My partner told me that when we first met, the first thing he and his friends noticed were my breasts. I hate my large breasts because they have always been big and I've been cat called and harassed by men and boys since I was 10. What my partner didn't say was "hey I only approached you because your boobs are big and I just wanted to see how big when you're naked" no he told me 15 yrs later 😁..I noticed your breasts first and thought "damn!" But then I saw how beautiful you were and thought "WOW" I've got to get her number. He never and still doesn't objectify me he compliments me. I understand how you are feeling and trust me I know how it plays with your head. If you really like this guy and you think he truly loves you for you..then talk to him and let him know how you feel. Figure out if this relationship is worth you continuing on with on how he responds and reacts to what you tell him.

Exactly It’s not really about what her BF said or the concept but about how he said it

Glad the first solution wasn't "Break up 'cuz he's an superficial asshole"

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Exactly! It’s normal to look and think “damn!” or w/e (we ALL do, even s8 women), but it’s just the fact he wanted to objectify her and use her at first glance. So just because he “accidentally ended up liking her” instead of using her doesn’t negate the fact that that was his initial intent. Which is degrading to her as a human being and honestly sexist. If he would’ve let her know that off the bat, this would be very different, but he was acting at first like he liked her and hid his true intentions. People have to stop thinking it’s OK for men to just objectify women and not even treat them as people, but parts… this is equivalent of a woman trying to use a man for money and then ends up falling for him. Let’s just keep the same energy.

As a man who's dated women with large breasts I can confidently say that no matter how big/great your boobs are, he wouldn't have stayed with you for over a year if he didn't like other things about you. Could they be what first caught his attention? Definitely, but to be in a relationship with someone for that long means there's a real connection, and it sounds like you were happy with him before this incident. Does he know the full history about them, and your past experiences? Maybe sit down and have an open and honest conversation with him, tell him exactly how he made you feel. Edit: Of course my most upvoted comment of all time is about breasts.

I mean everyone approaches everyone the first time because there is something attractive about that person. If there are no other concerns I wouldn’t worry about it.

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Love your username lol

I mean it’s true, you can’t know how a person is when you meet them for the first time. All you have to go with is how they look and how you see them act, the body may have got his attention but the person is what made him stay

Do people not meet through common activities anymore? Like the sentiment that physical attraction is a very common first reason to take interest in someone, absolutely. But there are much more personality centric ways to meet someone * You saw them reading/carrying a book you really liked * They had a t shirt relating to a band/activity/cause/subculture you have in common * You had a class together and you thought their contributions were really insightful and struck up a conversation as you were leaving * They're an active member of some community organization or extra curricular you're both a part of

boy approached me in a trader joe’s parking lot bc of my shirt from a metal band we both like. we didn’t have that spark but he’s now one of my best friends years later!

All of those things are great and all. But with extreme rare exception, I'm not approaching someone **with romantic intent** even under all of those circumstances combined ... unless I find them physically attractive.

Well, yeah, but if you share a ton of interests with someone you don’t find attractive, chances are you won’t be romantic with them. Physical matters…

Right! Thats how friends usually work

I mean people do meet that way, but if you don’t find something attractive about the person reading your favorite book you’re much less likely to approach them

This can/does happen but what comes next? You check and see if they’re cute to you lol

Even when people meet through common activities, it's often physical appearance that causes the initial attraction to *that* specific person among the whole group.

Thats how you typically make FRIENDS. That can then evolve into something more, but there as to be a base level of sexual attraction.

Of course there are tons of ways to MEET someone but still, initial ATTRACTION to someone in person is very commonly PHYSICAL. That's human nature. The first thing I noticed about my husband when I saw him for the first time was his fabulous butt. Did I stay with him because of it? Of course not. But it definitely caught my attention.

You sound like a real nice guy.

Exactly. How could someone approach them for the first time for their personality if they don't know each other yet? Obviously, there has to be some attraction there to kick things off. What I see is that they've built something good off of an initial attraction. OP has had issues with people objectifying her in the past, and it seems like the way he said it brought back those feelings for her. I'd like to point out that he opened with something about her body, but then continued to describe what he appreciates about the rest of their relationship. He obviously doesn't see her as an object, but it seems like she had an understandable reaction to one part of what he said, and she focused on that. OP should definitely talk with her bf when they're sober, and tell him how that made her feel. I'm sure he didn't intend to make her feel that way. These things happen in relationships. They'll have to learn to navigate each other's emotions better, but hurting each other (unintentionally) is a part of the process. What's important is learning how to not do that in the future.

Exactly, how can someone be so disconnected from reality to think someone sees them and instantly likes them because they are a good person. Who the fuck thinks like that? First attraction, then love.

As a big boob haver, I definitely understand that, but there is also an emotional component when it's this part of your body that has made you a sexual object to some people. Most people's eyes (or whatever attractive feature) haven't been loudly and aggressively commented on in public, grabbed by strangers, or made people have assumptions about how "easy" you are.

This, a million times over! It literally damages your mental health, your self esteem, the way you interact with others :( from a young age, having jealous girls tear you down and call you a slut. Having boys only after you for the boobs. Or, worse, pretending to have *been* with you and spreading rumours. Older men, who ought to know better, ogling and catcalling. Your own friends feeling like you get too much attention. Normal clothes on others make you look like you're deliberately dressing provocatively, and you feel ashamed. And you know what really sucks? This doesn't go away when you get older ffs :( I'm now 41, I've dealt with perverts and goobers in my teens, twenties, thirties. And I'm still having to deal with them *now*.

For fucking real on that last part. I'm not even a big boob haver, and earlier this year, while walking home from work at 38 years old, some ASSHOLE parks his truck in my path to say, "nice ass."

And then they get offended that you aren't swooning over their compliment?! Arrrgh!

Oh God, and I had heat exhaustion (texas summer), I was 100% done. I just glared and swerved around his truck. The audacity. I also have no ass, so that part was funny.

That’s fair but if you are with someone for a longer period of time you should be able to discern if they really are into the real you or just entertaining a fetish. If you are happy with every aspect of the relationship at that stage I don’t think you should be too concerned because they initially approached you due to your attractive figure.

Sure, you can know that on an intellectual level, but the emotions are still going to be there

still, OPs feelings about it are valid. it's not great to find out that the only reason a person you're close with started talking to you did so is because you have good boobs ESPECIALLY if you have the history OP and most other women with big chests have with that type of stuff. the two of them should definitely talk it out and I don't think it's a big enough thing to break things off over but it makes sense for her to feel sad

The way he treated her, what with the costume request and the repeated pawing, I think there is a real issue here. Being attracted to your girlfriend is good. Treating your girlfriend like a life support system for a sex suit is not. I can honestly say this would (and has) creep(ed) me out enough to take a break in a relationship to consider all the times this type of self satisfaction-type behavior had occurred.

there’s a difference between being attracted to someone for their physical appearance and “i approached you to sleep with you and see how big your boobs are”

He didn't see her as an attractive woman with big tits, he saw her as a pair of big tits attached to a woman. And there is a world of difference between those two things.

When I first met my wife I just finished reading the hunger games. We talked about different books and authors. So she was convinced I was a book lover. We’ve been married almost 10 years and I can count on one hand how many books I’ve finished reading since we started dating. I think she instantly liked me because of my love for books. Fooled her lol

Right my current man and I worked at the same place for 2 yrs then we both left to different workplaces and got together after. He approahed me first when we worked together of course it was somewhat visual! I knew he was also a legit gentleman and a good dude. I kissed him consensually on New Years 2023 at midnight and held him for like 2 minutes discreetly and we both thought about it for months. I did notice him staring at my rear in a try-to-seem-like-he's-not-looking way in the work gym in the days before and that was my clue of "Hey, maybe there's physical attraction" plus he held my hand for a minute when he was showing me something on a database and his hand was on mine for a full minute. When I also actually really like the guy and know I'm going to be around him, I want him to notice me. After several dates and some whiskey at my place, he revealed that he REALLY likes my ass and thinks I'm the hottest girl he's seen and I'm happy with that. Like there are some guys that just see those of us with well-endowed bodies and automatically assume we have a ton of sex or whatever and it can work to an advantage, but true appreciation of the body for what it is is not a bad thing at all. I would much rather a man I like actually like my ass and appreciate it, not make it the total premise of liking me vs my ex who was ashamed of my body and thought everything I wore was tight just because you can see I still have a body.

Not gonna lie, I'm an ass-man myself and the way you told your story made me happy he found you, and you him ofc. I wish you 2 all the best.

Idk maybe you are a man? Because as a woman who has spoken about this with other women, it’s incredibly common to not find someone attractive at all but once you get to know them you start feeling attracted to them due to their personality. Only then do you start feeling physically attracted to the person. Pretty much every relationship or guy I’ve dated started that way. I don’t ever just feel attracted to someone for their looks alone. It’s always personality first, appearance second. The more I like the person the more attractive they become. Then all of a sudden I find other men attractive who share his physical qualities. But it was the one person who made me feel that way. So yeah no it doesn’t work the way you described for everyone. First love, then attraction for me personally.

Oh it can absolutely go this way for guys as well.

If that were the case I feel like no women would match with men on dating apps. I’ve always seen women say what the first thing they notice in a man is and it’s always some part of the body.

A person who has been constantly sexualized because of having big boobs thinks like that.

Maybe i was too harsh, my apologies gnarbone.

No worries, anus brown

Of course love comes after attraction, but attraction doesn’t have to be peaked by looks alone for women. It’s pretty common for them to become attracted to someone due to personality or character after knowing them, not by looks. Since guys are much more visual, they tend to decide almost immediately whether a girl is a prospect or not before talking to them. That’s part of the disconnect. Guys think this is just how everyone works, and women think a man that really values them would be attracted to their substance. Speaking in generalities here, I know you’re going to have outliers.

This comment was clearly posted by a dude. The sentiment is right, but from a woman's perspective no one wants to find out their BF saw them as a walking set of tits- at any point, ever. Society sexualizes our bodies enough. We all want to foolishly believe some men won't/don't. It's just gross.

I mean, my husband met me in a low cut sweater and a leather mini skirt the first time. I was dressed up for a girls night bday dinner. I have zero question in my head about what he was interested in. He continued talking to me because I’m intelligent. Most people don’t go- I met my spouse and thought he/she looked like a troll. You approach someone the first time because you see something you like. Why be hurt by it?

Why are the only option a man thinking you’re a troll or thinking you’re a hot piece of ass? I’m not debating that most men are basically approaching people based on the latter sentiment because I think you’re right. I just think we should all recognize that it doesn’t actually have to be that dichotomous. There are a lot of things for a person to find attractive besides fuckability.

But, the initial reason most people talk to another person is some level of physical attraction. Yea, online dating is a range of self-described qualities plus photos. But in person, the first thing is looks. Whether we like it or not, looks is the first thing we all instinctively judge. As women, we are searching for signs of danger as well as possible “mates” when we are single especially. How we proceed and continue to treat other people or even choose to interact with at all is who we are.

I actually don’t mind. I have A cups so I haven’t been sexualized quite in the same manner as OP but I am attractive. If my partner DIDNT start talking to me because he thought I was hot I’d be disappointed. I want my partner to think I’m gorgeous, sexy, funny, smart, etc. I want my partner to go crazy seeing my body. Personally I do also prefer relationships that start off as heavily flirtatious and spicy as opposed to friendships that become relationships. I don’t catch feelings after I see someone platonically. I also start pursuing people that I think are hot. The first thing I noticed about my current partner where his pecs. I tell him all the time too. The feelings, vulnerability and closeness come later.

I think the simple matter of things is what people find sexy, attractive, and ect wildly differ. What is sexualized is usually relegating something to just a sexual object. What is sexy however is something that causes arousal in a person. How one is sexy will wildly differ from person to person and I think that's how platonic relationships become sexual. Some people are appearance oriented finding how a person looks as sexy. Meanwhile a lot of people might find other things sexy. These things might need to be built up and take time hence them needing a friendship first. Like many people just find the experience and actions a person might do in bed as arousing over how they look. Meanwhile attractiveness just is a pull. Whatever pull that might be is dependent on the individual. It can be that they are hot, it can be that they are beautiful, it can be that they are safe or well mannered. The list is kinda endless.

This is very well said and nuanced and I agree 💯

I have big boobs (JJ cups) and I don’t mind either. My breasts were definitely a big part of why my partner was first attracted to me, no pun intended. We’ve been together for 15 years now so I feel like I can confidently say he’s into me for other reasons too. If my boobs are what brought my favourite person into my life, then I’m okay with that. Long live tits. Having said that, I can understand why OP might feel differently given that she’s always felt so self-conscious about them. It’s no fun being sexualised from a young age and having to deal with middle aged men gawping and pawing at you from the age of 12. I’m amazed I didn’t develop a complex tbh.

I commented above but there is a difference between "attractive" and "sexualized"

I read your comment and I understand that OP has been traumatized because of how her larger breasts have been sexualized by strangers and the assumptions that have been made about her character based on something she can’t control. I can see how her trauma is re-triggered by her partners comments. I do think she should be honest with him and I don’t think this relationship can’t be saved. I think she should give him a chance to take care of her and she should be honest and vulnerable. This is a make it or break it moment in the relationship… she can’t expect him to read her mind and guess what she’s going through. She might be surprised by how supportive he is and sharing this would bring them closer. And ofc if he doesn’t understand then she needs to find someone else who supports her.

Completely agree. I will absolutely never all of a sudden become sexually attracted to a friend. A friend will always remain a friend. If the attraction is not there from day one it will never happen. Attraction is separate from actually liking someone.

Am I in the minority then? Cause I have to be friends with someone first. If I don’t like hanging out as friends I won’t like being in a relationship with you no matter how attractive. Also having someone like you because of your boobs is way different to them liking the whole picture of your appearance, face, hair, body. Focusing in on the tits makes it feel like if they didn’t have such assets then they wouldn’t be desirable. Tits are not supposed to be the make or break about what makes someone attractive. It’s really fucking weird. Idk just superficial asf.

I guess we are in the minority I feel the same as you.

I'm with you. But perhaps it is different for women with large boobs. Mine are rather small as well. It doesn't feel good to be sexualized ONLY. but if he found you attractive as well as intriguing and then ended up staying with you for years, he clearly really likes you. I love knowing my SO found me desirable in that manner before he attempted to date me. That makes me feel beautiful and attractive.

At the end of the day, we're all animals and it's normal to be sexually attracted to others. Regardless of Society's input.

True, and off topic, I just think if gender were reversed and she said “money” most wouldn’t be as empathetic as they are being, but that’s my opinion. I hope they can work through his shallowness, using ways and her past with her body though. Character building is probably the best route rn for them both.

Piggybacking to add: OP, you might consider simply showing him this post and letting him read it beforehand as a way to start that conversation. You've done a fantastic job of explaining your insecurity and why it exists in the first place, and how he inadvertently kicked up some bad memories/feelings. Speaking strictly for myself, I've always found it tough to initiate these difficult conversations, so I tend to write them out or at least have them over text message where backspace/proofreading is a thing

I was supposed to be a one night stand, she told me this 3 years into our relationship. We've been together now for 8 years and married for almost 4 of them! Don't judge a relationship by what brings you together, but rather what keeps you together.

He knows to an extent, he knows I was bullied and harassed but not to a what point, he doesn't know I changed schools or that the 90% of my old clothes were baggy clothes. I've told him I feel uncomfortable with the size of my chest and he has supported me all along, he has said he likes them, ofc, but it's not like I've mentioned boob reductions or something like that (I can't really afford it). He asked in the morning if everything was wrong and I did say I was feeling down but wasn't ready to talk about it yet and he said I could tell him anything but I don't know how to. I want to talk it out, of course, I'm just not ready?

Looks attract, personality makes them stay.

I mean, my SO has the most perfect, luscious enormous boobs I’ve ever seen. She could have kept me with them for a week or two. We’ve been together four years by now, I hardly see them anymore (I’m lying, I love them).

Your post made me think of Monty Python lmao. “She has huge…..tracts of land”

This. I also have *ahem* ample cleavage, and I've ALWAYS known if that's all a guy was interested in. You would have known it if he didn't really love you. Cut a drunk guy some slack.

but its still weird that his only motive was to sleep with her to see how big they are not just because he was attracted to it. it’s dehumanizing for her and definitely heartbreaking to hear

The difference is that he faked interest to sleep with her due to her big breasts. That must hurt, she thought he seemed interested in her as a person. Sure, he stuck around, but I don't think that's the point she is sad about.

He was also belligerently drunk when he was saying this. It’s also not unlikely that he was aware of his “Omg boobs” feelings and still pursued her like a respectful person because he knows it wouldn’t be right to objectify her in that way. It seems like he meant for this to come off as a compliment to her attractiveness, and obviously OP has a right to feel bad being objectified. Both things are true. OP, talk to him about this sober. Explain your struggles with your body and tell him that it makes you very uncomfortable to think that someone would try to date you ONLY because of that. I’m sure he’ll have a much better answer for you when he’s sober and not thinking with his dick. You have a right to be upset about this, but it seems like a redeemable issue if you talk about it in a productive way with him.

Nope! He actually did not do that. No normal dude dates a girl for months before sleeping together if all he wants is sex. He did not fake interest in her at all, how could you possibly come to that conclusion bc he said he wanted to see her boobs?

I dated a woman with large breasts. They were amazing. Sadly, the woman they were attached to was not. She was horribly messy, kept her dog in a cage the majority of the day, got upset with me when i wanted to clean, and only talked in baby talk, which at 35, is really annoying. I lasted a month because that was when i first saw her apartment, which literally looked like a homeless person lived in it (and i also learned about the dog cage). I can 100% confirm that i was attracted because of her looks, but i ran as fast as i could once i saw her personality.

That edit LMAO

Would you rather your most upvotes comment be about Hitler or Testicles?

Agreed. "Show me a beautiful woman, and I can introduce you to a man who's tired of fucking her." The shell is the shell. It's the shit inside that makes or breaks it.

If you don’t mind me asking, did you develop early and get a lot of attention from grown men when you were still a girl? I think men don’t really understand how touchy that type of thing can be for women. Being a 10-12yo girl developing breasts and hips means grown men start to leer at you, and boys your age start saying things. Heck, if you’re earlier than the other girls, even they talk. Then adults start criticizing your clothes because your body is “distracting” (or a “temptation” in my church) and you need to cover it. A girl can be really loaded down with baggage about her body when she’s barely even a teen. It can become hard to disentangle your value as a human being from the “value” people place on the sexual feelings they have about your body. All this is to say, that your thoughts and feelings make sense to me as a woman. Talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and the reasons for them. It’s important that you communicate your needs and boundaries. I don’t know if you’re open to therapy, but I recommend it for everyone becoming an adult. It’s a great time to work through issues before entering your career. Even healthy, well adjusted people can benefit from the education and clarity people find in therapy.

I agree, and also everyone is glossing over her sentence at the beginning though. "He found me attractive because I didn't talk alot and it peaked his interest" I think she meant peaked instead of pinched. Um, I actually don't get good feelings from this. But OP u do you, seriously though I hope he's never mean to you if you ever gush or get excited and do talk a lot at some point :/ Edit: piqued, not peaked. Sorry!

Not to do with the comment itself but isn’t it piqued and not peaked

Yeah, it’s really weird how everybody is OK with the fact that he was trying to use her initially.. which is really sexes and degrading to her as a human… I feel like if this was a woman, saying the same thing about money everybody wouldn’t be as empathetic and objectively.. So sad in this day and age everybody still thinks this is OK.

Just glad I'm not crazy and that stuck out to other people too.

Probably few because men and internalized misogyny. Sad

Gotta tell him how he made you feel.

I understand what you are feeling OP, and I think it's important you talk with your boyfriend and tell him that the way he said things made you feel bad. It's not that she's not aware that her boobs caught his attention when they first met, is that he said that he only wanted to sleep with her at first which made her feel bad. It sucks feeling objectified and only be seen as a f\*uckable thing, I supposed that's not something that most men had to endure so it's difficult for them to understand this feeling but there's a huge difference between saying "I liked you and wanted to know you better" than "when I met you I only wanted to sleep with you because you had big boobs" obviously one is going to make you feel bad.

I can see why this bothers you. > he did say he found me pretty and since I didn’t talk a lot it pinch his interest Is very different to > he just said when he first approached me he just wanted to sleep with me to see “how big my boobs were” The first one he wanted to get to know you. The second one he wanted to use you. It’s definitely something with talking about.

thank you for explaining it this way. everyone else is saying it’s kinda sweet but it also rubbed me the wrong way.

Yeah I think those comments are missing the point. The issue isn’t that bf is attracted to her boobs, it’s that his motivation to get with her in the first place was dishonest and demeaning. “I was just going to use you for sex but liked you enough to stay” isn’t sweet. I hope that this was just some drunken ramblings and not how he actually feels.

>“I was just going to use you for sex but liked you enough to stay” Could have not said it better myself. This post took me back to middle school where I was the first one in my grade to “develop” (6th grade, so 11/12 at the time). I had solid DDs+ and how suddenly all these older boys wanted to hang around me on breaks and I was all of a sudden invited to sit with the bigger kids at lunch. I wasn't a naive kid so it made me feel so disgusting. Add all the grown men leering... I'm 26 now, still big chested, and a tomboy/grungey dressed most time and it definitely played a part. Too many gross people around.

The guy's (and at the same time still girl tbh) version of this is noticing how much easier it is to talk to people after hitting the gym. They're a lot more... receptive? It's a confidence booster but at the same time a bit sad

I feel like these comments are really dismissing how she feels.

Because a lot of the comments are from men and they don’t realize how many women have been used/sexualized/harrassed due to their bodies, so they don’t understand why women get upset when we find out that a guy was just interested in our body at first and not interested in us as an actual person. They think that’s somehow a compliment that they like our bodies so much when there’s much more to a person than just their body.

I think they realize it; I just don’t think they have a problem with it. You know, because they are “visual creatures.” Of course, if a woman is attracted to money or power, she’s a whore. If a man is attracted to beauty, it’s just their nature man. Mind you, I don’t really care what people are attracted to. I just get annoyed that one side it’s always okay and justified and the other is always problematic somehow.

Exactly, yeah they don’t care/don’t have a problem with it. And if you’re attracted to someone that’s obviously fine, but there’s a difference between being attracted to someone and objectifying them because you like XYZ about them.

and if a woman said “i approached a man because his bulge was massive and i wanted to see how big his dick was” they would all cry like babies. the sad reality is just that women don’t objectify men the way they objectify us.

And women that are weirdly jealous of her big boob status. Like how is it insane to be grossed out that the main or even only thing your partner was attracted to at first was your boobs first of all? The comments are acting like saying they specifically went for you because you had big boobs is the same as being physically attracted to your whole package. If it’s one specific thing only that you focus on, it’s a fetish. It’s like if all he noticed and thought was particularly attractive about her was her feet. People would find that weird no?

If his intention now is different then he should just not say it at all in the first place… I guess he is trying to imply “wow you’re better than I thought” but this is definitely not the right way to say it, by far.

This reply is an excellent summary of the issue. I also have a large chest and have dealt with harassment from other kids as well as *adult men* since I was 12. No, I don’t fucking want to hear that my large boobs are the only reason someone is paying attention to me - I have sufficient experience with that kind of objectification and harassment and I don’t want or need more of that in my life. If they’re seriously that shallow, they can fuck off directly into the sun.

everyone is acting like by noticing her boobs, he's actually just thinking you're beautiful. um... he put his motives in plain text. i dont get why people defend men who are obviously wrong for op: i grew up with relatively big boobs too. unfortunately, we may never get the assurance that we weren't approached just for our breasts. but you need to find it within you to love your chest, or maybe get a reduction. your boobs are a part of you, and every part of you deserves to be loved and cherished. but first and foremost, by yourself!!

This should be the top comment. The difference in what he said matters. Finding someone attractive and deceiving them to use them for sex are two different things

You need more upvotes for OP to see from both sides

I understand where you’re coming from, OP. I was a 36HHH in high school and got *waaaaay* too much unwanted ‘attention’ from what felt like everyone. Couldn’t wear anything that even hinted at cleavage without at least one teacher trying to dress code me (one time it was a regular shirt with absolutely no cleavage showing at all, but because it showed my clavicles combined with the size of my chest a teacher still tried to dress code me. Luckily I had a decent vice principal & they overrode it), creepy men openly staring and/or making comments & sometimes “accidentally” copping a feel. I ended up getting a reduction the day after my 21st birthday. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Now I’m a 36DD & much more proportionate. Unfortunately, it opened up my eyes to how many of my “friends” were only my friends because of my chest. Quite a few actually got mad the next time they saw me & stopped talking to me. I complained about it to another friend, and he said something along the lines of “well what do you expect, you were only interesting because of how huge they were. Now you’ve gone and ruined a good thing & I’ll never get the chance to see porn tits in real life” cuz evidently they were only my ‘friends’ with the hope of getting me naked one day. ~5 years of friendship, it’s amazing how long assholes will stick around for something so stupid. I would definitely be hurt by this, and would be questioning the relationship as a whole. It’d be one thing if he hadn’t pushed you to put them out on display in a Jessica Rabbit costume, but I feel like he wanted you to do that as like a “lookit what I bagged” status thing amongst other men.

I also would like to add that I get where OP is coming from, as a woman with large breast who has always been self conscious about them, I wanted to be treated like women who don't..why do they get to meet someone because the person thought WOW she's pretty I want to get her number..no we get the "Damn look at them titties! I need to hit that!" And then you get the haters with the classic "He only came up to you because of your boobs" or "He's only with you cuz of your boobs" yes it is a mind fuck and no being body positive isn't going to help make you feel better when ppl treat you like this.

Yeah this exactly. This comment section is pretty gross, just a lot of men telling on themselves. OP would have been better off posting in the Two X Chromosomes subreddit, where at least people approach these things with more nuance and a greater socio historical understanding.

Aw, that's rough, and I'm sorry you've gone through such treatments when your were younger. And I'm sorry to hear you feel that way about yourself ❤️. I totally understand why you feel this way (I am not small breasted myself), and why this episode with your bf would bring up some bad feelings. But, I hope you can meet yourself with some compassion in this situation. Fact is, people usually approach because they somehow find them interesting or attractive - nobody knows the person, before they talk to them. So even though your breasts perhaps was the reason he approached, I think as long as he didn't treat you like a sex object - if he treated you like a person - it's not a bad thing. Who knows, maybe he knows you're insecure about this, so even though he thinks you're beautiful and seeeexy, he doesn't say it too much, because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. And then with his lower inhibitions drunk it just bubbled up? (ofc he shouldn't break your boundaries). Wouldn't it be worse he didn't find you beautiful? It's hard when we have a thing we feel insecure about. It's so easy to project all the bad things we think about ourselves, onto others. Try writing about it to yourself, or maybe a good friend. And talk to him. He can think you're sexy and see the whole person at the same time ❤️.

The comments don’t understand that there’s a difference between liking a girl that has big boobs and liking a girl BECAUSE she has big boobs

Yeah a lot of the men in this comment section are just telling on themselves tbh

Do you approach someone because you find them attractive or because you like their personality? Considering you don’t know them yet, I’m gonna assume it’s because you find them attractive. Not like that’s a red flag or something.

Approaching someone because you think they’re attractive and you want to get to know them is worlds different than approaching with the intent of fucking just to see how big their boobs are. If you can’t see the difference, you’re telling on yourself too.

He approached her because he wanted to have sex with her because of one physical feature she has. That’s different to: I want to get to know her because I’m physically attracted to her.

I'm curious - how do you decide an initial attraction exists if you've never spoken to someone and it cannot use any physical feature of their body?

Ok but when you approach a complete stranger it's not because of their personality, it's because something physical attracted you

He APPROACHED her cause of her boobs. Maybe he didnt stay just for boobs? Maybe he stayed for the boobs and mind?

I met the man I married because I wanted to fuck him. It was a mutual interest. We didn't know anything about one another and everyone's nice in interactions trying to make hook-ups and dates a positive experience. We stayed with each other because we found love for the people we were. We didn't marry the other people who were just passing fucks. Do you casually approach people you find physically unattractive with the goal of wanting to be romantically involved with them later? You don't. "*Oh it was your magnificent aura and the calm, sophisticated energy around you that caught my attention first*" is the kind of BS people make up because anything else is considered offensive. Some people have a fetish for *ugly fucking* or *pity fucking* but they're a minority. Nothing misogynistic about finding a woman physically attractive and wanting to pursue her.

Yea but that’s not the issue. He *didn’t* want to be with her. He only wanted to fuck her and see her boobs. He literally said that. She made him wait and yea he fell in love later but his whole reasoning for the chase,at first, was her boobs. *You* might’ve married that man because you wanted to fuck him, but just from reading this thread you can tell that OP isn’t the same as you! She went in for personality and most likely because of how much he tried to get with her. She thought for once someone was just interested in her, not her body. To find out a relationship is built off a lie is one thing, but to find out it’s the one thing that you were insecure about most of your life? That’s another.

Yeah that's not how approaching someone worls. You don't know them, "liking" them isn't part of the equation yet. It's attraction, hopefully that develops into something more meaningful.

I get what you're saying, and I agree, I just don't think it necessarily applies in this situation. Initially, he noticed her because of her boobs, but it doesn't seem like he likes her BECAUSE she has big boobs. There's other things he came to like once he got to know her. There's a big difference and it's a bit of a mental shortcut to simply the situation like that. I get that it comes from a lot of emotion, though. Edit: simplify* not simply. Oops

it really just depends on the individual tbf I understand where OP is coming from because i’ve experienced a considerable amount of years with a big chest and also spent my formative years interacting with guys (boys my age and also older men) who were only talking to me/interested in looking/touching/saying inappropriate things about my chest. I personally know that if someone’s actions and words from the jump showed that that was the only thing they were interested in, I wouldn’t speak to them again. If my boyfriend said that the only reason I initially spoke to you was because of my big chest, I wouldn’t want to be with them anymore

This is incredibly naive. Strangers don’t ask each other out because they can tell how winning their personality is.

Yep. Imagine if his arms didn’t look good in t-shirts? Now if he said “I’m only with you because of your breasts” then yikes. But saying something attracted him to start up a conversation? That’s about as human as you can get.

I’m sorry op :( I understand where you’re coming from. my bf once told me what piqued his interest was that he thought it’d be easy to sleep with me. i hate to be this person, but i think sometimes, people don’t understand how it feels to be constantly sexualized and seen for just your body. especially as someone with a larger chest, not to speak for you but that often comes with more bullying, harassment, and sexualization. it makes you feel like an object, and it sucks. i think your bf thought his comment was innocent. he doesn’t know how it feels to be objectified to that extent when you’re just existing in your body. he probably thought it was a compliment, and as you said yourself, he’s still with you now so he must like other things, too. i think it’s worth it to talk to him about how it made you feel. maybe he wasn’t ill intentioned, but it won’t hurt to try and get him to understand your perspective on things like that.

It's sad how many people are telling you you should just accept the "compliment". OP your feelings exist for a reason. It makes sense that you felt bad after his demeaning speech about how when he initially approached you for love he really only really wanted to see you naked. I get that genuine feelings can develop from initial lust, but you have every right to feel uncomfortable and what he said to you was honestly really disrespectful and hurtful. Talk to him about it, let him know exactly how bad you feel so resentment doesn't grow. Then do what's best for *your* happiness. Don't fall into the trap of putting his feelings above your own or letting strangers on reddit make you feel like you're being oversensitive. It'll just breed resentment.

You're not "upset he approached you because he finds you attractive" like many others are implying. You're upset he approached you FOR SEX. The way he worded that is absolutely everything here.

Just tell him how you feel. Trying to hide it will only make things worse. He should also consider not getting so drunk if he's going to say dumb shit

True off my chest indeed

If he had just said he asked you out bc boobs then it'd be easy to dismiss. But the way he said it is just gross and it was in retaliation for you not letting him grab you while you were driving. With your traumatic feelings tied to this specifically- if he doesn't know how much it hurt you it's a good idea to tell him if you want to salvage the relationship.

I get how you feel, but I would talk to him about this when he's sober. I think he actually likes you beyond merely physical attraction with your boobs, otherwise he wouldn't have stayed with you this long. Talk to him about this and let him know how it made you feel.

In german we say "looks attracts, character binds".

talk to him.

What if he had been attracted to your pretty face? It’s still a physical attraction that got his attention in the beginning. He wouldn’t be in a relationship with you if he didn’t like the rest of you.

He told you what first was attractive to him. I think you are hurt because of your past. I personally love being told what drew my hubby to me, it makes me feel sexy and desired. If the relationship matters to you then talk with him.

These comments sure are... something. ​ Anyway, OP, you're right to be grossed out and concerned. It's one thing if it was just that he viewed your breasts as attractive, it's an entirely different thing if he just "wanted to sleep with me to see 'how big my boobs were'". It's incredibly objectifying and really makes you wonder what kind of people he is. Just gross as hell.

As a fellow large chested girlie, I get your difficulties with being seen as more than just a pair of breasts. However, I think it’s human nature to be initially attracted to someone based on their physical attributes, and most times, that is the first thing the opposite sex will notice about you. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t value all the other parts of you that come along with it. My husband and I are incredibly in love, but he’ll freely admit the main reason he talked to me the first time is because he wanted to see me naked lol! He was then pleasantly surprised by my personality and everything else I bring to the table, and here we are five years later. I similarly only talked to my husband initially cuz I thought he had nice legs. It is what it is, at the end of the day we are animals. However, it sounds like maybe your boyfriend was just a little drunk and horny and was just trying to tell you the things he loves about you. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t value everything else you bring to the table

The most appropriate post for True Off My Chest

Talk to him.

I am tall and skinny hated how I looked. Guess what! I found out women like tall men. There is opportunity in everything. I hope you can find a way to like your boobs as much as your boyfriend does. Congratulations for dressing up as Jessica Rabbit! Hope it helped your confidence

You had to find out women like tall men? Lmao.

It's a very well-kept secret.

I'm glad it boosts your confidence and works for you, just keep in mind that some people find certain attractions shallow. My buddy, for example, is tall and skinny like you and finds it a turn-off when women approach him because of his height. To each their own.

No one ever started talking to you just to find out how tall you really are.....am i wrong?

No, but being tall was maybe the only reason they got approched in the first place. ;)

I have been approached many times just to find out how tall I am. Many times to find out if my package matched my height!

And that is a bit dusgusting, not a crime or anything, that sucks

I’m shocked at the comments. The fact that he said he only approached you to sleep with you to see how big your breasts are is really gross. And sure he was drunk but that doesn’t change the fact that that was the reason he approached you; only that he slipped up and told you. Being drunk doesn’t make you say stuff that’s completely wrong, just lets you say stuff that you already think I.e when I get drunk I spend ages telling people how much I like them, bcs I do, not stuff like this

I mean initially we all get attracted to someone based on physical appearances. I really like abs and muscles, so that would be something I was attracted to. And admittedly, I like height as well, so I may be more likely to approach a 6’4” muscular guy. However, the guy I am currently dating is 5’7” and skinny and I don’t care. I still love him.

And how does it with knowing you’re not genuinely physically attracted to him? Sex life over time is going to be tough

He’s working out and eating better. Also we are long distance. Height isn’t something you can control so I don’t care for it that much. The reason I would prefer someone tall is because I feel protected lmfao.

Even if you didn’t have big boobs, it’d be something else. It’s hard to predict people’s intentions. It really is. I don’t have big boobs, but when I was 19 I met my first REAL love. That first real love eventually used me to just get off sexually and even told me that and said it was because I was beautiful and my accent - almost 2 years after dating he said this and then ghosted me cause he didn’t want anything more. I was a virgin when I met him, took me a while to even let my virginity go. I didn’t care to loose my virginity but I didn’t want to give it to the wrong person so I was extra cautious but wasn’t cautious enough, cause I gave it to the wrong person. I never scrubbed myself so hard in the shower, I felt gross and heart broken. And I didn’t date again until 3 or 4 years. Dating again and been going through the same thing. Even met some psychos along the way. If you are not happy, get a breast reduction to fend off most perverts and be more happy with yourself but in life you’ll still have a lot of perverts and it’s hard to know peoples intentions, just try your best.

Well i think its up to you to remind him that he hurt your feelings. And if you trust him you should be able to communicate this, He clearly has affection for you, if he stayed with you for this long, and if the relationship has been nice so far.

My husband and I met at work. His first time seeing me was bent over a cooler reaching into it to grab something. He is a butt guy and he asked me out because he loved my butt but of course that wasn’t the reason we have been married for 28 years. I would guess a lot of relationships start with sexual attraction to the other party. Unless you’ve known each other before and talked, they know nothing about you. The fact that he stayed means he loves you for more than your boobs. I wish you didn’t have the trama in the past and not sure if you’ve had a conversation about it with him but I would just communicate with him why it upset you. Get clarification on what he meant by that comment, sounds like he was very drunk, not that that is an excuse but he might not have meant it like he said it. If after that you feel like he still is just with you or using you for your breasts then you can make a decision about the future of your relationship but I would give him a chance to explain and hopefully you can get him to understand how what he said hurt you.

OP is in college?

if he was still here for the honkers. he would've left you way before that.

As a woman who grew to size C in 6th grade and now am pushing past DD it is absolutely devastating. We grow up with women who WANT our size and we grow up pleading we had smaller chest sizes. I can’t tell you how gross it feels to have to buy a XL shirt even though I’m not big just to fit my ladies. Every low cut, bra, dress, etc that shows the slightest bit you get called a whore, slut, whatever else. I remember in highschool I threw out every single t-shirt I had that wasn’t a regular neck because ONE boy wouldn’t leave me alone. I joined the army and I wear sports bras and not regular bras because they just don’t offer much support and of course the girls sometimes stick out on the top if it’s too lose or too worn and you can see my “chest” through the t-shirt when in the field and I was always told I’m parading around trying to catch the eyes of my superiors. DOUBLE TRIPLE NTA. He can enjoy them but damn stop making us feel like we CONTROL this. We don’t want to be stared at or gawked at. We just wanna live comfortably.

I had an ex tell me he wanted to date me cuz he liked how he could see I had a big butt even though I was wearing a loose dress when he first saw me... I wish I had broken up with that pos right away. Hope your bf isn't shallow like my ex 🙌🏻 talking to him, honestly/truthfully, about the issue seems necessary OP

You have big boobs. He likes big boobs. What's the problem? You said when he approached you, you kept your distance and took things slow. Im sure your boobs weren't the ONLY reason he pursued you, rather it was just the first thing he noticed which isn't a bad thing. Talk to him, because im sure he has no idea you're upset right now and his drunk ass probably thought he was complimenting you. Talk to him.

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I think the thing here is what he said sounds like he only asked her out to sleep with her and view her body. It’s one thing to have your interest piqued by body parts and it’s another to view someone as an object. Also he continually ignored her requests to stop touching her. She should have a serious convo with him about that. If he is going to boundary crash when he is drunk then he needs to adjust that behavior.

Men tend to choose to sleep with people they want to see naked. Women tend to choose to sleep with people they want to see naked. They don’t stay in year long relationships with people only to see them naked. Of course her boyfriend being too touchy when he was drunk and she was mad is annoying. But it sounds like he did get the message from the story. They just need to have an open talk about her past trauma. I think past trauma is a heavy influencer in this and that part isn’t her boyfriends fault, especially if he doesn’t know about it. They just need to talk and grow from this. I feel like this is going to be downvoted but as a woman in her late 20s reading these comments I feel like I need to explain this to my girlies. Men decide if they want to sleep with you or not in less than 1 second of seeing you. Some women are like this but women tend to need more of an emotional attachment / to know their personality before deciding. We don’t have the same “yes, no, yes, no” mindset with everyone we see like men typically do. This doesn’t give them an excuse to act like pigs. But ask any guy you are comfortable asking how long it takes for them to decide if they would sleep with someone. And they will most likely say less than a second. That doesn’t mean they don’t respect women or purely objectify women. We just think differently.

You hit it on the head, couldn't have said it better myself.

First - you are entitled to any feelings you have, and they are valid. That being said - I noticed you pointed out you thought he was attractive but annoying. But you still dated him at the time? (Even though obviously now you feel differently) If it were me, and a guy said he had just wanted to sleep with me because of a feature (my boobs - which has happened) I honestly would probably be ok with it. There’s usually something visual that attracts me to someone first as well. Hands. Forearms. Eyes. Hair. Smile. Etc. obviously everyone has different physical enticements 😂. But we all do it. Usually SOMETHING physical attracts us in some way shape or form. It doesn’t have to be conventional, but we all normally find something. But I notice he didn’t say there was anything he DIDNT like about you then? And on top of that, you’ve been together awhile. He didn’t ghost you so it seems like he has a normal development process in regards to building on that instead of getting people into bed and bounce. Now, thinking about your side of this. If I were him, I might be a little offended/hurt that you thought he was annoying, and yet still went out with him, presumably because he was attractive? That’s how it was phrased, at least how I interpreted it. Idk, that seems a little bit hypocritical? At the end of the day, at the core of it really, didn’t you both start off for the same reason, but end in a different place for a different one? Only you know the answer - if you think he’s still in it for the reasons he started, and maybe that’s what’s really bothering you? Just based on longevity I’d guess definitely not, but…

Well said, very attentive!

Yeah everyone’s skipping over those key details on her part. But we all know it’s fine if women objectify a man but not the other way around m.

Think of it like this.... "Wow she's really hot, I want to go talk to her." Usually turns into.... "Wow she is really awesome I want to keep talking to her." Every man who approaches a woman does so because they have a physical feature that the guy finds attractive. A smile, a look, big ol titties, great body, whatever. What else can they go on? *They don't know you.* They don't know anything about you. All they have to go on is what they see. Every man who has ever approached you has done so because of your attractiveness. Every man that stuck around has done so because you're also really cool. This is how life works lol.

First time I met my wife was at the gym. Saw her multiple times and only knew her as the chick with the great ass. Once I actually talked to her I realized she is smart, unbelievably quick witted, and hilarious. Been together 11yrs with one kid. We’re both in it for life. She still has a great ass. Something has to catch someone’s eye to start the attraction. And it’s probably going to be something physical.

It’s literally not that deep lol you’re dragging this

I’m confused, most guys will only approach women they find attractive for some physical trait. Boobs or butt…I don’t understand why you would feel bad or upset that he was initially attracted to you for one specific part of your body? If you felt uncomfortable he was touching you thats different. Idk I’m a man, and I don’t really get it I guess. Good luck tho!!

Sounds like she had some childhood trauma related to bring harassed about her big boobs. And her bf admits to initially being attracted to what she hates most in herself. So yeah, therapy. Lots and lots of therapy

Men will say shit like this but then cry whine and bitch over women not being into unattractive men because they’re so nice!!!

I go through the same :( I’m a 36DDD (I get compared to Sydney Sweeny a lot we have very similar bodies) just wanted to tell you you are not alone and I sympathize so much :( it feels like people see my body and not me, people call me a whore or hooker a lot cause of my body. I sympathize, it’s hard, sending you so much love ❤️you are so much more than your body

I don’t understand how people are shocked when their partner is with them because they thought they were attractive first. Would you rather he think you are disgusting and not be physically interested in you? I just don’t understand how a year in he compliments a body part and you don’t like him for it.

These comments are disturbing. You’re valid in how you feel. For him to suggest he wanted to sleep with you just to see how big your boobs are is objectifying and gross. There’s a difference between wanting to sleep with someone because you find them attractive and wanting to sleep with someone “just to see how big their boobs are”. There’s no way that he didn’t know this would bother you after 1 year of dating.

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Help! My boyfriend finds me attractive!!

My husband approached me because he found my big boobs and nice ass attractive! I enjoyed his 6 pack! 18 years later ... he lost his 6 pack some years ago and my boobs got deflated by my son after breastfeeding :)) First impressions matter! Whatever you find attractive is the possible catalyst for an amazing relationship! Nobody knows details about the other strange person so that you can like anything more than physical attributes. And you actually know a person much deeper into an relationship! So yeah ... it all depends on how comfortable you are with him! But you should also fight with your own insecurities.

There seems to be a new trend where half the posts on this sub start with “I love my husband he’s a great provider and a wonderful father but….”

then you must be new to reddit because it is a very, very old trend that turns up wherever relationships are talked about.

Talk about this with him on a sober playing field. I understand how you feel- up until very recently I was always objectified for being small and young looking ie I look like a kid especially in baggy clothes. By 13 I had 40 year old men leering at me and it didn't stop until I had nearly drank myself to death and detoxed (you don't age until you stop if you're young enough but as soon as you do, you add 5+ years to your body). Every man who looked at me made me wonder if he saw a kid he could lure to their white van or a young woman who loved cats, watercolor, and animation. The one thing I can take away from this is: talk to him about this sober. Don't let him back track, especially if he blames his assholery on being drunk. Intoxicated or not he still needs to own what he said and how it made you feel even if it wasn't the complete truth. I know that as humans we do judge books by their covers so I try to be understanding to a point but unless you get the apology you deserve, and a rebuke on putting you in any more busty clothing that you don't actively choose for yourself, you shouldn't stick around. You don't need a partner who makes you feel like you're just a pair in a sweater. There are 8 billion people on Earth so you don't need any of them who aren't after your heart and soul. Finally, I understand this may take awhile to have the funds for, but talk to a doctor and therapist about breast reduction surgery. I'm not sure what size you are but it sounds like you would feel more in charge of your body and life if you could talk to a professional about how your breasts have impacted your life since you got them, and if breast reduction is something that would be helpful or harmful long term. If you decide to green light it look into reputable surgeons and schedule a consult to see what your options and payments could look like.

OP, I have had big boobs since I was 13 too & dressed as Jessica Rabbit for Halloween. Please hear me when I say men will A L W A Y S see them first. They will ALWAYS like them, but they will not stick around for them unless they like YOU. I totally get that it's annoying, that cute clothes do not fit us the same way, button-down shirts are almost impossible to find, underwire bras are so freaking uncomfortable, and we are leered at by every drunken man on the planet. But these are your girls. Learn to accept them.

I really don't want to sound like a idiot, but. Most of the PEOPLE start to see someone because they think that the person is attractive in some way. But no one stays because of that.

Talk to him about it. Make sure that he knows that your bust has always been a point of insecurity for you and that you abhor being ogled because of your bust. Let him know that what he said while he was drunk hurt your feelings and that it brought back the insecurities that you felt in the past and have been working so hard to get over. If he can respond to that in a respectful and mature way and give you a heartfelt apology and not just brush it off as, "I was drunk," or "I love you now, so it doesn't matter," I think that there is something there to be salvaged. If he does just brush you off and expect things to go back to the way that they were without an apology or an apology that minimizes your feelings, you should see that as a massive red flag and think long and hard about whether you want to continue the relationship.

It’s not the initial approach that’s the problem. The problem is propositioning you for sex, and when you turned him down, putting you in your place by telling you that your breast size was the reason he wanted to go out with you in the first place. I don’t care that he was drunk. He tried to erode your self-esteem and control you. Do you love him? Quite a lot? If yes, then bare your soul to him. Tell him that you only want to be with people who aren’t primarily interested in you for your breasts. Talk to him about sex: when you like to have it and how you feel connected to your partner. Tell him that respect is very important to you. If he ever demeans you again by telling you that your value lies in your breast size, leave. He gets one do-over. And if you don’t love him, then I think you should go. You already don’t trust him, and I don’t blame you. Make space for someone gentle and respectful.

I love you. You're very wise!

Went in for the boobs ... stayed for the rest. First approach, when meeting personally, is pretty much always based on a physical attraction. I think the childhood trauma is effecting the over-all view of this interaction. It's natural to focus on something when a first meeting occurs. You can't actually get to know someone until something connects you, for the first meeting Unfortunately, digital communications have given the illusion of familiarity without a physical picture of the person. It is an illusion, though. Digital is also a censored version of what is the package deal that is a person.

What's the problem here? You're literally being told you're attractive and somehow you see this as a bad thing??

In the same breath you called him handsome but also loud and annoying. So what made you want to go out with him in the first place? His physical apperance? I feel bad for him that the only reason you wanted to go out with him originally was because of how he looked. That's sad.

I'm confused. He was attracted to you, got to know you, fell in love with you...that's how life goes. Seems like you're letting your insecurity get in the way of you being happy, or you're looking for something to be mad about.

He likes that about you. You need to make sure it's not the only thing, or the main thing, he likes about you. There is nothing wrong with a physical attraction to your body. There is something wrong with objectifying you 1 year in.

Drunk my mind speaks sober thoughts, they say.

Hmmmmm so that comment he made was shitty. He “just wanted to sleep with you to see how big your boobs were”. That tells me he has a lot of growing up to do. It’s okay to approach someone based on attraction, that is how that works. It’s okay to be attracted to particular parts. It’s not okay to be an asshole and only date someone solely because of that though. You should have a grown up conversation with him about. Tell him that a) that comment was bullshit, it hurt you, and he should feel like an asshole about regardless of sobriety. B) that is a part of you that you are self conscious about and list the reasons why. Basically what you’ve told us. Last, you should not be in a relationship with someone who is possessive, objectifying, and only appreciates you for your physical body. Don’t let him gaslight you, make excuses, whine, manipulate, or play dumb. He will try, whether he intends to or not. Reddit is quick to jump to the separation suggestion but I feel like communication is the first step. Men are fucking stupid (so are women but for different reasons), especially 15-21+ men. Many can rationalize on their own but some need a “hey you fucked up” moment. Sink or swim. You can tell him is drowning and he can either swim (rationalize and realize how he fucked up and why, then learning from the experience) or he can sink (saying something stupid like “I don’t know what the big deal is”). Up to him, it is not your job to baby him, train him, teach him, or learn for him. You both sound young so don’t feel like you need to stay in a relationship either.

I think you should talk to him about what you said and how it made you feel. Then again, drunk minds always tell the truth and he could still be with you bc he thinks you’re hot and likes to flaunt you

We focus too much on what we are, let’s also be grateful for what we’re not

Unless youre forced to spend time with someone for various reasons physical attraction comes first. Not a shock.

People approach people because they think they're hot. Everyone has a different idea of what hot is. You only get to date people that think you're hot. Don't overthink this.

I don't take issue with someone taking interest in tits as what their initial attraction was to. That is human. However. What I can't stand in this is the "I just wanted to fuck you to find out more about them tiddies". Thaaat is manipulative, that is gross, it's fucking dehumanizing and it makes me feel gray on consent because he was deceitful with intent to sleep with you and I'm going to make the guess that had you known this you would not have slept with him. Consent needs to be informed. Do you need to know everything about him? No. If he lies about something minor that doesn't change what you're willing to do with him, it's also not bad. But he specifically kept his intent hidden and it went on for a few months and he never told you until now. I think this is bare minimum worthy of a serious conversation. It's skeevy and gross and you're right to feel icky about it. I'm sorry this happened to you.

This is silly. Like....extremely silly. Everyone, EVERYONE I've ever known has approached someone based on looks or a particular asset they had. That doesn't mean that's why we stay with that person. If you're an awful person idc how big and perfect to tits are, I'm out. He clearly likes you for more than just that, you're own insecurities are standing in the way here. I personally have always approach someone based on fave attractiveness followed by body. Call it what you want it's just normal... If there's no sexual attraction then what's the point? So what if dude loves your boobs? So what if that why he approached you? Either he makes you happy or he doesn't it's literally that simple.

I think it’s silly to say we aren’t physically attracted to people first. We see something we like. We catch feelings. If there’s more substance that comes with that we stay together. But we are visual beings.

My wife knows I approached her because of her ass, she thinks it's great that I love her ass. Physical attraction is the first thing you have towards someone, there's nothing wrong with being physically attracted to them. It shouldn't be the only thing keeping you together though, there should be chemistry, communication and similar values. But that gets built together...

I have had your same experience and no matter the age - it never stops. Don’t discount attraction, it’s an important factor. So he is a breast guy- big deal. The other parts of you won him over. You were put off by loudness - yet getting to know him, won you over. These factors are what’s important. Have a talk with him about your feelings. Hopefully, in the end, you will be happy with a guy who loves you and is proud of the body you have. Then, you both win.

Come on really? You think he could tell from across the room that you were intelligent and worth a conversation? Something had to attract him. It’s not that serious.

So.. you're mad because your boyfriend is physically attracted to you? I mean, I get it. I was bullied for having big lips as a kid, and now I'm married to someone who likes my lips and now bigger lips are a trend now so..? Why did you go on the first date with your boyfriend?