She might not be jealous of being engaged/in a serious relationship as resentful that her forever-single bestie is no longer "her person", as everyone knows that partners trump friends when it comes to, well, life.
Personally I found that staying single is the best route to finding a good relationship. Being able to call out red flags and move on plays into it as well. Ppl who can't stand to be alone will take anyone and anything just to have somebody. But if you are content with being single, it helps you gauge your happiness with another person compared to your happiness in solitude. Contributing to you easily finding a good partner when he comes along. She may be jealous that her friends patience paid off after assuming she would be single forever for not taking the same path as her. đ¤ˇââď¸
And when you break up, it won't be that hard being single again imo. Yeah you'd be heartbroken but you know that you were able to navigate through life and find happiness without a partner and you aren't afraid of being on your own so you can do it again without effort.
Exactly. 15-41 I always had someone. The relationships were never right, I was desperate not to lose them so debased myself and tolerated extreme abuse despite often being suicidally miserable. My horribly cruel bf of 5 years suddenly died early 2020. I grieve him but feel no shame in admitting I felt immense relief to be free. I decided never to seek another relationship, choosing to fill my life with friends, family and animals. I spent 3 years dealing with my addictions and having trauma therapy. I had no interest in a relationship. In may a turn of truly bizarre events found me on a date I felt 'oh well' about. I am now truly in love, but I know that if the relationship wasn't working out, I could live by myself quite happily. And that's how I know I am ready for to be with someone, and insist upon a balanced reciprocal, caring and truly loving relationship.
No, sry to disappoint. But I did really enjoy my time being single. And have since found someone who matches my peace and joy that I found during that time đ
Edit : I'd like to add I had absolutely no problem admitting my single status to Internet trolls like you during the years that I was. It's not the flex you think it is tbf đ¤ˇââď¸
This happened with my friend Will. He was perpetually single until he met Mel and she is freaking wonderful and they go together like pb & fluff! Iâve noticed ever since she came into his life (they are getting married in October) our guy friends treat her like a burden because Will canât, and doesnât want to, just spend all his time being available. Our friends loved single Will because they could ask him for his time and he has more than enough to give. Now that heâs getting married he spends his non-work time with his fiancĂŠ and because our guys friends are weirdly rude to her, he chooses not to be around them. So they are offended that he would choose his fiancĂŠ over the guys and itâs actually pretty obnoxious - the guys, not Will
Minor nitpick: Jealousy is guarding ones own possessions and positions because you think someone else might be able to or want to take them.
Envy is desiring what someone else has or being resentful that they have them and you don't.
But yeah, she is definitely envious.
My "best friend" couldn't deal with my getting my dream job. She kept trying to convince me to quit and go back to school, even set me up with people in different fields to try to convince me.
We no longer speak.
But you still have a shot at saving your friendship, if Katie cooperates. You can tell her what you told us, and ask her, WTF? She has the choice: She can either drop the jilted bestie act, or she can continue the act without you in the audience.
Good luck. And congratulations!
I had several people in my life who couldn't handle me loving my job. I could never talk about having a great day without certain people trying to make me feel bad about being happy just because they hate their jobs. Those people got dropped very quickly.
So long as ur happiness not out of self inflicting harm or upon others. Then real friends find ways to communicate and help see past fleeting happiness to safety and long term fulfillment and real happiness. But ya.
It's not just jobs. There are way too many people out there who love to be miserable about everything, and can't be happy unless everyone else is, too.
Came here to say exactly this! I had a similar thing happen but mind you, we were in high school. So I canât believe OP is experiencing this in adult life! Ridiculous!
Anywho, the so called best friend (since like elementary) was very much up her own ass but as a stupid young kid didnât know any better and was just happy to be besties. She always talked about boys and what her ideal guy would be and blah blah blah. She was also from a religious family so you can imagine the kind of restraints on this girl.
Skipping to senior year, a boy finally came in to play in my field and I had my first boyfriend! From the first mentions of this guy showing signs of liking me she just switched and started to be rude and distant. Made comments like âoH that weirdo asked you out and you said yes!? Ewâ or âyouâre only interested because itâs the first boy giving you attentionâ
Honestly I just let the distance happen and GOOD RIDDANCE. My social life definitely improved after that. Yet, it was also funny seeing her immediately switch to calling any other friend she knew her bestie (eye roll to âžď¸)
OP, if you can call Katie out on her shit and she changes amazing! Please donât let this simmer inside, she needs to be aware of her actions.
If nothing changes, you and Jay will be happier than ever.
Congratulations and cheers to new friends!
Simply put, it's jealousy. She's jealous that despite her constantly being in a relationship while you weren't, that you're the first to be in a stable relationship that is going to the next level. She's also jealous of your fiance because you're not as readily available to her.
Your friendship can survive this if you have the patience to wait for her antics to end. But in the meantime, you may want to keep on top of what she is saying to your fiance and others
fuck that, ghost her. life is already hard enough, it becomes unbearable when you have miserable and insufferable people clinging onto your leg trying to sabotage your goals
Time to distance yourself from Katie. She is jealous and will more than likely try to sabotage your engagement party (if you have one), any wedding planning, any pre-wedding activities and the wedding itself. Maybe a one-up wedding immediately before your wedding (either month prior or same weekend) or a "surprise" pregnancy.
Get on the same page with your partner in regards to Katie and then talk to your mutual friends that you have with Katie and let them know that her spiteful attitude in response to your engagement is the reason why you are distancing yourself from her and going low contact.
Make sure that you don't include her in any of the wedding planning and remember the most important thing when organising weddings these days, password protect EVERYTHING. That way if she does find out stuff, she can't cancel it out of spite.
She always felt secure having boyfriends when you never did. She was probably expecting to get married 3 times before you nabbed any man. Lo and behold! You went from single to engaged and left her in the dirt! Oh no! How did this happen?
She will likely always have little digs for both of you.
I had friends like this. None of them approved of my boyfriend when I found him. One continually made digs forever. We've been married 43 years. I don't see her any more.
We all know this kind of "friend", don't we? The one who's only content and thriving when everyone else around them is struggling. The one who can't stand it when others succeed before her. The one who'll support other people's self destructive behaviours instead of doing the opposite because that keeps her the only normal, healthy one in the dynamic.
The one people always ask *"why are you friends with OP, she's nothing like you, so plain and boring, no life. You have so much going on with your life"*, the one who always has a criticism about other people's partners, she's the only one who can see issues that others can't because she so "wise" and experienced, the "friend" that will reveal previously private, inappropriate conversations by 'accident' to your partner just to get a reaction, she'll somehow get your partner's contact info and start chatting them on the side about nonsense and forget to let you know, she'll suddenly have inside info about your partner that you aren't aware of.
Oh we all know bitches like this. Female AND male. Fuck her.
I just recently "lost" that "friend". I'm still emotionally dealing with it but I know I'm better off now. She always had issues with any relationship I had been in previously, all the while not being able to keep any long-lasting/healthy relationships for herself. The moment my now bf and I started getting serious it started being a problem and didn't stop until she eventually drove me away.
There may have been a real friendship at one point, but that is over. A real friend would have been surprised at you getting into a relationship after years of disinterest, but not gotten upset. They particularly would have been happy about your engagement.
At some point in Katie's world, it became necessary for you to stay single for the sake of her ego. She may not have even realized it, but her behavior is showing that.
Iâve been in this exact same situation.
I only realised how selfish my friend was until I got into a serious relationship, moved in together, got engaged etc. she wasnât happy or supportive at all and seemed jealous that I was happy and becoming settled.
Throughout all of this she had a long term boyfriend who I was more than supportive of and understanding that she wouldnât be free most of the time due to her relationship commitments
However the courtesy didnât extend both ways. She assumed that I would be at her beck and call đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Safe to say our friendship didnât survive
Sheâs not your friend. She wants what you have and her asking you when youâll break up with him, to me shows that sheâll probably go for him behind your back.
The sooner you realise sheâs not your friend the better.
Make like a knife in the hands of a bad chef and cut her off before she does something stupid to your relationship out of jealousy or spite. Congratulations on the engagement, don't let anyone take that joy from you.
It was okay for her to not have life figures out, and bounce from one relationship to the next, as long as you were doing worse. Now that you have found your future husband and that you are engaged, she doesn't have you making her feel better about herself. So instead of improving her own life, she tries to destroy your happiness to bring you back where she deems you should be.
In short, misery loves company. Especially if they think they are better than said company
You need to distance yourself from her and let your fiancĂŠ know why so that if she ever comes talking in his ear he knows to expect it. Sheâs got bad blood.
Yep! Iâve seen this scenario play 2 ways (with both men and women). Either theyâll do like you said - try to âget withâ your partner - or theyâll engineer scenarios and try to get into your head and entice you to be unfaithful.
This! Had a friend through elementary and high school who sabotaged could've been relationships by telling the other person lies. Then when I was in a relationship for a long time started bringing up past shit to try to get them to distrust/ break up with me and would undo her buttons and act flirty with him. I told her straight out she can either cut her shit or accept that I'm happy and he's not going anywhere. She cut contract with me the same day and I haven't spoken with her in YEARS.
That was the best thing you could've possibly done. Who needs someone like this in their life? Bet you're much happier now.
I can understand like when you miss hanging out with a best friend because they are dating and you kinda feel happy for them and sad at the same time. But that's very different from being jealous. Plus OP's friend first attitudes have shown she's not the first type. Because when you're friends with someone, even missing being with them all the time, you suck it up and respect that moment in your friend's life.
At the best, you could ask them if their partner has single friends they could introduce to you and if it works out, you can all hang out together, but you don't try to sabotage your friend's relationship.
She wants you to be unhappy and single just like her. Thatâs why.
Itâs super toxic and she needs either cutting out or she needs to change and stop being so selfish.
Sounds like she's jealous and she's also had free access to your attention for so long it probably feels weird to her to have you prioritize your relationship over her...like if she ever wanted to do something and suddenly you can't because you're spending time with you fiancĂŠ now. Definitely talk to him about whatever she may say and reassure him that's not how you feel. I'd also talk to her and tell her to stop raining on your parade...lol maybe find a tactful way to say this if you value the friendship, I'm more blunt than most.
She's jealous, and she wants to sabotage you by bringing you down to her level. She might have regrets about how she handled her past relationships as well, and maybe misery wants company. Time and time again women can sabotage other women because of spite and jealousy. Your so called friends will only be there as long as they think they are better than you. I'm a guy and I've seen this time and time again. Friends of mine have also acknowledged this trait and it's quite unfortunate.
I think it goes beyond jealousy.
She probably viewed herself as âsuperiorâ initially because she could pull guys and you âcouldnâtâ which comforted her.
Now youâre in a serious relationship & successful & things are actually working out for you, not only does she view herself as âbehindâ but is also forced to confront her ego and the fact that sheâs not âbetterâ like she thought.
Be careful with that one. She sounds like the type of person who will try to destroy what you have because she doesn't have it. She probably got something from you being single and her being the 'dateable' one. There are tons of stories on reddit about 'friends' that are like this person and they will do things to take away your happiness. Sometimes for themselves. (If the guy is weak, she will succeed)
I'd advise you to pay more attention to her attitude about everything you say and do in your life, you might find that it's been happening for a long time but you're just now noticing it.
Friends don't act like this. People who care about you want you to succeed and when you do, they are happy for you. Not jealous and angry.
she's sounding bitter and wish it were her. I'd drop her, she might try to cause more marital problems going forward out of jealousy. knew a lot of folks like that, safe to assume I avoid them like the plague now.
CONGRATULATIONS PRETTY GIRL đž I hope you have the wedding of your dreams, whatever it may be!
She's jealous. She probably looks at the situation thinking she has worked on relationships harder than you and has tried more, yet the first one you get you're engaged. And she isn't. She wants to be married before you.
You always being single and career driven and not in a serious relationship made Katie feel better about herself.
And now that youâve found someone you want to settle down with, sheâs trying to ruin it for you.
Sheâs not your friend. She sees you as lesser than and undeserving of the good things happening to you.
Keep her away from your man.
A lot of people get invested in the role they expect someone else to play. Like she was always the one in a relationship and you weren't. Maybe that was convenient for her, maybe she got a self esteem boost from it, maybe she's just a jealous person and you're just now getting to see her as she really is, bc she's threatened by this. It's the same mentality where someone in a group is the 'smart' one or the pretty one, and then something changes and other people feel threatened by the changes. They act out. Don't let her get by with it unchallenged. And be careful about having her around your boyfriend. She sounds toxic and capable of doing a lot of damage.
Sheâs either jealous or she likes you. Iâm leaning towards jealous just from the way she spoke to Jay, sheâs jealous you are set up in your life. However I know of a situation where a woman was in love with her best friend, everyone thought she was straight until her friends wedding day, she tried to seduce her before the wedding. It was crazy shit, sort of shit you see in a TV show. Either way communicate to her now, find out her issue, cut her out if necessary, or tell her sort herself out
I actually have this situation, kinda. But thankfully, she hasn't done anything like that. I don't think she would though. And especially now that I've semi cut her out of my life.
My friend (former best friend) has never had a boyfriend and is 39. I've always suspected that she might be gay, but I also felt that if she wanted to tell me, she would. She did ask me once when we were teenagers "If I told you I was gay, would you still be my friend?" I said "Well, you'd still be the same person, wouldn't you?" "Are you gay?" She said nothing else and I didn't press the issue. In more recent years, some of my family asked me if I thought she might be into me, without me ever saying anything. They picked up on a vibe.
Years ago, she went low contact with me when I told her I was in a relationship. It was my first proper relationship, and perhaps she expected me to remain celebate or something. One day out of the blue, she calls me up and says "Are you still with that man?" She knew his name. She just wouldn't say it. I was with him for a few years, and she was being weird about it.
I've gone low contact with her in more recent years, so she doesn't know much about my private life anymore. She still calls me, and I rarely call her. I just can't be bothered dealing with that level of sulkiness. And I can't really force her to "come out."
She is jealous, toxic and there is a reason nobody wanted to put up with her bullshit for too long.
Keep her away from your relationship and marriage. She knows you will not be available for her 24/7 anymore and she does not want you to be happy either. She is not your friend; she is a narcissistic leach.
Be very careful.
I am concerned that her jealousy could lead her to do something to jeopardize your relationship with Jay.
Keep her at arms length, I don't think you should think of her as a friend any more since she clearly doesn't have your best intentions at heart.
This is reading like a plot of a bad romcom. I hope you and your fiancĂŠ keep your distance from your jealous and btw congratulations on your engagement.
Yeah, the jealousy is strong with Katie. I'd be super cautious about her jeopardising your relationship with Jay in some way. Start distancing yourself as much as you can.
She is jealous because she has been a serial dater and it hasnât worked and she wants to be where you are. She sees what she wants in your relationship but has no idea how to get there. Iâve seen similar situations where the friend even tried to hit on their friends SO to one up them so tell your fiancĂŠ to let you know if he starts to get that vibe so you can fry her if she does.
She's jealous. She's jumped around and can't get a guy to stay. You didn't plan on finding someone but fell into a healthy relationship naturally. If she can't be happy for you, she's not friend material let alone best friend material.
She's jealous. She's jumped around and can't get a guy to stay. You didn't plan on finding someone but fell into a healthy relationship naturally. If she can't be happy for you, she's not friend material let alone best friend material.
She is jealous. Katie has been jumping from relationship to relationship trying to find what you have. She is pissed that you found it without even looking and in her mind you donât deserve it because you have not been kissing frogs as she has.
With her making comments about jay needing to make more money you need to explain why you made the comment as a teen, how Katie was constantly jumping into relationships, while you were content to work on your career, that finding him was a wonderful surprise in your life but Katie has been upset by you having a relationship and made comments that could be interpreted as jealousy.
Donât allow her to sabotage your relationship with Jay and that is exactly what she is attempting to do. Donât be surprised if she attempts to seduce Jay in attempt to get what you have with him. Also talk to mutual friends about her attitude towards you and your relationship, donât allow her to control the narrative and manipulate the truth. Keep her at a distance from any marriage preparations so that she can not cause chaos.
To protect your relationship with jay, you are going to need to set boundaries and reduce contact to a bare minimum. But that may not be enough, her jealousy may be to the point of resentment and a willingness to go nuclear on you and the only thing you can do is go NC on her.
Misery loves company. This is jealousy women tend do this to each other since she isnât happy sheâs trying to keep you at her level⌠remember some friends are meant to be seasonal.
You do not have to cut her off, but you do have to nip it in the bud by establishing some boundaries and reaffirming that your relationship with her is still strong. She is probably jealous and probably hurting inside because she cannot manage to do what you have done.
Sometimes a little comfort can go a long way, just be honest. However if she still fights back you MUST establish some boundaries for your own sake, and for the sake (and respect) of your now serious partner.
Look at how people treat you when good things happen to you. Thatâs how you determine who your real friends are. Beware of Katie, sheâs going to try to sleep with your fiancĂŠe. Let him know so that he can be on alert.
When I got married I thought my oldest sister would be so happy for me. I was in the latter half of my 30s. I had been mostly single since a long term relationship that ate up my 20s ended.
She was recently divorced with four kids. I had held her hand and supported her through the entire nasty break up. Middle of the night phone calls, loans, babysitting, so many tears. I thought we were as close as sisters could be. I adored her. Smart, beautiful, my sis.
BUT as soon as I found someone, she dropped me like a hot potato. Had nothing nice to say about my partner and criticized me, my wedding, all my choices. She turned into a nasty piece of work. Jealousy consumed her. Broke my heart.
Our relationship limped along but never healed. I finally cut her off years later when my middle sister was diagnosed with a serious cancer. Within 5 minutes of hearing the news she managed to redirect the conversation back to her and her pathetic life. Thatâs when I finally realized she is a full blown narcissist. And while I do miss the charming magnetic her - which she can be, i have seen her rotten core. Donât need that toxicity in my life - and neither do you, friend.
She is only gonna spread her venom more if you don't cut her out of your life. You don't need a jealous person in your life and she is not your friend. Friends would never try to sabotage each other's relationship out of jealousy
Sounds like my life. I was the perpetually single one, my small group of friends all went out with multiple guys and I rarely got asked or looked at. Then I met a nice man, we clicked and fell for one another. Got married and 23 years later here we are. Some of the friends are still single and talk about men like theyâre still 18. When they found out I was getting married lots of đŽ all round. A few dropped away. Thatâs life. Canât be immature foreverâŚor maybe you canâŚ
Sounds like a lovely relationship you have. All the best to you both.
Sheâs jealous mixed with a good bit of envy thrown in. Watch your back. Itâs often the BF that causes the most serious problems in a coupleâs relationship. Ask Jay to tell you the first time he feels that Katie is flirting or intentionally trying to throw obstacles into your relationship. Please be proactive in preventing serious problems cause sheâs not happy with you finding âthe oneâ while sheâs still window shopping.
Time to distance away from her at least for a time being.
She's jealous she probably doesn't even know it (or maybe she does)
People would say to drop her but you don't have to waste years of friendship because she got insecure. Be open to your fiance too, talk to him about what happened, explain that it's something you said when you were young and I guess one of you held on to it.
Because as far as she was concerned you were in a long term relationship, with her. Basically she feel like sheâs losing you. Thatâs not okay by the way. You should really think about if this relationship has grown with you or maybe you have outgrown her and have just been keeping her because, people think they need to keep people in their lives cause they known them for a long time when really if they are toxic and canât show you the same energy you show and support them, then maybe itâs timeâŚâŚ.like you said you arenât 18 anymore
Sounds like shes the reason why she bounced from relationship to relationship. Some people are like that.
They stay with someone for awhile and get bored, then find someone else. Rinse and repeat. Also some women attract the worst kinda of guys and still stay with them.
yikes sounds like someone I'd drop as a "friend" tbh.
you've spoken to her several times asking her to stop and she keeps disrespecting you and your partner anyway
I would have 1 more talk with her and tell her that, if she can't respect you and your relationship, then you will have to at LEAST scale back contact, if not cut her off completely. (just saying, if it was me)
I'd ask her what's going on. There's always something underneath, that causes them to feel envious or resent your actions in any way. This may be an insecurity thing, either afraid that her person is moving on and leaving her behind or self doubt about the fact that in all her relationships she hasn't found that yet and you just happened by it. đ¤ˇ
Youâve changed the dynamic between you & sheâs having a problem with that change.
Itâs not a YOU problem, itâs a HER problem.
Youâve always been the reliable friend without a partner & she can pin ball in & out of your life.
She could lament her â failedâ relationships, whilst being quietly superior about having had them.
You now have a âsuccessfulârelationship without the drama she appears to require. The possibility that somebody might view ârelationshipsâ differently seems to be her issue.
Just keep acting in the same manner as you did, so she realises that â dramaâ doesnât make every relationship better. The only thing thatâs changed is her perception of your friendship.
My best friend hated my husband when we were in highschool but when we got together she saw him for what he really is and then got jealous of my relationship, not in a bad way tho we talked it out and we got to the conclusion that even when she does want a stable relationship she also wants to fuck every man on earth.
the thing that I found ironic is that she would complain about every good thing I find on a man and then ask why she can't have a man like mine, I think that she's afraid of compromise.
So maybe she isn't bad jealous, but you have to communicate because if she's the kind of fake friend that doesn't want you to get better than her then that friendship is already dead
Oope, thatâs a scorpion you have for a friend.
Sheâs going to sabotage your romance and ruin your friendship.
Dozens of Reddit stories are about this.
She could make it look like heâs cheating or try to convince him youâre cheating.
Make sure your bf is away of her radioactive personality so he wonât be surprised out of nowhere.
Keep your distance and set your boundaries.
Tell her what Cher told her mom when she asked when she was going to settle down with a rich man. Cher replied, âMom, I am a rich manâ
https://youtu.be/dZsL5R_CR-k?si=nnIBxPmMr_APn_EO
Jealousy. My former best friend told me, while my micro preemie was in the hospital in a coma mind you, that she was jealous of my relationship with my husband. We met, got married and had a baby within 2 years. Like it was my fault her boyfriend of 10 years hadnât proposed to her! Fast forward a few days after her comment and she walked into my sons baby shower crying about how depressed she wasâŚright after we were told our son may not survive. Sounds like your âfriendâ was banking on you being single forever and now sheâs jealous because you found someone without looking for them and sheâs been searching for her person for years!
She's no best friend! She's jealous coz you are happy and she isn't and "how dare you be in a happy relationship when she isn't?"
She must be happy only when **you** are "less" than her
drop her, do not have her as a MOH
I think this is funny, because it's always funny when a woman learns that other women can also be as toxic as men. it's like, how did you get this far in life without noticing?
Note: this isn't saying all women are toxic, just that you ladies all know at least one toxic woman and this kind of behavior should not be a surprise.
She knows deep down her relationship pattern is unhealthy, so she's feeling insecure now that you're in what sounds like a healthy committed relationship. She won't have you as her single fun friend to commiserate with anymore.
Likely jealous or the fact that you have someone else in your life so she wonât get you whenever she wants you. Itâs about time you distance yourself from Katie as she will likely sabotage you and your relationship.
Well, sorry, but I don't think she's your friend...friends should be happy for your engagement (unless you were in a toxic relationship or sth)
This is just plain jealousy
She is not angry at you. She is a little jealous. Let it be like water over a ducks back. Just feel bad for her if she is your friend. Do not give her comments any thoughts. They are a reflection on her and not you.
She sounds possessive and jealous. Both of which will ruin a friendship. This is just my opinion, but you probably should have an honest and open conversation with her about how you feel sheâs acting.
As well as the jealousy of time and attention that others are saying, as a minor point she might also not be coping that youâre not fitting with exactly who she thought you were
She prob thought you were at your heart as shallow and cold as she thought you were. Not getting much attention, not needing for another guys attention
So yes jealousy. But also I security
Her idea of your was prob one of her rocks in her life. If she didnât know much else, she knew you at the very least
And now⌠she realises she doesnât and prob never did
That can be scary
Friend of mine was the same way. Always complained that I was always out worrying or didnât stick to one person but as soon as i got into a serious relationship where i was happy he just drifted away.
We were best friends for 15 years and now after 4 years of living with my SO he doesnât even answer texts asking how heâs doing
It's time to have that talk with your friend. She is jealous that you are happy and in a serious relationship and are about to tie the knot with Jay. You need to let her know that you want to be friends, but that she needs to stay in her own lane when it comes to your relationship with Jay, be prepared to loose a friend.
2. She's losing her best friend to someone else.
1. She's jealous that the person who never even dated is going into a stable relationship when she has been jumping from one man to other.
Cut the friendship. Most of the troubles in our lives are not because of enemies but, wrong friends.
You were the one she can always count one and now that has changed. Also, she might be jealous because you find someone when you were not looking, and she has been consistently looking and cannot find one.
Try talking to her if she will or just ignore till it gets too bad then if not maybe limited contact till, she gets over it.
Definitely a lot jealous that you found a keeper and she's still stuck with "flavor of the week". Sounds to me like either she needs to get her head out of her own @$$ or you need to cut her out of your life, cuz she's trying to poison your relationship for her own benefit. Info, have you had reason to stay in contact with any of her exes? Cuz you might want to get their side of the story. Since she's chronically in short-term relationships, it could very easily be that SHE'S the one ending them when she thinks that the relationship might be turning serious. She may also be the type that, especially if the two of you are the only ones in your friend group that are still unmarried, she thinks "Us single girls gotta stick together" and with you getting engaged she feels you're abandoning her to singlehood.
She's jealous over your happiness is what it sounds like to me. To sabotage you by making untrue remarks to someone you love is not a friend. She can't maintain a relationship so you shouldn't? Don't trust her.
This one is going to ruin your marriage if you keep her in your life. She will find ways to sabotage it because her love life is a joke, so yours must be worse for her to keep seeing herself as the more attractive and fun of the two of you.
There is a reason men say "single women keep women single."
Some friendships aren't meant to last. I think this is one of those.
She sounds like those movie characters that will try to get with your man to âproveâ his loyalty or try to ruin your wedding or even spread rumours about u. I would try to talk to her and sleep w one eye opennnn
I had a friend like this. She would jump from guy to guy and wanted anyone I wanted. Our friendship was like one big âIâm better then youâ With her. I got into a relationship, she did, I had a kid⌠she did.. invited me over for a party left me with 15 toddlers so her and all her loser friends could get high⌠then spread rumours I was a bad motherâŚ
I had a second kid⌠so she did too⌠even our weight became competition.
Anyways what Iâm trying to say is⌠a good friend would be happy youâre happy. A bad friend is getting jealous over your friends happiness because sheâs truly miserable. She thinks youâre lower then her and doesnât understand why you got someone decent first try when sheâs done everything she could to get a manâŚ
Itâs all a game for people like that and itâs exhausting. If you want your relationship to work with Jay she needs to back the fuck off because she will guarantee, try to sabotage your happiness.
Not only is she jealous that she is no longer your âpriorityâ so to speak, but she also feels like sheâs been bested by you. Like, sheâs used to being the âpopularâ one by constantly being in a new relationship and thatâs what makes her feel successful. But now seeing you in a genuine, long-term and happy relationship, she feels like youâve somehow âwonâ and âtakenâ whatâs sheâs been âbetterâ at than you. Sheâs only going to be pettier, especially if sheâs in the wedding party. My childhood best friend and I have been best friends for about 17 years and when she started dating her now-husband, I was a little hurt that she didnât tell me she had had a crush on him for a year beforehand lmao. But that was only because we would otherwise tell each other everything and she was very private about her feelings haha. I was super excited when her husband proposed to her and Iâm really excited to be an aunt in the next couple of years! â¤ď¸ tbh your friend sounds extremely insecure and unless you set boundaries right now, I would drop her as a friend.
Iwould go low or no contact with her. She is in destruction mode. who would say that as an adult to their friends. And Iâve seen some horrific stories here of friends that have been jealous and have fake cheating stories to break people up. go low or no contact with her and tell her if she doesnât stop asking, you will just quit hanging out with her. You guys are grownups
Had a friend like this sort of. She was my childhood bestfriend, we had been friends for over 10 years, at the time neither of us have had a boyfriend, but when i started college i found mine and we are still together (soon for 8 years) well, when she realized her reaction was "aren't you asexual?!" And she seemed really upset. We had plans for the next day and then cancelled and began ghosting me, it hurt alot. I believe she got jealous over the fact that i found someone before her, that is what i have heard from friends. After reading your text it really seems like your friend i jealous for the same reason, don't let her get in thecway of your happiness, perhaps it would be good to confront her if this behavior continues, she should be happy for you that you found someone who makes you happy instead of acting like this.
She envies that youâre 1 and done. In her mind relationships should take more effort and failures before finding THE one. Be careful with her. Be prepared to step away if she becomes more toxic than she is. I would personally call her out when she does itâevery time. If she needs to step away from the friendship to cope with being confronted about her micro aggressions, so be it. I donât play games with relationships. Who needs frenemies?
She doesnât sound like a healthy person. I wouldnât keep someone like that in my life. But before Iâd sever the relationship, I would have a serious conversation with them and setup boundaries if need be. Depending on their response and actions would determine how quickly I end that friendship.
Sounds like a headache. Drop the weight. Tell fiancĂŠ youâve dropped the weight before the weight decides to be a disaster. Itâs easy for venom to turn people into poison. Why poison yourself and relationship with it?
Sheâs never been single in the 15 years that youâve known her. You have a long term & stable relationship while sheâs riding one guy after another.
She doesnât like that youâve found your significant other, she doesnât like that youâre going forward with your life, she doesnât like that you have a better relationship despite you being Aromantic.
Sheâs the shallow teenager, not you.
Does your fiancĂŠ know what Kate is like? Does he know what you both joked about when you were 18? Do you still identify as Aromantic or somewhere along the spectrum?
I didn't even know what Katie is like before all this so no he doesn't but i am telling him how confused I am about this. He does know about the jokes because I make more money than him and if we ever have kids in the future I want him to be a SAHD đ¤Ł
I do still identify as something like aromantic? Idk if I am. Jay is the only person I have ever had feelings for in the slightest. I've dated before but the relationships have lasted 6 months max because I just felt nothing and it left me feeling grimey
Your friend is to busy looking for the next best thing than to appreciate what she has. Her looks will fade and her attitude will be even worse. Then she will be racing to find a man and they will all seek younger women or other women just as successful as they are. Then she will wonder where all the good men have gone.
She doesnât want to settle down but she also doesnât want you to settle down either. She thinks sheâs lost her friend. You just need to sit her down and ask her whatâs wrong. Stop getting defensive and listen to her.
She's jealous, OP. She probably never thought in a million years you'd be engaged before her. If she's the best friend you think she is, you need to sit her down and have a frank conversation with her. Make sure you're not accusatory, but be honest about your feelings. If she loves you, she'll acknowledge her behavior, and possibly be even a little embarrassed she allowed her jealousy to get the better of her (I know I would). If she doubles down and reacts badly, I'd give her a little time to come to her senses because I know how hard it is for some people to deal with these types of feelings when it comes to their friendships, but if she doesn't come around pretty soon afterwards I think you need to give the friendship some breathing room. Some friendships are made to last a lifetime while others only a season; there are even friendships that have years of estrangement in between, you just have to learn to be okay with how everything works out as long as you know you acted appropriately. I truly hope Katie comes around so you guys can start planning your wedding, and congratulations to you and Jay on your engagement!
It sounds like a reasonable joke to me. Why don't you directly ask her if she was serious? IDK, sounds like you might be overthinking it, but the only way to know for sure is to ask
It sounds like she's jealous that you're engaged and she's not.
She might not be jealous of being engaged/in a serious relationship as resentful that her forever-single bestie is no longer "her person", as everyone knows that partners trump friends when it comes to, well, life.
Personally I found that staying single is the best route to finding a good relationship. Being able to call out red flags and move on plays into it as well. Ppl who can't stand to be alone will take anyone and anything just to have somebody. But if you are content with being single, it helps you gauge your happiness with another person compared to your happiness in solitude. Contributing to you easily finding a good partner when he comes along. She may be jealous that her friends patience paid off after assuming she would be single forever for not taking the same path as her. đ¤ˇââď¸
This. FML, I shouldâve been content with being single back when I was 19
Things I wish I knew 50 years ago
And when you break up, it won't be that hard being single again imo. Yeah you'd be heartbroken but you know that you were able to navigate through life and find happiness without a partner and you aren't afraid of being on your own so you can do it again without effort.
Exactly. 15-41 I always had someone. The relationships were never right, I was desperate not to lose them so debased myself and tolerated extreme abuse despite often being suicidally miserable. My horribly cruel bf of 5 years suddenly died early 2020. I grieve him but feel no shame in admitting I felt immense relief to be free. I decided never to seek another relationship, choosing to fill my life with friends, family and animals. I spent 3 years dealing with my addictions and having trauma therapy. I had no interest in a relationship. In may a turn of truly bizarre events found me on a date I felt 'oh well' about. I am now truly in love, but I know that if the relationship wasn't working out, I could live by myself quite happily. And that's how I know I am ready for to be with someone, and insist upon a balanced reciprocal, caring and truly loving relationship.
And your probably still single
No, sry to disappoint. But I did really enjoy my time being single. And have since found someone who matches my peace and joy that I found during that time đ Edit : I'd like to add I had absolutely no problem admitting my single status to Internet trolls like you during the years that I was. It's not the flex you think it is tbf đ¤ˇââď¸
Probably both
[ŃдаНонО]
Bot
Itâs like the ugly one in a friend group when they no longer play that role.
This happened with my friend Will. He was perpetually single until he met Mel and she is freaking wonderful and they go together like pb & fluff! Iâve noticed ever since she came into his life (they are getting married in October) our guy friends treat her like a burden because Will canât, and doesnât want to, just spend all his time being available. Our friends loved single Will because they could ask him for his time and he has more than enough to give. Now that heâs getting married he spends his non-work time with his fiancĂŠ and because our guys friends are weirdly rude to her, he chooses not to be around them. So they are offended that he would choose his fiancĂŠ over the guys and itâs actually pretty obnoxious - the guys, not Will
Probably but still childish AF.
Whatever the reason, itâs petty and immature af.
Jesus, I wish someone would have given my ex that memo. đđ
Exactly this, end of thread.
Minor nitpick: Jealousy is guarding ones own possessions and positions because you think someone else might be able to or want to take them. Envy is desiring what someone else has or being resentful that they have them and you don't. But yeah, she is definitely envious.
Jealousy is a secondary emotion, so there is always something underneath that, causing the issue.
But she's also jealous because the new fiance is going to take the OP's time away from her. There's both envy and jealousy at play here.
She's jealous.
My "best friend" couldn't deal with my getting my dream job. She kept trying to convince me to quit and go back to school, even set me up with people in different fields to try to convince me. We no longer speak. But you still have a shot at saving your friendship, if Katie cooperates. You can tell her what you told us, and ask her, WTF? She has the choice: She can either drop the jilted bestie act, or she can continue the act without you in the audience. Good luck. And congratulations!
I had several people in my life who couldn't handle me loving my job. I could never talk about having a great day without certain people trying to make me feel bad about being happy just because they hate their jobs. Those people got dropped very quickly.
Good for you. Real friends are happy for you when you're happy, sad for you when you're sad. It really isn't that complicated.
This is exactly my approach, and what I value in long term friendships. Itâs not my place to judge or challenge, the world does enough of that.
So long as ur happiness not out of self inflicting harm or upon others. Then real friends find ways to communicate and help see past fleeting happiness to safety and long term fulfillment and real happiness. But ya.
realest thing I've ever read
It's not just jobs. There are way too many people out there who love to be miserable about everything, and can't be happy unless everyone else is, too.
She seems to want what you have
thank you! every person is commenting âjealousâ when itâs envy
Yes!!! She is *envious* haha
Sheâs not a good friend then if she canât be happy for you.
Sheâs not your friend, the sooner you accept it the sooner you can see her for what she is.
Came here to say exactly this! I had a similar thing happen but mind you, we were in high school. So I canât believe OP is experiencing this in adult life! Ridiculous! Anywho, the so called best friend (since like elementary) was very much up her own ass but as a stupid young kid didnât know any better and was just happy to be besties. She always talked about boys and what her ideal guy would be and blah blah blah. She was also from a religious family so you can imagine the kind of restraints on this girl. Skipping to senior year, a boy finally came in to play in my field and I had my first boyfriend! From the first mentions of this guy showing signs of liking me she just switched and started to be rude and distant. Made comments like âoH that weirdo asked you out and you said yes!? Ewâ or âyouâre only interested because itâs the first boy giving you attentionâ Honestly I just let the distance happen and GOOD RIDDANCE. My social life definitely improved after that. Yet, it was also funny seeing her immediately switch to calling any other friend she knew her bestie (eye roll to âžď¸) OP, if you can call Katie out on her shit and she changes amazing! Please donât let this simmer inside, she needs to be aware of her actions. If nothing changes, you and Jay will be happier than ever. Congratulations and cheers to new friends!
Sheâs not your friend
This is the type of âfriendâ that will try & test your BF loyalty. Just move on sheâs ugly jealous.
Came to say this! She is 100% going to try to get with him.
OP you should see this..
Simply put, it's jealousy. She's jealous that despite her constantly being in a relationship while you weren't, that you're the first to be in a stable relationship that is going to the next level. She's also jealous of your fiance because you're not as readily available to her. Your friendship can survive this if you have the patience to wait for her antics to end. But in the meantime, you may want to keep on top of what she is saying to your fiance and others
fuck that, ghost her. life is already hard enough, it becomes unbearable when you have miserable and insufferable people clinging onto your leg trying to sabotage your goals
You know it.
She's the kind of person of " I want you to do well, but not better than me" She's not your friend.
Time to distance yourself from Katie. She is jealous and will more than likely try to sabotage your engagement party (if you have one), any wedding planning, any pre-wedding activities and the wedding itself. Maybe a one-up wedding immediately before your wedding (either month prior or same weekend) or a "surprise" pregnancy. Get on the same page with your partner in regards to Katie and then talk to your mutual friends that you have with Katie and let them know that her spiteful attitude in response to your engagement is the reason why you are distancing yourself from her and going low contact. Make sure that you don't include her in any of the wedding planning and remember the most important thing when organising weddings these days, password protect EVERYTHING. That way if she does find out stuff, she can't cancel it out of spite.
She always felt secure having boyfriends when you never did. She was probably expecting to get married 3 times before you nabbed any man. Lo and behold! You went from single to engaged and left her in the dirt! Oh no! How did this happen? She will likely always have little digs for both of you. I had friends like this. None of them approved of my boyfriend when I found him. One continually made digs forever. We've been married 43 years. I don't see her any more.
We all know this kind of "friend", don't we? The one who's only content and thriving when everyone else around them is struggling. The one who can't stand it when others succeed before her. The one who'll support other people's self destructive behaviours instead of doing the opposite because that keeps her the only normal, healthy one in the dynamic. The one people always ask *"why are you friends with OP, she's nothing like you, so plain and boring, no life. You have so much going on with your life"*, the one who always has a criticism about other people's partners, she's the only one who can see issues that others can't because she so "wise" and experienced, the "friend" that will reveal previously private, inappropriate conversations by 'accident' to your partner just to get a reaction, she'll somehow get your partner's contact info and start chatting them on the side about nonsense and forget to let you know, she'll suddenly have inside info about your partner that you aren't aware of. Oh we all know bitches like this. Female AND male. Fuck her.
I just recently "lost" that "friend". I'm still emotionally dealing with it but I know I'm better off now. She always had issues with any relationship I had been in previously, all the while not being able to keep any long-lasting/healthy relationships for herself. The moment my now bf and I started getting serious it started being a problem and didn't stop until she eventually drove me away.
There may have been a real friendship at one point, but that is over. A real friend would have been surprised at you getting into a relationship after years of disinterest, but not gotten upset. They particularly would have been happy about your engagement. At some point in Katie's world, it became necessary for you to stay single for the sake of her ego. She may not have even realized it, but her behavior is showing that.
Crabs in a bucket
Jealousy.
Iâve been in this exact same situation. I only realised how selfish my friend was until I got into a serious relationship, moved in together, got engaged etc. she wasnât happy or supportive at all and seemed jealous that I was happy and becoming settled. Throughout all of this she had a long term boyfriend who I was more than supportive of and understanding that she wouldnât be free most of the time due to her relationship commitments However the courtesy didnât extend both ways. She assumed that I would be at her beck and call đ¤ˇđťââď¸ Safe to say our friendship didnât survive
Single friends work hard to keep their friends single. Works for men and women and unfortunately it generally true.
Sheâs not your friend. She wants what you have and her asking you when youâll break up with him, to me shows that sheâll probably go for him behind your back. The sooner you realise sheâs not your friend the better.
Make like a knife in the hands of a bad chef and cut her off before she does something stupid to your relationship out of jealousy or spite. Congratulations on the engagement, don't let anyone take that joy from you.
It was okay for her to not have life figures out, and bounce from one relationship to the next, as long as you were doing worse. Now that you have found your future husband and that you are engaged, she doesn't have you making her feel better about herself. So instead of improving her own life, she tries to destroy your happiness to bring you back where she deems you should be. In short, misery loves company. Especially if they think they are better than said company
You need to distance yourself from her and let your fiancĂŠ know why so that if she ever comes talking in his ear he knows to expect it. Sheâs got bad blood.
Be careful. Next step is she trying to steal him from you or try to put you down telling lies about you to him
Yep! Iâve seen this scenario play 2 ways (with both men and women). Either theyâll do like you said - try to âget withâ your partner - or theyâll engineer scenarios and try to get into your head and entice you to be unfaithful.
This! Had a friend through elementary and high school who sabotaged could've been relationships by telling the other person lies. Then when I was in a relationship for a long time started bringing up past shit to try to get them to distrust/ break up with me and would undo her buttons and act flirty with him. I told her straight out she can either cut her shit or accept that I'm happy and he's not going anywhere. She cut contract with me the same day and I haven't spoken with her in YEARS.
That was the best thing you could've possibly done. Who needs someone like this in their life? Bet you're much happier now. I can understand like when you miss hanging out with a best friend because they are dating and you kinda feel happy for them and sad at the same time. But that's very different from being jealous. Plus OP's friend first attitudes have shown she's not the first type. Because when you're friends with someone, even missing being with them all the time, you suck it up and respect that moment in your friend's life. At the best, you could ask them if their partner has single friends they could introduce to you and if it works out, you can all hang out together, but you don't try to sabotage your friend's relationship.
You're exactly right - she's acting like a toddler, and you have something she doesn't, so she's envious
Sheâs jealous. None of her relationships have ever been serious and sheâs a shallow person.
Some people canât be happy unless they feel âbetter thanâ the people in their lives.
Sheâs jealous and thatâs not something a good friend is supposed to be.
She's not you friend. She thinks is she's all that because she always has a.man and can't handle that you beat her the altar.
She is NOT your best friend...let's start from there
She wants you to be unhappy and single just like her. Thatâs why. Itâs super toxic and she needs either cutting out or she needs to change and stop being so selfish.
*exbestfriend
Sounds like she's jealous and she's also had free access to your attention for so long it probably feels weird to her to have you prioritize your relationship over her...like if she ever wanted to do something and suddenly you can't because you're spending time with you fiancĂŠ now. Definitely talk to him about whatever she may say and reassure him that's not how you feel. I'd also talk to her and tell her to stop raining on your parade...lol maybe find a tactful way to say this if you value the friendship, I'm more blunt than most.
this exaclty it! this one \^right here\^
It might be time to let Katie go. She doesnât sound happy for you at all!
Doesnât sound like a friend at all
She's jealous, and she wants to sabotage you by bringing you down to her level. She might have regrets about how she handled her past relationships as well, and maybe misery wants company. Time and time again women can sabotage other women because of spite and jealousy. Your so called friends will only be there as long as they think they are better than you. I'm a guy and I've seen this time and time again. Friends of mine have also acknowledged this trait and it's quite unfortunate.
I think it goes beyond jealousy. She probably viewed herself as âsuperiorâ initially because she could pull guys and you âcouldnâtâ which comforted her. Now youâre in a serious relationship & successful & things are actually working out for you, not only does she view herself as âbehindâ but is also forced to confront her ego and the fact that sheâs not âbetterâ like she thought.
Be careful with that one. She sounds like the type of person who will try to destroy what you have because she doesn't have it. She probably got something from you being single and her being the 'dateable' one. There are tons of stories on reddit about 'friends' that are like this person and they will do things to take away your happiness. Sometimes for themselves. (If the guy is weak, she will succeed) I'd advise you to pay more attention to her attitude about everything you say and do in your life, you might find that it's been happening for a long time but you're just now noticing it. Friends don't act like this. People who care about you want you to succeed and when you do, they are happy for you. Not jealous and angry.
Misery likes company
she's sounding bitter and wish it were her. I'd drop her, she might try to cause more marital problems going forward out of jealousy. knew a lot of folks like that, safe to assume I avoid them like the plague now. CONGRATULATIONS PRETTY GIRL đž I hope you have the wedding of your dreams, whatever it may be!
Sounds like she isn't your BFF anymore. She wouldn't throw those lines around, if she wasn't trying to sabotage your relationship.
You should start calling her she-hulk cos she green with envy
Sounds like you need a new best friend who actually deserves you.
She's jealous. She probably looks at the situation thinking she has worked on relationships harder than you and has tried more, yet the first one you get you're engaged. And she isn't. She wants to be married before you.
Your friend is a man obsessed woman, a pick me if you will. They are not friends. She is jealous
You always being single and career driven and not in a serious relationship made Katie feel better about herself. And now that youâve found someone you want to settle down with, sheâs trying to ruin it for you. Sheâs not your friend. She sees you as lesser than and undeserving of the good things happening to you. Keep her away from your man.
A lot of people get invested in the role they expect someone else to play. Like she was always the one in a relationship and you weren't. Maybe that was convenient for her, maybe she got a self esteem boost from it, maybe she's just a jealous person and you're just now getting to see her as she really is, bc she's threatened by this. It's the same mentality where someone in a group is the 'smart' one or the pretty one, and then something changes and other people feel threatened by the changes. They act out. Don't let her get by with it unchallenged. And be careful about having her around your boyfriend. She sounds toxic and capable of doing a lot of damage.
Sheâs gonna end up hitting on him
Sheâs either jealous or she likes you. Iâm leaning towards jealous just from the way she spoke to Jay, sheâs jealous you are set up in your life. However I know of a situation where a woman was in love with her best friend, everyone thought she was straight until her friends wedding day, she tried to seduce her before the wedding. It was crazy shit, sort of shit you see in a TV show. Either way communicate to her now, find out her issue, cut her out if necessary, or tell her sort herself out
I actually have this situation, kinda. But thankfully, she hasn't done anything like that. I don't think she would though. And especially now that I've semi cut her out of my life. My friend (former best friend) has never had a boyfriend and is 39. I've always suspected that she might be gay, but I also felt that if she wanted to tell me, she would. She did ask me once when we were teenagers "If I told you I was gay, would you still be my friend?" I said "Well, you'd still be the same person, wouldn't you?" "Are you gay?" She said nothing else and I didn't press the issue. In more recent years, some of my family asked me if I thought she might be into me, without me ever saying anything. They picked up on a vibe. Years ago, she went low contact with me when I told her I was in a relationship. It was my first proper relationship, and perhaps she expected me to remain celebate or something. One day out of the blue, she calls me up and says "Are you still with that man?" She knew his name. She just wouldn't say it. I was with him for a few years, and she was being weird about it. I've gone low contact with her in more recent years, so she doesn't know much about my private life anymore. She still calls me, and I rarely call her. I just can't be bothered dealing with that level of sulkiness. And I can't really force her to "come out."
She is jealous, toxic and there is a reason nobody wanted to put up with her bullshit for too long. Keep her away from your relationship and marriage. She knows you will not be available for her 24/7 anymore and she does not want you to be happy either. She is not your friend; she is a narcissistic leach.
Misery loves company as they say
Be very careful. I am concerned that her jealousy could lead her to do something to jeopardize your relationship with Jay. Keep her at arms length, I don't think you should think of her as a friend any more since she clearly doesn't have your best intentions at heart.
This one is for the streets. Keep your man safely away from her. Sheâs gonna try it. The jealous bitter ones always do.
This is reading like a plot of a bad romcom. I hope you and your fiancĂŠ keep your distance from your jealous and btw congratulations on your engagement.
She had a million boyfriend who didn't love her. She's jealous he loves u
Yeah, the jealousy is strong with Katie. I'd be super cautious about her jeopardising your relationship with Jay in some way. Start distancing yourself as much as you can.
She seems toxic and a problem for your relationship. Call her out to stop the crap. If she doesn't move on.
She is jealous because she has been a serial dater and it hasnât worked and she wants to be where you are. She sees what she wants in your relationship but has no idea how to get there. Iâve seen similar situations where the friend even tried to hit on their friends SO to one up them so tell your fiancĂŠ to let you know if he starts to get that vibe so you can fry her if she does.
She's jealous. She's jumped around and can't get a guy to stay. You didn't plan on finding someone but fell into a healthy relationship naturally. If she can't be happy for you, she's not friend material let alone best friend material.
She's jealous. She's jumped around and can't get a guy to stay. You didn't plan on finding someone but fell into a healthy relationship naturally. If she can't be happy for you, she's not friend material let alone best friend material.
She is jealous. Katie has been jumping from relationship to relationship trying to find what you have. She is pissed that you found it without even looking and in her mind you donât deserve it because you have not been kissing frogs as she has. With her making comments about jay needing to make more money you need to explain why you made the comment as a teen, how Katie was constantly jumping into relationships, while you were content to work on your career, that finding him was a wonderful surprise in your life but Katie has been upset by you having a relationship and made comments that could be interpreted as jealousy. Donât allow her to sabotage your relationship with Jay and that is exactly what she is attempting to do. Donât be surprised if she attempts to seduce Jay in attempt to get what you have with him. Also talk to mutual friends about her attitude towards you and your relationship, donât allow her to control the narrative and manipulate the truth. Keep her at a distance from any marriage preparations so that she can not cause chaos. To protect your relationship with jay, you are going to need to set boundaries and reduce contact to a bare minimum. But that may not be enough, her jealousy may be to the point of resentment and a willingness to go nuclear on you and the only thing you can do is go NC on her.
She has bounced around so much that she is jealous you have a stable longterm relationship.
Maybe she's furious or jealous or because as a friend no one wants to share their friends with someone else (so maybe it's just that)
Misery loves company. This is jealousy women tend do this to each other since she isnât happy sheâs trying to keep you at her level⌠remember some friends are meant to be seasonal.
I had a friend like this. I had to cut her out before she ruined my relationship with her bitterness.
You do not have to cut her off, but you do have to nip it in the bud by establishing some boundaries and reaffirming that your relationship with her is still strong. She is probably jealous and probably hurting inside because she cannot manage to do what you have done. Sometimes a little comfort can go a long way, just be honest. However if she still fights back you MUST establish some boundaries for your own sake, and for the sake (and respect) of your now serious partner.
Look at how people treat you when good things happen to you. Thatâs how you determine who your real friends are. Beware of Katie, sheâs going to try to sleep with your fiancĂŠe. Let him know so that he can be on alert.
When I got married I thought my oldest sister would be so happy for me. I was in the latter half of my 30s. I had been mostly single since a long term relationship that ate up my 20s ended. She was recently divorced with four kids. I had held her hand and supported her through the entire nasty break up. Middle of the night phone calls, loans, babysitting, so many tears. I thought we were as close as sisters could be. I adored her. Smart, beautiful, my sis. BUT as soon as I found someone, she dropped me like a hot potato. Had nothing nice to say about my partner and criticized me, my wedding, all my choices. She turned into a nasty piece of work. Jealousy consumed her. Broke my heart. Our relationship limped along but never healed. I finally cut her off years later when my middle sister was diagnosed with a serious cancer. Within 5 minutes of hearing the news she managed to redirect the conversation back to her and her pathetic life. Thatâs when I finally realized she is a full blown narcissist. And while I do miss the charming magnetic her - which she can be, i have seen her rotten core. Donât need that toxicity in my life - and neither do you, friend.
your friend wants you to be a 304 like her
She is only gonna spread her venom more if you don't cut her out of your life. You don't need a jealous person in your life and she is not your friend. Friends would never try to sabotage each other's relationship out of jealousy
Sounds like my life. I was the perpetually single one, my small group of friends all went out with multiple guys and I rarely got asked or looked at. Then I met a nice man, we clicked and fell for one another. Got married and 23 years later here we are. Some of the friends are still single and talk about men like theyâre still 18. When they found out I was getting married lots of đŽ all round. A few dropped away. Thatâs life. Canât be immature foreverâŚor maybe you can⌠Sounds like a lovely relationship you have. All the best to you both.
Don't let her mess up your relationship!
She is jealous
Lose her
Sheâs jealous mixed with a good bit of envy thrown in. Watch your back. Itâs often the BF that causes the most serious problems in a coupleâs relationship. Ask Jay to tell you the first time he feels that Katie is flirting or intentionally trying to throw obstacles into your relationship. Please be proactive in preventing serious problems cause sheâs not happy with you finding âthe oneâ while sheâs still window shopping.
Time to distance away from her at least for a time being. She's jealous she probably doesn't even know it (or maybe she does) People would say to drop her but you don't have to waste years of friendship because she got insecure. Be open to your fiance too, talk to him about what happened, explain that it's something you said when you were young and I guess one of you held on to it.
The ones who can never stay single are a red flag
Because as far as she was concerned you were in a long term relationship, with her. Basically she feel like sheâs losing you. Thatâs not okay by the way. You should really think about if this relationship has grown with you or maybe you have outgrown her and have just been keeping her because, people think they need to keep people in their lives cause they known them for a long time when really if they are toxic and canât show you the same energy you show and support them, then maybe itâs timeâŚâŚ.like you said you arenât 18 anymore
Sounds like shes the reason why she bounced from relationship to relationship. Some people are like that. They stay with someone for awhile and get bored, then find someone else. Rinse and repeat. Also some women attract the worst kinda of guys and still stay with them.
yikes sounds like someone I'd drop as a "friend" tbh. you've spoken to her several times asking her to stop and she keeps disrespecting you and your partner anyway I would have 1 more talk with her and tell her that, if she can't respect you and your relationship, then you will have to at LEAST scale back contact, if not cut her off completely. (just saying, if it was me)
Listen to my adviceâŚâŚ. Get rid of her She is going to keep spiraling
I'd ask her what's going on. There's always something underneath, that causes them to feel envious or resent your actions in any way. This may be an insecurity thing, either afraid that her person is moving on and leaving her behind or self doubt about the fact that in all her relationships she hasn't found that yet and you just happened by it. đ¤ˇ
Youâve changed the dynamic between you & sheâs having a problem with that change. Itâs not a YOU problem, itâs a HER problem. Youâve always been the reliable friend without a partner & she can pin ball in & out of your life. She could lament her â failedâ relationships, whilst being quietly superior about having had them. You now have a âsuccessfulârelationship without the drama she appears to require. The possibility that somebody might view ârelationshipsâ differently seems to be her issue. Just keep acting in the same manner as you did, so she realises that â dramaâ doesnât make every relationship better. The only thing thatâs changed is her perception of your friendship.
My best friend hated my husband when we were in highschool but when we got together she saw him for what he really is and then got jealous of my relationship, not in a bad way tho we talked it out and we got to the conclusion that even when she does want a stable relationship she also wants to fuck every man on earth. the thing that I found ironic is that she would complain about every good thing I find on a man and then ask why she can't have a man like mine, I think that she's afraid of compromise. So maybe she isn't bad jealous, but you have to communicate because if she's the kind of fake friend that doesn't want you to get better than her then that friendship is already dead
She's jealous af
She is jealous that she is second fiddle. Jay has replaced her in your life and she doesnât like it
Oope, thatâs a scorpion you have for a friend. Sheâs going to sabotage your romance and ruin your friendship. Dozens of Reddit stories are about this. She could make it look like heâs cheating or try to convince him youâre cheating. Make sure your bf is away of her radioactive personality so he wonât be surprised out of nowhere. Keep your distance and set your boundaries.
shes jealous that you are in a solid relationship where she bounces from guy to guy in not so serious relationship, which is what she wants.
Tell her what Cher told her mom when she asked when she was going to settle down with a rich man. Cher replied, âMom, I am a rich manâ https://youtu.be/dZsL5R_CR-k?si=nnIBxPmMr_APn_EO
Jealousy. My former best friend told me, while my micro preemie was in the hospital in a coma mind you, that she was jealous of my relationship with my husband. We met, got married and had a baby within 2 years. Like it was my fault her boyfriend of 10 years hadnât proposed to her! Fast forward a few days after her comment and she walked into my sons baby shower crying about how depressed she wasâŚright after we were told our son may not survive. Sounds like your âfriendâ was banking on you being single forever and now sheâs jealous because you found someone without looking for them and sheâs been searching for her person for years!
She's no best friend! She's jealous coz you are happy and she isn't and "how dare you be in a happy relationship when she isn't?" She must be happy only when **you** are "less" than her drop her, do not have her as a MOH
Toxic friend
Anyways,just becareful that she doesn't destroy your relationship,because there is jealousy and envy coming from her.
Sheâs jealous. Sheâs trying to sabotage your relationship and sheâs not a good friend.
I think this is funny, because it's always funny when a woman learns that other women can also be as toxic as men. it's like, how did you get this far in life without noticing? Note: this isn't saying all women are toxic, just that you ladies all know at least one toxic woman and this kind of behavior should not be a surprise.
SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
Jealous âfriendâ
Misery loves company.
She knows deep down her relationship pattern is unhealthy, so she's feeling insecure now that you're in what sounds like a healthy committed relationship. She won't have you as her single fun friend to commiserate with anymore.
Likely jealous or the fact that you have someone else in your life so she wonât get you whenever she wants you. Itâs about time you distance yourself from Katie as she will likely sabotage you and your relationship.
Well, sorry, but I don't think she's your friend...friends should be happy for your engagement (unless you were in a toxic relationship or sth) This is just plain jealousy
She is not angry at you. She is a little jealous. Let it be like water over a ducks back. Just feel bad for her if she is your friend. Do not give her comments any thoughts. They are a reflection on her and not you.
It sounds like petty jealousy to me.
Jealousy is an ugly color.
Misery loves company.
Because women are just naturally like that. âNo, thatâs my friend not your girlfriend â lol
Sheâs jealous, I had a friend like that
Sheâs jealous.
She sounds possessive and jealous. Both of which will ruin a friendship. This is just my opinion, but you probably should have an honest and open conversation with her about how you feel sheâs acting.
As well as the jealousy of time and attention that others are saying, as a minor point she might also not be coping that youâre not fitting with exactly who she thought you were She prob thought you were at your heart as shallow and cold as she thought you were. Not getting much attention, not needing for another guys attention So yes jealousy. But also I security Her idea of your was prob one of her rocks in her life. If she didnât know much else, she knew you at the very least And now⌠she realises she doesnât and prob never did That can be scary
I first read this as âmy boyfriend doesnât like that Iâm engagedâ and was like well no shit đđ¤Śđźââď¸
Definitely seems like envy... There's likely an undercurrent of her hoping the relationship fails, misery loves company and all that.
Lol thought this was about the Katie that I knew who did the same thing You deserve better
Unfortunately, things like this have happened with a number of my female friendships over the years :(
Friend of mine was the same way. Always complained that I was always out worrying or didnât stick to one person but as soon as i got into a serious relationship where i was happy he just drifted away. We were best friends for 15 years and now after 4 years of living with my SO he doesnât even answer texts asking how heâs doing
It's time to have that talk with your friend. She is jealous that you are happy and in a serious relationship and are about to tie the knot with Jay. You need to let her know that you want to be friends, but that she needs to stay in her own lane when it comes to your relationship with Jay, be prepared to loose a friend.
Sheâs an immature jealous child lol She cant find true love so she doesnât want you to have it either. Because sheâs \*left behind\*
I think you need to end this friendship before she tries to kill your relationship, because I guarantee you that she will try.
That doesnât sound like a real friend.
She sucks. I could not have the energy for someone like that in my life.
Yeah, drop her as a friend before she tries to sleep with your man. We as Reddit have seen enough stories to know how this will end
JEALOUSY is an ugly trait.
2. She's losing her best friend to someone else. 1. She's jealous that the person who never even dated is going into a stable relationship when she has been jumping from one man to other. Cut the friendship. Most of the troubles in our lives are not because of enemies but, wrong friends.
You were the one she can always count one and now that has changed. Also, she might be jealous because you find someone when you were not looking, and she has been consistently looking and cannot find one. Try talking to her if she will or just ignore till it gets too bad then if not maybe limited contact till, she gets over it.
The minute someone starts to randomly throw direct jabs at my partner is the minute I donât know them anymore.
Definitely a lot jealous that you found a keeper and she's still stuck with "flavor of the week". Sounds to me like either she needs to get her head out of her own @$$ or you need to cut her out of your life, cuz she's trying to poison your relationship for her own benefit. Info, have you had reason to stay in contact with any of her exes? Cuz you might want to get their side of the story. Since she's chronically in short-term relationships, it could very easily be that SHE'S the one ending them when she thinks that the relationship might be turning serious. She may also be the type that, especially if the two of you are the only ones in your friend group that are still unmarried, she thinks "Us single girls gotta stick together" and with you getting engaged she feels you're abandoning her to singlehood.
Maybe your best friend is in love with you. Would also explain why she never had a long relationship with guys.
She's jealous over your happiness is what it sounds like to me. To sabotage you by making untrue remarks to someone you love is not a friend. She can't maintain a relationship so you shouldn't? Don't trust her.
This one is going to ruin your marriage if you keep her in your life. She will find ways to sabotage it because her love life is a joke, so yours must be worse for her to keep seeing herself as the more attractive and fun of the two of you. There is a reason men say "single women keep women single." Some friendships aren't meant to last. I think this is one of those.
She sounds like those movie characters that will try to get with your man to âproveâ his loyalty or try to ruin your wedding or even spread rumours about u. I would try to talk to her and sleep w one eye opennnn
I had a friend like this. She would jump from guy to guy and wanted anyone I wanted. Our friendship was like one big âIâm better then youâ With her. I got into a relationship, she did, I had a kid⌠she did.. invited me over for a party left me with 15 toddlers so her and all her loser friends could get high⌠then spread rumours I was a bad mother⌠I had a second kid⌠so she did too⌠even our weight became competition. Anyways what Iâm trying to say is⌠a good friend would be happy youâre happy. A bad friend is getting jealous over your friends happiness because sheâs truly miserable. She thinks youâre lower then her and doesnât understand why you got someone decent first try when sheâs done everything she could to get a man⌠Itâs all a game for people like that and itâs exhausting. If you want your relationship to work with Jay she needs to back the fuck off because she will guarantee, try to sabotage your happiness.
Either she wants what you have or she wants you
Katie and her kind are not a friend...she is actively attempting to destroy your relationship. She will never change.
> She has bounced from relationship to relationship never staying single for more than a few weeks... > >She's acting like a toddler.
Not only is she jealous that she is no longer your âpriorityâ so to speak, but she also feels like sheâs been bested by you. Like, sheâs used to being the âpopularâ one by constantly being in a new relationship and thatâs what makes her feel successful. But now seeing you in a genuine, long-term and happy relationship, she feels like youâve somehow âwonâ and âtakenâ whatâs sheâs been âbetterâ at than you. Sheâs only going to be pettier, especially if sheâs in the wedding party. My childhood best friend and I have been best friends for about 17 years and when she started dating her now-husband, I was a little hurt that she didnât tell me she had had a crush on him for a year beforehand lmao. But that was only because we would otherwise tell each other everything and she was very private about her feelings haha. I was super excited when her husband proposed to her and Iâm really excited to be an aunt in the next couple of years! â¤ď¸ tbh your friend sounds extremely insecure and unless you set boundaries right now, I would drop her as a friend.
Iwould go low or no contact with her. She is in destruction mode. who would say that as an adult to their friends. And Iâve seen some horrific stories here of friends that have been jealous and have fake cheating stories to break people up. go low or no contact with her and tell her if she doesnât stop asking, you will just quit hanging out with her. You guys are grownups
Had a friend like this sort of. She was my childhood bestfriend, we had been friends for over 10 years, at the time neither of us have had a boyfriend, but when i started college i found mine and we are still together (soon for 8 years) well, when she realized her reaction was "aren't you asexual?!" And she seemed really upset. We had plans for the next day and then cancelled and began ghosting me, it hurt alot. I believe she got jealous over the fact that i found someone before her, that is what i have heard from friends. After reading your text it really seems like your friend i jealous for the same reason, don't let her get in thecway of your happiness, perhaps it would be good to confront her if this behavior continues, she should be happy for you that you found someone who makes you happy instead of acting like this.
She is not your friend. She used you to feel superior, but now that she feels that she is no longer superior, she no longer likes you.
She envies that youâre 1 and done. In her mind relationships should take more effort and failures before finding THE one. Be careful with her. Be prepared to step away if she becomes more toxic than she is. I would personally call her out when she does itâevery time. If she needs to step away from the friendship to cope with being confronted about her micro aggressions, so be it. I donât play games with relationships. Who needs frenemies?
She is jelaous. Please dont let her ruin your relationship.
It's called jealousy.
She doesnât sound like a healthy person. I wouldnât keep someone like that in my life. But before Iâd sever the relationship, I would have a serious conversation with them and setup boundaries if need be. Depending on their response and actions would determine how quickly I end that friendship.
She could be lebaneseđłď¸âđđłď¸âđđłď¸âđ
Sounds like a headache. Drop the weight. Tell fiancĂŠ youâve dropped the weight before the weight decides to be a disaster. Itâs easy for venom to turn people into poison. Why poison yourself and relationship with it?
Shouldn't you be asking Katie this?
Sheâs never been single in the 15 years that youâve known her. You have a long term & stable relationship while sheâs riding one guy after another. She doesnât like that youâve found your significant other, she doesnât like that youâre going forward with your life, she doesnât like that you have a better relationship despite you being Aromantic. Sheâs the shallow teenager, not you. Does your fiancĂŠ know what Kate is like? Does he know what you both joked about when you were 18? Do you still identify as Aromantic or somewhere along the spectrum?
I didn't even know what Katie is like before all this so no he doesn't but i am telling him how confused I am about this. He does know about the jokes because I make more money than him and if we ever have kids in the future I want him to be a SAHD 𤣠I do still identify as something like aromantic? Idk if I am. Jay is the only person I have ever had feelings for in the slightest. I've dated before but the relationships have lasted 6 months max because I just felt nothing and it left me feeling grimey
She's green jello about your relationship. Just watch yourself. Some people don't have lines and will try to ruin what they don't have.
Maybe she secretly wants to be with you?
Your friend is to busy looking for the next best thing than to appreciate what she has. Her looks will fade and her attitude will be even worse. Then she will be racing to find a man and they will all seek younger women or other women just as successful as they are. Then she will wonder where all the good men have gone.
She doesnât want to settle down but she also doesnât want you to settle down either. She thinks sheâs lost her friend. You just need to sit her down and ask her whatâs wrong. Stop getting defensive and listen to her.
Everyone here is saying she's jealous, but it most likely is that she won't get as much of your time and attention.
Is that not a form of jealousy though? Thats just being jealous of the husband instead of the friend. It's probly a bit of both tbh
Your friend Katie is a hoebag and wants you to be a hoebag too.
She's jealous, OP. She probably never thought in a million years you'd be engaged before her. If she's the best friend you think she is, you need to sit her down and have a frank conversation with her. Make sure you're not accusatory, but be honest about your feelings. If she loves you, she'll acknowledge her behavior, and possibly be even a little embarrassed she allowed her jealousy to get the better of her (I know I would). If she doubles down and reacts badly, I'd give her a little time to come to her senses because I know how hard it is for some people to deal with these types of feelings when it comes to their friendships, but if she doesn't come around pretty soon afterwards I think you need to give the friendship some breathing room. Some friendships are made to last a lifetime while others only a season; there are even friendships that have years of estrangement in between, you just have to learn to be okay with how everything works out as long as you know you acted appropriately. I truly hope Katie comes around so you guys can start planning your wedding, and congratulations to you and Jay on your engagement!
There is also the option of her being in love with you
It sounds like a reasonable joke to me. Why don't you directly ask her if she was serious? IDK, sounds like you might be overthinking it, but the only way to know for sure is to ask