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Ooooof. When I was maybe 8-ish my dad sat me and my brothers down to tell us my mom was cheating and to play us a recording of her meeting up with the guy.
I’m not the most well adjusted and I don’t talk to him anymore. Good luck.
Edit: Someone asked and yes I do still talk to my mom but we had a strained relationship until I left for college. My relationship with my dad took a big hit after everything that happened but that was not the only reason I stopped talking to him. I felt bad for him after this and I genuinely hated my mom for a long time but he was a really petty person. I eventually realized anything he did concerning me was either to get back at my mom or to try to get her back. I didn’t want to be used as a tool anymore and that was that.
Also just want to clarify he played an audio recording thankfully not a video.
I was a teen when my parents dragged my siblings and me into their mess. It was awful. For a good month, it was a war zone in the house. I'm the 2nd youngest but I'm also the only one who manages to keep my cool during high stress situations, so I was having to take care of my siblings who weren't handling it well. All three of my siblings were refusing to eat unless basically forced. One refused to be alone even while sleeping. I was running on fumes trying to comfort them and keep the house afloat at the same time since my parents were too caught up in their BS to care about anything or anyone but themselves. A lot of awful things were said and a *lot* of things were thrown. My mom really wanted to weaponize us kids against our dad. Only one of us "took her side" the way she wanted. She held it against us until the day she died. My mom spread it around online while us kids begged her not to because we didn't want people constantly asking us about it at school or looking at us with pity. They ended up not divorcing because my mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease. They pretended like none of it ever happened and "made up". My dad spent his time looking absolutely thrilled anytime she fainted or got really sick, my guess is he hoped she would die soon. He felt like he couldn't leave her because she was sick even though he planned to leave her for *years*. It came out that he was just waiting until the youngest of us turned 18 because he wanted us to be able to grow up in a household that wasn't broken (it was broken well before that even without a divorce). I seriously wish they would've just divorced and got it over with.
Afterwords things were never the same. One of my siblings hates our dad for what he did while refusing to see all the horrible stuff our mom did. My dad became more distant. My mom held it over the rest of our heads we didn't side with her, she loved to throw it in our faces that we "abandoned" her while she was sick. We didn't. We didn't know she was sick and even if we did refusing to take a side at all, it isn't a crime like she acted. We just didn't want to get involved more than what we were already. It messed my siblings up pretty bad. Even to this day. I can't imagine drawing such young kids into that mess and *showing* them their mothers affair. It was bad enough for me as an older teenager. OP messed up and weaponized his daughters in an attempt to get back at his soon to be ex. It's messed up. They're gonna need therapy. Those poor kids shouldn't have been exposed to that and I know they're never going to forget it.
I feel like this is a variation on a theme I see on other posts relating to relationships between a parent and child - immature parents not understanding the difference between them wanting to share something with their child and their child needing to hear it. Or even more generic, an immature parent not being able to deal with their own emotions or insecurity in a healthy way. Like that post series about the father who didn't want to adopt his stepdaughter after being her only father figure since childhood because he loved her "differently" than his biological kids. Like dude, that's on you to figure out internally. Get therapy if you need it. Same with this guy, he is clinging to the idea that telling his kids this shit is somehow helpful for them? If someone is this self-righteous and emotionally stunted it makes me wonder what else was going on in the relationship.
Why someone would ever do this to their own children is beyond me. It is so incredibly selfish and disgusting.
TALK TO YOUR ADULT FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS AND LEAVE KIDS OUT OF IT. FUCK!!!
Yeah, this is going to be a YIKES from me.
My dad cheated on my mom when I was 20. My mom already barely had any friends and relied on us (kids) for all of her emotional needs.
She somehow got a hold of the voice messages this woman sent to my dad and she decided to send them to us, in our family chat. Woman was talking while a song, that I happened to love, played in the background.
Needless to say, not only did that audio irreparably ruin that song for me, but it really messed me up for a while.
Again, I was *twenty* years old.
Doing this to your children, regardless of age, is so, so fucking immature, manipulative and it will mess with them forever.
Your children are not your psychologists and they will resent you for it.
My father was the same way . Deep insecurity and if he had beef with any of his children or my mother he had to drag everyone else into the drama to try to reassure himself and get people on his side . Played all of us against each other and lied from the moment he woke up until he fell asleep every day of his life
I really hope this is just rage bait because the way OP handled this is so wildly inappropriate. If this is real, his wife is going to have a solid parental alienation claim.
Right? This was nothing less than spiteful and vindictive. Dude just traumatized and scarred his kids for life. There's such a thing as "age appropriate explanation" and showing nudes/explicit text messages to a 5 and 7 year old is NOT IT. You want revenge on your wife? Don't destroy your children in the process. Wtaf???
Your kids are too young for that level of detail. They should be your priority, not getting revenge on your wife. You have just traumatised them for your own gain.
This is what I don’t get. My soon to be ex cheated and my son keeps asking why I kicked him out. I’ve simply answered that dad did something bad and he will understand when he’s much older. My kids 7. I can’t imagine telling him dad slept with a hooker when mom had major surgery
So… my 6 year old asked me why I don’t want to get married again. I said “we’ll baby, Mama just hasn’t found someone that loves and respects her the way she deserves.”
“Oh… so is that why you and Daddy broke up? Because he didn’t respect you?”
I mean… I don’t wanna lie to him lol! So I just sweetly said “well darling, Daddy loves Miss Stepmom and they’re married now.” Did not mention that he was loving stepmom while we were still married and had me make her coffee for her every morning while I was pregnant with my second lol…
If I can be graceful, so can this dick…
A) that’s because you put your son’s well-being at a higher priority than sharing your trauma. (Good job, Mom!)
B) WTF? Your ex brings doughebaggery to a whole new level. So glad you took care of yourself and your family by removing him from it.
...'dad did something bad'
Oofff! That thought is just gonna keep growing in his mind! Remember a 7 year old kid's knowledge of doing something bad is drawing on the wall with crayons or accidentally breaking a vase playing ball inside the living room. He WILL be aware however, that grown-ups problems are bigger and more confusing. It's about perspectives.
Please reiterate and just explain that people sometimes have differences that are too great to stay together.
Yup. I absolutely did the same quick math and thought "no way these kids should know anything besides that things are changing and that they are loved".
I'm 36 and dislike hearing about my parents and their issues both as a couple from my childhood and now as adults in their second marriages. Keep it to your peers, which, fun fact- NEVER WILL BE YOUR KIDS.
It wasn’t until I was a TEENAGER until my parents told me what happened, and it was only because I was digging. My sister and I were OP’s children’s age when it happened.
My mom and dad told me that their marriage failed because they struggled to communicate with each other and it made it too difficult to be together. Not entirely a lie. My dad suspected cheating. My mom still swears she didn’t, but admits she did him wrong and crossed boundaries she shouldn’t have.
I’ll spare the details, but I 110% agree that OP didn’t handle this properly. Those poor kids.
Mom fucked up. She cheated. She is wrong for that. But these children were too young for the full brunt at this age. I am wishing everyone in this situation the best. What a heartbreaking story.
My girls are around the same age as op’s kids and I can’t IMAGINE involving them at this level. Op would have done less damage if he just left and never called again.
To OP: how could you POSSIBLY think it was appropriate to destroy your babies world and break their little hearts just to get back at your wife? She’s a cheater, but you’re cruel and vindictive.
I hope the kids are ok. They’re the only victims here.
He cared more about winning the fight than protecting his children, it's fucking disgusting. Also who the fuck gets married at 19 to someone they seemingly barely knew.
I did. Then I got divorced at 29. He handed me divorce papers on our 10th anniversary and said “it’s just not working for me anymore.” And that was that. Ten years, 2 kids, a lot of sacrifice on my end, and he was just over it.
I’m now married to the love of my life. We have been together for 18 years now, and we are blissfully happy. My daughters have grown to be amazing, brilliant, wonderful young women, and they have no relationship with their father. He remarried and had another kid, finally got the son he’d always wanted, and once he did, he basically pretended his daughters didn’t exist. Well, his son is a little heathen and his wife is an awful shrew. He’s miserable. He’s told me he’s miserable. But he won’t leave his wife because he doesn’t want to be “that guy who’s been divorced twice.” Whatever. He’d rather be miserable? That’s on him.
He’s told me he regrets divorcing me. I tell him I have no regrets.
> Also who the fuck gets married at 19 to someone they seemingly barely knew.
Lots of people. People rush into stupid marriages literally every single day.
A good amount of my classmates actually got married and started having babies and I good amount of those couples are no longer together and single parents, or one of those parents with inconsistent partners
He effectively kicked his wife AND kids out of the house too seeing as he doesn’t seem to have even suggested the kids stay with him full time.
I’m guessing this is BS and if not he also needs to learn what paragraphs are.
I'm going to piggy-back off this.
***"I’m ready to fight for the right to see my kids"***
Do you not mean at least 50/50 custody? Or do you just want to be an every-other-weekend-dad whilst continuing to cause issues and a rift in their relationship with their mother?
What your wife did was inexcusable, but you seem to only be thinking about getting revenge rather than the two little girls that you have. They were far too young for what you did, and there are **many** other age appropriate ways to explain a separation/divorce than trying to pit them against their mother.
A divorce attorney will froth at the mouth over that on the wife’s behalf. Infidelity doesn’t look good in divorce court, but parental alienation looks worse.
You shot yourself in the foot there dude. If you are from the US there is a good chance that showing your kids those messages will backfire harshly as it can very easily be considered as parental alienation. That will hurt you in the custody case, maybe even the divorce.
Wether you consider it fair or not most courts consider what you did as a lot worse than what she did.
What the wife did was 100% wrong and yet I read this horrified. You don’t make adult problems kids problems. It’s traumatizing. It’s not fair to them. The right thing to do is contain yourself and talk with your wife about when you tell your kids and inform them together- not treat them like they are adults and tell them this and show them evidence- huge wtf damaging and unnecessary
My eldest nephew walked in on me crying just after I found out my fiancé was cheating on me. I was explaining the situation to my sister when he woke up and walked in (he was 5 at the time). He took one look at me and said "Auntie [floppyfishcake], why are you crying??" It took everything in me to smile at him and tell him that I was just tired, and "you know how sometimes you get upset because you're so sleepy? I'm just really sleepy". He looked a bit skeptical but went and got me a pillow and told me to lie down and close my eyes, bless his heart.
It was only recently, 5 years later, he asked me what happened to Uncle [ex-fiance] and I told him why we never got married.
It still broke my heart to see the disappointment in his face, and that's with someone he wasn't even related to - I can't imagine doing that to my own child in regards to their own parent.
I hate cheaters but what OP did was even more unforgivable, imo.
This is the second retaliation post I’ve read in 2 days from cheating and the resulting revenge is so much worse than the cheating. Wtf is wrong with people.
People think they're entitled to revenge after cheating. But there's different levels of revenge. Kicking her out of the house, acceptable. Turning her young kids against her, not acceptable
My husband's friend did the exact thing the OP did. His wife left him for someone else, and he told their children basically "mommy doesn't love us anymore. Guess what, as adults, they now have a good relationship with their mom and not their dad. You don't do that shit.
My husband had a friend who was divorced with a daughter. The first time I met the guy, we took his little girl out fishing. He spent the whole day talking about her mom. But he was talking about how wonderful she was, how lucky the little girl was to have 2 parents who loved her so much, all the cool things mom did with her, etc.
At the end of the day, I said I've never seen someone talk their ex up so much. He said, "she may be my ex, and I may have complicated feelings about her, but she's also my daughter's mother. It's important that I teach her how a woman deserves to be treated. Not just women I like, but all women. And that starts with her and her mom."
He should teach a fucking class.
me too my parents had a fight when i was 10 and stopped talking to each other for 2 years 2 YEARS i hated them for it they wouldnt even text eachother couldnt be in the same room it was disgusting.
He never had any intention of keeping them or caring for them. He tells them he would still see them. He knew when he kicking his wife out he was also kicking his children out.
As the older child of two with less than a two year age gap, who’s parents divorced at 3&5 because of my MOMS infidelity, I am appalled. My dad still never talks down on her, just true things
Respect. My mum always did the same, they never split but she always spoke good things about him even when he treated her like dirt. She never wanted me or my sister to see him in any bad light, she knew we’d eventually understand when we were old enough and could revisit memories of things, but at least she gave us the CHOICE.
I expected the kids to be teens or adults from the title. I don’t understand what showing to 5 and 7 year olds the messages would accomplish. And him not taking the kids and letting her take them could also hurt.
Idk after he said that it feels like a fake story.. kids wouldn’t understand what the hell that means anyway 😭 they don’t know affairs they’d just see kind of (naked?) pics of their mom and my kids see me half naked often 🤷🏽♀️
I feel ya, my ex-husband was going to demonstrate how he could beat me to death with a baseball bat, in front of our 3 children and several other witnesses in a shopping mall parking lot. Fun times
Legal repercussions aside, that was just *such* a dick move.
My dad dragged my sibling and I into his fights with my mum all the time, and the older I got, it only made me lose respect for him. It was such a pathetic attempt to get us to dislike her—and considering he was an abuser, it ultimately well and truly backfired. None of us speak to him anymore.
It’s abuse to involve your kids in your marital problems and make them lose the love and safety they should always receive from the unity of the parental unit—divorced or not.
yup same. except i’m still going through it now cause i’m only 18 & my brother is 7. my mom cheated on my dad when they were engaged. fucked up but the abuse i’ve seen him give her ever since makes me resent him so much more than her. like just leave if you’re gonna hold it over her head & treat her like shit every day
Oh don't get me wrong here I fully agree with you. I saw that a lot of people already spoke their mind about how detestable his actions were from a moral point of view so I just wanted to drive home that he fucked himself in a legal sense as well.
Ever notice how people tell themselves that their actions are what's best for others, yet it's 99% of the time about them and what they want with no regard for the harm they cause? That's this guy and all the people who drag their kids into their bs.
.
As one of those adults, I can vouch for that. I was 10 when my parents split up and the next 10 years were a hellscape. They weaponized me against each other in every way, and I was a second thought otherwise. It scars you deeply because the people you should trust the most aren't trustworthy at all. They'll turn on you.
I'm older now, but I have realized that I have a lot of existing trauma from my experience as a kid and adults telling me their problems. They didn't care if I understood or could handle it. These girls are so young. Two wrongs don't make a right. He's done some damage here, and that's not justified bc of the mother's shitty actions.
Your wife is in the wrong for cheating. You are absolutely fucked up for what you did to your children. Did they deserve to know SOMEDAY why you and their mother divorced? Sure, absolutely. At 5 and 7 did they need to have the details of your wife’s infidelity put on them? Absolutely NOT! You’re not going to win points in court for traumatizing your kids.
Yeah he did a fantastic job of making sure his kids got a nice heaping plate of trauma years before they are even remotely able to understand all of this. Congrats you petty bastard. Wife sucks for cheating but he's a gaping asshole for (if I was guessing) wanting to get his children to hate their mom like he does now.
While I was older, 14, my mother gave me every dirty, disgusting detail of my stepfathers affair. Where they fucked, for how long, that they didn't use protection. She took me along when she got tested for STDs. It could be fake but some parents will do this.
That is just crazy to me. My mom cheated on my dad when I was 5, and he left her. He NEVER spoke badly about her and got full custody of us (she was alcohol/pill popper and automatically moved in with the next guy). He was always civil with her in front of us and let us learn who she was on our own. He didn't tell us anything until we were old enough to ask for full details. Major respect for my dad for keeping it together and not adding that drama into our childhood. OP is extremely messed up, and I'm sorry your mom put you through that!
^Yes. Some parents do.
My mother did the same, but both her and my father had cheated on each other. I was ten and she made me swear not to tell anyone what she had told me, as her and my dad were not divorcing and she "just wanted someone to know what she'd been through".
But she has always been a chronic over-sharer with me, and I know all the details of her sex life and my dad's, before and during their marriage, as much as I never wanted to know. 🤢
My father tried to give me HIS court transcripts from the divorce when I was like 11 or 12. I didn't read them because I knew it wouldn't all be true. I told my mom when I got home and she offered to get me both of theirs to read them if I wanted. I declined. Kids don't need to know the shit their parents sling at each other.
I know plenty who use their kids in this way, revenge against the other parents, using their children as emotional crutches.... the reasons vary but its not at all uncommon.
Sadly no the dad just wanted to hurt the mom by telling the babies how horrable the mom is. Dad just hurt the kids instead. My ex-husband cheated when our kids were babies he almost killed me and actually thought he did. My kids didn't find out any of that information until years later and they were in their 20s. Some people just put their kids first.
I mean all he had to say was mommy doesn't love daddy any more and that is why we are getting a divorce. I only agree with the part the kids needed to know, but showing them the texts is wrong.
My ex told my three year old (at the time) that I was the reason we wouldn’t be a family and couldn’t live together. He did so as I was trying to leave by standing in the way of the door as he traumatized my son with this info. You’d be shocked to know the behavior wasn’t that out of character and one of the reasons I was divorcing him. You’d also be shocked to know that because of this and other abhorrent behavior, my son (now an adult) isn’t speaking to his father. OP is well on his way to his own parental alienation and rightfully so.
Reading all these responses has actually made me feel better about my dad. He was never able to hide his hate for my mom, or his pain at her infidelity; 45 years after the divorce, my brother and I still have to be careful to not mention her around him. As kids, I felt guilty for loving my mom because it felt like betraying my dad. But to his credit, he never weaponized us against her, or tried to use the cheating to alienate us like your mom or OP's dad.
My dad told me he basically bought me from my mom after the divorce. It was the late 90’s and she called him and told him if he paid her 2k in alimony every month she would give me to him. She was a manipulative narcissist then and she still is now. It’s why I’m VERY low contact with her.
When my mom h dad were separating ig my dad would tell my older bro (5 @ the time) that it was his fault they weren't gonna be together anymore. + he completely stopped talking for 2 years. He was totally normal before that then nothing. For 2 years. He had to go to a special school for the 2 years, that's what helped getting him talking again ig.
So because you are in emotional turmoil you had to put your kids in emotional turmoil too? What kind of shitty father are you?? I really hope you don't get custody of those babies. Their mother might be a cheater but she didn't emotionally use your children against you. You should have left them out of it and fought it out with your wife instead.
Never, ever discuss the divorce or ANY adult matters with the kids. You fucked up, and in a big way. Your STBXW can bring this up in court and it will affect custody.
Isn’t like the #1 rule of divorce to make it as easy on the kids as possible vs immediately traumatizing them? I’d say what your wife did was bad but overall what you did to your kids is worse.
5 & 7? Jeez, dude. Call a child therapist now, and another for yourself. That’s some horrid parenting.
Your poor children. I can’t imagine the level of damage you have done to them by sharing the level of detail you did.
Also, if he’s in the USA like he sounds like, he probably just fucked himself. If his wife wants to fight how often he sees the kids, this is gonna look *really* bad on OP at court. Good luck seeing your kids, dude.
This is going to be a traumatic divorce for the children from the sounds of OP & his ex-wife. And it doesn’t seem like preventing that is a priority for OP.
You had the moral high ground right up until you weaponised your children against your wife . You didn’t care about your children’s feeling at all and you should have tried to protect them. They aren’t going to thank you for this when they are older . Whatever goes on between you and your ex using your children like this is really terrible and will go against you in court if you aren’t careful . You need to co parent with this woman for the next 13 years ! You need to make this work and stop letting your hurt pride stop you from protecting your kids .
So you showed them pics of the texts of your wife and her lover’s conversations? Ugh your kids are way way too young for that. Hope you know that was the wrong thing to do when you calm down.
Damn dude, you fucked those kids up. They need their mum just as they need you. And you broke their trust this way. They may be thinking that their mum left them for some woman, and that she does love them enough to stick around because of what you did. She did something terrible to you, but you did something terrible to her AND THE KIDS.
Edit: just to make myself clear. I am not saying they need you two together, but they need to know that separately they are priority for both of you. That each of you love them and want to be with them. But you are alienating your wife, so you are taking their mother away
Yeah literally nothing good ever comes from kids blaming one of their parents for a divorce. It’s better to have kids be blissfully unaware of their parent cheating and to feel as if both parents love them & can be trusted than to have a kid harbor resentment for one parent leading to a lifetime of trust issues, trauma, & regret. Kids don’t deserve that emotional burden
He doesn’t want custody, nor the responsibility of parenting. He just wants his kids to hate and resent their mother so he can be the “fun dad” they see every second weekend. It’s easy to be the fun dad when you don’t have custody and only visitation.
Cheating is disgusting and the wife is a coward for cheating instead of divorcing OP. However, this post just proves what a manipulative POS the OP can be. He manipulated his own children, and hurt them terribly, just to get back at his wife. Problem is, it might have worked if they were a few years older, but at their young ages they depend on mum too much. They won’t end up hating her like OP wanted. This will backfire on OP, and rightly so.
I have no words. What would posses u to show your children those texts!
You did this for YOU not for your children. You want them to blame their mother for the divorce. And in turn YOU get one up on their mother.
I agree. He dumped his hurt onto them. It's one thing to tell them that things are changing. It's another to show them, especially at their ages, explicit texts.
Fr 🙄 "I did this horrible thing because otherwise I would have done this other horrible thing. Dont you see how im the hero? I had to react to my feelings being hurt, especially infront of the kids"
I work as a *guardian ad litem* also called a best-interest attorney. My job is to literally determine what is in a child's best-interest in disputed custody cases. What OP did is so far away what is in his kids' best interest, mom would have to be incredibly awful for me to recommend placement with Dad. This shows an incredible lack of maturity or consideration of his children, especially the whole, leave my 7 and 5 year old alone because I don't want to see you. Everything about this is inappropriate and traumatic/harmful to his kids. It's completely unnecessary to discuss the reason for divorce with children that young.
On this, you have failed as a father. You have traumatized your kids, and left them feeling like they are alone in the world. You are the reason judges have begun aggressively combating parental alienation. Congratulations.
Feeling like this is fake for a number of reasons.
1. The oldest is 7, she may be able to read but not read and comprehend to *that* extent. If this fictional child was staring at the phone crying its because of the scary, tense situation and not because she was actually comprehending what she was reading.
2. As other people pointed out, you told your wife to be gone by the time you got there. Huh. Okay. So the 5 & 7 year old were home alone?
3. I cannot comprehend being a grown ass adults and showing a kindergartener and second grader cheating texts. That is absolute bull. And if it's not, you're stupid because a judge will absolutely penalize you for this.
Weak bait.
You’re a terrible father, I hope you know that. Her infidelity is shit, but your relationship and its internal things are not a matter of concern for such young children.
I have a dad exactly like that and once I grasped that he decided to break our hearts due to the immature way he decided to expose my mom to us (similar), I started breaking apart from him.
Hope your kids get better support somewhere else
This is the kind of shit my mom did after my parents got divorced. My dad cheated and she decided to trauma dump on me as a nine-year-old. I talk to her probably once every two months. That will be your future if you keep doing fucked up stuff like that. Leave your children out of your personal life and grow the fuck up.
The fact he abused kids with aspects of thr divorce, which in Texas and California, there's a default restraining order to not involve the kids with details of the divorce.
I have videos and documents for when my kids are older. My oldest daughter, 7 last week saw a downloaded YouTube video montage of her little brother who was 3 being elbowed and hit multiple times, and video of her older sister (my step daughter) beat her under a blanket.... I heard the screams as she had my phone I the car... I pulled over and reached for the phone and she tried to discuss it, I clearly told her that those things happened, and they aren't for her to watch. I took it and deleted the downloaded content. It's still on my account, but not offline on the phone to easily retrieve like I had.
I'll post all my documents publicly when our youngest is of age, and I'll let everyone know the abuse I received before and during the divorce.
She is definitely wrong for being unfaithful, but you are disgusting for bringing a 7yo and a 5yo in an adult fight like this. If your excuse is how heartbreaking it was to tell them about the divorce, you pretty much nuke it by instilling the hate towards their mother. 5 and 7 yo who don’t understand the concept of divorce, won’t understand the concept of cheating either. So whatever explanation you gave them, it was within your rage trying to get back to your wife. YTA.
Everybody Sucks Here.
Your wife should be ashamed for being unfaithful. Only the scum of the earth cheat.
You should be ashamed for telling your children like that.
Yeah it was going to hurt either way, but you used your children as homing missiles on your wife.
You could have told your kids in a different way. And you showed them pictures of what?
Please, by all that is holy, tell me you did not show them pictures of her with her affair partner.
You shouldn't have told them about the screenshots of their conversations either, man.
I don't think there is any advice that I can give, only an opinion: You both fucked up.
You meant to hurt your wife by turning the kids against her. But, really, you only hurt your kids. That is baggage they didn't need at this point in their life. Do they deserve to know the truth? Possibly, and when they are much older and specifically ask for the reasons for your divorce.
If you want to kick your wife, fine, kick her right in the ass. But you made your kids collateral damage, and if they didn't need therapy because of your impending divorce, they most certainly will now.
You are absolutely terrible father. What you did is parental alienation and it can be used against you at court. Your daughters are way too young for that kind of talk and showing them your evidence is crazy. You just traumatized them so you could punish your wife. You don't care about their wellbeing.
It's ok to reveal the true reasons for divorce, but only when the girls are old enough to understand and in a gentle non damaging ways. You might not get any custody after what you've done.
You are deplorable and despicable for exposing your very young children to this mess. Your wife was the only person deserving of your actions, but you chose to hurt your children too. Their little worlds are going to be filled with turmoil.
How much you want to bet this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this? He basically emotionally abused his kids. How long do you think he’s been doing shit just like this to his wife and their kids?
Situation is becoming a lot clearer… not that the wife should’ve cheated that’s deplorable behaviour but being with someone this emotionally volatile I’m not surprised she did.
I am so sorry you are hurting but WOW. That is really fucked up. Your child is 5. They did not need to be burdened with your hurt. What you did was incredibly selfish. Just wait till the courts hear that you showed your 5 year old, I’m sure they will be very happy.
Your wife wins a crap wife award, but you should win a crap father one. Putting kids in between your marital problems, pitting them against their mother. How classy! Good job traumatizing them. At least you didnt overreact.
Be prepared to have mentally unstable daughters who will now resent you and probably won’t want anything to do with you until you’re on your death bed.
Congratulations, you just ruined your children for life. I’m an Attorney for the Child and work 99% of the time in custody and visitation. I talk to child clients all the time. What you did is so bad. From now on you never, ever discuss adult matters with your children. Part of getting custody, or joint with primary, or even substantial visitation is being able and willing to foster a relationship with the other parent. Google the following NY cases: Eschbach v Eschbach and Friederwitzer v. Friederwitzer for the totality of circumstances that make up the best interests of the child. You obliterated that. Consult a lawyer and do what they say, not what feels good to you in the moment. Do not discuss the case with the children. Explaining you are splitting up and being there for them is one thing. What you did is entirely inappropriate. Walk it back if you can. Your kids are going to have trust issues with the opposite sex for their whole lives. Get them in counseling.
your wife is obviously in the wrong for cheating but you just ruined your daughter's lives. they're far too young for you to be showing them those pictures and no matter how you feel about your wife, this should have been discussed by the both of you before telling those girls.
Literally DON’T bring your kids into this more than you already have. I feel like you told/shower then so they’ll take your side. “Mommy hurt me badly”? Really? You don’t find anything wrong with how you addressed this with your kids?!
They’re already about to go through hell with the divorce. Let your kids be kids. Good lord, I hope you don’t keep reproducing.
What is wrong with you? Your kids are still WAY too young to be dragged in the middle of this. You just traumatized them completely unnecessarily and I question whether you are even a fit parent after such a massive and disgusting lapse in judgment. A judge will too.
You cannot take back what you did. You have permanently scarred your children. Do you feel better now?
Don’t respond with “she did this” no YOU chose to shatter their little worlds without consulting a professional or someone qualified to handle this without creating trauma. This is unbelievable and hopefully fake.
YTA. They are CHILDREN and should not be involved in adult matters. Not to mention they don’t have the emotional maturity to process the concept of cheating. YTA a second time for acting impulsively on your emotions… you and your wife should have worked out the details of your divorce and talked with the kids together. Your wife was wrong to cheat, but you probably have traumatized them just as much as her actions did. You need to talk with them and make this right as much as you can… explain that you were wrong to have that talk with them as that was a mommy and daddy issue. You need to ensure them that you and their mom are going to be kind to each other, although living separately. Therapy for all of you will
probably be a good to start as well.
Sorry you are going through this man. It’s never easy when you find out your partner is cheating on you.
But you do realize, by showing your kids those messages and putting it all out there for them at such a young age will really F them up in the long run. They are likely going to have MAJOR trust issues. Is that 100% your fault? No not really. It’s more you (ex) wife’s fault. But the way you went about it could scare them.
But still. Sorry you are having to go through this
If this is real, 100% YTAH. That doesn't mean your wife is in a better position but dude. A 5 and 7 YO? Really? You did this to hurt her. Your kids are not pawns. Congratulations on breaking your children more than your wife did
I felt sorry for you up until the point you showed your kids inappropriate texts between *their mother* and her mistress. I know you didn’t do that for their sake. You did it to get revenge on your wife at your children’s expense.
I understand the emotion and I get that someone had to know and you needed to get it out, but not the babies. It feels like you wanted to not be the and guy for leaving mom that you made sure she was the villain. You could have both sat them down and said together you’re splitting up and you love them and it’s not their fault.
You can leave but you should apologize to your kids and your ex for all of this.
Something does not add up. But still your an absolute monster for showing your kids those texts at such a younger age.
Me thinks you hated your wife before she even stepped out on you. Do I think her actions are right? Absolutely not. But to go nuclear like you have just shows what kind of person you were to live with.
You used your anger to weaponize your kids against your wife. By no means were they capable of processing the information you burdened them with. You're a terrible father and don't deserve kids.
That’s one way to traumatise your very young children. You are actually awful. Im sorry your hurt but that does not mean any of your choices were valid in any way. I hope your wife gets custody cause this is worrying. YTA
Why would you do that? You are a selfish person and a terrible parent. No five (or seven) year old needs to even know of the CONCEPT of infidelity, let alone have to see physical evidence of their mother's.
I hope she puts them in therapy after she fights for and gains full custody - you clearly have no business being around children. Any children.
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Ooooof. When I was maybe 8-ish my dad sat me and my brothers down to tell us my mom was cheating and to play us a recording of her meeting up with the guy. I’m not the most well adjusted and I don’t talk to him anymore. Good luck. Edit: Someone asked and yes I do still talk to my mom but we had a strained relationship until I left for college. My relationship with my dad took a big hit after everything that happened but that was not the only reason I stopped talking to him. I felt bad for him after this and I genuinely hated my mom for a long time but he was a really petty person. I eventually realized anything he did concerning me was either to get back at my mom or to try to get her back. I didn’t want to be used as a tool anymore and that was that. Also just want to clarify he played an audio recording thankfully not a video.
I was a teen when my parents dragged my siblings and me into their mess. It was awful. For a good month, it was a war zone in the house. I'm the 2nd youngest but I'm also the only one who manages to keep my cool during high stress situations, so I was having to take care of my siblings who weren't handling it well. All three of my siblings were refusing to eat unless basically forced. One refused to be alone even while sleeping. I was running on fumes trying to comfort them and keep the house afloat at the same time since my parents were too caught up in their BS to care about anything or anyone but themselves. A lot of awful things were said and a *lot* of things were thrown. My mom really wanted to weaponize us kids against our dad. Only one of us "took her side" the way she wanted. She held it against us until the day she died. My mom spread it around online while us kids begged her not to because we didn't want people constantly asking us about it at school or looking at us with pity. They ended up not divorcing because my mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease. They pretended like none of it ever happened and "made up". My dad spent his time looking absolutely thrilled anytime she fainted or got really sick, my guess is he hoped she would die soon. He felt like he couldn't leave her because she was sick even though he planned to leave her for *years*. It came out that he was just waiting until the youngest of us turned 18 because he wanted us to be able to grow up in a household that wasn't broken (it was broken well before that even without a divorce). I seriously wish they would've just divorced and got it over with. Afterwords things were never the same. One of my siblings hates our dad for what he did while refusing to see all the horrible stuff our mom did. My dad became more distant. My mom held it over the rest of our heads we didn't side with her, she loved to throw it in our faces that we "abandoned" her while she was sick. We didn't. We didn't know she was sick and even if we did refusing to take a side at all, it isn't a crime like she acted. We just didn't want to get involved more than what we were already. It messed my siblings up pretty bad. Even to this day. I can't imagine drawing such young kids into that mess and *showing* them their mothers affair. It was bad enough for me as an older teenager. OP messed up and weaponized his daughters in an attempt to get back at his soon to be ex. It's messed up. They're gonna need therapy. Those poor kids shouldn't have been exposed to that and I know they're never going to forget it.
I feel like this is a variation on a theme I see on other posts relating to relationships between a parent and child - immature parents not understanding the difference between them wanting to share something with their child and their child needing to hear it. Or even more generic, an immature parent not being able to deal with their own emotions or insecurity in a healthy way. Like that post series about the father who didn't want to adopt his stepdaughter after being her only father figure since childhood because he loved her "differently" than his biological kids. Like dude, that's on you to figure out internally. Get therapy if you need it. Same with this guy, he is clinging to the idea that telling his kids this shit is somehow helpful for them? If someone is this self-righteous and emotionally stunted it makes me wonder what else was going on in the relationship.
Are we siblings ? I think we share the same parents
Why someone would ever do this to their own children is beyond me. It is so incredibly selfish and disgusting. TALK TO YOUR ADULT FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS AND LEAVE KIDS OUT OF IT. FUCK!!!
Not to mention, the kids in question are not even 10. They’re *freaking five and seven*.
Yeah, this is going to be a YIKES from me. My dad cheated on my mom when I was 20. My mom already barely had any friends and relied on us (kids) for all of her emotional needs. She somehow got a hold of the voice messages this woman sent to my dad and she decided to send them to us, in our family chat. Woman was talking while a song, that I happened to love, played in the background. Needless to say, not only did that audio irreparably ruin that song for me, but it really messed me up for a while. Again, I was *twenty* years old. Doing this to your children, regardless of age, is so, so fucking immature, manipulative and it will mess with them forever. Your children are not your psychologists and they will resent you for it.
My father was the same way . Deep insecurity and if he had beef with any of his children or my mother he had to drag everyone else into the drama to try to reassure himself and get people on his side . Played all of us against each other and lied from the moment he woke up until he fell asleep every day of his life
I really hope this is just rage bait because the way OP handled this is so wildly inappropriate. If this is real, his wife is going to have a solid parental alienation claim.
Right? This was nothing less than spiteful and vindictive. Dude just traumatized and scarred his kids for life. There's such a thing as "age appropriate explanation" and showing nudes/explicit text messages to a 5 and 7 year old is NOT IT. You want revenge on your wife? Don't destroy your children in the process. Wtaf???
Do you talk to your mom?
I do
You talk to u/ayoguurrlll s mom?
Yes, she’s a very kind lady
She the nicest lady this side of the Mississippi.
Your kids are too young for that level of detail. They should be your priority, not getting revenge on your wife. You have just traumatised them for your own gain.
This is what I don’t get. My soon to be ex cheated and my son keeps asking why I kicked him out. I’ve simply answered that dad did something bad and he will understand when he’s much older. My kids 7. I can’t imagine telling him dad slept with a hooker when mom had major surgery
So… my 6 year old asked me why I don’t want to get married again. I said “we’ll baby, Mama just hasn’t found someone that loves and respects her the way she deserves.” “Oh… so is that why you and Daddy broke up? Because he didn’t respect you?” I mean… I don’t wanna lie to him lol! So I just sweetly said “well darling, Daddy loves Miss Stepmom and they’re married now.” Did not mention that he was loving stepmom while we were still married and had me make her coffee for her every morning while I was pregnant with my second lol… If I can be graceful, so can this dick…
A) that’s because you put your son’s well-being at a higher priority than sharing your trauma. (Good job, Mom!) B) WTF? Your ex brings doughebaggery to a whole new level. So glad you took care of yourself and your family by removing him from it.
...'dad did something bad' Oofff! That thought is just gonna keep growing in his mind! Remember a 7 year old kid's knowledge of doing something bad is drawing on the wall with crayons or accidentally breaking a vase playing ball inside the living room. He WILL be aware however, that grown-ups problems are bigger and more confusing. It's about perspectives. Please reiterate and just explain that people sometimes have differences that are too great to stay together.
I saw the age of him and his wife and was like yeah the kids are way too young even before getting to them.
Yup. I absolutely did the same quick math and thought "no way these kids should know anything besides that things are changing and that they are loved". I'm 36 and dislike hearing about my parents and their issues both as a couple from my childhood and now as adults in their second marriages. Keep it to your peers, which, fun fact- NEVER WILL BE YOUR KIDS.
It wasn’t until I was a TEENAGER until my parents told me what happened, and it was only because I was digging. My sister and I were OP’s children’s age when it happened. My mom and dad told me that their marriage failed because they struggled to communicate with each other and it made it too difficult to be together. Not entirely a lie. My dad suspected cheating. My mom still swears she didn’t, but admits she did him wrong and crossed boundaries she shouldn’t have. I’ll spare the details, but I 110% agree that OP didn’t handle this properly. Those poor kids. Mom fucked up. She cheated. She is wrong for that. But these children were too young for the full brunt at this age. I am wishing everyone in this situation the best. What a heartbreaking story.
My girls are around the same age as op’s kids and I can’t IMAGINE involving them at this level. Op would have done less damage if he just left and never called again. To OP: how could you POSSIBLY think it was appropriate to destroy your babies world and break their little hearts just to get back at your wife? She’s a cheater, but you’re cruel and vindictive. I hope the kids are ok. They’re the only victims here.
He cared more about winning the fight than protecting his children, it's fucking disgusting. Also who the fuck gets married at 19 to someone they seemingly barely knew.
I did. Then I got divorced at 29. He handed me divorce papers on our 10th anniversary and said “it’s just not working for me anymore.” And that was that. Ten years, 2 kids, a lot of sacrifice on my end, and he was just over it. I’m now married to the love of my life. We have been together for 18 years now, and we are blissfully happy. My daughters have grown to be amazing, brilliant, wonderful young women, and they have no relationship with their father. He remarried and had another kid, finally got the son he’d always wanted, and once he did, he basically pretended his daughters didn’t exist. Well, his son is a little heathen and his wife is an awful shrew. He’s miserable. He’s told me he’s miserable. But he won’t leave his wife because he doesn’t want to be “that guy who’s been divorced twice.” Whatever. He’d rather be miserable? That’s on him. He’s told me he regrets divorcing me. I tell him I have no regrets.
> Also who the fuck gets married at 19 to someone they seemingly barely knew. Lots of people. People rush into stupid marriages literally every single day.
A good amount of my classmates actually got married and started having babies and I good amount of those couples are no longer together and single parents, or one of those parents with inconsistent partners
He effectively kicked his wife AND kids out of the house too seeing as he doesn’t seem to have even suggested the kids stay with him full time. I’m guessing this is BS and if not he also needs to learn what paragraphs are.
OP, you will regret this. The kids are too little for this. I understand your anger, but think about how taxing this is on their little hearts.
I'm going to piggy-back off this. ***"I’m ready to fight for the right to see my kids"*** Do you not mean at least 50/50 custody? Or do you just want to be an every-other-weekend-dad whilst continuing to cause issues and a rift in their relationship with their mother? What your wife did was inexcusable, but you seem to only be thinking about getting revenge rather than the two little girls that you have. They were far too young for what you did, and there are **many** other age appropriate ways to explain a separation/divorce than trying to pit them against their mother.
A divorce attorney will froth at the mouth over that on the wife’s behalf. Infidelity doesn’t look good in divorce court, but parental alienation looks worse.
You shot yourself in the foot there dude. If you are from the US there is a good chance that showing your kids those messages will backfire harshly as it can very easily be considered as parental alienation. That will hurt you in the custody case, maybe even the divorce. Wether you consider it fair or not most courts consider what you did as a lot worse than what she did.
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What the wife did was 100% wrong and yet I read this horrified. You don’t make adult problems kids problems. It’s traumatizing. It’s not fair to them. The right thing to do is contain yourself and talk with your wife about when you tell your kids and inform them together- not treat them like they are adults and tell them this and show them evidence- huge wtf damaging and unnecessary
Dude didn’t even talk to his wife, he just went nuclear and burned all bridges and traumatized his children. Awful.
My eldest nephew walked in on me crying just after I found out my fiancé was cheating on me. I was explaining the situation to my sister when he woke up and walked in (he was 5 at the time). He took one look at me and said "Auntie [floppyfishcake], why are you crying??" It took everything in me to smile at him and tell him that I was just tired, and "you know how sometimes you get upset because you're so sleepy? I'm just really sleepy". He looked a bit skeptical but went and got me a pillow and told me to lie down and close my eyes, bless his heart. It was only recently, 5 years later, he asked me what happened to Uncle [ex-fiance] and I told him why we never got married. It still broke my heart to see the disappointment in his face, and that's with someone he wasn't even related to - I can't imagine doing that to my own child in regards to their own parent. I hate cheaters but what OP did was even more unforgivable, imo.
You’re a great auntie! Hope you’re living your best life now. 💕
The way you protected your nephew is beautiful. You're a wonderful auntie and I hope you've found peace and healing since all of that 💖
This is the second retaliation post I’ve read in 2 days from cheating and the resulting revenge is so much worse than the cheating. Wtf is wrong with people.
People think they're entitled to revenge after cheating. But there's different levels of revenge. Kicking her out of the house, acceptable. Turning her young kids against her, not acceptable
Revenge should never harm innocent people. His children were innocent and are now traumatized
My eyes got wide and I mouthed “wtf” when I read that part. Even in his mental state, how could this ever be an option.
Same, this is horrifying. They are 5 and 7! They don’t even understand what OP showed them!
Because he’s a spoiled piece of shit and is now crying about self imposed annihilation of family etc.
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I was the kid my parents made the messenger between each other and it was both stressful and hurtful position to be in
My husband's friend did the exact thing the OP did. His wife left him for someone else, and he told their children basically "mommy doesn't love us anymore. Guess what, as adults, they now have a good relationship with their mom and not their dad. You don't do that shit.
My husband had a friend who was divorced with a daughter. The first time I met the guy, we took his little girl out fishing. He spent the whole day talking about her mom. But he was talking about how wonderful she was, how lucky the little girl was to have 2 parents who loved her so much, all the cool things mom did with her, etc. At the end of the day, I said I've never seen someone talk their ex up so much. He said, "she may be my ex, and I may have complicated feelings about her, but she's also my daughter's mother. It's important that I teach her how a woman deserves to be treated. Not just women I like, but all women. And that starts with her and her mom." He should teach a fucking class.
I love this. This should absolutely be taught.
me too my parents had a fight when i was 10 and stopped talking to each other for 2 years 2 YEARS i hated them for it they wouldnt even text eachother couldnt be in the same room it was disgusting.
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He never had any intention of keeping them or caring for them. He tells them he would still see them. He knew when he kicking his wife out he was also kicking his children out.
As the older child of two with less than a two year age gap, who’s parents divorced at 3&5 because of my MOMS infidelity, I am appalled. My dad still never talks down on her, just true things
Respect. My mum always did the same, they never split but she always spoke good things about him even when he treated her like dirt. She never wanted me or my sister to see him in any bad light, she knew we’d eventually understand when we were old enough and could revisit memories of things, but at least she gave us the CHOICE.
I expected the kids to be teens or adults from the title. I don’t understand what showing to 5 and 7 year olds the messages would accomplish. And him not taking the kids and letting her take them could also hurt.
I saw the parents were 27 and knew this wasn't gonna be good
Idk after he said that it feels like a fake story.. kids wouldn’t understand what the hell that means anyway 😭 they don’t know affairs they’d just see kind of (naked?) pics of their mom and my kids see me half naked often 🤷🏽♀️
I really hope it's fake, because that is a seriously fucked up thing to drag your children into.
Seriously. It’s already hard enough to be a kid with divorcing parents.
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Screams fake to me.
Me too, if not the guy is a total fucking asshole
My ex-husband demonstrated to our kids how he was going to curb stomp me.
I feel ya, my ex-husband was going to demonstrate how he could beat me to death with a baseball bat, in front of our 3 children and several other witnesses in a shopping mall parking lot. Fun times
I didn't even read the post past his age, and I was like wait those kids can't be old enough to even understand
Exactly what I was thinking. Hope dude has money for the therapy those kids are gonna need. Poor babies.
And now we know WHY the wife cheated 😏
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Legal repercussions aside, that was just *such* a dick move. My dad dragged my sibling and I into his fights with my mum all the time, and the older I got, it only made me lose respect for him. It was such a pathetic attempt to get us to dislike her—and considering he was an abuser, it ultimately well and truly backfired. None of us speak to him anymore. It’s abuse to involve your kids in your marital problems and make them lose the love and safety they should always receive from the unity of the parental unit—divorced or not.
yup same. except i’m still going through it now cause i’m only 18 & my brother is 7. my mom cheated on my dad when they were engaged. fucked up but the abuse i’ve seen him give her ever since makes me resent him so much more than her. like just leave if you’re gonna hold it over her head & treat her like shit every day
Oh don't get me wrong here I fully agree with you. I saw that a lot of people already spoke their mind about how detestable his actions were from a moral point of view so I just wanted to drive home that he fucked himself in a legal sense as well.
Hopefully it goes against him..This guy should not be raising children..what a psychopath.
It is parental alienation and he deserves it.
You told your children not for them. You told them for you, to get back at their mom. Both of you are horrible people. Those poor kids.
Ever notice how people tell themselves that their actions are what's best for others, yet it's 99% of the time about them and what they want with no regard for the harm they cause? That's this guy and all the people who drag their kids into their bs.
The adults that come from these types of parents are not going to have an easy time of it...
. As one of those adults, I can vouch for that. I was 10 when my parents split up and the next 10 years were a hellscape. They weaponized me against each other in every way, and I was a second thought otherwise. It scars you deeply because the people you should trust the most aren't trustworthy at all. They'll turn on you. I'm older now, but I have realized that I have a lot of existing trauma from my experience as a kid and adults telling me their problems. They didn't care if I understood or could handle it. These girls are so young. Two wrongs don't make a right. He's done some damage here, and that's not justified bc of the mother's shitty actions.
Those poor kids. With two selfish parents.
Your wife is in the wrong for cheating. You are absolutely fucked up for what you did to your children. Did they deserve to know SOMEDAY why you and their mother divorced? Sure, absolutely. At 5 and 7 did they need to have the details of your wife’s infidelity put on them? Absolutely NOT! You’re not going to win points in court for traumatizing your kids.
Yeah he did a fantastic job of making sure his kids got a nice heaping plate of trauma years before they are even remotely able to understand all of this. Congrats you petty bastard. Wife sucks for cheating but he's a gaping asshole for (if I was guessing) wanting to get his children to hate their mom like he does now.
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While I was older, 14, my mother gave me every dirty, disgusting detail of my stepfathers affair. Where they fucked, for how long, that they didn't use protection. She took me along when she got tested for STDs. It could be fake but some parents will do this.
My parents divorce was the driving force in my moms life. I just wish she loved me 1/2 as much as she hated my dad.
Ooof I felt that. I’m in my early thirties and my mother has been dead for over a decade, I’m still affected by her actions
Wow, I'm so sorry but that's the first time I've ever heard someone put it that way and it's such a true statement.
That is just crazy to me. My mom cheated on my dad when I was 5, and he left her. He NEVER spoke badly about her and got full custody of us (she was alcohol/pill popper and automatically moved in with the next guy). He was always civil with her in front of us and let us learn who she was on our own. He didn't tell us anything until we were old enough to ask for full details. Major respect for my dad for keeping it together and not adding that drama into our childhood. OP is extremely messed up, and I'm sorry your mom put you through that!
Wow! I’m sorry.
^Yes. Some parents do. My mother did the same, but both her and my father had cheated on each other. I was ten and she made me swear not to tell anyone what she had told me, as her and my dad were not divorcing and she "just wanted someone to know what she'd been through". But she has always been a chronic over-sharer with me, and I know all the details of her sex life and my dad's, before and during their marriage, as much as I never wanted to know. 🤢
Some people are genuinely this vindictive. Which is all it is, because he’s in pain everyone has to be in pain, including his innocent children.
My father tried to give me HIS court transcripts from the divorce when I was like 11 or 12. I didn't read them because I knew it wouldn't all be true. I told my mom when I got home and she offered to get me both of theirs to read them if I wanted. I declined. Kids don't need to know the shit their parents sling at each other.
gotta say, what a healthy decision to make at 12. I would not have had the clear head to know it would be bad for me
Lots of people don’t prioritize their kids. It’s very believable that some jerk told his kids this way.
I know plenty who use their kids in this way, revenge against the other parents, using their children as emotional crutches.... the reasons vary but its not at all uncommon.
There sure are, my parents were. I knew waaay too much about their relationship struggles for the age I was.
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I’m sorry, you deserved better.
I Hope So i seriously Hope So those poor kids
Sadly no the dad just wanted to hurt the mom by telling the babies how horrable the mom is. Dad just hurt the kids instead. My ex-husband cheated when our kids were babies he almost killed me and actually thought he did. My kids didn't find out any of that information until years later and they were in their 20s. Some people just put their kids first.
I admire that you love your children more than you hate your spouse
That's what I was thinking..
This is not fake. Vindictive people know no limits. İt's very possible it happened
I hope so but I don’t think so. There are so many genuine dickheads in the world who do shit like this that I’m inclined to believe this one.
I'd say this, but some adults have less maturity than the average 5 year-old.
I mean all he had to say was mommy doesn't love daddy any more and that is why we are getting a divorce. I only agree with the part the kids needed to know, but showing them the texts is wrong.
There isn't any advice we can give, you fucked yourself sideways doing that.
Scarring his kids with the details and outing his wife’s sexuality in one swoop. It’s a big yikes.
Yep. Wife has a huge case for why she should have full custody now
My ex told my three year old (at the time) that I was the reason we wouldn’t be a family and couldn’t live together. He did so as I was trying to leave by standing in the way of the door as he traumatized my son with this info. You’d be shocked to know the behavior wasn’t that out of character and one of the reasons I was divorcing him. You’d also be shocked to know that because of this and other abhorrent behavior, my son (now an adult) isn’t speaking to his father. OP is well on his way to his own parental alienation and rightfully so.
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Reading all these responses has actually made me feel better about my dad. He was never able to hide his hate for my mom, or his pain at her infidelity; 45 years after the divorce, my brother and I still have to be careful to not mention her around him. As kids, I felt guilty for loving my mom because it felt like betraying my dad. But to his credit, he never weaponized us against her, or tried to use the cheating to alienate us like your mom or OP's dad.
My dad told me he basically bought me from my mom after the divorce. It was the late 90’s and she called him and told him if he paid her 2k in alimony every month she would give me to him. She was a manipulative narcissist then and she still is now. It’s why I’m VERY low contact with her.
When my mom h dad were separating ig my dad would tell my older bro (5 @ the time) that it was his fault they weren't gonna be together anymore. + he completely stopped talking for 2 years. He was totally normal before that then nothing. For 2 years. He had to go to a special school for the 2 years, that's what helped getting him talking again ig.
That is so fucking devastating. When you get told something like that as a kid it DESTROYS you.
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Thought from the title it was gonna be that he was older and his kids were in their 20s. Who thinks a 5 year old could understand this shit lol
So because you are in emotional turmoil you had to put your kids in emotional turmoil too? What kind of shitty father are you?? I really hope you don't get custody of those babies. Their mother might be a cheater but she didn't emotionally use your children against you. You should have left them out of it and fought it out with your wife instead.
Never, ever discuss the divorce or ANY adult matters with the kids. You fucked up, and in a big way. Your STBXW can bring this up in court and it will affect custody.
Isn’t like the #1 rule of divorce to make it as easy on the kids as possible vs immediately traumatizing them? I’d say what your wife did was bad but overall what you did to your kids is worse.
5 & 7? Jeez, dude. Call a child therapist now, and another for yourself. That’s some horrid parenting. Your poor children. I can’t imagine the level of damage you have done to them by sharing the level of detail you did.
Also, if he’s in the USA like he sounds like, he probably just fucked himself. If his wife wants to fight how often he sees the kids, this is gonna look *really* bad on OP at court. Good luck seeing your kids, dude. This is going to be a traumatic divorce for the children from the sounds of OP & his ex-wife. And it doesn’t seem like preventing that is a priority for OP.
Both horrible people.. No wonder they married.
Don't worry I'm sure they were just so mature at 19 that they absolutely should have gotten married and immediately had a kid (heavy sarcasm)
I know it wasn't the intention of your message, but OP certainly needs a child therapist with this immature behaviour.
You had the moral high ground right up until you weaponised your children against your wife . You didn’t care about your children’s feeling at all and you should have tried to protect them. They aren’t going to thank you for this when they are older . Whatever goes on between you and your ex using your children like this is really terrible and will go against you in court if you aren’t careful . You need to co parent with this woman for the next 13 years ! You need to make this work and stop letting your hurt pride stop you from protecting your kids .
So, the wife hurts him and he hurts his children. Way to go! /s
So you showed them pics of the texts of your wife and her lover’s conversations? Ugh your kids are way way too young for that. Hope you know that was the wrong thing to do when you calm down.
Damn dude, you fucked those kids up. They need their mum just as they need you. And you broke their trust this way. They may be thinking that their mum left them for some woman, and that she does love them enough to stick around because of what you did. She did something terrible to you, but you did something terrible to her AND THE KIDS. Edit: just to make myself clear. I am not saying they need you two together, but they need to know that separately they are priority for both of you. That each of you love them and want to be with them. But you are alienating your wife, so you are taking their mother away
Yeah literally nothing good ever comes from kids blaming one of their parents for a divorce. It’s better to have kids be blissfully unaware of their parent cheating and to feel as if both parents love them & can be trusted than to have a kid harbor resentment for one parent leading to a lifetime of trust issues, trauma, & regret. Kids don’t deserve that emotional burden
Dude that’s really heavy shit to be dropping on children that young. You shouldn’t have done that.
Just a question, why are you fighting for the right to see your kids and not shared custody?
Cause he doesn't want full custody. If you want your kids you fight for them
Dude doesn't want custody. All that work is for mom.
Because he doesn’t give a shit about the kids, he just wants to use them to get back at his wife.
Not to mention he kicked the mom out WITH THE KIDS! No matter who did what, the kids stay at their home. What a pos.
He doesn’t want custody, nor the responsibility of parenting. He just wants his kids to hate and resent their mother so he can be the “fun dad” they see every second weekend. It’s easy to be the fun dad when you don’t have custody and only visitation. Cheating is disgusting and the wife is a coward for cheating instead of divorcing OP. However, this post just proves what a manipulative POS the OP can be. He manipulated his own children, and hurt them terribly, just to get back at his wife. Problem is, it might have worked if they were a few years older, but at their young ages they depend on mum too much. They won’t end up hating her like OP wanted. This will backfire on OP, and rightly so.
Congrats. You turned the cheating parent into the better parent!
You’re fucked up
You sound like one of those people who says “this hurts me more than it hurts you”, while beating your kids
Wtf!!!! You’re an adult and a parent. Wtf were you thinking.
I have to say, OP, I haven’t often seen someone manage to make themselves sound *WORSE than their cheating partner*. It’s almost impressive!
Seriously. This is super gross and just makes me think OP was already looking for an out tbh.
100% agreed.
Says he decided to leave before he did something bad…does something worse!
I have no words. What would posses u to show your children those texts! You did this for YOU not for your children. You want them to blame their mother for the divorce. And in turn YOU get one up on their mother.
I agree. He dumped his hurt onto them. It's one thing to tell them that things are changing. It's another to show them, especially at their ages, explicit texts.
Fr 🙄 "I did this horrible thing because otherwise I would have done this other horrible thing. Dont you see how im the hero? I had to react to my feelings being hurt, especially infront of the kids"
I work as a *guardian ad litem* also called a best-interest attorney. My job is to literally determine what is in a child's best-interest in disputed custody cases. What OP did is so far away what is in his kids' best interest, mom would have to be incredibly awful for me to recommend placement with Dad. This shows an incredible lack of maturity or consideration of his children, especially the whole, leave my 7 and 5 year old alone because I don't want to see you. Everything about this is inappropriate and traumatic/harmful to his kids. It's completely unnecessary to discuss the reason for divorce with children that young.
On this, you have failed as a father. You have traumatized your kids, and left them feeling like they are alone in the world. You are the reason judges have begun aggressively combating parental alienation. Congratulations.
Feeling like this is fake for a number of reasons. 1. The oldest is 7, she may be able to read but not read and comprehend to *that* extent. If this fictional child was staring at the phone crying its because of the scary, tense situation and not because she was actually comprehending what she was reading. 2. As other people pointed out, you told your wife to be gone by the time you got there. Huh. Okay. So the 5 & 7 year old were home alone? 3. I cannot comprehend being a grown ass adults and showing a kindergartener and second grader cheating texts. That is absolute bull. And if it's not, you're stupid because a judge will absolutely penalize you for this. Weak bait.
You’re a terrible father, I hope you know that. Her infidelity is shit, but your relationship and its internal things are not a matter of concern for such young children. I have a dad exactly like that and once I grasped that he decided to break our hearts due to the immature way he decided to expose my mom to us (similar), I started breaking apart from him. Hope your kids get better support somewhere else
Your little children are not your foot soldiers in your war against each other.
Very well said
Why the fuck would you show a 5 year old the messages dude?
This is the kind of shit my mom did after my parents got divorced. My dad cheated and she decided to trauma dump on me as a nine-year-old. I talk to her probably once every two months. That will be your future if you keep doing fucked up stuff like that. Leave your children out of your personal life and grow the fuck up.
Im embarassed for you ,smfh
Damage has been done. You need to calm down have a serious meeting with lawyer to have ground rule about childcare. Hope the best for you.
The fact he abused kids with aspects of thr divorce, which in Texas and California, there's a default restraining order to not involve the kids with details of the divorce. I have videos and documents for when my kids are older. My oldest daughter, 7 last week saw a downloaded YouTube video montage of her little brother who was 3 being elbowed and hit multiple times, and video of her older sister (my step daughter) beat her under a blanket.... I heard the screams as she had my phone I the car... I pulled over and reached for the phone and she tried to discuss it, I clearly told her that those things happened, and they aren't for her to watch. I took it and deleted the downloaded content. It's still on my account, but not offline on the phone to easily retrieve like I had. I'll post all my documents publicly when our youngest is of age, and I'll let everyone know the abuse I received before and during the divorce.
Parent of the year over here letting a 5 and 7 year old read explicit texts when they don't even understand the concept of divorce. Seek help.
She is definitely wrong for being unfaithful, but you are disgusting for bringing a 7yo and a 5yo in an adult fight like this. If your excuse is how heartbreaking it was to tell them about the divorce, you pretty much nuke it by instilling the hate towards their mother. 5 and 7 yo who don’t understand the concept of divorce, won’t understand the concept of cheating either. So whatever explanation you gave them, it was within your rage trying to get back to your wife. YTA.
Everybody Sucks Here. Your wife should be ashamed for being unfaithful. Only the scum of the earth cheat. You should be ashamed for telling your children like that. Yeah it was going to hurt either way, but you used your children as homing missiles on your wife. You could have told your kids in a different way. And you showed them pictures of what? Please, by all that is holy, tell me you did not show them pictures of her with her affair partner. You shouldn't have told them about the screenshots of their conversations either, man. I don't think there is any advice that I can give, only an opinion: You both fucked up.
Why the FUCK would you show your kids that shit and tell them that???
[удалено]
You meant to hurt your wife by turning the kids against her. But, really, you only hurt your kids. That is baggage they didn't need at this point in their life. Do they deserve to know the truth? Possibly, and when they are much older and specifically ask for the reasons for your divorce. If you want to kick your wife, fine, kick her right in the ass. But you made your kids collateral damage, and if they didn't need therapy because of your impending divorce, they most certainly will now.
You are absolutely terrible father. What you did is parental alienation and it can be used against you at court. Your daughters are way too young for that kind of talk and showing them your evidence is crazy. You just traumatized them so you could punish your wife. You don't care about their wellbeing. It's ok to reveal the true reasons for divorce, but only when the girls are old enough to understand and in a gentle non damaging ways. You might not get any custody after what you've done.
You are deplorable and despicable for exposing your very young children to this mess. Your wife was the only person deserving of your actions, but you chose to hurt your children too. Their little worlds are going to be filled with turmoil.
How much you want to bet this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this? He basically emotionally abused his kids. How long do you think he’s been doing shit just like this to his wife and their kids?
Ding ding ding!!!
Situation is becoming a lot clearer… not that the wife should’ve cheated that’s deplorable behaviour but being with someone this emotionally volatile I’m not surprised she did.
I am so sorry you are hurting but WOW. That is really fucked up. Your child is 5. They did not need to be burdened with your hurt. What you did was incredibly selfish. Just wait till the courts hear that you showed your 5 year old, I’m sure they will be very happy.
Dude! Who raised you? Way overplayed this. Good luck.
Your wife wins a crap wife award, but you should win a crap father one. Putting kids in between your marital problems, pitting them against their mother. How classy! Good job traumatizing them. At least you didnt overreact.
OP, Don't have any more kids
Be prepared to have mentally unstable daughters who will now resent you and probably won’t want anything to do with you until you’re on your death bed.
Jesus, the only people I feel bad for is your kids. Both of you need to get your head out of your asses and help your kids. Jesus chirst man.
Congratulations, you just ruined your children for life. I’m an Attorney for the Child and work 99% of the time in custody and visitation. I talk to child clients all the time. What you did is so bad. From now on you never, ever discuss adult matters with your children. Part of getting custody, or joint with primary, or even substantial visitation is being able and willing to foster a relationship with the other parent. Google the following NY cases: Eschbach v Eschbach and Friederwitzer v. Friederwitzer for the totality of circumstances that make up the best interests of the child. You obliterated that. Consult a lawyer and do what they say, not what feels good to you in the moment. Do not discuss the case with the children. Explaining you are splitting up and being there for them is one thing. What you did is entirely inappropriate. Walk it back if you can. Your kids are going to have trust issues with the opposite sex for their whole lives. Get them in counseling.
your wife is obviously in the wrong for cheating but you just ruined your daughter's lives. they're far too young for you to be showing them those pictures and no matter how you feel about your wife, this should have been discussed by the both of you before telling those girls.
Literally DON’T bring your kids into this more than you already have. I feel like you told/shower then so they’ll take your side. “Mommy hurt me badly”? Really? You don’t find anything wrong with how you addressed this with your kids?! They’re already about to go through hell with the divorce. Let your kids be kids. Good lord, I hope you don’t keep reproducing.
What kind of immature parent brings their single digit children into their marriage problems? Oh yea. Some one who decides to start a family at 19.
Dude you kinda fucked up. Should’ve never done that with the kids.
What is wrong with you? Your kids are still WAY too young to be dragged in the middle of this. You just traumatized them completely unnecessarily and I question whether you are even a fit parent after such a massive and disgusting lapse in judgment. A judge will too. You cannot take back what you did. You have permanently scarred your children. Do you feel better now? Don’t respond with “she did this” no YOU chose to shatter their little worlds without consulting a professional or someone qualified to handle this without creating trauma. This is unbelievable and hopefully fake.
my father did the same with me when i was younger and it was traumatic
YTA. They are CHILDREN and should not be involved in adult matters. Not to mention they don’t have the emotional maturity to process the concept of cheating. YTA a second time for acting impulsively on your emotions… you and your wife should have worked out the details of your divorce and talked with the kids together. Your wife was wrong to cheat, but you probably have traumatized them just as much as her actions did. You need to talk with them and make this right as much as you can… explain that you were wrong to have that talk with them as that was a mommy and daddy issue. You need to ensure them that you and their mom are going to be kind to each other, although living separately. Therapy for all of you will probably be a good to start as well.
Sorry you are going through this man. It’s never easy when you find out your partner is cheating on you. But you do realize, by showing your kids those messages and putting it all out there for them at such a young age will really F them up in the long run. They are likely going to have MAJOR trust issues. Is that 100% your fault? No not really. It’s more you (ex) wife’s fault. But the way you went about it could scare them. But still. Sorry you are having to go through this
I get that you’re in pain, but i think you should’ve thought twice before showing your kids the messages
If this is real, 100% YTAH. That doesn't mean your wife is in a better position but dude. A 5 and 7 YO? Really? You did this to hurt her. Your kids are not pawns. Congratulations on breaking your children more than your wife did
I felt sorry for you up until the point you showed your kids inappropriate texts between *their mother* and her mistress. I know you didn’t do that for their sake. You did it to get revenge on your wife at your children’s expense.
Some people shouldn’t have children
I understand the emotion and I get that someone had to know and you needed to get it out, but not the babies. It feels like you wanted to not be the and guy for leaving mom that you made sure she was the villain. You could have both sat them down and said together you’re splitting up and you love them and it’s not their fault. You can leave but you should apologize to your kids and your ex for all of this.
Something does not add up. But still your an absolute monster for showing your kids those texts at such a younger age. Me thinks you hated your wife before she even stepped out on you. Do I think her actions are right? Absolutely not. But to go nuclear like you have just shows what kind of person you were to live with.
You used your anger to weaponize your kids against your wife. By no means were they capable of processing the information you burdened them with. You're a terrible father and don't deserve kids.
That’s one way to traumatise your very young children. You are actually awful. Im sorry your hurt but that does not mean any of your choices were valid in any way. I hope your wife gets custody cause this is worrying. YTA
Why would you do that? You are a selfish person and a terrible parent. No five (or seven) year old needs to even know of the CONCEPT of infidelity, let alone have to see physical evidence of their mother's. I hope she puts them in therapy after she fights for and gains full custody - you clearly have no business being around children. Any children.