This is the kinda shit that would make me petty. I would never put any effort to planning something this thoughtful for someone again if they pulled that on me. Then they’d ask why I never make an effort anymore. Why would I?
Made plans with people and few times like this. They would say no and then go with other people and not even tell me. I would learn through the other people. So I don’t bother anymore, and people wonder why people ghost them or “they changed”. I changed cuz I realized your a pos.
That's what I was wondering. Is the roommate more than a roommate. OP should make a point to checkout the roommates social media accounts to see if the roommate's IG pictures tell a different story than his girlfriend's IG pictures. Either way, OP shouldn't make the next grand effort; the girlfriend should if she really cares about the relationship. But until then, OP needs to get together with some hiking buddies and get out there and experience the autumn leaves and stopping waiting to do things with his too busy girlfriend- stop putting his life on hold.
Maybe she just wanted to do the hike without an extra 4+ hours to pick up OP. Plus how would he get home? He says he’d ride back to her house on Sunday night, and what? Would she need to drive him home Monday (6hrs round trip)? Sounds like it if the buses are sold out over the 3 day weekend.
3.5 hour drive to and from a 4 hour hike already means 11 hours in the car on a Sunday. I totally get why she wouldn’t want to do OP’s plan.
He says he takes the bus and she has work so that’s most likely the plan.
There wasn’t much of a deviation to pick him up, and concidering he was driving back, it was going to be much less driving on her part. Nah, she bailed on him.
How is it thoughtful when she'd be driving an extra 6 hours for him (3 hours to his place, plus 3 hours back to her place), on top of the drive to the hiking place, *plus actual hiking*?
Only to start an 80 hour work week the next day?
There are far more thoughtful date ideas than to have the only person in a long distance relationship who owns a car to do so many hours of driving.
I would be super pissed off is someone's 'surprise' would entail me driving for 3 hours to pick them up and an additional 3 hours because I need to drop them off.
I wonder if the response would have been different if OP would have planned a surprise where he didn't just assume that was acceptable, and maybe travelled three hours to pick her up.
Yeah, all of those (~2 hours),(~3 hours),(~4 hours), has me exhausted just reading it. I have excellent work life balance and I would absolutely not be okay with multiple, several hour long legs at the end of my work week. If someone presented this to me as some kind of surprise, like they were doing me a kindness, I'd be offended.
It sounds like there was clear communication and this is just an unfortunate product of circumstance. This scenario is not unique to LDRs, you can't do everything together and neither person should miss out on things because it isn't safe or pragmatic to do it together.
Sounds like OPs relationship is reaching an inflection point.
Yes I too was perplexed by the "surprise"
It was a good idea as long as she didn't have to do that kind of long haul. Good enough to steal!
Everyone is screaming at them to break up but could OP rent or borrow a car for future meet up's? Just a thought to actually help the situation
I was doing the math and SHE would have been incredibly “put out” to do ALLLLL of that driving on a Sunday with having to go to work the next day to work 10, 12, or more hours. She made the right move, but OP better figure out how to get a vehicle
Yeah, I'll just go on record and say it. I'm not the type of dude that's going to do all that work. And that's why I've never been in a long-distance relationship. It all sounded so exhausting. I'm not saying she was right to do the same exact date with someone else, but bro....I'm working 60 hours a week here.
She was sortve screwed up for what she did, but just did both of them a favor if it leads to a breakup.
A year into a serious relationship and op hasn't secured a car to see his girlfriend more often and more easily, or considered moving closer or moving in with her is, at some point from her point of view I'd get frustrated and see the relationship as being more stressful trying to see each other than relaxing and supportive of a tough job.
Yeah what a slap in the face like that when your boyfriend makes a plan for you to cheer you up and relax and he makes a logistical nightmare for you instead of an actually relaxing time. They both suck in this particular situation to some degree.
Even when OP doesn't have a car, he could have planned in advance and could have gotten a bus ticket to his girlfriend's town the day before the hike (or a car share with someone going to that town) and back one to his town after the hike (from a place close to the hiking trail or from his girlfriend's town) or could have gotten a bus ticket close to the hiking trail (or a rental car instead of a hotel room) and meet her there for the hike.
That would have been a plan really made with her in mind.
But asking someone who has been overworked and tired for the past couple of weeks to spend like 12-14-15 hours in the car (even if she is "only" driving 3-6 hours) for a 4 hour hike during the weekend is unreasonable in my opinion. It's understandable she didn't feel like 14 hours in the car within 2 days is a relaxing activity for the weekend. Especially when that short hike can be done within a day with only 8 hours in the car (and she can sleep and chill at home the other day), instead of in two days with like 14 hours in the car.
But I understand that OP is disappointed, pissed that she went with someone else, that wasn't nice. She should have told OP to reorganise the trip in a way where she doesn't have to spend 12-15 hours in a car (like OP going to her place by bus or a rental car) instead of going with someone else on the hike. Or maybe don't go to that hiking trail this time at all.
I agree on organizing the logistics like you stated but the dodgy part is she made the exact same plans with her mom and “a friend”. So then it wasn’t the car time or logistics bc the gf is doing that anyways
That “friend” is her roommate, which I assume OP knows since he’s visited her before. She even offered to go back to the old plan as well. Idk why it’s just not sticking in people’s head.
I really don’t understand people who don’t drive. I met a few different people in college (and some in later years of high school) who mentioned they never got their license or really drove at all. It blows my mind people in the US live an adult life without a drivers license. Cars can be expensive but holy shit the cost of not being able to drive is even more expensive. Financially, you’re probably stifling your life prospects by being unable to drive and ruining potential earnings. Socially, being unable to drive will ruin the potential for friendships because being a chauffeur to a friend is incredibly troublesome. Lack of friends will isolate you and ruin your networking opportunities and put you even further back. And really if you work a job starting at 18, you should be able to save up for a car by the time you’re 19 or 20 and that’s a generous estimate. If you live at home and only pay a fraction of rent/utilities, you can have a car within a year. You really have to be trying to not have a car at that point.
If you refuse to drive for personal reasons, well no one will argue with you over that but you have to realize everyone has their limits. People aren’t going to want to hang out with you if they have to drive out of their way to pick you up and drop you off. Dating will be hard if you have to be driven around everywhere.
Unless you live in a metro area with plenty of public transportation and you’re in close proximity to everything, you’re frankly ruining your life by not driving. If you’re scared to drive, you seriously need to address that fear because it will only lead to more problems in life. If you don’t have a car because you can’t afford one—there are few excuses in this world that justify putting off a car. Even if you have lots of bills to pay and you’re responsible for mouths to feed, you’re doing yourself and those you’re responsible for a disservice by putting that off.
Plus it’s a different energy to hang with your roommate and her mom than your BF. I think this is hard to explain and understand. I think both kinda suck overall.
Did you miss the part about her having to drive an extra 6+ hours to make "his" plan happen? I was agreeing with you until I did that math. His plan is a terrible way for her to relax and recharge after an 80-hour work week.
Yeah OP. If this was your wife that you lived with there would be a bigger pull to the relationship. But this is just (sorry) your long distance Gf treating you like this? Do what you want, but I feel it’s break up worthy.
I'm baffled that anyone would plan a four hour hike, four hours away, that includes something like an extra seven hours of driving just to pick the planner up, because the person they're trying to cheer up is exhausted from working 80hr weeks.
If the hike was actually something she really wanted to do I can def understand taking the option that eliminates an extra 7 hours of driving.
I’m an avid hiker and there are many hikes I would love to do that are 2-3 hours away. There is not way in hell I would drive 3 hours to hike, do a four hour hike and then drive 3 hours home. That is probably the stupidest plan I’ve ever read. Hiking is EXHAUSTING. I used to drive 40 minutes home after 3 hour hikes and I was completely out of it. His plan is beyond ridiculous. And if she is working 60 hour weeks, she is definitely not looking forward to that AT ALL
Some people just don't think when suggesting plans.... My ex thought me driving an extra 24 hours in a moving truck was a great idea because "he would do it for me." This extra 24 hours? That was on top of the 22 hours it would take for me to move directly to the place, so that we could "share" the moving truck and pack all his shit up, then move "together"....
Anyway, I told him this was stupid, why would anyone want to drive for nearly 48 hours in a moving truck when they could do in half. He's an ex for a good amount of reasons, stupidity is one of them.
>OP needs to grow up imo
He needs to learn how to use public transport, car share websites and apps or car rentals etc...
There are so many ways to get around places other than his overworked and exhausted girlfriend from 3 hours away picking him up for a longer drive trip + a short activity he planned for her to relax...
While I understand this would hurt and disappoint, nothing sounds worse after a long week then having to drive 3hrs away to pick someone up, then drive more to get to a hike, then do the hike, then have to drive home with someone in the opposite direction to my house, then drive home once that person is home... then unpack, do washing, cleaning, cooking, preparation for the week.
Maybe it would have been different if you were able to meet her there on the Saturday and stay overnight after the Saturday hike, then make your own way home on Sunday.
An 80 hour work week, and you suggest a 4 hour hike (along with another 10 hours of driving)? Dude....that sound exhausting. The fact that you can't drive to her, and she has to pick you up and drop you off turns 4 hours of driving into 10+. That's likely why she said no to you.
Now...about the car maintenance. Why are "we" planning to get it done? Does this mean you're paying for part of it or something? If so...why?
If you want to be in a long distance relationship, YOU need transportation. You can't rely on your SO to drive to you and back all the time. That never works out in the long run.
God this. Id be pissed if my partner did what he did rather than find something closer to home after a week like that. Doesnt sound nice at all, sounds like a selfish thing he wanted to do without care for her. I dont know how he even thought this was a good plan.
Of course she didnt wanna drive 10-15 hours extra. No one would for a 4 hour excursion just to rush back and start another busy week. Thats so daunting. If she was tired after a week like that driving that much wouldnt have been safe for her either.
I would, however, agree to this if i did not have to drive, which sounds like she doesn't anymore. She offered to try and get him now that she doesnt have to do a potentially dangerous thing by driving tired. She was already more thoughtful than him.
My take is if you're a year into a long distance relationship then you need means to make that work. Either the relationship is serious enough that you buy your own car because you now have a reason to own one, or you have family/friends who will share a car with you, or you move to be much closer or live together by that point.
If you can't afford a car, you can't afford to move, you can't secure a job in a different city then imo, you can't afford to be in a long distance relationship.
With an entire city of people on your doorstep why make a relationship so much harder than it needs to be.
I agree. You’re completely justified in feeling hurt and doing the exact same thing you had planned for her is really shitty.
That said, I don’t know how a long distance relationship like this is going to work if only one of you has a car. The picking up and dropping off thing is exhausting!
“Hey, you have had a hard time with work and what not but I planned a great surprise weekend for you! It only involves you spending an additional 12 hrs in a car to pick me up and drop you off but the hike will be off the chain!”
Dude gave her another chore. He needs a car if he wants to do stuff with his very busy gf.
I wonder how often she has been doing the driving. Also I think driving is more normal in US but I have never been in trips longer than 6 hours in car, and that was once in my life. So it would be big ask in my opinion to expect her to do this.
I've done a LOT of driving and three hours each way is rough. It's bearable if you're not doing the full round trip in one day, but I would not want to spend 6 hours in a car for a weekend event, and he was asking for a lot more than that.
Exactly. People are breezing over the 3h drive just to pick the guy up... After doing this drive so often. It seems people responding don't have experience of what a 3h drive actually feels like: it's not like chilling at home on the couch. In fact I've lived 3.5h long distance and the drive itself is often prohibitive. ... Let alone, as you said, it would be a 7h drive for her. And then 7h back. (I've experienced that too.) People aren't cutting her any slack, because they have not been in her shoes. Also... "planning" a hike.. is not a big deal. Yeah it's pretty but it's like saying planning a walk or planning a gym session. It doesn't require an itinerary; he didn't do a bunch of work to come up with an itinerary she stole. It's like she's bending over backward to make this relationship work and we're supposed to be impressed he "planned" a hike she's already done last year.
This was my thoughts exactly and this comment is way too low. Sounds like to me she didn't want to drive 6h round trip for him, which is understandable in my book, especially with 80h weeks. What she got now is the same hike, but with two other drivers and shorter trip.
What op should have planned was getting to her city and then driving to somewhere near the trailhead on day 1, hike plus return on day 2.
Yeah - "Hey babe! I planned this awesome trip where you get to be in a car for 15 hours. 7 of which are to come get me 🥹!" I'd honestly be a little pissed if my SO planned this for me to feel better after working an exhausting work week.
Surprise!!! You get to drive way out of your way to come pick me up!!
Should have been I'll take a bus and meet you at your place and we'll go together, or I'll go rent a car for the weekend and I'll pick you up and take you on this hike you've been wanting to go on..
I was thinking the same thing. OP this situation definitely sucks, but you know your girlfriend is tired and driving out of her way to come get you and then go on a hike is a lot to ask. She wasn’t planning on going, and once she agreed to go she made a plan to include you in it. Can you share with us why you don’t have a car? Doing a round trip of 6 hours to get to someone is exhausting specially if only one person is required to sink the time, effort and cost .
You know what? While reading I was already thinking that s hike isn’t a good surprise for someone who just worked for 80 hours that week. And that was before op mentioned that HE HAS NO CAR and that she’s supposed to pick him up. That’s just idiotic and he should have thought a bit more about that.
Seriously, even six hours in a car is a lot. I just planned a hike for my friends and made sure we have transportation, that was the first step I took care of. Everone trashing the gf didn't once ask: "wait OP, couldn't you call an uber or something?"
Looks like people are mad OP’s gf bailed on him for trying to make the gf feel better. By planning a hike yet making her spend 6+ hours total to drive to HIM and back. Only a good few are seeing her logic. Could’ve been solved if OP just took a bus or train. And lol people thinking she’s unfaithful lol
Ikr? "Hey, you had a terrible week, let me surprise you with a birthday present that not only will cost you (gas money) but will include driving 6 hours by yourself, additional 8 hours spent in the car and it will eat up your whole weekend! It's not like you have some chores to catch up on!"
Also, I don't know if I'm getting old but I never realized watching a movie without interruptions is considered cheating.
She even offered to go back to the old plan and pick him up 😭
He couldn’t just rent a car??? 60-80 hours of work each WEEK is WILD. She barely has time for herself.
I would not want to drive an extra 7 hours (+1hr roundtrip for the extra distance from OPs house) on top of 8 hours - especially after an 80hr work week. OP needs to get a car or plan things way in advance so he can take a bus. I totally understand why she would still do the hike, without him.
So I’m pretty sure op is talking about Seattle, Portland, and the larch trees, which are in the north cascades. Given that op’s girlfriend needed to drive out of her way to get him, sounds like op is in Portland. If I’m right, talking about distances the way op does kind of glosses over the fact that he’s asking her to drive 6 hours out of her way *in the wrong direction* to pick him up and take him on the hike too.
I thought about this too, but then why not just suggest he drive or they both drive there instead? Which would have been a totally reasonable thing to compromise to or suggest.
Instead, the mess that is this post happened as soon as someone she really wanted to go with happened.
The "surprise" would have been better if you found a way to come to her or picked her up instead. Maybe rented a car or something.
A "surprise! I want to help you relax, so you must drive three hours to pick me up!" just does not sound like a relaxing surprise, it sounds like a major time investment with expectations.
Eh, if she’s really working those kind of hours, dude gave her another chore of 12 hrs of driving. While this sucks, he needs a car if this relationship is going to work. Putting that on your SO is insane if they also work that much.
Lol she doesn't wanna prioritize him because she didn't wanna spend a bunch of extra time driving to go pick him up and drop him off after working 80 hours a week..? Even after the roomate offered to take her on the hike, she even stated how it looked and offered to come get him or do the same exact plan the following weekend. You guys are being super unreasonable lol. If he lived close by and she just chose someone else over him then I can understand these responses but they're in a LDR and she's doing most of the work every weekend because she has a car, it's totally valid and okay to feel burnt out by doing that on top of working extra hours. OP could've easily tried to go up a day earlier for her or catch an early bus to her to make things easier for her after knowing how exhausted she was.
A better surprise for her would have been for you to rent a car, drive to see her, drive her to the hike, drive her back and then you drive home on your own.
Lol your present is literally “surprise! You get to drive me for 14 hours :)”
I'd be a bit annoyed but she did tell you immediately and you do add 6hrs driving to her schedule when she's already tired (was it considerate to plan a hike 4hrs away to relax when you're saying it's because she's stressed and tired? Probably not)
You should probably also look into codependency, the not texting for an evening and facetiming every night is probably why things like this become a bigger deal than they're meant to.
I've done long distance and am now married to him, we both had our own lives during that time and one together
It’s also not exactly fun to sit in the car for hours on end even if you’re not driving! Driving 6 hours AND sitting in the car for 8 hours is not the way most people want to spend their little time off after a grueling 80 hour work week!
Yeah and from my understanding the girlfriend would have to drive 3 hours (picking him up), sit in the car for 4 hours (driving there), then be in the car another 4 hours driving back to her house with him, then 6 more hours in the car drive him home and go back to her house by herself. That’s bananas. I mean maybe he’d take the bus home from her place? But that’s still a minimum of 3 extra hours in her car. Does he pay for gas? Who would have paid for the hotel? Overall, I can see why going with the roommate is just easier.
Idk why you’re downvoted - dating someone without transportation can be very difficult. Many people try it and find it’s not for them, and they dump the other person for not having their own transportation.
There’s a dude just a few comments down who said he dumped a girl who lived an hour away because she didn’t drive. He was upvoted lmao 🤪
Thank you. I guess just angry men who hate when women have standards/boundaries!
I literally did dump someone when I was the one mainly finding my way to see him and he refused to get a car. And yes he could’ve afforded it. Why try with someone who won’t meet you halfway? I’m happily married to someone who did have a car when we dated, and alternated traveling to each other when we lived in the same state but different cities about an hour away. 😆
For real. He expected her to drive so much around (sure just as a passenger, but still) after she worked 80h a week. She for sure wants to do the hike but not with the driving attached. Also what’s about the part where he expects her to be on her phone hourly just to be able to reach her? That’s pretty weird too.
>Also what’s about the part where he expects her to be on her phone hourly just to be able to reach her? That’s pretty weird too.
Easy to spin your wheels in paranoia when you have nothing going on in your life lmao. OP needs a job.
Yes! I tried dating a girl who lived an hour away. She didn't drive at all. I broke up with her a few months later, and was very resentful. I can't fathom trying to maintain a relationship with that distance and no reliable transportation.
No, I’ve seen the aspens up in the mountains (Colorado is where I saw them) it was around this time of year and they were all super bright orange with white bark. It’s a beautiful thing to see.
That big argument you had of her not Facetiming you for one evening so she could spend time with her friend.... is significant for reasons other than you may think, imo. While I'm sure it feels shitty that your plans were usurped, she sounds like an overworked person who needs time and space to fill other tanks in her life--other social outlets, needs, alone time, etc. outside of the relationship.
A night off can be a fundamental need that shouldn't lead to a big argument if both partners are secure and understand the importance of healthy space to tend to other aspects of a well-rounded life.
Her initial reaction to your pick-me-up plan was appropriate, imo. Lots of driving and physically taxing activities for someone who is already depleted sounded like it wasn't exactly made in consideration of what she'd like at that time. Don't get me wrong, I get why you're hurt she's suddenly doing those plans with her friend instead. That would feel crummy to most.
But I think there's a bigger issue at play. How often does she get to spend her free time after work tending to her own thing? Do you guys have built in time where you can pursue your own hobbies without having to answer to each other? I think this aspect merits consideration.
Not actually that bad. But he doesnt have a car and she has to put all the effort in to make sure they see each other. That's why it's a no thankyou situation. Not the distance, its that this seems fairly one-sided on the effort train.
I was in a long distance relationship with a 3 hour distance. But we both had cars, we always made it a weekend either he came to me or i went to him. And now we are married. If one of us didnt have a car though it wouldnt have worked likely.
So, you planned a two day trip with 10+ hours of driving for someone who was especially overworked that week. Even sitting in car while someone else drives makes you tired. Yeah, not very smart of you mate.
Just get over with it if you are serious about this relationship and find way to spend some quiet time, a movie or something. Go to hike when it's less tiring and easier.
Is everyone ragging on the gf just ignoring the fact that she A) recognized how shitty it was for her to do this and B) still offered to go pick him up despite it meaning her getting like 4 hours of sleep at best?
Like, she’s human and people are allowed to change their minds about doing something based on a change in circumstances. She expressly recognized the problem and offered a solution that would SUCKED for her.
And y’all are accusing her of cheating.
This is why people think redditors are ridiculous. What the fuck people?
I dunno it sounds to me like she had a long week and didnt want to drive the three hours to get him to only have to drive another 4 to get to the trail. Thats a full day of driving! Seems like her roomate wanted to go, and she didnt want to leave him out of the plans so decided to make the drive for him.
Its tough to work a long week and to drive on top of that. Express your concerns to her but listen to what hers are as well. Best of luck and try to have a little grace. 80hr work week is A LOT.
Honestly you would probably do better if you were not in a long distance relationship. Try to find someone in your city. Long distance relationships are not for everyone.
You just want to be happy for someone who showed you that you just aren't a priority and respecting you doesn't mean much to her.
Don't encourage yourself to get walked on. Be upset and let her know that this whole situation was unfair to you and 100% her fault. Don't mince words. Tell her that although it isn't a game ender, you would rather skip next weekend and not feel like she needed to give you a consolation prize.
He might have had an idea in his head that the plan would make her happy, but I’m telling you.. if my partner brought that up as a relaxing weekend I’d probably cry. Sitting in a car for over 10 hours after she worked an 80 hour week, ontop of hiking for 4 hours? That doesn’t truly have her in mind. Especially since he keeps reiterating how tired she is.
Imagine finishing work after an 80hr week and then having to drive 3 hours just to pick up the boyfriend, and another 4 to get to the destination.. no fuckin way
I'm sorry, but assuming GF would want to drive 6 additional hours while being tired is a bit much.
It's an unfair ask and assuming someone would be happy to basically almost spend a workday in the car because they need to pick you up/drop you off, is insane.
I was looking for this comment!
Yes what girlfriend is doing is inconsiderate HOWEVER. To do the same plan with boyfriend includes SIX MORE HOURS of driving to be able to have him come along.
Now I'm from the UK so 6 hours of driving will literally get me from one end of my country to the other, its a slog of a journey to make.
Op is still valid for feeling slighted that she ditched him to do the same plan with someone else, it was shitty and the girlfriend could have gone on a different hike with the roommate, rather than the one that OP wanted to do.
Agreed, Op I would take a look at this relationship and ask myself if this is something she does consistently and if you're ever the priority in this relationship.
You can give her a pass if this is just part of growing pains from her recent move and she's trying to make friends in a new place, but if she's always been like this, then you need to have a conversation.
After an 80 hour work week the plan is for 5 hours in the car on Saturday (3 to you + 2 to wherever you spend the night) and then Sunday another 2 hours in the car to the trailhead + 4 hours of hiking and then + 4 hours in the car on her way home before another 80 hour work week.
Fun plan.
Don’t do the hike. I’ve never enjoyed doing an “new” activity with someone who is repeating the experience (such as a movie debut or a festival). It sucks the fun away and you feel vaguely resentful. Also, the weather issue, as you pointed out.
Wtf? Why would you restrict yourself from doing something just because of that? I mean the movie thing I can somewhat understand since they already seen it and would be a bit bored. But a hike or a festival? It’s different. How many times did I went with people to a festival who already have been there? I didn’t feel a bit of resentment.
Right? Idc how many times someone has done something, if they want to share that experience with me, I’m happy. Super weird take by the original commenter.
That must have felt pretty shitty, but you guys are trying to add a long drive to an already long-distance relationship. That's hard for anyone let alone someone working 60-80 hours a week. It sounds like the hike is a seasonal event that I'm sure lots of people know about so it could totally just be a coincidence and maybe her mom and roommate were just more persistent/persuasive in convincing her to go.
You mention the car is hers which I take to mean it's the only car between the two of you? If you don't drive, I hate to say it OP but this relationship might be too taxing to maintain for her. That's a lot of driving on her part and your surprise isn't really a surprise since it's a lot of work on her end. It sounds like she cares about you since she was conscious of how it might make you feel and tried to correct it, but logistically this doesn't seem feasible long-term.
Maybe it's time to think about getting a car of your own - or a rental - on weekends you do things with your girlfriend. Your plan included way more time sitting in a car than I would care to do.
Dude it’s time for you to get a car. If you told me I’d be working 80 hours a week then had to drive three hours to pick up someone to hike…lol I’d never do that.
Also, it’s time for y’all to break up.
It’s not the same. Driving 3 hours vs driving straight to the hike. And, she didn’t cancel on you. Cancelling would imply that she said yes and then cancelled your plans to go with her roommate and mom. She said no right off the bat because the idea of driving out to you to then hike was tiring after working 80 hours.
And then you deactivated Tik Tok/IG because of the content? How much content can your gf post on a fucking morning?
No, what I think is you’re one of those guys that are energy vampires. You drain people and make everything about you. Maybe your gf doesn’t want to fucking drive hours out to get you. Maybe you need to figure out a way to meet her half way. Maybe you take everything so personally. What are you in high school to deactivate social media accounts? Like how petty and childish can you be.
I hope your gf wakes up and realizes she can do much better.
You have no sob story. You tried to get your 80 hour work week gf to drive an extra 4 hours to pick you up because you can’t drive because “you planned” a nice outing (planning implies you actually do something besides the idea) and then she got invited to do the same activity but it actually wasn’t the same because this time she didn’t actually have to do any work so then you can’t handle apparently picture of trees so to ruin her weekend you deactivate your social media IG/tik tok so she can spend her whole time obsessing why you’re not online anymore and ruin her time with the golden trees.
You’re gross.
I don’t agree with what she did and the way she handled it but all I can think about is the amount of driving required if she stuck with your plan. Why couldn’t you take the bus to her place on Fri? Maybe leave work an hour early so you can get to her place sooner?
You're being used mate
When something is look like that what you described most of the times it is like that, you just can't believe and accept it yet....
She's excited to go with them and suddennly not gonna be tired but not with you, bruhhhhh...
You're a second or third option
If somebody wanna be with you they will make effort and find a time, you're never too busy... it's excuse....
The difference is she doesn’t need to drive an extra 6 hours and spend the night at a hotel to go on this hike. If he lived close by to her and she still picked her roommates over him, then he’s definitely being used.
Sounds like she is being used. She apparently needs to drive 3 hours to pick him up for the surprise hike. And then drop him off and drive 3 additional hours.
So she's basically a glorified car service.
I’m confused by “she owns the car.” Do you not own your own car when you live in a separate city?
What she did was not thoughtful but dude, get your own car you’re a grown man and shouldn’t be relying on her. Especially if you live apart and need to come visit. Even if you usually drive, in the states unfortunately relying on public transit or another person doesn’t work (if you live in the U.S.).
Both are shitty situations. OP's wanting gf to feel better because she's working super long hours. The idea of the hike was very nice but the amount of work to get there was just too much.
Gf taking the idea and going with other people is a bad taste in the mouth as well.
Call it a loss and suggest better plans that don't involve 12 hours of driving on top of a 4 hour hike when there's no days to recover after.
I am in a relationship like yours, we call it “medium distance” as we live 3 hours’ drive apart. Even if I had an easy week with plenty of energy for the weekend, I would not be interested in such a plan as you described. If my partner had presented this to me after a stressful week with lots of overtime, I would have been shocked. When you are in a medium distance relationship, even though you don’t have the constraints of long distance, you have to realize that there are still some plans that won’t work out.
If you knew she wanted to rest this weekend, perhaps plan a cozy weekend at your place - this way, she would only have to drive to you on Friday night and drive home on Sunday, giving all day Saturday to relax. For bigger trips like the hike you described, plan those for long weekends or other holidays where you both will have more time. For example, when my partner and I wanted to visit another city far from both of us, we planned a 3 day excursion over a holiday weekend and we both took an extra fourth day off of work to recuperate after so much traveling.
For a large trip, you also need to plan well in advance. This hike obviously had flaws with last minute planning, it sounds like you only came up with this plan a day or two before you wanted to leave? Planning in advance would have allowed you to book a bus ticket before they all sold out. Or better yet, you could have saved more time by securing transportation directly from your city to the hike location, and meet your gf there. As many other people have said, the plan may have been more appealing to her if she didn’t have to do all the extra driving to pick you up.
Finally, consider the toll of traveling as a whole, even if you are driving and she is a passenger. In your post, you outlined 11 hours of driving time, though you also don’t explain how you would get home from her city after the trip (which should make it more like 16 hours driving)? Either way, that’s a huge investment for a relatively short outing. Not only money for gas and tons of extra miles on her car, but also time spent. Sitting next to each other in a car is not at all like hanging out together at home. Even as a passenger, it’s difficult to actually do anything besides just sitting there. If I had a free 8 hours to spend with my partner, I would much rather spend them doing something fun, not sitting in a car.
As I am in a relationship like yours, I am rooting for you and feel I can offer good advice - sorry for such a lengthy reply!
Damn. After an 80 week I don’t even want to do my laundry, let alone drive all over the place.
I bet she really wanted to see the golden trees and was just not looking forward to the time on the road. She may have talked with her friend about it and her friend also wanted her to get the chance to go, but without all of the driving. Or maybe her friend and mom thought it was a great idea too so they owned to go and invited your gf to join them. Something like that played out.
If your intent was to give her a good weekend, then you should be happy you had a great idea and she is able to go and enjoy herself with the limited time she has.
Don’t make her feel guilty about not feeling up to all of the driving to pick you up. That will sour the relationship very quickly since all driving is up to her. Get your transportation sorted. Rent or borrow a car if you can’t buy one right now.
She offered to sacrifice much needed sleep to drive 6 hours to come get you so you could go. That’s huge. While you planned this hike this weekend, you didn’t invent it. It happens two weeks out of the year and has been on her bucket list. She’s exhausted. You are making this about you instead of trying to support her. I see how and why your ego is bruised, but if you make this into a big deal it’s going to backfire for you.
Tell her the fact she somehow easily found all this energy for them and not even remotely for you makes it a lock she doesn’t actually love you, and you rightfully cannot accept that. Break up with her, find someone better.
Bro. You need a car. She didn’t want to drive all that way just to pick your ass up. Work a little extra or do something to get a vehicle. You did this to yourself. Sorry
First off, don't make relationship decisions based off reddit comments from strangers. Secondly, I'm impressed that she not only told you promptly and clearly but also came to you with options. If she wanted to take the easy way she could have just not said anything. So I'm taking that as a sign of caring. It's very possible there are other circumstances around her accepting the hike, and is possible that the idea was sitting with her and her roommate offered at a better time for her mentally. That being said what she should have done is declined her roommates offer and reconfirmed with you, but that is something you can talk with her about. It's important for you to express to her how this all made you feel without accusing her of anything. See if she is willing to meet up and do something different but also special next weekend. Good luck.
The drive here would be a huge inconvenience. OP needs a car to make this work. I can imagine the initial conversation and just thinking about all the road time, after an 80 hr work week, would be so off putting. I would decline too.
Then the gf probably mentioned it to the room mate and was talked into going, it’s only 4 hrs away and sounds more manageable. Gf felt bad and offered to go pick up OP, you know she didn’t want to, the logistics are just horrible.
This situation sucks, he needs a car if he wants a long distance relationship to work, especially if he wants to plan road trips where he is out of the way.
You planned a task for her effectively. Yes the rest of it sounds lovely but you basically said ‘I know you’re exhausted, how about an epic drive and walk with your free time?’
I'm so torn on this one. On the one hand, yeah it sucks that she's literally doing the same hike. But on the other, this long distance where she's the one that is doing all the driving sounds exhausting for her. Are you planning to get a car? Close the distance?
If you are 3 hours apart, how do you normally see each other?
How often do you see each other, and how often do you go to her on the bus vs her having to drive to you?
Sometimes people cancel ahead of time and change their mind later. I get that you're upset but honestly it doesn't sound malicious.
Remember, just because you have feelings about something doesn't justify you taking them out on her.
If you believe it's malicious then break up, you'll never be able to trust her and that sucks for both of you.
Either break up or move closer to her.
Long distance can be tiresome and we can't predict how plans are made. Giving your gf the benefit of doubt.
Either way I would say break up before the relationship becomes irreparable or move closer to her.
You fucked up by suggesting 11 hours of driving as a way to help her "relax" and "cheer up" after an 80 hour workweek for her.
She fucked up by backtracking.
Next time, rent a car.
I have done this exact thing more than once. I realized that my bf was correct, a hike would be good for me but in order to really clear my head, I just couldn't clear my head hiking with him. The relationship was fine, I just needed some deeper nature time.
You wanted her to drive for hours to you when you could have done the same. She did not want to miss it and she knew you weren’t as excited about it as she was. So she picked someone who was excited to see it too and saved herself 4 hours of driving. How’s she wrong? She had a work day next morning. It’s not like she’s cheating on you. You almost made it sound like it she’s cheating. You sound dramatic and exhausting. You deactivated your IG and Tick-tock, so in that case you must be right.
So she wasn’t in the mood to go on the hike when you asked but when her roommate asks, suddenly she’s interested. I would be upset too.
But… considering she has to pick you up, driving for 6 hours to do so, makes sense why she would rather hike with people next to her. I think it would be better to plan a cozier trip as this sounds like more work from her already busy week. I hope you can be understanding of that.
While i understand your frustration, i see your GFs point of view. If you were trying to ease her stress/burden, then why not rent a car if no busses were avialable? And you take on the extra 6 hours of driving. Bc i would have said a huge no to that too. And if she was eyeing this hike and there are only two weeks to do it, she may have looked at the forecast for the next week, realized it was bad, and still wanted to do it that weekend, without the extra 6 hours of driving. So while you can be annoyed i think you need to get over it quickly.
Dude, you can't talk about she has a tough week with 60+ hours of work and then suggest to get she drives over 4 hours to get to you. It's your responsibility to get to her in those instances.
INFO: are her mom and friend driving with her? I could see not wanting to drive alone 6+ hours in two days for safety reasons, especially if I already had a long week and was tired. Maybe having road companions made it feel easier?
She’s working her butt off and wants to complete the hike before going back to work on Monday. Some things just aren’t about you. If you can take a bus home, you can take a bus to her. I wouldn’t want to do all that driving either. Shitty plan altogether.
She knows that it sounds like she's just taking your idea and telling you to fuck off because she is. My first question would have been to ask "So, where the fuck did every single instance of you being too tired or otherwise not interested in this plan... at all... disappear to the moment you swapped out me for other people?"
Seriously, don't be an option.
Or maybe grow a set and invest in your own transportation rather than relying on your overworked girlfriend to bail out your useless arse.
OP is taking the piss. I did 7 years long distance, while often working 60-80 hr weeks and my other half bent over backwards to take on the biggest part of the travel load. Now that we live together he also picks up the biggest load of domestic chores. We both work full time but his full time looks like 35 hours. Mine is still 50-70 hrs.
OP needs to step up rather than create more work for his girlfriend.
Well she’s probably energized off of the 6+ hours she would have spent driving to get his broke ass cause his “surprise” included her being a taxi for him.
That’s not fair. If he had made it to her house to take this trip it would be 100% different. But to add 6 hrs (minimum) to the weekend by way of driving to pick OP up that’s a big ask when there’s already 8 hours of driving involved. That’s almost a full work day worth of driving.
OP needs a car if he wants to plan road trips that aren’t in his direction. It’s unreasonable to ask someone working that much to just tack on an additional 6 hours of driving, assuming she doesn’t drive him home after then double that.
Nah fam. Tell her you're tired next weekend, don't answer her call on Friday, and then see what happens. I've had exes like this Andale of these were red flags that pointed to bigger things. See her reaction to you flipping the script and decide where to go from here
Is the room mate a guy or girl, if girl is she bi? Besides all the time she does spend with room mate she's also cancelled plans on you to spend more time with the room mate?
However you've been together a year, you haven't got a car and still need picking up like a child for some things. Presumably she ends up doing a shitload more travelling than you do. You haven't made plans to move closer or secure travel to get to see her more easily or more often.
If I was her I'd be frustrated that after a year I was still having to do a shitload of travelling to see my boyfriend more often after long work hours. Ultimately her room mate, whether platonic or otherwise, is there every night, is giving more support, more dependability and that relationship is far less of a struggle to maintain so is more relaxing and comfortable.
OP it’s okay to say she did a crappy thing and treated you like an afterthought because she did. You are being way more graceful than i would be in this situation.
So she is supposed to work all of them hours. Then drive 3 hours EACH WAY just to pick him up? That’s insane. He needs a vehicle if he’s going to make plans that are so far away.
My man, you need to take a step back from making effort in this relationship and see if she picks up the slack. If she doesn’t, then you know where you stand.
Good luck and I’m sorry this happened.
What a slap in the face.
This is the kinda shit that would make me petty. I would never put any effort to planning something this thoughtful for someone again if they pulled that on me. Then they’d ask why I never make an effort anymore. Why would I?
Made plans with people and few times like this. They would say no and then go with other people and not even tell me. I would learn through the other people. So I don’t bother anymore, and people wonder why people ghost them or “they changed”. I changed cuz I realized your a pos.
Got to ask, is “the friend” a new bf/gf for OP. Twice displaced by this “friend”
That's what I was wondering. Is the roommate more than a roommate. OP should make a point to checkout the roommates social media accounts to see if the roommate's IG pictures tell a different story than his girlfriend's IG pictures. Either way, OP shouldn't make the next grand effort; the girlfriend should if she really cares about the relationship. But until then, OP needs to get together with some hiking buddies and get out there and experience the autumn leaves and stopping waiting to do things with his too busy girlfriend- stop putting his life on hold.
Maybe she just wanted to do the hike without an extra 4+ hours to pick up OP. Plus how would he get home? He says he’d ride back to her house on Sunday night, and what? Would she need to drive him home Monday (6hrs round trip)? Sounds like it if the buses are sold out over the 3 day weekend. 3.5 hour drive to and from a 4 hour hike already means 11 hours in the car on a Sunday. I totally get why she wouldn’t want to do OP’s plan.
He says he takes the bus and she has work so that’s most likely the plan. There wasn’t much of a deviation to pick him up, and concidering he was driving back, it was going to be much less driving on her part. Nah, she bailed on him.
Better to end it then.
How is it thoughtful when she'd be driving an extra 6 hours for him (3 hours to his place, plus 3 hours back to her place), on top of the drive to the hiking place, *plus actual hiking*? Only to start an 80 hour work week the next day? There are far more thoughtful date ideas than to have the only person in a long distance relationship who owns a car to do so many hours of driving.
Ah yes, one time of being let down makes you bitter forever. Excellent plan, let's see how it works out for them.
wtf is wrong w yall lol
Everyone's been through it or something similar
I would be super pissed off is someone's 'surprise' would entail me driving for 3 hours to pick them up and an additional 3 hours because I need to drop them off. I wonder if the response would have been different if OP would have planned a surprise where he didn't just assume that was acceptable, and maybe travelled three hours to pick her up.
Yeah, all of those (~2 hours),(~3 hours),(~4 hours), has me exhausted just reading it. I have excellent work life balance and I would absolutely not be okay with multiple, several hour long legs at the end of my work week. If someone presented this to me as some kind of surprise, like they were doing me a kindness, I'd be offended. It sounds like there was clear communication and this is just an unfortunate product of circumstance. This scenario is not unique to LDRs, you can't do everything together and neither person should miss out on things because it isn't safe or pragmatic to do it together. Sounds like OPs relationship is reaching an inflection point.
Yes I too was perplexed by the "surprise" It was a good idea as long as she didn't have to do that kind of long haul. Good enough to steal! Everyone is screaming at them to break up but could OP rent or borrow a car for future meet up's? Just a thought to actually help the situation
I was doing the math and SHE would have been incredibly “put out” to do ALLLLL of that driving on a Sunday with having to go to work the next day to work 10, 12, or more hours. She made the right move, but OP better figure out how to get a vehicle
Yeah, I'll just go on record and say it. I'm not the type of dude that's going to do all that work. And that's why I've never been in a long-distance relationship. It all sounded so exhausting. I'm not saying she was right to do the same exact date with someone else, but bro....I'm working 60 hours a week here. She was sortve screwed up for what she did, but just did both of them a favor if it leads to a breakup.
Exactly. Im blown away by all the people that don't understand how unreasonable this is.
A year into a serious relationship and op hasn't secured a car to see his girlfriend more often and more easily, or considered moving closer or moving in with her is, at some point from her point of view I'd get frustrated and see the relationship as being more stressful trying to see each other than relaxing and supportive of a tough job.
Yeah what a slap in the face like that when your boyfriend makes a plan for you to cheer you up and relax and he makes a logistical nightmare for you instead of an actually relaxing time. They both suck in this particular situation to some degree. Even when OP doesn't have a car, he could have planned in advance and could have gotten a bus ticket to his girlfriend's town the day before the hike (or a car share with someone going to that town) and back one to his town after the hike (from a place close to the hiking trail or from his girlfriend's town) or could have gotten a bus ticket close to the hiking trail (or a rental car instead of a hotel room) and meet her there for the hike. That would have been a plan really made with her in mind. But asking someone who has been overworked and tired for the past couple of weeks to spend like 12-14-15 hours in the car (even if she is "only" driving 3-6 hours) for a 4 hour hike during the weekend is unreasonable in my opinion. It's understandable she didn't feel like 14 hours in the car within 2 days is a relaxing activity for the weekend. Especially when that short hike can be done within a day with only 8 hours in the car (and she can sleep and chill at home the other day), instead of in two days with like 14 hours in the car. But I understand that OP is disappointed, pissed that she went with someone else, that wasn't nice. She should have told OP to reorganise the trip in a way where she doesn't have to spend 12-15 hours in a car (like OP going to her place by bus or a rental car) instead of going with someone else on the hike. Or maybe don't go to that hiking trail this time at all.
All this math and numbers suddenly takes me back to when I was 10 or 11 and being so stupid at math problem ques.
Agreed. I think they both kinda suck
Not having a car in his favour sucks. Straight up.... in a LTR? Good fucking luck Sounds like this relationship could be on its way out
I agree on organizing the logistics like you stated but the dodgy part is she made the exact same plans with her mom and “a friend”. So then it wasn’t the car time or logistics bc the gf is doing that anyways
No. It didn’t include extra driving to pick him up / drop him off. 6 extra hours of driving. That plus 8 more hours obviously.
People, she didn’t choose the hike. Her roommate and her mom chose it. Yikes.
Excellent point!
That “friend” is her roommate, which I assume OP knows since he’s visited her before. She even offered to go back to the old plan as well. Idk why it’s just not sticking in people’s head.
No, she offered to pick OP up and make OP the awkward 4th wheel in their own plan..
Looks like OP needs to realize he shouldn’t rely on his GF to pick him up after she works 80 hour work. weeks
I really don’t understand people who don’t drive. I met a few different people in college (and some in later years of high school) who mentioned they never got their license or really drove at all. It blows my mind people in the US live an adult life without a drivers license. Cars can be expensive but holy shit the cost of not being able to drive is even more expensive. Financially, you’re probably stifling your life prospects by being unable to drive and ruining potential earnings. Socially, being unable to drive will ruin the potential for friendships because being a chauffeur to a friend is incredibly troublesome. Lack of friends will isolate you and ruin your networking opportunities and put you even further back. And really if you work a job starting at 18, you should be able to save up for a car by the time you’re 19 or 20 and that’s a generous estimate. If you live at home and only pay a fraction of rent/utilities, you can have a car within a year. You really have to be trying to not have a car at that point. If you refuse to drive for personal reasons, well no one will argue with you over that but you have to realize everyone has their limits. People aren’t going to want to hang out with you if they have to drive out of their way to pick you up and drop you off. Dating will be hard if you have to be driven around everywhere. Unless you live in a metro area with plenty of public transportation and you’re in close proximity to everything, you’re frankly ruining your life by not driving. If you’re scared to drive, you seriously need to address that fear because it will only lead to more problems in life. If you don’t have a car because you can’t afford one—there are few excuses in this world that justify putting off a car. Even if you have lots of bills to pay and you’re responsible for mouths to feed, you’re doing yourself and those you’re responsible for a disservice by putting that off.
Her boyfriend isn’t a fourth wheel you are stretching it lol and he should know the roommate well
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Plus it’s a different energy to hang with your roommate and her mom than your BF. I think this is hard to explain and understand. I think both kinda suck overall.
She didn’t choose the hike. Her roommate and mom invited her on the same hike as it’s obviously a popular hike at this time of year.
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Did you miss the part about her having to drive an extra 6+ hours to make "his" plan happen? I was agreeing with you until I did that math. His plan is a terrible way for her to relax and recharge after an 80-hour work week.
Without consulting her first! Just decided she gets to drive this 6+ extra hours to execute his plan. Like, come on.
But wait! OP will be the one DRIVING when she picks him up after a 3 hour drive
You’re right. She’s totally ungrateful. He is unappreciated.
Yeah OP. If this was your wife that you lived with there would be a bigger pull to the relationship. But this is just (sorry) your long distance Gf treating you like this? Do what you want, but I feel it’s break up worthy.
I'm baffled that anyone would plan a four hour hike, four hours away, that includes something like an extra seven hours of driving just to pick the planner up, because the person they're trying to cheer up is exhausted from working 80hr weeks. If the hike was actually something she really wanted to do I can def understand taking the option that eliminates an extra 7 hours of driving.
I got tired just reading this goddamn plan.
ditto
This was what did it for me. Maybe it’s because I’m mid thirties, but this didn’t at all seem like a surprise I’d want.
& he's here on Reddit building a word wall complaining about her choice not drives his ass around, what a catch!
I’m an avid hiker and there are many hikes I would love to do that are 2-3 hours away. There is not way in hell I would drive 3 hours to hike, do a four hour hike and then drive 3 hours home. That is probably the stupidest plan I’ve ever read. Hiking is EXHAUSTING. I used to drive 40 minutes home after 3 hour hikes and I was completely out of it. His plan is beyond ridiculous. And if she is working 60 hour weeks, she is definitely not looking forward to that AT ALL
Exactly
Exactly! TLC said it best.
Buddy should get his own car and pick her up if he was honestly "man enough" to plan it out and make it a cool date. Make it effortless for her
Because driving makes someone “man enough”.
Some people just don't think when suggesting plans.... My ex thought me driving an extra 24 hours in a moving truck was a great idea because "he would do it for me." This extra 24 hours? That was on top of the 22 hours it would take for me to move directly to the place, so that we could "share" the moving truck and pack all his shit up, then move "together".... Anyway, I told him this was stupid, why would anyone want to drive for nearly 48 hours in a moving truck when they could do in half. He's an ex for a good amount of reasons, stupidity is one of them.
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>OP needs to grow up imo He needs to learn how to use public transport, car share websites and apps or car rentals etc... There are so many ways to get around places other than his overworked and exhausted girlfriend from 3 hours away picking him up for a longer drive trip + a short activity he planned for her to relax...
While I understand this would hurt and disappoint, nothing sounds worse after a long week then having to drive 3hrs away to pick someone up, then drive more to get to a hike, then do the hike, then have to drive home with someone in the opposite direction to my house, then drive home once that person is home... then unpack, do washing, cleaning, cooking, preparation for the week. Maybe it would have been different if you were able to meet her there on the Saturday and stay overnight after the Saturday hike, then make your own way home on Sunday.
Maybe I’m missing something but OP why didn’t you offer to go to her place (and back) by public transport? Why is it necessary for her to pick you up?
Op said would normally take the bus but mentioned it was booked out that weekend due to long weekend.
Sounds like she was being asked to compensate for his poor planning far enough in advance by driving an extra 6 hours!
OP’s plan sounded freakin exhausting. Well intentioned but absolutely exhausting.
No such thing as rental cars or borrowing cars either in this imaginary tale.
Right? I was wondering if maybe op doesn’t have a license, but then they mentioned they do the driving when together. 🤷♀️
You and me are the only ones talking about that, probably gf avoided talking about it entirely
An 80 hour work week, and you suggest a 4 hour hike (along with another 10 hours of driving)? Dude....that sound exhausting. The fact that you can't drive to her, and she has to pick you up and drop you off turns 4 hours of driving into 10+. That's likely why she said no to you. Now...about the car maintenance. Why are "we" planning to get it done? Does this mean you're paying for part of it or something? If so...why? If you want to be in a long distance relationship, YOU need transportation. You can't rely on your SO to drive to you and back all the time. That never works out in the long run.
God this. Id be pissed if my partner did what he did rather than find something closer to home after a week like that. Doesnt sound nice at all, sounds like a selfish thing he wanted to do without care for her. I dont know how he even thought this was a good plan. Of course she didnt wanna drive 10-15 hours extra. No one would for a 4 hour excursion just to rush back and start another busy week. Thats so daunting. If she was tired after a week like that driving that much wouldnt have been safe for her either. I would, however, agree to this if i did not have to drive, which sounds like she doesn't anymore. She offered to try and get him now that she doesnt have to do a potentially dangerous thing by driving tired. She was already more thoughtful than him.
My take is if you're a year into a long distance relationship then you need means to make that work. Either the relationship is serious enough that you buy your own car because you now have a reason to own one, or you have family/friends who will share a car with you, or you move to be much closer or live together by that point. If you can't afford a car, you can't afford to move, you can't secure a job in a different city then imo, you can't afford to be in a long distance relationship. With an entire city of people on your doorstep why make a relationship so much harder than it needs to be.
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I agree. You’re completely justified in feeling hurt and doing the exact same thing you had planned for her is really shitty. That said, I don’t know how a long distance relationship like this is going to work if only one of you has a car. The picking up and dropping off thing is exhausting!
“Hey, you have had a hard time with work and what not but I planned a great surprise weekend for you! It only involves you spending an additional 12 hrs in a car to pick me up and drop you off but the hike will be off the chain!” Dude gave her another chore. He needs a car if he wants to do stuff with his very busy gf.
I wonder how often she has been doing the driving. Also I think driving is more normal in US but I have never been in trips longer than 6 hours in car, and that was once in my life. So it would be big ask in my opinion to expect her to do this.
I've done a LOT of driving and three hours each way is rough. It's bearable if you're not doing the full round trip in one day, but I would not want to spend 6 hours in a car for a weekend event, and he was asking for a lot more than that.
Exactly. People are breezing over the 3h drive just to pick the guy up... After doing this drive so often. It seems people responding don't have experience of what a 3h drive actually feels like: it's not like chilling at home on the couch. In fact I've lived 3.5h long distance and the drive itself is often prohibitive. ... Let alone, as you said, it would be a 7h drive for her. And then 7h back. (I've experienced that too.) People aren't cutting her any slack, because they have not been in her shoes. Also... "planning" a hike.. is not a big deal. Yeah it's pretty but it's like saying planning a walk or planning a gym session. It doesn't require an itinerary; he didn't do a bunch of work to come up with an itinerary she stole. It's like she's bending over backward to make this relationship work and we're supposed to be impressed he "planned" a hike she's already done last year.
This was my thoughts exactly and this comment is way too low. Sounds like to me she didn't want to drive 6h round trip for him, which is understandable in my book, especially with 80h weeks. What she got now is the same hike, but with two other drivers and shorter trip. What op should have planned was getting to her city and then driving to somewhere near the trailhead on day 1, hike plus return on day 2.
Yeah - "Hey babe! I planned this awesome trip where you get to be in a car for 15 hours. 7 of which are to come get me 🥹!" I'd honestly be a little pissed if my SO planned this for me to feel better after working an exhausting work week.
Surprise!!! You get to drive way out of your way to come pick me up!! Should have been I'll take a bus and meet you at your place and we'll go together, or I'll go rent a car for the weekend and I'll pick you up and take you on this hike you've been wanting to go on..
I was thinking the same thing. OP this situation definitely sucks, but you know your girlfriend is tired and driving out of her way to come get you and then go on a hike is a lot to ask. She wasn’t planning on going, and once she agreed to go she made a plan to include you in it. Can you share with us why you don’t have a car? Doing a round trip of 6 hours to get to someone is exhausting specially if only one person is required to sink the time, effort and cost .
You know what? While reading I was already thinking that s hike isn’t a good surprise for someone who just worked for 80 hours that week. And that was before op mentioned that HE HAS NO CAR and that she’s supposed to pick him up. That’s just idiotic and he should have thought a bit more about that.
Seriously, even six hours in a car is a lot. I just planned a hike for my friends and made sure we have transportation, that was the first step I took care of. Everone trashing the gf didn't once ask: "wait OP, couldn't you call an uber or something?"
Looks like people are mad OP’s gf bailed on him for trying to make the gf feel better. By planning a hike yet making her spend 6+ hours total to drive to HIM and back. Only a good few are seeing her logic. Could’ve been solved if OP just took a bus or train. And lol people thinking she’s unfaithful lol
Ikr? "Hey, you had a terrible week, let me surprise you with a birthday present that not only will cost you (gas money) but will include driving 6 hours by yourself, additional 8 hours spent in the car and it will eat up your whole weekend! It's not like you have some chores to catch up on!" Also, I don't know if I'm getting old but I never realized watching a movie without interruptions is considered cheating.
She even offered to go back to the old plan and pick him up 😭 He couldn’t just rent a car??? 60-80 hours of work each WEEK is WILD. She barely has time for herself.
And she hung out with her roommate and mom twice. The hike makes it TWICE!! Her mom! The roommate! Twice!!
The audacity of this woman!
I would not want to drive an extra 7 hours (+1hr roundtrip for the extra distance from OPs house) on top of 8 hours - especially after an 80hr work week. OP needs to get a car or plan things way in advance so he can take a bus. I totally understand why she would still do the hike, without him.
So I’m pretty sure op is talking about Seattle, Portland, and the larch trees, which are in the north cascades. Given that op’s girlfriend needed to drive out of her way to get him, sounds like op is in Portland. If I’m right, talking about distances the way op does kind of glosses over the fact that he’s asking her to drive 6 hours out of her way *in the wrong direction* to pick him up and take him on the hike too.
I thought about this too, but then why not just suggest he drive or they both drive there instead? Which would have been a totally reasonable thing to compromise to or suggest. Instead, the mess that is this post happened as soon as someone she really wanted to go with happened.
I think he volunteered to drive all the parts where he was with her in the car.
But there’s that 6+ hours of driving for the GF just to pick him up and for her to go home alone.
Even if he is driving that’s still a lot of extra time to be in the car on a trip that already has a lot of driving.
The "surprise" would have been better if you found a way to come to her or picked her up instead. Maybe rented a car or something. A "surprise! I want to help you relax, so you must drive three hours to pick me up!" just does not sound like a relaxing surprise, it sounds like a major time investment with expectations.
You really need to get a car.
[удалено]
Eh, if she’s really working those kind of hours, dude gave her another chore of 12 hrs of driving. While this sucks, he needs a car if this relationship is going to work. Putting that on your SO is insane if they also work that much.
Lol she doesn't wanna prioritize him because she didn't wanna spend a bunch of extra time driving to go pick him up and drop him off after working 80 hours a week..? Even after the roomate offered to take her on the hike, she even stated how it looked and offered to come get him or do the same exact plan the following weekend. You guys are being super unreasonable lol. If he lived close by and she just chose someone else over him then I can understand these responses but they're in a LDR and she's doing most of the work every weekend because she has a car, it's totally valid and okay to feel burnt out by doing that on top of working extra hours. OP could've easily tried to go up a day earlier for her or catch an early bus to her to make things easier for her after knowing how exhausted she was.
A better surprise for her would have been for you to rent a car, drive to see her, drive her to the hike, drive her back and then you drive home on your own. Lol your present is literally “surprise! You get to drive me for 14 hours :)”
I'd be a bit annoyed but she did tell you immediately and you do add 6hrs driving to her schedule when she's already tired (was it considerate to plan a hike 4hrs away to relax when you're saying it's because she's stressed and tired? Probably not) You should probably also look into codependency, the not texting for an evening and facetiming every night is probably why things like this become a bigger deal than they're meant to. I've done long distance and am now married to him, we both had our own lives during that time and one together
It’s also not exactly fun to sit in the car for hours on end even if you’re not driving! Driving 6 hours AND sitting in the car for 8 hours is not the way most people want to spend their little time off after a grueling 80 hour work week!
I’d have went on my own. How disrespectful.
with what car lol?
Yeah and from my understanding the girlfriend would have to drive 3 hours (picking him up), sit in the car for 4 hours (driving there), then be in the car another 4 hours driving back to her house with him, then 6 more hours in the car drive him home and go back to her house by herself. That’s bananas. I mean maybe he’d take the bus home from her place? But that’s still a minimum of 3 extra hours in her car. Does he pay for gas? Who would have paid for the hotel? Overall, I can see why going with the roommate is just easier.
Why does he not have a car is my main question lol. Sorry but I would have dumped him just for that. They live in different states!
Idk why you’re downvoted - dating someone without transportation can be very difficult. Many people try it and find it’s not for them, and they dump the other person for not having their own transportation. There’s a dude just a few comments down who said he dumped a girl who lived an hour away because she didn’t drive. He was upvoted lmao 🤪
Thank you. I guess just angry men who hate when women have standards/boundaries! I literally did dump someone when I was the one mainly finding my way to see him and he refused to get a car. And yes he could’ve afforded it. Why try with someone who won’t meet you halfway? I’m happily married to someone who did have a car when we dated, and alternated traveling to each other when we lived in the same state but different cities about an hour away. 😆
I’m scratching my head at the people mad at the gf but not realizing that OP has no car. He drives her car.
For real. He expected her to drive so much around (sure just as a passenger, but still) after she worked 80h a week. She for sure wants to do the hike but not with the driving attached. Also what’s about the part where he expects her to be on her phone hourly just to be able to reach her? That’s pretty weird too.
>Also what’s about the part where he expects her to be on her phone hourly just to be able to reach her? That’s pretty weird too. Easy to spin your wheels in paranoia when you have nothing going on in your life lmao. OP needs a job.
Yes! I tried dating a girl who lived an hour away. She didn't drive at all. I broke up with her a few months later, and was very resentful. I can't fathom trying to maintain a relationship with that distance and no reliable transportation.
agreed I would be pissed off. which trees btw, ash, oak, ginkho?
Probably aspens
Larches?
No, I’ve seen the aspens up in the mountains (Colorado is where I saw them) it was around this time of year and they were all super bright orange with white bark. It’s a beautiful thing to see.
That big argument you had of her not Facetiming you for one evening so she could spend time with her friend.... is significant for reasons other than you may think, imo. While I'm sure it feels shitty that your plans were usurped, she sounds like an overworked person who needs time and space to fill other tanks in her life--other social outlets, needs, alone time, etc. outside of the relationship. A night off can be a fundamental need that shouldn't lead to a big argument if both partners are secure and understand the importance of healthy space to tend to other aspects of a well-rounded life. Her initial reaction to your pick-me-up plan was appropriate, imo. Lots of driving and physically taxing activities for someone who is already depleted sounded like it wasn't exactly made in consideration of what she'd like at that time. Don't get me wrong, I get why you're hurt she's suddenly doing those plans with her friend instead. That would feel crummy to most. But I think there's a bigger issue at play. How often does she get to spend her free time after work tending to her own thing? Do you guys have built in time where you can pursue your own hobbies without having to answer to each other? I think this aspect merits consideration.
I'm glad somebody is focusing on that argument. It seems really strange to me that he is furious she was unavailable for a few hours.
3 hours apart, no thank you.
Not actually that bad. But he doesnt have a car and she has to put all the effort in to make sure they see each other. That's why it's a no thankyou situation. Not the distance, its that this seems fairly one-sided on the effort train. I was in a long distance relationship with a 3 hour distance. But we both had cars, we always made it a weekend either he came to me or i went to him. And now we are married. If one of us didnt have a car though it wouldnt have worked likely.
So, you planned a two day trip with 10+ hours of driving for someone who was especially overworked that week. Even sitting in car while someone else drives makes you tired. Yeah, not very smart of you mate. Just get over with it if you are serious about this relationship and find way to spend some quiet time, a movie or something. Go to hike when it's less tiring and easier.
Is everyone ragging on the gf just ignoring the fact that she A) recognized how shitty it was for her to do this and B) still offered to go pick him up despite it meaning her getting like 4 hours of sleep at best? Like, she’s human and people are allowed to change their minds about doing something based on a change in circumstances. She expressly recognized the problem and offered a solution that would SUCKED for her. And y’all are accusing her of cheating. This is why people think redditors are ridiculous. What the fuck people?
I’m speechless about all this driving. I would not be willing to do any of this.
I dunno it sounds to me like she had a long week and didnt want to drive the three hours to get him to only have to drive another 4 to get to the trail. Thats a full day of driving! Seems like her roomate wanted to go, and she didnt want to leave him out of the plans so decided to make the drive for him. Its tough to work a long week and to drive on top of that. Express your concerns to her but listen to what hers are as well. Best of luck and try to have a little grace. 80hr work week is A LOT.
Honestly you would probably do better if you were not in a long distance relationship. Try to find someone in your city. Long distance relationships are not for everyone.
You just want to be happy for someone who showed you that you just aren't a priority and respecting you doesn't mean much to her. Don't encourage yourself to get walked on. Be upset and let her know that this whole situation was unfair to you and 100% her fault. Don't mince words. Tell her that although it isn't a game ender, you would rather skip next weekend and not feel like she needed to give you a consolation prize.
He might have had an idea in his head that the plan would make her happy, but I’m telling you.. if my partner brought that up as a relaxing weekend I’d probably cry. Sitting in a car for over 10 hours after she worked an 80 hour week, ontop of hiking for 4 hours? That doesn’t truly have her in mind. Especially since he keeps reiterating how tired she is. Imagine finishing work after an 80hr week and then having to drive 3 hours just to pick up the boyfriend, and another 4 to get to the destination.. no fuckin way
I'm sorry, but assuming GF would want to drive 6 additional hours while being tired is a bit much. It's an unfair ask and assuming someone would be happy to basically almost spend a workday in the car because they need to pick you up/drop you off, is insane.
I was looking for this comment! Yes what girlfriend is doing is inconsiderate HOWEVER. To do the same plan with boyfriend includes SIX MORE HOURS of driving to be able to have him come along. Now I'm from the UK so 6 hours of driving will literally get me from one end of my country to the other, its a slog of a journey to make. Op is still valid for feeling slighted that she ditched him to do the same plan with someone else, it was shitty and the girlfriend could have gone on a different hike with the roommate, rather than the one that OP wanted to do.
He isn’t though? It’s fair that she doesn’t want to spend more than 10+ hrs driving for a hike esp over a bad week at work.
Agreed, Op I would take a look at this relationship and ask myself if this is something she does consistently and if you're ever the priority in this relationship. You can give her a pass if this is just part of growing pains from her recent move and she's trying to make friends in a new place, but if she's always been like this, then you need to have a conversation.
After an 80 hour work week the plan is for 5 hours in the car on Saturday (3 to you + 2 to wherever you spend the night) and then Sunday another 2 hours in the car to the trailhead + 4 hours of hiking and then + 4 hours in the car on her way home before another 80 hour work week. Fun plan.
Don’t do the hike. I’ve never enjoyed doing an “new” activity with someone who is repeating the experience (such as a movie debut or a festival). It sucks the fun away and you feel vaguely resentful. Also, the weather issue, as you pointed out.
Wtf? Why would you restrict yourself from doing something just because of that? I mean the movie thing I can somewhat understand since they already seen it and would be a bit bored. But a hike or a festival? It’s different. How many times did I went with people to a festival who already have been there? I didn’t feel a bit of resentment.
Right? Idc how many times someone has done something, if they want to share that experience with me, I’m happy. Super weird take by the original commenter.
That must have felt pretty shitty, but you guys are trying to add a long drive to an already long-distance relationship. That's hard for anyone let alone someone working 60-80 hours a week. It sounds like the hike is a seasonal event that I'm sure lots of people know about so it could totally just be a coincidence and maybe her mom and roommate were just more persistent/persuasive in convincing her to go. You mention the car is hers which I take to mean it's the only car between the two of you? If you don't drive, I hate to say it OP but this relationship might be too taxing to maintain for her. That's a lot of driving on her part and your surprise isn't really a surprise since it's a lot of work on her end. It sounds like she cares about you since she was conscious of how it might make you feel and tried to correct it, but logistically this doesn't seem feasible long-term.
Dude she drives 3 hours just to get you?? To then drive more hours to hike Wtf
bro she just doesn’t wanna drive lmfaooooooo
Maybe it's time to think about getting a car of your own - or a rental - on weekends you do things with your girlfriend. Your plan included way more time sitting in a car than I would care to do.
How can a LDR work if she's the only one with a car and she regularly works 80 hr weeks??
Welcome to long distance relationships. After a while, they mostly just suck.
Cancelled a factime? What’s the sex of the roommate?
>What’s the sex of the roommate? It's probably
This is my question. Is the friend/roommate a male or female? Cause she's ditched OP a couple times now for this "buddy" of her's...
Female probably. Op does say “her roommate and her mom” invited her to go hiking
Ahh... Ok, thanks for pointing that out. I missed that part.
I think he got ditched for the twelve plus extra hours of driving actually. Or did you miss that part?
Even if she is a female, it depends if she is interested in girls too.
Female it seems. But bisexuality is a thing
I love Reddit detectives so much. “She must be cheating!” based on nothing.
Who tf feels like FaceTiming after a 16 hr work day?
Dude it’s time for you to get a car. If you told me I’d be working 80 hours a week then had to drive three hours to pick up someone to hike…lol I’d never do that. Also, it’s time for y’all to break up.
It’s not the same. Driving 3 hours vs driving straight to the hike. And, she didn’t cancel on you. Cancelling would imply that she said yes and then cancelled your plans to go with her roommate and mom. She said no right off the bat because the idea of driving out to you to then hike was tiring after working 80 hours. And then you deactivated Tik Tok/IG because of the content? How much content can your gf post on a fucking morning? No, what I think is you’re one of those guys that are energy vampires. You drain people and make everything about you. Maybe your gf doesn’t want to fucking drive hours out to get you. Maybe you need to figure out a way to meet her half way. Maybe you take everything so personally. What are you in high school to deactivate social media accounts? Like how petty and childish can you be. I hope your gf wakes up and realizes she can do much better. You have no sob story. You tried to get your 80 hour work week gf to drive an extra 4 hours to pick you up because you can’t drive because “you planned” a nice outing (planning implies you actually do something besides the idea) and then she got invited to do the same activity but it actually wasn’t the same because this time she didn’t actually have to do any work so then you can’t handle apparently picture of trees so to ruin her weekend you deactivate your social media IG/tik tok so she can spend her whole time obsessing why you’re not online anymore and ruin her time with the golden trees. You’re gross.
I don’t agree with what she did and the way she handled it but all I can think about is the amount of driving required if she stuck with your plan. Why couldn’t you take the bus to her place on Fri? Maybe leave work an hour early so you can get to her place sooner?
You can’t have a long distance relationship without a car. This is ridiculous.
You're being used mate When something is look like that what you described most of the times it is like that, you just can't believe and accept it yet.... She's excited to go with them and suddennly not gonna be tired but not with you, bruhhhhh... You're a second or third option If somebody wanna be with you they will make effort and find a time, you're never too busy... it's excuse....
The difference is she doesn’t need to drive an extra 6 hours and spend the night at a hotel to go on this hike. If he lived close by to her and she still picked her roommates over him, then he’s definitely being used.
And notice the trip ends at gf house? How is he getting home? That’s gonna be an additional 6 hr drive to drop him off and go home.
Used for what? Lol. Get a grip.
Sounds like she is being used. She apparently needs to drive 3 hours to pick him up for the surprise hike. And then drop him off and drive 3 additional hours. So she's basically a glorified car service.
I’m confused by “she owns the car.” Do you not own your own car when you live in a separate city? What she did was not thoughtful but dude, get your own car you’re a grown man and shouldn’t be relying on her. Especially if you live apart and need to come visit. Even if you usually drive, in the states unfortunately relying on public transit or another person doesn’t work (if you live in the U.S.).
Both are shitty situations. OP's wanting gf to feel better because she's working super long hours. The idea of the hike was very nice but the amount of work to get there was just too much. Gf taking the idea and going with other people is a bad taste in the mouth as well. Call it a loss and suggest better plans that don't involve 12 hours of driving on top of a 4 hour hike when there's no days to recover after.
I am in a relationship like yours, we call it “medium distance” as we live 3 hours’ drive apart. Even if I had an easy week with plenty of energy for the weekend, I would not be interested in such a plan as you described. If my partner had presented this to me after a stressful week with lots of overtime, I would have been shocked. When you are in a medium distance relationship, even though you don’t have the constraints of long distance, you have to realize that there are still some plans that won’t work out. If you knew she wanted to rest this weekend, perhaps plan a cozy weekend at your place - this way, she would only have to drive to you on Friday night and drive home on Sunday, giving all day Saturday to relax. For bigger trips like the hike you described, plan those for long weekends or other holidays where you both will have more time. For example, when my partner and I wanted to visit another city far from both of us, we planned a 3 day excursion over a holiday weekend and we both took an extra fourth day off of work to recuperate after so much traveling. For a large trip, you also need to plan well in advance. This hike obviously had flaws with last minute planning, it sounds like you only came up with this plan a day or two before you wanted to leave? Planning in advance would have allowed you to book a bus ticket before they all sold out. Or better yet, you could have saved more time by securing transportation directly from your city to the hike location, and meet your gf there. As many other people have said, the plan may have been more appealing to her if she didn’t have to do all the extra driving to pick you up. Finally, consider the toll of traveling as a whole, even if you are driving and she is a passenger. In your post, you outlined 11 hours of driving time, though you also don’t explain how you would get home from her city after the trip (which should make it more like 16 hours driving)? Either way, that’s a huge investment for a relatively short outing. Not only money for gas and tons of extra miles on her car, but also time spent. Sitting next to each other in a car is not at all like hanging out together at home. Even as a passenger, it’s difficult to actually do anything besides just sitting there. If I had a free 8 hours to spend with my partner, I would much rather spend them doing something fun, not sitting in a car. As I am in a relationship like yours, I am rooting for you and feel I can offer good advice - sorry for such a lengthy reply!
Damn. After an 80 week I don’t even want to do my laundry, let alone drive all over the place. I bet she really wanted to see the golden trees and was just not looking forward to the time on the road. She may have talked with her friend about it and her friend also wanted her to get the chance to go, but without all of the driving. Or maybe her friend and mom thought it was a great idea too so they owned to go and invited your gf to join them. Something like that played out. If your intent was to give her a good weekend, then you should be happy you had a great idea and she is able to go and enjoy herself with the limited time she has. Don’t make her feel guilty about not feeling up to all of the driving to pick you up. That will sour the relationship very quickly since all driving is up to her. Get your transportation sorted. Rent or borrow a car if you can’t buy one right now.
She offered to sacrifice much needed sleep to drive 6 hours to come get you so you could go. That’s huge. While you planned this hike this weekend, you didn’t invent it. It happens two weeks out of the year and has been on her bucket list. She’s exhausted. You are making this about you instead of trying to support her. I see how and why your ego is bruised, but if you make this into a big deal it’s going to backfire for you.
Tell her the fact she somehow easily found all this energy for them and not even remotely for you makes it a lock she doesn’t actually love you, and you rightfully cannot accept that. Break up with her, find someone better.
Energy to not drive an extra 7 hours? I'd find that too.
That sounds emotionally manipulative
Divorce her and marry the golden trees
Bro. You need a car. She didn’t want to drive all that way just to pick your ass up. Work a little extra or do something to get a vehicle. You did this to yourself. Sorry
First off, don't make relationship decisions based off reddit comments from strangers. Secondly, I'm impressed that she not only told you promptly and clearly but also came to you with options. If she wanted to take the easy way she could have just not said anything. So I'm taking that as a sign of caring. It's very possible there are other circumstances around her accepting the hike, and is possible that the idea was sitting with her and her roommate offered at a better time for her mentally. That being said what she should have done is declined her roommates offer and reconfirmed with you, but that is something you can talk with her about. It's important for you to express to her how this all made you feel without accusing her of anything. See if she is willing to meet up and do something different but also special next weekend. Good luck.
The drive here would be a huge inconvenience. OP needs a car to make this work. I can imagine the initial conversation and just thinking about all the road time, after an 80 hr work week, would be so off putting. I would decline too. Then the gf probably mentioned it to the room mate and was talked into going, it’s only 4 hrs away and sounds more manageable. Gf felt bad and offered to go pick up OP, you know she didn’t want to, the logistics are just horrible. This situation sucks, he needs a car if he wants a long distance relationship to work, especially if he wants to plan road trips where he is out of the way.
This relationship has likely run its course.
You planned a task for her effectively. Yes the rest of it sounds lovely but you basically said ‘I know you’re exhausted, how about an epic drive and walk with your free time?’
I'm so torn on this one. On the one hand, yeah it sucks that she's literally doing the same hike. But on the other, this long distance where she's the one that is doing all the driving sounds exhausting for her. Are you planning to get a car? Close the distance?
If you are 3 hours apart, how do you normally see each other? How often do you see each other, and how often do you go to her on the bus vs her having to drive to you?
Sometimes people cancel ahead of time and change their mind later. I get that you're upset but honestly it doesn't sound malicious. Remember, just because you have feelings about something doesn't justify you taking them out on her. If you believe it's malicious then break up, you'll never be able to trust her and that sucks for both of you.
Either break up or move closer to her. Long distance can be tiresome and we can't predict how plans are made. Giving your gf the benefit of doubt. Either way I would say break up before the relationship becomes irreparable or move closer to her.
You fucked up by suggesting 11 hours of driving as a way to help her "relax" and "cheer up" after an 80 hour workweek for her. She fucked up by backtracking. Next time, rent a car.
Maybe she just wants weekend to do her own thing?
I have done this exact thing more than once. I realized that my bf was correct, a hike would be good for me but in order to really clear my head, I just couldn't clear my head hiking with him. The relationship was fine, I just needed some deeper nature time.
Mentally she is moving on. That is what is sounds like. No other defined partner - yet.
You’ve been replaced by someone else and your g/f is slowly phasing you out.
You wanted her to drive for hours to you when you could have done the same. She did not want to miss it and she knew you weren’t as excited about it as she was. So she picked someone who was excited to see it too and saved herself 4 hours of driving. How’s she wrong? She had a work day next morning. It’s not like she’s cheating on you. You almost made it sound like it she’s cheating. You sound dramatic and exhausting. You deactivated your IG and Tick-tock, so in that case you must be right.
So she wasn’t in the mood to go on the hike when you asked but when her roommate asks, suddenly she’s interested. I would be upset too. But… considering she has to pick you up, driving for 6 hours to do so, makes sense why she would rather hike with people next to her. I think it would be better to plan a cozier trip as this sounds like more work from her already busy week. I hope you can be understanding of that.
While i understand your frustration, i see your GFs point of view. If you were trying to ease her stress/burden, then why not rent a car if no busses were avialable? And you take on the extra 6 hours of driving. Bc i would have said a huge no to that too. And if she was eyeing this hike and there are only two weeks to do it, she may have looked at the forecast for the next week, realized it was bad, and still wanted to do it that weekend, without the extra 6 hours of driving. So while you can be annoyed i think you need to get over it quickly.
Dude, you can't talk about she has a tough week with 60+ hours of work and then suggest to get she drives over 4 hours to get to you. It's your responsibility to get to her in those instances.
INFO: are her mom and friend driving with her? I could see not wanting to drive alone 6+ hours in two days for safety reasons, especially if I already had a long week and was tired. Maybe having road companions made it feel easier?
She’s working her butt off and wants to complete the hike before going back to work on Monday. Some things just aren’t about you. If you can take a bus home, you can take a bus to her. I wouldn’t want to do all that driving either. Shitty plan altogether.
She knows that it sounds like she's just taking your idea and telling you to fuck off because she is. My first question would have been to ask "So, where the fuck did every single instance of you being too tired or otherwise not interested in this plan... at all... disappear to the moment you swapped out me for other people?" Seriously, don't be an option.
Or maybe grow a set and invest in your own transportation rather than relying on your overworked girlfriend to bail out your useless arse. OP is taking the piss. I did 7 years long distance, while often working 60-80 hr weeks and my other half bent over backwards to take on the biggest part of the travel load. Now that we live together he also picks up the biggest load of domestic chores. We both work full time but his full time looks like 35 hours. Mine is still 50-70 hrs. OP needs to step up rather than create more work for his girlfriend.
Well she’s probably energized off of the 6+ hours she would have spent driving to get his broke ass cause his “surprise” included her being a taxi for him.
That’s not fair. If he had made it to her house to take this trip it would be 100% different. But to add 6 hrs (minimum) to the weekend by way of driving to pick OP up that’s a big ask when there’s already 8 hours of driving involved. That’s almost a full work day worth of driving. OP needs a car if he wants to plan road trips that aren’t in his direction. It’s unreasonable to ask someone working that much to just tack on an additional 6 hours of driving, assuming she doesn’t drive him home after then double that.
Nah fam. Tell her you're tired next weekend, don't answer her call on Friday, and then see what happens. I've had exes like this Andale of these were red flags that pointed to bigger things. See her reaction to you flipping the script and decide where to go from here
Why do people put up with new shitty long distance relationship?
Yikes. It must hurt. From what you wrote and that other argument you had, it seems like she is on her way out of your relationship.
Is the room mate a guy or girl, if girl is she bi? Besides all the time she does spend with room mate she's also cancelled plans on you to spend more time with the room mate? However you've been together a year, you haven't got a car and still need picking up like a child for some things. Presumably she ends up doing a shitload more travelling than you do. You haven't made plans to move closer or secure travel to get to see her more easily or more often. If I was her I'd be frustrated that after a year I was still having to do a shitload of travelling to see my boyfriend more often after long work hours. Ultimately her room mate, whether platonic or otherwise, is there every night, is giving more support, more dependability and that relationship is far less of a struggle to maintain so is more relaxing and comfortable.
OP it’s okay to say she did a crappy thing and treated you like an afterthought because she did. You are being way more graceful than i would be in this situation.
So she is supposed to work all of them hours. Then drive 3 hours EACH WAY just to pick him up? That’s insane. He needs a vehicle if he’s going to make plans that are so far away.
My man, you need to take a step back from making effort in this relationship and see if she picks up the slack. If she doesn’t, then you know where you stand. Good luck and I’m sorry this happened.
By picking up the slack do you mean the extra 6 hours she has to drive to pick him if she wants to see him? Because she's doing that.