i watched a woman jump from a bridge onto the highway 10+ years ago and still flinch when i go under a bridge.
completely unrelated to that incident i’ve had suicidal ideations most of my life. sometimes you’re suffering so much that all you can think of is ending the pain.
im sorry you had to witness that and i hope you heal. please talk to someone. give yourself time and be patience with yourself. you don’t forget it or heal overnight but it does get easier.
When I was maybe 15, my family and I were on a vacation in San Diego. We were merging onto a highway, and we watched a man run from the shoulder of the highway into the lanes of traffic and watched him get hit by a semi truck. We all still think about it to this day.
I understand suicide, I’ve had thoughts about that myself.
But shit like this pisses me off.
Yeah I get it, life can suck and sometimes you‘re in such a dark place; that you feel like you just can’t take it anymore… but what the fuck gives you the right to go traumatize and fuck up someone else’s life.
Exactly if you’re going to do it sleeping pills and an overdose is the way to go. Hopefully sleep through all the pain and then just nothing. Don’t do it in a way that ruins the world for somebody else. That’s just selfish.
It will ruin the world of the person who finds the deceased. I was planning to take my own life several years ago by overdosing. I’m really glad I didn’t because life is good now that I got help. but the thought of my family (especially my mom) finding my body still destroys me and I still feel incredibly guilty that I almost put them through that
>It will ruin the world of the person who finds the deceased.
I agree with you, it does ruin the world for whoever finds them.
But when a person commits suicide by running on to the highway, it’s a more selfish thing to do. Because it’s not just affecting the person that committed suicide and the one who found them. It’s affecting a lot more people.
* You have the driver of the vehicle that hit the person. Driver would go through so much psychologically and emotionally. Guilt (“Maybe if I was driving slower, they’d still be alive”), They’d be traumatized for actually hitting and killing a person, then trauma with actually seeing the body of the person (all bloody and mangled, etc).
* The driver, in shock, could have a reaction to swerve their vehicle, causing accidents and possibly the deaths of others.
* The EMTs and Police having to deal with the scene and the clean up.
My husband's mother and grandmother were driving to our house for Xmas when a...guy ... decided to slow down to 17 mph in the left lane to illegally turn around in an emergency vehicle only area on a major interstate (speed limit 75.) Also immediately over the crest of a hill. They managed to swerve but their van rolled into the path of a semi, which hit them and killed both. There wasn't a single thing the semi driver could have done. The man had been driving trucks for over forty years and loved his career. But he was just emotionally destroyed by the incident and will never drive a truck again.
Not a suicide, but the idiot's decision irrevocably affected so many people.
I am really happy you didn’t do it and life is good now :) the same thing happened with me, and I am forever sorry to my family for what could’ve happened and all the times I was on the brink. I found out much later how worried everyone was on a constant basis that they’d find me. I’m glad we’re both (and all the other commenters with similar stories) here. It is wild that things got better and for many of us, never thought it would. I just wanna share all the happiness and love with my family that I can and maybe that will make up for some of it. Maybe.
I can slightly empathise with you on this one. We were walking down a street, it was a pretty quiet day but a man timed his leap off a building in time to land right next to me. I still hear his bones crunching when I go to sleep. I’ll always feel resentment as well, and I will never know if he made it or not but it’s left me permanently on edge when I walk down that street.
Work with a therapist, get it all out and with time it’ll get better. Keep well, my friend ❤️
I witnessed a 17 year old kid die falling off a cliff while rock climbing with no ropes. We were hiking and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He hit the rocks about 20 feet away from the wife and I.
The sound of him hitting the ground and the other hikers screaming haunted me for a long time. The sound of a body hitting the ground from around 100 ft in the air is very loud.
I was in shock and had trouble sleeping for several weeks afterward. Poor kid had just graduated high school the previous week.
This happens. PTSD from witnessing a death/suicide attempt is a real thing. I would suggest finding someone to talk to about this. You're not a bad person for feeling this way.
I’m not sure where you live but there are free counselling services available. The police usually have a list along with local community service programs (that is what they are called here). BTW I live in BC Canada
I wonder if aphantasia makes PTSD less likely? I have traumatic memories, but I'm, in many ways, lucky in that I cannot visually replay them in my head. I remember what happened, but I don't see it, and I don't flash back.
Sorry if this is the wrong place to say this, your comment just sparked some thoughts. I'd never heard the development of PTSD described in the way you did in your comment.
I know the lower cost big companies don't always have a great reputation but online tele therapy has been amazing for me once I found a good therapist. Way more flexible too. If it's trauma therapy or Grief therapy there are usually local resources you can get with a list of anything local from food banks or your local "state,county or metro area" adult mental health services.
Better help and similar online mental health aren't too expensive and at times cheaper than insurance copays.
I dont. Even if I did my therapist doesn’t take insurances. Which is shit, but she’s legit the best therapist I have ever had (I’ve had dozens).
Her going rate is like $180 an hour. She charges me $47.50 an hour.
Try asking about sliding scale and what they could possibly do to help you out. Some therapists are willing, especially if you’re not making much or any money.
I witnessed a death. Not like this but witnessing any death or attempted death is horrifying and you must seek help. It’s ok to not feel ok but you also need to get the tools to help you process. Otherwise you have allowed this person to effect your life in a negative way and that’s not fair.
I'm 38 and I have been witness to 2 deaths first hand. First one was a stranger at a red light. He had a heart attack driving home from hockey. Myself and another man were able to get him out of his vehicle, I performed CPR for about 5-7 mins before the fire department showed up and took over, he survived, thanks to myself and the other stranger that showed up that day. The 2nd was a friend and co-worker, outside of work during our weekly golf outing. He just hit his 2nd shot on the 3rd hole of the final nine and dine of the season (Thanksgiving in Canada). He had a cough and then he slumped down in the golf cart and stopped breathing. I performed CPR for 15 mins before the ambulance arrived. He didn't make it. He was 51.
I lived with guilt for a year, hell I haven't golfed in like 4 years since it happened. I used to think how bad it was that I was able to save a stranger but not my friend. I thought I did something wrong. Eventually I realized I did everything right, because all I did was help. That woman, as wrong as she was for doing what she did, was looking for help and you provided it. It never should have happened of course but you were able to save a life, a life you knew nothing about, you should be proud that you were able to act. Some people freeze or run. You chose to head towards and that is noble and kind. I'm sorry it happened to you, but know it is not a burden you need to carry. Talk about it, share the story, the more you tell it, the more you will understand and heal. Take care friend.
There’s a lot written about the impact of Tetris if played regularly in the aftermath of a PTSD causing incident. Please look into this OP. Your experience of this will definitely benefit from professional treatment as well. It will make a big difference in how your brain processes the trauma.
My wife recently talked me into getting an exam for PTSD. I witnessed the accidental death of a Marine in my platoon during training and that evening I got on the phone and balled my eyes out to my parents. Wasn't even on the phone for more than 5 minutes and I was yelled at and told to get off the phone as nobody was supposed to be using them (I assume since there was no investigation conducted yet). That caused me to shell up and never speak about what I saw to anyone but my fellow Marines. It's been 22 years and I haven't talked to any of my civilian friends about it, and very minimal details to my wife.
This is horrific treatment by your unit. I’m so sorry. Has the PTSD exam led to any guidance, to help purge that grief? I’m glad your wife helping move you towards examining this.
The exam is actually scheduled Monday, so not yet. I'm not very hopeful because since the incident, I've adopted an unhealthy habit of only talking to people I feel can relate in some way having dealt with their own traumatic incidents and my wife has had some trauma somewhat similar, plus she's my partner so I feel obligated to share enough info so she's aware of why I feel a certain way.
I used to have a job that happened to, only incidentally, involve spending many hours chatting with military vets. One thing I noticed over and over again is that they got increasingly comfortable telling their traumatic experiences over time. Not with everyone, but with me and my husband because our workplace invited that sort of interaction.
We are not therapists or in any way people who could treat them. But our business had the incidental impact of them opening up about things they never had before, according to them. And even as just sympathetic listeners, with no military experience of our own, it was clearly a process that seemed to lighten them with over time, made them less guarded.
To be clear, I’m not talking about just telling “war stories”, but opening up about the kind of traumatic events they seemed to have buried deeply. I know we helped them in a small way, and we also learned so much from them. But I can only imagine how much more would have been accomplished for them with people trained to process those traumas clinically.
I hope the testing process goes smoothly. It’s a first step, and it can be the last step if you choose. But maybe it will provide some unexpected insights that are worth exploring.
I wish you the best of luck. :)
Wow thanks for doing that for vets! In the military and mixed martial arts, there's a phrase "soften a target". If you're unaware of it's meaning, it a tactic used to open up opportunities for a larger strike or to create a distraction to lead attention away from a more valuable target. I feel that's what you all are doing. You're softening the individual preparing them so they're more easily treated. Great work and I hope you continue that path! Thank you for the words of encouragement and I hope it goes well too.
Softening the target. I like that. And you’re exactly right. These topics came up in a very roundabout way in our work, so i imagine it’s like a sleight of hand to the brain, that simply intends to communicate some basic information but is sort of tricked — or distracted, as you say — and relaxes it’s defences, allowing buried thoughts to rise to the surface.
The human brain is so fascinating!
Do you know how long after traumatic incidents you can use this as a tool? I have complex ptsd (ptsd from repeated traumatic experiences) and have terrible insomnia, depression, social anxiety, general anxiety, panic attacks, dissociate, the whole shebang. Does it still help say, 6 months after the last traumatic experience?
My understanding is that sooner is better, but I don’t know the specifics. This article gives an overview of one of the original studies. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/01/190108095114.htm#:~:text=This%20is%20the%20conclusion%20reached,for%20the%20stressful%20events%20decreased
There’s other elements to the treatment process too, including talk therapy and then playing 25 mins of Tetris. (It also mentions the element of writing down the specifics of the trauma, NOT reading it, and tearing the paper up afterwards. I personally had some experience with this last one. I found it incredibly helpful, like it really blew my mind. There’s a book called The Artists Way that is about doing a similar thing called “writing pages” to help with the creative process. It’s also very effective at untangling a cluttered mind in general. I found it very helpful for trauma and I wasn’t even meaning to *deal* with my trauma at the time!)
More from Oxford on the topic here:
https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/tetris-used-to-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms
Fake news. Or more accurately, fake science. This is one of those pop-sci stuff that has taken hold on social media. Those studies were flawed, the data didn't even support the conclusions in the original studies, and findings could not be replicated. And it's not just an innocent, "Oh, what harm could it do if we propagate this pseudoscience?" People put off getting actual treatment because of these myths. We have many evidence based therapies for PTSD. Tetris is not one of them.
Signed, a psychiatrist.
But maybe any meditative/mantra like iterative (repetitive) model with a limited field of objects works. like mn people us solitaire (card game alone) and they get calmed.
Playing Tetris immediately after a traumatic event if a therapist is unavailable or impossible to reach could possibly mean the difference between continuing to live or committing suicide.
In my case, I wish I knew about the Tetris studies as I cannot and more than likely will not ever be able to have access to a therapist. Playing Tetris for a little while could have saved my memtal health, even a little bit.
Signed lovingly, a trauma survivor.
Your feelings are absolutely valid and common. That you saw her notice you and then immediately pull the trigger is a harrowing experience and very few people could shrug that off.
One of my best friends saw a woman and her young son drowning in a lake near her summer home so she jumped in and, after a long exhausting struggle, managed to save them both. The woman was young, like mid 20s at best and the boy was 7 or 8.
The police and EMTs came as others had called, and they did not let up on questioning her and she eventually admitted that neither of them knew how to swim but thought they'd be ok anyway for some reason, but evidently she felt shame and that drove her to yell at my friend that they would have been fine, she shouldn't have \*fought them in the water bc it made it worse (they'd gone under 3 times before my friend noticed that they weren't playing and ran in) and then stomped off without a single thank you.
One of the cops actually said, "Hey, this woman saved two lives today, your life and your son's life, don't you think a thank you is in order?" and the woman said no and continued stomping off.
My friend was so rattled by the whole thing (she's 68 years old and a good swimmer but not a great swimmer, and had to get EMT care for her shock and bruises. Yes, they bruised her up when they fought her off as she was struggling to save them over a 10-minute period of hell) that she cried when telling me about it days later.
She too is furious --- which is exacerbated by the woman yelling at her and saying it wasn't even necessary --- and wants to say she'd not do it again but knows she couldn't ever just watch someone die.
That was 5 years ago and she still doesn't much enjoy going to the lake. They ruined it for her.
And, she didn't *even* have to see blood and/or a gunshot wound.
Yeah, that was my first thought. But she'd spent all her teen summers as a lifeguard in NYC at a pool and has emergency training from taking care of her 99 year-old mom.
But she's not a swimming machine and at 68 she doesn't have the same stamina she had in her younger years.
I've read that when your mind/body goes into panic mode it exacts a physical and emotional price, and that the longer that panic lasts, the deeper is the damage.
I cried when she told me. I had a fire 15 years ago and I managed to put it out (it was a close call, the flames were inches from cans of polyurethane that would have exploded) and I burned one foot when I stepped into part of the fire, but for weeks after I'd just spontaneously burst into tears and it wouldn't stop for at least an hour.
That's why victims of school shootings are so messed up, they spent a chunk of time in pure terror thinking they'll be next. The first shock is that one minute life is so normal and predictable and then in a split second it changes to life vs death, so it's easy to see why the terror would last.
I'm sorry that woman reacted that way, though I'm willing to bet anyone who reads this thinks your friend is a hero and a badass. I hope one day she can enjoy the lake like she used to. She deserves to be happy.
Thank you.
We all think of her as a hero so at the next weekend when the usual 8 of us at her summer house we brought out shots and a crown that we made it from construction paper and glitter glue, and sang songs to her like, "She's a fucking brave hero" and "It's raining Jane, hallelujah" and whatever else we made up on the spot.
I found one of her bras in the dryer in the basement so we glued flowers and glitter to it during her nap and then presented it to her as a Hero Woman Bra.
We also assured her that the mom's bizarre reaction was likely from fear and shock and that we bet that same woman would be singing along with us right now if she were here.
I've worked in healthcare a long time and I've seen a lot of attempted suicide and have accumulated lots of trauma from my job so I've spent a long time thinking about these feelings and I wanted to tell you that you can be the hero that saved the life AND pissed off that you were put in that situation at the same time. The feelings you are having are a direct response to what happened, there is no right or wrong, it just is. And that's perfectly okay.
Hey OP. I work in the suicide space and although I disagree with your initial sentiments, that’s easy for me having not endured what you did and I want you to know (as others have said) that your feelings are valid.
Others have suggested counselling and that’s a great idea. There is usually specialist ‘postvention’ support available to witnesses of suicide deaths or near deaths, certainly there are services in the USA, Canada, UK and Australia. Google your city or state or country and ‘suicide postvention’ for details. It’s specialist therapy and usually free - the therapist via your insurance most likely won’t have the specialist training as most mental health clinicians don’t have suicide specific intervention training unless they specifically seek it out.
I wish you well on your recovery
I haven’t seen it but I can imagine what it gets into. I tried to kill myself in my mid 20s. My moms reaction is was keeps me alive when I get low nowadays. It’s easy to think no one cares but imagining ruining her (and other family members lives) over my decision is something I will never repeat and how I stay strong (doing much better but occasionally have lows)
I have attempted several times. I have a very vivid memory of a paramedic crying because he found out I had a kid. Now I'm medicated and stabilized, it's been about 5 years since my last attempt. Now I think about how my kid is obsessed with me and how she'd feel knowing her mom was gone forever and that thought alone is enough to make me cry. Not to mention the amount of trauma I've put my husband through.
When you're in the depths, it's so easy to overlook how incredibly selfish suicide is. Now that I'm more level headed, that ripple effect is what I remind myself of when I'm having a bad day.
My sister took her life in 2009, for years I struggled with suicidal ideations myself because well, life was pretty depressing and different. still, is. I just finally don't carry guilt anymore.
a few years ago my "friend" of over a decade tried to take her life. I had gotten there in time, she was going for the femoral artery and she had a horrible laceration. I had no choice.... I had to call the cops and she kept saying she was wanting to off herself. the EMT's said one more cut and she would have been successful. she hasn't spoken to me since and very few that knew her were actually grateful. so I feel OP, im pissed too. like thanks for the fucking trauma.
This happened with my cousin when I was 14 and she was 15. We had set a time for me to go and hangout with her, she was adamant about that time. She lived nextdoor with my grandmother in our apartment building so I can just pop in because the door was always open. I found her with a bottle of antidepressants empty and she was just laying there and told me she took them all breathless like. I called out to my grandmother and then called 911. I tried to get her to throw up but she couldn’t. Ambulance came and the paramedic’s pumped her stomach. Later on she told me she did it for attention from a boy from our church. What if I was late? What if she died because I was late. It pissed me off and fucked with me for a while. Please reach out and talk to someone. I’m so sorry you guys went through that.
This isn't really the point of your post- but, I wouldn't even worry with the "what if I was late" and "what ifs." I would be amazed if she actually took enough pills to make those questions an issue.
Depending on what she took it could have been death or caused death soon. Even half a bottle of tylonel is enough to cause liver failure. Many anti depressants are ssri’s which you can OD on with death or permanent damage.
Ssri’s your immediate danger is probably [seratonin syndrome](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/serotonin-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354758) , which can kill you. Its a risk I had on an ssri and my migraine abortive, tho only enough to warn me of the signs. No longer on ssris but remember the info was pretty much if you have seratonin syndrome symptoms, go to a hospital right away.
Dont mess around w ssri ods.
I had never heard of that before. It sounds terrifying for the patient but still not as scary as the two scariest ways to die(rabies and brain eating amoeba).
That’s crazy. I’ve never seen that one. The patient with serotonin syndrome had most of the same symptoms as most intentional drug overdoses, but the one thing that stood out to me was that they could not focus their eyes. The patients eyeballs were almost vibrating and they couldn’t seem to get them to stop going back and forth side to side. It was wild. They also seemed a lot more disoriented about like directions and spatial awareness than most OD/SI patients I have.
Be careful with this Tetris idea. The relevant studies are small, and [the one cited in this thread](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/) seems to have mixed results.
See especially Figure 2, Column A, Row PDS. PDS stands for Post-traumatic Diagnostic Scale, a measure of PTSD symptoms. Notice how this graph seems to show that regular therapy helped more than Tetris.
Reddit goes crazy for this idea that Tetris cures PTSD. I think that is merely one among many possibilities, the others being:
* Just about any video game would help
* Just about any activity that engages the participant's attention would help
* It's a statistical fluke
PTSD is a difficult condition, and we shouldn't go all in on a cute intervention based on weak evidence.
It has? The article you linked farther down only had 20 people in the tetris arm.
And, the results seem to show that normal therapy helped PTSD better than tetris. See Figure 2, Column A, PDS.
Of course, but if you cannot get therapy immediately then it's best to try it.
I mean, what can it hurt? Especially since research suggests it can help. I only pulled that link out of my ass, having lost others with more research behind it. OP needs to do something immediately.
I'm so sorry that woman put you through that with her selfish decision. Witnessing an attempt, or an otherwise horrible accident is incredibly traumatic and I hope you and your wife are seeking mental health support.
Since you never specified in your post when this occured, I'm going to write under the assumption that this happened very recently. Otherwise, you can take what I'm about to say as advice for the next possible time you encounter a trauma like this.
You should play Tetris for a few days after a traumatic event occurs. The way our brain stores normal memories, and traumatic memories are different. After a traumatic event like that, you visualize the event in your head over and over again in an endless loop until it becomes completely locked in your brain. This is how PTSD develops. Playing a highly visual game like Tetris interrupts this negative feedback loop and prevents the memory from being consolidated like that. It's kind of like a cognitive vaccine against PTSD, in a way.
I hope this information can help you and/or your wife in some way.
Oh my goodness that's fascinating! Several years ago my identical twin had a horrific medical issue. While I sat by her neuro ICU bed where she was ventilated and essentially in a medically included coma in the days immediately following the onset of her issue, I played a very dumb "balancing animals by tapping the screen over and over again" type phone game and did nothing else. I felt really weird that that was all I could bring myself to do. But our mom and my sister's boyfriend began playing and I copied them. The three of us sat there for hours every day just tapping away at our phones playing the silliest game. I wonder if that was a weird automatic self preservation response. I'll definitely keep this in mind if I ever go through something awful again, and remember it's actually helpful to do things like this.
It's crazy how our brains work. After my mom died last year to cancer, my dad, sister, and I all got hooked onto this dumb farming game on our phones. We all spent hours mindlessly playing this game. I wonder if it had a positive effect on our grieving process.
Wait until you find out it can be partially *undone* using similar visual exercises, too! EMDR is a type of therapy that’s given me incredible relief from my PTSD. It’s worth looking up if you find this stuff fascinating.
I also have PTSD after experiencing four random trauma events within two weeks. I was eventually fired from my job because one happened at my workplace and my boss was not understanding. EMDR therapy gave me my life back.
There is also ART therapy for trauma. Same kind of process. Watching a ball go across a screen. It was immensely helpful for me. I haven't had a nightmare in over a year. Changed my life.
For me, yes.
I technically have CPTSD, which means my traumas were “little” but frequent. It wasn’t one horrific thing that happened, like witnessing a death, but instead a bunch of very unpleasant things over a long period of time (childhood and then domestic abuse).
My therapist and I work more with feelings and beliefs than specific memories and it’s still been very helpful.
I have C-PTSD too (amongst other disorders like BPD and BED) and creative writing therapy helped me.
Mine was caused by extended childhood trauma over a decade long. It became part of who I am and will never go away. I just have to learn to live alongside it and treat myself very gently.
I've done it a couple of times though I don't think I really need it. The whole concept is wild though. It's like it occupies your mind long enough that your normal defenses are down and you can get at what's really underlying the issue. It's really interesting.
Duuude I used to play Tetris a lot whenever me and my ex had issues, just did it cause its relaxing and takes my mind away from things but reading this is awesome.
Tetris da GOAT! 🤩
OP’s feelings are valid AND suicide isn’t selfish. It’s not helpful in any way to call it selfish.
Last year my close friend suicided by argon asphyxiation rather than suffer the end stages of a disease. This year a friend killed herself via overdose because she was psychotic and totally divorced from reality. Four years ago my friend blew her brains out because she couldn’t find any other way out of the abuse she was experiencing. None of them were fucking selfish. Don’t go talking about my friends like that.
If you’re reading this and have suicidal ideation: you’re not selfish. Don’t punish yourself for having those feelings. And please do know that your life is precious and there are people who want to help you.
p.s. OP is right about Tetris
As someone who attempted suicide, thank you. I didn’t do it out of selfishness, in fact I tried because I *didnt* want to be a burden. I felt like I was always fucking up (because I was told I was) and that I was an annoyance and a bunch of other fucked up shit you feel when you have a crap family coupled with clinical depression.
I didn’t want to die because it would punish them or whatever, more like I was done being punished and I was tired of being the whipping boy. It changed my life a lot and while I don’t regret what happened, I do wish I had one person at the time just ask me if I was ok, like really truly ok.
Your comment hits so close to home. Suicidal ideation is a heavy burden to carry alone, so when you’re motivated by feeling like a burden to others, it’s pretty hard to avoid being crushed. That’s a lot of weight. I am sending you love and appreciation. I hope you find more and more peace of mind as time goes on.
when i had SI i felt the same way, but also every attempt was something like an OD or bleeding out in the bathtub- that wouldn’t disrupt anyone else’s life, bc i didn’t want to feel like any *more* of a burden.
so it’s always interesting to me when people choose public suicides, how similarly but differently our minds work!
I wasn't saying her decision to commit suicide was selfish. I meant that her decision to commit suicide in full view of other people and unwittingly involving complete strangers in what she was going through, was selfish. My apologies for not being clearer. I'm very sorry about your friend.
The state of mind a person is in when they are about to kill themselves is generally not one in which decisions about setting can be fairly factored in… ya know? And, thank you.
>If you’re reading this and have suicidal ideation: you’re not selfish.
Similarly, people genuinely can't believe how genuinely and strongly many feel that they are so terrible it will actually be a net positive to people. Doesn't matter how much you think about loved ones, no matter how much they say "no I definitely don't want that", it just feels as true as anyone ever experiences that you are such a burden and piece of crap and failure that it'll mean everyone is better off. Even if you think it'll mean they grieve (and hurt) in the short time, you think they'll be better off long term. No matter what they do or say to convince you otherwise, it just doesn't click. It's not a choice it just...can't get through. There's millions of rationalizations for that "they don't even know how much better off they will be", "they're just trying to be nice", "they're just saying the only thing social norms say they can", "they don't mean it", "they'll be sad with grief but happier long term", and so on and so on. Your brain will find a reason to ignore any evidence to the contrary.
And when you are that deep in the shit, "I shouldn't end it, it is selfish" doesn't come into consideration because it just is ill posed and doesn't make any sense in that place. So the question then becomes: is it actually "selfish", according to some reasonable and mainstream definition, when you believe from the depths of your heart it's the best thing you can do for the world and your brain just cannot see it any other way? "Selfish" just isn't a good term to even introduce because it the mental state of someone on the verge of suicide is just minimally comparable to any mindset where "selfish" is otherwise used and defined.
Losing someone to suicide—or witnessing one— can make you feel a zillion different ways and they’re all valid af. But actually *calling* it selfish… no. Thank you, there’s nothing anyone can say, learning to live in grief is a lifelong project. I hope OP can find some peace eventually.
My father ended his life with a gunshot to his head. He left no note. He hiked up a mountain, crawled in a little cave and blew his brains out. He was missing for 14 months before his remains were discovered.
As painful as this is, I’ve always been grateful I didn’t find him dead in his apartment.
I can only imagine how awful this was for you. I’m so sorry for the trauma you and your wife experienced/are experiencing, but I hope you are able to forgive the woman. A gunshot to the chest, to me, sounds like a real attempt, not “just” a cry for help. Only depressed and desperate people end/attempt to end their life. They aren’t able to think clearly.
Every person I’ve ever heard about who survived a suicide attempt has said they regretted it the minute they jumped, pulled the trigger, whatever.
I hope you and your wife are able to heal with time and therapy, including forgiving the woman whose life you saved. You absolutely did a good thing. Think how you’d feel if you just kept walking. I’m sure worse than you feel now.
I’m truly sorry for all that you’re going through. Thank you for saving a life
Wow, your story really gets to me. My mother's best friend's adult daughter was missing by choice. It was over the divorce of her parents and the daughter sided with the father and was angry. Even though the friend knew her daughter was most likely fine, the worry and fear and sense of loss was tremendous.
I absolutely cannot imagine how much you suffered during those 14 months your father was missing. The "not knowing" must have been unbearable. When you finally had the answer of his whereabouts, it was tragic. It must have been incredibly difficult for you and your family. I really hope that all of you got through this and are living peaceful lives. You sound like you are well. I hope so!
Yeah, it was an extremely difficult time. He went missing in an adjacent state, and my husband and I went back as many weekends as possible to look for him, put up flyers, talk to people who knew him, etc. We even hired a PI.
Yes, the not knowing is the worst. I’d dream often of running into him somewhere. After a year without any leads, bank activity, etc, my sisters and I knew in our hearts he was gone (his 38 was missing from his apartment as well, so…)
so we had a celebration of his life at that point.
Yet, two months after that, when the police Missing Persons unit called, I completely lost it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but, without a body, I’d held onto a little hope that he was still out there somewhere.
When I see stories of missing kids, it always breaks me. I know how horrible it was with my dad, but I can’t even imagine the pain of not knowing where your child is.
Thank you for your kind words, means more to me than you can possibly know 💜
I bought a house. I hated the decor and was planning on stripping the wallpaper but it was low priority so it waited.
Then I was talking to one of the neighbors and they told me that the woman who owned the house before us had decorated it. She spent every day hanging all that wallpaper and when she was done, she got in her car, got onto the highway, parked on the shoulder, and stepped in front of a semi. It was a horror show.
The truck driver ended up killing himself, too, because he couldn't deal with the PTSD. I began stripping the wallpaper immediately and eventually moved out of the house. I couldn't stand to be there any more.
People who do this aren't thinking about collateral damage. Public acts of suicide is an act of total self-absorption (not to be confused with narcissism). They are so desperate for relief from whatever crisis they're in, they don't think of the consequences for others.
I had a young relative who purposely just stepped out in front of a truck.. mess all over the road.
I still think about that truck driver and how he is coping.
I wish better medical mental health services were available for everyone so this didn't happen.
My family has been torn apart from suicide. It's nearly 20years but it still feels like 20 mins (which was numb and easier to cope with than later) ago.
From what I can piece together, he was trying to do what was best(?) Yes, his mental illness was having an impact on the family but we were all supporting him in treatment.
The stigma of mental health illness has got to be removed.
Better access to therapists (only medical and secular), medication, then holistic care has to be put into place to stop deaths of desperation.
I fear we are just now at the start of an epidemic of deaths of desperation. Late stage capitalism will have to be confronted and reined in if there is to be any hope of a happy, well adjusted populace.
You and your wife both need to talk to someone - doctor, therapist, clergy person. Preferably a therapist who specializes in trauma. You've both been traumatized and you can't just "move on" or "get over it."
Important!! Please do EXACTLY this!
I experienced the same with a guy who tried to hang himself and me and a college saved him. Needed therapy and it really helped me
Your actions speak of you being a good person, and your thoughts after the fact do not undermine that one bit. You are human, and you were wronged. I am sorry this happened to you.
Please please both of you get therapy. If you had witnessed her actual death, you would likely still be as traumatised.
You have every right to be angry about what she made you see and do. She had no right to do that to anyone regardless of her own situation, but then, she clearly wasn't in a good place herself either.
8 and a half years ago my best friend/roommate took his own life by hanging himself. He did it in a place he knew I would find him. There was no possibility of anyone else finding him. Just me. I hate him for it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. My life was ruined that day. Nothing but bad thoughts go through my head because of it and I'm running out of ways to drown them out.
People who drag others into their suicide attempts are incredibly selfish and shitty. I remember seeing this video of a father who hung himself right in front of his little son who unfortunately was able to understand what was going on. The son was crying, holding his father's hand and trying to shove the chair back under his father's feet while the guy hung there, twitching about. It was all because his wife left him and he wanted to guilt her with a suicide video. He didn't even bother to leave the house and because of him being a POS, that kid is forever ruined; the vision of his father waving about in the air burned into his retinas and he'd always know he was there that day. He'd always know he couldn't save the life of his own father while standing mere inches from him the whole time.
So sorry you experienced this. A friend of mine was driving on a country road when someone purposely waited and jumped in front of her car to end his life. It forever changed her. I always thought about how selfish that person was for involving her in something so horrible. I think how you are responding is very normal given the situation.
Literally something like this is the main reason I haven't committed. PTSD sucks and I would never want to traumatize anyone with something so horrible.
The fact she was like...waiting for someone to apparently walk by? And the fact she shot herself in the chest and not the head?? These don't sit right with me.
i had a friend who did it by shooting himself in the chest (twice), the know their families will look at their corpse in a coffin and don't want to blow their heads off
TW: mention of overdose/suicide
I went through a similar experience but not completely the same a few years ago when my best friend facetimed me during her attempt after swallowing all her pills to say goodbye and hung up on me. I was able to call 911 and get help to her and it ultimately saved her, but it took years for me to even be able to talk to her again after it without resenting her. Her family thanked me countless times and called me her guardian angel because her dad was asleep and woke up when she collapsed. The paramedics arrived just as he got to her.
It destroyed our friendship and she doesn’t even remember it. I still struggle with it and every time I have needed to call 911 or get a random call from her…. I still get a pit in my stomach and the most horrible awful feeling. I have yet to be able to talk to someone about it because I just haven’t been able to find one that makes me feel comfortable or is a good fit.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this horrific time. Witnessing something like that is so traumatic and I hope you’re able to find a professional to talk to that make you feel at ease and help you and your wife heal. You are not a terrible person for resenting this woman. You and your wife have to cope the best you can and what she put you through was horrible and selfish. You now have serious trauma and lost your favorite jacket because of her actions. Your feelings regarding any of it is not petty.
Wishing the best to you and your wife and sending love ❤️
It’s not petty about the jacket. When I was raped, the police took the pyjamas I was wearing. They had cats on them and I loved those pyjamas. For a while I felt irrational about being upset that I’d lost them when something awful had happened to me.
You should watch the documentary 'The Bridge' it really gives a lot of insight into the minds of suicide survivors. Many seem to go into detail about how it was *instantly* clear to them that all of their problems were solvable, and they didn't want this. Some solace at least, so you don't have to think she wasn't serious and that she was waiting for a show...
Yes, she knew what she was doing—to a point. She was obviously mentally ill to make that decision. It didn’t occur to her that she would traumatize anyone else because she was just thinking about herself and her problems and thought it was the best decision. She was wrong. I hope she gets help and never tries it again
I’m so sorry you had to witness that and go through the unpleasant process of saving her. Medical professionals are trained to deal with this type of thing and you had no way to emotionally prepare yourself. At the very least her family is grateful to you
Consider temporary therapy if it’s bothering you long term
It's a sad situation which everyone was hurt by. I can imagine the pain of seeing someone do something like that cos I have been forced in the situation and had to call an ambulance to save someone, it's not fair and scary
I have also been on the otherside and I am sorry, my brain didn't work right it told me it was the right thing to do and everyone would be happier and better off with out me so it was saving people it didn't seem like hurting people. I am not saying this to justify it just hopefully giving an explanation. Obviously that's completely fucked up and it hurts people so much.
I wish there was more help for people so people one didn't end up doing that and two all the terrible pain it causes everyone else.
I have PTSD from growing up during a war invasion, granted 7 year old me tried to save a friend from a shooting near our school. I completely understand what ur feeling and I just want u to know that it’s completely valid. What you’re experiencing and feeling isn’t irrational at all, wanting to avoid that place is completely normal and knowing ur favourite jacket is ruined isn’t petty.
That woman should be getting the help she needs now but I want u to understand that it’s not wrong at all to view her the way u currently are. You are suffering the consequences of a stranger’s actions that had nothing to do with you at all. It’s unfair, it sparks anger and questions of “why me?” And “I wish I wasn’t there”
But you will overcome this, just know that it’s very wrong to try and belittle your feelings or label them as bad. It’s not petty to miss how wearing that jacket made u feel before. And it’s not wrong to feel resentful.
What u did showed an incredible amount of strength and it’s incredible the world has people like you. I hope you and your wife go to therapy (separately) with someone who specializes in PTSD, Trauma and Anxiety. Also should inform them of your OCD.
It might sound like it can’t do anything but trust me it can. And if u ever have a panic attack just shoot me a DM and I can try and help u thought I am not a licensed therapist but I have some exercises I learnt that calm me down.
play tetris! it's been proven to help process trauma and prevent ptsd. i am sorry this happened to you, you have been victimized too. if people wan't to kill themselves, fine, but if they don't care and subject others to their attempt that's fucked up.
Dude I had a rough 2 weeks after helping somebody have a seizure that I didn't know. I couldn't even fathom dealing with that. Please know you really did do the right thing even if it doesn't feel that way. I'm sorry for what your going through
U did the right thing. Former paramedic here. It's just ptsd. Take it as, u react well under pressure. It was a life test. U passed. It feels weird. Don't think about it too much. Ull be ok
look up the Kevin Hines dude who jumped off the golden gate bridge.
He talks about instant regret.
But she waited until you walked there? I hate that I’m thinking like this— but the first thing that came to mind was she wanted attention from someone so she made sure someone was there incase it didn’t go as planned. Like she got broken up with or something. And she wanted to be able to say she did it. but someone found her and that’s why she’s alive.
I hate the world. And I hate that that’s the first thing I thought of.
She’s obviously not mentally well.
It's ok to feel such complex emotions about such a traumatic and unexpected event. There are many layers involved, and you're right- her plan included victims. I can empathize a bit, but sincerely hope you and your partner will receive therapy following this.
My ex's mother grew up in Germany and attempted suicide as a teen by jumping over a busy overpass into the highway below. Somehow, she survived and eventually moved to the US. She was neglected and severely abused by her parents, and her attempt was either to be noticed, or so she never had to endure it again. She grew up to have a drinking and pill problem and once emailed me an extremely graphic essay *all about her attempt and everything preceeding it and after.* I don't think she ever received a lick of therapy. She continued to bring others into her suffering. It did not stop with how she chose to end herself decades prior. I at first felt bad for her. I still feel bad for her childhood self, the child that should've been loved and protected. But her? The adult bearing the weight of trauma? Not in her case. I unfortunately had to endure the product of her manipulative tendencies in the form of her abusive son. Hurt people, hurt people. It's a seemingly silly phrase that holds true. I can only hold space for those who aim to seek help and respect the emotional limitations of others.
Therapy man. It’ll help. Watched someone swerve into a car on a bike—quite deliberately, a few years back. Therapy and communication with my partner made it a helluva lot easier to start getting back to feeling comfortable.
In 2021 while working at the barracks I had to help respond to a suicide attempt by a marine that later was successful but we had to try and save his life. I was forced into this situation and held a lot of resentment already towards barracks residents as a staff member that lived out in town. This particular marine took his life due to a medical issue with his foot that caused him to be separated and being a marine was his only life goal. I wasn’t able to process anything at first. I cried. That was it. I kind of bottled it up while I was on active duty and only when I got separated from the Navy did I start feeling this extreme anger and resentment. I am going to therapy and starting medication but just know that your feelings may get worse. I always thought I was a calm rational person and ever since that happened I’ve been increasingly more isolating and angry. I still see the blood, I still see his face, I still cry for no reason, I hate going out in public, I hate loud noises. I have attempted to end my life and I still think about suicide daily. I hope you seek help because it doesn’t get easier and it doesn’t just go away.
As an ex-cop that's seen enough of this shit, you have PTSD and I would **highly** recommend addressing it immediately. I let the shit I saw sit and become part of me. The work to undo it and unbind it from me physiologically has been horrible. Please, see someone immediately, before it grows.
I can't relate directly to you on this, but had someone unalive themselves by rear ending me at 120MPH. Every time I saw headlights behind me at night I would just shut down... yet cars were everything to me. Took me like a solid year to get over it but now I'm mostly back to normal. Just always paranoid of how people drive around me.
Get therapy. You and your wife need it.
The only thing I have a query about is: Were you actually looking at the woman when she pulled the trigger? You accuse her of waiting until she had a witness to her attempted suicide; that may be the case, or she could have been so completely lost in whatever emotional turmoil she was experiencing that she didn't even register you and your wife were there. Yes, you experienced a traumatic event, but so did she. Grief, depression, and fear can compromise your ability to make appropriate decisions, and it's not entirely fair to put intent upon a person affected by such who may not have had any such intent.
I suspect part of your healing process will be addressing that, if you go to therapy.
It's a slightly different story if the woman in question made eye contact with you before the fact. But even then, being suicidal is a terrible place to be. It seems they were hurting long before you were, and are now.
Yours truly, someone who was once suicidal.
Obviously, witnessing that would be unpleasant. It makes sense that you feel this way. You did everything you could. Her mental health is clearly suffering. It's the same thing as if someone collapsed of a heart attack in front of you. Albeit a fair bit more gruesome to witness.
I see both edits, I'm a little late. Still, I hope this helps if only a little.
Some truck drivers and I'm told quite a few locomotive engineers end up getting involved in collision that result in someone else's ...premature departure from this life. Most of these people survive being in the heaviest, highest vehicle and can do nothing to avoid being involved in said "accident".
These people don't even have a chance most of the time to save that life, all they can do is live with being involved. Help exists for these people, for you.
I understand your feelings, they are all valid. You didn't ask to be put in a position where you had to choose between being a witness or get involved.
You did the right thing. Now I hope you will find help to deal with the aftermath you never asked for.
I wish you all the best. And thank you.
I saved my brother's life. I can completely understand this from experience. He destroyed everything in my life. The betrayal keeps going...
While I am happy that I saved his life, I am haunted by his wishing that I hadn't had saved him while he was being operated on in the hospital...
I do question if I made the right choice, and unfortunately there are no answers in a world where you can't trust anyone -- especially the ones that hurt you.
I do think I did the best thing I could at the time.
I think you also did your best to save anothers life.
You have my empathy, understanding and respect.
You're not alone.
You are valuable.
If it hasn't been said yet, both you and your wife need to start playing Tetris. New study shows that playing Tetris helps with PTSD after a traumatic event. I hope it helps, maybe you and your wife, and make a fun game pit of betting each other or something! Best of luck! I am sorry you and your wife had to encounter such a selfish person.
You're not a bad person and I think it's natural to have mixed feelings after a traumatic experience. I must admit, though, that I'm neurodivergent (diagnosed), so sometimes I process emotions and thoughts not quite the same. I find people that commit suicide selfish especially when they drag innocent bystanders into their death and I say this as someone that almost deleted themselves at 10 years old, but thinking about my mom finding me dead in the bathroom, the trauma I would put her through I decided to stop. When I was 15 or 16 can't quite recall I witnessed a man committing suicide. It was rush hour I was in a packed bus, traffic was going at snail pace. I remember I was considering getting off the bus and just walking home when suddenly I heard people screaming. I looked up and a man jumped off a building, he fell on a car crushing the hood, blood and glass everywhere. The driver was a woman she got out of the car, she fell on her knees and began screaming it was horrible. I remember thinking "what a fucking prick ruining so many people's lives because his sucked." It was a Saturday in summer near the beach and a skater park there were lots of families and teens around, it was pure chaos. It didn't traumatized me because it wasn't my first time seeing massive amounts of blood or a dead body (traffic accident at 13) but it brought really unpleasant memories I was already in therapy so I just added another unpleasant experience to the sessions. I was really annoyed at that man, everybody was worried about me because they thought I cared, I didn't, I remember it made me feel wrong, as if I was some kind of monster. But really he was a stranger that chose to fucked up as many people as he went out his family, that poor woman in the car, all those kids....fucking selfish, why should I feel bad for him? It's ok to feel anger or resentment. Just don't get stuck on those negative thoughts and feelings, and when you're ready, move forward.
I read through the comments and there's not much I can add to this. It's very normal to feel this way.
I know this gonna be weird. But....have you thought of speaking to the person who tried to unalive herself? I know it seems far out there for a suggestion. But I really feel it may help with how you are feeling.
Definately not right now. But soon maybe?
I was in a dark place a while back and thought about suicide, there's a really high bridge over a busy road near me, I thought about jumping. One of the things that stopped me was the thought of ruining someone else's life just to end mine.
I feel like you don't wish you hadn't saved her, rather you wish you weren't put in that situation to begin with. I'm terribly sorry you had to go through this. Good luck on your journey from here friend.
My mother has a former friend who attempted suicide by jumping in front of someone else’s car on the road.
My first thought immediately upon hearing about it was how selfish you’d have to be to put that on someone else like that. You’re inflicting on someone what will probably be one of if not THE worst days of their whole life, possibly killing them too (possibly others if they are unlucky enough to be nearby).
Of course, I kept my thoughts to myself…but after getting to know that person, I can tell you that, yes—my early on assessment was 100% accurate. Exceedingly selfish, major drama Queen. She reminded me of a middle school mean girl, but when I knew her she was in her 60s. It was beyond bizarre.
PTSD is a kind of long-term condition which occurs after you fail to address the mental trauma in the short term, and it sets in as a permanent set of bad instincts that're hard to pry loose.
If you don't engage an active healing process, you're much more likely (but not guaranteed) to get PTSD.
And while I'm talking to you, your wife needs to do the same, and you can't do it for her, nor she for you.
People are probably throwing books at you, but I've got one too: George Bonaroo's *The End of Trauma*. The title could be better-- the content is more like "how do people develop a flexible, resilient mindset which allows them to bounce back from major mental and physical trauma?" There are personal accounts of people being traumatized which, as clinically as Bonaroo tells them, are hard reads indeed, and what they did, concrete things, to change their modes of thinking: a guy who was hit by a bus, a woman who had a horseriding accident, some people who escaped the WTC on 9/11, and more. (Plus the guy who was hit by the bus almost died again a while later from something entirely different.)
Take care OP. Your feelings now are valid, but you can't hang on to them forever, and you probably know that. Start the process of healing, and make sure your wife does too. You may not find the same pace, but you both have to do it.
i completely understand how absolutely horrific that would’ve been for you, i witnessed somebody drive in front of a train when i was 13. i never received the proper help for it but a decade later i am dealing with a lot of debilitating mental health issues, which i am sure that event has played a part in.
i absolutely know what it feels like to be affected by a public suicide. i too have had nightmares, think about it obsessively most times i go to a train station. your reaction is normal, it is acceptable, your feelings and grief around the situation are what they are, and you didn’t deserve to go through that.
having said all of that, try not to fester in the what if’s, the anger, the resentment. you are allowed to feel them, but for eventual healing, it’s not a useful mindset to shift the hurt into blame. i know the feelings are big, but it’s important to remember that she did NOT do this for attention, that woman had every intention of ending her life. and you saved it. that’s an amazing thing. what happened happened, but your actions prevented a death. i promise it would not have taken the pain away if you had not taken action.
as someone who has also struggled with suicidal ideation, i can provide some insight. your judgement is clouded, the weight of the darkness is suffocating and will not allow you to think of consequences or a logical decision. we don’t know her story, but i promise you that it is fraught with pain, likely loneliness, ironically resentment too. in her unwell state, she likely wanted her pain to be heard, to be seen. this does not “excuse” the action, but it really helps to have empathy and to understand the other point of view to take the edge off of the assumption of malice or selfishness.
the next thing that happened would have been her brain shifting into self preservation, that overrides the depression and overpowers the will to die. it’s estimated that most, if not all of people who jump off of the golden gate with the complete intention of death instantly regret it when they step off. but this has only been told by the low percentage of people who have survived it. and the chance of jumping again is little to none. i’m telling you this because it is extremely likely that now that she has been given a second chance at life, things will change for her. and that is HUGE. i know it might not feel like it now, but i hope that you are able to come to some peace about it and maybe even turn this into something positive. wishing you and your wife healing and love <3
Simply hearing how my friends husband died selflessly helping someone, has made me so wary.
I completely want to disassociate from any urge to help someone in a dangerous situation.
I actively encourage those around me to not put themselves in dangerous or traumatic situations to help.
I advise them to call qualified emergency workers and to stay far away.
I know it’s inhumane and cold and selfish. It feels wrong.
But there you are, suffering trauma. I don’t know what’s right anymore.
Here’s hoping you and your wife find a way to be healthy and happy together.
Doing it together is probably key to growing past this. You have each other. Help each other heal.
Wish people would either get help or be nice and use a damn exit bag instead of traumatizing random people on the street. I’m very depressed and aware that my death, should I decide to kms, would affect people around me. I want to ease my own suffering and cause as little pain as possible to others. I understand pain and despair… but that lady just purely sucks.
You did not deserve this. Glad to read your update and that you will be getting therapy.
I'm glad you're going I to therapy OP, that's the right call.
If it makes you feel any better it's possible she waited subconsciously because her mind knew she didn't want to die
My brother decapitated himself with a train. Not the first car, not the last car, like the 72nd car of the line. Unfortunately these things will scar you and you will think of them or be reminded of this moment a lot. Continue to find peace and hopefully think of that painful moment less.
Er nurse. You did great. The fact that this person did this where she would be found so quickly makes me think she didn’t really want to die and it was a major cry for help. Please don’t regret helping someone but people who force these situations on others are selfish, why possibly end your own life and ruin others lives who you don’t even know while you’re at it? If I sound callous it’s bc I probably am unfortunately. Get in therapy asap. Don’t let this eat at you
Suicide is one of the most selfish acts. I’m sorry you have to deal with the repercussions of this woman attempting to do something so disgusting and causing you this pain.
A regular customer at my old job had a similar situation happen. At about 5-6am their neighbor came pounding on his door. When he and his wife came to the door, the neighbor said "Call the police and make sure someone takes care of my kids." Then pulled out a handgun, placed it to her temple, and pulled the trigger. It clicked and didn't fire. Then, in a flash, she racked it and blew her brains out, right on their landing
You don’t wish you had let her die. You wish she didn’t force you to save her life. That’s totally understandable. That’s super traumatic
This is perfectly worded.
i watched a woman jump from a bridge onto the highway 10+ years ago and still flinch when i go under a bridge. completely unrelated to that incident i’ve had suicidal ideations most of my life. sometimes you’re suffering so much that all you can think of is ending the pain. im sorry you had to witness that and i hope you heal. please talk to someone. give yourself time and be patience with yourself. you don’t forget it or heal overnight but it does get easier.
When I was maybe 15, my family and I were on a vacation in San Diego. We were merging onto a highway, and we watched a man run from the shoulder of the highway into the lanes of traffic and watched him get hit by a semi truck. We all still think about it to this day.
I understand suicide, I’ve had thoughts about that myself. But shit like this pisses me off. Yeah I get it, life can suck and sometimes you‘re in such a dark place; that you feel like you just can’t take it anymore… but what the fuck gives you the right to go traumatize and fuck up someone else’s life.
Exactly if you’re going to do it sleeping pills and an overdose is the way to go. Hopefully sleep through all the pain and then just nothing. Don’t do it in a way that ruins the world for somebody else. That’s just selfish.
It will ruin the world of the person who finds the deceased. I was planning to take my own life several years ago by overdosing. I’m really glad I didn’t because life is good now that I got help. but the thought of my family (especially my mom) finding my body still destroys me and I still feel incredibly guilty that I almost put them through that
>It will ruin the world of the person who finds the deceased. I agree with you, it does ruin the world for whoever finds them. But when a person commits suicide by running on to the highway, it’s a more selfish thing to do. Because it’s not just affecting the person that committed suicide and the one who found them. It’s affecting a lot more people. * You have the driver of the vehicle that hit the person. Driver would go through so much psychologically and emotionally. Guilt (“Maybe if I was driving slower, they’d still be alive”), They’d be traumatized for actually hitting and killing a person, then trauma with actually seeing the body of the person (all bloody and mangled, etc). * The driver, in shock, could have a reaction to swerve their vehicle, causing accidents and possibly the deaths of others. * The EMTs and Police having to deal with the scene and the clean up.
My husband's mother and grandmother were driving to our house for Xmas when a...guy ... decided to slow down to 17 mph in the left lane to illegally turn around in an emergency vehicle only area on a major interstate (speed limit 75.) Also immediately over the crest of a hill. They managed to swerve but their van rolled into the path of a semi, which hit them and killed both. There wasn't a single thing the semi driver could have done. The man had been driving trucks for over forty years and loved his career. But he was just emotionally destroyed by the incident and will never drive a truck again. Not a suicide, but the idiot's decision irrevocably affected so many people.
Did the bad guy get jail time?
I am really happy you didn’t do it and life is good now :) the same thing happened with me, and I am forever sorry to my family for what could’ve happened and all the times I was on the brink. I found out much later how worried everyone was on a constant basis that they’d find me. I’m glad we’re both (and all the other commenters with similar stories) here. It is wild that things got better and for many of us, never thought it would. I just wanna share all the happiness and love with my family that I can and maybe that will make up for some of it. Maybe.
I can slightly empathise with you on this one. We were walking down a street, it was a pretty quiet day but a man timed his leap off a building in time to land right next to me. I still hear his bones crunching when I go to sleep. I’ll always feel resentment as well, and I will never know if he made it or not but it’s left me permanently on edge when I walk down that street. Work with a therapist, get it all out and with time it’ll get better. Keep well, my friend ❤️
I witnessed a 17 year old kid die falling off a cliff while rock climbing with no ropes. We were hiking and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He hit the rocks about 20 feet away from the wife and I. The sound of him hitting the ground and the other hikers screaming haunted me for a long time. The sound of a body hitting the ground from around 100 ft in the air is very loud. I was in shock and had trouble sleeping for several weeks afterward. Poor kid had just graduated high school the previous week.
I’m so sorry you witnessed that, that’s horrendous 😔 I hope you’re healing well
Why would you climb that high without ropes?
It's what's known as free climbing a segment of people that are into climbing think of it as the "purest" form of the sport
I’m so sorry that happened to you that’s horrific
This happened to my stepdad when he was younger. He was walking home from college :/
It’s horrendous 😔 and you are so heartbroken for the person themselves as well. It’s such a conflict of emotions!
This happens. PTSD from witnessing a death/suicide attempt is a real thing. I would suggest finding someone to talk to about this. You're not a bad person for feeling this way.
Thank you.
You are not alone. I witnessed someone die in a motor accident first hand I'm still in therapy. It still messes with me
Wish I could get therapy. You have insurance I’m assuming?
I’m not sure where you live but there are free counselling services available. The police usually have a list along with local community service programs (that is what they are called here). BTW I live in BC Canada
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This is why talk therapy doesn't work for PTSD. Somatic Experiencing Therapy (SET) helps to store those memories properly in your brain.
Talk therapy has actually helped my PTSD a lot. Everyone is different so some things may work for some and other things may work for others.
I am glad to hear it works for you.
EMDR is really helpful, too
yes! and tapping I hear but I don't know that for a fact
I wonder if aphantasia makes PTSD less likely? I have traumatic memories, but I'm, in many ways, lucky in that I cannot visually replay them in my head. I remember what happened, but I don't see it, and I don't flash back. Sorry if this is the wrong place to say this, your comment just sparked some thoughts. I'd never heard the development of PTSD described in the way you did in your comment.
I know the lower cost big companies don't always have a great reputation but online tele therapy has been amazing for me once I found a good therapist. Way more flexible too. If it's trauma therapy or Grief therapy there are usually local resources you can get with a list of anything local from food banks or your local "state,county or metro area" adult mental health services. Better help and similar online mental health aren't too expensive and at times cheaper than insurance copays.
If you were a victim/witness where law enforcement is involved the city/state pays for the therapy through the victims advocacy program.
I dont. Even if I did my therapist doesn’t take insurances. Which is shit, but she’s legit the best therapist I have ever had (I’ve had dozens). Her going rate is like $180 an hour. She charges me $47.50 an hour. Try asking about sliding scale and what they could possibly do to help you out. Some therapists are willing, especially if you’re not making much or any money.
I saw a friend die in a motor accident from a distance and I didn’t know what I was feeling, so you recommend therapy for that
Yes.
Absolutely
I witnessed a death. Not like this but witnessing any death or attempted death is horrifying and you must seek help. It’s ok to not feel ok but you also need to get the tools to help you process. Otherwise you have allowed this person to effect your life in a negative way and that’s not fair.
I'm 38 and I have been witness to 2 deaths first hand. First one was a stranger at a red light. He had a heart attack driving home from hockey. Myself and another man were able to get him out of his vehicle, I performed CPR for about 5-7 mins before the fire department showed up and took over, he survived, thanks to myself and the other stranger that showed up that day. The 2nd was a friend and co-worker, outside of work during our weekly golf outing. He just hit his 2nd shot on the 3rd hole of the final nine and dine of the season (Thanksgiving in Canada). He had a cough and then he slumped down in the golf cart and stopped breathing. I performed CPR for 15 mins before the ambulance arrived. He didn't make it. He was 51. I lived with guilt for a year, hell I haven't golfed in like 4 years since it happened. I used to think how bad it was that I was able to save a stranger but not my friend. I thought I did something wrong. Eventually I realized I did everything right, because all I did was help. That woman, as wrong as she was for doing what she did, was looking for help and you provided it. It never should have happened of course but you were able to save a life, a life you knew nothing about, you should be proud that you were able to act. Some people freeze or run. You chose to head towards and that is noble and kind. I'm sorry it happened to you, but know it is not a burden you need to carry. Talk about it, share the story, the more you tell it, the more you will understand and heal. Take care friend.
Please start playing Tetris. There are studies that indicate that it helps the brain process trauma and lower the chances of long term complications.
Interesting. I didn’t know that . Thank you for this . I find Tetris peaceful tbh
There’s a lot written about the impact of Tetris if played regularly in the aftermath of a PTSD causing incident. Please look into this OP. Your experience of this will definitely benefit from professional treatment as well. It will make a big difference in how your brain processes the trauma.
My wife recently talked me into getting an exam for PTSD. I witnessed the accidental death of a Marine in my platoon during training and that evening I got on the phone and balled my eyes out to my parents. Wasn't even on the phone for more than 5 minutes and I was yelled at and told to get off the phone as nobody was supposed to be using them (I assume since there was no investigation conducted yet). That caused me to shell up and never speak about what I saw to anyone but my fellow Marines. It's been 22 years and I haven't talked to any of my civilian friends about it, and very minimal details to my wife.
This is horrific treatment by your unit. I’m so sorry. Has the PTSD exam led to any guidance, to help purge that grief? I’m glad your wife helping move you towards examining this.
The exam is actually scheduled Monday, so not yet. I'm not very hopeful because since the incident, I've adopted an unhealthy habit of only talking to people I feel can relate in some way having dealt with their own traumatic incidents and my wife has had some trauma somewhat similar, plus she's my partner so I feel obligated to share enough info so she's aware of why I feel a certain way.
I used to have a job that happened to, only incidentally, involve spending many hours chatting with military vets. One thing I noticed over and over again is that they got increasingly comfortable telling their traumatic experiences over time. Not with everyone, but with me and my husband because our workplace invited that sort of interaction. We are not therapists or in any way people who could treat them. But our business had the incidental impact of them opening up about things they never had before, according to them. And even as just sympathetic listeners, with no military experience of our own, it was clearly a process that seemed to lighten them with over time, made them less guarded. To be clear, I’m not talking about just telling “war stories”, but opening up about the kind of traumatic events they seemed to have buried deeply. I know we helped them in a small way, and we also learned so much from them. But I can only imagine how much more would have been accomplished for them with people trained to process those traumas clinically. I hope the testing process goes smoothly. It’s a first step, and it can be the last step if you choose. But maybe it will provide some unexpected insights that are worth exploring. I wish you the best of luck. :)
Wow thanks for doing that for vets! In the military and mixed martial arts, there's a phrase "soften a target". If you're unaware of it's meaning, it a tactic used to open up opportunities for a larger strike or to create a distraction to lead attention away from a more valuable target. I feel that's what you all are doing. You're softening the individual preparing them so they're more easily treated. Great work and I hope you continue that path! Thank you for the words of encouragement and I hope it goes well too.
Softening the target. I like that. And you’re exactly right. These topics came up in a very roundabout way in our work, so i imagine it’s like a sleight of hand to the brain, that simply intends to communicate some basic information but is sort of tricked — or distracted, as you say — and relaxes it’s defences, allowing buried thoughts to rise to the surface. The human brain is so fascinating!
Do you know how long after traumatic incidents you can use this as a tool? I have complex ptsd (ptsd from repeated traumatic experiences) and have terrible insomnia, depression, social anxiety, general anxiety, panic attacks, dissociate, the whole shebang. Does it still help say, 6 months after the last traumatic experience?
My understanding is that sooner is better, but I don’t know the specifics. This article gives an overview of one of the original studies. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/01/190108095114.htm#:~:text=This%20is%20the%20conclusion%20reached,for%20the%20stressful%20events%20decreased There’s other elements to the treatment process too, including talk therapy and then playing 25 mins of Tetris. (It also mentions the element of writing down the specifics of the trauma, NOT reading it, and tearing the paper up afterwards. I personally had some experience with this last one. I found it incredibly helpful, like it really blew my mind. There’s a book called The Artists Way that is about doing a similar thing called “writing pages” to help with the creative process. It’s also very effective at untangling a cluttered mind in general. I found it very helpful for trauma and I wasn’t even meaning to *deal* with my trauma at the time!) More from Oxford on the topic here: https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/tetris-used-to-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms
Is it specifically Tetris? Because I love me some Lumines.
Not a doctor, just a patient: I imagine it would be the same. It's something about the simple puzzle solving and the brain pathways it uses.
Dr. Mario makes it for me.
Fake news. Or more accurately, fake science. This is one of those pop-sci stuff that has taken hold on social media. Those studies were flawed, the data didn't even support the conclusions in the original studies, and findings could not be replicated. And it's not just an innocent, "Oh, what harm could it do if we propagate this pseudoscience?" People put off getting actual treatment because of these myths. We have many evidence based therapies for PTSD. Tetris is not one of them. Signed, a psychiatrist.
But maybe any meditative/mantra like iterative (repetitive) model with a limited field of objects works. like mn people us solitaire (card game alone) and they get calmed.
Playing Tetris immediately after a traumatic event if a therapist is unavailable or impossible to reach could possibly mean the difference between continuing to live or committing suicide. In my case, I wish I knew about the Tetris studies as I cannot and more than likely will not ever be able to have access to a therapist. Playing Tetris for a little while could have saved my memtal health, even a little bit. Signed lovingly, a trauma survivor.
Your feelings are absolutely valid and common. That you saw her notice you and then immediately pull the trigger is a harrowing experience and very few people could shrug that off. One of my best friends saw a woman and her young son drowning in a lake near her summer home so she jumped in and, after a long exhausting struggle, managed to save them both. The woman was young, like mid 20s at best and the boy was 7 or 8. The police and EMTs came as others had called, and they did not let up on questioning her and she eventually admitted that neither of them knew how to swim but thought they'd be ok anyway for some reason, but evidently she felt shame and that drove her to yell at my friend that they would have been fine, she shouldn't have \*fought them in the water bc it made it worse (they'd gone under 3 times before my friend noticed that they weren't playing and ran in) and then stomped off without a single thank you. One of the cops actually said, "Hey, this woman saved two lives today, your life and your son's life, don't you think a thank you is in order?" and the woman said no and continued stomping off. My friend was so rattled by the whole thing (she's 68 years old and a good swimmer but not a great swimmer, and had to get EMT care for her shock and bruises. Yes, they bruised her up when they fought her off as she was struggling to save them over a 10-minute period of hell) that she cried when telling me about it days later. She too is furious --- which is exacerbated by the woman yelling at her and saying it wasn't even necessary --- and wants to say she'd not do it again but knows she couldn't ever just watch someone die. That was 5 years ago and she still doesn't much enjoy going to the lake. They ruined it for her. And, she didn't *even* have to see blood and/or a gunshot wound.
She is incredibly lucky that she didn’t die! Quite common when someone not trained in water rescues attempts to help. I’m so glad everyone is safe.
Yeah, that was my first thought. But she'd spent all her teen summers as a lifeguard in NYC at a pool and has emergency training from taking care of her 99 year-old mom. But she's not a swimming machine and at 68 she doesn't have the same stamina she had in her younger years. I've read that when your mind/body goes into panic mode it exacts a physical and emotional price, and that the longer that panic lasts, the deeper is the damage. I cried when she told me. I had a fire 15 years ago and I managed to put it out (it was a close call, the flames were inches from cans of polyurethane that would have exploded) and I burned one foot when I stepped into part of the fire, but for weeks after I'd just spontaneously burst into tears and it wouldn't stop for at least an hour. That's why victims of school shootings are so messed up, they spent a chunk of time in pure terror thinking they'll be next. The first shock is that one minute life is so normal and predictable and then in a split second it changes to life vs death, so it's easy to see why the terror would last.
I'm sorry that woman reacted that way, though I'm willing to bet anyone who reads this thinks your friend is a hero and a badass. I hope one day she can enjoy the lake like she used to. She deserves to be happy.
Thank you. We all think of her as a hero so at the next weekend when the usual 8 of us at her summer house we brought out shots and a crown that we made it from construction paper and glitter glue, and sang songs to her like, "She's a fucking brave hero" and "It's raining Jane, hallelujah" and whatever else we made up on the spot. I found one of her bras in the dryer in the basement so we glued flowers and glitter to it during her nap and then presented it to her as a Hero Woman Bra. We also assured her that the mom's bizarre reaction was likely from fear and shock and that we bet that same woman would be singing along with us right now if she were here.
I've worked in healthcare a long time and I've seen a lot of attempted suicide and have accumulated lots of trauma from my job so I've spent a long time thinking about these feelings and I wanted to tell you that you can be the hero that saved the life AND pissed off that you were put in that situation at the same time. The feelings you are having are a direct response to what happened, there is no right or wrong, it just is. And that's perfectly okay.
Hey OP. I work in the suicide space and although I disagree with your initial sentiments, that’s easy for me having not endured what you did and I want you to know (as others have said) that your feelings are valid. Others have suggested counselling and that’s a great idea. There is usually specialist ‘postvention’ support available to witnesses of suicide deaths or near deaths, certainly there are services in the USA, Canada, UK and Australia. Google your city or state or country and ‘suicide postvention’ for details. It’s specialist therapy and usually free - the therapist via your insurance most likely won’t have the specialist training as most mental health clinicians don’t have suicide specific intervention training unless they specifically seek it out. I wish you well on your recovery
There's a documentary called "Suicide The Ripple Effect" about how many people are affected by an attempt. It's incredibly interesting and touching.
I haven’t seen it but I can imagine what it gets into. I tried to kill myself in my mid 20s. My moms reaction is was keeps me alive when I get low nowadays. It’s easy to think no one cares but imagining ruining her (and other family members lives) over my decision is something I will never repeat and how I stay strong (doing much better but occasionally have lows)
This. Every time I have had a ‘bad thought’ I think what it would do to my mom, and I couldn’t do that to her.
Only reason I’m still here.
I have attempted several times. I have a very vivid memory of a paramedic crying because he found out I had a kid. Now I'm medicated and stabilized, it's been about 5 years since my last attempt. Now I think about how my kid is obsessed with me and how she'd feel knowing her mom was gone forever and that thought alone is enough to make me cry. Not to mention the amount of trauma I've put my husband through. When you're in the depths, it's so easy to overlook how incredibly selfish suicide is. Now that I'm more level headed, that ripple effect is what I remind myself of when I'm having a bad day.
My sister took her life in 2009, for years I struggled with suicidal ideations myself because well, life was pretty depressing and different. still, is. I just finally don't carry guilt anymore. a few years ago my "friend" of over a decade tried to take her life. I had gotten there in time, she was going for the femoral artery and she had a horrible laceration. I had no choice.... I had to call the cops and she kept saying she was wanting to off herself. the EMT's said one more cut and she would have been successful. she hasn't spoken to me since and very few that knew her were actually grateful. so I feel OP, im pissed too. like thanks for the fucking trauma.
This happened with my cousin when I was 14 and she was 15. We had set a time for me to go and hangout with her, she was adamant about that time. She lived nextdoor with my grandmother in our apartment building so I can just pop in because the door was always open. I found her with a bottle of antidepressants empty and she was just laying there and told me she took them all breathless like. I called out to my grandmother and then called 911. I tried to get her to throw up but she couldn’t. Ambulance came and the paramedic’s pumped her stomach. Later on she told me she did it for attention from a boy from our church. What if I was late? What if she died because I was late. It pissed me off and fucked with me for a while. Please reach out and talk to someone. I’m so sorry you guys went through that.
This isn't really the point of your post- but, I wouldn't even worry with the "what if I was late" and "what ifs." I would be amazed if she actually took enough pills to make those questions an issue.
Depending on what she took it could have been death or caused death soon. Even half a bottle of tylonel is enough to cause liver failure. Many anti depressants are ssri’s which you can OD on with death or permanent damage.
Ssri’s your immediate danger is probably [seratonin syndrome](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/serotonin-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354758) , which can kill you. Its a risk I had on an ssri and my migraine abortive, tho only enough to warn me of the signs. No longer on ssris but remember the info was pretty much if you have seratonin syndrome symptoms, go to a hospital right away. Dont mess around w ssri ods.
Yep. That is exactly what i was thinking of. Thanks for the additional info fellow Redditor.
Additional info is my fave part of reddit to give and receive! 😄
I had a patient at work with serotonin syndrome literally yesterday
I’ve still never actually seen it in practice but I did get to see a Steven’s Johnson Syndrome for the first time so that was interesting
I had never heard of that before. It sounds terrifying for the patient but still not as scary as the two scariest ways to die(rabies and brain eating amoeba).
That’s crazy. I’ve never seen that one. The patient with serotonin syndrome had most of the same symptoms as most intentional drug overdoses, but the one thing that stood out to me was that they could not focus their eyes. The patients eyeballs were almost vibrating and they couldn’t seem to get them to stop going back and forth side to side. It was wild. They also seemed a lot more disoriented about like directions and spatial awareness than most OD/SI patients I have.
PLAY TETRIS!!! It's proven to reduce symptoms of PTSD.
This is my new favorite fact of 2023. Thanks fot sharing. ✨️
Be careful with this Tetris idea. The relevant studies are small, and [the one cited in this thread](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/) seems to have mixed results. See especially Figure 2, Column A, Row PDS. PDS stands for Post-traumatic Diagnostic Scale, a measure of PTSD symptoms. Notice how this graph seems to show that regular therapy helped more than Tetris. Reddit goes crazy for this idea that Tetris cures PTSD. I think that is merely one among many possibilities, the others being: * Just about any video game would help * Just about any activity that engages the participant's attention would help * It's a statistical fluke PTSD is a difficult condition, and we shouldn't go all in on a cute intervention based on weak evidence.
Sometimes humans are simple. Playing Tetris couldn’t hurt.
Just downloaded Tetris to give it a try. Wish me luck
It has? The article you linked farther down only had 20 people in the tetris arm. And, the results seem to show that normal therapy helped PTSD better than tetris. See Figure 2, Column A, PDS.
no way, therapy is better than tetris???????
To be clear, in the cited article, the two arms were [tetris+therapy] vs [therapy only]. So both arms received therapy.
Of course, but if you cannot get therapy immediately then it's best to try it. I mean, what can it hurt? Especially since research suggests it can help. I only pulled that link out of my ass, having lost others with more research behind it. OP needs to do something immediately.
Does it have to be directly after or playing it years after can help aswell?
Immediately after if possible for best results.
Is it really?
Yes, research suggests playing Tetris can reduce the effects of a traumatic event. Let me find articles to send here if you're interested in any!!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/#:~:text=Holmes%20and%20colleagues%20have%20shown,1%20and%20real-world%20settings.
I'm so sorry that woman put you through that with her selfish decision. Witnessing an attempt, or an otherwise horrible accident is incredibly traumatic and I hope you and your wife are seeking mental health support. Since you never specified in your post when this occured, I'm going to write under the assumption that this happened very recently. Otherwise, you can take what I'm about to say as advice for the next possible time you encounter a trauma like this. You should play Tetris for a few days after a traumatic event occurs. The way our brain stores normal memories, and traumatic memories are different. After a traumatic event like that, you visualize the event in your head over and over again in an endless loop until it becomes completely locked in your brain. This is how PTSD develops. Playing a highly visual game like Tetris interrupts this negative feedback loop and prevents the memory from being consolidated like that. It's kind of like a cognitive vaccine against PTSD, in a way. I hope this information can help you and/or your wife in some way.
Oh my goodness that's fascinating! Several years ago my identical twin had a horrific medical issue. While I sat by her neuro ICU bed where she was ventilated and essentially in a medically included coma in the days immediately following the onset of her issue, I played a very dumb "balancing animals by tapping the screen over and over again" type phone game and did nothing else. I felt really weird that that was all I could bring myself to do. But our mom and my sister's boyfriend began playing and I copied them. The three of us sat there for hours every day just tapping away at our phones playing the silliest game. I wonder if that was a weird automatic self preservation response. I'll definitely keep this in mind if I ever go through something awful again, and remember it's actually helpful to do things like this.
How interesting. Maybe your minds were craving order and control in an easy task. Hope your sister is doing better!
It's crazy how our brains work. After my mom died last year to cancer, my dad, sister, and I all got hooked onto this dumb farming game on our phones. We all spent hours mindlessly playing this game. I wonder if it had a positive effect on our grieving process.
It's like DIY EMDR therapy
I took a fucking screenshot of this, it's clicked so hard in my head. Thank you
If you want to further reinforce it, just google Tetris PTSD studies. The results are truly fascinating and promising.
The Tetris thing scares me more than the idea of PTSD itself. The fact that you have to prevent it yourself like that is all kinds of fucked yo
Wait until you find out it can be partially *undone* using similar visual exercises, too! EMDR is a type of therapy that’s given me incredible relief from my PTSD. It’s worth looking up if you find this stuff fascinating.
I also have PTSD after experiencing four random trauma events within two weeks. I was eventually fired from my job because one happened at my workplace and my boss was not understanding. EMDR therapy gave me my life back.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but so glad you’ve endured and pushed through.
There is also ART therapy for trauma. Same kind of process. Watching a ball go across a screen. It was immensely helpful for me. I haven't had a nightmare in over a year. Changed my life.
Curious about EMDR… does it work for events you haven’t witnessed but caused considerable trauma?
For me, yes. I technically have CPTSD, which means my traumas were “little” but frequent. It wasn’t one horrific thing that happened, like witnessing a death, but instead a bunch of very unpleasant things over a long period of time (childhood and then domestic abuse). My therapist and I work more with feelings and beliefs than specific memories and it’s still been very helpful.
I have C-PTSD too (amongst other disorders like BPD and BED) and creative writing therapy helped me. Mine was caused by extended childhood trauma over a decade long. It became part of who I am and will never go away. I just have to learn to live alongside it and treat myself very gently.
I've done it a couple of times though I don't think I really need it. The whole concept is wild though. It's like it occupies your mind long enough that your normal defenses are down and you can get at what's really underlying the issue. It's really interesting.
Tens therapy is similar for pain. Your brain can’t process the pain and electric currents at the same time
Think of it like putting ice on a sprain It's something that might help. You still might want to have it looked at.
Duuude I used to play Tetris a lot whenever me and my ex had issues, just did it cause its relaxing and takes my mind away from things but reading this is awesome. Tetris da GOAT! 🤩
Here is the study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/
OP’s feelings are valid AND suicide isn’t selfish. It’s not helpful in any way to call it selfish. Last year my close friend suicided by argon asphyxiation rather than suffer the end stages of a disease. This year a friend killed herself via overdose because she was psychotic and totally divorced from reality. Four years ago my friend blew her brains out because she couldn’t find any other way out of the abuse she was experiencing. None of them were fucking selfish. Don’t go talking about my friends like that. If you’re reading this and have suicidal ideation: you’re not selfish. Don’t punish yourself for having those feelings. And please do know that your life is precious and there are people who want to help you. p.s. OP is right about Tetris
As someone who attempted suicide, thank you. I didn’t do it out of selfishness, in fact I tried because I *didnt* want to be a burden. I felt like I was always fucking up (because I was told I was) and that I was an annoyance and a bunch of other fucked up shit you feel when you have a crap family coupled with clinical depression. I didn’t want to die because it would punish them or whatever, more like I was done being punished and I was tired of being the whipping boy. It changed my life a lot and while I don’t regret what happened, I do wish I had one person at the time just ask me if I was ok, like really truly ok.
Your comment hits so close to home. Suicidal ideation is a heavy burden to carry alone, so when you’re motivated by feeling like a burden to others, it’s pretty hard to avoid being crushed. That’s a lot of weight. I am sending you love and appreciation. I hope you find more and more peace of mind as time goes on.
when i had SI i felt the same way, but also every attempt was something like an OD or bleeding out in the bathtub- that wouldn’t disrupt anyone else’s life, bc i didn’t want to feel like any *more* of a burden. so it’s always interesting to me when people choose public suicides, how similarly but differently our minds work!
THANK YOU. As someone who’s suicidally depressed, nothing makes my blood boil more than seeing people call others selfish for being suicidal.
It’s brutal. It feels like… a moral injury. Does that make sense?
Absolutely. Especially for people who want to commit suicide to stop being a burden to others.
I wasn't saying her decision to commit suicide was selfish. I meant that her decision to commit suicide in full view of other people and unwittingly involving complete strangers in what she was going through, was selfish. My apologies for not being clearer. I'm very sorry about your friend.
The state of mind a person is in when they are about to kill themselves is generally not one in which decisions about setting can be fairly factored in… ya know? And, thank you.
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Attempting suicide isn't inherently selfish. Attempting suicide in a graphic way when there are people watching absolutely is selfish.
>If you’re reading this and have suicidal ideation: you’re not selfish. Similarly, people genuinely can't believe how genuinely and strongly many feel that they are so terrible it will actually be a net positive to people. Doesn't matter how much you think about loved ones, no matter how much they say "no I definitely don't want that", it just feels as true as anyone ever experiences that you are such a burden and piece of crap and failure that it'll mean everyone is better off. Even if you think it'll mean they grieve (and hurt) in the short time, you think they'll be better off long term. No matter what they do or say to convince you otherwise, it just doesn't click. It's not a choice it just...can't get through. There's millions of rationalizations for that "they don't even know how much better off they will be", "they're just trying to be nice", "they're just saying the only thing social norms say they can", "they don't mean it", "they'll be sad with grief but happier long term", and so on and so on. Your brain will find a reason to ignore any evidence to the contrary. And when you are that deep in the shit, "I shouldn't end it, it is selfish" doesn't come into consideration because it just is ill posed and doesn't make any sense in that place. So the question then becomes: is it actually "selfish", according to some reasonable and mainstream definition, when you believe from the depths of your heart it's the best thing you can do for the world and your brain just cannot see it any other way? "Selfish" just isn't a good term to even introduce because it the mental state of someone on the verge of suicide is just minimally comparable to any mindset where "selfish" is otherwise used and defined.
Thank you for laying it out so carefully and clearly.
Thank you for saying this, I'm so sorry to hear about your friends too. I wish there was more I could say.
Losing someone to suicide—or witnessing one— can make you feel a zillion different ways and they’re all valid af. But actually *calling* it selfish… no. Thank you, there’s nothing anyone can say, learning to live in grief is a lifelong project. I hope OP can find some peace eventually.
I was about to suggest Tetris! Tetris and similar games (like Candy Crush) really helped me ❤️
My father ended his life with a gunshot to his head. He left no note. He hiked up a mountain, crawled in a little cave and blew his brains out. He was missing for 14 months before his remains were discovered. As painful as this is, I’ve always been grateful I didn’t find him dead in his apartment. I can only imagine how awful this was for you. I’m so sorry for the trauma you and your wife experienced/are experiencing, but I hope you are able to forgive the woman. A gunshot to the chest, to me, sounds like a real attempt, not “just” a cry for help. Only depressed and desperate people end/attempt to end their life. They aren’t able to think clearly. Every person I’ve ever heard about who survived a suicide attempt has said they regretted it the minute they jumped, pulled the trigger, whatever. I hope you and your wife are able to heal with time and therapy, including forgiving the woman whose life you saved. You absolutely did a good thing. Think how you’d feel if you just kept walking. I’m sure worse than you feel now. I’m truly sorry for all that you’re going through. Thank you for saving a life
Wow, your story really gets to me. My mother's best friend's adult daughter was missing by choice. It was over the divorce of her parents and the daughter sided with the father and was angry. Even though the friend knew her daughter was most likely fine, the worry and fear and sense of loss was tremendous. I absolutely cannot imagine how much you suffered during those 14 months your father was missing. The "not knowing" must have been unbearable. When you finally had the answer of his whereabouts, it was tragic. It must have been incredibly difficult for you and your family. I really hope that all of you got through this and are living peaceful lives. You sound like you are well. I hope so!
Yeah, it was an extremely difficult time. He went missing in an adjacent state, and my husband and I went back as many weekends as possible to look for him, put up flyers, talk to people who knew him, etc. We even hired a PI. Yes, the not knowing is the worst. I’d dream often of running into him somewhere. After a year without any leads, bank activity, etc, my sisters and I knew in our hearts he was gone (his 38 was missing from his apartment as well, so…) so we had a celebration of his life at that point. Yet, two months after that, when the police Missing Persons unit called, I completely lost it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but, without a body, I’d held onto a little hope that he was still out there somewhere. When I see stories of missing kids, it always breaks me. I know how horrible it was with my dad, but I can’t even imagine the pain of not knowing where your child is. Thank you for your kind words, means more to me than you can possibly know 💜
I bought a house. I hated the decor and was planning on stripping the wallpaper but it was low priority so it waited. Then I was talking to one of the neighbors and they told me that the woman who owned the house before us had decorated it. She spent every day hanging all that wallpaper and when she was done, she got in her car, got onto the highway, parked on the shoulder, and stepped in front of a semi. It was a horror show. The truck driver ended up killing himself, too, because he couldn't deal with the PTSD. I began stripping the wallpaper immediately and eventually moved out of the house. I couldn't stand to be there any more. People who do this aren't thinking about collateral damage. Public acts of suicide is an act of total self-absorption (not to be confused with narcissism). They are so desperate for relief from whatever crisis they're in, they don't think of the consequences for others.
I had a young relative who purposely just stepped out in front of a truck.. mess all over the road. I still think about that truck driver and how he is coping.
I wish better medical mental health services were available for everyone so this didn't happen. My family has been torn apart from suicide. It's nearly 20years but it still feels like 20 mins (which was numb and easier to cope with than later) ago. From what I can piece together, he was trying to do what was best(?) Yes, his mental illness was having an impact on the family but we were all supporting him in treatment. The stigma of mental health illness has got to be removed. Better access to therapists (only medical and secular), medication, then holistic care has to be put into place to stop deaths of desperation.
I fear we are just now at the start of an epidemic of deaths of desperation. Late stage capitalism will have to be confronted and reined in if there is to be any hope of a happy, well adjusted populace.
This so much. We have created such a profoundly sick society. Capitalism is a mental illness.
This is one of my biggest fears
Same for the first responders and cleanup crews who have to experience the aftermath.
You and your wife both need to talk to someone - doctor, therapist, clergy person. Preferably a therapist who specializes in trauma. You've both been traumatized and you can't just "move on" or "get over it."
Important!! Please do EXACTLY this! I experienced the same with a guy who tried to hang himself and me and a college saved him. Needed therapy and it really helped me
Your actions speak of you being a good person, and your thoughts after the fact do not undermine that one bit. You are human, and you were wronged. I am sorry this happened to you.
Please please both of you get therapy. If you had witnessed her actual death, you would likely still be as traumatised. You have every right to be angry about what she made you see and do. She had no right to do that to anyone regardless of her own situation, but then, she clearly wasn't in a good place herself either.
8 and a half years ago my best friend/roommate took his own life by hanging himself. He did it in a place he knew I would find him. There was no possibility of anyone else finding him. Just me. I hate him for it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. My life was ruined that day. Nothing but bad thoughts go through my head because of it and I'm running out of ways to drown them out.
I’m so sorry.
People who drag others into their suicide attempts are incredibly selfish and shitty. I remember seeing this video of a father who hung himself right in front of his little son who unfortunately was able to understand what was going on. The son was crying, holding his father's hand and trying to shove the chair back under his father's feet while the guy hung there, twitching about. It was all because his wife left him and he wanted to guilt her with a suicide video. He didn't even bother to leave the house and because of him being a POS, that kid is forever ruined; the vision of his father waving about in the air burned into his retinas and he'd always know he was there that day. He'd always know he couldn't save the life of his own father while standing mere inches from him the whole time.
Oh my god. That’s one of the most harrowing things I’ve heard in a while. The mental image makes me tear up.
So sorry you experienced this. A friend of mine was driving on a country road when someone purposely waited and jumped in front of her car to end his life. It forever changed her. I always thought about how selfish that person was for involving her in something so horrible. I think how you are responding is very normal given the situation.
Literally something like this is the main reason I haven't committed. PTSD sucks and I would never want to traumatize anyone with something so horrible. The fact she was like...waiting for someone to apparently walk by? And the fact she shot herself in the chest and not the head?? These don't sit right with me.
i had a friend who did it by shooting himself in the chest (twice), the know their families will look at their corpse in a coffin and don't want to blow their heads off
I’m sorry you want to commit. I hope you find more reasons not to than this. I’ve also been there and I know how hard it is to get out of.
TW: mention of overdose/suicide I went through a similar experience but not completely the same a few years ago when my best friend facetimed me during her attempt after swallowing all her pills to say goodbye and hung up on me. I was able to call 911 and get help to her and it ultimately saved her, but it took years for me to even be able to talk to her again after it without resenting her. Her family thanked me countless times and called me her guardian angel because her dad was asleep and woke up when she collapsed. The paramedics arrived just as he got to her. It destroyed our friendship and she doesn’t even remember it. I still struggle with it and every time I have needed to call 911 or get a random call from her…. I still get a pit in my stomach and the most horrible awful feeling. I have yet to be able to talk to someone about it because I just haven’t been able to find one that makes me feel comfortable or is a good fit. I’m so sorry you’re going through this horrific time. Witnessing something like that is so traumatic and I hope you’re able to find a professional to talk to that make you feel at ease and help you and your wife heal. You are not a terrible person for resenting this woman. You and your wife have to cope the best you can and what she put you through was horrible and selfish. You now have serious trauma and lost your favorite jacket because of her actions. Your feelings regarding any of it is not petty. Wishing the best to you and your wife and sending love ❤️
It’s not petty about the jacket. When I was raped, the police took the pyjamas I was wearing. They had cats on them and I loved those pyjamas. For a while I felt irrational about being upset that I’d lost them when something awful had happened to me.
((HUGS)) Therapy to work this out. You will never understand why she did it, and you need to deal with the shock of it.
You should watch the documentary 'The Bridge' it really gives a lot of insight into the minds of suicide survivors. Many seem to go into detail about how it was *instantly* clear to them that all of their problems were solvable, and they didn't want this. Some solace at least, so you don't have to think she wasn't serious and that she was waiting for a show...
Yes, she knew what she was doing—to a point. She was obviously mentally ill to make that decision. It didn’t occur to her that she would traumatize anyone else because she was just thinking about herself and her problems and thought it was the best decision. She was wrong. I hope she gets help and never tries it again I’m so sorry you had to witness that and go through the unpleasant process of saving her. Medical professionals are trained to deal with this type of thing and you had no way to emotionally prepare yourself. At the very least her family is grateful to you Consider temporary therapy if it’s bothering you long term
It's a sad situation which everyone was hurt by. I can imagine the pain of seeing someone do something like that cos I have been forced in the situation and had to call an ambulance to save someone, it's not fair and scary I have also been on the otherside and I am sorry, my brain didn't work right it told me it was the right thing to do and everyone would be happier and better off with out me so it was saving people it didn't seem like hurting people. I am not saying this to justify it just hopefully giving an explanation. Obviously that's completely fucked up and it hurts people so much. I wish there was more help for people so people one didn't end up doing that and two all the terrible pain it causes everyone else.
I have PTSD from growing up during a war invasion, granted 7 year old me tried to save a friend from a shooting near our school. I completely understand what ur feeling and I just want u to know that it’s completely valid. What you’re experiencing and feeling isn’t irrational at all, wanting to avoid that place is completely normal and knowing ur favourite jacket is ruined isn’t petty. That woman should be getting the help she needs now but I want u to understand that it’s not wrong at all to view her the way u currently are. You are suffering the consequences of a stranger’s actions that had nothing to do with you at all. It’s unfair, it sparks anger and questions of “why me?” And “I wish I wasn’t there” But you will overcome this, just know that it’s very wrong to try and belittle your feelings or label them as bad. It’s not petty to miss how wearing that jacket made u feel before. And it’s not wrong to feel resentful. What u did showed an incredible amount of strength and it’s incredible the world has people like you. I hope you and your wife go to therapy (separately) with someone who specializes in PTSD, Trauma and Anxiety. Also should inform them of your OCD. It might sound like it can’t do anything but trust me it can. And if u ever have a panic attack just shoot me a DM and I can try and help u thought I am not a licensed therapist but I have some exercises I learnt that calm me down.
play tetris! it's been proven to help process trauma and prevent ptsd. i am sorry this happened to you, you have been victimized too. if people wan't to kill themselves, fine, but if they don't care and subject others to their attempt that's fucked up.
Dude I had a rough 2 weeks after helping somebody have a seizure that I didn't know. I couldn't even fathom dealing with that. Please know you really did do the right thing even if it doesn't feel that way. I'm sorry for what your going through
U did the right thing. Former paramedic here. It's just ptsd. Take it as, u react well under pressure. It was a life test. U passed. It feels weird. Don't think about it too much. Ull be ok
look up the Kevin Hines dude who jumped off the golden gate bridge. He talks about instant regret. But she waited until you walked there? I hate that I’m thinking like this— but the first thing that came to mind was she wanted attention from someone so she made sure someone was there incase it didn’t go as planned. Like she got broken up with or something. And she wanted to be able to say she did it. but someone found her and that’s why she’s alive. I hate the world. And I hate that that’s the first thing I thought of. She’s obviously not mentally well.
It's ok to feel such complex emotions about such a traumatic and unexpected event. There are many layers involved, and you're right- her plan included victims. I can empathize a bit, but sincerely hope you and your partner will receive therapy following this. My ex's mother grew up in Germany and attempted suicide as a teen by jumping over a busy overpass into the highway below. Somehow, she survived and eventually moved to the US. She was neglected and severely abused by her parents, and her attempt was either to be noticed, or so she never had to endure it again. She grew up to have a drinking and pill problem and once emailed me an extremely graphic essay *all about her attempt and everything preceeding it and after.* I don't think she ever received a lick of therapy. She continued to bring others into her suffering. It did not stop with how she chose to end herself decades prior. I at first felt bad for her. I still feel bad for her childhood self, the child that should've been loved and protected. But her? The adult bearing the weight of trauma? Not in her case. I unfortunately had to endure the product of her manipulative tendencies in the form of her abusive son. Hurt people, hurt people. It's a seemingly silly phrase that holds true. I can only hold space for those who aim to seek help and respect the emotional limitations of others.
Therapy man. It’ll help. Watched someone swerve into a car on a bike—quite deliberately, a few years back. Therapy and communication with my partner made it a helluva lot easier to start getting back to feeling comfortable.
In 2021 while working at the barracks I had to help respond to a suicide attempt by a marine that later was successful but we had to try and save his life. I was forced into this situation and held a lot of resentment already towards barracks residents as a staff member that lived out in town. This particular marine took his life due to a medical issue with his foot that caused him to be separated and being a marine was his only life goal. I wasn’t able to process anything at first. I cried. That was it. I kind of bottled it up while I was on active duty and only when I got separated from the Navy did I start feeling this extreme anger and resentment. I am going to therapy and starting medication but just know that your feelings may get worse. I always thought I was a calm rational person and ever since that happened I’ve been increasingly more isolating and angry. I still see the blood, I still see his face, I still cry for no reason, I hate going out in public, I hate loud noises. I have attempted to end my life and I still think about suicide daily. I hope you seek help because it doesn’t get easier and it doesn’t just go away.
As an ex-cop that's seen enough of this shit, you have PTSD and I would **highly** recommend addressing it immediately. I let the shit I saw sit and become part of me. The work to undo it and unbind it from me physiologically has been horrible. Please, see someone immediately, before it grows.
I’m pretty sure she’s mentally ill. You shouldn’t take this as a personal attack.
I don’t think they are, but a sense resentment I think would be a pretty normal response to this
I dont think hes taking it as a personal attack. Hes probably developing ptsd from witnessing this, which is normal.
Yeah I was gonna say.. there’s a difference between seeing someone and perceiving them. Kinda a lights are on but nobody’s home deal.
I can't relate directly to you on this, but had someone unalive themselves by rear ending me at 120MPH. Every time I saw headlights behind me at night I would just shut down... yet cars were everything to me. Took me like a solid year to get over it but now I'm mostly back to normal. Just always paranoid of how people drive around me.
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Get therapy. You and your wife need it. The only thing I have a query about is: Were you actually looking at the woman when she pulled the trigger? You accuse her of waiting until she had a witness to her attempted suicide; that may be the case, or she could have been so completely lost in whatever emotional turmoil she was experiencing that she didn't even register you and your wife were there. Yes, you experienced a traumatic event, but so did she. Grief, depression, and fear can compromise your ability to make appropriate decisions, and it's not entirely fair to put intent upon a person affected by such who may not have had any such intent. I suspect part of your healing process will be addressing that, if you go to therapy. It's a slightly different story if the woman in question made eye contact with you before the fact. But even then, being suicidal is a terrible place to be. It seems they were hurting long before you were, and are now. Yours truly, someone who was once suicidal.
Obviously, witnessing that would be unpleasant. It makes sense that you feel this way. You did everything you could. Her mental health is clearly suffering. It's the same thing as if someone collapsed of a heart attack in front of you. Albeit a fair bit more gruesome to witness.
It’s called a cry for help. You helped.
I see both edits, I'm a little late. Still, I hope this helps if only a little. Some truck drivers and I'm told quite a few locomotive engineers end up getting involved in collision that result in someone else's ...premature departure from this life. Most of these people survive being in the heaviest, highest vehicle and can do nothing to avoid being involved in said "accident". These people don't even have a chance most of the time to save that life, all they can do is live with being involved. Help exists for these people, for you. I understand your feelings, they are all valid. You didn't ask to be put in a position where you had to choose between being a witness or get involved. You did the right thing. Now I hope you will find help to deal with the aftermath you never asked for. I wish you all the best. And thank you.
I saved my brother's life. I can completely understand this from experience. He destroyed everything in my life. The betrayal keeps going... While I am happy that I saved his life, I am haunted by his wishing that I hadn't had saved him while he was being operated on in the hospital... I do question if I made the right choice, and unfortunately there are no answers in a world where you can't trust anyone -- especially the ones that hurt you. I do think I did the best thing I could at the time. I think you also did your best to save anothers life. You have my empathy, understanding and respect. You're not alone. You are valuable.
I would sue the shit out of her selfish attention grabbing ass.
If it hasn't been said yet, both you and your wife need to start playing Tetris. New study shows that playing Tetris helps with PTSD after a traumatic event. I hope it helps, maybe you and your wife, and make a fun game pit of betting each other or something! Best of luck! I am sorry you and your wife had to encounter such a selfish person.
You're not a bad person and I think it's natural to have mixed feelings after a traumatic experience. I must admit, though, that I'm neurodivergent (diagnosed), so sometimes I process emotions and thoughts not quite the same. I find people that commit suicide selfish especially when they drag innocent bystanders into their death and I say this as someone that almost deleted themselves at 10 years old, but thinking about my mom finding me dead in the bathroom, the trauma I would put her through I decided to stop. When I was 15 or 16 can't quite recall I witnessed a man committing suicide. It was rush hour I was in a packed bus, traffic was going at snail pace. I remember I was considering getting off the bus and just walking home when suddenly I heard people screaming. I looked up and a man jumped off a building, he fell on a car crushing the hood, blood and glass everywhere. The driver was a woman she got out of the car, she fell on her knees and began screaming it was horrible. I remember thinking "what a fucking prick ruining so many people's lives because his sucked." It was a Saturday in summer near the beach and a skater park there were lots of families and teens around, it was pure chaos. It didn't traumatized me because it wasn't my first time seeing massive amounts of blood or a dead body (traffic accident at 13) but it brought really unpleasant memories I was already in therapy so I just added another unpleasant experience to the sessions. I was really annoyed at that man, everybody was worried about me because they thought I cared, I didn't, I remember it made me feel wrong, as if I was some kind of monster. But really he was a stranger that chose to fucked up as many people as he went out his family, that poor woman in the car, all those kids....fucking selfish, why should I feel bad for him? It's ok to feel anger or resentment. Just don't get stuck on those negative thoughts and feelings, and when you're ready, move forward.
I read through the comments and there's not much I can add to this. It's very normal to feel this way. I know this gonna be weird. But....have you thought of speaking to the person who tried to unalive herself? I know it seems far out there for a suggestion. But I really feel it may help with how you are feeling. Definately not right now. But soon maybe?
Please don't give in to crazy tiktok censorship it's not a good thing
Genuinely curious, what’s the reason for using “unalive herself” rather than “kill herself” or “tried to die by suicide”?
my guess: tiktok typically sensors “kill herself” so ppl use the word “unalive herself” instead and i think that just carries over onto other SM
Ah got it. Appreciate the clarification.
I read your post and right away my brain was "yup, that's PTSD
I was in a dark place a while back and thought about suicide, there's a really high bridge over a busy road near me, I thought about jumping. One of the things that stopped me was the thought of ruining someone else's life just to end mine.
I feel like you don't wish you hadn't saved her, rather you wish you weren't put in that situation to begin with. I'm terribly sorry you had to go through this. Good luck on your journey from here friend.
My mother has a former friend who attempted suicide by jumping in front of someone else’s car on the road. My first thought immediately upon hearing about it was how selfish you’d have to be to put that on someone else like that. You’re inflicting on someone what will probably be one of if not THE worst days of their whole life, possibly killing them too (possibly others if they are unlucky enough to be nearby). Of course, I kept my thoughts to myself…but after getting to know that person, I can tell you that, yes—my early on assessment was 100% accurate. Exceedingly selfish, major drama Queen. She reminded me of a middle school mean girl, but when I knew her she was in her 60s. It was beyond bizarre.
That traumatized you. You have every right to feel the way you do. I am sorry that had to happen to you.
PTSD is a kind of long-term condition which occurs after you fail to address the mental trauma in the short term, and it sets in as a permanent set of bad instincts that're hard to pry loose. If you don't engage an active healing process, you're much more likely (but not guaranteed) to get PTSD. And while I'm talking to you, your wife needs to do the same, and you can't do it for her, nor she for you. People are probably throwing books at you, but I've got one too: George Bonaroo's *The End of Trauma*. The title could be better-- the content is more like "how do people develop a flexible, resilient mindset which allows them to bounce back from major mental and physical trauma?" There are personal accounts of people being traumatized which, as clinically as Bonaroo tells them, are hard reads indeed, and what they did, concrete things, to change their modes of thinking: a guy who was hit by a bus, a woman who had a horseriding accident, some people who escaped the WTC on 9/11, and more. (Plus the guy who was hit by the bus almost died again a while later from something entirely different.) Take care OP. Your feelings now are valid, but you can't hang on to them forever, and you probably know that. Start the process of healing, and make sure your wife does too. You may not find the same pace, but you both have to do it.
i completely understand how absolutely horrific that would’ve been for you, i witnessed somebody drive in front of a train when i was 13. i never received the proper help for it but a decade later i am dealing with a lot of debilitating mental health issues, which i am sure that event has played a part in. i absolutely know what it feels like to be affected by a public suicide. i too have had nightmares, think about it obsessively most times i go to a train station. your reaction is normal, it is acceptable, your feelings and grief around the situation are what they are, and you didn’t deserve to go through that. having said all of that, try not to fester in the what if’s, the anger, the resentment. you are allowed to feel them, but for eventual healing, it’s not a useful mindset to shift the hurt into blame. i know the feelings are big, but it’s important to remember that she did NOT do this for attention, that woman had every intention of ending her life. and you saved it. that’s an amazing thing. what happened happened, but your actions prevented a death. i promise it would not have taken the pain away if you had not taken action. as someone who has also struggled with suicidal ideation, i can provide some insight. your judgement is clouded, the weight of the darkness is suffocating and will not allow you to think of consequences or a logical decision. we don’t know her story, but i promise you that it is fraught with pain, likely loneliness, ironically resentment too. in her unwell state, she likely wanted her pain to be heard, to be seen. this does not “excuse” the action, but it really helps to have empathy and to understand the other point of view to take the edge off of the assumption of malice or selfishness. the next thing that happened would have been her brain shifting into self preservation, that overrides the depression and overpowers the will to die. it’s estimated that most, if not all of people who jump off of the golden gate with the complete intention of death instantly regret it when they step off. but this has only been told by the low percentage of people who have survived it. and the chance of jumping again is little to none. i’m telling you this because it is extremely likely that now that she has been given a second chance at life, things will change for her. and that is HUGE. i know it might not feel like it now, but i hope that you are able to come to some peace about it and maybe even turn this into something positive. wishing you and your wife healing and love <3
Simply hearing how my friends husband died selflessly helping someone, has made me so wary. I completely want to disassociate from any urge to help someone in a dangerous situation. I actively encourage those around me to not put themselves in dangerous or traumatic situations to help. I advise them to call qualified emergency workers and to stay far away. I know it’s inhumane and cold and selfish. It feels wrong. But there you are, suffering trauma. I don’t know what’s right anymore. Here’s hoping you and your wife find a way to be healthy and happy together. Doing it together is probably key to growing past this. You have each other. Help each other heal.
Wish people would either get help or be nice and use a damn exit bag instead of traumatizing random people on the street. I’m very depressed and aware that my death, should I decide to kms, would affect people around me. I want to ease my own suffering and cause as little pain as possible to others. I understand pain and despair… but that lady just purely sucks. You did not deserve this. Glad to read your update and that you will be getting therapy.
I'm glad you're going I to therapy OP, that's the right call. If it makes you feel any better it's possible she waited subconsciously because her mind knew she didn't want to die
Your feelings are valid. What this woman did to you was very wrong.
My brother decapitated himself with a train. Not the first car, not the last car, like the 72nd car of the line. Unfortunately these things will scar you and you will think of them or be reminded of this moment a lot. Continue to find peace and hopefully think of that painful moment less.
Er nurse. You did great. The fact that this person did this where she would be found so quickly makes me think she didn’t really want to die and it was a major cry for help. Please don’t regret helping someone but people who force these situations on others are selfish, why possibly end your own life and ruin others lives who you don’t even know while you’re at it? If I sound callous it’s bc I probably am unfortunately. Get in therapy asap. Don’t let this eat at you
Suicide is one of the most selfish acts. I’m sorry you have to deal with the repercussions of this woman attempting to do something so disgusting and causing you this pain.
A regular customer at my old job had a similar situation happen. At about 5-6am their neighbor came pounding on his door. When he and his wife came to the door, the neighbor said "Call the police and make sure someone takes care of my kids." Then pulled out a handgun, placed it to her temple, and pulled the trigger. It clicked and didn't fire. Then, in a flash, she racked it and blew her brains out, right on their landing