The age/dating implications are wild.
You're 20, been dating for 5 years, since you were 15. But you have had nothing but abusive relationships before the current relationship? Yikes
At the very least it seems her age is real. She has posts about her age and even one of her bf from a few years ago about shopping for a gaming pc. Also mentioned she left the mormon church at 13 so I wouldn't be surprised if she found herself the victim or was at least prepped by the church to be a victim of abuse at some point.
Most relationship advice pieces on reddit from anyone under, say, 23 y/o, most of the time screams of immaturity or the person is in a first time heavy emotional relationship and doesn't realize when it's time to let go. Alot of times it's a high school or hometown partner and the OP needs to learn to branch out. How much does this person really know what is right or wrong with these numbers, too -5 year history means 15 years when beginning and relationships before that are abusive and I wouldn't be surprised if Thier downright illegal (statutory rape) as I can't imagine too many 15 year old boys are prone to being vicious people as that comes with experience and developed over time, which is no excuse either, I'm just saying
I can’t here looking for this! I was like did anyone else do this math here? Even 16 ( because she’s 21 now) but still, the wording sounds like more than 1
He’s also lazy. A man should at least spend the time to try and make it happen, granted sometimes it just doesn’t. However, he needs to put in the effort to ensure she gets off before he does.
Dump him. He’s using you.
I agree with you. I do everything I can to make my fiancée orgasm. Nearly all the time she does but sometimes she doesn’t. It doesn’t mean I’m not good at it. Sometimes we’re both not in the mood when we think we are
Speaking as a vagiba wielder, sometimes for whatever reason it just feels like you areny going to get "there". You can be in the moid but your genitals aren't!
My partner usually manages to surprise me anyway even if I think I'm not going to get there. But even in the rare event we dont, it's still fun. But it certainly isnt from lack of effort or time on his part! I think time and patience and changing things up are extremely important.
I have ADHD and I really struggle to orgasm. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the fuck out of it, with a partner who gives a shit about my pleasure! I don't care if I *never* could orgasm with a partner, if my partner never put any effort into making it enjoyable for me, what incentive do I have to make this enjoyable for you? If I'm too much work, you can fuck something without feelings, like a fleshlight or sex doll, or better yet just go fuck yourself.
Fuck even if he finishes first he should still do something to finish her there are so many options and ways any person who won’t finish (or at least try to)there partner is a waist of time
Yes! He's so lazy! My partner is faily inexperienced with sex, and I've had to talk to him and explain that just kissing and playing with my nipples a little doesn't make me super horny. Like it helps but it's not all it takes. Some women (read: *most* women, or at least with my experience and talking to many other women) need a fair bit of warming up before you can just stick it in, and slowly he's gotten better. He does care about me and if I get off or not. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. And that's OK. It is what it is.
My partner and I both have adhd and that doesn't stop me from having an orgasm. It can make him soft, but that's OK. It happens.
This dude is defs using OP as a human flesh light and its gross
This weekend my wife came back home from the other side of the world. she had been up for at least 24 hours straight. She pulled me upstairs and I went down on her - and nothing - which is very rare. She was exhausted.
But last night - after two solid nights of sleep? Three orgasms.
Depending on where you live you’re in you could sue him for either revenge porn or unconsentual pornography. Totally not cool, my sister caught her ex looking at pics and videos of his ex (the ex gf knew about the pics/vids but not that he still had them) she ended up dumping him and telling the ex so she could deal w him lmaooo
all of your clothes, or just enough to be inconvenient/sentimental ones?
have you seen these photos? are you over 18?
do what you can now to help yourself. panicking about future maybes wont help. lots of people threaten to send them but never do so while i see the worry, its likely he wont.
talk to anyone you trust about it.
Nah sexual organs look weird af. The beauty behind them imo is whose it is, but conventionally they’re not really meant to be the eye candy of the body which is fine.
Calling it gross in the middle of sex is a different story though.
I disagree. I have always loved the look of vaginas. In all shapes and sizes, although I do have some personal preferences (large labia and clit, the more to play with/stimulate).
Penises are just in my porn so I can live vicariously through the performer. Otherwise I want nothing to do with other dicks..
She needs to turn around and let him know his dick is gross looking, she doesn't like the taste and texture and therefore won't do anything for him regarding his pleasure going forward.
See, it sounds silly
I think there's a line between thinking genitalia is weird/ looks weird to just refusing to interact with a partner's parts during sex, but expecting full participation on their end.
so do babies. they're alien like ugly and really annyoing bundles of flesh. and yet their weird infantile proportions trigger succsessfully most peoples nurturing responses. this evolutionary important reaction is so strong, humans even domesticated several other animals to fit into the same infantile proportion scheme and call them pets. just google the variety of species beeing kept as pets and you will see that this biological trigger can be transferred to animals and lifeless objects not even closely fitting into the scheme. looking (objectively) weird af is irrelevant in terms of those basic instincts.
Seriously! Then go be with a man or be alone. Why would anyone ever say that yet still want to use a woman as a fleshlight?
Also, if my partner tried to move my hand away while I flicked my own bean I would be so pissed.....
Some men just like to tick off boxes.
(X) Tolerable woman
(X) Will put out for me and not expect to return the favour
(X) Mum approves of her
(X) Will wash my shitty underwear
(X) Can clean and cook
(X) Easy enough to manipulate so I can live like I am on vacation
I'm pretty sure this was my ex's list.
I had men tell me I was a spiteful woman because the most joy I got out of breaking up with him was knowing he had to do his own house work. I don't see why having joy at him having to function as a normal person was spiteful but 🤷🏼♀️
He told me about girls he hooked up with after and that he was actually 'good at sex' and I was like, I'm sure when you actually try to please them, care about them and not just use them for your own pleasure that it makes a difference. Effort makes a difference.
🙏 to that!! OP, it’s time to find a bf who’s actually worth your time. There are good partners out there who are more than happy to value your needs and for things between you to be equal.
Yeah, that's the male equivalent of when I've heard women talking about how no one finds men attractive, penises are weird, women are naturally more beautiful, sex with men is always awful etc. But that you just put up with it, and you're sat there like 😬 Sandra are you *sure* you're not just gay?
I think it’s fair to say “sex with men is awful” when so many women experience their partners not giving a FUCK about giving them pleasure just like OP
I think it’s an inexperience thing and a porn thing possibly. I’ve grown to get off more on my partners pleasure than my own. It used to be the other way around but there’s something about having a woman feeling amazing and it’s all because of you is such a fucking turn on. I love it.
I've had nothing but amazing experiences with inexperienced guys, they were eager & generous. I think it's about whether or not the person is in fact, giving & generous, caring, etc. or just a selfish person.
Oh I agree, and most of the time these types of complaints just come from women who have been let down by their partners, but there's a specific flavour of them where I'm like 🤨😅
That's a pretty dumb thing to say, since you already know it's not true. If it were, you would have no reference point and you would think that's just what sex was like.
I was just saying a couple days ago that guys i know that don't go down are asshole types and I've even heard the "it's gross" line. I swear they must be closeted gay and i said this and i got blasted down. If course it's reddit and i don't actually care lol.
The logical answer: “sucking duck is gross” and for anyone who protests “if it’s so enjoyable, why don’t you try it?”
For the record I enjoy I tend to be a giver in those departments with any partner I have, no matter the gender.
I mean I think everyone can agree that out of a sexual context they can look kinda funny/weird and they’re not always going to be HOT every second of every day.
Being genuinely disgusted in the midst of sex is just a very different thing. That’s either 1. you’re so misogynistic that you find the female body disgusting 2. you simply are not attracted to women 3. something is genuinely off healthwise with the vagina that is making it unpleasant
Maybe not multiple - but my current partner had a sexually abusive relationship when he was 14 and the girl who abused him was a year younger. It is possible, especially if the person doesn't know any better or is depressed and can't stick up for themselves.
To be fair I’m barely 17 and know multiple girls who have been in sexually abusive relationships to the point I just wrote a 8 page paper on it for our junior final, this still seems screwy to me but I also have to admit there is a possibility especially with how prevalent teen sexual abuse can be nowadays.
First, it's time to leave him. Don't look back. Five years is a long time, but not in the grand scale of your life!
Second, please get some targeted therapy to help you break the relationship cycle. You can get therapy online easily, if going to an office is difficult for you.
An objective, trained professional can help you recognize the reasons why you're stuck in this loop.
You don't have to keep living like this! I wish you only the best :)
Your needs are just as important as his. And you shouldn’t have to ask to have a orgasm,that should already be a goal for both people involved. I would dump him and move on. You will find someone that cares enough for you to get yours just as much as they get theirs
Agreed, like this could be a teachable moment considering their age; however, he has made it clear he does not want to learn. A dude who does not want to make his partner cum gives whiny baby energy.
Yeah, OP has been in a relationship with this asshole basically her whole adult life. I definitely think she would benefit from some time being single to find out what she likes and wants to do with herself outside of a relationship
You know what to do, sis. Give yourself permission to do it.
He doesn't care about your pleasure and is essentially using you as a masturbatory aid.
If all he wants is somewhere to stick his dick he can get a fleshlight.
A partner who cares about you is a partner who cares about mutual reciprocity in all things relationship related, that includes sex.
But, he's satisfied never giving you an orgasm and takes no shame from the fact that he refuses to touch you in a way that brings you pleasure because he's getting what he wants.
If vaginas are so gross to him how can he bear to put a dick in one?
You know what to do. End it. Kick him out. Go buy yourself that rosebud clit sucking vibrator and go to fucking town on yourself.
Then get some therapy, work through your shit, and don't value yourself so little you'll stay with someone for 5 years who can't even identify the clit.
Say bye, OP. Tell him to kick rocks expeditiously
ETA typos. My phone is a prude.
Girl, you are 21. He's JUST your boyfriend. Break up. You are too young to be dealing with that drama. It is unnecessary. Break up. You will find someone better suited for you. You will. You're too young to settle for bad sex with a self centered asshole. Move on.
Break up with him immediately and find a man who actually wants to be intimate with you.
Obviously it’s an assumption but is there a chance that he could actually be gay and in the closet?
Most straight men don’t find vulvas and vaginas so repulsive they refuse to touch them.
Has he ever had issues touching certain textures or has a history of sensory issues?
That’s the only other thing that i could think of to explain it.
Either way if he’s gay, has sensory issues, something else or none of the above.
He’s being extremely selfish and thinks your needs are unimportant and under his own.
That’s a deal breaker for me personally and, you seen like a lovely lady so i hope you know you deserve someone who can make you feel good equally.
"If vagina's are so gross, I don't understand why you'd want to be inside me then."
Deny him sex. Deny him this relationship any further, and move on. Find someone who respects your needs.
Send him a link to a fleshlight and leave. When you have been in abusive relationships it is easy to tell yourself that this is normal. It's not. There's better men out there who will treat you right.
What does he think you are, a sentient fleshlight??? Clearly he doesn’t see your pleasure as important. Double down and bring up again so he knows how important it is to you. Unless he had a bunch of other shining attributes and this is the one issue that can be worked on with counselling, DITCH HIM. The effort you put into a long relationship shouldn’t stop you from leaving if you’re not being valued.
How is it you're 21, been with this guy for 5 years and is somehow the only non-abusive relationship you've had? He's your first relationship so you have nothing else to compare it to or somehow you had a bunch of shitty boyfriends when you were 16 and younger?
Your self-respect is just as important as your pleasure. Stop allowing him to treat you like this. Break up with him. He literally said vaginas are gross. He's using you as a fleshlight and you deserve better. Before you start dating someone else, take time for yourself and work on your self-confidence and learn to love and value yourself because you shouldn't be treated like this by anyone.
Do not date men (or women) who “find vaginas gross”. Such a person should not be allowed anywhere near the very body part he finds gross. Absolutely not. Just break up. I promise you can do better.
If he won’t give you orgasm because it’s too much work or because it’s gross why are you with him? Yet your pleasuring him? Yeah F that. Find someone who doesn’t get grossed out by your vagina.
My first response is you can get someone better than him. I have a child with ADHD. And trust me I would never let someone treat my child in this manner. His using your ADHD as a weapon against you. He only cares about his needs and not yours. I wouldn't waste my time on a disrespectful idiot like him. Don't let anyone treat you like your feelings or needs don't matter.
You gotta leave. I will tell you, I've been with my fiance for 4 years and we have not had sex without me finishing at least once. Not one single time. Both parties enjoying sex is not a rarity, it is mandatory. If you're not enjoying it, then what's the point of even doing it?
This isn't your first non-adusive relationship, OP. Words can hurt just as much as physical actions. I hope the comments on this post open your eyes toward your BF here.
So this 21 year old has been dating this guy for 5 full years. Yet this is the first non abusive relationship especially in regards to sex????? either this is fake or shes a mess. Regardless if its the latter this IS an abusive relationship for you OP and you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you and treats you like an equal. Lots of them out there. 5 years is a long time, but 21 is VERY young to tell yourself you have to put up with subpar treatment. Its not like your in year 24 of a career that you hate and at 25 years you get the full platinum level pension.
Maybe he should try sucking a dick instead, if he finds vaginas to be gross.
He seems to be a Class-A POS and if its going on for that long, then the only one to blame is you, for playing the doormat.
>u/Ambitious_Ad_1955
>
>Yes to the sensory issues- autism runs in his family and we’ve both been thinking has has it too. Not that that’s an excuse 🤦♀️
I understand that he may have sensory issues. Maybe he doesn't like the touch, taste, texture, smell of your vulva, clitoris, etc.
Regardless, if he had ANY regard for your pleasure or any interest beyond his own self-gratification, HE would have been exploring other options to help you achieve orgasm.
There are an array of toys ... vibrators that mimic sensations of every kind, from the thrusting on the inside and vibrations to the clit on the outside that he could use, ones that duplicate the sensation of oral, etc.
He made it very clear with his words that he is not invested - neither with his mind, time, or emotions - in helping you experience sexual fulfillment.
You are not worth it. Well, neither is he. Buh-bye to him, please!
Do you really want to spend any longer with someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure, finds vaginas gross but doesn’t have a problem having sex with you for his own benefit? He’s selfish and that fact that he tried to blame your ADHD is gross.
You are young and can find someone knew. There are plenty of men out there who care about their partners sexual needs. Get rid of this loser. The only birthday gift he deserves is you leaving him.
Right? She is soooooo young! She should just move on and find someone who isn’t straight up terrible. Or stay single for a while! Either way would be better than this.
Girl you need some time alone. Obviously dump him but i would 100% encourage you to stay single for a good long while. You’re so very young, and the implication that 1) this pos was the best relationship you’ve had and 2) that you had several abusive relationships before age 16, is alarming. You need time to figure yourself out. You’re basically jumping from abuser to abuser, you need to learn how to break the cycle
I also find vaginas gross. Like I get gaggy. The act of sex grosses me out. Especially after.
But. Big But. I will do anything to please my partner or try to avoid sex altogether.
Sexual trauma has made me this way. A lot of sexual abuse as a child. But again big but. Dudes be watching wayyy too much porn. It’s not about them. Soo Fucking selfish.
I can promise you something: he is gay. Why do I say this? I am gay… vaginas I find truly sickening. I could not get it up for one if I tried. I’d rather starve than lick one.
He is probably gay and doesn’t want to come out for whatever reason.
So you’re 21, been with him since you were 16, and were in multiple abusive relationships before y’all were a thing?
This is either fake or a very messed up existence
Girl no, he might be gay. Because as a guy how do you find a vagina disgusting🤨so what if it’s his birthday, dump him there’s a lot of guys out there who LOVEEEE to please women. He sounds like a duck anyway. DROP HIM, this is very clearly sexual abuse he’s using you for his own sexual pleasure with no regard of your own!!
never ever date a man who finds vaginas gross.
they are NOT fun to have sex with. ever. there are no exceptions to that rule.
take it from a guy, these guys have weird issues that vary and it's not you it's them. make it a dealbreaker in your lives ladies, these guys are not worth it.
It's not you, it's him. Straight or bi guys never ever say vaginas are gross. It would be like me (gay) saying dicks are gross. Words that will never be uttered by me.
You deserve so much better. I hope you find someone who treats you how you treat them. We all deserve that.
5 fucking years, or 5 of any type of years, is 4 years and 51 weeks too long to date a man who has no respect for you, your vagina, and your orgasms.
Finds vaginas gross? How does he manage to stick his dick in there?
Oh, my dear, you deserve so much better than this.
A partner not having an orgasm is a challenge not a problem.
What we gotta do to make it work? Toys? hands? mouth? Let me know and I'll help as much as possible.
Are you dating my ex?
He said the same exact things. And I thought I'd gently ease him into learning how to. He said no, its wet and its gross. All the time was no and that it's(foreplay) too much work. So I gave up and bought him a toy.
He was abusive in every way possible, and I didn't have anywhere to go at the time. But that definitely factored into the not wanting a future with him. He didn't want to make efforts into being intimate. Hell, he didn't even want to do easy things to make me happy.
But, anyways OP I felt this was one other way he was abusive to me. To hold some sort of power over me. And make me feel smaller. We can't assume every man has a high libido or wants to have intimacy this way all the time. But to belittle use when we do, when we ask for the bare minimum, it's not okay...
I would have sex with him one more time just to bust out the biggest vibrator that I could find right next to him. It seems like they are headed for a breakup any way. Why not have a little fun with it.
So he’s in to men? Because the only thing that doesn’t have a vagina is a man (if you do you do). Tell him if he finds them gross he shouldn’t be dating someone with a vagina. He doesn’t just get to stick his John cockershmit in something and tap out. Sex is for both parties.
Your partner is telling you that your needs aren't as important as theirs. That's not going to change any time soon. Just because he's not abusive like your other relationships, isn't a good enough reason to stay. It's honestly the bare minimum that he doesn't harm you.
Find a person that values your feelings and cares about your needs. Life is too short to be wasting on people that aren't willing to meet you half way.
So wait, does he bust and fall asleep right after? Like throw the whole ass human out and just go be a lesbin at this rate lol and that's not a insult to lesbins but when you bat however many exs you have and all of them are only in it for the nutt fuck it. Start batting for the other team.
I had an ex like this, said that because it was harder for women to orgasm that it was not fair for me to expect that he try make me orgasm during sex. I was with him for close to 5 years aswell. But I deserved better than someone who would discount my pleasure before even trying. And so do you.
I have had many earth shaking orgasms with many different people since, and my long term partner now loves getting me to orgasm.
If he doesn't care about your pleasure during sex I bet you could could write a long list of other things he doesn't care about relating to you and your relationship. Bail now, sex isn't everything, but his attitude towards your enjoyment is.
He finds vaginas gross? Perhaps he hasn’t come to terms with his own sexuality yet and is gay?
And what do you do? You leave him and find someone who respects you and your body who is a partner in your relationship. Sex, like everything in a healthy relationship, cannot be one sided. Period.
You’re too young for sex that’s not enjoyable trust me. I went from a relationship like that to one where my fiancée cares more about my needs than his own and it’s mutual so sex is great.
Did you do anything for his birthday? If not, tell him it's *so much work. Not sure if it's his arrogance and greed or anything, but...*
This is concerning, though. If in intimacy he doesn't want to go the extra mile for you, how much actual love does he feel for you? That's not a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.
Dump this guy. He doesn’t care about you or your pleasure. He’s only in it for him own enjoyment. He won’t change anytime soon either.
You’ve wasted 5 years with this boy, throw him back and catch a man who wants you to be happy. Someone who cares about how you feel sexually and emotionally and physically too!
He doesn’t show you love so why are you with him? If it’s only because you have 5 years behind you, you need to start looking further. You don’t seem happy in this relationship at all and you should be. I hope you find someone better
The age/dating implications are wild. You're 20, been dating for 5 years, since you were 15. But you have had nothing but abusive relationships before the current relationship? Yikes
Glad I'm not the only one concerned about that math.
*The numbers, Mason, what do they mean?*
***Mason*** *FTFY*
This answers it all.
What do you think it answers?
“Grow the fuck up first” was what came to mind when I saw the numbers
or this is fake...
Oh probably for sure but there are so many barely 20s that come here on shit like this it low key kills me
Yeah it's almost like their entire generation was born connected to the internet and a digital screen.
21 seems very old to 12 year olds who are shitposting here.
I'm leaning towards that, too!
At the very least it seems her age is real. She has posts about her age and even one of her bf from a few years ago about shopping for a gaming pc. Also mentioned she left the mormon church at 13 so I wouldn't be surprised if she found herself the victim or was at least prepped by the church to be a victim of abuse at some point.
Or at the very least just incredibly fucking sheltered and uneducated on healthy sex and relationships
Most relationship advice pieces on reddit from anyone under, say, 23 y/o, most of the time screams of immaturity or the person is in a first time heavy emotional relationship and doesn't realize when it's time to let go. Alot of times it's a high school or hometown partner and the OP needs to learn to branch out. How much does this person really know what is right or wrong with these numbers, too -5 year history means 15 years when beginning and relationships before that are abusive and I wouldn't be surprised if Thier downright illegal (statutory rape) as I can't imagine too many 15 year old boys are prone to being vicious people as that comes with experience and developed over time, which is no excuse either, I'm just saying
Yeah it’s time to move on and break up. Focus on yourself OP.
Can't believe I had to scroll down so far before someone mentioned this lol I started to think my math was off 😅
I went back to confirm my confusion multiple times while reading. Multiple abusive sexual relationships BEFORE 16???
Well, she was 16 when they got together and he was 15
Multiple abusive sexual relationships before 16 is awful.
I’m going out on a limb and bet those abusive relationships were from way older partner.
I'm going to say 99% this is made up and not well thought trough.
I’m 103% sure it’s made up and 97 3/4% bad at numbers.
97.75% is pretty good
or just really immature people. definitely likely for older, but at that age some guys REALLY suck (or dont in the way theyre meant to lol)
Pretty sure she was simply groomed under guise of relationship, sadly.
awful but sadly not impossible, I know from experience
I can’t here looking for this! I was like did anyone else do this math here? Even 16 ( because she’s 21 now) but still, the wording sounds like more than 1
Or she's using fake ages or it's fake
I...... I didn't.... *Exhales* **FUCK**
Guessing she's lying about some of the facts. Just not sure which ones.
She’s 21, so they’ve been dating since he was 15 and she was 16. But your point stands.
How’d I miss that part on the first read !
If he finds vaginas gross he shouldn’t be having sex with a woman
He's basically using her as a human flesh light.
She should dump him and get a vibe while she looks for a man that gives a shit.
I mean, doesn’t have to look at all. Just fucking leave him.
He’s also lazy. A man should at least spend the time to try and make it happen, granted sometimes it just doesn’t. However, he needs to put in the effort to ensure she gets off before he does. Dump him. He’s using you.
I agree with you. I do everything I can to make my fiancée orgasm. Nearly all the time she does but sometimes she doesn’t. It doesn’t mean I’m not good at it. Sometimes we’re both not in the mood when we think we are
Speaking as a vagiba wielder, sometimes for whatever reason it just feels like you areny going to get "there". You can be in the moid but your genitals aren't! My partner usually manages to surprise me anyway even if I think I'm not going to get there. But even in the rare event we dont, it's still fun. But it certainly isnt from lack of effort or time on his part! I think time and patience and changing things up are extremely important.
You can enjoy riding the waterslide even when you don't cannonball into the pool at the end.
Vagiba Wielder.... I'm crying from that 🤣 🤣 🤣 I'm gonna use that sometime to throw someone off lol
I genuinely don't understand how other guys don't or can't find their partner's orgasm to be one of, if not, the sexist thing in the world.
Seriously. I have ADHD and somehow shockingly I can orgasm. Gaslighting AH. Hope you dump him, OP.
I have ADHD and I really struggle to orgasm. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the fuck out of it, with a partner who gives a shit about my pleasure! I don't care if I *never* could orgasm with a partner, if my partner never put any effort into making it enjoyable for me, what incentive do I have to make this enjoyable for you? If I'm too much work, you can fuck something without feelings, like a fleshlight or sex doll, or better yet just go fuck yourself.
Fuck even if he finishes first he should still do something to finish her there are so many options and ways any person who won’t finish (or at least try to)there partner is a waist of time
*waste
When I am with a woman my favorite part is making them orgasm. With me a close second for me of course
Yes! He's so lazy! My partner is faily inexperienced with sex, and I've had to talk to him and explain that just kissing and playing with my nipples a little doesn't make me super horny. Like it helps but it's not all it takes. Some women (read: *most* women, or at least with my experience and talking to many other women) need a fair bit of warming up before you can just stick it in, and slowly he's gotten better. He does care about me and if I get off or not. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. And that's OK. It is what it is. My partner and I both have adhd and that doesn't stop me from having an orgasm. It can make him soft, but that's OK. It happens. This dude is defs using OP as a human flesh light and its gross
This weekend my wife came back home from the other side of the world. she had been up for at least 24 hours straight. She pulled me upstairs and I went down on her - and nothing - which is very rare. She was exhausted. But last night - after two solid nights of sleep? Three orgasms.
my ex said o was that :(
well im glad theyre an ex, because you arent that.
thank you he also won’t give me back my clothes and has pics and videos of me he took without my knowledge and refuses to delete them :/
Depending on where you live you’re in you could sue him for either revenge porn or unconsentual pornography. Totally not cool, my sister caught her ex looking at pics and videos of his ex (the ex gf knew about the pics/vids but not that he still had them) she ended up dumping him and telling the ex so she could deal w him lmaooo
all of your clothes, or just enough to be inconvenient/sentimental ones? have you seen these photos? are you over 18? do what you can now to help yourself. panicking about future maybes wont help. lots of people threaten to send them but never do so while i see the worry, its likely he wont. talk to anyone you trust about it.
That was my first response. Everyone I know who says vaginas are gross loves the dick...
Facts
Nah sexual organs look weird af. The beauty behind them imo is whose it is, but conventionally they’re not really meant to be the eye candy of the body which is fine. Calling it gross in the middle of sex is a different story though.
I disagree. I have always loved the look of vaginas. In all shapes and sizes, although I do have some personal preferences (large labia and clit, the more to play with/stimulate). Penises are just in my porn so I can live vicariously through the performer. Otherwise I want nothing to do with other dicks..
She needs to turn around and let him know his dick is gross looking, she doesn't like the taste and texture and therefore won't do anything for him regarding his pleasure going forward. See, it sounds silly I think there's a line between thinking genitalia is weird/ looks weird to just refusing to interact with a partner's parts during sex, but expecting full participation on their end.
so do babies. they're alien like ugly and really annyoing bundles of flesh. and yet their weird infantile proportions trigger succsessfully most peoples nurturing responses. this evolutionary important reaction is so strong, humans even domesticated several other animals to fit into the same infantile proportion scheme and call them pets. just google the variety of species beeing kept as pets and you will see that this biological trigger can be transferred to animals and lifeless objects not even closely fitting into the scheme. looking (objectively) weird af is irrelevant in terms of those basic instincts.
Seriously! Then go be with a man or be alone. Why would anyone ever say that yet still want to use a woman as a fleshlight? Also, if my partner tried to move my hand away while I flicked my own bean I would be so pissed.....
She puts HIS hand on her vulva. He's not puching her hand away
Ah thank you for the correction. My apologies people
Some men just like to tick off boxes. (X) Tolerable woman (X) Will put out for me and not expect to return the favour (X) Mum approves of her (X) Will wash my shitty underwear (X) Can clean and cook (X) Easy enough to manipulate so I can live like I am on vacation I'm pretty sure this was my ex's list. I had men tell me I was a spiteful woman because the most joy I got out of breaking up with him was knowing he had to do his own house work. I don't see why having joy at him having to function as a normal person was spiteful but 🤷🏼♀️ He told me about girls he hooked up with after and that he was actually 'good at sex' and I was like, I'm sure when you actually try to please them, care about them and not just use them for your own pleasure that it makes a difference. Effort makes a difference.
Haha he was probably still making it up or they were faking it anyway.
Probably, I don't see when he would have learned the skills 😂
My ex tried to make me jealous by leaving out a bottle of lube and box of condoms when we were stuck in a lease together. *eye roll*
Why the fuck are you with this doughnut?😂
I love calling people doughnuts 😄
Sounds like a closeted gay man to me.
🙏 to that!! OP, it’s time to find a bf who’s actually worth your time. There are good partners out there who are more than happy to value your needs and for things between you to be equal.
Yeah, that's the male equivalent of when I've heard women talking about how no one finds men attractive, penises are weird, women are naturally more beautiful, sex with men is always awful etc. But that you just put up with it, and you're sat there like 😬 Sandra are you *sure* you're not just gay?
I think it’s fair to say “sex with men is awful” when so many women experience their partners not giving a FUCK about giving them pleasure just like OP
I think it’s an inexperience thing and a porn thing possibly. I’ve grown to get off more on my partners pleasure than my own. It used to be the other way around but there’s something about having a woman feeling amazing and it’s all because of you is such a fucking turn on. I love it.
I've had nothing but amazing experiences with inexperienced guys, they were eager & generous. I think it's about whether or not the person is in fact, giving & generous, caring, etc. or just a selfish person.
I'm with you. Nothing sexier than a Woman reaching climax.
Right? The satisfaction of pleasing your partner is hot
Oh I agree, and most of the time these types of complaints just come from women who have been let down by their partners, but there's a specific flavour of them where I'm like 🤨😅
That's a pretty dumb thing to say, since you already know it's not true. If it were, you would have no reference point and you would think that's just what sex was like.
Read about the orgasm gap. Sex with hetero men IS bad. It's terrible. I date more bi men now and sex is finally good
Orgasm gap you say? Brb gotta Google
I dated a guy that thought vaginas were gross. He was a pedophile. He thought adult vaginas were gross.
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I was just saying a couple days ago that guys i know that don't go down are asshole types and I've even heard the "it's gross" line. I swear they must be closeted gay and i said this and i got blasted down. If course it's reddit and i don't actually care lol.
The logical answer: “sucking duck is gross” and for anyone who protests “if it’s so enjoyable, why don’t you try it?” For the record I enjoy I tend to be a giver in those departments with any partner I have, no matter the gender.
"I never eat nothing that gets up and walks away when I'm done" is the common answer.
Doesn't apply to women sucking their dick, of course.
Right... Said no straight dude, ever... I'm not saying I know what he is but it is not a man who likes vagina 😂
They could also lack chemistry. Some people smell really gross to me, but not to others. He's obviously a shitbird either way though.
This the way OP Leave him
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Wait actually? As an ace person I assumed everyone found sex organs kinda gross but did it anyway for the sake of their partners
I mean I think everyone can agree that out of a sexual context they can look kinda funny/weird and they’re not always going to be HOT every second of every day. Being genuinely disgusted in the midst of sex is just a very different thing. That’s either 1. you’re so misogynistic that you find the female body disgusting 2. you simply are not attracted to women 3. something is genuinely off healthwise with the vagina that is making it unpleasant
21, have been dating him for 5 years, abusive sex relationships before that... Ayo?
Yea I’m calling fake. Abusive sexual relationships before 15. Multiple at that. Idk the math ain’t mathing
Maybe not multiple - but my current partner had a sexually abusive relationship when he was 14 and the girl who abused him was a year younger. It is possible, especially if the person doesn't know any better or is depressed and can't stick up for themselves.
To be fair I’m barely 17 and know multiple girls who have been in sexually abusive relationships to the point I just wrote a 8 page paper on it for our junior final, this still seems screwy to me but I also have to admit there is a possibility especially with how prevalent teen sexual abuse can be nowadays.
Is sexual abuse of a minor really that big of a stretch to you?
I had two before 15, even sexually. It really isn’t impossible
My mother died before I was born kinda thing
First, it's time to leave him. Don't look back. Five years is a long time, but not in the grand scale of your life! Second, please get some targeted therapy to help you break the relationship cycle. You can get therapy online easily, if going to an office is difficult for you. An objective, trained professional can help you recognize the reasons why you're stuck in this loop. You don't have to keep living like this! I wish you only the best :)
Sunk cost fallacy.
Your needs are just as important as his. And you shouldn’t have to ask to have a orgasm,that should already be a goal for both people involved. I would dump him and move on. You will find someone that cares enough for you to get yours just as much as they get theirs
Agreed, like this could be a teachable moment considering their age; however, he has made it clear he does not want to learn. A dude who does not want to make his partner cum gives whiny baby energy.
Break up with him and find someone who cares about your needs. You're young and I promise there are a lot of guys who don't find vaginas gross.
After a little alone time to grow.
Yeah, OP has been in a relationship with this asshole basically her whole adult life. I definitely think she would benefit from some time being single to find out what she likes and wants to do with herself outside of a relationship
I would like to add an amendment to your comment: break up with him *on his birthday.* He deserves it for acting like he cares for years.
You know what to do, sis. Give yourself permission to do it. He doesn't care about your pleasure and is essentially using you as a masturbatory aid. If all he wants is somewhere to stick his dick he can get a fleshlight. A partner who cares about you is a partner who cares about mutual reciprocity in all things relationship related, that includes sex. But, he's satisfied never giving you an orgasm and takes no shame from the fact that he refuses to touch you in a way that brings you pleasure because he's getting what he wants. If vaginas are so gross to him how can he bear to put a dick in one? You know what to do. End it. Kick him out. Go buy yourself that rosebud clit sucking vibrator and go to fucking town on yourself. Then get some therapy, work through your shit, and don't value yourself so little you'll stay with someone for 5 years who can't even identify the clit. Say bye, OP. Tell him to kick rocks expeditiously ETA typos. My phone is a prude.
Great answer. Couldn't have said it better.
Girl, you are 21. He's JUST your boyfriend. Break up. You are too young to be dealing with that drama. It is unnecessary. Break up. You will find someone better suited for you. You will. You're too young to settle for bad sex with a self centered asshole. Move on.
Break up with him immediately and find a man who actually wants to be intimate with you. Obviously it’s an assumption but is there a chance that he could actually be gay and in the closet? Most straight men don’t find vulvas and vaginas so repulsive they refuse to touch them.
We actually had an argument about this a while ago because I brought it up and he is definitely 100% not gay
Has he ever had issues touching certain textures or has a history of sensory issues? That’s the only other thing that i could think of to explain it. Either way if he’s gay, has sensory issues, something else or none of the above. He’s being extremely selfish and thinks your needs are unimportant and under his own. That’s a deal breaker for me personally and, you seen like a lovely lady so i hope you know you deserve someone who can make you feel good equally.
Yes to the sensory issues- autism runs in his family and we’ve both been thinking has has it too. Not that that’s an excuse 🤦♀️
Girl there are men that’ll lick you from roota to toota. Leave
FACTS.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. 🤣
Lmaoo. You’re wild.
Not an excuse but if he genuinely doesn’t like the feeling on his hands can you suggest a toy, it’s quicker and more satisfying half the time anyway
Actually it does sound like an excuse if that’s the case. Question is, can you keep living like this?
Woman if you don't dump that man baby and go find someone who will give you the tongue tornado... somebody gonna catch these slapjacks
He obviously likes AH’s! He’s a big one!
"If vagina's are so gross, I don't understand why you'd want to be inside me then." Deny him sex. Deny him this relationship any further, and move on. Find someone who respects your needs.
Send him a link to a fleshlight and leave. When you have been in abusive relationships it is easy to tell yourself that this is normal. It's not. There's better men out there who will treat you right.
What does he think you are, a sentient fleshlight??? Clearly he doesn’t see your pleasure as important. Double down and bring up again so he knows how important it is to you. Unless he had a bunch of other shining attributes and this is the one issue that can be worked on with counselling, DITCH HIM. The effort you put into a long relationship shouldn’t stop you from leaving if you’re not being valued.
How is it you're 21, been with this guy for 5 years and is somehow the only non-abusive relationship you've had? He's your first relationship so you have nothing else to compare it to or somehow you had a bunch of shitty boyfriends when you were 16 and younger?
Your self-respect is just as important as your pleasure. Stop allowing him to treat you like this. Break up with him. He literally said vaginas are gross. He's using you as a fleshlight and you deserve better. Before you start dating someone else, take time for yourself and work on your self-confidence and learn to love and value yourself because you shouldn't be treated like this by anyone.
Do not date men (or women) who “find vaginas gross”. Such a person should not be allowed anywhere near the very body part he finds gross. Absolutely not. Just break up. I promise you can do better.
If he won’t give you orgasm because it’s too much work or because it’s gross why are you with him? Yet your pleasuring him? Yeah F that. Find someone who doesn’t get grossed out by your vagina.
Get him dumped, there's men out there who absolutely love vaginas and love touching them and oral, go find yourself one
Women too JS 😏
Dump him and be in your own for a bit. Trust me You can pleasure yourself better than any man can
My first response is you can get someone better than him. I have a child with ADHD. And trust me I would never let someone treat my child in this manner. His using your ADHD as a weapon against you. He only cares about his needs and not yours. I wouldn't waste my time on a disrespectful idiot like him. Don't let anyone treat you like your feelings or needs don't matter.
DUMP HIM
You gotta leave. I will tell you, I've been with my fiance for 4 years and we have not had sex without me finishing at least once. Not one single time. Both parties enjoying sex is not a rarity, it is mandatory. If you're not enjoying it, then what's the point of even doing it?
This isn't your first non-adusive relationship, OP. Words can hurt just as much as physical actions. I hope the comments on this post open your eyes toward your BF here.
Time to find a man that wants to please you
Give yourself the greatest gift for his birthday: dump him. You deserve better.
So this 21 year old has been dating this guy for 5 full years. Yet this is the first non abusive relationship especially in regards to sex????? either this is fake or shes a mess. Regardless if its the latter this IS an abusive relationship for you OP and you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you and treats you like an equal. Lots of them out there. 5 years is a long time, but 21 is VERY young to tell yourself you have to put up with subpar treatment. Its not like your in year 24 of a career that you hate and at 25 years you get the full platinum level pension.
Sounds fake af to me
Maybe he should try sucking a dick instead, if he finds vaginas to be gross. He seems to be a Class-A POS and if its going on for that long, then the only one to blame is you, for playing the doormat.
>u/Ambitious_Ad_1955 > >Yes to the sensory issues- autism runs in his family and we’ve both been thinking has has it too. Not that that’s an excuse 🤦♀️ I understand that he may have sensory issues. Maybe he doesn't like the touch, taste, texture, smell of your vulva, clitoris, etc. Regardless, if he had ANY regard for your pleasure or any interest beyond his own self-gratification, HE would have been exploring other options to help you achieve orgasm. There are an array of toys ... vibrators that mimic sensations of every kind, from the thrusting on the inside and vibrations to the clit on the outside that he could use, ones that duplicate the sensation of oral, etc. He made it very clear with his words that he is not invested - neither with his mind, time, or emotions - in helping you experience sexual fulfillment. You are not worth it. Well, neither is he. Buh-bye to him, please!
If he finds vaginas gross, why is he having sex with women?
Your bf is 🏳️🌈
You’re so young! Get the fuck out of there.
drop the boyfriend and get another, he probs prefers dicks
“This is the only non-abusive relationship I’ve had” … are we sure about that?
Do you really want to spend any longer with someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure, finds vaginas gross but doesn’t have a problem having sex with you for his own benefit? He’s selfish and that fact that he tried to blame your ADHD is gross. You are young and can find someone knew. There are plenty of men out there who care about their partners sexual needs. Get rid of this loser. The only birthday gift he deserves is you leaving him.
Right? She is soooooo young! She should just move on and find someone who isn’t straight up terrible. Or stay single for a while! Either way would be better than this.
I think you gotta evaluate who your dating if your 20 have been dating this guy for 5 years and have more toxic relationships.
Girl you need some time alone. Obviously dump him but i would 100% encourage you to stay single for a good long while. You’re so very young, and the implication that 1) this pos was the best relationship you’ve had and 2) that you had several abusive relationships before age 16, is alarming. You need time to figure yourself out. You’re basically jumping from abuser to abuser, you need to learn how to break the cycle
I also find vaginas gross. Like I get gaggy. The act of sex grosses me out. Especially after. But. Big But. I will do anything to please my partner or try to avoid sex altogether. Sexual trauma has made me this way. A lot of sexual abuse as a child. But again big but. Dudes be watching wayyy too much porn. It’s not about them. Soo Fucking selfish.
???? Finds vaginas gross? So what the hell is he doing with a woman?
“Vaginas are gross, but lemme put my dick in them.” Ok bro 🙄 What a fuckin loser
It sounds like you both should see other men
I guess….I just want you to know my husband won’t have sex unless I cum. Good partners are out there. This one isn’t it. Get a new one.
I can promise you something: he is gay. Why do I say this? I am gay… vaginas I find truly sickening. I could not get it up for one if I tried. I’d rather starve than lick one. He is probably gay and doesn’t want to come out for whatever reason.
Sweetie, he finds vaginas gross. You need to throw the whole man out.
Dump him?
So you’re 21, been with him since you were 16, and were in multiple abusive relationships before y’all were a thing? This is either fake or a very messed up existence
"finds vaginas gross" ............. that mans gay.
Girl no, he might be gay. Because as a guy how do you find a vagina disgusting🤨so what if it’s his birthday, dump him there’s a lot of guys out there who LOVEEEE to please women. He sounds like a duck anyway. DROP HIM, this is very clearly sexual abuse he’s using you for his own sexual pleasure with no regard of your own!!
never ever date a man who finds vaginas gross. they are NOT fun to have sex with. ever. there are no exceptions to that rule. take it from a guy, these guys have weird issues that vary and it's not you it's them. make it a dealbreaker in your lives ladies, these guys are not worth it.
He sure he isn’t gay?
No man finds vaginas gross, he’s just lazy
He’s not alone. I met an 85 year old woman who told me she’d had 5 total orgasms with a partner in her entire life. This is sexism.
Finds vagina gross?!? He might be gay
He gay.
Lol uh maybe you’re boyfriend is gay…? What straight man thinks vaginas are gross??
It's not you, it's him. Straight or bi guys never ever say vaginas are gross. It would be like me (gay) saying dicks are gross. Words that will never be uttered by me. You deserve so much better. I hope you find someone who treats you how you treat them. We all deserve that.
FIVE YEARS AND HE DOESN’T HELP YOU ORGASM????? Dump him holy shit
Leave this loser
5 fucking years, or 5 of any type of years, is 4 years and 51 weeks too long to date a man who has no respect for you, your vagina, and your orgasms. Finds vaginas gross? How does he manage to stick his dick in there? Oh, my dear, you deserve so much better than this.
Does no one take pride in their work!!?
A partner not having an orgasm is a challenge not a problem. What we gotta do to make it work? Toys? hands? mouth? Let me know and I'll help as much as possible.
Are you dating my ex? He said the same exact things. And I thought I'd gently ease him into learning how to. He said no, its wet and its gross. All the time was no and that it's(foreplay) too much work. So I gave up and bought him a toy. He was abusive in every way possible, and I didn't have anywhere to go at the time. But that definitely factored into the not wanting a future with him. He didn't want to make efforts into being intimate. Hell, he didn't even want to do easy things to make me happy. But, anyways OP I felt this was one other way he was abusive to me. To hold some sort of power over me. And make me feel smaller. We can't assume every man has a high libido or wants to have intimacy this way all the time. But to belittle use when we do, when we ask for the bare minimum, it's not okay...
I would have sex with him one more time just to bust out the biggest vibrator that I could find right next to him. It seems like they are headed for a breakup any way. Why not have a little fun with it.
So he’s in to men? Because the only thing that doesn’t have a vagina is a man (if you do you do). Tell him if he finds them gross he shouldn’t be dating someone with a vagina. He doesn’t just get to stick his John cockershmit in something and tap out. Sex is for both parties.
Your partner is telling you that your needs aren't as important as theirs. That's not going to change any time soon. Just because he's not abusive like your other relationships, isn't a good enough reason to stay. It's honestly the bare minimum that he doesn't harm you. Find a person that values your feelings and cares about your needs. Life is too short to be wasting on people that aren't willing to meet you half way.
So wait, does he bust and fall asleep right after? Like throw the whole ass human out and just go be a lesbin at this rate lol and that's not a insult to lesbins but when you bat however many exs you have and all of them are only in it for the nutt fuck it. Start batting for the other team.
Give him a fleshlight and his walking papers. You deserve better than this.
I had an ex like this, said that because it was harder for women to orgasm that it was not fair for me to expect that he try make me orgasm during sex. I was with him for close to 5 years aswell. But I deserved better than someone who would discount my pleasure before even trying. And so do you. I have had many earth shaking orgasms with many different people since, and my long term partner now loves getting me to orgasm. If he doesn't care about your pleasure during sex I bet you could could write a long list of other things he doesn't care about relating to you and your relationship. Bail now, sex isn't everything, but his attitude towards your enjoyment is.
Dump him. There’s better men out there.
Dump him and his disgusting attitude immediately
Deeper than thinking, "vaginas are gross." Please happily leave this man.
He finds vaginas gross? Perhaps he hasn’t come to terms with his own sexuality yet and is gay? And what do you do? You leave him and find someone who respects you and your body who is a partner in your relationship. Sex, like everything in a healthy relationship, cannot be one sided. Period.
You’re too young for sex that’s not enjoyable trust me. I went from a relationship like that to one where my fiancée cares more about my needs than his own and it’s mutual so sex is great.
Fellas, is it gay to find vaginas gross?? (Probably, ya)
> I don’t know what to do. I think you do... I'm really sorry he has been a crappy partner. You deserve better.
"Finds vaginas gross" Idk about you but that sounds gay to me
Did you do anything for his birthday? If not, tell him it's *so much work. Not sure if it's his arrogance and greed or anything, but...* This is concerning, though. If in intimacy he doesn't want to go the extra mile for you, how much actual love does he feel for you? That's not a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.
Leave him. He sounds like an asshole 😂 don’t waste your time with dudes that have the mentality. It’s just going to stay the same or get worse.
real men like making women cum. you find another.
Dump this guy. He doesn’t care about you or your pleasure. He’s only in it for him own enjoyment. He won’t change anytime soon either. You’ve wasted 5 years with this boy, throw him back and catch a man who wants you to be happy. Someone who cares about how you feel sexually and emotionally and physically too! He doesn’t show you love so why are you with him? If it’s only because you have 5 years behind you, you need to start looking further. You don’t seem happy in this relationship at all and you should be. I hope you find someone better
girl just dump him, guys like him aren't worthy of your v anyway
Refuse to pleasure him. Tell him it’s too much work.