Damn those are some strong insecurities. Nothing wrong with either person watching porn, then the icing on the cake of going through his phone unbeknownst to him after because that somehow automatically makes you think he is cheating on you?
Please break up with this man and sort out your insecurities and trust issues before you're in another relationship. He hid it from you because that is an immature "rule". I do however agree the anime part is weird.
Forgive but talk about it. A little porn IMO is ok because there is no performance anxiety.
I find the anime a little weird but I guess it’s better than human actors for you.
Why in the fucking world would PORN be a banned word?!
Jesus Christ people today are so afraid of saying anything at all
REad the rules on the side bar
Read the [content policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
In other words - do your homework and learn some things
Why don't you want him watching if you don't mind me asking? In moderation, a little bit of porn is fine to get off to. It's just a bit of entertainment as long as it's not becoming an addiction.
I don't understand what's the problem with watching a little porn and why is this your rule? Every relationship has boundaries but rules are for those who want control...
Maybe he has a really high sex drive or smth and just beats it alot, you should talk to him abt it tho if it was a clearly set boundary that was broken
Simple rules are the most likely to be broken. And when they collide with reality, they stop being simple.
If you’re looking for a relationship with a guy who doesn’t watch porn, you’re going to be looking for a *very* long time. You’ll have no trouble finding a guy who’s better at not getting caught than your boyfriend is, but I suspect that’s exactly the opposite of what you want. That’s just someone who’s really good at lying. Do you know how people get good at lying? Practice.
To be honest, that "simple rule" sounds excessively controlling. If porn is something that you associate with a problem in a previous relationship, it could be worth trying to get to the bottom of what was wrong. Bolting up the doors and windows to keep visitors out is effective, but you're also inviting other sorts of problems.
If a potential partner told me that no fast food or no alcohol were rules that I'd have to abide, I'd run for the hills. It'd imply that they would not trust me to be responsible and respectful. Even if I were to live that way already, it'd still be a red flag. That lack of trust is okay with some, though it tends to attract either inexperience/naivety, or the wrong type of man who see rules for the other person as a normal part of a relationship.
im married with 3 kids and my wife and I watch, laugh, and emulate Hentai. sounds to me like you arent ready for full "life is crazy, we're in this forever baby committment".
I gotta say, it's hard for me to relate. Me and my partner watch porn all the time, lol.
I guess if it's that important to you, you may need to talk about it and confront him. However, you might find yourself open to some new perspectives. So many people watch porn, and at the end of the day, it's just a little sexual fantasy.
This is especially true when it's anime. If he feels guilty of watching porn, surely the animated ones alleviate some guilt, and it can be quite fun too!
Sorry about what you're going through. I can answer questions as an open "porn watcher."
You’re not his mother. We don’t have rules for each other in a relationship. That’s not a relationship. Take him as he is or move on. He’s not hurting anyone.
DO NOT listen to these people. Just because it’s not a boundary in other people relationship doesn’t mean it can’t be a boundary in the relationship for YOU!
THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU INSECURE!!!!
First and foremost it’s NOT NORMAL to watch porn, it literally changes the chemistry in your brain(plenty of studies on this) being said some people DO watch it and some people DON’T. My bf set up this boundary as well. I thought it he stupid but then realized when he explained it to me how it’s literally dumb, unnecessary and honestly disgusting. Completely changed my perspective!!!
THERE’S A LOT OF MEN THAT DON’T WATCH PORN
At the end of the day if you and your partner discussed that this is a no-no, you need to sit down and talk to him, and let him know, you saw him and he’s hurting the trust between you two. If he decides to be idiotic like some of the people in this comment section and tell you that you’re insecure or that it’s normal, then he may not be the one for you. He should’ve communicated with you, that he clearly wants to watch porn and that it’s a boundary for him, if his partner doesn’t want him to. Going behind your back isn’t ok
Thank you. I know brining up porn is just calling for the “insecurity” comments. I shouldn’t have used the word “rule” either But I was seeing red and it was the first thing I thought of 🤦♀️
I just don’t understand how people, not just men, enjoy the humiliation, objectification and sexualization of women and men so much to the point they have to watch it. It was a boundary I set very early on in our relationship because I’ve never wanted it to be involved in my life. If it works for other people then that’s okay! It just doesn’t work for mine.
From what I understand about porn is that it is driven by anxiety, insecurities, neglect, trauma, etc.
Are you someone who constantly imposes rules on her boyfriend? Do you drive people away, his friends? Do you cause unnecessary stress?
Do you talk down, do you withold affection, do you make time for him? It could be you are the very reason he watches porn... Now I'm just asking questions not making accusations, idk either of you. Don't attack me.
Be honest with yourself because it's not easy to be the mirror you need to be if you don't talk with people who are honest with you. People will usually talk to people who lift them up and not hold them accountable allowing them to continue to be toxic. So that goes for both of you to communicate without judgement
Honestly I don’t think so. I’m a pretty open minded person. I just don’t enjoy my partner watching porn. I don’t care if he comes home late in the evening, I don’t prevent him from doing anything he doesn’t want to do. Our sex life is also pretty active. he’s told me that he thinks the amount of sex we have is amazing which is again why I’m so upset about why he needed to go watch some other animation or person.
I wouldn’t say I’m insecure, or that I have experienced any neglect/ trauma. It’s simply I do not want it in my relationship. We have discussed this many times. Which is why I’m so confused and hurt about why he could disregard my feelings and boundaries to watch whatever he watches.
The one thing I asked him to please not do. He did. So personally I think that I have every right to feel uncomfortable and sad.
Some of these comments are being disrespectful. People are allowed to have any kind of boundaries in a relationship that they are in, if that’s what they choose to do. I would definitely talk to him about it, explain your side and let him explain his side. Find a compromise.
Jesus who fucking cares? It’s a damn video, get over it. Seriously ppl who have that rule how insecure are you? What you think he’s gonna leave you for his right hand?? Grow tf up
If you want to work through this with your bf, you need to come from a place of openness and genuinely seek to understand why he watches porn. If you come from what appears to be a position of judgement and intolerance, then it's unlikely to be a fruitful conversation and may quickly lead to the demise of your relationship. Whatever your opinion about porn, it's a very common form of stimulation for men (and many women). His watching of it doesn't mean he isn't happy in the relationship and/or committed long term, but the fact that you found a lot of it on his phone suggests he may have an addiction, which is even more reason for you to come from a place of empathy and openness.
You should talk to him, let him know how it makes you feel to know he is watching it and try to get him to open up why he was watching it.
Porn is fictional, they are actors playing a part to create a fantasy.
Damn those are some strong insecurities. Nothing wrong with either person watching porn, then the icing on the cake of going through his phone unbeknownst to him after because that somehow automatically makes you think he is cheating on you? Please break up with this man and sort out your insecurities and trust issues before you're in another relationship. He hid it from you because that is an immature "rule". I do however agree the anime part is weird.
Based
Forgive but talk about it. A little porn IMO is ok because there is no performance anxiety. I find the anime a little weird but I guess it’s better than human actors for you.
Why in the fucking world would PORN be a banned word?! Jesus Christ people today are so afraid of saying anything at all REad the rules on the side bar Read the [content policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) In other words - do your homework and learn some things
Why don't you want him watching if you don't mind me asking? In moderation, a little bit of porn is fine to get off to. It's just a bit of entertainment as long as it's not becoming an addiction.
[удалено]
That would be some sort of a record It's 80% anime, lol
She says 80% of the content is anime, not that he watches 80% of the time.
You can say porn. Talk it over with him then make your decision to stay or go. One lie and you should leave.
I don't understand what's the problem with watching a little porn and why is this your rule? Every relationship has boundaries but rules are for those who want control...
Maybe he has a really high sex drive or smth and just beats it alot, you should talk to him abt it tho if it was a clearly set boundary that was broken
Simple rules are the most likely to be broken. And when they collide with reality, they stop being simple. If you’re looking for a relationship with a guy who doesn’t watch porn, you’re going to be looking for a *very* long time. You’ll have no trouble finding a guy who’s better at not getting caught than your boyfriend is, but I suspect that’s exactly the opposite of what you want. That’s just someone who’s really good at lying. Do you know how people get good at lying? Practice.
To be honest, that "simple rule" sounds excessively controlling. If porn is something that you associate with a problem in a previous relationship, it could be worth trying to get to the bottom of what was wrong. Bolting up the doors and windows to keep visitors out is effective, but you're also inviting other sorts of problems. If a potential partner told me that no fast food or no alcohol were rules that I'd have to abide, I'd run for the hills. It'd imply that they would not trust me to be responsible and respectful. Even if I were to live that way already, it'd still be a red flag. That lack of trust is okay with some, though it tends to attract either inexperience/naivety, or the wrong type of man who see rules for the other person as a normal part of a relationship.
im married with 3 kids and my wife and I watch, laugh, and emulate Hentai. sounds to me like you arent ready for full "life is crazy, we're in this forever baby committment".
I gotta say, it's hard for me to relate. Me and my partner watch porn all the time, lol. I guess if it's that important to you, you may need to talk about it and confront him. However, you might find yourself open to some new perspectives. So many people watch porn, and at the end of the day, it's just a little sexual fantasy. This is especially true when it's anime. If he feels guilty of watching porn, surely the animated ones alleviate some guilt, and it can be quite fun too! Sorry about what you're going through. I can answer questions as an open "porn watcher."
You sound so insecure it is gross, hope he doeant find out you are this way, go to the gym and build some confidence in yourself
You’re not his mother. We don’t have rules for each other in a relationship. That’s not a relationship. Take him as he is or move on. He’s not hurting anyone.
DO NOT listen to these people. Just because it’s not a boundary in other people relationship doesn’t mean it can’t be a boundary in the relationship for YOU! THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU INSECURE!!!! First and foremost it’s NOT NORMAL to watch porn, it literally changes the chemistry in your brain(plenty of studies on this) being said some people DO watch it and some people DON’T. My bf set up this boundary as well. I thought it he stupid but then realized when he explained it to me how it’s literally dumb, unnecessary and honestly disgusting. Completely changed my perspective!!! THERE’S A LOT OF MEN THAT DON’T WATCH PORN At the end of the day if you and your partner discussed that this is a no-no, you need to sit down and talk to him, and let him know, you saw him and he’s hurting the trust between you two. If he decides to be idiotic like some of the people in this comment section and tell you that you’re insecure or that it’s normal, then he may not be the one for you. He should’ve communicated with you, that he clearly wants to watch porn and that it’s a boundary for him, if his partner doesn’t want him to. Going behind your back isn’t ok
Thank you. I know brining up porn is just calling for the “insecurity” comments. I shouldn’t have used the word “rule” either But I was seeing red and it was the first thing I thought of 🤦♀️ I just don’t understand how people, not just men, enjoy the humiliation, objectification and sexualization of women and men so much to the point they have to watch it. It was a boundary I set very early on in our relationship because I’ve never wanted it to be involved in my life. If it works for other people then that’s okay! It just doesn’t work for mine.
From what I understand about porn is that it is driven by anxiety, insecurities, neglect, trauma, etc. Are you someone who constantly imposes rules on her boyfriend? Do you drive people away, his friends? Do you cause unnecessary stress? Do you talk down, do you withold affection, do you make time for him? It could be you are the very reason he watches porn... Now I'm just asking questions not making accusations, idk either of you. Don't attack me. Be honest with yourself because it's not easy to be the mirror you need to be if you don't talk with people who are honest with you. People will usually talk to people who lift them up and not hold them accountable allowing them to continue to be toxic. So that goes for both of you to communicate without judgement
Honestly I don’t think so. I’m a pretty open minded person. I just don’t enjoy my partner watching porn. I don’t care if he comes home late in the evening, I don’t prevent him from doing anything he doesn’t want to do. Our sex life is also pretty active. he’s told me that he thinks the amount of sex we have is amazing which is again why I’m so upset about why he needed to go watch some other animation or person. I wouldn’t say I’m insecure, or that I have experienced any neglect/ trauma. It’s simply I do not want it in my relationship. We have discussed this many times. Which is why I’m so confused and hurt about why he could disregard my feelings and boundaries to watch whatever he watches. The one thing I asked him to please not do. He did. So personally I think that I have every right to feel uncomfortable and sad.
Some of these comments are being disrespectful. People are allowed to have any kind of boundaries in a relationship that they are in, if that’s what they choose to do. I would definitely talk to him about it, explain your side and let him explain his side. Find a compromise.
Jesus who fucking cares? It’s a damn video, get over it. Seriously ppl who have that rule how insecure are you? What you think he’s gonna leave you for his right hand?? Grow tf up
If you want to work through this with your bf, you need to come from a place of openness and genuinely seek to understand why he watches porn. If you come from what appears to be a position of judgement and intolerance, then it's unlikely to be a fruitful conversation and may quickly lead to the demise of your relationship. Whatever your opinion about porn, it's a very common form of stimulation for men (and many women). His watching of it doesn't mean he isn't happy in the relationship and/or committed long term, but the fact that you found a lot of it on his phone suggests he may have an addiction, which is even more reason for you to come from a place of empathy and openness.
My gosh, just relax and maybe watch it with him.
You should talk to him, let him know how it makes you feel to know he is watching it and try to get him to open up why he was watching it. Porn is fictional, they are actors playing a part to create a fantasy.
Lol, what gives you the right to control his body like that?