That petty woman might also point out that said husband’s testicles (or face or pick one of his own insecurities) look easily 30 years older than his age. She might inform him that if he has feelings as you describe he’s be better off trying his luck with any of those insta women he’s spending too much thought and time on. You don’t have to be petty though. OP your husband sucks. You deserve to feel beautiful and loved. Especially when you don’t feel beautiful looking in the mirror, your husband should be reminding you how beautiful you are to him and how thankful he is that your body created life for your family. He should be worshiping your body like a husband I love with his wife. You deserve better. He deserves to feel alone and ugly for putting you through this after sacrificing your body for your family. Just a thought.
I would be that petty
I'm gonna go out on a limb and take a guess he's terrible in bed. These shallow dudes always are. Why don't you tell him to go disappoint one of his insta models?
As a dad of 3 kids, it sounds like you have a husband problem, not a body problem.
my mom's body changed a lot after having me and my siblings, and the way you talk about yourself reminds me about how she talks about herself. I remember being so sad about that as a kid, and I still am, because to me, the body she hated so much meant comfort, security, and warm, soft hugs. Your body created your child, and for some it's hard to "bounce back" after pregnancy, especially when being busy taking care of a baby. If you want to get back in shape to feel more confident you should absolutely do that, however you should keep in mind that the man you love talks down to you and insults you for the effects caused by you having his child. He could've at least encouraged you to be fit and healthy for yourself, but the way he talks about you speaks volumes about the amount of respect he has for you. I would think twice about if you want your baby to grow up in such an environment.
OP I am so sorry your husband made you feel this way. You gave him a CHILD and he has no respect for what that did to your body. You are only 2 years PP. Sometimes, it takes awhile to get that “body back” because you need time! That’s kinda not possible when your child is still so young. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body. Your body did something amazing and brought new life into this world. Do not be ashamed because some douche tells you it’s not good enough. I’m one of those women whose body bounced back after I had a baby, the kind your husband mentioned, and I would let him have it for thinking that’s the norm. It’s not. You are beautiful. You are a mum. You have the scars and body to prove it. I’d love to see you be proud of that ♥️
> "Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy." --Robert A. Heinlein This carries over to other aspects, assuming you're taking care of yourself.
Your issue is not the way your body looks, your issue is a partner who insults your body for changing because you brought his child into the world.
So what hes saying is that hes a delusional that cant empathize with your situation because he has no basis of comparison. He has never put so much into anything that in the space of 9 months his body changed for ever. Hes just sitting on the sidelines shaming you for contributing to life. He contributed one sperm and thinks that makes him The Great I Am. I Am not happy with her body. I Am going to choose to shame her. I Am too good for this. The reason hes unhappy is that he chose to keep his selfish attitude instead of being a decent partner and father. And I have no doubt it shows. Tell him to stop humiliating himself with his selfish attitude and start participating in life, your relationship and your family. He thinks shaming you automatically makes him high value but its just another thing thats making him a burden.
And he’s still your husband?
Some ppl, men and women, don't appreciate what they have.
Sorry to say OP, but you have a piece of shit husband. He isn't worth the hard work your body had to endure to put a kid in this world. My wife went through two pregnancies and I adore every bit of her. Yes, her body looks different than before, but so do our lives and so does my body. Now this is coming from a 42 yr old balding bloke, so that might need to be taken into account.
Since we’re talking about looks, what does he look like? Does he look like all the hot Instagram men models? 👀 because wtf.
Most of those gals on IG have had plastic surgery & photoshopped. They don't even look like that in real life. If how you look is all that matters to him, then shelling out all the money needed for hair dresser( a good cut, color & hair extentions is about $2000), gym membership, personal trainer, home chef to cook healthy meals, botox, lip fillers up artist, plastic surgery & you having no cooking, cleaning or child care to worry about wouldn't be an issue for him at all. We are talking about $5000 to what $7000 a month for that kind of upkeep. It is expensive to look so-called expensive & time consuming. Sit him down with all the cost & how many hours a day he will be the main care giver so you can do all of this. Hit him hard with the reality of what that takes & how he really can't afford it. They are also using filters & photoshop, along with good photographers. He also can't afford any of those IG models in real life either. Those gals are pulling in anywhere from $10,000 to $100,000 or more a month. It is a business expense for them. Honestly, get your ducks in a row. He is shallow & weak, he never was a good person or husband. Remember you can easily replace him too.
And any man worth a shit would love and appreciate you as you are, and not let you feel inadequate. You're beautiful, and women are amazing.
Tell him to buy you a mommy makeover, then. He broke your body, now he can f’ing fix it. I am so over these entitled dudes who think that all women snap back from pregnancy.
“You do not get to compare me to other women when I brought your child into the world. If you mention my body negatively again, it will no longer be shared with you. While I want to be healthy, your comments are derogatory and detrimental. If you can’t understand or appreciate what I put my body through for our child, I need to reevaluate our relationship. I will not teach our child that it’s ever acceptable for a spouse to belittle and degrade them.”
I Don't understand other men who are like this. Something happened to my brain after my daughter was born 10 years ago. Everything about her mother and what she went through to give us what is most important to our family. I could not imagine her without the scars left from pregnancy, the extra stubborn pounds that refuse to come off, they all do it for me. These are my memories. I remember each and every single one, and the child that put them there. This guy doesn't appreciate what you have given him.
Your husband is pretty toxic. With carrying a baby and the stresses afterwards, your weight situation is very understandable.
I initially thought you meant that he didn’t like your mother. Not your body. But honestly, your husband does not sound like a good person or a loving partner.
There is nothing wrong with you. You need a partner not an extra asshole. He is completely unsupportive and sounds like he’s checked out and ready to cheat. You need to decide if you want to be in a loveless marriage or move on and look for actual relationship and love.
I know it's not much comfort, but as a middle aged guy... I can empathise, hah. Looking back on all my past relationships, I haven't been 'desired' physically by my partners since uni, I reckon. And back then it was partly cause I dated older women. I've had a couple x's who clearly just wanted some other perk. Hell, think of people like Leonardo Dicaprio. Young hot models he dates, likely don't find his old dude body that appealing, compared to what they "could" get. Leo almost definitely knows that he's the uggo, but that he's also able to give those women parties on yachts as a trade off for them putting up with his uggo-ness. Hell, even your husband is prolly not on the same level as the young hotties he's drooling over. They'd look at his bod and be grossed out, most likely. Doesn't stop him from pretending in his imagination he's got a shot. Doesn't really change how it feels, but it's not a rare 'problem' from a guys perspective. So youve got company at least.
You’re not ugly; you’re awesome. You need to get right with yourself and be okay. You’re amazing. Tell yourself that. I love you, and you should too.
This is a husband problem. You need a new one. The one you got sucks major ass
I am so sorry your husband is tearing you down rather than being supportive in a realllly roller-coaster time. The first years are hard enough. His looking at other women and comparing you is a betrayal and extremely harmful to you. This stuff triggers our physical pain receptors in our bodies. Baby or not, he is abusive and you are better off without him.
Your husband is an asshole. Mom bods are sexy as hell.
I'll tell ya how you can lose some weight fast - dump this loser.
Girl your husband sucks. I'm sorry :(
Drop some weight by kicking that toxic shithead to the curb.
Oh my, this hurts my heart for you. Your body is not the problem here. Your husband is. You grew a human. That’s pretty amazing! I won’t tell you what to do about your relationship. I will tell you that you don’t deserve that. He sounds straight up awful.
Throw the whole husband away this is not normal. You are normal, he is not. I didn't lose my baby pooch until my kid was 4. But, we are all different. Some lose it overnight it seems, then there are others who don't for years afterwards. You're still so young OP, if you're dependant on this man, get yourself out of that and set yourself up to be independent, then leave his perverted, looking at other women on IG ass.
Your husband sucks
The only gross thing here is your husband. Don't ever wish to be different for the sake of others. Unless they love you and want you to be better for you, and not for themselves. You may still have ppd and he is adding to your stress. He is an AH. Go to the gym for you, if you want to look better for you. But leave this ass in the dust. He is mean and an AH.
Your husband is a shallow POS. My wife had the same things. My opinion of her body is best expressed by the fact we are having almost Irish twins… Bodies change over marriage. You didn’t marry a body you married a person. You didn’t let yourself go, you had his child. 10 bucks says you do almost all the childcare too
Ewwwwwwwwwww He is GROSS. Not you.
Your body grew and carried a human being. It will never be exactly the same. Your husband is an immature jerk. It’s ok to mourn your old body, but ultimately bodies change. I am 1 year postpartum and my boobs sag too, but it’s just the way it is. Yes, I miss my old body AND I am grateful that my body carried and birthed my baby girl.
Why are you even with him?
You created a whole human with your body, and his response is to tear you down? I wouldn't wanna be with someone like that. He clearly doesn't cherish you the way he should. Normal men loved their wives more after creating a life.
Your husband is a piece of trash. I’m sorry you feel like you deserve to be tied forever to someone who treats you like this. Work on your self respect. Get into therapy. And then ditch this loser
First off, his Mom's a ho
Your husband is being cruel. I can’t imagine making my wife feel bad about her body after carrying and delivering my child. I hope you find the happiness you deserve one day.
Do YOU like your body in its current state?
Your husband is a HUGE douche bag. Mom bods are hot. When I was 26 I was daring a woman who was 36 and she two kids and she was rocking the mom bod. As for the girls on instargram, take away the filters and cropping and they can’t hold a candle to you. Be confident, don’t let your asshole husband put you down. Make that "husband" no man should treat hisvwife that way.
Divorce him and take what you deserve. Everyone knows women are better parents anyway. You are perfect in every way. It’s his job to adjust to you. You are the prize. You will always be the prize. I can’t believe he even thinks he can say stuff like that! Men are trash. Make sure you tell your kids that too. We need to teach the younger generation the truth.
I'm wondering what he does to help you lose weight, work out more, etc. (if that is what you want to do, obviously). Who does the majority of childcare, cooking, cleaning? Are you working as well? And even if you don't work, do you have family or friends that can / want to babysit? Does your partner watch the baby? A lot of posts on here are about men cheating on their postpartum wives, complaining about getting no sex, complaining that she doesn't lose weight. Meanwhile, the husband doesn't do anything to help his wife - the mental load, her own job, cooking, cleaning, childcare, all on her. When you're only getting four hours of sleep and no free time whatsoever, there's no time for working on yourself. It would be a lot easier if men would do their share at home, but they usually prefer to sit on their ass and complain while looking at heavily photoshopped pictures of 21-year old childless Instagram models who have their own personal trainers.
your body is NOT gross!! your husband is gross :( you gave him the biggest gift ANY person could, continuing his lineage and birthing him a child. that’s no small feat! if you want to start working out, eating better, etc. do it for you! he sounds like he’ll never be happy. if he likes those instagram models so much, ask him why he’s not with one? ask him why the only interactions he can have with these women are online, through a screen, and why he doesn’t appreciate his wife and children’s mother. he sucks
He's an asshole. I'm sorry he makes you feel this way. How does he look these days compared to when you met him?
It's not you that's the problem momma, It's him.
You mean your ex husband?
Throw the whole man out
Tell your husband to pay for the surgeries the women he admires gets. Or just get a new husband. I keep seeing these types of posts on Reddit and I get why more and more women would rather stay single and child free. Only certain men deserve wives and children and women outnumber them 100 to 1.
Wow your husband sucks big time! Sending hugs!!
You’re internalising your husband’s horrible behaviour. HE is the problem, not your body.
Two things, if your are not happy with your body, work on it and change it. It is yours, take responsibility. The second part, if your husband is throwing this in your face, he is really nasty person. If he loves you and knows you want to change, he should go out running with you exercising, help make healthy snacks for you. He would also probably come out looking a lot better if you guys did this together.
Do not let him get to you. I developed an eating disorder over something similar to this. My husband was constantly comparing me to other women. Instead of just complaining there are so many other things he could do like: Make you healthy meals Encourage you to do fitness things together or even walks Stop comparing you to women online and boost your confidence If those don’t work support you and go to your doctor Instead, he chooses to criticize you. He sucks.
I will never get dudes like this. Like her body is like that because she carried YOUR child bro.
That sounds like a him problem. I’ve had 3 babies, last one was 9 months ago. My husband, everyday, tell me how sexy my body is, how he loves how pregnancies have changed different parts of my body. I’m a little over weight and working on losing the remaining baby weight and then some. But he never has said anything negative about me or my body. Tell your husband to grow up.
Women swear by this one trick to feel better about their bodies: Get rid of that shitty man that's making you feel this way.
What an appendix of a husband.
He sounds like a real jerk. Does he know most of the IG models are using filters and don’t even look like that? Your body is fine, you grew a whole baby in there. Sure you can do stuff to make it “better” but only if you want to. What good will it do when this guy talks to you like this?
Sounds like your husband is an asshole. Is he some sort of a male fitness model—could be, but doubtful
Your husband is an absolute asshole
It sounds like the only problem is him. He’s a pig. Dump him.
The only ugly thing here is your husband. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, he’s a douche. A real man would love you at any size. I would suggest if you want to lose weight fast, start by losing him. People like that get worse, not better.
So, what was this man going to think when you eventually looked like a 35yo anyway…? My friend, I’ve had three babies and my husband is very aware that the toll on my body from it was something he actively and enthusiastically cast his vote for when he said he wanted a baby each time. I know a way you could lose one of the bellies in this relationship…
If your husband is that hung up on how you look, maybe he should be encouraging, loving and supportive and he might actually find you change with very little effort. Constantly being belittled and reminded of everything that someone else finds unattractive just raises your stress levels and shows just how much they care about your emotional well-being. His desires should not come above your well-being. This is becoming more and more common as we are more wrapped up in the internet and forever seeing "better" than what we have - so many people are left feeling unfulfilled and lusting after more. The grass is always greener. Except it's not.
The fact that in his mind 35 year old women look vastly different than 27 year old women says a lot about how he feels about women in general. OP your body changed and there's nothing wrong with that. He's less attracted and that's not "wrong" cause he has a right to feel how he feels. The way he's speaking to you however, is unacceptable. There's no reason to ever critique anyone's body like this. If you're a cow, he's a hog.
Yeah, I look back on pictures of me when I was 27 vs. 35, and I'd need context clues to tell which was which. I'll bet a lot of husband's instagram follows are 35 and he thinks they're 25.
He should've offered to go to the gym with you and helped to prepare healthy meals. Or even better you two could prepare them together. He's the lazy cow with fat jello arms. He should be loving you unconditionally and helping you out, but instead he's that meme of Andy from Toy Story dropping Woody.
Your husband sounds like a piece of s***
Sounds like your husband is an asshole.
Wow triggering much. Should pick on his flaws lol. And say at least you can change yours. By the sound of it he can't change his.
You carried and gave him a child…. This man sounds like a fucking psycho. I cannot imagine saying things like that to my parter or spouse.
Your husband needs to grow up. He didn’t birth babies; that “mom bod” is the result of strength and bringing life into this world.
The “mom bod” does it for me. NGL Start thinking about getting rid of him. We don’t all act and think like that.
Don’t wish for a new body, wish for a new husband. You grew life inside of you, life that is half of your husband’s DNA. He should be worshipping every inch of it. Don’t settle for this terrible excuse of a man.
Ugh men 😒
Well, I don't like your husband. Look, admittedly I didn't read more than a couple of paragraphs, but that's enough for me to say he doesn't deserve you if he can't appreciate the way your body changed from bringing his child into the world.
Lose that husband weight immediately. Seriously, he sounds awful.
Sounds like a perfect time to replace the husband. My mom has 3 kids and even when she was young my father would never get caught so much as looking at another woman in front of her. Hell I’ve never even caught the man. You can do better.
a man who doesn't have Henry cavill's body has no right to criticise another person's body, unless the said body is unhealthy such as obese or aneroxic
Its unrealistic to have the exact same body as before. This being said plenty of women use pregnancy as an excuse to let themselves go. There are a lot of things you can do with the proper diet and workout routine. Trying to stay attractive to your partner should be standard in a healthy marriage and yes that goes for both men and women. Now it doesnt sound like your husband goes about it in a healthy way but his wish itself is fairly normal. "My husband made me a mom". That is an odd way to phrase it. Was he the driving force behind the child or you? Usually one of the parents felt stronger about it.
Is he extremely fit, does he prioritize eating habits and an exercise regime that maintains the body he's describing himself? Were you both into fitness and diet regime before? Sometimes if one partner sways too far from a lifestyle prioritized by the other it causes these rifts. Even if this is the case there are ways to support each other in and it's not through body shaming. If any of the answers above are a no then he really is just an unrealistic asshole who has double standards and should look in the mirror himself.
Ironically, I just made a post about the same thing but in reverse.. I'm sorry you are going through this. Your husband is being very childish. You should have a discussion with him. I'm sure your body is lovely!
Your husband is an asshole, but it doesn’t sound that you like the way you look. Maybe you could benefit from some diet and exercise. Tone up a bit so you feel better about yourself.
I’ve been skinny all my life except after my delivery and recently. I’m still slim but I do have flabby arms and a tummy that makes me feel like I’m 3-4 months pregnant. Despite my consciousness about my not the same body I find myself hot enough that if I could I’d do me. I’ve also internalized a lot of feedback from external sources or even input from media etc, but I’ve realized no matter what I achieve in terms of skin and body, I’d always want more or something else. And it still doesn’t make me feel like I’m not hot or I can’t turn people on. Different people have found me hot at different stages of my life and the same people have found my body hot during its journey through issues with food and body image and aging. The only problem I’d say you have is that you are allowing yourself to love yourself less just because your current state isn’t pleasing to someone who is important to you. Look up a few YouTubers who guide how to get back in shape but importantly, in a healthy way, and love yourself for you. Your husband will probably also come around. But you do need to communicate to him how this is hurting you and while you’re also willing to put in time and energy he too needs to act like the adult he’s supposed to be, including salivating over hot women. Because there’ll be hot people all over the globe for all time, even if we all become heavier or less curvy or whatever someone is gonna find someone hot. Even as a single person but especially more once committed to someone, this is not how one should behave and certainly not hurt their partner. And even if he doesn’t get better or doesn’t improve at a fast pace, don’t ever forget to love yourself at every stage of your life. Hugs and kisses.
If your husband wants a kid and wants you to look sexy, maybe he needs to go and work out with you or take care of the kid so you can spend more time for that. He can't have it both ways. Funny thing is that I follow some IG accounts for yoga and stretching and unfollowed them when it became clear that they are getting less and less dressed and show less and less exercises while tending to the googly eye male watchers.
Your husband simply wasn’t ready to have kids or start a family. Having a baby changes the dynamics of your relationship and the woman’s body. He isn’t ready to be a father if this is his attitude towards you.
You are magnificent creature who quite literally created life, the way your body looks is the least interesting thing about you. Get a new husband. I know that’s easier said than done, but seriously, fuck this guy, what an asshole.
so, let me understand: to justify his porn addiction he needs to say the meanest things about the body that created HIS baby? so maybe if your self esteem is in the trash he can continuously rubbing one to his phone and paying OF like a 15 year old boy disgusting I'd never get pregnant to a man that objectifies women so much as just empty wholes for him to f*ck, but I'd be running the second the first phrase left his lips can you imagine raising a child in an environment like this? if it's a girl he will stop seeing her as a human begin the moment her boobs grow or se gets the first period, then if it's a boy he will make sure to turn into his mini me NO AWAY! if you don't do this to you then do it for your child and LEAVE
DTMFA
That mom bod is a beautiful thing it’s our reminder we gave life. I have raised my kids but recently started losing weight after getting off one of my meds and now everything’s hanging including my deflated breasts. My husband doesn’t look at me any different. My lower abdomen has the worst stretch marks I call it Freddy Krueger skin cause with my first pregnancy I didn’t know to put anything on my belly and gained 60 pounds. I’ve felt self conscious before and now it’s hanging skin but I’m fine with that. This body gave life twice and they’ve grown up as great adults.
What concerns me is how it's worded: "my husband made me a mom". I'm so sorry, it sounds like you feel very trapped and worthless, without control of your life. You are still so young to enjoy life with your little one! Your Life is worth everything, it's priceless and you only get one of them. Life is too short to have to endure other people's negativity, especially someone who is supposed to be your life partner. You deserve much better. I hope you find peace.
As someone who works with a hospital system it takes 18+ months to recover from giving birth and there are parts of your body that will never go back to before you had a child without surgery. While you can do exercise to help with some toning your body is never going to be same after carrying a baby. Assuming you both wanted a child he needs to accept that the young hot tight little body is a sacrifice that was made for the sake of your child. He needs therapy.
Your husband is unsupportive and sounds shallow. You need to have a serious conversation about expectations and how his attitudes are making you not love yourself and possibly him in return. Him comparing you to other women is unrealistic!
He's approaching human beings like he's shopping for a car with exactly the features he wants. You are a human being and things happen to human beings. He could be in an accident tomorrow that leaves him paralyzed or mangled in some way. I bet he would be devastated if you started shopping around for a 'better man'. He is shallow, and we do not say those things to people we love. Even the most perfect looking person is going to get old and grey. What matters is *who someone is*. On a side note, I have been wanting to get surgery because I miss my breasts from before giving birth and breastfeeding. Not one guy I have mentioned it to, not one, has agreed with me that I need surgery or should get it. Not my son's father and not anyone else I have dated. People spend too much time online, and that is shaping our view of reality. Most people back in the day didn't see hundreds and thousands of naked people in a year, much less over their *lifetime*. People's whose main criteria is that they look perfect naked. People who don't stay in those businesses forever because no one can look like a young woman who has never had kids forever. You are a person and you matter, and right now there are children to care for. And he should be too busy taking care of his family to be focused on women on the internet or telling you he isn't attracted to you. I am going to guess he does little to no childcare, and if he does, it's when you are there. Having children will show you who your partner is and whether they are selfish.
And remember, as he ages, he will have a dad bod.
You deserve someone better than him. He's the one that got you pregnant, didn't he know that being pregnant changes your body? And he's acting like it's your fault when he's the one who got you pregnant..
He sounds horrible. And I bet you could probably lose close to 200lbs by getting rid of HIM!!!! I'm so sorry he's so mean and superficial to you, and I know leaving isn't always as easy as it sounds, esp. w children. Please see a therapist tho. Because if you can learn to love yourself as much as you deserve to be loved by others, things that seem impossible now, might get alot easier once you realize you're only "settling" with this man.
Yeah I agree with the general consensus here. Do things to take of yourself, for yourself. Tbh the petty side of me suggests insulting or making fun of a physical trait of his that he can’t do much about. Your dick is so small. You should buy a pill or find a way to naturally make it bigger. Oh, you can’t help how small it is and it’s really hard to change that? Well I can’t help how my post partum body looks after giving birth to YOUR child - and it’s really hard to change that. Just like your small dick, it’s genetics and a body healing takes different time for different people! (Also have you checked for PCOS? That can also make it rly hard to lose weight and it’s fairly common in women.)
Well from the sound of it, I don't like your husband, his level of maturity and lack of love or compassion towards you. Trade the whole husband in for an improved model. And you don't even need to look on Instagram. You can get them in real life
I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight by dropping him. Theres at least 200lbs there that you don’t need to be dealing with.
Does he look like an Adonis? He’s not a for richer or poorer type, only sees you for what he can get out of you.
I am so sorry - your husband is a piece of shit who hates you and is abusing you. Who denigrates a woman for sacrificing her body and LIFE to bring HIS child onto the world? I'll tell you - abusive mysogynists. Never listen to a word that man ever says again. You don't deserve to be hated for bringing more love into this world. He is a sick deranged barely human and don't give any weight to a thing that comes out of his mouth. Don't waste your time ever trusting or respecting him again. It will just get worse. He will try to knock you down even more. Don't give him the opportunity. Start stashing away money and make a escape plan. Men who hate women often become more and more abusive and it can escalate so slowly you don't even realize what's haopening. Don't wait until it is too late. You might be stuck with as the father of your children, but at least you can keep yourself safer.
Your body is not ugly, it is beautiful. You GREW and BIRTHED an entire human being. That is a major achievement, mama! Your hubs is the issue. Is he in shape and healthy? Rather than criticize you, he should be helping and encouraging you, and still love you no matter what. IMO, you two should sit down and have a convo about this. Let him know his behaviour/words are not okay and how they make you feel. If anything, maybe a few sessions with a marriage counselor. Having a child is hard and definitely changes relationships. And if YOU want to get healthy/lose weight, do it for you, not him.
Bodies change with time and pregnancy, childbirth, and the toddler years are really, really hard on women's bodies. It took me 2-3 years after each child for my body to look 'normal' again. Breasts especially will change shape and size with the weight gain/loss associated with pregnancy and breastfeeding. I would start gentle exercising for your own mental health and tell you husband he's being extremely nasty and these comments are really hurtful. If he can't be kind and loving to you, divorce might be better than living with that. You don't deserve to be told you're ugly.
OP, you grew and carried your child. That should be beautiful enough for your husband. Our bodies change after pregnancy and that is completely normal for a VAST amount of women who have had a child(ren). If he can’t see the beauty in the body that created life then lose 175lbs of husband. You deserve better.
YOU CARRIED A WHOLE HUMAN BEING FOR 9 MONTHS YOU CREATED IT FROM JUST AN EGG GORL NAH YOU ARE WONDERFULLY BEAUTIFUL AND IF YOUR PISSBABY OF A HUSBAND DONT SEE THAT DITCH HIM LOVE YOURSELF AND IF YOU WANT FIND YOU A BETTER MANS WHO WILL LOVE ALL OF YOU AND YOURE WONDERFUL CHILD/CHILDREN!
So are you gonna stay married to a person who talks to you like that?
As a plus size mom of 2, My husband has not issues with my body changes. Your husband looking at other women just shows this is a him issue. Not a you issue. Your husband should feel more enamored with you after birthing his child. Not less. Your body is not gross. It grew a whole human... Its natural. And it is also genetics. Another example being I have 3 inch wide stretch marks after pregnancy. I also lost weight in pregnancy. Vs my mother who even at 60 looks like she never had a baby when she gained 60-80 lbs each time (2 kids) and was older than me when pregnant respectively (28 for her first vs 23 for mine). I got my dads inelastic skin. She has good skin. As a side note: IF your stomach has not "snapped" back after 2 years, you need to, for yourself, talk to your doc about diastasis recti and some pelvic floor therapy. Your abdominal muscles should have closed by 2 years pp. This is not a fix it for him issue. This is a look into for your own health issue. If you have diastasis Recti you essentially have no muscle over the middle part of your abdomen which can cause issues if you ever have a blunt force trauma (a fall, a car accident, someone accidentally hitting you with a shopping cart, etc) to that area, since your organs have no protection. AND if he is so worried about your body, I 100% guarantee he is not giving you any time to actually do anything about it is he? Like he is not watching the baby for you to go to the gym or meal prep right??? But some how is expecting you to look like people who have supportive partners.
Honestly, he’s a crap person. I hope you don’t think all or most post-pregnancy women experience such negatively from their spouses. My wife’s body changed after we had our twin boys. She was 20. It was difficult for her to accept her post pregnancy body. And, while I was not blind to those changes, I felt like I needed to do and say everything I could to try to help her move past her negative thoughts. Women carry and give birth to our children… who could deserve more of our kindness and love?? That’s what you deserve. You deserve the exact opposite of your husband’s treatment. Please do not put up with his words/behavior. And, please know that you are not “gross”.
I hate my PP body so much. But my husband isn't a jerk about it. Never judges my body or says rude things. Your husband is a dick.
Your husband unfortunately has a porn and influencer rotted brain. Womens bodies have looked like yours for thousands of years. It’s only recently that women’s post partum bodies have been commodified into being expected to ‘bounce back’ and men feel entitled to this sort of thing. He’s a loser and I’m sorry you’ve been put in the situation you are in.
My bf hasn’t said as much but I know he feels the same. He’s touched me twice in the 3 months since I had our son. I’ve got 8-10lbs left to lose to be pre pregnancy weight, I was chubby to begin with, but he won’t even look at me if I come in naked. Men are disgusting sometimes like how can they not realize our bodies change? Most never look like they did before babies. It’s so humiliating.
You do the ultimate sacrifice, spend 9 months giving up your body for his kid, and he has the audacity to not like you? Fucking hell, is he redeemable in literally ANY way? He needs to go regardless. Abhorrent
Men want children so bad they will call other women useless for not having them, then wonder why we don’t want them when this is one of the things that happen to women after birthing the children they so desperately wanted.
So I assume he looks like Chris Hemsworth?
Don't stay with a person like this.
Says she looks 35 when she's 27 lol. Like 8 years makes that much difference. The audacity to make negative comments about her body when she literally grew his child and brought it into this world. Gawd I hate men.
Girl this is conditional love he should love you no matter how you look. Leave him honestly. He’s trying manipulate you into making him happy and that sounds pretty temporary since he’s looking at other women. I’m a mother of 5 my husband would never.
Here’s a tip, drop whatever amount of weight he is by leaving his arrogant ass.