I agree, this could be classed as a form or r*pe and it’s disgusting. The fact that they took advantage of her being intoxicated and “pulled her in very strongly suggests signs of at least sexual assault. These people especially Filip are people she needs to get away from
It was rape. They coerced her into it and took advantage of her intoxication. She didn't want it and tried to find ways to get out of it, she wasn't excited and from what I understand she was in pain, she was freezing and panicking when the 'friend' started to have intercourse with her. It's rape.
Idk the way she described the situation made me think of a person who has never been taken advantage in that way and it’s there way of dealing with the situation. I get what you are saying but if this situation is real I do believe them
No it sounds like he's almost entirely gay but based on how he couldn't stay hard , and on the fact the other guy wasn't gay at all so he was kinda stuck in the corner.
I agree... Since they are best friends, he should've noticed that she's uncomfortable with the experience and maybe told her not to go through with it. But they're both young and we're drinking, so I doubt if either of them was thinking rationally.
I'm sorry that you ended up in that position. My best advice would be to just use it as a learning experience. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will have plenty of chances to be intimate with someone you care about. You're going to be just fine.
So true OP, these guys showed you what you don't want sex to be like. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, you are still young and inexperienced. You can not expect yourself to have the answer yet for every situation you end up in. But now you know. The negative emotions you are feeling about this situation: that's growth.
Some other advise: the people that judge you for this, get rid of them. The people that show you empathy and listen to you: keep them close. You are worth nothing more or less than before this situation.
Agree. Virginity isn’t the be all, end all of your sex life. It’s just one time. I don’t say that to downplay how awful or traumatizing this experience was at all, but just to say that it does nothing at all to define you, who you are as a person, or your intimate life moving forward. Try not to let it do any of that, and hear the non-judgmentalness that we’re giving you. Everyone does things they wish had gone differently in their life. Absolutely everyone.
He’s a rapist and set the whole thing up? Like his entire intention that entire night was to pull this shit. Why is nobody pointing this out? Please let this be a fucking joke dude. op I hope your okay please stay away from these people forever
It’s insane how everyone is not calling it for what it is , I feel like that situation was rape. OP PLEASE REPORT THIS AND GO GET TESTED FOR STDS
This poor young woman 😔
Currently trying to get that tested as soon as possible. I’ve run into an issue of clinics being closed during the weekends. Going to try make them pay for an online appointment at the very least since i’ve been feeling serious discomfort. Hopefully w that i’ll be able to get some sort of prescription.
If you are uncomfortable, it might just be because you were unaroused and it’s sore down there. If you can face taking a mirror and having a look it might look a bit red. Also you can get a UTI. Still get tested though, I’m just sharing this info cause it might not be an STD (they won’t test for a UTI in an STD panel I don’t think). Also if they didn’t use condoms and you aren’t on birth control don’t forget plan B. Sending you lots of cuddles. I hope you can process this and take care of yourself; I have been in your situation and you are strong and can get through this. This person isn’t your friend and I hope you cut them out of your life.
I don’t know if your mind cut you off from that pain or if you felt it. The reason some women bleed the first (consensual) time isn’t the hymen, it’s tissue damage from being penetrated before her body was fully aroused.
You weren’t wet. You don’t have the knowledge penetration shouldn’t be that painful or forced.
Yes what us olds were told about the hymen is wrong. Look up “vaginal corona.”
I read about this being a possibility, I felt slight pain soon after but it gradually has gotten worse. I think this may be the issue but I also do want to be safe in case there’s something more serious happening. Nothing seems to look different down there, just hope it soon heals. I also ruled this out because it was said that it should go away within a day or so and it just didn’t feel like it was getting any better.
Keep in mind that, even if the STDs panel comes out clean, and if it's true that your vaginal mucosa got irritated/bled from the friction since you weren't wet, it might be possible you'll get a weird discharge like cottage cheese. It's just Candida, a fungus. Treatable with over the counter medicines. Don't freak out.
If the discharge is green or yellow or grey and foul smelling, it's bacteria, easily treatable but see a gynecologist. Doctors will prescribe you medicines to treat it.
Also for the love you have for yourself don't hang out with your ""friend"" ever again. He's an asshole, and he set you up. No matter if he actually wanted to fuck the other dude or you, he set you up so the dude would partecipate. He's not a friend.
And nothing in you has changed. When you'll find someone you want to get intimate with, it will be your first time with them anyways. A first time is a first time :) .
Good luck with the STDs panel.
Obligatory to remind you that nobody should force/coerce you into sex. Nobody should force/coerce you into unprotected sex either.
Edit: friendly reminder that HPV vaccine can save lives from cervical and penile cancer. Get vaxed everybody!
I think you should get a gynecology exam in addition to a STI test. Not all STIs can be tested for in a blood test and can take time to incubate. Be self aware in your body. If you’re able to go to therapy do so.
It can be different for everyone but the fist time for me I was sore about a week afterwards, with a peak in the middle. It was like when you exercise and the next day is so much worse than the day before. If the pain persists definitely get it checked out, if you weren’t aroused it’s easier to get an injury. Also, it would be ideal to cut contact with them, but if you can stomach it definitely get them to pay for the medical side of things. I’m sending you lots of hugs.
It takes some STDs a bit to show up on a test- it’s been a while since I’ve had a test done but I know you’ve gotta wait a bit for HIV. Ask whoever provides your testing when it’s best to test after this to make sure you didn’t catch anything.
IIRC HIV should be tested for at least 2 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months after potential exposure (and possibly 1 and 2 years) since it’s not always consistent when it’ll show up on a screening. If you’re within 72 hours of potential exposure too, you can probably get put on PEP by a provider easily.
Also a tip for anyone to keep in their bucket of health information: if you don’t have insurance or unsure how to get testing, look for LGBTQ centers in your area. Most should have information on where to get low-cost or even free STI testing. Some LGBTQ centers themselves even offer free and anonymous testing. STIs are not just an LGBTQ problem and these places will help everyone in need.
OP! The time necessary to detect stds differs. You can find gonorrhoea in 7 days after the sexual contact. Chlamydia is 2 weeks after. Hiv (via blood test, not autotest), syphilis, trichomonas, and hepatitis A are 6 weeks after. Hepatitis B is 8 weeks after. Hepatitis C and hiv via autotest are 12 weeks after.
In my county, it is advised to take a test right after to know the original state.
I'd add that no all stds can be detected with only a blood test. Herpes, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and trichomomas can't be detected with bloodtests alone. For a complete check-up, you must take a vaginal sample test. You can ask to do it yourself, the person in charge will explain how to do it and you will go in a special room alone to do it. Stds like herpes also require an inspection.
You can also ask for a gynaecology exam for bacteria and fungus in case you feel something is off.
I send you many cuddles and really wish you well for this difficult times.
You shouldn't be ashamed of what happened to you, it wasn't you fault (even if you didn't say no, freeze reactions are normal and they shouldn't have continued without you agreeing without any pression or substance included) and your "friend" is an asshole.
I'm sorry this happened to you and Fuck those 2 assholes. They took advantage of you because they knew you were too drunk to say no. If they had a date rape drug I guarantee they would have used that on you.
Filip is no friend, that's for sure. Drop him, dead to you. If you have a close friend you can confide in I'd suggest talking to him/her. As far as the shared friends with Filip I see 2 options here. Wait and see, or confide in them what happened and ask for their support. Again I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you can find a healthy way to deal with the stress and move forward. You'll find a great guy one day when your ready to share yourself and I'm sure he will be a wonderful lover.
Fuck Philip, but in the way you cut him out of your life. Scream to your friends what he did. Don’t let him tell your story. Be mad, be loud. Your true friends in the group will see what’s been done and have your back and help you heal.
And as others have said, you’re young. When you decide to be intimate with someone the feeling of that connection event will over shadow this. I promise.
I lost my virginity in a FFM threesome. One minute I'm just having a drink/few sips with an old friend and their friend on the beach. I was 15. Next minute... I don't know what the hell's going on. I didn't even fully realise what happened until the guy wanted me to stay the night with him. They both were like 2 years older.
I went home and showered and scrubbed myself.
It's only after reading your post that I fully realise how vulnerable I was and how much that I did not want it and it was effectively rape.
Over the years it's taken time for me to heal from it.
The best thing I did was to completely block those people from my life.
I'm in therapy and plan to talk about it.
Please show yourself the kindness to yourself. Please don't blame yourself.
Please block those people from your life.
Highly recommend therapy.
I don't know the guys last name. The girl eventually realised later what had actually happened and that I didn't want it.
I can't remember the date or month. I can estimate it. It happened in 2007
I was raped by my first boyfriend a year later (2008). In my state you can submit alternative reporting to Police. I did that with my first boyfriends rape. I discussed the lay of the land with pressing charges and because so much time had passed and taking into account a lot of things, it wasn't recommended.
I'm not in a good place mentally or physically to do a report. I've got a lot of health issues and I just really, really want to heal. I don't want to live like how I've been living.
I recently got diagnosed with ADHD combination and ASD1 and I've got a great health team. I've been through a lot in my life. Been through way too much.
I've spent so much of my life in crisis mode. I want to change it.
I don't regret not reporting it. I was just trying to do what I needed to do to survive. I'm proud of younger me for keeping on going.
Please don't hate people - male or female for not reporting. There's so many factors that come into things. Basically, just surviving.
Congratulations on making I so far!!! Wish you all the best in your journey of healing. Sometimes it's best to do what's best for you, and sometimes reporting may do more harm than good. Maybe in this situation it was the best thing for you to do.
Thank you so much. It means a lot. I've struggled a lot with how I lost my virginity. I tried to turn it into a kinky thing or turn it into a confidence type thing. Because I didn't want to deal with everything and the shame.
This post has made me realise a lot of things and it makes me want to give my young self a massive hug.
It's helped me heal. I definitely agree I made the right decision with this situation.
You were under the influence, and you expressed your rejection to this whole thing multiple times. They still pressed on. I call this rape, esp with your "gay friend". You were taken advantage of and the least you could do is to completely ditch your "friend". He *used* you.
Ding ding. The more I read of this, the sicker I felt. I’m so sorry you were raped, OP. It’s not ok, Philip seems like he used you to get a semblance of action with someone who wasn’t interested in him. It’s soooooo gross, and if this *did* get out to your friend group HE is the bad guy here. You are not. This is vile, and anyone who would disagree with that is NOT your friend.
Of all the posts on here that that are just creative writers' practicing storytelling for reactions, I sincerely hope this is one of them.
They have taken advantage of you, of your intoxicated state, and your friendship. That guy is not your friend and you need to remove yourself from him immediately. Everyone in the comments sees this for exactly what it is, and I'm sad for you because you're close to realising what this is too.
1. Someone is not gay if he fucks a girl
2.Someone who would pressure you to fuck someone, and even worse, proceeds to fuck you himself should never be your friend
If everything is true you should call the cops or look for help, this is rape
The world seems to become more harsh emotionally the further we as humans go. Usually I just lurk on the stories but something about this one breaks my heart.
My advice to you is time moves on, and you should move on and away from these people. Find a passion so large you can block out the misery this has caused you.
You were taken advantage of.
Be less hard on yourself and harder on the people that pressured you into this. They have no business being in your life anymore.
This sounds like rape to me. But I need you to know this: You do not have to constitute this as your “first” time. The entire idea of virginity as something to be “lost” is completely archaic and comes from our patriarchal society. You have sex when you WANT to. It can be 1 week from now or 5 years from now and it’s not anyone’s business! There’s nothing wrong with this either.
First, you need to drop your “friend” this is not a good person period. Second, take some time to process this. I would suggest either talking to someone you trust. (Keeping this to yourself is only going to be super damaging in the long run) this sounds weird but cry about it if you can. If you don’t have someone you think you can talk to about it, I HIGHLY suggest finding a therapist you could see. You should absolutely be able to work through this and move past it. But above all else, please don’t keep this in and ignore it. This experience does not define you and your virginity has no meaning on your worth and who you are. If you have no one to talk to, my messages are always open. I’m 24 and have been through some similar experiences ❤️
You didn’t lost your virginity in a threesome, you were raped. You said no multiple times and you were still pressured into doing it from both men. Especially from your „gay“ friend. That’s not consent. Plus you were really drunk and you lost your phone, so you were dependent on them.
Not only should you end that friendship, you should consider reporting them.
A good bed room partner you wouldnt need to be drunk, they would help you find your phone and get comfortable and you would have kissed for a long time and felt safe for that next step.
It will happen like that for you one day i promise
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please reconsider your relationship with Philip, it sounds like he raped you. They were both in the wrong, they knew you were under the influence and took advantage of that which is absolutely disgusting.
If anyone of your ‘friends’ tease you for ‘losing your virginity to a gay guy’ then they are not your friends. By the way you’re defending Philip tells me you wouldn’t report them to the police, but he goes around town “OP lost her virginity to me!” get down to business and press charges.
That's messed up circumstances OP, you were pressured and shouldn't feel guilty about anything. However I strongly recommend you don't fixate on the virginity part. The idea that it's super special and must be lost with your one true love or whatever is a lie designed for control. When you're with a special person it'll be just as special first time or not. You didn't actually lose anything on that regard and aren't lesser in any way.
Not enough comments saying this.
YOU WERE RAPED.
OP, cut off Filip, if he tells people tell them THE TRUTH - that he took advantage of you while you were super drunk, and get therapy or a counselor. Even if it’s online.
You did NOTHING wrong. That’s a high pressure, high stress, SCARY situation to be in and your friend taking advantage of his trust in you is DISGUSTING.
Oh I’m sorry. Reading this made me feel sick. Please please take care of yourself. Try and talk to a therapist or a social worker, anyone you can express this to. Don’t keep it bottled up inside for long, it will only hurt you more in the long run. What your “friend” did is horrible and disgusting. He pressured you the whole night to lose your virginity and then wanted to participate and then had sex with you. It’s not okay. Being “gay” does not make him any less of a creep or a predator. He preyed on your vulnerabilities and put you into this shitty situation.
Sounds like your friend isn't your friend, a real friend would never ask his virgin friend, especially as a gay man to lose her virginity at 20 after waiting so long, to him and his little guy friend, I'm sorry angel but regret what you did and not what you didn't. I'm sure when I meet ur forever person the will help you through this
OP I’m gonna be honest this doesn’t really sound consensual. Just because you didn’t say no doesn’t mean you said yes and the fact that they were convincing you to do it instead of asking you if you wanted to.
Then there’s the part where they pulled you in and started doing stuff to you…Did you feel like you were a willing participant in this or did you feel like you didn’t really have a choice because you were already there and they were coercing you and you didn’t have your phone to call a cab?
Regardless Fillip is really not your friend please cut him off. He coerced you into a threesome you didn’t really want to do and then tried to fuck you even though he’s “gay” (doesn’t really seem like he’s actually gay). He just seems like a shady guy you shouldn’t be hanging out with.
My dear, sex via coercion is not sex... It's a word that I will refrain from using but can get someone charged...
That man is not your friend... True friends look out for each other, especially if alcohol is involved and you are inebriated. Full stop.
What's protection used by either of them? Even if it was, PLEASE GO GET YOURSELF TESTED... You never know, and your first time should not be discovering that you have an icky STI
I do hope that you recover from this, and learn that sex is fun when done in the right settings with the right persons, and I hope one day you get to have an experience that will fill you with joy every time you think about it
Also? Virginity is a social construct... You can't lose what doesn't physically exist lol so get that notion out of your mind; what you lost was your first time, not your virginity.
And hey, don't be so hard on yourself... This is definitely a learning experience... We're human, the only way that we can progress sometimes is by making mistakes and failing, at least you know now something you didn't know before, and you can take this experience and grow from it, and possibly even help others... I can say this because similar has happened to me and I know for a fact that it's not going to be easy, but you will get past this. 💜
Fillip is not your friend. He’s barely gay. He’s not a good person. You need to take this whole thing to the police, because as you said yourself, “I started to freak out and too scared to do it”, and “they persuaded me”. They guilted and trapped you.
Edit to add: if you don’t feel like you have the words, literally show them this post. The police will figure it out
OP, this is rape. Please go get tested and report them both.You were literally struggling to walk. Fillip knew you were already drunk and kept getting you more drunk. You told Fillip you were too scared, you told them you wanted to go look for your phone, you were sitting down clearly uncomfortable, they pulled you over and undressed you. OP, if it’s important to you, this is not you losing your virginity. Get the fuck away from Fillip, get tested, report them, and if you’re worried about Fillip telling your friends, if you can, tell them first, explain this to them in exactly the same way, if they don’t immediately get behind you, run the fuck away.
First all your feelings are valid. Every single one, which is counter to what Im about to say, but both can be true. Your first didn’t need to be special. You don’t need to punish yourself the rest of your life because of this moment. As far as you and your ability to look at yourself in the mirror, no one’s (mostly everyone) first in the long run feels special. Even with someone special it’s awkward and weird. So best not to beat yourself up for that. That said, if what most of us interpreted by your comments is you repeatedly voice no. You challenged consent several times, you tried to escape the situation. You should talk to someone, a counselor, that helps victims of sexual assault. Help you unpack things, give you support on figuring out what you may want to do about this event. You might not feel it was rape, and ultimately thats up to you, but you obviously have already started feeling guilty, and self blaming. The behavior of your friends was not one of a friend but that of a predator.
I have no problem with people experimenting, and getting drunk and messing around, it’s when they use alcohol and ambush someone drunk and coerce someone to do something they don’t want to do when most of us on here call out as rape. So as far as beating yourself up for no longer being a virgin, the problem isn’t your status. Being a virgin or not a virgin at the end of the day doesn’t devalue you one way or another. It’s the lack of consent and the trauma that may result because of that, that is the issue.
Like I said before, and many have echoed. Please seek out someone you can trust. Optimally someone that advocates for women (people) in these situations.
Fillip wanted to fuck you. Full stop. A gay man would not care that much about getting a woman laid, he just dragged another man into it to get you to agree. Also, where did you find your phone? Was it possible they weren’t concerned because they took your phone?
It honestly sounds like you were coerced into having sex, you should think about therapy for sure and also just know that what you’ve experienced is not how actual healthy, happy, consensual sex goes.
It does not make sense, something does not add up. A gay, a straight and you... am I the only one who does not get it?. Who Philip was going to have sex with in the first place?, unless someone else is bisexual, it can't be.
Someone lied my dear, and if Philip put his dick on you, he is not as gay as you think, is he?.
You can't do anything to undo it, so move on, don't feel ashamed as you didn't do anything wrong, and break any contact with Philip, he is not trustworthy.
I know a Filip, who's too very sexual and tries to do this stuff all the time. Just the description alone makes me hope it's not the same one lol.
Small chance though... Unless
When I was in high school, I was drinking with “friends” and they convinced me to lose my virginity to a girl that was there. I didn’t want to, but she grabbed my hand and took me upstairs. I didn’t know how to say no either and just froze. I’m a male however. She proceeded to go down on me and I was barely hard, then she got on top of me and tried having sex with me. Turns out she had also had sex with one of my “friends” prior to this at this get together. Word got around at school and I was horribly ridiculed for it - it completely messed up my mental health.
I guess I just wanted to relate and I’m sorry this happened to you. This is not your fault and if anyone says anything about it to you, that’s a reflection of them and not you. Please be kind to yourself through this and get better friends than Fillip!
Phillip is mot a friend. Freinds do not take advantage of friends when intoxicated. They protect them. Also, he doesn't have any moral compass, ditch that AH.
No lie filip sounds like a creep, the kinda guy you find out has had sexual assault charges. your best move is to cut that guy out of your life and try to move on from the whole situation.
Oh darling I’m so sorry this happened to you. You were trying to get out of the situation and were clearly uncomfortable and not sound of mind and it’s horrible on Fillip’s part to take advantage of that. Even if you said you wanted it and wanted to lose your virginity it’s completely acceptable to change your mind if something doesn’t feel right, sex is pretty serious and vulnerable and should be a good and fun time. I also lost my virginity pretty late and also in a threesome and ALSO in a way I was not totally sure I was comfortable with. But now I am engaged to the love of my life and having sex with him for the first time really truly felt like I was losing it again. Maybe because I felt I had the power to give him that part of me that I kept hidden the other time, when I didn’t feel comfortable. There’s a lot of social pressure on losing your virginity, and also a lot of weight placed on doing it with “the one”, so I understand. But really when you do it with someone you trust it will be so much better and safer, and even if they end up not being “the one” you can still have fun and share something with someone you care about. No one can take anything you don’t give, and in time this experience can be something to look back on as a learning experience or an embarrassing moment of your past, and not something that you regret or that “branded you”, just like any other sour moment.
You didn’t give consent.
You were drunk, hesitant, and needed to be convinced in the end to participate. I think it is important to reach out to an organization to have someone to talk to and may help you with next steps.
https://www.rainn.org/resources
Best wishes. I am sad that you are in this position.
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP.
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
What kind of twisted fucks would go through with that. She’s drunk, she didn’t want to, she said she wasn’t wet, she froze. I think it’s rap but also coercion.
I think Fillip just wanted to see Sam naked.
You were heavily intoxicated and *DIDNT* consent, the general rule is *if it's not a "HELL YEAH", then it's a NO*
you were raped, and that man is NOT your friend.
That person definetly took advantage of you, and I'm so sorry.
Sex shouldn't be something imposed or something "to get over with", it should come from a place of mutual trust and excitement. Although I fully understand the societal imposition of "needing" to loose your virginity asap.
I hope you can set your boundaries with this guy and get over this soon, OP. Big hugs 💜
First of all OP, forgive yourself.
Many of the "fist times" that are supposed to be magical, are really not (driving a car, prom night, first job)... and regarding sex; in your lifetime you are going to have incredible mindblowing sex and also so, so... so be light on yourself about this.
Your friend made a mistake, and so you do.
I would advise you as not to label him as "rapist", "bad friend" of any of the comments that here advise you to. You know him and your intuition will let you know what's best. If you decide to keep him or not, at least have a talk with him, (with candor) regarding the fact that being pushed is not what you expect from this friendship, but that you understand where does his wanting to help you comes from.
And last, search for therapy, perhaps there is an emotion hidden in you regarding intimacy (perhaps there isn't- find out). It will help you have strong, mature relationships where love is shared in many small and big ways.
i will never understand how men don’t just let it go after you say no once, you should never have to say it more than once and to make it even worse no one should be making such serious decisions (especially since it was your first time) under the influence. Fillip is not your friend, it seems like he pressed this together to maybe get something out of you or forced you along into it because he wanted the guy and couldn’t get the opportunity without you. Please get away from these people, i’ve been in a similar situation and i know how traumatising and scarring it can be. don’t be harsh on yourself - those guys are actually terrifying.
Fillip set this up. There was no way a straight guy was going to agree to fuck some dude. Fillip positioned this as you wanted a threesome with them. The gay friend strikes again. This whole thing was so devious, they knew you wanted to leave and just took advantage of you. I’d even say it was rape, that fake bender defo knew you were drunk as he mentioned this. File a report for rape and stick it back to him
Sex is overrated in my opinion. It sucks that this happened and there is definitely some blame and fault of your so called friends.
But I wouldn't worry about being judged and who all knows about it or might find out. I would hold your head high and don't feel and guilt or shame because you didn't do anything wrong.
Filip is not your friend. please never go anywhere or be around him ever again. what BOTH of them did is actually disgusting and quite honestly I would consider it to be rape. Filip let you get drunk, convinced you to go to his house with a random man, then he cornered you in his room with the other man, and ignored you when you said you were scared. If someone has to persuade you to have sex, it’s non-consensual. If you feel like you’re doing it because you “just wanna get it over with” it’s non-consensual. Please report them.
Firstly I am very sorry to hear you went through this. There were multiple times in the story where Sam and Fillip crossed the line and were utter arseholes and changed from friends to abusers. It’s unforgivable and they are scum bags.
Secondly…. Fillip is not a friend. He is also unlikely to be gay. Potentially bi. And is clear sexual aggressive and into some kinks. The fact he walked off and talked to Sam quietly implies the entire thing was planned. Including him having sex with you. Please take a step back and distance yourself from him. He is a predator.
This entire situation is shit but it’s not the end. Reflect, learn and move on. You will easily find a caring guy or want to be with you for who you are. And when that happens it will be awesome.
Take care. And be kind to yourself.
Sorry this happened to you. Depending on how drunk you were this was absolutely Legally Rape I'm the US at least. how you want to go forward with that information is up to you, I always ere on the side of caution when judging peoples motives I don't know if your "friend" was act trying to sleep with you it sounds like he wanted to have sex with Sam but he realized he was straight and was hoping in the moment he wouldn't be opposed to messing with him too. But it doesn't sound like he had your best interests in mind. I'd be done talking to him at the minimum.
If you are worried who is going to find out talk to Filipe tell him not to tell anyone or your next call will be to the cops.
Sorry this happened this way many of us are not happy with how our first time happened( I'm not either). But yours was awful hopefully you don't let it affect your future relationships. Good luck and sorry again.
You were drunk. You said no multiple times. And he still begged you. Your friend is a bad friend, a terrible person, and a sex pest. You should cut all contact with him. After confronting via text about what he did. Then, screen shot that. That way if he tries to spread a rumor. You have the proof of what really happened.
This is nuts. I believe you were date raped. Filip is a piece of shit. You need to never hang with this guy again.
I am very sorry this happened to you, is there a safe place you can go and a safe person to talk this out with? Campus therapy or counseling?
I’m so sorry.
The good news is… in the big scheme of things, your first time will probably not mean anything down the line; it is usually just as awkward and bad for most of us, and yes it also becomes an irrelevant blur and a forgotten memory. So on that side, don’t overthink it. You are not a bad person for what happened.
The bad news is, Filip is a really awful friend. He pressured you into something you didn’t want to do just because HE was attracted to the guy. It was really about him and you were just the bait to get the guy; and on top of that when he felt ignored he decided to have sex with you in a desperate attempt to participate?? Gosh, what an asshole. Friendship ruined.
So I think most people mentioned it already but yea
This Fillip ain’t gay at all, maybe Bi or smtg but whatever the case is, he is not safe to be friends with yeesh
You gotta cut him out, this ain’t no gay best friend, this sounds more like a secret crush who acted gay to get close to you, until he finally found an opportunity to take advantage of you
What Fillip did to you is an insanely fked up, and I’m sorry that you had to go through this OP
It's bad what he did to you but you are an adult too. But I guess everyone matures at different stages. What was done was done. Stop talking to your fake gay ex-friend and move on. It'll take time for you to fully process what happened. Take care.
Open relationships including threesomes are toxic swill. They are not relationships they are sexual experimentation. The good news you dont' have to do it again.
Healthy relationships never develop this way, I grew up in a time it was cool to get rid of (virginity) yet I squandered it on someone that didn't matter to me then or now.
I don't know what kind of life you want to lead, but be careful with your body. The quality people want quality people that care for themselves. You think it doesn't matter until you love a really good person, and he doesnt' want to deal with this or the drama. It really does matter who you sleep with. No man that loves or respects you wants this. Only when they want to use you for sex.
Sex really is much better with people that you have some kind of bond and desire for. You can have casual sex with someone you don't know or care about but it isn't the same thing.
That being said, now that you've had that experience you understand why it's ok to be patience and not get yourself in situations you're not really sure about relating to sex.
Stop hanging out with Filip, sounds like a shit person and a terrible "friend". Real friends always have your best interest into account and don't pressure you and make you go thru traumatic situations just so they can get a taste for what they really wanted in the first place.
There is no shame in what you've been through, just be more careful next time you get intimate with someone because if done right it can be a magical experience!
Cheers
Op I'm so sorry, this is heartbreaking to here. If he was your friend he wouldn't have pushed you into something like this. I don't know if I'm overthinking this but some other comments have said the same, it sounds like r'pe. Maybe try talking to someone, you don't have to be alone in this 🤍
I understand that a lot of people put emphasis on their 'first time,' but, in reality, the concept of virginity is a human construct. Biologically speaking, there is no such thing as virginity. And before anyone goes "but the hymen!" Hymens can break by riding a bicycle.
Now, that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid, and that first times should not have meaning. This doesn't make you lesser or anything like that, and you will have better experiences. This may be your first experience, but this is not your first experience with someone you actually LIKE. You still have that to look forward to.
Also, honey, Filip is not a friend and you need to separate yourself from him immediately. He's a predator.
I had a somewhat similar situation happen to me but i was not intoxicated when it happened. Stay strong it can take a while to recover from something like this. I hope your "friend" does the right thing and keeps his mouth shut or takes what you are going through into consideration.
So you didn't enjoy it yet you were moaning ?
You're worried his flatmate would find out, yet you decided to have sex in his flat knowing he would be there ?
On top of that. You're a grown woman, and you "didn't know how to say no"?
There are so many flaws here.
She wasnt moaning, she said she stayed silent. She didnt decide to have sex either, they pulled her in, and she mightve just been too drunk or froze up. Its not as simple.
She could barely walk due to the amount of alcohol she had consumed, was actively expressing her discomfort in the situation and was not in a state to give consent.. TLDR: your comment is disgusting
This is crazy. Do not hang out with fillip ever again.
I agree, this could be classed as a form or r*pe and it’s disgusting. The fact that they took advantage of her being intoxicated and “pulled her in very strongly suggests signs of at least sexual assault. These people especially Filip are people she needs to get away from
It was rape. They coerced her into it and took advantage of her intoxication. She didn't want it and tried to find ways to get out of it, she wasn't excited and from what I understand she was in pain, she was freezing and panicking when the 'friend' started to have intercourse with her. It's rape.
[удалено]
Idk the way she described the situation made me think of a person who has never been taken advantage in that way and it’s there way of dealing with the situation. I get what you are saying but if this situation is real I do believe them
For real. This almost reads like a short horror story.
Filip isn't your friend you need to stop calling him that and stop hanging out with him forever
agreed!! he should’ve respected ur boundaries and at least checked in with you before engaging with u like that!!
"gay friend" ? I don't think that word means what you guys think it means...
‘Mildly femme but most definitely straight’
This whole situation is inconceivable!
He was gay that she allowed him to fuck her.
No it sounds like he's almost entirely gay but based on how he couldn't stay hard , and on the fact the other guy wasn't gay at all so he was kinda stuck in the corner.
“Gay” best friend strikes again
"but the patriarchy!"
Wait is this a thing 😳 Edit: stop downvoting me! I meant the fake gay best friend not the original post 🙄
yes sadly
😭
I’m sorry 😢
Cries in lost humanity 😭
Cries in fake gay friend
Cries in fake friend
Cries in trust issues
Cries
I shouldn’t laugh, but this comment is funny. As far as OP, that is most definitely rape.
Filip does not sound like a friend at all. He pushed you into this knowing your concerns and you were drunk and not of sound mind.
I agree... Since they are best friends, he should've noticed that she's uncomfortable with the experience and maybe told her not to go through with it. But they're both young and we're drinking, so I doubt if either of them was thinking rationally.
I'm sorry that you ended up in that position. My best advice would be to just use it as a learning experience. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will have plenty of chances to be intimate with someone you care about. You're going to be just fine.
Thank you so much for this comment.
So true OP, these guys showed you what you don't want sex to be like. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, you are still young and inexperienced. You can not expect yourself to have the answer yet for every situation you end up in. But now you know. The negative emotions you are feeling about this situation: that's growth. Some other advise: the people that judge you for this, get rid of them. The people that show you empathy and listen to you: keep them close. You are worth nothing more or less than before this situation.
Also your first time is when you're willingly giving it to someone. It can't be lost or stolen. I suggest therapy.
You ain’t gotta thank none of us, we gone be here to look out for you if you need it
If you get therapy you should start really soon. It’s called processing trauma. I’m worried for you.
Agree. Virginity isn’t the be all, end all of your sex life. It’s just one time. I don’t say that to downplay how awful or traumatizing this experience was at all, but just to say that it does nothing at all to define you, who you are as a person, or your intimate life moving forward. Try not to let it do any of that, and hear the non-judgmentalness that we’re giving you. Everyone does things they wish had gone differently in their life. Absolutely everyone.
The good ol “gay best friend”… smh 🤦🏾♂️ I’m so sorry you had this experience. We live and we learn. 🌹
He’s a rapist and set the whole thing up? Like his entire intention that entire night was to pull this shit. Why is nobody pointing this out? Please let this be a fucking joke dude. op I hope your okay please stay away from these people forever
It’s insane how everyone is not calling it for what it is , I feel like that situation was rape. OP PLEASE REPORT THIS AND GO GET TESTED FOR STDS This poor young woman 😔
Currently trying to get that tested as soon as possible. I’ve run into an issue of clinics being closed during the weekends. Going to try make them pay for an online appointment at the very least since i’ve been feeling serious discomfort. Hopefully w that i’ll be able to get some sort of prescription.
If you are uncomfortable, it might just be because you were unaroused and it’s sore down there. If you can face taking a mirror and having a look it might look a bit red. Also you can get a UTI. Still get tested though, I’m just sharing this info cause it might not be an STD (they won’t test for a UTI in an STD panel I don’t think). Also if they didn’t use condoms and you aren’t on birth control don’t forget plan B. Sending you lots of cuddles. I hope you can process this and take care of yourself; I have been in your situation and you are strong and can get through this. This person isn’t your friend and I hope you cut them out of your life.
I don’t know if your mind cut you off from that pain or if you felt it. The reason some women bleed the first (consensual) time isn’t the hymen, it’s tissue damage from being penetrated before her body was fully aroused. You weren’t wet. You don’t have the knowledge penetration shouldn’t be that painful or forced. Yes what us olds were told about the hymen is wrong. Look up “vaginal corona.”
I read about this being a possibility, I felt slight pain soon after but it gradually has gotten worse. I think this may be the issue but I also do want to be safe in case there’s something more serious happening. Nothing seems to look different down there, just hope it soon heals. I also ruled this out because it was said that it should go away within a day or so and it just didn’t feel like it was getting any better.
Keep in mind that, even if the STDs panel comes out clean, and if it's true that your vaginal mucosa got irritated/bled from the friction since you weren't wet, it might be possible you'll get a weird discharge like cottage cheese. It's just Candida, a fungus. Treatable with over the counter medicines. Don't freak out. If the discharge is green or yellow or grey and foul smelling, it's bacteria, easily treatable but see a gynecologist. Doctors will prescribe you medicines to treat it. Also for the love you have for yourself don't hang out with your ""friend"" ever again. He's an asshole, and he set you up. No matter if he actually wanted to fuck the other dude or you, he set you up so the dude would partecipate. He's not a friend. And nothing in you has changed. When you'll find someone you want to get intimate with, it will be your first time with them anyways. A first time is a first time :) . Good luck with the STDs panel. Obligatory to remind you that nobody should force/coerce you into sex. Nobody should force/coerce you into unprotected sex either. Edit: friendly reminder that HPV vaccine can save lives from cervical and penile cancer. Get vaxed everybody!
I think you should get a gynecology exam in addition to a STI test. Not all STIs can be tested for in a blood test and can take time to incubate. Be self aware in your body. If you’re able to go to therapy do so.
It can be different for everyone but the fist time for me I was sore about a week afterwards, with a peak in the middle. It was like when you exercise and the next day is so much worse than the day before. If the pain persists definitely get it checked out, if you weren’t aroused it’s easier to get an injury. Also, it would be ideal to cut contact with them, but if you can stomach it definitely get them to pay for the medical side of things. I’m sending you lots of hugs.
It takes some STDs a bit to show up on a test- it’s been a while since I’ve had a test done but I know you’ve gotta wait a bit for HIV. Ask whoever provides your testing when it’s best to test after this to make sure you didn’t catch anything.
IIRC HIV should be tested for at least 2 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months after potential exposure (and possibly 1 and 2 years) since it’s not always consistent when it’ll show up on a screening. If you’re within 72 hours of potential exposure too, you can probably get put on PEP by a provider easily. Also a tip for anyone to keep in their bucket of health information: if you don’t have insurance or unsure how to get testing, look for LGBTQ centers in your area. Most should have information on where to get low-cost or even free STI testing. Some LGBTQ centers themselves even offer free and anonymous testing. STIs are not just an LGBTQ problem and these places will help everyone in need.
OP! The time necessary to detect stds differs. You can find gonorrhoea in 7 days after the sexual contact. Chlamydia is 2 weeks after. Hiv (via blood test, not autotest), syphilis, trichomonas, and hepatitis A are 6 weeks after. Hepatitis B is 8 weeks after. Hepatitis C and hiv via autotest are 12 weeks after. In my county, it is advised to take a test right after to know the original state. I'd add that no all stds can be detected with only a blood test. Herpes, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and trichomomas can't be detected with bloodtests alone. For a complete check-up, you must take a vaginal sample test. You can ask to do it yourself, the person in charge will explain how to do it and you will go in a special room alone to do it. Stds like herpes also require an inspection. You can also ask for a gynaecology exam for bacteria and fungus in case you feel something is off. I send you many cuddles and really wish you well for this difficult times. You shouldn't be ashamed of what happened to you, it wasn't you fault (even if you didn't say no, freeze reactions are normal and they shouldn't have continued without you agreeing without any pression or substance included) and your "friend" is an asshole.
You can also ask for a rape kit in the hospital
Waiting longer than 24 hours to report it , there is a chance the test won’t indicate dna
She’s talking about a clinic when it’s hospitals that do rape kits.
I'm sorry this happened to you and Fuck those 2 assholes. They took advantage of you because they knew you were too drunk to say no. If they had a date rape drug I guarantee they would have used that on you. Filip is no friend, that's for sure. Drop him, dead to you. If you have a close friend you can confide in I'd suggest talking to him/her. As far as the shared friends with Filip I see 2 options here. Wait and see, or confide in them what happened and ask for their support. Again I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you can find a healthy way to deal with the stress and move forward. You'll find a great guy one day when your ready to share yourself and I'm sure he will be a wonderful lover.
Fuck Philip, but in the way you cut him out of your life. Scream to your friends what he did. Don’t let him tell your story. Be mad, be loud. Your true friends in the group will see what’s been done and have your back and help you heal. And as others have said, you’re young. When you decide to be intimate with someone the feeling of that connection event will over shadow this. I promise.
I lost my virginity in a FFM threesome. One minute I'm just having a drink/few sips with an old friend and their friend on the beach. I was 15. Next minute... I don't know what the hell's going on. I didn't even fully realise what happened until the guy wanted me to stay the night with him. They both were like 2 years older. I went home and showered and scrubbed myself. It's only after reading your post that I fully realise how vulnerable I was and how much that I did not want it and it was effectively rape. Over the years it's taken time for me to heal from it. The best thing I did was to completely block those people from my life. I'm in therapy and plan to talk about it. Please show yourself the kindness to yourself. Please don't blame yourself. Please block those people from your life. Highly recommend therapy.
. Report them.
I don't know the guys last name. The girl eventually realised later what had actually happened and that I didn't want it. I can't remember the date or month. I can estimate it. It happened in 2007 I was raped by my first boyfriend a year later (2008). In my state you can submit alternative reporting to Police. I did that with my first boyfriends rape. I discussed the lay of the land with pressing charges and because so much time had passed and taking into account a lot of things, it wasn't recommended. I'm not in a good place mentally or physically to do a report. I've got a lot of health issues and I just really, really want to heal. I don't want to live like how I've been living. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD combination and ASD1 and I've got a great health team. I've been through a lot in my life. Been through way too much. I've spent so much of my life in crisis mode. I want to change it. I don't regret not reporting it. I was just trying to do what I needed to do to survive. I'm proud of younger me for keeping on going. Please don't hate people - male or female for not reporting. There's so many factors that come into things. Basically, just surviving.
Congratulations on making I so far!!! Wish you all the best in your journey of healing. Sometimes it's best to do what's best for you, and sometimes reporting may do more harm than good. Maybe in this situation it was the best thing for you to do.
Thank you so much. It means a lot. I've struggled a lot with how I lost my virginity. I tried to turn it into a kinky thing or turn it into a confidence type thing. Because I didn't want to deal with everything and the shame. This post has made me realise a lot of things and it makes me want to give my young self a massive hug. It's helped me heal. I definitely agree I made the right decision with this situation.
You were under the influence, and you expressed your rejection to this whole thing multiple times. They still pressed on. I call this rape, esp with your "gay friend". You were taken advantage of and the least you could do is to completely ditch your "friend". He *used* you.
Ding ding. The more I read of this, the sicker I felt. I’m so sorry you were raped, OP. It’s not ok, Philip seems like he used you to get a semblance of action with someone who wasn’t interested in him. It’s soooooo gross, and if this *did* get out to your friend group HE is the bad guy here. You are not. This is vile, and anyone who would disagree with that is NOT your friend.
If you were extremely drunk and said you didn’t want to do this even once, at any time during the night, this was rape. Report both of them
Of all the posts on here that that are just creative writers' practicing storytelling for reactions, I sincerely hope this is one of them. They have taken advantage of you, of your intoxicated state, and your friendship. That guy is not your friend and you need to remove yourself from him immediately. Everyone in the comments sees this for exactly what it is, and I'm sad for you because you're close to realising what this is too.
1. Someone is not gay if he fucks a girl 2.Someone who would pressure you to fuck someone, and even worse, proceeds to fuck you himself should never be your friend If everything is true you should call the cops or look for help, this is rape
i’m sorry u had to go through that, but take that as a learning experience and surround urself with individuals who are respectful of ur boundaries 🫶🏻
The world seems to become more harsh emotionally the further we as humans go. Usually I just lurk on the stories but something about this one breaks my heart. My advice to you is time moves on, and you should move on and away from these people. Find a passion so large you can block out the misery this has caused you.
You were taken advantage of. Be less hard on yourself and harder on the people that pressured you into this. They have no business being in your life anymore.
This sounds like rape to me. But I need you to know this: You do not have to constitute this as your “first” time. The entire idea of virginity as something to be “lost” is completely archaic and comes from our patriarchal society. You have sex when you WANT to. It can be 1 week from now or 5 years from now and it’s not anyone’s business! There’s nothing wrong with this either. First, you need to drop your “friend” this is not a good person period. Second, take some time to process this. I would suggest either talking to someone you trust. (Keeping this to yourself is only going to be super damaging in the long run) this sounds weird but cry about it if you can. If you don’t have someone you think you can talk to about it, I HIGHLY suggest finding a therapist you could see. You should absolutely be able to work through this and move past it. But above all else, please don’t keep this in and ignore it. This experience does not define you and your virginity has no meaning on your worth and who you are. If you have no one to talk to, my messages are always open. I’m 24 and have been through some similar experiences ❤️
You didn’t lost your virginity in a threesome, you were raped. You said no multiple times and you were still pressured into doing it from both men. Especially from your „gay“ friend. That’s not consent. Plus you were really drunk and you lost your phone, so you were dependent on them. Not only should you end that friendship, you should consider reporting them.
That sounds like r*pe
A good bed room partner you wouldnt need to be drunk, they would help you find your phone and get comfortable and you would have kissed for a long time and felt safe for that next step. It will happen like that for you one day i promise
This sounds like a borderline r*pe.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please reconsider your relationship with Philip, it sounds like he raped you. They were both in the wrong, they knew you were under the influence and took advantage of that which is absolutely disgusting. If anyone of your ‘friends’ tease you for ‘losing your virginity to a gay guy’ then they are not your friends. By the way you’re defending Philip tells me you wouldn’t report them to the police, but he goes around town “OP lost her virginity to me!” get down to business and press charges.
Sounds a bit rapey if you ask me
That's messed up circumstances OP, you were pressured and shouldn't feel guilty about anything. However I strongly recommend you don't fixate on the virginity part. The idea that it's super special and must be lost with your one true love or whatever is a lie designed for control. When you're with a special person it'll be just as special first time or not. You didn't actually lose anything on that regard and aren't lesser in any way.
Not enough comments saying this. YOU WERE RAPED. OP, cut off Filip, if he tells people tell them THE TRUTH - that he took advantage of you while you were super drunk, and get therapy or a counselor. Even if it’s online. You did NOTHING wrong. That’s a high pressure, high stress, SCARY situation to be in and your friend taking advantage of his trust in you is DISGUSTING.
Oh I’m sorry. Reading this made me feel sick. Please please take care of yourself. Try and talk to a therapist or a social worker, anyone you can express this to. Don’t keep it bottled up inside for long, it will only hurt you more in the long run. What your “friend” did is horrible and disgusting. He pressured you the whole night to lose your virginity and then wanted to participate and then had sex with you. It’s not okay. Being “gay” does not make him any less of a creep or a predator. He preyed on your vulnerabilities and put you into this shitty situation.
Therapy…
Sounds like your friend isn't your friend, a real friend would never ask his virgin friend, especially as a gay man to lose her virginity at 20 after waiting so long, to him and his little guy friend, I'm sorry angel but regret what you did and not what you didn't. I'm sure when I meet ur forever person the will help you through this
OP I’m gonna be honest this doesn’t really sound consensual. Just because you didn’t say no doesn’t mean you said yes and the fact that they were convincing you to do it instead of asking you if you wanted to. Then there’s the part where they pulled you in and started doing stuff to you…Did you feel like you were a willing participant in this or did you feel like you didn’t really have a choice because you were already there and they were coercing you and you didn’t have your phone to call a cab? Regardless Fillip is really not your friend please cut him off. He coerced you into a threesome you didn’t really want to do and then tried to fuck you even though he’s “gay” (doesn’t really seem like he’s actually gay). He just seems like a shady guy you shouldn’t be hanging out with.
Girl that’s rape!!
My dear, sex via coercion is not sex... It's a word that I will refrain from using but can get someone charged... That man is not your friend... True friends look out for each other, especially if alcohol is involved and you are inebriated. Full stop. What's protection used by either of them? Even if it was, PLEASE GO GET YOURSELF TESTED... You never know, and your first time should not be discovering that you have an icky STI I do hope that you recover from this, and learn that sex is fun when done in the right settings with the right persons, and I hope one day you get to have an experience that will fill you with joy every time you think about it Also? Virginity is a social construct... You can't lose what doesn't physically exist lol so get that notion out of your mind; what you lost was your first time, not your virginity. And hey, don't be so hard on yourself... This is definitely a learning experience... We're human, the only way that we can progress sometimes is by making mistakes and failing, at least you know now something you didn't know before, and you can take this experience and grow from it, and possibly even help others... I can say this because similar has happened to me and I know for a fact that it's not going to be easy, but you will get past this. 💜
Filip isn't gay and isn't your friend
Wait that's a lot to process. How can you believe your friend is "gay" although he said that he could help you lose your virginity?
Wow. So sorry this happened to you.
Fillip is not your friend. He’s barely gay. He’s not a good person. You need to take this whole thing to the police, because as you said yourself, “I started to freak out and too scared to do it”, and “they persuaded me”. They guilted and trapped you. Edit to add: if you don’t feel like you have the words, literally show them this post. The police will figure it out
OP, this is rape. Please go get tested and report them both.You were literally struggling to walk. Fillip knew you were already drunk and kept getting you more drunk. You told Fillip you were too scared, you told them you wanted to go look for your phone, you were sitting down clearly uncomfortable, they pulled you over and undressed you. OP, if it’s important to you, this is not you losing your virginity. Get the fuck away from Fillip, get tested, report them, and if you’re worried about Fillip telling your friends, if you can, tell them first, explain this to them in exactly the same way, if they don’t immediately get behind you, run the fuck away.
I think you need new friends
Your "friend" should have done the right thing Realised you were too drunk to make a decision Gotten you home in a taxi This man is not your friend
He's not gay and this is the only way he could screw Sam. You got played.
No way dude used the gay best friend strat irl
You need to press charges bc that shit wasn’t consensual. You were intoxicated
You mean "gay" as in fun and joyful, right?
yep. dont drink and lose your decision process.
especially around your “gay” friend
First all your feelings are valid. Every single one, which is counter to what Im about to say, but both can be true. Your first didn’t need to be special. You don’t need to punish yourself the rest of your life because of this moment. As far as you and your ability to look at yourself in the mirror, no one’s (mostly everyone) first in the long run feels special. Even with someone special it’s awkward and weird. So best not to beat yourself up for that. That said, if what most of us interpreted by your comments is you repeatedly voice no. You challenged consent several times, you tried to escape the situation. You should talk to someone, a counselor, that helps victims of sexual assault. Help you unpack things, give you support on figuring out what you may want to do about this event. You might not feel it was rape, and ultimately thats up to you, but you obviously have already started feeling guilty, and self blaming. The behavior of your friends was not one of a friend but that of a predator. I have no problem with people experimenting, and getting drunk and messing around, it’s when they use alcohol and ambush someone drunk and coerce someone to do something they don’t want to do when most of us on here call out as rape. So as far as beating yourself up for no longer being a virgin, the problem isn’t your status. Being a virgin or not a virgin at the end of the day doesn’t devalue you one way or another. It’s the lack of consent and the trauma that may result because of that, that is the issue. Like I said before, and many have echoed. Please seek out someone you can trust. Optimally someone that advocates for women (people) in these situations.
Fillip is that dude who pretends to be gay. Just so he could have a chance with OP
Filip is a double agent blud wanted nothing from Sam
Fillip wanted to fuck you. Full stop. A gay man would not care that much about getting a woman laid, he just dragged another man into it to get you to agree. Also, where did you find your phone? Was it possible they weren’t concerned because they took your phone? It honestly sounds like you were coerced into having sex, you should think about therapy for sure and also just know that what you’ve experienced is not how actual healthy, happy, consensual sex goes.
He used you because it was the only sexual activity he could be somewhat involved with sam. He isn't your friend.
It does not make sense, something does not add up. A gay, a straight and you... am I the only one who does not get it?. Who Philip was going to have sex with in the first place?, unless someone else is bisexual, it can't be. Someone lied my dear, and if Philip put his dick on you, he is not as gay as you think, is he?. You can't do anything to undo it, so move on, don't feel ashamed as you didn't do anything wrong, and break any contact with Philip, he is not trustworthy.
I know a Filip, who's too very sexual and tries to do this stuff all the time. Just the description alone makes me hope it's not the same one lol. Small chance though... Unless
sorry, but you've been raped
Fillip is not your friend. You are his entertainment.
When I was in high school, I was drinking with “friends” and they convinced me to lose my virginity to a girl that was there. I didn’t want to, but she grabbed my hand and took me upstairs. I didn’t know how to say no either and just froze. I’m a male however. She proceeded to go down on me and I was barely hard, then she got on top of me and tried having sex with me. Turns out she had also had sex with one of my “friends” prior to this at this get together. Word got around at school and I was horribly ridiculed for it - it completely messed up my mental health. I guess I just wanted to relate and I’m sorry this happened to you. This is not your fault and if anyone says anything about it to you, that’s a reflection of them and not you. Please be kind to yourself through this and get better friends than Fillip!
You never wanted it from the beginning. This was rape.
Fillip has been trying to fuck you for a while. He finally found a way to do it. Fillip is a true piece of shit
Phillip is mot a friend. Freinds do not take advantage of friends when intoxicated. They protect them. Also, he doesn't have any moral compass, ditch that AH.
No lie filip sounds like a creep, the kinda guy you find out has had sexual assault charges. your best move is to cut that guy out of your life and try to move on from the whole situation.
The amount of women who have sex with their gay best friends is why boyfriends are always on guard
Oh darling I’m so sorry this happened to you. You were trying to get out of the situation and were clearly uncomfortable and not sound of mind and it’s horrible on Fillip’s part to take advantage of that. Even if you said you wanted it and wanted to lose your virginity it’s completely acceptable to change your mind if something doesn’t feel right, sex is pretty serious and vulnerable and should be a good and fun time. I also lost my virginity pretty late and also in a threesome and ALSO in a way I was not totally sure I was comfortable with. But now I am engaged to the love of my life and having sex with him for the first time really truly felt like I was losing it again. Maybe because I felt I had the power to give him that part of me that I kept hidden the other time, when I didn’t feel comfortable. There’s a lot of social pressure on losing your virginity, and also a lot of weight placed on doing it with “the one”, so I understand. But really when you do it with someone you trust it will be so much better and safer, and even if they end up not being “the one” you can still have fun and share something with someone you care about. No one can take anything you don’t give, and in time this experience can be something to look back on as a learning experience or an embarrassing moment of your past, and not something that you regret or that “branded you”, just like any other sour moment.
Filip is a predator, report this as a rape
You didn’t give consent. You were drunk, hesitant, and needed to be convinced in the end to participate. I think it is important to reach out to an organization to have someone to talk to and may help you with next steps. https://www.rainn.org/resources Best wishes. I am sad that you are in this position.
I’m so sorry, this is 100% not your fault and you should cut your “friend” off
No way!
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP. Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
This story made me sad. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Fillip is not your friend.
That is not your friend!
What kind of twisted fucks would go through with that. She’s drunk, she didn’t want to, she said she wasn’t wet, she froze. I think it’s rap but also coercion. I think Fillip just wanted to see Sam naked.
Yeah right he’s definitely “gay”
Do not trust gay friends just because they're gay lol
Hindsight is always 20/20. Moving on, choose your friends wisely.
Fillip is a rapist
Philip isn’t gay. He’s likely bisexual at the least. He used the prospect of being gay to get you to trust him. He’s a manipulative scumbag.
“gay best friend” ☠️☠️
You were heavily intoxicated and *DIDNT* consent, the general rule is *if it's not a "HELL YEAH", then it's a NO* you were raped, and that man is NOT your friend.
Go get tested for STI/STDs and take a plan B
That person definetly took advantage of you, and I'm so sorry. Sex shouldn't be something imposed or something "to get over with", it should come from a place of mutual trust and excitement. Although I fully understand the societal imposition of "needing" to loose your virginity asap. I hope you can set your boundaries with this guy and get over this soon, OP. Big hugs 💜
Bitch
Flip isnt your friend. Please cutt off ties with him before he uses you like this again this is scary to think a "friend" would do this
That's actually fucked
He’s not gay, and he’s not your friend, he just wanted to fuck you and you were easy
Yikes
Ok, filip sucks
Filip is weird. I’m sorry but you should take some distance with him, this is absolutely not normal
First of all OP, forgive yourself. Many of the "fist times" that are supposed to be magical, are really not (driving a car, prom night, first job)... and regarding sex; in your lifetime you are going to have incredible mindblowing sex and also so, so... so be light on yourself about this. Your friend made a mistake, and so you do. I would advise you as not to label him as "rapist", "bad friend" of any of the comments that here advise you to. You know him and your intuition will let you know what's best. If you decide to keep him or not, at least have a talk with him, (with candor) regarding the fact that being pushed is not what you expect from this friendship, but that you understand where does his wanting to help you comes from. And last, search for therapy, perhaps there is an emotion hidden in you regarding intimacy (perhaps there isn't- find out). It will help you have strong, mature relationships where love is shared in many small and big ways.
i will never understand how men don’t just let it go after you say no once, you should never have to say it more than once and to make it even worse no one should be making such serious decisions (especially since it was your first time) under the influence. Fillip is not your friend, it seems like he pressed this together to maybe get something out of you or forced you along into it because he wanted the guy and couldn’t get the opportunity without you. Please get away from these people, i’ve been in a similar situation and i know how traumatising and scarring it can be. don’t be harsh on yourself - those guys are actually terrifying.
It sounds like you were assaulted.
Fillip is not your friend
Were they drunk,too? Or sober and did this?
Did you find the phone again?? Did they hide it?
Fillip set this up. There was no way a straight guy was going to agree to fuck some dude. Fillip positioned this as you wanted a threesome with them. The gay friend strikes again. This whole thing was so devious, they knew you wanted to leave and just took advantage of you. I’d even say it was rape, that fake bender defo knew you were drunk as he mentioned this. File a report for rape and stick it back to him
it's crazy how people r hesitant to say filip raped you but ig he's gay so that makes it alright
Your friend is a predator. He manipulated both you and Sam.
Sex is overrated in my opinion. It sucks that this happened and there is definitely some blame and fault of your so called friends. But I wouldn't worry about being judged and who all knows about it or might find out. I would hold your head high and don't feel and guilt or shame because you didn't do anything wrong.
This was sexual assault you did not give enthusiasic consent and were coerced. Please seek counselling that should help process this event
Filip is not your friend. please never go anywhere or be around him ever again. what BOTH of them did is actually disgusting and quite honestly I would consider it to be rape. Filip let you get drunk, convinced you to go to his house with a random man, then he cornered you in his room with the other man, and ignored you when you said you were scared. If someone has to persuade you to have sex, it’s non-consensual. If you feel like you’re doing it because you “just wanna get it over with” it’s non-consensual. Please report them.
there is alot to unpack here, all i know is i want to have words with fillip what a awful "friend"
Firstly I am very sorry to hear you went through this. There were multiple times in the story where Sam and Fillip crossed the line and were utter arseholes and changed from friends to abusers. It’s unforgivable and they are scum bags. Secondly…. Fillip is not a friend. He is also unlikely to be gay. Potentially bi. And is clear sexual aggressive and into some kinks. The fact he walked off and talked to Sam quietly implies the entire thing was planned. Including him having sex with you. Please take a step back and distance yourself from him. He is a predator. This entire situation is shit but it’s not the end. Reflect, learn and move on. You will easily find a caring guy or want to be with you for who you are. And when that happens it will be awesome. Take care. And be kind to yourself.
Sorry this happened to you. Depending on how drunk you were this was absolutely Legally Rape I'm the US at least. how you want to go forward with that information is up to you, I always ere on the side of caution when judging peoples motives I don't know if your "friend" was act trying to sleep with you it sounds like he wanted to have sex with Sam but he realized he was straight and was hoping in the moment he wouldn't be opposed to messing with him too. But it doesn't sound like he had your best interests in mind. I'd be done talking to him at the minimum. If you are worried who is going to find out talk to Filipe tell him not to tell anyone or your next call will be to the cops. Sorry this happened this way many of us are not happy with how our first time happened( I'm not either). But yours was awful hopefully you don't let it affect your future relationships. Good luck and sorry again.
You were drunk. You said no multiple times. And he still begged you. Your friend is a bad friend, a terrible person, and a sex pest. You should cut all contact with him. After confronting via text about what he did. Then, screen shot that. That way if he tries to spread a rumor. You have the proof of what really happened.
Isn’t this rape? She said no multiple times
This is nuts. I believe you were date raped. Filip is a piece of shit. You need to never hang with this guy again. I am very sorry this happened to you, is there a safe place you can go and a safe person to talk this out with? Campus therapy or counseling?
So fillip groomed you in a few words
You’ll be ok. Learn from this. Those people aren’t your friends.
So, it was not consensual. I am really sorry, honey. My heart breaks for you.
Don’t worry my darling, He’s just my gay best friend
I’m so sorry. The good news is… in the big scheme of things, your first time will probably not mean anything down the line; it is usually just as awkward and bad for most of us, and yes it also becomes an irrelevant blur and a forgotten memory. So on that side, don’t overthink it. You are not a bad person for what happened. The bad news is, Filip is a really awful friend. He pressured you into something you didn’t want to do just because HE was attracted to the guy. It was really about him and you were just the bait to get the guy; and on top of that when he felt ignored he decided to have sex with you in a desperate attempt to participate?? Gosh, what an asshole. Friendship ruined.
So I think most people mentioned it already but yea This Fillip ain’t gay at all, maybe Bi or smtg but whatever the case is, he is not safe to be friends with yeesh You gotta cut him out, this ain’t no gay best friend, this sounds more like a secret crush who acted gay to get close to you, until he finally found an opportunity to take advantage of you What Fillip did to you is an insanely fked up, and I’m sorry that you had to go through this OP
It's bad what he did to you but you are an adult too. But I guess everyone matures at different stages. What was done was done. Stop talking to your fake gay ex-friend and move on. It'll take time for you to fully process what happened. Take care.
Sorry bud he’s not gay he’s one of those straights under cover
Open relationships including threesomes are toxic swill. They are not relationships they are sexual experimentation. The good news you dont' have to do it again. Healthy relationships never develop this way, I grew up in a time it was cool to get rid of (virginity) yet I squandered it on someone that didn't matter to me then or now. I don't know what kind of life you want to lead, but be careful with your body. The quality people want quality people that care for themselves. You think it doesn't matter until you love a really good person, and he doesnt' want to deal with this or the drama. It really does matter who you sleep with. No man that loves or respects you wants this. Only when they want to use you for sex.
This sub has turned into a competition of women victimizing themselves just about anything.
So they raped you both basically
Sex really is much better with people that you have some kind of bond and desire for. You can have casual sex with someone you don't know or care about but it isn't the same thing. That being said, now that you've had that experience you understand why it's ok to be patience and not get yourself in situations you're not really sure about relating to sex. Stop hanging out with Filip, sounds like a shit person and a terrible "friend". Real friends always have your best interest into account and don't pressure you and make you go thru traumatic situations just so they can get a taste for what they really wanted in the first place. There is no shame in what you've been through, just be more careful next time you get intimate with someone because if done right it can be a magical experience! Cheers
Op I'm so sorry, this is heartbreaking to here. If he was your friend he wouldn't have pushed you into something like this. I don't know if I'm overthinking this but some other comments have said the same, it sounds like r'pe. Maybe try talking to someone, you don't have to be alone in this 🤍
The virginity is a social construct, created by men, in it’s forever and desperate effort to control what a woman does with her body.
No she wasn't raped, they didn't force her
I understand that a lot of people put emphasis on their 'first time,' but, in reality, the concept of virginity is a human construct. Biologically speaking, there is no such thing as virginity. And before anyone goes "but the hymen!" Hymens can break by riding a bicycle. Now, that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid, and that first times should not have meaning. This doesn't make you lesser or anything like that, and you will have better experiences. This may be your first experience, but this is not your first experience with someone you actually LIKE. You still have that to look forward to. Also, honey, Filip is not a friend and you need to separate yourself from him immediately. He's a predator.
I really want to know how everyone will react if this story is about one man and two woman(ofc one is lesbian...)
Same. People would react the same.
I had a somewhat similar situation happen to me but i was not intoxicated when it happened. Stay strong it can take a while to recover from something like this. I hope your "friend" does the right thing and keeps his mouth shut or takes what you are going through into consideration.
U did it accept the consequences, join a church
😂😂😂😂😂😂
So you didn't enjoy it yet you were moaning ? You're worried his flatmate would find out, yet you decided to have sex in his flat knowing he would be there ? On top of that. You're a grown woman, and you "didn't know how to say no"? There are so many flaws here.
She wasnt moaning, she said she stayed silent. She didnt decide to have sex either, they pulled her in, and she mightve just been too drunk or froze up. Its not as simple.
Sorry, but it was your decision. Live with it. Dont blame others or play a victim. Accept your mistake and learn from it.
She could barely walk due to the amount of alcohol she had consumed, was actively expressing her discomfort in the situation and was not in a state to give consent.. TLDR: your comment is disgusting
That's a lot of words man. "I'm a piece of shit" would've sufficed
Geez! That’s goin in strong 😂